Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
767 Reviews Found

Review #26, by UnluckyStar57The Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

5th October 2014:
Hi Kiana! :D

I'm here for the October BvB Review Battle, and I'm totally in awe of you right now. Like, oh my gosh. This story has everything that I needed, and the funny thing is, I never knew that I needed these things until I read this chapter.

*ahem* Let me explain. I luuurrrve the Founders era, and congrats to you for the tremendous accomplishment of writing in all of the eras! And right now, I'm really into medieval British Literature and how... interesting it was, and the interweaving of Christian doctrine in here really reminds me of all that. And VIRGINIA WOOLF IS THE BEST. Srsly. I love her.

So really, I can't even wait for the next chapter to be posted. Can you please update soon? *bats eyelashes*

Your descriptions and word choices leave me speechless. I love the way Eleanor is so deified in Helena's eyes, so ethereal and such a distant, unattainable thing. There is so much power in what you're writing about, and the language of her longing is so beautiful that I almost hoped that Eleanor wouldn't return her affections, just so that the sad, sweet longing could continue. But it's probably better now that they've confessed to each other, honestly. :)

And Rowena! Ugh, I wish that she would be more affectionate to her daughter, but she's so incredibly focused on her own achievements... That's one of the pitfalls of being a Ravenclaw sometimes--you forget how to show affection when you're in the midst of being brilliant. :/

And I loved the descriptions of all the Founders and their children--I can totally picture Gryffindor being this ridiculous paramour, with children born out of wedlock that he still claims as his own because he's just so proud of himself. And Helga is the maiden aunt--perfection. Salazar... hmm, is there something else between him and Rowena that we need to know about? Perhaps not, but the possibilities...! I must know more!

Lastly, I would like to congratulate you for writing realistic femmeslash within the context of the time period. I mean, we'll never know exactly what those kinds of relationships were like back in the day, but I think you've imagined it very well! Of course Helena condemns herself, but I love how she sympathizes with Satan--she seems like she needs to read Paradise Lost (if only it were a few centuries later!).

All in all, brilliant chapter. Your writing style is so shimmery and sparkly--I love it! Please, please, please update soon!

~UnluckyStar57/Mallory ♥

Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Wahahahah thank you so much for these wonderful compliments as I've sort of been in a bit of a blip when it comes to this story but you have inspired me to post more of it!

Waahahahah (I will be saying this a lot in my response just to warn you!) thank you so much for these wonderful compliments! I've always loved Founders too, I've just never had enough courage to write it, but this time I was determined to do it and try and get it as accurate as possible. Virginia Woolf ♥ She is the ultimate babe and more of her quotes will be featured throughout!

I will, I will, I will, life has finally got some sense of normality in it, so more chapters will be appearing asap!

Thank you so much, I really had fun describing Eleanor as I could just go so over the top and it would be fun. Unrequited love is the worst love as it's so painful and sad and horrible, but luckily it may not be the case, as you will see in the next few chapters.

I know, I hated making Rowena evil given that I'm a Claw and all, but it had to be as I always imagined her being too focused on her own goals and successes rather than making her daughter happy which sucks a lot.

Hahaha, yes, Gryffindor was totally a player with tons of children just running around all over the place and then there's Helga just trying to talk some sense into him but he ignores her :P Yes, there is something between Salazar and Rowena and it will be explored later on in the story! :D

Thank you so much, it's actually my first time writing femmeslash too, so it was quite fun to fit it into the historical element too. Yes, poor Helena, condemning herself to the likes of Satan but it means more conflict so more angst which is life!

Thanks for this amazing review, and more will be posted soon! :D

-Kiana


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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Rabbit Heart: Hearts and Spades

4th October 2014:
Oh my gosh, it's been so long! Sorry for filling your request a whole month late, but now I'm back and more confused than ever! :D

Poor Albus. He's so into Wren, but she's so into Bunny. And there's that creepy rabbit that he's got... Will he succumb to the bunny mania?! I hope not. The way Wren talks to the bunny still disgusts me. It's super creepy and just plain weird. And I want to know what's going on, but I just can't figure it out!

Ooh, what is Scorpius plotting? Albus is obviously in on the scheme, but he's wayyy too caught up in Wren to be of much use. Did he steal the Marauders' Map from James? Is that what the parchment is? And what is this "stone" that Scorpius wants? The Resurrection Stone? It has really been way too long since I've read this story. That needs to change!

Serena is super strange for taking pictures of Scorpius's muscles. Like seriously, why?! She must have a fascination with the human body (which is excusable), or a fascination with Scorpius (which is less excusable). Is Scorpius just going after her to get under Rose's skin? Is Scorose even a viable ship in this story? (Well, not if he's snogging Serena, for sure!)

Oh, Wren. Such a weird little bird. Arrgghh, I don't even know how to handle her utter concentration and dependence on the bunny. It is just too creepy!

As for the plot and the too-many-characters thing, no! I think that you're using the perfect amount of characters--just enough to make it interesting, but not so many that I get (too) confused. The whole Wren/bunny thing is becoming a very heavy topic, and it keeps popping up, but that's the whole point of the story, I think. :)

Brilliant job! Hopefully I can read the next chapter before I forget what's going on. :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Why hello!!

I don't mind the lateness, as long as you get around to it eventually.

Oh, Albus and the rabbits... they don't get along as well as Wren and her rabbit. He's thinking the same thing as you though. What is up with Wren and that rabbit??

Scorpius is great fun to write in this story. I don't know why, but I tend to start babying my minor characters more than my main characters. He's fun, and he tries to keep Albus entertained. Oh, and Serena is, well, yeah. She's super strange alright. As far as Scorpius goes, let's just say that he goes about things in all the wrong ways.

I'm relieved that you think the cast of characters is okay. I've never had to juggle this many in a fic before, so it gets a bit overwhelming at times.

Thanks so much for coming back and reading again, and also for the super nice review!

Pix


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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57Feel Alive: Feel Alive

4th October 2014:
Hi Georgia!!

Okay, I'm in awe of your talent. Writing one-shots during lectures?! I can't do that. No matter how boring the lecture is, I have to scribble notes compulsively. It's a problem. :)

So, for writing this in the midst of a class, in which there are distractions and disturbances, no doubt, you have done a brilliant job. I don't read much Romione (just because my heart is invested in other pairings), but when I do, I like it to be this kind of Romione. It is very clear that the two are so perfect for each other--step back, Dramione!--and I love the range of emotions that Hermione feels because of Ron.

Of course, now I'm kind of wanting you to write a companion one-shot to this from Ron's point of view. With his stunted emotional range, it would be interesting to see how his love for her expresses itself. Pretty please write that in the next boring lecture you have? *puppy dog eyes*

I especially loved the paragraph about how Hermione feels clever when she's with Ron. And it isn't really because he coddles her or babies her--I'm not really into that sort of relationship. No, it's because she is legitimately way smarter than he is, and he knows that. So she is the clever one, and he is forever in awe of how amazing she is. I love that he appreciates her intellect, even if he can't quite understand it. It says a lot about him as a person--he's not as stupid as he seems sometimes. :)

One thing that was misspelled: Instead of "prod" in the second full paragraph, you accidentally wrote "prode." No biggie. It was the one mistake I caught. :D

Brilliant job on this! Write more soon, kay? :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey!!!

I can't thank you enough for this review! It was such a nice surprise, to get a review on a one-shot, and then to see that it's such an in-depth and amazing and nice review... I smile every single time I read it!!

I'm usually on the side of compulsive note-taker, as well. A few weeks ago in that same lecture, nearly everyone was dozing off, but even as my eyes were shutting, I was still scribbling down notes (and I really mean scribbling. The notes from that day aren't words).

Oooo maybe I will write a companion piece. It would depend how well I could get into Ron's brain. If I did, it would probably have the same sort of structure, but rather than "he makes me feel", it would be "she makes me think".

Oh! Thanks so much for pointing out that typo! (Frantically puts that edit into the queue)

Ahh I just love the word "clever". It's so different than saying "smart", or "intelligent". I don't know. "Clever" just seems so different to me. It's not only knowing things, but being able to apply the knowledge and do things with it. It's one of my favorite words.

