Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
787 Reviews Found

Review #26, by UnluckyStar57our reality.: Chapter Two

10th November 2014:
HAHA! I win! First review! :D (Also, making up for being a bad NaNo Mum and not cheering you on on the forums.)

Okay, this is SO CUTE!! I love all the interactions between the Marauders and Lily and Dorcas and Marlene. Peter cracks me up--like, I would totally be his friend in real life, if he existed (pre-Death Eater phase, of course). Sirius's teasing of Dorcas was just so silly, and I absolutely love, love, loved all of it.

So, I'll try to stop gushing now (maybe) and try to give some legitimate feedback.

Usually I don't really notice when a story is in present tense until I've gotten well into the story, but I couldn't help but admire your use of it here. It's so natural, and everything just flows! I think it's also down to Dorcas, and how real she is. Honestly, she's one of my favorite narrators (in fanfiction) that I've read so far. :)

Marlene! Such a flirt. Is the next chapter going to feature her heart-to-heart with Dorcas? I can't wait! The only problem that I can foresee (for right now) for her future relationship with Dorcas is that she's such a free spirit--and a bit of a wandering one, too. She might not realize it when she hurts Dorcas's feelings, and that's going to be really upsetting to read. :/ But in the meantime, all is well. Dorcas already has the blushes. Very nice! :) (P.S. I bet Dorcas can cook. One of the many reasons that she and Marlene should flat together after Hogwarts.)

And Dorcas! As a product of my society, I honestly never considered her skin color. Things are all white-washed, and that's not a good mode of thought. So I am really happy that Dorcas isn't white. And I'm also glad that you didn't go for the ridiculous cliche of describing her skin color in terms of food. Like, ew. (Especially since she'd be describing herself that way. Blech.) Anyway, this chapter only made me love her more, especially because of her total Hufflepuffiness. She seems to be finding her niche in the group, which is awesome. It isn't just "the Marauders" anymore, and there's a space for everyone.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

Brilliant work on this chapter! Post the next one very soon! :D

And I'll try to answer your PM soon, I promise! ♥


Author's Response: YES YOU WIN haha you're amazing and I ♥ you. Also, STOP SAYING YOU'RE A BAD NANO MUM darn it don't you dare badmouth yourself around me. D:<

Yes, I'm so glad you think so! I was and still kinda am worried about dealing with such a large group of people - seven or so at once, and I'm glad you like the way they all interact! I tried my best to take your advice to heart and give Peter as much limelight as the others, and I'm so glad you like him as of now!

Yes, I'm so glad you like the present tense here! Originally I wrote a couple hundred words of it in past tense but this just seemed to flow better and I'm really glad that you like it. And YES, I'm so glad you think of Dorcas as real! You flatter me, thank you so much, I'm glad you like her! *hug*

Marlene is such a flirt, honestly. And next chapter...noo, but it's going to feature them chatting about the Order and how they all got there and it's gonna be cool. Hopefully. Yes, definitely, she's a very carefree person and Dorcas is more serious, so they will have their problems, but then again, don't every couple? Dorcas does have the blushes, hehehehe! She's being very stubborn and not mentioning it but she does have the blushes, bless her. Cook, huh? We shall see about that.

Yes! Honestly, I never saw saw Dorcas as white at all, my faeclaim for her is Karla Crome, it's never been anyone else. I definitely agree, so many fanfic characters are white and so many are unspecified but we simply assume that they're white, so I wanted to write a PoC for once. And yes, I took great care to not describe her in terms of food, ew! I don't get how people can describe other people via food, honestly, especially as it never happens with white people. I mean, maybe if we described white people in terms of ranch dressing or something then it would be fairer...? :P

I'm so glad you like Dorcas as a character, and yes, she's certainly becoming more comfortable with the others.

Thanks so so much for the lovely review, you awesome NaNo daughter you! The next one's going into the queue later today - I definitely see the benefits of prewritten chapters now, haha!

No problems with the PM, focus on PFK because I'm waiting for an update there! ♥ Thanks again!

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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Befuddled: Rose AND Scorpius POV

9th November 2014:
Ahah! You've responded to all my reviews, so here's another one. :D

This is also for the November BvB Review Battle, and because I'm procrastinating on homework (as usual). So here we go!

Whoohoo! Okay, so I was glad to read about Albus and Harry's conversation, especially since Albus is taking some more responsibility for his actions and Harry isn't being quite as hard on him. Great development there!

The five of them living at Grimmauld Place is pretty interesting. It's super stupid of Ron to resist Scorpius and Rose living together, because Scorpius is good for Rose and vice versa, but what can you do about silly parents? It is very honorable of Scorpius to sleep in the same room as Rose without trying to wrangle the situation to his advantage--even though the tension between them is ever-increasing and oh-so-wonderful. Even though you didn't give a whole lot of background on their developing relationship in previous chapters, this chapter totally made up for it--you were right! I really loved this one. :)

Having two different PoVs in one chapter was pretty cool, too. This way, I got to see both Rose and Scorpius in their most volatile moments. And man, were there EVER some misconceptions! They better make good on that promise to "never not talk," because all that ridiculous "He doesn't love me anymore" stuff is just NOT OKAY! D:

Ooooh, I see what you did there! I see it! I'm fond of reading things backwards, after all. So that was quite a clever spell, and I'm glad that Scorpius would do something like that for Rose. :)

Another great chapter! Sorry the review isn't quite up-to-snuff, but I should seriously stop procrastinating... (Haha, that probably won't happen.)


Author's Response: Hi, hi, hi!

I didn't want so much time to go by to respond to this - like before :( - so here I am!

Al and Harry are working through it. I think it is *really* hard to be Harry's son and an auror - even if he doesn't call you out or have a different set of expectations. They'll get there, they just have to keep working on it.

Ron can *not* get past his prejudices of the Malfoys. A lot of it stems from the fact that Hermione was brutally tortured with Draco as a witness. The aftermath that ensued from that was too much for Ron to bear.

Actually, there are six living at Grimmauld Place - sorry if that was confusing: James, Scorpius, Albus, Rose, Dom and Selenia. But I think it's going to be fun - I know *I* would love to live with that lot!

At this point, Scorpius is still unsure of how to deal with Rose. He wants to be there for her, and he is doing that the only way he knows how - by standing idly by and waiting for her to let him know she is ready to resume their relationship. Unfortunately, Rose sees that as him not being interested anymore - and then we have a giant misunderstanding that snowballs.

So happy you liked this chapter!! :)

At first, I really didn't want to do the two POV thing. I felt like I was breaking from my one POV per chapter, but it really worked here, especially since we needed to see how they were *both* misinterpreting the other's actions!

The "never not talking again" thing is a great concept - unfortunately, it's not something they are going to get past right away - you'll see ;)

OMG! I'm running around the room and sqeeing and yay, yay, YAY! You are the first person to notice what I did with the spell! Woot! GOLD STAR FOR MALLORY!!! Seriously, this chapter first posted nearly six months ago and has eight reviews and you are the first! The fact that the spell worked at all reveals a lot about the connection between Rose and Scorpius. ♥

What are you saying? This review is awesome! Thanks so much! I really look forward to each one that you leave, because I want to know what you think about the story!

Thanks again,

♥ Beth

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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57An inky black heart.: The ebony vessel.

8th November 2014:
Hey Kiana!

I couldn't resist coming by to read this, as I'm very intrigued (and often disgusted) by the Snily dynamic. (Also, I'm procrastinating on homework, so thanks for the distraction!!)

In my (humble) opinion, Snily is best explored in short snippets. I know it's a super difficult thing to think about--I mean, there have been countless arguments and counterarguments for Snape's role as an insidious and borderline-abusive stalker, and it is just easier on the mind and the heart to keep things short.

Short, but not meaningless. Because good Merlin, there was so much in these 500 words that I hardly know where to begin.

It's been years since I've seen the cartoon Hunchback or read the book, but I definitely remember Frollo's lust and obsession for Esmeralda. You interwove those characteristics so well with Snape's personality that I couldn't see where Snape ended and Frollo began. Or maybe they're two sides of the same coin. Whatever the case may be, I think you did such a wonderful job exploring the awful effect that lust has on a relationship, especially since Snape's obsession haunts him until he can't even look into the mirror without seeing her face.

And the WRITING STYLE of this! Tell me, are you a poet? Because this has such a rhythm, so much intensity of feeling, and even though it's prose, it almost reads like a poem at times. How do you do this?! I am in awe. Seriously. Loved it. ♥

Bottom line of this review: Severus Snape is a creeper. You obviously don't like Snily that much--and I totally agree with you. Frollo and Snape should get together and have coffee sometime. Your writing is absolutely wonderful--and so, so dark in this story. Kudos to you for trying out a pairing that you hate, and for pulling it off so spectacularly!

~UnluckyStar57 ♥

Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Aw, I'm so glad that you stopped by as this review was really wonderful and whoo for being disgusted by Snily as I am too :P

Hahah, I know what you mean because it was tiring enough to figure out how on earth could I explore some weird dark twisted love he had for her in 500 words, so I don't know how someone could write even more than that as it's so hard to not feel disgusted.

