Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
848 Reviews Found

Review #26, by UnluckyStar57Deathsong: One

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ravenclaw once again!

I'm back, and oh look! I get to be the first reviewer on your new chapter! :D

Ooh, but although there are only two chapters, I'm really glad it starts to get creepy right away. I mean, there's no point in beating around the bush, is there? Something wicked is coming Hermione's way, and it gave me the heebie jeebies to read that scene!

Aw man, but you're so evil to write this! Introducing Lucy, a receptionist with something going for her--she's young, pretty, smart, and maybe has a hunky Healer after her--and just BAM!! massacring her. That's really evil, and I felt awful for Hermione and Lucy. Lucy, because her life was so short, and Hermione, because she followed the creepy bloodstained path and found the scene of the crime, which no doubt excited some of the bad, bad feelings she felt following the war.

Ooh, that's another thing I really loved about this chapter. You're delving into the problems that the war caused for the characters. Everyone has not "returned to normal," although they pretend to be living that way, and Hermione's reaction to Lucy's death is chilling and showed how she was sort of dealing with the trauma that the war caused. It's also really great of Harry to be a good friend and help her back to her house, because she was obviously so shaken by this. I think anyone would be, but especially a veteran of an awful war.

I really liked the background info that you gave about Hermione's life after the war. The rebuilding of Hogwarts is another thing that interests me--after all, the castle wasn't rebuilt in a day, and it took time to recover from all the damage. Hermione's sojourn at the Burrow makes sense, but I would definitely think she would need some alone time. Is she dating Ron in this story?

One question I have is: Did Hermione go through any training before she accepted the Healer job? Did she apply for the job and then do some training/shadowing while she was helping with the rebuilding of Hogwarts? I don't know much about the medical field, but I think it would be plausible that magical Healers go through a training course before they start the actual field work. Just had to make sure, in case I missed something!

Anyway, what you've got here is a really chilling, creepy story, and I look forward to reading more!

♥Mallory

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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Deathsong: Prelude

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw checking in!

Hermione is one of my favorite canon Gryffindors, so I am super excited to start with this story. I really like that she's a Healer instead of working for some department in the Ministry, because that gives an interesting twist on things that I haven't seen before. Now her experiences from Healer things will give her a different mindset than the one that she would have as a magical lawyer/member of the Wizengamot or something. And the moving in thing is really cool, too. It's always scary to think about moving in to a new place, but the one that Hermione found for herself seems really ideal. You described it so well! I love the detail that you put into it, and I could really picture the house as you described it in the context of the story. Wonderful job with that!

Ooh, letters? I really want to know what those are about! And the music box with the lovers on it is really intriguing. Are those people the lovers who wrote the letters to each other? If so, why did they get a music box with their faces on it? What's going on there?

The slamming shut of the box (by itself!!) was eerie and now I'm super scared. If my first house is anything like Hermione's, with the eerie self-slamming box, I might decide to live with my parents forever (although the lovely interior of the house might win me over, I suppose!).

One bit of disagreement with your chapter: I think that Ron and Harry really admire and look up to Hermione, and as such, they would never think of her as an incapable woman. They know that she is much smarter than they are and could definitely handle her move by herself. Perhaps they offered help out of friendship and a desire to see her new place more than anything, and she just believes that they think she's incapable? Maybe it's just a perspective thing, but it is something to think about.

Ooh, and I really loved the beginning. It's so haunting, and it does remind me a lot of The Book Thief, which is one of my all-time favorites!

So, great job with this, and I will catch you at the next chapter!
♥Mallory

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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages: Chapter one: The Beginning

8th July 2015:
Hi Kat! I'm here for the July BvB Review Battle. :)

Wow, I read this story a few weeks ago so that I could help you out with chapter three, but now I'm glad that I can come back and review. It's really awesome of you to write a story about the Founders, because as you said, there aren't many fics about them. I think that historical inaccuracies are fine, especially since this is also a fic about magic, so it would really be difficult to be completely on-track with history while you're talking about a brand of magic that a twenty-first century author invented. :D

The thing that strikes me most about this is the age difference between Salazar and Godric. I suppose I've never actually thought about the ages of the Founders, and it's interesting to me that Salazar would be the younger of the pair. He does fit the mold of Angsty Teen quite well, even if he IS living in circa 1000 AD. And it's quite cool that Godric was under the tutelage of Salazar's father--I'm guessing that it was for magic? Are they both Muggleborns? Anyway, that's a cool connection established between the two.

Ooh, I can't wait to see what your Rowena and Helena are like!

Ingvar is certainly full of snappish wit and a thirst for vengeance! I can see where Salazar gets it. Ingvar might also be just the teensiest bit prone to violence, as evidenced by the book he threw at Godric, uh oh! You did such a great job with his characterization that I can definitely accept him as Salazar's father.

One thing that I wasn't too sure about was the part where you wrote "In fact, even I, as the teller of this tale, could not say." in reference to Marcus's facial expression. While that does make it sound as if it's being told like a folktale, it also doesn't fit into the style of the rest of the story, except for the part at the beginning. If you want to keep that style up for the entirety of the story, you might want to think about putting in some more of those folklorish aspects, just to ground the reader in the style you want.

In conclusion, I think this is a great first chapter, and I really want to know the bad news that Godric has to tell the Slytherins (because I've forgotten it from when I read it, whoops. silly brain).

Hopefully I can come back for more reading and reviewing later!
♥Mallory

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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57Gloria: Gloria

8th July 2015:
Laura, it's been far too long, and if it takes the BvB Review Battle to get me back to reading and reviewing your work, then so be it!

