Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
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Review #26, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Attends a Party

13th August 2015:
Here for the swappity swap and the BvB Review Fest!

Honestly, I'm just trying to keep myself from squealing right now. James and Anna are having nerdy conversations about magical philosophy and I am SO EXCITED ABOUT IT. I love it when characters are smart, but they don't have that "one magical subject" that they're sooo good at. This whole magical philosophy deal operates outside of that, and their little debates and conversations about it are just ALL I LIVE FOR. Listen, I'm gonna need you to write a story about Magical Philosophy class at Hogwarts one day, plzzz and thank you.

Okay, so the whole reason why Anna knows where the kitchens are thing has been explained, yay! Of course she read about it and got curious, hah! But it is a very nice place to go, and I am creating a headcanon that the house elves take some armchairs and make a little cozy spot for students who just aren't feeling being around the outside world. I think Anna would like that.

As far as your characterization, I really like it so far. The main characters are coming together nicely, and while you're not revealing all of James's and Anna's secrets, you're not opening up too many cans of worms at once. It's really hard to juggle a story when you have a character who wants to just blurt out every aspect of their lives, and you do a really good job of keeping these kids in check and characterizing them at a reasonable pace. (Oh, and I wasn't saying that your characters want to blurt out all of their info, but just in general.) The only one that I'm really concerned about is Fred, because I only know about him secondhand from James. However, it's more from a standpoint of "Umm, is this guy okay?" because he seems really loony right now. Hopefully he'll get to speak for himself in later chapters, because while he does make for really good comic relief right now, I don't want him to be just a throwaway character. (I have this thing where I really love Fred II and I don't know why, sorry.) But I'm sure that he's in responsible hands with you, and maybe he'll have time in the spotlight soon?

Hmm, Rose pranking Scorpius? That was really beautiful, especially since the prank didn't go as planned--usually pranks go off without a hitch, so it's great to see how you deviated from the norm there! The one thing I was confused about with that is that Rose's prank seemed to be about tattooing "Ferret Jr." to Scorpius's forehead, but Scorp went a little funny before that. He didn't seem very drunk whilst he was talking with James, but then there was that real moment of vulnerability when he started rambling about "Rosie Posie." So, was he drunk? Did someone slip him a love potion? Was that part of Rose's plot? Because she doesn't like him that much, I wouldn't see her as the "let's give my enemy a love potion to make him say nice things about me" type. I was just a little confused about that, although I did appreciate that it revealed some of Scorpius's (maybe) true thoughts about Rose!

Ooh, another thing I appreciated was Rose's remorse when she found out how the tattoo was a little more...permanent than she realized. (And I also really loved James's slight bit of interference. Mediator!James for the win!) Pranks are fun, but if they hurt somebody or cause someone anguish for a long period of time, they aren't fun at all. Thank you for putting that in this story!

Agghh, the ending section had me actually squealing aloud. I love the idea that William Shakespeare was a weirdo Ravenclaw who wrote sonnets all the time and OMG TWENTY MORE PLAYS ONLY FOR WIZARDS?! I wanna read them all! And it's so cute that James is like, "Yes hello I have a Fact let me share it with you." Omg, I ship their friendship so hard right now. Two lil' nerdy nerds talking about nerdy things. PLEASE tell me that James was going to be Sorted into Ravenclaw, but begged the Hat for Gryffindor so that he could mediate his family better. (Idk why, but I feel like if he were a Ravenclaw, he might not be as inclined to involve himself in family affairs, although quite a few members of his fam jam are Claws.)

Oh dear. James has really got it mixed up if he's thinking that R&J is a comedy. Good thing Anna was there to correct him on it!

Ooh, and I did want to mention how much I love that this fic isn't written in first person. First person is great, but it does lend itself to some painfully odd things, like the main characters bragging about how they're "like, a Charms genius" or something. Here, it's so great to actually experience James and Anna's simultaneous nerdiness. I really enjoyed the funny comments she made about being a "knowledge dealer" because it shows that she has this humourous side, but she isn't like, painfully self-aware about it. She's not acting as a persona; she's just being who she is. Am I making sense here?

Anyway, this is SUCH an adorable story and I will be reviewing again sometime in the near future!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Ahh Mallory you never fail to bring a huge grin to my face!! (Seriously, my mom just asked what I was so happy about.)

Hahaha I'm so glad you're enjoying their nerdy conversations! I loved writing about that/thinking it up! James and Anna are definitely supposed to be smart characters, and I totally get the trope you're talking about. I'm afraid later on they might play into it a bit because they do have subjects they're interested in and care more about, but I think Anna is generally a super curious person and wants to understand every subject better, you know? And then James is kinda along for the ride haha.

OMG I WANT TO WRITE THAT FIC SO BAD. Maybe I'll do it in the middle of the semester when I'm more in tune with philosophy classes again! Ahh that would be so much fun.

I subscribe fully to your headcanon. That's adorable. And of course Anna read about the kitchens, right? Little dork. :P

I'm so happy you think I'm characterizing them at a reasonable rate! That's a big concern for me-- I was trying to make sure everything seemed realistic. Anna and James will definitely get their chance to blurt out some of their secrets further down the line! :)

As for the Fred Issue. (Totally deserves the capitalization.) That's definitely something I'm aware of and something I'm trying to work into the story-- he seems a little unhinged, doesn't he? One thing I would encourage you to remember is what you mentioned already: this is James's story and James's POV. So you might not want to take his thoughts at face value. I do have a plan for Fred and his backstory/motivations, but I'm really struggling to work it into the story ALTHOUGH I WAS JUST HIT BY INSPIRATION AND I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT. You are officially my muse, Mallory. Anyway. Yeah. Fred will get his time to shine, but you may have to wait a bit for that! Sorry.

Ooh I'm sorry you were confused at that scene! Scorp was meant to be drunk, yes. Slipping him a love potion wouldn't be Rose's style. I'll keep your confusion in mind when I revise this chapter! Thanks for mentioning it. At the end of the day, I do think Rose is a pretty mature person with just a slight grudge against Scorpius, so I thought it was important to show that she didn't want to screw everything up too much. Basically I'm glad you liked that detail because it was important to me! :)

Mallory, you know what the Shakespeare thing means, right? It means that you're going to have to write a Shakespearean play about the Wizarding World. You could totally pull that off. Hahahahahah "Two lil' nerdy nerds talking about nerdy things." is literally the best description of James and Anna possible. Like...that should be the story description. And yes their friendship is the best thing ever and I just want them to hang out in the kitchens talking about like philosophy forever but FRED WON'T LET THEM! Darn it Fred.

As to James's Sorting...you may be onto something. ;) Or maybe not! ~read on to find out~ (jk-- It will be addressed in a later chapter-- I think like 10-ish?-- so I will say that Ravenclaw came up with the Hat!)

You're totally making sense! And I like 3rd person closed POV so much more than 1st...I'm trying 1st out with another WIP but 3rd is so much more fun and objective! So I'm glad you're liking it. :D And Anna is always being 100% Anna because she doesn't know anyone else she's supposed to be! But she may surprise you with her humor-- she's definitely a lot funnier than I originally thought she was going to be.

Thanks again for this review Mallory! You're the best! I hope you get a chance to check out the rest of the story. :)

--J


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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: four.

13th August 2015:
One last review for our swap/BvB Review Fest!

Ooh, the wedding nightmare is interesting to me because I don't really understand why it's a nightmare. I understand that Jodie likes James, but doesn't want to like him, so dreaming about marrying him must hurt. But I don't really see that as a nightmare? Was there something else that I might've missed that would make this seemingly-sweet dream into a nightmare? Anyway, it was really odd to me that she screamed when she woke up. I do like that she's having these dreams, though, because it does seem to get the plot going! (Although I feel bad for her that they're affecting her so much.)

It's really good of Remus to always check up on Jodie, especially since he heard through the grapevine (in the form of Lily, ironically) that Jodie was having bad dreams. Will she tell him about almost kissing James, I wonder?

One thing about the last paragraph in that section: Her relief was gone when he told her that he would get it out of her sooner or later.

I think you could actually add a sentence to Remus's dialogue before that, simply saying something like, "But we're going to be talking about this later." because I think that it fits well with what he's saying and then you can build on the disappearance of Jodie's relief once he's said it.

Ooh, and dare I forget THE PRANK?! I was very excited to see what they would come up with, and this didn't disappoint! Except this was actually quite a touching prank that didn't physically injure anyone, which is awesome! And I just hope that the Marauders had the decency not to bring up any memories that would seriously hurt anyone, because then it would sort of take a bad turn. But what you came up with is really creative! I like how some of the portraits are memories, and the ones of Sirius and James seem to simply be manifestations of themselves that are meant to insult passersby--much like the Marauders Map does. I'd still like to know which potions ingredients they used for this, though, and how they went about getting their memories onto picture frames. Maybe something to do with Dumbledore's Pensieve?

Ooh, and you can't leave me hanging like this! I need to know why Remus is enlisting Sirius's help! Is this going to be a fake dating fic? Because if so, OH MAN I AM EVEN MORE EXCITED! I LOVE fake dating fics! :D

Also, having Sirius's perspective for a bit in this chapter was nice because for all intents and purposes, it really does look like Jodie and Remus are sneaking around and getting up to some romantic times. (However, that's really not what's going on, silly Sirius!) I hope that their little meeting with him can clear some things up!

Please update soon! I'll look forward to reading the next chapter!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: The dream for her signifies how serious her feelings are. She's been having dreams about him but never a wedding one and dreaming up her and James getting married scared her a lot. For her it is a nightmare because while she's trying to get over him, it feels likes her feelings are instead get even more stronger. I hope that all made sense haha. The scream was more from the stress of everything that's happening in real life along with the dream. She was really shocked and she didn't even realize she screamed.

Thanks for the suggestion! I'll definitely keep that in mind when going back and editing. Replacing that part with dialogue will probably help that part transition more so thank you for that.

I think the fact that the prank didn't actually hurt anyone shows that they're growing up and realizing that their Hogwarts days are going to come to a close soon. They only have sixth and seventh year left and time tends to fly by. Also I really wanted the prank to be something no one has probably done in a fic before because usually pranks across fics tend to have a lot of similarities. I guess this is my attempt to be original. :P

The potion helped process the memories. The photographs have to be put through a special potion to get them to be animated. Some of the memories they had were through unmoving photos they had and others they did actually use Dumbledore's Pensive (they had to sneak into his office).

