Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
870 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57Iris: Found

22nd April 2016:
Hey Ella! I'm here for our swap. :)

Funny story: My name is Mallory, so I giggled when I saw that Charlotte's "mother" was called Mallory as well. It's an understandable choice--after all, "Mallory" actually means "unlucky." (Hence my penname, lol.)

But enough about me.

I am a HUGE NERD for Next Generation fanfics, which is why I write and read them voraciously. However, after years of reading cliches, I always love finding really cool fics that go against the mainstream. This is one of them! I am super impressed and intrigued by the premise of this story, and I honestly don't think I've ever seen anything like it on HPFF before. :)

Charlotte intrigues me quite a lot--she's having these crazy dreams and she's living with this ugly lady in a forest, but she seems to doubt that this lady is actually her mother. There are so many questions--how did she come to be living in the forest? why is she hostile toward Mallory? what do her dreams actually mean? I like that you've set this story up with ambiguity because it means you'll have to spend lots of time making things clear--and that always makes for a good story, in my opinion!

One question I have that is unrelated to the plot: You mention that Charlotte is teaching herself to read, but then she seems to read the Dark Forces book somewhat easily--considering that there are terms like "dementor" and "inferius" that might be more difficult to figure out and certainly more difficult to understand. Does she know how to read, but has been put under a spell to think that she doesn't know how to read? I just thought that, with the mention of her reading picture books, she might not be on a level to understand much of the language in a textbook, or whatever the Dark Forces book is. Just my own personal confusion, though!

The image of irises popping up everywhere is really pretty! I hate that Mallory forces Charlotte to Obliviate herself all the time, though, and I'm really wondering why Mallory is keeping her in the forest. The stories about Harry as an "evil wizard" are interesting because it shows the power of misinformation and people's abilities to spin a story in whatever way they choose. But why Charlotte? Is she a really powerful witch that Mallory is using to make herself young again? The clues that you put in this chapter are really incredible--I'm so curious to know whether or not it's Charlotte's blood that makes Mallory look young.

Ooh, also I loved the image of the blue car--presumably the rogue Ford Anglia from Harry's second year! It told me that this story is set in the Forbidden Forest without being explicit, so that was really cool!

Also, I suspect that this mystery boy is James Potter II, and he's going to alert someone that Charlotte is living in the woods, so that's going to be exciting to read!

This is already such a cool story! I certainly hope you update it soon, because I'm curious to find out what will happen! You did a brilliant job of leaving clues in the chapter, and yet I cannot solve this mystery relying on those alone. I will definitely be reading more as soon as you post it!

Thanks again for swapping with me!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Ah in all honesty I love the name Mallory and was considering it for the main character until I read the meaning behind it, and found it the mother a lot more than Charlotte!

I can definitely see where you are coming from with the topic of books and how she is able to read more difficult words. Something I seemed to have looked past. So thank you for bringing this to my attention! I plan on going back and editing this part, showing her struggling for reading such words.

You are really onto something with some of your predictions! especially the part with Mallory using her to stay young... but I'll say no more, there is a very dark story behind every action this women takes and one I am so looking forward to revealing!

Yes the car! I had to sneak it in there, especially to use it as a way to tell the reader it's set in the forbidden forest.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter! I can't thank you enough for such an insightful review!

Ella


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57To have is to hold: The past fifteen years

27th February 2016:
Hey Andrew! I'm here for our swap, and again, I'm really sorry that I'm a day late!

The entries for HPFF's Birthday Duel are so good from what I've read so far, and this is no exception! This story is an incredible mini-meditation on Harry's past in the midst of his present, and it does a lovely job of summing up the Hogwarts years without being redundant. In fact, the phrases are just outright lovely!

Wow, I love the phrase "despoiler of dreams" to describe Voldemort because not only did he wreck the physical world, but he also played nasty mind games with Harry and magical and nonmagical citizens of Britain. Literally turning himself into the incarnation of a nightmare. That's disgustingly evil, and again, you phrased it so well!

The other phrase that I really love is "From the very first hours of his new corporeality, death had followed him." Voldemort is so horrifying, and this sentence is both literally true and metaphorically true at the same time.

As Harry reflects back through the years, it's very easy to see when he's getting anxious about his past and the things that happened to him. I like that he's followed in Mad-Eye Moody's footsteps and become a constantly vigilant Auror, but the juxtaposition of this to the image of him holding baby Albus is quite poignant. The awful war that he fought gave his personality a new edge, but his children sort of soften it.

Also, really wonderful job on touching on how he changed over the years! Not only did he go through these things, he grew through them. Harry is by no means a stagnant character, and you captured that in such a succinct way throughout!

Aww, toddler James Sirius is adorable! And it seems like Harry is still up to the kind of small rule-breaking that he did at Hogwarts, since he really isn't supposed to be holding Albus, haha.

Of course, since this was the birth of Harry and Ginny's son, Harry was not the only one in the room! After all, Ginny is the one who's in the hospital bed, and this is as much a story about her as it is about him. The juxtaposition between her in the present and in the Chamber of Secrets was oddly chilling because it was quite unexpected, but it makes sense that Harry would see it that way and serves as a fitting segue into Harry's reminiscences. Haha, we all know that Ginny is going to agree to the Controversial Middle Name for Albus, but I hope she's at least a little begrudging! She still has that very bold, brash Ginny Weasley quality to her in this story, even though she doesn't say much because she's exhausted from labor. It makes me happy that you retained that part of her personality--I really like book!Ginny and I don't think that the movies did her enough justice.

The only suggestion I want to give you is that you re-examine some of the shorter sentences in the story, especially towards the beginning. The first paragraph seemed kind of abrupt because of the sentence structure. Of course, that might have been purposeful on your part in the matter of style, so just ignore me if that's the case! :)

Thanks again for the swap! This was a really lovely story, and I can't believe it's just over 1200 words because it seems like a longer story. That's definitely a good thing!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Thanks for the swap, but you don't have to apologise for the delay, you know how fearfully tardy my own response was.

I'm glad you came and had a look at this little story. I've only just written it and I was wondering what people thought of it; being as it is only a recounting of events that most of us know from the books, but at a fifteen year remove. I'm very happy that it didn't seem redundant - that was a very real fear of mine going into the story.

That you pick up on those two phrases is great. I must say that I had a lot of fun writing the two and I did like the way that they seemed to turn out. You confirming this, makes me happy. Voldemort is as you say such a nightmarish figure - to be so ingrained in a society as an object of such evil that they cannot use his real name even though they think him dead, says a lot.

I believe that Harry'sactions in the war did amazing things to him. Especially his walk into the forest to meet death at the hands of Voldemort. After being so willingly able to sacrifice himself, he wouldn't have held onto some of the petty grievances of the past. But there has to be some balance, you cannot have someone becoming too perfect. So one thing that would have happened is that all of the death and heartbreak that Harry encountered at the time, would have driven home Moody's message of Constant Vigilance. It probably made him a little bit harder in a way and it is only now, as you point out, that his children are beginning to soften him.

Yes he still had to be Harry - what are a few small rules here and there. I also like to think that it's how he would be as an Auror, that he would punish severely those who walk an evil path, but those who break small, almost inconsequetial laws, he would deal much more leiniently with.

Oh, you know what, this review is simply wonderful. The story is told through Harry's eyes and so we experience far more of his involvement in it. I was so worried that the other person in the room might not be noticed as much as I wished her to be. So you saying all of those things about Ginny - all of which I wanted to convey - is so exceptional. Yes she's tough, but she's also loving. We know that she accepts the middle name, but I hope that she not only puts up a fight, but also gets some concessions somewhere else. I agree with you too, the movies did not do her fiesty, strong, independant character nearly enough justice.

Some of the shorter sentences were done on purpose, for that stocatto effect, but I will re-examine them as it is one of the faults of my writing. I do tend to write like an engineer sometimes, everything short and to the point. Also, this story was unbetaed, so I should pass it by somebody to give it a once-over.

Thanks indeed for the swap, and thanks even more for your patience with me and the much longer wait you had for my review. I'm really glad that you liked this little story, and yes, though it's little, it does pack a lot within - it is after all, the condensed remembrances of the past fifteen years.



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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57The Siren's Song: Silver and Emerald

26th February 2016:
Hey there! Here for our swap. :)

Oh my gosh, I love stories about the Founders! This is really so cool, because there's so much intertextuality and I LOVE THAT!!!

Okay, intertextuality: I'm sure you know what it is because you did it so skillfully here, but just in case, it's basically the interweaving of texts together to create something new. Here, I can spot Harry Potter (duh!), The Little Mermaid (which you stated, of course), and a little bit of the Odyssey, but with a happier ending.

The opening of this story really set the tone for the rest, as it became a very folklorish tale. Founders legends are difficult to pin down because you can either go really literal or really legendary, and this has a tendency toward legend that's very refreshing! The tribe of wizards and witches with their powers of pagan gods is a cool way to think about early magic--I meant, they weren't all about Hogwarts and Diagon Alley and the settled life in the earliest times of Britain!

Love the description of Salazar as a thief! And especially because the thievery of his tribe was very Robin Hood in nature--they were stealing for a good cause, which is morally dubious, but they've gotta survive! That ties in well with the very dubious morality of Salazar in canon!

Whoa, locket origin story! You know, it never really made sense why Salazar Slytherin had a famous locket, but now it does! It was his wife's, the Siren. Ssss galore!

I do question one element of the plot, and that is the nature of Salazar's research about the locket. Books weren't too common and available in rural inns, especially nonreligious texts. I know it's a magic thing, but I think that it would be cool if Salazar learned the secret of the locket through like an Oracle of Delphi kind of situation, where he meets some old sea lady and she tells him all about it. However! I did enjoy learning about his drive to research the locket for his beloved siren, and this is just a suggestion for another possible thing!

