Erm. So many things to process and I'm full of feels and sadness and my mind is boggled! That was such a fantastic chapter, from the action packed bits you're so good at, to the kind of subdued bit once Rose and Scorpius had just about gotten through it. Some of the description was really lovely, especially when you described the werewolf. And then, just when things seemed to almost be slightly calm again, you dropped that bombshell! Can't wait to see how this plot is going to turn out, and great news about the sequel :D
- Olive xxAuthor's Response: hey gurl :D
I'm so glad you liked this, it means a lot to me! action is my favourite, so I'm happy you think i did that well, and I looove you! :D
thanks for the review xx Report Review
This concept was great! I liked this insight into the post-Hogwarts lives of the Marauders. It's a good account of how James and Sirius would have been, and the way you described their flat was very fitting- slovenly, lazy, very student :P . I especially liked this because you often get the Marauders painted as one happy group of friends (bar Pettigrew), and that gets tiresome. In every group you're bound to get secrets, and that's done well here- it's interesting. Especially when you've got someone like Remus there! That was my favourite aspect I think, his secret. It was obvious James and Sirius cared for him very much, like brothers. I would say that maybe Sirius' secret was overblown slightly. In the great scheme of things, maybe the fact that Pettigrew was a traitor was a bigger deal, and that could have been emphasised. However, the way you left it open ended with him was effective, even so. I loved some of your description as well- especially the part at the beginning where Lily and James meet, it was very atmospheric!
Anyway, thanks for entering, and I'll have the results up soon!
-Aguamenti123 xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I've always imagined the four of them being very brotherly. The type who can have a drag out fight but then it's no big deal the next day cause they're still brothers and love each other. I really wanted to make Peter part of the story. Because I always see him get shoved aside. It was important to me to show that he was loved just as much by the others as they did for each other. Right until the very end and they realized what he'd done.
Of course Sirius' secret was overblown. It's relationships among young adults, barely out of their teens. And one of them happens to be a cranky werewolf verging on his 'time of the month'. XD Overblown was sort of the point. And also to show how much James detested lying. I don't know why but it's always been head canon to me that James loathes lying. *little shrug*
I'm not sure what you mean by putting more of a deal on Peter being a traitor. It was Remus who was being accused of being a traitor. :)
Thank you for reviewing! This was a fun challenge. ^_^ --Jenna Report Review
Hi, here to review your entry :)
Firstly, I thought the opening was really poignant, and the feeling of your one-shot improved from there. You wrote Sirius and James' relationship brilliantly, and this was so heartfelt it made me sad! My favourite part of this, however, was when James was about to get married, and that line about him becoming a man just made it, loved that!
I also liked your interpretation of the proverb, I wouldn't have thought of that, because they aren't actually brothers. Maybe a mention of Regulus would have been good here, because James was so much more than him. Maybe it didn't need it really, I suppose. Another thing you did well was Sirius and Harry's relationship, that was so cute! I also mostly liked your choices of words. The whole thing flowed nicely.
Thanks for entering, I'll have the results up soon!
- Aguamenti123 xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, and making an awesome challenge! I really struggled with how to open this story and I am glad that it got better from there on out.
I have always been a huge fan of James and Sirius and I am really happy to hear that I was able to bring out the relationship between the two of them. I will admit that the line that you pointed out about James becoming a man was my favorite to! =)
I was really trying to focus more on James and Sirius. I felt that Sirius ran away and stayed at James's home so they were a lot closer than Regulus and Sirius were. Although, Regulus is my favorite character. Anyways...I am glad that you liked it!
Thanks again! =)
-SR17 Report Review
This was probably one of my favourite chapters you've written! I was on the edge of my wheely chair the whole time. Your plot is so intricate, those details about weight in the Gringott's account was a genius idea. You're so good at writing about thievery and planning that I'm starting to actually think you are a criminal!
- Olive (I've got my eye on you) xxxAuthor's Response: I LOVE YOU OLIVE, THANKS FOR THE CUTIE-PIE REVIEW.
I am a thief. Duh. And James Bond and a pirate.
I'm so glad you like the plot, I get a little worried it's too complicated and unfollowable.
Thanks! :) Report Review
Oh wow, now I think I need to go hug my pillow or something! That last part really, really got me. Anyway, I better start from the beginning.
