Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
848 Reviews Found

Review #26, by UnluckyStar57The Twelve Days of Christmas: Molly

16th February 2016:
Hi there, Stefanie! I'm here for the Bvb. :)

I decided to review this chapter because Victoire obviously has the most reviews, seeing as she's the first, and Roxy has quite a few as well. And let's be honest, if there was a Buzzfeed personality quiz on "Which Stereotypical Next Generation Harry Potter Character Are You?", I would be the goody-goody Prefect version of Molly II, which is such a common characterization of her. So I guess you could say that she's one of my favorites. :P

However! I love that you've taken Molly and run with a different angle here. She's drunk!Molly, not rule-following!Molly, and that's really fun and different. I wonder if she's as wild around her parents? Percy would have a heart attack!

Another thing that is typical of Molly II is that she has few friends. Laura is the perfect friend for Molly in this story, and you've given her some great personality as well! She isn't just a fill-in character. I'm curious to know what the knickers story was about...Hmmm...But there's probably enough context there for me to guess. :D

Hahaha, the Weird Sisters doing a Christmas special in 2023?? That's so crazy and wonderful. It seems very Love, Actually to me, which I like a lot, and the fact that they don't get along (even on live television) is even better! Your depictions of them were hilarious yet concise--it's really hard to get at the character of someone when you're doing it in a short space, but you chose some really good phrases and descriptions to get the job done!

I especially loved this one: “Merton Graves hates his life, hates the holidays, and definitely hates the rest of the band,” Molly laughed. “A drink in his honour. For the long, glorious hair he used to have and for the good looks that did not follow him into his midlife crisis.”

Hahaha, I laughed a bit, and I'm sitting in a public area, whoops!

Ooh, and that's another way you accomplished characterizing the Weird Sisters--using Molly and Laura to describe them! I really appreciated that you did that, because it was so natural in the flow of the story!

A bit of a suggestion I have for this is for the second paragraph. Because Laura is the one telling the story and then you have Molly howling at it after that, it seems like Molly is the one telling the story. Unless she IS the one telling the story, in which case you can ignore me! But to clear up confusion, I would add a quick "Laura finished her story" or something after that.

I really loved reading this--and I also enjoyed Roxy and Vicky's stories, which I read before I read this one. It's so awesome how you accomplished this great friendship scene in not a whole bunch of words, and it felt complete and was humorous to boot! Honestly, I feel kind of bad for the Weird Sisters, but I guess they brought it on themselves, haha.


Author's Response: Hello Mallory!

Thanks so much for this wonderful review!

I didn't want to fall into too many stereotypes with the next-gen characters in this story. But I think Molly (and Fred) might be the biggest departure from the usual.

Percy would have a heart attack. His daughter is wild! I also picture Lucy as a little wild, so he'd definitely be having a heart attack over the both of them!

I honestly didn't come up with any background for the knickers story. I just threw together some words that sounded funny together and turned them into some dialogue. Maybe I'll figure out what the story is someday :P

This whole collection is a little bit inspired by Love Actually. Not any of the plot points, but the whole idea of separate storylines that kind of intersect a little bit and all come together in a wonky way at the end.

I loved writing the Weird Sisters. I sort of picture all of them in my head as looking a bit like Mick Jagger.

So glad to have made you laugh with this one! The beginning is a little unclear as to who is telling the story. I meant it to be Molly, but I can see where the confusion is. I'll definitely fix that asap!

Thanks again for the wonderful review!!


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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Ignotia: Ignotia

15th February 2016:
LAURA! I'm here for the BvB, but why oh why didn't I come read this sooner?!

Okay, so you basically live in the Victorian era, and I love it so much. Seriously, all of your stories seem to evoke all of the weird Victorian ideals and thoughts, and this one definitely takes the cake, since it takes place right at the end of Victoria's reign.

And oh my gosh Bathilda Bagshot as a single lady who loves ladies there is nothing that I don't love about this, which is to say that HEADCANON ACCEPTED.

Wow, let me just go off on a tangent here for a minute: Bathilda is such a strong narrator, and you as an author are so incredible with descriptions. So Bathilda-in-awe-of-Livia is so vivid. I very much love the colors that Bathilda describes Livia with--and she sounds so very pretty. Of course, I'm sure that's all biased because of the first person narration, but still, I loved the little glimpses of Livia because those were the ones that really screamed how Bathilda felt.

This sentence: For my family, one such secret was mine: that like all good lady academics do, I will not marry nor have children, and that, truthfully, I do not want to. Silk is much softer than marble, after all, and beauty appeals more to me than handsomeness.

I am dead because of its perfection. Like, you describe ordinary things in such magical ways--and come to find out, the word "lesbian" wasn't used until around 1890, which makes the sentences that I quoted above absolutely brilliant. Very poetic and beautiful way to describe same-sex attraction. I'm still freaking out about it.

Also, I really admire the structure of this piece. The leaps in time that it takes leave plenty of room for imagination, and wondering about what could've happened in between the gaps. I think I need to reread it to put all of the elements together, but I wanted to get all of these thoughts out first. Every new installment seems to flow organically--even though they were found in a sort of "scattered" formation--and each one comments on the other really interestingly. The relationship that develops between Bathilda and Livia is so heartbreaking because you just know it's going to end, but you don't know why. And then at the end, the fact that Livia was with Elladora the entire time...Whoa. (Please correct me if I'm oversimplifying!) But anyway, in relation to form, the Bathilda-Livia thing sort of loops around and backtracks sometimes, leaving only the forecasts of an older, wiser Bathilda to cast doubt on it.

AND I LOVE THE COMMENTARY ON GENDER BIAS WOW. Bathilda's trying to get this cutting-edge article published, but Victorian Values say NO BE QUIET. The Wizarding World is arguably shaped by the Muggle one, and this time period is no exception. All that "weird" stuff--like Oscar Wilde--either becomes a public spectacle or gets kept under heavy wraps. The Felix Summerbee case interests me very much--have you written about him? He reminds me of Oscar Wilde a little, though I don't know enough about Wilde's personal history to say whether or not he was directly inspired by him. Anyway, you know I love the Victorians, even though I don't know much about them, but I could definitely do with less of their prudishness about sexuality and stuff. You did a brilliant job of highlighting the Victorian mindset while also not beating it to death--it was balanced perfectly with Bathilda's personal story.

Speaking of, this story masquerades under the fiction that it's about someone else's life, but of course I preferred learning more about Bathilda. She's the one who's telling the story after all, and as a character she figures much more into the plot than she would have you believe. Tricky, tricky. :)

And man, what an ending. "As the author died before the project reached completion," geez. And then it just stops in mid-sentence. I wonder if she was working on this when Voldemort came to visit?

Thanks for writing this brilliant story. I know my review can't do it justice, but (in case you couldn't tell) I loved it a whole bunch.


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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57Sweet Disposition: oh, reckless abandon

14th February 2016:
HI YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU WROTE THIS STORY AND I REREAD THIS CHAPTER SO THAT I COULD REVIEW IT NOW. *ahem* But I'm really excited to read chapter two, so I'll just get on with the review, yeah?

First of all, I am totally proud of you for writing something based off of your own experiences. That can be super hard to do, especially since you've shared it where lots of people will read it and think about it, but it's also incredibly valuable. Asexual representation for the win!!

Second of all, I have to say that I also identify a lot with Rose. It took me a while to realize it, but I'm ace too. And kissing--especially when it isn't necessarily the right person--can just feel very...moist. Lol, I basically went through this chapter muttering "me, me, same, me," etc under my breath. Again, I'm really super excited that you wrote this!!

Aahh, now for the beginning! I love the opening about Rose thinking about what her first kiss will be like. It never is like the movies, is it? It's so powerful that you stripped away the cinematic conventions of first kisses and made it happen so awkwardly between Rose and Logan. Because that's how first kisses usually happen, and even though they were at a Quidditch party, that didn't turn it into one of those alcohol-fueled ecstatic moments that tends to happen so often. Ooh, and ouch, I hate that Logan went for the tongue on the first time out. Ick, it's just like licking two frogs, and people do it for fun? No, I'm sorry, I still can't do French-kissing.

Man, poor Rose, being a fourth year and feeling sort of left out that she hasn't had a boyfriend before. The whole dating scene is such a complicated mess, and just because your friends (or sister, in my case) are navigating it with such ease doesn't mean that you have to know all the rules. It's so interesting that Rose was relying on tips from her friends to help her flirt with Logan, which feel unnatural to her because they sort of are unnatural in some ways. I really anticipate watching her come into her own and start realizing that she doesn't have to do exactly what everybody else does.

"That looks like...a mouth." Omg, I love it! The facial features are usually so played-up, like "his plump, kissable lips" and "his eyes were fires that fueled her flame" and all of those sordid descriptions that I giggle about. I mean, you do such a great job of showing this different perspective on romance and dating--after all, mouths are sometimes just mouths and tongues don't work miracles.

No Rose baby, there's nothing wrong with you. Nobody blames you for wanting your boo to keep his slobber to himself. ♥ (You must think I'm crazy.)

Hah, I love how this runs parallel with M4S and James being his usual family-saving self. :D This also shows that Logan isn't necessarily a bad boyfriend, he just doesn't know that Rose doesn't like all the slobber and stuff. Common misconception.

Oh, one bit of CC that I should've mentioned earlier: At the beginning of the party scene, Logan's name isn't really mentioned at all until later, but I think that he could be mentioned slightly earlier. And maybe how they met and/or started flirting? Unless you're saving that for a later chapter, then ignore all this waffle. :)

Ooh, that confrontation with Scorpius gives me LIFE. It's so cool that Rose is a Slytherin and Scorp's a Ravenclaw--I feel like that's a rarer Sorting for this pair. And so they have their little exchange of words and stuff, and I love getting all of Rose's thoughts about how she feels like she understands Scorpius, even though all they do is antagonize each other. Ooh, and Scorpius is really hitting on Rose's insecurities when he brings her relationship under question. Ouch.

And still, there are those grey eyes that pop up in Rose's dreams that aren't Logan's... Hmm, I wonder whose they could be? ;)

Seriously, amazing job with this first chapter, but I really want to go read chapter two now. My inner child is getting impatient!


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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57Firewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots: Firewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots

13th February 2016:
Hi! I'm here for our swap. :)

I really love Jily in any form or fashion, but unfortunately, I'm always quite uneasy about smut. It isn't really my favorite thing to read because some of it can be pretty...descriptive. However! I really enjoyed reading this one because it was about way more than just the smut! So thank you so much for putting in a little more substance!

For instance, I really love the way Lily was so angry at Petunia and everything. That is an awesome excuse to get her back to the magical world for a drink--she's feeling really crappy about her family and only magical alcohol can help. I also like that she talked about it, at least a little, with Sirius and James. Even though they don't seem like they're great friends with her, they're still willing to listen to her.

Though I kinda wanted to punch Sirius for his comment about Lily's chest, tbh. #rude

Lol, anyways, your descriptions of things were very well done! I especially loved the names of the various shots--Dragonbreath sounds like a really scary one! And it was really cool that as Lily starts to get tipsier, she starts to notice small details James's arms. ;)

As far as the smut part, I don't read smut so I'm not the best judge of it. However! I again really appreciate that it is just a small moment between them--and yet one that means so much more in the grand scheme of their relationship. So that definitely continues the theme of this story being about more than just the hooking up, which is really awesome!