Aaahh! The Black Lake! Mermaids! I love it! I also really love the selflessness on Salazar's part, as he sets his mermaid queen free from dry land. It adds a new perspective on his character, since he's portrayed in canon as a cruel elitist with a giant snake. Here, he's a very sympathetic character--it's so cool when authors can make me sympathize with characters that JK Rowling portrayed as baddies. :D

Really brilliant work on this! I would love to come back and read Rowena's story, and I will definitely be on the lookout for Helga and Godric! This is such a super interesting take on the Founders, and the combination of those stories with fairy tales is positively A+!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi Mallory!

Thanks so much for this review. I'm so glad that you liked this story.

I like writing Founders stories more as legends. They're these larger than life figure I think, so they get these larger than life stories. Whether this is the reality of their lives or just wizarding myths and legends, who knows.

I think you're right about the books. There definitely wouldn't have been many books around for random thieves in inns to read about mysterious lockets on strange islands. Maybe I'll change it into the oracle. That's a great idea! Thank you for pointing this out.

I hope you enjoy my Rowena story as well and I'll definitely be trying soon to get Godric and Helga out. I've plotted their stories, now I just need to write.

Thank you again for stopping by!

Stefanie


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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57The Last Five Years: Still Hurting

26th February 2016:
Hey there! I'm here for our swap!

Okay, I saw The Last Five Years last year--the one with Anna Kendrick--and even though it was kind of cheesy, I absolutely loved the way it told the couple's story. It's so cool that you're basing a story on that format/plot!

Ouch. Starting with the breakup is really tragic and awful. I know that Blaise is the guy, but who's the girl? It's cool that you kept her name a mystery, though, because it transforms her character into a sort of Everyperson--like, everyone might go through something like this in their life, in some form or fashion.

I love that you're going with tradition and making Blaise a writer! He's a character on the periphery in the series, so he could pursue any career believably. I imagine that his flair for dramatics and style make him a perfect writer. Unfortunately for his wife, that also means that she gets to read a sparse note and deal with the sudden change by herself, with no sense of closure whatsoever.

The buildup of tension was really strong! First she was really clueless about what was going on, but she noticed that something was off, and then as she began to realize, she began to notice more things out of place. I can imagine that moving out as a wizard is easier than as a Muggle because you can just wave your wand and be gone, so the starkness of the empty drawers is very striking.

Aggh, so much raw emotion as the woman begins to throw things! I hate that she had to find out like this, and the normal reaction is to lash out. I could feel her fury, so you did such an excellent job of describing this!

There's also a hint of backstory, insight into their relationship. The snippets like "After all the ___ you did," and the neighbors hearing lots of arguments from their flat are very indicative of a troubled past! Great work on slipping those details in!

I have no CC for this chapter because it was quite compact and very strongly written! My hope for the next chapters is that they are longer so that I can see more into the story of Blaise and this mystery girl!

♥Mallory

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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Chapter Four

26th February 2016:
Hey Vicki! Here for our swap! ♥

Omg, I so love this story, and this chapter just increased my love for it. It might be a filler, but it's more than just empty fluff--there's so much going on!

Okay, I love how you've got Clara in such an interesting position--she's got a lot of power, especially since most of the people in the Defenders are so impressed by her talents, but even still she is in a position of weakness. Why? Because she's a WOMAN in VICTORIAN WIZARDING ENGLAND. Hot dog, lemme deconstruct this real quick.

Women in late Victorian society actually had some ability to own property, though they still didn't have the vote. Spinsters and single ladies were looked on as weirdos, but they still had more liberties than they did in the past. I shouldn't go into specifics since I'm trying to apply this to fanfic, lol. Anyway, Clara is a single lady in a time when single ladies were all too common in Britain, and so her power and independence is obviously a huge threat to the men. She's got that wandless magic going on, and somehow I think that this mysterious Badd'un (the ringleader) would be most interested in that indeed.

AND YET she is still susceptible to being sexualized and demeaned by men. Ooh, Tristan Durrigan is a TOAD FACE, WOW. Especially in Victorian times, to make lewd comments about sex and/or nonconsensual sex is NEVER OKAY. I mean, these people covered up their table legs for fear of exciting the passions of young lads!

BUT EDWIN OMG...! It would seem that he's really channeling Thornton here, but much more violently. Clara's honor needs to be defended, and even though she could probably do it herself, the point wouldn't hit home (haha, pun) as much as it did when Edwin resorted to physical violence. Dang, that's some crazy stuff. MULTIPLE punches to the face!

...hate to say it, but it kind of makes me think that there's something going on there. I love Dugald, but Edwin is this weird Dark Horse kind of guy with a hotheaded streak a mile wide. He's all about honor--very Darcy, which I approve--but he's not afraid to defend honor with less-than-honorable means. Totally fits in with the contradictions already in place in the Victorian consciousness! I mean, I'm way cool with it if Clara ends up single, but I'm sensing a sort of weird triangle thing between her, Dugald, and Edwin. Will anything happen? I can't even know right now, so I'm not going to predict!

In other news, I'm loving that you're still working on characterization for your other characters while the main action is somewhere else. First of all, we've got Professor Dixon, who's definitely a Wise Old Man with a Wise Old Plan. He's not so rooted in the old traditions that he ostracizes Clara, though, which is great. I love how he consoles her without being condescending. Then there's Theodora, who is just Grandma-y enough without being the milk-and-cookies kind. The image of her smoking a cigarette and being all pragmatic is just priceless! And of course, in the forefront we have Edwin, who might be covering things up a little bit. Mysterious man just got more mysterious!

Most of all, though, I really appreciate that Clara is still allowed to retain some of her early-twenties fragility--I mean, we ALL have it, and she's just recently been exposed to this crazy world. Of course, she's bearing up REALLY well and has this insane ability to perform magic without a wand, but watching a dude punch another dude AFTER battling with the latter dude takes its toll on a girl. (If that sentence made any sense, lol.) She has to recover, and that's where we're at right now.

I really look forward to your next chapter! *puppy dog eyes* This story is so incredible, and reading it again has made my day better!

♥Mallory

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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57when we were young: you sound like a song

18th February 2016:
Hey Stefi! I'm back for BvB, and I'm not in such a Christmas-y mood, so I decided to check this out!

Okay, so while I love shipping, I also love it when ships don't quite leave the harbor. Ya feel? I think you do.

This story perfectly captured that nostalgia that you feel for old significant others. I loved that it was Scorose--such an easy ship to do the Romeo-and-Juliet thing with and then "happily ever after." Actually, I was expecting something to happen, but the moment fizzled out like a wet firework, which gave the story a resolution that was both unexpected and satisfying.

Wow, characterizing Scorpius through Rose's view of him was a really great move! It was cool that she already knew all of his quirks, like running his hand through his hair and stuff. You also really emphasized the passage of time with things like Scorpius's haircut, which probably suits him now that he's older.

Ooh, I also love that you didn't totally give a huge explanation of their careers. Rose's teaching Transfig required some explanation, but it wasn't overwhelming and didn't interrupt the story. But Scorpius's job really stood out to me as well-intertwined with the story as he thinks about how to paint Rose's hair. Does blue normally go into hair? That was a cool fact that I learned from this, because I am no artist at all. Anyway, great example of showing, not telling!

Aww, the dance was quite cute! I like how they're somewhat nervous around each other but then get into talking about what they've been doing. I do wonder, however, why Rose broke up with him and what significance the meadow has to their relationship. I mean, obviously they went there a lot, but where was that coastline? Were they in France or somewhere in England? This detail is not something the story needs, but I am curious about it!

I do like that Rose and Scorpius are both adjusted and happy in their adult lives without each other. The underlying moral of this story, I think (if it has a moral, that is), is that "happily ever after" from first year to age 100 is not necessarily realistic. However, you can look back on old relationships without cringing...at least, not too much. :)

Really brilliant story, with great descriptions and imagery! That image of red-headed Rose in a green dress is just striking!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hello Mallory!

Thanks so much for the wonderful review! I'm so glad you liked this.

I also definitely like a good heartbreaking tale. It's kind of cathartic. Plus, a good cry is always good. This isn't quite that, but it's nice to have stuff that isn't so happy sometimes :P

Blue is not a common colour to use when painting natural hair. But I kind of picture Rose's hair colour to be pretty striking. The blue adds some body to it I think, just some depth and realism to the colour when on canvas I think.

The meadow I imagine is in a forest or on the edge of a forest near the coast in Ireland. I also imagine this story to take place in the same universe as 'Rose Tinted Glass' which is about young Rose and Scorpius lying in the grass while he draws a picture of her. It's not really explicit that these are the same universe, but it's just a picture in my head.

I like the moral you got out of this. I wasn't really thinking about morals when I wrote this, but I totally agree. 'Happily ever after' isn't always about forever, but it can be about cherishing what you have and being happy in your life. Which is what Rose and Scorpius are without each other - happy.

And the green dress just had to happen. I've always thought that Rose would be striking in green, I dress her in that colour frequently!

Stefanie


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Review #7, by UnluckyStar57La Bête Noire: quand l’étérnité finit.

18th February 2016:
Laura! Back for the BvB, and oh man, you've done it again!

Seriously, I think I've said in every single review that I've ever written on your stories that your prose is so musical and so heavy with meaning. Like, it occasionally takes some time to tangle through the phrases for me, but it's totally worth it because darn it, there is some serious stuff going on here! The content of your stories never disappoints when it comes to intrigue/secret plots/long-ago love. (Especially of the Gellbus variety. Albert?? What have they named this ship?!)

Anyways.

Nicolas Flamel is only on the periphery during Philosopher's Stone, but he obviously mattered a lot to Dumbledore and the magical community at large. It's cool that you've framed this story with this opening chapter--Flamel's death, in which so many things are said and so many are left unsaid. Wow, being so old has turned him into a true philosopher, and he has earned that title!

I loved the lines "Will he simply crumble, like old parchment, into a shiver of dust on the blankets, nothing left to say he was ever alive save for his name in ink? Will he wilt, a flower out of water for too long, turning old and decayed and dead under the sun’s glare? Will he simply die, fading out of the world with no fanfare, no visible sign?" especially because it does show how he finally has to confront death, and he is somewhat apprehensive about it.