This review was so insanely sweet. Thank you thank you so much!!! When I get the chance, I'll have to drop by your page and leave you a review!

-Georgia


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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57A Werewolf's Revenge: A Werewolf's Revenge

27th September 2014:
Hi there! This review is for Story Search Round 1, which is part of QTR's Fourth Birthday Celebration!

Oooh... This was genuinely really scary! I am super impressed that you managed to create such an atmosphere of fear and dread and horror within only 500 words! So, Hope Lupin seems like she's a Muggle because she didn't know that werewolves weren't fictional monsters. Is that right, or is she just a slightly-sheltered witch? Either way, it was pretty jarring when she saw Greyback hunched over her child, and since that is the worst thing she could possibly imagine, everything else probably seems just peachy by comparison. Arrgggh, Greyback is so awful, preying on children like that. But how did he get into Remus's room? Through the window? What a creep.

This was really well-written! I enjoyed reading, and it was definitely one of the creepiest things I've read in a while. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57Knight Takes Queen: Bishop

27th September 2014:
Hey Aph! I'm here for Story Search Round 1. Happy birthday, QTR! :D

Okay, so I'm super glad that I got a good excuse to come and read this lovely story again, because this chapter was just so good and I loved it. You're definitely good at writing long chapters, but this story proves that you're good at writing short chapters, too. It's brilliant!

This certainly gives me some more insight into Rowena's mind. I can now say for sure that Hogwarts might not even be built yet, and if it has been built, it's in its infancy. Perhaps Rowena hasn't even met the other three yet. She feels that she is suffering from a curse, and the language that you used to describe her feelings about this was so vivid and emotional. Arggh, it was absolutely wonderful.

My favorite part, though, was the end of the chapter. I like how you've got the raven and the eagle with her, as they will go on to represent her name for generations and generations. It is kind of interesting that Ravenclaw's mascot is an eagle, but it's cool because that just means that we have TWO birds to represent our House. :D

Another weird review from me, but there you go. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey Mallory! :) Yay, Happy birthday to QTR! And thanks so much for stopping by!

Omigosh, the short chapters... haha, the strange thing is that with the short chapters, there's only a couple or so scenes, so I generally run out of anything to add into it, lol, and have to find other bits to put into it :P

Yeah, the time frame of this isn't totally clear - but I sort of didn't want it to be overly clear, really, because it's dealing with emotions which sort of linger, you know? Rowena hasn't met the other three yet - the first two chapters are all before Hogwarts starts, and the Four have met - so yeah, she's still dealing with the mix of her muggle heritage and her powers and how they clash.

Thank you so much! I loved including the raven and the eagle - it seemed so appropriate, given her name and the badge of her house - and they were local animals at the time, so it fitted in well enough! Your inner bird nerd is ecstatic, haha :P

No worries about it - it was so lovely to get, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it - I really enjoyed writing it! :)

Aph xx


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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Waltz: Waltz

27th September 2014:
Hey there! This review is for Story Search Round 1, which is part of QTR's Fourth Birthday Celebration! :D

I love Arthur/Molly when they're at Hogwarts, and the Valentine's Day cuteness between these two is just priceless. You've captured a young Arthur perfectly, what with his clumsiness and well-meaning-but-awkward-ness. He's so adorable! And it seems like his question, "What's the function of a rubber duck?" becomes a stand-in for when he doesn't really know what else to say (like in the HP books, ahaha). The fact that his friend sent Molly to the same dance studio is too funny, and I love the last line especially. "As long as we don't have to dance." I can completely identify with their pain about this. :D

Brilliant job!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57Beautifully Destroyed: Beautifully Destroyed

27th September 2014:
Hello! This review is for Story Search Round 1, which is part of the QTR 4th Birthday Celebration! :D

Okay, I thought that this was REALLY fantastic. I love how you used only a small part of the quote, but you wove the rest of the quote into the substance of the story. In this context, the quote takes on a negative connotation, representing the pain and anguish of a relationship gone very very sour. I LOVE it! You just did so brilliantly with establishing the Gryffindor-Slytherin "forbidden love" part, and although they were still together, it was inevitable that they would come to tragedy. Poor Regulus and the Gryffindor girl (does she have a name?).

Anyways, this was very beautifully written. Great job! :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57Rainfall: Past and Future

27th September 2014:
Hi again! This review is for Story Search 1, in which we're reviewing people with January, May, and October birthdays. :)

Oof, Hugo is asking some DEEP questions in this chapter. It really hurts to see how his relationships with his parents are so affected by his blindness, how he thinks that they've given up on him (and maybe they have, but it's terrible for a child to believe that his parents are lying to him/don't really believe that he'll get better). Hugo's character is so full of cynicism and angst, and it just breaks my heart to read about it. :(

And Harry seemed to be having some trouble in this chapter, too! It's a sign of the adults' continued immaturity (from their younger years) that they would elect to have such a conversation as the one about the Potters' house in front of Lily and Hugo. Perhaps they think that the kids aren't paying attention, but they certainly are. I hope that Harry can begin to accept his parents' house as a better place to live (once it gets fixed) than ratty old Grimmauld Place. And that he stops regretting naming his children and his dog after dead people. Why is he bringing all of these regrets up right now? Does he usually do this, or is this something out of the ordinary?

I also loved the scene in which Hugo played the piano. I think that he really seems to love the instrument, and it gives him a creative outlet to release his inner frustrations. Will he begin to compose his own music? That would be cool!

Really wonderful chapter, although it was so angsty/heavy. I loved the sensory language that you used to describe the rainfall--it seems like you can really get in touch with your other senses when sight is not an option, even in writing. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! Just so you know, I respond to reviews in a thoroughly illogical order. :P

Hugo hasn't the most healthy mindset. His parents have NOT given up on him, and they don't see him as a burden, and they wouldn't swap him for a sighted child given the opportunity, but his mood fluctuates and when he's at a low point he convinces himself that he's a burden and everyone's lying to him and so on. When he's in a light mood, he doesn't think about things like that. But he gets miserable a lot. Poor kid. There are times I want to both slap and hug him - he does have a mind of his own rather.

Yeah, the adults are being pretty immature. Harry's bringing the regrets up because talking about the Godric's Hollow house means he has to think about things he's locked away - his parents' deaths, and the war, and so on. He could have accepted and come to terms with those things, but he's been locking them away instead, and so those feelings are still strong when he lets them out. I think he's got some strong self-doubt, too, something that was pretty evident in his younger years.

The sensory language is something I've gotten the hang of through writing this story - it was hard at first, but takes a lot less thought now.

Thank you so much!

~ Leo xx



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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57The Golden Year: [chapter one] something in the wind.

24th September 2014:
Hiyaaa! I get to be the first reviewer on this chapter, too! :D

I read it as soon as I saw it on the Recently Added list this morning, but since it was so long, I've read it again so that I can give you a super-good review. That's twice as nice, I think! :D

TERRY BOOT. WHY did I forget about him?! My goodness, I'm silly. But even though he wasn't with Anthony and Mike, I like that they have a little trio of their own going on. They all seem like such good bros, and I love the dynamic that they have. The fact that they were all almost Sorted into the three other Houses is really cool. It's almost like the Golden Trio, but with Ravenclaw! :D

Ugh, I just wanted to shake Anthony throughout the whole section because he seems so clueless. I think he basically illustrates a lot of the kids at Hogwarts during Harry's seventh year, just because he doesn't really pay attention so when he gets back to the Wizarding World, he's met with a nasty shock. But seriously? A Ravenclaw who doesn't look over the list of textbooks?! Anthony must be a different sort of Ravenclaw, which is always a good thing. But still, I wanted to shake him.

Oooh, the McDonald's thing made me laugh, as did the cry of Kevin Entwhistle "I WANTED TO LEARN OVOMANCY!" Hahahaha, despite the darkness that's eventually going to settle over everything, these were silly parts that jumped out at me. :)

Mike and Anthony are definitely snarky boys! They argue over syntax/explaining themselves/word choice like an old married couple, trololol. It makes me wonder how it was when they had Terry to complete their trio. :/

I liked the Luna mention! I think (hope) that she'll become important in the next few chapters! And Snape was gross, as usual. Of course, he pretended like Dumbledore's death was just an accident, but the kicker is that HE killed Dumbledore and has now taken over. Even if he is a double agent, it's still gross of him to be so... gross. (Apparently I have no other adjectives.)

