Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
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Review #26, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

6th August 2014:
... Holy cow. This is a LOADED chapter!

I'm back to review your story once more! I'm loving the Scorpius PoV so far--very insightful as far as certain events go! But what could've happened in the time that he was away with Mason? What changed? Who attacked his parents? (Is it the same person who kidnapped Rose?)

I love how different Rose and Scorpius's thoughts are. You did a wonderful job making a distinction between the two, and I can definitely tell that this is Scorpius and not "Rose 2.0." It's funny how she thought that the Ravenclaw t-shirt was his, but he knew that it was hers and thought that she believed him to be creepy/weird for holding on to it for so long. :)

Did I catch another secret that's being kept from me in the second paragraph?! Scorpius starts to think about a similar situation to the one that he was in with Rose when Albus barged in, and then decides that he shouldn't think about it. I want to know what it is!!!

The flashback was great--I could sense Scorpius's tension with his parents as far as Muggle things and the Potters go. It makes me really sad that he didn't have a chance to make up with them before they died. I bet he regrets that every day. :/

And I think that every single person has felt like Mason at some point in our lives. We just want to fit in! But unfortunately, we end up being more annoying than anything. I'm very in awe of the fact that you wrote in a side character who is so relatable in such a short amount of time. :)

This keeps getting better and better! I must make more of an effort to read and review more than once per month! :)

~For the August BvB Review Battle~

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi!

Oooo - thank you so much for this awesome review!!

I can't say just yet about Scorpius's parents. The next chapter has a little bit of information on that.

Sooo glad (and relieved) that you approve of Scorpius's POV. That is probably the thing I am most worried about. I really wanted to give him his own voice but, alas, I am not a twenty year old male wizard who lost his parents as a teenager - haha!

He does regret it every day. It haunts him, really. He will carry that guilt for a while.

The secret hinted in the second paragraph is revealed in the next chapter. :) The rest of Scorpius's flashback answers a lot of questions.

Haha- yeah Mason. I totally know what you mean. He is so desperate for friends, but just annoys Scorpius to no end - although Scorpius is really annoyed with his parents.

Thank you so much - this review was simply wonderful!

Beth


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Review #27, by UnluckyStar57Not Normal: {Chapter the Sixth}

6th August 2014:
*shuffles in awkwardly after an atrociously long amount of time* HI!!

I'm SO sorry that I haven't reviewed this chapter until now. With the HC and real life getting in the way, I had no time for normal review requests. (And then Event Five made me want to take a break from reviewing. You know how it goes.)

But here I am, back again to give you my thoughts about this chapter!

My first thought: Yay!! There's finally a new chapter!!! :D I sincerely love this story, along with all of Ellie's insanity and Albus' snarkiness. :)

And so, to get myself up to speed for this chapter, I reread all of the previous ones. (It was well worth the time, I assure you!) :D

Something that I would like to see more of in future chapters: At the beginning of this story, you mentioned that Ellie's brother, Chris (that's his name, right?), played a lot of musical instruments and was extremely good at composing songs. Well, is that going to come back anytime soon? I'm a music major in university, and I really like it when music shows up in fanfic. Is there any way that you could weave his musical prowess into the plot? :D

Just a thought. :)

Now, to speak of this chapter:

So Ellie FINALLY figures out what the gap in the shelves is for, and it's going to add a whole lot more fun to the story, I'm sure! Not only does she have ghosts dogging her every step, but now she has a mystery to solve! And she's not like Nancy Drew or Trixie Belden--she's actually crazy and goofy and awesome. :D

I loved your description of how the lion, snake, eagle, and badger interact on the stone. The booping of the snake's nose was so cute! :D But behind the stone was an incredible mystery--what's it doing behind a library shelf in Hogwarts? Is it some sort of gift that Rowena Ravenclaw left behind, similar to Slytherin's Chamber? (It's in the library, so that's why I asked.)

A note about all of the references to different fandoms/works of literature: I enjoy those references. They make me chuckle. :D But I think that using Sense and Sensibility is taking it a little bit too far. Using the names of people is fine--I could imagine Ellie saying things like "Holy Shakespeare" and "Good gravy, Galileo!", but "Holy Sense and Sensibility" is a phrase that I can't really picture anyone saying. BUT! That was the only complaint that I had with any of this chapter. Everything else--the writing style, the timing of jokes, the descriptions--was spot on. :)

To talk about the beginning of the chapter: Oh Albus, you meddling jerk. Spilling all of Ellie's secrets to Ben! Gah! Why can't he just admit that he's in lurve with Ellie already? Everything would work itself out, right? (Well, probably not.)