Ooh, they aren't going to come into this relationship easily, are they? In some ways, I hate it for them because they're just making things unnecessarily complicated (because they're drunk and overdramatic anyway), but in other ways, I love it. This is no fluffy happy ending story, and I think you were also more able to explore that through the smut genre. Relationships are more than just flowers and chocolate--sometimes they're complicated by darker things, like having drunken trysts in a back alley with a guy you thought you didn't like. They're not just going to move on from this--it's going to be so painfully awkward, and that is just beautiful. So brilliant job on writing these complicated things!

Also, this all happened after James got into a brawl about another woman with that woman's boyfriend. Whoa. It's good to know that James has interests outside of Lily, and that he's obviously trying to get over her (without much success), but oh man, this is one of those "shoulda looked before you leaped" scenarios. I hope that Sirius and Tom can get things settled down okay!

Wow, this is really such a sad ending. I keep forgetting to mention how much I loved that James said that he has to get over Lily every time she smiles. Like, that's a bit of a cliche but it totally works in the context? And Jily is all about the cliches, which is part of why I am trash for this ship. So it isn't a bad thing, I promise! I loved it, probably more than I loved the smutty parts. :)

And yeah, Lily isn't going to get over James. They're meant to be together. She just doesn't know it yet! Hopefully they can run into each other again and keep talking things out so that they can just decide to stop being stupid and date already. But I mean, in fanfiction the pre-relationship part is always the best if you want sexual tension in your story. And the sexual tension after they hooked up was incredibly powerful. It was like a separate character almost. :D

I wanted to close this review with saying that I really admire you for going out on a limb and writing smut! Like I said, I wouldn't know where to begin with that, and you wrote this so well! I'm very happy that this story was so enjoyable and interesting to read--you did a really great job on it.

Thanks again for the swap!


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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57Philosophical Phenoms: The First Meeting

10th February 2016:
J!!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WROTE THIS BEAUTIFUL THING FOR ME! ♥ You are way too sweet, my dear. :)

Okay, so from the beginning:

YES @ your personification of the furniture in the classroom. I LOVE it when inanimate objects get personified, because you can be just as ridiculous as you want. And those desks are quite petulant and old! Hahahaha, "low levels of animosity" from the desks--I need a story from their perspective now, lol.

OMG! I love that James is the first one to show up, because you know that he's only there to see Lily. But I hope he learns something about philosophy in the process, because that'll give them things to talk about. ;) This incarnation of James seems to be somewhat friendly with Lily, which, given their seventh year Head Prefect status, makes sense. However! I wonder how they came to be so chummy? What made it happen? Did James encourage Lily to pursue her ambition of starting a philosophy club? If so, CUTE! If not, I MUST know what happened between them to make them so chill! And Lily is all giggly and blush-y, and wow, I am trash for this story.

Ugh, the Ravenclaw girls are super obnoxious, and it makes me think that you've run into this type of person in one of your philosophy classes, for some reason. I hate that they smirked at Leopold's Hufflepuff colors and automatically write him off as dumb. I hope that if you continue this story (*wink wink*), the girlies mellow out a little. Cuz seriously, they need to chill.

Also, you know what would be great for their next meeting? Regulus Black shows up. That moody little Snake seems like he'd be a philosopher, and maybe the philosophy sessions would sort of influence him to betray the Dark Lord in the end? Again, *wink wink*

But back to the philosophy! Wow, I am almost too dumb to understand this stuff they're talking about! I have a feeling that my contribution to discussions of philosophy would be much the same as Leopold's, unfortunately. But listen, even though I didn't know much about philosophy at first, I love that this story taught me some things! You did SUCH an excellent job of framing the discussion with the question about the ethics of the Statute of Secrecy, and then using various Wizard and Muggle philosophers to guide the discussion! That's just wicked cool, man.

Also, subtle!Jily is the best Jily! I love the image of James pointing his finger up in the air and yelling "Objection!", and obviously Lily thinks that's kind of cute as well. They're totally in skinny love right now, let's be real. Agghh, I just can't get over how well the subtlety of the ship was woven into this! It's definitely not time for the kissy-kissy-smoochy-smoochy, but using this to set that up will make the payoff even greater. :D

The name "Leopold Blossom" reminds me of Leopold Bloom, a character in The Producers aaannnddd incidentally, protagonist of James Joyce's Ulysses. (I've never read Ulysses, which is why The Producers thought came to my brain first.) Any chance that our Hufflepuff was named after either of those? And is Ulysses a book that you like? Would you recommend it??

Aristotle should've totally branded himself thusly: "Aristotle: so solid, but so sketchy." What a Greek!

Arggh, I just love how funny this was, without telling jokes outright! It's so well done, and I'm very impressed that you were able to write this so quickly!

And you know I'm a sucker for that last scene. A promise of Philosophy Club meetings in the future? I think YES! And omg, "Anything for you, Evans." Jesus, why is this ship so incredible???

Okay, in summary: This is the first time that anyone has ever written me a fic specifically for my birthday, and I am still absolutely indebted to you for doing this for me. Also, I am SO PROUD that you wrote about philosophy, because you wrote it so wonderfully! Like, I would imagine that philosophy would be hard for me to understand, but the way you wrote it in the fic was really explanatory and made sense! I love that! And also, I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE BACK AND WRITING ALL THIS NEW STUFF!! You're seriously one of my faves, dear. Never ever stop writing, and please forgive me if I bug you periodically for more philosophy!Jily. (And more of your other stories too, which are all delightful.)

Anyway, I should probably go to class now. I skipped my first one because I felt that I deserved to be a Birthday Delinquent for once in my life. :P


Author's Response: Mallory, thank you so much for this wonderful wonderful review! You are such a great reader and I always love hearing your thoughts. You pick up on everything!! And happy birthday! :) Really, your birthday was the motivation I needed to finally just write this out. (It's been floating around my mind ever since you first mentioned writing a philosophy class fic.)

Ah I'm so glad you liked the desks! When I started writing, that just kinda came out, haha. But I liked the contrast of Lily's energy/excitement and them being like "leave us alone." Haha maybe there should be a fic from their perspective...

James!! He definitely learns some stuff and I'm sure they'll have tons of James II/Anna-esque philosophical conversations. Or maybe not, but he's trying! :) The more I think about it, the more I think I'm going to have to turn this into a short story collection, so we can see more about this Jily camaraderie there. (This review has lowkey inspired my ideas about their history, so thanks for that. :D)

Fun story: I am actually one of the co-founders (kinda) of the philosophy club at my university and there are these two kids in the club who DOMINATE the group chat with all of this stuff where they know EVERYTHING and we're all just like...what?? So I think I was lowkey channelling that, but I think the Ravenclaws will mellow over time! :) (I actually have some ridiculous stories of my own about my Philosophy Club, so maybe some chapters will be inspired by that...)

omg I am SO HERE for Regulus to come!! That would be great! Ugh, Mallory, I don't need MORE THINGS TO WRITE STOP IT (just kidding this is so happening and I've accepted it at this point)

Ahh I'm glad you like the discussion! I think I pushed the boundaries of what these random kids would actually know because I was heavily leaning on an Ethics class I took last semester, but I'm really excited that you learned something from it! I love talking about philosophy so if you ever have any questions hit me up. :) And Leopold doesn't make bad contributions! (well, except that one time...)

Yay subtle!Jily is so fun to write! Especially after the hitting-you-over-the-head obviousness of SOTP!Jily. They're totally in skinny love, and Lily is so close to being far gone, and it's wonderful. Also James is just the best to write, let's be real. Ugh I need to keep writing this story and have more fun with them...

Nothing gets past you!! I've been having a lot of fun with names in fic lately (like WAY too much fun) and I was looking at lists of names and saw Leopold and then was like...of course it's going to be a Leopold Bloom reference. I haven't read Ulysses (yet), but I love James Joyce and I intend to! Someday I'll probably look back on this story and be like "wow J you're so off" but that day has not yet come.

Haha I love Aristotle but he's also ridiculously sketchy!! I'm pretty sure that he believes that slaves are like inherently inferior people...that's not cool. But then sometimes he's on point. Oh philosophers, never being 100% solid.

Ahh I'm glad you found it funny too! I thought I was being hysterical but then I'm really easily amused, especially by philosophy. I wrote it in like 2 hours, starting at 11pm, so that's why parts of it are awkward. I may go back and clean it up but we'll see. :)

I was like FREAKING OUT when I was making James be so nice and sweet and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH MALLORY THEY'RE THE BEST BUT ALSO THE WORST AHHH

Thank you again for being a great person!! You've really helped me enjoy HPFF and get back on and it's always wonderful to read your comments. I'll definitely be coming back to this someday, but we'll have to see when because I have 8 million things I'm working on these days. Thanks so much for your encouragement :)

You totally deserve to be a Birthday Delinquent! I hope you had a not too bad day. :P

Thanks again for this wonderful review!! :)


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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Azkaban: Firestorm

21st January 2016:

Do you KNOW how much I love Chicago?!?! The answer is: very very much. I wish I could be in the musical, but alas, I cannot sing, dance, or act.


LOVE that you've cast Scorpius in the Billy Flynn role. He's just perf because A) he could conceivably be a bit of a skeaze, B) he's got money and cunning, and C) that hair. Obviously he's a younger guy than Billy, but that doesn't mean he can't be an awful flirt and a great (if crooked) defense lawyer.

Ooh, LILY surprised me! I definitely thought it was going to be Rose, you know, because of the Scorose thing that happens sometimes in fanfiction. But Lily is a nice change, especially since Chicago is certainly NOT a romance! I like the idea of Lily as the Roxie character--just so fed up of not getting attention because her parents "hog" the spotlight. Also, I can never decide if Roxie is a psychopath or not, so I look forward to finding out more about Lily, and if she's a psychopath or not.

Oh! I also wanted to mention that I appreciate that you're doing the songs out of order. For the conventions of the musical, it's easier to do things chronologically with Roxie's storyline, but in fic you can do anything! But not gonna lie, I'm super looking forward to the "Cell Block Tango" chapter. #favesongEVER

More things I love: this story seems to take the conventions of Chicago and use them to their fullest advantage without just simply being a reincarnation of Chicago itself; you've got War Repercussions tied up in the inmates themselves, with MacNair's daughter and Lily living in the very different shadows of their parents; and Scorpius is characterized so well by Antoinette's line about getting charged for exchanging pleasantries.

So sorry, but I can't find anything I don't like in this chapter. Please please please update this as soon as you get a chance, because I just love it to pieces!


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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57Time For Bed: Getting Ready

21st January 2016:
Yay! I found a fluffy one! :D :D :D

Ironically, it's about sleeping habits. I hope that Neville doesn't have any Bellatrix Lestrange nightmares. :/

Haha, of course he would be super nervous about his first day as Herbology professor. He did sound like quite the little robot in his speech, but I think once he settles into the job he'll be great with his students. Hannah's right. The kids might even ask him to tell stories about his "glory days."

