Reading Reviews From Member: UnluckyStar57
  
792 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57Stronger: You and I NOTHING!

29th March 2015:
Here for our swap!

Oh wow, Albus/Lysander and Lysander/Scorpius. These are very interesting pairings, especially since the default is Albus/Scorpius.

The first three paragraphs set the scene really well. I loved the imagery of the blustery day and the wrinkling sheets in Albus's mind. It was clear that he was there for an unfortunate purpose, and it played out very unfortunately for him, indeed.

This version of Albus seems to be a self-serving, entitled person, so it made me chuckle when he thought of Scorpius as a "pasty white rich kid." Albus is very selfish, only going back to Lysander because he feels the need to be in a relationship again. The fact that they've broken up four times in three years causes me to assume this about Albus, because there's no way that it isn't the same old story, over and over again. And Albus might think he loves Lysander right now, but if they'd gotten back together, I fear that the cycle would repeat itself.

You did a really brilliant job of not glorifying what seemed to be an unhealthy relationship. Albus was clearly in the wrong, and he's going to have to live with that forever. Lysander is hurting even now, because Albus keeps coming back around. That is inherently destructive on both sides, and if it takes moving to Moscow, then Lysander has made a very good decision. I hope that Scorpius treats him better than Albus did.

This one-shot makes me want to know more about how Albus and Lysander started dating. Do you have any plans to write more about their relationship? Or even Lysander's relationship with Scorpius? I would love to read the stories if you write them. The way this was written has captivated me, and I want more!

I've never seen Sex and the City, but as a college student in my last few weeks of the semester, I'm always looking for another procrastination tool. I might check it out because of this story. :)

Really brilliant work with this!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57The Best Day of My Life : The Best Day of My Life

26th March 2015:
Hi! I'm here for our swap! Thanks for doing it, and sorry that this is a bit late. :)

Oh. My. GOD. You tricked me! Having Albus behave so nervously and Scorpius so pushy was a really good move, because of course, I assumed the "obvious": That Albus was about to come out to his family. Here I was, thinking that it was going to be sweet, albeit a bit cliche... BUT NO! TOTALLY different!

And that's not to say that cliches are bad, but you had me expecting a joyful family scene. And then you undermined that expectation and made me think about the previous behavior of the characters in a new way. I mean, I'm in AWE of your awesome storytelling skills.

And the animal hospital is SUCH a good idea. Like, I want a novel about this, please. I just love that Albus and Scorpius are going to chase down their dream with each other. It makes my heart happy. :)

"Do you think that's a good idea, son? Starting a business with your boyfriend?"~YES. The scene would have been incomplete without this line, and it's SO PERFECT. If clueless people like me hadn't already been able to figure it out, this is the clue! Albus isn't coming out because the whole family knows about (and likes, hopefully?) Scorpius. Yesss! Love it!

sUPER CUTE HARRY AND ALBUS MOMENT. OMG, he was talking about WWW. I'm crying. It was beautiful.

AND THEN THE PROPOSAL STOP YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH CUTENESS. And they have nearly the same ring, d'aw. I sincerely hope they get married after their business has become successful, so that they can have beautiful wedding photos with all their magical creature patients.

Ugh, as if I didn't ship Scorbus A LOT already, this made me ship them more! You know how to spin a yarn, m'dear! :D

Thanks for such an awesome story! ♥

~Mallory

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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57Bunny Slippers: The Longbottom Family

25th March 2015:
Hi, I'm here for our review swap and I AM SUPER UPSET ABOUT THIS.

Oh my GOODNESS, WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DO THIS?!?! Thinking about the beautiful Longbottom family is already bad enough, but AN OLDER BROTHER?! Who DIED?! I wasn't prepared. Not by a long shot.

Oh, but you wrote it so convincingly! It was just another normal day in the Longbottom household, just another dinner, no big deal... NOPE. You know, I always pictured the Longbottoms getting tortured after being captured by the Death Eaters while on Auror duty, but your version of the scene makes things MUCH WORSE. Neville was only a baby, but he was still a witness to his parents' descent into insanity and his brother's death. I wonder if Augusta Longbottom ever mentions Benjamin? I wonder if Benjamin's extraordinary magical talent at such a young age contributes to Neville's feelings of doubt about his own magic...? UGH NO, I'VE CAUGHT THE FEELS.

I really think you did their story justice, oh yes. Murder and bunny slippers? Who knew it would be such a tragic combination?! Seriously, the writing of this was so smooth and so filled with trickery--I totally thought that everything was going to be fine, but then the Death Eaters came. You did a really great job of setting up the scene, and I could almost smell the dinner cooking! Great use of imagery and figurative language to pull me into the scene!

But shame on you for making me want to cry. :/ Anyway, I hope I can come back and read the other two chapters sometime! Brilliant job on this! ♥

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm sorry you're super upset. :hides:

It's funny. I never imagined the Longbottoms getting caught at work. I always imagined they would've been attacked when their guard was down...like at dinner time.

I'm so happy to hear that you think I did this story justice. I was really nervous about writing it because Neville is one of my favorite characters and the whole thing is just so tragic.

I have to admit that the prompt really threw me through a loop. I spent several weeks trying to figure out what to do with murder and bunny slippers. I had been wanting to write a Longbottom story for a long time and after mulling it over, this finally clicked.

Thank you for the review swap! I sure hope you'll come back to read the rest!

~Kaitlin


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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57Her Choice : A New Beginning

23rd March 2015:
Hi Lindsey! I am so, so, so sorry that it's been SO MANY MONTHS since you requested this review. You didn't think I'd forgotten about it, did you? I've just snagged a bit of time to come and give you a really thorough review, so I hope you can accept my humblest apologies for the long, long wait. :)

Alright, so this is very interesting. I've seen some of those stories where Harry's twin magically shows up, and I'm never sure how I feel about them. However, THIS is really different, because the struggles of being related to the Malfoys must be tenfold in comparison to being a twin in Harry's shadow. Purebloods, man. Messed up family lines.

Speaking of messed up families... Laynie's got a pretty bad one. Her parents were pretty good, but grandmother is absolutely awful. At first, when she was discouraging magic, I thought "oh, maybe she isn't so bad, she'll take care of Laynie." But nooo... She's quite bigoted, isn't she? And now Laynie's got bigoted Muggles on one side and bigoted purebloods on the other. Ugh.

The dropping-off of Laynie on the doorstep of the Home was just... too much. Ugh, Grandma, isn't it enough that you're really mean?! Can we report her to child services?! Seriously, what is her deal?!

Oh, but if Grandma was bad, what will living with Malfoys do to Laynie? Lucius is already trying to instill in her the idea of bigotry, which I'm hoping won't work because she grew up around Muggles. He's being absolutely awful, and if he ever went into a Muggle orphanage, I would imagine that he would act exactly as he did in this chapter. Doesn't he realize that his Dark Lord came from a Muggle orphanage? Clearly not.

And so Laynie will maybe become a sort of double agent? Especially since it seems like she's going to hang out/sympathize with the Golden Trio? Their ideology seems to match hers more than the Malfoys' does. And the fact that the entire family gives her creepy feelings does NOT up their reputation. Why have they only now decided to adopt her for their sinister purpose?! What is she going to help them with? Is she going to be Draco's helper in the plot to kill Dumbledore? This is really interesting to me, because I'm wondering what the Malfoys are playing at, trying to get a girl who was raised by Muggles to do their evil bidding...

Overall, the flow was very good and I loved your descriptions. This sentence in particular stood out to me: "Quickly she looked away, remembering that her mother had always told her that a mirror told lies if you looked into it too long." I could not agree more, Laynie's mum. Couldn't agree more.

There are a few things that I wanted to point out, just to suggest improvements.

