Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
820 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57Love Potion Number Dead: a prologue of sorts

3rd July 2015:

Okay, I will admit it: I'm trash. I started reading this story a few months ago and I giggled my way through chapter two before I lost my iPod and forgot that I was reading it. But now I'm reading it again, and HAHA! Here's another review for you. :}

Note: You should PLEASE complete this story, whether that happens in the near future or the far distant one. Seriously, the tone is so hilarious and just gah, I love it!

"When Liam Owens woke up the sun seemed to be holding a particular grudge against him and his room, a conclusion he came to after opening his eyes and seeing the sunlight streaming into his room and onto his face at an angle which was decidedly impossible."--Like, what even?! How is that sentence so good? So hilarious?! It's such a perfect opening because it doesn't take itself seriously, which sets the mood for the rest of the {short} prologue. It's like the story's going to deal with something serious (like a threat to people's lives), but it's going to be majorly undercut by all of the sarcasm and incredible obliviousness of the characters. AND I LOVE THAT.

The stuff that's falling on his house?! The shovel-shaped dent in his door?! Like, WHY doesn't he notice them?! It really reminds me of Monty Python-esque black humor, or the kind of thing you would see in the Scary Movie series, and it's so funny to see that kind of humor in a magical setting.

But even though Liam is obviously oblivious to the threats on his life, I still feel worried for him. IS HE GOING TO DIE SOON?! WHAT IS THAT CREEPY THING?!?! WHAT WILL HAPPEN? I SHOULD READ ON BUT I HAVE TO WRITE FOR NANO!!!

*ahem* Anyway, the point of that is that Jane seems like the more intelligent half of the couple. :P But hopefully she won't end up dead too? And why has this creepy thing targeted Liam? Has it targeted others as well? Gahh, I really wanna know now.

Oh yeah, and can I talk about how much I love the title? It makes me think of "Love Potion Number Nine" by The Clovers, which is a song that I sometimes forget about but always remember how catchy it is when I look at the title of your story. (Speaking of catchy, I'm listening to a one-hour loop of "Uma Thurman" by Fall Out Boy as I write this review. I'm insane, I know.) And the chapter title doesn't even take itself seriously, haha! "a prologue of sorts," yes, that is an appropriately odd title for this delightfully odd story.

Seriously, I can't wait to read the next chapter! I will be back soon! (Oh yeah, and I'm super upset that I didn't read/review enough of this in time to get first review on chapter four. Maybe for chapter five?)


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57paper cranes: letters to a (dead) sweetheart

30th June 2015:
first of all, how dare you.

oh, and thanks ever so much for the review on pfk, darling.

but seriously, HOW. DARE. YOU.

Okay, you probably realized exactly what you were doing, you evil thing, by alternating the really sad parts with the really cute parts. So towards the end of the sad ones, I would tear up, and then I would stop tearing up as I read the happy parts. This continued for the entire story, and then YOU LEFT ME WITH A DARNED SAD PART. i'm crying. how unfair.

But really, it's super telling of your writing that you can evoke such emotion in a reader. There's just something about those sad parts that just does me in--the letters turning into paper cranes, the fact that she has to live without the people she loves most, the fact that she even contemplates having to choose between them. Just no. I didn't want to think about that, but you forced me to. And my heart breaks for Andromeda.

Okay, I have to talk about the cute parts now or I'll cry some more. Sirius playing matchmaker? Ted caught in a net? Andromeda visiting Ted in the Hospital Wing? Oh my goodness, this is the way to my heart. This is what I like. I love the relationships that you establish within these short little vignettes of Tedromeda in their Hogwarts days. How Andromeda changed from a pureblooded witch following the rules, to breaking all the "rules" established by a society that she chose not to be a part of. That's something about Tedromeda that makes it so colorful and beautiful to read. It's a story of personal growth and blooming in the face of adversity. Andromeda might have been more open-minded than the rest of her family, but she would never have escaped from that "gilded cage" if she hadn't met Ted. And they had a good life together.

But then the sad parts come again, and ugh. I just can't take it. How did you not sob while writing this?!?! Just the paper cranes and the memories, and every single one of those happy little vignettes is simply a shadow of what once was, and now it's over, and uh oh I'm crying again.

One of the things I love (and hate at the same time, but like, a good kind of hatred) is that you sunk the ship, but only ambiguously. Yes, the ship is sunk, but is it really? After all, those sad and happy times could be rearranged. They could rewind and end with the first kiss, or the "I love you." It could be told a different way, as a reminder that love will prevail even if the world is trying to tear it apart.

But instead you ended it with that nasty number 8, the one with thorns and knives. You built up the scenes of older!Andromeda and the hopefulness of Deamus (yet ANOTHER great ship, btw), tricking me into thinking that she was going to be okay, she was going to come out of this with a heavy heart but an ability to continue on. BUT NO. Number 8 as an ending is dreadful, not because it's poorly-written (which it is NOT--it's so good and so heart-breaking and just arggghhh), but because it dashes all the hope you've built up on the rocks. The Tedromeda ship did not sink here so much as it crashed on some rocks a few miles away from shore.

It was almost okay--and then it wasn't. And those paper cranes, which were so hopeful and so bright in the darkness of Andromeda's immense grief, drowned in the washing of the tide.

Ugh, just stop. I'm crying more now than I did when I read the story because I'm just thinking of how sad the sad parts are.

In conclusion, this was far too good, and I love the chronological mixing, which I don't think I've seen you write before. You do it well, even though you make me cry because of it. Tedromeda is one of the bestest ships, and maybe you sunk them, but you also didn't sink them. They're Shrodinger's Ship. Hah!

very beautiful, very emotional. i need some chocolate and rainbows now.


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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57All in a Day's Work: The One Where it Rains Clothing

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw--House Cup 2015

Hi there! I'm a sucker for Al/OC stories, and a name like Dahlia Sparrow is just too interesting to pass up. I can't believe there are seven Sparrows, and they all have horrid names like that. Aren't Wizarding parents just the greatest? Also, mad props to you for juggling seven kids in one family. I'm sure Dahlia will be talking to all or most of them for the story, and that is definitely a major undertaking for you! Can you list all of the names for me? There are so many that I just couldn't keep up for this chapter.

