Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
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Review #26, by UnluckyStar57Wasting My Young Years: Possibly Dead

13th April 2014:
Ahah!! First review! I claim it! :D

Now, as usual, I shouldn't be doing fanfiction things because I have a six-page paper to write that I haven't even started... But as usual, I cannot resist your writing!! I have read all of the chapters that are out for KYD so far--and I'll review those on another day--but I saw that you had ANOTHER story out and I got so excited!!! :D

This chapter is a combination of all the things that I love: Next Generation fiction, Albus Potter, Lysander Scamander, and Squibs!! I really think that Squibs are unappreciated and not written about enough! Someone should form a SquibLit coalition!

So, while this story is going to be pretty different from KYD, I can see a lot of parallels--Andromeda being the main one! Is this the Andie of KYD, only more grown up? Can that be a thing? :) I love the idea that Draco reconciled with Andromeda, especially since the war happened and she lost most of her family. I also love that (if it is indeed the same Andromeda that I know from KYD) she wants to educate Squibs--she who was once such a purist!

I hate that Lucius Malfoy is still a git, though. Putting Sage up for adoption! Grrr!! Thank you, Draco, for not taking any of that nonsense!

Well, now I'll talk about the actual things in the chapter, instead of rambling on about irrelevancies. :)

Sage is an awesome character! I know that it's possible for the Malfoys to have more than one child, but in most cases, Scorpius is the only one. Sage is a welcome addition to the family, I think! How much younger is she than Scorpius? About five years? Seven? The reason I'm asking is because Albus is twenty-five and Sage has been educated for seven years by Andromeda. So is she seventeen, or am I doing the math wrong? Anyways...

I love how real she seems to be. Crying because she can't go to Hogwarts, being fully aware that her mother's efforts to get her accepted into the school are in vain... There is no hint of the Mary Sue about her, and that's a good thing! You have mastered the art of characterization, that's for sure!

Oh my... Albus Potter on the doorstep and Lysander having a panic attack... I like the Scamander twins, and Lysander is probably my favorite--for no reason other than that I like his name! But your Lysander seems to be a perfect counterpart to Sage--very finicky and prissy--he gave me a few laughs with his dithering about! And it seems that he is a sort of Dorian Gray--just the stuff he said about art for art's sake reminded me of Oscar Wilde. Also! The "beautiful face"--did you do that on purpose?! Because that's TOTALLY what Tennyson's Lancelot said about the Lady of Shalott!! :D I like this idea of Lysander being a Victorian soul--this is too good. Please tell me that it's true. (Just kidding, tell me if I'm wrong. It was a long shot, anyways.) :)

Hmmm, does Sage have a bit of a crush on Albus? I would like some more information, but I can't get it until you post the next chapter! I want to know how they know each other--are Scorpius and Albus best friends or worst enemies? And what happened to him?!?! I am terrible at making predictions, but I try so hard... Right now, I can't even come up with one of my weird theories for this!

I think it's really cool that--and this probably happened by chance--your house-elf's name is Mipsy. In House of Cards by Aphoride (if you haven't read it yet, you should! It's worth the read!) there is a house-elf named Mipsy, and guess what! She's the house-elf for the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black!! So even though there's probably no connection between your story and hers, I'd like to think of this as a continuity. It's totally awesome!

Welp, I really should go write that paper... But I will be on the lookout for more chapters of WMYY and KYD!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Aww, YAY. You're so sweet to leave the very first review! Especially since you had that six-page paper due. I hope you were able to write it in record time and with the most mind-blowing rhetorical devices EVER.

Omg, SquibLit Coalition. I am SO there. Squibs are quite underrepresented, which I've always thought odd, since they have so much plot potential. Years ago, I wrote a fanfic with a friend about a Squib sister of Xeno Lovegood, and it was, like, my favorite thing ever.

YES. I do intend for this to be the same Andromeda from KYD! Though obvz a lot has changed between her seventeen-year-old and seventy-eight-year-old self. I'll be honest: I wanted some major wish fulfillment to go down, because I've convinced myself that Narcissa reconciled with Andromeda after the second war.

Oh Lucius. I didn't think it'd be realistic for him to be all a-okay with a Squib granddaughter. He may have learned several lessons during the wars, but I don't think that open-mindedness about Squibs was one of them. The sad thing is that he really does believe that putting Sage up for Muggle adoption would've been the most compassionate choice. :(

I was a little nervous about creating Sage's character. I know some purists/die-hard canon fans argue that it's Scorpius and only Scorpius forevz, which I can understand, but the potential of a Baby Malfoy was too tempting to resist. And I'm SO glad she's not reading as a Mary Sue. That is just what I wanted to avoid, because I think female OCs can quickly become flat characters that things happen TO, rather than vice versa. Here's hoping I can continue to keep Sage flawed and realistic!

Good question about the age! Sage is eighteen (the story starts in springtime of what would've been her seventh year at Hogwarts, so she's already had her eighteenth bday). Scorp and Albus are both seven years older than her, which makes Albus currently twenty-five. And even now I'm doubting my math skills... Bahaha. I hope that makes sense?

I love Lysander a little more than Lorcan for the same superficial reason as you: I like his name better. :] I love the twins, but I wanted to put them in an environment where they weren't joined at the hip and could easily be mistaken for the other; that's already been done (and so well!) by JKR with Fred and George.

AND OMG YES. Oscar Wilde and A Portrait of Dorian Gray was PRECISELY what I had in mind when I wrote Lysander!!! No joke. I even cut one of Lysander's lines that made direct reference to Wilde! I'm so happy you caught that. Sigh. Though I wasn't thinking of Tennyson when I wrote the "beautiful face" line. It was just a matter of Lysander thinking Albus had a beautiful face. Lolz. But if you ever wrote a critique of WMYY, I would most def accept the theory that I wrote all of this with very intentional, super scholasticky Victorian lit undertones. Aw yeah.

Teehee. I can't give away much about Sage, Albus, and Scorpius just yet, but as you guess, you'll definitely get some more info in Chapter 2!

Gasp. GASP. Omg, hahaha. I HAVE read House of Cards by Aphoride for one of my review requests in the forums. And I LOVE it. It is so fantastic! But I totally named Andromeda's house elf thinking that it was a unique creation of my own. -facepalm- I think my reading of HOC must have subconsciously influenced me! Bahaha. Fail. Hmm. I think I might need to change that. I wouldn't want to steal the name, however unintentionally. I'm not sure Andromeda's house elf would've belonged to the Black family, but rather is a house elf that Andromeda hired and pays monthly. You know, due to all of Hermione's efforts in SPEW. :D I'm so glad that you pointed that out!

Thanks so, so much for your sweet review! Hope you continued to enjoy the read. Endless gratitude from me to you.


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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Detox: Future Imperfect

6th April 2014:
Um... Hi. :)

I'll start off by saying that the realm of "girl-talk" that Astoria and Isadore were in is a realm that I have never yet entered. I know that there are scores of teenage girls who talk about this sort of thing, but despite being older than Astoria and Isadore, I've never felt the need to *ahem* contemplate those sorts of things with boys.

So sorry for being all awkward about it and such. I'm just not sure if that's the way teenage girls talk about things like that, because I don't have any knowledge of that sort of talk. However, I cracked up at all of the innuendos and various metaphors. That was pretty clever and hilarious. Even a prude like me can understand them, hahaha! I especially liked the one about Pansy... :D

Ah, more things that I don't have experience with: Job interviews! :D Draco definitely had a scary job interview, but I think he pulled through just fine. The potions thing was extremely taxing, but it makes sense that Madame Blishwick would want to see his potions work in action. After all, she can't get a true sense of his skills just from his resume (a fact that is applicable to Muggle jobs, too, I think). Hahaha, Edgar the plant? I loved it when Draco lost his temper and Incendio-ed the darn thing. It was about time!! Also, I figured that old Edgar was there for a reason, and Madame Blishwick proved my suspicions right, the sly thing! I think that it was cool of her to put the plant there as a distraction.

However, her mannerisms bugged me a little bit. I have a feeling that she's SO academic and intellectual that she doesn't understand Draco's point of view. His experiences from the war weren't just incidents that could be compartmentalized and analyzed thoroughly. His mind is still a mess, and it's going to take him even longer to recover if he has to keep identifying people and studying the effects of the curses that he once used on other people. Perhaps Madame Blishwick will never understand, but hopefully he can strengthen his resolve enough to succeed at his new job.

See you next time! Sorry I wasn't much help with the girl-talk stuff... :P

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello, again!

No biggie on the girl talk. It's definitely not for everyone. I had a fair bit of help to coach me through it, but I'm always curious how it plays with others.

I really enjoyed writing all of the little innuendos and especially the dig at Pansy. She's a really fun character to beat on.

I wanted to make Draco's job interview as uncomfortable as I could make it without the poor guy running out of the Ministry, screaming. You read Madam Blishwick exactly right. She's too absorbed in her own work to have a clue how uncomfortable it makes other people. Especially somebody like Draco, who survived the horrors that she finds so fascinating. Edgar was the very least of Draco's troubles.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57House of Cards: Jack of Clubs

5th April 2014:
Oh my goodness. How much more death can this story hold?!?! Will it only end when they're all dead, having killed off each other out of suspicion and fear?!?!

I'm kind of in shock right now--Pollux AND the house-elf?! But WHY? Who's behind all of this? I can't even guess or make any predictions about who I think the murderer is because I don't even know!