And it looks like Ellie's got a new ghostie to investigate, on top of everything else she's got going on. Why is the ghost of Charlie-call-me-Chuck haunting his ex-girlfriend? What's going on there?

I guess I'll wrap this incredibly odd review up now, but not without saying this:

PLEASE write/post the seventh chapter soon! I can't wait to read more, and I have so many questions that could be answered in future chapters! I want to know these things! I want to ship Albus and Ellie, but I can't right now because they're still in Snarkytown. :P

So goodbye for now! I'll see you at the next chapter! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Aww! Don't feel bad! I'm terrible with keeping up with reviewing myself so I'm just so impressed that you've put in the effort for this story *hugs*

I was pretty excited to post this chapter. I take so long with updates on this one for some reason, because I really enjoy writing it.

I haven't written as much of Chris as I would like. Him and his music awesomeness shall be putting in an appearance very soon...

Ellie is not really cut out for the detective business, but I imagine she read heaps of Nancy Drew novels when she was younger, so she totally thinks she is. Oh, how wrong you are, Ellie...

And I can't say too much about the secret room because it's secret! Also future plot points are in the future, so... NO SPOILERS!

Those references Ellie makes... I went ridiculously overboard with them in this chapter. I think I'll have to dial them down. They lose their effect a little because I use them so often :P Thank you for your feedback on that!

Oh, Albus indeed! And I don't know why he can't admit his feelings - actually I do, but I can't say that :P

Ellie's adventures are just beginning. She's in for a jam-packed year for sure!

I've started planning the next chapter so an update shall be happening soonish! Hopefully faster than this one at least...

Thank you so much for this lovely review :)


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Review #28, by UnluckyStar57Hate: Andromeda Tonks

6th August 2014:
Oh no... This is too sad. :/ I can see why you would cry about this, especially when listening to that song...

Andromeda/Ted (or Tedromeda, as I like to call them) is a new favorite ship of mine, but I *try* not to think about what happens when Ted and Dora die, leaving Andromeda all alone. It leads to an overload of sadness, which is what this story is. :/

Good sadness, of course! It is good to feel sad sometimes, especially in the midst of so much fluff. But still. Sad is sad.

Andromeda is sad. She is deeply and profoundly sad, and I love how you showed that. Her sadness manifests itself in hatred and jealousy, and maybe those emotions are sincere, but they are driven by sadness. She lost her balance, her Ted, and now everything is different and it has become okay to hate someone who died. :'(

The funny thing is, I never thought about Andromeda's feelings in relation to Lily Evans. I never even considered that she would have a reason to hate Lily, but this short little one-shot has taught me differently. Lily died to save Harry. Andromeda could not do that for Dora. And even though she has a grandson, a reminder of the daughter she lost, it isn't going to be enough. She's going to look at Teddy's blue hair and metamorphosing nose and think of Dora, think of all the times she scolded her for not washing her hands before dinner and all the times she didn't say "I love you." Andromeda is experiencing major survivor's guilt on top of her sadness and hatred and jealousy, and it is just awful to see her going through that. :/

"(Was it awful, that Andromeda could say so emotionlessly that her husband and her daughter had died? Death, dying, died, dead. Her husband and her daughter were dead. The words brought a dull pain into her heart.)"~One of my favorite quotes from this story. For Andromeda, Ted and Dora are dead in every sense of the word and she can do nothing about it. It has become a fact that she must live with. Separating herself from the emotion is the only way to cope with it.

Gosh, you've got such a brilliant command of the English language and such a knack for evoking emotion in the reader (namely, me). Just look at all these feels you've given me! *drops feels into a wheelbarrow* It's going to take a minute to sort through these...

I do need to take a break from the feels to ask a question about pronouns:

In this sentence: "Did it matter that if she could have, Andromeda Tonks would have gone to her sister and stood in front of her as the Killing Curse had come out of her wand?", do you mean that the Killing Curse would have come out of Andromeda's sister's wand? (I'm thinking that Bellatrix=Andromeda's sister...) The pronouns got a little bit confusing for me, but I think I worked it out in the end. :)

Seriously, you did such a stellar job with this. I'm incredibly impressed that you took a break from JulNo to write it! And I can't wait to read your JulNo novel. :)

~Mallory

P.S. Thanks for the help with my banner crisis earlier. (Because I couldn't end this review without mentioning it, y'know?) You are super awesome for putting up with my almost-meltdown! :D

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Review #29, by UnluckyStar57House of Cards: King of Hearts

6th August 2014:
Oh look--another review! Just what you wanted, right? :D

No, but seriously, THANK YOU for helping me with the stupid coding thing. As with most of the things I do, it was much more stressful than it should've been. *smirks*

Anyways, here's your review!