The idea of Fawkes being loyal to Gellert before he became Albus's right-hand bird is very interesting. I really want to know more about this! I think a lot of people just take Fawkes's presence for granted, since he's always with Dumbledore. But where did he come from? I can't wait to find out his origin story. Also, tangentially related: Dumbledore's Patronus is a phoenix, and I bet that if Gellert ever cast one, it would be a phoenix too!

Ooh, I loved Nicolas's thoughts about Albus as a deceiver--because it's really true, he's so deceptive, and the conflict between him and Gellert was probably lots of smoke and mirrors. That little thought makes me want to read your version of the confrontation!

Also, does this story connect in any way to the other Gellbus you're writing? Just wondering!

One critique that I have for you is the usage of commas. You're great at managing the epic length of sentences while maintaining sentence integrity, but sometimes the commas can be superfluous or the sentence could be reworded to take out some of the commas. Since your writing flows so musically, it can get interrupted by some of the commas.

An example: "The first lie that evening, and it hangs there, solid, between them, almost tangible."

This is a shorter sentence, but there are four commas in it. I don't think it's grammatically incorrect at all, but I do think that it could be reworded slightly to get rid of one or two commas.

However, just a suggestion!! That was really the only thing that came up on my CC radar. :)

Really, this is a unique approach to Albus and Gellert's story--and you're already approaching it uniquely in L'Optimisme! The thought of Grindelwald, Dumbledore, and Flamel being friends is at once terrifying and intriguing!

♥Mallory

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57Sweet Disposition: a moment of love

17th February 2016:
J! I'm back for BvB (yes, this is cheating, but I like to call it "multi-tasking).

OMG! I read the last scene of this chapter like three times the first time I read the chapter, and I'm super happy that I got the opportunity to read it again this time. :D

But first, Rose's break up with Logan: Honestly, I'm very glad to see a relationship ending in "let's just be friends" without any of the super-awkward "sexual tension" that happens in some break up situations in fic. Because Rose really does just want to be friends with Logan, and Logan is such a nice guy that he's not going to be rude to Rose after the break up. I like that he's so logical and Ravenclaw-y, so he's always going to ask Rose how she's feeling and he can sense when something's not quite right.

The description of how Rose's hand felt burdened by Logan's hand after all those months of being in love was really poignant and gave a "showing-not-telling" indicator that this wasn't really meant to be for them. And ooh, making Rose her mother's daughter in some aspects (like always wanting to debate about feminism and maternity leave) was really cool! I love it when characters are feminists! (Okay, those two things aren't really related, but they both do a great job of showing what Rose finds important in friendships and/or relationships. And clearly, she has a great friendship with Logan, but not enough romantic feeling to continue on in the relationship.)

Charlotte! Oh my, she's so clueless about what Rose is going through, but I believe she really means well. She does have a point though, about passion, and I think you display that really well--after all, asexuality does not mean "lack of passion." People who identify as ace can be passionate, but they aren't necessarily into the kind of passion that Charlotte might be hinting at. I also think that you characterized the divide between Rose and Charlotte's personalities very well. Rose is more "I'm thinking about kissing and it isn't something I really like to do regularly" and Charlotte is like "Don't think--kiss! Kissing solves problems!". That's also a common trope in fic that is solidly debunked here. After all, even for heterosexual couples, kissing doesn't solve all of the problems, like sexual tension or disagreements or other things.

Okay, now my fave kissing scene EVER!!:

~LOVED how you created tension in the narrative by having Scorpius call out Rose's name and then went to what Rose was thinking about--namely, exams. It really made me wonder what was going to happen the first time I read it, which made the payoff SO sweet!
~ALSO you kept mentioning Scorpius's eyes in earlier sections (that's something I forgot to talk about, the scene between Rose and Scorpius during Prefect duty, whoops), so it was really great to get a close-up description here. Of course, Rose probably has no description for Scorpius's mouth, even though it's kind of attached to hers...
~THE KISS! Okay, some kisses in fic can be forceful and not necessarily solicited, and this one was both slightly forceful and unsolicited, but it wasn't a bad thing. On the contrary, it was a very good thing, because Scorpius wasn't doing something like, say, fighting with her or calling her mean names. The kiss was more of a moment of pure feeling exercising itself (on Scorpius's part at least, since Rose is still quite confused), and it was great to see Rose's reaction when someone that she has a passionate connection with is kissing her.
~And it wasn't necessarily a kiss that she enjoyed, because yeah, for her a kiss is just two mouths swapping spit, but she started to get into it. And in contrast to Logan's kisses, Scorpius didn't try to do tongue acrobatics on his first time out!
~I really love how Rose wondered about snogging and her sexuality and Scorpius's conditioner before she wondered about exactly why he kissed her. That was a really cool humor moment at the end!

Okay, backtrack to the Prefect round: LOVE that you were able to write two characters who are so accustomed to fighting in a situation where they were able to put aside their constant antagonism for five minutes. ALSO LOVE that Rose initiated this truce. And that the truce WORKED. Also love the aforementioned humorous moments of Rose thinking about how Scorpius's mouth really isn't all that special. All in all, very brilliant scene there too. :)

Oh, and P.S. tell Rose that I'm an emotional drunk too. :P

And this final thought might be a nonissue, but I can't help but be very curious: Is Scorpius straight or something else? I see him as demisexual right now because he seems to be only attracted to Rose. Anyway, it doesn't matter too much, but I think it does add a new layer to their relationship.

You're the best!

♥Mallory

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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57The Twelve Days of Christmas: Molly

16th February 2016:
Hi there, Stefanie! I'm here for the Bvb. :)

I decided to review this chapter because Victoire obviously has the most reviews, seeing as she's the first, and Roxy has quite a few as well. And let's be honest, if there was a Buzzfeed personality quiz on "Which Stereotypical Next Generation Harry Potter Character Are You?", I would be the goody-goody Prefect version of Molly II, which is such a common characterization of her. So I guess you could say that she's one of my favorites. :P

However! I love that you've taken Molly and run with a different angle here. She's drunk!Molly, not rule-following!Molly, and that's really fun and different. I wonder if she's as wild around her parents? Percy would have a heart attack!

Another thing that is typical of Molly II is that she has few friends. Laura is the perfect friend for Molly in this story, and you've given her some great personality as well! She isn't just a fill-in character. I'm curious to know what the knickers story was about...Hmmm...But there's probably enough context there for me to guess. :D

Hahaha, the Weird Sisters doing a Christmas special in 2023?? That's so crazy and wonderful. It seems very Love, Actually to me, which I like a lot, and the fact that they don't get along (even on live television) is even better! Your depictions of them were hilarious yet concise--it's really hard to get at the character of someone when you're doing it in a short space, but you chose some really good phrases and descriptions to get the job done!

I especially loved this one: “Merton Graves hates his life, hates the holidays, and definitely hates the rest of the band,” Molly laughed. “A drink in his honour. For the long, glorious hair he used to have and for the good looks that did not follow him into his midlife crisis.”

Hahaha, I laughed a bit, and I'm sitting in a public area, whoops!

Ooh, and that's another way you accomplished characterizing the Weird Sisters--using Molly and Laura to describe them! I really appreciated that you did that, because it was so natural in the flow of the story!

A bit of a suggestion I have for this is for the second paragraph. Because Laura is the one telling the story and then you have Molly howling at it after that, it seems like Molly is the one telling the story. Unless she IS the one telling the story, in which case you can ignore me! But to clear up confusion, I would add a quick "Laura finished her story" or something after that.

I really loved reading this--and I also enjoyed Roxy and Vicky's stories, which I read before I read this one. It's so awesome how you accomplished this great friendship scene in not a whole bunch of words, and it felt complete and was humorous to boot! Honestly, I feel kind of bad for the Weird Sisters, but I guess they brought it on themselves, haha.

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hello Mallory!

Thanks so much for this wonderful review!

I didn't want to fall into too many stereotypes with the next-gen characters in this story. But I think Molly (and Fred) might be the biggest departure from the usual.

Percy would have a heart attack. His daughter is wild! I also picture Lucy as a little wild, so he'd definitely be having a heart attack over the both of them!

I honestly didn't come up with any background for the knickers story. I just threw together some words that sounded funny together and turned them into some dialogue. Maybe I'll figure out what the story is someday :P

This whole collection is a little bit inspired by Love Actually. Not any of the plot points, but the whole idea of separate storylines that kind of intersect a little bit and all come together in a wonky way at the end.

I loved writing the Weird Sisters. I sort of picture all of them in my head as looking a bit like Mick Jagger.

So glad to have made you laugh with this one! The beginning is a little unclear as to who is telling the story. I meant it to be Molly, but I can see where the confusion is. I'll definitely fix that asap!

Thanks again for the wonderful review!!

Stefanie


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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57Ignotia: Ignotia

15th February 2016:
LAURA! I'm here for the BvB, but why oh why didn't I come read this sooner?!

Okay, so you basically live in the Victorian era, and I love it so much. Seriously, all of your stories seem to evoke all of the weird Victorian ideals and thoughts, and this one definitely takes the cake, since it takes place right at the end of Victoria's reign.

And oh my gosh Bathilda Bagshot as a single lady who loves ladies there is nothing that I don't love about this, which is to say that HEADCANON ACCEPTED.

Wow, let me just go off on a tangent here for a minute: Bathilda is such a strong narrator, and you as an author are so incredible with descriptions. So Bathilda-in-awe-of-Livia is so vivid. I very much love the colors that Bathilda describes Livia with--and she sounds so very pretty. Of course, I'm sure that's all biased because of the first person narration, but still, I loved the little glimpses of Livia because those were the ones that really screamed how Bathilda felt.

This sentence: For my family, one such secret was mine: that like all good lady academics do, I will not marry nor have children, and that, truthfully, I do not want to. Silk is much softer than marble, after all, and beauty appeals more to me than handsomeness.