I'm glad you could see the similarities between Frollo and Snape because whilst reading the book it was quite disturbing the amount of similarities I could see between the two of them, the only difference being that everyone realises that Frollo is ew whereas with Snape some people really do think he loved Lily (which he didn't! :P). I'm so glad that you liked the exploration of his love for her as it was a ton of fun to write.

Bahaha, no, I don't think I've even written any poetry which wasn't for school but thank you so much, that means so much to me :D ♥ ♥

Yes, yes, yes, or even Creeper with a capital C as he probably deserves that, and I really think Frollo and Snape should get together as it would be so cool but twisted but cool.

Thank you for this amazing review! ♥


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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57our reality.: Chapter One

8th November 2014:
Hello you! :D

I'm here as your neglectful NaNo Mum and Child, and also for the November BvB Review Battle. I know you said to review the collab instead of one of your things, but I'm doing both! Hah! :D

Okay, so while I've been an awful neglectful NaNo Mum, you've probably gone and passed 100K already, while also posting several new chapters of things that I need to go and review. Kudos to you for being productive and amazing! :D

Now, actual review:

D'aw, Dorcas is so Hufflepuffle-y. I love it! I think it's awesome that she has no real "reason" to fight on the side of the Order except for that she knows that Voldemort's side is wrong. As Izzy says, she's the best of them all, and she sure does show it.

Oooh, I caught that little blush when she bumped into Marlene! Uh oh, the ship is about to set sail! :D :D :D Really, I can't wait to see more of what Marlene is like, and all the other characters, too. I'm sure they're awesome, but I want to know more! What drew them to the Order? How did they find out about it? (And how did Dorcas find out about it?) Are they going to have special training meetings where they get to know each other better? When is that heart-to-hear between Dorcas and Marlene going to happen?

Also, do you have a ship name for them yet? I might suggest Dorlene or Marcas, hahaha. :)

All the little details that you put into your writing are super cool. I loved the talking gargoyle and his inherent struggle to maintain a twisted, scary facial expression. Poor thing. I totally sympathize with him. And the dadgum broomsticks on Izzy's pajamas are just too funny! A crash because of a "fault in the stitching!" It sounds like a sequel to The Fault in Our Stars--The Fault in Our Stitching, hahaha. :D

Well, brilliant job on this, and if you're going to post as you go, I look forward to seeing the next chapter up very soon! :)

~Mallory ♥

Author's Response: Hello you! ♥ Wonderful person, thank you so much for that slip of the hand a reviewing this piece as well as In Operibus Suis. :D

Don't you dare badmouth yourself when I'm around! *angry Mum muttering* You're an amazing NaNo Mum and child, and don't you dare forget it. And also, 100k...*hides* My brains and my ambition have compromised and I'm aiming for 150k, which probably means that I shouldn't be writing out this review response but oh well. :D Thank you!

Yes she is! I was wondering if it was too much, honestly, to have her join the Order just for that, but I'm really glad that you found it believable. She really is the best of all of them.

DID YOU YES GOOD Dorcas is stubbornly refusing to mention it but all of us can tell that Dorcas likes Marlene. The ship is indeed about to set sail indeed, ahahaha >:D Ooh yes, Chapter 3 actually has a nice conversation between them all about how they got to find out about the Order and their various motives for joining it. The heart-to-heart...I'm not telling. :P But it's soon, don't worry!

Ship names!! No, I don't, but I fancy Dorlene as a lovely ship name. :D

I'm so glad that you like it! Sometimes I wonder whether I go off on tangents, but I'm glad that you like the amount of detail in my story. Yes, the broomsticks! Honestly, The Fault in Our Stitching would be a story even more tragic than The Fault in Our Stars - the little girl's broomsticks crash and she cries herself to sleep every night because of those dadgum broomsticks. Move out of the way, Romeo and Juliet. :P

Thank you, for the amazing review, Mallory, it eseriously made my day. ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57In Operibus Suis: Rowena Ravenclaw

8th November 2014:
Hi Sarah! :D

I'm here for the November BvB Review Battle, and also because I am super determined to be the first one to review this lovely collab, so here we go..! :)

I read this last night, and I thought it was such a brilliant way to start things off. After all, you're supposed to begin at the beginning, and in this case, the beginning of the Ravenclaw story starts with our dear Founder herself. I love how you've portrayed her, ever the academic, thinking about how each of her colleagues will teach according to their respective credos. It really works to set up the whole Ravenclaw theme of "we're smart, sometimes a little zany, and mostly super awesome, oh yeah!".

And that Rowenzar, though! I'm quite a shipper of Rowena and Salazar, so even though this instance that you wrote about was just a little one-off thing that might not amount to anything, I really loved it. Helga's disapproval made it even better, though--she's apparently the one with some sense in her noggin! :D But seriously, if Rowena and Salazar DO end up having a relationship-type-thing later on in the course of their history, I would be super happy about that. :)

The ending was really great--the cry of the eagle wrapped everything up nicely. It's awesome to think that founding Hogwarts was Rowena's proudest accomplishment, even above the magical innovations and advances that she no doubt created/discovered in her lifetime, because that tells me that she's all about the love of learning, and helping to pass that on to future generations. (If I'm making any sense.) Gah, at any rate, this was absolutely amazing, and good for you for starting the collab off! :)


Author's Response: Hi Mallory! Well, I'm glad that it didn't disappoint! Starting it off was terrifying, but I was also kind of excited to write about this partic ular moment. I'm glad my chapter set up that super awesome theme! Rowenzar. I'm going to start using that ship name, i'm glad you approved!! I had a lot of fun writing this and I'm so glad that you liked it. Thank you for your lovely lovely compliments.

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Back to the Beginning: Rose POV

5th November 2014:
Hi Beth! I'm here for the November BvB Review Battle, as usual! :D

Wow, this WAS a long chapter, but that's okay! It was totally worth reading, and I think that it ended exactly where it needed to end. :)

Okay, so the million-dollar question here is: WHY was Stannous able to break the security spells on Rose's flat?! Does he have some sort of residual connection with her from his kidnapping of her? Ugh, I hope not...

This chapter was really loaded as far as the horror and angst goes, and there was some TOTALLY OBVIOUS tension between Harry and Al (which is always interesting to read--usually it's James who has daddy issues). I hate it for Rose that she had to listen to the recapitulation of the events AND show Harry her scars on top of that. She obviously just wants things to go "back to normal," as evidenced by the repetition of her little mantra from chapter one (I totally recognized that, by the way, and I think the chapter title is completely perfect!). Still, I'm glad that Scorpius was able to convince her to tell Harry about it.

Speaking of Scorpius and Rose... D'aw! They had some really great moments in this chapter, angst notwithstanding. It just goes to show that they are a couple that is meant to last, even though they have some serious problems to work through first (namely, Stannous). It's going to be really interesting to see how their relationship develops as they live in 12 Grimmauld Place together.

As always, I love your writing! This story keeps getting more intense as the chapters go on, and I am in awe of your ability to write about a complicated matter without sacrificing the sweet moments of everyday life (speaking of, I forgot to mention how awesome Harry and Rose's embrace was. Pure amazingnes). Thanks for being awesome! :D


Author's Response: Hiya!

I'm all warm and fuzzy inside from this review - thank you so much!

That *is* the million-dollar question, isn't it. Ooo - I like your idea that they have a connection because of the kidnapping (sorry, that isn't it - I'm not nearly that clever).

Harry and Al are sorting through their stuff. That can't be fixed over night, but I don't think Harry could overlook Al being downright irresponsible when the most wanted wizard shows up and attempts another kidnapping. And Al does think he knows best - even when he doesn't.

Yes - Rose and Scorp are meant to last ♥

And Rose did the right thing - telling Harry. She's in obvious danger at this point. I look forward to all your reviews and I can NOT wait to hear what you think of the next chapter.

Thank you so, so much!

♥ Beth

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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57Off-Limits: One: Decisions

27th October 2014:
Hi! I'm here at last to review your story. :)

So... This is definitely an interesting premise for a story right off the bat. The revelation that Rose isn't as much of a "good girl" as she seems is quite shocking to her family, obviously, and the fact that she's Teddy's girlfriend-on-the-side is something that I can foresee the Weasleys having a family feud over. I must say that I really don't approve of Rose's actions--Victoire might not have been the best of fiances, but she certainly didn't deserve to be cheated on. But I'm sure that she will play some part in this. I hope that she doesn't turn out to be the main antagonist in the end. The thing is, relationships can be messy and people aren't going to get along 100% of the time. Chances are that Teddy and Rose are going to have some terrible fights eventually and start doing things to get revenge on each other. I mean, it's just life. So I say that all simply to say that I hope that Victoire isn't made a villain because of her less-than-perfect relationship with Teddy. The way I see it, she's the victim here.