Day is a pretty interesting narrator. She lives with eight (or more?) other people, so why is she scared of strangers? Is she just so used to her family that meeting anyone else outside of it gives her anxiety? Also, I like this bird theme you've got, with her last name and this mysterious Hawk persona. Let me guess--she's the one responsible for the Head Boy prank? That's pretty awesome, especially since she's able to play so innocent with her brother, heehee. :)

Uh oh, Al Potter! Did she stare at him because she thinks he's cute, or simply because he was a stranger? And what kind of rude person is he, not knowing her name after being in the same House for six years? He's going to have to play nice, or the Hawk will get him!

This is a really good first chapter, and I definitely will be reading more when chapter two gets posted! Keep up the good work!


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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57Sturm und Drang : Freedom

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw--House Cup 2015!!

Archbishop of Banterbury, wazzuppp?!?!?!

Okay, I'll stop that.

Anyway, I'm here to review this chapter for the House Cup and I'm kicking myself for not reading it sooner. Drastoria is a super intriguing pairing, and the characterizations that you've already set up are bound to be interesting.

First of all, NARCISSA!! You've done a marvelous job of letting Draco-the-narrator show her personality, and how that personality has changed since the war has ended. I love that she sings. It changes things, you know? While also being totally believable for her character. She's a woman who lied to Voldemort to protect her family. She's a singer. It just seems to fit in that she would have a soft voice, something you wouldn't expect from a woman who'd been at war for all those years. I also like that she called Draco out on his idiocy--acting like his father, indeed!

Draco as a narrator is probably going to be delightfully unreliable. He's so biased, haha. I do like that he's at least making an attempt to transition to saying "Muggleborns" and not the slur. And at least he's listening to his mother, instead of being a spoiled brat. (I don't think she'd let him get away with it if he was.)

Note: Very glad that someone besides Rita Skeeter writes for the Daily Prophet now. It was about time they got some fresh talent.

The blurb about Astoria already makes her stand out to me, as far as other Drastorias go. She was raised in America, so how different will she be when Draco meets her? And so often, I've seen Daphne as the rejected lover-of-Draco, but never as a few-years-older-bully. I wonder what the sibling dynamic is like between the sisters? I guess I'll have to read on and find out!

Cheerio for now!

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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57Traitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw--House Cup 2015!

Ooh, mysterious political games of intrigue and suspicion? Sign me up! I can't believe I haven't yet read this story, because this is exactly the sort of thing that I enjoy reading. The dark past, the Slytherin-ness, the hearts that are bound to break... Oh, I love it!

The thing is, while you've got this whole facade thing going on for Astoria, you've also got some of her real self in this chapter--which is really amazing and awesome, considering you did it in under 2000 words. I can already tell that she's a likable character--she definitely has thorns, but she's playing this incredible role for her family, trying to keep all of their dark secrets swept under the rug. When she almost thanked Filly but stopped herself, my heart broke. It's so awful that she has to play this game, but I can't help but be excited for all of the problems that will arise. I mean, it's definitely bound to be interesting.

The comment on symbolism in dress was on point. As humans, we put a lot of emphasis on the meaning of color, and wearing green was a brilliant tactic to suggest loyalty to Slytherin, which is associated with pureblood ideals, especially in this time, seeing as how Draco is demanding an answer to the question "Where does your loyalty lie?".

By the way, it was a really indecent thing of him to do, calling her mother's death an "unfortunate incident." If Draco is going to be Astoria's eventual love interest/possible husband, he's going to have to learn how to play nice. By the way, I am VERY curious about Lavinia Greengrass's death, and I must know more!

If I can get back to chapter two sometime before this House Cup madness is over, I will definitely be leaving you another crazy review. :)


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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57Past Tense: first.

28th June 2015:
Ravenclaw for House Cup 2015!! Ca-caw!!

Lisa, you absolute ledge! :D

So... I read this a few weeks ago and I just giggled the whole way through. As you know, I am a major fan of yours, and I am a MAJOR fan of this story. You write wizards really well, with all that witty repartee and intelligent stuff, but putting all of your talent here, with quite a few OCs to juggle and a whole lot of fantastic references to the Muggle world, adds something really colorful to characters that I don't already know--which makes me know them and want to be their best friend, of course. (Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, whoops.)

Anyway, it's so fantastic--the Persephone thing is just TOO MUCH and the analogy with the pomegranates and being torn between two worlds--I lolrofled. Gosh, those are AWFUL names for children, even for Wizard kids. I love it!

The references to Muggle things were great, as they gave an air of familiarity and pop culture to this story that sort of contrasts the already-intellectual feel you've got going on. (Sorry, but I don't think you could ever write anything that sounds stupid.) Like, smart kids watch Vines too, right? So adding in the quotes from the Milkshake song (lolrofled again) and having Steph chastise her sister about not knowing a darn thing about Muggles helped to show how incredibly difficult it is to deal with a family who refuses to educate themselves about your universe. Which is a really hard-hitting sort of commentary on the whole attitude that wizards have about Squibs--they just don't bother to understand, and so Squibs (the marginalized) are forced to explain themselves/deal with wizarding ignorance. It's also a really interesting parallel to real life, with all of the majority groups Othering the minority groups and causing problems out of sheer ignorance. I have a feeling that with your background on LGBTQIA+ issues--and really knowing how to bring those issues out in writing--you'll take this particular theme very far throughout the story. And I really hope that some of the wizards learn a thing or two.

That being said, I love love love that Steph is a Squib who actually embraces who she is. The few Squibs in the series are all kind of unappealing and old, arousing sympathy but also a kind of "ew I would rather be a wizard" feeling. Steph is awesome. Like I said before, I would want to be her friend. She's relatable, and it's obvious that she struggles with her family being totally ignorant of her life, but she's got guts. And sass. And I love me some sass.

Okay, I better stop before I get even more incoherent. I'll definitely be back to review the other chapters at a time when I can just ramble on about how amazing you are without worrying about time constraints. :)


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Review #7, by UnluckyStar57The Department of Spectral Affairs: Darkness

27th June 2015:
For the House Cup 2015--Ravenclaw!

