Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
796 Reviews Found

Review #26, by UnluckyStar57Kaleidoscope Love: Oh Comely

14th January 2015:
*cries for days because this is everything i didn't know i needed*

This is just...

No, sorry, I'm not even sure you're going to get a coherent review from me because I'm so incredibly speechless right now. But darn it, I've got to chime in somehow.

God, Agrippa, and Merlin, this is so wonderful. Anthony Goldstein is a character I don't ever think about, and Ernie MacMillan is "that pompous Hufflepuff that seems like a teacher's pet."

BUT NOT ANYMORE. Oh my gosh. This is not the ship that I expected, and it's certainly more than I bargained for! One would think that such seeming opposites wouldn't go together, wouldn't fit, wouldn't make sense. But you totally changed that. Like, forgive my naivete, but you've basically just shattered my whole concept of shipping in the Hogwarts Era and built it anew.

It's in part due to your use of language. This is the Logophile's Challenge, and you are CERTAINLY a logophile. Those beautiful words...! And to think that all of this stemmed from the word "kaleidoscope," and spiraled into something so incredible! What I love about this SO MUCH is that you used all of these intense words with vivid meanings, but it doesn't sound pompous. It doesn't sound like you're trying to exclude people who don't know what the words mean. Even Ernie MacMillan--the character that everyone saw as "so pompous" and such--he's a guy with a story and another guy who is his secret-and-then-wham!-not-so-secret admirer.

Oh yes, Anthony, Ernie might not be handing out free hugs, but you totally want one. Uggghhh, just EVERYTHING about them is so shippable. It's absolutely wonderful and I LOVE THAT NOBODY DIED AND THEY GREW OLD TOGETHER AND READ BOOKS AND HELD HANDS AND KISSED EACH OTHER...

...I am so sorry. You probably think I'm totally insane or something. But I just wanted to let you know that I really liked your story and I am super impressed and I wish you the best of luck in this challenge. ♥


Author's Response: Oh wow, hi! I'm so happy you stopped by! I have a pretty solid group of reviewers that come by and leave their thoughts when I post up a new story status but it's always so awesome when someone new takes a chance on me :)

Seriously you don't know how much it means that you felt like you had to chime in and that this was everything you didn’t know you needed. I mean that is just pretty great to hear.

I don't think much of either of these characters, but then I got a suggestion in my Stories Offered thread to write this ship and I just kind of decided to give it a go! And--honestly, I do NOT write this era. I'm a Next-Gen writer and I have never shipped within this era or even given a thought to writing it. I was actually really nervous to even post this because I was worried that I might have totally ruined the entire idea.

YOU JUST SOOTHED MY BIGGEST FEAR. I was so anxious while this was in the queue. The entire time I was just thinking 'All of the words sound so pretentious and no one is going to want to read this it sounds stupid' and basically the longest run on sentence of worry you can imagine. I certainly wasn't trying to exclude anyone, even if you didn't know the words. In fact, I went out of my way to make sure that the context of everything meant that you could kind of infer what everything meant without having to consult a dictionary. I didn't want it to be an Look At Me I Use Big Words story at all, so I just cannot explain how refreshing this is to hear. I really am a Logophile myself, so this challenge was perfectly up my alley.

I couldn't kill off either of these two! I just wanted the end to be nice and fluffy and cute honestly so I just went all out with the fluff!!

I don’t think you're insane at all, this was such a wonderful surprise! If you're interested, I can let slip that I'm planning to revisit their seventh year in a multi-chaptered fic, so if that sounds like something you'd be interested in keep an eye out :P

Thank you so much for this amazing review, you just so kind!

 Report Review

Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Hurricane Luna: He Searches in His Heart

14th January 2015:
Hi Beth! I'm here for the January BvB. :D

Seeing Rolf in this new context--in relation to people who aren't very happy with him--opened a window into his character that I haven't had the opportunity to see before. He has a slight cowardly streak, and it doesn't help that he feels uncomfortable in a room full of Luna's best friends and loving family. And you know, he can search the whole world and protest all he wants about how much he loves Luna, but the only way he's going to win them all over is if he actually gets results from his search.

Albus, in my opinion, was the hero of the chapter. He's such a precocious child, and it's a good thing that he was there to help. I want stories about this version of him when he's older. :P But now that the mission has been reignited by the adults, Albus's role is less important. He was awesome, though. Definite Ravenclaw material. :)

Neville was FIERCE. Daaannnggg, HE'S certainly been hardened by time and circumstance. And he might not have any particular romantic attachment to Luna, but she's one of the only people at Hogwarts who didn't mock him for his clumsiness. They're an amazing pair of friends, and he isn't going to let some newcomer "lover" get away with breaking her heart and not attempting to fix it.

Not that Rolf WOULD just walk away and be like, "Oh well, I tried," but Neville doesn't know that.

I like that Rolf is still so gruff and surly, but he cowers in fear around Ginny. Fear the wrath of the Weasley! Hahaha, I love it.

Another great chapter! How many more will there be? I need another one! :o


Author's Response: Hi there Mallory!

Wow - thanks for this amazing review. Yeah, Rolf is not entirely likable and he really is a coward. But he's Luna's coward - at least we hope so. ;)

Albus really was there hero here - and he was fun to write. Hmmm - an adult Albus, that is something to consider.

Neville was fierce because it's Luna. He's going to be protective of her because of their history (friends only, but they were close). I originally wrote the scene with Ginny being the one to tell Rolf off - but it worked so much better with Neville.

I'm not sure if there will be one or two more chapters - but the story is coming to a close!

Thanks again for the review!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #28, by UnluckyStar57A white, white world.: A gurgle of clarity.

12th January 2015:
Hey Kiana! I'm here for the January BvB! :D

Ugh, I'm simultaneously happy and sad that I chose to read this one. Like, I'm sitting in public right now and I'm about to cry!! No!

For my own sake, and for the sake of the general public, I'll try to contain myself.

I've (maybe) said it before and I'll (probably) say it again: You are just to good. Because this story exists on so many levels that I can't even fathom most of it.

On one hand, this is supposed to be a joyful thing. I mean, Alice is starting to remember things. She's recovering. She's experiencing more color in her life, departing from that white, white world. It's a tale of mental illness--not just an illness induced by magic, but a more universal concept--and how it can be overcome in mysterious ways. It's a tale of family and remembering and love and Christmas.

But it's also sad. Because Alice Longbottom can't remember who the gurgling man beside her is, and the reason why she can't remember is because some ill-intentioned young men and women tortured her into this state of amnesia. I couldn't ignore that fact--it confronted me with every forgotten name, every new development in Alice's mind. THE FEELS, KIANA, THE FEELS. It hit me right where it hurt the most, and seriously, that is just the coolest thing. Teach me your ways, plzzz.

Other nice things that I liked: The use of color. It was dazzling to experience the world through Alice's eyes, and I could picture the happiness she felt with each new color. Baby!Neville is totes adorbs, and I want him. (This coming from ME, who is uneasy around tiny children!) Augusta. AugustaAugustaAugusta. This is a moment that defines Neville's gran, and I can see where her character is going. She wants Neville to live up to his parents' legacy, and she is still in that state of knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that he'll be a great wizard. She'll come to doubt this assessment later on, but not yet.

So thanks for giving me ALL the feels. I have to go to Creative Writing class now, so maybe I'll learn your tricksy writing secrets. ♥


Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Bahaha, sorry for making it awkward for you as that doesn't sound like a fun position to be in!

But, wahahodifhref, thank you so much, you are so lovely and wonderful and yeah, thank you! ♥

I'm glad that you picked up on the joyful aspect of it as I was a little worried it would be lost in the sorrow of it all, so yay for that! I think those things like family, love and Christmas really can help you overcome amazing things as they have such magical qualities about them which I guess is why Alice did start to get a little better.

I know, I know, I know, I just want to cry and cry and cry as it's so cruel that she had to have that all taken from her. I'm sorry for the feels, I know how much it hurts when you think about it. As for teaching you, I guess I just sort of channel all the horrible and upsetting things which have gone in my life into writing so they don't feel so bad anymore if that makes sense?

Yay, for that, I thought it would be quite a similar thing to remember for Alice as colours really are vibrant and bold and what make life life if that makes sense, so that's why they were so important to her. Yay for Augusta, I feel so much for her because even though she was kinda cruel to Neville in a way, it was only because she loved these two so much she just can't deal with them being gone.

Aw, thank you for this fabulous review, it was one of the best I've ever received :D


 Report Review

Review #29, by UnluckyStar57For the Greater Good: For the Greater Good

12th January 2015:
I'm here for the January BvB Review Battle. :D

Oh my... This is INTENSE. Actually, I think I just found a new headcanon for Albus/Gellert... Whoops!

