Reading Reviews From Member: TearsIMustConceal
169 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TearsIMustConcealBroken : Why Did You Break A Perfectly Good Heart?

2nd May 2016:
Hey, here for the TGS review exchange!

Angie, this is absolutely incredible!

I'm not the biggest Dramione fan, I must admit but I am a lover of angst so you've won me over with this masterpiece. Although it was short in length, it didn't lack in intensity and I was completely overwhelmed (in a good way) by Hermione's narrative, which was just so honest and broken. You've really portrayed her heartbreak and confusion and strength all at the same time, which is simply amazing!

In the short length, you've managed to encapsulate everything Hermione is feeling in such a realistic way and I am completely in awe at this and how you've done it. And the way you've portrayed Draco was my favourite part. I love a cruel, teasing and provoking Draco and you've captured him incredibly. He might just be my favourite part of this story. You really caught how cruel he can be and not just in his words, but in his actions too. He's amazingly cruel and I love it.

Overall, this was just amazing and fantastic and any other adjective I can think of that means incredible. Thanks for the amazing read Angie!


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Review #2, by TearsIMustConcealFlight: Marlene

14th March 2016:
Hi again, here with your second review!

Oh wow, this was even more hard-hitting than the first chapter. I feel like this was so much more personal that the first chapter and I absolutely loved this.

First of all, I love how Emmeline Vance makes a cameo – this makes me happy, I've always felt like she needs a voice of her own! And then the mention of the Prewett brothers, i'm practically squealing!

Emmy and Fab are getting married. While I loved this, it all feels so bittersweet because we know the outcome.

Poor Marlene – I didn't realise why she was hiding her true feelings at first and faking a smile. I thought maybe she was a little jealous because she knew she would never have that with Sirius? Or because of the time it was happening – as she says, there is a war brewing but then you go an drop that bombshell at the end! That I wasn't expecting!

Sirius turning up in typical Sirius style, throwing stones at windows – I felt like this was so 80s,with Sirius in his leather jacket and motorbike and I just loved it! And I also loved how Marlene forgot she was angry with him as soon as she laid eyes on him – he just has that effect :P And I agree with Marlene – him letting Marlene on the bike did seem very personal but it really worked!

Sirius saying he would try – that made me tear up a little bit. He's so sincere and quiet and you know he means it – I could imagine him being the best father. And then the two of them just sitting there, all cute and loving and I absolutely adored all of this so, so much.

As for you concerns, everything was perfect; it was really interesting, the pacing was spot on and characters were so convincing and amazing and I just loved it!

Thank you for requesting! And I can't wait for the 3rd chapter!


Author's Response: And again, thank you so much for all your lovely kind comments.

I so badly want to find a novel length fic about the Prewetts and all the small Order members. Every so often they pop into my head and I enjoy them so much. I'm glad you do too.

And Sirius here is definitely very 80s - I couldn't resist!

I think Sirius definitely isn't read to be a father here, but we know from his relationship with Harry that if he really tried he'd be able to make it work.

I'm going to try to get chapter three up in the next few days. It's about James :)

Lots of love x

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Review #3, by TearsIMustConcealFlight: Regulus

14th March 2016:
Hi there, here with one of your requested reviews, because I couldn't just review one chapter and not the other!

Oh wow, this was amazing. It's the first time I've ever seen this; Regulus with an eating disorder and you manage to write it incredibly well. But thinking about it, it doesn't seem too far a stretch to imagine it. Regulus has no control over his life; his mother sees to that so with the loss of control over that part of his life, it's quite easy to imagine him clinging to another way to gain control and in this case, an eating disorder is the way he does this. You do such an amazing job at conveying this and you do it in such a sensitive way – you're really brave tackling such an issue.

Seeing those lyrics makes me realise how much Bohemian Rhapsody would definitely appeal to Sirius and I can see him really relating to it in such a strong way.

I love the way you've portrayed the Reg/Sirius relationship – it's exactly how I imagine it to be in my head. Reg telling him off, trying to be the good son, seeing Sirius as the rebel but then wanting to be around his big brother, excited that he's wanting to show him something – there's something so childlike and innocent there and it really works and it's super sweet.

As for you concerns;

Is it interesting? - Of course! You've created something fascinating here and you tackling such an issue here makes it extremely interesting and it does make you want to read more.

Pacing: You've got the pacing spot on – it flows perfectly and so seamlessly.

Are the characters convincing? - Yes they are! Here, you've given Regulus a mental illness, which when you read you might think how? But when you read it, you've managed to integrate it perfectly with his character and his relationships and whatnot and I can imagine this so easily. And you have the easy-goingness of Sirius down and his concerns as his big brother and wanting to show Regulus something that would make him smile. So yes, they really are convincing!

Can't wait to read the next chapter!


Author's Response: Vicki this review made me all overwhelmed and smiley - thank you so much for all your lovely thoughtful comments.

I don't think it would be possible for Regulus to grow up the way he did and not be severely affected by it, and I felt like his lack of control over his life would lead to him trying to regain control in some way. I'm really glad you found it convincing.

And thank you for liking Sirius and Regulus's relationship!

Thank you so so much for this review. It's exactly what I needed today :)

Emma x

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Review #4, by TearsIMustConcealIntemptesta Nox: Into the West

13th March 2016:
Hi Alexis, here for the last time, which really makes me sad.

I must say, I did expect the appearance of Voldemort – I knew, that despite everything, he would come for her much like he came for Caitlin. He's not stupid and he knows Aislinn is a valuable asset to his side.

What I didn't expect was Sirius' switch to the Dark Side – that was something I would never have predicted. Nor would I predicted Lily Evans to be captured and be practically a slave to Voldemort. How did this happen? Did Sirius do this? Or did Sirius turn to the bad side in self-preservation once Lily had been captured? Where is James? I'm guessing he's dead? There is no way he'd allow himself to live if Lily was captured. And where is Remus? So many questions!

Her laughter – I love this part. I feel like her laughing really signified the strength of her character, in the face of death.

Oh my god, there's Caitlin! That I wasn't expecting either! How twisted of Voldemort to turn her into something death-like when she refused him but in hindsight, he likes to get what he wants and to him, I think death would be too kind to those who have refused him. But still, that was such a shock! And this is Aislinn's weak spot – that must hurt so much, to see the sister she couldn't save from such horror. Death would have been much kinder.

It makes sense that after all of this, death is the only answer for Aislinn. She has done so much, fought so hard and now she is ready to face death head on, and save her sister in the process. She is such a brave, strong character.

The ending was so fitting and it was the ending Aislinn deserved after all she's been through. And to be reunited with Caitlin is so fulfilling to my heart.

Oh wow, once again Alexis, your writing and your descriptions are just incredible and although I'm so sad that this is over, I have thoroughly enjoyed every single chapter and this is being added to my favourites immediately. Everything has come full circle and I am so glad Aislinn got her happy ending, even if it had to happen in death but even that, death seemed like the fitting ending for her character.

This was such an amazing story Alexis and I want to thank you for requesting and bringing this amazing story to my attention!