Hannah was definitely perfect. I love how reassuring she is, even though she's obviously had to reassure Neville a million times. She's got that Hufflepuff patience, yo. (And I feel like this version of Hannah totally calls most of the shots in the relationship, which I like, because Neville's so darn awkward {and adorable}.)

One sentence I wasn't sure about was this one: "Hannah said, her voice rising and falling with the different words."

I don't think you need to tell the reader that Hannah's voice was rising and falling, because voices do that in general. And I know the kind of vibe you were going for--like, she was calming him down, so her tone was soft and probably whispery in places. But you don't have to say that. I felt like it was implied by her actual dialogue. The words she said are great and strong because you can immediately understand them for what they are. I think in this case, you can let them speak (haha) for themselves.

Ah yes, the mundanity of a bedtime routine--magick-ified! I loved all the magic touches that you added with the toothpaste cap and the floss--even though the floss thing was a little creepy because ew blod... (Sorry, a bit squeamish about teeth in general, lol.) Anyway, squeamishness aside, you did a really great job adding these touches of magic to really separate Neville's bedtime routine from a general Muggle routine. And yet, you still preserved the whole "I can relate to that!" quality of the routine--first day of school jitters, disgust at bleeding gums, reluctance to clean up the bathroom...

And my favorite: the ending. I am all for characters snuggling after a long day. Neville and Hannah are just so cute, and the best part about this version of them is that you didn't waste a bunch of words telling me how cute they are. You're really good at that--leaving a certain impression of characters without being too verbose in the description. Anyway, reading about Hannah and Neville just sort of makes me miss my boyfriend, who's in Spain for the semester, booo... That's both a good and bad thing, because while your writing made an emotional, relatable connection for me, it also gave me the feelz.

Alas. :')

See you at the next story!


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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57Retribution: Capture

21st January 2016:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm glad to be swapping with you!

Wow, the Everybody's Got a Dark Side challenge is a very appropriate one for Bella Lestrange. Phew, I think I need a moment after reading that! I mean, you definitely had no trouble making her evil, but still, that takes a lot of gumption to write about in such a descriptive way, omg.

So...Tedromeda is one of my favorite not-often-written-about couples, and I almost love them so much that it's hard to separate myself from the "No don't hurt my precious babies!" feelings. But I'll try.

First of all, Bellatrix is absolutely consumed by this pureblood ideology. She lives it, breathes it, and practices it. Her wrath was visceral, like I could feel it as she was storming up to catch her sister in the act of betrayal.

Second of all, since Bellatrix is the protagonist of this story, there is direct access to her mind, which is as scary as it seems in canon. You've got her canon mindset so clear here that I am super glad that JKR didn't write any "Bella Lestrange POVs" in the series. Even at Hogwarts, even as a student, even as a sister, she is filled with this bigotry and obviously releases her pent up vengeance on the regular. Just not normally at her sister...

I wonder what their relationship was like before this scene? If they ever had anything in common, or if Andromeda was just wired differently from the rest of her family from the get-go? It's just so awful that Bella would use Unforgivables on her own family before they even got out of Hogwarts, just because of Ted. Arrggghhh, it makes sense but I just hate it!

Here lies the Black family, crazy and hateful. I do like that you really focused on this breaking point, the point of no return for them. I'm assuming that Narcissa heard rumors about Ted and Andromeda, and then told Bella, which obviously set things off. I like that you started after that part, jumping straight to the action and Bella's obvious rage.

Poor Narcissa, caught in the middle. That echoes her role in adulthood very nicely, and maybe she was thinking of her estranged (not Lestrange, haha) sister as well as her child when she lied about Harry's death.

Geez, I was expecting Bella to throw a curse at McGonagall for a minute! Thank Merlin she didn't! McGonagall could go forty rounds with her and not even bat an eyelash. :)

The only real CC I have is just to look back over your sentence structure a little bit. There are a few sentences that don't quite live up to the furious rage of the others because they're not phrased as tightly. But just a suggestion!

Really, I'm glad I started with this one on your AP! I hope that I can maybe find something sweeter to take away my Bellatrix Lestrange nightmares?


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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Colombiana: Chapter One

21st January 2016:
Hi again, Vicki! Glad I could come back for this round of BvB!

Yesss, I love reading about Daphne's life before she met Tristan in South America. I can totally sympathize with her feelings about Astoria, as I have a younger sister who gets on my nerves like that. :)

The way you contrasted Daphne's commutes to and from work was really nice. The hustle and bustle of the morning versus the stillness of the afternoon--I like it! Little does she know that she's about to enter a crazy world that doesn't have that kind of routine normalcy...

Dempster Wiggleswade?! Such an unfortunate name for such an unfortunate person! I love the vibe you've got in the offices of the Prophet, and Dempster really sets the tone for it all. He's so obnoxious and gross! I guess I love to hate him. I mean, at least he finally gave Daphne a good assignment.

Ooh, and the way she shut Oliver Rivers down was bawwwsss. I love a good shut down of jerks. For a Ravenclaw, he's not quite articulate, though I guess he doesn't have to be, because he can just write things down. What column does he write? I bet it's something boring, like finance.

The flash of nostalgia that she got when she saw the Lockhart poster was nice, because it sort of showed that despite the wrong-ness of the pureblood mania that she was in the midst of, there were still memories to enjoy looking back on. Though I'm rather wondering why there's a Lockhart poster in the window seven years after the battle...Is Flourish and Blotts closed/bankrupt or something at this point?

There were a few syntactical things that I thought I would point out:

"took her blonde hair from under her hat and stuffed the bobbled monstrosity into her bag"~So to me, this sounds like her hair is the bobbled monstrosity, not the hat. Maybe reword it to say that she took the hat off her blonde hair instead?

"Part of the 'in' crowd, she had never quite understood the need..."~The opening clause is slightly awkward with the rest of the sentence. Maybe just rephrase a bit?

Very minor stuff, but I thought I would just let you know!

I'm really excited for chapter three of this story, because I suspect it will contain the First Meeting with Tristan. :D I certainly hope so, because I want to know more about him! I loved getting to know more about Daphne, and I sure am glad that she's a bit of a grump about certain things, because I am too!

(Also, I feel really bad for pregnant Hannah. Blech, poor thing.)

Seriously, please do update soonish, if you have the muse/time/inclination! (No pressure though)


Author's Response: Mallory! I always look forward to your reviews!

I had to give her a backstory because I adore her as a character and it just happened that she and Astoria aren't close at all. I have an annoying younger brother so I know all about irritating siblings - I take inspiration from that haha!

Haha, no she doesn't. I bet she wishes she was back in London on a Monday morning though!

It's a genuine name from Jo so I had to use it because it made me laugh so much! and he's super fun to write! He is fun to hate and the worse he is, the better! But yes, finally! although he's done it begrudgingly and it's because he things it's a dreadful story that's just been passed onto the department - little does he know it's a big thing!

Oliver Rivers.I hate him and that's why it was so fun to shut him down! He isn't whatsoever but that's because he isn't as smart as he thinks he is, not in the real world anyway! I actually have no idea - that's a good idea - If i use it, i'm crediting!

thank you! I had to mention the past because it couldn't have been all bad, all of the time and there must have been good points. And it's literally been forgotten about - it's just in the corner and no one really notices it anymore and they just forget about it.

Thank you! I really appreciate it - i'll go back and edit it as soon as I can!

Ooooh, it does and it's been submitted, i'm just waiting for validation and then it'll be up!

I have two chapters written and i'm planning on more so expect another update soon (after the latest one, of course!)

Again, thank for the amazing review Mallory!


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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57Colombiana: Prologue

18th January 2016:
Hi Vicki! Here for the January BvB! :D

Okay, wow, you write crime drama so suspensefully! I really liked the disconnect between the beginning few paragraphs and the exposition of Daphne's character--if this were an episode of NCIS or something, there would be a flashback and then boom! Onto the action! Anyway, I'm sort of shamelessly addicted to NCIS, so it really makes me happy to read something with that kind of vibe.

MACUSA--love it! I try not to think too much about American Magical government because Muggle American government really bums me out in general, but I like that name! Of course we aren't going to have any blooming Ministry, we're American!

And on that token, I really enjoyed Tristan's indignation at being called "Texas." Although I would also hate to be called that, since I'm not from Texas either. :)

So (just trying to puzzle this out, because while I love NCIS, I'm never clever enough to solve anything) Monbast and Morgan are Brits, but they're smuggling drugs in Colombia from the US? If so, that makes them triple-bad in an international sense!

Pairing Daphne Greengrass with an American OC is really ingenius--especially since we don't know very much about her, and Astoria is the one who ends up with Draco. Of course, that isn't to say that this dynamic of theirs is actually going to be a relationship, but for now they're crime (solving)! I love that they've already got that whole snark-snark-snark thing going, and it reminds me a lot of Tony Dinozzo and Ziva David on NCIS (again I'm comparing this story to NCIS. If you've never seen it, I'm so sorry that you have to read this nonsense). It seems like crime dramas are the best places for characters to really snark at each other like that, especially since it relieves the tension of "oh, there's a dead body on the floor, btw."

The only real confusion I'm having is about which of them said the last line "So where do we start?". I feel like it was Daphne because at this point, Tristan wasn't too happy about her trying to join forces with him, but I don't know, it might've been him. If you want to clarify that, I would either A) add that last line to the paragraph above, if Daphne says it; or B) have Tristan do an action before he says the line, such as "He rolled his eyes and leaned forward to look at her notes. 'So where do we start?'"

But really, that's just a suggestion for clarification purposes! Not trying to rewrite your story or anything. :)

Anyway, I think this is an awesome start to this story, and I hope I can come back for more later on!


Author's Response: Mallory! I'm so glad you're back and leaving reviews again! I always look forward to your reviews!

Thank you! I'm glad you think so because I get really paranoid writing crime stories! I'm addicted to NCIS too! So any reference is making me smile!! I love the whole layout of NCIS episodes - I wish I could do it as good as them!

It makes me giggle every time I write it because I know it would annoy me every time too!

Well, it's the name Jo's given us so I knew I had to use it somewhere! Well yeah, they obviously had to have something that made them stand out compared to Britain!

Yes! Monbast and Morgan were former Voldy supporters who left the UK and began smuggling drugs from Colombia into the US and other countries.

I adore Daphne and I picture her as sarcastic and whatnot so I knew an american OC could deal with her snarkiness and fight back - the banter between them is fun to write! (YES TO TONY AND ZIVA! I love them so much and the relationship had me on edge for years!) It is really is! And funnily enough, there's possibly a scene with a dead body coming up filled with snarkiness :P

Ah, it's Daphne who says it but I'll make it more clear - I didn't realise because obviously I know who said it :P

Thank you so much for the awesome review Mallory!


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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57Friends...friends...friends...: Friends...friends...friends...

12th January 2016:
Hi there! I'm here for the January BvB Review Battle. :)

I love that you've chosen to write a scene with Luna that shows her quirks as well as her friends' reactions to them. She is a rather odd character, and you did a wonderful job of preserving her oddness throughout the story. Also, the motif of friendship present in the ring echoes the books very nicely.