The beginning was very powerful. You really used language to its greatest effect here, and it set the atmosphere of the scene really well. About halfway through, I was hoping for some Albus/Gellert interaction--like, a hearkening to their past, but you fulfilled and exceeded my expectations. Oh man... I don't think I can get over that kiss.

And while the kiss did seem very sudden--I mean, they were in the middle of a huge battle--it made sense. It makes me want to know what their relationship was like in their youth. Must've been pretty passionate, I'm guessing. And you accomplished all this in less than 1000 words, which is incredibly impressive.

Brilliant one-shot! I was very pleasantly surprised by it, and I hope to visit your Author's Page again soon. :)


Author's Response: Thank you kindly for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I really wanted to start in media res with this, so the duel had to be first.

I think that in their youth, they had the feelings, but didn't know what to do about them; society said no, especially at that time and Albus was so confused by what he felt for Gellert emotionally and what he felt for him intellectually.

Thanks again for the review.

 Report Review

Review #30, by UnluckyStar57Hurricane Luna: He Loses on an Island

11th January 2015:
Hi Beth! I'm here for our review swap. :)

Okay, I'm so glad that you posted more chapters for this story because I was beginning to miss it. Don't stop posting, because I sort of love this story.

D'awww, Rolf is still so grumpy and surly. He's definitely someone that I wouldn't want to be around, but Luna totally brought out the best in him. And I suspect that he's only grumpy right now because she's not with him. He lurves her, and you can't fight that feeling. ♥

Urggh, but that ending though! He's so torn up, so distraught about the news. But he's going to find her. The brevity of his note is so... Rolf-esque. It's going to happen, and he's going to get it done as soon as possible, because this is Something Important to him.

I love your use of description in this, and how it serves to further Rolf's characterization. He's totally falling apart at this point, and he's got to get himself back together by finding his Luna again. And don't think for a second that I missed the significance of those cute little worms. Do the nitor vermis mate for life like swans do?

Teehee. Please post more chapters soon. I will definitely be along to review chapter six eventually. I want to find out where in the world Luna could've gone to!


Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm glad Rolf is coming off as a bit sympathetic here - I was worried that readers would be unforgiving of him for what he did to Luna. In my head, it's all part of their love story - and he needed to lose her to realize how much he truly loves here (although the rest of us could clearly see it!!)

I can't wait to see what you think of chapter 6!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Together Again: Together Again

11th January 2015:
Hey Georgia! I'm here for the January BvB Review Battle!

Wow, for your first time writing Marauders, you did a really great job! I've been too cowardly to attempt it, but I've become a hardcore Jily shipper over the past few months, so I have a newfound love for Marauders Era stories. ♥

I love that you provided little summaries of each year during the Hogwarts years and the few years afterwards. The expansion on the last segment was particularly heartbreaking, especially because of Lily's insistence that "we'll be together again next Christmas." Like, NO YOU WON'T BBY I'M SO SRY. *cries*

Hahaha, the looks that they kept giving each other "I've known you since you were eleven" were quite funny. Despite the inevitable sadness, it's awesome that you put a bit of humor in.

A few bits of CC:

You accidentally wrote "there's" instead of "theirs" in one of the earlier segments. And you maybe spelled one other word wrong, but I forgot what it was... (Sorry, I'm multitasking by watching Galavant...)

Also, while I liked the summaries of each year, at times I felt that the summary was a little bit too dry. Perhaps you could do a little more with description and emotions of the characters so that it doesn't become overwhelming.

Ooh, and (not necessarily CC, but personal preference) I could really have stood to see more of Lily and Sirius's friendship in the penultimate segment. They lived together, so I think they would've had more witty banter in the penultimate segment. (But again, I could always use more Lily-Sirius banter.)

All in all, this was really wonderful, and I think you should definitely write more Marauders!


 Report Review

Review #32, by UnluckyStar57The Minister of Magic's Daughter: Prologue

11th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the January BvB Review Battle. :D

Okay, so this short little prologue definitely left me wanting more. You've described such an interesting facet of the Wizarding World--a bit of mythology that I've never seen before, and I am confused and intrigued about it all. (Don't worry, that's a good thing!)

I love the way you set this up, having Cassie start it all out and then delving into the story of the Guardians, which will be the main part of the problem that will suck Cassie in, I'm guessing. I have so many questions! How did Cassie get involved in this? Does she have to find a Guardian? What's going to happen with her relationship with her father, since he was probably the one who encouraged her to be ignorant of politics (I'm guessing)?

Speaking of which, I was really impressed by Cassie's admission that she lived in ignorance about the world. Obviously, at the time of this prologue she knows some stuff that the reader doesn't know, because she's grown so much as a character. The next chapter will probably show her as she was before everything started happening, and that makes me excited. There are so many opportunities to show her development as a character!

Anyway, I thought this was really great, and I hope to come back for more later on!


Author's Response: Yay, you're wanting more...that what I was hoping :) I guess to answer all those questions you'll have to read on a little further. You definitely picked up on a very good point regarding Cassie's ignorance. She goes through a huge development in this story and delves into a world, so long forgotten that no one even knows of it anymore.

 Report Review

Review #33, by UnluckyStar57Don't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

11th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the January BvB, and when I saw a Sirius/Lily one-shot, I couldn't resist!

Okay, so I've been a bit absent from HPFF lately, and I've picked up a very strong fondness for Jily through other avenues. Sirius/Lily isn't my favorite pairing, but I think that exploring such an option adds a lot of tension and intrigue to the familiar Jily narrative that every good Potterhead knows.

This one is probably one of my immediate favorites. You did such a beautiful job with the characterization of Sirius and Lily, and how they are ultimately not meant to be together because destiny (and J.K. Rowling) will keep them apart in the long run.

And I'm listening to "Tiny Vessels" as I write this review. It's incredibly fitting. Oh yes.

There were a few things that caught my eye, not because they were thing that I didn't like, but because they were things I wanted to know more about.

The main one: Why was Lily so receptive of Sirius's kiss at the beginning? That was really sudden for me, and while I liked it because it set things in motion, I found myself wanting a prologue to that moment--something that would show how Lily and Sirius behaved around each other before. Heck, I think I'd read a short story or novel about these two and their star-crossed relationship, if you'd be willing to write it... (I'll be popping over to your Stories Offered thread after I finish this review, hahaha.)

And I would defnitely have enjoyed more Sirius/Lily moments before you totally sank that ship. I mean, Sirius Black is known as a womanizer and a flirt, but in the end, he is totally loyal to James and refuses to push his relationship with Lily past the point of no return. I'd like to imagine that they felt some awkwardness when they went back to Hogwarts, and it would be interesting to see how they would behave around each other when James was present.

Just some spelling things: You spelled "warlock" and "troll" wrong, but those were the only things I caught. :)

More praise: I love that Lily isn't some goody-goody. I love that she puts up some kind of facade, but Sirius can obviously see through the facade enough to think of her as more than "James's girl." And still, he's surprised when she tells lewd jokes. You've written them both in such a way that it would be so cool to get to know them more... (Can you tell that now I've got the idea to visit your Stories Offered thread, I can't stop thinking about it? I'm sorry for that...)

Anyway, this is beautiful and sad and angsty and REALLY well written. Kudos to you! ♥


Author's Response: I just have to say, this review made my day... week... longer... I'm still in pieces over this.

I have to say, I'm not in love with Jily but they are canon so I don't like to contradict their existance. That is part of what pushed me to write this story like I did - kind of a pre-Jily interlude. I also don't like the idealized way many people write James and Lily so throwing a wrench in their romance (like Sirius) felt interesting.

Oh yayay - the song and this story are meant to be together. I'm listening to it while responding to your review. :D

okayokay - your questions:

Sirius caught her at a moment where she was vulnerable and seeking out *something* outside herself. I mean, she and Snape aren't friends anymore and that hurts and she's just annoyed by James. Sirius swooping in then was in part good timing. Like most girls, she thinks he's cute and knows he has the bad rap but it just *feels* right. I do have a novel-length story that's a bit eposodic but it will show people from the first war and will show what you're looking for. Bug me during each Nano to get to writing. This is your job.

I could probably fit in one more scene wtih them (between school and the leaky cauldron). If I do that, I'll let you know. :) Lily had the whole cold indifference towards him (which wouldn't be too far off from the norm for her with James et al) and Sirius was able to go on like he did with so many other girls.

I'm really glad you like the shift from good girl to more normal to wild. I promise, you'll get to know them in my April Camp Nano project!! It's on the roadmap for the year.

thank you so much for such a stellar review. you've made me all glowy from it.