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Review #5, by TearsIMustConcealThe Brightest Blue: The Brightest Blue

13th March 2016:
Oh wow, this was such a stunning piece of work. I didn't know what to expect when I read the summary but whatever it was, you surpassed it ten fold with this one-shot and I actually can't think of any words that will do this justice. I am literally quite speechless after reading this.

Every is so vibrant – that's what strikes me immediately. Your use of description, explaining the colours Hannah can see and what they're similar too, is so striking and it really adds another dimension to the story. I've never heard of Synesthesia but you really do well to show the reader everything Alice feels and allow us to experience it with her. It's really quite magical to read.

I love Alice's voice hear, especially young Alice – she's so determined that she's right in what she can do and that despite everyone telling her it isn't quite normal, she knows it's special what she can do and although yes, she hides it, you know she loves her uniqueness and it makes her feel special. She always sees the good in what she can do and I find that beautiful.

I also love how she describes the colours or places or people we know. Like Diagon alley being a deep purplish-red, like plums and then Frank being like the ocean, a greenish-blue. It's so fascinating to read the colours she sees and associates with people with – it really makes you thing exactly what colours you would see if you had this type of Synesthesia and I can't help but now look around where I'm sitting and really think hard about what colours I would associate with certain objects and people.

I adored the wand scene so much – it was like everything came together for her in that moment and she knew then she was something unique, something special and it didn't matter what anyone said and for the first time, they could see what she could see and they were in awe at her talent.

On a side-note; I can really imagine the Hufflepuff common room being that orangey yellow, like a sunset. It's exactly how I imagine it to be in my head.

I love how despite how she couldn't find out what she had in Hogwarts, it led her to Frank and that's what mattered in that moment. With the war brewing and the times unsettled, it's nice to know that her uniqueness led her to Frank and they're just the sweetest. The way you describe their colours merging together into one – I have no words. I think this is just beautiful and possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever read. You know they're in love but it's amazing to see their love unfold and see them become a whole. Your writing is just incredible.

The use of colours in the labour scene really just adds something special to it. I can easily imagine the pain being red and that colour taking over the room. I don't what to say without repeating myself again but I just can't get over how much a simple thing like colour just adds that next dimension.

The scene with Bellatrix, and the colours slipping away, leaving only black and red – that hit me hard. Reading how those colours dwindled down to reds and blacks was heartbreaking because you could feel Alice's despair as they all faded away, leaving only pain behind.

That last scene, with the wrapper. Oh wow, that was so poignant. The way you incorporated that with the idea of Alice's synesthesia was remarkable and amazing and so, so clever. And it made that small moment all the more significant that in that snapshot, she remembered Neville being blue, even if it was for a fleeting moment.

As for you concerns about flow – this flows perfectly and seamlessly and I think that has to do with how you start each new paragraph with describing a place or a person with colour – it gives it all seamless link and makes it perfect.

So, this has to be one of the best things I have ever read here on HPFF – you have so much talent and creativity and this one-shot shows you also have such an intelligence when it comes to writing. Reading your authors note, it's clear you did a lot of research and it really does show in your writing. And to read that you also have a form of synesthesia; although it's not the type you've given Alice, I feel like this is such a genuine interpretation and authentic look at how this talent (calling it a condition seems wrong because I don't think it seems like that at all – the word condition to me evokes negative feelings and I think it would be wrong to label it as this so I'm going with talent for a better word) actually feels. It's so fascinating to know that this is something that people can have and that you yourself have, just in a different form. From a layman's perspective, I feel as though it must be fascinating but also maybe sometimes hard to deal with or has been hard to deal with in the past?

Anyway, this was simply stunning and I am so glad you requested this because I am so awed and stunned to have read such a beautiful piece of work.


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Review #6, by TearsIMustConcealWelcome to the LC: welcome to not just another wednesday night/the great uncloaking of teddy lupin

13th March 2016:
Hi Elise, here with your requested review!

Argh, TEDDY IS HERE! I've been waiting for him to appear since we found it was him who was her knight in shining armour and I loved it all! I'm a shipper already, I've already forgotten about my Rose/Teddy love, they can go away because Tedilah is here to stay!

You know I already adore Delilah - she's just perfect in that unconventional, flawed way and she's so relatable it's unreal – i'm jealous of your character development skills, Teach me please?

I love the friendship between delilah and Camille – they've just fitted into so easily – like, it's not forced, they just get a long and it works and I love that she has a friend now; a proper friend because she deserves it!

Arghh, the meeting was hilarious. I love that Delilah can't help what comes out of her mouth – it's just instinct to blurt out whatever she's thinking, whether it's appropriate in the situation or not. We all know someone like that!

I'm glad he tells her not to feel sorry for anything that happened that night – I feel like she needed to hear that from a stranger rather than Camille or someone else who knows her. I hope she listens because she really does have nothing to be sorry for.

Aww, they hugged. Which, I must admit, I was little surprised at but I feel as though Teddy is just one of those people who makes you feel instantly comfortable and at ease around him and I kind of see Delilah as impulsive and who wouldn't want to hug Teddy? But yeah, although I was surprised, I think it worked given their personalities and auras. Haha, she knew he was a Puff because of his hugging skills. I think that gave the moment a much needed comic element so it wasn't too cute because I imagine Delilah being the type that too much cuteness would make her uncomfortable.

As for your concerns, you've got nothing to worry about. You introduced him really well, without it taking forever and their interaction was cute and awkward and it was all so believable! I love you Teddy and I ship these two forever. Victoire who?

Arghh, Elise, you're writing is incredible and it bugs me so much that this hasn't had the recognition it deserves – everyone needs to read this! They're missing out!

Thank you for requesting!


Author's Response: Vicki! i feel like i can never thank you enough! your reviews are always so thoughtful , thorough and encouraging!

the hug! yes, i was conflicted about the timing, but also delilah is impulsive, especially about physical intimacy and teddy is just so huggable. i've got delilah processing the hug with teddy in the next chapter, so hopefully that will mitigate some of the surprise about the timing.

i'm so relieved you liked teddy' introduction! i felt like i had built it up so much and then i was so worried it wouldn't live up to the slow reveal.

i love what you said about delilah needing reassurance from a stranger. i completely agree- it's easier sometimes to accept a stranger's reassurance because you're less likely to see that person as biased.

thank you so much for this wonderful, wonderful review!

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Review #7, by TearsIMustConcealIntemptesta Nox: Dead of Night

12th March 2016:
Hi Alexis! I'm finally here with your requested review. I am so sorry it's taken me so long!

Oh wow, this whole chapter had me on the edge of my seat. From the very beginning, I was so tense as I was reading it and so much happened!

Ahh, I loved the appearance of Sirius here although when he said Remus has murdered James and Peter, I was not expecting that at all! It really threw me for the rest of the chapter until I realised what was happening towards the end. Thinking about it, I knew she would shift but at the same time, hearing that James had died really stopped me in my tracks!

Your writing is so vivid – I've said this before but your use of description is sensational. I felt as though I was seeing the blood and tasting it – everything is just so vivid and clear and amazing and it really just adds another dimension to this already wonderful story.