Rose, of course, is the villain in Victoire and her parents' minds, and I find it really interesting that she seems to have very little remorse for her actions. Why did she let Teddy carry on with his relationship with Victoire for so very long before she told him how she felt? If they had spent time talking about it before the wedding, then they could've avoided making a huge scene and humiliating Victoire in front of everyone. I mean, even if Rose didn't necessarily "love" Teddy during all of their secret meetings (or even if she did love him then), they could've realized that their affair was a product of being unhappy in their respective relationships, and then they could've taken the steps to end those relationships on a better note. I'm also quite suspicious of the way that Rose broke up with Scorpius before Teddy broke up with Victoire. How did Rose know that Teddy would truly give Victoire up to be with her? She had no way of knowing for sure, but she gave up her relationship with Scorpius to concentrate on her relationship with Teddy, and Teddy didn't give up his relationship until he was forced to make a choice at the very end. All I'm saying is that it seems a little suspect...

As far as Rose and Teddy's interactions, yes, I thought they were pretty natural and realistic. They've obviously been together for a while, so they're comfortable doing and saying things that people who have just begun a relationship probably would not. You did a good job of developing their characters through their actions and dialogue. :)

For the Rose that you've characterized, I would say that it's quite realistic of her to want to give everything up in order to be with Teddy. She's so infatuated at this point that she would follow him off a cliff, maybe. Still, I hope that in future chapters, she comes to realize that Teddy is not exactly the bee's knees. After all, he cheated on Victoire with her; who's to say that he won't cheat on her with someone else? I don't know... I can only hope that Rose's family will be supportive and forgiving if she runs back to them with her heart broken. :/

Sorry this is such an odd review, but I really don't know what to make of the situation that Rose and Teddy have put themselves in. It's really uncomfortable to think that they would do such awful things to Scorpius and Victoire, even if they WERE better suited for each other than for their respective original partners. It's a very interesting beginning, and it makes me want to read more so that maybe I can learn about how Scorpius and Victoire are coping with all of the fallout that Rose and Teddy have created. I'm afraid that I'm on their side right now, and I'm not exactly rooting for Tedrose, just because of their seeming lack of remorse for their actions.

Regardless of my pointless moralizing and rooting for the underdogs, I think that what you've got here is a nice beginning. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes, which is always good, and I loved the tidbits about Rose's character that you exposed through her first person narration.

Great work!


Author's Response: Hey!

I honestly forgot about this, so it was a nice surprise.

Rose is most definitely no longer the good girl or even a mini Hermione, which was something I didn't want her too be. Very much shocking to the Weasley's indeed. I think in any family with that happening there is bound to be arguments. I definitely don't either but for some reason I'm intrigued by writing it. Despite everything Victoire didn't even if she and Teddy were arguing, things should have ended before the wedding took place. You're right, Victoire doesn't end up the villain at all, she gets her own ending whether it be that she's single or with someone else.

She is, it's more in the next few chapters she is wondering whether she did the right thing or not in leaving with Teddy. Rose had no idea whether or not Teddy felt the same, she knew that he and Victoire were trying to make things work and she had doubts that he could feel the same as her. They hadn't spent a lot of time talking about their feelings, it was more one night when they were drunk so Rose just thought it was drunken words. Rose had ended her relationship with Scorpius in the February, whilst the wedding was in July. Rose and Scor broke up on mutual terms, she said she liked someone else and so did he because he dropped the bombshell on her that he's gay. She certainly had no idea whether Teddy would or not, but for a while she thought nothing would every happen between them as their meetings stopped for a bit.

I'm glad they come off natural and realistic, there are certain bits between them when I write that I don't think do, so I'm happy. They've been around one another since they were little which adds to their interactions too. That makes me happy :)

One of the reason I had her be a writer was partly because of this, she needed to do something in which she could either do away or easily up and leave. Haha, she might well but she is definitely headstrong too. He did indeed, so who knows. Hermione definitely would be I think, not so much Ron I think he'd have more of a 'I told you so' reaction if Rose did go back to them heart broken.

Haha, honestly it's fine. I think this chapter is a little odd myself since you don't really have any back story or reasoning as that comes out in the others chapters. It is horrible to think, but as you said I think it's interesting too, though again this chapter is a bit odd as it's after things have come out/happened. At the moment Scorpius is coping quite well, since he and Rose broke up months before, but Victoire not so much. She is definitely upset, I mean who wouldn't be? That's okay, haha maybe Vic and Scor should get together, lol :p

Don't worry, haha but thank you. I do love Rose in this, as there are little things in her like Ron, but also like Hermione.

Thanks Mallory!!


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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57L'optimisme: Wales

23rd October 2014:
Hi hi hi! I have finally come to review chapter two of this lovely story. :)

I actually went ahead and reread the first chapter to make sure that I could give you a definite answer about the whole two-narrator thing, and here's the verdict: It works! There is a very clear distinction between Albus's chapter and Gellert's, and I would probably not mistake one for the other in future chapters. More on that later.

First: As always, beautiful writing. I love the way Gellert talks about the flora and fauna of the places he visits/wants to visit. He is fiery and passionate, and he has a very good eye for detail. He's probably had a lot of time to observe/reflect on his life in prison. This chapter was descriptive in a way that was different from Albus's chapter. They see different things in the same object/concept, and therein lies their fundamental difference. Hopefully you can continue to emphasize that in future chapters!

Ooh, the part about Gellert being at a loss for words is perfect, especially since Albus's chapter was all about words. Albus is obsessed with words and ideas; Gellert wants action. It's odd, then, that he has all of these crazy ideologies while Albus is logical. I think that Gellert doesn't use words to cage his ideologies in his mind, which is why he wants to act, to go somewhere new, and to move on when he gets bored. Albus uses words to frame his logic, and so he acts a bit more rationally. The way they are characterized really makes this comparison between the two stand out. It's really lovely. :)

I really couldn't find any mistakes in this chapter--it's positively flawless.

...Oooh! Wait! I have to talk about the kiss! Ugh, that kiss!! It happened, and it was beautiful. Like, teach me how to write a kissing scene, because I feel so awkward when I try. Your writing and the action within the words was just progressing towards the kiss, but when it happened, it took me by surprise--in a good way. I love the image of the intimacy in between Albus and Gellert--it proves that there were feelings in the mix, volatile, fledgling feelings that they end up dealing with for the rest of their lives. The kiss cemented their (rather sad) fate, mwahaha. You do love to torture your characters. :)

Amazing chapter, Laura! Please forgive me for being so late in reviewing it. :P


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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Bombarda Maxima: Scorpius POV

21st October 2014:
Holy... wow. More loaded chapter-ness!

Good gosh, this is review 250 for this story. I'd better make this a good one!

So... There was so much aggression, so much anger from Al and Scorpius, and through their awful rage, I could really see how their own pasts were impacting the feelings of guilt that they were having about Rose and Stannous. Scorpius has had a pretty messed up life, and Albus has a few daddy issues to worry about. They love Rose, but they were too wrapped up in themselves to really question the damage that Stannous did to her in the past. This chapter is the unveiling, the revelation of that particular mystery, and now that their eyes are opened, they feel terrible. I loved how united they were in those moments, vowing to protect Rose and seek out Stannous and his gang in order to exact revenge for Rose's suffering.

Ugh, the encounter with Stannous had a bigger impact on Rose than you let on in the previous chapter! Convulsions, vomiting, blacking out, et cetera--that's something that sounds truly terrible to experience, and even though she didn't feel any pain after she blacked out, it must have been scary. I don't blame Dom for telling Scorpius and Al to back off! After all, they have no idea what to do to help Rose. Destroying the Forest of Dean is pretty much their only way to release their frustrations!

Over all, this was a really awesome chapter. There were so many raw emotions there, especially with Al and Scorpius in the forest. One thing that I would recommend to you is that you maybe put a little more description into Rose's whole convulsion/fainting scene. It feels a little bit sparse compared to the massive picture that you paint during the boys' scene. Playing up the drama is never a bad thing (usually)! Also, just be sure to check your verb tenses and spelling whenever you edit. There was nothing major, but as always, it's nice to go back and catch the little things that you miss when first posting a chapter. :)

Brilliant work! I will continue reviewing this story whenever I find the time and/or get a chance to catch you in the Review Battle! :D


Author's Response: Yay!

250 reviews - thank you so much! *dances around the room*

Yeah - this chapter is a giant ball of emotion. It was actually the first thing I wrote for the story and most of it stayed intact.

Good point about their pasts affecting their reactions. They are feeling so much guilt and rage that it just had to come out. They both love Rose so much - and the fact that they didn't know the whole truth about her kidnapping is haunting them.

Dom and Selenia were pretty much the same, although they chose to deal with it differently. They needed Rose to feel safe and calm. Knowing the temper that Al has and the way Scorp feels so connected to Rose, they just wanted to let them deal with it first before they could be effective at helping her. You'll see in the next chapter that the boys are still a little lost as to how best to do that...

Thanks for the tips - I'll give it a look over with the edits you suggested. And I can't wait to see what you think as the story unfolds!

