Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
881 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57Catching Captain: The Muggle Smuggle

22nd July 2016:
Oh my gosh I'm crying even more now

My favorite joke in all of fanfiction history:
"Sorry, I can't hear you over how loudly I just said Obliviate."
"What? You didn't even say Oblivi-"
"OBLIVIATE!"

I don't know, man, that one just gets me every time. Like I said in the last review, comedic timing=genius in this story. Never stop, my friend.

OMG BUT A MUGGLE! THEY SMUGGLED A MUGGLE (and it was a struggle)!! This is by far the craziest thing I've ever seen the Next Gen kids do, but it really makes sense in the context of this story. Everyone is so ridiculous (in a good way though), and Freddy's like, "Whoops, gf knows about magic. What do? Kidnap!". Yeah, buddy, that won't exactly work...

Hahaha, I did like the glimpse into FinFin's past. His ex-prefect days. He is definitely the most reasonable character out of all of them, which isn't saying much. I'm still giggling over his name.

But tbh Dave is my favorite in the Brotherly Brotherhood of Brothers so far. (Great name for the band, by the way. True classic!) He just gets picked on all the time, and it makes me like him more because he just takes it. Ribs are definitely not going to go away any time soon, I'm sure!

Omg and the girls' reactions to James! "No one could p*** people off like I could." He's so self-aware and so okay with it. He's owning his annoyingness (and also his tendency to be kind of the worst sometimes), and that makes for great lines like that one, haha. (Don't worry, I love your version of James II, but he definitely is a jerk, gotta say.)

ANYWAY I was talking about the girls (focus, Mallory. focus.). OMG JAMES IS SUCH A BAD LIAR WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT ABOUT HIS FRIENDS! AND FIRST YEARS! I'm STILL laughing and maybe that makes me a bad person. BUT he manages to turn it back around on Rose, uh oh, wink wink nudge nudge there's some Scorose going on behind the scenes. :) I loved Dom's exit too, because with that one line of dialogue, we can see her personality and exactly how much Victoire gets on her nerves.

AND EMMA! Omg, forgot to mention this, so rewind! to the beginning of the chapter. Girl was in a RAP BATTLE for crying out loud! And James was probably in over his head, trying to say that he would beat her at it. I REALLY want to see them do a rap battle in a later chapter, because that would be GOLD. Of course James has to go and pick on someone who's just as competitive and maybe a touch less arrogant than he is, so they're going to argue FOREVER. And YASSS I LIVE FOR THE DISTRACTION KISS!!! It is a little early yet for them to be a ship, but the kiss was so well written that I can't even complain. "I needed to shut her mouth. So I covered it with my own." I hope you have lines like this framed and hung on your wall, I really do.

Also, would love to congratulate you on writing the best Sorting Hat song I've ever read. "The brave, the cunning, the clever, and the other stuff." Sorry I keep spitting your own lines at you, but hahaha, this was great. I feel like the Sorting Hat was maybe rapping this song? He could host the rap battle between James and Emma. :D

P.S. What was McLaggen doing on the train? Btw, I LOVED the fight between the four C's and James's friends because of the "Orchideous" moment. Little unexpected things like that keep this story going--overturning cliches. I like that stuff.

Also, Frank Longbottom is the greatest evil Head Boy protagonist ever. I like him because he's such a dope and he thinks he's so slick. Nah, son, look at how slick your dad is and take some notes. (Because Neville with that ludicrous detention is super slick. Love me some teacher!Neville.)

Okay, enough being all over the place for one day. I'll see if I can finish reviewing this over the weekend because it's definitely my new favorite. I don't think I've seen anything like it on HPFF yet, so it's truly a one-of-a-kind. Thanks again for writing it! (I know it's weird to thank people when they didn't actually do anything for me personally, but I feel like this story deserves my gratitude, lol.)

~Mallory

Author's Response: I try to avoid repeating myself, but if I say it in a different way this time it might not convey the same sheer volume of how awesome you are - you're the best.

I'm glad you're loving the crazy stuff in this chapter. Although, just between you and me, this is probably one of the least crazy stunts they'll pull in just the first 10 chapters alone, and you bet there'll be far more than that, including but not limited to [SPOILER KINDA] kidnapping (again, but different person), bank robbery, arson, theft of a priceless 'object', and much more! So yeah, it'll slowly get crazier, haha.

And yeah, the ex-prefect side of FinFin is one of my favorites because let's just say it's going to come in to play a little bit further down the road. As for the fleeting Scorose reference, at the time I was considering using it as a plot point, but now I honestly doubt I'll even manage to fit it in! Let's just say I have a lot planned for this.

While I agree that the distraction kiss was probably a tad premature in terms of James and Emma's 'progress', for want of a better term, I still think that a teeny tiny bit of fluff was necessary early on as, again for want of a better term, fish bait. Lay it out, and slowly start reelin em chapter after chapter.

Rap battle between James and Emma is quite interesting, because I hadn't actually considered that, but I can definitely see it happening at some point! Perhaps in the middle of one of their arguments or something, I don't know. But I'm liking it!

As for McLaggen, I think there was a sentence saying something about him being the Quidditch ref and instructor at Hogwarts, although I probably should have made it clearer. Whoopsies. But yeah, that's what he does, and it comes into play in later chapters as well.

Speaking of coming into play in later chapters, Frank is a biggie! He will be the reason a lot of crazy stuff happens later on...

Aand, before I start accidentally spilling the entire plot of this story, I think I'll wrap it up here, haha. I'd love to see you back for more chapters, especially if you want to make my day again! All your praise has made me just... very content with life in general. Sounds odd, and it probably is odd, but I could care less when I'm reading such stunning reviews! I kept on putting off working on the next chapter, but because of you I've added 2000 words to it in the last hour alone! Alas, more than half of it will probably get scrapped, but no one ever said the writing process is a pretty one.

Thank you so so so so so so so much again!


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57Catching Captain: Anniversaries

22nd July 2016:
Oh my gosh this is the second time I've read this because I was laughing too hard the first time to type a review :''D (If HPFF had emojis, that would be the crying-laughing face.)

This story is gold, seriously. Honestly, I started to write a review about an hour ago, but I couldn't come up with anything beyond "thank you for your sense of humor," but that's weird, so we'll ignore it. :)

That first line. What a hook! It makes James seem like the arrogant-but-lovable jerk he truly is, and the rest of the chapter doesn't disappoint. I don't know what it is about bombastic characters with inflated senses of their own self-worth, but they make me laugh every time.

Dave! I hate it for Dave, but the ribs thing is so funny. I love how you set it up in the beginning and then it becomes a running joke that never gets old. He's such a Jerry from Parks and Recreation, and I can't get enough. But I do feel bad for him because he does deserve a little time to shine.

I think you forgot to list Angelina Weasley in the Quidditch lineup, but that's nothing major! Just wanted to let you know.

FINFIN!! ONLY Lavender Brown would do that to a kid, tbh. Maybe he's a little more balanced than the rest of the brotherly band of brothers? (But I doubt it.)

James's one minute anniversary of being a decent person, omg I am crying. I love Lily Luna Potter and want to be her best friend. AND GINNY KEEPS IT GOING TOO AND SO DOES EMMA!! Seriously, your comedic timing is so genius. The "one minute anniversary" thing keeps reminding me of other jokes in later chapters (because yes, I've read every chapter in this story and I'm about to go read them all again so that I can properly review in this same zany fashion), and you always set the characters up for such ridiculously great punchlines. Omg.

Hahaha, James and Emma don't like each other, but there's still a begrudging respect there. They wouldn't practice together after everyone else went to sleep if they didn't respect one another on some level. (Also I love Emma so much and I'm going to talk more about that in the next review lol.)

Suffice to say, I am totally going to hop over to a story recommendation list and recommend this one, because it is just super incredible.

Catch ya at the next one!
~Mallory

Author's Response: Can I just start by saying you're the best ever? Seriously, your reviews made my day, I was texting one of my friends when I logged on this morning, and after seeing this I absentmindedly added 'Ily!' to the end of the text. Little bit of explaining I had to do there, but it was a price I'll gladly pay for such amazing reviews! Like, it really made me happy, and it's very difficult to convey just how much through printed words, but just know that you are the reason that everyone I walked past this morning got an extra exuberant 'Hello!'.

I'm glad you liked this first chapter so much! I was thinking that it's the weakest so far, and it isn't hooking enough to make a reader want to stay, but you've put all my fears at ease. I'm also so excited that you connected Dave to Jerry from PaR! I'm quite impressed, because I genuinely did have Jerry in mind when writing this (his name in the original draft was Terry).

I'm mildly disappointed with myself that I forgot to name Angelina Weasley as part of the Quidditch team. Why in the world did I even reread the HP series 55 million times in the first place then??? On another note, I was a bit worried about FinFin as a character because (spoiler) in the DH pt 2 they show Fenrir Greyback assaulting Lavender Brown, and according to the Harry Potter wiki she's dead, and, call me old-fashioned, but I'm really not a fan of going against HP canon, so in order to set my mind at ease I just assume that the directors were trippin.

If you like Lily so far, I'm sure you'll love her even more as the story progresses, as she will get some pretty kick-ass moments.
That dynamic between James and Emma is a tad tricky, as I have to make sure they're not moving too quickly, while at the same time not too slowly (I do already have a scene in mind in which they 'officially' start kicking it, but as long as a maintain my self-control, that won't be written for a little while longer).

Again, this review has made me so so happy, and I really, really appreciate it, and I would very, very much like to thank you!