Hello there! I'm here to review this quite interesting and very short beginning. :)

Okay, I immediately wish that there were more chapters posted, because your Regulus Black from Not Normal is one of the most vivid ghosties that I've ever had the pleasure of reading. He's so snarky and sarcastic, and the way you write him there is just brilliant.

Here, though, he's very grim and dark, and that's terribly understandable. This is pre-ghostie Reg, and while he may have been a SnarkMaster 3000 at Hogwarts (when he was alive), towards the end of his life he must've been going through some dark stuff. I love how you explored Reg's acceptance of his fate as he plunged downward into the darkness of the Inferi, and how his last thoughts were about how Voldemort was going to feel pain because of him. Reg is DEFINITELY a better and more valiant character than Sneeverus Snope (misspelling intentional), and it is so cool that you're giving him his own story!

That being said, I can see how the last part begins to lighten up, and maybe Reg will find his truest SassMaster form in the afterlife before he goes on ghost duty. :)

Catch ya next time!

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57Game On: Punishment - Infinityx - Slytherin

15th June 2015:
Oh my god, Erin!! I'm so mad!

This was SO CUTE, and I was giggling about it before because of what you and Lisa were talking about in the Cabin, but whhy did it have to end that way?! :(

Anyway, that's a great rhyme that you dropped there. :P Very creative, and it made me giggle when he was like, "not in '69." I'm no poet, so I do things like that when I have to write poetry for class. :D

Okay, the point of this review is mainly to tell you how much I love Percy/Oliver and how funny the beginning of this was. And how mean you are for writing such a sad ending! :(

I demand that you write a sequel to this, in which Oliver comes around and sweeps Percy off his feet. It's all they deserve, after all! Pretty please?


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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - Alexfan

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Hi there! I love this look at Neville after the Battle, and I also like that you sort of showed a zoomed-out look at Harry and everyone as they milled about after the Battle. Of course, everyone was doing their own thing, but there were lots and lots of people who wanted to bump fists with the Boy Who Lived and celebrate.

But Neville, that shy guy, needed his quiet moment. He's going to be very popular, definitely, as all unsung heroes usually are, but I can tell that he doesn't want it. Nah, he's more of a plant guy, sitting amongst his plants and being all chill. It's a good thing that Luna is there to provide a sanctuary in the midst of all the chaos. Although I don't ship Neville/Luna all the time (I'm a sucker for a good Neville/Hannah or a Luna/Rolf), I can see the potential for a ship right there. Even if it's just a friendship, they're definitely rock solid in that category. And they're both such cuties anyway, and I think you captured their post-Battle relationship quite perfectly in such a small space of words.

Well done on this!!

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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - BookDinoaur

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Ah, the infamous sentient Puffapod! I should've read this last year, but I'm glad that I saved it until now. Inanimate objects with feelings and thoughts are always my favorite things to read about, and I had a good laugh at the dorky lil' Puffapod's expense. (Oh, excuse me, I meant PEDIGREED Puffapod.)

The Puffapod, like any good soldier, thinks of their mother's wisdom when going off to war. Holding themself high as they fell into battle was a remarkable show of character. I think the Puffapod is probably a Hufflepuff, because they found a way to combat the icky Death Eaters, trolol. And I love that Professor Sprout came back to care for the Puffapod personally. I think that Sprout probably understands the Puffapod--she probably speaks the same language and everything!

Very cute chapter. I like this Puffapod, I think!

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Review #11, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - Leonore

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Hi Leo! I love Neville, so this is a good chapter for me to visit. :)

Neville is a character that always catches my eye, because I am still so amazed at his transformation throughout the series. He started out as such a shy, stuttering kid, and then he became a leader. So that letter from his gran is huge, especially since he spent most of his Hogwarts career feeling like he had to somehow measure up to the achievements of his parents to be worthy of his gran's attention. Now he's achieved his own things, and I'm super glad that his gran acknowledged that.

Dumbledore's Army Forever, indeed! It's a great slogan, and I'm glad that you chose it to be a sort of representative moment from all those times when the DA was subversively leaving those messages all over the school. It looks like it was a routine mission for Neville, but there was so much at stake. He could've been caught, but this time, he made it back safely. Happy endings are always best to think about, especially when it's so late at night. :)

Great chapter! It's nice to see such a normal moment in the midst of all the hullabaloo that goes on.


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Review #12, by UnluckyStar57Hogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - BookDinosaur

12th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Hi Emily! Awww, this is so cute! I love cats, and I love Luna, so combining the two things makes perfect sense.

Erica is quite an adorable person. Her concern for her cat is above all other needs, like food, rest, comfort, et cetera, and I think cats actually prefer that they are the center of everyone's universe. So going on a quest to find a cat is logical. It's like looking for an incredibly fluffy, purring Holy Grail.

Luna is the perfect character to help Erica on her quest, especially since Luna has a knack for the odd and out-of-the-ordinary. Luna herself has "lost" many things, due to people taking them, so she is able to empathize with Erica's plight. It is very important that Erica was able to see how Luna was different--breaking Hogwarts etiquette by not being part of the celebration because of the noise, and because sometimes solitude is better than partying.

Again, this was super cute!


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Review #13, by UnluckyStar57Taming the Dragon Tamer: [three]

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Awww, yisss. So glad that I swung by for this chapter, because this is when they get all complicated... Is it bad that I love that so much?

Trolol, drunken conversations leading to kissing leading to other things... Best way to make for an awkward morning! I enjoyed reading Charlie's moment of awakening before getting the flashback-esque scene from the pub. It was a great in medias res moment for sure! And it was all worth it to get that kiss... Oh man, that was great! I don't know why, but writing a kiss scene in such a minimal way as you've done is just the best way to pull it off. There are no frills and furbelows and "their tongues battled for dominance"--no, Charlie Weasley doesn't kiss that way, and I would imagine that Chris doesn't either. You win the Best Kissing Scene That Mallory Has Read All Day Award. :)

Very brilliant job of keeping the theme of Chris's independence intact. Unfortunately, this story brings out my utterly-hopeless-romantic side, and I would like to believe that even in these early days, Charlie only wants to help because he's actually super into Chris and wants to show that he cares. But Chris is obviously not ready for that level of intimate caring-ness, and he's worked so hard to be seen as more than just a disability. Charlie still has that image of Chris, although I think he's coming around a little bit. Still, that simple offer of help has got to be a great big blow to Chris's view of Charlie, even if it was with good intentions.