Even though everyone is all grown up now, they still react to one another in the same way. I like that Ron is still sort of skeptical of Luna's quirkiness, and the implied former relationship between Luna and Neville is very sweet. They have been separated for what seems like a good bit of time, but they are all able to pick right up where they left off.

It's very cool that you created a new way to keep in touch in the Wizarding World. Mostly you see modified Muggle technology, but the rings are very unique! The mechanism that shows each person when their friends are in danger is a smart addition on Luna's part--actually, that sort of echoes Molly Weasley's clock, so Luna kind of reminds me of her as well.

And of course, Luna was the one who brought the five of them together, in a way. So it makes sense that she wants to preserve their friendship in this way, which recalls her painting to mind. I really love that she wanted them to keep in touch!

Great job on this! It was a very short and sweet piece, and the characters are quite well-written!


Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed this bit of fluff. Luna is the character that I tend to specialize in, and I think I have the best feel for, so I tend to write her a lot.

I did mean for her to have a past relationship with Neville that was long ago. I loved the scene in DH with her bedroom and knew that if they were split apart that she'd want some way to keep in touch.

Glad you liked, and thank you.

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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57So Cruel: Look Not in My Eyes

14th August 2015:
HAI OLIVIA!! Here for our swap and the BvB Review Fest. ;)

OH MY GOODNESS WHAT EVEN IS THIS?! I'm SO MAD that I didn't know about this before, but now that I do, I'm going to pester you (politely) for updates. Because I'm sorry, this was TOO SHORT and I WISH I COULD READ MORE!

Haha, no, in all seriousness, this was the perfect length for a prologue-y thing, because you didn't go into much detail, but you did include the details that mattered. So basically all I know about Lucy Weasley right now is that she's a Ravenclaw who's had her heart broken by this Roderick fellow, but that's just enough to get the story going for right now.

Ooh, and I really love the themes you wrapped this prologue in like a too-fuzzy, too-warm blanket: the boyfriend theme. (That's why it's too fuzzy and too warm--it causes some degree of stress because it's a Dilemma that girls are often Expected to Do Something About.) I like that Audrey is actually a cool mom and she's giving Lucy advice about the Wrong Sort of Guy--not wrong because of what he looks like or what he does, but because he's a total phony. That's some sound advice, and I like that Lucy listens to it for the majority of her Hogwarts career.

But o, Love, that fickle fleeting thing! Whoever this Roderick Grinderford is, he must've been pretty convincing to pull one over on Lucy, but after all, all her friends were in relationships and yaddayaddaya...I know that feel, bro, but Grinderford?! The very name strikes disgust in my heart! I mean, whoever he marries SHOULD and MUST request that he take on his/her/their last name, because Grinderford is a terrible one!

So, what's the dealio with Lucy and Grinderford? Did he cheat? Is there something else going on? And how come Lucy has a fiance but she's still thinking thoughts about Grinder-boy? What is up with that? And her friends are NOT bros if they all knew about whatever it was that he was up to and """FORGOT""" to tell her! Ugh, I shouldn't get started on that...

Okay, so I really like the beginning of this story, even though I'm not at all fond of Grinder-boy. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to show up and cause problems in this story, and while I'm excited for that, I'm also excited to see who Lucy's brilliant fiance is.

I will be keeping an eye out for this story now that I know it exists, and if you update soon, I will be super excited and probably leave a long, annoying review about how excited I am. (You've been warned.)

Thanks for the swap, and for writing a cool story!


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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages: Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

14th August 2015:
Hi Kat! I'm here for our swap from yesterday, and for the BvB Review Fest. :D

You write Founders era like no one I've ever seen before, and that's a good thing! I love all of the bits of backstory that you put in this chapter--just enough to leave me wanting more and only being able to guess at what happened. For instance, Salazar's sickness when he was younger intrigues me, and the relationship between Godric and Ingvar is something that I want to see more of! I want to know all about him, and he's Salazar's father!

Ooh, and I really want to know what was in the letter, too. Is Godric already planning to start Hogwarts with Rowena and Helga, and he's just trying to get Ingvar in on the plan? But Ingvar's so reluctant and I'm looking forward to seeing Godric's further relationship with Salazar as he inevitably accepts Godric's invitation to found Hogwarts.

Ooh, this line was so lovely: Gone were the people, jostling each other about in their mad rush, and the hectic tangle of voices crashing over each other faded far away. It was a time of peace, of reflection, a time he sorely needed. Some really beautiful imagery there of the people in the crowds. And I can totally sympathize with Ingvar on the enjoying-night-better-than-day thing.

A few things that I caught (very minor):

Low you always used to knock me upside the head for example. ~I think you meant "How" at the beginning.

Godric, why did you came back?~This is supposed to be "come back." Small typos, like I said!

Salazar's interaction with the snake was really interesting! I like how you wove in that part of his character, although it's a shame that the snake bit his mother. And I really enjoyed the passing down of Slytherin's locket--it's a cool kind of origin, that the locket is one of Salazar's treasured objects because it was given to him by his father.

It looks like that shadow in the woods wasn't a deer after all! Oh no! What's going to happen to the Slytherin family?! I hope that you can update soon, because I remember really enjoying your chapter three when I beta'd it, but I can't quite remember what happens in it.

This was a really great, information-filled chapter!


Author's Response: Thanks, and sorry for the wait. Just reviewed yours after...ages. *hides*

Anyway, this review really made me smile, and makes me feel really guilty that I can never manage to write ones so long. I'm really happy that you liked it. :)

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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57This Bird Has Flown: a cynic and an idealist walk into a bar

14th August 2015:
Hi Joey! It's about time I read something of yours again, and since this is at the top of the Recently Added list, I call first review! ;)

So ships other than Scorpius/Rose, involving either of those two but not the other, are the hidden gems that slip between the cracks in the fanfiction realm. Scorpius/Lucy is a cool one because it can be anything, depending on the characters themselves.

This is incredible, though, because I can tell that Scorpius and Lucy are so very different from each other that it's going to be very interesting to watch their acquaintanceship (and eventually romantic relationship, maybe?) grow. You've done such a good job with setting everything up--the atmosphere of the Grindylow is so weird and dingy (at least, it seems that way), and it goes a long way to start the whole thing off.

So is Scorpius the "bird that has flown" in this situation? He says that he doesn't like hanging around in places for very long, so it makes me think that he's the one who would leave Lucy to go experience other places and other types of alcohol. But Lucy also seems like a bird in a different way--but her escape from the "reality" or "mundanity" of her situation is through the mind.

Ooh, I wanna talk about your narration here, too. It's very interesting to me that it starts off with a narrator who is somewhat involved in things, as you said "I suppose that was one of the major reasons..." in the beginning of the whole thing. But then the narration sort of subsides throughout the dialogue and when it comes back, it seems more like third person limited in which the narrator isn't going to have any input. So I'm wondering which one it really is? Is the narrator someone that Scorpius knows, or maybe Scorpius himself, looking back on this first meeting with Lucy? If not, you might want to think about reworking that first sentence so that the "I" isn't present anymore.

That being said, I really enjoyed the tone that you used for this. The narration really pulls me into the scene--a pub called the Grindylow having trivia night? I like the way you think! It seems so wacky that such an interesting spot would have a trivia night that the regulars would really get involved in, but that's one of the surprising things about trivia nights--people really care about them in certain locales.

And the dialogue was all spot-on. I could always tell who was saying what, and I really appreciate how Lucy was so nonchalant about Scorpius sitting at her table. I think he thought that it was going to matter a lot, like she would make him leave because she wanted to be alone, but no. He was instantly welcomed in to this really vibrant and wacky girl's life.

Ooh, also I love that Lucy wrote two books simply because she wanted to read them. I aspire to Lucy's level of productivity and perseverance, even if no one reads her books.

Ahaha, I'm super excited about the note that Scorpius left for Lucy, because it means that they're inevitably going to meet again and more madcap romping will occur! Question: Did I miss what House they were in at Hogwarts, or was it purposefully kept a secret? I would like to know, because right now I suspect that they were Ravenclaws (because of the bird imagery and stuff), and I want to commend you for writing Ravenclaws in a non-stereotypical way. (And how they could both possibly represent the different facets of the House that no one ever bothers to mention because they're too caught up in the "studious Ravens" stereotype.) But if they aren't Ravenclaws, please ignore my bad guessing. :)

Thanks for writing this brilliant and interesting story! I've only ever watched half of Pulp Fiction, but I can see how this was inspired by some of it. And I really can't wait for that short story of yours!!


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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Sits Some Exams

14th August 2015:
J! I woke up to your review and it made me squeal with joy, omg! How can I ever compare?!?!

(Anyway, this one is for our latest swap and for the BvB Review Fest.)

Ooh, this story is definitely not going to be all-fluff, all the time. I like that you're delving into more sensitive subjects, and that you're being careful about it. That's one of my biggest fears in fanfic--that I'll overstep and say something unintentionally offensive about things that I can only research.

But I think you did a really great job of handling Lily's anxiety in the first section. I've never experienced anxiety, but I do have episodes similar to this--where I get all worked up about grades and careers and not being good enough at things--and James put into words exactly what Lily needed to hear to calm her down. Grades, in the end, aren't the end-all, be-all of life, and although that (and the bird thing) was the reason Lily's anxiety was triggered, I do think it's a more serious problem and she should seek help from her parents and professionals. And I'm glad that James advised her to do that, too--after all, he's the Family Mediator (sorry, that's his official-unofficial title now), but he isn't the Family Psychiatrist. All in all, I think he handled the situation very well, and I'm glad that he has that connection with Lily so that he can help her out when she has attacks like this one.

And don't think I didn't notice how he just Conjured up some birds--little nerd. He's so ahead in his curriculum, and I'm really, really convinced at this point that he's got a photographic or eidetic memory. And a superhuman ability to speed-read. I need answers on this soon, because my guesses are quite silly!

Fred always conveniently waits until James has had enough time to have a little scene with the other characters before he acts up again. How considerate of Fred! Oh gosh, he's done SO MUCH STUFF up to this point. Are you running out of things for him to do? I don't even know how you come up with this stuff, but it's so funny and it makes a great sort of plot device that might be the opposite of the deus ex machina. I mean, Fred isn't getting James out of trouble, but he's getting him to exit the stage and [END SCENE], so that's sort of the same thing, right? Even though I love silly, perpetually-absent-but-always-making-trouble, prankster Fred, I can't wait until he gets his moment in the spotlight.

Haha, oh James. I love how he thinks he's "stalking" Anna, even though he isn't stalking her. He's just...finding her at odd times so that he can continue their friendship, and because she actually invited him to "come find her" after he'd finished reading one of the philosophical texts, I would imagine that the invitation would stay open. She's kind of chill like that, and James isn't bugging her--he's having an intellectual conversation with her! So that moment made me laugh because it's so typical of how people perceive themselves, when in reality it's a bit different.

I HOPE that by "my Shakespeare list," James means the plays that his friend sent him, and not the "twenty extra Wizarding plays" that wizard!Shakespeare wrote. Twenty is many. How can he do that without forgetting whole bunches of them and/or not understanding them to their fullest potential?! (I do strongly disagree with his assessment about Much Ado About Nothing, though. I have a fondness for that play because there's a modern webseries adaptation, haha.) And Anna's definitely right when she says that Shakespeare's plays have this amazing universality--your characters are really nerdy and so smart, and I love it.