YAY! Regulus is NOT dead! But Sirius is super sad about it all. The line "He wants to ask, wants to know what's going on inside the house, whether Reggie... whether his brother's still alive or not, but the words seem to stick in his throat, bunching up as he tries to force them out." made me sad because he's already starting to prepare himself for the dehumanization of Regulus. This is a pair of brothers who aren't as close as they once were--in fact, they're downright awful to each other--but Sirius still has to think in less-general terms when thinking about Regulus' death. Maybe they did love each other after all...

And secrets are still floating through the air as Sirius finds out about Regulus' alive-ness and goes with his father to see his brother. What are Orion and Alphard going off to talk about? Hmmm...

Haha, Bartegulus sees the light once again! Seriously, this is a ship that I never thought of, and it's super interesting! What a weird dynamic they have, especially if Barty was Reg's attacker like Bella seems to think! It is revealed that Sirius may feel some affection for his little bro after all, as he feels the need to punch Barty for being all kissy-kissy with Reg. :)

Alphard... Hmmm... He knows how to spot a closeted Black... Can I take that to mean that he himself is in the closet? He got really defensive about it, and the way he defended Reg makes me believe that he has a few secrets of his own in that area... What's the story there? Where did he get his "experience" from? Will that come to light in the next chapter or so?

The dig at Bella: "Probably shooting spells at passing birds."! I could definitely see her doing that! She's so awful, especially in Sirius' estimation, but her family loyalties are quite clear. She's got a vendetta against Barty and it isn't because he is Reg's boyfriend. Where did she get the notion that Barty attacked Reg? Did she see it? Did Reg say something to that effect?

I wouldn't expect Reg to be kissing Barty if he knew that Barty attacked him, though. But he seems to be clueless about the WHO of the attack. He knows the WHY, though. But HOW does he know the WHY?! Was he present for the conspiracy that started the chain of murders? Did he see something that he wasn't supposed to see? So many questions!

I had to read the scene at the end twice to make sure I got it right. So after Orion leaves, Reg enters the realm of memory. He remembers the figure slipping into his room and he reaches out, expecting Barty. (Is this where Bella got the idea that Barty was the attacker?) And he is frozen, trapped, vulnerable, dying again in the memory just as surely as he would have died in reality.

But Alphard's voice brings him back. And then he screams. BUT WHY?! Why are you torturing Reg so much? Everyone else just died, but Reg keeps going in and out--is Alphard going to kill him?! What's up with that mysterious pink vial? The poison is in there, right?!

I am so confused, but in a good way. As far as your prose goes, it was all very wonderful, very chilling, and very very excellent. I was a little bit unclear about that last part--but only about the exact moment when Reg started remembering. It fits in with the rest of the chapter--sort of stream-of-consciousness-esque writing. It reminds me of Virginia Woolf's writing (and that is a compliment, if you didn't know).

So. Favorite quotes:

"The appearance of his father has jerked him out of his calm, cold-induced trance, and dumped him unceremoniously back in the real, physical world, where he can feel and think and panic, where people can cry and bleed and die."

"It touches, curls around, grasps and twists downwards. The door opens."~About the door handle. It really showed me how far removed Sirius was from the situation. He didn't open the door, his hand did. Sirius is just as messed up in the head as the other Blacks. :)

"Outside in the hallway, there's a series of shouts, a thud, and then the long, slow shatter of the chandelier falling, crashing and splitting into a thousand and one diamond shards."~Such description! I can see it in my mind, and I feel like the characters who aren't even present to watch it fall can see it, too. The chandelier falls, the secret breaks. Incidentally, I need to talk about this: WHO cut down the chandelier, and WHY?! What were they trying to prove? Good distraction from Reg's room? Does that mean that Alphard IS going to kill his nephew?! :O

"For a moment, there's no sound save for the shifting of cloth as Alphard walks. Then, Regulus screams."~Simple, right? NOT. WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!

Well, that just about covers it. All the confusion. All the terror. All the insanity. Gosh, this is such a good story. I can't even begin to imagine what the sequel is about! :D

Til next time!

~Mallory

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Review #30, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Spiralling Self-Control

5th August 2014:
Oh dear... Right when I thought that Molly and Fitz were going to have a rational conversation, they go and start snogging again. :) It really isn't a bad problem to have, but right now I'm wondering how they can possibly keep this up without McCormack finding out. I'm also wondering if there's any way for them to change McCormack's mind about her no-romance policy? That would make things easier, certainly, but a whole lot less fun/awkward. :D

Of course they lost. How could they win against a top five team? I think it's incredibly realistic, and although some of the team members are a bit upset, it's going to be worth it in the long run. And maybe next year they can take the league!