(BvB Review Battle July 2015, by the way)

I... I just... I'm so not scholarly enough to take all of this stuff in, but it was so incredible to read. It was like reading something written by an author--maybe Virginia Woolf?--I can't exactly name the author that this reminds me of, but it is simply professional. This is obviously NOT a child's game!

Maybe Oscar Wilde? Anyway, it's so very Romantic in its aesthetic (to me, at least), and the high amounts of sensory detail have me wondering why I don't experience life that way. You have an incredible talent for describing colors and places and smells and everything, especially in this story, where metaphors abound. And that makes sense, because Gellert and Albus were probably both incredibly metaphorical people.

But this sentence was absolutely the best, hands-down: "Words flutter about you in the air: soft, delicate things, butterflies with wings the colour of rosebuds and cherry blossom." Like, whhat??? How can you do that?! How can you be so amazing?! Where did you come up with that comparison?! It's so delicate and so, so beautiful. It gave me chill bumps. Gah, I love it!!

And even though there were all of these references to classical myths and historical figures, I could feel the pain as the ship sank. I tend to think of classicism as something academic and stuffy, but in my head, I know that isn't truly the case, and this story illustrated that. Sure, Achilles and Patroclus fought in a war and died, but they also were lovers and were probably just as passionate about that as they were about fighting (if not more). And using that comparison to describe Albus/Gellert was ingenious! Really, it brought the Greek myths to life as much as it brought Gelbus to life.

And can I just talk about your description all the time?? You are so good at writing those first sentences, drawing me in with the color red (as far as the nonitalicized part goes). It's so wonderful to use colors to establish the mood, and the way you meditate on it for the first paragraph before moving towards the problem of Albus/Gellert was just brilliant. In fact, you do this with all of those nonitalicized sections, juxtaposing some kind of mythology or history with the changing relationship. And you know, I didn't even realize that until now, which is a crying shame.

I love how you describe them with the seasons in the first section, how Albus is autumnal and Gellert is vernal, and Gellert has Albus totally under his spell. It's so crazy how they play this little game, and it seems more like a political relationship than a real one because of Gellert's tendency to rule things. And then the husband-wife comparison reminded me a lot of Tennyson's metaphors in "In Memoriam," which was really cool, too.

I'd better stop being incoherent in this review because it's getting sort of dumb. Sorry I can't be all academic and analyze this like I want to, but I'm waist-deep in summer vacation and I can't dust off my English brain.

In conclusion, please teach me your sorcery, because dang, do you EVER know how to craft a sentence. And imagery, imagery, imagery. Your imagery gives me life. I want that butterfly quote tattooed on my arm, seriously.

Please accept this silly review, Your Majesty!
♥Mallory

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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57first: first meeting

5th July 2015:
Ravenclaw July BvB! :D

Hi Carla!

For your first OC, Esme is really dynamic! I like that she isn't all like, "My name is Esme and I'm super great at Charms and I have all these friends. Oh yeah, and I hate Albus Potter," because that's what tends to happen with Next Gen OCs. Esme is adorable, and I can't wait to get to know her better!

The details that you added into the story to help give background information were really great. The Slytherin scarf especially, because it's evident that Albus has some trouble with his House--though whether that's because he hasn't accepted his Slytherin-ness or because he gets a lot of comments about it from his family, I don't know. And with the "red hair means belonging" thing, that was so sad and yet so brilliant. Esme doesn't really belong to the Weasleys, unfortunately, and something tells me that Al feels that way too sometimes.

Her dress sounds so cute! I like that you're writing an OC who is still somewhat related to the Weasleys, if only indirectly, so she has a relevance to the family that cliched OCs don't have. She actually belongs at the party, even if she doesn't have a particular niche to fit into. (Sorry, this is a random paragraph, full of random musings.)

Awww, Al consoling Esme when he made her cry, so adorable! I can't even stand it. The age difference between them intrigues me--I mean, five years isn't a bad amount of time, but it's more than you usually see for Next Gen romance. It's going to be interesting to watch how their difference in age characterizes the relationship. He'll be well out of school by the time she's graduating, and I suspect that might come into play later, especially as she hasn't started school yet (if Beauxbatons starts kids at the same time as Hogwarts does).

In short, this was a super great beginning to this chapter, and I love Esme and I love Albus, and I hope that everything works out nicely. You've done a great job of building Esme's character from scratch, and this portrayal of Al is also unique and nicely done. (Sorry, I wish I could write more, but I have to go to work now.)

Catch ya later!

♥Mallory

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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57Love Potion Number Dead: a prologue of sorts

3rd July 2015:
HOLY COW EMILY WHY HAVEN'T I REVIEWED THIS STORY ALREADY?!?!

Okay, I will admit it: I'm trash. I started reading this story a few months ago and I giggled my way through chapter two before I lost my iPod and forgot that I was reading it. But now I'm reading it again, and HAHA! Here's another review for you. :}

Note: You should PLEASE complete this story, whether that happens in the near future or the far distant one. Seriously, the tone is so hilarious and just gah, I love it!

"When Liam Owens woke up the sun seemed to be holding a particular grudge against him and his room, a conclusion he came to after opening his eyes and seeing the sunlight streaming into his room and onto his face at an angle which was decidedly impossible."--Like, what even?! How is that sentence so good? So hilarious?! It's such a perfect opening because it doesn't take itself seriously, which sets the mood for the rest of the {short} prologue. It's like the story's going to deal with something serious (like a threat to people's lives), but it's going to be majorly undercut by all of the sarcasm and incredible obliviousness of the characters. AND I LOVE THAT.

The stuff that's falling on his house?! The shovel-shaped dent in his door?! Like, WHY doesn't he notice them?! It really reminds me of Monty Python-esque black humor, or the kind of thing you would see in the Scary Movie series, and it's so funny to see that kind of humor in a magical setting.

