Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
805 Reviews Found

Review #26, by UnluckyStar57Rose: Unrequited

11th February 2015:
Hi again!

This was so short, but so sweet! I see a lot of things on the Internet about how guys complain about the "friend-zone" and whine about how they can't get a date because they're "too nice." But Scorpius is the exact opposite of that sort of guy. He's a truly nice guy--the kind that would never sacrifice a friend's happiness just so that he could try to hook up with her.

From the beginning, the flowers metaphor was so sweet and brilliant. I loved the description of flowers and how Scorpius loves them so much. Ugh, he's such an adorable person in this! I bet he wears ugly sweaters and drinks tea and takes walks in the rain and writes poetry. What a cutie. :)

The thing about Rose and Scorpius not meeting until later on in their Hogwarts career is, I think, very realistic. I enjoy the "meeting on the Hogwarts Express" trope, but having them meet later on is very fitting and more real, especially in the context of the story. They never had any reason for their paths to cross, so they just stayed out of each other's way. Until they figured out that they had stuff in common and became good friends, which is also awesome.

And you said that this was a "sad romance," but I see it as a different kind of love story. It's a story about the love between two friends--platonic love that blossomed into romantic love for one friend but not the other. And that, in a way, is quite sad, but it's also beautiful that he respected her and loved her enough to always be her friend, even while she dated other people. Man, I just love your version of Scorpius. He's such a good egg. :)

The completion of the rose metaphor at the end, placing Scorpius as the gardener, was really well done. I love that he handled the situation so well and accepted her marriage to someone else without being a jerk about it. He knew that real love was being able to let someone be their own person, and that is just beautiful.

This was super, super brilliant, and I loved it so much. You wrote it just in time for Valentine's Day, too! :) ♥


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for this lovely review!

I am pleased you liked this. Yeah, I wanted to do something else with the idea of 'friend zone' here. My aim was to show "If you love someone truly, let them go." Scorpius was happy in Rose's happiness =)

This is the first time I played around with metaphors and such so it's great to know you liked it all. Haha Scorpius is definitely an adorable person xD

Yeah I felt it's too cliche to meet on the train. I mean come on what are the chances that they'll be in the same compartment or something, especially when 11-year-old Rose has been told not to talk to him.

It was a sad romance of sorts but it was definitely the love of Scorpius for his Rose and their friendship too. He is definitely a good egg xD

Thank you so much for your lovely comments!

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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Unlikely: Abandoned

11th February 2015:
Hi! I'm here for our review swap from earlier today. :)

Okay, not gonna lie: When I first saw the summary for this, I thought that it was going to be Pansy/Parvati. And that's quite an interesting and rare pairing, so I was excited to see how the ship played out. HOWEVER, the fact that there is no inherent shipping in this is also really cool. I love the idea so much, and here's why:

Gryffindor/Slytherin friendships are rarely shown in fanfiction or in the books, for that matter. Everyone expects that Gryffies and Snakes just can't get along because they wear different colors and their Founders had a fight a long time ago. But showing these two girls (who are sometimes painted in a bad light) sort of bonding over something that they have in common is really amazing.

I really like how you drew the connection between them. The whole reason for this unlikely meeting is that they were abandoned by their dates to the Yule Ball. Dances are typically a really special time for girls--a chance to go out and get crazy dressed up because it's fun and such--and their dates were both too obtuse to realize that this was a Special Thing and they really should've paid more attention. Shame on them, because Pansy and Parvati found something more valuable than Draco and Harry. They found friendship, and that is totally awesome.

I also like that they're completely into the fashionable stuff. Like, I know that Parvati was one of the prettiest girls in Harry's year, and Pansy is often described as "pug-faced," but with this story, I can picture how both of them sort of dove into fashion to express themselves. I can also picture them starting a fashion company together after the war and everything. So I love that you had them bond over that. :)

I don't know if your intention was to make them seem shippy, but I saw a bit of a ship there. I mean, I completely ship their friendship because of the remarkable job you've done with this, and I won't say too much about romantic shipping if that's not what you intended. But I love their dynamic as friends--girl power all the way, oh yeeesss! You've done such a brilliant job of writing a realistic "beginning of a friendship" between two girls who would likely never talk to each other under different circumstances.

In short, this was totally awesome. Hugs and kisses to you for writing it! :D Now I'm off to check out Rose! :)


Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

I am pleased you liked it despite it not being a pairing. It was just a little friendship story =)

Indeed, Lion-Snake friendships are rarely shown so I wanted to play around with this idea to see where it would lead me.

I am happy you liked the idea of how they bonded over their abandonment of the dates and the whole thing about fashionable stuff. Aha starting a fashion company after the war - now you've given me an idea there for a sequel xD

It actually wasn't my intention to make it shippy but it's open to reader interpretation =)

Thanks a lot for your lovely review and sorry for the late response!

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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57Chaos Theory: i. the introduction

2nd February 2015:
Here for our swap! :D

Okay, first of all, YES. SO MUCH YES. I love Next Gen, and I love Lucy Weasley, and I love stories about the Hogwarts Black Market. And I love that the whole Black Market thing didn't come in until the end, so now I have to wait in suspense for the next chapter! :O

Alright, Lucy: She's lesser-known than the other Wotters, and one of my favorite versions of her character is the one that seems to be present in this story. The less-than-perfect younger sibling to Molly's "Little Miss Perfect" routine who isn't afraid to be different. (Despite being Percy's child, hahaha.) I think you have a really good idea of Lucy's character and how you want her to be in future chapters.

I also think it's important that you're addressing the whole "test score" issue in this story. I'm a product of the test score mania--so much so that my mood depends on my grade. (And even though I know that I'm not the most intelligent person, it feels great to maintain a 4.0, y'know?) So I can relate to Lucy, no matter how different our circumstances might be. She's got one more year of school, and she's feeling the pressure from her mum and her older sister to get a "good Ministry job," which is not what she wants. And she obviously didn't score as high in the Entry Level NEWTs as Audrey wanted her to, but that doesn't mean she isn't smart. She just has greater interest in other areas... :D

One thing that I spotted that was out of place: You said that Audrey Weasley works in "tangent" with the Ministry, and I think you might've meant "tandem." But ignore me if that wasn't your intention. :)

Kit, Orla, and Will seem like interesting characters. I feel like I know much more about Kit than the other two, but I have a feeling that they'll be more vocal and present in future chapters. :) Also, it's really cool that Orla is of Polynesian descent. Did she transfer to Hogwarts, or did she grow up in the UK?

The black market operation that the team is running sounds like something really magical. I love that you sort of set it up, with it starting out small and growing into something that (under more normal circumstances) other people would admire. (I mean, I admire it as it is, but I don't think Percy would.) And I hope that they can find some way to put their shrewd business skills to use after Hogwarts so that Nox doesn't go to waste. :)

In summary, this was a marvelous chapter, and I can assure you that I will be waiting for the next one!


Author's Response: Hey there!

Well, I do apologise for the 'cliffhanger' of sorts ;) I'm unsure if this will disappoint you to discover Nox isn't ACTUALLY going to be the main focus of the plot, but another group whose name is Finis (hint: they're not running their own black market. it's something more.)

Yes, Lucy is definitely that girl! She's your pessimistic ray of sunshine, rude and eye-rolling and entirely disinterested in anything and everything her sister has to say. Although they were close when they were younger most of their life has practically been a competition (despite their age gap) so is it any wonder Lucy turned out so bitter.

Test score mania is the worst. I - too - am prone to excessive dependency on doing well although I am taking steps to reduce that, which I think are working out quite well! That part is important to the overall arc of the story and the commentary on social pressures to do well in exams.

Thanks for the word pointing out! Upon further inspection I actually didn't mean 'tangent' OR 'tandem' haha, about to fix it now to correctly reflect what I wanted to put (both words are very similar to my meaning, just slightly off).