 Report Review

Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Knight Takes Queen: King

11th January 2015:
Hi Laura! I'm here for the review swap. It's been SO LONG since I've done anything HPFF-related, so bear with me. :)

Arrrggh, this is really an interesting ending to the trilogy of events. You wrote these based on the prompts for the 2014 House Cup, right? It's incredibly powerful that you chose to use this particular prompt for the ending of Rowena's life, because in previous chapters she seems so alone and independent.

Well, "independent" is not necessarily better than "dependent," and vice versa, but this chapter shows the sort of struggle that Rowena was going through. She wanted to do everything herself, to save herself even though she didn't really have the resources, but Helga wasn't about to let her do that. Her attitude toward Helga in the beginning is really indicative of how she tried to rely on independence when she could've relied on her friends.

As always, your writing is brilliant. The use of second person is so meaningful in this story because it gives the narrator room to be judgmental and/or critical of the main character's actions. And yet, this narrator is not a very harsh judge--more of an impartial one, presenting the facts as if he/she is talking to Rowena and asking her to judge herself. That's particularly amazing, because at the end of everything, the reader can just take all of these different impressions of Rowena in and sort through them later.

For instance, the fact that Rowena (and others) saw herself as having "the bearing of a queen," and Helga having "the heart of one." That tells me that Rowena knew she was standoffish and ceremonial, not always willing to inquire after people's well-being and nurse her friends back to health. Perhaps, in other people's views, both women are queens--Rowena is the accepted definition of a queen, and Helga is what a queen actually should be. I don't know... Just something that jumped out at me.

I love how you do metaphors. Houses of cards, chess pieces... Aggh, it's truly amazing. I don't play chess, so I can't really see the significance in the names of the chapters, but in this chapter, the one where Rowena dies, "King" seems like a fitting title. It's the King that gets captured in a checkmate, right? (Correct me if I'm totally wrong, please!) Well, in the end, Death is the piece on the chessboard that Rowena maybe never anticipated (until those few final moments), and she has to make peace with the fact that she has no choice but to surrender. And thoughts of her friends help her with that--so that even though she's going into ultimate darkness, she still carries a bit of the light with her.

Ugghh, it's too early in the morning for me to make any sense, I think, but maybe you get the gist? I really love this story collection, and I'll have to reread it soon so that I can get the full effect of it all. It's truly amazing, how well you can analyze such a mysterious character as Rowena Ravenclaw. Actually, this story is one of my favorite Ravenclaw stories, because it takes things in such an interesting direction.

So keep writing the brilliant things that you write, and I'll be around to review them eventually (with more praise than you can shake a stick at, most likely).

~Mallory ♥

 Report Review

Review #35, by UnluckyStar57fall.: fall.

10th January 2015:
Hi! You requested this review from me several weeks ago, and the only excuse I can make for my general lateness is that I was busy/lazy and et cetera.

I read this last night, and now I'm sitting down to write a good review on it, because I think that it definitely deserves a nice, thorough one (especially since I made you wait for it, heh).

Overall First Impressions: Okay, to be honest, Teddy/Rose is one of my favorite Rare Pairs. I wouldn't say that they're my OTP because I also ship Scorose and Tedoire, but when I'm in the mood for something a little weird, Tedrose is a good way to go. The whole forbidden/unexpected love angle is also something I really like--they are two characters who are basically destined for other people (by the demands of the fandom), and so putting them together in this way makes it all the more heartbreaking and feels-y when they inevitably break it off. As far as description and color and such, I think you did a really wonderful job. Autumn is a color-rich time, especially outdoors, and I think you used the opportunities for describing colors in a really powerful way. It only makes it better that autumn is a sort of ending, adding some intense metaphorical significance to the setting that surrounds the two former lovers.

I really love the poetry in the repetition of the word "fall," which of course, adds more to the overall theme. The range of emotions that you used in Rose's character is incredible, and although this was only one short little scene, her emotion seemed realistic and true. Teddy is just as confused and lovelorn as Rose is, but he ultimately made the choice of breaking up with Victoire for selfish reasons. He wants to be with Rose, but her ties to her family are so strong that she feels like she'll betray Vic if she gives in to Teddy's wishes.

As a nerdy English major (yes, I am ALWAYS looking for significance in things), this makes the whole thing even more fun. Rose is compared to an autumn leaf--and perhaps Teddy is taking inspiration from her hair color, but what he doesn't realize is that he's stumbled on a whole new meaning. Rose is literally a part of the Weasley family tree, and although she is a leaf that has fallen away from the tree, she is still tied to the other leaves on the tree (namely, Victoire). Trolol, this might be far-fetched, but I really like thinking about it. I don't know if this whole metaphor thing was your intention, but you definitely sold it to me. Like, I believe it. And I love that Rose was compared to an autumn leaf, rather than to a "red red rose." That comparison gets kind of old sometimes. :P

The one bit of CC that I have for this really incredible one-shot is that sometimes the flow is interrupted by unnecessary things.

This line: "That's a lovely metaphor of life falling down to inconsequence blowing away in the wind." is really nice and offers some points to think about in the context of the story, but the words don't seem to fit with the overall style of the story. Pointing out a metaphor within a story sort of draws attention away from what you're trying to accomplish. It helps the flow of the narrative to write it as a metaphor, and allow the readers to draw the connection between life and leaves and wind for themselves. Maybe weave this concept into a sentence that adds some description or insight into Rose's character.

But other than that, I thought that everything flowed really well. I definitely enjoyed reading this, and I admire you for writing it down by hand! (I haven't actually written a story by hand in... too many years.)

Excellent work! ♥


 Report Review

Review #36, by UnluckyStar57Resisting Ardour: Most Days, He Was Okay.

22nd December 2014:
Hi! I'm here with a review that you requested in early OCTOBER. Before I begin, I must extend my sincerest apologies to you for being so late in writing this review. Real life has taken hold of my every waking moment, sadly enough. I hope that this review was worth the wait!

So the first thing that I thought when I read this was that it would be tough to write a Georgelina. I've never actually read the pairing before, but I know that there are several issues with it, the biggest one being that Angelina was Fred's girlfriend at one point. However, I think that you pulled everything off very nicely (details after this paragraph), and I was completely convinced. I definitely ship it. :)

So, the mirror thing. Ugh, don't play with my heartstrings like that! George misses Fred so much, and making him look angstily in a mirror... That's just a little cruel. But the dichotomy between his thoughts of Fred and his thoughts of Angelina was very intriguing. It shows that no matter how much he tries to hold on to Fred, getting stuck in the memories and being reluctant to move on, at the end of everything, he's still living and he still has the ability to love another person. And how can he not love Angelina, with her personality? That's right, he can't. With the opening scene (it's sort of appropriate that I'm reviewing this just in time for Christmas), you've established that this pairing is more than just a match of two people brought together by shared grief over one person. It's actual loving and caring that make up the foundations of the relationship, and with that, I can see their love lasting for years.

And the New Year's party scene was really wonderful. I'm glad that all of this happened over the holidays, while people are falling in love and families are brought together. Angelina was really able to shine, and her no-nonsense attitude definitely got George out of his funk. I hope that it lasts for them. I really do. The last bit with the reflection was a REALLY awesome parallel to the beginning--like, WHOA. Very good. It's a paradox, almost--by letting Fred go, George actually kept his twin with him. I can see blue skies for him in the future!

You did such a wonderful job with this one-shot that I really want to go and read ReeBee's story when I find the time. I want to know how their relationship developed--because I'm sure the one-night stand thing was a culmination of many different events. All in all, this was fantastic. Thanks for your patience with my tardiness! :D


Author's Response: Haha, no worries! Life can get away from us :)

Georgelina was tough to write. I've wanted to for a long time but their relationship is complicated by the fact that she's Fred's ex, so it's really easy to fall head first into a cliche. Cliches aren't usually something from which I shy away, but since there are so few Georgelinas out there, I wanted to do it justice.

I'm a sucker for mirror scenes. They're hard for me to write since they're (naturally) very visually biased, but I wanted to give it a go, especially since the mirror can be used to great effect with George. You're completely right! He's basically being pulled apart by this fictitious relationship between Fred and Angelina. And thank you! I really wanted to emphasise that these two have more than Fred in common, since it's just not enough on which to build an entire long-lasting relationship.

There's just something about the holidays, isn't there? There's something in the air that brings people together, for which I am glad. And I'm really pleased by how well Angelina is being received. I was worried for her, feeling as if she might be falling into some sort of stereotypical blackhole, but I'm glad that everyone seems to think that that's not the case. And yes! I wanted the last scene with the reflection to be a little bittersweet. But George is ready to move on, and that's basically all Fred's ever wanted.