But even though Liam is obviously oblivious to the threats on his life, I still feel worried for him. IS HE GOING TO DIE SOON?! WHAT IS THAT CREEPY THING?!?! WHAT WILL HAPPEN? I SHOULD READ ON BUT I HAVE TO WRITE FOR NANO!!!

*ahem* Anyway, the point of that is that Jane seems like the more intelligent half of the couple. :P But hopefully she won't end up dead too? And why has this creepy thing targeted Liam? Has it targeted others as well? Gahh, I really wanna know now.

Oh yeah, and can I talk about how much I love the title? It makes me think of "Love Potion Number Nine" by The Clovers, which is a song that I sometimes forget about but always remember how catchy it is when I look at the title of your story. (Speaking of catchy, I'm listening to a one-hour loop of "Uma Thurman" by Fall Out Boy as I write this review. I'm insane, I know.) And the chapter title doesn't even take itself seriously, haha! "a prologue of sorts," yes, that is an appropriately odd title for this delightfully odd story.

Seriously, I can't wait to read the next chapter! I will be back soon! (Oh yeah, and I'm super upset that I didn't read/review enough of this in time to get first review on chapter four. Maybe for chapter five?)

♥Mallory

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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57paper cranes: letters to a (dead) sweetheart

30th June 2015:
first of all, how dare you.

oh, and thanks ever so much for the review on pfk, darling.

but seriously, HOW. DARE. YOU.

Okay, you probably realized exactly what you were doing, you evil thing, by alternating the really sad parts with the really cute parts. So towards the end of the sad ones, I would tear up, and then I would stop tearing up as I read the happy parts. This continued for the entire story, and then YOU LEFT ME WITH A DARNED SAD PART. i'm crying. how unfair.

But really, it's super telling of your writing that you can evoke such emotion in a reader. There's just something about those sad parts that just does me in--the letters turning into paper cranes, the fact that she has to live without the people she loves most, the fact that she even contemplates having to choose between them. Just no. I didn't want to think about that, but you forced me to. And my heart breaks for Andromeda.

Okay, I have to talk about the cute parts now or I'll cry some more. Sirius playing matchmaker? Ted caught in a net? Andromeda visiting Ted in the Hospital Wing? Oh my goodness, this is the way to my heart. This is what I like. I love the relationships that you establish within these short little vignettes of Tedromeda in their Hogwarts days. How Andromeda changed from a pureblooded witch following the rules, to breaking all the "rules" established by a society that she chose not to be a part of. That's something about Tedromeda that makes it so colorful and beautiful to read. It's a story of personal growth and blooming in the face of adversity. Andromeda might have been more open-minded than the rest of her family, but she would never have escaped from that "gilded cage" if she hadn't met Ted. And they had a good life together.

But then the sad parts come again, and ugh. I just can't take it. How did you not sob while writing this?!?! Just the paper cranes and the memories, and every single one of those happy little vignettes is simply a shadow of what once was, and now it's over, and uh oh I'm crying again.

One of the things I love (and hate at the same time, but like, a good kind of hatred) is that you sunk the ship, but only ambiguously. Yes, the ship is sunk, but is it really? After all, those sad and happy times could be rearranged. They could rewind and end with the first kiss, or the "I love you." It could be told a different way, as a reminder that love will prevail even if the world is trying to tear it apart.

But instead you ended it with that nasty number 8, the one with thorns and knives. You built up the scenes of older!Andromeda and the hopefulness of Deamus (yet ANOTHER great ship, btw), tricking me into thinking that she was going to be okay, she was going to come out of this with a heavy heart but an ability to continue on. BUT NO. Number 8 as an ending is dreadful, not because it's poorly-written (which it is NOT--it's so good and so heart-breaking and just arggghhh), but because it dashes all the hope you've built up on the rocks. The Tedromeda ship did not sink here so much as it crashed on some rocks a few miles away from shore.

It was almost okay--and then it wasn't. And those paper cranes, which were so hopeful and so bright in the darkness of Andromeda's immense grief, drowned in the washing of the tide.

Ugh, just stop. I'm crying more now than I did when I read the story because I'm just thinking of how sad the sad parts are.

In conclusion, this was far too good, and I love the chronological mixing, which I don't think I've seen you write before. You do it well, even though you make me cry because of it. Tedromeda is one of the bestest ships, and maybe you sunk them, but you also didn't sink them. They're Shrodinger's Ship. Hah!

very beautiful, very emotional. i need some chocolate and rainbows now.

♥Mallory

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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57All in a Day's Work: The One Where it Rains Clothing

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw--House Cup 2015

Hi there! I'm a sucker for Al/OC stories, and a name like Dahlia Sparrow is just too interesting to pass up. I can't believe there are seven Sparrows, and they all have horrid names like that. Aren't Wizarding parents just the greatest? Also, mad props to you for juggling seven kids in one family. I'm sure Dahlia will be talking to all or most of them for the story, and that is definitely a major undertaking for you! Can you list all of the names for me? There are so many that I just couldn't keep up for this chapter.

Day is a pretty interesting narrator. She lives with eight (or more?) other people, so why is she scared of strangers? Is she just so used to her family that meeting anyone else outside of it gives her anxiety? Also, I like this bird theme you've got, with her last name and this mysterious Hawk persona. Let me guess--she's the one responsible for the Head Boy prank? That's pretty awesome, especially since she's able to play so innocent with her brother, heehee. :)

Uh oh, Al Potter! Did she stare at him because she thinks he's cute, or simply because he was a stranger? And what kind of rude person is he, not knowing her name after being in the same House for six years? He's going to have to play nice, or the Hawk will get him!

This is a really good first chapter, and I definitely will be reading more when chapter two gets posted! Keep up the good work!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57Sturm und Drang : Freedom

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw--House Cup 2015!!

