Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
850 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57No Strings Attached: one.

23rd July 2015:
HI LISA I AM LATE BUT I AM HEREEE!!!

okay, so you know from the cabin that i am 1000% here for this. the teenage pregnancy cliche, overturned? yes please. now, i don't really like pregnancy stories--the whole concept kind of icks me out, tbh, but i think in the right hands, it can become something pretty cool.

you definitely have the cool factor going on.

first of all!!! hufflepuff!nerd!bisexual!scorpius is everything that i ever need in my life. i love scorpius's moral quandaries, and his "wanting to be a good person," which is why he's a hufflepuff. there's also the "lame hufflepuff" cliche overturned in this, because scorpius might be a lame-nerd-dork-geek person, but he's not actually lame. like, he has substance and characterization, it's just a fact of his character that he's like the lamest dork ever and he probably listens to mopey records and whines about his various existential crises. i love it.

that does seem hard, though, to balance your life between two people (especially since those two people are cousins). i guess it's just a fact of scorpius's personality--albus is his friends-with-benefits and rose is his best-friend-with-benefits? i'm sorry, i really don't know that much about these things. but if albus is the resident bad boy, there's bound to be some drama now that rose is pregnant with scorpius's child. that's going to be interesting to watch unfold, and i'm wondering if albus will actually stick around after he finds out.

hahaha, the award scorpius won is just hilarious. hogwarts superlatives are such a great idea, honestly, and it's such a scorpius thing that he would get all embarrassed about his "promiscuity" and run out of there really fast. embrace it, scorp! (poor guy. he reminds me of charlie brown a little bit.)

ooh, and i wanted to say kudos for overturning the "drunken lust" cliche that seems to accompany so many hogwarts pregnancies these days. a++ use of the cliche though, in that they were stupid kids and trusted a source that was outdated and didn't have much validity. (silly wm litchfield, trolol) is rose a ravenclaw? she must've been really in the throes of passion to not do proper research on the contraceptive powers of powdered asphodel, heehee. (although they really should've used a condom.) oh well, they've gotten themselves into this situation, and without it, there probably wouldn't be a story. so i'm glad for it, considering.

you do such a great job of writing next gen characters in all their wacky glory. i really love what you've done with them, and how scorose and scorbus can (kind of) exist within the same fic. this is brilliant, and though i'll have to r&r the next chapter later, i do look forward to it!

♥Mallory

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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57A Weasley Vacation: Meet the Weasley's!

22nd July 2015:
Hi there, Alec. You requested a review from me a little less than a month ago, and I'm just getting to it now. Sorry for the delay, but I hope this makes up for it!

What you've got here is a really interesting situation. A whole bunch of Weasleys+a Malfoy+the Scamanders going on vacation together? I suppose stranger things have happened, but I can't think of any right now! Although the general build-up of this chapter does make me wonder why al of these people are going on vacation together. Especially because Grandpa Weasley paid for all of them and even Uncle Charlie is coming (and from what James said, Charlie hasn't been seen in a long time). So there must be a pretty good reason for all of this hullabaloo.

Hugo as a narrator is just brilliant. I love Hugo Weasley, but there are few stories that feature him in a prominent way. He's kind of dramatic and that makes him funny, though I suspect that he does a lot of it for comedic effect anyway. I like his tone--it's very sarcastic and silly and oddly truthful, like when he's talking about James and Albus. All in all, he seems like a pretty cool character.

The pacing of the chapter was pretty good, but in one of the first paragraphs when you talked about how James was excited for the vacation until he found out about the airplane, I got a little confused. The sentence about James seemed a little out of place and more like it would fit better in the paragraph about Al being excited. By putting it there, it would also show the contrast between the Potter brothers. (However, this is just a suggestion!)

You also misspelled some words like "fourth," "fifth," and "exicted," so if you're overly concerned about spelling, I would give the chapter a once-over to catch all of the little mistakes.

My favorite lines were the first ones, which are also in the summary of this chapter. They really set the mood of this story, getting me ready for what seems like a very silly comedy. Well done on those!

Just so you know, I'm about to close my old review thread and open a new one (because the old one is ridiculously long and outdated!). I tend to review one chapter per person, going in the order that the chapters are posted, so that's why I reviewed this one for you. You can re-request for chapter two once I've opened the new thread. :)

Thanks for the request!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Glad you liked it Mallory! Don't worry about the lateness, it can happen.

I sure do hope you keep on reading if you haven't already, and if you have time, I'd love your feedback on it, whether it'd be through PM or a review. But I've gotta go now, sorry for the lame response! Thanks for the review!

Alec


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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57Areopagitica: Prologue

22nd July 2015:
Hi there! I'm here for the July BvB Review Battle!

(I know this chapter has 13 reviews already, but I like to be thorough.)

So I don't read many Hogwarts-era stories anymore, especially not ones that happen during the year of the Battle of Hogwarts, but this seems really interesting so far! I love that Luna Lovegood seems to be a prominent character, and I'm wondering what it is that she's handing out--because it can't just be random objects that glow blue sometimes.

You've written quite a mysterious prologue here! The quills sound really pretty, as does the wrapping paper--although why Xeno Lovegood is bothering to wrap them so nicely, I can't understand. Maybe it's part of the ruse?? Anyway, Luna acts as a sort of Ravenclaw Santa Claus, bringing things to members of the former DA that they obviously know how to use.

So what's going on here? Obviously, this is the part of the revolution that we don't see because we're too busy watching the Golden Trio camp out in the wilderness for ten years. The Hogwarts resistance must've had a story, and I'm very much intrigued to read the rest of your take on it! (Now that I've read this prologue and become intrigued.)

Great job on this! I hope that Neville shows up in the next chapter or so, because he's a major part of the Hogwarts resistance. :)

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi Mallory! Thanks so much for such a sweet review!

You're totally right, they're not just random glowing objects, they do serve a purpose in the first chapter :P

Xeno wraps them pretty because I figured that it's just who he is. Luna's his princess and even if the paper's ripped, it's the thought that counts, right? I don't know, I just figured since it's the Lovegoods, I better add in some weird quirks.

I'm actually so excited to be writing about this revolution-y world. Because frankly, there must have been tons of super interesting things happening besides the Golden Trio's extended camping trip. And the Hogwarts resistance has always absolutely fascinated me! In real life, I think a lot of revolution starts with the youth, so I see Hogwarts as this hotbed of radical revolution!

Anyway, thanks for the review and I hope to see you in the later chapters!

Stefanie


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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Meets A Girl

22nd July 2015:
Hi J! I'm here for the July BvB!

Okay, so confession: I've read all the chapters of this that are up on the archives. I'm trash for not reviewing, I know, but I promise that I'll review in the coming days! (Starting now, yeah?)

Okay, review: THIS IS SO CUTE!!! I love Next Gen stories, especially ones that go a long way to be different. And this is definitely different. There's no first person narration, for one thing, which is GREAT!! Third person limited is da bomb.