I was literally on the edge of my seat as Aislinn has all of those thoughts running through her head about who was to blame. I think it's a credit to you that we find out the same time Aislinn does because it just adds to the tension that you so wonderfully build throughout the chapter. And I kept thinking I knew who was to blame and then you'd add a curve ball with a genuine, believable reason, throwing me off the scent for a while before you finally revealed that it was who I thought it was anyway! What a rollercoaster!

Oh wow, that description of Adhara was bone chilling and I wasn't expecting it, or Remus to appear behind her, having done that to her! So many twists and turns to keep us guessing and to keep us shocked! It was a wonderful twist though!

Oh no, poor McGonagall, that made me really sad. But her little 'ten points...ravenclaw' quip – it was definitely something I could imagine her doing, trying to make a little joke in such a dire situation. And then Sirius asking Aislinn what to do – it really showed just how young he actually is and that is something we never see with the Marauders; we tend to just see them as brave and headstrong and joining the Order but here we see another side to Sirius, a side we don't see often and I loved it so much. It was such a poignant scene in the chapter and one that really stuck with me – it was touching how you wrote it and you did it justice.

Oh Snape and Lily. I was expecting to see Snape somewhere but not holding Lily's body in his arms, him trying to heal her. I just assumed Lily would be okay against Remus but then again, he's not himself. This was such a touching scene, despite me not being a big fan of Snape/Lily moments.

And there's the book. I knew it was Diedre but I wasn't expecting the way it all happened. She was just trying to bring her parents back, which is so realistic and heartbreaking because you know she never wanted to cause the harm she did. That scene really stuck with me as did the prophecy – the Black Lily is the key? I'm wracking my brains trying to figure out what this means! It's killing me.

Oh Aislinn – she'll never be free from her demons will she? I do feel sorry for her because she is so strong at times but then she shows weakness and coldness and I wish she could make it go away.

And the book shop and keeper – how did he know? Because Aislinn shifted back in time? How did he find out? This is really making me think hard!

Now, I know you added something in here to link it to the series but I can't for the life of me find it, which is very frustrating because I love seeing the little clues and I don't whether I've just missed it or i've mentioned it and not realised.

Once again, you've outdone yourself with this chapter and I'm sad this is coming to an end! You're such an amazing writer Alexis!


Author's Response: Heya Vicki,

No worries, dear. RL happens. :p

Could you tell that this chapter and the previous actually were written as one chapter? It wasn't until I read it through later that I felt it was a bit long and needed to be split. Then I had the task of determining what was the best breaking point - each chapter had to have some balance.

But enough of that and onto Sirius. From the start, I knew he'd end up with Ash for part of the journey in the dungeons just as I knew Remus would cause havoc during the full moon.

The details of some of the bloodier bits were hard to write. I wanted to present everything as vividly as I could see it in my mind (which was too explicit), but at the same time keep everything within the ToS. I think I skimmed the line so to speak, and really I have to give kudos to Rumpel for reading passages before submission and giving input.

And you make me blush, Vicki! I tried to put in a few red herrings while giving peeks of the real perpetrator so that the reveal didn't come out of left field.

With McGonagall, that part was something that I didn't know would happen until it came up. And while I knew Sirius would be there when werewolf!Remus appeared, I never anticipated Sirius would be at a loss with what to do with his Head of House. I just got an image in my head of him sitting there, looking up with wide eyes, saying "I don't know what to do." Usually when I catch a glimpse of Sirius as a student, it's always the prankster, so this surprised even me.

I will admit that I ship Snilly. I think it could have worked had Lily just listened to him after the "Mudblood" incident. Regardless, this scene happens just before that fateful event. It stands to reason that Lily might have attempted to seek Severus, to warn him, even if their friendship was strained at that point. And of course, Severus would seek to heal an injured Lily.

As for Aislinn and her demons, do we ever really manage to get free from ours? Do they not always haunt us in some way?

Now for your questions. Regarding the book shop and its keeper, the name of the place was the biggest clue: Mephistophilus Rare and Olde Books. That first part is also spelled Mephistopheles, as in the demon that appeared not only in German folklore, but also in the legend of Faust. The shopkeeper provided Deidre with the means to do what she desired the very most: to bring her parents back. Just not perhaps in the way that Deidre intended.

As for the links to Child of the Hunt, there are several sprinkled throughout. In this chapter it was the tarot card that lay on the ground next to Adhara's head. You pointed out the tarot cards several times in that story. Also, in the first chapter here the link was the Order of Merlin medal that Ash sent to Dumbledore. The metal appears in Dumbledore's office when Alex speaks to the Headmaster after her Sorting. I don't think you read that far into Child of the Hunt, though.

Finally, there's the Black Lily. You've met her already: it's Alex. Take a closer look at her full birth name: Alexis Amaryllis Black. The name Amaryllis refers to a plant with the common name lily due to the shape of its flower. And her last name is Black. So Amaryllis Black is a mirror version of Black Lily. The question you are left with is what is the Black Lily the key to? Hmmm ...

Speaking of black lilies, these flowers appear numerous times in this story. In the first chapter, the mirror version of Caitlin wore this flower tucked behind her ear. We learn from Aislinn's memories in the second chapter that dying black lilies lay on the floor of the safe house from which Caitlin was captured. And in this chapter, there were black lilies scattered on the floor around the Mirror of Erised. In Child of the Hunt, a small potted black lily is located in Dumbledore's office, on the same shelf as Ash's Order of Merlin metal.

Ok, I'm almost out of response space. I better end it here.


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Review #8, by TearsIMustConcealFlaming Quilltips: Pensieve to Parchment

12th March 2016:
Hey Ysh! I am so sorry it's taken so long but I'm finally here with your requested review.

First of all, this was incredible. Your writing is always amazing, I am one of your biggest fans but this, this was something else.

Dorcas' voice is so strong here. I don't know much about her but you've given her the most amazing voice that I feel I know her; that I know her struggle to find her father's murderer and her struggle to separate herself from everyone and remain cold towards people she cares about. After reading this, I want to read more about Dorcas and her life and everything. This was just wow Ysh. Seriously amazing. Dorcas just speaks volumes to me and she honestly the best character you've ever written, in my opinion anyway. You just capture her so perfectly.

I'm in love with minor characters anyway so all the mentions; dorcas, benjy, marlene, - it all just gave me feels.

I also love the change in POVs - I think it really adds another dimnension to the letters and diary entries and you really do an amazing job of making each voice stand out so we weren't confused who was speaking at all.

And it was the horcruxes; the horcruxes were the reason both Orestes and Dorcas were killed? That makes so much sense in my head and then there was Hokey and the potion and yeah, have I told you how brilliant and amazing you are? Because you are!

and then the ending, oh Ysh, I knew it was coming but the feels, I wasn't ready for it to happen! And poor Benjy, carrying on her work but to no avail himself because he'll be gone soon, too.

Oh Ysh, this was just incredible and you have nothing to worry about, conerns wise because it was pretty much perfect!

I loved this so, so much!


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Review #9, by TearsIMustConcealThe Gifts: Harry: The Gifts: Harry

12th March 2016:
Hi Caity, I'm so sorry it's taken so long but i'm finally here with your requested review.

This is such a cute little one-shot! I love how it's Rose going to get the new owl, which was definitely Hermione's idea for a present for Harry - she obviously knew how much Hedwig meant to him and it just seems the kind of thing she would do.