Hilarion and Lucy just keep getting cuter. Like, seriously, could you have written a cuter couple? Probably not. While Molly and Fitz are a bit like tigers--sort of wild and things like that--Lucy and Hilarion are like Pygmy Puffs. They're so cute! And Hilarion is really of a rare breed--a super handsome guy who's almost embarrassed by his looks? That's unheard of in fanfiction! Which is why I'm glad that you wrote about it. :D

This chapter was going along so swimmingly--no fights, no arguments, just some yelling and gruffness from Fitz--until the end happened and everything got messed up again. What could the Beaters have said to each other to make them start brawling?! They've really got to work on that, especially since the Prides are just starting to become a reputable team again and McCormack won't like hearing about the fight. Hopefully things will work out...

Jinks continues to make me laugh. He's such a goof. I love the personality that he's developing throughout the story! And also, I'm seriously in awe of you for being able to balance the characterizations of so many characters! It's such a wonderful story to read, and it makes me very happy. :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #31, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Tentative Hope

5th August 2014:
Well played, Molly and Fitz. Well played. :)

I don't think that the team suspects anything yet, except for maybe Mariah, and who cares about her? She's kind of my least favorite character right now, and out of all the cool and funny characters you've written in this story, I'm glad that there's one I can sort of hate. :)

Petition for you to write a romance novel about Hugo Weasley finding his lurve after you finish this story. :) Hugo is COOL. He's so smart and pretty sarcastic, and the way he deals with the crap that Fitz gives him is just perfect. And he's so understanding of Molly and he knows when he should stop badgering her (unlike Roxanne). So I think that Hugo should find somebody permanent to luuurveee. :) Or you know, maybe not. Maybe he's the Uncle Charlie of the bunch. But I would still like a story about it. :D

Fitz is seriously stepping up his role as coach! I think it's brilliant that he took a day off of training to show them Ballycastle's weaknesses. That can only make the team stronger and more confident in their abilities, so it was a good move on his part. And it was wise of Molly to suggest that he look at the reels in the first place!

Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! I really loved the scene in which Molly boosts Fitz's confidence before the match. He's obviously sort of a wreck, he has no idea how to be optimistic, and she basically fixes all of that. :D Yet another reason why they should be together. And that was one of the most rousing pre-match Quidditch speeches that I've ever read in fanfic. It made ME feel like I could beat Ballycastle, and I'm no athlete! It obviously made the team feel better about themselves, because they stormed out of the locker room, set to divide and conquer!

I'm so glad that they've finally won a match, but I don't doubt that they're going to lose a few more before this story ends. That's pretty realistic, but for now, they can party! :D

Another marvelous chapter! I really love rereading this story. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Surprising Depths

4th August 2014:
OH NO. LOADED CHAPTER ALERT!!!

I must stop myself before I talk about that last section for the whole review... I'll talk about the other stuff first, and save the best/most interesting for last. :)

It would seem that the team finds their solidarity in hangovers. Except for Jinks, that freak of nature, who doesn't get hangovers. The Wind in the Willow game showed them more unified than ever before, and this time, it was actually constructive. They are starting to overcome their various tiffs and lovers' quarrels in order to become a cohesive unit. Yay!

The one regret that I have about this chapter is that you didn't actually write the scene in which the team sees the Hebridean Blacks. I would have liked to see how that panned out, but I totally understand that it was not necessary in the grand scheme of things. I enjoyed the conversation about the Weasleys/Potters between Molly and Fitz, though. They're getting to know each other on a friend level, while still finding each other mind-blowingly attractive, of course!

The scene in the pub, with Jinks showing so much maturity and rationality, was super interesting. I'm so glad that they were able to own up to their faux pas and mistakes, and I think it's oddly fitting for Jinks to be their spokesperson. After all, he's the laziest one of them all, so hopefully this will lead to him pulling a bit more weight on the team. He's an interesting guy. I'd like to know more about him!

...Now I'll talk about the last part.