OH MY GOODNESS FRED IS SUCH A PROBLEM CHILD. Why is he so good at getting himself and his cousin into trouble?! Why does he do the things he does?! I just want to tap him on the nose and say, "Take a break, kid," because he needs to take a break! He's so insane! And the fact that I'm concerned for his mental well-being without ever having seen him appear in the story says a lot, and thank you for making me care about him. (Although that might not have been your intention? Still, I worry.)

Uh oh, Rose+Scorpius fallout! I really want to know what it was this time, because I'm sure it was something trivial and stupid and gosh, they just need the summer to simmer down and mature a bit maybe? Whatever it is, I'm hoping to see the Scorose train spitting a little less fire and setting off a little more fireworks *wink wink* when the gang goes back in September.

Awww, and I'm super happy that James and Anna had another little friend moment before school ended, and they've just sort of casually made plans to keep up this odd little friendship they've cultivated this year. It is a little odd that James would want to keep his friendship with her a secret, but I don't think that it's because he thinks it would "lower his street cred." Maybe it's because he likes having something separate from the madness of his family? And also the Jeremy thing is so wonderfully silly and I hope that Anna gets to figure out that she's been wrong this whole time. Maybe once she learns his name, they'll start sitting together in class and at meals and have extended discussions about philosophy and books? That would be so, so fun.

Uh oh, I'm running out of space because I rambled way too much, but I hope that it's clear enough that I really loved this chapter (just like I loved all the other ones) and I'm so upset that Ch5 is the last one you've posted so far. I've got to go pack for college now, but I hope to return once more so that I can legitimately pester you (politely, of course) for updates!!


Author's Response: Omg Mallory you're the sweetest. Seriously. I actually put off responding this review for a few days because it made me happy to look at but the time has come to respond.

I totally agree about the fear of being offensive!! I wanted MFS to not just be fluff, and this just really fit in with Lily's character and her connection with James. I'm really glad that people seem to think that my depiction of anxiety/panic attacks was fairly accurate. I've never really experienced anxiety like this, but I was very close to somebody who did so I based it on a combination of my experiences watching/trying to help her and research on the interwebs. I think that James would be very happy with the title of Family Mediator hehehe. And I like to think that Harry/Ginny wouldn't be all that concerned about grades, so long as their kids applied themselves. (I have so so many opinions about Harry's parenting's probably weird...) Anyway. I'm glad you thought that scene was okay, as it's definitely going to come up again!

Ahhh Mallory you're the most observant reader! I can't believe what you pick up on! Unfortunately the answers will not be be coming out for a while yet...but there will be a few hints along the way? I feel like you're going to mutiny before we get there though haha!

Hahaha I LOVE the idea of Fred as the opposite of a deus ex machina! He really does have spectacular timing! :P Fred is a really creative guy so sometimes it's hard to keep up with him! And...his moment in the still far off. (cough I haven't written it yet cough) But it will happen! Eventually! I promise!!

I also love the idea that James thinks he's stalking Anna...she clearly wants him to come around and talk to her! But he's that kind of guy, isn't he? Totally overthinking all of his actions all the time. I wonder how Anna views his "stalking." ;) I think there are few things she would mind less to be interrupted for than philosophical discussions!! These whacky kids just need to talk it out.

Haha I like to think he just read the ones Henry sent him, because otherwise he wouldn't have anybody to talk to about them! Twenty Shakespearean plays also overwhelms me tbh. And I'm definitely in Camp Anna on the Shakespeare discussion! Don't you worry. I also have a soft spot for Much Ado about Nothing because I saw it in London with David Tennant and Catherine Tate and they are the bomb dot com. Plus I just love the play. Ahh I'm glad you think they come off as smart and nerdy! That's so my mental image of them so it's great that it's coming through the writing. (Also I'm currently having an all-caps conversation with you on twitter while typing this and it's funny to switch back and forth BUT THE EXCITEMENT LEVELS ARE THE SAME.)

I love how invested you are in Fred! That definitely wasn't my original intention but tbh you've made me love Fred so much more. And he will never take a break so it's not worth trying! (Especially if a random college student just walked up to Fred and tapped him on the nose. He'd probably just flirt with you tbh.)

Hahahahaha yes they do need to grow up a bit! Are fireworks in their future? Who knows! ;) Hopefully you like where they go! And honestly I couldn't even think up something for them to argue over so I had Scorpius be like "yo what were we even arguing about??" and it just fit. #uncreativewriting

You may be onto something with James's reasonings! ;) And someday, maybe Anna will learn his name. Or maybe he'll just change his name legally. You never know with these two. But their friendship will definitely continue into the next year! Otherwise this fic would just abruptly end here and it would be like...what why did that just happen. Actually...what if I did that? Hehehe. Just kidding. I love these two too much for that!

Ahhh thanks so much for your wonderful review Mallory! Sorry that I rambled so much in this response...and was super weird and all over the place...I blame our twitter friendship.


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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Attends a Party

13th August 2015:
Here for the swappity swap and the BvB Review Fest!

Honestly, I'm just trying to keep myself from squealing right now. James and Anna are having nerdy conversations about magical philosophy and I am SO EXCITED ABOUT IT. I love it when characters are smart, but they don't have that "one magical subject" that they're sooo good at. This whole magical philosophy deal operates outside of that, and their little debates and conversations about it are just ALL I LIVE FOR. Listen, I'm gonna need you to write a story about Magical Philosophy class at Hogwarts one day, plzzz and thank you.

Okay, so the whole reason why Anna knows where the kitchens are thing has been explained, yay! Of course she read about it and got curious, hah! But it is a very nice place to go, and I am creating a headcanon that the house elves take some armchairs and make a little cozy spot for students who just aren't feeling being around the outside world. I think Anna would like that.

As far as your characterization, I really like it so far. The main characters are coming together nicely, and while you're not revealing all of James's and Anna's secrets, you're not opening up too many cans of worms at once. It's really hard to juggle a story when you have a character who wants to just blurt out every aspect of their lives, and you do a really good job of keeping these kids in check and characterizing them at a reasonable pace. (Oh, and I wasn't saying that your characters want to blurt out all of their info, but just in general.) The only one that I'm really concerned about is Fred, because I only know about him secondhand from James. However, it's more from a standpoint of "Umm, is this guy okay?" because he seems really loony right now. Hopefully he'll get to speak for himself in later chapters, because while he does make for really good comic relief right now, I don't want him to be just a throwaway character. (I have this thing where I really love Fred II and I don't know why, sorry.) But I'm sure that he's in responsible hands with you, and maybe he'll have time in the spotlight soon?

Hmm, Rose pranking Scorpius? That was really beautiful, especially since the prank didn't go as planned--usually pranks go off without a hitch, so it's great to see how you deviated from the norm there! The one thing I was confused about with that is that Rose's prank seemed to be about tattooing "Ferret Jr." to Scorpius's forehead, but Scorp went a little funny before that. He didn't seem very drunk whilst he was talking with James, but then there was that real moment of vulnerability when he started rambling about "Rosie Posie." So, was he drunk? Did someone slip him a love potion? Was that part of Rose's plot? Because she doesn't like him that much, I wouldn't see her as the "let's give my enemy a love potion to make him say nice things about me" type. I was just a little confused about that, although I did appreciate that it revealed some of Scorpius's (maybe) true thoughts about Rose!

Ooh, another thing I appreciated was Rose's remorse when she found out how the tattoo was a little more...permanent than she realized. (And I also really loved James's slight bit of interference. Mediator!James for the win!) Pranks are fun, but if they hurt somebody or cause someone anguish for a long period of time, they aren't fun at all. Thank you for putting that in this story!

Agghh, the ending section had me actually squealing aloud. I love the idea that William Shakespeare was a weirdo Ravenclaw who wrote sonnets all the time and OMG TWENTY MORE PLAYS ONLY FOR WIZARDS?! I wanna read them all! And it's so cute that James is like, "Yes hello I have a Fact let me share it with you." Omg, I ship their friendship so hard right now. Two lil' nerdy nerds talking about nerdy things. PLEASE tell me that James was going to be Sorted into Ravenclaw, but begged the Hat for Gryffindor so that he could mediate his family better. (Idk why, but I feel like if he were a Ravenclaw, he might not be as inclined to involve himself in family affairs, although quite a few members of his fam jam are Claws.)

Oh dear. James has really got it mixed up if he's thinking that R&J is a comedy. Good thing Anna was there to correct him on it!

Ooh, and I did want to mention how much I love that this fic isn't written in first person. First person is great, but it does lend itself to some painfully odd things, like the main characters bragging about how they're "like, a Charms genius" or something. Here, it's so great to actually experience James and Anna's simultaneous nerdiness. I really enjoyed the funny comments she made about being a "knowledge dealer" because it shows that she has this humourous side, but she isn't like, painfully self-aware about it. She's not acting as a persona; she's just being who she is. Am I making sense here?

Anyway, this is SUCH an adorable story and I will be reviewing again sometime in the near future!


Author's Response: Ahh Mallory you never fail to bring a huge grin to my face!! (Seriously, my mom just asked what I was so happy about.)

Hahaha I'm so glad you're enjoying their nerdy conversations! I loved writing about that/thinking it up! James and Anna are definitely supposed to be smart characters, and I totally get the trope you're talking about. I'm afraid later on they might play into it a bit because they do have subjects they're interested in and care more about, but I think Anna is generally a super curious person and wants to understand every subject better, you know? And then James is kinda along for the ride haha.

OMG I WANT TO WRITE THAT FIC SO BAD. Maybe I'll do it in the middle of the semester when I'm more in tune with philosophy classes again! Ahh that would be so much fun.

I subscribe fully to your headcanon. That's adorable. And of course Anna read about the kitchens, right? Little dork. :P

I'm so happy you think I'm characterizing them at a reasonable rate! That's a big concern for me-- I was trying to make sure everything seemed realistic. Anna and James will definitely get their chance to blurt out some of their secrets further down the line! :)

As for the Fred Issue. (Totally deserves the capitalization.) That's definitely something I'm aware of and something I'm trying to work into the story-- he seems a little unhinged, doesn't he? One thing I would encourage you to remember is what you mentioned already: this is James's story and James's POV. So you might not want to take his thoughts at face value. I do have a plan for Fred and his backstory/motivations, but I'm really struggling to work it into the story ALTHOUGH I WAS JUST HIT BY INSPIRATION AND I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT. You are officially my muse, Mallory. Anyway. Yeah. Fred will get his time to shine, but you may have to wait a bit for that! Sorry.

Ooh I'm sorry you were confused at that scene! Scorp was meant to be drunk, yes. Slipping him a love potion wouldn't be Rose's style. I'll keep your confusion in mind when I revise this chapter! Thanks for mentioning it. At the end of the day, I do think Rose is a pretty mature person with just a slight grudge against Scorpius, so I thought it was important to show that she didn't want to screw everything up too much. Basically I'm glad you liked that detail because it was important to me! :)

Mallory, you know what the Shakespeare thing means, right? It means that you're going to have to write a Shakespearean play about the Wizarding World. You could totally pull that off. Hahahahahah "Two lil' nerdy nerds talking about nerdy things." is literally the best description of James and Anna possible. Like...that should be the story description. And yes their friendship is the best thing ever and I just want them to hang out in the kitchens talking about like philosophy forever but FRED WON'T LET THEM! Darn it Fred.