Anyways, this chapter did not disappoint me! I love the way you tell a story, and even though this is during the Hogwarts era (which I don't read very much), it's really original and presents the possibility of a storyline OTHER THAN the typical Golden Trio one. I cannot wait to see what Anthony and Mike will do next, and I am SUPER curious to know how the "friend from the Black Lake" (wink, wink) comes into the picture!

~Mallory :)

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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57Rainfall: King's Cross

23rd September 2014:
HI LEO!!!

I'm so sorry that I'm so late with this review. In your request you said that you have eight chapters up, and well, now you have ten. So it's been a while, but I'll try to make this a nice, comprehensive review. :)

Okay, so first of all, yes. When I read your one-shot, I was immediately enthralled by the idea of writing a story from the perspective of a person who cannot use visual descriptions to describe things. That is so, so difficult to do (from what I understand), but you have done such a brilliant job of setting up the scene and the characters and everything. I also really liked the idea because Hugo plays the piano, and I myself am a piano player. :)

Your descriptions of things, while you can't always use sight as a medium, are really really good. I love that you used Lily as a sort of go-between for Hugo in the beginning. She describes the world as she sees it, and he has to rely on his imagination and other senses to picture it. The only descriptor that I'm uncertain about in the whole chapter is the one about the Hogwarts Express--the physical description is excellent, but "red" seems to be an impossible description because Hugo has never seen the color before. I suppose that Lily may have called it "red," and Hugo knows that it is a color, so he adds it in for the benefit of his seeing audience? Ugh, whatever the case may be, it's not a big deal at all. Sorry for talking in circles! D:

Ah, Al and Rose are Ravenclaws! Woot! It's going to be interesting to hear about their adventures second-hand from the letters they send, especially since Hugo and Lily are so curious to know about Hogwarts and they're still a few years away from going. I wonder what House they'll end up being in...

Okay, I love how you gave Ron a whole lot more sense than he seems to have in the DH epilogue. In the epilogue, he seems to be the same goofy Ron who only likes Gryffindor, but his comment to Hugo about "do you think your mother will let me disown your sister?!" seems to show a Ron who has grown up. And maybe he was only kidding on the platform. :)

D'aw, Snuffles! He sounds like such a cuddly dog. It creeps me out a little bit that the Potters still live in Grimmauld Place with that awful portrait of Mrs. Black, but such is life, I suppose. Is there a reason why they didn't go and find a new house? Maybe Harry just wanted to make use of the gifts that Sirius gave him?

Arrggghhh, if there are more encounters like the one at the end, I don't know what I'll do. It made me so mad when the little boy kept asking his father questions about Hugo--like, I understand that he's probably young and doesn't know any better, but that's just RUDE. And Hugo was having such a good time on the swings with Lily, and then he falls and it's all just RUINED. Ugh. I find it really interesting that he's so cynical and bitter at the age of only nine years old, but I completely understand why. It makes a lot of sense for him to be more jaded and adult-like than a typical nine-year-old because he's already been through so many awful things. :/

What sorts of stories does Hugo write, I wonder? I'm sure I'll find out in a later chapter. :)

So, bottom line: This was a brilliant chapter and I love how your one-shot establishes the premise for it already. I haven't even read the one-shot since July, but I can still remember what was going on--that's how vivid it was and how much the concept of this story stuck out to me. And honestly, I had every intention of reading/reviewing this story as you posted each chapter, but time got in the way. :( So thanks for requesting a review so that I could finally read it! I can tell that it's going to be a remarkable tale. :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57The Golden Year: [prologue] in the middle of the night.

19th September 2014:
HI HI HI!

I TOLD you that I would get first review, and now, HERE I AM!! I saw that you had FINALLY posted chapter one when I looked on my iPod, so I ran to my computer to read and review. :)

Okay. This is so good. It's just a teeny little short prologue, but it already establishes so much about the character that is unnamed (for now). Now, I feel like I should know who he (or she) is, but I'm drawing a blank right now. Is it important that he remains a mystery for now, or can you tell me who he is? :D

Well, he's definitely a seventh year Muggleborn facing the awful fate of leaving home to protect his family. That is truly terrible, and the look that he casts upon his house as he's walking away is just super sad and poignant. It's like leaving for college, but much more gruesome/deadly. :/

Your language is, as always, impeccable. I love how you can establish the scene in just a few words so that I feel like I'm transported into the story. I can't wait to see what Hogwarts is like in the next few chapters!

So, this person-whose-name-I-forgot, Michael Corner, and Anthony Goldstein are all best friends (I'm guessing). Will they ever meet again? What will it be like without the Unnamed Muggleborn at Hogwarts? Will there be flashbacks?!

Okay, too many questions, but you get the point: I really want to know more! Please update soon! I want to meet Anthony and Michael. They're not very common in fanfic, so it's always nice to see new interpretations of their characters (which were very flat in the books).

One constructive comment: The prologue is in second person, but you put "him" in the sentence "Denver cut him off with an impatient owl-noise...". I think that the "him" in this case means the wizard, so it should probably be "you." But that is the only weird thing I saw. The rest is perfect!

You're super brilliant, and I'm sorry that this review is a bit wonky (because I'm still sick/loopy), but just know that I am super excited to read more of this story! (A fact that I've probably reiterated a lot. Whoops.)

'Til next time!

~Mallory :)

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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57Year Five: The Hex Head Express

15th September 2014:
Duddde...

WHY didn't I come back to this story sooner?! I feel really bad about the delay, but you know, life got in the way. :/

BUT I'm back! And oh my gosh, the first chapter might have been fueled by Tristan's angst and whatnot, but this chapter was plumb HILARIOUS. I can't offer you any sort of constructive criticism about the plot/grammar/spelling/dialogue/et cetera because you've absolutely perfected it all. Gosh.

To preface the rest of my review: I am comparatively innocent in comparison to your fifteen-year-old characters, and I don't really condone the use of mid-altering substances (because I'm that sort of old-maid-librarian-cat-lady type). But in the context of this story, I definitely approve because there were so many silly things that happened that would not have been possible had the characters not been so into substance use. :)

First of all: Cheering Charms=drugs?! You know, that makes far too much sense, and you're totally brilliant for using such a charm in the context of this story. After all, they DO alter your mood, and if no one feels like partying, using magic to cheer them up is a simple and fun fix. :D I loved the mention of Trevor the Toad after the four cast their charms--because I definitely knew exactly whose toad it was, and I knew that the firsties would be looking for him later.

FRED AND GEORGE ARE TOO MUCH I CANNOT HANDLE THEM BOTH AT ONCE. They are completely adorable despite their mischievousness and hijinks. All those jokes about Percy... And Harry's clothes!... And Ron! I laughed all the way through that scene--your sense of humor is obviously incredible, and I'm in love with this story already.

I love how you've taken the House stereotypes and twisted them a little bit. The most obvious example is Emily the Hufflepuff, who is a nice girl with a taste for partying and mind-altering substances. I'm super happy to see that she's not being labeled as a "scarlet woman" or any synonym that would degrade her, because that's such a common label in fanfic and it needs to stop. So yeah, I really loved your characterizations of all of the girls!

Just to get this straight: Emily is a Hufflepuff. Tristan is a Gryffindor. Isobel is...? Laurel is...? I don't know if I missed an important detail, but I wasn't quite sure what Houses the other two girls were in. Maybe that information is divulged in the next chapter if it isn't in this one. Sorry if I just accidentally missed the memo!

One question: When you wrote "Slytherines" in the sentence "If Slytherines weren't so categorically opposed to muggle drugs...", did you mean to write "Slytherins?" Because here's the thing--if you meant "SlytherinEs" (with the E on the end), then I am 100% okay with that. It made me think of Snape from A Very Potter Musical, and that is ALWAYS a good thing. If you actually meant "Slytherins," well, that's okay, too. :)

Okay, after revisiting this story and reading the hilarious and superb second chapter, I can totally see why this story keeps popping up in the Dobby noms. You definitely deserve at least one or two awards for all of your brilliance. :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello again!