Archbishop of Banterbury, wazzuppp?!?!?!

Okay, I'll stop that.

Anyway, I'm here to review this chapter for the House Cup and I'm kicking myself for not reading it sooner. Drastoria is a super intriguing pairing, and the characterizations that you've already set up are bound to be interesting.

First of all, NARCISSA!! You've done a marvelous job of letting Draco-the-narrator show her personality, and how that personality has changed since the war has ended. I love that she sings. It changes things, you know? While also being totally believable for her character. She's a woman who lied to Voldemort to protect her family. She's a singer. It just seems to fit in that she would have a soft voice, something you wouldn't expect from a woman who'd been at war for all those years. I also like that she called Draco out on his idiocy--acting like his father, indeed!

Draco as a narrator is probably going to be delightfully unreliable. He's so biased, haha. I do like that he's at least making an attempt to transition to saying "Muggleborns" and not the slur. And at least he's listening to his mother, instead of being a spoiled brat. (I don't think she'd let him get away with it if he was.)

Note: Very glad that someone besides Rita Skeeter writes for the Daily Prophet now. It was about time they got some fresh talent.

The blurb about Astoria already makes her stand out to me, as far as other Drastorias go. She was raised in America, so how different will she be when Draco meets her? And so often, I've seen Daphne as the rejected lover-of-Draco, but never as a few-years-older-bully. I wonder what the sibling dynamic is like between the sisters? I guess I'll have to read on and find out!

Cheerio for now!
♥Mallory

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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57Traitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw--House Cup 2015!

Ooh, mysterious political games of intrigue and suspicion? Sign me up! I can't believe I haven't yet read this story, because this is exactly the sort of thing that I enjoy reading. The dark past, the Slytherin-ness, the hearts that are bound to break... Oh, I love it!

The thing is, while you've got this whole facade thing going on for Astoria, you've also got some of her real self in this chapter--which is really amazing and awesome, considering you did it in under 2000 words. I can already tell that she's a likable character--she definitely has thorns, but she's playing this incredible role for her family, trying to keep all of their dark secrets swept under the rug. When she almost thanked Filly but stopped herself, my heart broke. It's so awful that she has to play this game, but I can't help but be excited for all of the problems that will arise. I mean, it's definitely bound to be interesting.

The comment on symbolism in dress was on point. As humans, we put a lot of emphasis on the meaning of color, and wearing green was a brilliant tactic to suggest loyalty to Slytherin, which is associated with pureblood ideals, especially in this time, seeing as how Draco is demanding an answer to the question "Where does your loyalty lie?".

By the way, it was a really indecent thing of him to do, calling her mother's death an "unfortunate incident." If Draco is going to be Astoria's eventual love interest/possible husband, he's going to have to learn how to play nice. By the way, I am VERY curious about Lavinia Greengrass's death, and I must know more!

If I can get back to chapter two sometime before this House Cup madness is over, I will definitely be leaving you another crazy review. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey!

First off, I'm super excited that YOU of all people liked my story, or the first chapter of it anyways, because when I first joined HPFF I specifically remember that you were one of the first authors I ran across whose work I absolutely squeed over. It was your story The Society; I remember being especially impressed because it was your first ever fanfic.

There is a lot more to know about Lavinia Greengrass, and about Astoria's secrets for that matter.

I would love to have another crazy review by you any time! It has brought me much joy, and I'd love to know what you think of the rest of the story.

Thanks so much again! : )

--Penny


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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57Past Tense: first.

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw for House Cup 2015!! Ca-caw!!

Lisa, you absolute ledge! :D

So... I read this a few weeks ago and I just giggled the whole way through. As you know, I am a major fan of yours, and I am a MAJOR fan of this story. You write wizards really well, with all that witty repartee and intelligent stuff, but putting all of your talent here, with quite a few OCs to juggle and a whole lot of fantastic references to the Muggle world, adds something really colorful to characters that I don't already know--which makes me know them and want to be their best friend, of course. (Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, whoops.)

Anyway, it's so fantastic--the Persephone thing is just TOO MUCH and the analogy with the pomegranates and being torn between two worlds--I lolrofled. Gosh, those are AWFUL names for children, even for Wizard kids. I love it!

The references to Muggle things were great, as they gave an air of familiarity and pop culture to this story that sort of contrasts the already-intellectual feel you've got going on. (Sorry, but I don't think you could ever write anything that sounds stupid.) Like, smart kids watch Vines too, right? So adding in the quotes from the Milkshake song (lolrofled again) and having Steph chastise her sister about not knowing a darn thing about Muggles helped to show how incredibly difficult it is to deal with a family who refuses to educate themselves about your universe. Which is a really hard-hitting sort of commentary on the whole attitude that wizards have about Squibs--they just don't bother to understand, and so Squibs (the marginalized) are forced to explain themselves/deal with wizarding ignorance. It's also a really interesting parallel to real life, with all of the majority groups Othering the minority groups and causing problems out of sheer ignorance. I have a feeling that with your background on LGBTQIA+ issues--and really knowing how to bring those issues out in writing--you'll take this particular theme very far throughout the story. And I really hope that some of the wizards learn a thing or two.

That being said, I love love love that Steph is a Squib who actually embraces who she is. The few Squibs in the series are all kind of unappealing and old, arousing sympathy but also a kind of "ew I would rather be a wizard" feeling. Steph is awesome. Like I said before, I would want to be her friend. She's relatable, and it's obvious that she struggles with her family being totally ignorant of her life, but she's got guts. And sass. And I love me some sass.

Okay, I better stop before I get even more incoherent. I'll definitely be back to review the other chapters at a time when I can just ramble on about how amazing you are without worrying about time constraints. :)

♥Mallory

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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57The Department of Spectral Affairs: Darkness

27th June 2015:
For the House Cup 2015--Ravenclaw!

