Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
746 Reviews Found

Review #26, by UnluckyStar57Starfall: Prologue

11th August 2014:
Hi Isobel! :D

Ooh, there's my name in the Author's Note! I'm so glad that I could help you out with this. :)

Okay, so this. Is. AMAZING. It's an AU, but I think it's definitely going along the lines of "what might have happened if the Boy-Who-Lived had to die." Instead of being overwhelmed by the "good side," Voldemort and the Death Eaters are getting stronger and have taken the fate of the Wizarding World into their own hands. It's very frightening to think about, really.

Lily was OOC, but that's because it's an AU! I think that it makes sense for her to change a little bit, especially if it's been a year since the Happening in Godric's Hollow. What I'm wondering right now is: What made her change so much? She was so willing to protect her child, to give her life in exchange for his, and now it's the completely opposite case. Perhaps she fell in love with living and decided that it was better just to submit to the Dark Side? And you did mention that this was a Snily... To what extent is it a Snily? Is Lily perhaps... MARRIED TO SNAPE?!?! Is James Potter... DEAD? Oh my gosh, I just thought of these things and now I'm freaking out. I MUST know what happens next! (I'm sure that the answer to all of my questions is "no," but now that I've thought of these things, I can't stop.) So PLEASE update as soon as the queue reopens!

The thing I liked about Lily was that, even though she's sacrificing her son to save her own life, she's defiant about it. That's definitely an attribute of canon!Lily's personality--she is being forced to obey a more sinister power, but she isn't happy about it. And she sacrificed Harry, but she so obviously didn't want to. It was a choice that she was forced to make, and she chose the more selfish option. How many humans can say that they would do the same exact thing? (Probably a lot of us. We have a tendency to be selfish.)

Despite--or maybe because of--its brevity, this prologue was captivating and informative. It gave just enough information to draw me in, and then LEFT ME HANGING. The Dark Lord's speech is perfect--very in canon and VERY Voldemortal. And I liked that he was looking into the minds of potential future traitors--I'm sure that there are probably more traitors than just those three, though.

BUT HE CAN'T KILL HARRY OH MY GOSH. What's going to happen now?! Is Harry REALLY dead? Please say he isn't! Who will save the Wizarding World?! Is it up to Neville now?! Oh no!!! I need to know all of these things!

Sorry, sorry. I'm being incoherent again. (This is usual.) In short, I really love the start of this in all of its dark and scary glory, and I can't wait for you to update!

Also, it was basically word-perfect. Grammar, spelling, syntax, everything. I am SO interested in the characters and what they've been doing since 31 October 1981.

Thanks for requesting a review! Feel free to request again because I'm dying to know what's going to happen! :D

~Mallory

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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Crossing the Borderline: Aaliyah: The Reaction

10th August 2014:
Hi! It's been far too long! I'm glad to be back, reviewing your story again, especially since it has eight chapters now! Wow! :D

Okay, so the tension can only escalate from here. Albus is an awful person (more about that later), and Aaliyah's friends don't really like her choice in a boyfriend. But why do they get so angry about it? Hmmm...

Wow, so the first section about a sleepless night is one I can totally relate to right now, having just woken up from a sleepless night myself. :P I particularly liked this quote: "It feels right. And sometimes you need something to feel right to balance out all the things that go wrong." It was really interesting and actually much more mature than the Aaliyah that presented herself in the rest of the chapter. (I guess sleepless nights have a way of making people less mature.) :P

A question about the Albus/Aaliyah thing: Could they have planned out their interactions a little bit better? Maybe they might've held off on the declaration of their "lurve" for a week, and in the meantime they could've dropped hints about how cute they think each other are, and et cetera? Just a thought. I think it's really awful of Albus to just jump right in and do whatever when he knew that Aaliyah wasn't prepared for it.

But before I get into my rant about Albus: The roommates. Gemma and Naomi seem like the types of girls that I would never want to associate with. They got into a major fight just because of a boy!! I don't know, I think that they, being Ravenclaws, would've found ways to sabotage each other instead of catfighting. But maybe they didn't think of that before they let their emotions run wild. Ugh, they're insane. I don't like them at all! They should probably just forget about Luke and find other people to date, to be honest. :P

Hmmm, Seth. For all of Aaliyah's protests, I think that Seth might have a bit of a flame for her. But he's just too shy to say anything and now she's got a "boyfriend," uh oh! What's going to happen there? I was particularly intrigued by the shifting nature of Seth's physical features. Would it be safe to assume that he's at least a little bit of a metamorphmagus? :P

Okay, Albus rant now: I HATE ALBUS POTTER IN THIS CHAPTER. The whole sitting-down-in-the-midst-of-the-Ravenclaws thing was bad enough, but then he kept doing things that Aaliyah wasn't okay with. Gr. Why did he have to keep his plans a secret from her? Couldn't they have planned things out so that the events at breakfast were less... tense? And what were her friends doing while she and Albus had their little whisper-fight? Ugh, I just wish that he would be more considerate. And the "marking his property" thing made me REALLY MAD. NOBODY should be allowed to do that. But people in real life probably do, which is sad. So I'm glad that you've shown Albus in a less-than-pleasant light, because maybe he'll get a chance to redeem himself later. As long as he apologizes for being so chauvinistic first. :)

Arrggh, sorry for turning this review into a rant-fest. I just want to express how angry I am with Albus right now. I think it's important for you to know that you've managed to make me dislike Albus so much already, and I'm glad that he's not-so-nice (for now). It will give him more room for character growth. :D

The confrontation with her friends was honestly the only part that I felt was rushed. You spent a bit of time building up to it, and then they just instantly forgave Aaliyah. What I don't understand is why they were so worked up about it in the first place. Do they have something against Albus? Or are they just so close to Aaliyah that they feel left out of her life because she kept her "relationship" a secret? I can't really tell, but I would have liked to see a bit more tension after Annie said, "Guys, calm down. Let's just talk it out." Maybe a more gradual lightening of the mood? But anyway, Aaliyah has some pretty loyal and caring friends if they get worked up about her secret relationships. :)

A few grammar things:

"Either my decision making skills have gone straight down the toilet or I don't actually know the other option, but.. yeah."~I think that this sentence might be better without the "I don't actually know..." part. It seemed a bit out of place in the narrative. Perhaps just shorten it to "My decision-making skills have gone straight down the toilet." Just a suggestion, though!

""I DIDN'T STEAL HIM AWAY. HE LOVES ME!" I snort."~This makes it sound like Aaliyah is the one who said this particular bit of dialogue. Perhaps make "I snort" and the words that follow into a different paragraph?