Thanks so much for this wonderful review! I really appreciate it :)

 Report Review

Review #37, by UnluckyStar57our reality.: Chapter Three

12th November 2014:
AHAHAHA, I love getting the first review on chapters. :)

Sorry in advance if I leave anything out--it's been a looonnngg day. :P

'Kay, to start out: Peter is MUH FAVVVE. I love all of the little quips that he gets in. Like, thank you SO MUCH for making him an awesome character, not just a side act to the "big three" Marauders. I mean, he's still a little less charismatic than the other guys, but that's definitely a part of his personality. He's the one who is actually really funny but you wouldn't know it unless you paid attention. And believe me, I WILL be paying attention. :)

Oh my gosh, OBOES!!! My eyes are drawn to that word because it's my instrument, you know? So thanks for knowing what an oboe is, and for mentioning it! Yes, a violin totally can't teach an oboe player how to play oboe, but they can always try. It's a long difficult road ahead for the little oboe-ettes. :) Hahaha, is Marlene your spirit animal? Flautists for the win! :D

Uh oh, Sirius is totally after Marlene! What's going on there? I can't wait to see more of the developing relationships between everybody. By the way, WHY DIDN'T YOU INCLUDE MARLENE AND DORCAS'S LITTLE CHAT?! I was totally excited for that, but then... Nope. I guess that's in a later chapter. :)

Aw, the visiting of the common rooms! I loved your descriptions, and the idea of the enchanted sunshine in the Hufflepuffs' common room. You really used the characteristics that are particular to each House in order to shape their common rooms, and that is awesome! I really like the idea that Ravenclaw has so many books from ages long past. :)

And they all answer the question of "how we all got here." Excellent. :) There are so many varied backgrounds and stories for each of them, but they all have certain things in common that drew them to this mission. Reason One: They don't like what Voldemort's doing. It's a fairly solid reason. :P

Okay, I've been weird enough for one night. Another brilliant chapter, darling NaNo Daughter! Do please post the next chapter very soon. ♥


Author's Response: AHAHA, I love your reviews no matter what. ♥

And no problem, hopefully you can get some rest later on! (And writing, obviously, but y'know.)

I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKE PETER he just really wanted to be a sassy character with little quips; kind of the hidden weapon, haha, the one that only really warms up to you when you know him and you're paying attention, like you said. :D

Yes, oboes! I stuck the flutes in for me and the oboes in for you. :P Poor violin, trying to keep a grip on all those little kids who like to manhandle their instruments, tut tut. One day one of those oboe-ettes might be the ones standing around begging first-years to blow from the diaphragm, you never know! :P And yes, Marlene is the outgoing sort of person I want to have as my friend so they can do my socialising for me. :P She's totally my spirit animal. Flautists for the win!

I think Sirius just likes to flirt with everyone, and Marlene likes to flirt back. :P So there's a lot of flirting going on but nothing Sirius. I mean serious. ;) I'M SORRY I WILL PUT THAT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON MAYBE I HOPE.

Yay, glad you liked it! I was sort of worried it wouold come off as natural but I'm feeling more okay about it now after your lovely words. :) I'm really glad that you liked the description of the common rooms! I was trying to stick to the house attitudes as much as possible, and I definitely think that we had a private House library, hehehe. :P

Yes, they do! I'm glad you like that. :) There are pretty different backgrounds, but I think they're all pretty upright people who have the same attitude towards Voldemort and that's really what brings them together.

You're too nice to me, not weird. ♥ Thanks so much for the lovely review, NaNo Mumma, and the next chapter's going into the queue tonight! ♥

 Report Review

Review #38, by UnluckyStar57our reality.: Chapter Two

10th November 2014:
HAHA! I win! First review! :D (Also, making up for being a bad NaNo Mum and not cheering you on on the forums.)

Okay, this is SO CUTE!! I love all the interactions between the Marauders and Lily and Dorcas and Marlene. Peter cracks me up--like, I would totally be his friend in real life, if he existed (pre-Death Eater phase, of course). Sirius's teasing of Dorcas was just so silly, and I absolutely love, love, loved all of it.

So, I'll try to stop gushing now (maybe) and try to give some legitimate feedback.

Usually I don't really notice when a story is in present tense until I've gotten well into the story, but I couldn't help but admire your use of it here. It's so natural, and everything just flows! I think it's also down to Dorcas, and how real she is. Honestly, she's one of my favorite narrators (in fanfiction) that I've read so far. :)

Marlene! Such a flirt. Is the next chapter going to feature her heart-to-heart with Dorcas? I can't wait! The only problem that I can foresee (for right now) for her future relationship with Dorcas is that she's such a free spirit--and a bit of a wandering one, too. She might not realize it when she hurts Dorcas's feelings, and that's going to be really upsetting to read. :/ But in the meantime, all is well. Dorcas already has the blushes. Very nice! :) (P.S. I bet Dorcas can cook. One of the many reasons that she and Marlene should flat together after Hogwarts.)

And Dorcas! As a product of my society, I honestly never considered her skin color. Things are all white-washed, and that's not a good mode of thought. So I am really happy that Dorcas isn't white. And I'm also glad that you didn't go for the ridiculous cliche of describing her skin color in terms of food. Like, ew. (Especially since she'd be describing herself that way. Blech.) Anyway, this chapter only made me love her more, especially because of her total Hufflepuffiness. She seems to be finding her niche in the group, which is awesome. It isn't just "the Marauders" anymore, and there's a space for everyone.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

Brilliant work on this chapter! Post the next one very soon! :D

And I'll try to answer your PM soon, I promise! ♥


Author's Response: YES YOU WIN haha you're amazing and I ♥ you. Also, STOP SAYING YOU'RE A BAD NANO MUM darn it don't you dare badmouth yourself around me. D:<

Yes, I'm so glad you think so! I was and still kinda am worried about dealing with such a large group of people - seven or so at once, and I'm glad you like the way they all interact! I tried my best to take your advice to heart and give Peter as much limelight as the others, and I'm so glad you like him as of now!

Yes, I'm so glad you like the present tense here! Originally I wrote a couple hundred words of it in past tense but this just seemed to flow better and I'm really glad that you like it. And YES, I'm so glad you think of Dorcas as real! You flatter me, thank you so much, I'm glad you like her! *hug*

Marlene is such a flirt, honestly. And next chapter...noo, but it's going to feature them chatting about the Order and how they all got there and it's gonna be cool. Hopefully. Yes, definitely, she's a very carefree person and Dorcas is more serious, so they will have their problems, but then again, don't every couple? Dorcas does have the blushes, hehehehe! She's being very stubborn and not mentioning it but she does have the blushes, bless her. Cook, huh? We shall see about that.

Yes! Honestly, I never saw saw Dorcas as white at all, my faeclaim for her is Karla Crome, it's never been anyone else. I definitely agree, so many fanfic characters are white and so many are unspecified but we simply assume that they're white, so I wanted to write a PoC for once. And yes, I took great care to not describe her in terms of food, ew! I don't get how people can describe other people via food, honestly, especially as it never happens with white people. I mean, maybe if we described white people in terms of ranch dressing or something then it would be fairer...? :P

I'm so glad you like Dorcas as a character, and yes, she's certainly becoming more comfortable with the others.

Thanks so so much for the lovely review, you awesome NaNo daughter you! The next one's going into the queue later today - I definitely see the benefits of prewritten chapters now, haha!

No problems with the PM, focus on PFK because I'm waiting for an update there! ♥ Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #39, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Befuddled: Rose AND Scorpius POV

9th November 2014:
Ahah! You've responded to all my reviews, so here's another one. :D

This is also for the November BvB Review Battle, and because I'm procrastinating on homework (as usual). So here we go!

Whoohoo! Okay, so I was glad to read about Albus and Harry's conversation, especially since Albus is taking some more responsibility for his actions and Harry isn't being quite as hard on him. Great development there!

The five of them living at Grimmauld Place is pretty interesting. It's super stupid of Ron to resist Scorpius and Rose living together, because Scorpius is good for Rose and vice versa, but what can you do about silly parents? It is very honorable of Scorpius to sleep in the same room as Rose without trying to wrangle the situation to his advantage--even though the tension between them is ever-increasing and oh-so-wonderful. Even though you didn't give a whole lot of background on their developing relationship in previous chapters, this chapter totally made up for it--you were right! I really loved this one. :)

Having two different PoVs in one chapter was pretty cool, too. This way, I got to see both Rose and Scorpius in their most volatile moments. And man, were there EVER some misconceptions! They better make good on that promise to "never not talk," because all that ridiculous "He doesn't love me anymore" stuff is just NOT OKAY! D:

Ooooh, I see what you did there! I see it! I'm fond of reading things backwards, after all. So that was quite a clever spell, and I'm glad that Scorpius would do something like that for Rose. :)

Another great chapter! Sorry the review isn't quite up-to-snuff, but I should seriously stop procrastinating... (Haha, that probably won't happen.)