And now on to the next one, haha


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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57House of Stone: Privet Drive Lights

21st July 2016:
Hi Liz! I'm sort of reviving the BvB while we have a few more days left. :D

So it's been a while since I read this story, but it has not lost any of its intrigue. I'll get to that later.

What I wanted to comment on first of all is that I enjoyed the foreshadowing on Terry and Piper's budding relationship. Terry seems nice (if aggressive around Harry), and the dates that they went on seem nice, but something tells me that they aren't going to last. And that's because Piper is still feeling uncomfortable with the physical affection that Terry has suddenly decided to bestow upon her. Like, I get it. You work your way up to these things, especially if it's your first relationship. (This coming from the girl who didn't get her first kiss until after six months of dating the same guy, lol.) But she doesn't seem willing to open up to Terry about how it makes her feel that he's doing all of these things without discussion, and that's what makes me think it won't last.

But onward to the more important part: the Dursleys and Dumbledore!

My main question for this chapter is: Why? Why did Piper get to sit in on Dumbledore's little friendly chat with the Dursleys, and what kinds of plots is this setting up for later? Whatever it might be, it was interesting to see the scene through Piper's eyes. I got a bit worried when she freaked out because of Dumbledore's billowing robes, but then I remembered that Harry is going into his sixth year, so this wasn't the dementor attack on Dudley from OoTP. :)

I really wonder why Piper's parents needed to be protected from Voldemort so much that they gave up magic altogether and Fidelius'ed their house? Dumbledore's cryptic "you look so much like your mother" comment might hold a clue about it, but alas, I am no Sherlock Holmes. Perhaps the Stones used to have a different last name? Anyway, this just adds to the cryptic-ness of the last chapter, in which Harry was convinced he had seen Piper's dad before. Hmmm...

Aww, Piper didn't get to go on the Slughorn excursion. :( Hopefully she goes back inside pretty quickly before a bad guy pops up and snatches her! But I love the desolate feeling in the last paragraph because it's so indicative of Piper's mental state and how she really feels. Hopefully she can feel better with she gets back with her friends at Hogwarts!

I want to say again that I really appreciate your talent for foreshadowing and keeping that air of mystery intact. Even though the scene with Dumbledore was something that I've seen before, it was different while being familiar. I like that you gave it a new perspective without breaking the original scene up too much, and without making it seem word-for-word from the book. It's that fine balance, you know? And you did it very well!

Cheers, and maybe I'll catch ya next time!
~Mallory

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad that is coming through loud and clear. Terry is a nice guy and Piper is a nice girl, but she's not quite sure what to do here and there isn't much of a spark, but she doesn't know that that's the problem. Yet.

Piper got to sit in for one reason and one reason only- Dumbledore's over protectiveness and worry. He actually bothers to explain in the next chapter, I promise. Also, because plot. >.>

Thank you for such a wonderful review, m'dear! It's always lovely when you drop by. And that scene was really hard to do! I had to keep rereading it and trying to reword the quotes I used so that they weren't word-for-word. In future scenes where this happens, I get more creative because Piper gets to have other things to do- like leave the room or talk to someone else. There was not getting out of the awkward summary chapter in this instance.

Thank you, dear!
-Liz


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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57The Next Great Adventure: Chapter 2: The Transportation Office

26th May 2016:
Omg, I LOVE the idea of the afterlife being like a town! So it's like Hogsmeade, but with less intentional use of magic and more mysterious Beyond magic. :D

Agghh, poor Dobby! I feel like this journey is going to be as much of a test for him as it is for Harry because of his inherent need to punish himself for everything that he does that he considers punishable. Breaking the window was...not right, per se, but it's one of those morally grey areas that affect outcomes in surprisingly effective ways. After all, if he hadn't broken the window and then started punishing himself, he might never have gotten a chance to explain his mission to the man. I think it's really important to have these grey areas in stories as well as in life, because sometimes there is no Right Answer, there's only the Only Answer. (Again, I am a raving lunatic.)

Ooh, Merv is a creepy guy, but I guess it's because he has to do the most difficult job in the afterlife. He was very reminiscent of Ollivander, with his dubious intentions and his ability to strike doubt in the hearts of magical beings everywhere.

But but but did you have to break my heart like that?? Making the transport office Portkeys activate at the time of the deceased's passage is such a GENIUS idea, but but but...I like Hannah Abbott a lot, and knowing that she's going to pass soon is just :(. AND CHARLIE WEASLEY WHY WHY WHY?? I love that guy. So much.

And like, why am I sad about them dying? After all, this story is set in the afterlife, it's not like they're going to die and then I'll never see them again--who knows? They might turn up at the end of this story, but at the very least, I'll know that they're in there somewhere. I guess I'm just so used to the idea of mourning someone who's dead that while I was reading, I forgot to consider exactly what was going on in the larger context of the story. Lol whoops.

I absolutely love how this story has gone so far, and I hope I get a chance to come back and read the rest of it soon! I've had so many Emotions because of this story that I think I should take a break, go outside, breathe fresh air...

Really, such a brilliant, sad, amazing, joyful story. Probably my most favorite of what I've read of your work so far! ♥

♥Mallory

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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57The Next Great Adventure: Chapter 1: Happenings

26th May 2016:
Oh man, this is going to become a hero's journey and I AM ALL ABOUT THAT LIFE YO!

But first, I'm sobbing because Dobby is so great and oh my gosh. The best part of this whole thing is that I'm a dumb reader--I was wondering along with all the other witches and wizards just WHO the guide was going to be, thinking it had to be some magical human or something...NOPE! Dobby disappears into the background like a good house-elf technically should, but now is the time to undermine all those old prejudices (ahem, Sirius).

Oh my god, and I also cried when Sirius started kicking up a fuss about Dobby getting to be the guide. @Sirius, that's just not cool, dude. Hasn't he learned not to underestimate house-elves?? I guess not, but maybe this will teach him.

And it sucks even more that, even though HE'S THEIR EQUAL AND THEY'RE ALL DEAD, Dobby felt like he had to punish himself for angering someone from the House of Black. I hate it so much for Dobby. Just shows that sometimes prejudice takes all this effort to overcome, and maybe it still requires progress in the afterlife.

But Jily was cute. I like that. Love me some Jily. :) Sudden thought: Will Harry appear as an old man, or as a youngster? I feel like it'll be sad and strange for him to finally meet his parents, and they're like college kids while he's an old man. But I'll have to find out later!

Aaahh, the unsinkable Molly Weasley. It's very appropriate to her character that she would pick fights with Sirius over decades-old events, but I do agree with her. Sirius is clearly not the man for the job.

Ahahah, and I also loved how this scene was set in a bar! I wonder if it's Rosmerta's bar?

I can't wait to find out what tasks/tests Harry is going to have to complete before he can get into...Wizarding Heaven? Or is it just Wizarding Beyond?

Anyway, see you at the next chapter with another weirdo review. :D

♥Mallory

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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57The Next Great Adventure: Prologue: An Old Friend

26th May 2016:
Oh no, Kaitlin, your writing has once again made me feel like crying. :'(

That isn't necessarily a bad thing though, because I mean, whoa, I'm also in awe. Like, how do you evoke such emotion in so few words??? Geez, I think I should go get some tissues to prepare for the next few chapters!

I love your descriptions of Harry and death in this prologue. Like this one: he could feel bits and pieces of himself coming undone. I've never actually died, but I feel like this is an apt description of death. And not just death--endings as well. Things just simply unravel...

Anyway, Harry and Ginny are both taking this thing really well. I guess when you're 103, death doesn't seem so bad, and since Harry is the third brother in the Deathly Hallows tale, it makes sense that he wouldn't try to go out kicking and screaming.

And the last words thing...Ouch. It's so realistic and true to his character that he would want to make a big speech, but just end up saying what he really meant. No waffling about it, and it's so appropriate that "I love you" is all he really could say to sum up all those long years.

Omg, just started crying again because I am the BIGGEST Next Gen fan and thinking of old!James, Albus, and Lily just caught me in the feels. No why can't they be young forever??

*sobs loudly* The imagery at the end oh no... I just picture this whole chapter as kind of fading out in color. Like the opposite of what happened in The Giver, you know, when the kid got the ability to see color and it started with the color red? Harry just had an inverse Giver moment, because the last thing he saw was Ginny's hair, omg what kind of poetic wizardry is this, Kaitlin??? (I hope I'm making sense.) Anyway, I love it, never stop doing it, and gee, what a succinct way to sum up death and dying and Harry's love for Ginny all in one sentence!

I love how your writing isn't afraid to confront the uncomfortable truths of life (which includes death). Right now, my grandma is dying of a degenerative lung disease, and so this whole thing really hits home for me, among other reasons.

♥Mallory

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Review #7, by UnluckyStar57Saving Severus Snape : iii.

26th May 2016:
And once more! Thanks again for swapping with me, and I hope you feel better!

Holy intensity, Batman! This was such a crazy chapter with all of the introductions of so many characters, but I think you pulled it off beautifully. Your descriptions of each character, much younger than they were when Hermione first knew them, were spot on! If I were Hermione, I would be totally shocked at what they looked like too!

Uh oh, a bit of jealousy at Rosmerta, but seriously, what a nice lady! I'm glad that she sort of undermined Hermione's expectations and turned out to be really nice--maybe she'll be an ally later on if Hermione runs into Bella in Hogsmeade again? I feel like Rosmerta wouldn't judge Hermione too much for being kind of a misfit--she has this really great bartender-y type character that I think works well for this situation. I also like that you gave her some backstory, so that she's not just "Madame Rosmerta, curvy barmaid-at-large."