James is totes adorbs as well. I love the way he loves his family, and he isn't some cocky lil' twerp. He's so awesome for tutoring Lucy and her friends, and for being concerned about Fred's ridiculous penchant for rulebreaking, and for trying to work things out to make Molly stop being mad at Victoire. He's the true unproblematic fave in this scenario. :)

The parallelism in this chapter is really great and you write it so well! Every section is just long enough to keep my interest without having too much unnecessary detail or extra stuff. And I can always expect Fred to cause problems, so I always look forward to seeing what he'll get up to in the end. One thing that I would request that you avoid is writing the entire story this way. It can get repetitive, but at this point, it serves as a really cute way to introduce the concept of James always running into this girl and having no idea who she is. So great job on that!

Your sentences are amazing! I always look out for good grammar/spelling/sentence structure, and you've definitely got it! Keep it up. :D

OH! And as for the romantic aspect of this fic: I like the direction that this chapter is going so far. James is only a fourth year, and he's only just seen this girl around. It isn't love at first sight. It isn't hatred that will turn into love. It's just slight curiosity about why this girl is always reading, darn it! And I think that's the way things happen sometimes, so it makes me very happy that you've chosen to write such a realistic sequence of events. (As far as the romance is concerned, anyway. There is nothing realistic about crazy Fred. He needs his own story, I think!)

Brilliant first chapter, and I solemnly swear to come back soon!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Ahhh Mallory thank you so much! Don't worry about not reviewing before now-- I do that al the time. I'm just glad you're reading it at all!

I'm so excited that you think this is different! :D And that you like James so far. He's a cutie.

I'm glad you liked this style! This is how it is/will be for the first 4/5 chapters and then it's going to be different and all over the place (stylistically), so there's something for everyone! (I'm very concerned about it becoming repetitive as well!) And I'm glad you think my sentence structure is on point. :D

And yay I'm so happy that you find it believable/realistic! Thanks so much for an awesome review!

--J


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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Ignorant

20th July 2015:
AAAHHH, I'M SO TERRIBLE I forgot to talk about Scorpius coming out to his parents in my last review. :/ But Ravenclaw has finished reviewing for the HC, so I can take as much time as I want on this review. :D

Yeah, I really hate it for characters when they have to come out to their parents and one or both of them are unaccepting and simply awful to the character. Scorpius definitely doesn't deserve that--he's such a great character in general (he has faults of course, but that's part of what makes him great) and Draco shouldn't allow something like "Malfoy bloodline preservation" to come before his son's happiness. Urgh, that just makes me mad. But I'm glad that Astoria is more accepting. Scorpius needs that anchor of support while his father is busy being Trash King of Garbage Mountain. I have a feeling that, unfortunately, Scorpius will be more focused on his father's bigotry than his mother's support, because that kind of thing can leave a major mark.

But on to this chapter now before I get any angrier.

Ugh, how do I love this chapter? Let me count the ways. Please, I beg of you, update this as soon as you can possibly find the time, because I just don't want this story to end.

The Quidditch match! I love it when it's rainy and thundery outside, so that part fit my current mood perfectly! I liked the descriptions you used for Scorpius's soggy state, although that whole first part of the chapter makes me wonder why he doesn't often wear his glasses, especially not in public.

Of course Albus is in the library, that's how relationships are made, baby!! The information about Scorpius trying to get over Albus is very interesting, especially since it seems to not be working. But after having a crush for so long, it's hard to just deny those feelings and let them go. Even though Scorpius thinks that Albus only sees him as entertainment, as a plaything to rile up whenever he's bored. (Maybe Albus did think that at one time, but things have changed?) The mutual anger that Scorpius and Albus felt for one another over things from the past is so interesting. Albus held on to that one time that Scorpius told him off in second year and allowed it to fuel some kind of odd anger at Scorpius, which gave way to arguments that allowed him to blow off steam because his friends just don't understand him. (Sorry, this is all stuff from previous chapters, but I'm still processing it because I had to write stuff quickly for the HC.)

Ooh, but then the Transfiguration! And Scorpius feeling things for Albus! Oh, my heart! The sudden turns of emotion in this section were really well done--again, they felt like a natural consequence of the events in the chapter, not some out-of-control explosion from nowhere. Scorpius's quick change from passivity and silence to saying something in an aggressive manner was almost startling, but it made a lot of sense. He had Albus in the library in a sort of okay-ish mood, so why shouldn't he make a push to try and talk out this weird thing between them?

“Azid needs to shut his mouth and finish his research on Lacewing Fly hatching locations for our Potions report before I strangle him.”~I loved this line. So typical Scorpius, all concerned about his Potions project, haha. And the stuff that followed after it was absolutely riveting to read. I could feel Scorpius's apprehension as he waited for Albus to reject him, and frustration as Madame Pince shooed them out of the library. (Madame Pince deserves the title of Ultimate Relationship Ruiner, by the way, and I would say a different term, if it were 12+.)

Ooh, and when Scorpius started talking about coming out, I thought that the chapter was going to take a bad turn and become sad/angry again, but yay, it didn't! Albus's coming out story was definitely much more loving, and I still crack up over the Love and Lust Between Two Broomsticks title. The Wizarding World is the ultimate opportunity for jokes like that, haha. (Ooh, wait, I've got Madame Pince's new title: Ultimate Broomstick Blocker. There we go!) It does show a disparity between their circumstances that Albus was annoyed by his parents' overly concerned-ness, but I imagine that something like that could be pretty annoying indeed. It's just that Scorpius doesn't have two parents who loved and accepted him for who he is, so Albus's situation seems more ideal. (I'm guessing Charlie is the ace uncle? I always pictured him as ace, so I like seeing that headcanon in this story!)

So, the Scorbus ship is getting ready to set sail, but it's going to take some time. Albus might not fancy Scorpius right now, but I know that their friendship will be much better than their previous relationship. Ooh, and I really like that Scorpius is very up front about his ignorance and curiosity--because he really doesn't know what Albus has been through, but he can definitely learn. I think friendship will be very good for them, and it makes tons more sense than a romantic relationship just springing up overnight. You do such a wonderful job of writing these situations realistically, and I absolutely love it, even though my shipper's brain is chanting, "Now kiss! Now kiss! Now kiss!" every ten seconds.

I do hope the next chapter is going well for you, and I will keep an eye out for updates!

♥Mallory

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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Aconite

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Oh nooo, the sads! I can't take the sads! :(

It's really clear that Scorpius was so affected by Azid's comment about being "Albus's friend," and that's no way to live. I've been there--every mention of your crush goes straight to your heart, every time your name is mentioned in conjunction with theirs for whatever reason...It's tough, and I really feel for Scorpius. :/ But he plays it off to Oliver like it's no big deal, though I can tell that Oliver knows it is a big deal (as evidenced by his concern for Scorpius at the end of the chapter).

{Side note: Finally, a character who doesn't care about Quidditch! Yay!}

Lily always throws some major shade. Hopefully she'll get over that when she realizes how in love her brother is with Scorpius... (I really don't mean to rush their love, but I can see it coming and I am SO READY.)