I am dead because of its perfection. Like, you describe ordinary things in such magical ways--and come to find out, the word "lesbian" wasn't used until around 1890, which makes the sentences that I quoted above absolutely brilliant. Very poetic and beautiful way to describe same-sex attraction. I'm still freaking out about it.

Also, I really admire the structure of this piece. The leaps in time that it takes leave plenty of room for imagination, and wondering about what could've happened in between the gaps. I think I need to reread it to put all of the elements together, but I wanted to get all of these thoughts out first. Every new installment seems to flow organically--even though they were found in a sort of "scattered" formation--and each one comments on the other really interestingly. The relationship that develops between Bathilda and Livia is so heartbreaking because you just know it's going to end, but you don't know why. And then at the end, the fact that Livia was with Elladora the entire time...Whoa. (Please correct me if I'm oversimplifying!) But anyway, in relation to form, the Bathilda-Livia thing sort of loops around and backtracks sometimes, leaving only the forecasts of an older, wiser Bathilda to cast doubt on it.

AND I LOVE THE COMMENTARY ON GENDER BIAS WOW. Bathilda's trying to get this cutting-edge article published, but Victorian Values say NO BE QUIET. The Wizarding World is arguably shaped by the Muggle one, and this time period is no exception. All that "weird" stuff--like Oscar Wilde--either becomes a public spectacle or gets kept under heavy wraps. The Felix Summerbee case interests me very much--have you written about him? He reminds me of Oscar Wilde a little, though I don't know enough about Wilde's personal history to say whether or not he was directly inspired by him. Anyway, you know I love the Victorians, even though I don't know much about them, but I could definitely do with less of their prudishness about sexuality and stuff. You did a brilliant job of highlighting the Victorian mindset while also not beating it to death--it was balanced perfectly with Bathilda's personal story.

Speaking of, this story masquerades under the fiction that it's about someone else's life, but of course I preferred learning more about Bathilda. She's the one who's telling the story after all, and as a character she figures much more into the plot than she would have you believe. Tricky, tricky. :)

And man, what an ending. "As the author died before the project reached completion," geez. And then it just stops in mid-sentence. I wonder if she was working on this when Voldemort came to visit?

Thanks for writing this brilliant story. I know my review can't do it justice, but (in case you couldn't tell) I loved it a whole bunch.

♥Mallory

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Review #11, by UnluckyStar57Sweet Disposition: oh, reckless abandon

14th February 2016:
HI YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU WROTE THIS STORY AND I REREAD THIS CHAPTER SO THAT I COULD REVIEW IT NOW. *ahem* But I'm really excited to read chapter two, so I'll just get on with the review, yeah?

First of all, I am totally proud of you for writing something based off of your own experiences. That can be super hard to do, especially since you've shared it where lots of people will read it and think about it, but it's also incredibly valuable. Asexual representation for the win!!

Second of all, I have to say that I also identify a lot with Rose. It took me a while to realize it, but I'm ace too. And kissing--especially when it isn't necessarily the right person--can just feel very...moist. Lol, I basically went through this chapter muttering "me, me, same, me," etc under my breath. Again, I'm really super excited that you wrote this!!

Aahh, now for the beginning! I love the opening about Rose thinking about what her first kiss will be like. It never is like the movies, is it? It's so powerful that you stripped away the cinematic conventions of first kisses and made it happen so awkwardly between Rose and Logan. Because that's how first kisses usually happen, and even though they were at a Quidditch party, that didn't turn it into one of those alcohol-fueled ecstatic moments that tends to happen so often. Ooh, and ouch, I hate that Logan went for the tongue on the first time out. Ick, it's just like licking two frogs, and people do it for fun? No, I'm sorry, I still can't do French-kissing.

Man, poor Rose, being a fourth year and feeling sort of left out that she hasn't had a boyfriend before. The whole dating scene is such a complicated mess, and just because your friends (or sister, in my case) are navigating it with such ease doesn't mean that you have to know all the rules. It's so interesting that Rose was relying on tips from her friends to help her flirt with Logan, which feel unnatural to her because they sort of are unnatural in some ways. I really anticipate watching her come into her own and start realizing that she doesn't have to do exactly what everybody else does.

"That looks like...a mouth." Omg, I love it! The facial features are usually so played-up, like "his plump, kissable lips" and "his eyes were fires that fueled her flame" and all of those sordid descriptions that I giggle about. I mean, you do such a great job of showing this different perspective on romance and dating--after all, mouths are sometimes just mouths and tongues don't work miracles.

No Rose baby, there's nothing wrong with you. Nobody blames you for wanting your boo to keep his slobber to himself. ♥ (You must think I'm crazy.)

Hah, I love how this runs parallel with M4S and James being his usual family-saving self. :D This also shows that Logan isn't necessarily a bad boyfriend, he just doesn't know that Rose doesn't like all the slobber and stuff. Common misconception.

Oh, one bit of CC that I should've mentioned earlier: At the beginning of the party scene, Logan's name isn't really mentioned at all until later, but I think that he could be mentioned slightly earlier. And maybe how they met and/or started flirting? Unless you're saving that for a later chapter, then ignore all this waffle. :)

Ooh, that confrontation with Scorpius gives me LIFE. It's so cool that Rose is a Slytherin and Scorp's a Ravenclaw--I feel like that's a rarer Sorting for this pair. And so they have their little exchange of words and stuff, and I love getting all of Rose's thoughts about how she feels like she understands Scorpius, even though all they do is antagonize each other. Ooh, and Scorpius is really hitting on Rose's insecurities when he brings her relationship under question. Ouch.

And still, there are those grey eyes that pop up in Rose's dreams that aren't Logan's... Hmm, I wonder whose they could be? ;)

Seriously, amazing job with this first chapter, but I really want to go read chapter two now. My inner child is getting impatient!

♥Mallory

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Review #12, by UnluckyStar57The Holiday Spirit: Arrival at the Malfoys' Manor

13th February 2016:
Hi Branwen! I'm here for the BvB!

Oh man. I very much love the CINAS-verse because of the rivalry between Scorpius and Rose, and the subsequent getting-together. Reading this little "meet the parents" snapshot was really delightful and added beautifully to the stuff you established in the original novel. :)

Haha, first of all, I giggled over how afraid Scorpius is of bringing Rose around his parents. I can kind of relate, in an opposite way--I had to go meet my boyfriend's parents back in September, and he was super awkward about it the whole time. And inversely, Scorpius's thoughts of Ron potentially turning him into a frog were simply hilarious.

Ugh, parents talking to each other is AWKWARD. Still, I loved that you retained some of the antagonism between Hermione and Draco, even though they do get along better (though I suspect it's just one of those acts that parents put on for their kids, lol). And of course, Ron and Draco's mutual distaste will never end.

Oh my gosh, Rose and Scorpius are so disgustingly besotted with each other and it's so beautiful! I know I would never be brave enough to kiss my boyfriend in front of anyone, let alone my own parents. You've written the physical aspect of their relationship so well--really getting at the heart of their initial attraction to each other--but on top of that, you also brilliantly include that really great Scorose personality dynamic. Especially when Rose teases him so shamelessly about his red hair.

I am in love with Astoria. She's so no-nonsense about Draco and House pride and stuff, and she generally seems like she's been really good for Draco. Actually, I'm sure she knows that Scorpius and Rose were snogging before she came in the room, but she's going to leave the lectures up to Draco so that he can be his formidable father-self. Lol, may I accept this headcanon?

Oh my gosh, a "meet the parents" episode that ends with a rehashing of the sex talk. That's so great. Poor Scorpius--I mean, isn't he the victim here? (Nah, it takes two to tango.) Hahaha, and Scorpius is in TMI-mode to prove to his father that he is a Pure and Innocent. Bwahahaha, I love it!

And anyway, Draco can probably trust Scorpius and Rose at this point. Maybe.

Aggh, it was so lovely to get back into the CINAS-verse again! Thanks for writing this cute thing!

♥Mallory

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Review #13, by UnluckyStar57Firewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots: Firewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots

13th February 2016:
Hi! I'm here for our swap. :)

I really love Jily in any form or fashion, but unfortunately, I'm always quite uneasy about smut. It isn't really my favorite thing to read because some of it can be pretty...descriptive. However! I really enjoyed reading this one because it was about way more than just the smut! So thank you so much for putting in a little more substance!

For instance, I really love the way Lily was so angry at Petunia and everything. That is an awesome excuse to get her back to the magical world for a drink--she's feeling really crappy about her family and only magical alcohol can help. I also like that she talked about it, at least a little, with Sirius and James. Even though they don't seem like they're great friends with her, they're still willing to listen to her.

Though I kinda wanted to punch Sirius for his comment about Lily's chest, tbh. #rude

Lol, anyways, your descriptions of things were very well done! I especially loved the names of the various shots--Dragonbreath sounds like a really scary one! And it was really cool that as Lily starts to get tipsier, she starts to notice small details more...like James's arms. ;)

As far as the smut part, I don't read smut so I'm not the best judge of it. However! I again really appreciate that it is just a small moment between them--and yet one that means so much more in the grand scheme of their relationship. So that definitely continues the theme of this story being about more than just the hooking up, which is really awesome!

Ooh, they aren't going to come into this relationship easily, are they? In some ways, I hate it for them because they're just making things unnecessarily complicated (because they're drunk and overdramatic anyway), but in other ways, I love it. This is no fluffy happy ending story, and I think you were also more able to explore that through the smut genre. Relationships are more than just flowers and chocolate--sometimes they're complicated by darker things, like having drunken trysts in a back alley with a guy you thought you didn't like. They're not just going to move on from this--it's going to be so painfully awkward, and that is just beautiful. So brilliant job on writing these complicated things!

Also, this all happened after James got into a brawl about another woman with that woman's boyfriend. Whoa. It's good to know that James has interests outside of Lily, and that he's obviously trying to get over her (without much success), but oh man, this is one of those "shoulda looked before you leaped" scenarios. I hope that Sirius and Tom can get things settled down okay!