"She is what you call the 'cute and sassy chic.'"~Is "chic" supposed to be "chick?" I wasn't quite sure.

"Not only is she smart but wise in a way."~I see what you mean in this sentence, but I think it could have been a little bit more clear. Perhaps reword it and give a qualifier? What makes her "wise" as opposed to just "smart?" Is she intelligent as well as good at reading people? Does she give good advice? That's what I would like to know. :)

Sorry for the length of this review. It's a bit unwieldy. :P

But anyways, here's what I like about this story/chapter: Aaliyah is realistic. She's just stuck in a situation that she can't really control right now, and I'm rooting for her in hopes that she'll take control. You've managed to make me hate some characters with just a few scenes. In my opinion, that is MUCH better than just feeling so-so about them. Maybe I'll be surprised in the next chapter! And of course, the writing style is great. I really enjoy reading these chapters! So keep doing what you're doing, and I'll see you next time you request a review! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I hate sleepless nights but then... I can wake up earlier if I get less sleep, idk why. I totally forgot about that quote. It's been some time since I went back over Chapter 3. I'm glad you like it though. Maybe it was the sleepless night(s) that makes her less mature? That or maybe it was because of a certain Potter's presence? Who knows? :P

They definitely could have planned it better, but... they didn't. The thing is not everyone gets everything right so that's the part they didn't get right. They didn't time it right. But as they grow, they'll learn. I guess I wanted to add in some aspects about being a teenager.

I wouldn't want to associate myself with Gemma and Naomi either but there are those girls in school that even if you don't know them too well, you want to stay away from them. Or maybe that's just me. They aren't going to make many appearances in the rest of the story but they do forget about Luke.

Seth... I don't really want to reveal too much. :P But let's just say he's coming up in the next few chapters. He is a metamorphmagus... when it comes to emotions. He isn't as controlled as Al.

I had a lot of fun reading your Albus rant. You HATE him? Well, he really isn't that likable, is he? But he does grow... a lot. He's the character who changes the most (positively) in the story. And maybe your hate for him will turn into love? :D

I do see why you would feel that part was rushed. When I have the time, I'll try and look back at it and maybe make it feel more well paced. And her friends care a lot about her so they weren't really angry at her... more hurt. Ellie just shows hurt as anger.

Thanks for catching those mistakes. I will definitely go back and fix them when the que opens again.

You are probably one of the only readers that outright hates someone with a passion at the moment and I love that. Feeling strong emotion toward a character is always better than nothing at all, as you said.

And now I have a new goal... I'm going to make you LOVE Al. Granted, it's going to take time but I totally going to make you like him. I'll show you how much of a SOFTIE he is. :P

Overall, I LOVE reading your reviews. I need to re-request more often. You give great and honest feedback that I love and thank you for that.

100/10 on this review! :D

~Sama


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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57Until the End: Together

9th August 2014:
Oh no... This was so lovely and sad and sort of happy at the same time. I'm not sure which emotion I should pick! D:

Fabian and Gideon Prewett are really rare in fanfiction, but I love the way you've written their relationship. It would seem that they are similar to Fred and George, but not completely similar, which is really really good. Who wants to read about carbon copies of Gred and Forge? Not me!

So I really appreciated the fact that Fabian was the serious twin, the one with a prefect's badge. Gideon gave him a lot of grief for it, but Fabian obviously valued keeping the peace--though when taunts were aimed at him about his sister, he wasn't going to stand by and let it happen. :)

The vignettes that you chose to write were perfect. I like how you showed them in each situation, and how their "together until the end" thing took on new meaning each time. Actually, could you just write a novel about them soon? I want more! And I seriously love your writing style in this. :D

The one thing that I'm not sure about is the babysitting of Fred and George. I don't know for sure, but weren't Fabian and Gideon...*sobs* dead by then? I don't know, maybe there's nothing in canon about it, so you can take creative license (you can do that anyway, of course). However, it was a really enjoyable scene to read and the story was better for having it in there. :)

The end. *cries harder* They tormented Molly for her whole life, no doubt, but they died with the same mindset that they had on the Quidditch pitch--"no one messes with our little sister and gets away with it." Arrghh, I love the Prewett twins.

Please write more about them. Please please please?

~For the August BvB Review Battle~

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Something Real

7th August 2014:
Poor Molly. :/

Despite his being not the quickest Snitch in the Quidditch chest, Hilarion spotted that something was wrong with Molly pretty quickly. I think that being with her family for a little while helped her out a lot, and even though she wanted to talked to Lucy, it was Percy who helped her the most. Who knew he had such great parenting skills?!

I love Percy in this story, just because he seems to have lost some of the pomp and circumstance that plagued him in his Hogwarts years. He is frank and honest with Molly, and he lets her cry on his shoulder. That's so beautiful. :') Also, I think he's been where Molly is right now--too busy being a leader to realize that it's okay to NOT be okay sometimes. You did such a masterful job of writing that scene. It was brilliant. :)

Molly's time to be "NOT okay" is now. It's an oddity for her to be late for Quidditch practice--whether five minutes or thirty--but she's trying to keep it all together. Fitz can't see that, perhaps because he's not good at telling emotions or perhaps because Molly is so good at keeping up a facade. :/

So I guess the junior league coaching thing is out for him, then. That makes sense--he was particularly rude to the team during practice in this chapter. Molly wanted to shout at him--I think he deserves a good chewing out. :P

And Molly's going to change her hair! From a mohawk to...What? I'll have to find out! :D

And maybe she'll start to be okay again. That would be good. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Colour-Coded and Perfect

7th August 2014:
...I forgot about this chapter.

Really, it must've been a dissociative thing, because I don't enjoy remembering all of the high drama and utter angstiness that happens. :/

It's very well-written, of course, and I KNOW that it all needed to happen, but WHY?!?! Why are you so excellent at pairing the very, very good with the soul-crushing, heart-wrenching bad and making me think that it's supposed to be this way?! *sob* Stop making me FEEL things, darn it!

So, since I forgot about this chapter, I thought that things were looking up for a longer period of time (for a change). And the first little bit of it was all happiness and gruff!Fitz and cohesive!Prides. It was great. Really, I loved seeing the team finally coming together after their devastation at the loss to Appleby. They're learning from their failure.