Oh no, Chuck. You're going to be seeing this guy again, trust me. You know, I ship Charlie/Chris more than any other Charlie ship that I've ever read, with Charlie/Rita coming in at a close second. So well done on writing such a great (and wave-tossed, turbulent) ship!

Catch ya next time!


Author's Response: Haha, it's not bad that you love the complications - I do too.

Awkward mornings are fun memories later - I should know...

I feel like their kiss wouldn't have been all that frilly and complicated. Charlie is a simple person, I think a simple kiss does him justice. Also, they are both grown up men... If you ask any of them, they would probably say "and then we kissed." That's it. Nothing more to it...
AW!! Thanks Mallory, I'll remember that award *hangs medal up on the wall*

I believe Chris needs his independence, but what's more: Charlie needs to see that Chris can do it on his own. Charlie's prejudices are a mixture of being misinformed and being frustrated with his own inability to work right now.
Don't worry, I'm a hopeless romantic with my characters. They'll get their romantic moments soon.

Aww! Thanks so much!! It really makes me so happy to have convinced you of the pairing.

Lots of love,

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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57Hermione Granger: Prologue: Harry Needed Her

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Angst Galore, indeed! Beth, how could you?! First Rose, now Hermione?! Where does it end? Which Weasley will you go after next?!?!

But in all seriousness, kudos to you for taking on the challenge of writing post-war Hermione in this light. I've seen a few stories where people postulate that the Cruciatus Curse affected her more than she let on, and to be honest, that is the saddest thing to me. In my mind, I've categorized her as a goddess, Minister Granger, and maybe that isn't the most accurate portrayal. She's still human, and she is hurting.

Oh, but it breaks my heart. :/ Ron's approach, his chagrin, her small voice--my main question is WHY? Why was he so eager to see her--why hasn't he seen her every day? Are they apart? Is she under St. Mungo's care? What's going on there?

Ooh, I admire her so much for being strong for Harry's plots, but I kind of hate Harry for being so oblivious to her pain. Seriously, did the guy never notice ANYTHING? But she soldiered on, as people at war will do. She is made of stronger stuff, but even the strongest of people can be overcome. Still, I love that Ron was there to comfort her, holding her hand through everything. People can say what they will about Ron--I think he's darn great. And I know that his purpose is not to save Hermione from herself--this isn't that kind of story, and Ron's not that kind of guy. (Honestly, "that kind of guy" isn't even real.) He's just an anchor for her in the unsteady times, and that's what she needs to get through it.

But what happened within the thirteen months that ensued? Why the rapid deterioration? Why wasn't Ron there for Hermione? I must read on to get answers someday soon, when the HC isn't putting Nargles in my brain.


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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Chapter Three

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

I meant to review this aaagggeesss ago, but here I am, better late than never!!

Okay, so I must first say that I'm reading North and South right now, and Margaret Hale has NOTHING on Clara!! Margaret is kind of a Mary Sue-ish character, in that everyone falls in love with her instantly and she's sooo perfect, but Clara is super amazing. She has guts, she knows what she's doing and how to do it, and she doesn't let any man talk down to her. And I don't think she's Mary Sue-ish at all, because she's so obviously not perfect. She's raw, and I really like that about her.

Combat scene in the Leaky?! EPIC. One point of confusion--was Clara doing wandless magic? Please excuse me for being dumb, but I didn't catch any mention of a wand, and yet it didn't seem to be too big of a deal to the other members of the Defenders when they showed up. Or has it already been addressed in a previous chapter? I must reread, silly forgetful brain of mine.

Anyway, battle scene. Clara does NOT play that "oh, I'm an innocent girl" card at all, and that is sooo cool. She just sort of goes "yoo hoo!" and knocks them out. I especially loved it when she was all like, "Oh, look after Edwin, because I'm pretty much fine." This time period in the Wizarding World is quickly exposing itself as one where women CAN be seen as equal to men, but they have to act like a super macho man in order to be seen as equal. And that isn't cool, but hey, that's what Clara's working on combating, even as she combats those creepy guys.

Ooh, Tristan worked for the Ministry? I wonder what's up with that? Is he a link to the deaths of those people from previous chapters? The mystery keeps on getting more and more mysterious!

I must mention the "truce" between Edwin and Clara. Sure, they "truced," but how long will that last? Will they hold an uneasy peace for now? Will they go right back to bickering? Honestly, I really see Edwin as the Mr. Thornton figure, but that confuses me because I still ship Dugald and Clara... Whoops. Maybe Edwin will turn out to be a pleasant friend? At this late hour, I really can't predict anything. :P

Another fab chapter, seriously, you've got me begging for more of the story as usual. If your Muse is being mean to you, please give her a swift kick in the butt from yours truly. :)


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Review #16, by UnluckyStar57The Most Beautiful Flower: The Most Beautiful Flower

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Severus Snape is certainly one of the most controversial and disliked characters in all of the Potterverse. He's even defended in some circles for his abhorrent actions against innocent schoolchildren, and darn, does that man hold a grudge! But here, you've created a more sympathetic view of the man we all love to hate. You've shown that, although he was wrong to hate Lily's son, he also grieved for Lily's death. And that makes me feel pity for him, although I can never truly like him.

Your meditations on death and the stereotypical image of it that is portrayed at funerals was spot-on. Like wow, that was eloquent! Snape really got in his feels as he looked on Lily lying in the coffin, and the ceremony of it all sort of looked cheap in comparison to those emotions he was experiencing. Granted, he ignored James in favor of the woman he loved, but that is completely in character for him and I would expect nothing less.

Ah, the nostalgia of childhood days by the river in Spinner's End. The symbolism of the snowlily was really delicate and beautiful, and it was comforting to read that, even though he's a lonely, bitter man, Snape still has his moments of tenderness. He still feels emotions, even if those emotions caused him to act in ways that weren't always nice. He's quite a complex character, and I really wish I had more time and brainpower to examine him through this new lens that you've created, but suffice it to say that you've made me think about him a little more that I would normally, and I like that a lot. So thanks!!

