This was really good. I liked it. I think it is a logical reason why Myrtle would have been in teh bathroom that day she died. The story itself was really funny though. I think that this is a perfect light, humous fic to read if you wanted to stray from your norm. Good work.Author's Response: Thank you very much :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Well, Honestly, I was drawn in by the summery and the plot. But it wasn't what I was expecting, Characterization needs worl, especially for Eveie because she seems like she is the center of the story and is reading as a sort of mary sue character to me. I've not yet grown attached to her. Spelling and Grammar is really good.Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)
The first chapter is about her and how simple her life is. In first chapter, I have tried to show how mature her thinking is but the cause of that is unknown now. I hope you develop the interest in next few chapters and wish your liking for the story enlarges.
Hope you review again :) Report Review
I think i liek the idea of an eigth sibling. I don't know how to really help with keeping her in character because I don't know much about her yet, though Molly and tehr est of the Gang seem to be IC. I will mention though that she does seem a little non-weaslyish if you read from an audience perspective. As for teh flow of the words, it is good. It is easy to read and understnad and it is interesting. Good work.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! :) I understand what you mean and I am trying to make sure that it shows that she is a Weasley without her own personality being lost. I'm glad you liked the idea, I've personally never seen a eighth sibling.
Thanks for everything! Report Review
Oh Lordy. Poor Tor! Just ewww, I mean Goyal of all people, gross! And then her mother says that she should be dating him,. how humiliating! Great introduction to the mysterious boy, in the secret room. The plot is moving along very well, and so is characterization. Can't wait to see what happens next.
BBAuthor's Response: Hi! I agree, Tor definitely deserves someone better and who can keep up with her. I couldn't help but feel at least a little sorry for Goyle, though! :P I'm so happy you're enjoying the story, and meeting the mysterious boy. Lots more of him in the future! :) Thank you so much for this review! Report Review
Hi there, Broken Butterfly here with your review.
I really think that the plot is interesting. Actually I really appreciate that as a next gen fic, that it takes place out of school. I don't know what it is for me, but I can't connect with the next gen characters at Hogwarts, I feel a better connection when they are older. There are not too many fics like that. I think overall, that the plot is well developed, and the first chapter doesn't give too much away, but just enough to make it captavate my interest. Also I just have to add that, I love the way you use imagery and description in this chapter, it makes the scene really come to life in my imagination. This was really good writing, and I am looking forward to your next chapter if you re-request. Hope that this review helps you feel more connected to your plot. I struggle with that myself sometimes too. BBAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
I am glad you find the plot interesting and that you like how it's out of school. I am kind of bored with next-gen in Hogwarts fics too, they have become really cliche, so I tried to do something different. Its a pleasure to hear that you like the plot, and that chapter captivates your interest. I worked hard on the imagery and description so its pleasing to hear that you like it too. I'll definitely re-request, and your review certainly helped me =) Thanks! Report Review
Hi there, its Broken Butterfly here with your review.
I'm so sorry for such the long turnaround time... finals and stuff.
I enjoyed this. It was written very well, and of course there was a lot of discription. I really think your plot is captivationg.
I like how you describe a side of FG that nobody else would think of. Why he became the monster he was. Why he really did the things he did. I think that the element you used with emotions in this chapter was superb. He was lonley and I think that it is fair for him to be so especially at the age he was when he was bitten. Then again with him not being afraid of anything until the very end. This was really good. I hope my review helps.
BBAuthor's Response: Not a problem! I know how that can be.
I'm glad you liked all those elements of my story. It's definitely fun to get inside the heads of different characters!
-ShadowRose (Taylor) Report Review
I am so sorry it took me so long to get back... Finals and stuff you know?
This was yet another wonderful chapter, I think i'm really falling in love with this juicy plot. Tor is brillant as always. What I really like about this chapter was the backstory into Tor's father, and then her childhood. It was a sidetrack from what is happening in her reality, but gives the reader some information that is important to know. This is really great work, can't wait for you to request chapter 6. Love It.
BBAuthor's Response: Hi, great to see you back again! :) And no worries, I certainly understand about finals!