UH OH!!! UH OH!!! Molly and Fitz walking home together?! This could only lead to trouble and awesome shipping material. When I first read this, it was a scene that I read twice because it was just so perfect. It stuck in my memory, so I knew what was coming, but I was still awed by the total simplicity and utter right-ness of the scene. Molly and Fitz really open up about their attraction to each other here. There's no kiss-and-run like at the bar back in Portree, there's no admiration of each other's looks from afar. There's only Fitz and Molly, Molly and Fitz, holding each other close in the dark. No anger, no angst, no blackout-drunken stupor. Just the need for one another's company/a little more than just company. I don't know, the way you wrote this is so incredibly different from the usual drunken tryst thing. It might have been the alcohol that made them shrug off the responsibilities and rules that come with being coach and captain, but it was Molly and Fitz who decided that they wanted to take the next step. The problems of McCormack's no-romance policy can wait until the morning.

Beautiful work.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: A Fine Line

4th August 2014:
I'm back with a few more reviews for you! :D

Wow, in this chapter I found myself sort of feeling sorry for Risa Lefoque. The team is uniting, that's true, but at what cost? Her sanity, probably. And this retreat is her life's work, and they're making a mockery of it. That's kind of indecent of them, and I'm sure that it hurts her feelings a little bit.

But the team is just so funny that I had to forgive them. After all, it wasn't by choice that they went to the retreat, it was by command of McCormack, who isn't around very much to know their personalities and such. It can only lead to disaster and wild nights of drinking in the local pub.

Uh oh, the hiking exercise! A three-hour hike?! I know that I couldn't make it that far! But the Quidditch players can do it, and they can do it with their usual mockery and jokes. How rude. :) And naturally, Molly is placed behind Fitz, to his utter distraction. The description of her hand on his shoulder and then their brief, joking interaction were very well done. They made me smile. :D

"What new hells do you plan to perpetrate on us?"~~Oh Jinks, you weirdo. :) Based on his previous jocular, lazy character, I wouldn't expect him to say this the way he did, but the expression on his face made it even more hilarious. Who knew that the sleep Seeker could have such an interesting vocabulary? :D

Hahaha, the interaction between the barman and his second cousin was really funny. It is true that "no one can hate you like your family." And I feel that these two, along with the cackling witches, embody the spirit of the little town that the Prides have landed themselves in. I don't even need a description of the town itself, because I get a sense of it from the actions and dialogue of the town's residents. :)

Another super-electrical sort of moment between Molly and Fitz. Me gusta! She obviously cares about him, asking after his shoulder and such, and they're already arguing like they've known each other for years. It continues to be a lovely, not-quite-there-yet ship. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #34, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: A Sabotaged Sorceress

1st August 2014:
Hahaha, I read "French roast" as "French toast" at first, so I was confused. Why would she need French toast instead of tea?! But I figured it out pretty quickly. :D

Ugh, this retreat sounds awful. Did you write it from your own personal experience? It seems like a lot of super annoying activities strung together that are supposed to build teamwork but actually just end up making everyone mad. Gross. :) But the team obviously isn't going to play along with Risa Lefoque. Their responses to her asking how they felt about the exercises was priceless.

And Molly and Fitz are having another one of their double-meaning conversations. Goodness. Leave it to Risa to pair them up in an exercise about comfortable social proximity... That only leads to trouble. :)

Oh my gosh, drink orders! That part made me laugh a lot. Risa Lefoque has no idea what she's gotten herself into. But the best thing about the stupid exercises is that the team is getting along much better now. They actually found something in common--they all think that team-building exercises are stupid. Ironically, that's the thing that is building their teamwork. :D

Oh dear. A night of drinking could only lead to more hilarity and trouble...

Also, as 1 August is soon to end for me, I have run out of time to write reviews. I will write the rest in the coming days!

Happy WTM Day! :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #35, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: A Pack of Wild Dogs

1st August 2014:
What a mess. First of all, the aftermath of the kiss was really messy, and now that I'm looking back on everything, here begins the real back-and-forth that Fitz and Molly have in later chapters (though it progresses to some more serious stuff). They would be so good together, but at this stage, there is no way to make it work. And that kiss in chapter six was just a tease. Don't do things like that to my shipping emotions! D:

And then the team is just being awful. It's like they're five years old and they all had a fight about who ate the last cookie. And so they won't share their toys with each other or actually sit down and talk it out. Although he's the coach, Fitz is the worst five-year-old of them all. He could act his age and try to mediate between the factions, but he won't. He doesn't know how. Grr. (Also, sorry for the weird comparison. It's what I was thinking about, so I had to say it.) Unfortunately, this scenario that you've written is probably true-to-life. We all act petulant sometimes, and the Prides are in this awful funk. I love how realistic it is.