Ooh, Bella and Lucius! Nasty, nasty people. I hate how Bella just automatically assumed that Hermione was "filth," even though she's pretending to be a pureblood--kind of proves that the "most pureblooded" of Wizarding Britain don't even care about other people's blood status. They just care about their own superiority and self righteousness. *eye roll eye roll eye roll*

Ahaha, Gilderoy made me laugh! I don't think that Hermione would be a good match for him, since first of all, she knows him as a teacher, and second of all, he's a huge jerk. But hey, a girl can dream about his handsome face, right? I sincerely hope that he shows up more in this story, just so I can see whether or not he's as much of a jerk in 1976 as he is in 1992!

Ouch, ouch, ouch. Seeing the Marauders and Lily together and young and alive is just hurtful. You do show James and Sirius in a bad light, pushing Snape around, but that's because they did bully him, and probably that day by the lake in Snape's Worst Memory didn't do a whole lot to stop that. Alas. I'm such a big Jily shipper that I sometimes overlook the...less savory parts of James's personality, but I am very willing to admit that he isn't always a nice guy.

Hermione is definitely projecting Peter Pettigrew's future self onto his 1976 self, though. I feel like he would be more prone to laughing at Sirius and James's antics than creating his own mischief, but he can't already be evil yet, right? At sixteen?! I hope not, for his sake! But I suspect that he'll show up later, and I'll know whether or not Hermione's initial assessment of him is correct or not!

And, finally...Snape. Poor guy, getting pushed around while Hermione is taking in the faces of the young Marauders. And then, when she notices him, she doesn't even know what to do. Of course, he's not some kind of hottie--you stayed very true to the whole greasy-hair-don't-care thing--but seeing someone as a wee lad must change things for Hermione. He's not bullying students here, he's a student getting bullied. His backstory already kind of explains why he's so mean to his students, but this firsthand account of things will really drive the point home.

Ooh, wanted to include a word about Hermione changing her appearance: very wise move, but I feel like some people will still recognize her face, even if twenty years later they meet her and they're like, "hmm, you look like some girl I went to school with, and you even have the same name!". That could create difficulties in Hermione's future, but for now, it's fine. Also, I was giggling about there being a specialty Muggle clothing shop in Hogsmeade because of course witches and wizards of the 1970's have to get their groove on with the wacky fashions of the decade. :D

Another great chapter! I can't wait to know what Snape is really like, beyond first impressions!

~Mallory

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57Saving Severus Snape : ii.

26th May 2016:
Back again! :D

Okay, so this chapter makes things even more interesting! What was in that note that Dumbledore wrote to himself? Is Ariana Dumbledore still alive, or is it a fabrication? Did Dumbledore Confund Madame Pomfrey, or could Hermione's injuries believably pass for Whomping Willow booboos?

I guess I'll start with the last question. Since this story is told from third person limited view, much like the HP series itself, I obviously can't see all of the stuff going on around Hermione. I think that she was partially wrong about Dumbledore siphoning away the blood from her clothes and fixing the tears--after all, Madame Pomfrey is a nurse, so I doubt she would flinch at wounds. BUT! Any injuries that Hermione might have sustained after the Battle would probably be all dried and stuff, so Madame Pomfrey would probably get suspicious and be all like, "Dumbledore, why didn't you bring her to me before now?!". So maybe Dumbledore siphoned away the dried blood, leaving Hermione with torn clothes, scratches, and bruises--believable enough for the school nurse to accept the Whomping Willow as the culprit.

My most burning question, though, is about Hermione's fictitious parentage. Ariana Dumbledore is long dead by now in canon, so Dumbledore's invention of Hermione's surname must be due to the fact that he doesn't talk about his siblings to his work colleagues. Ooh, also at this time, he's pushing 90 years old, so having a really young niece is kind of an interesting situation. I wonder if anyone will question that later on? Anyway, assuming that Ariana is still dead, will Hermione run into anyone who spends time in France and is familiar with the Wizarding Devereauxes, if they exist? It's going to be puzzling and cool to watch how her fake backstory affects her choices/acquaintanceships in 1976.

As a Claw myself, I can appreciate Hermione getting Sorted into Ravenclaw. It's a little too convenient for her to get Sorted into Slytherin, and maybe a little too close to the Death Eater action. Tbh, I think that if she'd been in Slytherin, she would speak out against all of the budding Death Eater activity and get herself into some Big Trouble. And while there are bigots in every House, Ravenclaw is safest for her because they'll appreciate how smart she is. And also, they don't know she's a Muggleborn, but there's probably also less Death Eater sympathy in Ravenclaw, since it's so removed.

Geez, this is a really babbling review, isn't it? Sorry, but this story is making me think about it. I like it!

Ooh, something I really, really appreciate about this story is the mention of Ron and Hermione's relationship. It makes me sad to read stories where Ron is portrayed as abusive and mean-spirited because that's just not how I see him. And in this story, the relationship is left open-ended--it's all a big question mark, and it still shows Ron in the light that JKR portrayed him in. After all, he did do a bit of defining the relationship in the midst of the Battle, showing his signature lack of tact (but also showing how important Hermione is to him, that he would want to make sure she knew he loved her and stuff). But it's not a done deal yet, so if Snamione becomes a thing along the way, or if Hermione finds someone else, it won't be like she's cheating on him. Though unfortunately, I severely doubt the potential for longevity of any romantic relationship for her in 1976, because she has to go back eventually, right? Anyway, thank you for not doing the abusive!Ron thing! ♥

This was another great chapter for setting things up. I'm sure that the main action of the story will start soon, and I look forward to getting to know your portrayal of Snape in 1976!

~Mallory

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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57Saving Severus Snape : i.

26th May 2016:
Hi Meg! Thanks for swapping with me!

I have to admit going into this story that I'm not the biggest fan of Severus Snape. He did a lot for the Order and played the turncoat role really well, but I could never convince myself to like the guy. But! I've heard really great things about this story, so I figured that I'd give it a try! It's never too late to learn to like something--or someone--after all!

In this short prologue-esque chapter, I like that you've introduced Hermione as the person who's going to save Snape. As the girl of the Trio, she doesn't get enough attention or credit for the stuff she does, and the fact that she's less biased than Ron or Harry makes her a perfect candidate for meeting baby!Snape. Also, she's done the Time Turner thing before, so that definitely helps her.

I do wonder, though, if she'll be able to look past everything that adult!Snape did to her as a student. I keep thinking about the time when Malfoy and Harry were shooting spells at each other in the corridor and Hermione got hit with the teeth-growing spell and Snape was like "I see no difference." Even for him, that was ice cold. I hope going forward that this kind of thing will come up and maybe get some resolution--I think that even though she's awesome and has the power to not be bias against someone, she'll still struggle with forgiving him for that stuff. But I'll have to find out!

For now, in Dumbledore's office in 1998, she's very sympathetic to Snape's sad life. That's very important, because she's got to want to go on the mission in the first place, even if she doesn't know yet that it's going to be a mission. It's so incredibly cool that you've set Snape up as the hinge on which all other events pivot--maybe his death affects all of the other deaths--so by saving him, the other people who died will end up alive at the end? I would love to see that, because all of the deaths still hurt all these years later.

Oh my, time travelling over twenty years into the past is bound to take a toll on someone! And Hermione claimed that she wasn't tired, but that's probably the adrenaline still working in her system. She needed to rest, but instead she gets to faint in Dumbledore's office, 1976. Maybe she'll have a minute to catch up on sleep now? I hope so!

I'm very interested in where this is all going to go! I shall see you at the next chapter!

~Mallory

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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57House of Stone: Kiss, Kiss

25th May 2016:
Hey again! Back one more time for BvB! :D

Lol, I love the way you're working with Dudley in this story. He's usually just a prop in fics, and here he's more than a prop. He's kind of my fave, even though he's actually the worst, haha. He's so pushy and stammer-y around Morgan--I love it! It makes me think that he will become maybe not-as-bad as he is at this point in the HP story line.

Aww, it's kinda sad for Piper that she doesn't know anyone at the party except for Harry, Dudley, and her family. Morgan is clearly the social butterfly, and maybe that's why they don't get along. Right away, I saw the tension between the sisters that I suspected would show up. Maybe Morgan will grow up and Piper will let loose a little bit?

I don't think it was very nice of Morgan to give Piper a bra in front of all those people, though. :/ But she made up for it with Terry's surprise appearance! It's really cool with the gifts how the sisters gave each other things meant to help them reach common ground. Like I said before, Morgan could stand to grow up a little and Piper could stand to let loose. Middle ground would be nice for them to reach eventually!

Harry recognizes Piper's dad, a man with a crooked nose...Hmm...To be honest, I don't know who it could be, but I sure do want to find out! From this chapter alone, I've learned that Piper's mom is more of a social butterfly like Morgan, and Piper's dad is a super paranoid secret lawyer guy! Is he secretly Superman? (That wouldn't make sense either, I know.) But seriously, I have ZERO guesses on who it could be, and I hope that I can find out soon!

Some weird Harry-Terry tension at the end. Does Harry have a crush on Piper? Terry did go a little too far with the grabby hands, especially since they'd just had their first kiss...I'll have to watch and see how this stuff develops!

Another really interesting chapter, Liz! I'm super glad that I got a chance to read some of this story this month! :D

~Mallory

Author's Response: Hi, Mallory!

Sheesh, between you and Andrew, I mean really! I feel like an amateur.

I'm glad you enjoyed! I like Dudley, I do. If he weren't so spoiled and such a Muggle, I don't think he'd be that bad of a person and I want to do something with him in a one-shot later down the road.