I'm so glad Harry loved his present. It's not surprising he still hurts over Hedwig but I'm glad he really appreciated the new owl and that he was ready to have a new one.

This was a touching and super fluffy story and in 500 words, you managed to convey a lot of feelings. As for your concerns, I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about!


Author's Response: Hello Vicki!
Sorry for taking a while to respond, life gets in the way, as we all know!

Thank you! This is my first story, so it is a little nerve-racking getting reviews on it.

Harry (in my opinion), was always going be quite heart-broken over the loss of Hedwig, so I kinda needed to console myself, and I did it by writing this.


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Review #10, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw

6th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF review-a-thon!

I loved both the interactions between James and Lily, being all lovey-dovey and cute as always and then Lyra and Sirius on the other end of the scale, with Lyra in pain and Sirius being his sarcastic, usual self. I did love the threat of the spoon – it really made me laugh out loud. I can just imagine her face and Sirius slowly backing away. But i'd be like that to – I don't do anyone touching my food.

Ah, the Quidditch game, i've been waiting for this game! And i'm so glad Gryffindor won! Once again, I have to say I admire you writing Quidditch because I wouldn't know where to start but this was amazing and I could follow everything that was going on and it was amazing and I just loved it. You're such an amazing writer!

Aww, I love that her family came to see her. Her family are adorable and cute and I love them altogether! I love her Aunty, she's blunt and sarcastic and that's my favourite type of character. Lyra and her Aunty seem very alike. And her mum was everything I was expected she would be when she met Lily and everyone. I think bringing her family in to see her was a lovely touch to the chapter and it worked so well.

Oh no, what happened? Is this the exhaustion finally taking it's toll. I hope she's okay and that she finally tells someone what's going on! Oh, so does Madam Pomfrey know and she's covering for her? Poor Lyra, but James and Lily were adorable like usual!

This chapter was jam-packed and I can't wait for the next one!


Author's Response: Yeah the two pairs are rather the anti-thesis of each other in their friendships, but that's what makes their group so interesting.
Never mess with a sleepy, hungry Lyra. It'd be like tickling a sleeping dragon, definitely not a good idea.
Naw, thank-you ! that means a lot to hear! xx
Aine is definietly a fiery character, one that Lyra emulates as a role model.
Unfortunately, yeah, Lyra's rocky sleep schedule has finally caught up with her. And yes, Poppy knows Lyra's secret - there's a reason to that that'll be explained in a couple of chapters.

Hope you keep reading and enjoy the coming chapters and rest of the story/what i have planned!
thanks again,

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Review #11, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Apologies

6th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF review-a-thon!

I love that they've all just settled into a routine with each other. That's the sign of true friendship right there. James' shock at Lily's betting...utterly adorable and it's like he saw her in a completely different light again. I swear, they're the cutest! And Lily agreed to the bet, she's so coming around to the idea of liking him. I love them both so much! Haha, James makes me laugh, his awe overcoming his devastation, this seems like typical James.

And he finally apologises...I was waiting for Sirius to it ever since Remus said he would. And I love how she stopped him because it was awkward. They're far more alike than they realise. I like how they've got common ground with Lily and James too and they're determination to get them together. And Sirius seeing that Lyra persuaded Lily to give James a chance, hopefully he'll start seeing her in a different light now but it's never that easy, is it? Now when it comes to these two!

I'm really loving the theory lessons about the magical creatures – I think I'm finding it more interesting than everyone else haha!

Lily being Lily, you write her so well. Her need to make sure Lyra is alright and having done her homework and whatnot, you really do have her spot on and I love reading her. And the end, where they're all laughing with each other. It's nice to see them just being kids and laughing and joking rather than worrying about the war.

Onto the next chapter!


Author's Response: I was a little worried that their routine as friends happened too 'suddenly', but i tried to make it as natural and realistic as possible. It's relieving to hear that it makes sense in a way that is enjoyable :)
Writing James as awestruck is great, because his character is otherwise rather egotistical and confident so his persona around Lily is hilarious... :P
I can't picture Sirius as the sort of person who says 'sorry' often, so it was going to take him a little longer to actually act upon the apology Remus had told Lyra was coming. It also wasn't going to be easy for him to say it either.
Hopefully, things get easier from here on out between Lyra and Sirius, but who knows... there may be altercations or disagreements in the future...
Thanks :) i try and reinforce the fact that they were incredibly young during the first wizarding war by portraying just how much of teenagers they are. Plus, writing the joking/teasing fluff scenes is always favourite of mine

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Review #12, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Family First

6th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF review-a-thon!

Aww, Alden's letter was adorable. I love that he's proud of her. I get why she's upset at his words – I don't think you ever realise how your own problems affect everyone else until they tell you and that's when it hits you and it's a pretty profound moment. Her reaction is so realistic and heartfelt and I can totally relate to her. And also, I definitely knew he told Professor Fawcett to keep an eye on her!

I really shouldn’t have inspected anything less than stimulating from you, Mr Yelich. - should be expected, not inspected.

a bull of energy - did you mean a ball of energy?

I love how Lily is seeing James in a different light and that he can helpful and sweet when he's not being arrogant and his usual self. And how she keeps a smile on her face when she talks about it – it's so cute. I also like how Lyra isn't afraid to tell Lily how it is, that she should have more fun and worry less and that she's doing an amazing job despite what Lily thinks.

I was waiting for Cato to appear and he finally did! I love them – the banter between them is funny and sassy and so believable. You've really got their relationship down because you can instantly feel the bond they have together and that they're the ones who are the closest. It's only natural she wants to become an Auror, especially with everything going on and seeing her Dad and Cato doing the job and I can definitely understand why they wouldn't want her to do it. You've got such a talent for writing heartfelt scenes, I love reading them so much.

And now we see her connection to the war and now to the Order. I didn't actually expect that but after reading it, it totally makes sense and it's obvious her family is involved in it. I understand her trepidation in telling them all because you know it's obvious that the boys would want to join but I think telling them really cements her trust in them. I feel like here is where the action starts!

So excited for the next chapter!


Author's Response: Ah yes thanks, sometimes my eye for editing is a little shoddy so I don't always see everything :)
and yes i did mean ball haha not bull.
Hehe, it's cool to hear people love her brothers as much as i do! I couldn't wait for the christmas break for her to see them or to hear from them again, so i thought i'd slip in a letter and a visitor. The scenes between her and her brothers are really easy and fun to right, so i try to incorporate them whenever i can :)
Hopefully the connection to the war and order wasn't too random or sudden, but i felt like i'd built up enough background that the serious stuff could start to happen.
And you're right, the action does start to pick up from here!

thanks :)

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Review #13, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Do you trust me?

6th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF review-a-thon!

The first Quidditch match. Got to admit, i'm glad the Puffs won, anyone but Slytherin! I loved it when James and Lyra both winced and automatically rubbed the areas they'd been hit by Yelich – that bit made me smile and I don't know why, maybe it because they were in sync! You write the Quidditch match really well – I can't write Quidditch to save my life so I put my hands up to you for writing it – so, so brave. Haha, so Lyra did tell the boys what her brothers used to get up to? I can just imagine both James and Sirius sitting there, taking it all in and deciding how they could do it better and not get caught.