I can understand you feeling slightly more connected to Kit, currently :) I totally get that don't worry! I feel as if I almost understand his character the most too but that's just from delving into him a little more. Of course, more shall come on the others as the chapters progress!

Orla has a pretty interesting backstory which I'm (hoping) to bring in some where along the lines but brief overview is this: her mum is Romilda Vane (white british) who got pregnant after a short, holiday romance on one of the Polynesian islands (I haven't quite decided which yet. Possibly Hawaii, but I might make it ambiguous). She never kept in contact with Orla's dad and so had nobody to turn to when she returned to Britain and discovered she was pregnant. So, Orla grew up in the UK with her mother (and grandparents) and has never known who her father is.

Oh certainly Nox is admired by a lot of people! Namely, the students to which it serves :P I'm sure Percy would be exponentially proud if they weren't selling things to MINORS, ILLEGALLY haha. Bless. But, I mean, who knows where the skills of Nox shall lead ;)

Thank you so so much for such a lovely, long and detailed review. I enjoyed the review swap and loved your fic as well!! :)

- Jess, xo

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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57Tales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Wrath

31st January 2015:
Once again, an indecently late review from me! :D

Alright. First things first: My favorite character so far. SUSAN BONES, of course!! Because I really had no idea that she was Polyjuiced to look like Mary Goldsmith, and I had no idea that she was so amazing. It makes sense, of course--her family had a long history of being really cool and fighting wizarding crime--but she was such a minor character in the books that she didn't get the face time that she might've had if the series were about her. But THIS Susan, post-war Susan, is amazing! I love how she's so skilled at tricking the bad guys and using her femininity in a subversive way to cut them down. It isn't fair that she always has to be the bait, though, but I think that any of the guys in the team with her will always think twice before being sexist toward her. And that's what I like to see! :D

Wow, Harry has so much presence and authority in this chapter, and I can really see how boy-Harry transitioned to this new Harry. He's hardened by war, but he still wants to do the right thing, even if it means that he might die. I love that you can get his characterization so perfectly--your version of Harry is my favorite of all the ones reincarnated in fanfic. :)

And Ron! You haven't sacrificed his desire for comfort and food and Hermione, but you've given him a really nice edge that fits with the entire vibe of the group. He's Harry's right-hand man, and even if he's unsure about the safety of a plan (or if there are spiders!), he's going to follow Harry and help him out however he can. Still, it's also brilliant that Ron isn't just a throwaway character--I think he would have just as much relevance and personality if Harry weren't there--and that's another thing that makes me very happy.

Wo! Terry Boot's shade-throwing moment with Dawlish was probably my favorite part. Haha, Ravenclaws know where it's AT! In that scene, I could tell that the conflict between young!Aurors and old!Aurors is going to be an ongoing theme/challenge for the "Death Hunters," and that's a really cool thing to explore.

You're just really great at characterization and themes and stuff, kay? :D

Ugh, and the bloody stuff too. Wow, there were so many gruesome images that I hardly know where to begin... Maybe with the DOG. OMG, Dan, you can't just... But you DID... Don't you know that when you start attacking the puppies, things get real?! I guess that's what you were going for, but now I'm sad. :(

The thing about the dog and the teddy bear was a little confusing to me because I wasn't sure which one had "DANNY" stitched on its belly. That was the only confusing sentence in the thing, though. And maybe I'm just unnecessarily confused, idk.

Anyway, DADGUMMIT HARRY! He's such a hero, and there Jugson was, thinking that Harry had no choice but to die! He's quite an awful villain, by the way, and I mean "awful" in the sense of "totally gross and terrible, but amazingly written." BUT THE HAND AND THE HOUSE-ELF!! No, I thought house-elf deaths were over when Dobby died. Wake up call for me! House-elves are probably still oppressed, and they probably die a lot because of abuse and sacrificing their well-being for their masters' plots. Ugh, that's gross. But yeah, this chapter ended on a REALLY low note, and that informant had better give the team some information that will help them capture Jugson and all the baddies once and for all!

Another brilliant chapter, and maybe next time I won't be so tardy with the review! :O


Author's Response: Hi, there! Please don't apologize about the timing of your wonderful reviews. As you can see, it takes me ages to respond as well.

Ha! I love Susan, too. She's become such a fixture in my writing. I love imagining her as this very smart, very tough young woman who's doing all she can to uphold her family legacy. And no, none of the guys would dare to be sexist toward her.

I tried to give Harry a lot of personal gravity in this chapter because I needed to get his character in the right place for what's coming. That's an incredibly kind thing for you to say about Harry. You put a big smile on my face right there!

I could never make Ron a throwaway character. I like the guy too much. Specifically, I love giving him moments where he can step out of the combined shadow of Harry and Hermione and shine. He deserves no less.

I loved giving Harry's team their moment to get the best of Dawlish. Because he's a Ravenclaw, Terry was the perfect straight man to throw the feint about Neville's gram.

:-/ Yeah, as it turns out it's hard to write realistic stories about violent, sociopathic Death Eaters without having a good measure of violence and bloodshed. Sorry for the confusion, it was the stuffed animal with the stitching in its belly. I'll reread that and see whether I can make it more clear.

Sorry, at least one more house elf death. I wouldn't say it was fun to write, but I liked the idea that Bizzy's life would have been so miserable with Jugson that she thanked Harry for her "freedom".

Unfortunately, I can't promise that the heavy stuff is over. Because it isn't. Not by a long shot. Death Eaters, you know? Never a happy moment.

Thanks so much for all of your amazing reviews!

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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57He: He

22nd January 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the January BvB. :)

Oh my goodness, this was such a lovely story, even though it was so sad. I liked how you didn't use any names--the only way I knew specifically who this was about was by going back and looking at the characters you tagged at the top of the page. So in a way, this sort of grief over a lost love is universal--it could be anyone, from any story.

But it's about Cho and Cedric, and because I know about those two, that makes it sad for me. The imagery of her looking up at the stars, losing herself in grief, is very poignant and painful. She's reduced to her grief by circumstances beyond her control, and the stars aren't going to bring Cedric back. To be honest, Cho was always my least favorite Ravenclaw because she never seemed to do much or be useful to anyone, but this gives me a new perspective. Of course she couldn't do anything, because Cedric died young and she still sees him when she falls asleep at night. Arggh, the feels. :'(

As I've said (I think), I love your use of imagery and language. This flows very well, and it's so poetic, and I love it. Very good job!


Author's Response: Heya! Thanks for such a lovely review ♥

I'm really glad you liked this - I wrote it a few summers ago so in my head it's not as "good" to me so it's really great that you liked it. Thanks a million for taking the time out to review!

The whole situation must have been so traumatic for Cho - so much is thrown at the Hogwarts students, honestly! I really feel like she would be so upset for such a long time - and because she was quite young when it all happened I assume there wouldn't have been as much understanding of her feelings, too.

I'm really glad you liked it - thank you so much!

Laura xxx

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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakdown: Rose POV

19th January 2015:
Whoa, holy cow this was such a LOADED chapter. Are you even allowed to do this to my sanity?!?!

(January BvB, btw.)

Ugh, hollly cooow. It's so insane how Rose just went from being in therapy patient mode to being in full force Healer in training mode. Insane, I tell you! And it was a completely believable transition, like, her fight-or-flight reflexes kicked in and she fought. Say what you like about her trauma and her inability to talk about her scars; she's still in recovery, but she's a fighter. Dang.

OH MY GOD HOW CRUEL ARE YOU?!?!? DO YOU READ THESE STORIES TO YOUR CHILDREN?!?! Because I would be so traumatized by seeing a person whose insides had been Splinched. Like, oh my god, no. That's the worst possible thing. Where in god's name did you come up with that from?!?!

Not to say that it wasn't BRILLIANT, but STILL. Dang. That's some twisted stuff right there.