Piper doesn't want to know anyone at the party. She and her sister are on opposite sides of the social spectrum and she's okay with that. She was a bit of a loner in primaries due mainly to her Metamorphing abilities. She couldn't get too emotional at a young age because she didn't have a lot of control of her power, so she opted to stay away from people. She has more control now and rather than have 500 friends she barely knows, she has a few good friends she really cares about.

Tension between sisters... You should have seen the original draft of this 10 years ago. Tension didn't even begin to cover it! XD But, one of the points of a story is for the characters to grow, right? Both sisters are going to be faced with a problem. That's all I'm saying.

I shall reveal NOTHING, but if you read the next chapter, there are a lot of clues.

I would love to perpetuate the idea that Harry likes Piper, but. He's really just a good friend who doesn't like Terry. And Terry is a git.

Thank you for the wonderful review!


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Review #11, by UnluckyStar57House of Stone: Number 3

24th May 2016:
Hi there! I'm here again for BvB. Go Team Bronze! :D

Okay, so we get to meet your OC, yay! I must admit that I haven't read many Hogwarts era fics, but I like the way you've set this OC up. She's not Harry's long-lost sister or something, but she is friends with him and lives in his neighborhood. I think it's really believable that her parents would be Muggleborns hiding from the Wizarding World in Litte Whinging--too bad for them that the Wizarding World kind of came to them when Harry showed up as a baby, right?

Piper is a year younger than Harry, right? I like that she's not in the same year or House as Harry because it opens up a wider range of possibilities for her to interact with lesser-known canon characters. I'm guessing that "Terry" is Terry Boot? I can't wait to see him in the story!

You did a really wonderful job of showing how paranoid Piper and her mother are about the state of the Wizarding World. Unfortunately, Jake doesn't have the same sense of unease--I hope nothing bad happens to him! D: I do think it's funny that Piper has to ask him his security question, and that it's about math. I'm no math nerd, but I can appreciate a good quadratic equation every now and again. :D

Ahahaha, it's so funny to picture Dudley having a crush on anyone--let alone Piper's twin, who is also a witch! :O I wonder if he'll find out that she's magical, and what he'll think about that? *sudden headcanon for this story that Dudley finds out and doesn't mind, and Morgan also has a crush on him trololol*

Anyway, I think it's interesting that you introduced Piper, her mother, Jake, Dudley, Piers, and Harry in this chapter, and you haven't introduced Morgan yet. From what Piper has told us, the twins seem very different from each other. I wonder if that creates tension between them? Also, I wonder how Morgan handles being in Slytherin as a child of Muggleborn parents? Hopefully, if she experiences any bigotry, Piper sticks with her through thick and thin.

Well, also the twins were in the DA together! (Sorry, kind of writing this review as I go along, that's why it's kinda scattered.) So there's at least one Slytherin in the DA, that's good! Maybe Morgan can be a recruit for the good guys in the middle of the Snake Pit?

This chapter was really interesting and built well on the first chapter. I'm not sure how they connect yet, character-wise, but I'm guessing that Piper will eventually come into contact with Draco at Hogwarts. I'll catch you later!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Yay, Bronze!

And dear LORD, Mallory, between you and Andrew, I feel like the crummiest reviewer in the tower!

I don't want to reply to too much as that would give away a lot of the plot, but YES, Terry as in Boot and Morgan is a bit of an enigma. She's not predominantly evil, she just likes popularity and attention and isn't above being a snake to get it.

Did I say they were both in the DA? Hmm... I didn't mean to, but I think I'll make it work, haha!

I'm very glad that you liked it and thanks for such an awesome review! I'm very nervous about this story as it's my baby and I've been working on it for a very long time.


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Review #12, by UnluckyStar57House of Stone: Prologue

14th May 2016:
Hi there! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle!

Wow, this is a really intense prologue, and I really love the title of the story! It definitely makes me think that Bad Things will be happening soon!

You did a really wonderful job of building the suspense and tension in the scene. Even though the story was mostly focused on Voldemort's thoughts and feelings, you managed to convey everything that Lucius and Narcissa were thinking as well, and that's really important for adding color to the story. Clearly, they were confused and afraid, but very unwilling to admit it.

Ooh, ouch. It makes sense that Voldemort, an evil Major Bad Guy, would use the Cruciatus Curse on Lucius, but it doesn't make it any easier to read about! Voldemort is incredibly true to canon here, which is so hard to write, and I admire your ability to write it. He's cruel, he's sadistic, and he's going to get revenge on Lucius by going after his precious lil' baby Draco.

One comment that I do have about the story flow is that the wording of the first sentence is a little bit inverted. I think it would make more sense if it was worded like this: "A tall dark figure dressed in black robes paced slowly in front of a roaring fire in a dark room." That just rewords the sentence so that the "tall dark figure" is the subject and the action is clear. But that's definitely just a suggestion! :)

Ooh, because you started the story with Draco getting the Dark Mark, I wonder where it's going to go next. And I wonder who Wilkes saw at the Bridge--was it Harry, by chance? It's all very suspenseful, and I hope that I can get a chance to come back and read more soon!

Cheers!
~Mallory

Author's Response: That is a much better opening line, I'm editing now! Thank you so much!

Wow, I feel like I should write a Voldemort-centric story now. I was so nervous about this prologue.

I hope that if you do continue to read, you don't get too disappointed. The prologue was to set up a very important plot point later on for my OC, specifically who was seen at the bridge! But everything will be used eventually as other one-shots and stories get written!

Thanks for my review!!


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Review #13, by UnluckyStar57Ill met in Darkness: Ill met in death

9th May 2016:
Hey Andrew! I'm here for the May BvB!

Wow, this is a really interesting experiment in dialogue-only prose! It's been a while since I've written a BvB review, so I'll try to do it justice.

The concept that you created for this story is really original and intriguing. I didn't understand it at first, but as I read further down the page, everything started to get clearer. Voldemort+Young Tom Riddle Horcrux=Ultimate Strategy Meeting? Whoa! That's an idea that could take thousands of words to cover, and you managed to write it in just over 1000!

Oh my goodness, I loved how Voldemort and Tom complimented each other. That was a bit of dark humor in the midst of what was arguably a scary situation. And of course, Voldemort is so vain that he calls on his handsomest Horcrux to talk to. :D

A question: Why did Voldemort keep saying "Avada Kedavra" before Tom came into the light? I was a little confused about why he would use the Killing Curse on a Muggle that was already dead, but I might have missed something there.

It's really cool to get Voldemort's perspective on all of this stuff. I'm guessing that this is taking place sometime before Harry's first year, or maybe during his first year? Either way, it's very clear by the dialogue where Voldemort is in his journey to become the Most Evil Wizard Ever. I wonder if Quirrel could hear him and was offended?

Wow, but their conversation was so intense! Not only does Voldemort have all these loyal Death Eaters, but he also has a past self that is unfailingly loyal! It's really incredible that you chose to zero in on the diary Horcrux's strategic position in the hands of Lucius, and later, at Hogwarts, because things can really get messed up with an inside man (and they sure did!). I love how you've expanded on this part of canon, because it's not something I'm normally inclined to think about.

I wonder who the Muggle was that he killed to get the spell to work? And why he chose to kill a Muggle instead of a wizard? Those questions are probably better left mysteries, but I'm curious anyway!

Also, I can't say enough how impressed I am that this story is completely dialogue-based! Despite the difficult subject matter, your dialogue was easy to follow and I could imagine the scene pretty well as I read. There are tons of unanswered questions in this story, but that's definitely part of the mystery and horror inherent in the story. I know you love descriptions (and honestly, who doesn't?!), but you did an amazing job with this story! You should definitely experiment with dialogue more often!

Great job!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review.

Yes, it was deliberately cryptic to begin with. I meant it to become clearer and clearer as it went on until you realised exactly who it was and just whom he was meeting. Ultimate strategy meeting, precisely. I envision Voldemort thinking exactly along those lines, that in his embodied horcrux he has the ultimate in followers/servants: someone who has the same goals he has and who can be trusted (far more than he is willing to trust anybody else).

Yeah, I liked the thought of that. Voldemort has many sins and I do believe that vanity is one of the strongest ones (behind false pride, of course). I think that it would be a big love fest if he were ever to meet himself.

Part of the pitfalls of having no allowable explanation is that one must rely upon what a character would believably say; it is one this story falls into upon occasion. As the horcrux is materialising, before Voldemort can see exactly who/what it is, he senses another presence. As he is standing over the body of a Muggleborn at the time, his nature tends towards eliminating a potential witness. That is what he is meant to be doing, hence his repeated, 'who is it' and 'show yourself' along with the killing curses he throws in the supposed interloper's direction.

Because I cannot reinforce what the characters say with exposition and description, then clues that are given out in only one place may be missed or obscure. It is meant to be taking place long before Harry's first year, actually it takes place in Harry's literal first year. That is what is meant by Voldemort's reference to what Severus has told him - meaning to imply, what Snape told him about the overheard prophecy.

That's the point of this Horcrux, and it's one of the reasons it worries Dumbledore so much when he finds it. It is unheard of to use a horcrux in such a way, as a weapon, to be used and brought into the light. It implies, as Dumbledore realises, that there must be more than one to keep their maker safe. But the potential of the destructive power of a second Voldemort running around at the first Voldemort's bidding is truly awful to contemplate.

The dying person is not meant to be a Muggle, but rather a Muggleborn, hence Voldemort's use of the expression, Mudblood.