As to James's may be onto something. ;) Or maybe not! ~read on to find out~ (jk-- It will be addressed in a later chapter-- I think like 10-ish?-- so I will say that Ravenclaw came up with the Hat!)

You're totally making sense! And I like 3rd person closed POV so much more than 1st...I'm trying 1st out with another WIP but 3rd is so much more fun and objective! So I'm glad you're liking it. :D And Anna is always being 100% Anna because she doesn't know anyone else she's supposed to be! But she may surprise you with her humor-- she's definitely a lot funnier than I originally thought she was going to be.

Thanks again for this review Mallory! You're the best! I hope you get a chance to check out the rest of the story. :)


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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: four.

13th August 2015:
One last review for our swap/BvB Review Fest!

Ooh, the wedding nightmare is interesting to me because I don't really understand why it's a nightmare. I understand that Jodie likes James, but doesn't want to like him, so dreaming about marrying him must hurt. But I don't really see that as a nightmare? Was there something else that I might've missed that would make this seemingly-sweet dream into a nightmare? Anyway, it was really odd to me that she screamed when she woke up. I do like that she's having these dreams, though, because it does seem to get the plot going! (Although I feel bad for her that they're affecting her so much.)

It's really good of Remus to always check up on Jodie, especially since he heard through the grapevine (in the form of Lily, ironically) that Jodie was having bad dreams. Will she tell him about almost kissing James, I wonder?

One thing about the last paragraph in that section: Her relief was gone when he told her that he would get it out of her sooner or later.

I think you could actually add a sentence to Remus's dialogue before that, simply saying something like, "But we're going to be talking about this later." because I think that it fits well with what he's saying and then you can build on the disappearance of Jodie's relief once he's said it.

Ooh, and dare I forget THE PRANK?! I was very excited to see what they would come up with, and this didn't disappoint! Except this was actually quite a touching prank that didn't physically injure anyone, which is awesome! And I just hope that the Marauders had the decency not to bring up any memories that would seriously hurt anyone, because then it would sort of take a bad turn. But what you came up with is really creative! I like how some of the portraits are memories, and the ones of Sirius and James seem to simply be manifestations of themselves that are meant to insult passersby--much like the Marauders Map does. I'd still like to know which potions ingredients they used for this, though, and how they went about getting their memories onto picture frames. Maybe something to do with Dumbledore's Pensieve?

Ooh, and you can't leave me hanging like this! I need to know why Remus is enlisting Sirius's help! Is this going to be a fake dating fic? Because if so, OH MAN I AM EVEN MORE EXCITED! I LOVE fake dating fics! :D

Also, having Sirius's perspective for a bit in this chapter was nice because for all intents and purposes, it really does look like Jodie and Remus are sneaking around and getting up to some romantic times. (However, that's really not what's going on, silly Sirius!) I hope that their little meeting with him can clear some things up!

Please update soon! I'll look forward to reading the next chapter!


Author's Response: The dream for her signifies how serious her feelings are. She's been having dreams about him but never a wedding one and dreaming up her and James getting married scared her a lot. For her it is a nightmare because while she's trying to get over him, it feels likes her feelings are instead get even more stronger. I hope that all made sense haha. The scream was more from the stress of everything that's happening in real life along with the dream. She was really shocked and she didn't even realize she screamed.

Thanks for the suggestion! I'll definitely keep that in mind when going back and editing. Replacing that part with dialogue will probably help that part transition more so thank you for that.

I think the fact that the prank didn't actually hurt anyone shows that they're growing up and realizing that their Hogwarts days are going to come to a close soon. They only have sixth and seventh year left and time tends to fly by. Also I really wanted the prank to be something no one has probably done in a fic before because usually pranks across fics tend to have a lot of similarities. I guess this is my attempt to be original. :P

The potion helped process the memories. The photographs have to be put through a special potion to get them to be animated. Some of the memories they had were through unmoving photos they had and others they did actually use Dumbledore's Pensive (they had to sneak into his office).

Oh, faking dating fics are the death of me. I can never resist those. I'm actually still unsure where I'm going to exactly take this story. It most likely won't end up being a fake dating one since I already have a fic that has that. But it might incorporate elements of it, who knows?

Remus and Jodie do look like they're sneaking around. And I find it hilarious that Sirius is the one who notices and comes up with that conclusion since let's be honest, Remus is too much of a sweetheart to be sneaking around with anyone. The meeting will clear everything up but not before Sirius states all of his suspicions first haha.

Thank you for the fantastic review!! Hearing from you definitely gives me another perspective and more ideas of how to go on from here. :D


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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: three.

13th August 2015:
Hi again! Back for the remaining reviews from our swap and for the BvB Review Fest!

Ooh, so in this chapter Isobel really stands out because she's just trying to be a good friend to Jodie. I honestly don't think that the Marauders would be very good with dealing with Jodie's feelings, especially as it appears that none of them have ever had to do the unrequited love thing before. (Remus might be the exception, since Jodie chooses to confide in him in the beginning, but it's always better to have a few good listeners on your side!) I thought it was cool that Jodie chose to draw out her feelings on paper instead of talking, which would lessen Flitwick's suspicion, I think.

*wink wink nudge nudge* from Isobel to Jodie about the Sirius Black thing. I really have a feeling that Sirius is going to end up being more significant to Jodie than he is now, but Jodie's just so against even the slightest contemplation of his supposed "hotness." She's too into James, and I'm sorry, but I think that'll turn out really badly if she ever acts on her feelings. Unfortunately (and fortunately for me, since they're one of my OTPs), James is very much besotted with Lily at this point.

Hah, Lucas definitely has a crush on Isobel. But I think she should make him tone down on the teasing before she gives him a chance. It's true that some boys will pick on you when they like you, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to put up with it all the time, especially if the teasing goes too far.

Ooh, the prank! I think it would be really cool if you actually included the list of ingredients that Sirius and Jodie had to get--it would give me some clues about the potion they're going to make? I'd really like that, but you might've withheld the ingredients for Future Plot Reasons. :) Still, it's clear that Jodie has no idea what prank they're going to do, and it kind of sucks for her that she doesn't get to be in the know. Why would they do that--including her in the scheme, but not the actual carrying out of the prank? It seems like she's willing to help out and actually know what the prank is, but maybe James purposefully excludes her so that she doesn't get blamed for it? Maybe?

Anyway, there's one of the first interactions between Jodie and Sirius, and I have a feeling that they're going to be at odds for awhile during this story. They seem to be very competitive! It's too bad that Jodie accidentally stepped in the goo, though. Will Slughorn be able to identify her because of the shoe she left behind?

Really interesting chapter, and I hope the prank is in the next one!


Author's Response: Hello!
I'm glad that Isobel stands out in this chapter. I feel like she is easily shadowed by all the Marauders in this story. I do agree that the Marauders wouldn't be the best at understanding the unrequited feelings thing (except James but he obviously can't be of much help), especially Sirius, but they are the ones who would think up the most creative solutions which we will see in future chapters.

Jodie isn't the best with words so that's why she drew it all out and of course, she doesn't want to get caught haha.

Sirius will grow on Jodie and Jodie will grow on Sirius. It's bound to happen since they'll end up spending a lot of time together. Jily is actually one of my OTPs and I think that is what inspired the idea of this story the most. The question of what would happen if another girl liked James but knew he was completely head over heels for Lily. Would she act on it? Would she try to get over it? And etcetera and etcetera.

Oh Lucas, he was a last minute addition. I think I just really wanted some fluffy romance in this story to balance out Jodie's unrequited feelings. Lucas really is the "I'll pull on your pigtails because I like you' type but he doesn't take it too far. I think he's clever enough (hence Ravenclaw) to know where the limit is. He really just wants Isobel's attention.

I think the list of ingredients is a brilliant idea but the potion is actually not one that was ever brewed in the books so I couldn't actually hint at what it is. Jodie is a helping hand. Whenever they need an extra person, they ask her. But she's not a Marauder so she doesn't get to know everything and also they still want her to experience the whole surprise like the rest of the school (well James, Remus, and Peter do, Sirius could care less). I actually like the idea of James protecting her from getting into trouble. I never actually thought about that.

Jodie and Sirius clash a lot. I think one of the reasons is because they share common friends and both of them don't understand how Remus and James and Peter could be friends with the other. And I think it bothers Sirius that Jodie knew James before her did.

Oh Slughorn, I really want to write him as not caring that ingredients were stolen but I feel like that doesn't fit into his teacher role. He will do something, we'll just have to wait and see what. ;)

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I loved hearing your thoughts and yes, the prank is in the next one!! Thanks again!


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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: two.

12th August 2015:
{Back for our swap and the BvB Review Fest!}

Ah, the devious Sirius Black appears! Hah, I can totally picture him with a five o'clock shadow and a man bun, is that bad? He's so devilish, and he's kinda hot, and he knows it.

Now that I've seen more of Jodie's interactions with the Marauders, it strikes me as odd that she and Sirius aren't better acquainted. The other three obviously know her from tutoring, being friendly towards each other, and having her help out with pranks, but why hasn't Sirius done the same? I take back what I said--she isn't exactly "the fifth Marauder," because I think that to be a "true Marauder," you have to be in on basically everything. (I think Sirius thinks this too, which is why he doesn't think of her as a friend. Also, he's quite a little snot, which is both funny and makes me roll my eyes. Sirius Black, Drama Queen.) But it's cool that she gets to be in on the pranks, although it's kind of mean of the other guys to not tell her exactly what's going to happen with the pranks.

Oh man, James is quite besotted with Lily. Obsessing over the color and length of her hair? I'm afraid that Jodie won't have a chance with him (at least at this point in the story). The way she jumped when he accidentally nudged her was very interesting, because she basically feels the same way for James as he does for Lily, but she can't be as open about it, of course. I wonder how long she can play off her blushes and whispers as a "crush" on Remus?

I can't wait to see what their ingenious prank is going to be! I'll catch you tomorrow with your next two reviews. :D


Author's Response: I just thought of Sirius in a man bun and I'm laughing in my head. That would be so him!

Sirius and her have never really clicked, I guess? She's known the rest from spending time with each of them separately. James is her neighbor so she's known him forever, Remus she met through classes, and Peter she knows through tutoring. And Sirius is... Sirius? I know most write Sirius is really social and talkative but I always imagined him as someone who can get along with most everyone if he tried but prefers his close groups of friends and Jodie isn't included in that so he's never went out of his way for her or anything. And Jodie doesn't like the fact that Sirius is so aware of his good looks and acts like a jerk because of it at times.

I actually like the sound of that... Sirius Black, Drama Queen. It has a nice ring to it! :P

Lily is the only one for James... at least he thinks so. Oh, Jodie, I can't help feel bad for the girl. James will stay oblivious for a while but Sirius won't so that'll be interesting.