1) "Laynie Victoria Martin sat silently on her worn down twin sized bed in thought as she gazed silently through the open curtains of her bedroom window."~Since this is your first sentence, I thought it could be worded a little differently. You really want the first sentence to hook the readers in, and while this caught my interest, the wording threw me off a little. The opening phrase "Laynie Victoria Martin sat silently on her worn down twin sized bed in thought" was a little off, as my mind wants "in thought" to be placed closer to "Laynie." Right now, it seems like the twin sized bed is in thought. And you mentioned that she was silent in the opening phrase, so the return of "silently" is a bit redundant. So, my suggestion for rephrasing is this: "Laynie Victoria Martin gazed pensively through the open curtains of her bedroom window as she ran her hand over the worn down comforter of her twin-sized bed." You definitely don't have to take my suggestion, but it's one way to rephrase things. :)

2) My only other question is about this sentence: "This, dear, is Malfoy Manor. Welcome home!" This sentence is said by Lucius Malfoy, a notoriously cold person. I don't picture him handing out "dear" as a pet name to people, not even ironically, so the addition threw me off a bit. Maybe substitute it with a term that doesn't imply endearment, such as "girl," or "child?" However, it's just a suggestion, so please don't think I'm trying to change your writing all around! :O I tend to nitpick at little things when everything else is flowing smoothly. :)

In summary, this story flows really well. You've already set up a compelling back story for your main character and your depiction of the Malfoy family is quite accurate. I can't wait to see Bellatrix in her full glory, because I bet she's gonna be wicked creepy. Laynie is an intriguing character, and I'm wondering what she'll have to do with the success of their evil plans.

'Til next time!
~UnluckyStar57/Mallory

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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57Rabbit Heart: Stone Hearted

15th March 2015:
After months and months, I am BACK to review chapter 9, and maybe I won't be so tardy next time. There are so many chapters of this crazy, creepy, brilliant story now! :O

Honestly, I'm sort of the dumb, gullible reader who will believe anything you throw at me, as long as it's mildly plausible. So the hints of zombie-ism, wandless magic (or lack of ability to do magic), and Gran's dark and tragic actions are spinning around in my head and I have no idea what to do with them.

Ugh, but I love it. Wren is dealing with a WHOLE LOT, rabbits aside. Like, she could probably be diagnosed with a Muggle psychological disorder at this point because of how messed up her life (and thereby, her mind) has become. But is she turning into some kind of weird rabbit zombie?! I'm not sure at all...

It's absolutely terrible that she had to find out about Gran's decision from some paperwork at St. Mungo's. That in itself is scarring, coupled with the fact that the person behind the decision is the one who gave her a passion for saving the lives of animals in the first place... All that revelation really makes me think about the perspective we have on Gran, though. Is she having these spells of un-Gran-ness because of repressed guilt over "killing" her son and daughter-in-law? Has she somehow been affected by the creepiness of the rabbits/other creatures she took care of? Is she turning into a zombie?!

Seriously, that stuff with seeing Alice Longbottom's hand twitch and imagining zombies really was very creepy. Thank Merlin for Albus the Nerd, who tells zombie jokes that calm Wren's nerves--as well as my own. Like, if I thought killer rabbits were bad, killer rabbit zombies are even WORSE.

Question: Is any of this inspired by Bunnicula, that children's book about the Dracula-rabbit? It sometimes reminds me of that, except that this is WAY darker and I continue to be baffled by the rabbits (but in a good--albeit creepy--way).

I'm definitely on Team Smeed-Is-Not-A-Bad-Guy, but I could be very wrong. The tea that he gave Wren seemed to help a lot, and I'm hoping that he kind of knows about the rabbit situation and is on a mission to stop it. (Plus, I might remember from a few chapters back--is he a vampire/immortal-esque being of some sort?) I thought the tea might make her forget about that stupid rabbit, but no, she thought of Bunny immediately after drinking the tea...

Aggh! Such a brilliant web you weave! I've really got to start keeping up with this story more, because every time I read it, I get sucked back in...

Again, sorry this review was so late. I apologize for being the human equivalent of a trashcan, but I hope you won't hold it against me. :P

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57Bruises : Bruises

11th March 2015:
Hey! I'm here for our review swap. :)

I've never actually read any Sirius/Emmeline before, so this was a new and interesting experience for me! I loved the opening description of them, trying to sleep in a time when sleep is difficult to come by. They're quite good together, I think, and they don't come across as too "love-lorn," which would be inappropriate for the tense times in which they lived. So you did a wonderful job on setting their relationship up, yay!

I also love that you didn't just concentrate on their relationship dynamic. You added so much more than just that. Emmeline, although I don't know much about her canon personality, is a warrior who is torn by grief over losing her two best friends. She isn't a throwaway character and though in this moment she exhibits vulnerability, she is strong.

D'awww, the party was so cute! Except HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?! At first, I thought it was for Harry's birthday, but the costumes gave me a clue. And it's just AWFUL to think that the Potters were having a cute little Halloween party only hours before they died. Ugh. Thanks for the feels, but can I return them and get my money back? I'm sad. :/

Peter's appearance was very telling, and you did an excellent job of describing him. I can definitely imagine that being a mole for the Death Eaters was taking its toll on him, and here you're putting Peter's character on a different level than the one I usually see in fanfiction. Here, he isn't dismissed as "the unwanted friend." His friends actually care about his absence from the party, and they worry about his haggard appearance. This tells me that your version of Peter, instead of maliciously turning against his friends, caved in to the pressure because the strain became too much. And to me, that's a much more interesting version of Peter than the "default" one.

Oh man. Sirius's note to Emmeline... I can't. That's so terrible. I mean, it's one thing to think of Sirius-the-bachelor going to Azkaban, but to think of Sirius-in-a-relationship appearing like a traitor to the person he loves... Arggh. Of course, I can imagine that Remus would feel especially betrayed, but Emmeline was with Sirius right before he went off and "killed" Peter. Wow.

Question: Have you written anything else about Sirius, Emmeline, and the gang? I would love to read something about their Hogwarts years or expeditions for the Order pre-Harry, if you've written it. :)

To be honest, I thought this was really well-written and I couldn't catch any spelling mistakes. Hence, the copious praise and rambling about Marauders and things. :D

Honestly, I love that you've shipped Sirius with a non-OC character. I want to know more about Emmeline's life and how she got into the Order. Normally I ship WolfStar, but I certainly can picture Sirius with girls and boys, and Emmeline seems to work really well with him.

Brilliant job on this! Thanks for swapping! ♥

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #7, by UnluckyStar57Dark Birthright: A Muggle in the Ministry

9th March 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the March BvB. :)

Ooh, I really liked the beginning of your story. It was sad, establishing Julia's frame of mind since her brother's death, but it was also pithy and it sort of gave me an expectation of how the rest of the chapter would turn out. Julia herself seems to embody the whole thing about being "mad" and working at the Ministry. She's an interesting character, and I'm not sure I've seen something like her before.

Is she really a Muggle, or was Lucius Malfoy exaggerating? Perhaps she's a Muggleborn? Or maybe she is a Muggle... If so, how did she wind up working for the Ministry? I'm very curious to find out the answer to this, and I hope to revisit this story so that my curiosity can be satisfied.

Anyway, I can totally believe it that Lucius Malfoy likes to "step out" on Narcissa, so to speak. He's kind of a crummy person, and cheating adds to his level of crumminess. Especially since what he was saying to Julia was basically fetishizing her while condemning her, and that's even worse. I feel like that's a theme of the Wizarding World that people haven't explored much--the way men tend to fetishize things about women that aren't meant to be fetishized. Anyway, I might be getting out of my depth here, but it was really cool that you shed some light on this dark and sinister topic.

Arthur was definitely believable! I like him already. :) And I like the way you established the time period without specifically saying "The year was 1995 and Harry Potter was at Hogwarts." Because this story isn't about Harry, but using the picture on Arthur's desk was a great way to give me a clue of the approximate place that this is happening in Harry's timeline. :D

Brilliant chapter, and I hope to be back for more very soon!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review, it's really appreciated! I'd love to think it made you want to read on!