Oh, faking dating fics are the death of me. I can never resist those. I'm actually still unsure where I'm going to exactly take this story. It most likely won't end up being a fake dating one since I already have a fic that has that. But it might incorporate elements of it, who knows?

Remus and Jodie do look like they're sneaking around. And I find it hilarious that Sirius is the one who notices and comes up with that conclusion since let's be honest, Remus is too much of a sweetheart to be sneaking around with anyone. The meeting will clear everything up but not before Sirius states all of his suspicions first haha.

Thank you for the fantastic review!! Hearing from you definitely gives me another perspective and more ideas of how to go on from here. :D

~Sama


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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: three.

13th August 2015:
Hi again! Back for the remaining reviews from our swap and for the BvB Review Fest!

Ooh, so in this chapter Isobel really stands out because she's just trying to be a good friend to Jodie. I honestly don't think that the Marauders would be very good with dealing with Jodie's feelings, especially as it appears that none of them have ever had to do the unrequited love thing before. (Remus might be the exception, since Jodie chooses to confide in him in the beginning, but it's always better to have a few good listeners on your side!) I thought it was cool that Jodie chose to draw out her feelings on paper instead of talking, which would lessen Flitwick's suspicion, I think.

*wink wink nudge nudge* from Isobel to Jodie about the Sirius Black thing. I really have a feeling that Sirius is going to end up being more significant to Jodie than he is now, but Jodie's just so against even the slightest contemplation of his supposed "hotness." She's too into James, and I'm sorry, but I think that'll turn out really badly if she ever acts on her feelings. Unfortunately (and fortunately for me, since they're one of my OTPs), James is very much besotted with Lily at this point.

Hah, Lucas definitely has a crush on Isobel. But I think she should make him tone down on the teasing before she gives him a chance. It's true that some boys will pick on you when they like you, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to put up with it all the time, especially if the teasing goes too far.

Ooh, the prank! I think it would be really cool if you actually included the list of ingredients that Sirius and Jodie had to get--it would give me some clues about the potion they're going to make? I'd really like that, but you might've withheld the ingredients for Future Plot Reasons. :) Still, it's clear that Jodie has no idea what prank they're going to do, and it kind of sucks for her that she doesn't get to be in the know. Why would they do that--including her in the scheme, but not the actual carrying out of the prank? It seems like she's willing to help out and actually know what the prank is, but maybe James purposefully excludes her so that she doesn't get blamed for it? Maybe?

Anyway, there's one of the first interactions between Jodie and Sirius, and I have a feeling that they're going to be at odds for awhile during this story. They seem to be very competitive! It's too bad that Jodie accidentally stepped in the goo, though. Will Slughorn be able to identify her because of the shoe she left behind?

Really interesting chapter, and I hope the prank is in the next one!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hello!
I'm glad that Isobel stands out in this chapter. I feel like she is easily shadowed by all the Marauders in this story. I do agree that the Marauders wouldn't be the best at understanding the unrequited feelings thing (except James but he obviously can't be of much help), especially Sirius, but they are the ones who would think up the most creative solutions which we will see in future chapters.

Jodie isn't the best with words so that's why she drew it all out and of course, she doesn't want to get caught haha.

Sirius will grow on Jodie and Jodie will grow on Sirius. It's bound to happen since they'll end up spending a lot of time together. Jily is actually one of my OTPs and I think that is what inspired the idea of this story the most. The question of what would happen if another girl liked James but knew he was completely head over heels for Lily. Would she act on it? Would she try to get over it? And etcetera and etcetera.

Oh Lucas, he was a last minute addition. I think I just really wanted some fluffy romance in this story to balance out Jodie's unrequited feelings. Lucas really is the "I'll pull on your pigtails because I like you' type but he doesn't take it too far. I think he's clever enough (hence Ravenclaw) to know where the limit is. He really just wants Isobel's attention.

I think the list of ingredients is a brilliant idea but the potion is actually not one that was ever brewed in the books so I couldn't actually hint at what it is. Jodie is a helping hand. Whenever they need an extra person, they ask her. But she's not a Marauder so she doesn't get to know everything and also they still want her to experience the whole surprise like the rest of the school (well James, Remus, and Peter do, Sirius could care less). I actually like the idea of James protecting her from getting into trouble. I never actually thought about that.

Jodie and Sirius clash a lot. I think one of the reasons is because they share common friends and both of them don't understand how Remus and James and Peter could be friends with the other. And I think it bothers Sirius that Jodie knew James before her did.

Oh Slughorn, I really want to write him as not caring that ingredients were stolen but I feel like that doesn't fit into his teacher role. He will do something, we'll just have to wait and see what. ;)

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I loved hearing your thoughts and yes, the prank is in the next one!! Thanks again!

~Sama


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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: two.

12th August 2015:
{Back for our swap and the BvB Review Fest!}

Ah, the devious Sirius Black appears! Hah, I can totally picture him with a five o'clock shadow and a man bun, is that bad? He's so devilish, and he's kinda hot, and he knows it.

Now that I've seen more of Jodie's interactions with the Marauders, it strikes me as odd that she and Sirius aren't better acquainted. The other three obviously know her from tutoring, being friendly towards each other, and having her help out with pranks, but why hasn't Sirius done the same? I take back what I said--she isn't exactly "the fifth Marauder," because I think that to be a "true Marauder," you have to be in on basically everything. (I think Sirius thinks this too, which is why he doesn't think of her as a friend. Also, he's quite a little snot, which is both funny and makes me roll my eyes. Sirius Black, Drama Queen.) But it's cool that she gets to be in on the pranks, although it's kind of mean of the other guys to not tell her exactly what's going to happen with the pranks.

Oh man, James is quite besotted with Lily. Obsessing over the color and length of her hair? I'm afraid that Jodie won't have a chance with him (at least at this point in the story). The way she jumped when he accidentally nudged her was very interesting, because she basically feels the same way for James as he does for Lily, but she can't be as open about it, of course. I wonder how long she can play off her blushes and whispers as a "crush" on Remus?

I can't wait to see what their ingenious prank is going to be! I'll catch you tomorrow with your next two reviews. :D

♥Mallory

Author's Response: I just thought of Sirius in a man bun and I'm laughing in my head. That would be so him!

Sirius and her have never really clicked, I guess? She's known the rest from spending time with each of them separately. James is her neighbor so she's known him forever, Remus she met through classes, and Peter she knows through tutoring. And Sirius is... Sirius? I know most write Sirius is really social and talkative but I always imagined him as someone who can get along with most everyone if he tried but prefers his close groups of friends and Jodie isn't included in that so he's never went out of his way for her or anything. And Jodie doesn't like the fact that Sirius is so aware of his good looks and acts like a jerk because of it at times.

I actually like the sound of that... Sirius Black, Drama Queen. It has a nice ring to it! :P

Lily is the only one for James... at least he thinks so. Oh, Jodie, I can't help feel bad for the girl. James will stay oblivious for a while but Sirius won't so that'll be interesting.

Thanks for stopping by Mallory! I love how much insight I get through your reviews and how much you understand the story! It makes me feel like writing almost *gasps* makes sense. Thank you again. And extremely sorry for replying to your reviews out of order. I didn't realize there was a next page on my unanswered reviews, silly me.

~Sama


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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: one.

12th August 2015:
Hi there! Here for our swap and the Ravenclaw BvB Review Fest. :D

Alright, so I didn't realize that this story was Marauders Era until I started reading (shame on me!), but now I'm really glad that it is! Despite my fervent love of Jily, I don't read Marauders as often as I should.

By the way...Are we throwing Jily out the window here? If only for a little while? I see you have James/OC listed as a pairing, and I'm interested to see how that'll happen. Maybe fake dating between Jodie and James while James tries to get Lily's attention? Aggh, I don't know and I'm really bad at guessing. But I'm really interested to see how Jodie's little crush will turn out!

A few questions: How does Jodie know that Remus Lupin is a lycanthrope? Are they just really close or something? And she mentioned being childhood pals with James--so does that mean she's a kind-of extra Marauder? If so, does she have an Animagus form? (Sorry if so many questions at once is overwhelming, they just keep coming to me!)

It really makes a lot of sense to me that Jodie would go to Remus for help with this problematic crush, because Remus is easily the most levelheaded of the Marauders in my opinion (although I can imagine that he has his moments of irrationality). Haha, but the "You could have a crush on Sirius" line makes me think that you're foreshadowing that Jodie might eventually develop a crush on the devious Sirius Black? Whatever purpose that line might serve, it made me laugh a little bit. :D

It's really no good that Jodie has had a bad summer, but I wonder if it's because of more than just an inconvenient crush? I can't wait to dig deeper into her character, because I think there's going to be so much that'll be interesting and surprising about her. For now, I'm hoping that she'll eventually reveal the full rundown of her bad summer. (Is that mean of me? I mean, I don't want her to be unhappy, but I just think there's more there than just a crush on James Potter. That's all!)

Really great first chapter! I'm going to R&R the next one tonight, and then I'll catch you tomorrow for the last two. :D

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Mallory!

Sometimes I actually confuse a Marauders and Next Gen story, especially if the James is in the summary and I have no idea if he is James the first or second.

Are we throwing Jily out the window? Maybe... maybe not? I'm just messing with you, this story is following canon... so Jily and Jodie's broken heart are in the future. I put James/OC in the pairings part there more to keep it a mystery. No, there won't be fake dating between James and Jodie sadly. It would make great gossip though... POTTER AND LEWIS: the new couple? Lily Evans out of the picture?

Jodie found out about Remus's condition through an accident. She found a book on werewolves in Remus's stuff and she found that odd since they weren't studying werewolves yet. And she started noticing the scars on his face, and how he gets sick once or so a month. She then asked Peter about it and Peter tried to play it off but didn't really succeed. So Jodie ended up putting it all together. I think her knowing brought them closer together than anything. Before that they were just friends, later they became close friends. She isn't an extra Marauder because she doesn't know a lot of their secrets such as all the details about pranks or even about the Marauder's Map. But she's a friend of 3/4ths of the groups so it sometimes seems like it. And no, she doesn't have an animagus form, but how cool would that be? I now wonder what shape she would take. A rabbit? A tiger?

I totally agree that Remus is the most levelheaded. That's why he's the Marauder who (tries to) keeps the rest in check.

Ohh, you caught me there. Will Jodie have a crush on Sirius? I don't know... we shall see. ;) And I'm glad that line made you laugh!

There was more than a crush during the summer so James actually wasn't the only reason she had a bad break. That will definitely come in future chapters.