THANK YOU SO MUCH! This is really the first piece of prose fiction I've ever done, and I just had NO IDEA whether or not the comedy would even work! I'm sososososo glad you found it funny!

You know, I'd be interested to get your opinion going forward, because I'd HOPED that this story would still be readable even if people have very little tolerance for substance use. I really wanted to kind of submit a lot of this story *without comment*--to leave the readers their own room for interpretation. And I NEVER wanted to glamorize or condone (but also didn't want to preach). Anyway, I'm very interested in your honest opinions!

Heehee--Trevor! I just couldn't get over the childhood-destroying idea that while Harry was having his magical first journey to Hogwarts, some kids a few departments down were experimenting with recreational magic!

The Twins were SO MUCH FUN to write! I really feel like I *know* them, you know? So writing their manners and dialog seemed so, I dunno, *spontaneous!*

THANK YOU SO MUCH about your comments on Emily! In this story I wanted to both use common teen dramedy tropes, but then still sort of subvert the stereotypes (because real life *rarely* conforms to such narrow characters). I also feel like Hufflepuffs don't get enough love, so I really wanted to write a Puff and do them JUSTICE!

AhaAaAa, so all their Houses are revealed in the next chapter--super glad you're thinking about it! (Here it's mentioned that Emily is a Puff, and Isobel/Laurel are Claws--but it gets reinforced soon).

GAH! THANK YOU for the note on "SlytherinEs"--definitely a typo (I ALWAYS want to spell it like that!) Will fix it in my next edit!

Yee! Thank you SO MUCH for the kind words! I'm in what I think I could best describe as a state of shock! I am not exaggerating when I say I'm about 30% convinced that I'm still dreaming, and 70% JUST WHAT?!?!?!


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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57Detox: Epilogue

15th September 2014:
What's this? I've finally come to review the last chapter? Oh wow, it's been quite a while! :P

Well, this one certainly didn't disappoint me--and I knew that it wouldn't, considering that all the others were so fun to read. But seeing the Epilogue from Draco's perspective was really interesting and quite funny, so I'm going to have to say that this is one of my favorite chapters in this story. :)

As for this being a realistic scene from Draco's perspective, my answer is YES. I like how the scene began with Scorpius and all of his nervousness, unlike the actual DH epilogue (with Albus). It made everything a little more personal and expounded upon the relationship between Draco and Astoria (especially now that it's been a few years) and introduced Scorpius's character in a really brilliant way.

Ugh, Lucius is always going to be Lucius. That's never ever going to change, unfortunately, but I guess there's nothing anyone can do about it. I hate that he went and passed on his pureblood mania to Scorpius, but the kid is pretty smart. He seems like he has a good moral compass and a penchant for eavesdropping. Maybe he won't end up as prejudiced as his grandfather.

DRACO, YOU SCAMP!!! Okay, as a rule, I NEVER ship Scorose when they're only eleven--that's like forcing them into something that seems "inevitable" and that just isn't right. But Draco is doing all of the shipping in this chapter--and he's doing it for very devious reasons. SCOROSE IS NOW AN ALLIANCE TO SHOW THAT THE MALFOYS DON'T HATE THE WINNING SIDE. WHAT IS THIS?!?! Ugh, what a weirdo. If Scorpius DID run into Rose on that train, I hope that they at least became friends or enemies or frenemies before they started making kissy faces at each other.

That being said, are you writing a Scorose? What with your writing style and the overly cliched nature of the pairing, that would be an interesting experiment! But you know, it's probably better if you didn't...

While I didn't necessarily like Draco's initial response to Scorpius's question about getting Sorted, I did think that it was a very Draco thing for him to say. OF COURSE it never crossed his mind that his kid might not be in Slytherin--Draco was a Slytherin before the Hat even looked into his brain! But Scorpius might be different--I can definitely see something of a Ravenclaw or a Gryffindor in him from this chapter, and it would be rather interesting to see how Draco deals with having a son in a different House. (Despite his final response, I still think that he'll have a hard time of it if Scorpius doesn't become a Slytherin.)

Hahaha, Draco and Ron will NEVER be friends. Ever. Even if Rose and Scorpius get married as soon as they graduate from Hogwarts. Some rivalries never die, and Ron was always the stubborn sort. It made a lot of sense for Draco to have another go at picking on him, even if it was indirectly--through their children. It might not be the nicest form of revenge, but I suppose that's the point. :D

So, what's next? Are you going to write a sequel to this? Maybe a one-shot with Scorpius's Sorting? (I'm kind of curious to learn what House he's Sorted into.) Or maybe even *gasp* a noncliche, action/adventure Scorose?!

Whatever it might be, I'm sure it'll be awesome. This story certainly was, and although most of this review concentrates on Scorpius/all the drama surrounding the Next Generation, I can't forget how this story made me think about Draco a little differently. This is character development/evolution at its finest. Bravo to you, Dan! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Wow, the last chapter! Such sweet sorrow.

In a weird way, this one was my favorite, too. Which may or may not be a good thing, since the subject matter of this one isn't really part of the main plot. It was neat to see Draco all grown up and watching Scorpius's life play out in front of him.

Poor Scorpius has some difficult times ahead of him. His parents and grandparents have gone to great lengths to shelter him from the ugliness of the world outside, which is similar in some ways to how the Potters raised their children. But the underlying reasons are very different, and Scorpius didn't have a hoard of cousins and close family friends to play with.

You're right, there's no stopping Lucius from being Lucius. You can only hope to minimize the damage, which is what Astoria, and to a lesser extent Draco, have worked to do. And it isn't as though Lucius was a completely negative influence. Scorpius will understand his roots and his family history very well.

Draco's sole purpose in mentioning Rose to Scorpius was to try to torment Ron. In Draco's mind, Scorpius might take Rose to Hogsmeade someday or perhaps snog her in a broom closet. He never, ever expected it to go farther than that. In the end, Draco's devious little plan backfired on both Ron and Draco.

Would I write a Scorpius/Rose story? Well, one idea has occurred to me. We'll see...

Draco sort of fumbles his way through the conversation about Scorpius's sorting, but he ends up at the right place. In my personal head canon, Scorpius does end up in Slytherin, but it wasn't a sure thing.

I really can't see myself writing a pure sequel to this story. I've written Draco and Astoria so much. Frankly, I'm a bit burned on the two of them. But I'm sure they'll pop up from time to time in other stories. And my idea for a story with Scorpius and Rose is definitely action-based. :)

Thank you so much for all of your awesome reviews on my story! It's been a pleasure and I've loved every one!


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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57We Are One: Sunshine, stay

4th September 2014:
Oooh, chapter two ramps the mystery up a notch! D:

Okay, I can understand why someone would want to kill Umbridge, but Xeno?!?! The only connection that I can find between the two is that they both helped the Death Eaters in some way--and in a rather indirect way, at that! (Well, Xeno was more direct about it, but he wasn't actually on their side.) Grr. I am not a detective, so I can't figure it all out!

Ugh, creepy bit of second person PoV there. Just enough to keep the mystery alive, but not enough to reveal any clues about who the killer might be. I'm wondering if it could be a Ministry worker who is under the Imperius curse by a former Death Eater? Or maybe a former Death Eater who escaped Azkaban? Or maybe a regular citizen who thinks that they should exact revenge?

Arggh, I don't even know.

Luna seems very mystical and Luna-esque. I thought you did a brilliant job of writing her character, especially after she's been married, had a child, and so recently lost her father. She's definitely one-of-a-kind. :)

Who will be murdered next?! Or maybe the murderer will take a day off in chapter three... Either way, I'll be back for more very soon! :D

~For the September BvB Review Battle~

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57The Mildly Perilous and Mostly Tragicomic Misadventures of Sir Roderick Gryffindor and 'Sir' Ivan Harris: In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

2nd September 2014:
Hi Rumpel! I'm here for the swap. :)

I've definitely read this chapter before, but I haven't reviewed it... Most curious...