Thanks for stopping by Mallory! I love how much insight I get through your reviews and how much you understand the story! It makes me feel like writing almost *gasps* makes sense. Thank you again. And extremely sorry for replying to your reviews out of order. I didn't realize there was a next page on my unanswered reviews, silly me.


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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57Nutshell: one.

12th August 2015:
Hi there! Here for our swap and the Ravenclaw BvB Review Fest. :D

Alright, so I didn't realize that this story was Marauders Era until I started reading (shame on me!), but now I'm really glad that it is! Despite my fervent love of Jily, I don't read Marauders as often as I should.

By the way...Are we throwing Jily out the window here? If only for a little while? I see you have James/OC listed as a pairing, and I'm interested to see how that'll happen. Maybe fake dating between Jodie and James while James tries to get Lily's attention? Aggh, I don't know and I'm really bad at guessing. But I'm really interested to see how Jodie's little crush will turn out!

A few questions: How does Jodie know that Remus Lupin is a lycanthrope? Are they just really close or something? And she mentioned being childhood pals with James--so does that mean she's a kind-of extra Marauder? If so, does she have an Animagus form? (Sorry if so many questions at once is overwhelming, they just keep coming to me!)

It really makes a lot of sense to me that Jodie would go to Remus for help with this problematic crush, because Remus is easily the most levelheaded of the Marauders in my opinion (although I can imagine that he has his moments of irrationality). Haha, but the "You could have a crush on Sirius" line makes me think that you're foreshadowing that Jodie might eventually develop a crush on the devious Sirius Black? Whatever purpose that line might serve, it made me laugh a little bit. :D

It's really no good that Jodie has had a bad summer, but I wonder if it's because of more than just an inconvenient crush? I can't wait to dig deeper into her character, because I think there's going to be so much that'll be interesting and surprising about her. For now, I'm hoping that she'll eventually reveal the full rundown of her bad summer. (Is that mean of me? I mean, I don't want her to be unhappy, but I just think there's more there than just a crush on James Potter. That's all!)

Really great first chapter! I'm going to R&R the next one tonight, and then I'll catch you tomorrow for the last two. :D


Author's Response: Mallory!

Sometimes I actually confuse a Marauders and Next Gen story, especially if the James is in the summary and I have no idea if he is James the first or second.

Are we throwing Jily out the window? Maybe... maybe not? I'm just messing with you, this story is following canon... so Jily and Jodie's broken heart are in the future. I put James/OC in the pairings part there more to keep it a mystery. No, there won't be fake dating between James and Jodie sadly. It would make great gossip though... POTTER AND LEWIS: the new couple? Lily Evans out of the picture?

Jodie found out about Remus's condition through an accident. She found a book on werewolves in Remus's stuff and she found that odd since they weren't studying werewolves yet. And she started noticing the scars on his face, and how he gets sick once or so a month. She then asked Peter about it and Peter tried to play it off but didn't really succeed. So Jodie ended up putting it all together. I think her knowing brought them closer together than anything. Before that they were just friends, later they became close friends. She isn't an extra Marauder because she doesn't know a lot of their secrets such as all the details about pranks or even about the Marauder's Map. But she's a friend of 3/4ths of the groups so it sometimes seems like it. And no, she doesn't have an animagus form, but how cool would that be? I now wonder what shape she would take. A rabbit? A tiger?

I totally agree that Remus is the most levelheaded. That's why he's the Marauder who (tries to) keeps the rest in check.

Ohh, you caught me there. Will Jodie have a crush on Sirius? I don't know... we shall see. ;) And I'm glad that line made you laugh!

There was more than a crush during the summer so James actually wasn't the only reason she had a bad break. That will definitely come in future chapters.

Mallory, you are probably one of the kindest reviewers out there! Thank you so so much for stopping by. I had a great time reading your inputs and answering your questions! :D


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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakout: Rose POV

12th August 2015:
Beth! Here for our swap, and also the BvB Review Fest. :D

Shame on me for not reviewing this for SEVEN MONTHS, seriously, what is my deal...?

Ooh, okay, so here I was thinking that this chapter was going to be sort of fun and lighthearted, going to the pub, having good times...I should've been smarter, because when the commotion happened, I was completely unprepared. How much are you going to torture these characters?!

Haha, just kidding. It's part of what makes the story great, right? Yes.

So, the fun part first: I was pretty sure that it wasn't a great idea for Rose to "go out," but once she and Scorpius were at the pub, it did seem like it was going to be okay. She had a bit of an episode, but she managed to talk herself down from it, which is tremendous. I think it's super sad that she hasn't gone out in awhile because of all the bad, bad things that have happened to her. If she didn't already have an anxiety disorder, the stuff that happened with Stannous was definitely enough to trigger episodes of anxiety. And dare I forget that she was at a party in the beginning, when that guy tried to kidnap her...? So coming out to The Quaffle was a really big step for her.

I really like the closer look that we get of everyone and their significant others and things. It sort of gives me an idea of what to imagine for each character! There was definitely a bit more description of clothes than I've seen in other chapters of this story, but I think it was necessary and not at all out of place. You described Selenia and Samara's outfits without getting all caught up in specifics, like the brands they were wearing or something (which might've been overkill). So great job with that! :D

(Haha, I have this funny feeling that when Rose says she's "making up for lost time," she's talking about a little more than just Firewhiskey.)

A few things here: In one paragraph, which begins with "I was startled by a crushing force," and ends with Rose's line of dialogue, it needs to be split up. Albus speaks before Rose during that paragraph, so her speech needs to be in a separate paragraph. (That's just a formatting thing.)

And then during the commotion caused by the Death Eaters, Rose says "Studdify." I was thinking that it was a mistake and it was supposed to be "Stupefy," but I saw at the end how she garbled "Expelliarmus" too. Was the "Studdify" a mistake? Or was it because she was slurring due to Firewhiskey? I was just a little confused there.

Anyway, now on to the part that I don't like to think about: The Death Eater invasion.

I think that if your characters were able to talk to you, they would shake their fists and yell, "Can you just let me LIVE?!" because they--especially Rose--go through so much from chapter to chapter, haha. It makes for stressful nailbiting episodes for me, because I'm always lulled into this false sense of security--especially since you prefaced the invasion with a nice party atmosphere! Tricky, tricky.

Ah, yes, rereading the last bit, I can see that Rose was quite drunk by the time the Death Eaters showed up, which explains her mispronunciation of "Stupefy" and her confusion at why it doesn't work. Basically, none of these poor babies are completely equipped to deal with baddies in their drunken or half-drunken states, and just >:{ why do Death Eaters ruin EVERYTHING?! It's very telling of her character that she's concerned about Lily, about Dom, about everyone before herself, even though she's really really in danger, since the guys were specifically targeting her. God, I hope that she doesn't Splinch herself or Lily while she's Disapparating...

This totally took a turn from a cute little pub gathering to a Death Eater-infused nightmare! And while I'm not okay with that on MANY levels, I am also in awe of your ability to have these contrasting situations within the same chapter. As always, I am super attached to your characters and IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO THE ONES THAT STAYED BEHIND TO FIGHT I WILL BE SO UPSET.

{sorry for yelling.}

Hopefully I shall be back sooner (rather than later) to see what happens next! :O


Author's Response: Hi Mallory,

Thanks so much for doing a swap! I absolutely LOVE getting your reviews. You've helped me SO much to make this story more polished and you always pick up on things that no one else notices - ♥ ♥

So a little bit of a confession, here. I really, REALLY didn't want to make this story overly dramatic - with tons of cliffhangers and the on-again, off-again relationship between the two main characters. But... it sorta happened without me realizing it and part of me wants to punch myself for being so cliche and the other part feels like I followed the story in its natural course so I should just let that go and... yeah... that's pretty much the internal conversation I have with myself over it all the time ;)

One thing I have tried really hard to pace is Rose's recovery. I really didn't want it to seem like everything would go POOF and be all better once she and Scorpius got together, but more like she had to take baby steps and learn to lean on people a *little* bit while discovering that she's got a lot of her own strength to draw from: Enter the mini panic attack as she and Scorpius first arrive at the Quaffle and the comforting 'corner' with all her friends and relatives.

Hee hee - Yes. Rose is definitely referring to more than just making up for lost time with her friends ;)

I fixed the dialogue in that paragraph that you mentioned and moved Rose's line to a new paragraph - thanks for pointing that out!!

"Studdify" is Rose simply messing up the spell. She does not do well in battle situations (as you saw at the end of the chapter). I'm sure the Firewhiskey didn't help, but the real reason she messed it up is because she panicked. This gets addressed in the next chapter (I think) and it comes up later in the story too.

Haha - it's OK to yell. I'm glad I invoke such emotion :D

Thanks again Mallory!

♥ Beth

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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Talks to a Girl

12th August 2015:
Hi J! I've come quite late to review this story again, but I'm here nonetheless! This time, it's for the BvB Review Fest. :D

The first thing I want to commend you on is your characterization of James Potter II. You go such a long way to undermine the stereotypes that have risen up about his character in fanfiction, and it's so wonderful that he's not merely a "lighthearted prankster who feels like he's constantly in his father's shadow," which is what happens quite a bit. Here, he's so involved in the lives of his cousins--not in an annoying way, but like, a helpful way. Your James is a mediator, and honestly, I love him so much for that.

The whole "James-never-studies-but-passes-all-his-classes" thing really confuses me at this point. It keeps getting mentioned, so I know you're going to address it later, but right now I'm like "whaaatt?" So does he have a Time Turner or something? Or a photographic memory and he just reads all his textbooks over the summer and remembers them forever? I should stop making things up about him because I'm awful at theorizing, but suffice it to say that you've got me intrigued with this apparently-smart-but-never-studious James.

(To be quite honest, he seems like he does study, but maybe his family just doesn't see that about him because they see what they want to see? Like, maybe your readers get this view of James as a helpful mediator because that's what you're showing us, but his family only really sees him as a nice prankster type? I don't know if that makes sense...)

Ooh, another thing that I love about this is James's kind-of growing relationship with Anna. As far as romance is concerned, well, who cares?! At this point, I am so excited about James and Anna's friendship that I don't even care that they might end up as a couple. Like, James is obviously kind of interested in her, but he's not the type to just see physical aspects and go, "Ooh, pretty, me likey." No, this James is going to take the time to get to know Anna, and I believe with all my heart that he is actually interested in the magical philosophy, which is seriously way cool. I can see this little book club of two people becoming a long-lasting thing. And I love that, even though Anna thinks his name is Jeremy, she's willing to open up to him to talk about magical philosophy instead of trying to shut him down.

(I also really loved the twist you put on the major philosophers of the Muggle world by translating some of their works into a more magical position. That's so cool, and I'm sure it's really fun for you to use the stuff you learn in your major for this story!)

Oh, Fred. He's such a nuisance, but I love him for it. I like how you've played up the prankster aspect of him, especially since the parallel structure of the chapter is continuing. It's very obvious that James is not as much of a prankster as Fred, but he does tend to get involved in the various scrapes of his cousin.