So thank you for your kind words and even kinder praise. I'm so glad that it was in the end easy to follow - though I do believe the italicised half of the conversation helped. But that is acceptable, I believe, being as one half of the conversation is by a disembodied spirit. And one of the wonderful aspects of having it dialogue based, is that the reader is left to imagine a lot of the horrors of the piece themselves.



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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57Iris: Found

22nd April 2016:
Hey Ella! I'm here for our swap. :)

Funny story: My name is Mallory, so I giggled when I saw that Charlotte's "mother" was called Mallory as well. It's an understandable choice--after all, "Mallory" actually means "unlucky." (Hence my penname, lol.)

But enough about me.

I am a HUGE NERD for Next Generation fanfics, which is why I write and read them voraciously. However, after years of reading cliches, I always love finding really cool fics that go against the mainstream. This is one of them! I am super impressed and intrigued by the premise of this story, and I honestly don't think I've ever seen anything like it on HPFF before. :)

Charlotte intrigues me quite a lot--she's having these crazy dreams and she's living with this ugly lady in a forest, but she seems to doubt that this lady is actually her mother. There are so many questions--how did she come to be living in the forest? why is she hostile toward Mallory? what do her dreams actually mean? I like that you've set this story up with ambiguity because it means you'll have to spend lots of time making things clear--and that always makes for a good story, in my opinion!

One question I have that is unrelated to the plot: You mention that Charlotte is teaching herself to read, but then she seems to read the Dark Forces book somewhat easily--considering that there are terms like "dementor" and "inferius" that might be more difficult to figure out and certainly more difficult to understand. Does she know how to read, but has been put under a spell to think that she doesn't know how to read? I just thought that, with the mention of her reading picture books, she might not be on a level to understand much of the language in a textbook, or whatever the Dark Forces book is. Just my own personal confusion, though!

The image of irises popping up everywhere is really pretty! I hate that Mallory forces Charlotte to Obliviate herself all the time, though, and I'm really wondering why Mallory is keeping her in the forest. The stories about Harry as an "evil wizard" are interesting because it shows the power of misinformation and people's abilities to spin a story in whatever way they choose. But why Charlotte? Is she a really powerful witch that Mallory is using to make herself young again? The clues that you put in this chapter are really incredible--I'm so curious to know whether or not it's Charlotte's blood that makes Mallory look young.

Ooh, also I loved the image of the blue car--presumably the rogue Ford Anglia from Harry's second year! It told me that this story is set in the Forbidden Forest without being explicit, so that was really cool!

Also, I suspect that this mystery boy is James Potter II, and he's going to alert someone that Charlotte is living in the woods, so that's going to be exciting to read!

This is already such a cool story! I certainly hope you update it soon, because I'm curious to find out what will happen! You did a brilliant job of leaving clues in the chapter, and yet I cannot solve this mystery relying on those alone. I will definitely be reading more as soon as you post it!

Thanks again for swapping with me!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Ah in all honesty I love the name Mallory and was considering it for the main character until I read the meaning behind it, and found it the mother a lot more than Charlotte!

I can definitely see where you are coming from with the topic of books and how she is able to read more difficult words. Something I seemed to have looked past. So thank you for bringing this to my attention! I plan on going back and editing this part, showing her struggling for reading such words.

You are really onto something with some of your predictions! especially the part with Mallory using her to stay young... but I'll say no more, there is a very dark story behind every action this women takes and one I am so looking forward to revealing!

Yes the car! I had to sneak it in there, especially to use it as a way to tell the reader it's set in the forbidden forest.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter! I can't thank you enough for such an insightful review!

Ella


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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57To have is to hold: The past fifteen years

27th February 2016:
Hey Andrew! I'm here for our swap, and again, I'm really sorry that I'm a day late!

The entries for HPFF's Birthday Duel are so good from what I've read so far, and this is no exception! This story is an incredible mini-meditation on Harry's past in the midst of his present, and it does a lovely job of summing up the Hogwarts years without being redundant. In fact, the phrases are just outright lovely!

Wow, I love the phrase "despoiler of dreams" to describe Voldemort because not only did he wreck the physical world, but he also played nasty mind games with Harry and magical and nonmagical citizens of Britain. Literally turning himself into the incarnation of a nightmare. That's disgustingly evil, and again, you phrased it so well!

The other phrase that I really love is "From the very first hours of his new corporeality, death had followed him." Voldemort is so horrifying, and this sentence is both literally true and metaphorically true at the same time.

As Harry reflects back through the years, it's very easy to see when he's getting anxious about his past and the things that happened to him. I like that he's followed in Mad-Eye Moody's footsteps and become a constantly vigilant Auror, but the juxtaposition of this to the image of him holding baby Albus is quite poignant. The awful war that he fought gave his personality a new edge, but his children sort of soften it.

Also, really wonderful job on touching on how he changed over the years! Not only did he go through these things, he grew through them. Harry is by no means a stagnant character, and you captured that in such a succinct way throughout!

Aww, toddler James Sirius is adorable! And it seems like Harry is still up to the kind of small rule-breaking that he did at Hogwarts, since he really isn't supposed to be holding Albus, haha.

Of course, since this was the birth of Harry and Ginny's son, Harry was not the only one in the room! After all, Ginny is the one who's in the hospital bed, and this is as much a story about her as it is about him. The juxtaposition between her in the present and in the Chamber of Secrets was oddly chilling because it was quite unexpected, but it makes sense that Harry would see it that way and serves as a fitting segue into Harry's reminiscences. Haha, we all know that Ginny is going to agree to the Controversial Middle Name for Albus, but I hope she's at least a little begrudging! She still has that very bold, brash Ginny Weasley quality to her in this story, even though she doesn't say much because she's exhausted from labor. It makes me happy that you retained that part of her personality--I really like book!Ginny and I don't think that the movies did her enough justice.

The only suggestion I want to give you is that you re-examine some of the shorter sentences in the story, especially towards the beginning. The first paragraph seemed kind of abrupt because of the sentence structure. Of course, that might have been purposeful on your part in the matter of style, so just ignore me if that's the case! :)

Thanks again for the swap! This was a really lovely story, and I can't believe it's just over 1200 words because it seems like a longer story. That's definitely a good thing!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Thanks for the swap, but you don't have to apologise for the delay, you know how fearfully tardy my own response was.

I'm glad you came and had a look at this little story. I've only just written it and I was wondering what people thought of it; being as it is only a recounting of events that most of us know from the books, but at a fifteen year remove. I'm very happy that it didn't seem redundant - that was a very real fear of mine going into the story.

That you pick up on those two phrases is great. I must say that I had a lot of fun writing the two and I did like the way that they seemed to turn out. You confirming this, makes me happy. Voldemort is as you say such a nightmarish figure - to be so ingrained in a society as an object of such evil that they cannot use his real name even though they think him dead, says a lot.

I believe that Harry'sactions in the war did amazing things to him. Especially his walk into the forest to meet death at the hands of Voldemort. After being so willingly able to sacrifice himself, he wouldn't have held onto some of the petty grievances of the past. But there has to be some balance, you cannot have someone becoming too perfect. So one thing that would have happened is that all of the death and heartbreak that Harry encountered at the time, would have driven home Moody's message of Constant Vigilance. It probably made him a little bit harder in a way and it is only now, as you point out, that his children are beginning to soften him.

Yes he still had to be Harry - what are a few small rules here and there. I also like to think that it's how he would be as an Auror, that he would punish severely those who walk an evil path, but those who break small, almost inconsequetial laws, he would deal much more leiniently with.

Oh, you know what, this review is simply wonderful. The story is told through Harry's eyes and so we experience far more of his involvement in it. I was so worried that the other person in the room might not be noticed as much as I wished her to be. So you saying all of those things about Ginny - all of which I wanted to convey - is so exceptional. Yes she's tough, but she's also loving. We know that she accepts the middle name, but I hope that she not only puts up a fight, but also gets some concessions somewhere else. I agree with you too, the movies did not do her fiesty, strong, independant character nearly enough justice.

Some of the shorter sentences were done on purpose, for that stocatto effect, but I will re-examine them as it is one of the faults of my writing. I do tend to write like an engineer sometimes, everything short and to the point. Also, this story was unbetaed, so I should pass it by somebody to give it a once-over.

Thanks indeed for the swap, and thanks even more for your patience with me and the much longer wait you had for my review. I'm really glad that you liked this little story, and yes, though it's little, it does pack a lot within - it is after all, the condensed remembrances of the past fifteen years.



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Review #16, by UnluckyStar57The Siren's Song: Silver and Emerald

26th February 2016:
Hey there! Here for our swap. :)

Oh my gosh, I love stories about the Founders! This is really so cool, because there's so much intertextuality and I LOVE THAT!!!

Okay, intertextuality: I'm sure you know what it is because you did it so skillfully here, but just in case, it's basically the interweaving of texts together to create something new. Here, I can spot Harry Potter (duh!), The Little Mermaid (which you stated, of course), and a little bit of the Odyssey, but with a happier ending.

The opening of this story really set the tone for the rest, as it became a very folklorish tale. Founders legends are difficult to pin down because you can either go really literal or really legendary, and this has a tendency toward legend that's very refreshing! The tribe of wizards and witches with their powers of pagan gods is a cool way to think about early magic--I meant, they weren't all about Hogwarts and Diagon Alley and the settled life in the earliest times of Britain!

Love the description of Salazar as a thief! And especially because the thievery of his tribe was very Robin Hood in nature--they were stealing for a good cause, which is morally dubious, but they've gotta survive! That ties in well with the very dubious morality of Salazar in canon!