♥ Beth

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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Besieged: Rose POV

21st October 2014:
Oh my... Loaded chapter alert! D:

I'm finally coming back to give you two more reviews--that 250 mark is looming closer for this story! :D And I'm so glad that I helped you catch that chapter mix-up last night--it was just a bit confusing for me when I read it the first time. :P

Okay, so things are starting to happen to Rose, and I'm really starting to see the reason for her various neuroses throughout the first few chapters. Stannous was obviously a creep and a pedophile of some sort, and that is NOT okay. Of course, he was probably more than just a pedophile--I can picture him having the goal of world domination in mind--but for some reason, he zeroed in on Rose as a target for his sadistic fantasies. Like, ew. That is some twisted stuff, but it adds so much intrigue to the storyline! How did you come up with this sinister baddie, and how do you write him torturing Rose with a clear conscience?! (Just kidding--every good story needs an antagonist. Yours just happens to be SUPER creepy.) :)

Well, at least Rose and Scorpius's relationship is going swimmingly. :) I'm so glad that they finally admitted their long-lasting feelings for each other and that they're able to establish some sort of closeness, despite all of the emotional/mental baggage that they both have. The description of Rose's happiness at seeing Scorpius is really cute, and I'm so glad that they get to have a few moments of fun and lurve before Stannous steps in to complicate matters...

However, I found myself wanting more Rose/Scorpius interaction after the last chapter. Because of Scorpius's arranged meeting with Rose, I expected to see that arranged meeting and the exact situation that came from it. By starting this chapter several days later, I feel like I missed a little bit of the story. But that's just kind of a personal preference for me, I think. I mean, I get the idea that they would've been like, "I lurve you so much," but I kind of wanted to see it happen. Ah well, what you've written is enough--romance sort of has to take a backseat to action, anyway.

A few notes on semantics:

Parts of this chapter are in present tense, which doesn't seem to make sense within the context of the past tense narration that encompasses the majority of the story. Perhaps that's something to look over when you get a chance to edit. :)

Also, a few of the spells were not spelled (lol, a pun) correctly, and that's not a huge deal, but I thought I should point it out. (I'm a big fan of spelling, sorry.) Maybe check out the Lexicon when you edit, just to make sure you get the spelling right.

Other than that, I have no complaints about this chapter. It really furthered the action along, and it made me want to read more! (Which is what I will be doing as soon as I finish typing this review.) I can't wait to see what will be done about the whole Stannous situation, especially if he's been stalking Rose like a total weirdo.


Author's Response: Hiya!

I'm so excited that you wanted to give be the 250th review and thank you so much for catching the error - I think I did that by accident one day on the ipad - it's so easy to accidentally click the up or down arrow. Anyway, I'm eternally grateful for the catch!

Haha - I think I came up with him because I wanted the next gen to have their own version of Voldemort. In my mind, the story doesn't end with Harry and Voldy. I like your thoughts on world domination - keep that in the back of your mind :)

Haha - I know how you feel about wanting the Scorose interaction - and I totally agree. But, as I mentioned in my last response I was trying to show that their relationship at this point is still superficial because Rose hasn't been as open with Scorpius as she should be. Not really her fault, but she needs to give him a bit more credit.

Also (as I mentioned before) I hope that I don't disappoint with the Scorose interactions that happen later on in the story. I seriously can't wait until you get to those parts! Eeep!

I'm going to look at editing it right now. I love all your suggestions and I know that sometimes I get messed up with the tenses. Thanks so much, because I really want the story to be the best it can be :)

♥ Beth

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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

20th October 2014:
Hi Beth! I noticed that ASLTW is only 3 reviews away from 250, so I'm pretty set on giving you that 250th review. And I'm just procrastinating again, so here we go! :D

Okay, so the first part of this chapter involved so much "D'aw"-ing from me. My roommate is sitting in the living room with me, and she was really confused. But I had to "D'aww" because THE ROSE AND HARRY DYNAMIC IS SO CUTE!!! It absolutely never occurred to me to think about what sort of relationship they might have, and this is totally headcanon for me now. Like, in most Next Gen fanfic, you don't see a lot of the Next Gen gang relating to their elders in a way that isn't bad/sad/angsty, so I'm incredibly surprised and pleased to see such an adorable relationship between Rose and Harry. Sad to say, though, it seems as though Harry gets along better with her than he gets along with Albus. :P Ah well...

And I must admit, I was a little bit disappointed that you didn't write about the weekend that Rose and Scorpius spent together, but maybe they're going to talk about it in the next chapter? I don't know... But when you started this chapter out with Rose and then connected it to the action from the last chapter, I was like, "DANG, THAT SEGWAY THOUGH!" (Yes, it is necessary to use shouty capitals.) I was just incredibly impressed with how you connected Rose's PoV to Scorpius's PoV. So tell me, how do you do that? Do you write several chapters from Rose's PoV and then go back and fill in Scorpius's part (or vice versa)? Do you just write in alternating PoVs? Impart knowledge unto me, o wise one! :D

...Maybe it's too late for me to be writing reviews... Oh well.

Anyways, super cute and marvelously fab chapter. I can't wait to read about Rose and Scorpius's meeting!


Author's Response: Hi there!

*I'm* the one totally "D'aw"-ing over all these reviews! Thank you so much! I'm just so excited that you like my story and I really, really appreciate all of your notes!

I thought a lot about the relationship between the parents and next gen kids when writing this story. I intentionally set it after they graduated from Hogwarts, because I wanted them to have some interactions.

I also thought that Ron would be really awkward with his daughter - especially as she got older. He would probably just not know how to deal with her. Harry, on the other hand, is a little more removed from being Rose's parent and can have a different relationship with her.

Sorry about the lack of the cute weekend - I *promise* there is some serious Scorose scenes coming up - haha! first of all, I really wanted to move the story along and secondly - I wanted it to seem like their relationship was going a little *too* easily. Rose hasn't been forthcoming with Scorpius about her past and you can't really commit wholly to someone without being honest - especially about something this big. At least that's the message I wanted to send - haha!

Umm... I'm not sure how I do it... I think that I just sort of put myself in their place when I'm writing. And I've been really, really worried that Scorpius's voice sounds too much like Rose's. So I really, really *really* appreciate the vote of confidence on that. I actually tried to write the story form her POV only, but it just wouldn't work. So - I guess the story sort of demanded the two POVs.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Bitter: Scorpius POV

19th October 2014:
Ahah! October BvB again! This review is brought to you in part by my awesome procrastination skills and my wish to learn more of Rose and Scorpius's story. :)

Oh. Wow. Albus and Harry were really going at it for a minute there. I was pretty shocked that Harry would choose to call Al out on his misbehavior and engage him in a duel in front of the entire Auror program. That sort of goes against Harry's whole "Mr. Nice Guy Peaceful Auror" persona with which he runs the department, but then again, parent-child relationships are always tough to balance, especially in the workplace. Thank Merlin for Scorpius hopping in with his peacemaking skills!

Oh yeah, and Al seems like he's just a little bit of a nuisance sometimes, what with all of his teasing and carrying on. But deep down, he just wants to prove himself to Harry, so maybe he purposefully acts out sometimes, to get some sort of reaction out of Harry? I don't know... But I love how complex your characters are! I haven't seen Al much in this, but he definitely has his own demons, just like Rose and Scorpius do.

A few typo-esque things that I caught:

"...although mildly irritated at Al for distracting me during the morning session, I just can't bring myself to be..."~Because this story is written in past tense, I think that the "can't" in this sentence should be "couldn't."

"Impedimentia!"~I think the spell is actually "Impedimenta."

Both are very minor things, so you don't have to worry about editing them if you don't want to. :)

One thing with the plot that concerned me a little was the speed of Harry and Al's reconciliation. There have been bad feelings under the surface for so many years, and they're just going to kiss and make up?! I refuse to think that this is the case. I think that it might be a reconciliation, but only on the surface--after all, this is from Scorpius's PoV, and he isn't exactly a mind reader. I'm thinking that tensions between the two green-eyed Potters will explode in a later chapter. The only reason that I bring this up is because the reconciliation was just. So. Quick! But now that I think about it, I'm sure that there will be more arguments to come. Ignore my waffling. :)

Uh oh, is Scorpius going to tell Rose the truth, or is he just going to beat around the bush some more? I'm betting that it's the later option. ;)

'Til next time!


Author's Response: Hi again!

Haha - I love procrastination - but I'll get to that later :)

You're not the first person to comment on Harry's quick temper. I think that it had been a long time coming between him and Al - and since they are both not the main characters in the story, so I wasn't sure how much time to put into their back stories. Harry, at this point is just really disappointed that HIS son is the one setting a bad example. He wants Al to be the best - that Harry *knows* he can be, but he seems to fall short and get a bit sloppy. I am thinking about how to handle this differently, but I really wanted the two to face off so Harry could tell Al that he's really a better version of himself.