And I'm so glad to see that Cormac McLaggen hasn't changed since Hogwarts. So full of it, really. People DIED and he was concerned with making the "greatest improvement to Wizarding transportation evaaar." Like, no, get over yourself, you slatternly crumpet. Ugh. So much hate for him, and I hope he rots in jail. WHY WEREN'T THERE REGULATIONS IN PLACE TO REQUIRE HIM TO TEST THIS STUFF OUT ON INANIMATE OBJECTS BEFORE HUMANS?!?!?! I could imagine that he used innocent puppies in the original prototypes, the sick rat. And what was he trying to accomplish, anyway? They've got the Knight Bus, they hardly need anything MORE traumatizing.

And it SUCKS for Rose that she lost her first patient. As much as I hate to think this about her, it seems like the pain of failure fueled some of her actions with Scorpius afterwards. I mean, the sexy times were inevitable at some point--they've got such a history, and it was about time they got down to it! But on such a sad time, and for Rose to go from "I wanna be close to you" to "I wanna go out and par-taayyy" is just a little too quick for me. She's got some serious issues, man. Seriously.

Sorry, sorry, I'm way too into your characters right now. Like, SO INVESTED. And I hate all the bad mistakes they're making, but I love you for writing them so realistically. You're so awesome. ♥

One complaint I have is that you mentioned the dead patients being "vanished" to the morgue... I felt that patients might be "Banished" instead, which is the opposite of the "Accio" charm and seems a little less gruesome... Unless you meant that the Healers do some tricky Transfig and make the patients vanish and turn up in the morgue. I pictured vanished patients all stacked up together in an invisible manner, and it gave me the creeps. But if that's what you meant, I'm sorry for digressing! :O

Anyway, marvelous marvelous, way-too-many-feels chapter. Excuse me while I go cry a little...

(P.S. I totally caught all of the periodic table names in this chapter. I'm sort of proud, hahaha.)


Author's Response: Mallory!


I'm so glad that you noticed how Rose really comes into her own when she is being a Healer. SHE doesn't even notice it. But she is in serious "I'm gonna fix all this" mode.

Haha - No, I don't read these to my kids. I haven't even considered the consequences if they found out the type of stuff that I write :)

Cormac is in it for the glory - typical.

Haha - Yeah, Rose did have a big change of heart - but I think it was more that she wanted to go and be with people who meant something to her (like her friends and family). She was feeling ALIVE for the first time in years - and wanted to celebrate that with those that she's close with.

Haha - I'm LOVING that you are into my characters. Thanks :)

I didn't mean for the patients to seem like they were vanished completely - just vanished from the triage ward to the morgue. I'm not sure I agree with you on the word "banished." It sounds like a punishment more than a replacement.

Eeep - glad you found the element names! I've been really sneaky with them - a lot of the ones I use are the Latin names :)

Thanks again Mallory - your reviews are always so amazing!

♥ Beth

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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57The Red Dragon Shall Rise Again (Y Ddraig Goch Ddyry Cychwyn): Spring

19th January 2015:
Hey! I'm here from the January BvB.

I really love this one! The intertwining of two different legends--Arthurian and Potterversian--is so cool. At first, I didn't think about the dying old man being Merlin, but I understood by the end of the first part. It's cool that he had a woman apprentice named Vivian!

Speaking of, I love how you played around with gender roles in this. Salazar is obviously such a traditionalist, refusing to look at Rowena's ankle, and she's pushing him, challenging him to let go of that. She knows that she has just as much power as him in the governing of the school, and she isn't going to let him forget it. Yes!

Awww, I'm sort of disappointed that this is the end of this one-shot. I expected this story to be a continuation of this initial idea, because I really want to find out the significance of the blonde boy and whether or not Salazar will end up approving of him.

Brilliant chapter!


Author's Response: All of the chapters are related, so it's not really a one-shot, exactly.

Glad you enjoyed it. I really think there are a lot of Arthurian themes in the books if you know where to look.

Especially glad that you enjoyed the characterizations of the Founders. I think I may actually have a handle on them.

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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakthrough: Scorpius POV

19th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the January BvB. :)

Wow, this investigation really does hit close to home for Dom, Scorpius, and Al. I feel like they would act with the same objectivity that Kali, Colleen, and Caesar have, if only it weren't a case about Rose. But the three non-relatives/significant other(s) brought up some really good points, and even though it'll be stressful, I hope that Rose's family/boyfriend can listen to them.

One thing that I would like to point out is that you sometimes switch tenses in the middle of paragraphs. It isn't so bad, but it made me a little uncertain about which tense I was supposed to be reading in sometimes.

Ooh, but that's far overshadowed by the things that you do REALLY well, namely: adding to the sense of mystery about Stannous and asking the relevant questions that keep me guessing about his motives. I never thought about it before, but yes--why DID he gravitate towards Rose, only to return her with inflicting any major physical damage? What's he playing at? This villain is super intimidating and scary, and he hits people where it hurts. I want to know more about him, and at the same time, I don't.

Really brilliant chapter! Maybe one day I'll be caught up with reading and reviewing this story. :)


Author's Response: Hiya Mallory!

Thanks so much for this awesome review!

The investigation was a little *too* close for those three. Harry was right to add some "fresh eyes" to the case.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your cc. I went back through the chapter and woah! I can't believe how awful it was in terms of switching tenses. I'm still a little unsure if I've done it right, but I made some MAJOR changes and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you pointing that out!

Keep reading - it is all revealed soon!

Thanks again! ♥ Beth

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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Carpe Aestatem: I Reckon

19th January 2015:
Oh my god.

There have been so many pairings that I've read lately that I didn't know I needed, and this is most definitely one to add to that list. I mean, I've read it twice now, and I'm still in awe.

Who would've thought it, right? When the whole fandom ships JilyJilyJily all day long, you don't even think about the possibility of Other Ships With James In Them. Well, perhaps you remark on his bromance with Sirius, but never Peter and never Remus.

But THIS. THIS BLOOMING THING. In everything of yours that I've ever read--TFWMS being the mainest and most notable example--I sit here after I've read it, giggling like a fool because I just love your characters so much. There's so much pretentiousness going on, and they don't even try to hide it--they're the Marauders, they have the Right to Elevate Themselves in their own minds. Ugh, but I just love how Remus isn't what anyone would initially believe, and I love how Sirius is so nonchalant about the labels, how he embraces them because "they're subversive, mate."

Basically, your characters are precocious little babies, and I love them. I mean, at this point, you could do anything with any one of them--ship them however, with whomever--and I would be sold on the idea.

But anyway. Remus and James. REMUS and JAMES. James starts out ever-so-slightly in denial to himself, trying to distract his mind from Remus by thinking about girls. That ends very quickly, especially since Sirius is right there, being so cool and uncaring and stuff. And James is still like, "it's mostly girls... and then there's Remus," but whatever, the "mostly girls" part doesn't matter right now because Remus is the only thing he can think about, hahaha. That's so perfectly fitting and so perfectly evil at the same time.

And if there was any doubt in his mind about which he liked more, Remus's little surprise attack certainly sealed the deal. Oh my gosh, Lisa, you can write kissing scenes like nobody else. It's so insane, and I feel so many feels that I shouldn't feel, because after all, the romance between two fictional characters should have no affect on my life. And yet, it does. Oh, it does.

And that Latin thrown in at the end--honestly, I think it's such a part of your writing style that I would miss it if it weren't there. The Marauders are such pretentious little dorks, and nobody can tell me otherwise. I'll have to read some more of your Marauders work when I find the time.

Oh, the one complaint I have about this chapter is that it is TOO SHORT and I WANT MORE. Well, when you've got the time, that is. But I hope you have the time soon, because this story is absolute gold.