Whoa, locket origin story! You know, it never really made sense why Salazar Slytherin had a famous locket, but now it does! It was his wife's, the Siren. Ssss galore!

I do question one element of the plot, and that is the nature of Salazar's research about the locket. Books weren't too common and available in rural inns, especially nonreligious texts. I know it's a magic thing, but I think that it would be cool if Salazar learned the secret of the locket through like an Oracle of Delphi kind of situation, where he meets some old sea lady and she tells him all about it. However! I did enjoy learning about his drive to research the locket for his beloved siren, and this is just a suggestion for another possible thing!

Aaahh! The Black Lake! Mermaids! I love it! I also really love the selflessness on Salazar's part, as he sets his mermaid queen free from dry land. It adds a new perspective on his character, since he's portrayed in canon as a cruel elitist with a giant snake. Here, he's a very sympathetic character--it's so cool when authors can make me sympathize with characters that JK Rowling portrayed as baddies. :D

Really brilliant work on this! I would love to come back and read Rowena's story, and I will definitely be on the lookout for Helga and Godric! This is such a super interesting take on the Founders, and the combination of those stories with fairy tales is positively A+!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hi Mallory!

Thanks so much for this review. I'm so glad that you liked this story.

I like writing Founders stories more as legends. They're these larger than life figure I think, so they get these larger than life stories. Whether this is the reality of their lives or just wizarding myths and legends, who knows.

I think you're right about the books. There definitely wouldn't have been many books around for random thieves in inns to read about mysterious lockets on strange islands. Maybe I'll change it into the oracle. That's a great idea! Thank you for pointing this out.

I hope you enjoy my Rowena story as well and I'll definitely be trying soon to get Godric and Helga out. I've plotted their stories, now I just need to write.

Thank you again for stopping by!

Stefanie


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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57The Last Five Years: Still Hurting

26th February 2016:
Hey there! I'm here for our swap!

Okay, I saw The Last Five Years last year--the one with Anna Kendrick--and even though it was kind of cheesy, I absolutely loved the way it told the couple's story. It's so cool that you're basing a story on that format/plot!

Ouch. Starting with the breakup is really tragic and awful. I know that Blaise is the guy, but who's the girl? It's cool that you kept her name a mystery, though, because it transforms her character into a sort of Everyperson--like, everyone might go through something like this in their life, in some form or fashion.

I love that you're going with tradition and making Blaise a writer! He's a character on the periphery in the series, so he could pursue any career believably. I imagine that his flair for dramatics and style make him a perfect writer. Unfortunately for his wife, that also means that she gets to read a sparse note and deal with the sudden change by herself, with no sense of closure whatsoever.

The buildup of tension was really strong! First she was really clueless about what was going on, but she noticed that something was off, and then as she began to realize, she began to notice more things out of place. I can imagine that moving out as a wizard is easier than as a Muggle because you can just wave your wand and be gone, so the starkness of the empty drawers is very striking.

Aggh, so much raw emotion as the woman begins to throw things! I hate that she had to find out like this, and the normal reaction is to lash out. I could feel her fury, so you did such an excellent job of describing this!

There's also a hint of backstory, insight into their relationship. The snippets like "After all the ___ you did," and the neighbors hearing lots of arguments from their flat are very indicative of a troubled past! Great work on slipping those details in!

I have no CC for this chapter because it was quite compact and very strongly written! My hope for the next chapters is that they are longer so that I can see more into the story of Blaise and this mystery girl!

♥Mallory

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Review #18, by UnluckyStar57The Defenders: Chapter Four

26th February 2016:
Hey Vicki! Here for our swap! ♥

Omg, I so love this story, and this chapter just increased my love for it. It might be a filler, but it's more than just empty fluff--there's so much going on!

Okay, I love how you've got Clara in such an interesting position--she's got a lot of power, especially since most of the people in the Defenders are so impressed by her talents, but even still she is in a position of weakness. Why? Because she's a WOMAN in VICTORIAN WIZARDING ENGLAND. Hot dog, lemme deconstruct this real quick.

Women in late Victorian society actually had some ability to own property, though they still didn't have the vote. Spinsters and single ladies were looked on as weirdos, but they still had more liberties than they did in the past. I shouldn't go into specifics since I'm trying to apply this to fanfic, lol. Anyway, Clara is a single lady in a time when single ladies were all too common in Britain, and so her power and independence is obviously a huge threat to the men. She's got that wandless magic going on, and somehow I think that this mysterious Badd'un (the ringleader) would be most interested in that indeed.

AND YET she is still susceptible to being sexualized and demeaned by men. Ooh, Tristan Durrigan is a TOAD FACE, WOW. Especially in Victorian times, to make lewd comments about sex and/or nonconsensual sex is NEVER OKAY. I mean, these people covered up their table legs for fear of exciting the passions of young lads!

BUT EDWIN OMG...! It would seem that he's really channeling Thornton here, but much more violently. Clara's honor needs to be defended, and even though she could probably do it herself, the point wouldn't hit home (haha, pun) as much as it did when Edwin resorted to physical violence. Dang, that's some crazy stuff. MULTIPLE punches to the face!

...hate to say it, but it kind of makes me think that there's something going on there. I love Dugald, but Edwin is this weird Dark Horse kind of guy with a hotheaded streak a mile wide. He's all about honor--very Darcy, which I approve--but he's not afraid to defend honor with less-than-honorable means. Totally fits in with the contradictions already in place in the Victorian consciousness! I mean, I'm way cool with it if Clara ends up single, but I'm sensing a sort of weird triangle thing between her, Dugald, and Edwin. Will anything happen? I can't even know right now, so I'm not going to predict!

In other news, I'm loving that you're still working on characterization for your other characters while the main action is somewhere else. First of all, we've got Professor Dixon, who's definitely a Wise Old Man with a Wise Old Plan. He's not so rooted in the old traditions that he ostracizes Clara, though, which is great. I love how he consoles her without being condescending. Then there's Theodora, who is just Grandma-y enough without being the milk-and-cookies kind. The image of her smoking a cigarette and being all pragmatic is just priceless! And of course, in the forefront we have Edwin, who might be covering things up a little bit. Mysterious man just got more mysterious!

Most of all, though, I really appreciate that Clara is still allowed to retain some of her early-twenties fragility--I mean, we ALL have it, and she's just recently been exposed to this crazy world. Of course, she's bearing up REALLY well and has this insane ability to perform magic without a wand, but watching a dude punch another dude AFTER battling with the latter dude takes its toll on a girl. (If that sentence made any sense, lol.) She has to recover, and that's where we're at right now.

I really look forward to your next chapter! *puppy dog eyes* This story is so incredible, and reading it again has made my day better!

♥Mallory

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Review #19, by UnluckyStar57when we were young: you sound like a song

18th February 2016:
Hey Stefi! I'm back for BvB, and I'm not in such a Christmas-y mood, so I decided to check this out!

Okay, so while I love shipping, I also love it when ships don't quite leave the harbor. Ya feel? I think you do.

This story perfectly captured that nostalgia that you feel for old significant others. I loved that it was Scorose--such an easy ship to do the Romeo-and-Juliet thing with and then "happily ever after." Actually, I was expecting something to happen, but the moment fizzled out like a wet firework, which gave the story a resolution that was both unexpected and satisfying.

Wow, characterizing Scorpius through Rose's view of him was a really great move! It was cool that she already knew all of his quirks, like running his hand through his hair and stuff. You also really emphasized the passage of time with things like Scorpius's haircut, which probably suits him now that he's older.

Ooh, I also love that you didn't totally give a huge explanation of their careers. Rose's teaching Transfig required some explanation, but it wasn't overwhelming and didn't interrupt the story. But Scorpius's job really stood out to me as well-intertwined with the story as he thinks about how to paint Rose's hair. Does blue normally go into hair? That was a cool fact that I learned from this, because I am no artist at all. Anyway, great example of showing, not telling!

Aww, the dance was quite cute! I like how they're somewhat nervous around each other but then get into talking about what they've been doing. I do wonder, however, why Rose broke up with him and what significance the meadow has to their relationship. I mean, obviously they went there a lot, but where was that coastline? Were they in France or somewhere in England? This detail is not something the story needs, but I am curious about it!

I do like that Rose and Scorpius are both adjusted and happy in their adult lives without each other. The underlying moral of this story, I think (if it has a moral, that is), is that "happily ever after" from first year to age 100 is not necessarily realistic. However, you can look back on old relationships without cringing...at least, not too much. :)

Really brilliant story, with great descriptions and imagery! That image of red-headed Rose in a green dress is just striking!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hello Mallory!

Thanks so much for the wonderful review! I'm so glad you liked this.

I also definitely like a good heartbreaking tale. It's kind of cathartic. Plus, a good cry is always good. This isn't quite that, but it's nice to have stuff that isn't so happy sometimes :P

Blue is not a common colour to use when painting natural hair. But I kind of picture Rose's hair colour to be pretty striking. The blue adds some body to it I think, just some depth and realism to the colour when on canvas I think.

The meadow I imagine is in a forest or on the edge of a forest near the coast in Ireland. I also imagine this story to take place in the same universe as 'Rose Tinted Glass' which is about young Rose and Scorpius lying in the grass while he draws a picture of her. It's not really explicit that these are the same universe, but it's just a picture in my head.

I like the moral you got out of this. I wasn't really thinking about morals when I wrote this, but I totally agree. 'Happily ever after' isn't always about forever, but it can be about cherishing what you have and being happy in your life. Which is what Rose and Scorpius are without each other - happy.

And the green dress just had to happen. I've always thought that Rose would be striking in green, I dress her in that colour frequently!