They did make up pretty quickly, huh? Again, I wasn't sure how to pace this because I didn't want to spend too much time on a side story - hmmm, I'll have to think about that. You're not waffling - I really don't have another argument between the green-eyes, but I do mention that Harry takes some steps to show trust in his son, if that helps :)

Thanks for finding those - I'll definitely fix them. The validators are gonna hate me - haha!

Scorpius and Rose well... you'll just have to read to find out!

Thanks again - so, so much!

♥ Beth

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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Besotted: Rose POV

19th October 2014:
I'm back for the October BvB Review Battle! :D

Whoa. There is a LOT of stuff going on in this chapter. A LOT. Rose revealing secrets? Check. Delving into their past Hogwarts selves? Check. Evil guy who got mentioned a few times but is now one of the nastiest characters I've read recently? Check, check, and check.

Stannous. I mean, I don't want to say he's stupid because he invented his own variant of the Cruciatus curse. He's obviously a bad guy with brains, and that is really terrifying. From the little bit of information that Rose gives us at the beginning of the chapter, I can tell that he is a force of evil that may rival Voldemort in terms of nastiness. He's had a lasting impact on Rose, too, which is awful. I can't stand to see her hating the scars that he gave her, because that just makes her think more about what he did to her. I wish that there was some way she could see them as her own battle scars of survival and bravery--but maybe there isn't any good way to see them, since she's been through such an ordeal because of them.

And Scorpius is just letting ALL of his problems out. The bitterness that he felt toward Draco in previous chapters is unparalleled by the hatred that he projects to Rose. If Draco was really that bad, I pity Astoria. :( The revelation that Scorpius slept around at Hogwarts was a surprising one--I really didn't think he would, but it does make sense. It's just gross and awful that Rose had to catch him in the act. :/

One thing I was a bit confused about (and this is probably just my own silliness): Was that Scorpius's way of confessing his love for Rose, and vice versa? It seemed like it, but they didn't really continue that whole conversation. Maybe they set it aside for later so that they could concentrate on forgetting about Scorpius's past for the time being... Love was never going to be easy for those two, anyway.

Another marvelous chapter! If I keep reviewing them for the BvB every month, I might finish in about... two years. :P I'll have to stop by again sometime, just for funsies. :D


Author's Response: Hi there!

Wow. Thanks so much for this awesome review. I'm just floored by how thorough you are.

So - YES, Stannous is pretty much pure evil. There will be much, much more on that later on in the story. I'm glad that you picked up on the fact that he could rival Voldemort, because I wanted a character of that magnitude to be around to terrorize the next gen kids. (I just realized that made ME sound pretty evil - haha or should I say mwah-ha-ha!).

Yes! I want Rose to see the scars as a reason as her ability to survive and give her strength and power! She's just not in that place quite yet. She might need some help to get there... enter completely hunky yet slightly damaged tall, blond, Scorpius!

Draco wasn't bad, per se... he was just fighting his own demons from the war. Essentially cut off from wizarding society and ostracized by both the purebloods and Harry's crew had a rough effect on him. He loved his son, but was too caught up in his own depression to show it. The result was a barren wasteland of a home for Scorpius. He was much closer to his Mum, but still felt a need for friends. Aand all of this is from Scorpius's POV, so were seeing his take on things - from his 15-year old perspective.

I really struggled with having Scorpius sleep around at Hogwarts. On one hand, I think it makes the love he had for Rose less pure - he couldn't wait for the right girl to come to her senses. But, in the end, I decided that having that wedge between them would hold them off from getting together at Hogwarts - so that they were a bit older and more mature when they finally decide they want to be together. I hope that makes sense :)

My intent was to not have them confess any REAL feelings just yet, but to maybe open the door to the possibility that they were still interested in each other. I'm sorry if it came off as confusing, but I really appreciate the honest feedback. I'm slowly editing this story and all of this cc is really helpful :)

Ooo - please stop by anytime. I ♥ your reviews!


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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57Dobby: The Paid Elf: Dobby: The Paid Elf

18th October 2014:
Here for our swap! :D

Awww, this is so great! Dobby is seriously the best ever, and I loved reading the "how it happened" tale of the beginning of his employment at Hogwarts. He's so sweet. I hated reading all of the stuff about how he got kicked down the stairs and thrown out to live on the streets, just because he was asking for payment for his work. That's so sad, but I can imagine that it's incredibly realistic. :/

Somehow, I think that Dumbledore was in the Hog's Head because he knew that Dobby was going to happen along, looking for shelter. He's magical like that. Dobby's reactions to Dumbledore's kind treatment of him were very realistic--even though he was an elf who longed to be free, he still doesn't consider himself an equal of wizardkind. That is extremely sad, but the job offer will definitely go a long way in helping him realize his own right to respect and equality. (I hope.)

I really loved reading this! It was so well-done. Dobby is already such a lovable character, but this just made me love him even more. :)


Author's Response: Hi there!! :)

Thank you!! ♥ I know, I just adore Dobby. How could you not? He's so sweet, brave and innocent. I'm so happy to hear that you liked this! I can absolutely see that happening to the poor thing, while he was looking for work. His life, I imagine, was awful that year he was looking for work. It made me sad writing it! :(

Haha you're right! Dumbledore is just magical like that. ;) He very well may have known that Dobby would happen across the Hog's Head that evening. I completely agree. He really didn't see himself as an equal, even though he was a free elf. He still showed a lot of respect, to the people who deserved it. I think that he did eventually think a little more highly of himself, but still, not much.

I'm so happy that you enjoyed it!! Thank you so, so much! ♥ That is such a wonderful compliment! *squee* Thank you for leaving such a wonderfully kind review and for doing the swap!

xoxo Meg

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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57Nym: Into Focus

17th October 2014:
Hi! I just saw your status on the forums, and it made me so angry. I hate it when people think they can just write rude things on the Internet--maybe they don't realize that people have actual feelings that can actually be bruised by their words? Or maybe they're just naturally rude.

Anyways, to continue my manifesto-of-sorts: You just got a bad review, so I'm going to balance it out with a good review. Sorry I'm not reviewing Complicated, but I think I will when I find more time later on. :) Remember that YOU WON A DOBBY ON THAT STORY, which means that a whole lot of people really love it, so don't let the opinion of some Internet troll get you down. :)

Okay, so the description of this story made me really excited. I have a secret-that-isn't-so-secret love of Charlie/Tonks, but stories about their friendship/possible romance are really hard to find. That's why this one makes me happy, because it's so realistic and so incredibly beautiful and sad. (I'm a sucker for doomed romance, hahaha.) I don't even care that it might be "slightly AU"--I can definitely say that I'll be filing this under my headcanon. :)

The language that you use is so wonderful. You don't use a whole lot of "poetic imagery" or whatever, but you don't really need that in this story. You get down to the feelings of Charlie and Bill--and when Charlie realizes that he loves Tonks and he keeps repeating the phrase "I love her"... Ugh, that is just so fantastic.

I knew that their love story wouldn't actually turn out to be a real love story because Tonks was already married, but it didn't stop me from hoping just a little bit... They had this great little moment together before she realized that something was up with him, and then the whole world fell apart and they never got a chance to talk about it. The scene at the end, with Charlie holding Tonks in his arms, is so, so sad, and it hurts my feels a little bit to know that he finally tried to tell her his secret when it was far too late. :'(

Argggh, after you finish Complicated, can you just write a novel about Charlie and Tonks? I want to know more about their Hogwarts friendship and if they ever got to see each other after that.

Seriously, this is so beautiful. Now that I have discovered your writing (because apparently I am an ostrich who sticks her head in the sand during the Dobby nominations) I will certainly come back for more. :D


Author's Response: Aw thank you so much! This is extremely kind of you :)

I'm a big Charlie/Tonks fan too, as long as it's not at the expense of Remus/Tonks. But I just think Tonks got on so well with the Weasleys it makes sense that she would have had some kind of something going on with Charlie, given that they were at school together.

And I'd love to read some stories about them too! So let me know if you have any recommendations... :)

I actually originally had this planned as a short story, but I didn't trust myself to ever get it written so decided to cut it to a one-shot. But I have a whole lot of Charlie/Tonks scenes in my head so maybe they'll get written again.

Really, thank you so much for this lovely review. I really appreciate it :)

Much love,

Emma xx

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57We Lived: We Lived

16th October 2014:

Seriously, it says so much to me that I never. Even. CONSIDERED. that maybe Albus and Elphias had a thing going on, which would explain the sentimentality of Doge's obituary that we see in DH. Whoa, but now I'm thinking of all sorts of possibilities, and dang, that's COOL.

Honestly, it's such an interesting pairing. Albus is so intellectual, and Elphias might be smart, but he knows that he just can't keep up with Albus. I love the imagery of Albus in his Hogwarts days--the cheeky grin, the schoolboy elegance (if indeed, schoolboys could be said to have elegance). Wow, your descriptions are so brilliant. I can see the sunlight rippling off their bodies, and Elphias in a faded old photograph with Hassan by his side. Really beautiful stuff.