BUT MARIAH WALDMAN IS AN AWFUL PERSON. I'm sure that you get a lot of reviews that snark about her and her utter ridiculousness, and this review isn't going to break that tradition. Gr... She is so utterly awful, and it seems that her main mission in life is to stir up trouble for Fitz. She is jealous, lazy, ambitious in the worst sort of way, and positively conniving. In short, she's probably the embodiment of characteristics that people see in themselves (I know I do). As unfortunate as it is, I can understand why Mariah Waldman is so necessary to the plot of this story. But that doesn't mean that I like her. :P

And McCormack is just being dumb at this point. She's willing to believe MARIAH WALDMAN, who is FITZ'S EX-WIFE. Of course, the things that Mariah said were true, but why did McCormack have to go and get all angry about it before hearing Fitz's side? Why would she believe a player over a coach? Is she in cahoots with Mariah? Gr. Ugh, you know, at this point, I'm thinking that this story will end with Fitz taking a different coaching position (maybe in the junior league) just so that he can date Molly. But I don't really want that to happen. :/

AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND KILL MY FEELS. Because Fitz just HAS to go and tell Molly about McCormack's inanity, and then he tries to pull away from her when he doesn't even want to. And he thinks that she'll leave him later because he's just "someone for her to fix." Oh no. No no. Fitz is being so overdramatic in this chapter. He's got a terrible temper, yes, but can't he think rationally? Why don't he and Molly have a legitimate conversation for once, and sort things out?!

Your characters are giving me a headache. But in the best possible way. :)

I'm going to read on, just in case everything turns around again in the next chapter. (I hope it will!)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Year Five: Dozens of Little Televisions (1991)

7th August 2014:
Hello!

I'm so sorry that it's been aaagggeeesss since you requested this review, but better late than never, I guess! :D

I'll just start by saying that I don't usually read this type of fic. I'm more of a Next Generation fan, and the fics in the Hogwarts era never really appealed to me.

BUT!!! This story is quite different! I really enjoyed having two perspectives--Sophie and Tristan--although I thought at first that Sophie was going to be one of the main characters. (I guess she won't be, since she's a Muggle and such.) And I know that Tristan is going to be connected to the Weasley twins in some way, but I can't even guess how right now. It's all a mystery. I like Tristan's character--he could stand to stop moping, but I think that it's part of who he is at this point--and I like the way you write! So I'm super glad that I've found yet another facet of fanfiction to enjoy. :)

Okay, so you asked me to check for any grammar mistakes/bad writing in general, and I must say that I found none of those things. The writing style flows very well, and the grammar was impeccable! No worries. :)

Characters: I liked Sophie. She seems to be a sort of lost soul, just trying to find a way to fit in or stand out, since her boyfriend dumped her. And the "dozens of little televisions" thing had me laughing. Perhaps her musings about whether or not Tristan's parents are drug addicts was not out of place--it never occurred to me that Muggles would think that if they didn't know that they were in the company of wizards. So I was sad to see that Arnold Peasegood went ahead and Obliviated her. I would have liked to see her in later chapters.

Tristan--he seems like he's a mess right now. He finally found a girl that wouldn't pry (of course, Sophie only wanted to get to know him because she was hurt by her breakup with Stuart), and he was so careful to hide the evidence of magic in his room. Perhaps she made him happy for once, only to be sucked out of his life again by fate. Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH for not making him a super-hot, super-muscled manly man. My biggest complaint about Next Gen is that there are too many "pretty boys" acting as love interests, and Tristan is definitely not that type. He fits in with my idea of Hogwarts-era people really well--not beautiful to the point of being a god, but simply just an average human being. I like it!

And so he sank into sadness. Watching anyone get Obliviated is hard enough, but he took it extra hard, I think. Did he care for Sophie very much? I couldn't quite tell by his actions, but that seems to be the case. And of course, his parents aren't the overly pushy type, they're not going to pry. They'll just let him do what he needs to do. I wish there was some way they could reach out to him without being obnoxious, though, but I think that you've written this very realistically!

I like that his dad is a Muggle. It explained why he was so knowledgeable about "secret government projects" and Muggle technology. Of course, he's actually not a secret government researcher, but it made sense to Sophie and calmed her down. That was a really good scene. :)

My one complaint is that Arnie Peasegood was like "Boys will be boys" when he came to Obliviate Sophie. I'm not so much a fan of that statement or the implications of it, but it definitely makes sense. It paints Arnie as the type of character who is willing to excuse messes as long as they can be easily cleaned up, and that's realistic. But it doesn't mean that I'm Arnie's biggest fan. If he appears again, I'll probably hate on him just a bit, if that's okay with you. :)

Please don't let my tardiness in reviewing this chapter deter you from requesting reviews from me again! It's been quite a busy summer, but I'm glad that I finally found time to read and review this. :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Oh yay! Thank you so much for leaving a review--no worries about the wait!

Yeah, I didn't really realize that this was a very different kind of story. I wrote "Year Five" first, and then found HPFF when I was looking into places to put it--and I'd never read fanfiction before (wow, so much talent on this site!) So yes, the story was conceived outside of HPFF fandoms.

I'm glad you liked Sophie! She is, as you noted, kind of a throw-away character--more of a narrative device to introduce the story. That said, I did want her to be realistic and sympathetic, so I'm really glad that came off!

And YES--I wanted all of the characters in this story to be realistic looking teenagers. That said--I find something weirdly attractive about the actor who I chose as Tristan' faceclaim (*weirdly* attractive, though. Not traditionally handsome :p )

And AH! Yeah, the idea of the girl who someone justhadtheirfirsttimewith(!) getting obliviated was SUCH a sad idea to me. I really wanted this story to examine the way that the wizarding world be also be cruel in novel ways (outside of just like, blood purity stuff).

Everything you feel about Tristan, his parents, all that--I'm actually really glad you said what you did, because all these characters are going places.

And oh yes, we are supposed to despise Arnie a little here. He's definitely not *evil*, or anything, but you'll see that this story takes a rather different approach to the Statute of Secrecy ;)

I will definitely re-request! Take all the time you need!

And thank you so much for your review! It's really helpful for me to see the perspective of someone who wouldn't usually read this kind of fic (I recognize it wouldn't be to everyone's tastes).

Thanks again!
-Roisin




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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Stamp of Approval

6th August 2014:
So the repercussions of the bar brawl aren't too terrible, then. That's good! But the team is still taking the loss a bit hard, considering that they're a fairly new line-up and they've only won one game out of four. There is still disagreement amongst them, as evidenced by Zara accusing Jinks of losing the match for them. I can only hope that the highlights that Fitz shows them will make them think about what they need to improve!