But let's be real: My favorite stories on HPFF are the ones that are not cliche, and this one definitely isn't cliche at all. Your words captivate me-I'm sure I've said that before, but I just wanted to reiterate that. Every character is so mysterious and secretive, and it BUGS ME TO NO END that I can't know what's going on with all of them at every single moment. The Black family needs to have surveillance cameras trained on them at all times--who knows what they might be doing when the action of the story is focused elsewhere?!

I do agree with your statement that there was more action in this chapter, but as with the previous chapters, the main action is the act of dying. There were no violent scenes of accusation and duels to the death--no, the Blacks aren't about that life. What was supposed to be a drink with the men turned into an elimination of one of them. In this way, the story is like Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None (it's the only memorable murder mystery that I've ever read). People just keep dying and the killer is still nowhere in sight!! I couldn't even guess ATTWN's murderer, so I'm sure that I won't be able to find the hand that holds the smoking gun in this story! D:

So yeah, Pollux has now snuffed it. So much for whatever he was doing with those wills in the last chapter... And the house-elf--her name was Wipsy, right? I'm almost positive it wasn't "Mipsy," but the Blacks have a bad habit of not referring to "lesser beings" with respect, so they've caused me to forget. :( But anyways, may she rest in peace--but why did she have to die?! Obviously, she knew something that the murderer didn't want her to know, so she paid the price...

As for Alphard, well, I think he's just as bad as the rest of the Blacks, but in a different way. Sure, he disagrees with some of the most treasured Black family beliefs and traditions, but the way he speaks about Sirius in this chapter really gets on my nerves. He's just as manipulative, just as prone to using other people to make his point or to get his own way. I hope that I'm right in assuming that he isn't the killer, but he's definitely one of my least favorite Blacks in this story.

I think that the pacing of this chapter was just right. It was pretty shocking when Pollux keeled over, but the flow of the action seemed to demand it. Of course, the Black way of dealing with sudden death is to pretend that it was totally planned and expected, so the action following it sort of buried the death, causing it to play second fiddle. (Hahaha, burying pun. Whoops, sorry not sorry.) :)

In my opinion, the most important things in this chapter are Walburga's confiscation of the vial and the death of Wipsy the house-elf. Why did Walburga take the vial instead of just letting Sirius show it to Orion? Of course, she's a super-control-freak, but since she told Sirius to hold council with the older men, couldn't she have ordered him to show the vial to Orion then? What is she up to? Is she really sad about Pollux's death?

And Wipsy's death bothers me a lot. The Blacks all assume that she is a dumb animal--they don't get her name right, and they refer to her as an "it." Surely they would also assume that she wouldn't be able to make sense of murder plots and things like that. So the killer is either: A) Not a Black, or B) A Black that doesn't think like the other Blacks do. I can't even say for certain which of those things would be more likely. And then Bella's being all "rational" about Wipsy's death--was she the one who found Wipsy, or was she the one who killed Wipsy?! There are so many things that I don't know!! D:

Perhaps (zany prediction time...) each man had a different killer. Maybe all of the Blacks have a motive to kill each other, and they all decided to enact their plans at the same time. Perhaps Pollux killed Cygnus and maybe Alphard killed Pollux? Or something like that. Perhaps Bellatrix killed Wipsy because Wipsy heard her talking about wanting to kill someone else. Perhaps I should stop making wild guesses.

In your review request, you mentioned that this story was nearing its end. Well, I guess we're on Jacks now... The only ones left are Queens, Kings, and Jokers (if you count Jokers as a part of the deck). However, I'm still waiting for the Ace. That's the one you're going to end on, right? I think it would be fitting, but that means that there are only three or four chapters before this whole thing wraps up! Oh no!

I can't wait to find out what happens! I hope that chapter eleven is going well!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57Lying Josephine: Breakable Girls and Boys

2nd April 2014:
Hello!!

Thank you for FINALLY updating this story!! Maybe next time the wait won't be so long, hmmm? ;)

But seriously, I had been looking forward to this chapter ever since I read and reviewed the last three (which was forever ago, wasn't it?!). So I'm super excited that it's out, and congratulations to you!

Unfortunately, I don't have time to write an essay on how wonderful this chapter is, but here's the Cliff Notes version:

This chapter is impeccable. I love the dynamic between Josephine and Fred-her reluctance and his buoyancy. The gift that Fred made for George is super amazing! They should sell those at WWW! However, it was sad that, two years later, George smashed that gift. Josephine was there to witness the gift's beginning and end. I love the juxtaposition between the two scenes! And the action moves along so nicely... How do you do it?! You're amazing!

Okay, sorry that was jumbly, but I just wanted to drop by and gush about how cool you are. :)

Write like the wind! :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57Kill Your Darlings: Adjustment

30th March 2014:
I have returned!! :D

Oh dear... Leave it to Lilith to make things awkward... I don't know exactly how I feel about her. She's really impulsive and selfish, and I don't see how the Black sisters put up with her for that long. However, she does make a nice foil to Andie as she chases after her boys. Andie's still stuck on one guy that she can never have, and that difference between the two girls causes some friction. :)

I love this: "When she walked into DADA the first day back, she noted Ted Tonks' absence. Not that she was actively thinking about Ted Tonks. Of course she wasn't. And of course she hadn't fought an urge every day during the remainder of her holiday back at Onyx House to send an owl to George and ascertain if Ted had fully recovered from his latest attack. Of course she didn't go into temporary shock at the sight of every golden-haired boy to cross her path as she walked through the Hogwarts corridors.

Of course not."

It's so sad, and it outlines almost exactly the way I feel sometimes... One of the reasons why I love this story is that it hits so close to home for me, and this paragraph was a big reminder of that. :)

Georgie!! Still as snarky as ever, but his revelation that Andie is the only one who's ever been able to coax Ted out of a fit is pretty startling. (It's just another reason why Tedromeda should be a thing, hahaha.) I love that he's a blueblood in the Muggle world, so he knows exactly how Wizarding purebloods react to things. It further shows that Muggles and wizards are not so different, after all!

Uh oh, the last bit of the chapter has a lot of information in it! Winifred! Reginald! Knights of Walpurgis!! Oh my!!! Winifred actually reminds me a lot of Moaning Myrtle in a way--a young spirit, slightly peevish and prone to giving out information that is overheard. Except Winifred can actually get a date, hahaha. :D It's good that she was around, though, because obviously Rabastan's been up to more than just groping fifth years in the corridors. And you know what? Andie's parents are probably okay with that. So I can't wait to see (reread, actually) what's going to happen next!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: One of Lilith's favorite pastimes is to make things awkward. :] She certainly does have an odd relationship with Narcissa and Andie; she's far more chill about purist dictates and far more boy-crazy than they are, for sure. But I see her friendship with them as something rooted in convenience and the fact that they grew up together in the same pureblood circle. The older they get, the more the differences of all three sisters begin to cause rifts. It's sad, but I think it's also an inevitability in lots of childhood and teenage friendships.

Dawr. I'm glad, at least, that if my prose is hitting close to home, it's doing so effectively! Andromeda certainly didn't count on the aftershock of Ted in her life. I think that sort of mental after-effect is such a tough thing to work through--no matter whether the person who left it was a good or bad influence in your life.

I couldn't let the story progress TOO far without some more Georgiekins. :] He does share a lot of similar family history and situation with Andromeda, though in a more Muggle context. At this point they're both becoming much more acutely aware of how much they're capable of understanding each other. It's been a really delightful relationship to develop.

Yeahhh, the last part is a bit of an info dump, isn't it? Haha, I didn't think of her that way before, but you're totally right: Winifred is a lot like Moaning Myrtle + Man. But like Moaning Myrtle, she can occasionally be helpful. Andromeda has some big information to deal with now.

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Kill Your Darlings: Proposal

30th March 2014:
Wow, how long has it been?!?!

Hi! I'm back to reviewing this story--maybe I can get caught up before the next chapter comes out! As things stand, I've read every chapter that's come through the queue, but because of time and life events, I haven't been able to review. I am super determined to review every chapter of this story, so it's time to catch up! :D

If the dream at the beginning were in a movie, it would be beautiful. Beautiful, but terrible at the same time. I love how I could imagine the red of the blood and the gold of the linnet's wings. So now I'm just waiting for the movie of this story to come out! :D

Wow, okay. Andromeda's parents are horrible. Her father, with all the talk of "if my daughters had been sons" and her mother with the "you aren't going to get any matches because you're probably a dirty birdy," wow, they just make me mad. What is Cygnus' deal?! I thought that he and Andie were pals, but no, she says no to a cheating jerk and speaks out against the Dark Arts, and suddenly he's all "if you were a boy at Durmstrang, you wouldn't be so naive." Wow. But the other thing is, if she was a boy who had gone to Durmstrang, she would actually be able to choose her own spouse and nobody would care if she slept with other people. That's where her mother's words come in--SO MUCH DOUBLE STANDARD. Wow. Just wow.

Hahahaha, but now the ball's in Andie's court because she's got the drop on Lestrange--she won't tell him that she'll get disowned if she refuses him, so that allows her to make him very, very afraid. :D The subversive treachery in the proposal scene is just too awesome--I love that Andie totally does a 180 and scares him into submission. Woman power, for the win!