And Elphias married Omar... In which year? I would like to know! Was their marriage accepted in the Wizarding World? Was it accepted in the Muggle world? The reason I'm asking is because of all the racial and sexuality prejudices that may or may not have prevailed during the time period. It makes it that much more interesting that Elphias's marriage might have been surrounded by a lot of controversy.

In fact, this story was so good that I really wish that I could see more of the relationship between Elphias and Albus. I want to see more of schoolboy Albus--I think I fell in love with him just from your description of him. And I want to know more about the relationship between Omar and Elphias. Could you maybe just write a short story or something? Cuz I seriously want to know more. :)

So obviously, the only CC that I have for you is: Flesh it out! Write more! Because you've given me just enough information to tease me. It's such a wonderful story--and it would be so awesome if you could one day expand it. :D


Author's Response: Eeee! Thank you so much!

Yeah, Dumbledore/Doge has been headcanon for me since FOREVER (I subtly ship them in Year Five too). I remember when I told my mom that Dumbledore was gay, she was like "But what about that lady who wrote his obituary?" and I was like, "yeah that was a guy," and she was like "oh ok - because they definitely had a thing."

I'm so glad you liked the descriptions! We think of these characters as being so /old/ that it was really fun for me to capture their youth!

As for prejudice and controversy, my headcanon has always been that the wizarding world is more progressive in terms of race, sexual orientation, and gender, but has problems associated with class, blood purity, species, etc. So like, I imagined that no one would blink at a interracial gay marriage, but Werewolf hunting would still be legal, or whatever.

Yee! I'm sort of hoping that this story will LAUNCH THIS SHIP (because it's practically canon), and inspire dozens of Albus/Elphias stories! And it's entirely likely that I'll revisit them in the future :)

Thank you so much for your review! Yours is on the way


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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Of Final Thoughts: How to Say Goodbye

14th October 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the review swap, even though you might be asleep and so you won't see this until tomorrow. :)

Okay, so I think that anything extra in this story would have been superfluous. You managed to build a friendship between Moody and Dearborn with just a few paragraphs, and that made it all the more meaningful. They might have had some good times, but the things that are most important to Dearborn are the meaningful times--the times when he was being a fool and Moody stepped in to rescue him. It is very interesting that he is the reason why Moody has a magical eye and a peg leg, and I think that by not telling those stories in full, technicolor detail, you sharpen the reality of Dearborn's impending death. I mean, he's about to die. He doesn't have time to go into all the nuts and bolts of everything.

And I loved that this was an apostrophe to Moody, through which we learn something of Dearborn, too. He is brave, even though he believes himself to be a coward. He is just too caught up in the moment, of what is to come for him, to realize what he is doing to help the Order. That being said, it is absolutely horrible that his only alternative was to commit suicide. :(

But the refrain of "Get some rest, lad," was never more appropriate than in that very last sentence. Such a bitter, yet peaceful ending--almost like the snuffing of a candle. How did he do it, I wonder? With a knife? A spell to stop his breath? I don't know, but at least he is resting now.

This was so sad and poignant. The diction and sentence structure you used were very appropriate for the story, and I could picture Dearborn preparing himself for his fate as he remembers all of the things that Moody has done for him.

Brilliant work!


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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57notes on freefalling.: sunbeams

14th October 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the October BvB Review Battle. :)

Okay, wow. This is certainly a pairing that I've never thought of before, but the way you write makes me ship it. I love the concept of the eighth year at Hogwarts and Astoria hating Padma but admiring Parvati--there must have been some reason that the twins weren't Sorted into the same House, and you really show just how different they are in this story.

I don't even mind that Drastoria is broken up (they're one of my minor OTPs, just because Dramione is so awful) because the way you breathe so much life and just... pure human emotion into these characters and their relationship is incredibly beautiful. The motif of light that surrounds Parvati is amazing--she is the light that Astoria seeks, a far cry from the darkness of Malfoy Manor. And Parvati is nourishing and warm--she gives Astoria and Scorpius exactly what Draco cannot, and that is beautiful.

So, what happened in between Parvati and Astoria's dinner and Astoria's arrival on the doorstep? Did she tell Draco to get lost? Did she leave quietly at night? Will there be repercussions? Those are questions that I'm curious to know the answer to, but they don't really matter in the long run. Astoria made her stand against tradition. She chose Parvati, and her life will be sunnier because of it.

And imagine in the DH epilogue, instead of Draco with Scorpius on the platform, we see Parvati and Astoria, encouraging him to try new things. That makes for a bright future, indeed. :D

Brilliant one-shot!


Author's Response: hiya! i had totally never thought about this pairing before but someone dared me to try it, so i did :P i'm really glad you think they worked together!

i wanted some way to connect them at Hogwarts but didn't want Astoria to be a Gryffindor, so having the Padma connection made sense to me, but I thought it would be fun to show how opposite Parvati and Padma are, ahaha. I agree, twins in separate houses must have a lot of differences and I don't imagine they'd get on so well because of those!

I was kinda worried about stepping on the toes of anyone who likes Draco or ships him with Astoria so i'm really glad you didn't mind them being broken up :P I'm far from a Draco hater but I knew I didn't want her to have a happy marriage in this story and it made sense to me that since they're young here he wouldn't be over the war and would still be stuck in pureblood ways that clashed with how Astoria wanted to live her life. I totally tried to juxtapose the still, cold, impersonality of the Malfoy family and manor with Parvati represented as air and light and warmth - i am so glad you picked up on that motif ♥

I think she left quietly while Draco was out, but I am sure that will be far from the end of it! In my mind I wanted to keep this canon, so I picture Draco still having kind of a relationship with Scorpius, but in a stilted, difficult and largely ornamental way. So he would still come to platform nine and three quarters to see Scorp onto the train, and maybe Scorpius would go over for awkward dinners at the manor every few months as a kid, and would have to spend Boxing Day there or whatever. And I think Draco would become a better father as he got older, and maybe even meet a girl he actually liked and who got him to open up as he got older, and give Scorpius a half sibling when he was 20 or something. But Scorpius definitely had a happy childhood with Astoria and Parvati and grew up as a little sunny hippie, and didn't resent Draco for any of it... I am going on a tangent here aren't I? XD

thanks so much for this lovely review! I'm so glad you liked it :D


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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Tales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Malice

12th October 2014:
Hey! I'm here with your requested review, and it only took me a few days this time. :)

The concept for this story is super interesting to me. I tend to shy away from stories about Harry/Ron/the others just after the war because I don't want the canon magic to be disturbed in my mind. But I certainly remember what you did with Draco's story, so I expected this to be just as intriguing and totally awesome as that was. :)

As for the beginning, it makes for an interesting prologue-esque chapter to Harry and Ron's story. I can tell that Kaspar is not going to be the main character, but his thoughts/actions/situation sets up the backdrop for the real story very nicely. It is obvious that there is a Death Eater problem after the war, and someone has to round them all up. Enter the Aurors, then, and I expect that Harry and Ron won't be Departmental Heads (because teenagers totally know how to run an entire department, right?). You did a fabulous job of setting up Kaspar's character and motivations, and I feel like I know him pretty well, despite the limited knowledge I actually have of him.

Ugh, and he's so awful!! It always shocks and delights me how people can write such dastardly characters without actually being dastardly people in real life. Kaspar's attitude toward Mary Goldsmith is absolutely WRONG and it goes against everything that I believe in, but I see your point--he's a blood purist, he's a scoundrel, he's a misogynist. Maybe Mary's attack on him will make him rethink that a little bit...

Yes, yes, yes! I loved the fight--it was very, very awesome of Mary to turn the tables on Kaspar and make him eat his words. I hope he feels that pain for a long, long time. As for Mary, I think that she's awesome. However, I hate that she has to use her "feminine wiles" to take down the bad guy. If she were a man, Kaspar probably would have suspected more quickly that something was wrong, and he certainly wouldn't have even thought of taking advantage (unless he just likes to rape people, in which case, he's worse than I thought he was). So the gender politics of the Auror department after the war, though tacit, are intriguing. Will there be more situations like this?

Also, I hope that Mary appears again. I want to know her story, and how she chose to be in the Auror department. And how she feels about having to wear a tight mini skirt while Harry and Ron are probably in magic-proof vests and pants. :/

But anyways, brilliant chapter, and as usual, I cannot find anything to offer constructive criticism on. :)

'Til next time!


Author's Response: Hi, there! Thanks for taking my request!

I thought that the early part of their Auror career was a part of Ron and Harry's post-war story that hasn't been explored as thoroughly as the rest. Plus, it allows me to rope in some of my other favorite characters like Neville and especially Susan.

In a weird sort of way, I guess this chapter could be viewed as prologue to the rest. Kaspar's story only relates indirectly to what happens later, but it sets the stage for the sort of person that the Aurors are trying to track down. He's cruel, bloodthirsty, prejudiced and completely devoid of empathy. Oh, and he's also a depraved, sexist pig. I see you've picked up on all of these things. I'm not sure if anything could make Kaspar completely rethink his life, but I felt like his encounter with Mary was a step in the right direction.