Mallory, you are probably one of the kindest reviewers out there! Thank you so so much for stopping by. I had a great time reading your inputs and answering your questions! :D

~Sama



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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakout: Rose POV

12th August 2015:
Beth! Here for our swap, and also the BvB Review Fest. :D

Shame on me for not reviewing this for SEVEN MONTHS, seriously, what is my deal...?

Ooh, okay, so here I was thinking that this chapter was going to be sort of fun and lighthearted, going to the pub, having good times...I should've been smarter, because when the commotion happened, I was completely unprepared. How much are you going to torture these characters?!

Haha, just kidding. It's part of what makes the story great, right? Yes.

So, the fun part first: I was pretty sure that it wasn't a great idea for Rose to "go out," but once she and Scorpius were at the pub, it did seem like it was going to be okay. She had a bit of an episode, but she managed to talk herself down from it, which is tremendous. I think it's super sad that she hasn't gone out in awhile because of all the bad, bad things that have happened to her. If she didn't already have an anxiety disorder, the stuff that happened with Stannous was definitely enough to trigger episodes of anxiety. And dare I forget that she was at a party in the beginning, when that guy tried to kidnap her...? So coming out to The Quaffle was a really big step for her.

I really like the closer look that we get of everyone and their significant others and things. It sort of gives me an idea of what to imagine for each character! There was definitely a bit more description of clothes than I've seen in other chapters of this story, but I think it was necessary and not at all out of place. You described Selenia and Samara's outfits without getting all caught up in specifics, like the brands they were wearing or something (which might've been overkill). So great job with that! :D

(Haha, I have this funny feeling that when Rose says she's "making up for lost time," she's talking about a little more than just Firewhiskey.)

A few things here: In one paragraph, which begins with "I was startled by a crushing force," and ends with Rose's line of dialogue, it needs to be split up. Albus speaks before Rose during that paragraph, so her speech needs to be in a separate paragraph. (That's just a formatting thing.)

And then during the commotion caused by the Death Eaters, Rose says "Studdify." I was thinking that it was a mistake and it was supposed to be "Stupefy," but I saw at the end how she garbled "Expelliarmus" too. Was the "Studdify" a mistake? Or was it because she was slurring due to Firewhiskey? I was just a little confused there.

Anyway, now on to the part that I don't like to think about: The Death Eater invasion.

I think that if your characters were able to talk to you, they would shake their fists and yell, "Can you just let me LIVE?!" because they--especially Rose--go through so much from chapter to chapter, haha. It makes for stressful nailbiting episodes for me, because I'm always lulled into this false sense of security--especially since you prefaced the invasion with a nice party atmosphere! Tricky, tricky.

Ah, yes, rereading the last bit, I can see that Rose was quite drunk by the time the Death Eaters showed up, which explains her mispronunciation of "Stupefy" and her confusion at why it doesn't work. Basically, none of these poor babies are completely equipped to deal with baddies in their drunken or half-drunken states, and just >:{ why do Death Eaters ruin EVERYTHING?! It's very telling of her character that she's concerned about Lily, about Dom, about everyone before herself, even though she's really really in danger, since the guys were specifically targeting her. God, I hope that she doesn't Splinch herself or Lily while she's Disapparating...

This totally took a turn from a cute little pub gathering to a Death Eater-infused nightmare! And while I'm not okay with that on MANY levels, I am also in awe of your ability to have these contrasting situations within the same chapter. As always, I am super attached to your characters and IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO THE ONES THAT STAYED BEHIND TO FIGHT I WILL BE SO UPSET.

{sorry for yelling.}

Hopefully I shall be back sooner (rather than later) to see what happens next! :O

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi Mallory,

Thanks so much for doing a swap! I absolutely LOVE getting your reviews. You've helped me SO much to make this story more polished and you always pick up on things that no one else notices - ♥ ♥

So a little bit of a confession, here. I really, REALLY didn't want to make this story overly dramatic - with tons of cliffhangers and the on-again, off-again relationship between the two main characters. But... it sorta happened without me realizing it and part of me wants to punch myself for being so cliche and the other part feels like I followed the story in its natural course so I should just let that go and... yeah... that's pretty much the internal conversation I have with myself over it all the time ;)

One thing I have tried really hard to pace is Rose's recovery. I really didn't want it to seem like everything would go POOF and be all better once she and Scorpius got together, but more like she had to take baby steps and learn to lean on people a *little* bit while discovering that she's got a lot of her own strength to draw from: Enter the mini panic attack as she and Scorpius first arrive at the Quaffle and the comforting 'corner' with all her friends and relatives.

Hee hee - Yes. Rose is definitely referring to more than just making up for lost time with her friends ;)

I fixed the dialogue in that paragraph that you mentioned and moved Rose's line to a new paragraph - thanks for pointing that out!!

"Studdify" is Rose simply messing up the spell. She does not do well in battle situations (as you saw at the end of the chapter). I'm sure the Firewhiskey didn't help, but the real reason she messed it up is because she panicked. This gets addressed in the next chapter (I think) and it comes up later in the story too.

Haha - it's OK to yell. I'm glad I invoke such emotion :D

Thanks again Mallory!

♥ Beth


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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Talks to a Girl

12th August 2015:
Hi J! I've come quite late to review this story again, but I'm here nonetheless! This time, it's for the BvB Review Fest. :D

The first thing I want to commend you on is your characterization of James Potter II. You go such a long way to undermine the stereotypes that have risen up about his character in fanfiction, and it's so wonderful that he's not merely a "lighthearted prankster who feels like he's constantly in his father's shadow," which is what happens quite a bit. Here, he's so involved in the lives of his cousins--not in an annoying way, but like, a helpful way. Your James is a mediator, and honestly, I love him so much for that.

The whole "James-never-studies-but-passes-all-his-classes" thing really confuses me at this point. It keeps getting mentioned, so I know you're going to address it later, but right now I'm like "whaaatt?" So does he have a Time Turner or something? Or a photographic memory and he just reads all his textbooks over the summer and remembers them forever? I should stop making things up about him because I'm awful at theorizing, but suffice it to say that you've got me intrigued with this apparently-smart-but-never-studious James.

(To be quite honest, he seems like he does study, but maybe his family just doesn't see that about him because they see what they want to see? Like, maybe your readers get this view of James as a helpful mediator because that's what you're showing us, but his family only really sees him as a nice prankster type? I don't know if that makes sense...)

Ooh, another thing that I love about this is James's kind-of growing relationship with Anna. As far as romance is concerned, well, who cares?! At this point, I am so excited about James and Anna's friendship that I don't even care that they might end up as a couple. Like, James is obviously kind of interested in her, but he's not the type to just see physical aspects and go, "Ooh, pretty, me likey." No, this James is going to take the time to get to know Anna, and I believe with all my heart that he is actually interested in the magical philosophy, which is seriously way cool. I can see this little book club of two people becoming a long-lasting thing. And I love that, even though Anna thinks his name is Jeremy, she's willing to open up to him to talk about magical philosophy instead of trying to shut him down.

(I also really loved the twist you put on the major philosophers of the Muggle world by translating some of their works into a more magical position. That's so cool, and I'm sure it's really fun for you to use the stuff you learn in your major for this story!)

Oh, Fred. He's such a nuisance, but I love him for it. I like how you've played up the prankster aspect of him, especially since the parallel structure of the chapter is continuing. It's very obvious that James is not as much of a prankster as Fred, but he does tend to get involved in the various scrapes of his cousin.

One thing that I have noticed is the way that time passes in this story. I know you mark each section with phrases like "a few weeks later," and things like that, but I would like a little more context as far as dates and timelines go. Is this chapter meant to encapsulate the entirety of James's fifth year? If so, did some of these episodes take place near Halloween, and is the last one near the Christmas holidays? I like the transitions and how you sometimes mention the amount of time that's passing, but I think it would help if the holiday markers like Halloween and Christmas were given at least a passing mention. (This, however, is just a matter of my own weirdness, and if you meant to write it this way for a specific purpose, that is totally okay. I just don't want to seem like I'm saying "Oh you're totally wrong," because that's not what I think at all!)

Whew, not good at giving concrit, sorry!

Back to the praise, because I have copious amounts of that: In summary, I really love the way James is developing as a character, and the way Anna's personality is definitely showing through during their meetings. (I would, however, like to know why exactly she was in the kitchens during the Wotter meeting and how she didn't even notice they were there! Seems like quite a feat!) And the little Wotter dramas that James helps diffuse are really interesting and complex--I love how Scorpius is a Ravenclaw and Rose is a Slytherin, although I do suspect that their biting arguments come from a different source than simply House or parental prejudices. (Incidentally, do you plan to write a story about Rose and Scorpius as seen in this story? That's one that I would enjoy reading a lot, since you've done such a brilliant job with them here!)

Basically, you're a genius and I absolutely adore this story! Hopefully I'll be back very soon to leave another rambly review. :)

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Ahh Mallory thank you so so much for this review! It's so lovely!!

Thanks so much for your praise of James!! I love him deeply so it's nice to see that other people are enjoying him too. I was definitely inspired/influenced by the stereotypes I've encountered relating to James. I wanted to take some of those and give them a new spin (eg there are probably girls at Hogwarts who do think he's just a Quidditch playing prankster guy, but we know better!). As for his father's shadow...I see that played with so much in fic and hopefully when it comes up in this story it won't seem too cliche. It would definitely be hard to have Harry as a father! Ooh sorry I'm rambling, I'll move on...I just love James so much! :D

I will say this about James and his academic success: one of your theories is correct. Which one? Only time will tell... ;)

Yay I'm so glad you like him and Anna! They are like the definition of taking it slow. James is intrigued by her and is definitely interested in more than her pretty face! And he does truly become a fan of magical philosophy, and I'm glad you like that part! Something I love about Anna is that she's so suspicious when James just starts talking to her, but when they start talking about philosophy and books, she's very excitable and open.

The philosophy stuff makes me so excited, you have no idea! I'm glad that other people find it amusing/interesting because I seriously get this huge grin when I write that stuff. It's also slowly getting me ready to go back to school soon!

I'm glad you're liking Fred! He can be a touch overwhelming but James/I love him anyway. James probably should work on getting himself out of those situations though!