Ooh, random thought--how do these training reels come about? Is there a magical film industry in the Next Generation world? Or do they just have a quick-clicking camera that takes a bunch of pictures and animates them? Or did the wizards finally wise up and start using Muggle technology? *smirks* I'm kind of curious about this now! :D

Like the good, ale-quaffing Quidditch players they are, the team is only too happy to accept Molly's invitation for drinks. Adding Lucy in their midst is just hilarious--but she doesn't think so, of course! Her differences from Molly are really emphasized in this chapter, and it's nice to see them compared side-by-side. So many fics write Molly and Lucy as carbon copies of Percy, and it's quite obvious that neither of his daughters are exactly like him in this fic. :)

D'awww, Lucy is being so obvious around Fitz. She may be able to keep a secret, but she can't resist a comment or two. :) And Fitz was being quite adorable himself, alerting Molly to her firewhiskey shortage so that the team wouldn't see her meticulously-arranged bottles.

Hmmm, in the bar on a Sunday? What are their livers made of, steel?! What I'm curious about is the reason why Molly and Fitz went to the bar when they were going to have to wake up early the next morning. Rough weekend? I'm not sure...

But I'm not complaining, because it led to more fantastic awkwardness and sexual tension between them. That's the best part! :D No, just kidding--while it is one of the best parts, it's not the only thing that drives the story. But in the past few chapters, there have been a lot of those little moments...

And of course, Fitz finally realizes that what he's feeling for Molly might be just a wee bit more than physical attraction. Uh oh. I'm sure that if there were no relationship bans, they would be together and already sick of each other by now, but that is entirely not the case here. The Great Romance Crockpot is slowly starting to simmer, and I'm waiting for it to boil over! :D

(Sorry, I like weird metaphors/comparisons...)

Anyways, there were lots of interesting interactions in this chapter, and I enjoyed it immensely!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

6th August 2014:
... Holy cow. This is a LOADED chapter!

I'm back to review your story once more! I'm loving the Scorpius PoV so far--very insightful as far as certain events go! But what could've happened in the time that he was away with Mason? What changed? Who attacked his parents? (Is it the same person who kidnapped Rose?)

I love how different Rose and Scorpius's thoughts are. You did a wonderful job making a distinction between the two, and I can definitely tell that this is Scorpius and not "Rose 2.0." It's funny how she thought that the Ravenclaw t-shirt was his, but he knew that it was hers and thought that she believed him to be creepy/weird for holding on to it for so long. :)

Did I catch another secret that's being kept from me in the second paragraph?! Scorpius starts to think about a similar situation to the one that he was in with Rose when Albus barged in, and then decides that he shouldn't think about it. I want to know what it is!!!

The flashback was great--I could sense Scorpius's tension with his parents as far as Muggle things and the Potters go. It makes me really sad that he didn't have a chance to make up with them before they died. I bet he regrets that every day. :/

And I think that every single person has felt like Mason at some point in our lives. We just want to fit in! But unfortunately, we end up being more annoying than anything. I'm very in awe of the fact that you wrote in a side character who is so relatable in such a short amount of time. :)

This keeps getting better and better! I must make more of an effort to read and review more than once per month! :)

~For the August BvB Review Battle~

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi!

Oooo - thank you so much for this awesome review!!

I can't say just yet about Scorpius's parents. The next chapter has a little bit of information on that.

Sooo glad (and relieved) that you approve of Scorpius's POV. That is probably the thing I am most worried about. I really wanted to give him his own voice but, alas, I am not a twenty year old male wizard who lost his parents as a teenager - haha!

He does regret it every day. It haunts him, really. He will carry that guilt for a while.

The secret hinted in the second paragraph is revealed in the next chapter. :) The rest of Scorpius's flashback answers a lot of questions.

Haha- yeah Mason. I totally know what you mean. He is so desperate for friends, but just annoys Scorpius to no end - although Scorpius is really annoyed with his parents.

Thank you so much - this review was simply wonderful!

Beth


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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Not Normal: {Chapter the Sixth}

6th August 2014:
*shuffles in awkwardly after an atrociously long amount of time* HI!!

I'm SO sorry that I haven't reviewed this chapter until now. With the HC and real life getting in the way, I had no time for normal review requests. (And then Event Five made me want to take a break from reviewing. You know how it goes.)

But here I am, back again to give you my thoughts about this chapter!

My first thought: Yay!! There's finally a new chapter!!! :D I sincerely love this story, along with all of Ellie's insanity and Albus' snarkiness. :)

And so, to get myself up to speed for this chapter, I reread all of the previous ones. (It was well worth the time, I assure you!) :D

Something that I would like to see more of in future chapters: At the beginning of this story, you mentioned that Ellie's brother, Chris (that's his name, right?), played a lot of musical instruments and was extremely good at composing songs. Well, is that going to come back anytime soon? I'm a music major in university, and I really like it when music shows up in fanfic. Is there any way that you could weave his musical prowess into the plot? :D

Just a thought. :)

Now, to speak of this chapter:

So Ellie FINALLY figures out what the gap in the shelves is for, and it's going to add a whole lot more fun to the story, I'm sure! Not only does she have ghosts dogging her every step, but now she has a mystery to solve! And she's not like Nancy Drew or Trixie Belden--she's actually crazy and goofy and awesome. :D

I loved your description of how the lion, snake, eagle, and badger interact on the stone. The booping of the snake's nose was so cute! :D But behind the stone was an incredible mystery--what's it doing behind a library shelf in Hogwarts? Is it some sort of gift that Rowena Ravenclaw left behind, similar to Slytherin's Chamber? (It's in the library, so that's why I asked.)

A note about all of the references to different fandoms/works of literature: I enjoy those references. They make me chuckle. :D But I think that using Sense and Sensibility is taking it a little bit too far. Using the names of people is fine--I could imagine Ellie saying things like "Holy Shakespeare" and "Good gravy, Galileo!", but "Holy Sense and Sensibility" is a phrase that I can't really picture anyone saying. BUT! That was the only complaint that I had with any of this chapter. Everything else--the writing style, the timing of jokes, the descriptions--was spot on. :)

To talk about the beginning of the chapter: Oh Albus, you meddling jerk. Spilling all of Ellie's secrets to Ben! Gah! Why can't he just admit that he's in lurve with Ellie already? Everything would work itself out, right? (Well, probably not.)

And it looks like Ellie's got a new ghostie to investigate, on top of everything else she's got going on. Why is the ghost of Charlie-call-me-Chuck haunting his ex-girlfriend? What's going on there?