Your interpretation of the proverb was fantastic, because, as you well outlined, love and hate were stark themes in Lily and Severus's relationship. The strain between love and hate was something you portrayed well, going from the easy friendship at the beginning, to when Lily was becoming closer to James.
Your writing style and structure was fluent, I liked the word definition thing you were doing :) One thing I will say though, is that maybe this would have worked better if you stretched it out, because it seemed at points to be having too much happening in too little time. Apart from that, however, I really enjoyed this, especially the last part, which really brought the whole thing together- the way you emphasised the inevitability of it all was great. Thanks for entering, by the way! :)
- Aguamenti123 Report Review
I've basically told you in essence how great I think this is, I love the beginning :) The way you started's good, the whole thing that Marty calls her a muggle is something which I thought was a great idea, it sets up the story brilliantly!
Another thing which I've noticed you're really good at is character description. I'm not sure if I just hate Violet because the narrator is biased, but yeah.
Can't wait to read more!
- Olive-kins xxAuthor's Response: Thank you! I was getting really anxious about this story, but you've soothed my nerves.
I'm also glad you hate Violet. She's horrible.
Thanks for the review!, Olly-wolly! :D Report Review
Right, if you plan to do what you say you plan to do, I'mma be mad.
But still, great chapter, and the bit which I really loved was when you showed Ron and Hermione's reactions, because it's interesting to get that insight into their reactions :) Well. Interesting AND sad :(
Carrow's such a full time badman, I love him! This chapter kept me totally gripped, I'm still really annoyed at myself in that I didn't realise this chapter was already submitted! Anyway, another fantastic chapter, can't wait to read more, even if it DOES make me sad!
- Olive xxxAuthor's Response: I DUNNO NOW I HAD ANUTHER GOOD IDEA.
Ron and Hermione were very sad to write ;( but I'm glad you liked it!
Thanks for the review, ma loveleee! :D Report Review
Whatever you're writing in Cornwall, aside from Pothello, I can't wait for it! (Well, I'm excited for Pothello too). This strange version of a 'heart to heart' was a really great chapter, and my favourite line in this has to be "And the upper classes are weird. They were married, and had separate beds. In separate rooms." way with words, you have :') You've developed Scorpius really well in this chapter, not to mention how Rose is coming on- that side story with Zach is awesome, explains her cynicism a lot. Again, can't wait for the next chapter.
-Olive xxxAuthor's Response: a 'heart to heart' was exactly what it was :) I'm glad you liked it, I wanted Scorp and Rose to be friends, rather than thrown together by chance, and that's really what I was doing here.
Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
:O :O :O SHOCKED THOUGH. Was this the thing I guessed? Because even if I guessed it, I'm still thrown off. Great chapter, really loved this update. I particularly liked how you wrote Carrow in, in this chapter, even if it was a small part, because it was quite sinister. The way you word things just gets better every chapter, every chapter I'm either laughing or hastily scrolling because I'm reading quickly (and you know how slow I read, so that's saying something). And onto the next!
- Olive xxAuthor's Response: YES THIS WAS WHAT YOU GUESSED. I'm hurt you don't remember. :P I love writing Carrow, he's so evil! It's fantastic. I enjoy it immensely :)
Thanks for the reviooow :) Report Review
YOU'RE A GENIUS. *is gushing*. I really loved the introduction of the older characters, and some of the more obscure ones like Ernie and Filch, it's really added something to this chapter. You've done Rose's reaction to being in prison really well, I love it! Anyway, I'll get on to reading the next chapter.
-Olive xxxAuthor's Response: Yay! I'm so happy you liked my random canon characters I introduced! And Rose's reaction- that was pretty hard to write, as I have never actually been in prison/despaired utterly before.
Thanks, Olive! :P Report Review
Oh my wow. I actually love this, so much, you nearly got the waterworks going then! I really love everything about this, but I'll narrow it down a bit more, because yeah. I love the contrast between old Molly and new Molly, and the way which you brought in old characters, and Molly's relationship with her family. Really well written, too :)
- Olive xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much :)
I tried to make the Mollys as different as possible, so I'm glad you liked it!
I'm super happy that you enjoyed the story! Thank you xx Report Review
Hello :) I love this idea so far, and can't believe I didn't read it earlier! Going to read more, so for now I'll just say I envy your ability to inject humour into things which could otherwise just be flat angst. Can I haz your abilities pleaz?Author's Response: My abilities are limited, can I haz keeps them pleaz?