Wow, this is really such a sad ending. I keep forgetting to mention how much I loved that James said that he has to get over Lily every time she smiles. Like, that's a bit of a cliche but it totally works in the context? And Jily is all about the cliches, which is part of why I am trash for this ship. So it isn't a bad thing, I promise! I loved it, probably more than I loved the smutty parts. :)

And yeah, Lily isn't going to get over James. They're meant to be together. She just doesn't know it yet! Hopefully they can run into each other again and keep talking things out so that they can just decide to stop being stupid and date already. But I mean, in fanfiction the pre-relationship part is always the best if you want sexual tension in your story. And the sexual tension after they hooked up was incredibly powerful. It was like a separate character almost. :D

I wanted to close this review with saying that I really admire you for going out on a limb and writing smut! Like I said, I wouldn't know where to begin with that, and you wrote this so well! I'm very happy that this story was so enjoyable and interesting to read--you did a really great job on it.

Thanks again for the swap!

♥Mallory

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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57Philosophical Phenoms: The First Meeting

10th February 2016:
J!!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WROTE THIS BEAUTIFUL THING FOR ME! ♥ You are way too sweet, my dear. :)

Okay, so from the beginning:

YES @ your personification of the furniture in the classroom. I LOVE it when inanimate objects get personified, because you can be just as ridiculous as you want. And those desks are quite petulant and old! Hahahaha, "low levels of animosity" from the desks--I need a story from their perspective now, lol.

OMG! I love that James is the first one to show up, because you know that he's only there to see Lily. But I hope he learns something about philosophy in the process, because that'll give them things to talk about. ;) This incarnation of James seems to be somewhat friendly with Lily, which, given their seventh year Head Prefect status, makes sense. However! I wonder how they came to be so chummy? What made it happen? Did James encourage Lily to pursue her ambition of starting a philosophy club? If so, CUTE! If not, I MUST know what happened between them to make them so chill! And Lily is all giggly and blush-y, and wow, I am trash for this story.

Ugh, the Ravenclaw girls are super obnoxious, and it makes me think that you've run into this type of person in one of your philosophy classes, for some reason. I hate that they smirked at Leopold's Hufflepuff colors and automatically write him off as dumb. I hope that if you continue this story (*wink wink*), the girlies mellow out a little. Cuz seriously, they need to chill.

Also, you know what would be great for their next meeting? Regulus Black shows up. That moody little Snake seems like he'd be a philosopher, and maybe the philosophy sessions would sort of influence him to betray the Dark Lord in the end? Again, *wink wink*

But back to the philosophy! Wow, I am almost too dumb to understand this stuff they're talking about! I have a feeling that my contribution to discussions of philosophy would be much the same as Leopold's, unfortunately. But listen, even though I didn't know much about philosophy at first, I love that this story taught me some things! You did SUCH an excellent job of framing the discussion with the question about the ethics of the Statute of Secrecy, and then using various Wizard and Muggle philosophers to guide the discussion! That's just wicked cool, man.

Also, subtle!Jily is the best Jily! I love the image of James pointing his finger up in the air and yelling "Objection!", and obviously Lily thinks that's kind of cute as well. They're totally in skinny love right now, let's be real. Agghh, I just can't get over how well the subtlety of the ship was woven into this! It's definitely not time for the kissy-kissy-smoochy-smoochy, but using this to set that up will make the payoff even greater. :D

The name "Leopold Blossom" reminds me of Leopold Bloom, a character in The Producers aaannnddd incidentally, protagonist of James Joyce's Ulysses. (I've never read Ulysses, which is why The Producers thought came to my brain first.) Any chance that our Hufflepuff was named after either of those? And is Ulysses a book that you like? Would you recommend it??

Aristotle should've totally branded himself thusly: "Aristotle: so solid, but so sketchy." What a Greek!

Arggh, I just love how funny this was, without telling jokes outright! It's so well done, and I'm very impressed that you were able to write this so quickly!

And you know I'm a sucker for that last scene. A promise of Philosophy Club meetings in the future? I think YES! And omg, "Anything for you, Evans." Jesus, why is this ship so incredible???

Okay, in summary: This is the first time that anyone has ever written me a fic specifically for my birthday, and I am still absolutely indebted to you for doing this for me. Also, I am SO PROUD that you wrote about philosophy, because you wrote it so wonderfully! Like, I would imagine that philosophy would be hard for me to understand, but the way you wrote it in the fic was really explanatory and made sense! I love that! And also, I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE BACK AND WRITING ALL THIS NEW STUFF!! You're seriously one of my faves, dear. Never ever stop writing, and please forgive me if I bug you periodically for more philosophy!Jily. (And more of your other stories too, which are all delightful.)

Anyway, I should probably go to class now. I skipped my first one because I felt that I deserved to be a Birthday Delinquent for once in my life. :P

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Mallory, thank you so much for this wonderful wonderful review! You are such a great reader and I always love hearing your thoughts. You pick up on everything!! And happy birthday! :) Really, your birthday was the motivation I needed to finally just write this out. (It's been floating around my mind ever since you first mentioned writing a philosophy class fic.)

Ah I'm so glad you liked the desks! When I started writing, that just kinda came out, haha. But I liked the contrast of Lily's energy/excitement and them being like "leave us alone." Haha maybe there should be a fic from their perspective...

James!! He definitely learns some stuff and I'm sure they'll have tons of James II/Anna-esque philosophical conversations. Or maybe not, but he's trying! :) The more I think about it, the more I think I'm going to have to turn this into a short story collection, so we can see more about this Jily camaraderie there. (This review has lowkey inspired my ideas about their history, so thanks for that. :D)

Fun story: I am actually one of the co-founders (kinda) of the philosophy club at my university and there are these two kids in the club who DOMINATE the group chat with all of this stuff where they know EVERYTHING and we're all just like...what?? So I think I was lowkey channelling that, but I think the Ravenclaws will mellow over time! :) (I actually have some ridiculous stories of my own about my Philosophy Club, so maybe some chapters will be inspired by that...)

omg I am SO HERE for Regulus to come!! That would be great! Ugh, Mallory, I don't need MORE THINGS TO WRITE STOP IT (just kidding this is so happening and I've accepted it at this point)

Ahh I'm glad you like the discussion! I think I pushed the boundaries of what these random kids would actually know because I was heavily leaning on an Ethics class I took last semester, but I'm really excited that you learned something from it! I love talking about philosophy so if you ever have any questions hit me up. :) And Leopold doesn't make bad contributions! (well, except that one time...)

Yay subtle!Jily is so fun to write! Especially after the hitting-you-over-the-head obviousness of SOTP!Jily. They're totally in skinny love, and Lily is so close to being far gone, and it's wonderful. Also James is just the best to write, let's be real. Ugh I need to keep writing this story and have more fun with them...

Nothing gets past you!! I've been having a lot of fun with names in fic lately (like WAY too much fun) and I was looking at lists of names and saw Leopold and then was like...of course it's going to be a Leopold Bloom reference. I haven't read Ulysses (yet), but I love James Joyce and I intend to! Someday I'll probably look back on this story and be like "wow J you're so off" but that day has not yet come.

Haha I love Aristotle but he's also ridiculously sketchy!! I'm pretty sure that he believes that slaves are like inherently inferior people...that's not cool. But then sometimes he's on point. Oh philosophers, never being 100% solid.

Ahh I'm glad you found it funny too! I thought I was being hysterical but then I'm really easily amused, especially by philosophy. I wrote it in like 2 hours, starting at 11pm, so that's why parts of it are awkward. I may go back and clean it up but we'll see. :)

I was like FREAKING OUT when I was making James be so nice and sweet and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH MALLORY THEY'RE THE BEST BUT ALSO THE WORST AHHH

Thank you again for being a great person!! You've really helped me enjoy HPFF and get back on and it's always wonderful to read your comments. I'll definitely be coming back to this someday, but we'll have to see when because I have 8 million things I'm working on these days. Thanks so much for your encouragement :)

You totally deserve to be a Birthday Delinquent! I hope you had a not too bad day. :P

Thanks again for this wonderful review!! :)

--J


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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57Azkaban: Firestorm

21st January 2016:
Aaah yas I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS STORY!!!

Do you KNOW how much I love Chicago?!?! The answer is: very very much. I wish I could be in the musical, but alas, I cannot sing, dance, or act.

Anyways.

LOVE that you've cast Scorpius in the Billy Flynn role. He's just perf because A) he could conceivably be a bit of a skeaze, B) he's got money and cunning, and C) that hair. Obviously he's a younger guy than Billy, but that doesn't mean he can't be an awful flirt and a great (if crooked) defense lawyer.

Ooh, LILY surprised me! I definitely thought it was going to be Rose, you know, because of the Scorose thing that happens sometimes in fanfiction. But Lily is a nice change, especially since Chicago is certainly NOT a romance! I like the idea of Lily as the Roxie character--just so fed up of not getting attention because her parents "hog" the spotlight. Also, I can never decide if Roxie is a psychopath or not, so I look forward to finding out more about Lily, and if she's a psychopath or not.

Oh! I also wanted to mention that I appreciate that you're doing the songs out of order. For the conventions of the musical, it's easier to do things chronologically with Roxie's storyline, but in fic you can do anything! But not gonna lie, I'm super looking forward to the "Cell Block Tango" chapter. #favesongEVER

More things I love: this story seems to take the conventions of Chicago and use them to their fullest advantage without just simply being a reincarnation of Chicago itself; you've got War Repercussions tied up in the inmates themselves, with MacNair's daughter and Lily living in the very different shadows of their parents; and Scorpius is characterized so well by Antoinette's line about getting charged for exchanging pleasantries.

So sorry, but I can't find anything I don't like in this chapter. Please please please update this as soon as you get a chance, because I just love it to pieces!