Author's Response: Hi, hi, hi!

I didn't want so much time to go by to respond to this - like before :( - so here I am!

Al and Harry are working through it. I think it is *really* hard to be Harry's son and an auror - even if he doesn't call you out or have a different set of expectations. They'll get there, they just have to keep working on it.

Ron can *not* get past his prejudices of the Malfoys. A lot of it stems from the fact that Hermione was brutally tortured with Draco as a witness. The aftermath that ensued from that was too much for Ron to bear.

Actually, there are six living at Grimmauld Place - sorry if that was confusing: James, Scorpius, Albus, Rose, Dom and Selenia. But I think it's going to be fun - I know *I* would love to live with that lot!

At this point, Scorpius is still unsure of how to deal with Rose. He wants to be there for her, and he is doing that the only way he knows how - by standing idly by and waiting for her to let him know she is ready to resume their relationship. Unfortunately, Rose sees that as him not being interested anymore - and then we have a giant misunderstanding that snowballs.

So happy you liked this chapter!! :)

At first, I really didn't want to do the two POV thing. I felt like I was breaking from my one POV per chapter, but it really worked here, especially since we needed to see how they were *both* misinterpreting the other's actions!

The "never not talking again" thing is a great concept - unfortunately, it's not something they are going to get past right away - you'll see ;)

OMG! I'm running around the room and sqeeing and yay, yay, YAY! You are the first person to notice what I did with the spell! Woot! GOLD STAR FOR MALLORY!!! Seriously, this chapter first posted nearly six months ago and has eight reviews and you are the first! The fact that the spell worked at all reveals a lot about the connection between Rose and Scorpius. ♥

What are you saying? This review is awesome! Thanks so much! I really look forward to each one that you leave, because I want to know what you think about the story!

Thanks again,

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #40, by UnluckyStar57An inky black heart.: The ebony vessel.

8th November 2014:
Hey Kiana!

I couldn't resist coming by to read this, as I'm very intrigued (and often disgusted) by the Snily dynamic. (Also, I'm procrastinating on homework, so thanks for the distraction!!)

In my (humble) opinion, Snily is best explored in short snippets. I know it's a super difficult thing to think about--I mean, there have been countless arguments and counterarguments for Snape's role as an insidious and borderline-abusive stalker, and it is just easier on the mind and the heart to keep things short.

Short, but not meaningless. Because good Merlin, there was so much in these 500 words that I hardly know where to begin.

It's been years since I've seen the cartoon Hunchback or read the book, but I definitely remember Frollo's lust and obsession for Esmeralda. You interwove those characteristics so well with Snape's personality that I couldn't see where Snape ended and Frollo began. Or maybe they're two sides of the same coin. Whatever the case may be, I think you did such a wonderful job exploring the awful effect that lust has on a relationship, especially since Snape's obsession haunts him until he can't even look into the mirror without seeing her face.

And the WRITING STYLE of this! Tell me, are you a poet? Because this has such a rhythm, so much intensity of feeling, and even though it's prose, it almost reads like a poem at times. How do you do this?! I am in awe. Seriously. Loved it. ♥

Bottom line of this review: Severus Snape is a creeper. You obviously don't like Snily that much--and I totally agree with you. Frollo and Snape should get together and have coffee sometime. Your writing is absolutely wonderful--and so, so dark in this story. Kudos to you for trying out a pairing that you hate, and for pulling it off so spectacularly!

~UnluckyStar57 ♥

Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Aw, I'm so glad that you stopped by as this review was really wonderful and whoo for being disgusted by Snily as I am too :P

Hahah, I know what you mean because it was tiring enough to figure out how on earth could I explore some weird dark twisted love he had for her in 500 words, so I don't know how someone could write even more than that as it's so hard to not feel disgusted.

I'm glad you could see the similarities between Frollo and Snape because whilst reading the book it was quite disturbing the amount of similarities I could see between the two of them, the only difference being that everyone realises that Frollo is ew whereas with Snape some people really do think he loved Lily (which he didn't! :P). I'm so glad that you liked the exploration of his love for her as it was a ton of fun to write.

Bahaha, no, I don't think I've even written any poetry which wasn't for school but thank you so much, that means so much to me :D ♥ ♥

Yes, yes, yes, or even Creeper with a capital C as he probably deserves that, and I really think Frollo and Snape should get together as it would be so cool but twisted but cool.

Thank you for this amazing review! ♥


 Report Review

Review #41, by UnluckyStar57our reality.: Chapter One

8th November 2014:
Hello you! :D

I'm here as your neglectful NaNo Mum and Child, and also for the November BvB Review Battle. I know you said to review the collab instead of one of your things, but I'm doing both! Hah! :D

Okay, so while I've been an awful neglectful NaNo Mum, you've probably gone and passed 100K already, while also posting several new chapters of things that I need to go and review. Kudos to you for being productive and amazing! :D

Now, actual review:

D'aw, Dorcas is so Hufflepuffle-y. I love it! I think it's awesome that she has no real "reason" to fight on the side of the Order except for that she knows that Voldemort's side is wrong. As Izzy says, she's the best of them all, and she sure does show it.

Oooh, I caught that little blush when she bumped into Marlene! Uh oh, the ship is about to set sail! :D :D :D Really, I can't wait to see more of what Marlene is like, and all the other characters, too. I'm sure they're awesome, but I want to know more! What drew them to the Order? How did they find out about it? (And how did Dorcas find out about it?) Are they going to have special training meetings where they get to know each other better? When is that heart-to-hear between Dorcas and Marlene going to happen?

Also, do you have a ship name for them yet? I might suggest Dorlene or Marcas, hahaha. :)

All the little details that you put into your writing are super cool. I loved the talking gargoyle and his inherent struggle to maintain a twisted, scary facial expression. Poor thing. I totally sympathize with him. And the dadgum broomsticks on Izzy's pajamas are just too funny! A crash because of a "fault in the stitching!" It sounds like a sequel to The Fault in Our Stars--The Fault in Our Stitching, hahaha. :D

Well, brilliant job on this, and if you're going to post as you go, I look forward to seeing the next chapter up very soon! :)

~Mallory ♥

Author's Response: Hello you! ♥ Wonderful person, thank you so much for that slip of the hand a reviewing this piece as well as In Operibus Suis. :D

Don't you dare badmouth yourself when I'm around! *angry Mum muttering* You're an amazing NaNo Mum and child, and don't you dare forget it. And also, 100k...*hides* My brains and my ambition have compromised and I'm aiming for 150k, which probably means that I shouldn't be writing out this review response but oh well. :D Thank you!

Yes she is! I was wondering if it was too much, honestly, to have her join the Order just for that, but I'm really glad that you found it believable. She really is the best of all of them.

DID YOU YES GOOD Dorcas is stubbornly refusing to mention it but all of us can tell that Dorcas likes Marlene. The ship is indeed about to set sail indeed, ahahaha >:D Ooh yes, Chapter 3 actually has a nice conversation between them all about how they got to find out about the Order and their various motives for joining it. The heart-to-heart...I'm not telling. :P But it's soon, don't worry!

Ship names!! No, I don't, but I fancy Dorlene as a lovely ship name. :D

I'm so glad that you like it! Sometimes I wonder whether I go off on tangents, but I'm glad that you like the amount of detail in my story. Yes, the broomsticks! Honestly, The Fault in Our Stitching would be a story even more tragic than The Fault in Our Stars - the little girl's broomsticks crash and she cries herself to sleep every night because of those dadgum broomsticks. Move out of the way, Romeo and Juliet. :P

Thank you, for the amazing review, Mallory, it eseriously made my day. ♥ ♥ ♥

 Report Review

Review #42, by UnluckyStar57In Operibus Suis: Rowena Ravenclaw

8th November 2014:
Hi Sarah! :D

I'm here for the November BvB Review Battle, and also because I am super determined to be the first one to review this lovely collab, so here we go..! :)

I read this last night, and I thought it was such a brilliant way to start things off. After all, you're supposed to begin at the beginning, and in this case, the beginning of the Ravenclaw story starts with our dear Founder herself. I love how you've portrayed her, ever the academic, thinking about how each of her colleagues will teach according to their respective credos. It really works to set up the whole Ravenclaw theme of "we're smart, sometimes a little zany, and mostly super awesome, oh yeah!".