Albus reminds me a lot of Toph from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He's so headstrong and independent that sometimes he steamrolls right over people. And that can hurt a lot, especially for Scorpius. (I did really appreciate the sarcastic line about the whispering plants, hahaha.) Oooh, but that is so wrong, Albus "enjoying" arguing with Scorpius, so just picking fights to drive Scorpius up the wall. I mean, if you like arguing, sure, but at least be on civil terms with the guy for most of the time?? I don't know, I can definitely understand why Scorpius feels so awful and I think it was just terrible of Albus to do that to him for five years without any explanation. Hopefully he can realize the error of his ways and be nicer.

Oh no, Scorpius! Poor thing. I got really sad when he started crying. :'( Something must be done about this! I don't like feeling these sad feels. :/

Well, maybe next chapter will be sunnier skies? (You are a feels master. I love how you wrote the anger and the sadness into the story as a natural consequence of the events surrounding it, and not as a display of excess pathos. Brilliant brilliant job.)

Onward!
♥Mallory

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Review #7, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Nothing

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Back again for more Scorbus, yaasss. (Well, to be fair, they aren't Scorbus yet but I can dream, right?) Ooh, and things are getting interesting!

Scorpius is definitely much more realistic about his relationship with Albus than I could ever be. I laughed at the lines where he was like "On the one hand" and he thought about the possibilities of the Quidditch match, and then "the other hand would come up and slap him for being so stupid." That's so clever, and I love it.

Ooh, with Albus and Scorpius yelling--that's no good. And I get that Scorpius was trying to help Albus out like a friend would, but it just created conflict. :/ (Which was necessary to get them into detention together, wink wink, but still, not very good on the become-friends-and-eventually-boyfriends-with-Albus front.)

One thing that I would suggest is that you put a line break or a ~ in between the Herbology scene and the lunch scene. I was a little confused about why Scorpius was squishing a meat pie during Herbology before I figured it out. :)

Ooh, Potions partners! (And tangentially...) I'd like to take a moment to talk about how cool Professors Longbottom and Nott are. Longbottom seems like a tough guy, which is hilarious because I love Neville, but he is never ever portrayed as a tough guy in fanfic. I love that you've reinterpretted his character to be this sort of gruff teacher who really cares about his plants--although I suspect that he's very much nicer when you're one-on-one with him and not disturbing his beloved flora. As for Nott, it makes sense why he would be Scorpius's favorite teacher (this is just an assumption though, I don't think that was explicit) because he teaches Scorpius's favorite subject and seems to be quill pals with Scorpius's mum. (Quill pals like "pen pals," sorry for being weird.) I loved your nod to the cliche of becoming Potions partners and then falling in love, which Nott jokingly suggested.

(Of course, Jia and Rose are going to become Potions partners who fall in love, but it's not the same because their love will go down in history. Right? Anyway, you've still reinterpretted the trope with them, and I love it.)

Azid... Who does he think he is, calling Scorpius out like that?! "Albus's friend?!" Oh, the indignity! Haha, Azid seems cool, though chatty. Hopefully he can shed some light on Albus during Potions partner sessions?

Ah, I've rambled enough in this review, sorry for the weirdness again! I continue to love this story!

♥Mallory

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Owls

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Ooh, another brilliant chapter from you! I really enjoyed getting to know Scorpius's friends better. Oliver and Jia are really awesome. I love Jia's ability to know languages really well and I envy her for it--I've forgotten all the Spanish I know, and it's only been a year since I've had a Spanish class. So I would definitely want her as a tutor! (And if Oliver wanted her to help him learn languages, why does he complain so much about it? Haha.) And oooh, I am really hoping that Jia and Rose can become a thing. Pretty please? Whenever Scorbus happens in stories, Rose is usually off with some random OC boyfriend. But I like Jia and I want her to be happy. 'Nuf said!

More backstory on Albus and Scorpius, YAS! So Albus hasn't always been blind, but now he is, which has changed him a little. I can definitely understand his anger at the little things--how people might assume that he needs help when he actually doesn't, and that's a frustrating thing to deal with. I think you wrote it very well!

And I really liked it when Scorpius was merely offering companionship on the walk back to their Houses and Albus thought he was trying to "be nice" by offering assistance with finding the staircases and whatnot. Maybe that'll show Albus that Scorpius isn't going to condescend or baby him like the professors seem to have done?

Oooh, and Albus grabbing Scorpius's bicep on the stairs--THESE ARE THE MOMENTS I LIVE FOR OMG. And Scorpius DEFINITELY has a crush and THAT'S SO GREAT I CAN HARDLY STAND IT. Sorry for the yelling. I just feel things sometimes. Anyway, I really think Albus is just playing with Scorpius at this point. There's something on his side of things too, and this chapter has gone a long way to show it. If he doesn't have a crush on Scorpius, he's playing with Scorpius's feelings at this point and while that's not nice, I have no doubt that it'll turn into something very nice in the future!

Onward!
♥Mallory

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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57Find My Way: Stinksap

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw

Whoa, holy cow! New favorite story alert? I think so! This story is something that I didn't know I needed until now, and now that I know it exists, I can't not love it. :)

So you've got a Scorbus with attitude, it would seem! The opening paragraph was just A+++. Scorpius seems so cynical and incredibly...withdrawn, I guess? He's obviously not one for making friends with the Potters and/or Weasleys, that's for sure! Also, I like that you didn't reveal that he was a Ravenclaw until the end of the chapter--that makes his cynicism and academic-seeming-ness all the more fitting. (I don't know, he just seemed quite eruditic, if you know what I mean.)

And the Albus reveal! That explains so much about the bumping into tables and the accidental hitting of the plant. (I mean, the table bumping wasn't an accident--he said it was a joke, so is this Albus a prankster Gryffindor?) Whatever the case may be, Albus is already a really dynamic character, and the fact that he cannot see is not meant to be a pity party or something to make him seem weak. In fact, it's quite the opposite, and I love how you've written a character with a disability into this, because you don't see that very often in fanfic. (NOTE: Please please please correct me if I use the wrong terminology when talking about anything. I don't mean to, and I will endeavour not to do it again.)

Oooh, and Scorpius "feels something" about Albus, according to his lovely friends. Is it love? Is it disgust? Is it apathy? No matter what it is, I am totally here for this as it inevitably turns into Love and Romance. ♥ (With a healthy dose of snarktastic sarcasm, of course!)

A++, you are a rockstar, and I will catch you at the next chapter!
♥Mallory

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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57Acquitted: Prologue

20th July 2015:
House Cup 2015-Ravenclaw!

Hi there, you brilliant Hufflepuff! This story looked really interesting, so I decided to stop by and give it a look. :)

Ooh, Victoire and Teddy have always been destined to get married--in my mind, at least. But reading about Victoire without Teddy--or rather, with a Teddy who is no longer on this mortal coil--was really sad and strange. (Strange as in, it's not the norm.) His murder is super mysterious and I really wonder what happened, if Victoire didn't actually do it like she says she didn't. Maybe she was Imperiused?