♥Mallory

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Review #16, by UnluckyStar57Time For Bed: Getting Ready

21st January 2016:
Yay! I found a fluffy one! :D :D :D

Ironically, it's about sleeping habits. I hope that Neville doesn't have any Bellatrix Lestrange nightmares. :/

Haha, of course he would be super nervous about his first day as Herbology professor. He did sound like quite the little robot in his speech, but I think once he settles into the job he'll be great with his students. Hannah's right. The kids might even ask him to tell stories about his "glory days."

Hannah was definitely perfect. I love how reassuring she is, even though she's obviously had to reassure Neville a million times. She's got that Hufflepuff patience, yo. (And I feel like this version of Hannah totally calls most of the shots in the relationship, which I like, because Neville's so darn awkward {and adorable}.)

One sentence I wasn't sure about was this one: "Hannah said, her voice rising and falling with the different words."

I don't think you need to tell the reader that Hannah's voice was rising and falling, because voices do that in general. And I know the kind of vibe you were going for--like, she was calming him down, so her tone was soft and probably whispery in places. But you don't have to say that. I felt like it was implied by her actual dialogue. The words she said are great and strong because you can immediately understand them for what they are. I think in this case, you can let them speak (haha) for themselves.

Ah yes, the mundanity of a bedtime routine--magick-ified! I loved all the magic touches that you added with the toothpaste cap and the floss--even though the floss thing was a little creepy because ew blod... (Sorry, a bit squeamish about teeth in general, lol.) Anyway, squeamishness aside, you did a really great job adding these touches of magic to really separate Neville's bedtime routine from a general Muggle routine. And yet, you still preserved the whole "I can relate to that!" quality of the routine--first day of school jitters, disgust at bleeding gums, reluctance to clean up the bathroom...

And my favorite: the ending. I am all for characters snuggling after a long day. Neville and Hannah are just so cute, and the best part about this version of them is that you didn't waste a bunch of words telling me how cute they are. You're really good at that--leaving a certain impression of characters without being too verbose in the description. Anyway, reading about Hannah and Neville just sort of makes me miss my boyfriend, who's in Spain for the semester, booo... That's both a good and bad thing, because while your writing made an emotional, relatable connection for me, it also gave me the feelz.

Alas. :')

See you at the next story!

♥Mallory

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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57Retribution: Capture

21st January 2016:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm glad to be swapping with you!

Wow, the Everybody's Got a Dark Side challenge is a very appropriate one for Bella Lestrange. Phew, I think I need a moment after reading that! I mean, you definitely had no trouble making her evil, but still, that takes a lot of gumption to write about in such a descriptive way, omg.

So...Tedromeda is one of my favorite not-often-written-about couples, and I almost love them so much that it's hard to separate myself from the "No don't hurt my precious babies!" feelings. But I'll try.

First of all, Bellatrix is absolutely consumed by this pureblood ideology. She lives it, breathes it, and practices it. Her wrath was visceral, like I could feel it as she was storming up to catch her sister in the act of betrayal.

Second of all, since Bellatrix is the protagonist of this story, there is direct access to her mind, which is as scary as it seems in canon. You've got her canon mindset so clear here that I am super glad that JKR didn't write any "Bella Lestrange POVs" in the series. Even at Hogwarts, even as a student, even as a sister, she is filled with this bigotry and obviously releases her pent up vengeance on the regular. Just not normally at her sister...

I wonder what their relationship was like before this scene? If they ever had anything in common, or if Andromeda was just wired differently from the rest of her family from the get-go? It's just so awful that Bella would use Unforgivables on her own family before they even got out of Hogwarts, just because of Ted. Arrggghhh, it makes sense but I just hate it!

Here lies the Black family, crazy and hateful. I do like that you really focused on this breaking point, the point of no return for them. I'm assuming that Narcissa heard rumors about Ted and Andromeda, and then told Bella, which obviously set things off. I like that you started after that part, jumping straight to the action and Bella's obvious rage.

Poor Narcissa, caught in the middle. That echoes her role in adulthood very nicely, and maybe she was thinking of her estranged (not Lestrange, haha) sister as well as her child when she lied about Harry's death.

Geez, I was expecting Bella to throw a curse at McGonagall for a minute! Thank Merlin she didn't! McGonagall could go forty rounds with her and not even bat an eyelash. :)

The only real CC I have is just to look back over your sentence structure a little bit. There are a few sentences that don't quite live up to the furious rage of the others because they're not phrased as tightly. But just a suggestion!

Really, I'm glad I started with this one on your AP! I hope that I can maybe find something sweeter to take away my Bellatrix Lestrange nightmares?

♥Mallory

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Review #18, by UnluckyStar57Colombiana: Chapter One

21st January 2016:
Hi again, Vicki! Glad I could come back for this round of BvB!

Yesss, I love reading about Daphne's life before she met Tristan in South America. I can totally sympathize with her feelings about Astoria, as I have a younger sister who gets on my nerves like that. :)

The way you contrasted Daphne's commutes to and from work was really nice. The hustle and bustle of the morning versus the stillness of the afternoon--I like it! Little does she know that she's about to enter a crazy world that doesn't have that kind of routine normalcy...

Dempster Wiggleswade?! Such an unfortunate name for such an unfortunate person! I love the vibe you've got in the offices of the Prophet, and Dempster really sets the tone for it all. He's so obnoxious and gross! I guess I love to hate him. I mean, at least he finally gave Daphne a good assignment.

Ooh, and the way she shut Oliver Rivers down was bawwwsss. I love a good shut down of jerks. For a Ravenclaw, he's not quite articulate, though I guess he doesn't have to be, because he can just write things down. What column does he write? I bet it's something boring, like finance.

The flash of nostalgia that she got when she saw the Lockhart poster was nice, because it sort of showed that despite the wrong-ness of the pureblood mania that she was in the midst of, there were still memories to enjoy looking back on. Though I'm rather wondering why there's a Lockhart poster in the window seven years after the battle...Is Flourish and Blotts closed/bankrupt or something at this point?

There were a few syntactical things that I thought I would point out:

"took her blonde hair from under her hat and stuffed the bobbled monstrosity into her bag"~So to me, this sounds like her hair is the bobbled monstrosity, not the hat. Maybe reword it to say that she took the hat off her blonde hair instead?

"Part of the 'in' crowd, she had never quite understood the need..."~The opening clause is slightly awkward with the rest of the sentence. Maybe just rephrase a bit?

Very minor stuff, but I thought I would just let you know!

I'm really excited for chapter three of this story, because I suspect it will contain the First Meeting with Tristan. :D I certainly hope so, because I want to know more about him! I loved getting to know more about Daphne, and I sure am glad that she's a bit of a grump about certain things, because I am too!

(Also, I feel really bad for pregnant Hannah. Blech, poor thing.)

Seriously, please do update soonish, if you have the muse/time/inclination! (No pressure though)

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Mallory! I always look forward to your reviews!

I had to give her a backstory because I adore her as a character and it just happened that she and Astoria aren't close at all. I have an annoying younger brother so I know all about irritating siblings - I take inspiration from that haha!

Haha, no she doesn't. I bet she wishes she was back in London on a Monday morning though!

It's a genuine name from Jo so I had to use it because it made me laugh so much! and he's super fun to write! He is fun to hate and the worse he is, the better! But yes, finally! although he's done it begrudgingly and it's because he things it's a dreadful story that's just been passed onto the department - little does he know it's a big thing!

Oliver Rivers.I hate him and that's why it was so fun to shut him down! He isn't whatsoever but that's because he isn't as smart as he thinks he is, not in the real world anyway! I actually have no idea - that's a good idea - If i use it, i'm crediting!

thank you! I had to mention the past because it couldn't have been all bad, all of the time and there must have been good points. And it's literally been forgotten about - it's just in the corner and no one really notices it anymore and they just forget about it.

Thank you! I really appreciate it - i'll go back and edit it as soon as I can!

Ooooh, it does and it's been submitted, i'm just waiting for validation and then it'll be up!

I have two chapters written and i'm planning on more so expect another update soon (after the latest one, of course!)

Again, thank for the amazing review Mallory!

-Vicki


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Review #19, by UnluckyStar57Colombiana: Prologue

18th January 2016:
Hi Vicki! Here for the January BvB! :D

Okay, wow, you write crime drama so suspensefully! I really liked the disconnect between the beginning few paragraphs and the exposition of Daphne's character--if this were an episode of NCIS or something, there would be a flashback and then boom! Onto the action! Anyway, I'm sort of shamelessly addicted to NCIS, so it really makes me happy to read something with that kind of vibe.

MACUSA--love it! I try not to think too much about American Magical government because Muggle American government really bums me out in general, but I like that name! Of course we aren't going to have any blooming Ministry, we're American!

And on that token, I really enjoyed Tristan's indignation at being called "Texas." Although I would also hate to be called that, since I'm not from Texas either. :)

So (just trying to puzzle this out, because while I love NCIS, I'm never clever enough to solve anything) Monbast and Morgan are Brits, but they're smuggling drugs in Colombia from the US? If so, that makes them triple-bad in an international sense!

Pairing Daphne Greengrass with an American OC is really ingenius--especially since we don't know very much about her, and Astoria is the one who ends up with Draco. Of course, that isn't to say that this dynamic of theirs is actually going to be a relationship, but for now they're partners...in crime (solving)! I love that they've already got that whole snark-snark-snark thing going, and it reminds me a lot of Tony Dinozzo and Ziva David on NCIS (again I'm comparing this story to NCIS. If you've never seen it, I'm so sorry that you have to read this nonsense). It seems like crime dramas are the best places for characters to really snark at each other like that, especially since it relieves the tension of "oh, there's a dead body on the floor, btw."

The only real confusion I'm having is about which of them said the last line "So where do we start?". I feel like it was Daphne because at this point, Tristan wasn't too happy about her trying to join forces with him, but I don't know, it might've been him. If you want to clarify that, I would either A) add that last line to the paragraph above, if Daphne says it; or B) have Tristan do an action before he says the line, such as "He rolled his eyes and leaned forward to look at her notes. 'So where do we start?'"