I'm glad you're continuing to enjoy the story! :D It makes me happy. This chapter pretty much just dived into her past, but I felt like it was important to explain about her family's history and why she is the way she is. Thank you so much for another lovely review, I'll re-request right away! :) Report Review
Overall, I really enjoyed this. The plot, and the characters is engaging and they easily caught my captivation. There are parts however that seem a bit unrealstic because the plot just jumps forward. For instance when Marie's interview of Natayla turns into a friendship for them. It could have used some desription on why Natalya was willing to be friends after her basically rude demenor during the start of teh interview. You also have a lot of spelling grammar mistakes. I would recommend getting a beta. Now, I'm really enjoying this story, so I really hope to see it updated soon, and hope that this review helps you in future chapters. I really like your writing style. Good work. Report Review
This was a really interesting chapter, I especially enjoyed the part about the sorting and Griz Goyal, what a witch she is. So mean, good writing there. Keep it up, I may cheat soon and read through to the end.Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, and learning a little more about Griz. You're right, she really isn't the sweetest! :P Thank you for the positive feedback, it really means a lot to me, and you are very welcome to keep reading!! :) Report Review
This has a good plot, it is interesting to read. I want to know more so I would want to read on. Now, as for James and Sirius's relationship, its okay. A bit unrealistic I think. these are guys your know, best friends but still guys, and when they are talking about what happened i would expect more detail and pushing to get information. However James's reaction to sirius near death experience is really good, exactly what I think a friend would feel if they saw the BF in the same situation. I really hope this helps.Author's Response: Thank-you you've really helped :D I'm happy you'd want to read more and your finding it interesting so far, I think further on however in the story gets a little more long winded and less interesting, i'll hopefully come back to your for another review, your honest and straight to the point to thank-you :D
I'm glad you were truthful about the unrealistic thing, I'll definitely go back over and make amends to the chapter, I actually agree with you :P
anyway thank-you. Your great :D
- kjp Report Review
This is good. I especially liked the description of the boat ride to the castle, there was really great description that made the scene come to life. Great work, keep it up.Author's Response: Thanks you very much! :) Report Review
HMMM. I like the idea that this is a next gen era after they all graduate from Hogwarts. I really liked the description of Victorie's dress. Th only thing I would offer a critique to is that I don't relate t the characters at all because i don't prefer next gen era stories, and it took awhile for the story to develop for me. A little background to each character would be helpful. Otherwise I really like the plot so far, and I think it is realistic from both a wizarding world and a reality to the readers standpoint. Hope this helps.
BBAuthor's Response: Background comes further along in the story, I promise ;), though I'm glad you liked the plot, even if you don't prefer next gen much :). Thanks for the review! Report Review
I really think that you have something here. I wouldn't worry about the one-shot or short story bit, its fine as a short story. This chapter is not overlly long at all. The only thing I would critique would be that there is no dialouge and the story really seems to be described rather than being developed into a tale. Remember, you don't have to describe everything about the background to the story right away, it will develop as you go along and I find it better to read a stoty that does unfold over the course of the story. I would edit this chapter before you continue writing the rest of the short story. What I really did love... The suspense of not knowing who the character is, if she is an OC or a known character. Kudos for that. It keeps teh reader on their toes. I hope this helps.
BB Report Review
I like how... and I know this because I have already read the story at some point, that the chapter alludes to Ron;s death and the birth of their son at teh same time. I think it symbolic and I love the idea of it. Though I do think that aside from that the chapter does move a little too slow for my tastes. I like your style of writing and didn't notice any or spelling/grammar errors. Report Review
I still am really enjoying Ruby, she is funny and dramatic. I think the best part of teh chapter was James in the dorm room and Dara asking him about picking fresh water plimpies. Good work.Author's Response: Thank you again for the review - I'm glad you are enjoying Ruby's character and the dorm scene was definitely very fun to write!
Courtney:) Report Review
Bb Here with your review...
I love it! I really love Tor's characterization of Daphne in this chapter, as she seems to me to be the oppisette. She already seems to be growing in this chapter from the last one. I have nothing but praise to give you. Can't wait for teh next Chapter! I am adding this to my favorites.Author's Response: Hello again! I'm glad that you liked the descriptions of Daphne, and that you think Tor is already developing. It makes me so happy that you're enjoying this story!! Thank you for the lovely review! :) Report Review
This is good. There are still several spelling errors that need to be re-looked at because they do stand out. Otherwise this is good, I like the two perspectives we get in the story, though a better transition could also be used as well. Good work, all the way round.
BBAuthor's Response: thankyou
This is really interesting. I like it. It is structured in away that kept my attention and while differnent it was good. It was refreshing to have a new style of writing. The only thing that I would critique is that in some parts the words were written in a way that it was slightly confusing to comprehend. I had to re-read in several parts to know what was being expressed. This was towards the middle of the chapter. I really like the theme of the story being that Pansy wants to be bad. I think that it fits her personality, and she tries so hard to be bad ass and like her male friends, yet she towards the end of the story is emotional like I girl would be. She lingers in her silent love for Malfoy. Great work. Keep it up.