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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57Hurting You: Hurting You

18th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the January BvB. :)

I'm always interested in reading things about how the Next Generation is coping in the aftermath of their parents' fame, and I think you captured a pretty good piece of it here. Lily obviously feels like she can't live up to Harry's expectations of her because she wants something different for herself that will never match up with Harry's wishes. She wants to follow her dreams, but she feels like she can't do that without earning his disapproval and disappointment. It's hard to be the youngest child, and only girl.

She's just so sad! I wish that she could've had a face-to-face talk with Harry, just so that she could tell him all of those things, and maybe he would've been more receptive to the dancing idea than she thought he would be. But it's too late. Speaking of "too late," I like how you didn't reveal that Harry was dead until the end. It sort of adds to the irony and pain in Lily's situation. Very nice touch!

One thing I would recommend for the improvement of this fic is that you go back and look for spelling and word errors. There were a few places that you spelled something wrong, and maybe one place that I felt the word was supposed to be something different. But overall, it was really good and I have no other critiques. :)

Really excellent job! I enjoyed reading. :D


Author's Response: picked up on all of Lily's thoughts and feelings. She has had a bit of a rough time, especially being the third child, living in her brother's shadows. What she wanted from her life was so removed from what ever expected that it was hard for her to pursue it on her own.

She is pretty sad here and has so many regrets that now she can't fix. I wanted to keep Harry's fate as carefully underwraps as I could until the end, although I'm sure its easy to suspect that somethings amiss.

Thanks for the CC. I'll get myself a beta for this. I never seem to catch everything on my own.


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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57My Girl: My Girl

17th January 2015:
Hi Georgia! I'm here for the January BvB. :)

This is super impressive. To write something that's over 100 words without using the letter "E" is just so unfathomable to me--I've used the letter so many times already in a few lines of reviewing! So I am incredibly in awe of your power to find synonyms and replace short words with ones that don't have the letter "E."

As far as characterization, I feel like this version of Ron is from Jane Austen's time--the way he speaks reminds me of Pride and Prejudice, and I really like it! It's very regal and sort of pompous, which I could imagine a Regency Period Ron being. I love that he's so in love with Hermione, that he acknowledges her intelligence and the fact that it is greater than his own. You are just so good at writing Romione! ♥

Rose sounds like she's pretty awesome, too. A very Lizzie Bennet-ish character indeed, and with Scorpius as her sort-of Darcy, how could things go wrong? I'm thankful that his name doesn't have an "E," otherwise that would be super inconvenient! Yes, and I love the fact that Rose takes after Hermione, too! I picture this Scorose with Scorpius as a sort of dandy who often gets taken down a peg or two by Rose, and right now I'm just really thinking about them in the Regency Period, so sorry. :)

My one suggestion for improvement is that you look at your word choice again and see if there are any words that could be replaced with better ones. The word "obtain" shows up a lot within a very few sentences, and I think that there are other words that could replace it for a bit better flow. However, I would like to reiterate that it is SO AMAZING that you accomplished this seemingly-impossible task in so many words.

Wonderful job!


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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57Kaleidoscope Love: Oh Comely

14th January 2015:
*cries for days because this is everything i didn't know i needed*

This is just...

No, sorry, I'm not even sure you're going to get a coherent review from me because I'm so incredibly speechless right now. But darn it, I've got to chime in somehow.

God, Agrippa, and Merlin, this is so wonderful. Anthony Goldstein is a character I don't ever think about, and Ernie MacMillan is "that pompous Hufflepuff that seems like a teacher's pet."

BUT NOT ANYMORE. Oh my gosh. This is not the ship that I expected, and it's certainly more than I bargained for! One would think that such seeming opposites wouldn't go together, wouldn't fit, wouldn't make sense. But you totally changed that. Like, forgive my naivete, but you've basically just shattered my whole concept of shipping in the Hogwarts Era and built it anew.

It's in part due to your use of language. This is the Logophile's Challenge, and you are CERTAINLY a logophile. Those beautiful words...! And to think that all of this stemmed from the word "kaleidoscope," and spiraled into something so incredible! What I love about this SO MUCH is that you used all of these intense words with vivid meanings, but it doesn't sound pompous. It doesn't sound like you're trying to exclude people who don't know what the words mean. Even Ernie MacMillan--the character that everyone saw as "so pompous" and such--he's a guy with a story and another guy who is his secret-and-then-wham!-not-so-secret admirer.

Oh yes, Anthony, Ernie might not be handing out free hugs, but you totally want one. Uggghhh, just EVERYTHING about them is so shippable. It's absolutely wonderful and I LOVE THAT NOBODY DIED AND THEY GREW OLD TOGETHER AND READ BOOKS AND HELD HANDS AND KISSED EACH OTHER...

...I am so sorry. You probably think I'm totally insane or something. But I just wanted to let you know that I really liked your story and I am super impressed and I wish you the best of luck in this challenge. ♥


Author's Response: Oh wow, hi! I'm so happy you stopped by! I have a pretty solid group of reviewers that come by and leave their thoughts when I post up a new story status but it's always so awesome when someone new takes a chance on me :)

Seriously you don't know how much it means that you felt like you had to chime in and that this was everything you didn’t know you needed. I mean that is just pretty great to hear.

I don't think much of either of these characters, but then I got a suggestion in my Stories Offered thread to write this ship and I just kind of decided to give it a go! And--honestly, I do NOT write this era. I'm a Next-Gen writer and I have never shipped within this era or even given a thought to writing it. I was actually really nervous to even post this because I was worried that I might have totally ruined the entire idea.

YOU JUST SOOTHED MY BIGGEST FEAR. I was so anxious while this was in the queue. The entire time I was just thinking 'All of the words sound so pretentious and no one is going to want to read this it sounds stupid' and basically the longest run on sentence of worry you can imagine. I certainly wasn't trying to exclude anyone, even if you didn't know the words. In fact, I went out of my way to make sure that the context of everything meant that you could kind of infer what everything meant without having to consult a dictionary. I didn't want it to be an Look At Me I Use Big Words story at all, so I just cannot explain how refreshing this is to hear. I really am a Logophile myself, so this challenge was perfectly up my alley.

I couldn't kill off either of these two! I just wanted the end to be nice and fluffy and cute honestly so I just went all out with the fluff!!

I don’t think you're insane at all, this was such a wonderful surprise! If you're interested, I can let slip that I'm planning to revisit their seventh year in a multi-chaptered fic, so if that sounds like something you'd be interested in keep an eye out :P

Thank you so much for this amazing review, you just so kind!

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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57Hurricane Luna: He Searches in His Heart

14th January 2015:
Hi Beth! I'm here for the January BvB. :D

Seeing Rolf in this new context--in relation to people who aren't very happy with him--opened a window into his character that I haven't had the opportunity to see before. He has a slight cowardly streak, and it doesn't help that he feels uncomfortable in a room full of Luna's best friends and loving family. And you know, he can search the whole world and protest all he wants about how much he loves Luna, but the only way he's going to win them all over is if he actually gets results from his search.

Albus, in my opinion, was the hero of the chapter. He's such a precocious child, and it's a good thing that he was there to help. I want stories about this version of him when he's older. :P But now that the mission has been reignited by the adults, Albus's role is less important. He was awesome, though. Definite Ravenclaw material. :)

Neville was FIERCE. Daaannnggg, HE'S certainly been hardened by time and circumstance. And he might not have any particular romantic attachment to Luna, but she's one of the only people at Hogwarts who didn't mock him for his clumsiness. They're an amazing pair of friends, and he isn't going to let some newcomer "lover" get away with breaking her heart and not attempting to fix it.

Not that Rolf WOULD just walk away and be like, "Oh well, I tried," but Neville doesn't know that.

I like that Rolf is still so gruff and surly, but he cowers in fear around Ginny. Fear the wrath of the Weasley! Hahaha, I love it.

Another great chapter! How many more will there be? I need another one! :o


Author's Response: Hi there Mallory!