Stefanie


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Review #20, by UnluckyStar57La Bête Noire: quand l’étérnité finit.

18th February 2016:
Laura! Back for the BvB, and oh man, you've done it again!

Seriously, I think I've said in every single review that I've ever written on your stories that your prose is so musical and so heavy with meaning. Like, it occasionally takes some time to tangle through the phrases for me, but it's totally worth it because darn it, there is some serious stuff going on here! The content of your stories never disappoints when it comes to intrigue/secret plots/long-ago love. (Especially of the Gellbus variety. Albert?? What have they named this ship?!)

Anyways.

Nicolas Flamel is only on the periphery during Philosopher's Stone, but he obviously mattered a lot to Dumbledore and the magical community at large. It's cool that you've framed this story with this opening chapter--Flamel's death, in which so many things are said and so many are left unsaid. Wow, being so old has turned him into a true philosopher, and he has earned that title!

I loved the lines "Will he simply crumble, like old parchment, into a shiver of dust on the blankets, nothing left to say he was ever alive save for his name in ink? Will he wilt, a flower out of water for too long, turning old and decayed and dead under the sun’s glare? Will he simply die, fading out of the world with no fanfare, no visible sign?" especially because it does show how he finally has to confront death, and he is somewhat apprehensive about it.

The idea of Fawkes being loyal to Gellert before he became Albus's right-hand bird is very interesting. I really want to know more about this! I think a lot of people just take Fawkes's presence for granted, since he's always with Dumbledore. But where did he come from? I can't wait to find out his origin story. Also, tangentially related: Dumbledore's Patronus is a phoenix, and I bet that if Gellert ever cast one, it would be a phoenix too!

Ooh, I loved Nicolas's thoughts about Albus as a deceiver--because it's really true, he's so deceptive, and the conflict between him and Gellert was probably lots of smoke and mirrors. That little thought makes me want to read your version of the confrontation!

Also, does this story connect in any way to the other Gellbus you're writing? Just wondering!

One critique that I have for you is the usage of commas. You're great at managing the epic length of sentences while maintaining sentence integrity, but sometimes the commas can be superfluous or the sentence could be reworded to take out some of the commas. Since your writing flows so musically, it can get interrupted by some of the commas.

An example: "The first lie that evening, and it hangs there, solid, between them, almost tangible."

This is a shorter sentence, but there are four commas in it. I don't think it's grammatically incorrect at all, but I do think that it could be reworded slightly to get rid of one or two commas.

However, just a suggestion!! That was really the only thing that came up on my CC radar. :)

Really, this is a unique approach to Albus and Gellert's story--and you're already approaching it uniquely in L'Optimisme! The thought of Grindelwald, Dumbledore, and Flamel being friends is at once terrifying and intriguing!

♥Mallory

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Review #21, by UnluckyStar57Sweet Disposition: a moment of love

17th February 2016:
J! I'm back for BvB (yes, this is cheating, but I like to call it "multi-tasking).

OMG! I read the last scene of this chapter like three times the first time I read the chapter, and I'm super happy that I got the opportunity to read it again this time. :D

But first, Rose's break up with Logan: Honestly, I'm very glad to see a relationship ending in "let's just be friends" without any of the super-awkward "sexual tension" that happens in some break up situations in fic. Because Rose really does just want to be friends with Logan, and Logan is such a nice guy that he's not going to be rude to Rose after the break up. I like that he's so logical and Ravenclaw-y, so he's always going to ask Rose how she's feeling and he can sense when something's not quite right.

The description of how Rose's hand felt burdened by Logan's hand after all those months of being in love was really poignant and gave a "showing-not-telling" indicator that this wasn't really meant to be for them. And ooh, making Rose her mother's daughter in some aspects (like always wanting to debate about feminism and maternity leave) was really cool! I love it when characters are feminists! (Okay, those two things aren't really related, but they both do a great job of showing what Rose finds important in friendships and/or relationships. And clearly, she has a great friendship with Logan, but not enough romantic feeling to continue on in the relationship.)

Charlotte! Oh my, she's so clueless about what Rose is going through, but I believe she really means well. She does have a point though, about passion, and I think you display that really well--after all, asexuality does not mean "lack of passion." People who identify as ace can be passionate, but they aren't necessarily into the kind of passion that Charlotte might be hinting at. I also think that you characterized the divide between Rose and Charlotte's personalities very well. Rose is more "I'm thinking about kissing and it isn't something I really like to do regularly" and Charlotte is like "Don't think--kiss! Kissing solves problems!". That's also a common trope in fic that is solidly debunked here. After all, even for heterosexual couples, kissing doesn't solve all of the problems, like sexual tension or disagreements or other things.

Okay, now my fave kissing scene EVER!!:

~LOVED how you created tension in the narrative by having Scorpius call out Rose's name and then went to what Rose was thinking about--namely, exams. It really made me wonder what was going to happen the first time I read it, which made the payoff SO sweet!
~ALSO you kept mentioning Scorpius's eyes in earlier sections (that's something I forgot to talk about, the scene between Rose and Scorpius during Prefect duty, whoops), so it was really great to get a close-up description here. Of course, Rose probably has no description for Scorpius's mouth, even though it's kind of attached to hers...
~THE KISS! Okay, some kisses in fic can be forceful and not necessarily solicited, and this one was both slightly forceful and unsolicited, but it wasn't a bad thing. On the contrary, it was a very good thing, because Scorpius wasn't doing something like, say, fighting with her or calling her mean names. The kiss was more of a moment of pure feeling exercising itself (on Scorpius's part at least, since Rose is still quite confused), and it was great to see Rose's reaction when someone that she has a passionate connection with is kissing her.
~And it wasn't necessarily a kiss that she enjoyed, because yeah, for her a kiss is just two mouths swapping spit, but she started to get into it. And in contrast to Logan's kisses, Scorpius didn't try to do tongue acrobatics on his first time out!
~I really love how Rose wondered about snogging and her sexuality and Scorpius's conditioner before she wondered about exactly why he kissed her. That was a really cool humor moment at the end!

Okay, backtrack to the Prefect round: LOVE that you were able to write two characters who are so accustomed to fighting in a situation where they were able to put aside their constant antagonism for five minutes. ALSO LOVE that Rose initiated this truce. And that the truce WORKED. Also love the aforementioned humorous moments of Rose thinking about how Scorpius's mouth really isn't all that special. All in all, very brilliant scene there too. :)

Oh, and P.S. tell Rose that I'm an emotional drunk too. :P

And this final thought might be a nonissue, but I can't help but be very curious: Is Scorpius straight or something else? I see him as demisexual right now because he seems to be only attracted to Rose. Anyway, it doesn't matter too much, but I think it does add a new layer to their relationship.

You're the best!

♥Mallory

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Review #22, by UnluckyStar57The Twelve Days of Christmas: Molly

16th February 2016:
Hi there, Stefanie! I'm here for the Bvb. :)

I decided to review this chapter because Victoire obviously has the most reviews, seeing as she's the first, and Roxy has quite a few as well. And let's be honest, if there was a Buzzfeed personality quiz on "Which Stereotypical Next Generation Harry Potter Character Are You?", I would be the goody-goody Prefect version of Molly II, which is such a common characterization of her. So I guess you could say that she's one of my favorites. :P

However! I love that you've taken Molly and run with a different angle here. She's drunk!Molly, not rule-following!Molly, and that's really fun and different. I wonder if she's as wild around her parents? Percy would have a heart attack!

Another thing that is typical of Molly II is that she has few friends. Laura is the perfect friend for Molly in this story, and you've given her some great personality as well! She isn't just a fill-in character. I'm curious to know what the knickers story was about...Hmmm...But there's probably enough context there for me to guess. :D

Hahaha, the Weird Sisters doing a Christmas special in 2023?? That's so crazy and wonderful. It seems very Love, Actually to me, which I like a lot, and the fact that they don't get along (even on live television) is even better! Your depictions of them were hilarious yet concise--it's really hard to get at the character of someone when you're doing it in a short space, but you chose some really good phrases and descriptions to get the job done!

I especially loved this one: “Merton Graves hates his life, hates the holidays, and definitely hates the rest of the band,” Molly laughed. “A drink in his honour. For the long, glorious hair he used to have and for the good looks that did not follow him into his midlife crisis.”

Hahaha, I laughed a bit, and I'm sitting in a public area, whoops!

Ooh, and that's another way you accomplished characterizing the Weird Sisters--using Molly and Laura to describe them! I really appreciated that you did that, because it was so natural in the flow of the story!

A bit of a suggestion I have for this is for the second paragraph. Because Laura is the one telling the story and then you have Molly howling at it after that, it seems like Molly is the one telling the story. Unless she IS the one telling the story, in which case you can ignore me! But to clear up confusion, I would add a quick "Laura finished her story" or something after that.

I really loved reading this--and I also enjoyed Roxy and Vicky's stories, which I read before I read this one. It's so awesome how you accomplished this great friendship scene in not a whole bunch of words, and it felt complete and was humorous to boot! Honestly, I feel kind of bad for the Weird Sisters, but I guess they brought it on themselves, haha.

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hello Mallory!

Thanks so much for this wonderful review!

I didn't want to fall into too many stereotypes with the next-gen characters in this story. But I think Molly (and Fred) might be the biggest departure from the usual.

Percy would have a heart attack. His daughter is wild! I also picture Lucy as a little wild, so he'd definitely be having a heart attack over the both of them!