One thing that I have noticed is the way that time passes in this story. I know you mark each section with phrases like "a few weeks later," and things like that, but I would like a little more context as far as dates and timelines go. Is this chapter meant to encapsulate the entirety of James's fifth year? If so, did some of these episodes take place near Halloween, and is the last one near the Christmas holidays? I like the transitions and how you sometimes mention the amount of time that's passing, but I think it would help if the holiday markers like Halloween and Christmas were given at least a passing mention. (This, however, is just a matter of my own weirdness, and if you meant to write it this way for a specific purpose, that is totally okay. I just don't want to seem like I'm saying "Oh you're totally wrong," because that's not what I think at all!)

Whew, not good at giving concrit, sorry!

Back to the praise, because I have copious amounts of that: In summary, I really love the way James is developing as a character, and the way Anna's personality is definitely showing through during their meetings. (I would, however, like to know why exactly she was in the kitchens during the Wotter meeting and how she didn't even notice they were there! Seems like quite a feat!) And the little Wotter dramas that James helps diffuse are really interesting and complex--I love how Scorpius is a Ravenclaw and Rose is a Slytherin, although I do suspect that their biting arguments come from a different source than simply House or parental prejudices. (Incidentally, do you plan to write a story about Rose and Scorpius as seen in this story? That's one that I would enjoy reading a lot, since you've done such a brilliant job with them here!)

Basically, you're a genius and I absolutely adore this story! Hopefully I'll be back very soon to leave another rambly review. :)


Author's Response: Ahh Mallory thank you so so much for this review! It's so lovely!!

Thanks so much for your praise of James!! I love him deeply so it's nice to see that other people are enjoying him too. I was definitely inspired/influenced by the stereotypes I've encountered relating to James. I wanted to take some of those and give them a new spin (eg there are probably girls at Hogwarts who do think he's just a Quidditch playing prankster guy, but we know better!). As for his father's shadow...I see that played with so much in fic and hopefully when it comes up in this story it won't seem too cliche. It would definitely be hard to have Harry as a father! Ooh sorry I'm rambling, I'll move on...I just love James so much! :D

I will say this about James and his academic success: one of your theories is correct. Which one? Only time will tell... ;)

Yay I'm so glad you like him and Anna! They are like the definition of taking it slow. James is intrigued by her and is definitely interested in more than her pretty face! And he does truly become a fan of magical philosophy, and I'm glad you like that part! Something I love about Anna is that she's so suspicious when James just starts talking to her, but when they start talking about philosophy and books, she's very excitable and open.

The philosophy stuff makes me so excited, you have no idea! I'm glad that other people find it amusing/interesting because I seriously get this huge grin when I write that stuff. It's also slowly getting me ready to go back to school soon!

I'm glad you're liking Fred! He can be a touch overwhelming but James/I love him anyway. James probably should work on getting himself out of those situations though!

Mallory, don't even worry about your concrit! This was super helpful for me to hear. I had a really solid idea of when these things happened when I was writing, so it's really helpful to hear that I didn't write it very clearly! I'm going back over earlier chapters with my beta (the wonderful Kat) soon so hearing this stuff will help me think about making the story better! So thank you for sharing that concern and please keep doing so if you get a chance to look at the next chapters! :D

Anna's presence in the kitchens will be explained soon enough! (It's not very exciting at all, tbh. But I like hyping things up in review responses haha.)

I am actually in the process of writing a Scorose story from this universe! It's slow going, though, and it's about more than just Scorose so I'm trying to really make sure it's how I want it to be before I post it. But keep an eye out in the CR for it soon! Hopefully within the next few weeks...oops rambling again!

Thank you so so much for this review! It was like a giant hug. I'm so glad you're liking the story and I hope you get a chance to come and check out the other chapters! :)


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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57The Ides of March: Nothing thicker than a knife's blade.

12th August 2015:
Hi Kiana! I'm here for the BvB Review Fest at last! :D

Okay, so I remember reading chapter one of Ides of March a long time ago, and I really loved it. So I'm confused at myself because why didn't I come back to this sooner...? Never mind, I'm here now! :D

I really love how you've characterized Helena. We don't get much information about her from the books, except that she was going to be the Baron's wife, and she obviously wasn't down with that. That little bit of characterization alone gives you lots of liberty to create a personality for her, and wow, you really do a great job! Helena isn't only overshadowed by her mother, she's also trapped by her, in a way. There are so many expectations on her as the daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw--not only to be wise and studious, but also to be proper and married... to a man.

The scene in the beginning showed the real tension between Rowena and Helena, and that only served to contrast with the relationship between Helga and Helena, which seems to be much less tense. I like how you described the snow, which gives me the image of enclosure, which is quite appropriate because Helena obviously feels very trapped by her situation. Unfortunately, Helga's advice to her doesn't help very much. She might not understand Helena's exact situation, but I think that even if she did, she would give the same advice. From what I know of medieval times, it was very, very wrong to even think of the same sex in a romantic way, much less act on those feelings. (If you were a follower of Christianity; I can't say for the more native religions.) So that's really tough because Helena feels that to love Eleanor would be to act directly against her faith, but how could it be wrong when it feels so lovely to love this girl?

I also like how Eleanor put it when she was talking to Helena. Like, sure, it's a sticky situation as far as the physical Church is concerned, but would God really hold a grudge against two people if they loved each other--something that Jesus taught as one of the greatest things you can do for your fellow man? (Sorry, been a while since I've brushed up on my New Testament.) But I know that what with the Church being an exclusive thing where the priests read the Bible to the congregation, they would teach very limited views of the Bible, and probably no one would even have one, outside of the very rich and the clergy. So does Helena actually have a Bible, or does she just know the teachings from her father's sermons?

Just a bit of CC before I wrap this up:

If I listen too carefully, too much too, I will be forever bruised and beaten down by them. With Mother she is the lone victor, the wielder of the knife. She alone is the one who has decided who succeeds or fails, and she has clearly dealt her cards for me as Nike, the winged Goddess of Victory, does not fly by my side.

These few sentences sort of lost me a little bit for various reasons. The "too much too" in the first sentence is a bit ungainly in context, and I think it could be improved by taking out the second "too." The "With Mother she is the lone victor" sentence made it seem like someone, maybe Helga, was "with Mother" in being a "lone victor," which doesn't make sense to me. Maybe reword it to simply "Mother is the lone victor...". And lastly, the last sentence is juggling a lot of metaphors, so I would watch out for that. You could improve that by picking one of them and extending it throughout the whole sentence without using all the extra references to back up the point of the paragraph.

That being said, this whole chapter was so very well written, and the prose flows so beautifully! I love the way that the lines of description are powerful without overpowering the whole chapter. After all, using beautiful imagery isn't this story's sole purpose, and you do an admirable job of balancing the story's aesthetic tendencies with the plot and struggles of Helena Ravenclaw.

Beautiful chapter, and I will have to be back for more soon!


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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57No Strings Attached: one.

23rd July 2015:

okay, so you know from the cabin that i am 1000% here for this. the teenage pregnancy cliche, overturned? yes please. now, i don't really like pregnancy stories--the whole concept kind of icks me out, tbh, but i think in the right hands, it can become something pretty cool.

you definitely have the cool factor going on.

first of all!!! hufflepuff!nerd!bisexual!scorpius is everything that i ever need in my life. i love scorpius's moral quandaries, and his "wanting to be a good person," which is why he's a hufflepuff. there's also the "lame hufflepuff" cliche overturned in this, because scorpius might be a lame-nerd-dork-geek person, but he's not actually lame. like, he has substance and characterization, it's just a fact of his character that he's like the lamest dork ever and he probably listens to mopey records and whines about his various existential crises. i love it.

that does seem hard, though, to balance your life between two people (especially since those two people are cousins). i guess it's just a fact of scorpius's personality--albus is his friends-with-benefits and rose is his best-friend-with-benefits? i'm sorry, i really don't know that much about these things. but if albus is the resident bad boy, there's bound to be some drama now that rose is pregnant with scorpius's child. that's going to be interesting to watch unfold, and i'm wondering if albus will actually stick around after he finds out.

hahaha, the award scorpius won is just hilarious. hogwarts superlatives are such a great idea, honestly, and it's such a scorpius thing that he would get all embarrassed about his "promiscuity" and run out of there really fast. embrace it, scorp! (poor guy. he reminds me of charlie brown a little bit.)

ooh, and i wanted to say kudos for overturning the "drunken lust" cliche that seems to accompany so many hogwarts pregnancies these days. a++ use of the cliche though, in that they were stupid kids and trusted a source that was outdated and didn't have much validity. (silly wm litchfield, trolol) is rose a ravenclaw? she must've been really in the throes of passion to not do proper research on the contraceptive powers of powdered asphodel, heehee. (although they really should've used a condom.) oh well, they've gotten themselves into this situation, and without it, there probably wouldn't be a story. so i'm glad for it, considering.

you do such a great job of writing next gen characters in all their wacky glory. i really love what you've done with them, and how scorose and scorbus can (kind of) exist within the same fic. this is brilliant, and though i'll have to r&r the next chapter later, i do look forward to it!


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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57A Weasley Vacation: Meet the Weasley's!

22nd July 2015:
Hi there, Alec. You requested a review from me a little less than a month ago, and I'm just getting to it now. Sorry for the delay, but I hope this makes up for it!

What you've got here is a really interesting situation. A whole bunch of Weasleys+a Malfoy+the Scamanders going on vacation together? I suppose stranger things have happened, but I can't think of any right now! Although the general build-up of this chapter does make me wonder why al of these people are going on vacation together. Especially because Grandpa Weasley paid for all of them and even Uncle Charlie is coming (and from what James said, Charlie hasn't been seen in a long time). So there must be a pretty good reason for all of this hullabaloo.

Hugo as a narrator is just brilliant. I love Hugo Weasley, but there are few stories that feature him in a prominent way. He's kind of dramatic and that makes him funny, though I suspect that he does a lot of it for comedic effect anyway. I like his tone--it's very sarcastic and silly and oddly truthful, like when he's talking about James and Albus. All in all, he seems like a pretty cool character.

The pacing of the chapter was pretty good, but in one of the first paragraphs when you talked about how James was excited for the vacation until he found out about the airplane, I got a little confused. The sentence about James seemed a little out of place and more like it would fit better in the paragraph about Al being excited. By putting it there, it would also show the contrast between the Potter brothers. (However, this is just a suggestion!)

You also misspelled some words like "fourth," "fifth," and "exicted," so if you're overly concerned about spelling, I would give the chapter a once-over to catch all of the little mistakes.

My favorite lines were the first ones, which are also in the summary of this chapter. They really set the mood of this story, getting me ready for what seems like a very silly comedy. Well done on those!

Just so you know, I'm about to close my old review thread and open a new one (because the old one is ridiculously long and outdated!). I tend to review one chapter per person, going in the order that the chapters are posted, so that's why I reviewed this one for you. You can re-request for chapter two once I've opened the new thread. :)

Thanks for the request!


Author's Response: Glad you liked it Mallory! Don't worry about the lateness, it can happen.

I sure do hope you keep on reading if you haven't already, and if you have time, I'd love your feedback on it, whether it'd be through PM or a review. But I've gotta go now, sorry for the lame response! Thanks for the review!


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