Mallory, don't even worry about your concrit! This was super helpful for me to hear. I had a really solid idea of when these things happened when I was writing, so it's really helpful to hear that I didn't write it very clearly! I'm going back over earlier chapters with my beta (the wonderful Kat) soon so hearing this stuff will help me think about making the story better! So thank you for sharing that concern and please keep doing so if you get a chance to look at the next chapters! :D

Anna's presence in the kitchens will be explained soon enough! (It's not very exciting at all, tbh. But I like hyping things up in review responses haha.)

I am actually in the process of writing a Scorose story from this universe! It's slow going, though, and it's about more than just Scorose so I'm trying to really make sure it's how I want it to be before I post it. But keep an eye out in the CR for it soon! Hopefully within the next few weeks...oops rambling again!

Thank you so so much for this review! It was like a giant hug. I'm so glad you're liking the story and I hope you get a chance to come and check out the other chapters! :)

--J


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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57The Ides of March: Nothing thicker than a knife's blade.

12th August 2015:
Hi Kiana! I'm here for the BvB Review Fest at last! :D

Okay, so I remember reading chapter one of Ides of March a long time ago, and I really loved it. So I'm confused at myself because why didn't I come back to this sooner...? Never mind, I'm here now! :D

I really love how you've characterized Helena. We don't get much information about her from the books, except that she was going to be the Baron's wife, and she obviously wasn't down with that. That little bit of characterization alone gives you lots of liberty to create a personality for her, and wow, you really do a great job! Helena isn't only overshadowed by her mother, she's also trapped by her, in a way. There are so many expectations on her as the daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw--not only to be wise and studious, but also to be proper and married... to a man.

The scene in the beginning showed the real tension between Rowena and Helena, and that only served to contrast with the relationship between Helga and Helena, which seems to be much less tense. I like how you described the snow, which gives me the image of enclosure, which is quite appropriate because Helena obviously feels very trapped by her situation. Unfortunately, Helga's advice to her doesn't help very much. She might not understand Helena's exact situation, but I think that even if she did, she would give the same advice. From what I know of medieval times, it was very, very wrong to even think of the same sex in a romantic way, much less act on those feelings. (If you were a follower of Christianity; I can't say for the more native religions.) So that's really tough because Helena feels that to love Eleanor would be to act directly against her faith, but how could it be wrong when it feels so lovely to love this girl?

I also like how Eleanor put it when she was talking to Helena. Like, sure, it's a sticky situation as far as the physical Church is concerned, but would God really hold a grudge against two people if they loved each other--something that Jesus taught as one of the greatest things you can do for your fellow man? (Sorry, been a while since I've brushed up on my New Testament.) But I know that what with the Church being an exclusive thing where the priests read the Bible to the congregation, they would teach very limited views of the Bible, and probably no one would even have one, outside of the very rich and the clergy. So does Helena actually have a Bible, or does she just know the teachings from her father's sermons?

Just a bit of CC before I wrap this up:

If I listen too carefully, too much too, I will be forever bruised and beaten down by them. With Mother she is the lone victor, the wielder of the knife. She alone is the one who has decided who succeeds or fails, and she has clearly dealt her cards for me as Nike, the winged Goddess of Victory, does not fly by my side.

These few sentences sort of lost me a little bit for various reasons. The "too much too" in the first sentence is a bit ungainly in context, and I think it could be improved by taking out the second "too." The "With Mother she is the lone victor" sentence made it seem like someone, maybe Helga, was "with Mother" in being a "lone victor," which doesn't make sense to me. Maybe reword it to simply "Mother is the lone victor...". And lastly, the last sentence is juggling a lot of metaphors, so I would watch out for that. You could improve that by picking one of them and extending it throughout the whole sentence without using all the extra references to back up the point of the paragraph.

That being said, this whole chapter was so very well written, and the prose flows so beautifully! I love the way that the lines of description are powerful without overpowering the whole chapter. After all, using beautiful imagery isn't this story's sole purpose, and you do an admirable job of balancing the story's aesthetic tendencies with the plot and struggles of Helena Ravenclaw.

Beautiful chapter, and I will have to be back for more soon!

♥Mallory

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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Fingertips

11th August 2015:
Listen, listen, listen, this is not okay. This is MORE THAN OKAY THIS IS WONDERFUL OMG

I'm sorry. I haven't written a review in a while, but it is so worth it to sit here and gush about all of this perfection.

I know I've said it a million times, but I love your Scorbus so much. I love the way it's so different from every other Scorbus I've read, and seeing this chapter up just improved my mood 110%.

So, here are some things:

I really like that Scorpius and Azid are getting along. Azid seems to be really cool, and I'm hoping to see more of him in later chapters because I'm not quite set on his characterization yet. However, that's probably due to the fact that I haven't read this story in a little while and his first big appearance was several chapters ago. So I hope that he shows up more, because I want to learn more about him!

Please, please say that you're going to write a companion piece to this about Rose and Jia because I would actually die for that story. (Or if you've already written one, please direct me to it!) I am just really here for this ship. Jia is so snarky and witty, and I just love the way she doesn't take crap from people. (And I admire her ability to throw bread, I really do.) And Rose is less present, but she's still Rose, and she isn't with Scorpius for once, and her hair is awesome (I still remember her haircut from a few chapters back). So it goes as follows that two such awesome ladies should be together (wink wink). I also really love that you've got this ship happening as kind of a side ship, but it isn't "less than" the main Scorbus action. Like, I know that it's hard to juggle two different sets of people feeling out new relationships, but you do it so well! If Rose and Jia ever become an item, they won't become one because "oh, my friend and your cousin are dating, so we might as well," they'll become one of their own volition (and it will be beautiful and I will be so happy). Sorry, does that make sense? In short, I just really love how independently your minor characters function without the main characters having to be there.

Ohhh my gosh, I loved how hesitant Scorpius was about the whole hand-holding thing. Like, is this okay, since we're being friends right now? I don't know?? And then Albus was just going for it during the Quidditch scrimmage. You know, I feel like Albus is a lot more sure of where he wants this whole thing to go, relationship-wise. I mean, Scorpius obviously wants to date Albus, but he's so hesitant about everything--whether out of his careful nature or he's letting Albus call the shots, I don't know. But I like how you've made that distinction in a subtle way, with Albus being more willing to start things after his initial "let's try being friends" and his previous use of Scorpius as a fun person to pick fights with. (I like this side of Albus much better, and I'm sure Scorpius does too!)

"The friends thing isn't going to work."~omg, just yes. See, I'm not the brightest bulb in the lamp, but I'm smart enough to know where this was going. However, that doesn't mean that I wasn't on the edge of my seat with anticipation as Scorpius was taken aback and then squeeing and seeing rainbows and butterflies when it all turned out right (because who am I kidding? I totally did that.). Like, is it bad that I'm such a sucker for that kind of thing? I don't think so, because it's just so beautiful when relationships in fic seem to come together so nicely.

Ooh, ooh, I so enjoyed the way that Albus analyzed Scorpius's face. That doesn't just show that he's interested, it shows that he actually cares about what Scorpius looks like and wants to imagine things about Scorpius's face because hopefully they're going to do more of this. In a way, it made me really happy, but it also made me very sad. I mean, I can't speak for Albus, but I would be extremely upset if I couldn't see. I know it frustrates him at times, and tracing Scorpius's face was his best way to get around that. I also love that you've taken that romantic trope of basically caressing a loved one's physiognomy and translated it to fit into this story. It makes sense that Albus would trace Scorpius's face because he can't actually see it, so it gives the gesture gallons more meaning than it would have normally.

AND SUDDENLY SCORPIUS ISN'T QUITE SO HESITANT ANYMORE!!! Yaaasss, I am SO here for this right now! Cue the fireworks and the butterflies, because this is a perfect cinematic ending to this! But I know, I know that it isn't the end. What complications are in store for Scorbus? Sure, they can be almost in a relationship now, but where does it go after some experimental corridor kisses? Trust me, I support those 110%, but I'm trying to look at reality here--is love ever truly uncomplicated? (No.) But for now, you've got these lovely little darlings finally together, and I am so, so thrilled.

(P.S., I really want one of Scorpius's kissing-behind-the-bleachers fantasies to come true. It seems like something that I would be complete trash for.)

Listen, thank you so much for posting another chapter, and as always, I'm sorry that my reviews are nothing but rambly, gushy messes. But please know that I am, as always, delighted to read this beautiful thing.

♥Mallory

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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57No Strings Attached: one.

23rd July 2015:
HI LISA I AM LATE BUT I AM HEREEE!!!

okay, so you know from the cabin that i am 1000% here for this. the teenage pregnancy cliche, overturned? yes please. now, i don't really like pregnancy stories--the whole concept kind of icks me out, tbh, but i think in the right hands, it can become something pretty cool.

you definitely have the cool factor going on.

first of all!!! hufflepuff!nerd!bisexual!scorpius is everything that i ever need in my life. i love scorpius's moral quandaries, and his "wanting to be a good person," which is why he's a hufflepuff. there's also the "lame hufflepuff" cliche overturned in this, because scorpius might be a lame-nerd-dork-geek person, but he's not actually lame. like, he has substance and characterization, it's just a fact of his character that he's like the lamest dork ever and he probably listens to mopey records and whines about his various existential crises. i love it.

that does seem hard, though, to balance your life between two people (especially since those two people are cousins). i guess it's just a fact of scorpius's personality--albus is his friends-with-benefits and rose is his best-friend-with-benefits? i'm sorry, i really don't know that much about these things. but if albus is the resident bad boy, there's bound to be some drama now that rose is pregnant with scorpius's child. that's going to be interesting to watch unfold, and i'm wondering if albus will actually stick around after he finds out.

hahaha, the award scorpius won is just hilarious. hogwarts superlatives are such a great idea, honestly, and it's such a scorpius thing that he would get all embarrassed about his "promiscuity" and run out of there really fast. embrace it, scorp! (poor guy. he reminds me of charlie brown a little bit.)

ooh, and i wanted to say kudos for overturning the "drunken lust" cliche that seems to accompany so many hogwarts pregnancies these days. a++ use of the cliche though, in that they were stupid kids and trusted a source that was outdated and didn't have much validity. (silly wm litchfield, trolol) is rose a ravenclaw? she must've been really in the throes of passion to not do proper research on the contraceptive powers of powdered asphodel, heehee. (although they really should've used a condom.) oh well, they've gotten themselves into this situation, and without it, there probably wouldn't be a story. so i'm glad for it, considering.

you do such a great job of writing next gen characters in all their wacky glory. i really love what you've done with them, and how scorose and scorbus can (kind of) exist within the same fic. this is brilliant, and though i'll have to r&r the next chapter later, i do look forward to it!