Narcissa is, I think, unfortunately naive. She just can't understand why Andie isn't allowed to marry someone she loves, because she loves Lucius. It seems that it's really easy for her to forget that her marriage was arranged because of her love for him, but later in life, she'll probably remember that, especially in the Second Wizarding War when Lucius was so awful to be around.

Poor Andie, shedding a single tear in the darkness. I find that darkness conceals tears and sadness best of all, so I don't blame her for letting go of her facade under the cover of night. We've all done that, haven't we?

Moving on to the next chapter because it's the last day of spring break, yay!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Gasp. HI THURH. It's always a day brightener to read your reviews! So glad you got the chance to stop by.

Bahaha, I myself am waiting for the movie of this story to come out. Where's my publicity agent when I need him? Surely he can cut me a break with Warner Bros. Lolz. But seriously, who wants Fantastic Beasts? Do TEDROMEDA instead. And of course TEDROMEDA would be the title, because you can't get classier than that.

Yeahhh, this is not a shining moment for the Parental Unit. It was tough to put Andie through it, especially after she already feels like her father has betrayed her. He was her rock, her reason for believing it was GOOD that she was different from her sisters. And coming to grips with Cygnus' true nature is something that's going to wound her for a while. Sigh. He's such a chauvinistic bleepity bleep, and worse still, Druella is complicit in his treatment. That sort of sexist double standard is something that gets my ire up. But I LOVED putting Andie in a position where she's now the one in control in her relationship with Rabastan. RAWR. Andie isn't going to take any of this lying down.

Narcissa is definitely blinded by her own happy circumstances. I've found, in my own experience, that it's so easy for people to be blinded by their own privilege. They make assumptions about "the way things are" for EVERYONE based on their own limited experience. Just because Cissa lucked into a loving engagement doesn't mean others are so lucky. It's sad, and right now Cissa just doesn't have the strength of character or empathy to see fully beyond herself. But as you say, I also think that she began to develop that perspective over time, especially during the wizarding wars. I think she eventually came to see the toll that Dark Arts and pureblood mania can take on a family.

Andie isn't in a happy place right now. There are several of those sorts of tears to come. D:

Thanks so much for the read and the lovely review!


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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57Albus Potter and the Sapphire of Slytherin: The Sorting

30th March 2014:
Hello! I'm finally here to review you! :)

Okay, so this seems like an interesting story. We get Albus' perspective of his Sorting, which isn't too odd, but then his brother, James, is also Sorted!! This is curious to me because in HP canon, James is older than Albus--in the DH epilogue, he's already been Sorted into Gryffindor while Albus is getting ready to board the Hogwarts Express for the very first time. So I'm curious to know your reasons for this! Why is James a Slytherin, and why is he the same age as Albus?

One thing that I noticed is that there are quite a few typos in this chapter. You misspelled "McGonagall" and "Headmistress," and a few others, like "Slytherin" and "interrupted." I'm sure that those were just oversights--I do it all the time! However, I would recommend that you go back over this chapter and fix those things. It really clears up the story so that the reader can focus on the storyline, rather than trying to figure out what a word is supposed to be.

Also, the capitalization is a bit off sometimes. The Sorting Hat is actually a title, so that gets to be capitalized. Just go through and try to find those places. However, capitalization was pretty good overall. :)

This is a really interesting first chapter!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hiya :D than you!
This was my first story so I could guess that I would expect quite a few major mistakes. Including the one with James and Albus in the same year. I had only just finished reading the HP (literally a day after) books so I didn't know a lot at the time. And the grammar mistakes... I don't really have an excuse for them.
HEG


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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57I Can't Date A Hufflepuff: I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

24th March 2014:
Hi! Here I am with the review you requested a few weeks ago! :)

Awww, I thought that this was really quite adorable, while also touching on the issue of blood status in the Next Generation. It wasn't too dark, but it wasn't too fluffy, either. I think that you achieved a nice balance between the two!

I know that only one generation after the war, there would still be some prejudiced people, but Damien's parents seem to be kind of extreme. That's pretty sad, and it's sad that he attacked Muggleborns because of the old prejudices. Professor Longbottom definitely had the right idea, trying to make him tutor a lot of people from the different Houses! However, it's unfortunate that only Slytherins stayed to get tutored. It shows that the members of the other Houses were afraid of what Damien would do to them. :(

It's good that Maria wasn't afraid! I feel that some of those half-completed assignments were neglected on purpose, just so that she could see Damien. ;) Also, I think it's cool that Damien was able to overcome his prejudices to see how much of a wonderful person she was, even though she was in Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs are cool, too, and no one should ever underestimate them!

It sucks royal hippogriff that Damien's parents would still disapprove of his relationship with Maria, even though she was a pureblood. That's a really stupid way to be, in my opinion, and it made Damien hide his relationship, which is never conducive to a healthy sort of relationship. That's why his friends' words were so influential--he felt that he was doing wrong in the eyes of his parents, so he tried to go back to his old ways.

Fortunately, the old ways were no longer what he delighted in! I'm so glad that he ended up standing up for Maria and the Hufflepuffs against the stupid insults of his friends! I can only hope that in the future, he will be more accepting of all Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Gryffindors, and people of all blood statuses, Muggleborns included! I also hope that Maria sets him in line, and that they finally go public with their relationship. :)

Great story!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for taking the time to leave me such a long review! I really appreciate all the feedback!

If you think about it, racism is still very prevalent today, even though full rights for everyone were won long ago. I think even in the wizarding world it would take prejudiced families a long time to change their ways, and I think they would continue to pass on their views to their children.

Ooh, you see right through her! I agree, Hufflepuffs are the bomb! We are awesome! :)

Like I said, I think that -especially since this closely follows the war -Damien's parents still have the same prejudice. The fact that their side lost doesn't change their perspective. But Damien breaks the pattern! Yay! You can also see a glimpse into his parent's view in MrsJaydeMalfoy's companion piece, which I hope you read after this! It's so good!

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!



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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Through The Darkest: So She Is Back

24th March 2014:
Hello! I'm here to review you, and I'm only about two-ish weeks late! Yay!

So, this chapter just ADDS to the mystery and suspense!! Ginny's back, but the mystery is still unsolved. Whatever shall we do?! I suppose we'll have to wait for the next chapter! :D

Wow, there's a bit of Cress' sticky family situation in this chapter! I can't believe that her mother and sister don't even care that she's the HEAD DETECTIVE, for crying out loud! That's really awful, and I hope that we can get a better explanation for WHY that is! One suggestion that I have about all the family stuff that Cress thinks about: I would kind of like to see it in action!! So perhaps in one of the next chapters, you could show her mom and sister? And maybe a flashback to her earlier years, maybe back to when all of the neglect and not-caring started? I would love to read about it!

I like that you introduced the Weasleys in a way that wasn't info-dumpish, i.e.: "Bill Weasley had long hair and a ponytail. He was wearing long black robes. His wife, Fleur, was a slender woman with blonde hair and a heavy French accent. His daughter, Victoire, was dressed in lime green robes because she was a Healer..." and et cetera. Instead, you sort of introduced them gradually as they spoke. That was a good idea! It would be way too much to read all about the facial features of the Weasleys in one big paragraph--there are too many of them! :D

As far as grammar and spelling are concerned, this chapter looks pretty good. I have two suggestions, though.

1) This sentence: "Being a detective for over two years, she knew how families are when any one of them is ill or in danger, and the Weasleys were quite famous for their huge and caring family." could possibly be improved in its phrasing. Instead of heading up the sentence with "Being a detective for over two years," you could start with a full sentence, something like "She had been a detective for over two years, so she knew how families could be when any one of them was ill or in danger." And then make a separate sentence about the Weasleys.

2) This sentence: "She knew them all- Dominique Weasley who was friends with Cress's little sister Veronica, Louis Weasley, her brother, Charlie Weasley, George Weasley and his wife Angelina." is fine in its grammar, but it could be improved with semicolons between each of the people. That way, we're not confused about who is in the room. I was slightly confused about the "younger sister, Veronica" thing before I realized that Cress was just thinking about how Dominique and Veronica are friends. If you could add some semicolons, that would clear things up! :)

Oooh, the last part of the chapter is so intense! Why is someone targeting Ginny, and why do they want to make her kill Cress? That could definitely present a problem later on, because Cress is the detective who is working on Ginny's case!! Uh oh... What's going to happen?! This chapter has left everything in suspense!!

This was another wonderful chapter!! Keep them coming! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! It was lovely to see you! :D

I know I'm plotting too many cliffhangers! But that's the best thing about mysteries according to me, so brace yourself for more!! ;) The next chapter is currently being written so you wouldn't have to wait for a long time I guess. :)

Yup, that girl has some family issues. I promise you will get to know more about them sooner or later, I don't know when.I am planning to add flashbacks in the next chapter, but I don't know how the chapter will turn out. You can never tell what last minute decisions you might take!

I'm glad you liked I didn't describe them that way! It seemed so boring to myself that I couldn't just write it like that. And you guys know about them already! :P

Hmm... I agree with you about both suggestions. Thanks for pointing out! :D

The last part! I rewrote it for like four times, so I'm just happy that turned out well! I am going to add those tiny 'five years ago' bits here and there as hints and clues, so watch out for more. ;)

Thank you so much for another lovely review! You reviews are extremely helpful and they just make my entire day!