Ahahaha, I'm glad that things are taking a turn for the slightly-more-ridiculous now. The loss to Caerphilly wasn't as bad, obviously, but the retreat!! Hahahaha, that's going to be fun to reread. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #36, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Magpies and Mistakes

1st August 2014:
I think that this chapter just dialed up the heat a bit between Molly and Fitz. Ummm, yes. This is totally okay. :)

There's such a variety of moods in this chapter. It seemed like training was going a little bit better--Fitz got a broom that he could safely maneuver, after all, and things seemed to be looking up. But then the game happened, and that was just a disaster. It's clear that they're not gelling like they should, and they have A LOT to work on, in temperament and teamwork as well as Quidditch. Oooh, I can imagine the fight being incredibly scary to watch. It's a mark of Molly's confidence and team captain-ness that she didn't run off crying when Mariah started to blame her for everything. (I know I would have...)

AND THEN. Fitz is so interested in Molly, and vice versa... I can't stand it! It's perfect! I won't call it cute because that's not at all what it is, but still. Perfect. His discovery of her almost-inhuman neatness could add an interesting element to things later on, and his revelation to her that she makes him less angry is just... So perfect. Gah. I don't even know what to call it, but it was very, very awesome. And that kiss!

I love your characters so much. And I ship Molly and Fitz TOO much. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #37, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Drills and Defense

1st August 2014:
Holy cow... I ship them more with every chapter, and I feel like I'm not supposed to ship them yet. Rawwr, why are you doing this?! It's so adorable, but so tense! I can't stand it! I love it!

...Perhaps I don't even know what to feel. Fitz has obviously decided to take McCormack's advice and get it together, but his crush on Molly could make everything fall apart. Ditto for Molly. But even though they have these not-quite-there-yet feelings for each other, they're still clashing at almost every level--less so since Fitz asked for her help. It's not at all a simple relationship, and it keeps getting better with every chapter. The fact that McCormack basically nixed romance between team members only makes it more fun to read.

But it's not just a romance, and it will never be just a romance. They've got a Quidditch team to worry about, and they're both so driven that they won't think twice about putting their careers before their potential relationship. Still, that "do you think we have a chance?" double entendre kills me every time. Perhaps the team doesn't have a chance against Montrose, but a coach-player romance within the Prides is far less likely.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #38, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: Flight and Family

1st August 2014:
"She might turn out like Rose."~Best line ever! Knowing Rose from the Midnight-verse, it made me giggle. :)

The time on the pitch made me realize another thing I really love about this story--the point of view. It drifts casually from one person's mind to the next, adding more characterization and tidbits of information along the way. And it's so natural and seamless. You must be magical to write something as awesomely as you wrote this story. (Or maybe you're just really fantastic at writing. Or both!)

And Lucy comes back! She and Hilarion are a cute couple. They're quite different from what one would expect--I mean, he's a super-handsome, famous person, and she's a woman who's probably really pretty in a shy kind of way. And it's definitely lurve. :D

Percy... What a goof. He's still pompous and quite overbearing, but it's sweet and fatherly now that he's a grandfather. He is incredibly pushy, but that's one of his most defining qualities. He wouldn't be Percy without it.

Also, I love the bromance that the Beaters have going on. They're silly. :)

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #39, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: The Dreaded Ex

1st August 2014:
NO WHY. I totally forgot about the utter feels-iness that I got from the end of chapter three until I read it just now. Urgh. That's brilliant stuff right there. (I'm sure that in the course of nineteen reviews, Ill say the word "brilliant" about a zillion times. Sorry.)

There's so much complexity in the Fitz-Molly relationship, even at this early stage. That makes it even more fun! Even though he's still being prideful and won't listen to her about the super-organized training schedule, I'm glad that he backed off at practice and let her lead a bit. He may be proud, but he isn't stupid. Molly knows what a good Quidditch team looks like, and if she can help make the Prides better, he's going to let her. The drinks thing was a nice touch--Molly is so good with people on top of her many other talents. :D

The confrontation between Mariah and Molly was... Not as heated as I was expecting. Mariah backed down really quickly, but there wasn't an air of fake politeness about it. It seemed fairly genuine to me, but I think I remember her causing some havoc later on.. Anyway, Molly handled the situation really well, which makes her a great choice for captain. :)

AND THEN THE FEELS. Urgh. I like to read romance that doesnt happen all at once, and while it's still fairly early in the story, it seems natural for there to be some attraction brewing between Molly and Fitz. They are both so passionate about Quidditch, and they admire that in each other. And they've got a raincheck for drinks already. ;) Out of all your wonderful ships in the Midnight-verse, I ship Mollyroy (Molly/Fitzroy) the most.