♥Mallory

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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57A Weasley Vacation: Meet the Weasley's!

22nd July 2015:
Hi there, Alec. You requested a review from me a little less than a month ago, and I'm just getting to it now. Sorry for the delay, but I hope this makes up for it!

What you've got here is a really interesting situation. A whole bunch of Weasleys+a Malfoy+the Scamanders going on vacation together? I suppose stranger things have happened, but I can't think of any right now! Although the general build-up of this chapter does make me wonder why al of these people are going on vacation together. Especially because Grandpa Weasley paid for all of them and even Uncle Charlie is coming (and from what James said, Charlie hasn't been seen in a long time). So there must be a pretty good reason for all of this hullabaloo.

Hugo as a narrator is just brilliant. I love Hugo Weasley, but there are few stories that feature him in a prominent way. He's kind of dramatic and that makes him funny, though I suspect that he does a lot of it for comedic effect anyway. I like his tone--it's very sarcastic and silly and oddly truthful, like when he's talking about James and Albus. All in all, he seems like a pretty cool character.

The pacing of the chapter was pretty good, but in one of the first paragraphs when you talked about how James was excited for the vacation until he found out about the airplane, I got a little confused. The sentence about James seemed a little out of place and more like it would fit better in the paragraph about Al being excited. By putting it there, it would also show the contrast between the Potter brothers. (However, this is just a suggestion!)

You also misspelled some words like "fourth," "fifth," and "exicted," so if you're overly concerned about spelling, I would give the chapter a once-over to catch all of the little mistakes.

My favorite lines were the first ones, which are also in the summary of this chapter. They really set the mood of this story, getting me ready for what seems like a very silly comedy. Well done on those!

Just so you know, I'm about to close my old review thread and open a new one (because the old one is ridiculously long and outdated!). I tend to review one chapter per person, going in the order that the chapters are posted, so that's why I reviewed this one for you. You can re-request for chapter two once I've opened the new thread. :)

Thanks for the request!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Glad you liked it Mallory! Don't worry about the lateness, it can happen.

I sure do hope you keep on reading if you haven't already, and if you have time, I'd love your feedback on it, whether it'd be through PM or a review. But I've gotta go now, sorry for the lame response! Thanks for the review!

Alec


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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57Areopagitica: Prologue

22nd July 2015:
Hi there! I'm here for the July BvB Review Battle!

(I know this chapter has 13 reviews already, but I like to be thorough.)

So I don't read many Hogwarts-era stories anymore, especially not ones that happen during the year of the Battle of Hogwarts, but this seems really interesting so far! I love that Luna Lovegood seems to be a prominent character, and I'm wondering what it is that she's handing out--because it can't just be random objects that glow blue sometimes.

You've written quite a mysterious prologue here! The quills sound really pretty, as does the wrapping paper--although why Xeno Lovegood is bothering to wrap them so nicely, I can't understand. Maybe it's part of the ruse?? Anyway, Luna acts as a sort of Ravenclaw Santa Claus, bringing things to members of the former DA that they obviously know how to use.

So what's going on here? Obviously, this is the part of the revolution that we don't see because we're too busy watching the Golden Trio camp out in the wilderness for ten years. The Hogwarts resistance must've had a story, and I'm very much intrigued to read the rest of your take on it! (Now that I've read this prologue and become intrigued.)

Great job on this! I hope that Neville shows up in the next chapter or so, because he's a major part of the Hogwarts resistance. :)

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi Mallory! Thanks so much for such a sweet review!

You're totally right, they're not just random glowing objects, they do serve a purpose in the first chapter :P

Xeno wraps them pretty because I figured that it's just who he is. Luna's his princess and even if the paper's ripped, it's the thought that counts, right? I don't know, I just figured since it's the Lovegoods, I better add in some weird quirks.

I'm actually so excited to be writing about this revolution-y world. Because frankly, there must have been tons of super interesting things happening besides the Golden Trio's extended camping trip. And the Hogwarts resistance has always absolutely fascinated me! In real life, I think a lot of revolution starts with the youth, so I see Hogwarts as this hotbed of radical revolution!

Anyway, thanks for the review and I hope to see you in the later chapters!

Stefanie


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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Meets A Girl

22nd July 2015:
Hi J! I'm here for the July BvB!

Okay, so confession: I've read all the chapters of this that are up on the archives. I'm trash for not reviewing, I know, but I promise that I'll review in the coming days! (Starting now, yeah?)

Okay, review: THIS IS SO CUTE!!! I love Next Gen stories, especially ones that go a long way to be different. And this is definitely different. There's no first person narration, for one thing, which is GREAT!! Third person limited is da bomb.

James is totes adorbs as well. I love the way he loves his family, and he isn't some cocky lil' twerp. He's so awesome for tutoring Lucy and her friends, and for being concerned about Fred's ridiculous penchant for rulebreaking, and for trying to work things out to make Molly stop being mad at Victoire. He's the true unproblematic fave in this scenario. :)

The parallelism in this chapter is really great and you write it so well! Every section is just long enough to keep my interest without having too much unnecessary detail or extra stuff. And I can always expect Fred to cause problems, so I always look forward to seeing what he'll get up to in the end. One thing that I would request that you avoid is writing the entire story this way. It can get repetitive, but at this point, it serves as a really cute way to introduce the concept of James always running into this girl and having no idea who she is. So great job on that!

Your sentences are amazing! I always look out for good grammar/spelling/sentence structure, and you've definitely got it! Keep it up. :D

OH! And as for the romantic aspect of this fic: I like the direction that this chapter is going so far. James is only a fourth year, and he's only just seen this girl around. It isn't love at first sight. It isn't hatred that will turn into love. It's just slight curiosity about why this girl is always reading, darn it! And I think that's the way things happen sometimes, so it makes me very happy that you've chosen to write such a realistic sequence of events. (As far as the romance is concerned, anyway. There is nothing realistic about crazy Fred. He needs his own story, I think!)

Brilliant first chapter, and I solemnly swear to come back soon!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Ahhh Mallory thank you so much! Don't worry about not reviewing before now-- I do that al the time. I'm just glad you're reading it at all!

I'm so excited that you think this is different! :D And that you like James so far. He's a cutie.

I'm glad you liked this style! This is how it is/will be for the first 4/5 chapters and then it's going to be different and all over the place (stylistically), so there's something for everyone! (I'm very concerned about it becoming repetitive as well!) And I'm glad you think my sentence structure is on point. :D

And yay I'm so happy that you find it believable/realistic! Thanks so much for an awesome review!

--J


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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Ignorant

20th July 2015:
AAAHHH, I'M SO TERRIBLE I forgot to talk about Scorpius coming out to his parents in my last review. :/ But Ravenclaw has finished reviewing for the HC, so I can take as much time as I want on this review. :D

Yeah, I really hate it for characters when they have to come out to their parents and one or both of them are unaccepting and simply awful to the character. Scorpius definitely doesn't deserve that--he's such a great character in general (he has faults of course, but that's part of what makes him great) and Draco shouldn't allow something like "Malfoy bloodline preservation" to come before his son's happiness. Urgh, that just makes me mad. But I'm glad that Astoria is more accepting. Scorpius needs that anchor of support while his father is busy being Trash King of Garbage Mountain. I have a feeling that, unfortunately, Scorpius will be more focused on his father's bigotry than his mother's support, because that kind of thing can leave a major mark.

But on to this chapter now before I get any angrier.

Ugh, how do I love this chapter? Let me count the ways. Please, I beg of you, update this as soon as you can possibly find the time, because I just don't want this story to end.

The Quidditch match! I love it when it's rainy and thundery outside, so that part fit my current mood perfectly! I liked the descriptions you used for Scorpius's soggy state, although that whole first part of the chapter makes me wonder why he doesn't often wear his glasses, especially not in public.

Of course Albus is in the library, that's how relationships are made, baby!! The information about Scorpius trying to get over Albus is very interesting, especially since it seems to not be working. But after having a crush for so long, it's hard to just deny those feelings and let them go. Even though Scorpius thinks that Albus only sees him as entertainment, as a plaything to rile up whenever he's bored. (Maybe Albus did think that at one time, but things have changed?) The mutual anger that Scorpius and Albus felt for one another over things from the past is so interesting. Albus held on to that one time that Scorpius told him off in second year and allowed it to fuel some kind of odd anger at Scorpius, which gave way to arguments that allowed him to blow off steam because his friends just don't understand him. (Sorry, this is all stuff from previous chapters, but I'm still processing it because I had to write stuff quickly for the HC.)

Ooh, but then the Transfiguration! And Scorpius feeling things for Albus! Oh, my heart! The sudden turns of emotion in this section were really well done--again, they felt like a natural consequence of the events in the chapter, not some out-of-control explosion from nowhere. Scorpius's quick change from passivity and silence to saying something in an aggressive manner was almost startling, but it made a lot of sense. He had Albus in the library in a sort of okay-ish mood, so why shouldn't he make a push to try and talk out this weird thing between them?

“Azid needs to shut his mouth and finish his research on Lacewing Fly hatching locations for our Potions report before I strangle him.”~I loved this line. So typical Scorpius, all concerned about his Potions project, haha. And the stuff that followed after it was absolutely riveting to read. I could feel Scorpius's apprehension as he waited for Albus to reject him, and frustration as Madame Pince shooed them out of the library. (Madame Pince deserves the title of Ultimate Relationship Ruiner, by the way, and I would say a different term, if it were 12+.)

Ooh, and when Scorpius started talking about coming out, I thought that the chapter was going to take a bad turn and become sad/angry again, but yay, it didn't! Albus's coming out story was definitely much more loving, and I still crack up over the Love and Lust Between Two Broomsticks title. The Wizarding World is the ultimate opportunity for jokes like that, haha. (Ooh, wait, I've got Madame Pince's new title: Ultimate Broomstick Blocker. There we go!) It does show a disparity between their circumstances that Albus was annoyed by his parents' overly concerned-ness, but I imagine that something like that could be pretty annoying indeed. It's just that Scorpius doesn't have two parents who loved and accepted him for who he is, so Albus's situation seems more ideal. (I'm guessing Charlie is the ace uncle? I always pictured him as ace, so I like seeing that headcanon in this story!)