Ashwini


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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57Detox: Turning the Corner

19th March 2014:
An unreasonable amount of time later. I have returned to your story once more!! Here is the part where I make the usual excuses about time, schoolwork, and laziness.

And now the review.

WHAT. I'm just so mad about the last part of the chapter that I CAN'T EVEN. Astoria's father has already shown himself to be a bit of a jerk and a hypocrite--upholding pureblood ideals, but looking at Draco like he's the scum of the earth just because the Malfoys got way too into the pureblood thing--but now he's even worse. Astoria had better find a way out of this, and quick!! Arranged marriages are STUPID. Moving on from that... I admire her for wanting to spend upwards of twenty-five hours on her studies every week during the summer. That's definitely something that I DON'T do (but I totally should).

McGonagall's conversation seemed very realistic to me. After all, she might be a tough old bird, but she's fair. I think that if she noticed that Draco was being a better student, she would truly want to give him a little more freedom. However, it's a bit of a bummer that he dropped Muggle Studies. Sure, he hasn't learned to fully appreciate nonmagical folk, but if he would pay attention, it would do him some good. Oh well. I guess it wasn't meant to be. He might never learn to accept the Muggles, but if he keeps going to the cafe, he'll appreciate their pie!

D'awww, Draco and Astoria being all covert and adorable! It's really awesome that they found ways to be with each other, even though her father is being a jerk. I like that Astoria remained true to herself and that Draco restrained himself before they took the relationship to "the next level." It definitely fits in with their characters, rather than the alternative, which would be OOC for the Draco and Astoria that you've created!

Oh no!! What's this?! The elusive mistake?!?! Hahaha, but seriously, your writing is impeccable, but I think I found a typo:

"He'd given up on Herbology weeks ago and he planned fail the Muggle Studies exam spectacularly as a matter of general principle."

Is there supposed to be a "to" in between "planned" and "fail?" If not, I'm sorry for pointing it out! If so, it was one typo out of 7,000-some-odd words. Go you! :D

Isadore's jokes about the "little wizard" were incredibly crass and inane. Props to the innocent Astoria for not having a mind in the gutter all the time!!

Also, this line made me chuckle: "He made it clear exactly what he thought of his father's intelligence and authority, as well as his decision-making abilities, his mental health and the poorly-cast charm that the old man tried to use to conceal his receding hairline." MAJOR BURN ON LUCIUS'S HEAD!! HAHA! I love it!!

Yay, career opportunities for Draco! It would seem that he passed his NEWTs, so he's going to be well-established in the Ministry. Despite his deplorable past, how could Mr. Greengrass say no to him? If he still says no, I propose that Draco and Astoria elope. (Just kidding.)

Great chapter! Sorry for the not-so-prompt review!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: You know my rule on requested reviews: You are not allowed to apologize for timing, no matter what! I am always grateful, no matter how much real life gets in your way.

Now, on to the substance. Astoria's father is trying to raise her the best way that he knows how, but his ideals and social norms are dated. He comes from a very structured, patriarchal pureblood society where marriages serve a very important role in maintaining and strengthening the ties between the old families. To him, the idea of two young people falling in love and getting married with no consideration of the ramifications for their families and bloodlines is foreign.

I think of McGonagall, in her heart of hearts, as an educator. No matter how much she might disapprove of Draco's past, he has turned into a very dedicated student and she's going to do what she feels she can to encourage that. Draco will never embrace muggle culture, but he does like pie. ;)

Yes, Draco is the one to ultimately call a halt to their amorous activities. It's a bit of a giveaway as to how he still thinks of her, actually. Even though he's passionately attracted to her, he still places her on a pedestal in many ways. One some level, he's afraid of sullying her with his influence. This will be a problem for the two of them later on.

Ha! Yes, there are still some typos scattered about. Thanks for pointing them out so I can fix those.

Isadore can be a little on the crass side, that's for sure. But Astoria is taking her very seriously at this point. Just as Draco has some insecurities about whether he's too much of a bad boy for Astoria, she has insecurities about whether she seems like too much of a "good girl" to keep him. Being a teenager in love is difficult!

I have a lot of fun with Lucius in this story because... well, because he's Lucius. He's fun to mock. But before it's all said and done, we'll see that there are some mitigating factors here.

Draco will have his interview with the Ministry fairly soon. I'm really curious to know what you think about it. It won't be at all what he's expecting...

Thank you so much for all of your awesome reviews!


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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57The Chaos Within: Hardships

16th March 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the Ravenclaw Review Battle, and I'm seriously wondering why I haven't read this story before!!

I wasn't sure what to expect, but it definitely exceeded my undefined expectations!! This is only the first chapter and it already introduces the major things that are majorly wrong with both Harry and Hermione. All the psychological damage from the war has finally caught up to them, and it looks like it's going to be a rough ride!!

Harry's dream was SO creepy. Everyone blames him for their deaths, so he sinks ever-deeper into despair. I could picture this scene very vividly: Harry writhing around, envisioning little Teddy Lupin and all the casualties of war. Very chilling!!!

Hermione's situation is no less grim. She sent her parents off to Australia for their own safety, but it was not her intention to split them up!! Now she has to live a life without them, and even if they do recover their memories, they might stay with their new spouses. That's really heartbreaking and unexpected. :(

My favorite part, as gruesome as it is, was the end when you described Hermione's state after she Apparated. I could envision her mind growing fuzzy and distant, and her confusion and terror when she woke up. The last line of the chapter is super effective and awesome, and it makes me want to read more!!

Very well done!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello! It was wonderful to come home to this review! I didn't really expect anyone to read this story since I haven't updated for quite a while (I really need to get around to it :/) and this lovely review was the best part of my day!

Thank you so much! *squees and squees* I can't believe I got such a reaction from someone! This was the very first hpff story I started writing, and I actually deleted my first attempt at it. This is the second edition. It's really encouraging to read your remarks!

Thank you so much and I really hope you do read more! Now I'm determined to update this story soon. :D

~Erin


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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57Working Parts: Wrong Side of the Door

14th March 2014:
Hello again! I'm back to review this chapter for the Review Battle! :D

Lily and Andrew in a Gringott's vault... That's a REALLY good place to hold someone hostage! No one would ever find them, especially if the vault that they were in belonged to one of the kidnappers. However, people shouldn't kidnap other people. (Duh. Sorry about this weird paragraph...)

I must say, I love Lily's character in this story. She's sarcastic and witty without being downright rude and/or crazy. She's good at problem-solving. She's independent, and it looks like SHE'S going to be Andrew's knight-in-shining-armor, rather than vice versa. :)

Now I realize that Andrew must be Alicia Spinnet's kid, or perhaps a relative of hers? (Maybe?) If so, then his mom and Lily's dad played on the same Quidditch team!! :D If not, then I'm silly and wrong. But if I'm right, I think that it's interesting that you chose to make him a Spinnet. I don't see many Spinnets in NextGen fics--it's mostly Finnegans and Thomases and a stray Brown or two. :P

This chapter was just as brilliant as the first! I urge you to update this story very soon. (Pretty please?)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for another lovely review! Your two reviews have inspired me to go back and reread the story, and I do like what I see. I think I'll try to get back into the story and see where it goes, though it may take awhile.

I definitely wanted to try something new with Lily as well as with Andrew, so I'm glad it's working. That, along with the fact that they don't have too much in common, should produce an interesting dynamic (hopefully).

I think for Andrew, I needed him to know about the wizarding world, so he was probably the child of someone Harry overlapped with at Hogwarts. So I settled on Spinnet. I think I wanted that small layer of familiarity, for the reader, rather than having him be any old brother of a witch.

Thanks for dropping by!


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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57The Safety of the Shadow: Leaving Your Comfort Zone

14th March 2014:
Hello! Happy Review Battle!! :D

I think it's really cool that this was written for a creative writing assignment!! And I love that you connect all of your stories to the HP-verse. :)

The idea of the shadow representing safety is definitely something that I can relate to. It's often easy to hide from change by ducking your head back into your turtle shell and letting life pass you by. The fear of failure prevents you from leaving the shadow, but sometimes, the shadow recedes and you have to step out into the light.

I loved the way the light-shadow conflict played out. Scorpius, so much a part of Rose's Hogwarts experience, was in the shadow with her, but when he proposed, the shadow started to shrink away from him. If Rose wanted to be with him, she would have to follow. It is awesome that she stepped out of the shadow before it faded, because it represents the fact that she's made the choice to go on to bigger and brighter things. :)

Your grammar and sentence structure are very good! I have one suggestion: whenever the word "it" is possessive, it should not have an apostrophe. Therefore, saying, "The dog wagged its tail when it saw the mailman" is correct. When "its" is written with an apostrophe ("it's"), it is a contraction for "it is." So "It's a lovely day" is equal to "It is a lovely day."

But that's the only thing I saw. Sorry that the explanation was long and ungainly. :)

Great story! It was really powerful, even though there weren't very many words. :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! Yes, happy review battle to you, too!

Thanks! I really find it fun and interesting to incorporate HP into my creative writing course, and some of the assignments are things that I would never expand upon outside of fanfiction, so I figure might as well put them to use!!

I'm so glad that you felt that way, and that you saw that. I really loved writing that part. It was so fun trying to find creative ways to describe it and play with it. I was really hoping that throwing Scorpius in there would add just that extra bit of emotion that sort of really let that idea sit there.