Wow - thanks for this amazing review. Yeah, Rolf is not entirely likable and he really is a coward. But he's Luna's coward - at least we hope so. ;)

Albus really was there hero here - and he was fun to write. Hmmm - an adult Albus, that is something to consider.

Neville was fierce because it's Luna. He's going to be protective of her because of their history (friends only, but they were close). I originally wrote the scene with Ginny being the one to tell Rolf off - but it worked so much better with Neville.

I'm not sure if there will be one or two more chapters - but the story is coming to a close!

Thanks again for the review!

♥ Beth

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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57A white, white world.: A gurgle of clarity.

12th January 2015:
Hey Kiana! I'm here for the January BvB! :D

Ugh, I'm simultaneously happy and sad that I chose to read this one. Like, I'm sitting in public right now and I'm about to cry!! No!

For my own sake, and for the sake of the general public, I'll try to contain myself.

I've (maybe) said it before and I'll (probably) say it again: You are just to good. Because this story exists on so many levels that I can't even fathom most of it.

On one hand, this is supposed to be a joyful thing. I mean, Alice is starting to remember things. She's recovering. She's experiencing more color in her life, departing from that white, white world. It's a tale of mental illness--not just an illness induced by magic, but a more universal concept--and how it can be overcome in mysterious ways. It's a tale of family and remembering and love and Christmas.

But it's also sad. Because Alice Longbottom can't remember who the gurgling man beside her is, and the reason why she can't remember is because some ill-intentioned young men and women tortured her into this state of amnesia. I couldn't ignore that fact--it confronted me with every forgotten name, every new development in Alice's mind. THE FEELS, KIANA, THE FEELS. It hit me right where it hurt the most, and seriously, that is just the coolest thing. Teach me your ways, plzzz.

Other nice things that I liked: The use of color. It was dazzling to experience the world through Alice's eyes, and I could picture the happiness she felt with each new color. Baby!Neville is totes adorbs, and I want him. (This coming from ME, who is uneasy around tiny children!) Augusta. AugustaAugustaAugusta. This is a moment that defines Neville's gran, and I can see where her character is going. She wants Neville to live up to his parents' legacy, and she is still in that state of knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that he'll be a great wizard. She'll come to doubt this assessment later on, but not yet.

So thanks for giving me ALL the feels. I have to go to Creative Writing class now, so maybe I'll learn your tricksy writing secrets. ♥


Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Bahaha, sorry for making it awkward for you as that doesn't sound like a fun position to be in!

But, wahahodifhref, thank you so much, you are so lovely and wonderful and yeah, thank you! ♥

I'm glad that you picked up on the joyful aspect of it as I was a little worried it would be lost in the sorrow of it all, so yay for that! I think those things like family, love and Christmas really can help you overcome amazing things as they have such magical qualities about them which I guess is why Alice did start to get a little better.

I know, I know, I know, I just want to cry and cry and cry as it's so cruel that she had to have that all taken from her. I'm sorry for the feels, I know how much it hurts when you think about it. As for teaching you, I guess I just sort of channel all the horrible and upsetting things which have gone in my life into writing so they don't feel so bad anymore if that makes sense?

Yay, for that, I thought it would be quite a similar thing to remember for Alice as colours really are vibrant and bold and what make life life if that makes sense, so that's why they were so important to her. Yay for Augusta, I feel so much for her because even though she was kinda cruel to Neville in a way, it was only because she loved these two so much she just can't deal with them being gone.

Aw, thank you for this fabulous review, it was one of the best I've ever received :D


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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57For the Greater Good: For the Greater Good

12th January 2015:
I'm here for the January BvB Review Battle. :D

Oh my... This is INTENSE. Actually, I think I just found a new headcanon for Albus/Gellert... Whoops!

The beginning was very powerful. You really used language to its greatest effect here, and it set the atmosphere of the scene really well. About halfway through, I was hoping for some Albus/Gellert interaction--like, a hearkening to their past, but you fulfilled and exceeded my expectations. Oh man... I don't think I can get over that kiss.

And while the kiss did seem very sudden--I mean, they were in the middle of a huge battle--it made sense. It makes me want to know what their relationship was like in their youth. Must've been pretty passionate, I'm guessing. And you accomplished all this in less than 1000 words, which is incredibly impressive.

Brilliant one-shot! I was very pleasantly surprised by it, and I hope to visit your Author's Page again soon. :)


Author's Response: Thank you kindly for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I really wanted to start in media res with this, so the duel had to be first.

I think that in their youth, they had the feelings, but didn't know what to do about them; society said no, especially at that time and Albus was so confused by what he felt for Gellert emotionally and what he felt for him intellectually.

Thanks again for the review.

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57Hurricane Luna: He Loses on an Island

11th January 2015:
Hi Beth! I'm here for our review swap. :)

Okay, I'm so glad that you posted more chapters for this story because I was beginning to miss it. Don't stop posting, because I sort of love this story.

D'awww, Rolf is still so grumpy and surly. He's definitely someone that I wouldn't want to be around, but Luna totally brought out the best in him. And I suspect that he's only grumpy right now because she's not with him. He lurves her, and you can't fight that feeling. ♥

Urggh, but that ending though! He's so torn up, so distraught about the news. But he's going to find her. The brevity of his note is so... Rolf-esque. It's going to happen, and he's going to get it done as soon as possible, because this is Something Important to him.

I love your use of description in this, and how it serves to further Rolf's characterization. He's totally falling apart at this point, and he's got to get himself back together by finding his Luna again. And don't think for a second that I missed the significance of those cute little worms. Do the nitor vermis mate for life like swans do?

Teehee. Please post more chapters soon. I will definitely be along to review chapter six eventually. I want to find out where in the world Luna could've gone to!


Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm glad Rolf is coming off as a bit sympathetic here - I was worried that readers would be unforgiving of him for what he did to Luna. In my head, it's all part of their love story - and he needed to lose her to realize how much he truly loves here (although the rest of us could clearly see it!!)

I can't wait to see what you think of chapter 6!

♥ Beth

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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Together Again: Together Again

11th January 2015:
Hey Georgia! I'm here for the January BvB Review Battle!

Wow, for your first time writing Marauders, you did a really great job! I've been too cowardly to attempt it, but I've become a hardcore Jily shipper over the past few months, so I have a newfound love for Marauders Era stories. ♥

I love that you provided little summaries of each year during the Hogwarts years and the few years afterwards. The expansion on the last segment was particularly heartbreaking, especially because of Lily's insistence that "we'll be together again next Christmas." Like, NO YOU WON'T BBY I'M SO SRY. *cries*

Hahaha, the looks that they kept giving each other "I've known you since you were eleven" were quite funny. Despite the inevitable sadness, it's awesome that you put a bit of humor in.

A few bits of CC:

You accidentally wrote "there's" instead of "theirs" in one of the earlier segments. And you maybe spelled one other word wrong, but I forgot what it was... (Sorry, I'm multitasking by watching Galavant...)

Also, while I liked the summaries of each year, at times I felt that the summary was a little bit too dry. Perhaps you could do a little more with description and emotions of the characters so that it doesn't become overwhelming.

Ooh, and (not necessarily CC, but personal preference) I could really have stood to see more of Lily and Sirius's friendship in the penultimate segment. They lived together, so I think they would've had more witty banter in the penultimate segment. (But again, I could always use more Lily-Sirius banter.)

All in all, this was really wonderful, and I think you should definitely write more Marauders!


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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57The Minister of Magic's Daughter: Prologue

11th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the January BvB Review Battle. :D

Okay, so this short little prologue definitely left me wanting more. You've described such an interesting facet of the Wizarding World--a bit of mythology that I've never seen before, and I am confused and intrigued about it all. (Don't worry, that's a good thing!)