"the only remnant of the industry that had given Spinner's End its name"--I don't know why, but I really love that quote. There's something so stark about it, so empty. It's a washed-up old town, and Snape is kind of washed-up as well. The only things that remain here for him are his memories, and those are tainted with sadness.

Very beautiful and sad story! Lovely work.


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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57to the end of time: New Friends

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

You can claim the honor of my first HC 2k15 review! (If indeed, that is an honor.)

Okay, now the review: I personally am a huge fan of Parvender, and I am super psyched that you have a whole collection of chapters dedicated to examining their relationship! I will definitely have to come back and read more later, because this first chapter was positively adorable!

Things I really loved about it: Parvati's trepidation before the Sorting. You can really tell that she's super attached to Padma, and Padma loves her sister as well, but she's more sure of herself--which is why she ultimately goes to Ravenclaw while Parv ends up as a Gryff. As a Gryff, there's that edge, that uncertainty that really pushes people to get out of their comfort zone and be brave. And that's what Parvati had to do as soon as the Hat called out its decision.

LOVED the nod to Ron's line. And Lav and Parv taking it like he's just some dumb boy (which he is right now). OI Lav! That's gonna be your boyfriend someday! I can't wait to see how that whole relationship develops.

For now, it was so cute that Parvati had an instant friend in Lavender. I enjoy reading about their friendship because it gives a more sympathetic perspective to their characters than the view we get in the HP series. Here, they're just girls being instant friends in a sea of unfamiliar faces, and that's what is important as eleven-year-olds.

Again, what a great way to start this collection off! And I will be back for more one day!


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Review #18, by UnluckyStar57Isabella: Thirteen Candles

13th May 2015:
Hello Kaitlin! I'm finally here for our swap (thanks so much for your review!). I would've been more prompt about it, but I had to take a road trip with my father. :P

Omg, you are KILLING ME with this imagery thing you've got going on. It's AMAZING. I love how the tone of this story is so... I don't know, earthy? There's something very down-to-earth about the narration, while having this incredible poetic nature. I can't quite describe it, but I love how you wrote it.

The first person, present tense style really adds to it, I think. Putting things in present tense always makes them seem more immediate, and so this is a really great start to the story. While reading the chapter, I could picture the heavy clouds and the breeze blowing through the tall grass. I could see the cows grazing and I could smell the mole (almost). I mean, that's just really cool, man.

It's really amazing that you wrote this for the Diversity Challenge. There really aren't many stories that explore other Wizarding communities in general, and setting a story in Oaxaca allows you to mix what you know about JK's world with the culture-both ancient and modern-in Mexico. I can only imagine the possibilities! Will the wizards there use Latin spells, since Spanish is a romance language? Perhaps they'll have a mixture of European magic and magic derived from the ancient indigenous peoples in the region? That would be super cool, and I really can't wait to see what you come up with!

So it looks like the wizards in Mexico start their kids at magic school at age thirteen. Or maybe Isabella just hasn't shown any magical abilities until that age? But that disregards the old lady at the end of the road, so I'm going with my first instinct. Why do they start them two years later? Do they go for seven years? What is the school system like? I really should just wait for the next chapters to explain this to me, but this is just what I'm thinking about right now.

Oooh, before I ramble on about something else, I have to quote some of my favorites from this chapter:

I am caught in a sea of grass. In any direction that I look, all I can see is the waves of wind rippling across the tender green stalks which have grown tall from the late summer rain. ~Yes. THIS is how you start a story. I will never not love these opening lines.

Carefully, I slip my right foot into the stirrup and pull myself up onto his back. Just as I do so, the wind gusts and my skirt goes flying up all around me, a rainbow of colors, woven by my mother. ~Dang, I was lost in the loveliness of that image. It's so simple, but this moment was just electrifying to me. I love the dichotomy of simplicity and complexity that you've got going on. I can't say that enough, really.

If you were to ask everyone in town for their family’s recipe, you would notice that everyone does it differently. Personally, I think my mother makes it the best out of all of them, but I may be slightly biased. ~You did such a great job of weaving in the dynamics of family in such a short space in this chapter. It really gives me a good sense of how things might go with Isabella's family when they find out that she's magic.

Of course, I can't not mention the food. I really like it when you talk about food because you obviously know what you're talking about. Have you ever read Like Water for Chocolate? This chapter reminds me a little of it, talking about the mole and the mixing of the ingredients. If you haven't read it, I think you would enjoy it! Anyway, I love the attention to detail in Isabella's mama's mole-making process.

Ooh, the mysterious woman makes a Hagrid-esque appearance! I wonder why this had to happen late at night...

I can't wait to read more!!


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Review #19, by UnluckyStar57Meals With Muggles : Burgers And Chips

12th May 2015:
Hi hi hi!!!

Wow, this has so many reviews already! It's incredible what Dudlietta will do to people's shipping sensibilities. :D

First of all, thank you thank you THANK YOU for writing this! It's seriously so great, and asdrfjlaksjdfokj, I don't even know what to say. It was all so perfect.

I love the way you used your experience as a chef to color the narrative. I really want that croissant now because the imagery you used to describe it was so vivid and wonderful. It's a croissant of the imagination, a perfect feast for the figurative senses. Actually, I'm calling it--this description of the croissant is my favorite description of food in all of fanfiction. I'll probably remember it forever. :)

Also, the amount of research you did for this really comes through in the little details. I love that you were so fastidious about it, because the details like the pub and the university situations really added substance to the story. It wasn't just about two people bonding over a mutual menace, it was about Marietta and Dudley bonding over basically every detail of their lives.

And if I shipped it before, boy, do I REALLY ship it now!!!