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: The New Lineup

1st August 2014:
...Did I forget to mention that we're having a day in your honor to celebrate all the hard work you've done for HPFF? Well, we are! Don't think that it hasn't gone unnoticed by the QTR editors, Ravenclaw House members, and other people on the site at large. As such, you deserve parades and medals and things like that, because you keep things running smoothly. Like, I hardly know how to use a tad bit of HTML coding for posting stories; I have no idea how you can do so much on this big, mysterious internet-thing. But I am ever-so-grateful for it. :D

Okay, so in this chapter it's pretty obvious that Molly and Fitz are polar opposites. I probably didn't pick up on it before, but she's got some serious organizational skills--to the point of OCD, almost. The Harpies' scheduling and drill setting is what she's used to, but Fitz isn't giving her that. And so, instead of sitting around and doing nothing, she goes and does something about it. Yay for her! Fitz's future temper issues are definitely foreshadowed here in his annoyance about Molly's takeover of the first practice.

One of the best things about this story is the tone. You balance tension with lightheartedness very well, and it is already clear that while romance will play some role in the story, it will mostly be about the rebuilding of a Quidditch team. That's really brilliant, and it's cool to think about how far the team has come in nineteen chapters (since I've read them already...). Seeing them in their humble beginnings again is really fun. :D

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57The New Pride of Portree: The Harpy With the Mohawk

1st August 2014:
Hallo! :D

So, I've never tried my hand at graphics, and I can't offer to clean your house or give you 20% off at the store where I work, so instead I'm going to review-bomb you! I'm sure you'll get a lot of reviews in this 24-hour period, and I know that you deserve every single one of them. (Even though they're going to be a pain and a joy to answer, I'm sure!)

I've got to start off this review (well, the real part of the review) with a confession: I've been keeping up with this story ever since you started posting it. I read the Midnight Run series, as well as the spin-off about Roxy, Hilarion, Perry, and Lucy, so I'm pretty familiar with everything. But I think that this one is probably my favorite of all of those. I just love how different Molly is from how she's normally portrayed--not only is she a Quidditch player, but she also has a MOHAWK! And on top of that, she's super smart, super organized, and super good at being a leader.

I am absolutely in awe of your mad writing skills. You've got a definite knack for action, description, and character interaction, which moves the plot along nicely. I can see the development of the friction-generating relationship between Molly and Fitz in this chapter almost before it even starts. :)

Sad to say, because I don't have as much time as I'd like, these reviews will not be as long as I'd like them to be. And if I can't finish them all before 24 hours have elapsed, then I will get them finished before the end of next week. You deserve praise and adoration, for you are WeasleyTwinMom, only the coolest Head of House ever! :D

So, onward!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #42, by UnluckyStar57Nocturne: Nocturne

12th July 2014:
Insomnia. Of course Snape suffers from it, with his sallow skin and dark, brooding eyes. And of course, he's thinking of Lily Potter as he stays awake. I like the fact that she is connected to all of his Potions memories because she tutored him in Potions and then he went on to become a Potions genius. The imagery in this is really cool, and I love the way the potion bubbles over the cauldron.

Regret. That's what Snape feels all the time, poor man. I wish I could give him a hug. :/

Beautiful story! I like the title and how it implies night. :)

House CUp 2014 REview

~!UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: My Snape doesn't suffer from insomnia as much has having very restless thoughts at night that prevent him from sleeping easily (my headcanon anyway), but yes, of course Lily appears.

I wish I could give him a hug and a Sleeping Draught too :)

Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #43, by UnluckyStar57The Three Ds: Devotion.

12th July 2014:
Awww, missing Ron/Hermione moment as seen by Wilkie Twycross, Apparition expert. (Is that correct?) I love the way he saw it as he would see Apparition-with the three D's. Ron and Hermione were so cute together as they bickered and as he pushed her away, embarrassed about his eyebrow. With any other couple, it would just be silly.

You did a wonderful job telling the story through the eye of a third party. Especially incorporating the three D's, and in only 504 words! :D

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you! I have a habit of listening to the audiobooks when I'm revising or doing a big university project or something, and I had completely forgotten about Wilkie and the apparition lessons and everything! And HBP is perf for doing Romione lovey missing moments... et voila!

Thank you so much for reviewing! And good luck in the rest of the House Cup!


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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57Thunderous: Shattering of the Sky

12th July 2014:
Oh no. I thought that this was going to be a happy thing, with the two running to greet each other in the rain after a long time apart, happy and smiling and joyful. But no. They've lost the thing that they wanted the most before they even got it. That's supremely terrible, especially since they'll be haunted by the baby things that they purchased in preparation.

The images in this story are so beautiful. I love the idea of the rain, and the running, and the sadness, while terrible, contained its own melancholic beauty. I can only hope that the rain will wash away their tears and that they can rebuild their happiness from there on. :/

Beautiful story.