Hello there! I'm here to review this quite interesting and very short beginning. :)

Okay, I immediately wish that there were more chapters posted, because your Regulus Black from Not Normal is one of the most vivid ghosties that I've ever had the pleasure of reading. He's so snarky and sarcastic, and the way you write him there is just brilliant.

Here, though, he's very grim and dark, and that's terribly understandable. This is pre-ghostie Reg, and while he may have been a SnarkMaster 3000 at Hogwarts (when he was alive), towards the end of his life he must've been going through some dark stuff. I love how you explored Reg's acceptance of his fate as he plunged downward into the darkness of the Inferi, and how his last thoughts were about how Voldemort was going to feel pain because of him. Reg is DEFINITELY a better and more valiant character than Sneeverus Snope (misspelling intentional), and it is so cool that you're giving him his own story!

That being said, I can see how the last part begins to lighten up, and maybe Reg will find his truest SassMaster form in the afterlife before he goes on ghost duty. :)

Catch ya next time!
~UnluckyStar57

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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57Game On: Punishment - Infinityx - Slytherin

15th June 2015:
Oh my god, Erin!! I'm so mad!

This was SO CUTE, and I was giggling about it before because of what you and Lisa were talking about in the Cabin, but whhy did it have to end that way?! :(

Anyway, that's a great rhyme that you dropped there. :P Very creative, and it made me giggle when he was like, "not in '69." I'm no poet, so I do things like that when I have to write poetry for class. :D

Okay, the point of this review is mainly to tell you how much I love Percy/Oliver and how funny the beginning of this was. And how mean you are for writing such a sad ending! :(

I demand that you write a sequel to this, in which Oliver comes around and sweeps Percy off his feet. It's all they deserve, after all! Pretty please?

♥Mallory

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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - Alexfan

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Hi there! I love this look at Neville after the Battle, and I also like that you sort of showed a zoomed-out look at Harry and everyone as they milled about after the Battle. Of course, everyone was doing their own thing, but there were lots and lots of people who wanted to bump fists with the Boy Who Lived and celebrate.

But Neville, that shy guy, needed his quiet moment. He's going to be very popular, definitely, as all unsung heroes usually are, but I can tell that he doesn't want it. Nah, he's more of a plant guy, sitting amongst his plants and being all chill. It's a good thing that Luna is there to provide a sanctuary in the midst of all the chaos. Although I don't ship Neville/Luna all the time (I'm a sucker for a good Neville/Hannah or a Luna/Rolf), I can see the potential for a ship right there. Even if it's just a friendship, they're definitely rock solid in that category. And they're both such cuties anyway, and I think you captured their post-Battle relationship quite perfectly in such a small space of words.

Well done on this!!

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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - BookDinoaur

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Ah, the infamous sentient Puffapod! I should've read this last year, but I'm glad that I saved it until now. Inanimate objects with feelings and thoughts are always my favorite things to read about, and I had a good laugh at the dorky lil' Puffapod's expense. (Oh, excuse me, I meant PEDIGREED Puffapod.)

The Puffapod, like any good soldier, thinks of their mother's wisdom when going off to war. Holding themself high as they fell into battle was a remarkable show of character. I think the Puffapod is probably a Hufflepuff, because they found a way to combat the icky Death Eaters, trolol. And I love that Professor Sprout came back to care for the Puffapod personally. I think that Sprout probably understands the Puffapod--she probably speaks the same language and everything!

Very cute chapter. I like this Puffapod, I think!

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - Leonore

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Hi Leo! I love Neville, so this is a good chapter for me to visit. :)

Neville is a character that always catches my eye, because I am still so amazed at his transformation throughout the series. He started out as such a shy, stuttering kid, and then he became a leader. So that letter from his gran is huge, especially since he spent most of his Hogwarts career feeling like he had to somehow measure up to the achievements of his parents to be worthy of his gran's attention. Now he's achieved his own things, and I'm super glad that his gran acknowledged that.

Dumbledore's Army Forever, indeed! It's a great slogan, and I'm glad that you chose it to be a sort of representative moment from all those times when the DA was subversively leaving those messages all over the school. It looks like it was a routine mission for Neville, but there was so much at stake. He could've been caught, but this time, he made it back safely. Happy endings are always best to think about, especially when it's so late at night. :)

Great chapter! It's nice to see such a normal moment in the midst of all the hullabaloo that goes on.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - BookDinosaur

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Hi Emily! Awww, this is so cute! I love cats, and I love Luna, so combining the two things makes perfect sense.

Erica is quite an adorable person. Her concern for her cat is above all other needs, like food, rest, comfort, et cetera, and I think cats actually prefer that they are the center of everyone's universe. So going on a quest to find a cat is logical. It's like looking for an incredibly fluffy, purring Holy Grail.

Luna is the perfect character to help Erica on her quest, especially since Luna has a knack for the odd and out-of-the-ordinary. Luna herself has "lost" many things, due to people taking them, so she is able to empathize with Erica's plight. It is very important that Erica was able to see how Luna was different--breaking Hogwarts etiquette by not being part of the celebration because of the noise, and because sometimes solitude is better than partying.

Again, this was super cute!

♥Mallory

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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57Taming the Dragon Tamer: [three]

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Awww, yisss. So glad that I swung by for this chapter, because this is when they get all complicated... Is it bad that I love that so much?