But really, that's just a suggestion for clarification purposes! Not trying to rewrite your story or anything. :)

Anyway, I think this is an awesome start to this story, and I hope I can come back for more later on!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Mallory! I'm so glad you're back and leaving reviews again! I always look forward to your reviews!

Thank you! I'm glad you think so because I get really paranoid writing crime stories! I'm addicted to NCIS too! So any reference is making me smile!! I love the whole layout of NCIS episodes - I wish I could do it as good as them!

It makes me giggle every time I write it because I know it would annoy me every time too!

Well, it's the name Jo's given us so I knew I had to use it somewhere! Well yeah, they obviously had to have something that made them stand out compared to Britain!

Yes! Monbast and Morgan were former Voldy supporters who left the UK and began smuggling drugs from Colombia into the US and other countries.

I adore Daphne and I picture her as sarcastic and whatnot so I knew an american OC could deal with her snarkiness and fight back - the banter between them is fun to write! (YES TO TONY AND ZIVA! I love them so much and the relationship had me on edge for years!) It is really is! And funnily enough, there's possibly a scene with a dead body coming up filled with snarkiness :P

Ah, it's Daphne who says it but I'll make it more clear - I didn't realise because obviously I know who said it :P

Thank you so much for the awesome review Mallory!

-Vicki


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Review #20, by UnluckyStar57Friends...friends...friends...: Friends...friends...friends...

12th January 2016:
Hi there! I'm here for the January BvB Review Battle. :)

I love that you've chosen to write a scene with Luna that shows her quirks as well as her friends' reactions to them. She is a rather odd character, and you did a wonderful job of preserving her oddness throughout the story. Also, the motif of friendship present in the ring echoes the books very nicely.

Even though everyone is all grown up now, they still react to one another in the same way. I like that Ron is still sort of skeptical of Luna's quirkiness, and the implied former relationship between Luna and Neville is very sweet. They have been separated for what seems like a good bit of time, but they are all able to pick right up where they left off.

It's very cool that you created a new way to keep in touch in the Wizarding World. Mostly you see modified Muggle technology, but the rings are very unique! The mechanism that shows each person when their friends are in danger is a smart addition on Luna's part--actually, that sort of echoes Molly Weasley's clock, so Luna kind of reminds me of her as well.

And of course, Luna was the one who brought the five of them together, in a way. So it makes sense that she wants to preserve their friendship in this way, which recalls her painting to mind. I really love that she wanted them to keep in touch!

Great job on this! It was a very short and sweet piece, and the characters are quite well-written!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed this bit of fluff. Luna is the character that I tend to specialize in, and I think I have the best feel for, so I tend to write her a lot.

I did mean for her to have a past relationship with Neville that was long ago. I loved the scene in DH with her bedroom and knew that if they were split apart that she'd want some way to keep in touch.

Glad you liked, and thank you.


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Review #21, by UnluckyStar57So Cruel: Look Not in My Eyes

14th August 2015:
HAI OLIVIA!! Here for our swap and the BvB Review Fest. ;)

OH MY GOODNESS WHAT EVEN IS THIS?! I'm SO MAD that I didn't know about this before, but now that I do, I'm going to pester you (politely) for updates. Because I'm sorry, this was TOO SHORT and I WISH I COULD READ MORE!

Haha, no, in all seriousness, this was the perfect length for a prologue-y thing, because you didn't go into much detail, but you did include the details that mattered. So basically all I know about Lucy Weasley right now is that she's a Ravenclaw who's had her heart broken by this Roderick fellow, but that's just enough to get the story going for right now.

Ooh, and I really love the themes you wrapped this prologue in like a too-fuzzy, too-warm blanket: the boyfriend theme. (That's why it's too fuzzy and too warm--it causes some degree of stress because it's a Dilemma that girls are often Expected to Do Something About.) I like that Audrey is actually a cool mom and she's giving Lucy advice about the Wrong Sort of Guy--not wrong because of what he looks like or what he does, but because he's a total phony. That's some sound advice, and I like that Lucy listens to it for the majority of her Hogwarts career.

But o, Love, that fickle fleeting thing! Whoever this Roderick Grinderford is, he must've been pretty convincing to pull one over on Lucy, but after all, all her friends were in relationships and yaddayaddaya...I know that feel, bro, but Grinderford?! The very name strikes disgust in my heart! I mean, whoever he marries SHOULD and MUST request that he take on his/her/their last name, because Grinderford is a terrible one!

So, what's the dealio with Lucy and Grinderford? Did he cheat? Is there something else going on? And how come Lucy has a fiance but she's still thinking thoughts about Grinder-boy? What is up with that? And her friends are NOT bros if they all knew about whatever it was that he was up to and """FORGOT""" to tell her! Ugh, I shouldn't get started on that...

Okay, so I really like the beginning of this story, even though I'm not at all fond of Grinder-boy. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to show up and cause problems in this story, and while I'm excited for that, I'm also excited to see who Lucy's brilliant fiance is.

I will be keeping an eye out for this story now that I know it exists, and if you update soon, I will be super excited and probably leave a long, annoying review about how excited I am. (You've been warned.)

Thanks for the swap, and for writing a cool story!

♥Mallory

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Review #22, by UnluckyStar57Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages: Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

14th August 2015:
Hi Kat! I'm here for our swap from yesterday, and for the BvB Review Fest. :D

You write Founders era like no one I've ever seen before, and that's a good thing! I love all of the bits of backstory that you put in this chapter--just enough to leave me wanting more and only being able to guess at what happened. For instance, Salazar's sickness when he was younger intrigues me, and the relationship between Godric and Ingvar is something that I want to see more of! I want to know all about him, and he's Salazar's father!

Ooh, and I really want to know what was in the letter, too. Is Godric already planning to start Hogwarts with Rowena and Helga, and he's just trying to get Ingvar in on the plan? But Ingvar's so reluctant and I'm looking forward to seeing Godric's further relationship with Salazar as he inevitably accepts Godric's invitation to found Hogwarts.

Ooh, this line was so lovely: Gone were the people, jostling each other about in their mad rush, and the hectic tangle of voices crashing over each other faded far away. It was a time of peace, of reflection, a time he sorely needed. Some really beautiful imagery there of the people in the crowds. And I can totally sympathize with Ingvar on the enjoying-night-better-than-day thing.

A few things that I caught (very minor):

Low you always used to knock me upside the head for example. ~I think you meant "How" at the beginning.

Godric, why did you came back?~This is supposed to be "come back." Small typos, like I said!

Salazar's interaction with the snake was really interesting! I like how you wove in that part of his character, although it's a shame that the snake bit his mother. And I really enjoyed the passing down of Slytherin's locket--it's a cool kind of origin, that the locket is one of Salazar's treasured objects because it was given to him by his father.

It looks like that shadow in the woods wasn't a deer after all! Oh no! What's going to happen to the Slytherin family?! I hope that you can update soon, because I remember really enjoying your chapter three when I beta'd it, but I can't quite remember what happens in it.

This was a really great, information-filled chapter!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Thanks, and sorry for the wait. Just reviewed yours after...ages. *hides*

Anyway, this review really made me smile, and makes me feel really guilty that I can never manage to write ones so long. I'm really happy that you liked it. :)


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Review #23, by UnluckyStar57This Bird Has Flown: a cynic and an idealist walk into a bar

14th August 2015:
Hi Joey! It's about time I read something of yours again, and since this is at the top of the Recently Added list, I call first review! ;)

So ships other than Scorpius/Rose, involving either of those two but not the other, are the hidden gems that slip between the cracks in the fanfiction realm. Scorpius/Lucy is a cool one because it can be anything, depending on the characters themselves.

This is incredible, though, because I can tell that Scorpius and Lucy are so very different from each other that it's going to be very interesting to watch their acquaintanceship (and eventually romantic relationship, maybe?) grow. You've done such a good job with setting everything up--the atmosphere of the Grindylow is so weird and dingy (at least, it seems that way), and it goes a long way to start the whole thing off.

So is Scorpius the "bird that has flown" in this situation? He says that he doesn't like hanging around in places for very long, so it makes me think that he's the one who would leave Lucy to go experience other places and other types of alcohol. But Lucy also seems like a bird in a different way--but her escape from the "reality" or "mundanity" of her situation is through the mind.

Ooh, I wanna talk about your narration here, too. It's very interesting to me that it starts off with a narrator who is somewhat involved in things, as you said "I suppose that was one of the major reasons..." in the beginning of the whole thing. But then the narration sort of subsides throughout the dialogue and when it comes back, it seems more like third person limited in which the narrator isn't going to have any input. So I'm wondering which one it really is? Is the narrator someone that Scorpius knows, or maybe Scorpius himself, looking back on this first meeting with Lucy? If not, you might want to think about reworking that first sentence so that the "I" isn't present anymore.

That being said, I really enjoyed the tone that you used for this. The narration really pulls me into the scene--a pub called the Grindylow having trivia night? I like the way you think! It seems so wacky that such an interesting spot would have a trivia night that the regulars would really get involved in, but that's one of the surprising things about trivia nights--people really care about them in certain locales.

And the dialogue was all spot-on. I could always tell who was saying what, and I really appreciate how Lucy was so nonchalant about Scorpius sitting at her table. I think he thought that it was going to matter a lot, like she would make him leave because she wanted to be alone, but no. He was instantly welcomed in to this really vibrant and wacky girl's life.

Ooh, also I love that Lucy wrote two books simply because she wanted to read them. I aspire to Lucy's level of productivity and perseverance, even if no one reads her books.

Ahaha, I'm super excited about the note that Scorpius left for Lucy, because it means that they're inevitably going to meet again and more madcap romping will occur! Question: Did I miss what House they were in at Hogwarts, or was it purposefully kept a secret? I would like to know, because right now I suspect that they were Ravenclaws (because of the bird imagery and stuff), and I want to commend you for writing Ravenclaws in a non-stereotypical way. (And how they could both possibly represent the different facets of the House that no one ever bothers to mention because they're too caught up in the "studious Ravens" stereotype.) But if they aren't Ravenclaws, please ignore my bad guessing. :)

Thanks for writing this brilliant and interesting story! I've only ever watched half of Pulp Fiction, but I can see how this was inspired by some of it. And I really can't wait for that short story of yours!!