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57Through the Black: Trying to get Ahead

6th March 2015:
Hi there! I'm here from the March BvB. :)

Wow, I'm really glad I discovered this story! Julianne seems like an unusual character, and I can't wait to get to know her better.

The most curious thing to me was how she has a surprisingly civil relationship with Sirius Black. I mean, she's not so keen on James, but she gets along with Sirius and they went to the library together... What's their history? Have they been friends for very long? I feel like it was a good strategy for you to start the story in the middle of things without giving a lot of back story at the get-go, but now I want to know what's going on! Oh, and as for Sirius, he doesn't seem like the typical jerk-face that I usually see in Sirius/OC fics. (And if this isn't a Sirius/OC, I'm sorry for assuming!)

What's Julianne's deal with Lily? It seems realistic for Julianne to have a few enemies/frenemies, but as with Sirius, I want to know the back story! It must've been something really bad...

A few points of spelling:

Is the "Madame Prince" you refer to the same librarian as the one in Harry's time? Because if so, her name is actually Madame Pince. However, I completely understand if it's a different librarian altogether! I just wasn't completely sure because there's such a small difference in their names.

The word "corporeal" is used to describe a Patronus. It means "having a body." The word "corporal" refers to an army officer. Again, a very small difference, but it was the only spelling mistake I caught!

You did a really good job of establishing Julianne's character. It's very obvious that she's a different kind of Ravenclaw altogether. She doesn't care so much about schoolwork, but I bet there's something else about her that makes her a Ravenclaw. It isn't all about books and cleverness, after all! :) Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you've done really well with her in this chapter, and she's very likable even though she has several rivalries with the Gryffindors that make her seem a bit petty... Character flaws are what make the character great!

A question I have: What are Ivory and Kassie's last names? I'm sure they'll be revealed later, but I'm curious to know if they're part of any recognizable Harry Potter-universe families. :)

Really wonderful job with this! I hope to be back soon!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi there!

Hehe, I'm so glad you like Julianne. She is probably my favorite OC that I've ever created for anything and I just love her to death!

I did want to go a different route and have her actually be friends with the Marauders from the get-go, especially since I've always had her in Ravenclaw, so she would need a reason to interact with them more. I probably didn't do that great of a job explaining it in this chapter (I do explain more later), but the story I had was that she and James have known each other since birth pretty much since they lived next door to each other. That's how she got to know Sirius so well, since she and James are so close.

I've also never really seen Sirius as being a real jerk past his first or second year, especially once he started to unlearn all that crap from his family. He just acts like a stereotypical teenage boy sometimes haha.

Yes, this is very much a Sirius/OC story :P

If I remember right, I think I explain what happened in chapter three? But then there is also the whole thing with Julianne and James being close, so that wouldn't earn her any points with Lily either haha.

Oh, my god. I looked this up because I was so sure that her name was Prince and now I know that I have been spelling this wrong since I was eleven. I don't know how I never realized that there was no "r" in there. Oh my god, thank you so much for telling me, I feel like I've been living a lie now haha.

Yes! I really wanted to show that while there were Ravenclaws who fit the stereotype (coughIvorycough), not every single one is academically smart. There are so many different ways that someone can be smart/intelligent beyond just doing well in school.

For your question, Kassie is a Bones and Ivory is an Abbott :)

This was such a wonderful review! Thank you so much and I hope you come back soon!

Claire


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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57Year Five: Loose Lips

18th February 2015:
OH MY GOSH, I am actual trash for leaving this story unread for two whole months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS.

Ugh, and it's such a pity that I'm such a trashcan, because I love this story so much, really I do. There are so many things...

First of all: LOVE the further characterization of Tristan's friends. Emily is definitely an interesting character and I can't wait to see more of her. So righteously angry, yet so nice that she can't really express it like someone else might. And in this chapter, I'm really seeing how everyone's parentage sort of defines what people expect of them at Hogwarts, even though their perceptions rarely match up with the reality (especially in the case of the Hex Heads).

Tristan becomes more complex with every chapter, and I love it. He's caught in such a struggle--between being a Slytherin, but having a Muggle parent and a Muggleborn mother, and having friends from other Houses, and identifying as a Muggleborn even though he could identify as halfblood if he chose... It's all building up, and if this is angsty for him, I would hate to see what SUPER angsty looks like. Poor guy. Here, you really show how he's the victim of his own circumstances--he doesn't like his Housemates, but he hates Oliver Wood and most Gryffindors. So people assume things about him that aren't true, and he just isn't going to have that. It really fits in with the 90s vibe that the rest of the story puts off. (I mean, I wasn't really part of 90s culture because I was a small child when 2000 rolled around, but I can assume...) Tristan is struggling to reconcile himself with his identity, and that is some hard stuff right there. But he also likes being the pariah, so that makes it extra cool when he tells Reece off.

The idea of the Weasley twins being Hex Heads is more appealing every time I see them in this story. The only way we see them interacting with Wood is through Harry's naive eyes (in the books), so I can totally believe it that they would have a bit of anger reserved for their pompous Quidditch captain--cuz at the heart of it all, they're little rebels and they need someone to rebel against. (Even if it's just Oliver and they like to get on his nerves a lot.)

Speaking of Oliver, THIS CHARACTERIZATION THOUGH. A++, and that's no lie. He's so glorified in fanfiction that it is extremely refreshing to see this portrayal--Oliver as a bully, as an egomaniac, as an obsessive zealot. Like, the boy is MARRIED to Quidditch. That isn't very good, especially since he knows he's good at it and that's earned him a lot of fans over the years. His confrontation with Tristan... just UGH. I mean, I'm always down for a cutesy little Oliver/OC fic, but after reading this incarnation of Oliver, I'm like, "Nah, son. Not today." Thank you for showing a side of this character that is maybe more honest than normal. (Of course, this story is heavily centered on Tristan, so it might be a bit biased, but I still dig it.)

Magic beyond all we do here... Darn it, Weasleys, you're too clever. Again, the drugs and addicting behaviors are there, but you aren't glorifying them. These kids are doing these illegal things because it's an escape from their less-than-awesome realities, and there is no glorification in that. It's a way to cope, and I think you showed that very well. Also, it's a way to let off steam, and they're 90s teenagers. They kind of need it...

One grammar thing, because I had to have something, y'know?

"They usually found him entertaining, but when high, the little knight tended to freak Tristan out."~Sorry, but this made it sound like Sir Cadogan was the one who was high. I know that you meant Tristan, but the wording was just a bit off.

...And that's all I have for criticism/correction/making it better. In general, I love the amount of thought you put into this. I love that you really gave a lot of thought to what Tristan's wand is like, and how the "less important" characters are getting highlighted and gaining backstories as the story progresses. It's really, really brilliant, and I hope I can be back sooner rather than later to review chapter five.

Thanks so much for requesting again, and I'm sorry that I'm such trash for waiting this long to review! ♥

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: No worries, it's taken me FOREVER to reply to this, so I'm guilty as well!

Ooh, I'm really glad you mentioned the stuff about parentage! I put a weird amount of thought into all their families and backstories, and there's a ton of stuff I worked out that never even gets mentioned in the story. But yes, there is much family stuff in this story :)

Haha, yeah Tristan has a pretty high base-level of angst, partially because of those reasons you mentioned. Throw in some specific incidents to deal with and the angst level goes through the roof! And I'm really glad you see some of the problems with his character. Like, I want people to identify and like the MCs, but they're still pretty complicated, and certainly have flaws. (In fact, there are times when they can be downright obnoxioius!)

I wouldn't call the Twins Hex Heads, since they don't use charms recreationally, but I figure you use that term because the actual one probs isn't TOS complaint for a review ;) But yes, I liked the idea that they would get up to more shenanigans than young Potter truly realized. And I remembered a few incidents of them taking the mickey out of Oliver, so that was fun to play with!