Unless you wish to swap your prose-writing for it? :P
Thanks, ma lovely :) xx Report Review
Aww this has really depressed me, but in a good way, don't worry! I love this by the way, can't wait for the next chapter! Report Review
I absolutely love this idea. You've made me pity Pettigrew, but kept his pathetic character intact. The way you've structured it is great too. All-in-all a really powerful one-shot! I can honestly say, I wish I'd thought of this!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've had this story in mind for a long time but I wasn't really sure how to get it written - that Writer's Duel gave me the push I needed.
Peter is a character much maligned and he often deserves it, but I felt like there was probably much more to him than he is given credit for in fanfiction - or even from Harry's perspective in the books. I wanted to give him more of an explanation but not a full excuse.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I really like your OC, I like how cynical she is, and the relationship between her and Albus has just started off really well. Looking forward to reading more!
- OliveAuthor's Response: Thank you, Olive. :)
Sam. Report Review
I really like this so far, it could have been so easy to make Audrey really uptight like Percy, but I'm really enjoying your approach :) I love the humour in it too, and the way Percy and his family react to the news. Bravo!Author's Response: Percy's not really uptight, he's just awkward and nervous a lot. Anyway, I'm glad you liked this story and the way I presented my characters. Poor Audrey... Report Review
I don't know much, but this is a brilliant first chapter.
The structure of it, the way you write, everything is
just great and makes me want to read more (which I
will) :D I love your idea of an OC related to Rita
Skeeter, by the way.Author's Response: Thank you! :) It's been lots of fun writing this ^__^ Report Review
This was just so amazing, can't get over how good it was. No words...just loved it so much. (I realise that isn't much to go on, sorry :') ) Report Review
Ahhh I loved it! I repeat all of my previous comments. It really didn't need anything else, bravo :)
-OliveAuthor's Response: Hello again! Thank you so much, I'm so pleased that you liked it. I was a bit worried that readers might not find this to be a good ending point but I'm glad you found that it was.
Again, I really appreciate your reviews! Always made me smile :)
-lily Report Review
I love this so far already. The language and imagery you use really is beautiful- Serenity Hill is a fantastic idea. You've explored Charlie really well, and I like your OC too. Reading on now to find out where this is going! :)
- OliveAuthor's Response: Hello, Olive! I have enjoyed receiving your reviews for this story, it was a strange and sort of feverish venture for me. I started writing it in the winter of 2011 and then, as I'm apt to do, I let it sit about half-way through the second chapter. I picked it up again this last spring and I just had a weekend of writing. I blasted right through it and finished it up in a day, and miraculously I think it worked out.
Probably because it's come from a place in me of concern for relationships and /place/ in a story. I also think the whole dragon thing is really amazing, I wish I'd gone into a bit more detail about that. But I'm glad that you've enjoyed my characterization of Charlie and Apricot--they're head canon to me, now haha.
Thanks for your reviews!!
-lily Report Review
It's goood :D And you do need to continue this, because I really love the presentation of the other side of Fenrir, because I hated him before :) And it isn't mainstream! Yay! Also I like the description altogether, especially the bit when he looks at the moon. But yeah, do carry on :D
-OliveAuthor's Response: Haha! Glad you liked this! And how could you EVER hate Fenrir?! ;) I sure hope it's not mainstream :P And yay for liking my description! I will carry on.
Thanks for reviewing!
Really powerful first chapter. I've never seen a fic with Andromeda before, so this'll be really interesting :) Great ending, can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks for coming to review this!
I'm really pleased that you liked it, and I hope you keep following the story :)
Thanks again! Report Review
This is great, I love the conversations between Scorpius and Albus, it's really sweet how Albus doesn't judge him. I wish there was more, but it's great as it is as well :)Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely review! :D Report Review
I really love this story! The way you've managed to balance all three characters and all the others who come with them really is impressive. Can't wait for the next chapter! :) Report Review
*rocks in a corner, crying*
This was amazing, the way you combined the comedy and the 'AH THIS IS SO SAD :(:(:(:(' factor was great. Loved some of the jokes, they genuinely made me laugh out loud, which doesn't happen to often when surfing the internetAuthor's Response: HELLO!
Yeah... comedy has to be injected into everything because sadness is too sad :(
I'm so very glad you like it :P Thanks for the review! xx Report Review
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