I guess I'll wrap this incredibly odd review up now, but not without saying this:

PLEASE write/post the seventh chapter soon! I can't wait to read more, and I have so many questions that could be answered in future chapters! I want to know these things! I want to ship Albus and Ellie, but I can't right now because they're still in Snarkytown. :P

So goodbye for now! I'll see you at the next chapter! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Aww! Don't feel bad! I'm terrible with keeping up with reviewing myself so I'm just so impressed that you've put in the effort for this story *hugs*

I was pretty excited to post this chapter. I take so long with updates on this one for some reason, because I really enjoy writing it.

I haven't written as much of Chris as I would like. Him and his music awesomeness shall be putting in an appearance very soon...

Ellie is not really cut out for the detective business, but I imagine she read heaps of Nancy Drew novels when she was younger, so she totally thinks she is. Oh, how wrong you are, Ellie...

And I can't say too much about the secret room because it's secret! Also future plot points are in the future, so... NO SPOILERS!

Those references Ellie makes... I went ridiculously overboard with them in this chapter. I think I'll have to dial them down. They lose their effect a little because I use them so often :P Thank you for your feedback on that!

Oh, Albus indeed! And I don't know why he can't admit his feelings - actually I do, but I can't say that :P

Ellie's adventures are just beginning. She's in for a jam-packed year for sure!

I've started planning the next chapter so an update shall be happening soonish! Hopefully faster than this one at least...

Thank you so much for this lovely review :)


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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57Hate: Andromeda Tonks

6th August 2014:
Oh no... This is too sad. :/ I can see why you would cry about this, especially when listening to that song...

Andromeda/Ted (or Tedromeda, as I like to call them) is a new favorite ship of mine, but I *try* not to think about what happens when Ted and Dora die, leaving Andromeda all alone. It leads to an overload of sadness, which is what this story is. :/

Good sadness, of course! It is good to feel sad sometimes, especially in the midst of so much fluff. But still. Sad is sad.

Andromeda is sad. She is deeply and profoundly sad, and I love how you showed that. Her sadness manifests itself in hatred and jealousy, and maybe those emotions are sincere, but they are driven by sadness. She lost her balance, her Ted, and now everything is different and it has become okay to hate someone who died. :'(

The funny thing is, I never thought about Andromeda's feelings in relation to Lily Evans. I never even considered that she would have a reason to hate Lily, but this short little one-shot has taught me differently. Lily died to save Harry. Andromeda could not do that for Dora. And even though she has a grandson, a reminder of the daughter she lost, it isn't going to be enough. She's going to look at Teddy's blue hair and metamorphosing nose and think of Dora, think of all the times she scolded her for not washing her hands before dinner and all the times she didn't say "I love you." Andromeda is experiencing major survivor's guilt on top of her sadness and hatred and jealousy, and it is just awful to see her going through that. :/

"(Was it awful, that Andromeda could say so emotionlessly that her husband and her daughter had died? Death, dying, died, dead. Her husband and her daughter were dead. The words brought a dull pain into her heart.)"~One of my favorite quotes from this story. For Andromeda, Ted and Dora are dead in every sense of the word and she can do nothing about it. It has become a fact that she must live with. Separating herself from the emotion is the only way to cope with it.

Gosh, you've got such a brilliant command of the English language and such a knack for evoking emotion in the reader (namely, me). Just look at all these feels you've given me! *drops feels into a wheelbarrow* It's going to take a minute to sort through these...

I do need to take a break from the feels to ask a question about pronouns:

In this sentence: "Did it matter that if she could have, Andromeda Tonks would have gone to her sister and stood in front of her as the Killing Curse had come out of her wand?", do you mean that the Killing Curse would have come out of Andromeda's sister's wand? (I'm thinking that Bellatrix=Andromeda's sister...) The pronouns got a little bit confusing for me, but I think I worked it out in the end. :)

Seriously, you did such a stellar job with this. I'm incredibly impressed that you took a break from JulNo to write it! And I can't wait to read your JulNo novel. :)

~Mallory

P.S. Thanks for the help with my banner crisis earlier. (Because I couldn't end this review without mentioning it, y'know?) You are super awesome for putting up with my almost-meltdown! :D

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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57House of Cards: King of Hearts

6th August 2014:
Oh look--another review! Just what you wanted, right? :D

No, but seriously, THANK YOU for helping me with the stupid coding thing. As with most of the things I do, it was much more stressful than it should've been. *smirks*

Anyways, here's your review!

YAY! Regulus is NOT dead! But Sirius is super sad about it all. The line "He wants to ask, wants to know what's going on inside the house, whether Reggie... whether his brother's still alive or not, but the words seem to stick in his throat, bunching up as he tries to force them out." made me sad because he's already starting to prepare himself for the dehumanization of Regulus. This is a pair of brothers who aren't as close as they once were--in fact, they're downright awful to each other--but Sirius still has to think in less-general terms when thinking about Regulus' death. Maybe they did love each other after all...

And secrets are still floating through the air as Sirius finds out about Regulus' alive-ness and goes with his father to see his brother. What are Orion and Alphard going off to talk about? Hmmm...

Haha, Bartegulus sees the light once again! Seriously, this is a ship that I never thought of, and it's super interesting! What a weird dynamic they have, especially if Barty was Reg's attacker like Bella seems to think! It is revealed that Sirius may feel some affection for his little bro after all, as he feels the need to punch Barty for being all kissy-kissy with Reg. :)

Alphard... Hmmm... He knows how to spot a closeted Black... Can I take that to mean that he himself is in the closet? He got really defensive about it, and the way he defended Reg makes me believe that he has a few secrets of his own in that area... What's the story there? Where did he get his "experience" from? Will that come to light in the next chapter or so?

The dig at Bella: "Probably shooting spells at passing birds."! I could definitely see her doing that! She's so awful, especially in Sirius' estimation, but her family loyalties are quite clear. She's got a vendetta against Barty and it isn't because he is Reg's boyfriend. Where did she get the notion that Barty attacked Reg? Did she see it? Did Reg say something to that effect?

I wouldn't expect Reg to be kissing Barty if he knew that Barty attacked him, though. But he seems to be clueless about the WHO of the attack. He knows the WHY, though. But HOW does he know the WHY?! Was he present for the conspiracy that started the chain of murders? Did he see something that he wasn't supposed to see? So many questions!

I had to read the scene at the end twice to make sure I got it right. So after Orion leaves, Reg enters the realm of memory. He remembers the figure slipping into his room and he reaches out, expecting Barty. (Is this where Bella got the idea that Barty was the attacker?) And he is frozen, trapped, vulnerable, dying again in the memory just as surely as he would have died in reality.