So, the Scorbus ship is getting ready to set sail, but it's going to take some time. Albus might not fancy Scorpius right now, but I know that their friendship will be much better than their previous relationship. Ooh, and I really like that Scorpius is very up front about his ignorance and curiosity--because he really doesn't know what Albus has been through, but he can definitely learn. I think friendship will be very good for them, and it makes tons more sense than a romantic relationship just springing up overnight. You do such a wonderful job of writing these situations realistically, and I absolutely love it, even though my shipper's brain is chanting, "Now kiss! Now kiss! Now kiss!" every ten seconds.

I do hope the next chapter is going well for you, and I will keep an eye out for updates!

♥Mallory

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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Aconite

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Oh nooo, the sads! I can't take the sads! :(

It's really clear that Scorpius was so affected by Azid's comment about being "Albus's friend," and that's no way to live. I've been there--every mention of your crush goes straight to your heart, every time your name is mentioned in conjunction with theirs for whatever reason...It's tough, and I really feel for Scorpius. :/ But he plays it off to Oliver like it's no big deal, though I can tell that Oliver knows it is a big deal (as evidenced by his concern for Scorpius at the end of the chapter).

{Side note: Finally, a character who doesn't care about Quidditch! Yay!}

Lily always throws some major shade. Hopefully she'll get over that when she realizes how in love her brother is with Scorpius... (I really don't mean to rush their love, but I can see it coming and I am SO READY.)

Albus reminds me a lot of Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He's so headstrong and independent that sometimes he steamrolls right over people. And that can hurt a lot, especially for Scorpius. (I did really appreciate the sarcastic line about the whispering plants, hahaha.) Oooh, but that is so wrong, Albus "enjoying" arguing with Scorpius, so just picking fights to drive Scorpius up the wall. I mean, if you like arguing, sure, but at least be on civil terms with the guy for most of the time?? I don't know, I can definitely understand why Scorpius feels so awful and I think it was just terrible of Albus to do that to him for five years without any explanation. Hopefully he can realize the error of his ways and be nicer.

Oh no, Scorpius! Poor thing. I got really sad when he started crying. :'( Something must be done about this! I don't like feeling these sad feels. :/

Well, maybe next chapter will be sunnier skies? (You are a feels master. I love how you wrote the anger and the sadness into the story as a natural consequence of the events surrounding it, and not as a display of excess pathos. Brilliant brilliant job.)

Onward!
♥Mallory

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Nothing

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Back again for more Scorbus, yaasss. (Well, to be fair, they aren't Scorbus yet but I can dream, right?) Ooh, and things are getting interesting!

Scorpius is definitely much more realistic about his relationship with Albus than I could ever be. I laughed at the lines where he was like "On the one hand" and he thought about the possibilities of the Quidditch match, and then "the other hand would come up and slap him for being so stupid." That's so clever, and I love it.

Ooh, with Albus and Scorpius yelling--that's no good. And I get that Scorpius was trying to help Albus out like a friend would, but it just created conflict. :/ (Which was necessary to get them into detention together, wink wink, but still, not very good on the become-friends-and-eventually-boyfriends-with-Albus front.)

One thing that I would suggest is that you put a line break or a ~ in between the Herbology scene and the lunch scene. I was a little confused about why Scorpius was squishing a meat pie during Herbology before I figured it out. :)

Ooh, Potions partners! (And tangentially...) I'd like to take a moment to talk about how cool Professors Longbottom and Nott are. Longbottom seems like a tough guy, which is hilarious because I love Neville, but he is never ever portrayed as a tough guy in fanfic. I love that you've reinterpretted his character to be this sort of gruff teacher who really cares about his plants--although I suspect that he's very much nicer when you're one-on-one with him and not disturbing his beloved flora. As for Nott, it makes sense why he would be Scorpius's favorite teacher (this is just an assumption though, I don't think that was explicit) because he teaches Scorpius's favorite subject and seems to be quill pals with Scorpius's mum. (Quill pals like "pen pals," sorry for being weird.) I loved your nod to the cliche of becoming Potions partners and then falling in love, which Nott jokingly suggested.

(Of course, Jia and Rose are going to become Potions partners who fall in love, but it's not the same because their love will go down in history. Right? Anyway, you've still reinterpretted the trope with them, and I love it.)

Azid... Who does he think he is, calling Scorpius out like that?! "Albus's friend?!" Oh, the indignity! Haha, Azid seems cool, though chatty. Hopefully he can shed some light on Albus during Potions partner sessions?

Ah, I've rambled enough in this review, sorry for the weirdness again! I continue to love this story!

♥Mallory

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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Owls

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Ooh, another brilliant chapter from you! I really enjoyed getting to know Scorpius's friends better. Oliver and Jia are really awesome. I love Jia's ability to know languages really well and I envy her for it--I've forgotten all the Spanish I know, and it's only been a year since I've had a Spanish class. So I would definitely want her as a tutor! (And if Oliver wanted her to help him learn languages, why does he complain so much about it? Haha.) And oooh, I am really hoping that Jia and Rose can become a thing. Pretty please? Whenever Scorbus happens in stories, Rose is usually off with some random OC boyfriend. But I like Jia and I want her to be happy. 'Nuf said!

More backstory on Albus and Scorpius, YAS! So Albus hasn't always been blind, but now he is, which has changed him a little. I can definitely understand his anger at the little things--how people might assume that he needs help when he actually doesn't, and that's a frustrating thing to deal with. I think you wrote it very well!

And I really liked it when Scorpius was merely offering companionship on the walk back to their Houses and Albus thought he was trying to "be nice" by offering assistance with finding the staircases and whatnot. Maybe that'll show Albus that Scorpius isn't going to condescend or baby him like the professors seem to have done?

Oooh, and Albus grabbing Scorpius's bicep on the stairs--THESE ARE THE MOMENTS I LIVE FOR OMG. And Scorpius DEFINITELY has a crush and THAT'S SO GREAT I CAN HARDLY STAND IT. Sorry for the yelling. I just feel things sometimes. Anyway, I really think Albus is just playing with Scorpius at this point. There's something on his side of things too, and this chapter has gone a long way to show it. If he doesn't have a crush on Scorpius, he's playing with Scorpius's feelings at this point and while that's not nice, I have no doubt that it'll turn into something very nice in the future!

Onward!
♥Mallory

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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Stinksap

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Whoa, holy cow! New favorite story alert? I think so! This story is something that I didn't know I needed until now, and now that I know it exists, I can't not love it. :)

So you've got a Scorbus with attitude, it would seem! The opening paragraph was just A+++. Scorpius seems so cynical and incredibly...withdrawn, I guess? He's obviously not one for making friends with the Potters and/or Weasleys, that's for sure! Also, I like that you didn't reveal that he was a Ravenclaw until the end of the chapter--that makes his cynicism and academic-seeming-ness all the more fitting. (I don't know, he just seemed quite eruditic, if you know what I mean.)

And the Albus reveal! That explains so much about the bumping into tables and the accidental hitting of the plant. (I mean, the table bumping wasn't an accident--he said it was a joke, so is this Albus a prankster Gryffindor?) Whatever the case may be, Albus is already a really dynamic character, and the fact that he cannot see is not meant to be a pity party or something to make him seem weak. In fact, it's quite the opposite, and I love how you've written a character with a disability into this, because you don't see that very often in fanfic. (NOTE: Please please please correct me if I use the wrong terminology when talking about anything. I don't mean to, and I will endeavour not to do it again.)

Oooh, and Scorpius "feels something" about Albus, according to his lovely friends. Is it love? Is it disgust? Is it apathy? No matter what it is, I am totally here for this as it inevitably turns into Love and Romance. ♥ (With a healthy dose of snarktastic sarcasm, of course!)

A++, you are a rockstar, and I will catch you at the next chapter!
♥Mallory

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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Acquitted: Prologue

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw!

Hi there, you brilliant Hufflepuff! This story looked really interesting, so I decided to stop by and give it a look. :)

Ooh, Victoire and Teddy have always been destined to get married--in my mind, at least. But reading about Victoire without Teddy--or rather, with a Teddy who is no longer on this mortal coil--was really sad and strange. (Strange as in, it's not the norm.) His murder is super mysterious and I really wonder what happened, if Victoire didn't actually do it like she says she didn't. Maybe she was Imperiused?

I'm really wondering about the Wizengamot's process in all of this. The media, of course, made it out like she was going to be guilty, but maybe the Wizengamot knows something that nobody else knows? Did they test Victoire's wand to see if any previous spells were the Memory Charm or something? I guess since Teddy was killed with a knife, she or someone who stole her wand couldn't have done the Killing Curse, but maybe they Summoned the knife?

Anyway, I spent most of the chapter thinking that she was going to be accused of the crime, but imagine my relief when she "wasn't guilty!" However, this is going to be tough for her because she'll have to face the entire Wizarding World's reaction, basically. Poor thing. I really hope to stop back by whenever the next chapter gets posted, because I want to find out what happens to her!

Ooh, and the little mini-flashback sequence of her memories of Teddy were so cute, but so heartbreaking because those memories can never ever be thought of without sadness. Because Teddy isn't there anymore. :/ Ooh, but maybe he isn't dead? Maybe he faked his own death and didn't mean for Vic to get caught in the crossfire?

(I don't know, I just really want him to be alive again.)

Thanks for the great story! Catch ya later!

♥Mallory

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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57Year Five: War Children

15th July 2015:
Hi Roisin! You didn't think I'd forgotten about this story, did you? Eventually, I'll get all of these chapters reviewed, although the Finches helped me out a bit a few months ago. :)

Okay, I have to say before I go into the greater part of the review that I'm looking at this story through an innocent's eyes (well, you knew that already). So I'll try to keep my analysis intelligent, but some of the stuff just makes me feel this awful, aching sadness inside my chest because of the things these kids are going through.

(Also, I'm listening to 90s playlists on 8tracks to set the mood for reading and reviewing this. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is on.)

First, Snape. It seems so strange to me that he would offer a listening ear to his students, but then I remember that he's the Slytherin Head of House, so it was kind of his job. He is really awkward about it, though, listing all those names. I wonder if he had a specific point for doing that, or if he was just being typical Snape. And saying that he "slithered" is such an accurate description of him, so brilliant job on that!

Ooh, and watching Snape touch on potential mental illness was simply painful. It seems so odd coming from him, but I think he most likely suffered from depression himself, so he would know. Ooh, and I could really imagine Tristan's discomfort, especially when Snape mentioned "Longbottom." Remind me--did Tristan have anything to do with the Longbottoms before this point in the story? (Sorry, I have such an awful memory.) Even if he didn't, it seemed weird that Snape would just pluck that name out of a hat. I think he was really trying to get into Tristan's head, and he wasn't even using Legilimency.