Trolol, drunken conversations leading to kissing leading to other things... Best way to make for an awkward morning! I enjoyed reading Charlie's moment of awakening before getting the flashback-esque scene from the pub. It was a great in medias res moment for sure! And it was all worth it to get that kiss... Oh man, that was great! I don't know why, but writing a kiss scene in such a minimal way as you've done is just the best way to pull it off. There are no frills and furbelows and "their tongues battled for dominance"--no, Charlie Weasley doesn't kiss that way, and I would imagine that Chris doesn't either. You win the Best Kissing Scene That Mallory Has Read All Day Award. :)

Very brilliant job of keeping the theme of Chris's independence intact. Unfortunately, this story brings out my utterly-hopeless-romantic side, and I would like to believe that even in these early days, Charlie only wants to help because he's actually super into Chris and wants to show that he cares. But Chris is obviously not ready for that level of intimate caring-ness, and he's worked so hard to be seen as more than just a disability. Charlie still has that image of Chris, although I think he's coming around a little bit. Still, that simple offer of help has got to be a great big blow to Chris's view of Charlie, even if it was with good intentions.

Oh no, Chuck. You're going to be seeing this guy again, trust me. You know, I ship Charlie/Chris more than any other Charlie ship that I've ever read, with Charlie/Rita coming in at a close second. So well done on writing such a great (and wave-tossed, turbulent) ship!

Catch ya next time!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Haha, it's not bad that you love the complications - I do too.

Awkward mornings are fun memories later - I should know...

I feel like their kiss wouldn't have been all that frilly and complicated. Charlie is a simple person, I think a simple kiss does him justice. Also, they are both grown up men... If you ask any of them, they would probably say "and then we kissed." That's it. Nothing more to it...
AW!! Thanks Mallory, I'll remember that award *hangs medal up on the wall*

I believe Chris needs his independence, but what's more: Charlie needs to see that Chris can do it on his own. Charlie's prejudices are a mixture of being misinformed and being frustrated with his own inability to work right now.
Don't worry, I'm a hopeless romantic with my characters. They'll get their romantic moments soon.

Aww! Thanks so much!! It really makes me so happy to have convinced you of the pairing.

Lots of love,
~Anja


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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Hermione Granger: Prologue: Harry Needed Her

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Angst Galore, indeed! Beth, how could you?! First Rose, now Hermione?! Where does it end? Which Weasley will you go after next?!?!

But in all seriousness, kudos to you for taking on the challenge of writing post-war Hermione in this light. I've seen a few stories where people postulate that the Cruciatus Curse affected her more than she let on, and to be honest, that is the saddest thing to me. In my mind, I've categorized her as a goddess, Minister Granger, and maybe that isn't the most accurate portrayal. She's still human, and she is hurting.

Oh, but it breaks my heart. :/ Ron's approach, his chagrin, her small voice--my main question is WHY? Why was he so eager to see her--why hasn't he seen her every day? Are they apart? Is she under St. Mungo's care? What's going on there?

Ooh, I admire her so much for being strong for Harry's plots, but I kind of hate Harry for being so oblivious to her pain. Seriously, did the guy never notice ANYTHING? But she soldiered on, as people at war will do. She is made of stronger stuff, but even the strongest of people can be overcome. Still, I love that Ron was there to comfort her, holding her hand through everything. People can say what they will about Ron--I think he's darn great. And I know that his purpose is not to save Hermione from herself--this isn't that kind of story, and Ron's not that kind of guy. (Honestly, "that kind of guy" isn't even real.) He's just an anchor for her in the unsteady times, and that's what she needs to get through it.

But what happened within the thirteen months that ensued? Why the rapid deterioration? Why wasn't Ron there for Hermione? I must read on to get answers someday soon, when the HC isn't putting Nargles in my brain.

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hiya Mallory!

Hermione for Minister! Yeah, I can get on board with that. And she definitely is a goddess. But I think a lot of that strength came *after* she had to get through her PTSD.

Haha - Harry's never been too perceptive. And I actually think that helped Hermione to get through all of it - she didn't have much of a choice.

The story is going to explore the thirteen months - and beyond - so I guess you'll just have to read to find out!

Thanks for this awesome review!

♥ Beth


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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Chapter Three

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

I meant to review this aaagggeesss ago, but here I am, better late than never!!

Okay, so I must first say that I'm reading North and South right now, and Margaret Hale has NOTHING on Clara!! Margaret is kind of a Mary Sue-ish character, in that everyone falls in love with her instantly and she's sooo perfect, but Clara is super amazing. She has guts, she knows what she's doing and how to do it, and she doesn't let any man talk down to her. And I don't think she's Mary Sue-ish at all, because she's so obviously not perfect. She's raw, and I really like that about her.

Combat scene in the Leaky?! EPIC. One point of confusion--was Clara doing wandless magic? Please excuse me for being dumb, but I didn't catch any mention of a wand, and yet it didn't seem to be too big of a deal to the other members of the Defenders when they showed up. Or has it already been addressed in a previous chapter? I must reread, silly forgetful brain of mine.

Anyway, battle scene. Clara does NOT play that "oh, I'm an innocent girl" card at all, and that is sooo cool. She just sort of goes "yoo hoo!" and knocks them out. I especially loved it when she was all like, "Oh, look after Edwin, because I'm pretty much fine." This time period in the Wizarding World is quickly exposing itself as one where women CAN be seen as equal to men, but they have to act like a super macho man in order to be seen as equal. And that isn't cool, but hey, that's what Clara's working on combating, even as she combats those creepy guys.

Ooh, Tristan worked for the Ministry? I wonder what's up with that? Is he a link to the deaths of those people from previous chapters? The mystery keeps on getting more and more mysterious!