Bahahaha! I'm sosososo glad people have responded well to this characterization of Oliver! I mean, I DO like him, but I needed someone to kind of antagonize Tristan, and those elements to his personality are definitely THERE in canon. Mostly though, I just think he's kind of young and hotheaded.

I'm really glad you didn't think the substance stuff was glorified! I wanted to have that be in the story, because it IS realistic if you're writing about teenagers (certainly not ALL, but MANY). I wanted it to kind of just BE, and sort of reserve any judgements of my own, because I trust readers to make their own analysis. But it was tricky to show how THEY think it's cool, without actually making it seem cool. But it seems to be working out!

Ooh, thank you for pointing out that grammar thing, I will certainly adjust it. And no worries about taking a long time, this review was fantastic and totally worth whatever wait!

xoxo
-Roisin


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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57Illuminations: Alfajores

11th February 2015:
Hey Laura! Here for our swap from earlier--thanks ever so much for the lovely review! :)

This is such a cute concept for a story! I love the idea of Pomona and Albus being bros and trying to play cupid for people. And you've got so many different storylines weaving themselves into the thing. It's beautiful. :D

First of all, the food! The setting! You are always so, so wonderful at describing places and rooms, and now I know that you're amazing at describing food, too! Have you ever had an alfajor? The way you described it as Pomona was eating it... Oh man. Now I want one. (Or more than one.) Seriously, is there going to be another food next time? I can't wait to find out! By the way, I love how Albus pronounced it with a Spanish accent. That's definitely something he would do. :)

The storylines! It's only the first chapter and you've already set up all these love stories: Minerva/Dougal, which is over and that's super sad; Minerva/Albus, which will never happen and this sort of makes me wonder when and how she got over it; Pomona/Bessie--what happened to Bessie? Will Pomona find someone else?; Albus/Gellert (one of those pairings that you love and you're good at writing them); Horace/Septima (was he good-looking at that time? Additionally, was he someone that Septima Vector would be interested in?); and Minerva/barkeep (where will that one go?). It's pretty cool how you can manage to juggle all of these crazy things, balancing out the awkwardness of Minerva's crush with her eventual acceptance of the barkeep's affections. I have a feeling that Pomona and Albus are going to be playing cupid for a whole bunch of people, until maybe Albus finds someone for her...?

The way you write relationships between people is just insanely good, and I don't even mean the romantic kind here. Albus and Pomona are two people that I never would've thought about having a friendship, and yet, here we are. It works so well, considering that they seem to understand each other. They seem to have very similar woes in the love department, what with his boyfriend turning out to be an awful Dark wizard, and her girlfriend...dying? leaving her for another man or woman? turning into a tea kettle? I don't know, but I hope to find out!

When Albus said that he doubted there would be a Darker wizard in the century... UGH! This proves it! He CAN be wrong sometimes, and HOW WRONG HE IS!! Hopefully he and Pomona don't try to make Tom Riddle a match with some student. That would be cruel irony. (I could see them making bets with Minerva over James and Lily, though.)

Incredible chapter! I hope the next one is not too long from being posted? :)

~Mallory♥

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Review #11, by UnluckyStar57Rose: Unrequited

11th February 2015:
Hi again!

This was so short, but so sweet! I see a lot of things on the Internet about how guys complain about the "friend-zone" and whine about how they can't get a date because they're "too nice." But Scorpius is the exact opposite of that sort of guy. He's a truly nice guy--the kind that would never sacrifice a friend's happiness just so that he could try to hook up with her.

From the beginning, the flowers metaphor was so sweet and brilliant. I loved the description of flowers and how Scorpius loves them so much. Ugh, he's such an adorable person in this! I bet he wears ugly sweaters and drinks tea and takes walks in the rain and writes poetry. What a cutie. :)

The thing about Rose and Scorpius not meeting until later on in their Hogwarts career is, I think, very realistic. I enjoy the "meeting on the Hogwarts Express" trope, but having them meet later on is very fitting and more real, especially in the context of the story. They never had any reason for their paths to cross, so they just stayed out of each other's way. Until they figured out that they had stuff in common and became good friends, which is also awesome.

And you said that this was a "sad romance," but I see it as a different kind of love story. It's a story about the love between two friends--platonic love that blossomed into romantic love for one friend but not the other. And that, in a way, is quite sad, but it's also beautiful that he respected her and loved her enough to always be her friend, even while she dated other people. Man, I just love your version of Scorpius. He's such a good egg. :)

The completion of the rose metaphor at the end, placing Scorpius as the gardener, was really well done. I love that he handled the situation so well and accepted her marriage to someone else without being a jerk about it. He knew that real love was being able to let someone be their own person, and that is just beautiful.

This was super, super brilliant, and I loved it so much. You wrote it just in time for Valentine's Day, too! :) ♥

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for this lovely review!

I am pleased you liked this. Yeah, I wanted to do something else with the idea of 'friend zone' here. My aim was to show "If you love someone truly, let them go." Scorpius was happy in Rose's happiness =)

This is the first time I played around with metaphors and such so it's great to know you liked it all. Haha Scorpius is definitely an adorable person xD

Yeah I felt it's too cliche to meet on the train. I mean come on what are the chances that they'll be in the same compartment or something, especially when 11-year-old Rose has been told not to talk to him.

It was a sad romance of sorts but it was definitely the love of Scorpius for his Rose and their friendship too. He is definitely a good egg xD

Thank you so much for your lovely comments!


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Review #12, by UnluckyStar57Unlikely: Abandoned

11th February 2015:
Hi! I'm here for our review swap from earlier today. :)

Okay, not gonna lie: When I first saw the summary for this, I thought that it was going to be Pansy/Parvati. And that's quite an interesting and rare pairing, so I was excited to see how the ship played out. HOWEVER, the fact that there is no inherent shipping in this is also really cool. I love the idea so much, and here's why:

Gryffindor/Slytherin friendships are rarely shown in fanfiction or in the books, for that matter. Everyone expects that Gryffies and Snakes just can't get along because they wear different colors and their Founders had a fight a long time ago. But showing these two girls (who are sometimes painted in a bad light) sort of bonding over something that they have in common is really amazing.

I really like how you drew the connection between them. The whole reason for this unlikely meeting is that they were abandoned by their dates to the Yule Ball. Dances are typically a really special time for girls--a chance to go out and get crazy dressed up because it's fun and such--and their dates were both too obtuse to realize that this was a Special Thing and they really should've paid more attention. Shame on them, because Pansy and Parvati found something more valuable than Draco and Harry. They found friendship, and that is totally awesome.

I also like that they're completely into the fashionable stuff. Like, I know that Parvati was one of the prettiest girls in Harry's year, and Pansy is often described as "pug-faced," but with this story, I can picture how both of them sort of dove into fashion to express themselves. I can also picture them starting a fashion company together after the war and everything. So I love that you had them bond over that. :)

I don't know if your intention was to make them seem shippy, but I saw a bit of a ship there. I mean, I completely ship their friendship because of the remarkable job you've done with this, and I won't say too much about romantic shipping if that's not what you intended. But I love their dynamic as friends--girl power all the way, oh yeeesss! You've done such a brilliant job of writing a realistic "beginning of a friendship" between two girls who would likely never talk to each other under different circumstances.

In short, this was totally awesome. Hugs and kisses to you for writing it! :D Now I'm off to check out Rose! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

I am pleased you liked it despite it not being a pairing. It was just a little friendship story =)

Indeed, Lion-Snake friendships are rarely shown so I wanted to play around with this idea to see where it would lead me.

I am happy you liked the idea of how they bonded over their abandonment of the dates and the whole thing about fashionable stuff. Aha starting a fashion company after the war - now you've given me an idea there for a sequel xD

It actually wasn't my intention to make it shippy but it's open to reader interpretation =)

Thanks a lot for your lovely review and sorry for the late response!