I'll check that part out! Thanks for saying something! And thanks for your lovely compliments!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57When Perseus Met Andromeda: When Perseus Met Andromeda

14th March 2014:
Surprise!! I bet you didn't expect two reviews from me in the space of 24 hours!!! Happy Review Battle!! :D

House of Cards is really fabulous and dark, so I wanted to check out some of your other/lighter work. :)

Oh, Ted. Such a silly person. When he went into the forest, I really thought that he was spying on Andromeda, but he was checking out her sister!! That's pretty hilarious (and also really weird), because Bellatrix is the absolute LAST person that he should love. The heart wants what it wants, I suppose!!

The description throughout all of this is superb. I could imagine the sunlight in the forest shining on the "Slytherin royalty," and it was all very pretty. Your descriptions of the scene made me want to go to Hogwarts just so that I could see it in person! (Not that I don't want to do that already...)

I recently watched 10 Things I Hate About You, so I appreciate the way Ted shares some characteristics with Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character (I can't remember his name!!). Also, he's on your banner. He was kind of adorable back then, haha. But yeah, Ted definitely fits the slightly-dorky, quixotic type, and that's what makes him even more endearing. Obviously, he can never be sad and heartbroken for too long before another girl catches his eye!!

Cheerio for now! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Happy Review Battle to you too! :) And thank you so much for both reviews - I really didn't expect this one, and they're both amazing! :)

Ohmigosh, I find lighter stuff so hard to write :P It always feels so weird, haha. Like I should kill someone off or something, haha!

Yeah, it was a strange situation to put in, but I really didn't want it to be the 'love at first sight' kinda thing - I wanted there to be a kind of twist, and I wanted it to be someone unexpected - so, Bella :P Also, he must have been pretty daring to even fancy Andromeda, it's a weird kind of bravery, so I wanted to play on that!

Thank you so much! :) I love description and describing things, so I'm so glad you liked it!

Honestly, I've never seen the film so any similarities with the character are completely coincidental! And yeah, he is the dorky, kinda weird guy who tries to be all romantic and fails and always wants the cheerleader, haha. He is a bit of a Romeo ;)

Thank you so much for this - I'm so glad you liked it! :)

Aph xx


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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57House of Cards: Ten of Spades

13th March 2014:
Yes!! More Bartegulus!!

Of the three sections of this chapter, I think that the Bartegulus section is my favorite. It's actually one of the only times that they've been outside the house, if I remember correctly! However, outside seems to be just as dim and gloomy as inside. I love your use of colors here--or rather, your use of colorlessness--the greens and greys of the world, combined with the mist, definitely indicate that the weather patterns match the atmosphere inside the House of Black.

Also, this was the first time that I saw Barty as a normal boy. Inside the house, he's creepy and sinister, a real devil when it comes to stirring up controversy. Outside, he becomes more playful and, it would seem, a bit nicer to Regulus than he has been up to this point. I saw Bartegulus emerging in the last chapter or the one before that, but in the solitude of the mist, I actually LIKE it. Before, I saw it as threatening and creepy because of Barty's penchant for being that way, which it might still turn out to be! With a nicer Barty comes a more pleasant scene.

It's really adorable that they sort of knocked into each other and ended up in a... um... compromising position. Reg's blush, Barty's footpreint-following, the grabbing of hands--all were pretty cute. Well, as cute as a Black and a Crouch can get--after all, Barty still may have dubious motives for flirting with Reg! But here in the outside world, I totally ship them. I am by no means an expert on the art of writing slash, but I think that you made their relationship seem very realistic: how they seem like pretty close friends in the presence of other people, but they have a different sort of relationship when they're alone.

Bellatrix's arrival kind of ruins the little scene, though (thanks, Bella...). Now Barty becomes a "did he, didn't he?" character again, and I'm still not sure that he didn't have at least SOMETHING to do with the murders. I think it's really funny that Bella, instead of choosing to ask why the boys are rolling about together, asks why Barty automatically assumed that Cygnus was murdered.

And of course, the last line of this section was like a punch line: ""Okay," he agrees blithely. "Shall we go in now? I'm getting cold and my socks are wet."" The little twerp!! I love how this line contrasts with the rather serious material of Bella and Barty's previous conversation. :)

Okay, I've spent A LOT of time on that section... I'll try to balance that with the other two.

So the elder Black men are holding council about the will. Alphard, in contrast to Pollux and Orion, is rather boisterous in his movements and speech. It seems to be rather jarring for the other two, who are reserved and calculating! The big question (to me, anyways) is: What is in the other two boxes? Pollux pockets the will that Alphard gives him, but why does he have two other identical boxes? Do they contain alternate versions of the will? Perhaps those wills (provided that they exist) are forged?! What is going on?! I definitely need to go back and read from the beginning of this story up to this point--it's been a good while since I started reviewing this story! Actually (I just checked this), March 31st will mark the one-year anniversary of the first review that I left on this story! *ah, nostalgia*

But let's not waste time on that...

The third section introduces EVEN MORE MYSTERY to the already-mysterious events!! This is incredible! When you tie up all of the story threads at the end of this story, I am going to be shocked and amazed by your genius-ness! Sirius, because he can't be still for more than five minutes without dying of boredom, goes to the library. *big shock!* The storybook that he finds sounds incredibly scary. Like, what does that do to a kid's mind, to hear those haunting tales night after night?! "Here, sweetie, let me tell you a bedtime story about thorns and poison and blood." Yep, that's a happy childhood memory. Perhaps that's why 100% of Blacks seek psychological help in the afterlife: they were traumatized as children. :P

I really think that the pinkish stuff in the vial is poison. What else could it be--pink lemonade?! Nope. That's something that the Blacks hate, because it actually brings happiness to people. There's definitely going to be a plot concerning this vial, I know it!! Objects in mysteries are supposed to hold extra significance, right? So this vial... OMG, MAYBE IT'S THE ONE WITH THE POISON THAT WOUND UP IN CYGNUS' DINNER!!! ...Sorry, I only JUST put that together in my head. But yeah, that's my prediction! We have found the smoking gun, and it's going to raise Cain!!

So, when I read your chapters, I get so caught up in the beautifulness of the prose, and then when I write the reviews, I forget to mention how lovely your sentences are.

I particularly loved this sentence: "A wind starts to pick up, soft fingers playing with the ends of Regulus' hair, longer than perhaps it should be, and Barty feels his scarf unravelling from around his neck, being stretched out in the space behind him." It's like the wind is another character in itself, and that's pretty darn magical!! Your writing style is delightful to read.

Oh yeah, and don't think I forgot about the mysterious house-elf at the very beginning of the chapter! Amidst all of the other hullabaloo, he/she almost got lost in the fray, but not forgotten! Was he/she playing in the flowers? I don't think so, but I have no earthly idea what he/she was doing. Or his/her identity, for that matter. Perhaps it was Kreacher?

All of that being said, I would like to add that I am very disappointed that this chapter has zero reviews, as does chapter 10. I feel that people might have something to say about all of the stuff that's happening!! So I hope you don't mind my mammoth review! I want to give credit where credit is due!

Out of space.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57Working Parts: Wrong Side of the Saleslady

12th March 2014:
Hi! Sending some Review Battle love your way! Go Team Bronze! :D

The beginning of this story is incredibly epic. I love how it brings in some of the background of the characters, and it bridges the gap nicely between then and now. Muggle-wizard romances are always interesting to read, but I think that this one takes the cake for the "most plot twist-y first chapters" category. I was expecting the whole "unexpected romance" deal, but what I got was even better!!

This line was my favorite: "And, years later, it was the prospect of buying her a birthday gift that catapulted me right into the roiling mess between between the two worlds, where the magical and nonmagical brushed fingertips and sparks flew at the point of impact." Arrgghhh, it's so flow-y and poetical!! Lines like these make me sigh with happiness. I don't know why, but there's something really musical about the way you phrased things, like "brushed fingertips and sparks flew at the point of impact." I LOVE it!!

So... PLOT TWIST!!! Andrew gets in to the magical section of the bookstore using his street smarts (perhaps that isn't the right term...) and then suddenly, his world turns upside down!! The fact that he ended up holding Lily's wand upside down makes him different from your average hero. He's a normal guy who is suddenly shoved into a world that he's only ever heard about. Maybe he won't be the suave superhero that he could be (if he knew magic), but he'll definitely be some kind of hero (I hope!). And that's really cool.

The beginning of this is positively brilliant. I hope that you write more chapters in the near future! (Of course, I could always go and read the second chapter to find out what happens next, but after that, I won't have any more chapters to read!)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! You've reminded me how much I enjoyed writing this first chapter. I think, as I wrote beyond chapter 1, things got a little off course, and since I wasn't quite sure how to bring them back together, I put the story on pause. Now, however, I think enough time might have passed to take a second look. I was really excited to write this story.

I'm glad you liked that line! That didn't come in the first draft, certainly, but I remember trying to play around with words to describe the story, and that one stuck. I think it is an apt description of how I want the whole story to pan out.

I definitely made a conscious decision to make Andrew a truly ordinary hero, or something of the sort. I'm glad that came across, I think he has a lot of potential even though he is just an average guy.

Once again, thank you!


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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Howling: Howling

12th March 2014:
Hi!! I'm here for the review battle! :D

This was a short little thing, but wow, the words were so powerful!! I really love that this was about Helena Ravenclaw's death, because that isn't a scene that is seen very much.