But Alphard's voice brings him back. And then he screams. BUT WHY?! Why are you torturing Reg so much? Everyone else just died, but Reg keeps going in and out--is Alphard going to kill him?! What's up with that mysterious pink vial? The poison is in there, right?!

I am so confused, but in a good way. As far as your prose goes, it was all very wonderful, very chilling, and very very excellent. I was a little bit unclear about that last part--but only about the exact moment when Reg started remembering. It fits in with the rest of the chapter--sort of stream-of-consciousness-esque writing. It reminds me of Virginia Woolf's writing (and that is a compliment, if you didn't know).

So. Favorite quotes:

"The appearance of his father has jerked him out of his calm, cold-induced trance, and dumped him unceremoniously back in the real, physical world, where he can feel and think and panic, where people can cry and bleed and die."

"It touches, curls around, grasps and twists downwards. The door opens."~About the door handle. It really showed me how far removed Sirius was from the situation. He didn't open the door, his hand did. Sirius is just as messed up in the head as the other Blacks. :)

"Outside in the hallway, there's a series of shouts, a thud, and then the long, slow shatter of the chandelier falling, crashing and splitting into a thousand and one diamond shards."~Such description! I can see it in my mind, and I feel like the characters who aren't even present to watch it fall can see it, too. The chandelier falls, the secret breaks. Incidentally, I need to talk about this: WHO cut down the chandelier, and WHY?! What were they trying to prove? Good distraction from Reg's room? Does that mean that Alphard IS going to kill his nephew?! :O

"For a moment, there's no sound save for the shifting of cloth as Alphard walks. Then, Regulus screams."~Simple, right? NOT. WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!

Well, that just about covers it. All the confusion. All the terror. All the insanity. Gosh, this is such a good story. I can't even begin to imagine what the sequel is about! :D

Til next time!

~Mallory

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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Spiralling Self-Control

5th August 2014:
Oh dear... Right when I thought that Molly and Fitz were going to have a rational conversation, they go and start snogging again. :) It really isn't a bad problem to have, but right now I'm wondering how they can possibly keep this up without McCormack finding out. I'm also wondering if there's any way for them to change McCormack's mind about her no-romance policy? That would make things easier, certainly, but a whole lot less fun/awkward. :D

Of course they lost. How could they win against a top five team? I think it's incredibly realistic, and although some of the team members are a bit upset, it's going to be worth it in the long run. And maybe next year they can take the league!

Hilarion and Lucy just keep getting cuter. Like, seriously, could you have written a cuter couple? Probably not. While Molly and Fitz are a bit like tigers--sort of wild and things like that--Lucy and Hilarion are like Pygmy Puffs. They're so cute! And Hilarion is really of a rare breed--a super handsome guy who's almost embarrassed by his looks? That's unheard of in fanfiction! Which is why I'm glad that you wrote about it. :D

This chapter was going along so swimmingly--no fights, no arguments, just some yelling and gruffness from Fitz--until the end happened and everything got messed up again. What could the Beaters have said to each other to make them start brawling?! They've really got to work on that, especially since the Prides are just starting to become a reputable team again and McCormack won't like hearing about the fight. Hopefully things will work out...

Jinks continues to make me laugh. He's such a goof. I love the personality that he's developing throughout the story! And also, I'm seriously in awe of you for being able to balance the characterizations of so many characters! It's such a wonderful story to read, and it makes me very happy. :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Tentative Hope

5th August 2014:
Well played, Molly and Fitz. Well played. :)

I don't think that the team suspects anything yet, except for maybe Mariah, and who cares about her? She's kind of my least favorite character right now, and out of all the cool and funny characters you've written in this story, I'm glad that there's one I can sort of hate. :)

Petition for you to write a romance novel about Hugo Weasley finding his lurve after you finish this story. :) Hugo is COOL. He's so smart and pretty sarcastic, and the way he deals with the crap that Fitz gives him is just perfect. And he's so understanding of Molly and he knows when he should stop badgering her (unlike Roxanne). So I think that Hugo should find somebody permanent to luuurveee. :) Or you know, maybe not. Maybe he's the Uncle Charlie of the bunch. But I would still like a story about it. :D

Fitz is seriously stepping up his role as coach! I think it's brilliant that he took a day off of training to show them Ballycastle's weaknesses. That can only make the team stronger and more confident in their abilities, so it was a good move on his part. And it was wise of Molly to suggest that he look at the reels in the first place!

Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! I really loved the scene in which Molly boosts Fitz's confidence before the match. He's obviously sort of a wreck, he has no idea how to be optimistic, and she basically fixes all of that. :D Yet another reason why they should be together. And that was one of the most rousing pre-match Quidditch speeches that I've ever read in fanfic. It made ME feel like I could beat Ballycastle, and I'm no athlete! It obviously made the team feel better about themselves, because they stormed out of the locker room, set to divide and conquer!

I'm so glad that they've finally won a match, but I don't doubt that they're going to lose a few more before this story ends. That's pretty realistic, but for now, they can party! :D

Another marvelous chapter! I really love rereading this story. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Surprising Depths

4th August 2014:
OH NO. LOADED CHAPTER ALERT!!!

I must stop myself before I talk about that last section for the whole review... I'll talk about the other stuff first, and save the best/most interesting for last. :)

It would seem that the team finds their solidarity in hangovers. Except for Jinks, that freak of nature, who doesn't get hangovers. The Wind in the Willow game showed them more unified than ever before, and this time, it was actually constructive. They are starting to overcome their various tiffs and lovers' quarrels in order to become a cohesive unit. Yay!

The one regret that I have about this chapter is that you didn't actually write the scene in which the team sees the Hebridean Blacks. I would have liked to see how that panned out, but I totally understand that it was not necessary in the grand scheme of things. I enjoyed the conversation about the Weasleys/Potters between Molly and Fitz, though. They're getting to know each other on a friend level, while still finding each other mind-blowingly attractive, of course!

The scene in the pub, with Jinks showing so much maturity and rationality, was super interesting. I'm so glad that they were able to own up to their faux pas and mistakes, and I think it's oddly fitting for Jinks to be their spokesperson. After all, he's the laziest one of them all, so hopefully this will lead to him pulling a bit more weight on the team. He's an interesting guy. I'd like to know more about him!

...Now I'll talk about the last part.