Dudley has always interested me as a character because he's one of the few that specifically has a weight issue. In the books, he doesn't seem to be too self-conscious about it, but here, he's pretty aware of the spacial limitations that come with a larger frame. That's the funny thing about growing older--you become more aware of your perceived "flaws." And you treated the whole weight issue really well--it wasn't a thundercloud over his head, but it was one of those slight nagging things that people tend to worry about in the backs of their minds. The way he skirted the tables was described really well, and I love that you kept that part of his physical description close to canon. If he came back as a super trim fit guy with rippling abs, I would be super disappointed. :P

Dudley wonders why Marietta wants to have lunch with him... I say it's because she likes his face. (Not just because she feels she has to repay him for knocking his lunch down.) Also, I'm a HUGE sucker for the whole attraction-at-first-sight cliche when it's written well, and this is DEFINITELY written very well. The falling-over-onto-his-lap sequence was very funny and a perfect, fluffy way for the Dudlietta ship to begin its maiden voyage. :D

I am so interested in knowing more about Dudley and Marietta's life up to this point and beyond--like, what's the "real" date going to be like?! There is so much room to explore with this ship, and you've done such a brilliant job of showing one little snippet in their lives. Ugh, I am SO disgustingly happy that you wrote this. I can't get over it! ♥

I've probably dithered on enough for you to get the picture, but just to reiterate: This was totally brilliant. You're great at writing dark stuff, but I think you may have found a new thing to be good at--Dudlietta fluff! :D Hopefully your willingness to be a Dudlietta pioneer will spur other people on to write their own versions of the ship, because now I want to read more about these precious babies. (Also, if you ever write another story about them, I would be deliriously happy!)

Thank you so much for writing this!! I just can't get over how great it is. ♥


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Review #20, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Chapter Two

22nd April 2015:
"I'll review it tonight!" she says as she doesn't review it tonight. Trolol, I'm later than I thought I would be, but here I am to shower your lovely story with more compliments and love!

First, let's start at the end. This whole chapter was like, "TOTAL BABES BEING AWESOME," and "To strong women" is the thesis statement of the chapter and the entire story. Can it be the thesis statement to my life? Because YAAAS.

That being said, I love, love, love how you're incorporating traditional views of Victorian women with modern attitudes about feminism. The Victorian era is that awkward in-between time, and nobody can decide where women should be in society (of course, MEN are usually the ones who can't decide this. The women usually know). So having Clara be such a strong character is 1000% amazing, especially since there are other strong women and she's not just the only girl in a "man's world." Theodora Ollivander for the win!

Oh! Question because I noticed some things--like Edwin, which is reminiscent of Edwin Drood, which is a Dickensian character. Did you name your characters after those in Dickens's novels? If so, that's a really cool parallel, and it makes it even cooler that you've had him become a crossover link between Victorian wizards and Victorian Muggles. Super cool! Except the really interesting thing here is that Dickens always had... weird views of women. Like, he thought that they definitely should have been placed under men in society, but like all good Victorians, he presents contradictory views and the reader has to pick which one works for them. (I prefer to think that women in Dickens novels are struggling to be heard, but their author won't quite let them out yet. He's like one step away from it. But still.) Sorry if I'm being boring and long-winded, but like I've said, Victorians are my favorite weirdos!

Wink wink nudge nudge to Clara's interactions with Dugald!! Love it! Except, another question: How old is he? She's twenty-one, and I know it was the case with lots of Muggle Victorians to have the male love interest WAY older than the female (Jane Eyre was 18, Rochester was 38; Louisa Gradgrind was 20, Josiah Bounderby was 50; etc). But still, if I'm going to ship these two, I don't want them to be vastly separated in age. I can't ignore my modern viewpoint enough to convince myself of it. At any rate, Dugald is hopefully only in his late 20s or early 30s. And I totally ship them right now, so we're good.

(I hope you don't take any of this weird rambling the wrong way. I sincerely love your story, but the insanities of the time period are just too insane to NOT talk about.)

Edwin is awful and the Ministry is ineffective. I'm glad that hasn't changed throughout Wizarding history. :P

Anyway, I really should go to class now, so I'll have to shut up for now. :/ But this is such a great chapter, A++, and I hope that your Muse cooperates enough for more chapters in the near future! This is absolutely one of my current faves. :)


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Review #21, by UnluckyStar57Conspiracies: Nothing left to say

15th April 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the April BvB. :)

Because The Defenders has no more new chapters, I thought I would stop by this one. I know that you've marked it "Abandoned," but the summary drew me in.

And I'm happy that I read this chapter, even though after I write this review I'll probably read the others and be left hanging for all eternity... But that's beside the point. The point is, I really like the premise for this story!

Melody seems like a really cool girl. I love that she's in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, which is not a place where you see a whole lot of female OCs in Next Gen fic. And she's really good at her job--which she's been doing for only a month. That seemed slightly too-good-to-be-true to me, especially since even she was questioning why Harry and Hermione would pick her to do the job. But the explanation that she's less biased and doesn't have her own political agenda was legit. So I'm definitely sold on the idea of her being a super awesome DMLE officer. Ladies kicking butt and taking names is what I live for!

So, James Potter's in a spot of trouble and his daddy's trying to get him out of it? I'm DEFINITELY sold! I really wonder what your version of James is like, because there are so many ways that this could go. Is he a spoiled brat? Is he a mama's boy? What's his relationship with Harry like? When do I get to meet him?

Ooh, and the name "Heather Merryweather" is just phenomenal. Like, what a perfect name for someone who's trying to follow in Rita Skeeter's footsteps! Gah, just one more detail that makes me love this story already.

I really enjoyed that beginning description of Melody's ride on the lift. I could imagine all of the people crowding in, and it can definitely get claustrophobic! I especially appreciated that you used that space to give a voice to Melody's insecurities about her job--she seems to be slightly nervous at the beginning, and maybe that's because she's afraid she's not qualified enough? But hopefully her work on James's case will help her realize her full potential.

Okay, I know that you maybe don't want reviews on this story because it's Abandoned and all, but I just wanted to say that I hope you change your mind and continue this someday. What I've read so far is really great, and I can see this going in a really fun direction.


Author's Response: Oh Mallory, your reviews always make me smile! :)

Thank you so much! I actually really enjoyed writing Conspiracies and I adored Melody but then I lost pre-written chapters and between that and uni, I never found the time to get around to finishing it!