Oh no, reading about Tristan from Mary's perspective was just heartbreaking. I think when it's just Tristan, I kind of accept that he is the way he is, like, "oh, Tristan is going through some struggles, this is normal," because the story is usually focused on his thoughts. They've become normal to me, and that is super scary. Looking at it from Mary's perspective though, this isn't normal. Reading about his childhood development was very sad, because I think it would've been terrible for Mary to watch her child stagnate. I'm glad that he caught up, though--he's very smart, but I can imagine that it must've been hard at first. (And if I ever use the wrong terms and/or language to talk about these things in my reviews, please let me know. Again, I'm trying to be conscious of what I'm saying, but I mess up a lot.)

Learning about his name's meaning was eye-opening. It's like his name lends an extra dose of sorrow to his character, like he was destined to have emotional and mental turmoil. Name meanings are important--I should pay more attention to them.

And the Sophie thing was just icing on the (lopsided, stale) cake. His parents didn't need to modify her memory? I don't know, there's just such a disconnect between Tristan and his parents--like the generation gap is even wider because of circumstance and they really just don't understand what he's going through at all.

Especially Eddie. Poor guy, trying to be a good parent, but sooo removed from the situation at hand. And Tristan isn't going to open up, of course not, because he's a teenager and he's ailing and maybe he doesn't even know that he needs help. Aggh, the parent scenes are heartbreaking because of the lack of communication and understanding, and mad props to you for being able to write that so well.

Uh oh, the drugs again. You know how I feel about the drugs. It's still so sad that he keeps descending to new low points. As if the Laurel situation wasn't already bad enough, he's got the knowledge that Sophie was Obliviated unnecessarily, and then her boyfriend was there. It's absolutely awful and scary how he's sinking, and I feel like I can only view him as his parents would--I don't truly understand him, but I get sad because I don't want him to hurt like that.

You've done such a brilliant job so far of characterizing Tristan and his friends, and even though I started reviewing this story a long time ago, I still remember how it was at the beginning. He's come a long way, but it's been mostly downhill. I'm still holding out hope for brighter times to come.

Catch ya later. I think I need a moment to process these feels.

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Yay Mallory!

I'd hoped that there would be enough that was universal in this story that people could read it without having /personal experience/ with all this, or at least write things in such a way that it was accessible. I do hope that worked out!

Snape's convo with Tristan is definitely out of the ordinary, and I hope there will be an AHA moment later ;)

I think you're absolutely right, though, that Snape would have experience with depression. In fact, I'd argue he was pretty depressed all through canon. And it seemed like he had a lot of depression as a teenager too (bad hygiene and self care can be a warning sign).

Heh--I'd hoped for /exactly/ what's happening now! You vaguely remembering something about Longbottom but not remembering /what/!

YES! Mary's perspective, and adult perspectives in general, are designed to kind of pull back from the base-line angst of the story to kind of give a more accurate view of what's going on. None of the kids are really equipped yet to examine everything properly, and all of their individual POV's are slightly unreliable when it comes to interpreting themselves, each other, and what's happening. You've picked it up a lot earlier than other readers that Tristan isn't just a moody kid or an angsty dude, but actually suffering from /depression./ But I had hoped to introduce that in a gentle way, slowly, the way he and others would see it--so yeah, it would seem sort of /normal/.

You're totally fine here about language and terms, no worries :) And I was being sort of intentionally vague and obscure about specifics.

Tristan was the very first name I decided on (and man, the song "Tristan" by Patrick Wolf suits him to a spooky degree--probs cos Wolf was using the same associations as I was)

I honestly can't think of a way around modifying her memory, but I think Tristan has a right to still be angry about it. That was a terrible and traumatic thing to happen to him :(

I really REALLY like his parents, and they really are doing their absolute best--but what should one really DO in this situation? It's difficult and complicated, and they're separated from him for months on end, and yeah, Eddie is sort of out of his element. There might be a better choice of action, but it isn't exactly clear, and not having been around him, they don't know the full extent of the situation.

That bit of drug use was inserted to draw a parallel with what Laurel was doing, to show how bad and dangerous it was. And I'm glad for what you said about not understanding Tristan. Like, he has this pathological fear of being /exposed/, and I don't think he really realizes how much he keeps under his hat, and how much people DON'T see. Like, he thinks others see way more of him than they do, and doesn't recognize the disconnect between how he feels inside and how he appears on the outside. 'Walking enigma' is a BIG part of his character.

Yeah, a lot HAS happened, and you're absolutely right that they've come a long way--but not in a good way :(

I try to vary the amounts of angst in this story, so things lighten up a bit in the next chapter. 'A bit' being the operative word :P

Oh Mallory, thank you SO much for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful and insightful review! It means so much to me that you've still stuck with this story :)

xoxo
Roisin





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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57first: first crush

14th July 2015:
Hello Carla! I'm here again for the BvB Review Battle. :D

For your first OC, you are still doing such a brilliant job with Esme's characterization! She's very realistic, although she certainly seems beyond-her-years in the woes of the world. I think it might be her parents' relationship that makes her seem like such an old soul? Because she's sort of jaded about love because they don't give her the best example? At any rate, I found her to be very relatable, even though there is a good age gap between me and her. :)

Ooh, I liked that you brought back the silver and green theme, too. She should've brought the scarf back, wink wink. But the fact that Al noticed and complimented her on how pretty she looked was just A++. You never usually get guys who will do that without being prompted (or maybe that's just me). But Al is truly lovely, and if I have to see a bad side of him (maybe in the next few chapters or so), I will be sad. He's like a fairy tale prince, but more real.

Okay, that paragraph veered off topic in many directions. Sorry!

The crying at weddings thing confused Al just as much as it confused me. Silly people, crying over someone's happiness! I guess it's sort of a bittersweet moment, getting married, where the person you knew is no longer just by themselves. They have a significant other (who may or may not be their soulmate) and that's such a lovely thought that it almost makes you sad? Or happy tears. I think that works, too. But I think that Esme was crying out of either a presumed obligation to cry at weddings, or a bit of sadness that she doesn't quite believe that true love is real.

Silly girl! She'll learn in time that Al is gonna be her man. *wink wink*

Seriously, I love the way you've characterized them. There are still some questions to be answered--like the reason why Esme is just so not sold on the idea of love. She mentioned her parents, but is there a bigger thing? And Al is so darned sweet. I would just love to see him interacting with his family in this story, just so that I could see the way he reacts to his environment. I've only really seen him through Esme's eyes so far, and she obviously thinks he's pretty great. ;)

Another really great chapter, Carla! I'll definitely be back before too long for the next one. :D

♥Mallory

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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Inanimate Objects: where possible salvation reverts back to impossible salvation

14th July 2015:
omg i am terrible. bellatrix is not a lestrange in this. she's a black. my bad!!!

oh, and i meant to mention in the previous chapter... stranger danger. just how? i talk about stranger danger all the time. it makes me laugh so much, mostly because it rhymes. the fact that tom riddle is such an avid fan of the rules of stranger danger just makes my whole life.

oh my god, karkaroff! such a clock. it's so perfect, because beauty and the beast is french, and the clock is always british, so karkaroff from (bulgaria? romania? i forgot, i am trash) eastern europe fits perfectly as a clock in this. except lucius really contends for biggest drama queen (if you don't count tom) because of his french candelabra senses. it must be because he's french.

i LOVE that bella is going to stick around, not for the romance, but for the independence. her family is pretty gross, to just set her up like tat. it's sort of a comment on the original fairy tale in a way, how the damsels always get the worst end of the deal. dropping the beauty in a castle with some talking objects and a weird beastie thing? no thanks. bella is taking it back and using it to her advantage, as she tends to do. i love this version of her. she's so punk rock.

{i also meant to comment in the last chapter about how great it was that one of your characters said "or anyone of marriageable age," as in, not just damsels in distress. that's part of what makes this oddly archaic setting seem anachronistically modern, which, for the purposes of humor and social commentary-ish-ness, is perfection.}

omg, i had a feeling that the smashed porcelain was a literal thing! hahaha, tom, you weirdo. i lolled so hard because all i could think of was joe walker as voldemort, swanning about and tap dancing and saying "killing people doesn't make them like you; it just makes people dead!". so this version of voldemort, while maybe less lovable than joe walker's version, still holds a special place in my heart. he's such a child. omg.

poor goyle as the wheelbarrow. i feel so sorry for him. maybe he just wants to read poetry and paint pictures of flowers. but he just carts around tom's nonsense all day. :/

OH I ALMOST FORGOT!! THEY HAVE A DARNED BOOK CLUB?!?! DANTE'S INFERNO?!?! WHA? i'll stop screaming now, but i screamed for at least three minutes about the book club thing. "june's required reading two years ago," why is that so hilarious? you are a humor goddess, emily. never stop.

i know i said that waltzing matilda was "the ultimate tumblr fic," but i think that inanimate objects is actually the true ultimate tumblr fic. in the hierarcy, waltzing matilda comes in second to this one because while it has elements of crack, it isn't as bombastic and ridiculous and totally laugh-out-loud outrageous as this one. {that being said, i love them both. in different ways. like one would love one's children in different ways. but these stories are not my children.}

...i ought to stop rambling now. so sorry. this is a lollapalooza and a half, so please update it as soon as you get a chance. i am determined to get first reviewer on every chapter after this one!!

(yay, i actually got first on this one! take that, world!)

♥mallory

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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57Inanimate Objects: where possible salvation is tricked into arriving at the castle

14th July 2015:
hahaHAHAHAHAH, omg i'm dying at this story.

you write crack SO well, seriously, i don't even know what to do now. all other crack fics can cry about how they aren't this story, because this story is the best.

the inanimate objects are just...omg. is nott a pan or an oven? i couldn't really tell there, but it was so hilarious when they were talking about how tom would throw a tantrum... "How everything in his life is pain and misery and smashed porcelain," hahaha, that killed me.

and what is dumbledore's deal?! he's so wise, and yet so foolish! what a goofball! i love him. "aren't you going to ask how to break the spell?" umm, no, because maybe lucius will like being a candelabra?? hahaha, again, it is SO perfect that he gets to be a candlestick.