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Review #13, by UnluckyStar57Chaos Theory: i. the introduction

2nd February 2015:
Here for our swap! :D

Okay, first of all, YES. SO MUCH YES. I love Next Gen, and I love Lucy Weasley, and I love stories about the Hogwarts Black Market. And I love that the whole Black Market thing didn't come in until the end, so now I have to wait in suspense for the next chapter! :O

Alright, Lucy: She's lesser-known than the other Wotters, and one of my favorite versions of her character is the one that seems to be present in this story. The less-than-perfect younger sibling to Molly's "Little Miss Perfect" routine who isn't afraid to be different. (Despite being Percy's child, hahaha.) I think you have a really good idea of Lucy's character and how you want her to be in future chapters.

I also think it's important that you're addressing the whole "test score" issue in this story. I'm a product of the test score mania--so much so that my mood depends on my grade. (And even though I know that I'm not the most intelligent person, it feels great to maintain a 4.0, y'know?) So I can relate to Lucy, no matter how different our circumstances might be. She's got one more year of school, and she's feeling the pressure from her mum and her older sister to get a "good Ministry job," which is not what she wants. And she obviously didn't score as high in the Entry Level NEWTs as Audrey wanted her to, but that doesn't mean she isn't smart. She just has greater interest in other areas... :D

One thing that I spotted that was out of place: You said that Audrey Weasley works in "tangent" with the Ministry, and I think you might've meant "tandem." But ignore me if that wasn't your intention. :)

Kit, Orla, and Will seem like interesting characters. I feel like I know much more about Kit than the other two, but I have a feeling that they'll be more vocal and present in future chapters. :) Also, it's really cool that Orla is of Polynesian descent. Did she transfer to Hogwarts, or did she grow up in the UK?

The black market operation that the team is running sounds like something really magical. I love that you sort of set it up, with it starting out small and growing into something that (under more normal circumstances) other people would admire. (I mean, I admire it as it is, but I don't think Percy would.) And I hope that they can find some way to put their shrewd business skills to use after Hogwarts so that Nox doesn't go to waste. :)

In summary, this was a marvelous chapter, and I can assure you that I will be waiting for the next one!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hey there!

Well, I do apologise for the 'cliffhanger' of sorts ;) I'm unsure if this will disappoint you to discover Nox isn't ACTUALLY going to be the main focus of the plot, but another group whose name is Finis (hint: they're not running their own black market. it's something more.)

Yes, Lucy is definitely that girl! She's your pessimistic ray of sunshine, rude and eye-rolling and entirely disinterested in anything and everything her sister has to say. Although they were close when they were younger most of their life has practically been a competition (despite their age gap) so is it any wonder Lucy turned out so bitter.

Test score mania is the worst. I - too - am prone to excessive dependency on doing well although I am taking steps to reduce that, which I think are working out quite well! That part is important to the overall arc of the story and the commentary on social pressures to do well in exams.

Thanks for the word pointing out! Upon further inspection I actually didn't mean 'tangent' OR 'tandem' haha, about to fix it now to correctly reflect what I wanted to put (both words are very similar to my meaning, just slightly off).

I can understand you feeling slightly more connected to Kit, currently :) I totally get that don't worry! I feel as if I almost understand his character the most too but that's just from delving into him a little more. Of course, more shall come on the others as the chapters progress!

Orla has a pretty interesting backstory which I'm (hoping) to bring in some where along the lines but brief overview is this: her mum is Romilda Vane (white british) who got pregnant after a short, holiday romance on one of the Polynesian islands (I haven't quite decided which yet. Possibly Hawaii, but I might make it ambiguous). She never kept in contact with Orla's dad and so had nobody to turn to when she returned to Britain and discovered she was pregnant. So, Orla grew up in the UK with her mother (and grandparents) and has never known who her father is.

Oh certainly Nox is admired by a lot of people! Namely, the students to which it serves :P I'm sure Percy would be exponentially proud if they weren't selling things to MINORS, ILLEGALLY haha. Bless. But, I mean, who knows where the skills of Nox shall lead ;)

Thank you so so much for such a lovely, long and detailed review. I enjoyed the review swap and loved your fic as well!! :)

- Jess, xo


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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57Tales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Wrath

31st January 2015:
Once again, an indecently late review from me! :D

Alright. First things first: My favorite character so far. SUSAN BONES, of course!! Because I really had no idea that she was Polyjuiced to look like Mary Goldsmith, and I had no idea that she was so amazing. It makes sense, of course--her family had a long history of being really cool and fighting wizarding crime--but she was such a minor character in the books that she didn't get the face time that she might've had if the series were about her. But THIS Susan, post-war Susan, is amazing! I love how she's so skilled at tricking the bad guys and using her femininity in a subversive way to cut them down. It isn't fair that she always has to be the bait, though, but I think that any of the guys in the team with her will always think twice before being sexist toward her. And that's what I like to see! :D

Wow, Harry has so much presence and authority in this chapter, and I can really see how boy-Harry transitioned to this new Harry. He's hardened by war, but he still wants to do the right thing, even if it means that he might die. I love that you can get his characterization so perfectly--your version of Harry is my favorite of all the ones reincarnated in fanfic. :)

And Ron! You haven't sacrificed his desire for comfort and food and Hermione, but you've given him a really nice edge that fits with the entire vibe of the group. He's Harry's right-hand man, and even if he's unsure about the safety of a plan (or if there are spiders!), he's going to follow Harry and help him out however he can. Still, it's also brilliant that Ron isn't just a throwaway character--I think he would have just as much relevance and personality if Harry weren't there--and that's another thing that makes me very happy.

Wo! Terry Boot's shade-throwing moment with Dawlish was probably my favorite part. Haha, Ravenclaws know where it's AT! In that scene, I could tell that the conflict between young!Aurors and old!Aurors is going to be an ongoing theme/challenge for the "Death Hunters," and that's a really cool thing to explore.

You're just really great at characterization and themes and stuff, kay? :D

Ugh, and the bloody stuff too. Wow, there were so many gruesome images that I hardly know where to begin... Maybe with the DOG. OMG, Dan, you can't just... But you DID... Don't you know that when you start attacking the puppies, things get real?! I guess that's what you were going for, but now I'm sad. :(

The thing about the dog and the teddy bear was a little confusing to me because I wasn't sure which one had "DANNY" stitched on its belly. That was the only confusing sentence in the thing, though. And maybe I'm just unnecessarily confused, idk.

Anyway, DADGUMMIT HARRY! He's such a hero, and there Jugson was, thinking that Harry had no choice but to die! He's quite an awful villain, by the way, and I mean "awful" in the sense of "totally gross and terrible, but amazingly written." BUT THE HAND AND THE HOUSE-ELF!! No, I thought house-elf deaths were over when Dobby died. Wake up call for me! House-elves are probably still oppressed, and they probably die a lot because of abuse and sacrificing their well-being for their masters' plots. Ugh, that's gross. But yeah, this chapter ended on a REALLY low note, and that informant had better give the team some information that will help them capture Jugson and all the baddies once and for all!

Another brilliant chapter, and maybe next time I won't be so tardy with the review! :O

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi, there! Please don't apologize about the timing of your wonderful reviews. As you can see, it takes me ages to respond as well.

Ha! I love Susan, too. She's become such a fixture in my writing. I love imagining her as this very smart, very tough young woman who's doing all she can to uphold her family legacy. And no, none of the guys would dare to be sexist toward her.

I tried to give Harry a lot of personal gravity in this chapter because I needed to get his character in the right place for what's coming. That's an incredibly kind thing for you to say about Harry. You put a big smile on my face right there!

I could never make Ron a throwaway character. I like the guy too much. Specifically, I love giving him moments where he can step out of the combined shadow of Harry and Hermione and shine. He deserves no less.

I loved giving Harry's team their moment to get the best of Dawlish. Because he's a Ravenclaw, Terry was the perfect straight man to throw the feint about Neville's gram.