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #45, by UnluckyStar57The Night Stands Still: midnight ponderings

12th July 2014:
Wow. I've never seen Lily Potter regret living in the Wizarding world. It is a highly interesting analysis, and I think that it's an apt one. Of course, she wouldn't just forget about her parents and her sister when she had to go into hiding and/or not tell them where she was to keep them safer. It's more realistic for her to miss them. She had a life before James--she was a Muggle--and the old way of life is comforting.

But James is who she leans on now, James is who she cares about, and who cares about her in return. I like that you said that they weren't perfect--because what relationship is?! I think you did a fantastic job with this. :)

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #46, by UnluckyStar57Bereft: lion's pride

12th July 2014:
Argggh, this is so poetic and wonderful, and I just love the way you delved into Percy's mind. I've never seen him quite like this before, but I like it a lot. :) Looking back over the story, I can see Cartesian influences--I read Descartes' Discourse on Method in school this year, but most of it was somewhat over my head. :P

But I like the approach that you took, with Percy observing and analyzing all the little details of the world around him and then worrying about what to say to his family. He's the prodigal son, and Mr. Weasley welcomed him back with open arms. What a stellar ending. :)

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #47, by UnluckyStar57Of Wrackspurts and Clothes Shops: Of Wrackspurts and Clothes Shops

12th July 2014:
Whoa. That escalated really quickly! :O

Pansy was really rude to Luna, who acted just like she always does. I like how you kept her very canon, despite her relationship with Draco, which is not canon. I would like to know how that came about, though. It's quite an interesting pairing, and the explanation is, no doubt, very complicated and entertaining.

I did think that it was a bit out of order for Draco to punch Pansy. They were in public, for goodness sakes! That's an awful thing to do, even if Pansy was being a cow. And I would've expected Luna to reprimand Draco for use of unnecessary violence, but I guess the war has changed them a lot...

This was a really interesting story. I'm glad I found it! The Druna dynamic is something that I'll need to look into a bit more. :)

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for all this feedback, I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #48, by UnluckyStar57Silly Girl: She's Just the Girl They Laugh at When She's Not Looking

12th July 2014:
Hi!

This was really interesting to read because the narrator and the narrator's love interest were not named. There were names mentioned, but they didn't seem to have any connection to what the two main characters' names might have been. In a way, that's when the story becomes universal--unrequited love can happen to almost anyone. It hurts, sure, but a lot of people go through it.

You gave little vignettes of scenes where this boy seemed to be interested in the narrator--or maybe he was just being himself and the narrator misinterpreted. That's the difficulty with a first person narrator--you can rarely trust a word they say. :) I am not even sure if she likes this boy anymore, because he's put her through so much.

I would like to see a second chapter of this, with maybe some names and further elaboration! :) I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I wanted it to be mysterious and easy to relate to because...let's face it, we've all been through it. I might do something similar soon, so keep on the look out. :) I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it. And everything you described - perfect explanation of what I was trying to get across. You're amazing. :-) Thanks again!

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Review #49, by UnluckyStar57neither created nor destroyed.: i.

12th July 2014:
Wow, this is beautiful and poetic and sad.

I don't normally ship Dean and Luna, and this story didn't make me ship them so much as it made me think about what their relationship could have been like. I find it interesting and very fitting that they were not each other's "one and only." The horrors of war could definitely lead to them seeking comfort in the arms of several people.

But after seeing the beautiful scenes of them together, with him thinking about how much he'd like to draw her, to create something again, I sort of wish he'd asked her first. I love that you used his artistic ability in contrast to his extreme guilt about the man he killed, and also in contrast to the relationship that he inadvertently destroyed by not being the first one to ask Luna to marry him. And just when he was starting to draw again, too...

It was a beautiful thing to read. Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #50, by UnluckyStar57Task One Challenge: Chapter One

12th July 2014:
Wow, Salazar Slytherin is fiercely protective of his lady love!

Christianna seems like a brave person without being too bold and dominant, which is a good match for Salazar. I think that he would've wanted to wear the pants in the relationship, which he did in a major way! The flashback about the dragon was really neat. I could see it in my mind, blowing fire through its nostrils. :) The fact that Salazar was willing to go to battle with three men just to protect Christianna's honor is interesting and cool! I often think of Slytherin as the calculating one of the Founders, the one who won't go into a fight if he doesn't think he has a good chance of winning. Well, he obviously knew that he would win this one, because he was spurred on by his rage! :D

You did a brilliant job with this! I enjoyed reading it. :D

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

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