And that Rowenzar, though! I'm quite a shipper of Rowena and Salazar, so even though this instance that you wrote about was just a little one-off thing that might not amount to anything, I really loved it. Helga's disapproval made it even better, though--she's apparently the one with some sense in her noggin! :D But seriously, if Rowena and Salazar DO end up having a relationship-type-thing later on in the course of their history, I would be super happy about that. :)

The ending was really great--the cry of the eagle wrapped everything up nicely. It's awesome to think that founding Hogwarts was Rowena's proudest accomplishment, even above the magical innovations and advances that she no doubt created/discovered in her lifetime, because that tells me that she's all about the love of learning, and helping to pass that on to future generations. (If I'm making any sense.) Gah, at any rate, this was absolutely amazing, and good for you for starting the collab off! :)


Author's Response: Hi Mallory! Well, I'm glad that it didn't disappoint! Starting it off was terrifying, but I was also kind of excited to write about this partic ular moment. I'm glad my chapter set up that super awesome theme! Rowenzar. I'm going to start using that ship name, i'm glad you approved!! I had a lot of fun writing this and I'm so glad that you liked it. Thank you for your lovely lovely compliments.

xoxo Sarah ♥

 Report Review

Review #43, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Back to the Beginning: Rose POV

5th November 2014:
Hi Beth! I'm here for the November BvB Review Battle, as usual! :D

Wow, this WAS a long chapter, but that's okay! It was totally worth reading, and I think that it ended exactly where it needed to end. :)

Okay, so the million-dollar question here is: WHY was Stannous able to break the security spells on Rose's flat?! Does he have some sort of residual connection with her from his kidnapping of her? Ugh, I hope not...

This chapter was really loaded as far as the horror and angst goes, and there was some TOTALLY OBVIOUS tension between Harry and Al (which is always interesting to read--usually it's James who has daddy issues). I hate it for Rose that she had to listen to the recapitulation of the events AND show Harry her scars on top of that. She obviously just wants things to go "back to normal," as evidenced by the repetition of her little mantra from chapter one (I totally recognized that, by the way, and I think the chapter title is completely perfect!). Still, I'm glad that Scorpius was able to convince her to tell Harry about it.

Speaking of Scorpius and Rose... D'aw! They had some really great moments in this chapter, angst notwithstanding. It just goes to show that they are a couple that is meant to last, even though they have some serious problems to work through first (namely, Stannous). It's going to be really interesting to see how their relationship develops as they live in 12 Grimmauld Place together.

As always, I love your writing! This story keeps getting more intense as the chapters go on, and I am in awe of your ability to write about a complicated matter without sacrificing the sweet moments of everyday life (speaking of, I forgot to mention how awesome Harry and Rose's embrace was. Pure amazingnes). Thanks for being awesome! :D


Author's Response: Hiya!

I'm all warm and fuzzy inside from this review - thank you so much!

That *is* the million-dollar question, isn't it. Ooo - I like your idea that they have a connection because of the kidnapping (sorry, that isn't it - I'm not nearly that clever).

Harry and Al are sorting through their stuff. That can't be fixed over night, but I don't think Harry could overlook Al being downright irresponsible when the most wanted wizard shows up and attempts another kidnapping. And Al does think he knows best - even when he doesn't.

Yes - Rose and Scorp are meant to last ♥

And Rose did the right thing - telling Harry. She's in obvious danger at this point. I look forward to all your reviews and I can NOT wait to hear what you think of the next chapter.

Thank you so, so much!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Off-Limits: One: Decisions

27th October 2014:
Hi! I'm here at last to review your story. :)

So... This is definitely an interesting premise for a story right off the bat. The revelation that Rose isn't as much of a "good girl" as she seems is quite shocking to her family, obviously, and the fact that she's Teddy's girlfriend-on-the-side is something that I can foresee the Weasleys having a family feud over. I must say that I really don't approve of Rose's actions--Victoire might not have been the best of fiances, but she certainly didn't deserve to be cheated on. But I'm sure that she will play some part in this. I hope that she doesn't turn out to be the main antagonist in the end. The thing is, relationships can be messy and people aren't going to get along 100% of the time. Chances are that Teddy and Rose are going to have some terrible fights eventually and start doing things to get revenge on each other. I mean, it's just life. So I say that all simply to say that I hope that Victoire isn't made a villain because of her less-than-perfect relationship with Teddy. The way I see it, she's the victim here.

Rose, of course, is the villain in Victoire and her parents' minds, and I find it really interesting that she seems to have very little remorse for her actions. Why did she let Teddy carry on with his relationship with Victoire for so very long before she told him how she felt? If they had spent time talking about it before the wedding, then they could've avoided making a huge scene and humiliating Victoire in front of everyone. I mean, even if Rose didn't necessarily "love" Teddy during all of their secret meetings (or even if she did love him then), they could've realized that their affair was a product of being unhappy in their respective relationships, and then they could've taken the steps to end those relationships on a better note. I'm also quite suspicious of the way that Rose broke up with Scorpius before Teddy broke up with Victoire. How did Rose know that Teddy would truly give Victoire up to be with her? She had no way of knowing for sure, but she gave up her relationship with Scorpius to concentrate on her relationship with Teddy, and Teddy didn't give up his relationship until he was forced to make a choice at the very end. All I'm saying is that it seems a little suspect...

As far as Rose and Teddy's interactions, yes, I thought they were pretty natural and realistic. They've obviously been together for a while, so they're comfortable doing and saying things that people who have just begun a relationship probably would not. You did a good job of developing their characters through their actions and dialogue. :)

For the Rose that you've characterized, I would say that it's quite realistic of her to want to give everything up in order to be with Teddy. She's so infatuated at this point that she would follow him off a cliff, maybe. Still, I hope that in future chapters, she comes to realize that Teddy is not exactly the bee's knees. After all, he cheated on Victoire with her; who's to say that he won't cheat on her with someone else? I don't know... I can only hope that Rose's family will be supportive and forgiving if she runs back to them with her heart broken. :/

Sorry this is such an odd review, but I really don't know what to make of the situation that Rose and Teddy have put themselves in. It's really uncomfortable to think that they would do such awful things to Scorpius and Victoire, even if they WERE better suited for each other than for their respective original partners. It's a very interesting beginning, and it makes me want to read more so that maybe I can learn about how Scorpius and Victoire are coping with all of the fallout that Rose and Teddy have created. I'm afraid that I'm on their side right now, and I'm not exactly rooting for Tedrose, just because of their seeming lack of remorse for their actions.

Regardless of my pointless moralizing and rooting for the underdogs, I think that what you've got here is a nice beginning. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes, which is always good, and I loved the tidbits about Rose's character that you exposed through her first person narration.

Great work!


Author's Response: Hey!

I honestly forgot about this, so it was a nice surprise.

Rose is most definitely no longer the good girl or even a mini Hermione, which was something I didn't want her too be. Very much shocking to the Weasley's indeed. I think in any family with that happening there is bound to be arguments. I definitely don't either but for some reason I'm intrigued by writing it. Despite everything Victoire didn't even if she and Teddy were arguing, things should have ended before the wedding took place. You're right, Victoire doesn't end up the villain at all, she gets her own ending whether it be that she's single or with someone else.

She is, it's more in the next few chapters she is wondering whether she did the right thing or not in leaving with Teddy. Rose had no idea whether or not Teddy felt the same, she knew that he and Victoire were trying to make things work and she had doubts that he could feel the same as her. They hadn't spent a lot of time talking about their feelings, it was more one night when they were drunk so Rose just thought it was drunken words. Rose had ended her relationship with Scorpius in the February, whilst the wedding was in July. Rose and Scor broke up on mutual terms, she said she liked someone else and so did he because he dropped the bombshell on her that he's gay. She certainly had no idea whether Teddy would or not, but for a while she thought nothing would every happen between them as their meetings stopped for a bit.

I'm glad they come off natural and realistic, there are certain bits between them when I write that I don't think do, so I'm happy. They've been around one another since they were little which adds to their interactions too. That makes me happy :)

One of the reason I had her be a writer was partly because of this, she needed to do something in which she could either do away or easily up and leave. Haha, she might well but she is definitely headstrong too. He did indeed, so who knows. Hermione definitely would be I think, not so much Ron I think he'd have more of a 'I told you so' reaction if Rose did go back to them heart broken.

Haha, honestly it's fine. I think this chapter is a little odd myself since you don't really have any back story or reasoning as that comes out in the others chapters. It is horrible to think, but as you said I think it's interesting too, though again this chapter is a bit odd as it's after things have come out/happened. At the moment Scorpius is coping quite well, since he and Rose broke up months before, but Victoire not so much. She is definitely upset, I mean who wouldn't be? That's okay, haha maybe Vic and Scor should get together, lol :p

Don't worry, haha but thank you. I do love Rose in this, as there are little things in her like Ron, but also like Hermione.

Thanks Mallory!!