BB Report Review
I really, really am enjoying this. It is written really well. I don't feel like this was a filler chapter at all. the characterzation of Tor is as I would imagine her to be, Proud, yet not too arogant, suspisious but not afraid, and a follower not a leader. This is great work.Author's Response: Hi! Lovely to see you back! I'm really happy that you're enjoying the story and liked this chapter, it's very reassuring to me! :) It's also lovely to hear that Tor's personality is coming across well, and how you described her is exactly how she starts out! She does develop a lot throughout the story, which is one of the best things about writing a story of this length.
Thank you so much for this great review! :) Report Review
Wow, I actually like this. I really hoping that it isn't Rose Weasley heavy because I can't handle all teh next-gen guys and keep sane. I think this is written really well. Characterization is fair, I like Maelika, but Draco does seem a bit OOC for me. I really do not dislike anything about this. I didn't notice any grammatical errors thats tood out to me, good thing. Great Job, please re-request for chapter 2. BBAuthor's Response: heyyy
a cookie for you liking this ;D
EM Report Review
Okay I'm biased. i read this before your request and nvere sat down to write a review. I Loved it though. I Love it now. Very great writing, the Oc draws me in and makes me laugh. Lily overeacts to things as usual and Siris is well Sirius. I love the characters and I love the story. But I'm too biased to suggest improvment because the story captures my attention so and draws me in. I'm not much help here, I'm sorry.Author's Response: Oh! I'm so sorry that I made you leave a review! I didn't know you'd already read this! You didn't have to review, but I'm really happy that you left one anyway!
I'm glad Millie makes you laugh - sometimes, she makes me question her thought processes. And of course Lily overreacts to everything! No one else seems to react enough in this story, so she's kind of overcompensating! Sirius seems to be really popular, and whilst I love him for all his flaws, he can be a real... well, pain, sometimes!
Thank you so much for reviewing this, though, and your love and support for this story is really appreciated! Report Review
This is really Good. It captivates and draws me in and it is really easy for my fnger to creep to the muse to click next! Great work. It stands as a great introduction to the story, and serves the purpouse of a prolouge. Can't wait to get another request.Author's Response: Hello! I'm really glad you liked the prologue and that is works as an introduction to the story. That's great to hear, and I'm excited to know what you think of the next few chapters and how they continue the story. Thank you for a lovely review! :) Report Review
This is different. I'm not quite sure what my opinion of the plot is, just yet. It is well written, but more tell taleing than actually describing the story. I don't mind, but use of a little more Imergery to help visualize a clear picture of the surrondings, people's clothes, the ressurection stone, wouldn't hurt. Nothing is to OOC for your Characters but I have not quite connected with any of them either. Kudos to you however, for teh Clever Idea af bringing "Moaning" myrtle Back to life and making her a key part of the fic. This Is great, I feel that it is easy to forget about moaning myrtle becuase of her minority in the HP books. So I like and admire the idea to focus on her a bit more. It would be hard for me to say I like this, without a connection to the charaters, but I believe that the story is well written and interesting enough to make me want to read more. Its Good, so keep up the great work and see where the story will take you. Report Review
Its BB with your review as requested. This is interesting, in a really good way. To hit your concern areas first. I'm not familiar with The Dating Game so i'm not quite sure, but in my opinion it was not at all confusing or hard to follow, I think it would be fine standing alone. For characterization, especially of Ruby. I like Ruby, and her personality draws me in leaving me wanting more. The rest of teh characters fall into place exactly where i would expect of a 1st chapter. Now my two cents... take a second or third read-over because there are a couple spelling errors that really stood out to me, and it gave me pause to correct it in my head. I know it can be hard to see in your own story so maybe a beta reader wouldn't be a bad thing. Also this is a long 1st chapter and there are parts that just drag along not adding too much to the chapter just word count to me, and it takes away a bit of my interest. Overall, the plot and characters draw me in and as a reader this would be a story that I go on to read more of. I really hope this helps you, and I hope that you will reach out to me for a review of chapter 2 if you decide to write it. Thanks for your request and Good Work, this is well written.Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for responding so quickly, I'm truly amazed!
It's great that this is okay for a stand alone, because I was a little worried about that.
I'm glad you like Ruby! I thought she might seem a little too self-centered or shallow so it's good she isn't too unlikeable!
You are 100% right about seeing spelling errors in your own story! I must have gone through this at least a hundred times (okay, maybe not that much) and still haven't found them all. I've never really considered having a beta before, but maybe I should consider it. I know if there are too many spelling or grammar errors it can be distracting, and I am terrible at grammar.
Thank you for the helpful review - I will definitely be re-requesting for chapter two!
Courtney:) Report Review
I am really enjoying this. It is another wonderful chapter, and I am loving how the relationship between Hermione and Draco is blossoming like a rose would, not to fast but not too slow. Great work.
Also reviewed for the Christmas extravagant review on the forums key word... Christmas Report Review
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