I do love Melody! No it's not and that's why I wanted her there - I figured there should be a little girl power in the Magical Law Enforcement! Well i'm glad my explanation was legit.I was a little unsure about having her be recruited by Harry and Hermione and I know I've had a review that wasn't sure about that. But the whole 'being neutral' to me makes perfect sense but then again, i'm biased because this is my story! Yes! Girl Power all the way! Kick ass females all the way!

I wanted a James II plot that wasn't like everything else I had read and that's what I came up and it was definitely inspiration for the rest of the story! James is...well you'll see him in the next chapter and the others (if you read on, that is).

True Story: A Geography teacher in my high school was called Mr Merryweather and that's where the name comes from! I needed it to be ridiculous and I think it fits! Awww, thank you!

Thank you so much for this review! You'll definitely know how to give a girl confidence in her writing! Hopefully I will because I did enjoy it but some reviews and then me losing the chapters put me off but one day, I hope to come back and you'll be the first to know!


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Review #22, by UnluckyStar57A Single Point In Time: 1984

15th April 2015:
Hi Laura! I'm here for our swap. :)

I decided to review this chapter because it was looking a bit lonely and it isn't connected by storyline to the others. And I'm glad I did, because Narcissa is a fascinating character.

First of all, the language you used in this was absolutely phenomenal. The emphasis on appearance was really made evident by Narcissa's comparison of herself to Mrs. Vaisey--I love the description of her as a "Renaissance hen." Overall, the language had a very aristocratic slant to it, and I could picture Narcissa thinking that way.

The "proper wife and mother" theme was a fabulous one to explore for Narcissa. She's so uncomfortable in her position as this perfect domestic housewife, and it fits very well with her canon personality. Of course motherhood doesn't suit her; she's an aristocrat! I have a feeling that she would rather make her own statements about the war instead of making empty comments and talking about motherhood. And it isn't that she doesn't love Draco, no, you made it very clear that she feels a sort of affection for him, but it's just not the same for her as it is for people like Evelyn Vaisey.

Ooh, the comparison of Draco to Harry was spot-on. It's so hard to think that while Harry was being orphaned by Voldemort, Draco was sucking on a silver spoon while his parents expected a victory for their side. Oh--but I just caught the even deeper comparison, about how Harry and Draco were both unwanted. Oh man, this changes things. Because what that tells me is that Narcissa was really on the inside of Voldemort's circle, and then she had to stop when she got pregnant. So she now has to deal with this new position that she's been suddenly shoehorned into, because of not just one baby, but two.

Whoa. That is some crazy cool backstory right there. I am totally convinced of this because you did such a brilliant job of conveying it.

They had arisen like some problematic kitsune, demanding attention and causing havoc, stumbling to find their feet. ~I especially love this line. It describes Harry and Draco perfectly as children and as Hogwarts students. And the comparison to kitsune makes me wonder if Narcissa is maybe of Japanese heritage? If so, that's another really cool interpretation of her character!

Really brilliant work on this! I hope I can come back sometime and read the other chapters, because I have a feeling that you reinterpreted the other characters in new and awesome ways, just like with Narcissa. :)


Author's Response: Mallory!!

This review makes me SO happy, because you've absolutely hit the nail on the head and understood exactly what I was trying to say here, and that feels so great! :D I really wanted to write Narcissa as a character who feels so bound by her gender that she resents it - but that's not to say she hates her child or her husband or anything - she just hates that she as a woman is always beneath someone, always tending to them. I'm so glad that that came through and it's honestly so rewarding seeing you write that out in your review because it was my intention here.

I'm really pleased the language reflected Narcissa's personality, because writing this chapter was a little different to the other ones and I was worried that I'd got a bit lost with all the info I was trying to convey. This review has absolutely put my mind at ease though - honestly, thank you so so much for such a fantastic review, you are 100% the best person ♥

Laura xxx

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Review #23, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Chapter One

12th April 2015:
Hi again!

RE: Your Author's Note: Um, no, you're not silly for writing this. You're awesome! Like, this is so exciting because you're writing about a period that we don't really have canon information about. You can make stuff up! You get to make the rules. :)

Oh wow, Edwin is a pouty jerk. Just because Clara was smarter than him and noticed a link in the pattern first doesn't mean he has the right to go complaining about stuff. But I do agree with the sentiment that it was a rough time for factory owners and workers. (Mostly the workers.) Because on the one hand, you've got workers who are trying to get a few more rights/more pay, and then you've got the factory owners, who won't give it to them/are afraid of uprisings. And what a mess it was! Oh yeah, and I love, love, love that Edwin owns Floo Powder factories. Like, what?! That's amazing!!! Wow, I can just picture the Wizarding World operating like Victorian society/industrialism, using factory systems to manufacture things with magic. Oh man, just amazingness! Also, corruption, if Edwin is anything to go on...

It's so cool that you've pulled in Muggle current events, like William Gladstone and the factories. It gives the story a great authenticity. You've really done your research! :D

Ooh, I wonder why the Muggleborns are disappearing? It's a little too early for Jack the Ripper, but maybe it's an earlier Wizarding version? Who knows?!

There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing that could detract from my excitement/overall enjoyment of the story. If you have a little time, I would suggest rereading this chapter to do a bit of rewording. But really, it was beautifully written overall, and I really loved it.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot. The mysterious feel at the beginning, with the rain and the way you imagined Clara through a far-away perspective, was really fabulous. It set the tone nicely for what was to follow.

I'll be on the lookout for the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hey!

I'm still not sure! I think the whole fact I can make stuff up scares me a little! But it's my story and my victorian world so i'm just going with the flow!

He really is but I still love him (but maybe that comes from imagining Aidan Turner playing him?). Yes, he's definitely under some stress so he can be forgiven for the most part. It was a mess indeed! I have no idea where I got the idea for Floo Powder factories - I think I just figured it all had to be made somewhere and it's used everywhere so it would have to be made and distribted quickly and viola - the factories were born! Well again, I wanted a link to the Victorian era and i thought that would be the best way to link both worlds!

Thank you! I researched and researched so I'm glad it's paid off and you think it's cool!

I know, I admit I rushed to get it out because the queue was practically empty but I have gone back now so hopefully I've got them all. I do struggle sometimes with my grammar and typos but that's because I dislike proof-reading most of the time because it reminds me of uni too much but I will definitely take more care for the next chapter. I might look into getting a Beta if I can, just to double check a few things!