Oh wow, I have no words for Madame Puddifoot. That went from amusing when Lyra was apologising to downright cruel. I never expected that but it would make sense – the war has everyone scared and I guess those that are scared see all Pureblooded families as a source of the evil and it makes sense that they tar them all with the same brush, so to speak. However, it was really uncalled for and I am so glad Lyra called her out on it because she doesn't deserve the label of 'girls like you' when she did nothing wrong. Poor Lyra but i'm glad she stood up for herself and had none of it.

I loved Lyra and Lily's heart to heart. I actually don't think she went off on her too much – I think it was justly deserved but I can understand the embarrassment of losing your cool in front of people. It's not very dignified sometimes but her walking away, she kept her dignity. Ha, using Lily's words against her. Her reasoning about James though are right and I hope Lily finally sees it. But I like that she admitted she was scared because it's so realistic. It's hard when you do care what people think of you to do something different because they will talk about you but I love how Lyra made her see that as long you know deep down, it doesn't matter what others think and i'm so happy she's going to give him a chance! Such a cute moment between them both!

The nightmare was different this time. Poor Lyra, she really does have some horrible, scary dreams sometimes and that must be hard to cope with.

Aww Remus is so cute. I love that he doesn't want to lose her friendship and that he realises that they are true friends, despite not being so for long. I guessed Sirius' reaction but I thought it might have been a bit more muted after their own conversation about secrets. He should know she is true to her word but he is Sirius and he's protective over his friends so i'm not too surprised.

I do get his reservations about double agendas – he's grown up in a world full of double agendas but I do wish he would see that Lyra is completely genuine – I just don't think she can win with him, not yet anyway. He really needs to evaluate his opinions on her eventually, hopefully the boys will help him see that she's genuine and not a threat to his life or his friends.

I love Lyra and Remus. They're just so adorable as friends. The way he tensed but she instantly relaxed. You just know that deep down he's scared that what Black said would push her away but he should know that she's not that easy to push away. And I love that she admitted to Remus all the things she did to Sirius to get him back. She's a smart one, not getting caught.

Oh no, it had to be werewolves, didn't it? I wonder how that is going to go down.

Another amazing chapter!


Author's Response: Ah yes, a lot happened in this chapter - like a lot, i just couldn't stop writing it.
Oh that's a relief that the quidditch scene came out well, i wasn't a little uncertain how to write it to start with so i just tried whatever seemed natural.
Hopefully her confrontation with Madam Puddifoot wasn't too harsh or brash, but i couldn't see Lyra's character as taking any comments like that lightly or without standing up for herself.
There heart-to-heart was a cute moment, and a favourite to write of mine as it was a huge step in their friendship, so i'm super glad someone else enjoyed it as well.
But of course, it's one step forward with Sirius and two steps back, he just doesn't seem to see the fact that Lyra is trustworthy... Hopefully he will soon :)

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Review #14, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Thestrals

6th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF review-a-thon!

She finally heard from her nan, despite her disappointment that it was small. I wanted to know if she had gone through the same thing Lyra is going through but you didn't tell us! I want to know! But I definitely agree with her nan that she has to tell someone eventually. And yes for seeing remus face to face since the hospital wing – the way he was relieved when Lyra smiled at him – this is why I love Remus; he is just so cute.

Another nightmare and now she's finally seen how the deaths happened. So is this a premonition or has this already happened? The way she writes it in her diary, saying it was the same family again, makes me wonder. So many possibilities! And once again, your descriptions are so, so good! Honestly, they are so vivid and I can picture everything so clearly! You have such a talent!

Oh Professor Fawcett, making Lyra talk about the Thestrals, I thought that was a little cruel making her admit to the class that she could see them. I can understand Lyra's reluctance, it's not something you want to remember, seeing your uncle die. A quick question though, can Lyra only see them because her Uncle died? Because i'm sure that it's mentioned somewhere at the beginning of the novel that she's been able to see them since she started? Or i've read that wrong and just ignore me. But still, it must be hard having to talk about it then deal with pitying stares.

Lyra recalling getting kicked out of the Hogsmeade shops – you just know Potter wants to know so he can take some ideas for him and Black. But I love how Lyra and Black have this pact to get James and Lily together finally. I think it's cute.

Even though this was a filler, I really enjoyed it and I can't wait for the next chapter, especially if the story is beginning to move forwards!


Author's Response: Hi, thanks for the review, I'm loving reading your commentary and thoughts as you progress through the book. It's refreshing to see another perspective on what I've written :) Seeing her Uncle's death is one of the reasons why she can see thestrals, however there is another reason one that's caused her to see them since she started at Hogwarts - but it's a secret she's not yet ready to reveal. Do not fret! All shall be revealed soon... Well, not soon soon, but the first experience is explained in a couple or so chapters! Sorry for that confusion though xx
As for her nightmares, I can't give away too much because it would reveal her big secret before I've even posted it or she's talked about it, but they do have something to do with her past and her sometimes off behavior.
Thanks again :) xoxo

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Review #15, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Letters

6th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF review-a-thon!

I liked the Lyra/Sirius interactions! Sure, it began with smirks and cruel words and whatnot but I like how he finally let her show what was bothering him. And then his words afterwards, about Lyra knowing nothing but love from her family made me think that maybe jealousy is apart of his dislike of her – she's had everything he hasn't had from his own pureblood family; her family is the opposite to his, despite them both being pureblodded and it must sting that Lyra has this relationship he has never felt from anyone despite the Potters. It makes sense that he must feel the sting of being rejected from his family, even if he doesn't believe in their views. Being disowned by your family must hurt, regardless of what has gone on between them.

I also loved how Lyra spoke about her own past, she had the instinct that Sirius wouldn't trust her, believe her without her sharing bits of her own past that have been less than desirable, like Sirius thinks. I'm not surprised she jumped into battle with her Dad, she seems the type to do anything for her family, despite her own feelings. What a horrible memory in her past but I like that we see her connect with Sirius on a level, even if it was over a horrible thing.

I really feel like this could be a turning point in their acquaintance and although it might take him a while to come around to her, he might start seeing her in a different light.

Amazing chapter, it's nice to see these two interact properly without the others being buffers. And once again, your writing is superb!


Author's Response: Phew! It's good to hear that this scene came out the way i want it to and not too rushed or far-fetched in terms of the development between their characters as i guess you could say 'frenemies'.
I tried to use this chapter as a beginning of a bridge between Lyra and Sirius, so i'm glad it was picked up that Lyra was trying to establish some trust between her and Black.
Thank-you !! xxx

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Review #16, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Fear, Acceptance and Denial

6th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF review-a-thon!

I like how you used Remus' POV here – I think it really worked and it was nice to see his fears and emotions at Lyra knowing about his problem. And it as lovely to see him believe in hope and that Lyra instilled that in him. Everything she said to him was true and I love that he felt a warmth that she knew and she didn't turn him away or treat him differently or even just walk away from him and his friendship. It was such a cute moment and I felt myself smiling at the cuteness of Remus. And I love how Lyra also had a smile on her face after their 'talk' and that she didn't have any nightmares. Hopefully this will make her realise that she can talk to him or any of them about her own problems eventually.