:-/ Yeah, as it turns out it's hard to write realistic stories about violent, sociopathic Death Eaters without having a good measure of violence and bloodshed. Sorry for the confusion, it was the stuffed animal with the stitching in its belly. I'll reread that and see whether I can make it more clear.

Sorry, at least one more house elf death. I wouldn't say it was fun to write, but I liked the idea that Bizzy's life would have been so miserable with Jugson that she thanked Harry for her "freedom".

Unfortunately, I can't promise that the heavy stuff is over. Because it isn't. Not by a long shot. Death Eaters, you know? Never a happy moment.

Thanks so much for all of your amazing reviews!


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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57He: He

22nd January 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the January BvB. :)

Oh my goodness, this was such a lovely story, even though it was so sad. I liked how you didn't use any names--the only way I knew specifically who this was about was by going back and looking at the characters you tagged at the top of the page. So in a way, this sort of grief over a lost love is universal--it could be anyone, from any story.

But it's about Cho and Cedric, and because I know about those two, that makes it sad for me. The imagery of her looking up at the stars, losing herself in grief, is very poignant and painful. She's reduced to her grief by circumstances beyond her control, and the stars aren't going to bring Cedric back. To be honest, Cho was always my least favorite Ravenclaw because she never seemed to do much or be useful to anyone, but this gives me a new perspective. Of course she couldn't do anything, because Cedric died young and she still sees him when she falls asleep at night. Arggh, the feels. :'(

As I've said (I think), I love your use of imagery and language. This flows very well, and it's so poetic, and I love it. Very good job!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Heya! Thanks for such a lovely review ♥

I'm really glad you liked this - I wrote it a few summers ago so in my head it's not as "good" to me so it's really great that you liked it. Thanks a million for taking the time out to review!

The whole situation must have been so traumatic for Cho - so much is thrown at the Hogwarts students, honestly! I really feel like she would be so upset for such a long time - and because she was quite young when it all happened I assume there wouldn't have been as much understanding of her feelings, too.

I'm really glad you liked it - thank you so much!

Laura xxx


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Review #16, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakdown: Rose POV

19th January 2015:
Whoa, holy cow this was such a LOADED chapter. Are you even allowed to do this to my sanity?!?!

(January BvB, btw.)

Ugh, hollly cooow. It's so insane how Rose just went from being in therapy patient mode to being in full force Healer in training mode. Insane, I tell you! And it was a completely believable transition, like, her fight-or-flight reflexes kicked in and she fought. Say what you like about her trauma and her inability to talk about her scars; she's still in recovery, but she's a fighter. Dang.

OH MY GOD HOW CRUEL ARE YOU?!?!? DO YOU READ THESE STORIES TO YOUR CHILDREN?!?! Because I would be so traumatized by seeing a person whose insides had been Splinched. Like, oh my god, no. That's the worst possible thing. Where in god's name did you come up with that from?!?!

Not to say that it wasn't BRILLIANT, but STILL. Dang. That's some twisted stuff right there.

And I'm so glad to see that Cormac McLaggen hasn't changed since Hogwarts. So full of it, really. People DIED and he was concerned with making the "greatest improvement to Wizarding transportation evaaar." Like, no, get over yourself, you slatternly crumpet. Ugh. So much hate for him, and I hope he rots in jail. WHY WEREN'T THERE REGULATIONS IN PLACE TO REQUIRE HIM TO TEST THIS STUFF OUT ON INANIMATE OBJECTS BEFORE HUMANS?!?!?! I could imagine that he used innocent puppies in the original prototypes, the sick rat. And what was he trying to accomplish, anyway? They've got the Knight Bus, they hardly need anything MORE traumatizing.

And it SUCKS for Rose that she lost her first patient. As much as I hate to think this about her, it seems like the pain of failure fueled some of her actions with Scorpius afterwards. I mean, the sexy times were inevitable at some point--they've got such a history, and it was about time they got down to it! But on such a sad time, and for Rose to go from "I wanna be close to you" to "I wanna go out and par-taayyy" is just a little too quick for me. She's got some serious issues, man. Seriously.

Sorry, sorry, I'm way too into your characters right now. Like, SO INVESTED. And I hate all the bad mistakes they're making, but I love you for writing them so realistically. You're so awesome. ♥

One complaint I have is that you mentioned the dead patients being "vanished" to the morgue... I felt that patients might be "Banished" instead, which is the opposite of the "Accio" charm and seems a little less gruesome... Unless you meant that the Healers do some tricky Transfig and make the patients vanish and turn up in the morgue. I pictured vanished patients all stacked up together in an invisible manner, and it gave me the creeps. But if that's what you meant, I'm sorry for digressing! :O

Anyway, marvelous marvelous, way-too-many-feels chapter. Excuse me while I go cry a little...

(P.S. I totally caught all of the periodic table names in this chapter. I'm sort of proud, hahaha.)

~Mallory♥

Author's Response: Mallory!

OMG - THIS REVIEW!!!

I'm so glad that you noticed how Rose really comes into her own when she is being a Healer. SHE doesn't even notice it. But she is in serious "I'm gonna fix all this" mode.

Haha - No, I don't read these to my kids. I haven't even considered the consequences if they found out the type of stuff that I write :)

Cormac is in it for the glory - typical.

Haha - Yeah, Rose did have a big change of heart - but I think it was more that she wanted to go and be with people who meant something to her (like her friends and family). She was feeling ALIVE for the first time in years - and wanted to celebrate that with those that she's close with.

Haha - I'm LOVING that you are into my characters. Thanks :)

I didn't mean for the patients to seem like they were vanished completely - just vanished from the triage ward to the morgue. I'm not sure I agree with you on the word "banished." It sounds like a punishment more than a replacement.

Eeep - glad you found the element names! I've been really sneaky with them - a lot of the ones I use are the Latin names :)

Thanks again Mallory - your reviews are always so amazing!

♥ Beth


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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57The Red Dragon Shall Rise Again (Y Ddraig Goch Ddyry Cychwyn): Spring

19th January 2015:
Hey! I'm here from the January BvB.

I really love this one! The intertwining of two different legends--Arthurian and Potterversian--is so cool. At first, I didn't think about the dying old man being Merlin, but I understood by the end of the first part. It's cool that he had a woman apprentice named Vivian!

Speaking of, I love how you played around with gender roles in this. Salazar is obviously such a traditionalist, refusing to look at Rowena's ankle, and she's pushing him, challenging him to let go of that. She knows that she has just as much power as him in the governing of the school, and she isn't going to let him forget it. Yes!

Awww, I'm sort of disappointed that this is the end of this one-shot. I expected this story to be a continuation of this initial idea, because I really want to find out the significance of the blonde boy and whether or not Salazar will end up approving of him.

Brilliant chapter!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: All of the chapters are related, so it's not really a one-shot, exactly.

Glad you enjoyed it. I really think there are a lot of Arthurian themes in the books if you know where to look.

Especially glad that you enjoyed the characterizations of the Founders. I think I may actually have a handle on them.


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Review #18, by UnluckyStar57Actions Speak Louder than Words: Breakthrough: Scorpius POV

19th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the January BvB. :)

Wow, this investigation really does hit close to home for Dom, Scorpius, and Al. I feel like they would act with the same objectivity that Kali, Colleen, and Caesar have, if only it weren't a case about Rose. But the three non-relatives/significant other(s) brought up some really good points, and even though it'll be stressful, I hope that Rose's family/boyfriend can listen to them.

One thing that I would like to point out is that you sometimes switch tenses in the middle of paragraphs. It isn't so bad, but it made me a little uncertain about which tense I was supposed to be reading in sometimes.

Ooh, but that's far overshadowed by the things that you do REALLY well, namely: adding to the sense of mystery about Stannous and asking the relevant questions that keep me guessing about his motives. I never thought about it before, but yes--why DID he gravitate towards Rose, only to return her with inflicting any major physical damage? What's he playing at? This villain is super intimidating and scary, and he hits people where it hurts. I want to know more about him, and at the same time, I don't.