I'm glad you liked the fight scene. After writing this awful character for so long, it was a lot of fun to turn Mary loose on him. I agree that using her "feminine wiles" to get to Kaspar might not be sending the best message to little girls everywhere, but the Aurors had to make use of what they had available. They knew that Kaspar had a weakness and they exploited it. Oddly enough, you will see a brief exploration of the gender politics of the Auror Department in the next chapter. It's far from conclusive, but it does come up.

Mary will appear again, but it might take you a second to recognize her. ;)

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57Year Five: R

11th October 2014:
You certainly have done your research for this story! I admire your end notes. :)

Okay, so there were quite a few surprises in this chapter. I was really surprised that poor Tristan is in Slytherin--and I understand now why you kept that a secret for the first two chapters. He seems to have been Sorted there against his will, which majorly sucks, but his attack on the pureblood mania that his dorm mates share is just priceless. I like that he reads Vonnegut and listens to Muggle bands--because what better way is there to be subversive in 90s Wizarding culture than to listen to Nirvana? :)

Hmmm, things of significance seem to be popping up all over the place. "Longbottom" obviously bothers Tristan, as does his middle name. I'm guessing that the middle name will come into the story later, but for now, I can't even think of what it might be. Maybe it's "Rain," to match with "Emily Sunshine." Hahaha.

As for the excessive use of Cheering Charms... Ooh, I think that Isobel needs to slow down on those. I can see her overdosing in the future. That will be painful to read. :/

"Super Baby Harry Potter." Heeheehee. I love it! Tristan and his friends are so sarcastic and absolutely brilliant. And while I'm thinking about it--I like that Cedric Diggory was not always an Adonis, as evidenced by his fading acne. :) Ooh, and also "Dumbledore's absurd remarks." Oh yes. Not everyone is as entranced by him as Harry is at first. :D

One of the things that I really liked about this chapter was that you showed Dumbledore in relation to a student that was NOT Harry. That seems to happen very rarely in the books, giving me the impression that he didn't really care enough to look after the other students' well-being, but his annual wave to Emily sort of debunks that impression.

AND TONKS! So glad that she showed up to help Emily out in her first year. Arrgggh, you just weave these OCs into the well-known fabric of JK Rowling's version of Hogwarts so well! I can't get over it. :)

And hahaha, I wouldn't have noticed the "discrepancy" between the numbers of students if you hadn't pointed it out. *Spooky magic* That's awesome that you pay such close attention to details like that, though. It makes me think that this would be what Hogwarts was actually like in the 90s, without all of the wonder and mystery that colors Harry's perspective of it.

I know that this review says stuff without really saying anything at all, but I wanted to come back and read more (when I should be writing an essay...). So you get all of my jumbly random thoughts. :D

Can't wait to read the next one!


Author's Response: Eee, thank you so much for this review.

So I was SUPER trying for a big "SURPRISE, SLYTHERIN" reveal there. My goal was for a big AHA moment, but also for readers to not really realize I hadn't mentioned a House, and kind of autocorrect (introducing so many OCs at once, I hoped that omission would get lost in the shuffle). But so long as I got my AHA moment!

And yes, being a story set in 1991-92, I realized I shouldn't underplay the significance of Nirvana ;)

Rain! I sort of love that!

Yes, Cedric's awkward duckling phase is total headcanon for me :)

I definitely wanted this story to imply that Dumbledore has a relationship with ALL of his students, to varying degrees, and watches over each of them. Which is quite the task with 500/1000 kids - but he's super magical and wise-old-wizardly.

Weaving them into JKR's fabric was definitely what I was trying to do here! So glad you like! This story is so heavily researched, because I wanted to get *everything* right, and sort of convincingly write something that could have been going on in the background.

Do not worry at all, I was delighted by this review!

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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57This is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: A Bad Taste

5th October 2014:
Hi! I'm here for our swap. :)

I'm going to be honest: I actually read this story a few weeks ago when my Percy/Audrey cravings were driving me insane. And I was taken aback--in a very good way--by the incredible snarkiness of both characters. Audrey has her body on display for men and women to gape at, but her main defense mechanism for coping with her job is to fight back with sarcasm and rudeness. Percy has OBVIOUSLY got some pretty major issues, and he's so unexpectedly perverted in this--while also condemning sexuality, just like every good hypocrite does.

Basically, I love Audrey. She's definitely struggling with her identity and her job and her education, but that makes her seem more real to me. She doesn't enjoy what her job entails, but she enjoys performing, and so, she performs. It's a testament to her hard work that she's considered the best dancer in the club. I also really like the fact that her last name is "Tang," which is evocative of taste, and her act/persona while onstage is called "The Bad Taste." She performs for these people, but she doesn't want them to forget that she doesn't actually like them at all.

That kiss!! I was surprised by it, but the aftermath is even better. Percy is drawn to her even though he wants to remain aloof. And the fact that they end up going out to dinner afterwards is just hilarious.

Percy... I said I thought he was perverted, but I don't think that it's actually the way he is. Rather, it's more of a projected persona--this is how he's coping with Fred's death and the unbearable guilt that plagues him, maybe? Whatever the case may be, I think that he needs to stop being such a hypocrite about sexuality and life in general and allow his soul to be awakened once more. He'll be much more pleasant to be around after that, I'm sure.

So, totally brilliant chapter! I love the writing style and the dark themes that pervade the narrative. The one thing that I would suggest is that you look over it once more for grammar/spelling/sentence structure issues. There was nothing major, but there were a few that caught my attention.

I will definitely be back to review the next chapter! :)


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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Bereft: Scorpius POV

5th October 2014:
Oh my. I really do love this story, so when I get a chance to review it, I jump on it. :)

For the October BvB Review Battle, I will review this chapter full of flashbacks. :D

Okay, so I'm in awe of your ability to write detailed flashbacks. I love how you transport the reader (me!) right into the past to see how fifteen-year-old Scorpius is coping with the utter disaster that is his life. Poor thing. :/ I think it's really interesting that you chose to make Daphne forsake her Wizarding heritage and live like a Muggle, but it definitely makes sense after all that happened during the war. I wonder what the situation was that drove her away...

Oh my gosh, Rose and Albus are the BEST. I like that Rose is so fiery and passionate about her friendship with Scorpius, even when she's facing off with Ron about it. I do think that Ron is being overtly rude about the whole thing--what did he think the two would get up to, especially with Albus watching?! Silly Ron...

And I like how Rose becomes Scorpius's rock through all of the bad times. It makes their scene in the beginning, with him consoling her, just that much more significant. I can't wait to see where this whole thing goes!

Drunk!Scorpius should be interesting... Hmmm... It's super interesting how he still seems to think of his father in sarcastic terms--"Death Eater Dad." Gosh, that's just awful, but he seems to still really resent that part of Draco's past.

Brilliant job with all of the flashbacks! I really enjoyed them. :)


Author's Response: Hiya Mallory!

Gosh - this review is so awesome - thanks! I'm glad you like my story and I hope you continue to come back ♥

Rose is not like her parents. She has this compassion inside her and her bravery stems from defending/aiding those who cannot help themselves. But because she is not a fighter like the golden trio, she sees this as a fault instead.

I also wanted to show that Rose and Scorpius are connected on a deeper level - a level they don't even know or understand just yet... foreshadowing maybe?

Yeah, Draco wasn't the best father. He was a bit to wrapped up in his own failures - so he just sort of left the parenting bit to Astoria.

Haha - I love this overprotective Ron. He just doesn't know what to do with a teenage daughter, so he flies off the handle. The situation isn't helped by the fact that Scorpius is a Malfoy.

Thanks again, Mallory!


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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57Kill Your Darlings: Hogsmeade

5th October 2014:
SURPRISE!! I thought that I would go ahead and write another review for you, especially since I get the particular honor of being NUMBER 200!! Oh yes. :)

Ugh, so that was the biggest cliffhanger EVER, and I'm so glad that now there are more chapters so that I know what happens after Andie sees her poor Ted on the platform.

But first: The rest of the chapter.

Ugh, I can believe that Andie wanted Rabastan, to a degree, but it makes me so MAD. He's horrible, and she KNOWS that. But the body wants what it wants, and she was in such a vulnerable position. I wish that it didn't have to happen, but that's just the way it goes, I suppose. :/

Lilith is surprisingly forward-thinking for a pureblood. She totally ships Tedromeda, if only for the Romeo-and-Juliet-esque implications. And her opinion about Dark Magic is one that I can somewhat agree with--things are not evil until human beings impose moral codes upon them, and who's to say that the spells are actually "evil?" Not that I advocate the killing and torturing of people/animals/trees, but still. She's got a point.

Oh, George. Always one to go after the hot girls. I sort of ship Lilith/George, just a little bit. :) I like that, although he's friends with Ted, he doesn't really have a clue about what's really going on in Ted's mind. It's realistic, I think, and it's so hard to write a balanced dynamic of a guy friendship sometimes. Kudos to you for making that so real!

Ugh, Rabastan continues to gross me out. Hate.