Aww, Remus talking to James. It must be hard for him, growing up thinking he's a monster and he's worthless – that's a hard mindness to overcome and it's realistic that he still feels that way, despite the acceptance he's had from the other Marauders, Lily and now Lyra.

I like how James' opinion of her has changed into a positive one. I love that they're all finally seeing her differently, not just the girl who didn't really socialise with anyone. So the boys know about Sirus' problem with Lyra? I like how Remus is trying to protect her from him, at least for now anyway but it's definitely going to come out eventually. Remus' insistence though, is there more to dislike than just the fact he doesn't trust her because she's a pureblood or is there more? I'm intrigued! But I like how James agreed – they obviously know what Sirius is like and know that Lyra doesn't deserve the reaction she would get from him.

Another amazing chapter! You conveyed Remus' emotions perfectly and using his POV was a nice touch to the chapter. His reactions and feelings and words were all so realistic and believable. This was definitely one of my favourite chapters so far. I also love how we're beginning to see how the others see Lyra, rather than just seeing how Lyra sees all of them.


Author's Response: Oh yay, that's great to hear. I thought that his POV would work better so that an understanding of how Lyra is perceived by others could be reached. I also wanted to try and develop Remus' character a little more in terms of the story because i just love him :)
Thanks, it is good to know that how I've written him is a decent attempt at a portrayal, and that how i think he'd be feeling is coming off my writing in a way that makes sense :)
thanks again

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Review #17, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: The Shielded Bed

6th March 2016:
HPFF review-a-thon!

Back again for the review-a-thon!

Haha, I can empathise with her curiosity – I have to know things as well. And I would be immediately intrigued if someone pulled the curtain around something I wasn't allowed to see – I'd just have to know but I do have my suspicions that it's Remus behind the curtains so I can't see it being long before Lyra finds out. She even turned to homework – that's when you know you're bored!

Oh Lily, she's such a mother hen, you've got to love her. And we're back to the bickering – I just love James and Lily and I love the slow build up you're giving us – it's really working. Ahh, Lyra is realising that James didn't come to see her – and the pieces have finally come together. I knew it wouldn't take her too long to figure it all out.

Although this was a short chapter, there was so much included, espeically with Lyra's realisation that it's Remus in the bed. I like that she knows – I think if you would have had her ignore it, it wouldn't have worked because she's the type of character to notice things.

This was another well written chapter and I am so hooked on this story now! You're writing flows perfectly and you have such a talent for dialogue, which I find extremely hard writing – I'm jealous of your skills!


Author's Response: Curiosity is a tricky thing haha, and for Lyra's case it tends to get her into a fair bit of trouble.
She's fairly decent at her problem-solving ole Lyra, probably has something to do with her detective/auror genes...
Aw, thank-you, it's really awesome to hear that you love my writing style! means a lot as well xx

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Review #18, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Chapter five: Unexpected

6th March 2016:
HPFF review-a-thon!

Back again for the review-a-thon!

Ahh, so she talks to her Nana about the nightmares? And that her Nana understands? Does that mean she's suffered from them too? Is there were the title 'Bloodlines' comes from? Does it run in the family? Sorry i'm bombarding you with so many questions, I can't help it though! Things are getting interesting! I also loved the comedic undertones in the letter – Lyra saying to her Nana to 'let her process' the idea of her having friends. It's nice to see she is still herself, despite the nightmares occurring more than usual.

Haha, Lyra besting Lily – it's not often that happens to the quick Lily Evans and I liked that they all joined in to tease her about it. And then the blushing and glances between Lily and James...I love how their relationship is progressing realistically and you're not rushing them into something that just wouldn't work – I like the build up and cute blushes. Lyra has noticed how ill Remus looks before his 'furry little problem', which I found hilarious that Sirius tried to pass off as a rabid rabbit and that Remus had to catch it – it's a funny image!

An absent patient? Surely that's Remus?

Well, Rowle is a pleasure isn't he? No wonder Cato warned her about him. Poor Lyra though, not being able to defend herself from his spells but I liked that she didn't back down and continued to sass him, despite not having her wand to defend herself. It was probably stupid in the long run but it was funny see him get angrier at her for talking back to him. Lyra's attitude is amazing! Her saviours must be Sirius and James, surely? They always have a knack for coming to the rescue.

I like that despite being hurt by Rowle, Lyra doesn't want to upset her mum and cause her any pain, as well as her Dad – that's what you call a real family bond, trying to protect them. Plus it's quite obvious Cato would definitely come to school to kick Rowle's butt, which would be funny if it happened. Aww, they're all concerned – that's the beginning of a group friendship right there. Even if James is because she's on the team. And Sirus' face when Lyra mentioned her family being classed as blood traitors – it's nice to know he does know what she's going through.

Another amazing chapter!


Author's Response: Lyra's grandmother is her confidant, i guess you could say, and she spent a lot of time with her growing up, so when she's seeking advice her grandmother is the person she goes to. Whether or not it's because of a relation between nightmares or not or for another reason altogether... well all shall be revealed in due time!
Yay! I'm glad you like the build-up to Lily/James, i'm trying to make it as realistic as possible in that her change from hating him to liking him isn't spontaneous or random or too rushed.
Rowle is an absolute pleasure... unfortunately this won't be the last time he's seen by Lyra either... But i can't say too much about that without spoiling things so...
Thanks again for the review! xx

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Review #19, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Chapter four: Insomnia

6th March 2016:
HPFF review-a-thon!

I asked about the nightmares in the last review and now we have one here! I'm glad, I was beginning to miss them actually and even though it was a small mention at the start, it was enough to keep me wanting to know more about them and why Lyra suffers from them! I really feel for her here – it must be so unsettling and scary and especially having no one to talk to about them. I hope she tells Lily soon. Your writing is amazing here – we really feel her emotions and the calmness she feels in the common room and I could picture the scene. Your descriptions are wonderful!

Lyra's sassiness to Sirius – it's so easy and I love it! And she's a dab at deflecting questions isn't she? I expected that though but it was only sooner or later that Lily was going to ask questions – now that they're established friends, she's going to ask until Lyra tells her or tells her to go away. I like how she's realised that having friends is good for her and that she's become accustomed to Lily's presence rather than being on her own. You can see Lyra growing and it's lovely.

A quick typo - “You sure you’re ok, Lyra, you really don’t look a hundred?”  Should that be 'a hundred percent' at the end?

Aww, Lyra feeling homesick. It must be hard after having her brothers there with her and now she's the only one left, especially considering how close she is to them. I love her ties to her family, it's sweet and realistic. I can't imagine being in a boarding school but I was away at university for 3 years, away from home and it was hard without seeing family everyday so I empathise with her on that. The aged parchment? Obviously the Marauder's map that Remus is trying to hide discreetly? It's no surprise Remus has noticed her avoidance either – Lyra needs to stop making friends with the smart ones if she wants to hide.