I must mention the "truce" between Edwin and Clara. Sure, they "truced," but how long will that last? Will they hold an uneasy peace for now? Will they go right back to bickering? Honestly, I really see Edwin as the Mr. Thornton figure, but that confuses me because I still ship Dugald and Clara... Whoops. Maybe Edwin will turn out to be a pleasant friend? At this late hour, I really can't predict anything. :P

Another fab chapter, seriously, you've got me begging for more of the story as usual. If your Muse is being mean to you, please give her a swift kick in the butt from yours truly. :)

♥Mallory

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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57The Most Beautiful Flower: The Most Beautiful Flower

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Severus Snape is certainly one of the most controversial and disliked characters in all of the Potterverse. He's even defended in some circles for his abhorrent actions against innocent schoolchildren, and darn, does that man hold a grudge! But here, you've created a more sympathetic view of the man we all love to hate. You've shown that, although he was wrong to hate Lily's son, he also grieved for Lily's death. And that makes me feel pity for him, although I can never truly like him.

Your meditations on death and the stereotypical image of it that is portrayed at funerals was spot-on. Like wow, that was eloquent! Snape really got in his feels as he looked on Lily lying in the coffin, and the ceremony of it all sort of looked cheap in comparison to those emotions he was experiencing. Granted, he ignored James in favor of the woman he loved, but that is completely in character for him and I would expect nothing less.

Ah, the nostalgia of childhood days by the river in Spinner's End. The symbolism of the snowlily was really delicate and beautiful, and it was comforting to read that, even though he's a lonely, bitter man, Snape still has his moments of tenderness. He still feels emotions, even if those emotions caused him to act in ways that weren't always nice. He's quite a complex character, and I really wish I had more time and brainpower to examine him through this new lens that you've created, but suffice it to say that you've made me think about him a little more that I would normally, and I like that a lot. So thanks!!

"the only remnant of the industry that had given Spinner's End its name"--I don't know why, but I really love that quote. There's something so stark about it, so empty. It's a washed-up old town, and Snape is kind of washed-up as well. The only things that remain here for him are his memories, and those are tainted with sadness.

Very beautiful and sad story! Lovely work.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57to the end of time: New Friends

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

You can claim the honor of my first HC 2k15 review! (If indeed, that is an honor.)

Okay, now the review: I personally am a huge fan of Parvender, and I am super psyched that you have a whole collection of chapters dedicated to examining their relationship! I will definitely have to come back and read more later, because this first chapter was positively adorable!

Things I really loved about it: Parvati's trepidation before the Sorting. You can really tell that she's super attached to Padma, and Padma loves her sister as well, but she's more sure of herself--which is why she ultimately goes to Ravenclaw while Parv ends up as a Gryff. As a Gryff, there's that edge, that uncertainty that really pushes people to get out of their comfort zone and be brave. And that's what Parvati had to do as soon as the Hat called out its decision.

LOVED the nod to Ron's line. And Lav and Parv taking it like he's just some dumb boy (which he is right now). OI Lav! That's gonna be your boyfriend someday! I can't wait to see how that whole relationship develops.

For now, it was so cute that Parvati had an instant friend in Lavender. I enjoy reading about their friendship because it gives a more sympathetic perspective to their characters than the view we get in the HP series. Here, they're just girls being instant friends in a sea of unfamiliar faces, and that's what is important as eleven-year-olds.

Again, what a great way to start this collection off! And I will be back for more one day!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57Isabella: Thirteen Candles

13th May 2015:
Hello Kaitlin! I'm finally here for our swap (thanks so much for your review!). I would've been more prompt about it, but I had to take a road trip with my father. :P

Omg, you are KILLING ME with this imagery thing you've got going on. It's AMAZING. I love how the tone of this story is so... I don't know, earthy? There's something very down-to-earth about the narration, while having this incredible poetic nature. I can't quite describe it, but I love how you wrote it.

The first person, present tense style really adds to it, I think. Putting things in present tense always makes them seem more immediate, and so this is a really great start to the story. While reading the chapter, I could picture the heavy clouds and the breeze blowing through the tall grass. I could see the cows grazing and I could smell the mole (almost). I mean, that's just really cool, man.

It's really amazing that you wrote this for the Diversity Challenge. There really aren't many stories that explore other Wizarding communities in general, and setting a story in Oaxaca allows you to mix what you know about JK's world with the culture-both ancient and modern-in Mexico. I can only imagine the possibilities! Will the wizards there use Latin spells, since Spanish is a romance language? Perhaps they'll have a mixture of European magic and magic derived from the ancient indigenous peoples in the region? That would be super cool, and I really can't wait to see what you come up with!

So it looks like the wizards in Mexico start their kids at magic school at age thirteen. Or maybe Isabella just hasn't shown any magical abilities until that age? But that disregards the old lady at the end of the road, so I'm going with my first instinct. Why do they start them two years later? Do they go for seven years? What is the school system like? I really should just wait for the next chapters to explain this to me, but this is just what I'm thinking about right now.

Oooh, before I ramble on about something else, I have to quote some of my favorites from this chapter:

I am caught in a sea of grass. In any direction that I look, all I can see is the waves of wind rippling across the tender green stalks which have grown tall from the late summer rain. ~Yes. THIS is how you start a story. I will never not love these opening lines.

Carefully, I slip my right foot into the stirrup and pull myself up onto his back. Just as I do so, the wind gusts and my skirt goes flying up all around me, a rainbow of colors, woven by my mother. ~Dang, I was lost in the loveliness of that image. It's so simple, but this moment was just electrifying to me. I love the dichotomy of simplicity and complexity that you've got going on. I can't say that enough, really.

If you were to ask everyone in town for their familyís recipe, you would notice that everyone does it differently. Personally, I think my mother makes it the best out of all of them, but I may be slightly biased. ~You did such a great job of weaving in the dynamics of family in such a short space in this chapter. It really gives me a good sense of how things might go with Isabella's family when they find out that she's magic.