Oh thank you! I hate just diving into a chapter so I do like the set the scene! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you so much for reviewing! Honestly, your reviews are amazing and they're helping me so much my confidence in this story has doubled so thank you for that!

It'll be coming soon, hopefully!!

Vicki ♥

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Review #24, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Prologue

12th April 2015:
Hi there!

I'm in a Victorian Lit class right now, so this story is basically everything I could ever want. You obviously know stuff about the times, which is AMAZING, because the way you put little details into the story was absolutely wonderful to read.

I love Clara already--she's perfect for the time period. Women were in a super awkward position, but one might expect that to let up after the census of 1850, which showed a "surplus of women" and so then women were allowed more freedom and such. I would expect Clara to be an inheritor of her grandfather's estate, and his position in the Defenders! The Wizarding World has always been a little more progressive than the Muggle world--where it counts, anyways, so the inclusion of Clara in the Defenders makes a lot of sense.

As does Edwin's obvious dislike of her. The question of gender roles was put under heavy scrutiny, especially for middle class women, so because he's a factory owner, it makes sense that he would be skeptical and even downright rude/condescending to her. What an awful man! I like that he's a factory owner, because that was also a huge theme in Victorian England. Industrialization really took the country by storm, and having that link to Muggle current events is really amazing and important.

I wonder what Milton knows about the Leaky Cauldron that Clara doesn't? It seemed like he didn't trust the place, so I'm wondering if ominous things will happen there...

Ooh, Dugald McPhail seems like a bae. I can't wait to read more about him!

Also, I love that you've got canon surnames in this. Origin stories for underexplored canon characters are always welcome!

Well, I just wanted to drop by and review these chapters because of my insane love for Victorians and their literature. (Also, I have to write an essay about Hard Times by Charles Dickens and it isn't going so well right now. Procrastination is my friend!) I'm sorry if I scare you with all of my ramblings, but just know that I really enjoyed reading this and I can't wait to read the next chapter! (Which will happen as soon as I stop typing here and submit this review.)


Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reviewing!

oh wow, I bet that's super interesting!! I adore Victorian England so I knew I wanted a story set in the times and this is what I came up with! Aw, thank you! I think the little details matter and it's let my inner history nerd come out!

I'm glad you love Clara! I feel quite protective over her so to hear that you love her makes me so happy! I'm glad she's time period appropriate in your eyes - I'm taking that as a huge compliment seeing as your in a Victoria Lit class and clearly know your stuff! She will be sole inheritor of the estate and his position - I wanted her to have her independence but with just a hint of the oppression of that time so that's where the whole 'marrying for wealth and security' comes from! I didn't want her to be too out of place! But yes, I used their progression to have Clara and also Theodora, who is a women of status and power already, to be their own person!

YES! I'm so glad that his dislike of her doesn't come across as unfounded! I took the basis of the story from Elizabeth Gaskell's 'North and South' and the fact that John Thornton, as much as he admired Margaret Hale, he was stuck in his times and looked down on her independence a bit! The inclusion of the Industrial Revolution also came from watching 'North and South' - I just knew something so big in the Victorian Era couldn't be ignored as much as the Wizarding World is more progressive, I would imagine it would have the same working problems, especially in that time. Edwin's character definitely takes some basis from John Thornton and how Richard Armitage played him!

We'll just have to wait and see haha! No, I didn't actually meant for it to across that way but your view has definitely given me something to think about!

He is! I absolutely adored writing him and James McAvoy is definitely the basis for him so he's just super adorable and of course, Scottish!

I'm glad you like that! I needed some way to link to the future hp universe (because I have ideas for a sequel already) and I thought the best way wuld be to use familiar surnames and I think it helps the reader to feel a bit more comfortable in the story being non-canon!

Well thank you so much for dropping by! I am with you with the love of Victorians! (Oh I know how that feels although I am done with essay writing now - it's all worth it in the end!) No, no, you definitely didn't, honestly, this is the best review ever and I've definitely rambled in this reply!


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Review #25, by UnluckyStar57Touché: Touché

11th April 2015:
Yes, hello, I am here for the Modern Muggle AU Jily genre.

Seriously, you have no idea how excited I am that you came on HPFF and published this story. I am a big fan of Modern Muggle AUs because of Tumblr, and I also write them. It's a very underappreciated niche on HPFF, so as I said, I am SUPER PUMPED that you've joined me in my quest to make it more well-known! (Not that you knew you were joining me in a so-called 'quest,' but let's pretend, right?)

Okay, well, now to give you an actual review:

I super love this. 100%. I can absolutely picture James being the dumb twenty-something who gets on the nerves of everyone because he's trying to take ironic pictures in London. Brilliant characterization there! I can tell that James isn't exactly a tourist in this story, but he doesn't seem to be originally from London. Where is he from?

Lily!! My fave, my queen, et cetera. She was perfect. Her panic about James fit really well with the Lily I know from canon and my own headcanons; she's a cool character, but she does tend to freak out sometimes. And it's so cute that she cares so much about James's wellbeing that she would invite him to dinner to make up for his injuries. Of course, there might be ulterior motives in play... :D

The slightly-angry-ish banter between them while James was in the hospital was spot-on. Kudos for that! AND OMG FAKE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND!!! I don't know what it is about that particular trope that gets me, but it gets me every time.

So, to summarize this slightly-wacky review, I am super psyched that you published this, and I love it to pieces. Please write more of them, and if you're interested, we can form a Modern Muggle Jily AU alliance! :D


P.S. I love your penname.

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for your review! I've been writing fanfiction for ages but this is the first jily fic I've tried and it's lovely to get such a fantastic response!
Yes, you're completely right about James, I haven't decided where he's from originally (Surrey maybe?) but has recently moved to London so I'm glad you caught onto that!
Also I did a stalk of your account and OH MY GOD YOU ARE AMAZING. Aesthetic Alterations is absolutely brilliant, I love how you write so so much.
I would love to form a Modern Muggle Jily AU alliance!! Let's do this *high fives* we can cry over how perfect they would be in 2015.
P.S I like your penname too!

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