But the guilt she felt – I like that because it shows the depth of her new friendships – she feels guilty for hiding from Lily and not telling her where as the year before, she would never have felt that so it's nice to see her growing and feeling a part of a friendship where she knows she should tell Lily things, rather than hiding away like she's always done. I like how Remus didn't push her because you know he didn't believe her lie about the coffee – he's smart enough to know she'll come around eventually, in her own time. Lily is classic Lily here – I love how she's worried, I know i've said this so many times but I do love their friendship!

Ahh, the last part of the chapter! What does it mean, is it another nightmare? Something else? I need to know!

Turning the corner, I all but careen into an old lady walking her dog – I think you meant 'I all but career into an old lady walking her dog'? Careen doesn't make sense.

Another well written chapter! I'm loving this whole story so much!


Author's Response: It's great to hear that people actually like hearing/reading about her nightmares! Thank-you! Means a lot to hear that my portrayal of her emotions is coming off well :)
Where i'm from, we're really lazy speakers so instead of saying 'hundred percent' we just ask if you're feeling 'a hundred' or not. Sorry, forgot that it may not be a universal thing - it was purely intentional but thanks anyway! :)
As mentioned before, Lyra is quite the little Sass- Queen, i really do blame the influence of her brothers, but hey it keeps Sirius on his toes so that's good.
I'm trying to show the development of both Lyra's character and her friendships with the others, so it's cool to hear that it is being picked up on - the subtle developments and what not :P

thanks for the review

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Review #20, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: The Slug Club- Elitism at its finest

6th March 2016:
HPFF review-a-thon!

Once again, we see the Lyra/Lily friendship and I really do love it! She says she prefers being alone but she's close enough with Lily to know when she sounds distracted, even without looking at her – they're definitely more than passing friends, even if Lyra doesn't realise it yet. I like how she can make fun of Lily – this part of the scene was cute and funny and really showed us their friendship. And Lily making Lyra go to the Slugclub, even if it's for her own personal reasons, not speaking to Snape being one of them at least – so Lily can be selfish, even if she did feel slightly guilty for a minute or so.

So Lyra is pretty good at defence despite her concerns? I'm not surprised considering the career choices or her dad and brother. And I like Professor Fawcett – she is so different to what we recognise as the teacher type at Hogwarts and it's really refreshing, plus she's not afraid of a little teasing. I really like her and hope the defence curse doesn't hurt her too much at the end of the year. She's pretty brave taking it on! Her personality kind of reminds me of Tonks in a way which is always a good thing!

Lily and James are so cute! I love how we're seeing the start of the change in their relationship. I love adorable James and Lily! I love Lyra's personality – her response to Slughorn was amazing, even if he didn't realise what she was doing.

Ahh, Lyra and Sirius finally have it out, well a little bit anyway. I get his wariness of her all of a sudden speaking to Lily and James and whatnot but she's right – him judging her for being a pureblood is just as bad as what purebloods do to muggles and muggle-borns and and I'm glad that Lyra finally told him and that for a brief moment, Sirius knew she was speaking the truth and knew he was in the wrong. Hopefully the truce will last long enough to get James and Lily together and for them to all be friends at the end!

They're finally getting a long, even if there is an undertone of teasing – Lyra needs a few allies. Sirius 'panting' over Braddock – I love how you write their interactions – everything flows so well and you really capture the essence of friendship in your writing – everything is just easy and simple and I love it all. I like how Lyra and Sirius also have an easiness to their 'friendship' – the banter flows between them and Lyra is quick enough to keep up and hold her own against Sirius, which is nice to see! I like how Lyra can turn on the sweetness when she wants too – I bet that comes with being the only girl in the family! And now James is having a 'moment' like Sirius when he finds out who her brother is. You write this whole scene really well and there is a feeling like they've been friends for years, even though it's only been a weeks at most. I love your writing!

Lily and Lyra's exchange at the end – it was so sweet and heart-warming and i'm really glad they're friends and that Lyra has worked up the courage to make an effort. I feel like they'll need each other soon enough, especially with this war. Also, will we see anymore of her nightmares or the reasons behind them? I'm still dying to know!


Author's Response: Hi :)
I've tried to make Lyra and Lily's friendship as realistic as possible, with neither being perfect people but just teens (if that makes sense??) so yeah, it'll be somewhat slow-burn I guess you could say with Lyra's acceptance of her new position in a social group.
Ah yes, Lyra is quite the sass Queen when she chooses to be - though it seems to be whenever she actually gets around to socializing - I blame it on Cato's influence.
Also a partial blame of Cato and her other brothers is her use of defensive and offensive spells making her somewhat decent at DADA and Charms - it's from all the pranks they've pulled on her, kept her on her toes!
The Lyra/Black scene was important - someone had to get Sirius to see how prejudice he can be at times! As the story progresses, there are going to be loads for of those scenes and they won't necessarily all be quite so confrontational.
Unfortunately for Lyra, there are also going to be a lot of James/Sirius moments of them worshipping her brothers. :
But at the end, we got to see some character development for Lyra and I'm really glad you liked her moment with Lily and that it wasn't as over the top as I thought it possibly was

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Review #21, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: The First Day

6th March 2016:
HPFF Review-a-thon!

Hi again! I just can't stay away and it's for a good cause!

Oh wow, what a beginning! Lyra's dreams/nightmares are really vivid and always seem to be quite dark. Once again, your descriptions are just amazing and I could see that whole scene perfectly in my mind. I really can't wait to find out what these mean for Lyra and for the wizarding world – are they solely nightmares, are they past events/horrors or are they premonitions? So many questions!

I love the easiness of her friendship with Lily. I know Lyra likes to be on her own but here you can see she can easily socialise and I think the pair of them have a cute understanding of each other, with Lyra choosing a table already half full to save Lily from James. There's a flow to the friendship and I like it. I should have known James would try and swap, he just can't help himself – you portray James exactly how I picture him. And Sirius here, he's quite harsh with Lyra – is there a reason? I feel like he would have been more understanding, considering the 'blood-traitor' label her family name carries. Is there more there?

I like her friendship with Remus too – Remus is obviously just a good guy and I like that her awkwardness never put him off going out of his way to talk to her. So Lyra doesn't know why Sirius has a problem with her? I do like that actually. It's obvious from the way she spoke about him and the mention of his mother that she knows of his family and what's gone on but I do want to know why he doesn't like her – she isn't your normal pureblood fanatic, her family being blood traitors so it'll be interesting to know his reasons.

Her relationship with Cato is adorable – i'd love a brotherly relationship like that! The letter added a bit of humour to chapter and it was a good ending to a great chapter. We can really see Cato's charming, out-going personality here and I get the feeling she is the one she is closest too, out of all her brothers. It was a cute exchange and I really enjoyed it!

Can't wait for the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hey again, ah yes sorry for the morbid ness of her nightmares but they're important to her character's past and well, they wouldn't be nightmares otherwise. Writing the interactions between Lyra and her brothers is one of my favourite things to do, so I just had to throw one of them into this chapter even if it was just with a letter.
I'm trying to keep the relationship and friendship developments realistic, so while we can see they're good for her, it may take Lyra a little time to open up fully. I'm happy you're enjoying what's happened so far, it's really great and pleasing to hear!!

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Review #22, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: September First, Seventh Year

6th March 2016:
Here again for the review-a-thon!