The descriptions are wonderful! They really help set the scene, and I can envision the dark colors that surround every part of this story. Helena is fleeing for her life, but she can't escape. It's a very black sort of thought.

The howls from which the story takes its name are incredibly eerie. The Bloody Baron set dementors on her? That's no way for a man to behave towards the woman he loves!! The howling, I'm assuming, was not made by the dementors--I always thought they were a silent breed. Perhaps it's all in her mind, and those are memories that are coming up to the surface? If so, she had a pretty grisly existence! No wonder she was ready to give up toward as the end.

The action in this story was moved along by your word choices in a really excellent way. I loved the line "'If there's one thing I ask, it's hide it with your life. For it is far more important than you and I. Ask the stars.'" It was enigmatic and chilling!

Brilliant story!! :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57Love in Three Acts: Act 1: Friendship

10th March 2014:
Halllo again!! Since you reviewed my entry for the Instrumental Song Challenge, I thought that I would have a look at your entry in return! (For the BvB Review Battle.)

It's funny: I've actually played "Pique Dame" before!! It's a pretty cool song to play, but some of the notes are really high (especially on oboe...). So I think it's interesting that you've chosen to write a Remus/Sirius based on the themes in this piece, because the name means "Queen of Spades," and the operetta by Suppe actually has a character named Hedwig in it. I don't know much about cards, but the Queen of Spades is generally considered unlucky (from what the internet tells me--yes, I just researched this because I was curious). This leads me to believe that Remus/Sirius is an ill-fated romance.

Enough speculation. On to the story!!

I've never read much Remus/Sirius, so I really enjoyed how you introduced their romance gradually, instead of all at once. You did a lot of showing and not telling, which is awesome. The little signals that they were sending each other were subtle enough so as to be covert, but not so subtle that they didn't exist at all. It's a nice balance!

My favorite, favorite part of this chapter was the joke about the hamsters. Who is this Michael Grant fellow, and which book is that quote from?! I want to read it now! I think that you incorporated the quote really well--it fit so naturally with the boys' banter and it made for some great comedy. I'm pretty sure that my roommate thinks I'm crazy for chuckling to myself. :)

Another great story!! I can't wait to read the next chapter! :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Subjugo Sempiterne - Forever Under the Yoke: Part 1: Friendship and Betrayal

10th March 2014:
Hi!! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle!! :D

I love the idea of this story so far!! There aren't many elves in the Potterverse (if there are any at all), so seeing this friendship between a wizard and an elf was quite a change!! The Churchill quote sums up basically everything that's happened since people started writing things down, and as unfortunate as it is, it's totally true. I can see this parting of the ways between Winifred and Hywel as part of the schism between wizards and other magical creatures.

Winifred is awesome. She's got the whole "wise" vibe going on, and her willingness to learn from other people only makes her wiser. The balance that she advocates for in magic is a good idea--after all, if magic surpasses its limits, bad things could happen! Hywel should've listened to her instead of his friends.

Hywel isn't a bad wizard at heart, I think. He's just been persecuted for being magical, and he doesn't want to be powerless in a struggle. Still, tripping and injuring that Muggle was an awful thing to do. I hope that he learns his lesson later on!!

Your diction is impeccable, and I love the way that your words move the action along. And your dialogue is awesome, which I admire--dialogue is tricky to perfect, but I think you've done it for this story! All in all, this was a great chapter and I'm glad that I picked it!

Will the next chapter be out soon? *bats eyelashes*

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57Rabbit Heart: Distant Hearts

10th March 2014:
Hello!! It's good to be reviewing this story again! :D

This chapter is oddly shorter than the other ones, but I'm not complaining because there was A LOT in it!!

Aw, Wren's friends are so awesome. I think that they gave her the perfect birthday present(s). Of course, nothing could top Albus' present, which shows exactly how much he cares about her. I think that's really cute, and now I'm shipping Wrenbus harder than ever. :)

This was, without a doubt, my most favorite line:

"Bunny needed her. Bunny needed her right now. Right now, there was a little bunny that needed her more than anything. With Bunny around, Wren's whole world had suddenly come into focus."

Arrghh!! That's sooo creepy! Wren goes from being a semi-normal teenage girl (because really, how normal can you be when you're a witch?!) to being a zombie. WHAT is up with that rabbit?!?!?! The fact that she didn't name it anything besides "Bunny" makes everything worse. It's such a general name, and for me, it's basically synonymous with "Fear." I'm sure that the bunny-induced nightmares will start any day now!!

...Moving on.

Uh oh, Wren's checking out Albus' new pants!! Danger alert! :) And James can definitely tell that she wasn't just looking because she was trying out her new camera lens. :D Still, the lapse of time between Wren going upstairs and then coming back down is disturbing. I feel like this story is in vertigo--i.e., time is mysterious and I can't tell which part of the day is which! However, this is not a bad thing. On the contrary, it is incredibly interesting and confusing. As in previous chapters, I am being pulled down the rabbit-hole (so to speak) with Wren as she gets caught in the trance of the white rabbit.

...Oh no... I just thought of something crazy! Wren is the granddaughter of Alice Longbottom. There are lots of white rabbits in this story, but there's one particular rabbit that Wren is fixated upon. He seems to make her lose all sense of purpose/time/identity. What if... This is just an oddly twisted retelling of Alice in Wonderland?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(Geez, were all of those "?!"s really necessary? Yes, yes they were.)

I'm probably wrong, but this connection gives me some more things to think about. Are there any more ways that I can tie this story back to Alice in Wonderland? Well, there's a birthday party, and the Mad Hatter and March Hare celebrate UNbirthdays... No, that's pushing it. I'll stop. :)

But I really enjoy this connection, whether accidental or otherwise!!

Brilliant chapter!! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey!

I used to be concerned with chapter length, but in this story, I've discovered that when things are over, they're over, and when things aren't over... well, then I need more words. This was one of those chapters where I just didn't have anything else to say. So yeah, it's shorter. I'm not into putting extra words into things for no reason, so I decided to stop here. I'm glad you felt it had a lot in it. It did, kind of. :)

Wren's friends ARE awesome! I want friends like that! But I'm afraid the Wrenbus is still having some mechanical difficulties. Back to the shop! I hope it's under warranty...

Uh oh! I hope you don't need rabbit reconditioning after this story! That would be tragic! Maybe if you go and watch "Bambi" for a little while, it will make things better. On the other hand, if you do get any creepy rabbit nightmares, we could, you know, co-author something sometime? I wouldn't want all that angst to go to waste... for the sake of art...

Anyway.

Ah haha! The pants! Wren's not as stealthy as she thinks she is.

Wow! That's a very creative guess. I think it would be absolutely insane to write an oddly twisted Alice in Wonderland! With nightmare rabbits. PM me, and we can talk. ;)

Thanks so much for the great review! I hope you keep reading my crazy story and find out more about the rabbits, just as long as it doesn't scar you for life. Because then I'd feel really bad.

-Pix



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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57Through The Darkest: More Than a Clue

6th March 2014:
...Wow. It's been over a month since you requested this review from me, and now I'm finally going to give it to you. I am SO incredibly sorry for being so late in reviewing this chapter. For some reason, life has been rather hectic lately!

Ooh, a cliffhanger!! Things are REALLY getting interesting now!! Ginny Weasley has been missing for five years and suddenly she (or someone who looks like her) shows up... Just as the investigation is being relaunched! What a conundrum! What events led to her reappearing? What has she been doing for five years? How is this going to change the investigation? No matter what, this will play out in a very interesting and enigmatic manner, I'm sure!!

Notes about characterization: I love that you've made Teddy Lupin kind of a tortured soul-ish. An orphan boy, living with his godparents, the only parental figures that he's known and loved, and then the woman who was like a mother to him disappears!! He's got to have some serious psychological damage, and the fact that he winces at the sunlight is very telling!! He's been in the dark for far too long, but he's about to get some answers and become enlightened!!

And I like that you've given Cress a little more characterization in the midst of all of this drama. Mommy problems? She's got those! So this Ginny investigation becomes even more vital to her character because it's like she's trying to prevent James and Teddy going through the same sort of heartache. Great characterization all around!!

There were just a few grammatical mistakes that I noticed:

"was used to work in lighted places."~Here, I think you may have meant "working" instead of just "work."

"Even his smile has the slightest touch sadness."~Since the rest of the story is in past tense, I think that the "has" should be "had," and there should maybe be an "of" in between "touch" and "sadness."

"I mean, was she doing job or something?"~The phrasing of "doing job" is slightly awkward. It could be improved by saying "doing a job" or possibly "working a job" or even "did she have a job?".

"Gabriel"~I believe that Fleur's sister is named "Gabrielle." That's just a minor thing, but just to prevent any confusion...

Great third chapter!! Feel free to re-request if you're not totally angry at me for being late in reviewing this chapter! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: It's totally fine! :) I know you sometimes cannot balance everything like you want to and anyways your review totally made up for it! :')

Yeah, she's back! But I can't really promise you will get the answers of these questions so soon. ;) You will have to wait a little! The investigation will be a bit more complicated and interesting at the same time. They want to make sure the one who has returned is Ginny and not anyone with a huge stock of Polyjuice Potion. Cress handles things up with a little more skill from now on. :)

I'm glad you liked that! I haven't really read about him yet so I characterized him my own way. He's always like that to me. I'm so happy you caught the light part! That was EXACTLY what i wanted to say- he's now getting used to being in dark and needs to be enlightened. Let me give you a little hint- look at the fact that Cress opened the curtains for him and let the light in! THAT is also a bit significant I guess. ;)

Aah you're reading my mind!! That's exactly why the case is important for Cress so I added some of her problems here. And yes she has a deeper connection with the case than you think now.