AND ROOKWOOD IS A TEAKETTLE WHAT. WHERE did you come up with this crazy stuff, and can you teach me? i aspire to these levels of cracky greatness. omg.

you know, i had a feeling it was going to be bellatrix, since she's the only one mad enough to even have the potential to develop feelings for lord moldy-shorts, and when druella and cygnus appeared, i cackled. hahaha, they're so self-serving and stuff. but i mean, at least druella told bella not to eat any peanuts. maybe she cares a little? (it just cracks me up that bellatrix lestrange is allergic to peanuts.)

and the thing about the dungeons! emily, you have ascended to monty python-esque levels of humor. that seems exactly like something the pythons would've done, especially as they have that "spanish inquisition" skit where they gave that grandma a comfy chair as "punishment." so yes, no mattress is definitely much better than pestilence!

i forgot to mention goyle the wheelbarrow earlier, and that is just a tragedy. i can't believe that goyle is a WHEELBARROW. how useful! how brilliant!

okay, and i know i've talked about how i love this crazy crackiness that this fic employs, but here's a further analysis: the random bursts of modern slang, combined with good old pureblood victorian values, combined with certain elements that are just out of place in the story, make this s o o o o h i l a r i o u s. i can't believe that bellatrix lestrange "looks like a punk" but calls her parents "mother and father" and is allergic to peanuts. i can't believe that tom riddle throws temper tantrums over breakfast. i can't believe any of it, and yet, it is all so perfect.

actually, this whole thing reminds me of a combination between monty python and the starkid potter musicals (especially as far as the characters are concerned). of course, these things might have inspired this (i don't really know, though), but they have their own emily twist on them, which is awesome. (and now that i know that this is what your sense of narrative humor looks like, emily, i think i'm even more enamoured with your writing.)

so i'll review the next chapter now, and hopefully i'll be the first? i owe you that much, after you've reviewed al my stuff, pretty much.

♥mallory

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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57Hunter's Moon: Hunter's Moon

13th July 2015:
Hello! I'm quite delighted to get first review on this, because it's a great story and I kind of love it. :)

Wow, this is the kind of Marauders that I like to read. I'm a big fan of Jily and WolfStar, but it's difficult for me to find a Marauders era story that I can stick with for any length of time. There are so many things that can go wrong when writing Marauders, things that don't ring true with the characters, things that end up being bombastic and completely nonsensical.

This story had none of those things. The characters were so lovely, and they were so close to canon. Like, I want this to be canon.

Lily-She's beauty, she's grace, she's aloof and James can't stand it. It is fitting that she would have her reservations about James as Head Boy, and the bit of open hostility that she showed him after that Prefect's meeting was really well done. She's not a delicate flower, but she isn't the stereotypical redhead with a fiery temper whose favorite pastime is picking fights with James. She's wonderful, and I love her.

Remus-Um...perfect? When he was discussing how he could never have a wife and kids and he was so annoyed with Sirius... Oh man, that was a feelsy moment. However, I detected a bit of WolfStar in that, because he was a little too angry about Sirius flirting with those girls to only claim a headache. But I don't want to assume WolfStar if that's not what you had in mind, so I'll leave it at that for now. Remus is so incredible in this because his concerns in canon really show through here without being melodramatic. It's incredible how you managed to find that balance with him!

Peter-A PETER THAT'S ACTUALLY PRESENT, OMG!! I'm sure you know all too well about the unfortunate amnesia that some authors seem to have about the Pettigrew boy, and I'm really not okay with it. Your version of Peter was brilliant--able to quip and joke with his friends, but in a lesser way. He was truly "in" the Marauders, not just a towel boy or something, but he was not quite as smart as Remus or as dashing as Sirius or as obnoxious as James (well, when James was obnoxious circa fifth year or so). So he gets sidelined a lot, and I'm just so happy that you didn't sideline him for this story!

Sirius-Oh my goodness, how perfect. I know I keep saying that, but you've just taken JK's version of these characters and expanded them in the best way possible. He's such a ridiculous character in general, expecting James to entertain him, wanting to pull pranks and sneak out to Hogsmeade. I almost suspect that he knew about how annoyed Remus was about those girls and did it just to further annoy him. Don't get me wrong, I love Sirius Black, but he's kind of a pain sometimes. You really did that part of his character justice. :)

James-Just...yes. He's brilliant. I love him. The conflict between him and Lily, the way he says he's moved on (when maybe he thought he had, but he obviously hasn't), the way he tries to make amends with her. Oh yes, it's all beautiful. And he's so loyal to his friends, especially at the end when he leaves the Feast to spend Halloween with his friends. (By the way, poor Remus for having to spend the last Halloween of his school career howling at the moon.) I love that he finally managed to get Lily to talk to him, but he wasn't overbearing or pushy about it, as so many stories portray him. If he's truly undergone character growth, shouldn't he be past the "I'm the best Quidditch player at Hogwarts so Evans would love to go out with me" stage? Yes, I think so. *sigh* I just love all of them.

This quote: She rolled her eyes. “And when did you become such an authority on broken hearts?”

“Since I met you.”


JUST BREAK ME, WHY DON'T YOU?!?! Arggghh, that was just such a volatile moment, and there are feelings and I just can't handle them... Oh my. It was beautiful. Please say that you're writing more Marauders (or have written some in the past--I must check out your AP because you've written quite a few things!). I need more of your Marauders.

The subtle bits of humor, especially in the end, almost helped me get over the aforementioned moment. Especially the dancing pumpkins. :) That being said, I did like that his loyalty was to his friends first. Love--and Lily--can wait, because they're OTP and that's bound to happen soon. (Again, do you have any plans for a continuation of this so that I can see the moment when Jily finally happens? It would be beautiful, I'm sure.) I loved the way you described the friendship that the boys have built up over the years, and while none of them are without their faults, they are better together than they are apart.

Thank you so much for writing this masterpiece. And please don't be a stranger to HPFF. Your work is lovely, and I want to read more from you very soon!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi there!

First of all, thanks so much for this review. I read it today and smiled a lot. It was a bright spot through a pretty rough day.

Thank you for all the sweet things you said with regards to characterization. I'm fairly picky to what I read when it comes to this era myself. Jily was once my OTP, and after I saturated myself with the pairing, I realized there were a lot of tropes that the fandom's somehow adopted. Like you said, perpetually angry Lily, jerkface James, and the mysteriously never there Peter Pettigrew tropes are once I've definitely tried to avoid. I tried to keep James a bit of a jerk; I don't think his transformation ended with him turning into a saint, but he's still charming, irreverent, funny, and attractive (I hope). Once I figured James out, the other three sprung to life pretty easily.

As for your mentions of WolfStar, I'll admit I don't really ship them (I shipped Remus with Tonks, and Sirius with an OC, and also with nobody), but I have no qualms about my readers interpreting it that way. Read it as WolfStar if you like--it can absolutely be WolfStar if you want. There are small traces of lots of Marauders ships in this one-shot: Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Snape/Lily, Peter/OC, and even Sirius/Lily. I've read all of these ships and they're all a big part of Marauders fanon, so it was fun alluding to them in one way or another :)

I have indeed written quite a lot--a consequence of being on HPFF for 6 whole years. :) If you don't mind reading more of my writing, I'll be happy to list those on my author's page that were either set in the Marauder's era or featured those characters. My personal favorite is 'Amaranthine', which I think you may enjoy because it's entirely a Jily story. It's much more somber than this story as it tracks the months before their death, and since it was written about 4 years before this story, the characterizations are a bit different. If you want to see more of Remus or Sirius, I have a one-shot called 'The Passing', which chronicles their reunion after Sirius breaks out of Azkaban. It certainly also has some WolfStar potential, I'd wager. I have three other stories that are set in this era: 'The Enemy of My Enemy' is sort of my interpretation of female Marauders and closely matches the tone/humor of this story; 'Nocturne' is a Snape/Lily ficlet with some of Snape's musings; 'Full Bloom' follows Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy through the first wizarding war to give some opposite perspective of what the war may have been like. Sorry for listing out all my stories--I hadn't really thought of how many there were until I saw it all typed out!

Again, thank you so much for this incredibly kind review. I'm very grateful for readers like you. I revisit reviews like this in times of doubt or anxiety. And I promise, I'm never a stranger to HPFF for long--it's been my writing home and will be for as long as its doors are open. Thanks again :)





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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57Waltzing Matilda: Chapter One

12th July 2015:
oh my goodness, this chapter made me lol more than the first one (which wasn't very lol-ish, but it had its moments)

BY THE BYE, FIRST REVIEWER HERE! EVERYONE ELSE CAN GO HOME (or just review some more because this is awesome)

Rose is just as delightfully awkward as I didn't expect her to be. (To explain--I didn't expect her to be delightfully awkward. She's always so knowledgeable in fanfic, it's like she was born at the Fount of Knowledge and ate Knowledge Bran for breakfast every morning.) But here, she doesn't know a darned thing about Muggles (or doesn't seem to, anyway), and that's hilarious! She can't be all pretentious and tell Al and Scorp what to do, because she doesn't know, either! Haha, so great!

I could really see the crack! aspects coming out as Rose spat out the coffee, and then that darned intern... What's his name? I'm going to cal him Gilligan for now. So Gilligan is obviously meant to be a total weirdo and maybe a receptacle for all of the hilarity that ensues when two hilarious people write a collab? He's definitely not doing his job right, if he wants to be all total drama spy about things. I could just imagine him skipping through the plane, Obliviating people, much like Little Bunny Foo Foo hopped through the forest and bopped all the field mice on the head. (What even was that comparison? I don't know, but that's the image I got.)

Wow, that security official was a jerk. Drinking gross coffee like that? Ugh, man, give me a break. And can we talk about how Rose and Scorpius got in trouble for "talking about bombs" in an airport? Airport security for the win! Better safe than sorry, right?

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: GHOST JUICE--Will you be making this into a movie after you finish this collab? I haven't seen the other Paranormal Activities, but I would like to see one about juice. Is it guava flavored juice? Don't leave me in suspense on this!

Ahaha, Rose is not subtle at all. She notices Scorpius crying and "tactfully doesn't mention it," but then is like "haha, I saw you crying and didn't mention it, aren't I the best?". Oh yes, Rose. You're the best at not being subtle. Good job. :)

KANGAROOS!! OMG, do they have a kangaroo farm at CCSM?! Do they just harvest the kangaroo eggs and eat them for breakfast? (I'm just kidding, I'm smart enough to know that kangaroos don't lay eggs... I think.) I must know more about these 500 kangaroos, and therefore, you must post another chapter soon!

cookies and hugs for writing this awesomely goofy story!
♥Mallory

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