So, after the prologue I was really excited to carry on and I loved this chapter.

Your writing is perfect! You have a real knack for dialogue – you managed to make a lot of dialogue in the beginning of the chapter exciting to read. You really conveyed the individuality of each of her family members, especially her brothers and you really portrayed the scary times of the war into each of their interactions and goodbyes and I thought this was a really touching way of introducing their family dynamic to us.

I liked her interactions with the Marauders – it was light and general and just enough but I also like that she left them – I feel like that is something I would do, personally and I feel like I can really relate to her there. I also loved her description of Sirius and her opinions of his high cheek bones and how girls wished they could have them – I found this part really refreshing and it really stood out to me and I don't know why, I just really loved it.

Her choice to be alone and the mention of previous experiences which contribute to her being alone – I'm really intrigued and I can't wait to know more about why she prefers to be alone. She obviously has some secrets in her closet and I can't wait to read about them in later chapters, if they're there, that is! But you can feel that she does want friends and I feel as though this will be the year she finally makes them.

Ooh, she can see thestrals – do we get to know why later on? She's been able to see them for the whole of her Hogwarts time so she was obviously long when she saw death – is this part of her experiences of staying alone rather than being around people? There are so many ideas running around my head!

I like that she's friendly with Lily – I feel like Lily is the perfect friend – she nice, friendly but she's also not dense enough to push for information and I feel like this type of friendship would really appeal to Lyra.

This was a great chapter, cannot wait to read the next one!


Author's Response: Hey :)
Thanks! I tried my best to portray how close she was to her family, so it's cool to hear that that did come through :) I'm glad you're liking how she interacts with the marauders, and that it's providing some lightness to the mystery of Lyra's behavior and attitude.
Her cause for seeing the thestrals won't be fully explained for a while as there is a story:mystery that goes along with it, however a part of it will be revealed soon.
Yes, Lily is definitely the perfect friend for Lyra - fingers crossed that she's patient enough to deal with Lyra's secrets

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Review #23, by TearsIMustConcealBloodlines: Prologue: Nightmare

6th March 2016:
Hi there! Here for the HPFF review-a-thon!

Well, this was certainly an intriguing prologue! I love stories that start with a prologue; I think it's an amazing way to grab the readers attention and you definitely did that here!

Your use of description is amazing! I can almost immediately imagine myself there, feeling the coldness Lyra was feeling and seeing everything she was seeing in her dream. You've created a vivid, realistic setting and that's not an easy thing to do so well done! It really sets the chapter up and shows us how good of a writer you really are.

I love the mystery element here. You do an amazing job of not telling us a whole lot but you've kept us wanting to know more. The way you described the woman who arrived – we don't know who she is but by your writing, I feel like she is someone to be feared even though we don't know anything about her, despite a vague description.

I also love how you've started with the dream, but not from the beginning – we read that Lyra has been having the same dream every night and I want to know why! I feel like establishing that Lyra has already had the dreams before places the reader right in the middle of the action and I am so intrigued to find out more and why she is having them!

I cannot wait to read on! This is such a fantastic start to your story, well done!


Author's Response: Hi!
Firstly, thanks for the review! It really means a lot to hear that people are enjoying my story and writing, so thanks :)
I'm so glad you like the prologue, I was a little iffy with it initially just because it was quite short - but it's great to hear that you liked it!! The dreams will eventually be explained, but not for a long while yet... Gotta build up the mystery first hehe
Thanks again

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Review #24, by TearsIMustConcealDesignated Mum Friend: 2.

27th February 2016:
Hey Claire, thanks for the swap!

Well, you know I loved the chapter and I feel very special to have read it first!

I love Lyra here, you've developed her character really well and her little quirks and habits – coffee of a morning, the idea she's a workaholic, it all helps in picturing her and making us love her more. I feel her so much in the whole reluctance at going out with them – i'm the usual teetotaler so I feel her and I know what the pressure from friends is like and i've been there when friends play on certain weaknesses, like Roxy did with Lyra. Friends can be crafty so this is so realistic!

And I feel like this chapter is a turning point for Lyra? In the respect that after Mai and her reasons for going off with someone else, which is just plain mean, btw, Lyra won't be so easily persuaded the next time because she's seen what she can lose if she's constantly worrying about everyone but herself?

But saying that though, Mai is horrible. What Lyra was doing wasn't even anything terrible yet Mai found it the perfect excuse to leave her. Clearly Mai doesn't have many friends or she's just fickle and attention seeker – she's to mean for Lyra – she needs someone cute and sensitive! Maybe someone like Jessie?

I loved all of this, as you already know and everything you've written is so believable and realistic – like, I can picture all of this happening in day to day lives and it's so great to read something you can vividly picture!

I feel as though the Mai thing is going to make Lyra see that maybe she does too much for her friends and will make her second guess things but I don't want her to do anything drastic or completely change but it would maybe nice to see a drunk Lyra and see the tables turned!

One thing I will say is that will we get to see how much her friends care for her in future chapters? Because it's obvious Lyra loves them all but we don't get a sense of their feeling towards her so it would be nice to see how they feel about her, even if it's briefly!

Thanks again for the swap and you're very welcome! I'm always happy to help!


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Review #25, by TearsIMustConcealHefty Headlines: An Expose of Bullying at Hogwarts: Big Girls Don't Cry

26th February 2016:
Hey Mallory, here for our review swap! Sorry it's taken me a while! And thank you for the most amazing review ever, I swear you are my personal cheerleader when it comes to The Defenders! I know when you approve and like it that it's good!

So, I've been meaning to R&R this for a while, especially during the BvB but everyone kept beating me to it but here I am finally!

So, I love Constance immediately and I think it's the fact that she doesn't want to change herself so her bullies so the tormenting, but instead, she wants her bullies to change. It's so refreshing because obviously in a lot of cases, people change when they're being bullied but I never feel it's for the right reasons and they simply do it so it will stop but here, Constance knows she's overweight yet that's not the issue here, the issue is her bullies are ignorant and that's what needs to change. I feel like this is such a powerful thing to read and I just love her.

Bullying is such a prevalent, everyday issue that I love that you're writing about it. It should be written about more. The affects bullying has on Constance is written perfectly and we can see her struggles, both outwardly and internally. But I like how that she's not one of those characters that shrinks into the background because as Jayde says, she has a backbone and it's nice to see she hasn't let her bullies defeat her completely.

I love the whole good Ravenclaw/evil Gryffindor twin thing – it's a rare thing to see the Gryffindor's as the evil ones but I guess confidence, which most Gryffindor's have, can lead to taking things too far, which has happened here, with Lorcan being one fo the bullies.

Jayde.I am definitely intrigued by Jayde but I do like her. Sure, I think she's got ulterior motives but I think she can really help Constance find her voice and the power and strength she needs to finally stop letting Lorcan and his cronies get the better of her. I just hope she doesn't end up stabbing in her in the back, which is obviously a possibility. But for now, I like that she's willing to help Constance in her situation, even if it is for a story. I feel like she's a great counterpart to Constance's character and I can't wait to see where you take it.

Your writing as always is flawless and fluid and just amazing! I can't wait to read the next chapter!


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