I love the way you set this up, having Cassie start it all out and then delving into the story of the Guardians, which will be the main part of the problem that will suck Cassie in, I'm guessing. I have so many questions! How did Cassie get involved in this? Does she have to find a Guardian? What's going to happen with her relationship with her father, since he was probably the one who encouraged her to be ignorant of politics (I'm guessing)?

Speaking of which, I was really impressed by Cassie's admission that she lived in ignorance about the world. Obviously, at the time of this prologue she knows some stuff that the reader doesn't know, because she's grown so much as a character. The next chapter will probably show her as she was before everything started happening, and that makes me excited. There are so many opportunities to show her development as a character!

Anyway, I thought this was really great, and I hope to come back for more later on!


Author's Response: Yay, you're wanting more...that what I was hoping :) I guess to answer all those questions you'll have to read on a little further. You definitely picked up on a very good point regarding Cassie's ignorance. She goes through a huge development in this story and delves into a world, so long forgotten that no one even knows of it anymore.

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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Don't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

11th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the January BvB, and when I saw a Sirius/Lily one-shot, I couldn't resist!

Okay, so I've been a bit absent from HPFF lately, and I've picked up a very strong fondness for Jily through other avenues. Sirius/Lily isn't my favorite pairing, but I think that exploring such an option adds a lot of tension and intrigue to the familiar Jily narrative that every good Potterhead knows.

This one is probably one of my immediate favorites. You did such a beautiful job with the characterization of Sirius and Lily, and how they are ultimately not meant to be together because destiny (and J.K. Rowling) will keep them apart in the long run.

And I'm listening to "Tiny Vessels" as I write this review. It's incredibly fitting. Oh yes.

There were a few things that caught my eye, not because they were thing that I didn't like, but because they were things I wanted to know more about.

The main one: Why was Lily so receptive of Sirius's kiss at the beginning? That was really sudden for me, and while I liked it because it set things in motion, I found myself wanting a prologue to that moment--something that would show how Lily and Sirius behaved around each other before. Heck, I think I'd read a short story or novel about these two and their star-crossed relationship, if you'd be willing to write it... (I'll be popping over to your Stories Offered thread after I finish this review, hahaha.)

And I would defnitely have enjoyed more Sirius/Lily moments before you totally sank that ship. I mean, Sirius Black is known as a womanizer and a flirt, but in the end, he is totally loyal to James and refuses to push his relationship with Lily past the point of no return. I'd like to imagine that they felt some awkwardness when they went back to Hogwarts, and it would be interesting to see how they would behave around each other when James was present.

Just some spelling things: You spelled "warlock" and "troll" wrong, but those were the only things I caught. :)

More praise: I love that Lily isn't some goody-goody. I love that she puts up some kind of facade, but Sirius can obviously see through the facade enough to think of her as more than "James's girl." And still, he's surprised when she tells lewd jokes. You've written them both in such a way that it would be so cool to get to know them more... (Can you tell that now I've got the idea to visit your Stories Offered thread, I can't stop thinking about it? I'm sorry for that...)

Anyway, this is beautiful and sad and angsty and REALLY well written. Kudos to you! ♥


Author's Response: I just have to say, this review made my day... week... longer... I'm still in pieces over this.

I have to say, I'm not in love with Jily but they are canon so I don't like to contradict their existance. That is part of what pushed me to write this story like I did - kind of a pre-Jily interlude. I also don't like the idealized way many people write James and Lily so throwing a wrench in their romance (like Sirius) felt interesting.

Oh yayay - the song and this story are meant to be together. I'm listening to it while responding to your review. :D

okayokay - your questions:

Sirius caught her at a moment where she was vulnerable and seeking out *something* outside herself. I mean, she and Snape aren't friends anymore and that hurts and she's just annoyed by James. Sirius swooping in then was in part good timing. Like most girls, she thinks he's cute and knows he has the bad rap but it just *feels* right. I do have a novel-length story that's a bit eposodic but it will show people from the first war and will show what you're looking for. Bug me during each Nano to get to writing. This is your job.

I could probably fit in one more scene wtih them (between school and the leaky cauldron). If I do that, I'll let you know. :) Lily had the whole cold indifference towards him (which wouldn't be too far off from the norm for her with James et al) and Sirius was able to go on like he did with so many other girls.

I'm really glad you like the shift from good girl to more normal to wild. I promise, you'll get to know them in my April Camp Nano project!! It's on the roadmap for the year.

thank you so much for such a stellar review. you've made me all glowy from it.


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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57Knight Takes Queen: King

11th January 2015:
Hi Laura! I'm here for the review swap. It's been SO LONG since I've done anything HPFF-related, so bear with me. :)

Arrrggh, this is really an interesting ending to the trilogy of events. You wrote these based on the prompts for the 2014 House Cup, right? It's incredibly powerful that you chose to use this particular prompt for the ending of Rowena's life, because in previous chapters she seems so alone and independent.

Well, "independent" is not necessarily better than "dependent," and vice versa, but this chapter shows the sort of struggle that Rowena was going through. She wanted to do everything herself, to save herself even though she didn't really have the resources, but Helga wasn't about to let her do that. Her attitude toward Helga in the beginning is really indicative of how she tried to rely on independence when she could've relied on her friends.

As always, your writing is brilliant. The use of second person is so meaningful in this story because it gives the narrator room to be judgmental and/or critical of the main character's actions. And yet, this narrator is not a very harsh judge--more of an impartial one, presenting the facts as if he/she is talking to Rowena and asking her to judge herself. That's particularly amazing, because at the end of everything, the reader can just take all of these different impressions of Rowena in and sort through them later.

For instance, the fact that Rowena (and others) saw herself as having "the bearing of a queen," and Helga having "the heart of one." That tells me that Rowena knew she was standoffish and ceremonial, not always willing to inquire after people's well-being and nurse her friends back to health. Perhaps, in other people's views, both women are queens--Rowena is the accepted definition of a queen, and Helga is what a queen actually should be. I don't know... Just something that jumped out at me.

I love how you do metaphors. Houses of cards, chess pieces... Aggh, it's truly amazing. I don't play chess, so I can't really see the significance in the names of the chapters, but in this chapter, the one where Rowena dies, "King" seems like a fitting title. It's the King that gets captured in a checkmate, right? (Correct me if I'm totally wrong, please!) Well, in the end, Death is the piece on the chessboard that Rowena maybe never anticipated (until those few final moments), and she has to make peace with the fact that she has no choice but to surrender. And thoughts of her friends help her with that--so that even though she's going into ultimate darkness, she still carries a bit of the light with her.

Ugghh, it's too early in the morning for me to make any sense, I think, but maybe you get the gist? I really love this story collection, and I'll have to reread it soon so that I can get the full effect of it all. It's truly amazing, how well you can analyze such a mysterious character as Rowena Ravenclaw. Actually, this story is one of my favorite Ravenclaw stories, because it takes things in such an interesting direction.

So keep writing the brilliant things that you write, and I'll be around to review them eventually (with more praise than you can shake a stick at, most likely).

~Mallory ♥

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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57fall.: fall.

10th January 2015:
Hi! You requested this review from me several weeks ago, and the only excuse I can make for my general lateness is that I was busy/lazy and et cetera.

I read this last night, and now I'm sitting down to write a good review on it, because I think that it definitely deserves a nice, thorough one (especially since I made you wait for it, heh).

Overall First Impressions: Okay, to be honest, Teddy/Rose is one of my favorite Rare Pairs. I wouldn't say that they're my OTP because I also ship Scorose and Tedoire, but when I'm in the mood for something a little weird, Tedrose is a good way to go. The whole forbidden/unexpected love angle is also something I really like--they are two characters who are basically destined for other people (by the demands of the fandom), and so putting them together in this way makes it all the more heartbreaking and feels-y when they inevitably break it off. As far as description and color and such, I think you did a really wonderful job. Autumn is a color-rich time, especially outdoors, and I think you used the opportunities for describing colors in a really powerful way. It only makes it better that autumn is a sort of ending, adding some intense metaphorical significance to the setting that surrounds the two former lovers.