 Report Review

Review #45, by UnluckyStar57L'optimisme: Wales

23rd October 2014:
Hi hi hi! I have finally come to review chapter two of this lovely story. :)

I actually went ahead and reread the first chapter to make sure that I could give you a definite answer about the whole two-narrator thing, and here's the verdict: It works! There is a very clear distinction between Albus's chapter and Gellert's, and I would probably not mistake one for the other in future chapters. More on that later.

First: As always, beautiful writing. I love the way Gellert talks about the flora and fauna of the places he visits/wants to visit. He is fiery and passionate, and he has a very good eye for detail. He's probably had a lot of time to observe/reflect on his life in prison. This chapter was descriptive in a way that was different from Albus's chapter. They see different things in the same object/concept, and therein lies their fundamental difference. Hopefully you can continue to emphasize that in future chapters!

Ooh, the part about Gellert being at a loss for words is perfect, especially since Albus's chapter was all about words. Albus is obsessed with words and ideas; Gellert wants action. It's odd, then, that he has all of these crazy ideologies while Albus is logical. I think that Gellert doesn't use words to cage his ideologies in his mind, which is why he wants to act, to go somewhere new, and to move on when he gets bored. Albus uses words to frame his logic, and so he acts a bit more rationally. The way they are characterized really makes this comparison between the two stand out. It's really lovely. :)

I really couldn't find any mistakes in this chapter--it's positively flawless.

...Oooh! Wait! I have to talk about the kiss! Ugh, that kiss!! It happened, and it was beautiful. Like, teach me how to write a kissing scene, because I feel so awkward when I try. Your writing and the action within the words was just progressing towards the kiss, but when it happened, it took me by surprise--in a good way. I love the image of the intimacy in between Albus and Gellert--it proves that there were feelings in the mix, volatile, fledgling feelings that they end up dealing with for the rest of their lives. The kiss cemented their (rather sad) fate, mwahaha. You do love to torture your characters. :)

Amazing chapter, Laura! Please forgive me for being so late in reviewing it. :P


 Report Review

Review #46, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Bombarda Maxima: Scorpius POV

21st October 2014:
Holy... wow. More loaded chapter-ness!

Good gosh, this is review 250 for this story. I'd better make this a good one!

So... There was so much aggression, so much anger from Al and Scorpius, and through their awful rage, I could really see how their own pasts were impacting the feelings of guilt that they were having about Rose and Stannous. Scorpius has had a pretty messed up life, and Albus has a few daddy issues to worry about. They love Rose, but they were too wrapped up in themselves to really question the damage that Stannous did to her in the past. This chapter is the unveiling, the revelation of that particular mystery, and now that their eyes are opened, they feel terrible. I loved how united they were in those moments, vowing to protect Rose and seek out Stannous and his gang in order to exact revenge for Rose's suffering.

Ugh, the encounter with Stannous had a bigger impact on Rose than you let on in the previous chapter! Convulsions, vomiting, blacking out, et cetera--that's something that sounds truly terrible to experience, and even though she didn't feel any pain after she blacked out, it must have been scary. I don't blame Dom for telling Scorpius and Al to back off! After all, they have no idea what to do to help Rose. Destroying the Forest of Dean is pretty much their only way to release their frustrations!

Over all, this was a really awesome chapter. There were so many raw emotions there, especially with Al and Scorpius in the forest. One thing that I would recommend to you is that you maybe put a little more description into Rose's whole convulsion/fainting scene. It feels a little bit sparse compared to the massive picture that you paint during the boys' scene. Playing up the drama is never a bad thing (usually)! Also, just be sure to check your verb tenses and spelling whenever you edit. There was nothing major, but as always, it's nice to go back and catch the little things that you miss when first posting a chapter. :)

Brilliant work! I will continue reviewing this story whenever I find the time and/or get a chance to catch you in the Review Battle! :D


Author's Response: Yay!

250 reviews - thank you so much! *dances around the room*

Yeah - this chapter is a giant ball of emotion. It was actually the first thing I wrote for the story and most of it stayed intact.

Good point about their pasts affecting their reactions. They are feeling so much guilt and rage that it just had to come out. They both love Rose so much - and the fact that they didn't know the whole truth about her kidnapping is haunting them.

Dom and Selenia were pretty much the same, although they chose to deal with it differently. They needed Rose to feel safe and calm. Knowing the temper that Al has and the way Scorp feels so connected to Rose, they just wanted to let them deal with it first before they could be effective at helping her. You'll see in the next chapter that the boys are still a little lost as to how best to do that...

Thanks for the tips - I'll give it a look over with the edits you suggested. And I can't wait to see what you think as the story unfolds!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Besieged: Rose POV

21st October 2014:
Oh my... Loaded chapter alert! D:

I'm finally coming back to give you two more reviews--that 250 mark is looming closer for this story! :D And I'm so glad that I helped you catch that chapter mix-up last night--it was just a bit confusing for me when I read it the first time. :P

Okay, so things are starting to happen to Rose, and I'm really starting to see the reason for her various neuroses throughout the first few chapters. Stannous was obviously a creep and a pedophile of some sort, and that is NOT okay. Of course, he was probably more than just a pedophile--I can picture him having the goal of world domination in mind--but for some reason, he zeroed in on Rose as a target for his sadistic fantasies. Like, ew. That is some twisted stuff, but it adds so much intrigue to the storyline! How did you come up with this sinister baddie, and how do you write him torturing Rose with a clear conscience?! (Just kidding--every good story needs an antagonist. Yours just happens to be SUPER creepy.) :)

Well, at least Rose and Scorpius's relationship is going swimmingly. :) I'm so glad that they finally admitted their long-lasting feelings for each other and that they're able to establish some sort of closeness, despite all of the emotional/mental baggage that they both have. The description of Rose's happiness at seeing Scorpius is really cute, and I'm so glad that they get to have a few moments of fun and lurve before Stannous steps in to complicate matters...

However, I found myself wanting more Rose/Scorpius interaction after the last chapter. Because of Scorpius's arranged meeting with Rose, I expected to see that arranged meeting and the exact situation that came from it. By starting this chapter several days later, I feel like I missed a little bit of the story. But that's just kind of a personal preference for me, I think. I mean, I get the idea that they would've been like, "I lurve you so much," but I kind of wanted to see it happen. Ah well, what you've written is enough--romance sort of has to take a backseat to action, anyway.

A few notes on semantics:

Parts of this chapter are in present tense, which doesn't seem to make sense within the context of the past tense narration that encompasses the majority of the story. Perhaps that's something to look over when you get a chance to edit. :)

Also, a few of the spells were not spelled (lol, a pun) correctly, and that's not a huge deal, but I thought I should point it out. (I'm a big fan of spelling, sorry.) Maybe check out the Lexicon when you edit, just to make sure you get the spelling right.

Other than that, I have no complaints about this chapter. It really furthered the action along, and it made me want to read more! (Which is what I will be doing as soon as I finish typing this review.) I can't wait to see what will be done about the whole Stannous situation, especially if he's been stalking Rose like a total weirdo.


Author's Response: Hiya!

I'm so excited that you wanted to give be the 250th review and thank you so much for catching the error - I think I did that by accident one day on the ipad - it's so easy to accidentally click the up or down arrow. Anyway, I'm eternally grateful for the catch!

Haha - I think I came up with him because I wanted the next gen to have their own version of Voldemort. In my mind, the story doesn't end with Harry and Voldy. I like your thoughts on world domination - keep that in the back of your mind :)

Haha - I know how you feel about wanting the Scorose interaction - and I totally agree. But, as I mentioned in my last response I was trying to show that their relationship at this point is still superficial because Rose hasn't been as open with Scorpius as she should be. Not really her fault, but she needs to give him a bit more credit.

Also (as I mentioned before) I hope that I don't disappoint with the Scorose interactions that happen later on in the story. I seriously can't wait until you get to those parts! Eeep!

I'm going to look at editing it right now. I love all your suggestions and I know that sometimes I get messed up with the tenses. Thanks so much, because I really want the story to be the best it can be :)

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #48, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Better: Rose POV

20th October 2014:
Hi Beth! I noticed that ASLTW is only 3 reviews away from 250, so I'm pretty set on giving you that 250th review. And I'm just procrastinating again, so here we go! :D

Okay, so the first part of this chapter involved so much "D'aw"-ing from me. My roommate is sitting in the living room with me, and she was really confused. But I had to "D'aww" because THE ROSE AND HARRY DYNAMIC IS SO CUTE!!! It absolutely never occurred to me to think about what sort of relationship they might have, and this is totally headcanon for me now. Like, in most Next Gen fanfic, you don't see a lot of the Next Gen gang relating to their elders in a way that isn't bad/sad/angsty, so I'm incredibly surprised and pleased to see such an adorable relationship between Rose and Harry. Sad to say, though, it seems as though Harry gets along better with her than he gets along with Albus. :P Ah well...