AND HE IS TORTURING TED THAT IS SO WRONG AND UNDERHANDED AND UGH UGH UGH!!! He cheated on ANDIE, so she has every right to go after whomever she chooses. BUT HE HAS TO ASSERT DOMINANCE IN SOME TWISTED CAVEMAN SORT OF WAY. He. Is. Gross. End of story.

I'm procrastinating on my homework right now, and I should probably go stop procrastinating, but I WILL be back to review more later. And please update soon. :)



I can't believe this story has gotten to 33 chapters and 200 reviews. Never did I ever imagine. WHEE. -pops bottle of champagne-

Merp. I kept making promises about not writing cliffhangers and then I realized that these were all empty promises. Tedromeda's story was made for cliffhangers, darn it.

The Rabastan Situation makes me mad, too. :( Andromeda was trying to force a way of living/thinking onto herself, and it didn't pan out the way she was hoping. Namely because Ted is the only boy for her other, but also because RABASTAN IS A BLEEPY BLEEP.

Haha, yes, Lilith is a bit of an adrenaline junkie. She likes living vicariously through Andromeda, and luckily she's not in a position where she has to face serious consequences for her lax ideas about Muggleborns. Unlike Andromeda... But yes! It is fascinating to think of the concept of Unforgivable Curses and "dark" arts in general, and how they earned their status over the years. I always found it interesting how black and white the faculty at Hogwarts seem to paint the matter, when really it's far more gray than that. (Not that I advocate killing or torturing, either!)

And yay! I'm glad you find the George/Ted dynamic to ring true. I really love that friendship, so I hope I'm doing it justice.

Thank you for another MAH-VUH-LOUS and so-so-kind review. I hope I'll have more updates for you soon!

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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57Kill Your Darlings: Touch

5th October 2014:
I am back!! (From beyond the gravveee...)

Nah, just kidding. There have been a whole lot of distractions in RL keeping me from reviewing this story, but I promise you that I've read every single chapter as it has come out. Some of them (like this one) I've read several times over, just because I like it so much.

And this chapter is as super-charged with emotion and feelings as some of the others have been. God, I love Tedromeda, and I love the way you write them. They are so fiery, so passionate in the way that only teenagers can be, but there is so much more at stake. This is Romeo and Juliet, but not really, because this is better.

Ugh, Madame Finley is so... clinical. And how dare she give Andromeda the bill when Ted is watching! That's just mean. I would like to think that she's a Ravenclaw, but not a nice one--one of the ones who has completely shut out emotion in favor of research and knowledge. Boo. :/

I liked Ted's predictions about himself--so spot-on. But when he said that he wouldn't wish his future self on anyone, I was like, "Oh no, Ted. Stop that. You're too freaking adorable." Ugh, what are you doing to me?! I ship Tedromeda, but I kind of have this major crush on Ted... Whoops. Anyways, he is so realistic, but he still has that annoying habit of assuming that Andromeda doesn't want him, when she SO CLEARLY DOES. Argghh.

And that kissing scene!! ♥ ♥ ♥ THAT is how you write a kissing scene! I don't ever write kissing scenes because I am so afraid of getting it wrong, of putting in too much maudlin description, but you have written so many great kissing scenes in this novel so far that I'm inspired to try and write my own. I love the image of Andromeda grabbing Ted by the collar, the fatal moment when they succumb to their obvious desire to participate in the kiss... And then the fallout. There is ALWAYS going to be a fallout with these two, at least until they get married, and even then, there might still be fallout. They're dynamic. They're electric. And I love them so much, oh my gosh.

Ugh, no! Icky Rabastan and his grabby hands and Andie and the way she gives in to all of that. She's desperate, and that's a terrible way to be. And even in the midst of all this, it's Ted's name on her lips. Rabastan isn't good enough. He never ever was.

Brilliant chapter, and I will try to finish reviewing all the other ones that you've written in the past few months! Please update soon so that I have an excuse to keep coming back and rereading. :)


Author's Response: WHY HELLO THERE.

It made me so happy to see not one but TWO of your marvelous reviews here! No worries whatsoever; RL has been slaying me, and I've had precious little time to write, let alone review!

Haha, personally I don't think it's too hard to beat Romeo & Juliet for a love story, because they were two really stupid teenagers who ended up getting a lot of people around them killed. See what a romantic I am? Hahaha. Ted and Andromeda may be stupid sometimes, but at least no one's died because of it.

Madame Finley is a mean, mean lady. I never thought of her Hogwarts House, but I think you're totally right. She WOULD be a Ravenclaw. Not that Ravenclaws are inherently mean--just, like you say, I think she has too much of a propensity for cold, hard logic and zero emotion.

Ahaha, well if I do end up going completely non-canon, you can totally have Ted! Jk, I'm staying canon. Except that in my head I pretend Ted doesn't die... D: He has this major problem with self-deprecation, especially around Andromeda. Silly boy. Silly, silly boy.

Aw, you make me blush! -BLUSH- I'm glad you thought the kissing scene was well handled. Like you, I'm always a little nervous about making them too melodramatic, but at the same time I want the reader to get some pay off for sticking with the couple in question for so long. It's a fiiine balance, and I feel like I don't always strike it. But yup, there is always going to be fallout between Ted and Andromeda. It's just the way they work.

Urgh. It made me angry to have to write the closing scene, but yes, Andromeda is quite desperate and would like very much to convince herself that she's happy with a pureblood life and not with Ted. Which obviously is a FAIL. :(

Thanks so much for the lovely, lovely review! I'm nearing completion of Chapter 34, and I really hope to put it in the queue today!

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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57The Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

5th October 2014:
Hi Kiana! :D

I'm here for the October BvB Review Battle, and I'm totally in awe of you right now. Like, oh my gosh. This story has everything that I needed, and the funny thing is, I never knew that I needed these things until I read this chapter.

*ahem* Let me explain. I luuurrrve the Founders era, and congrats to you for the tremendous accomplishment of writing in all of the eras! And right now, I'm really into medieval British Literature and how... interesting it was, and the interweaving of Christian doctrine in here really reminds me of all that. And VIRGINIA WOOLF IS THE BEST. Srsly. I love her.

So really, I can't even wait for the next chapter to be posted. Can you please update soon? *bats eyelashes*

Your descriptions and word choices leave me speechless. I love the way Eleanor is so deified in Helena's eyes, so ethereal and such a distant, unattainable thing. There is so much power in what you're writing about, and the language of her longing is so beautiful that I almost hoped that Eleanor wouldn't return her affections, just so that the sad, sweet longing could continue. But it's probably better now that they've confessed to each other, honestly. :)

And Rowena! Ugh, I wish that she would be more affectionate to her daughter, but she's so incredibly focused on her own achievements... That's one of the pitfalls of being a Ravenclaw sometimes--you forget how to show affection when you're in the midst of being brilliant. :/

And I loved the descriptions of all the Founders and their children--I can totally picture Gryffindor being this ridiculous paramour, with children born out of wedlock that he still claims as his own because he's just so proud of himself. And Helga is the maiden aunt--perfection. Salazar... hmm, is there something else between him and Rowena that we need to know about? Perhaps not, but the possibilities...! I must know more!

Lastly, I would like to congratulate you for writing realistic femmeslash within the context of the time period. I mean, we'll never know exactly what those kinds of relationships were like back in the day, but I think you've imagined it very well! Of course Helena condemns herself, but I love how she sympathizes with Satan--she seems like she needs to read Paradise Lost (if only it were a few centuries later!).

All in all, brilliant chapter. Your writing style is so shimmery and sparkly--I love it! Please, please, please update soon!

~UnluckyStar57/Mallory ♥

Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Wahahahah thank you so much for these wonderful compliments as I've sort of been in a bit of a blip when it comes to this story but you have inspired me to post more of it!

Waahahahah (I will be saying this a lot in my response just to warn you!) thank you so much for these wonderful compliments! I've always loved Founders too, I've just never had enough courage to write it, but this time I was determined to do it and try and get it as accurate as possible. Virginia Woolf ♥ She is the ultimate babe and more of her quotes will be featured throughout!

I will, I will, I will, life has finally got some sense of normality in it, so more chapters will be appearing asap!

Thank you so much, I really had fun describing Eleanor as I could just go so over the top and it would be fun. Unrequited love is the worst love as it's so painful and sad and horrible, but luckily it may not be the case, as you will see in the next few chapters.

I know, I hated making Rowena evil given that I'm a Claw and all, but it had to be as I always imagined her being too focused on her own goals and successes rather than making her daughter happy which sucks a lot.

Hahaha, yes, Gryffindor was totally a player with tons of children just running around all over the place and then there's Helga just trying to talk some sense into him but he ignores her :P Yes, there is something between Salazar and Rowena and it will be explored later on in the story! :D

Thank you so much, it's actually my first time writing femmeslash too, so it was quite fun to fit it into the historical element too. Yes, poor Helena, condemning herself to the likes of Satan but it means more conflict so more angst which is life!

Thanks for this amazing review, and more will be posted soon! :D


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