I'm really wondering about the Wizengamot's process in all of this. The media, of course, made it out like she was going to be guilty, but maybe the Wizengamot knows something that nobody else knows? Did they test Victoire's wand to see if any previous spells were the Memory Charm or something? I guess since Teddy was killed with a knife, she or someone who stole her wand couldn't have done the Killing Curse, but maybe they Summoned the knife?

Anyway, I spent most of the chapter thinking that she was going to be accused of the crime, but imagine my relief when she "wasn't guilty!" However, this is going to be tough for her because she'll have to face the entire Wizarding World's reaction, basically. Poor thing. I really hope to stop back by whenever the next chapter gets posted, because I want to find out what happens to her!

Ooh, and the little mini-flashback sequence of her memories of Teddy were so cute, but so heartbreaking because those memories can never ever be thought of without sadness. Because Teddy isn't there anymore. :/ Ooh, but maybe he isn't dead? Maybe he faked his own death and didn't mean for Vic to get caught in the crossfire?

(I don't know, I just really want him to be alive again.)

Thanks for the great story! Catch ya later!

♥Mallory

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Review #11, by UnluckyStar57Year Five: War Children

15th July 2015:
Hi Roisin! You didn't think I'd forgotten about this story, did you? Eventually, I'll get all of these chapters reviewed, although the Finches helped me out a bit a few months ago. :)

Okay, I have to say before I go into the greater part of the review that I'm looking at this story through an innocent's eyes (well, you knew that already). So I'll try to keep my analysis intelligent, but some of the stuff just makes me feel this awful, aching sadness inside my chest because of the things these kids are going through.

(Also, I'm listening to 90s playlists on 8tracks to set the mood for reading and reviewing this. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is on.)

First, Snape. It seems so strange to me that he would offer a listening ear to his students, but then I remember that he's the Slytherin Head of House, so it was kind of his job. He is really awkward about it, though, listing all those names. I wonder if he had a specific point for doing that, or if he was just being typical Snape. And saying that he "slithered" is such an accurate description of him, so brilliant job on that!

Ooh, and watching Snape touch on potential mental illness was simply painful. It seems so odd coming from him, but I think he most likely suffered from depression himself, so he would know. Ooh, and I could really imagine Tristan's discomfort, especially when Snape mentioned "Longbottom." Remind me--did Tristan have anything to do with the Longbottoms before this point in the story? (Sorry, I have such an awful memory.) Even if he didn't, it seemed weird that Snape would just pluck that name out of a hat. I think he was really trying to get into Tristan's head, and he wasn't even using Legilimency.

Oh no, reading about Tristan from Mary's perspective was just heartbreaking. I think when it's just Tristan, I kind of accept that he is the way he is, like, "oh, Tristan is going through some struggles, this is normal," because the story is usually focused on his thoughts. They've become normal to me, and that is super scary. Looking at it from Mary's perspective though, this isn't normal. Reading about his childhood development was very sad, because I think it would've been terrible for Mary to watch her child stagnate. I'm glad that he caught up, though--he's very smart, but I can imagine that it must've been hard at first. (And if I ever use the wrong terms and/or language to talk about these things in my reviews, please let me know. Again, I'm trying to be conscious of what I'm saying, but I mess up a lot.)

Learning about his name's meaning was eye-opening. It's like his name lends an extra dose of sorrow to his character, like he was destined to have emotional and mental turmoil. Name meanings are important--I should pay more attention to them.

And the Sophie thing was just icing on the (lopsided, stale) cake. His parents didn't need to modify her memory? I don't know, there's just such a disconnect between Tristan and his parents--like the generation gap is even wider because of circumstance and they really just don't understand what he's going through at all.

Especially Eddie. Poor guy, trying to be a good parent, but sooo removed from the situation at hand. And Tristan isn't going to open up, of course not, because he's a teenager and he's ailing and maybe he doesn't even know that he needs help. Aggh, the parent scenes are heartbreaking because of the lack of communication and understanding, and mad props to you for being able to write that so well.

Uh oh, the drugs again. You know how I feel about the drugs. It's still so sad that he keeps descending to new low points. As if the Laurel situation wasn't already bad enough, he's got the knowledge that Sophie was Obliviated unnecessarily, and then her boyfriend was there. It's absolutely awful and scary how he's sinking, and I feel like I can only view him as his parents would--I don't truly understand him, but I get sad because I don't want him to hurt like that.

You've done such a brilliant job so far of characterizing Tristan and his friends, and even though I started reviewing this story a long time ago, I still remember how it was at the beginning. He's come a long way, but it's been mostly downhill. I'm still holding out hope for brighter times to come.

Catch ya later. I think I need a moment to process these feels.

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Yay Mallory!

I'd hoped that there would be enough that was universal in this story that people could read it without having /personal experience/ with all this, or at least write things in such a way that it was accessible. I do hope that worked out!

Snape's convo with Tristan is definitely out of the ordinary, and I hope there will be an AHA moment later ;)

I think you're absolutely right, though, that Snape would have experience with depression. In fact, I'd argue he was pretty depressed all through canon. And it seemed like he had a lot of depression as a teenager too (bad hygiene and self care can be a warning sign).

Heh--I'd hoped for /exactly/ what's happening now! You vaguely remembering something about Longbottom but not remembering /what/!

YES! Mary's perspective, and adult perspectives in general, are designed to kind of pull back from the base-line angst of the story to kind of give a more accurate view of what's going on. None of the kids are really equipped yet to examine everything properly, and all of their individual POV's are slightly unreliable when it comes to interpreting themselves, each other, and what's happening. You've picked it up a lot earlier than other readers that Tristan isn't just a moody kid or an angsty dude, but actually suffering from /depression./ But I had hoped to introduce that in a gentle way, slowly, the way he and others would see it--so yeah, it would seem sort of /normal/.

You're totally fine here about language and terms, no worries :) And I was being sort of intentionally vague and obscure about specifics.

Tristan was the very first name I decided on (and man, the song "Tristan" by Patrick Wolf suits him to a spooky degree--probs cos Wolf was using the same associations as I was)

I honestly can't think of a way around modifying her memory, but I think Tristan has a right to still be angry about it. That was a terrible and traumatic thing to happen to him :(

I really REALLY like his parents, and they really are doing their absolute best--but what should one really DO in this situation? It's difficult and complicated, and they're separated from him for months on end, and yeah, Eddie is sort of out of his element. There might be a better choice of action, but it isn't exactly clear, and not having been around him, they don't know the full extent of the situation.

That bit of drug use was inserted to draw a parallel with what Laurel was doing, to show how bad and dangerous it was. And I'm glad for what you said about not understanding Tristan. Like, he has this pathological fear of being /exposed/, and I don't think he really realizes how much he keeps under his hat, and how much people DON'T see. Like, he thinks others see way more of him than they do, and doesn't recognize the disconnect between how he feels inside and how he appears on the outside. 'Walking enigma' is a BIG part of his character.