I really love the poetry in the repetition of the word "fall," which of course, adds more to the overall theme. The range of emotions that you used in Rose's character is incredible, and although this was only one short little scene, her emotion seemed realistic and true. Teddy is just as confused and lovelorn as Rose is, but he ultimately made the choice of breaking up with Victoire for selfish reasons. He wants to be with Rose, but her ties to her family are so strong that she feels like she'll betray Vic if she gives in to Teddy's wishes.

As a nerdy English major (yes, I am ALWAYS looking for significance in things), this makes the whole thing even more fun. Rose is compared to an autumn leaf--and perhaps Teddy is taking inspiration from her hair color, but what he doesn't realize is that he's stumbled on a whole new meaning. Rose is literally a part of the Weasley family tree, and although she is a leaf that has fallen away from the tree, she is still tied to the other leaves on the tree (namely, Victoire). Trolol, this might be far-fetched, but I really like thinking about it. I don't know if this whole metaphor thing was your intention, but you definitely sold it to me. Like, I believe it. And I love that Rose was compared to an autumn leaf, rather than to a "red red rose." That comparison gets kind of old sometimes. :P

The one bit of CC that I have for this really incredible one-shot is that sometimes the flow is interrupted by unnecessary things.

This line: "That's a lovely metaphor of life falling down to inconsequence blowing away in the wind." is really nice and offers some points to think about in the context of the story, but the words don't seem to fit with the overall style of the story. Pointing out a metaphor within a story sort of draws attention away from what you're trying to accomplish. It helps the flow of the narrative to write it as a metaphor, and allow the readers to draw the connection between life and leaves and wind for themselves. Maybe weave this concept into a sentence that adds some description or insight into Rose's character.

But other than that, I thought that everything flowed really well. I definitely enjoyed reading this, and I admire you for writing it down by hand! (I haven't actually written a story by hand in... too many years.)

Excellent work! ♥


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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Resisting Ardour: Most Days, He Was Okay.

22nd December 2014:
Hi! I'm here with a review that you requested in early OCTOBER. Before I begin, I must extend my sincerest apologies to you for being so late in writing this review. Real life has taken hold of my every waking moment, sadly enough. I hope that this review was worth the wait!

So the first thing that I thought when I read this was that it would be tough to write a Georgelina. I've never actually read the pairing before, but I know that there are several issues with it, the biggest one being that Angelina was Fred's girlfriend at one point. However, I think that you pulled everything off very nicely (details after this paragraph), and I was completely convinced. I definitely ship it. :)

So, the mirror thing. Ugh, don't play with my heartstrings like that! George misses Fred so much, and making him look angstily in a mirror... That's just a little cruel. But the dichotomy between his thoughts of Fred and his thoughts of Angelina was very intriguing. It shows that no matter how much he tries to hold on to Fred, getting stuck in the memories and being reluctant to move on, at the end of everything, he's still living and he still has the ability to love another person. And how can he not love Angelina, with her personality? That's right, he can't. With the opening scene (it's sort of appropriate that I'm reviewing this just in time for Christmas), you've established that this pairing is more than just a match of two people brought together by shared grief over one person. It's actual loving and caring that make up the foundations of the relationship, and with that, I can see their love lasting for years.

And the New Year's party scene was really wonderful. I'm glad that all of this happened over the holidays, while people are falling in love and families are brought together. Angelina was really able to shine, and her no-nonsense attitude definitely got George out of his funk. I hope that it lasts for them. I really do. The last bit with the reflection was a REALLY awesome parallel to the beginning--like, WHOA. Very good. It's a paradox, almost--by letting Fred go, George actually kept his twin with him. I can see blue skies for him in the future!

You did such a wonderful job with this one-shot that I really want to go and read ReeBee's story when I find the time. I want to know how their relationship developed--because I'm sure the one-night stand thing was a culmination of many different events. All in all, this was fantastic. Thanks for your patience with my tardiness! :D


Author's Response: Haha, no worries! Life can get away from us :)

Georgelina was tough to write. I've wanted to for a long time but their relationship is complicated by the fact that she's Fred's ex, so it's really easy to fall head first into a cliche. Cliches aren't usually something from which I shy away, but since there are so few Georgelinas out there, I wanted to do it justice.

I'm a sucker for mirror scenes. They're hard for me to write since they're (naturally) very visually biased, but I wanted to give it a go, especially since the mirror can be used to great effect with George. You're completely right! He's basically being pulled apart by this fictitious relationship between Fred and Angelina. And thank you! I really wanted to emphasise that these two have more than Fred in common, since it's just not enough on which to build an entire long-lasting relationship.

There's just something about the holidays, isn't there? There's something in the air that brings people together, for which I am glad. And I'm really pleased by how well Angelina is being received. I was worried for her, feeling as if she might be falling into some sort of stereotypical blackhole, but I'm glad that everyone seems to think that that's not the case. And yes! I wanted the last scene with the reflection to be a little bittersweet. But George is ready to move on, and that's basically all Fred's ever wanted.

Thanks so much for this wonderful review! I really appreciate it :)

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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57our reality.: Chapter Three

12th November 2014:
AHAHAHA, I love getting the first review on chapters. :)

Sorry in advance if I leave anything out--it's been a looonnngg day. :P

'Kay, to start out: Peter is MUH FAVVVE. I love all of the little quips that he gets in. Like, thank you SO MUCH for making him an awesome character, not just a side act to the "big three" Marauders. I mean, he's still a little less charismatic than the other guys, but that's definitely a part of his personality. He's the one who is actually really funny but you wouldn't know it unless you paid attention. And believe me, I WILL be paying attention. :)

Oh my gosh, OBOES!!! My eyes are drawn to that word because it's my instrument, you know? So thanks for knowing what an oboe is, and for mentioning it! Yes, a violin totally can't teach an oboe player how to play oboe, but they can always try. It's a long difficult road ahead for the little oboe-ettes. :) Hahaha, is Marlene your spirit animal? Flautists for the win! :D

Uh oh, Sirius is totally after Marlene! What's going on there? I can't wait to see more of the developing relationships between everybody. By the way, WHY DIDN'T YOU INCLUDE MARLENE AND DORCAS'S LITTLE CHAT?! I was totally excited for that, but then... Nope. I guess that's in a later chapter. :)

Aw, the visiting of the common rooms! I loved your descriptions, and the idea of the enchanted sunshine in the Hufflepuffs' common room. You really used the characteristics that are particular to each House in order to shape their common rooms, and that is awesome! I really like the idea that Ravenclaw has so many books from ages long past. :)

And they all answer the question of "how we all got here." Excellent. :) There are so many varied backgrounds and stories for each of them, but they all have certain things in common that drew them to this mission. Reason One: They don't like what Voldemort's doing. It's a fairly solid reason. :P

Okay, I've been weird enough for one night. Another brilliant chapter, darling NaNo Daughter! Do please post the next chapter very soon. ♥


Author's Response: AHAHA, I love your reviews no matter what. ♥

And no problem, hopefully you can get some rest later on! (And writing, obviously, but y'know.)

I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKE PETER he just really wanted to be a sassy character with little quips; kind of the hidden weapon, haha, the one that only really warms up to you when you know him and you're paying attention, like you said. :D

Yes, oboes! I stuck the flutes in for me and the oboes in for you. :P Poor violin, trying to keep a grip on all those little kids who like to manhandle their instruments, tut tut. One day one of those oboe-ettes might be the ones standing around begging first-years to blow from the diaphragm, you never know! :P And yes, Marlene is the outgoing sort of person I want to have as my friend so they can do my socialising for me. :P She's totally my spirit animal. Flautists for the win!

I think Sirius just likes to flirt with everyone, and Marlene likes to flirt back. :P So there's a lot of flirting going on but nothing Sirius. I mean serious. ;) I'M SORRY I WILL PUT THAT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON MAYBE I HOPE.