Well, I'm glad I'm reviewing it now, because I think I can fully appreciate the humor and the gender politics that are happening. There's so much satire and sarcasm! I'm loving it, seriously.

It seems to me that you've got some overtones of Terry Pratchett--is that right? Max-the-Amazing-Narrator reminds me a lot of Pratchett's narrative style, which I love! It's just too funny that only certain characters can hear him. That's going to lead to some interesting situations later on, I'm sure!

Ugh, the start of the story is DEFINITELY the way I try to start chapters. Except I erase my failed attempts. All those cliched beginnings were super silly, but I think that they added a lot to the story. After all, this is a story about a time period that we know from fairy tales, but this story is a fairy tale that makes fun of fairy tales.

Ivan is totally cool. I love that she defies all of the usual stereotypes, and in contrast to Nicholi, she likes all of the super-fun, adventurous stuff. It sucks royal hippogriff that she has to maybe get married to that weird Lord Grundyblossom fellow, because he sounds hideous. :P

In addition, I like that Nicholi doesn't long to chase after lassies and laddies, as it were. He seems to be totally content with his knowledge of things, and that's totally cool! He would be a brilliant Ravenclaw. :) The poor thing, having to pretend to be a man's man when all he wants to do is look up at the sky and dream about calculus. :/

This is just so funny and well-written. The themes about gender stereotypes and cliched medieval tropes are set up in a light-hearted way that I don't think they could offend anyone. Instead, it's a brilliant example of how characters can defy those awful boundaries and be whoever they want to be. :D

I really enjoyed this chapter!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57Here, There & Everywhere: Here, There and Everywhere

2nd September 2014:
I'm here for our swap! :)

Okay, to be perfectly honest, I had to step away from the computer for a minute before writing this review. Why? Well, it's because this story made me cry.

Yes, I cried. I don't know why I cried, really, because this is not a sad story. It's a very happy story, in fact, but my tears were shed, nonetheless. There were just so many emotions that your prose evoked in my head, and so I let them out through tears.

...And I knew that I would ruin all these lovely words you've written with my own weird words, but this story only has one review (besides this one) and that makes me a little sad. Why aren't people exalting you to the heavens, as some goddess of HP fanfiction?!

Yes, that was strange. Sorry if I'm being too weird. :P

Let me be honest with you again: I don't normally read Romione. It's one of my favorite canon ships, but in fanfiction it seems so stultified, so stale. NOT THIS STORY. No, you've written something that sticks perfectly to canon, while taking on a new meaning and life of its own at the exact same time. You brilliant, brilliant person. Like, seriously, I don't know what else to say about that.

I loved all of the parallels between the sections--how it was always in July, just before Harry reentered their lives to add more danger to the mix. I loved that each year, Ron realized more and more what Hermione had known all along. I loved that July was their month, a month in which they began to explore their own minds and discover feelings that were only half-formed in the beginning.

Gosh, it's all so beautiful, but I've got a few favorite quotes that I'm going to quote right back at you, just so that you know that your genius has not gone unnoticed. Seriously, if I had your gift for metaphor and simile and diction, I would die of happiness.

"...she stays up in the early hours helping him brew an antidote while he hides his eggshell head under a hand-knit jumper like a turtle with a maroon shell."~I'll be darned if this fragment doesn't capture their whole entire relationship perfectly. Love.

"He would eat slugs, attack a troll for her; he would face spiders to rescue her; he would throw himself in front of a werewolf for her, and perhaps he has always known these things. He is the knight who would sacrifice himself to win the game of chess for her, and perhaps he has known this for a long time, waiting to discover the knowledge within himself."~This is the point at which the tears started flowing. I'm such a weirdo, honestly, but this is so, so shimmery and marvelous. It really puts Romione in perspective, and I don't even know why ANYONE would hate Ron after reading this story.

"Everybody assumes that she and Harry are together who would choose blundering, gawky Ron Weasley, after all? but she can't quite put into words how he's the one who causes her mouth to go dry with excitement, his name that feels like porcelain against her tongue, and when she thinks of him being in danger her heart leaps against her chest, leaving an empty place inside."~This one is quite a long sentence, but I love the way it flows like a thought that is in Hermione's head. You did such a stunning job of showing both of their thoughts as the feelings began to surface. :)

"They quarrel over things like lamps and chess moves and kiss away the irritation."~YES. Such a realistic portrayal of their relationship, and so very canon. I like the thought of them having little tiffs and things, even after the war. They're still the same old Ron and Hermione underneath all the grime and worry of the war, and that sentence proves it all quite succinctly.

Okay, I'm listening to "Here, There and Everywhere" right now and it is GOLD. I've never actually heard it before, but I can definitely see how it inspired you to write Romione.

Anyways, I have so much love for this story that I don't even know what to do with myself. Maybe I'll just go cry some more... Jenna! You've turned me into a basket-case!

Arrrgghh, you're such a fabulous writer and I need to read and review more of your stories very soon.

Thanks for letting me word-vomit all over your one-shot! :)

~Mallory

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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Knight Takes Queen: Rook

2nd September 2014:
Ahhh! You ninja'd me in the Review Battle, so I'll just have to leave you a quick review before I go off to class. :)

I hate that I didn't read this sooner. As with Romeo in Ivory and House of Cards, your prose is flawless. But in this one, it seems even more poetic and simply astounding. You have such a knack for simile and metaphor, and if I had time to quote some good examples, I would probably be quoting the whole thing. It was so incredibly fabulous. :)

So, this is about Rowena Ravenclaw? Is this pre-Hogwarts or during the founding of the school? I'm guessing that it's before, because she thinks about how she's so bound by societal constraints--I really appreciated that line, because to me, Rowena defies all of those constraints (and Helga too, but we're talking about our own Founder for now). I love that her curiosity was pretty much reflected by the merman's--you gave some more spark and interest to merpeople, which is awesome. :D

Sorry for such a daffy review, but I've got to be off to class now! Hopefully I'll come back and review more later. :)

~For the September BvB Review Battle~

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey Mallory! Haha, sorry about that, it wasn't intentional :P

Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked this - I was so irritated I couldn't participate in the house cup story competition, because I've never entered before, and then I couldn't, so I wrote this anyway :P I loved how making it short meant I could pare down the action of the scene and focus on the meanings and emotions - they're always my favourite bits to write, after all! :)

Yeah, it's Rowena before Hogwarts - and I always thought of her and Helga like that too, so I kinda portrayed her that way because of that. I loved the contradiction between societal views at the time and what they - Rowena in particular - became and were famous for, so I loved bringing that in and giving it a role in the story. The merman was so much fun to write - I'm hoping to write mermaids/mermen again because it was such a treat and I'm so glad I chose them to write about! :)

Haha, no worries about the review - it was such a lovely thing to get, and thank you so much for the great review! :)

Aph xx


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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57We Are One: It begins with pink

2nd September 2014:
Hello! :D

Wow, I am kicking myself for not reading this much earlier! As soon as I saw the chapter title, I knew that it would be about Umbridge and I was very intrigued. Umbridge is a toad, but who killed her? Some former student? One of the adults that she worked with in the Ministry? Who knows?!

I like that you introduced the villain in second person--now there is absolutely no way for me to figure out who it could possibly be! It gave quite a nice air of mystery to the chapter and set the story up really well. But why did Umbridge let her guard down? She was so careful about locking her office at Hogwarts--maybe the centaurs drove her insane so she forgot? Hmmm, I don't know. I'm no Sherlock. :)

I really like that Harry is not the Head Auror at this point in his career. This is obviously taking place during the nineteen year stretch between the end of DH and the epilogue, and if James is a little kid, then it's fairly early on. It's very realistic for Harry to be one of the good Aurors, but not quite in the Head position yet. :)

Really brilliant first chapter! Hopefully I'll be back to read more later on. :D

~For the September BvB Review Battle~

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Mallory! (totally went and looked up your name.)

Hehe yes, I shamelessly got inspiration for the title from Sherlock ep1. Plus, Pink. :P I think everyone hates Umbridge that no one really feels sorry that she was killed off. :D

I luuurve second person. People have told me it's weird if I *don't* write in second person. :P and it fit the situation so I figured why not? And the point is to also bring a human aspect to the murderer and let the readers get a glimpse into what the murderer is thinking or feeling.