Really brilliant chapter! Maybe one day I'll be caught up with reading and reviewing this story. :)

~Mallory♥

Author's Response: Hiya Mallory!

Thanks so much for this awesome review!

The investigation was a little *too* close for those three. Harry was right to add some "fresh eyes" to the case.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your cc. I went back through the chapter and woah! I can't believe how awful it was in terms of switching tenses. I'm still a little unsure if I've done it right, but I made some MAJOR changes and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you pointing that out!

Keep reading - it is all revealed soon!

Thanks again! ♥ Beth


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Review #19, by UnluckyStar57Carpe Aestatem: I Reckon

19th January 2015:
Oh my god.

There have been so many pairings that I've read lately that I didn't know I needed, and this is most definitely one to add to that list. I mean, I've read it twice now, and I'm still in awe.

Who would've thought it, right? When the whole fandom ships JilyJilyJily all day long, you don't even think about the possibility of Other Ships With James In Them. Well, perhaps you remark on his bromance with Sirius, but never Peter and never Remus.

But THIS. THIS BLOOMING THING. In everything of yours that I've ever read--TFWMS being the mainest and most notable example--I sit here after I've read it, giggling like a fool because I just love your characters so much. There's so much pretentiousness going on, and they don't even try to hide it--they're the Marauders, they have the Right to Elevate Themselves in their own minds. Ugh, but I just love how Remus isn't what anyone would initially believe, and I love how Sirius is so nonchalant about the labels, how he embraces them because "they're subversive, mate."

Basically, your characters are precocious little babies, and I love them. I mean, at this point, you could do anything with any one of them--ship them however, with whomever--and I would be sold on the idea.

But anyway. Remus and James. REMUS and JAMES. James starts out ever-so-slightly in denial to himself, trying to distract his mind from Remus by thinking about girls. That ends very quickly, especially since Sirius is right there, being so cool and uncaring and stuff. And James is still like, "it's mostly girls... and then there's Remus," but whatever, the "mostly girls" part doesn't matter right now because Remus is the only thing he can think about, hahaha. That's so perfectly fitting and so perfectly evil at the same time.

And if there was any doubt in his mind about which he liked more, Remus's little surprise attack certainly sealed the deal. Oh my gosh, Lisa, you can write kissing scenes like nobody else. It's so insane, and I feel so many feels that I shouldn't feel, because after all, the romance between two fictional characters should have no affect on my life. And yet, it does. Oh, it does.

And that Latin thrown in at the end--honestly, I think it's such a part of your writing style that I would miss it if it weren't there. The Marauders are such pretentious little dorks, and nobody can tell me otherwise. I'll have to read some more of your Marauders work when I find the time.

Oh, the one complaint I have about this chapter is that it is TOO SHORT and I WANT MORE. Well, when you've got the time, that is. But I hope you have the time soon, because this story is absolute gold.

~Mallory♥

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Review #20, by UnluckyStar57Hurting You: Hurting You

18th January 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the January BvB. :)

I'm always interested in reading things about how the Next Generation is coping in the aftermath of their parents' fame, and I think you captured a pretty good piece of it here. Lily obviously feels like she can't live up to Harry's expectations of her because she wants something different for herself that will never match up with Harry's wishes. She wants to follow her dreams, but she feels like she can't do that without earning his disapproval and disappointment. It's hard to be the youngest child, and only girl.

She's just so sad! I wish that she could've had a face-to-face talk with Harry, just so that she could tell him all of those things, and maybe he would've been more receptive to the dancing idea than she thought he would be. But it's too late. Speaking of "too late," I like how you didn't reveal that Harry was dead until the end. It sort of adds to the irony and pain in Lily's situation. Very nice touch!

One thing I would recommend for the improvement of this fic is that you go back and look for spelling and word errors. There were a few places that you spelled something wrong, and maybe one place that I felt the word was supposed to be something different. But overall, it was really good and I have no other critiques. :)

Really excellent job! I enjoyed reading. :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Yay...you picked up on all of Lily's thoughts and feelings. She has had a bit of a rough time, especially being the third child, living in her brother's shadows. What she wanted from her life was so removed from what ever expected that it was hard for her to pursue it on her own.

She is pretty sad here and has so many regrets that now she can't fix. I wanted to keep Harry's fate as carefully underwraps as I could until the end, although I'm sure its easy to suspect that somethings amiss.

Thanks for the CC. I'll get myself a beta for this. I never seem to catch everything on my own.

Jacqui


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Review #21, by UnluckyStar57My Girl: My Girl

17th January 2015:
Hi Georgia! I'm here for the January BvB. :)

This is super impressive. To write something that's over 100 words without using the letter "E" is just so unfathomable to me--I've used the letter so many times already in a few lines of reviewing! So I am incredibly in awe of your power to find synonyms and replace short words with ones that don't have the letter "E."

As far as characterization, I feel like this version of Ron is from Jane Austen's time--the way he speaks reminds me of Pride and Prejudice, and I really like it! It's very regal and sort of pompous, which I could imagine a Regency Period Ron being. I love that he's so in love with Hermione, that he acknowledges her intelligence and the fact that it is greater than his own. You are just so good at writing Romione! ♥

Rose sounds like she's pretty awesome, too. A very Lizzie Bennet-ish character indeed, and with Scorpius as her sort-of Darcy, how could things go wrong? I'm thankful that his name doesn't have an "E," otherwise that would be super inconvenient! Yes, and I love the fact that Rose takes after Hermione, too! I picture this Scorose with Scorpius as a sort of dandy who often gets taken down a peg or two by Rose, and right now I'm just really thinking about them in the Regency Period, so sorry. :)

My one suggestion for improvement is that you look at your word choice again and see if there are any words that could be replaced with better ones. The word "obtain" shows up a lot within a very few sentences, and I think that there are other words that could replace it for a bit better flow. However, I would like to reiterate that it is SO AMAZING that you accomplished this seemingly-impossible task in so many words.

Wonderful job!

~Mallory♥

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Review #22, by UnluckyStar57Kaleidoscope Love: Oh Comely

14th January 2015:
*cries for days because this is everything i didn't know i needed*

This is just...

No, sorry, I'm not even sure you're going to get a coherent review from me because I'm so incredibly speechless right now. But darn it, I've got to chime in somehow.

God, Agrippa, and Merlin, this is so wonderful. Anthony Goldstein is a character I don't ever think about, and Ernie MacMillan is "that pompous Hufflepuff that seems like a teacher's pet."

BUT NOT ANYMORE. Oh my gosh. This is not the ship that I expected, and it's certainly more than I bargained for! One would think that such seeming opposites wouldn't go together, wouldn't fit, wouldn't make sense. But you totally changed that. Like, forgive my naivete, but you've basically just shattered my whole concept of shipping in the Hogwarts Era and built it anew.

It's in part due to your use of language. This is the Logophile's Challenge, and you are CERTAINLY a logophile. Those beautiful words...! And to think that all of this stemmed from the word "kaleidoscope," and spiraled into something so incredible! What I love about this SO MUCH is that you used all of these intense words with vivid meanings, but it doesn't sound pompous. It doesn't sound like you're trying to exclude people who don't know what the words mean. Even Ernie MacMillan--the character that everyone saw as "so pompous" and such--he's a guy with a story and another guy who is his secret-and-then-wham!-not-so-secret admirer.

Oh yes, Anthony, Ernie might not be handing out free hugs, but you totally want one. Uggghhh, just EVERYTHING about them is so shippable. It's absolutely wonderful and I LOVE THAT NOBODY DIED AND THEY GREW OLD TOGETHER AND READ BOOKS AND HELD HANDS AND KISSED EACH OTHER...