I honestly didn't come up with any background for the knickers story. I just threw together some words that sounded funny together and turned them into some dialogue. Maybe I'll figure out what the story is someday :P

This whole collection is a little bit inspired by Love Actually. Not any of the plot points, but the whole idea of separate storylines that kind of intersect a little bit and all come together in a wonky way at the end.

I loved writing the Weird Sisters. I sort of picture all of them in my head as looking a bit like Mick Jagger.

So glad to have made you laugh with this one! The beginning is a little unclear as to who is telling the story. I meant it to be Molly, but I can see where the confusion is. I'll definitely fix that asap!

Thanks again for the wonderful review!!

Stefanie


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Review #23, by UnluckyStar57Ignotia: Ignotia

15th February 2016:
LAURA! I'm here for the BvB, but why oh why didn't I come read this sooner?!

Okay, so you basically live in the Victorian era, and I love it so much. Seriously, all of your stories seem to evoke all of the weird Victorian ideals and thoughts, and this one definitely takes the cake, since it takes place right at the end of Victoria's reign.

And oh my gosh Bathilda Bagshot as a single lady who loves ladies there is nothing that I don't love about this, which is to say that HEADCANON ACCEPTED.

Wow, let me just go off on a tangent here for a minute: Bathilda is such a strong narrator, and you as an author are so incredible with descriptions. So Bathilda-in-awe-of-Livia is so vivid. I very much love the colors that Bathilda describes Livia with--and she sounds so very pretty. Of course, I'm sure that's all biased because of the first person narration, but still, I loved the little glimpses of Livia because those were the ones that really screamed how Bathilda felt.

This sentence: For my family, one such secret was mine: that like all good lady academics do, I will not marry nor have children, and that, truthfully, I do not want to. Silk is much softer than marble, after all, and beauty appeals more to me than handsomeness.

I am dead because of its perfection. Like, you describe ordinary things in such magical ways--and come to find out, the word "lesbian" wasn't used until around 1890, which makes the sentences that I quoted above absolutely brilliant. Very poetic and beautiful way to describe same-sex attraction. I'm still freaking out about it.

Also, I really admire the structure of this piece. The leaps in time that it takes leave plenty of room for imagination, and wondering about what could've happened in between the gaps. I think I need to reread it to put all of the elements together, but I wanted to get all of these thoughts out first. Every new installment seems to flow organically--even though they were found in a sort of "scattered" formation--and each one comments on the other really interestingly. The relationship that develops between Bathilda and Livia is so heartbreaking because you just know it's going to end, but you don't know why. And then at the end, the fact that Livia was with Elladora the entire time...Whoa. (Please correct me if I'm oversimplifying!) But anyway, in relation to form, the Bathilda-Livia thing sort of loops around and backtracks sometimes, leaving only the forecasts of an older, wiser Bathilda to cast doubt on it.

AND I LOVE THE COMMENTARY ON GENDER BIAS WOW. Bathilda's trying to get this cutting-edge article published, but Victorian Values say NO BE QUIET. The Wizarding World is arguably shaped by the Muggle one, and this time period is no exception. All that "weird" stuff--like Oscar Wilde--either becomes a public spectacle or gets kept under heavy wraps. The Felix Summerbee case interests me very much--have you written about him? He reminds me of Oscar Wilde a little, though I don't know enough about Wilde's personal history to say whether or not he was directly inspired by him. Anyway, you know I love the Victorians, even though I don't know much about them, but I could definitely do with less of their prudishness about sexuality and stuff. You did a brilliant job of highlighting the Victorian mindset while also not beating it to death--it was balanced perfectly with Bathilda's personal story.

Speaking of, this story masquerades under the fiction that it's about someone else's life, but of course I preferred learning more about Bathilda. She's the one who's telling the story after all, and as a character she figures much more into the plot than she would have you believe. Tricky, tricky. :)

And man, what an ending. "As the author died before the project reached completion," geez. And then it just stops in mid-sentence. I wonder if she was working on this when Voldemort came to visit?

Thanks for writing this brilliant story. I know my review can't do it justice, but (in case you couldn't tell) I loved it a whole bunch.

♥Mallory

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Review #24, by UnluckyStar57Sweet Disposition: oh, reckless abandon

14th February 2016:
HI YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU WROTE THIS STORY AND I REREAD THIS CHAPTER SO THAT I COULD REVIEW IT NOW. *ahem* But I'm really excited to read chapter two, so I'll just get on with the review, yeah?

First of all, I am totally proud of you for writing something based off of your own experiences. That can be super hard to do, especially since you've shared it where lots of people will read it and think about it, but it's also incredibly valuable. Asexual representation for the win!!

Second of all, I have to say that I also identify a lot with Rose. It took me a while to realize it, but I'm ace too. And kissing--especially when it isn't necessarily the right person--can just feel very...moist. Lol, I basically went through this chapter muttering "me, me, same, me," etc under my breath. Again, I'm really super excited that you wrote this!!

Aahh, now for the beginning! I love the opening about Rose thinking about what her first kiss will be like. It never is like the movies, is it? It's so powerful that you stripped away the cinematic conventions of first kisses and made it happen so awkwardly between Rose and Logan. Because that's how first kisses usually happen, and even though they were at a Quidditch party, that didn't turn it into one of those alcohol-fueled ecstatic moments that tends to happen so often. Ooh, and ouch, I hate that Logan went for the tongue on the first time out. Ick, it's just like licking two frogs, and people do it for fun? No, I'm sorry, I still can't do French-kissing.

Man, poor Rose, being a fourth year and feeling sort of left out that she hasn't had a boyfriend before. The whole dating scene is such a complicated mess, and just because your friends (or sister, in my case) are navigating it with such ease doesn't mean that you have to know all the rules. It's so interesting that Rose was relying on tips from her friends to help her flirt with Logan, which feel unnatural to her because they sort of are unnatural in some ways. I really anticipate watching her come into her own and start realizing that she doesn't have to do exactly what everybody else does.

"That looks like...a mouth." Omg, I love it! The facial features are usually so played-up, like "his plump, kissable lips" and "his eyes were fires that fueled her flame" and all of those sordid descriptions that I giggle about. I mean, you do such a great job of showing this different perspective on romance and dating--after all, mouths are sometimes just mouths and tongues don't work miracles.

No Rose baby, there's nothing wrong with you. Nobody blames you for wanting your boo to keep his slobber to himself. ♥ (You must think I'm crazy.)

Hah, I love how this runs parallel with M4S and James being his usual family-saving self. :D This also shows that Logan isn't necessarily a bad boyfriend, he just doesn't know that Rose doesn't like all the slobber and stuff. Common misconception.

Oh, one bit of CC that I should've mentioned earlier: At the beginning of the party scene, Logan's name isn't really mentioned at all until later, but I think that he could be mentioned slightly earlier. And maybe how they met and/or started flirting? Unless you're saving that for a later chapter, then ignore all this waffle. :)

Ooh, that confrontation with Scorpius gives me LIFE. It's so cool that Rose is a Slytherin and Scorp's a Ravenclaw--I feel like that's a rarer Sorting for this pair. And so they have their little exchange of words and stuff, and I love getting all of Rose's thoughts about how she feels like she understands Scorpius, even though all they do is antagonize each other. Ooh, and Scorpius is really hitting on Rose's insecurities when he brings her relationship under question. Ouch.

And still, there are those grey eyes that pop up in Rose's dreams that aren't Logan's... Hmm, I wonder whose they could be? ;)

Seriously, amazing job with this first chapter, but I really want to go read chapter two now. My inner child is getting impatient!

♥Mallory

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Review #25, by UnluckyStar57The Holiday Spirit: Arrival at the Malfoys' Manor

13th February 2016:
Hi Branwen! I'm here for the BvB!

Oh man. I very much love the CINAS-verse because of the rivalry between Scorpius and Rose, and the subsequent getting-together. Reading this little "meet the parents" snapshot was really delightful and added beautifully to the stuff you established in the original novel. :)

Haha, first of all, I giggled over how afraid Scorpius is of bringing Rose around his parents. I can kind of relate, in an opposite way--I had to go meet my boyfriend's parents back in September, and he was super awkward about it the whole time. And inversely, Scorpius's thoughts of Ron potentially turning him into a frog were simply hilarious.

Ugh, parents talking to each other is AWKWARD. Still, I loved that you retained some of the antagonism between Hermione and Draco, even though they do get along better (though I suspect it's just one of those acts that parents put on for their kids, lol). And of course, Ron and Draco's mutual distaste will never end.

Oh my gosh, Rose and Scorpius are so disgustingly besotted with each other and it's so beautiful! I know I would never be brave enough to kiss my boyfriend in front of anyone, let alone my own parents. You've written the physical aspect of their relationship so well--really getting at the heart of their initial attraction to each other--but on top of that, you also brilliantly include that really great Scorose personality dynamic. Especially when Rose teases him so shamelessly about his red hair.

I am in love with Astoria. She's so no-nonsense about Draco and House pride and stuff, and she generally seems like she's been really good for Draco. Actually, I'm sure she knows that Scorpius and Rose were snogging before she came in the room, but she's going to leave the lectures up to Draco so that he can be his formidable father-self. Lol, may I accept this headcanon?

Oh my gosh, a "meet the parents" episode that ends with a rehashing of the sex talk. That's so great. Poor Scorpius--I mean, isn't he the victim here? (Nah, it takes two to tango.) Hahaha, and Scorpius is in TMI-mode to prove to his father that he is a Pure and Innocent. Bwahahaha, I love it!

And anyway, Draco can probably trust Scorpius and Rose at this point. Maybe.

Aggh, it was so lovely to get back into the CINAS-verse again! Thanks for writing this cute thing!

♥Mallory

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