Ah, well, Voldemort is gone, and the threats nowadays seem comparatively less. Also, it's possible that she'd locked it a bit better but the murderer just found it easy to open due to high magical abilities. That's open to interpretation if you'd like it to be. ;)

But seriously, it's mostly because there's no major threat out there anymore and things are kind of peaceful now. Well, not anymore.

Yeah, I always found it weird how he just got promoted so quickly in a lot of stories. Even if he is Harry Potter, he still has to go through the levels that other aurors do, so.

Thank you for this amazing review! :)


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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Crossing the Borderline: Albus: The Confrontations

31st August 2014:
Hey there! I'm back to review chapter four--a little bit faster this time, yay! :D

Okay, so having Albus's point of view after he made me so angry in the last chapter was pretty good. He isn't as overtly jerkish and horrible as he was in the last chapter, which made me happy. I guess it just took a PoV switch and some more character development, whoohoo! :D

Wow, Charlotte Ronan is basically the worst. Why would she write a whole newspaper article about how Albus and Aaliyah won't make it as a couple because of his "lack of experience" and her inability to learn from the past? That's just awful. I hate her for being so shallow and awful, but if that's the kind of articles that she writes about everyone, I can see why Al and Aaliyah decided to start fake-dating in the first place. It definitely takes a lot of pressure off the other kids who just want to live their lives without a school newspaper journalist trying to interfere.

One thing: When Albus was talking to Rose, he said that red-heads are good at arguing. Earlier, Rose was described as having brown hair. Just a continuity error, I think.

I'm glad that Al and Rose are friends though. It establishes an interesting dynamic, especially since she isn't too fond of his new girlfriend. Where will that go? Will Aaliyah and Rose end up reconciling their differences? It's too early to tell at this point, but I sure hope that Rose doesn't just hate Aaliyah for no reason. That would be kind of shallow of her.

Gabby and Al are friends, but Aaliyah was never friends with him. Did the two families hang around together a lot as children? How did Gabby get to know Al so well? And why is he always so removed and closed off from the general population? I guess it's good that the slightly-misogynistic side of him that I disliked so much in chapter three is probably just an act, but why did he choose to act that way? He's nice to Gabby; why does he have to be so rude to Aaliyah? And does he really like her, as he assures Gabby that he does? All the questions are being asked today, sorry! :)

Whoa, Scorpius. Whoa. Don't be that way. Ugh, he seems like he's kind of a womanizer/player type, what with his comment about Aaliyah as she walked away. I hope that, if he ever starts dating Rose, she'll put him back in line very quickly!

Al has to make a list about Aaliyah's finer attributes--obviously that's not going well for him. Does he know nothing at all about her, save for her physical appearance?! He'd better figure it out quite quickly. I know that everything is operating on a very superficial level at this point, so I hope that as the story progresses, he finds more things to like about her.

Uh oh... What is Fred's problem with Al's new girlfriend? It appears that he might have dated her before, but why is he still so bitter about it? Did he act like a jerk all the time? Whatever the reason for their break up might be, it appears that the Al/Aaliyah thing is going to cause some tension in the Wotter clan, what with Rose and Fred being weird about it. I'm interested to know where that will go!

Very good chapter! I am quite intrigued by the personalities of Rose, Scorpius, and Fred, and I can't wait to see how Al and Aaliyah's relationship progresses, especially when they're around their family members. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57The Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Spontaneous Combustion of Dairy Products: A Prologue

24th August 2014:
Hello! I'm finally here with your review! :D

Alright, so this is a very interesting beginning! I think that science and magic would be cool counterparts, and they don't interact nearly often enough. I think you've set up the science part really nicely, which will enable you to explore science as Annett goes to Hogwarts. I'm sure she'll do a lot of science experiments and observation when she gets there. :)

As for Annett herself, I think she's intriguing. She's really lucky to be the daughter of two people who allow her to explore her powers on her own, but she seems so very serious in this chapter, especially since she's just a child at this point. Well, I'm not saying that children can't be serious, but the part about her recording her interactions with her peers kind of made me sad. It seems like she's never had many friends, maybe because she's just so smart and isolated from the Muggle kids by her powers...? The university-level chemistry and biology thing was a bit shocking to me as well--I can't even fathom knowing those subjects on a high school level, but I can see that Annett is just the type to seek out this knowledge and learn it for herself. So while I haven't warmed to her yet, I can definitely tell that it's going to be cool to see what she gets up to at Hogwarts. Good job with creating an interesting and complex character who is so very young! She's unlike other ten and eleven-year-olds, but that makes her unique and memorable, definitely. :D

I was rather uncertain about Teddy Lupin, simply because the changing of his hair should be something that he can control when he's around Muggles. After all, he wouldn't want to give the parents heart attacks! But Annett was obviously intrigued, and I think her parents would have been okay if Teddy's hair changed in front of them. They're scientific and accepting of interesting things like that. Just as long as he can control it for people who might not be as willing to accept the idea of magic...

Question: Did Annett buy The Monster Book of Monsters for Care of Magical Creatures? I mean, did she buy it at all, or did she just look at it? The only problem that I have with her buying the book is that only third years and above are allowed to take Care of Magical Creatures--it's an elective. However, now that I think about it, I can see her buying it just so she can figure out how it works and what sorts of creatures there are in the magical world. Maybe you could include a statement about that, like whether or not she bought it to peruse for fun?

Although she's such a serious one, I think it's very realistic that you wrote her being afraid to leave her parents for the first time. That's an awesome thing to think about--older kids might be okay with it, even excited to get away from their parents, but an eleven-year-old who's never really left home before would be absolutely terrified. Still, I'm sure that she'll have lots of fun at Hogwarts. :)

I think you did a brilliant job on this chapter! I know that I mentioned a lot of things that I was uncertain about, but they're actually minor details that are super nitpicky. Your writing style is really different and cool. I can't wait to read more from you!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: UnluckyStar57,

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. :)

Annett is isolated because of her abilities. Her parents don't want to risk her abilities being witnessed by anyone to keep her safe. That being the case, they homeschool her. Homeschooling is what has allowed her educational advancement.

Haha. She did not buy the book, she was just almost bitten by one whose belonged to another student. I will see if I can for this explanation somewhere. Thank you.

Annett is an introvert. So her having fun depends on what she does and what she finds as opposed to who she meets. That's not to say that she doesn't meet people.

Thank you so much for all your compliments, too! :D

Cheers.


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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57L'optimisme: Silence

20th August 2014:
Hi! I'm so sorry that I've taken quite a while to write this review, but life always, always gets in the way. :P

I must add that I would have reviewed this sooner, but I wanted to read it twice just to make sure I was talking about the right things. Before I go any further, I will say that your prose is as good as ever, but this is a very tricky thing to write about, especially since so much fanfiction is so fluffy and unserious. You tackle the deep, dark, scary stuff, and I think you've done a brilliant job thus far. :)

The section about silence and words was wonderful. I could definitely see how the themes ran through the rest of the chapter, and you captured it all so brilliantly. The first person voice can become so dull, but you kept me interested with the content and the tone in which this was written. I can picture Dumbledore saying the words, as if he was telling a story to Grindelwald's broken body after their great showdown in the 1940s.

I did spot a typo at the very end, but it might be a stylistic thing: "For he and I, life was a single, long conversation from the moment we met." In this sentence, the "For he and I" doesn't really jive for me. If you take out "he," it reads "For I, life was...". You need to replace "I" with "me," and perhaps "he" with "him." So the sentence would be "For him and me...". Trust me, it's grammatically sound, although it might not seem so. :)

One overall suggestion that I'm going to offer you is that you watch your commas. I personally like the way your prose breathes--the commas are like inhales and exhales, which is particularly beautiful. But it sometimes became a little too much, and occasionally I had a bit of trouble following the main idea of the sentence.

Ooh, but that lazy August morning scene is beautiful. You've got me shipping Albus/Gellert already, and that's mean of you because I know how this ends (in sadness). I love the imagery of the birds outside the window and the continental summer, and how maybe the scene is tainted with the rosy retrospective with which we look back on the past. Albus really loved Gellert, didn't he?