Yeah, a lot HAS happened, and you're absolutely right that they've come a long way--but not in a good way :(

I try to vary the amounts of angst in this story, so things lighten up a bit in the next chapter. 'A bit' being the operative word :P

Oh Mallory, thank you SO much for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful and insightful review! It means so much to me that you've still stuck with this story :)

xoxo
Roisin





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Review #12, by UnluckyStar57first: first crush

14th July 2015:
Hello Carla! I'm here again for the BvB Review Battle. :D

For your first OC, you are still doing such a brilliant job with Esme's characterization! She's very realistic, although she certainly seems beyond-her-years in the woes of the world. I think it might be her parents' relationship that makes her seem like such an old soul? Because she's sort of jaded about love because they don't give her the best example? At any rate, I found her to be very relatable, even though there is a good age gap between me and her. :)

Ooh, I liked that you brought back the silver and green theme, too. She should've brought the scarf back, wink wink. But the fact that Al noticed and complimented her on how pretty she looked was just A++. You never usually get guys who will do that without being prompted (or maybe that's just me). But Al is truly lovely, and if I have to see a bad side of him (maybe in the next few chapters or so), I will be sad. He's like a fairy tale prince, but more real.

Okay, that paragraph veered off topic in many directions. Sorry!

The crying at weddings thing confused Al just as much as it confused me. Silly people, crying over someone's happiness! I guess it's sort of a bittersweet moment, getting married, where the person you knew is no longer just by themselves. They have a significant other (who may or may not be their soulmate) and that's such a lovely thought that it almost makes you sad? Or happy tears. I think that works, too. But I think that Esme was crying out of either a presumed obligation to cry at weddings, or a bit of sadness that she doesn't quite believe that true love is real.

Silly girl! She'll learn in time that Al is gonna be her man. *wink wink*

Seriously, I love the way you've characterized them. There are still some questions to be answered--like the reason why Esme is just so not sold on the idea of love. She mentioned her parents, but is there a bigger thing? And Al is so darned sweet. I would just love to see him interacting with his family in this story, just so that I could see the way he reacts to his environment. I've only really seen him through Esme's eyes so far, and she obviously thinks he's pretty great. ;)

Another really great chapter, Carla! I'll definitely be back before too long for the next one. :D

♥Mallory

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Review #13, by UnluckyStar57Inanimate Objects: where possible salvation reverts back to impossible salvation

14th July 2015:
omg i am terrible. bellatrix is not a lestrange in this. she's a black. my bad!!!

oh, and i meant to mention in the previous chapter... stranger danger. just how? i talk about stranger danger all the time. it makes me laugh so much, mostly because it rhymes. the fact that tom riddle is such an avid fan of the rules of stranger danger just makes my whole life.

oh my god, karkaroff! such a clock. it's so perfect, because beauty and the beast is french, and the clock is always british, so karkaroff from (bulgaria? romania? i forgot, i am trash) eastern europe fits perfectly as a clock in this. except lucius really contends for biggest drama queen (if you don't count tom) because of his french candelabra senses. it must be because he's french.

i LOVE that bella is going to stick around, not for the romance, but for the independence. her family is pretty gross, to just set her up like tat. it's sort of a comment on the original fairy tale in a way, how the damsels always get the worst end of the deal. dropping the beauty in a castle with some talking objects and a weird beastie thing? no thanks. bella is taking it back and using it to her advantage, as she tends to do. i love this version of her. she's so punk rock.

{i also meant to comment in the last chapter about how great it was that one of your characters said "or anyone of marriageable age," as in, not just damsels in distress. that's part of what makes this oddly archaic setting seem anachronistically modern, which, for the purposes of humor and social commentary-ish-ness, is perfection.}

omg, i had a feeling that the smashed porcelain was a literal thing! hahaha, tom, you weirdo. i lolled so hard because all i could think of was joe walker as voldemort, swanning about and tap dancing and saying "killing people doesn't make them like you; it just makes people dead!". so this version of voldemort, while maybe less lovable than joe walker's version, still holds a special place in my heart. he's such a child. omg.

poor goyle as the wheelbarrow. i feel so sorry for him. maybe he just wants to read poetry and paint pictures of flowers. but he just carts around tom's nonsense all day. :/

OH I ALMOST FORGOT!! THEY HAVE A DARNED BOOK CLUB?!?! DANTE'S INFERNO?!?! WHA? i'll stop screaming now, but i screamed for at least three minutes about the book club thing. "june's required reading two years ago," why is that so hilarious? you are a humor goddess, emily. never stop.

i know i said that waltzing matilda was "the ultimate tumblr fic," but i think that inanimate objects is actually the true ultimate tumblr fic. in the hierarcy, waltzing matilda comes in second to this one because while it has elements of crack, it isn't as bombastic and ridiculous and totally laugh-out-loud outrageous as this one. {that being said, i love them both. in different ways. like one would love one's children in different ways. but these stories are not my children.}

...i ought to stop rambling now. so sorry. this is a lollapalooza and a half, so please update it as soon as you get a chance. i am determined to get first reviewer on every chapter after this one!!

(yay, i actually got first on this one! take that, world!)

♥mallory

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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57Inanimate Objects: where possible salvation is tricked into arriving at the castle

14th July 2015:
hahaHAHAHAHAH, omg i'm dying at this story.

you write crack SO well, seriously, i don't even know what to do now. all other crack fics can cry about how they aren't this story, because this story is the best.

the inanimate objects are just...omg. is nott a pan or an oven? i couldn't really tell there, but it was so hilarious when they were talking about how tom would throw a tantrum... "How everything in his life is pain and misery and smashed porcelain," hahaha, that killed me.

and what is dumbledore's deal?! he's so wise, and yet so foolish! what a goofball! i love him. "aren't you going to ask how to break the spell?" umm, no, because maybe lucius will like being a candelabra?? hahaha, again, it is SO perfect that he gets to be a candlestick.

AND ROOKWOOD IS A TEAKETTLE WHAT. WHERE did you come up with this crazy stuff, and can you teach me? i aspire to these levels of cracky greatness. omg.

you know, i had a feeling it was going to be bellatrix, since she's the only one mad enough to even have the potential to develop feelings for lord moldy-shorts, and when druella and cygnus appeared, i cackled. hahaha, they're so self-serving and stuff. but i mean, at least druella told bella not to eat any peanuts. maybe she cares a little? (it just cracks me up that bellatrix lestrange is allergic to peanuts.)

and the thing about the dungeons! emily, you have ascended to monty python-esque levels of humor. that seems exactly like something the pythons would've done, especially as they have that "spanish inquisition" skit where they gave that grandma a comfy chair as "punishment." so yes, no mattress is definitely much better than pestilence!

i forgot to mention goyle the wheelbarrow earlier, and that is just a tragedy. i can't believe that goyle is a WHEELBARROW. how useful! how brilliant!

okay, and i know i've talked about how i love this crazy crackiness that this fic employs, but here's a further analysis: the random bursts of modern slang, combined with good old pureblood victorian values, combined with certain elements that are just out of place in the story, make this s o o o o h i l a r i o u s. i can't believe that bellatrix lestrange "looks like a punk" but calls her parents "mother and father" and is allergic to peanuts. i can't believe that tom riddle throws temper tantrums over breakfast. i can't believe any of it, and yet, it is all so perfect.

actually, this whole thing reminds me of a combination between monty python and the starkid potter musicals (especially as far as the characters are concerned). of course, these things might have inspired this (i don't really know, though), but they have their own emily twist on them, which is awesome. (and now that i know that this is what your sense of narrative humor looks like, emily, i think i'm even more enamoured with your writing.)

so i'll review the next chapter now, and hopefully i'll be the first? i owe you that much, after you've reviewed al my stuff, pretty much.