UH OH!!! UH OH!!! Molly and Fitz walking home together?! This could only lead to trouble and awesome shipping material. When I first read this, it was a scene that I read twice because it was just so perfect. It stuck in my memory, so I knew what was coming, but I was still awed by the total simplicity and utter right-ness of the scene. Molly and Fitz really open up about their attraction to each other here. There's no kiss-and-run like at the bar back in Portree, there's no admiration of each other's looks from afar. There's only Fitz and Molly, Molly and Fitz, holding each other close in the dark. No anger, no angst, no blackout-drunken stupor. Just the need for one another's company/a little more than just company. I don't know, the way you wrote this is so incredibly different from the usual drunken tryst thing. It might have been the alcohol that made them shrug off the responsibilities and rules that come with being coach and captain, but it was Molly and Fitz who decided that they wanted to take the next step. The problems of McCormack's no-romance policy can wait until the morning.

Beautiful work.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: A Fine Line

4th August 2014:
I'm back with a few more reviews for you! :D

Wow, in this chapter I found myself sort of feeling sorry for Risa Lefoque. The team is uniting, that's true, but at what cost? Her sanity, probably. And this retreat is her life's work, and they're making a mockery of it. That's kind of indecent of them, and I'm sure that it hurts her feelings a little bit.

But the team is just so funny that I had to forgive them. After all, it wasn't by choice that they went to the retreat, it was by command of McCormack, who isn't around very much to know their personalities and such. It can only lead to disaster and wild nights of drinking in the local pub.

Uh oh, the hiking exercise! A three-hour hike?! I know that I couldn't make it that far! But the Quidditch players can do it, and they can do it with their usual mockery and jokes. How rude. :) And naturally, Molly is placed behind Fitz, to his utter distraction. The description of her hand on his shoulder and then their brief, joking interaction were very well done. They made me smile. :D

"What new hells do you plan to perpetrate on us?"~~Oh Jinks, you weirdo. :) Based on his previous jocular, lazy character, I wouldn't expect him to say this the way he did, but the expression on his face made it even more hilarious. Who knew that the sleep Seeker could have such an interesting vocabulary? :D

Hahaha, the interaction between the barman and his second cousin was really funny. It is true that "no one can hate you like your family." And I feel that these two, along with the cackling witches, embody the spirit of the little town that the Prides have landed themselves in. I don't even need a description of the town itself, because I get a sense of it from the actions and dialogue of the town's residents. :)

Another super-electrical sort of moment between Molly and Fitz. Me gusta! She obviously cares about him, asking after his shoulder and such, and they're already arguing like they've known each other for years. It continues to be a lovely, not-quite-there-yet ship. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: A Sabotaged Sorceress

1st August 2014:
Hahaha, I read "French roast" as "French toast" at first, so I was confused. Why would she need French toast instead of tea?! But I figured it out pretty quickly. :D

Ugh, this retreat sounds awful. Did you write it from your own personal experience? It seems like a lot of super annoying activities strung together that are supposed to build teamwork but actually just end up making everyone mad. Gross. :) But the team obviously isn't going to play along with Risa Lefoque. Their responses to her asking how they felt about the exercises was priceless.

And Molly and Fitz are having another one of their double-meaning conversations. Goodness. Leave it to Risa to pair them up in an exercise about comfortable social proximity... That only leads to trouble. :)

Oh my gosh, drink orders! That part made me laugh a lot. Risa Lefoque has no idea what she's gotten herself into. But the best thing about the stupid exercises is that the team is getting along much better now. They actually found something in common--they all think that team-building exercises are stupid. Ironically, that's the thing that is building their teamwork. :D

Oh dear. A night of drinking could only lead to more hilarity and trouble...

Also, as 1 August is soon to end for me, I have run out of time to write reviews. I will write the rest in the coming days!

Happy WTM Day! :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: A Pack of Wild Dogs

1st August 2014:
What a mess. First of all, the aftermath of the kiss was really messy, and now that I'm looking back on everything, here begins the real back-and-forth that Fitz and Molly have in later chapters (though it progresses to some more serious stuff). They would be so good together, but at this stage, there is no way to make it work. And that kiss in chapter six was just a tease. Don't do things like that to my shipping emotions! D:

And then the team is just being awful. It's like they're five years old and they all had a fight about who ate the last cookie. And so they won't share their toys with each other or actually sit down and talk it out. Although he's the coach, Fitz is the worst five-year-old of them all. He could act his age and try to mediate between the factions, but he won't. He doesn't know how. Grr. (Also, sorry for the weird comparison. It's what I was thinking about, so I had to say it.) Unfortunately, this scenario that you've written is probably true-to-life. We all act petulant sometimes, and the Prides are in this awful funk. I love how realistic it is.

Ahahaha, I'm glad that things are taking a turn for the slightly-more-ridiculous now. The loss to Caerphilly wasn't as bad, obviously, but the retreat!! Hahahaha, that's going to be fun to reread. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Magpies and Mistakes

1st August 2014:
I think that this chapter just dialed up the heat a bit between Molly and Fitz. Ummm, yes. This is totally okay. :)

There's such a variety of moods in this chapter. It seemed like training was going a little bit better--Fitz got a broom that he could safely maneuver, after all, and things seemed to be looking up. But then the game happened, and that was just a disaster. It's clear that they're not gelling like they should, and they have A LOT to work on, in temperament and teamwork as well as Quidditch. Oooh, I can imagine the fight being incredibly scary to watch. It's a mark of Molly's confidence and team captain-ness that she didn't run off crying when Mariah started to blame her for everything. (I know I would have...)

AND THEN. Fitz is so interested in Molly, and vice versa... I can't stand it! It's perfect! I won't call it cute because that's not at all what it is, but still. Perfect. His discovery of her almost-inhuman neatness could add an interesting element to things later on, and his revelation to her that she makes him less angry is just... So perfect. Gah. I don't even know what to call it, but it was very, very awesome. And that kiss!

I love your characters so much. And I ship Molly and Fitz TOO much. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Drills and Defense

1st August 2014:
Holy cow... I ship them more with every chapter, and I feel like I'm not supposed to ship them yet. Rawwr, why are you doing this?! It's so adorable, but so tense! I can't stand it! I love it!

...Perhaps I don't even know what to feel. Fitz has obviously decided to take McCormack's advice and get it together, but his crush on Molly could make everything fall apart. Ditto for Molly. But even though they have these not-quite-there-yet feelings for each other, they're still clashing at almost every level--less so since Fitz asked for her help. It's not at all a simple relationship, and it keeps getting better with every chapter. The fact that McCormack basically nixed romance between team members only makes it more fun to read.