I like how, although the scene mostly sticks to itself, the few mentions of the future really color the action. What "papers" are telling of Gellert's new flames? Newspapers? Did he take companions and dump them on his rise to power?

Oh dear. "We never talked much in the mornings; the silence was lovely then, but now I cannot help but wonder if there was only silence because neither of us knew what to say, or if it was because we knew everything there was to be said." This is so lovely and so true (just like everything else you write). It establishes the uncertainty of youthful passion and the fallible certainty of youthful arrogance. Forever isn't real for them, but had they spoken more, they might have had a little longer.

"It all started with a crescendo." Brilliant musical imagery there. I pictured an orchestra, poised to begin, and at the first note, they do something of a sforzando before the real tension begins. (Sorry, musical terms are what I live for when I'm being a music major.) It was rather brilliant of you, and it set the tone for the nasty, raging minor key riffs that were to come.

"...Aberforth, my spell missing him by mere inches, attacked me in return, believing on your side." Did you mean to put "believing me to be on your side" there? I felt like there were a few words missing.

YES. More musical imagery. Lovely, and so, so terrible. I imagined a crash of cymbals just before the silence. Did you listen to an orchestral work as you wrote this?

You captured Albus's feelings perfectly. It was a bit melodramatic, but he acknowledged his melodrama and apologized for what he was about to do. I don't think he sounded too whiny at all. It's all a part of reminiscing about the past--you have to look back on it and see all of the mistakes and the regrets, and it can all pile up on one's soul. Whatever he's about to do, his memories must have some relevance. I'm interested to see what will happen. Is he on his way to fight Gellert? That will certainly be an interesting scene.

Brilliant beginning! Hopefully the next review I give you won't be so very tardy. :D

~Mallory

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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Claw: An Owl, a Hat and a Train

19th August 2014:
Hi!

Hmm, this is an interesting first chapter! Rose is a first year, but she seems fairly mature for her age and she knows a lot about Hogwarts already--one of the perks of having lots of relatives who attended school before her. :) I find it very intriguing that she is friends with Scorpius Malfoy before she even starts school--how did that relationship come about? I'm very curious to know. :)

Ugh, Rita Skeeter shouldn't even reproduce. Or is Saffire her niece? Either way, she's sort of detestable and I dislike her already. Like, who names their kid "Saffire?" Someone who obviously likes semiprecious gemstones... Blergh. Good job on making Saffire appear with a bang and a roar. I'm sure that she'll be causing problems with Rose later on.

Oh wow, Rose isn't a Gryffindor? You almost had me fooled, and that was pretty clever! She imagined the Hat saying "Gryffindor," but alas! Now she is separated from her two best friends and she's going to have to learn how to cope with that. Hopefully Saffire isn't in Ravenclaw...

There were lots of little humorous things that happened in this chapter, such as Scorpius and Dom standing on the platform and Rose thinking that they were really tall. It made me giggle. :)

Brilliant first chapter, especially since this is your first fanfic! Wow! I hope to come back and read some more one day. :D

~For the August BvB Review Battle~

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response:
Hello!

Thanks for the in-depth review! I cracked up when I read the line on 'semi-precious gemstones'.

I haven't actually outlined her friendship with Scorpius Malfoy, (even though I probably should have), because later in the story, the way in which they met will play a key role when Rose starts analysing their friendship, and begins to question whether or not Scorpius's actions are beginning to reflect his father's.

Sorry for that long and convoluted sentence! Yeah, so basically, I'm going to bring it up later in the novel, because I forgot to in the first chapter, and then I had another idea.

I am so happy you laughed!

Thanks for ze review,
xx snufflesthedog


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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57Romeo In Ivory: Icarus in Mourning

15th August 2014:
Gah, I wanted to be the first reviewer for this, but Georgia beat me. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Your writing is so, so brilliant.

The first section was so perfect, so bleak, and so, so vivid. It's the kind of thing that I love about your writing-how you don't stop at describing the scene-you make me feel it. (If that makes ANY sense at all.) I love the way everything perfectly matches Teddy's mood without saying what he's feeling-the scenery does all the feeling for him. Instead, it is revealed that he comes like clockwork to visit the grave of his lover.

AND YOU MADE THE WIND DO THE THING. God. You always just... God. You make the wind do the thing, and then my feels start acting up. It reminds me of HoC when the wind does the thing all the time.

In case you're curious, this is what I mean: "The wind ghosted along the tops of stones, glowing white, picking at poppies and roses left in the ground, before rising and reaching to run through soft brown curls, as though welcoming a friend or a wayward child."

SEE?! YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE WIND DO THE THING. And I love that about your writing, and I LOVE that you put it in this one-shot. :)

Ugh, I love how all the flowers wilt and die to show the passing of time. So gruesome and so beautiful, in a zombie kind of way. They're like tiny corpses, like the corpse Teddy will become.

WHY is Hugo away? Why won't he visit his sister? I'm curious about this, and I like that you've got the Fates looking in on the graveyard. Those three ladies are truly where life and death meet-it's only a scissor-clip away from ending. Ugh, and I love how Ron and Hermione left roses (stereotypical) and Teddy left daffodils and all sorts of different flowers-which, to me, means that he knew a different side of her than her family knew.

Ooh, and Teddy's definitely going through a lot of change during this time. Why is he feeling guilty? What cripples him so much that he has to sit and drown in his sorrows at her graveside?

Also, let me ponder about this romance that was never meant to be. She died. Why? They were in love. How? When? He seemed to have loved her deeply, and he's obviously having trouble moving on. Were they together when she died? It's all these mysteries that weave in and out of my mind as I read, and I LOVE IT. Thank you so much for writing romance without fluffy happiness. For some reason, that's just not my favorite thing. This sort of angsty, graveside, symbolic sadness, aww yiss. :)

Oh man, I love how the youngest Fate is so invested in Teddy's life, and the others are just like, "You gon' learn, child." (Except more elegantly, because they're Greek.) :) She just wishes for his happiness, she wants him to move on from pining after his dead lover and be happy with Vic. But the other two know better, and she's going to learn later on that sometimes there are no happy endings.

AND HIS LITTLE GIRL WILL BE NAMED AFTER HER. That's so sweet, but I'm curious to know what Vic thinks of that. Did Vic know of his romance with Rose? If so, is she okay with the fact that he keeps visiting Rose's grave every week? Potential trouble...

Uh oh, but the older Fate is so cynical and biting with her "Foolishness. Nothing lasts. It is merely an illusion." line. I loved that. So cynical, but so honest.

And the middle Fate senses a change? Has Teddy Lupin done the impossible and *gasp* gone against the three Madams who govern human life? I saw in the summary that you referenced Icarus-love that, by the way-and it seems that Teddy is about to soar and maybe plummet to his death when he gets too close being happy? Ugh, poor guy, but I love the way I can see parallels to Icarus in this (even if I'm just making up the connections).

No, no why didn't he come what's wrong what's going on? Why is he falling out of love with everything? Is it the Fates getting back at him for daring to defy them? Why?

Yes... "He brought it upon himself." Some people just weren't meant to be happy, and that's so sad, but so true. Ugh. Argggh. Rawr... (Sorry, that was me moaning incoherently about how unfair life is sometimes.) But what's going on? Why is he turning into a skeleton? Or is that even what he's becoming? Gah, why does he have to be so sad?!

AH NO THE THIRD TO LAST SECTION KILLED ME. "Life, it seemed, had given up on him. Now, it was only a matter of time until she abandoned her child completely and handed him over to Hades." STOP I'M DYING OF SADNESS. Arggh. Teddy Lupin has died, and all that's left is a skeleton. BUT WHY. WHAT DID HE DO THAT WAS SO AWFUL? WHY IS LIFE BEING SO MEAN? I DON'T UNDERSTAND, HELP. And he put stupid roses on her grave, just like her family did, just like probably every other person who visited her grave did, and that is just not. Okay. At. All. I feel like he's just completely forgotten himself and how he used to be and how his life was when he had her. Sure, Vic was a good substitute, but she wasn't ROSE. And something about Rose made Teddy love her so much that now he's completely wasting away, and Fate won't even allow him to be happy.