♥mallory

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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57Hunter's Moon: Hunter's Moon

13th July 2015:
Hello! I'm quite delighted to get first review on this, because it's a great story and I kind of love it. :)

Wow, this is the kind of Marauders that I like to read. I'm a big fan of Jily and WolfStar, but it's difficult for me to find a Marauders era story that I can stick with for any length of time. There are so many things that can go wrong when writing Marauders, things that don't ring true with the characters, things that end up being bombastic and completely nonsensical.

This story had none of those things. The characters were so lovely, and they were so close to canon. Like, I want this to be canon.

Lily-She's beauty, she's grace, she's aloof and James can't stand it. It is fitting that she would have her reservations about James as Head Boy, and the bit of open hostility that she showed him after that Prefect's meeting was really well done. She's not a delicate flower, but she isn't the stereotypical redhead with a fiery temper whose favorite pastime is picking fights with James. She's wonderful, and I love her.

Remus-Um...perfect? When he was discussing how he could never have a wife and kids and he was so annoyed with Sirius... Oh man, that was a feelsy moment. However, I detected a bit of WolfStar in that, because he was a little too angry about Sirius flirting with those girls to only claim a headache. But I don't want to assume WolfStar if that's not what you had in mind, so I'll leave it at that for now. Remus is so incredible in this because his concerns in canon really show through here without being melodramatic. It's incredible how you managed to find that balance with him!

Peter-A PETER THAT'S ACTUALLY PRESENT, OMG!! I'm sure you know all too well about the unfortunate amnesia that some authors seem to have about the Pettigrew boy, and I'm really not okay with it. Your version of Peter was brilliant--able to quip and joke with his friends, but in a lesser way. He was truly "in" the Marauders, not just a towel boy or something, but he was not quite as smart as Remus or as dashing as Sirius or as obnoxious as James (well, when James was obnoxious circa fifth year or so). So he gets sidelined a lot, and I'm just so happy that you didn't sideline him for this story!

Sirius-Oh my goodness, how perfect. I know I keep saying that, but you've just taken JK's version of these characters and expanded them in the best way possible. He's such a ridiculous character in general, expecting James to entertain him, wanting to pull pranks and sneak out to Hogsmeade. I almost suspect that he knew about how annoyed Remus was about those girls and did it just to further annoy him. Don't get me wrong, I love Sirius Black, but he's kind of a pain sometimes. You really did that part of his character justice. :)

James-Just...yes. He's brilliant. I love him. The conflict between him and Lily, the way he says he's moved on (when maybe he thought he had, but he obviously hasn't), the way he tries to make amends with her. Oh yes, it's all beautiful. And he's so loyal to his friends, especially at the end when he leaves the Feast to spend Halloween with his friends. (By the way, poor Remus for having to spend the last Halloween of his school career howling at the moon.) I love that he finally managed to get Lily to talk to him, but he wasn't overbearing or pushy about it, as so many stories portray him. If he's truly undergone character growth, shouldn't he be past the "I'm the best Quidditch player at Hogwarts so Evans would love to go out with me" stage? Yes, I think so. *sigh* I just love all of them.

This quote: She rolled her eyes. “And when did you become such an authority on broken hearts?”

“Since I met you.”


JUST BREAK ME, WHY DON'T YOU?!?! Arggghh, that was just such a volatile moment, and there are feelings and I just can't handle them... Oh my. It was beautiful. Please say that you're writing more Marauders (or have written some in the past--I must check out your AP because you've written quite a few things!). I need more of your Marauders.

The subtle bits of humor, especially in the end, almost helped me get over the aforementioned moment. Especially the dancing pumpkins. :) That being said, I did like that his loyalty was to his friends first. Love--and Lily--can wait, because they're OTP and that's bound to happen soon. (Again, do you have any plans for a continuation of this so that I can see the moment when Jily finally happens? It would be beautiful, I'm sure.) I loved the way you described the friendship that the boys have built up over the years, and while none of them are without their faults, they are better together than they are apart.

Thank you so much for writing this masterpiece. And please don't be a stranger to HPFF. Your work is lovely, and I want to read more from you very soon!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi there!

First of all, thanks so much for this review. I read it today and smiled a lot. It was a bright spot through a pretty rough day.

Thank you for all the sweet things you said with regards to characterization. I'm fairly picky to what I read when it comes to this era myself. Jily was once my OTP, and after I saturated myself with the pairing, I realized there were a lot of tropes that the fandom's somehow adopted. Like you said, perpetually angry Lily, jerkface James, and the mysteriously never there Peter Pettigrew tropes are once I've definitely tried to avoid. I tried to keep James a bit of a jerk; I don't think his transformation ended with him turning into a saint, but he's still charming, irreverent, funny, and attractive (I hope). Once I figured James out, the other three sprung to life pretty easily.

As for your mentions of WolfStar, I'll admit I don't really ship them (I shipped Remus with Tonks, and Sirius with an OC, and also with nobody), but I have no qualms about my readers interpreting it that way. Read it as WolfStar if you like--it can absolutely be WolfStar if you want. There are small traces of lots of Marauders ships in this one-shot: Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Snape/Lily, Peter/OC, and even Sirius/Lily. I've read all of these ships and they're all a big part of Marauders fanon, so it was fun alluding to them in one way or another :)

I have indeed written quite a lot--a consequence of being on HPFF for 6 whole years. :) If you don't mind reading more of my writing, I'll be happy to list those on my author's page that were either set in the Marauder's era or featured those characters. My personal favorite is 'Amaranthine', which I think you may enjoy because it's entirely a Jily story. It's much more somber than this story as it tracks the months before their death, and since it was written about 4 years before this story, the characterizations are a bit different. If you want to see more of Remus or Sirius, I have a one-shot called 'The Passing', which chronicles their reunion after Sirius breaks out of Azkaban. It certainly also has some WolfStar potential, I'd wager. I have three other stories that are set in this era: 'The Enemy of My Enemy' is sort of my interpretation of female Marauders and closely matches the tone/humor of this story; 'Nocturne' is a Snape/Lily ficlet with some of Snape's musings; 'Full Bloom' follows Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy through the first wizarding war to give some opposite perspective of what the war may have been like. Sorry for listing out all my stories--I hadn't really thought of how many there were until I saw it all typed out!