I'll correct the mistakes ASAP. Thanks for pointing them out! I would have never known.

Thanks for the wonderful review! Oh I will surely re-request! How can I be angry at you after this review? :D

Ashwini


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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Kill Your Darlings: According to Plan

23rd February 2014:
Hihihi!! You didn't think that I'd FORGOTTEN about this story, did you?!

Of course not! That would be silly! I actually read this chapter when it came out, but the events of last week kept getting in the way of me reviewing.

But never fear! I am here now! :D

Wow, so a lot happens in this chapter. And I mean A LOT. Andie's FINALLY admitting to herself that she really does like Ted, even if she IS still trying to deny it. And the moment when she slipped up and insulted Ted's blood status yet again is probably going to haunt her for a very long time.

Oh my. George is being his difficult self, what with the owl and everything (Medusa is a great name, by the way!), and then he figures out that Ted and Andie aren't exactly friends anymore... Too late, she's gone! I think it's interesting that, even though he cares about Ted's well-being and general happiness, he's still pretty angry that he had to miss all the drama because he was passed out. Typical teenage boy. :)

Uh oh! Splinching! Or as Nelson likes to call it, squelching. It's really great that he was so kind and fixed Andie's hand with a Muggle cure, and she didn't resist. She's finally learning to be grateful to people who help her out, rather than snarking at them because of their position in society. And then the George revelation! That explains a lot! Poor guy. He's tough on the outside, but inside he's still grieving. :(

YES!! I KNEW that this was one of my favorite stories for a good reason! You know what an oboe is!! I play that! :D Okay, so the oboe didn't figure into the plot at all, but I got really excited when I saw the word "oboe." Thank you for knowing what an oboe is! (A lot of people don't, unfortunately.)

The confrontation. Such. High. Drama!! I love it! They were so uncomfortable, and then Andie mentioned "bedroom eyes," hahaha... And Ted kept throwing her words back into her face--there's still such a disconnect between them, even though they've been friends for a little while. He has absolutely no clue that she's actually changed her mind. And then Andie pulls a Bellatrix... Holy Merlin, that was scary!!

"But you are poor!" Andromeda cried, exasperated. "You're poor and you're Muggleborn and you're a metamorphmagus. Those are all parts of you. You wouldn't be the Ted I wanted without them."~Best line of dialogue EVER, hands down. All the chips are on the table now! Andie let her subconscious do the talking, and oh boy, how it talked!! That was BRILLIANT.

Oh my gosh, and then Ted's revelation that he started liking her waaayyy back during the Hog's Head incident... WHILE he's metamorphosing!! MORE HIGH DRAMA, INDEED!! But it's okay, he got over it--Phew!

And then Narcissa.

The title of the chapter lied. Things DIDN'T go according to plan.

Another great chapter!! I'm super happy that you've got another one up now, and I'll probably review it later on today. (I've already read it, of course. Sorry not sorry if that's creepy.) :)

Cheers!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Well HI. But of course I didn't think you'd forgotten this little story! You've been such a stalwart reviewer, and life is crazy and busy and wild. I love your reviews whenever they come. That was hokey. Guh. But seriously, thanks for popping in to write such nice words.

Poor George. If I were in his position, I'd totally be bummed to miss out on the drama, too. I guess in that way I'm a typical teenage boy? Lol. But it's tough stuff to be passed out when exciting things are going down. Alas.

You play the oboe? SO FUN. I love the oboe. I've loved it ever since I was a wee child and first heard Peter & the Wolf in Kindermusik, and I was all, "Who is the duck?! THE DUCK ROCKS." And then I was informed by the helpful British dude one the cassette tape that the the duck was an oboe, and I loved oboes forever after. True story. In fact, I made Ted listen to a composition that included parts by my three fave instruments: cello, oboe, and French horn. Yes, I shamelessly catered to my inner music dork. No regrets. Anyway, it makes me pleased as punch that you play the oboe. Def another reason to like the story. Def.

Baha, yes, I indulged myself in a little irony this title. Silly Andromeda must learn that nothing goes according to her plan, like, ever. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the read! Thanks for your love-uh-lee review!!


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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57Detox: Reconnecting

21st February 2014:
Hi! Things have been hectic in real life for... oh, about a month, but I'm BACK to review you once again! :)

Okay, so I'm glad that you asked me to pay close attention to Jeremy Gamp, because I've got a lot to say. First of all, I think that I'll have to read Conspiracy of Blood sometime so that I can see all of his other villainous escapades. This guy seems dangerous!! His maniacal laughter was really creepy and it reminded me a lot of Bellatrix. It didn't help that his glittering, manic eyes were compared to hers. They're the type of people who have a wild look in their eyes, and in both of their cases, it's a reflection of their characters. The fact that Draco was worried when he accidentally turned his back on Gamp is really terrifying. He's obviously not someone you want to mess with.

In seven chapters, I haven't found a single mistake in your writing, which is totally awesome. :) However, there's a first time for everything, and I'm not even sure if it actually IS a mistake. When you're talking about Flint's physical features, you wrote:

"The dark-haired wizard had added a few pound since his Hogwarts days..."

Is "pound" supposed to be "pounds" in that sentence? My mind wants it to be "pounds," but I'm unsure if it's some sort of Britishism to say "pound" instead of "pounds." It's such a minor thing, but I had to mention it, just for the sake of thoroughness. :)

Also, Flint! Hah! He's the typical college frat boy. Maybe in high school (aka Hogwarts) he played sports (Quidditch), but then he got to college (the resurrection of the Death Eater movement, in his case) and gained some weight. Lolzz! That being said, it's good to see that he's still the same brute-force-using Marcus Flint that was in the HP books. This just gave a close-up of his brutishness.

I was quite surprised to see that Zabini was described as "a lover, not a fighter." It is very true that he is more mannered than the other two, but I never pictured him as someone who loves other people, per se. If we're talking casanova, though, oh yeah, I can TOTALLY see that! He's probably the type who has a girlfriend and a back-up girlfriend and a weekend girlfriend and... Well, you know what I mean, haha. :) But yeah, the mysterious new Death Eaters would chew him up and spit him out. He should be careful!

Draco continues to stand up for himself, which is great. He's no longer the ferrety little ferret that he once was--he actually grew a spine! I hope that he can continue his lie until the delinquents can be caught and thrown in Azkaban for trying to start up another fear campaign!

Another side note about Jeremy Gamp: I can't believe that Daphne is in raptures over her marriage to HIM!! Of course, she's probably mostly excited to wear a pretty dress and a tiara and have everyone watching her at the wedding (center stage, yo!), but STILL. Jeremy Gamp is a creeper and a madman, and probably a wifebeater to boot!

Astoria and Narcissa's conversation was illuminating, to say the least! I'm glad that they actually like each other--no hatred is always better! It was also cool that Astoria acknowledged Narcissa's part in saving the Wizarding World, because it shows that she isn't like every other person who wants to bash the Malfoys for picking the wrong side. And awww, Narcissa's revelation to Astoria that Draco stood up to Bellatrix just makes her admire him even more. :) :) :) They're definitely going to be a good couple when they're finally together. If only they can get through some obstacles, like Daphne's wedding, Lucius Malfoy's Lost Cause fixation, and the neo-Death Eaters! The course of true love never did run smooth, says everyone's favorite Bard. :)

Wow, I'm halfway through this story! I look forward to seeing what happens next! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi, there! No worries on timing. I'm always happy just to see you back for another go-round.

Jeremy Gamp is one of a handful of characters that tie Detox and CoB together. He's a nasty piece of work, cruel, violent and not all there mentally. Here we see him in his formative years, before he goes to Azkaban and pretty much loses the few marbles he has left. That's why he's able to woo Daphne and convince her father that he's a worthy suitor. He comes from an old, pureblood wizarding family and he's able to hold it together well enough in polite company. That, and Daphne is desperate to be married by a "proper" age.

Thanks for pointing out that typo. It's amazing how they can sometimes survive countless readings and reviews before somebody finally makes note of them.

I like your thinking about Flint. He's definitely still living in the "good old days" before the war, when his family name made him quasi-nobility. You can practically hear "Glory Days" playing in the background. He's another character that appears in CoB, having escaped from prison with Gamp.

We're definitely talking "casanova" where Zabini is concerned. He's far out of his depth in this revived Death Eater movement and at some level he knows it. That's why he's so keen to have Draco involved. Draco comes from the same sort of very refined upbringing as Zabini, but he's already shown that he can hold his own in a fight. What he doesn't realize is that, as you say, Draco is in this fame for himself now. Draco has no intentions of ending up in Azkaban for Zabini's sake or anyone else's.

The conversation between Astoria and Narcissa was my favorite part of this chapter. I think a lot of trust and mutual admiration was built up during those few stolen moments in the bank lobby. You're right, true love never does run smooth. And there will be a lot more bumps in the road before the story is over...

Indeed, you're halfway through! Thanks so much for all of the awesome reviews!