Yay, glad you liked it! I was sort of worried it wouold come off as natural but I'm feeling more okay about it now after your lovely words. :) I'm really glad that you liked the description of the common rooms! I was trying to stick to the house attitudes as much as possible, and I definitely think that we had a private House library, hehehe. :P

Yes, they do! I'm glad you like that. :) There are pretty different backgrounds, but I think they're all pretty upright people who have the same attitude towards Voldemort and that's really what brings them together.

You're too nice to me, not weird. ♥ Thanks so much for the lovely review, NaNo Mumma, and the next chapter's going into the queue tonight! ♥

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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57our reality.: Chapter Two

10th November 2014:
HAHA! I win! First review! :D (Also, making up for being a bad NaNo Mum and not cheering you on on the forums.)

Okay, this is SO CUTE!! I love all the interactions between the Marauders and Lily and Dorcas and Marlene. Peter cracks me up--like, I would totally be his friend in real life, if he existed (pre-Death Eater phase, of course). Sirius's teasing of Dorcas was just so silly, and I absolutely love, love, loved all of it.

So, I'll try to stop gushing now (maybe) and try to give some legitimate feedback.

Usually I don't really notice when a story is in present tense until I've gotten well into the story, but I couldn't help but admire your use of it here. It's so natural, and everything just flows! I think it's also down to Dorcas, and how real she is. Honestly, she's one of my favorite narrators (in fanfiction) that I've read so far. :)

Marlene! Such a flirt. Is the next chapter going to feature her heart-to-heart with Dorcas? I can't wait! The only problem that I can foresee (for right now) for her future relationship with Dorcas is that she's such a free spirit--and a bit of a wandering one, too. She might not realize it when she hurts Dorcas's feelings, and that's going to be really upsetting to read. :/ But in the meantime, all is well. Dorcas already has the blushes. Very nice! :) (P.S. I bet Dorcas can cook. One of the many reasons that she and Marlene should flat together after Hogwarts.)

And Dorcas! As a product of my society, I honestly never considered her skin color. Things are all white-washed, and that's not a good mode of thought. So I am really happy that Dorcas isn't white. And I'm also glad that you didn't go for the ridiculous cliche of describing her skin color in terms of food. Like, ew. (Especially since she'd be describing herself that way. Blech.) Anyway, this chapter only made me love her more, especially because of her total Hufflepuffiness. She seems to be finding her niche in the group, which is awesome. It isn't just "the Marauders" anymore, and there's a space for everyone.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

Brilliant work on this chapter! Post the next one very soon! :D

And I'll try to answer your PM soon, I promise! ♥


Author's Response: YES YOU WIN haha you're amazing and I ♥ you. Also, STOP SAYING YOU'RE A BAD NANO MUM darn it don't you dare badmouth yourself around me. D:<

Yes, I'm so glad you think so! I was and still kinda am worried about dealing with such a large group of people - seven or so at once, and I'm glad you like the way they all interact! I tried my best to take your advice to heart and give Peter as much limelight as the others, and I'm so glad you like him as of now!

Yes, I'm so glad you like the present tense here! Originally I wrote a couple hundred words of it in past tense but this just seemed to flow better and I'm really glad that you like it. And YES, I'm so glad you think of Dorcas as real! You flatter me, thank you so much, I'm glad you like her! *hug*

Marlene is such a flirt, honestly. And next chapter...noo, but it's going to feature them chatting about the Order and how they all got there and it's gonna be cool. Hopefully. Yes, definitely, she's a very carefree person and Dorcas is more serious, so they will have their problems, but then again, don't every couple? Dorcas does have the blushes, hehehehe! She's being very stubborn and not mentioning it but she does have the blushes, bless her. Cook, huh? We shall see about that.

Yes! Honestly, I never saw saw Dorcas as white at all, my faeclaim for her is Karla Crome, it's never been anyone else. I definitely agree, so many fanfic characters are white and so many are unspecified but we simply assume that they're white, so I wanted to write a PoC for once. And yes, I took great care to not describe her in terms of food, ew! I don't get how people can describe other people via food, honestly, especially as it never happens with white people. I mean, maybe if we described white people in terms of ranch dressing or something then it would be fairer...? :P

I'm so glad you like Dorcas as a character, and yes, she's certainly becoming more comfortable with the others.

Thanks so so much for the lovely review, you awesome NaNo daughter you! The next one's going into the queue later today - I definitely see the benefits of prewritten chapters now, haha!

No problems with the PM, focus on PFK because I'm waiting for an update there! ♥ Thanks again!

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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Befuddled: Rose AND Scorpius POV

9th November 2014:
Ahah! You've responded to all my reviews, so here's another one. :D

This is also for the November BvB Review Battle, and because I'm procrastinating on homework (as usual). So here we go!

Whoohoo! Okay, so I was glad to read about Albus and Harry's conversation, especially since Albus is taking some more responsibility for his actions and Harry isn't being quite as hard on him. Great development there!

The five of them living at Grimmauld Place is pretty interesting. It's super stupid of Ron to resist Scorpius and Rose living together, because Scorpius is good for Rose and vice versa, but what can you do about silly parents? It is very honorable of Scorpius to sleep in the same room as Rose without trying to wrangle the situation to his advantage--even though the tension between them is ever-increasing and oh-so-wonderful. Even though you didn't give a whole lot of background on their developing relationship in previous chapters, this chapter totally made up for it--you were right! I really loved this one. :)

Having two different PoVs in one chapter was pretty cool, too. This way, I got to see both Rose and Scorpius in their most volatile moments. And man, were there EVER some misconceptions! They better make good on that promise to "never not talk," because all that ridiculous "He doesn't love me anymore" stuff is just NOT OKAY! D:

Ooooh, I see what you did there! I see it! I'm fond of reading things backwards, after all. So that was quite a clever spell, and I'm glad that Scorpius would do something like that for Rose. :)

Another great chapter! Sorry the review isn't quite up-to-snuff, but I should seriously stop procrastinating... (Haha, that probably won't happen.)


Author's Response: Hi, hi, hi!

I didn't want so much time to go by to respond to this - like before :( - so here I am!

Al and Harry are working through it. I think it is *really* hard to be Harry's son and an auror - even if he doesn't call you out or have a different set of expectations. They'll get there, they just have to keep working on it.

Ron can *not* get past his prejudices of the Malfoys. A lot of it stems from the fact that Hermione was brutally tortured with Draco as a witness. The aftermath that ensued from that was too much for Ron to bear.

Actually, there are six living at Grimmauld Place - sorry if that was confusing: James, Scorpius, Albus, Rose, Dom and Selenia. But I think it's going to be fun - I know *I* would love to live with that lot!

At this point, Scorpius is still unsure of how to deal with Rose. He wants to be there for her, and he is doing that the only way he knows how - by standing idly by and waiting for her to let him know she is ready to resume their relationship. Unfortunately, Rose sees that as him not being interested anymore - and then we have a giant misunderstanding that snowballs.

So happy you liked this chapter!! :)

At first, I really didn't want to do the two POV thing. I felt like I was breaking from my one POV per chapter, but it really worked here, especially since we needed to see how they were *both* misinterpreting the other's actions!

The "never not talking again" thing is a great concept - unfortunately, it's not something they are going to get past right away - you'll see ;)

OMG! I'm running around the room and sqeeing and yay, yay, YAY! You are the first person to notice what I did with the spell! Woot! GOLD STAR FOR MALLORY!!! Seriously, this chapter first posted nearly six months ago and has eight reviews and you are the first! The fact that the spell worked at all reveals a lot about the connection between Rose and Scorpius. ♥

What are you saying? This review is awesome! Thanks so much! I really look forward to each one that you leave, because I want to know what you think about the story!

Thanks again,

♥ Beth

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