Again, thank you so much for this incredibly kind review. I'm very grateful for readers like you. I revisit reviews like this in times of doubt or anxiety. And I promise, I'm never a stranger to HPFF for long--it's been my writing home and will be for as long as its doors are open. Thanks again :)





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Review #16, by UnluckyStar57Waltzing Matilda: Chapter One

12th July 2015:
oh my goodness, this chapter made me lol more than the first one (which wasn't very lol-ish, but it had its moments)

BY THE BYE, FIRST REVIEWER HERE! EVERYONE ELSE CAN GO HOME (or just review some more because this is awesome)

Rose is just as delightfully awkward as I didn't expect her to be. (To explain--I didn't expect her to be delightfully awkward. She's always so knowledgeable in fanfic, it's like she was born at the Fount of Knowledge and ate Knowledge Bran for breakfast every morning.) But here, she doesn't know a darned thing about Muggles (or doesn't seem to, anyway), and that's hilarious! She can't be all pretentious and tell Al and Scorp what to do, because she doesn't know, either! Haha, so great!

I could really see the crack! aspects coming out as Rose spat out the coffee, and then that darned intern... What's his name? I'm going to cal him Gilligan for now. So Gilligan is obviously meant to be a total weirdo and maybe a receptacle for all of the hilarity that ensues when two hilarious people write a collab? He's definitely not doing his job right, if he wants to be all total drama spy about things. I could just imagine him skipping through the plane, Obliviating people, much like Little Bunny Foo Foo hopped through the forest and bopped all the field mice on the head. (What even was that comparison? I don't know, but that's the image I got.)

Wow, that security official was a jerk. Drinking gross coffee like that? Ugh, man, give me a break. And can we talk about how Rose and Scorpius got in trouble for "talking about bombs" in an airport? Airport security for the win! Better safe than sorry, right?

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: GHOST JUICE--Will you be making this into a movie after you finish this collab? I haven't seen the other Paranormal Activities, but I would like to see one about juice. Is it guava flavored juice? Don't leave me in suspense on this!

Ahaha, Rose is not subtle at all. She notices Scorpius crying and "tactfully doesn't mention it," but then is like "haha, I saw you crying and didn't mention it, aren't I the best?". Oh yes, Rose. You're the best at not being subtle. Good job. :)

KANGAROOS!! OMG, do they have a kangaroo farm at CCSM?! Do they just harvest the kangaroo eggs and eat them for breakfast? (I'm just kidding, I'm smart enough to know that kangaroos don't lay eggs... I think.) I must know more about these 500 kangaroos, and therefore, you must post another chapter soon!

cookies and hugs for writing this awesomely goofy story!
♥Mallory

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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57Waltzing Matilda: Prologue

12th July 2015:
LISA EMILY I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT REVIEWING SOONER!! but now i get to be first reviewer on chapter one, so HAH @everybodyelse :)

Oh my goodness, so this is bound to be a first-rate story off the bat because you've got Emily's crack! abilities and Lisa's witty banter, and a combination of the two is absolutely killer. I mean, I can't even tell where Lisa's writing ends and Emily's begins, so that's pretty awesome. Tell me, did you take turns with writing each paragraph, or did you do it by sentences? How does collabing work in the ad dinosaurum family?

Ahahah, I always laugh about there being "no History of Magic jobs" for Scorpius--that's all Lisa right there, heehee. Poor baby Scorp, he's got a job now, but he's going to have to deal with all the spiders and cane toads and kangaroos in Emily's untameable country. :D

Uhoh, you established Scorbus really well, but when Al left in sort of a huff, I was immediately worried that this would start to look a lot more like an entry for the Ship Sinker Challenge than a fun, cracky collab. But thank Merlin that Al forgave Scorp quickly and knows that this is a good career move for him.

Haha, offering Rose's job to Al wasn't very kind of Scorpius, but I guess when you're in love... Ah well, they'll just have to Floo.

Captain Cook School of Magic?? Was Captain Cook a wizard? Why does he get a whole school named after him, besides the fact that he "discovered" Australia or some nonsense? Shouldn't it be named something that involves the aboriginal tribal magic?? I don't know, but I guess it makes sense for them to name it after Captain Cook. Although it does make me think of a chef school. Please tell me that they're really good at making Vegemite sandwiches or something.

(Btw, I hear the song "Down Under" by Men at Work on my radio al the time, and I always think about how funny Vegemite sounds. Trolol)

Well, on to the next chapter! Hopefully I'll get first review on that, because maybe Erin hasn't woken up yet. :D

♥Mallory

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Review #18, by UnluckyStar57Game On: Muggle Board Games and Magic Don't Mix - ginnypotter242 - Gryffindor

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw!

Hi Sara! Ooh, this is such a silly and clever story! I love it! James and Lily are one of my OTPs, so it's cute to read about them playing a game together, especially one as dangerous and silly as Dragon Operation. I've never actually played Operation before, but it seems like the Wizarding version would be much more fun, seeing as how the dragon could get mad and set fire to everything at a moment's notice!

Ooh, it does sound gross to operate on a fake dragon with realistic body parts! Where did James find this idea? Did he ever play the Muggle board game? By the way, I thought it was rather funny that he got confused when Lily called it a "board game," haha. He's got a lot to learn about Muggles, obviously!

I wonder why the dragon put up with all the operations until they got to the heart? That might be the most vulnerable part of the dragon, but I would expect it to protest at all of the parts being operated upon. However, it was pretty funny--because maybe the dragon just got annoyed, or maybe the operation tickled? And as we know from the Hogwarts motto, never tickle a sleeping dragon (or one under anaesthesia, haha). Very clever!

Great story! It was silly and funny and had Jily in it, and that's the kind of story I like!

♥Mallory

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Review #19, by UnluckyStar57Game On: Gryffindor Sleepovers Pt. 2 - katwithlove - Gryffindor

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw!

Hi again! Ooh, this is an interesting one, since Light as a Feather is only the creepiest game I've ever heard of! That was really smart of Hermione to do it with wandless magic, since using wands would be cheating and doing it without magic would be pretty impossible. It's a very clever idea to do this game as practice with wandless magic, and how practical of Hermione to suggest it as training for that! :D

Ugh, but the incantation that you have to say is so creepy! If I had to play, I would be scared out of my mind. Ugh, it's quite morbid, isn't it? But it's all in good fun, and the girls bonded very nicely together. :) It's so awesome that a sleepover could help them to become friends. Sleepovers are good like that, I think, especially if you can play games at them. :D

Cute little two-part story! Great job!

♥Mallory

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Review #20, by UnluckyStar57Game On: Gryffindor Sleepovers Pt. 1 - katwithlove - Gryffindor

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw!

Aww, sleepovers are so fun! It's great that you took a traditionally Muggle game and put a Wizarding twist on it--War with Exploding Snap cards is bound to be a dangerous and fun time, especially if you have to tell deep dark secrets while playing! Hermione is definitely a genius for coming up with this!