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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57Rabbit Heart: Hearts and Minds

13th February 2014:
Hello again! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to come back to this story, but never fear! I haven't forgotten you, and now I'm here to give you another review on your creepy story. :)

Okay, so it's kind of weird, but Rabbit Heart has stayed stuck in my mind for a really long time. In fact, I was derping around on a social media site the other day and I found a .gif of rabbits hopping all around. So I reblogged it, thinking of this story, hahaha. Does that make me weird?

This review might be a little different, since I'm sneakily using one of the school computers. Sh! I have to pretend like I'm writing a paper because I'm afraid that they'll kick me out! But this is the only time that I could steal away to review you, so here we go! :)

Wow, James is sort of a jerk. Why does he find it funny to jinx Albus? I mean, just because he can use magic outside of school now... Are the brothers on good terms, or do they have the sort of sibling rivalry where one is the antagonist (James) and the other always has to be one step ahead (Albus)? Major props to Al, though, for being resourceful enough to use charms to resist the curses. I've never really heard of a spell being ineffective when up against amulets and things, at least, not in the Potterverse, but it makes sense for the minor jinxes and hexes and et cetera.

Uh oh, so the Wrenbus is experiencing some technical difficulties. They both obviously like each other, but then Wren is acting weird and Al thinks that it's his fault... What a mess. I like that you've added more details about their friendship here, that Wren is the one who talks Al through difficult situations and that Al is the one who makes Wren laugh. It helps me envision the pair a lot more clearly.

"Albus looked like a statue on the dais, reminding Wren suddenly of the stillness in the Hospital Ward, her grandparents in their beds, unmoving, unblinking. Wren had confided in Albus once about her irrational fear that they'd rise up out of their beds like zombies. It had creeped her out so much that she had to tell someone."~I love this paragraph. It's so creep-tastic, just like the rest of the story. The connection to Wren's grandparents is great. It seems apparent that while Neville saw his mom and dad, people that he would never truly get to know, Wren saw living corpses, nightmares in the flesh. There's quite a gap between the perspectives of father and daughter, and that's to be expected. I remember visiting my great-grandma before she died... My dad saw the woman who went fishing with him and told the best jokes, but all I saw was a fragile, gasping thing. Sad, but true. I totally know Wren's feels about the zombification thing.

Aw, such flutters! Much confusion! Very tall Al! So Wren's crush! Hahaha, just kidding. I love how Wren's thoughts about Al are juxtaposed with her confusion about her strange visions and all of the creepy stuff that's been happening to her. AND you still manage to move the action along! How do you do that?! You're amazing at it-putting in a character's thoughts and feelings without having to bring the action to an abrupt halt.

Haha, blue ice cream. That sounds frightening! I'm enjoying seeing both Al and Wren's perspectives in this chapter. Earlier, Wren mentioned something about Al having girlfriends, and now Al is elaborating on that, including some details that weren't there before. It's like they're mind twins (except not, because they're actually Wrenbus)! And then Al "tests the waters"... Yep, it seems that the Wrenbus is going to have to stop for repairs.

Ahah! More on Al and James' relationship! James is definitely a scheming little deviant, but Al and Scorpius are going to lay down the law! It does seem that they have a predator-prey relationship right now, but once Al is able to use magic, James had better watch out!

Pacing is brilliant for this story. I love reading it because there are so many nuanced little things. I can't just skim it and be done; I have to watch for all of the mysterious tidbits of information that you throw in. :D

Ooh, you have TWO more chapters out! I can't wait to read on, though it probably won't happen for a while. School keeps me busy, unfortunately (but education is good, so I can't complain TOO much).

'Til next time!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Yay! You're back!!

That's so cool that Rabbit Heart got stuck in your head! Though, I do hope it's not giving you strange nightmares about rabbits. Because that wouldn't be cool. I'd feel like I'd have to apologize or something like that.

At this point, Albus isn't on good terms with his brother, and you can see why. Their relationship does develop through the story, so it won't stay like this forever. But yeah, James is a bit of a jerk at the moment. Stupid big brothers!

"A fragile, gasping thing." Yes. That. And the creep factor that Wren experiences, since she can't visualize her grandparents as anything but motionless bodies. It's amazing that you were able to relate to that so closely.

Aww, thanks! I try to keep things moving along, but these characters have to sometimes take a time out and "brood", or "question", or "re-hash" the daylights out of things. Wrenbus hasn't even gotten started, and already it's being towed in for repairs. Sorry about that!

That's right, James! You better watch out. Al's coming to get you! And his roommate too!

Yes, education is a GOOD thing. Come back when you can. Wren and I will be here, waiting for you.

Thanks so much for a wonderfully complimentary and entertaining review!!


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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57Kill Your Darlings: Mistake

11th February 2014:
Mrs. Vanderpool is clearly a Tedromeda shipper.

Just kidding, that isn't the way that I should start this review. Here's the real beginning:

OH MY GOD WHAT JUST HAPPENED I THOUGHT THAT I COULD HANDLE IT BUT I CANNOT. YOU HAVE RUINED ME FOREVER AND I WILL NOT BE HAPPY UNTIL I CAN READ MORE OF THIS.

Okay, now let's be rational.

So, about Mrs. Vanderpool: She made me laugh because I didn't think that there could be a bigger shipper of Tedromeda than yours truly, but she just met Andromeda and she's already come to the logical conclusion that she's Ted's girl. That means it's meant to be, right? Right.

George is a totally interesting character. Like, whoa! Where did he come from?! I didn't expect him to be rich, but it's cool that he is. It shows that not every Hogwarts kid whose family has some money is a total scumbag (Draco Malfoy, I'm looking at you!). The idea that he plants in Andie's mind, though... That's something else!! Before, the feelings are totally there, but Andie can't see them. Then George comes along in his total blunt way and ruins the facade. And now she's seeing things, even if they aren't there (but they totally are, so that's beside the point).

And then drunk!George is so much different from angry!George. He's so... Childish, almost, and when he's sober, he's all tough. We know your secret, George! You're actually a teddy bear!

But he goes to sleep, and then all the important stuff happens. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! Andie's having all those thoughts and reevaluating the way that Ted's looking at her, and she's saying really awkward things, hahaha. But THEN THE DOOR AND THE WAIST THING AND THEN THE KISS THAT WAS SO BRILLIANT I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MARVELOUSLY WRITTEN THAT WAS. The way you wrote it, I thought that Ted was about to go in for the smooch, but nope! It was another misinterpreted move. So Andie goes in for the kiss and... nope, foiled again! When I read that, I actually squealed and my roommate was like, "Wut?" Hahaha.

That kissing scene, though. WOWZA. I don't normally like to read kissing scenes because it's like, oh yes, thank you for detailing every single detail and ooh look, the fires of love are burning hot in the cauldron tonight. But this was a kissing scene worth waiting for. I love this line: "She hadn't known that she could literally ache for a touch, to feel a dull burn inside that she was certain only one person could cure." It totally describes what she's feeling for Ted even though she didn't realize it for a very, very long time. And just everything about that scene...

On a separate note, I'm really glad that they didn't do any more than snogging. That's too much, too soon, and this scene already gives A LOT. I think that anything further would've been implausible and positively silly. The dead body on the tracks that stopped the Tedromeda train from barreling down the line was, most obviously, Andie's mention of how she didn't expect that kissing a Muggleborn would be so fantastic. One stray comment, made in passing, can totally ruin things, as I well know. If you say something mean to someone enough times, eventually they'll internalize it, and then EVERYTHING becomes a mess. You speak of something unrelated, and suddenly, you're in the doghouse because what you said could imply an insult. Well, Andie's transgression was a lot more than an implication, proof that she's still got a long way to go before she can completely erase all of those prejudices from her mind. And because she messed up so many times before, Ted has internalized those insults, so he jumps at even the slightest of slights (even if it wasn't exactly meant as a slight). Oh dear... What a mess. I can only hope that Ted will give Andie as many chances as I've gotten in my lifetime. Because second chances should never be taken lightly, no matter how many you've been given.

Brilliant, frustrating, marvelous, fantastic chapter! I hope that you can update soon! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Well. I just wanna hug this review to death. NICE, FLUFFY, HAPPY REVIEW.

Mrs. V is totes a Tedromeda shipper. Maybe not for all the right reasons, but she most certainly does think they'd make beautiful babies. And that's all that matters, amiright?

I'm not gonna lie, I've really loved writing George, the little rascal. -pinches cheeks- I like to think he's good for Ted. And vice versa. Especially vice versa. AND SHH, OMG. You can't just go around letting slip that he's a teddy bear. Gosh. He's got a reputation to uphold, gurrrl. -.-

Haha, I'm glad the kissy face passed muster. It's a thin line to walk sometimes, you know? To capture what should be captured before it gets all mushy and PDA and, like, ew, why do I even care, you stupid kissy faces, stop. So it means a BUNCH that you considered it a scene worth waiting for. Hearts, hearts, hearts.

Yes. It's always distressing to throw an obstacle in the way of young lurve, but so help me, if there hadn't been one... Just no. These two young pups need to get their bleep together. Clearly.

And you speak wise words. Second chances should never, ever be taken lightly, and they're always a gift. Which is something that Andromeda will learn I think. If not now, then EVENTUALLY.

And YES. A snow day here will most likely result in some mad writing here. >:] So, I'd say expect an update soon!


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