...I am so sorry. You probably think I'm totally insane or something. But I just wanted to let you know that I really liked your story and I am super impressed and I wish you the best of luck in this challenge. ♥

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Oh wow, hi! I'm so happy you stopped by! I have a pretty solid group of reviewers that come by and leave their thoughts when I post up a new story status but it's always so awesome when someone new takes a chance on me :)

Seriously you don't know how much it means that you felt like you had to chime in and that this was everything you didn’t know you needed. I mean that is just pretty great to hear.

I don't think much of either of these characters, but then I got a suggestion in my Stories Offered thread to write this ship and I just kind of decided to give it a go! And--honestly, I do NOT write this era. I'm a Next-Gen writer and I have never shipped within this era or even given a thought to writing it. I was actually really nervous to even post this because I was worried that I might have totally ruined the entire idea.

YOU JUST SOOTHED MY BIGGEST FEAR. I was so anxious while this was in the queue. The entire time I was just thinking 'All of the words sound so pretentious and no one is going to want to read this it sounds stupid' and basically the longest run on sentence of worry you can imagine. I certainly wasn't trying to exclude anyone, even if you didn't know the words. In fact, I went out of my way to make sure that the context of everything meant that you could kind of infer what everything meant without having to consult a dictionary. I didn't want it to be an Look At Me I Use Big Words story at all, so I just cannot explain how refreshing this is to hear. I really am a Logophile myself, so this challenge was perfectly up my alley.

I couldn't kill off either of these two! I just wanted the end to be nice and fluffy and cute honestly so I just went all out with the fluff!!

I don’t think you're insane at all, this was such a wonderful surprise! If you're interested, I can let slip that I'm planning to revisit their seventh year in a multi-chaptered fic, so if that sounds like something you'd be interested in keep an eye out :P

Thank you so much for this amazing review, you just so kind!


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Review #23, by UnluckyStar57Hurricane Luna: He Searches in His Heart

14th January 2015:
Hi Beth! I'm here for the January BvB. :D

Seeing Rolf in this new context--in relation to people who aren't very happy with him--opened a window into his character that I haven't had the opportunity to see before. He has a slight cowardly streak, and it doesn't help that he feels uncomfortable in a room full of Luna's best friends and loving family. And you know, he can search the whole world and protest all he wants about how much he loves Luna, but the only way he's going to win them all over is if he actually gets results from his search.

Albus, in my opinion, was the hero of the chapter. He's such a precocious child, and it's a good thing that he was there to help. I want stories about this version of him when he's older. :P But now that the mission has been reignited by the adults, Albus's role is less important. He was awesome, though. Definite Ravenclaw material. :)

Neville was FIERCE. Daaannnggg, HE'S certainly been hardened by time and circumstance. And he might not have any particular romantic attachment to Luna, but she's one of the only people at Hogwarts who didn't mock him for his clumsiness. They're an amazing pair of friends, and he isn't going to let some newcomer "lover" get away with breaking her heart and not attempting to fix it.

Not that Rolf WOULD just walk away and be like, "Oh well, I tried," but Neville doesn't know that.

I like that Rolf is still so gruff and surly, but he cowers in fear around Ginny. Fear the wrath of the Weasley! Hahaha, I love it.

Another great chapter! How many more will there be? I need another one! :o

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi there Mallory!

Wow - thanks for this amazing review. Yeah, Rolf is not entirely likable and he really is a coward. But he's Luna's coward - at least we hope so. ;)

Albus really was there hero here - and he was fun to write. Hmmm - an adult Albus, that is something to consider.

Neville was fierce because it's Luna. He's going to be protective of her because of their history (friends only, but they were close). I originally wrote the scene with Ginny being the one to tell Rolf off - but it worked so much better with Neville.

I'm not sure if there will be one or two more chapters - but the story is coming to a close!

Thanks again for the review!

♥ Beth


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Review #24, by UnluckyStar57A white, white world.: A gurgle of clarity.

12th January 2015:
Hey Kiana! I'm here for the January BvB! :D

Ugh, I'm simultaneously happy and sad that I chose to read this one. Like, I'm sitting in public right now and I'm about to cry!! No!

For my own sake, and for the sake of the general public, I'll try to contain myself.

I've (maybe) said it before and I'll (probably) say it again: You are just to good. Because this story exists on so many levels that I can't even fathom most of it.

On one hand, this is supposed to be a joyful thing. I mean, Alice is starting to remember things. She's recovering. She's experiencing more color in her life, departing from that white, white world. It's a tale of mental illness--not just an illness induced by magic, but a more universal concept--and how it can be overcome in mysterious ways. It's a tale of family and remembering and love and Christmas.

But it's also sad. Because Alice Longbottom can't remember who the gurgling man beside her is, and the reason why she can't remember is because some ill-intentioned young men and women tortured her into this state of amnesia. I couldn't ignore that fact--it confronted me with every forgotten name, every new development in Alice's mind. THE FEELS, KIANA, THE FEELS. It hit me right where it hurt the most, and seriously, that is just the coolest thing. Teach me your ways, plzzz.

Other nice things that I liked: The use of color. It was dazzling to experience the world through Alice's eyes, and I could picture the happiness she felt with each new color. Baby!Neville is totes adorbs, and I want him. (This coming from ME, who is uneasy around tiny children!) Augusta. AugustaAugustaAugusta. This is a moment that defines Neville's gran, and I can see where her character is going. She wants Neville to live up to his parents' legacy, and she is still in that state of knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that he'll be a great wizard. She'll come to doubt this assessment later on, but not yet.

So thanks for giving me ALL the feels. I have to go to Creative Writing class now, so maybe I'll learn your tricksy writing secrets. ♥

~Mallory

Author's Response: Hey Mallory!

Bahaha, sorry for making it awkward for you as that doesn't sound like a fun position to be in!

But, wahahodifhref, thank you so much, you are so lovely and wonderful and yeah, thank you! ♥

I'm glad that you picked up on the joyful aspect of it as I was a little worried it would be lost in the sorrow of it all, so yay for that! I think those things like family, love and Christmas really can help you overcome amazing things as they have such magical qualities about them which I guess is why Alice did start to get a little better.

I know, I know, I know, I just want to cry and cry and cry as it's so cruel that she had to have that all taken from her. I'm sorry for the feels, I know how much it hurts when you think about it. As for teaching you, I guess I just sort of channel all the horrible and upsetting things which have gone in my life into writing so they don't feel so bad anymore if that makes sense?

Yay, for that, I thought it would be quite a similar thing to remember for Alice as colours really are vibrant and bold and what make life life if that makes sense, so that's why they were so important to her. Yay for Augusta, I feel so much for her because even though she was kinda cruel to Neville in a way, it was only because she loved these two so much she just can't deal with them being gone.

Aw, thank you for this fabulous review, it was one of the best I've ever received :D

-Kiana


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Review #25, by UnluckyStar57For the Greater Good: For the Greater Good

12th January 2015:
I'm here for the January BvB Review Battle. :D

Oh my... This is INTENSE. Actually, I think I just found a new headcanon for Albus/Gellert... Whoops!

The beginning was very powerful. You really used language to its greatest effect here, and it set the atmosphere of the scene really well. About halfway through, I was hoping for some Albus/Gellert interaction--like, a hearkening to their past, but you fulfilled and exceeded my expectations. Oh man... I don't think I can get over that kiss.

And while the kiss did seem very sudden--I mean, they were in the middle of a huge battle--it made sense. It makes me want to know what their relationship was like in their youth. Must've been pretty passionate, I'm guessing. And you accomplished all this in less than 1000 words, which is incredibly impressive.

Brilliant one-shot! I was very pleasantly surprised by it, and I hope to visit your Author's Page again soon. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you kindly for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I really wanted to start in media res with this, so the duel had to be first.

I think that in their youth, they had the feelings, but didn't know what to do about them; society said no, especially at that time and Albus was so confused by what he felt for Gellert emotionally and what he felt for him intellectually.

Thanks again for the review.


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