Of course, I can't not mention the food. I really like it when you talk about food because you obviously know what you're talking about. Have you ever read Like Water for Chocolate? This chapter reminds me a little of it, talking about the mole and the mixing of the ingredients. If you haven't read it, I think you would enjoy it! Anyway, I love the attention to detail in Isabella's mama's mole-making process.

Ooh, the mysterious woman makes a Hagrid-esque appearance! I wonder why this had to happen late at night...

I can't wait to read more!!

♥Mallory

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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57Meals With Muggles : Burgers And Chips

12th May 2015:
Hi hi hi!!!

Wow, this has so many reviews already! It's incredible what Dudlietta will do to people's shipping sensibilities. :D

First of all, thank you thank you THANK YOU for writing this! It's seriously so great, and asdrfjlaksjdfokj, I don't even know what to say. It was all so perfect.

I love the way you used your experience as a chef to color the narrative. I really want that croissant now because the imagery you used to describe it was so vivid and wonderful. It's a croissant of the imagination, a perfect feast for the figurative senses. Actually, I'm calling it--this description of the croissant is my favorite description of food in all of fanfiction. I'll probably remember it forever. :)

Also, the amount of research you did for this really comes through in the little details. I love that you were so fastidious about it, because the details like the pub and the university situations really added substance to the story. It wasn't just about two people bonding over a mutual menace, it was about Marietta and Dudley bonding over basically every detail of their lives.

And if I shipped it before, boy, do I REALLY ship it now!!!

Dudley has always interested me as a character because he's one of the few that specifically has a weight issue. In the books, he doesn't seem to be too self-conscious about it, but here, he's pretty aware of the spacial limitations that come with a larger frame. That's the funny thing about growing older--you become more aware of your perceived "flaws." And you treated the whole weight issue really well--it wasn't a thundercloud over his head, but it was one of those slight nagging things that people tend to worry about in the backs of their minds. The way he skirted the tables was described really well, and I love that you kept that part of his physical description close to canon. If he came back as a super trim fit guy with rippling abs, I would be super disappointed. :P

Dudley wonders why Marietta wants to have lunch with him... I say it's because she likes his face. (Not just because she feels she has to repay him for knocking his lunch down.) Also, I'm a HUGE sucker for the whole attraction-at-first-sight cliche when it's written well, and this is DEFINITELY written very well. The falling-over-onto-his-lap sequence was very funny and a perfect, fluffy way for the Dudlietta ship to begin its maiden voyage. :D

I am so interested in knowing more about Dudley and Marietta's life up to this point and beyond--like, what's the "real" date going to be like?! There is so much room to explore with this ship, and you've done such a brilliant job of showing one little snippet in their lives. Ugh, I am SO disgustingly happy that you wrote this. I can't get over it! ♥

I've probably dithered on enough for you to get the picture, but just to reiterate: This was totally brilliant. You're great at writing dark stuff, but I think you may have found a new thing to be good at--Dudlietta fluff! :D Hopefully your willingness to be a Dudlietta pioneer will spur other people on to write their own versions of the ship, because now I want to read more about these precious babies. (Also, if you ever write another story about them, I would be deliriously happy!)

Thank you so much for writing this!! I just can't get over how great it is. ♥

♥Mallory

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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Chapter Two

22nd April 2015:
"I'll review it tonight!" she says as she doesn't review it tonight. Trolol, I'm later than I thought I would be, but here I am to shower your lovely story with more compliments and love!

First, let's start at the end. This whole chapter was like, "TOTAL BABES BEING AWESOME," and "To strong women" is the thesis statement of the chapter and the entire story. Can it be the thesis statement to my life? Because YAAAS.

That being said, I love, love, love how you're incorporating traditional views of Victorian women with modern attitudes about feminism. The Victorian era is that awkward in-between time, and nobody can decide where women should be in society (of course, MEN are usually the ones who can't decide this. The women usually know). So having Clara be such a strong character is 1000% amazing, especially since there are other strong women and she's not just the only girl in a "man's world." Theodora Ollivander for the win!

Oh! Question because I noticed some things--like Edwin, which is reminiscent of Edwin Drood, which is a Dickensian character. Did you name your characters after those in Dickens's novels? If so, that's a really cool parallel, and it makes it even cooler that you've had him become a crossover link between Victorian wizards and Victorian Muggles. Super cool! Except the really interesting thing here is that Dickens always had... weird views of women. Like, he thought that they definitely should have been placed under men in society, but like all good Victorians, he presents contradictory views and the reader has to pick which one works for them. (I prefer to think that women in Dickens novels are struggling to be heard, but their author won't quite let them out yet. He's like one step away from it. But still.) Sorry if I'm being boring and long-winded, but like I've said, Victorians are my favorite weirdos!

Wink wink nudge nudge to Clara's interactions with Dugald!! Love it! Except, another question: How old is he? She's twenty-one, and I know it was the case with lots of Muggle Victorians to have the male love interest WAY older than the female (Jane Eyre was 18, Rochester was 38; Louisa Gradgrind was 20, Josiah Bounderby was 50; etc). But still, if I'm going to ship these two, I don't want them to be vastly separated in age. I can't ignore my modern viewpoint enough to convince myself of it. At any rate, Dugald is hopefully only in his late 20s or early 30s. And I totally ship them right now, so we're good.

(I hope you don't take any of this weird rambling the wrong way. I sincerely love your story, but the insanities of the time period are just too insane to NOT talk about.)

Edwin is awful and the Ministry is ineffective. I'm glad that hasn't changed throughout Wizarding history. :P

Anyway, I really should go to class now, so I'll have to shut up for now. :/ But this is such a great chapter, A++, and I hope that your Muse cooperates enough for more chapters in the near future! This is absolutely one of my current faves. :)

♥Mallory

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