But it's not just a romance, and it will never be just a romance. They've got a Quidditch team to worry about, and they're both so driven that they won't think twice about putting their careers before their potential relationship. Still, that "do you think we have a chance?" double entendre kills me every time. Perhaps the team doesn't have a chance against Montrose, but a coach-player romance within the Prides is far less likely.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Flight and Family

1st August 2014:
"She might turn out like Rose."~Best line ever! Knowing Rose from the Midnight-verse, it made me giggle. :)

The time on the pitch made me realize another thing I really love about this story--the point of view. It drifts casually from one person's mind to the next, adding more characterization and tidbits of information along the way. And it's so natural and seamless. You must be magical to write something as awesomely as you wrote this story. (Or maybe you're just really fantastic at writing. Or both!)

And Lucy comes back! She and Hilarion are a cute couple. They're quite different from what one would expect--I mean, he's a super-handsome, famous person, and she's a woman who's probably really pretty in a shy kind of way. And it's definitely lurve. :D

Percy... What a goof. He's still pompous and quite overbearing, but it's sweet and fatherly now that he's a grandfather. He is incredibly pushy, but that's one of his most defining qualities. He wouldn't be Percy without it.

Also, I love the bromance that the Beaters have going on. They're silly. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: The Dreaded Ex

1st August 2014:
NO WHY. I totally forgot about the utter feels-iness that I got from the end of chapter three until I read it just now. Urgh. That's brilliant stuff right there. (I'm sure that in the course of nineteen reviews, Ill say the word "brilliant" about a zillion times. Sorry.)

There's so much complexity in the Fitz-Molly relationship, even at this early stage. That makes it even more fun! Even though he's still being prideful and won't listen to her about the super-organized training schedule, I'm glad that he backed off at practice and let her lead a bit. He may be proud, but he isn't stupid. Molly knows what a good Quidditch team looks like, and if she can help make the Prides better, he's going to let her. The drinks thing was a nice touch--Molly is so good with people on top of her many other talents. :D

The confrontation between Mariah and Molly was... Not as heated as I was expecting. Mariah backed down really quickly, but there wasn't an air of fake politeness about it. It seemed fairly genuine to me, but I think I remember her causing some havoc later on.. Anyway, Molly handled the situation really well, which makes her a great choice for captain. :)

AND THEN THE FEELS. Urgh. I like to read romance that doesnt happen all at once, and while it's still fairly early in the story, it seems natural for there to be some attraction brewing between Molly and Fitz. They are both so passionate about Quidditch, and they admire that in each other. And they've got a raincheck for drinks already. ;) Out of all your wonderful ships in the Midnight-verse, I ship Mollyroy (Molly/Fitzroy) the most.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: The New Lineup

1st August 2014:
...Did I forget to mention that we're having a day in your honor to celebrate all the hard work you've done for HPFF? Well, we are! Don't think that it hasn't gone unnoticed by the QTR editors, Ravenclaw House members, and other people on the site at large. As such, you deserve parades and medals and things like that, because you keep things running smoothly. Like, I hardly know how to use a tad bit of HTML coding for posting stories; I have no idea how you can do so much on this big, mysterious internet-thing. But I am ever-so-grateful for it. :D

Okay, so in this chapter it's pretty obvious that Molly and Fitz are polar opposites. I probably didn't pick up on it before, but she's got some serious organizational skills--to the point of OCD, almost. The Harpies' scheduling and drill setting is what she's used to, but Fitz isn't giving her that. And so, instead of sitting around and doing nothing, she goes and does something about it. Yay for her! Fitz's future temper issues are definitely foreshadowed here in his annoyance about Molly's takeover of the first practice.

One of the best things about this story is the tone. You balance tension with lightheartedness very well, and it is already clear that while romance will play some role in the story, it will mostly be about the rebuilding of a Quidditch team. That's really brilliant, and it's cool to think about how far the team has come in nineteen chapters (since I've read them already...). Seeing them in their humble beginnings again is really fun. :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: The Harpy With the Mohawk

1st August 2014:
Hallo! :D

So, I've never tried my hand at graphics, and I can't offer to clean your house or give you 20% off at the store where I work, so instead I'm going to review-bomb you! I'm sure you'll get a lot of reviews in this 24-hour period, and I know that you deserve every single one of them. (Even though they're going to be a pain and a joy to answer, I'm sure!)

I've got to start off this review (well, the real part of the review) with a confession: I've been keeping up with this story ever since you started posting it. I read the Midnight Run series, as well as the spin-off about Roxy, Hilarion, Perry, and Lucy, so I'm pretty familiar with everything. But I think that this one is probably my favorite of all of those. I just love how different Molly is from how she's normally portrayed--not only is she a Quidditch player, but she also has a MOHAWK! And on top of that, she's super smart, super organized, and super good at being a leader.

I am absolutely in awe of your mad writing skills. You've got a definite knack for action, description, and character interaction, which moves the plot along nicely. I can see the development of the friction-generating relationship between Molly and Fitz in this chapter almost before it even starts. :)

Sad to say, because I don't have as much time as I'd like, these reviews will not be as long as I'd like them to be. And if I can't finish them all before 24 hours have elapsed, then I will get them finished before the end of next week. You deserve praise and adoration, for you are WeasleyTwinMom, only the coolest Head of House ever! :D

So, onward!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57Nocturne: Nocturne

12th July 2014:
Insomnia. Of course Snape suffers from it, with his sallow skin and dark, brooding eyes. And of course, he's thinking of Lily Potter as he stays awake. I like the fact that she is connected to all of his Potions memories because she tutored him in Potions and then he went on to become a Potions genius. The imagery in this is really cool, and I love the way the potion bubbles over the cauldron.

Regret. That's what Snape feels all the time, poor man. I wish I could give him a hug. :/

Beautiful story! I like the title and how it implies night. :)

House CUp 2014 REview

~!UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: My Snape doesn't suffer from insomnia as much has having very restless thoughts at night that prevent him from sleeping easily (my headcanon anyway), but yes, of course Lily appears.

I wish I could give him a hug and a Sleeping Draught too :)

Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57The Three Ds: Devotion.

12th July 2014:
Awww, missing Ron/Hermione moment as seen by Wilkie Twycross, Apparition expert. (Is that correct?) I love the way he saw it as he would see Apparition-with the three D's. Ron and Hermione were so cute together as they bickered and as he pushed her away, embarrassed about his eyebrow. With any other couple, it would just be silly.

You did a wonderful job telling the story through the eye of a third party. Especially incorporating the three D's, and in only 504 words! :D

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you! I have a habit of listening to the audiobooks when I'm revising or doing a big university project or something, and I had completely forgotten about Wilkie and the apparition lessons and everything! And HBP is perf for doing Romione lovey missing moments... et voila!

Thank you so much for reviewing! And good luck in the rest of the House Cup!


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