Potent roses, then. Tragic, desperate love. That makes me think that no one knew about their romance, and so it was all the more important to him because of that. Bless the youngest Fate for picking up the roses and winding them in the bower. Maybe they'll bloom instead of shrivelling and dying.

Ugh, and now he's dead, too. Oh my gosh, I'm crying so much. This is awful. This is wonderful. I don't know what to feel. And time just keeps going, it doesn't stop for things like love. :(

I wish I had more space to gush about how amazing this is, how amazing you are, and how I can't even believe that you wrote this for me. I love it so much, and it came at a perfect time-I read it, and the struggles of today went away. So THANK YOU for being so wonderful. I should write you a story. :)

~Mallory

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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57Detox: Yes

15th August 2014:
Hi there!

So, this started out as another action-packed chapter, but it settled down at the ending, all winding up to the big finish--who knew that Draco and Astoria could be so fluffily, deliriously happy? :D But it would seem that happiness has indeed won the day, and peace reigns again--for now.

Okay, so as if AVERY weren't enough, MULCIBER comes in to wreak havoc... BUT THEN THE PLOT TWIST!! I didn't see that one coming, let me tell you! The battle between the Aurors and the neo-Death Eaters was pretty frightening and fantastic--I think it's really realistic that Astoria wouldn't have known who was friend and who was foe. It was in the midst of a battle in which the good guys were dressed as bad guys! I would be confused, I know.

Oh dear... Ron's little confrontation with Draco made me cringe. It's totally realistic for him to act that way, but I sure do hope that he mellows out with age. You know, during that part, I couldn't tell if the harsh depiction of Ron was due to the fact that Draco has a vendetta against him or if you, O Author, have some sort of grudge against everyone's favorite redhead. :P It was probably a rather accurate depiction of him, though, considering that he was talking to Draco, but this story is from Draco's point of view--we can't totally trust him to be honest about Ron, can we?

But Harry was chill. I admired him for telling Ron to stand down. And the fact that he masqueraded as Zabini was another plot twist that I didn't see coming. :)

One question: Who contacted the Aurors? That might have been mentioned in an earlier chapter, but I think I missed it. Was it Draco? Narcissa? The Greengrasses?

At any rate, Gamp goes to prison, yay! I hope Daphne sees sense and dumps him. Even though she's sort of dumb and vapid, she doesn't deserve a husband who doesn't love her. Nobody deserves that.

Cue the "aw"s as Draco chats with his future father-in-law. The scene was quite realistic! You seem to have a certain knack for realism--I like it! The part about Draco asking Mr. Greengrass to call him by his first name was very interesting and I liked the bit of pureblood etiquette that was thrown in--did you get that from pureblood wizard canon, or did you take it from Muggle society traditions? And I appreciate the fact that, even though Draco asked to be called by his first name and shows immense respect for Mr. Greengrass, he isn't going to allow himself to be cheated just so that he can potentially marry Astoria. He's got potions skills, after all, and he deserves to be salaried thusly. :P Also, he gets to escape from the cold-hearted research lab of Madame Blishwick, hooray! :D This is a very good career move for him, indeed!

Cue more "aw"s as Astoria and Draco start being all cute. Srsly. They are definitely going to become the pureblood couple that shares love and also the responsibility of running an empire together. As such, they're going to be cute when they're alone and totally domineering in public. And Astoria isn't going to let him push her around--ever. I like that! Drastoria for the win! Basically, you've written this last scene with the specific purpose of showing how adorable they are, and now I want to go read more Drastoria fics. Thanks. :P But in the end, Astoria helped Draco become better than he was at the beginning of this whole mess, and they are such an awesome couple. You couldn't have written a better ending for them. :)

Great job, all around! Only one more chapter left for me to read, and it's the epilogue! I am incredibly interested to read about the scene from Draco's point of view--I'm sure it will be very enlightening. :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Only one more to go? Doesn’t seem at all possible! Actually, I guess if I think about it, it is possible. You were one of the earliest reviewers for this story and definitely one of the most loyal. You have my undying gratitude!

I really enjoyed unleashing both the idea of Mulciber and that little plot twist on the world. I wanted things to seem about as bad as they could possibly get before heading into the big finale. It seems like the sense of confusion and mayhem I was trying to create from Astoria’s PoV worked well, too. All around, I’m pleased with how things seemed to play out for you.

Part of me feels badly about how unkind I’ve been to Ron in this story. I definitely owe him a good one-shot or something. I don’t have anything against him, but you recall his prior confrontation with Draco. I also needed some way to introduce Harry’s role in the capture of Avery and the other conspirators. And, no, you can’t ever trust Draco’s PoV where Ron is concerned.

Harry’s masquerade actually ties directly into a small subplot of Conspiracy of Blood. I enjoyed coming up with that one. To answer your question, the Aurors learned about Gamp’s conspiracy when they were trying to track down Avery. They’d been communicating with Avery in the guise of Mulciber for some time. When Avery told “Mulciber” about a counter-revolution brewing among recent Hogwarts grads, Harry and Ron put two and two together. They went after Zabini first because they saw him as a soft target who would likely sell out the others to save his own skin. Zabini’s mother was tipped off by a former flame inside the Ministry, however, and she slipped her son out of the country. Instead of seeing it as a setback, the Aurors decided to take advantage of the situation by impersonating Zabini and using him to infiltrate the conspiracy.

Gamp will be going to prison for the rest of his life. Essentially, that amounts to a divorce. Daphne doesn’t completely abandon him because pureblood ladies don’t do that sort of thing, but she doesn’t have to stay with him, either.

The scene with Draco and Mr. Greengrass was challenging to write, but I really enjoyed it. It was fun to try to think through all of the little intricacies of how a couple of aristocratic purebloods would interact. I don’t think there is any canon on the topic, so I borrowed a few bits from here and there and I made up the rest. You’re correct, even putting aside the fact that it advances his relationship with Astoria, this is a tremendous step up, career-wise.

Draco and Astoria have great things ahead of them. I was definitely tempted to instantly have them jumping each other like a pair of hyenas in heat, but this felt a lot more natural. You know, I haven’t found any other Draco/Astoria fics with this sort of dynamic. Then again, I haven’t looked too hard.

Gah, one more chapter! I’m excited and a little sad. I see you just posted in your review thread, so let’s go request. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Let Us Break A Few Heads

14th August 2014:
Rakes really IS a troll. Grrr.

I think it's awful that he just had to do all of those things to Fitz: have an affair with Mariah, hex him on the pitch and keep quiet about it, and et cetera--and THEN he had to go and rub it all in Fitz's face. Fitz had every right to be angry, but their brawl could have caused a stir in the League if it weren't covered up so quickly!

Ron is AWESOME in this chapter. He seems to have gained a bit more sense than he had in his Hogwarts years (growing up does that to people, I've heard), but it's so nice to see his loyalty to the Chudley Cannons is still intact. And major props to him for not identifying Fitz for the records. :)

And Molly comes to Fitz's rescue again! I love that she is the one who keeps him in line most of the time--they balance each other out perfectly. And despite all of their awkwardness after Fitz's dramatics in the previous chapters, they are still willing to have a professional relationship as coach and captain.

Rakes really ought to pay for what he did. It's good that Mariah didn't know about the hexing thing, though. That would just give me another reason to despise her...

Ouch. The match sounded positively brutal. I know that I wouldn't want to be a professional Quidditch player if I had to go through that sort of roughhousing on a regular basis! But I'm glad they won--that gives the Prides a victory in the midst of their attempts to regain a good reputation as players, and it gives Fitz a bit of a victory over the insidious Rakes as well. :)

One question: When Fitz kissed Molly, did she get blood on her lips? (His lip was cut, right?) Or... I guess the blood had dried by then. But seriously, Fitz. That had to hurt, at least a little. He obviously doesn't care about slight pain if it means he gets to kiss Molly. ;)

Great chapter, as always! I hope they find a way to convict Rakes of his crime and get him out of the League.

~UnluckyStar57

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