The origin of Nagini. I don't think i'v seen that addressed before. It would be interesting to see if him keeping her has anything to do with who gave her to him. I think no one can be COMPLETLY evil so... but i guess V is a sociopath. What do i know, i'm just and English major. lol.Author's Response: I agree that no one can be completely evil..Tom definitely evolves into the Voldemort we know, in very large part due to things that happen to him. Thanks for reviewing:)
ps. I almost majored in English as well:) Report Review
Promising start. The part when she tells him about the houses sent shivers down my spine for some reason. I like how you made it clear that this isn't one of those stories where all Tom needed was a friend to fix him.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you picked my story to start reading and I hope I can keep you entertained:) And youre right...Tom needs much more than just a friend to fix him haha Report Review
I could have sworn I already reviewed this and told you all my rambeling, random thoughts but I can't find the review anywhere except in my review count (did you remove it somehow? is that even possible?)
Oh well, just wanted to say great job. I really like Ben but it kind of bothered me that he wasn't more put off over the fact that he was the thing Martha most feared. It almost makes him seem like he doesn't care. Call it the bleeding romantic in me, but that kind of sucks. I hope we get to see more of Ben's good side (and no matter how evil he is, he has to care for her to at least some degree).
Can't wait for the next one!Author's Response: It's not that Benjamin didn't care but rather being what Marta most fears kind of excited him. Her biggest fear was more of everyone finding out that Benjamin even existed, even when the Marauders had known about him for a few weeks. He has his own agenda, which will be revealed more in depth in the next chapter. But I can tell you that Benjamin cares about Marta, but for his own twisted reasons. Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
I like your interupration of AL. In most stories he's the more level headed potter. And i would think there would be charms and such up to keep muggles form noticing the owls.Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked Al. Interesting idea about the owls. Based off the references to all the owls spotted by muggles in HPatPS, I imagine nosier neighbors who lived near wizards might be prone to seeing them now and then, especially in crowded London :) Report Review
I really must say I am getting hooked on the plot. Rose seems kind of lonely, behind it all, like she knows how impossible it may be for her to get anything on her own marets and not her name.
And did we just meet the bad guy of the story? After all, i doubt you would name a chapter after him if it he wasn't a rather big part.Author's Response: I'm so glad you're getting hooked. Yes, Rose is rather lonely. Her life isn't exactly all she hoped it would be. Heart isn't the villain of the story; I'm just naming each chapter after one of characters that appears in it. He will, however, continue to appear now and again throughout the rest of the story. Thanks for the R&R. Report Review
Interesting. Not the kind of thing that would uauasally draw my attention, but I had just finished the fifty shades trilogy and was up for a bit of darkness.
I hadn't seen this paring before and never thought of it as anything other than a crack paring but the way you handle it is anything but.
One thing I am wondering is if something happened between victor and hermione AFTER the war. The only time he and she were together was when she was fifteen and i got the feeling that that wasn't part of the relationship.Author's Response: Thank, Faux. I'm glad the story caught your eye. Yes, it is an unusual pairing but I'm definitely approaching it as realistically as possible. The rather nasty line you're referring to is more just the man in the suit trying to rattle and humiliate Krum. I agree, I don't think he and Hermione had that type of relationship in canon. But she (and Ron) will both have a role later in the story. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Ten gallions says the pendent has something to do with Ben.
I'm kind of glad you mentioned St. Mungos. It makes it clear why she didn't ask for help before. I would have... maybe.Author's Response: Ooh, I would take that bet, but I don't think it would be fair of me. (Besides, all I can find in my bag are Sickles and Knuts at the moment.) Yeah, St. Mungo's plays an important role in the story. I was going to have a flashback in this chapter, but I decided against it in favor of just referencing the event in later chapters. Once again, thank you for reviewing! I hope you continue to enjoy it! Report Review
I like your version of Sirius. Very convincing.Author's Response: Thank you! He's probably one of my favorite characters to write. Report Review
As much as i hate his pure-bloodedness, i really do like Ben and am really interested to see what is going on...but that doesn't stop me from picturing, with a sick form of pleasure, his face when She gets sick of all this and goes straite to Dumbeldore for help getting rid of him.Author's Response: I also tend to like Benjamin despite his rotten behavior. Interesting thought about Marta going to Dumbledore. I don't think he'd like that to happen. Thanks for another review! Report Review
This has to be one of the most imaginative plotlines I have yet to see in Fanfiction AND it's well written (a combo you don't often see).
I am super interested in seeing more about Ben. I have this crazy theory that it's not his real name and that there's a reason he can trace everyone's bloodlines so far back. But we'll just see.
Instant fave.Author's Response: I'm flattered that you think that! Sorry it took me a few days to respond. I think it's awesome you have a theory already! Read on and see what Marta discovers. Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
The premise seems really good but there are a few things you may want to work on:
~Add more description. What are they doing as they are talking? What are their expressions like? Since it's in the first person, what is she thinking between bought of dioluge? Describe the world they're in a little bit. This may seem like unimportant details, but it goes a long way to set the mood.
~Vary your words. Besides the simple words like 'a' 'the' 'and' try not to use the same word twice in the same paragraph. Sometimes that can't be done, but most of the time a good thasuras does wonders.
Besides this it seems like you're off to a great start.Author's Response: Thanks for the advice :) this will all be taken into thought. I hope you like the rest of the story. Report Review
I really like this. It's an interesting idea that i haven't seen before and really well written. The only fault I can find in it is that it seemed like it was supposed to be about Hagrid but Harry managed to steal the lime light.Author's Response: Yeah, it's funny how sometimes you start off with an idea for a story and then it sort of gets away from you. That's what happened with this one. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
You may want to fix the date. You have the flashback as 2009 but the books ended in 1997 and the epolouge where James is about twelve or thirteen doesn't take place until nineteen years later (2016). Probably just a typo, but still.
and you might want to flesh out the flashbacks a bit.
But other than that it's good. I'm really interested in how Cassi is torn and I don't think Logan compleatly bought the whole studying birds bit.Author's Response: Sigh... I know about the date mix-up. I keep meaning to mention that I want to keep the story in the present, so I can make use of current events and such. I'm figuring I'm just going to change it to the canon year.
I'm actually getting ready for a BIG flashback soon, so that'll be my fleshy flashback, haha ;)
I'm so glad you're enjoying this! Logan's smarter than the readers give him credit for, I think, haha. I'm happy you're interested! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! :D Report Review
Oh... interesting start. And yes, I agree about ZQ (Sylar was the poop--word changed to prevent moderator itchiness). I cried when he came out of the closet. I mean I was happy for him, but still...
I'm really glad you didn't have Logan find out in the first chapter, caus it almost looked like you were going to there for a moment and that would have been a little trite.
Houses as a sorority? interesting take on it. The best part is that it's not all that far from the truth.Author's Response: Hahaha thanks! Oh man, ZQ... :P I haven't actually watched anything of his (sigh.), but he made a cameo on one of my favorite shows. I was like, "What a good looking guy." I looked him up and BOOM - out of the closet. Sadness forever... (It's always the pretty ones, too!) Well, yeah, gotta be happy for him :)
Nope. No. No. He's not learning about this that quick. Hahaha. I like suspense and insanity ;)
Haha, you're the first to comment the "Houses as a sorority" thing :) It really isn't that far away from the truth, which is why I HAD to put it in there.
Thanks so much for a lovely review! Report Review
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