The cast of characters at the sleepover are an interesting bunch as well! Lavender and Parvati are best friends forever, but Hermione always held them in such contempt because they giggled over boys and she was too busy studying and stuff. I think it's good that she's trying to make amends with Lavender after the whole Ron debacle, and since this is post-Battle, there's a lot of maturing that these people have been through since then. But Luna is still good ol' Luna, with her talk of Divination and such.

Aww, Hermione and Fred? Is Fred still alive in this? If so, yay! It's just such a fluffy story that I hate to think of him being not there. :/

Really cute beginning! I can't wait to read the next part! :D

♥Mallory

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Review #21, by UnluckyStar57Game On: Memory - TreacleTart - Gryffindor

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw!

Hi Kaitlin! I love your writing, and so it makes sense that I'm reviewing this one for the House Cup! Lee Jordan is such an interesting character, and I love what you've done with him. It's awesome to get a look inside his head like this, especially about such a cool job that he's got!

It is so cool that Lee started watching Quidditch because of his dad. It's nice to think that Quidditch is kind of a legacy sport, something for parents to do with children and pass it on. Sad about Lee not being good on a broom though, but that doesn't matter because he's got the chops to be a commentator!

Ooh, love the idea of commentator tryouts! From the Luna Lovegood fiasco in the sixth book, I quite had the idea that it was just a pulling-out-of-the-hat sort of thing. Lee is really the best ever, though, because he's so funny and adds a really dramatic flair to his commentary. He had no reason to be nervous at all!

Oh, and the tears roll at the end as Lee mentions how his dad isn't there anymore. :/ That's so sad, but I know that his dad isn't far from his heart or his thoughts ever. He was the one who got Lee into Quidditch, after all, though it wasn't through the traditional playing-a-position-on-a-team route. :)

Great story!
♥Mallory

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Review #22, by UnluckyStar57How Does One Find Life After So much Death?: They Would Like to Speak with You

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw

Hi again! Last one for now. :)

Wow, this was a pretty loaded chapter! I do agree that it would have been a bad idea for Harry to relive all of the events a second time by telling them to Minister Shacklebolt, so it was good that Ron and Hermione stepped up and told the story for him. I do think it's great to give Harry the Order of Merlin First Class for his accomplishments, even if he doesn't feel like he deserves it. And the people who helped out in the Battle definitely deserve awards and recognition as well, especially the ones who died for the cause. The idea of a memorial service is a great one, and a good way for people to say goodbye to their loved ones.

However, I do think that it's a pretty quick timeline you've put together here. Everyone is still healing from the Battle--maybe they're so hurt that they're still at the castle and haven't even gone back to their homes yet. Some still need major medical attention. Six days before a memorial service is a quick turnaround, and asking Harry to speak is quite a big burden. He might collapse again. He might be experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder right now, but if he has to go up in front of a crowd and tell his story and talk about the people who died, his PTSD might get much worse. I think it would make a bit more sense to extend the timeline just a little, maybe making it in two or three weeks--or maybe a month--to give everyone a little more time to repair the damage that the Battle caused.

I also find the terms "Golden Trio" and "Silver Trio" a little iffy here. I don't think Kingsley Shacklebolt would have used them, because the events of the war are still unknown to a whole lot of people, and I don't know if Kingsley even knows who Luna and Neville are. I would like to believe that the terms "Golden Trio" and "Silver Trio" evolved after Wizarding historians studied the accounts of the war extensively and dubbed the groups with these nicknames as a way of tracking their activities throughout the timeline. However, that's a matter of personal taste! :)

Another really good chapter, and I'm wondering how Harry will be able to deal with this public speaking thing!

♥Mallory

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Review #23, by UnluckyStar57How Does One Find Life After So much Death?: An Unexpected I Love You

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw!

Molly Weasley is nothing, if not determined. :) I like that she was so concerned for Harry and wanted to go see him, and I like that Madame Pomfrey, ever the watchdog of the hospital wing, held her ground. But I did think that Molly was a little out of line to make those comments about Ginny--if anything, I think that she would be happy that Ginny had gone to see Harry, because it means that she does care and is watching over him out of her love for him.

Ron's subtle joke was a really good way to lighten the mood of that section, especially since you also mentioned George being sad and empty-eyed, which broke my heart. :(

Ginny's conversation with Harry was a good way to start mending things. They definitely need to talk things out, but not while they're both hurt. And Ginny still has a right to be mad, although I do suspect that she isn't as mad as she pretends to be. She cares about Harry far too much for that!

Ooh, and ouch! Ginny's injuries sound bad! How did she not notice them after the Battle? Did she just go immediately to yell at Harry without noticing how hurt she was? Man, she really needed some medical attention, and it's great that Harry drew Madame Pomfrey's attention to that!

One more chapter after this! I'm excited to see what's next!

♥Mallory

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Review #24, by UnluckyStar57How Does One Find Life After So much Death?: All the Time in the World

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw!

Oh wow, this is great! Making some progress on the feelings front! I like the way you showed Ginny's conversation with Hermione, making Ginny deny her feelings for Harry so that she seemed like she really didn't care about him, but then she totally went and hugged his sweater and thought about how much she cared. That's definitely realistic--she's mad at him for putting himself in danger, but she loves him too much to just say "I don't care at all" if she hears that he isn't doing so well. Which is what she essentially did by going to the hospital wing to see him--she was showing that she cares a lot.

I also found it appropriate that you made Molly the sort of "bad cop" parents and Arthur the "good cop." That's a very canon thing, and I can imagine them trying to get Ginny out of her room this way.

I did notice a few fragmentary sentences that you might want to revise if you find the time. It helps the story become a little bit easier to read.

And how did Madame Pomfrey find out so quickly about Ginny's fight with Harry? Either Hogwarts students are really good at gossip, or Ginny has powerful lungs! Either way, I thought it was fitting that Pomfrey was so overprotective of Harry. She is very fussy about her patients' health!

Another great chapter! I'll catch you at the next one!

♥Mallory

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Review #25, by UnluckyStar57How Does One Find Life After So much Death?: She Thinks It's My Fault

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw!

Hello there! It's been a while since I've read a story that details the events between the end of the Battle and the Epilogue, so I'm glad that I have your story to read and review. :) There were a lot of very interesting things in this opening, and I will definitely go through them all, but I wanted to first congratulate you, because it looks like you've continued your one-shot into a novel. :D

First, I'm wondering why Harry, Ron, and Hermione are walking around the castle. Does this take place immediately following the battle, or the next day? Your choice to start the story in the middle of all the action is a really great technique because it grabs the reader's interest, but I would love a little bit more context before the story gets rolling.

Second, Ginny's anger was really scary to read! You did a great job with her monologue-of-sorts to Harry, while he was backed up against the wall and feeling very afraid. I can certainly understand her having those feelings about the situation, because he definitely left her in the lurch when he went off to hunt down those Horcruxes!

That being said, I hope that they can talk it out sometime in the future so that they can get together and be happy!

One suggestion that I have for you is to look carefully at this chapter once again. You switched from past to present tense throughout the narrative, and it is a little less confusing if you can pick a tense and stick to it.

Anyway, really strong beginning to the story, and I will be reading on!

♥Mallory

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