And I must admit, I was a little bit disappointed that you didn't write about the weekend that Rose and Scorpius spent together, but maybe they're going to talk about it in the next chapter? I don't know... But when you started this chapter out with Rose and then connected it to the action from the last chapter, I was like, "DANG, THAT SEGWAY THOUGH!" (Yes, it is necessary to use shouty capitals.) I was just incredibly impressed with how you connected Rose's PoV to Scorpius's PoV. So tell me, how do you do that? Do you write several chapters from Rose's PoV and then go back and fill in Scorpius's part (or vice versa)? Do you just write in alternating PoVs? Impart knowledge unto me, o wise one! :D

...Maybe it's too late for me to be writing reviews... Oh well.

Anyways, super cute and marvelously fab chapter. I can't wait to read about Rose and Scorpius's meeting!


Author's Response: Hi there!

*I'm* the one totally "D'aw"-ing over all these reviews! Thank you so much! I'm just so excited that you like my story and I really, really appreciate all of your notes!

I thought a lot about the relationship between the parents and next gen kids when writing this story. I intentionally set it after they graduated from Hogwarts, because I wanted them to have some interactions.

I also thought that Ron would be really awkward with his daughter - especially as she got older. He would probably just not know how to deal with her. Harry, on the other hand, is a little more removed from being Rose's parent and can have a different relationship with her.

Sorry about the lack of the cute weekend - I *promise* there is some serious Scorose scenes coming up - haha! first of all, I really wanted to move the story along and secondly - I wanted it to seem like their relationship was going a little *too* easily. Rose hasn't been forthcoming with Scorpius about her past and you can't really commit wholly to someone without being honest - especially about something this big. At least that's the message I wanted to send - haha!

Umm... I'm not sure how I do it... I think that I just sort of put myself in their place when I'm writing. And I've been really, really worried that Scorpius's voice sounds too much like Rose's. So I really, really *really* appreciate the vote of confidence on that. I actually tried to write the story form her POV only, but it just wouldn't work. So - I guess the story sort of demanded the two POVs.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #49, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Bitter: Scorpius POV

19th October 2014:
Ahah! October BvB again! This review is brought to you in part by my awesome procrastination skills and my wish to learn more of Rose and Scorpius's story. :)

Oh. Wow. Albus and Harry were really going at it for a minute there. I was pretty shocked that Harry would choose to call Al out on his misbehavior and engage him in a duel in front of the entire Auror program. That sort of goes against Harry's whole "Mr. Nice Guy Peaceful Auror" persona with which he runs the department, but then again, parent-child relationships are always tough to balance, especially in the workplace. Thank Merlin for Scorpius hopping in with his peacemaking skills!

Oh yeah, and Al seems like he's just a little bit of a nuisance sometimes, what with all of his teasing and carrying on. But deep down, he just wants to prove himself to Harry, so maybe he purposefully acts out sometimes, to get some sort of reaction out of Harry? I don't know... But I love how complex your characters are! I haven't seen Al much in this, but he definitely has his own demons, just like Rose and Scorpius do.

A few typo-esque things that I caught:

"...although mildly irritated at Al for distracting me during the morning session, I just can't bring myself to be..."~Because this story is written in past tense, I think that the "can't" in this sentence should be "couldn't."

"Impedimentia!"~I think the spell is actually "Impedimenta."

Both are very minor things, so you don't have to worry about editing them if you don't want to. :)

One thing with the plot that concerned me a little was the speed of Harry and Al's reconciliation. There have been bad feelings under the surface for so many years, and they're just going to kiss and make up?! I refuse to think that this is the case. I think that it might be a reconciliation, but only on the surface--after all, this is from Scorpius's PoV, and he isn't exactly a mind reader. I'm thinking that tensions between the two green-eyed Potters will explode in a later chapter. The only reason that I bring this up is because the reconciliation was just. So. Quick! But now that I think about it, I'm sure that there will be more arguments to come. Ignore my waffling. :)

Uh oh, is Scorpius going to tell Rose the truth, or is he just going to beat around the bush some more? I'm betting that it's the later option. ;)

'Til next time!


Author's Response: Hi again!

Haha - I love procrastination - but I'll get to that later :)

You're not the first person to comment on Harry's quick temper. I think that it had been a long time coming between him and Al - and since they are both not the main characters in the story, so I wasn't sure how much time to put into their back stories. Harry, at this point is just really disappointed that HIS son is the one setting a bad example. He wants Al to be the best - that Harry *knows* he can be, but he seems to fall short and get a bit sloppy. I am thinking about how to handle this differently, but I really wanted the two to face off so Harry could tell Al that he's really a better version of himself.

They did make up pretty quickly, huh? Again, I wasn't sure how to pace this because I didn't want to spend too much time on a side story - hmmm, I'll have to think about that. You're not waffling - I really don't have another argument between the green-eyes, but I do mention that Harry takes some steps to show trust in his son, if that helps :)

Thanks for finding those - I'll definitely fix them. The validators are gonna hate me - haha!

Scorpius and Rose well... you'll just have to read to find out!

Thanks again - so, so much!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #50, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Besotted: Rose POV

19th October 2014:
I'm back for the October BvB Review Battle! :D

Whoa. There is a LOT of stuff going on in this chapter. A LOT. Rose revealing secrets? Check. Delving into their past Hogwarts selves? Check. Evil guy who got mentioned a few times but is now one of the nastiest characters I've read recently? Check, check, and check.

Stannous. I mean, I don't want to say he's stupid because he invented his own variant of the Cruciatus curse. He's obviously a bad guy with brains, and that is really terrifying. From the little bit of information that Rose gives us at the beginning of the chapter, I can tell that he is a force of evil that may rival Voldemort in terms of nastiness. He's had a lasting impact on Rose, too, which is awful. I can't stand to see her hating the scars that he gave her, because that just makes her think more about what he did to her. I wish that there was some way she could see them as her own battle scars of survival and bravery--but maybe there isn't any good way to see them, since she's been through such an ordeal because of them.

And Scorpius is just letting ALL of his problems out. The bitterness that he felt toward Draco in previous chapters is unparalleled by the hatred that he projects to Rose. If Draco was really that bad, I pity Astoria. :( The revelation that Scorpius slept around at Hogwarts was a surprising one--I really didn't think he would, but it does make sense. It's just gross and awful that Rose had to catch him in the act. :/

One thing I was a bit confused about (and this is probably just my own silliness): Was that Scorpius's way of confessing his love for Rose, and vice versa? It seemed like it, but they didn't really continue that whole conversation. Maybe they set it aside for later so that they could concentrate on forgetting about Scorpius's past for the time being... Love was never going to be easy for those two, anyway.

Another marvelous chapter! If I keep reviewing them for the BvB every month, I might finish in about... two years. :P I'll have to stop by again sometime, just for funsies. :D


Author's Response: Hi there!

Wow. Thanks so much for this awesome review. I'm just floored by how thorough you are.

So - YES, Stannous is pretty much pure evil. There will be much, much more on that later on in the story. I'm glad that you picked up on the fact that he could rival Voldemort, because I wanted a character of that magnitude to be around to terrorize the next gen kids. (I just realized that made ME sound pretty evil - haha or should I say mwah-ha-ha!).

Yes! I want Rose to see the scars as a reason as her ability to survive and give her strength and power! She's just not in that place quite yet. She might need some help to get there... enter completely hunky yet slightly damaged tall, blond, Scorpius!

Draco wasn't bad, per se... he was just fighting his own demons from the war. Essentially cut off from wizarding society and ostracized by both the purebloods and Harry's crew had a rough effect on him. He loved his son, but was too caught up in his own depression to show it. The result was a barren wasteland of a home for Scorpius. He was much closer to his Mum, but still felt a need for friends. Aand all of this is from Scorpius's POV, so were seeing his take on things - from his 15-year old perspective.

I really struggled with having Scorpius sleep around at Hogwarts. On one hand, I think it makes the love he had for Rose less pure - he couldn't wait for the right girl to come to her senses. But, in the end, I decided that having that wedge between them would hold them off from getting together at Hogwarts - so that they were a bit older and more mature when they finally decide they want to be together. I hope that makes sense :)

My intent was to not have them confess any REAL feelings just yet, but to maybe open the door to the possibility that they were still interested in each other. I'm sorry if it came off as confusing, but I really appreciate the honest feedback. I'm slowly editing this story and all of this cc is really helpful :)

Ooo - please stop by anytime. I ♥ your reviews!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>