♥Mallory

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Review #24, by UnluckyStar57Mistaken for Strangers: James Sits Some Exams

14th August 2015:
J! I woke up to your review and it made me squeal with joy, omg! How can I ever compare?!?!

(Anyway, this one is for our latest swap and for the BvB Review Fest.)

Ooh, this story is definitely not going to be all-fluff, all the time. I like that you're delving into more sensitive subjects, and that you're being careful about it. That's one of my biggest fears in fanfic--that I'll overstep and say something unintentionally offensive about things that I can only research.

But I think you did a really great job of handling Lily's anxiety in the first section. I've never experienced anxiety, but I do have episodes similar to this--where I get all worked up about grades and careers and not being good enough at things--and James put into words exactly what Lily needed to hear to calm her down. Grades, in the end, aren't the end-all, be-all of life, and although that (and the bird thing) was the reason Lily's anxiety was triggered, I do think it's a more serious problem and she should seek help from her parents and professionals. And I'm glad that James advised her to do that, too--after all, he's the Family Mediator (sorry, that's his official-unofficial title now), but he isn't the Family Psychiatrist. All in all, I think he handled the situation very well, and I'm glad that he has that connection with Lily so that he can help her out when she has attacks like this one.

And don't think I didn't notice how he just Conjured up some birds--little nerd. He's so ahead in his curriculum, and I'm really, really convinced at this point that he's got a photographic or eidetic memory. And a superhuman ability to speed-read. I need answers on this soon, because my guesses are quite silly!

Fred always conveniently waits until James has had enough time to have a little scene with the other characters before he acts up again. How considerate of Fred! Oh gosh, he's done SO MUCH STUFF up to this point. Are you running out of things for him to do? I don't even know how you come up with this stuff, but it's so funny and it makes a great sort of plot device that might be the opposite of the deus ex machina. I mean, Fred isn't getting James out of trouble, but he's getting him to exit the stage and [END SCENE], so that's sort of the same thing, right? Even though I love silly, perpetually-absent-but-always-making-trouble, prankster Fred, I can't wait until he gets his moment in the spotlight.

Haha, oh James. I love how he thinks he's "stalking" Anna, even though he isn't stalking her. He's just...finding her at odd times so that he can continue their friendship, and because she actually invited him to "come find her" after he'd finished reading one of the philosophical texts, I would imagine that the invitation would stay open. She's kind of chill like that, and James isn't bugging her--he's having an intellectual conversation with her! So that moment made me laugh because it's so typical of how people perceive themselves, when in reality it's a bit different.

I HOPE that by "my Shakespeare list," James means the plays that his friend sent him, and not the "twenty extra Wizarding plays" that wizard!Shakespeare wrote. Twenty is just...so many. How can he do that without forgetting whole bunches of them and/or not understanding them to their fullest potential?! (I do strongly disagree with his assessment about Much Ado About Nothing, though. I have a fondness for that play because there's a modern webseries adaptation, haha.) And Anna's definitely right when she says that Shakespeare's plays have this amazing universality--your characters are really nerdy and so smart, and I love it.

OH MY GOODNESS FRED IS SUCH A PROBLEM CHILD. Why is he so good at getting himself and his cousin into trouble?! Why does he do the things he does?! I just want to tap him on the nose and say, "Take a break, kid," because he needs to take a break! He's so insane! And the fact that I'm concerned for his mental well-being without ever having seen him appear in the story says a lot, and thank you for making me care about him. (Although that might not have been your intention? Still, I worry.)

Uh oh, Rose+Scorpius fallout! I really want to know what it was this time, because I'm sure it was something trivial and stupid and gosh, they just need the summer to simmer down and mature a bit maybe? Whatever it is, I'm hoping to see the Scorose train spitting a little less fire and setting off a little more fireworks *wink wink* when the gang goes back in September.

Awww, and I'm super happy that James and Anna had another little friend moment before school ended, and they've just sort of casually made plans to keep up this odd little friendship they've cultivated this year. It is a little odd that James would want to keep his friendship with her a secret, but I don't think that it's because he thinks it would "lower his street cred." Maybe it's because he likes having something separate from the madness of his family? And also the Jeremy thing is so wonderfully silly and I hope that Anna gets to figure out that she's been wrong this whole time. Maybe once she learns his name, they'll start sitting together in class and at meals and have extended discussions about philosophy and books? That would be so, so fun.

Uh oh, I'm running out of space because I rambled way too much, but I hope that it's clear enough that I really loved this chapter (just like I loved all the other ones) and I'm so upset that Ch5 is the last one you've posted so far. I've got to go pack for college now, but I hope to return once more so that I can legitimately pester you (politely, of course) for updates!!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Omg Mallory you're the sweetest. Seriously. I actually put off responding this review for a few days because it made me happy to look at but the time has come to respond.

I totally agree about the fear of being offensive!! I wanted MFS to not just be fluff, and this just really fit in with Lily's character and her connection with James. I'm really glad that people seem to think that my depiction of anxiety/panic attacks was fairly accurate. I've never really experienced anxiety like this, but I was very close to somebody who did so I based it on a combination of my experiences watching/trying to help her and research on the interwebs. I think that James would be very happy with the title of Family Mediator hehehe. And I like to think that Harry/Ginny wouldn't be all that concerned about grades, so long as their kids applied themselves. (I have so so many opinions about Harry's parenting strategies...it's probably weird...) Anyway. I'm glad you thought that scene was okay, as it's definitely going to come up again!

Ahhh Mallory you're the most observant reader! I can't believe what you pick up on! Unfortunately the answers will not be be coming out for a while yet...but there will be a few hints along the way? I feel like you're going to mutiny before we get there though haha!

Hahaha I LOVE the idea of Fred as the opposite of a deus ex machina! He really does have spectacular timing! :P Fred is a really creative guy so sometimes it's hard to keep up with him! And...his moment in the spotlight...is still far off. (cough I haven't written it yet cough) But it will happen! Eventually! I promise!!

I also love the idea that James thinks he's stalking Anna...she clearly wants him to come around and talk to her! But he's that kind of guy, isn't he? Totally overthinking all of his actions all the time. I wonder how Anna views his "stalking." ;) I think there are few things she would mind less to be interrupted for than philosophical discussions!! These whacky kids just need to talk it out.

Haha I like to think he just read the ones Henry sent him, because otherwise he wouldn't have anybody to talk to about them! Twenty Shakespearean plays also overwhelms me tbh. And I'm definitely in Camp Anna on the Shakespeare discussion! Don't you worry. I also have a soft spot for Much Ado about Nothing because I saw it in London with David Tennant and Catherine Tate and they are the bomb dot com. Plus I just love the play. Ahh I'm glad you think they come off as smart and nerdy! That's so my mental image of them so it's great that it's coming through the writing. (Also I'm currently having an all-caps conversation with you on twitter while typing this and it's funny to switch back and forth BUT THE EXCITEMENT LEVELS ARE THE SAME.)

I love how invested you are in Fred! That definitely wasn't my original intention but tbh you've made me love Fred so much more. And he will never take a break so it's not worth trying! (Especially if a random college student just walked up to Fred and tapped him on the nose. He'd probably just flirt with you tbh.)

Hahahahaha yes they do need to grow up a bit! Are fireworks in their future? Who knows! ;) Hopefully you like where they go! And honestly I couldn't even think up something for them to argue over so I had Scorpius be like "yo what were we even arguing about??" and it just fit. #uncreativewriting

You may be onto something with James's reasonings! ;) And someday, maybe Anna will learn his name. Or maybe he'll just change his name legally. You never know with these two. But their friendship will definitely continue into the next year! Otherwise this fic would just abruptly end here and it would be like...what why did that just happen. Actually...what if I did that? Hehehe. Just kidding. I love these two too much for that!

Ahhh thanks so much for your wonderful review Mallory! Sorry that I rambled so much in this response...and was super weird and all over the place...I blame our twitter friendship.

--J


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Review #25, by UnluckyStar57Shenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Missing the Train

13th August 2015:
Hi Branwen! Here for our swap and the BvB Review Fest! :D

Okay, so this is SO FUN! I totally am in love with Fred II right now, and all of the different possible characterizations that he might have, and so I LOVE the way you've written him here. He might have a good relationship with James in this story, but I can't tell yet because he's total BFFs with Victoire (or seems to be). At the very least, putting Fred and Vic together as partners in crime is such a cool and different idea, and I can't wait to see what other fun shenanigans they'll get up to at Hogwarts!

And I love the way you opened this, too. Like, missing the train was such a natural occurrence that they were already planning on telling lies about it. And then they saw their parents and some artful dodging ensued. Hah, I still laugh about how Fred was so self-assured, like "oh yeah, we'll be on that train," oh no, you won't, Fred. (And while I'm looking at her, that CI is SO PRETTY.)

Aaahhh, I have a feeling that this fic is not going to be all about Tedoire, but I love the *wink wink nudge nudge* that you've got in this chapter towards the ship. Aww, it's so cute that Teddy has a total of three pictures featuring Vic, and then the very nice blushy feelings that Vic gets when he says he loves her awww... I'm sure Fred feels pretty left out of this, but that's probably for the best. :P

The idea of a magical menagerie is really cool, like, an advanced petting zoo that isn't for the faint of heart. Vic, Ted, and Fred, not being faint-hearted, will have a really good time there!

(But oh, what kind of wrath will they face from their parents?)

"Rox won't snitch," Fred says. Oddly, I get the feeling that Rox is going to snitch. What can go wrong, must go wrong, right?

I love this opening chapter, and I hope to continue on and read more soon! I know you already have a lot of reviews on this chapter, but I always find it worthwhile to review things in order. :)

♥Mallory

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