Reading Reviews From Member: TearsIMustConceal
  
137 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TearsIMustConcealBreathe: v. Drowning

6th February 2016:
Hi Kayla, here with your review!

Oh wow, this chapter was heavy and heartbreaking! I was really hoping Regulus loved and respected his brother enough not to tell but obviously that hope was misplaced. I am seriously disliking Reg right now. I know that they're not close but even I didn't think he would do this to him – i'm glad he's feeling guilty!

Poor Sirius, he didn't deserve any of that. I just want to hug him. I feel like it's worse that she abused him using magic – that hits me harder than it would if he'd been hit physically and I don't know why. Maybe because it's unnecessarily cruel and pure evil but I guess his mother really is evil. And the fact that even though he disagrees with his parents belief's, you can feel he is utterly broken that he's been burnt off the family tree – I don't understand why anyone would want to hurt him.

James' reaction was perfect and exactly what Sirius needed in that moment. But Sirius feeling scared of the rejection – I just want to hug him – his mother has really done a number on him, hasn't she? I loved how he just hugged him and stroked his hair and didn't leave him alone. It was exactly what Sirius needed.

This gave me so many feels Kayla and you did a perfect job with everything, from emotions to descriptions and your writing is just amazing!

I can't wait to read the next chapter!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #2, by TearsIMustConcealIntemptesta Nox: Chasing Shadows

6th February 2016:
Hi Alexis, here with your requested review!

The date between Aislinn and Peter was as awkward as I expected it be, which I loved, but I did love the fact you gave Peter a role in this chapter – he's always forgotten about so it's nice to see him written about, even if it was because he was on the most awkward date in history. But I found it cute he complimented her hair – he really was trying.

Snape keeps cropping up but I really don't think he's got anything to do with what's happening – it seems to obvious. And I don't think Snape would ever watch over anyone without an ulterior motive, even if it is Lily asking him so I think he's discovered something about Diedre and he's following her and checking up on her for his own reasons. But he is the obvious suspect and I don't blame Aislinn for thinking it could be him.

Haha, Lily trying to explain what Aislinn was going through – this is the universal reaction all males have whenever it's the time of the month so you captured their reactions perfectly! And it really did give me a laugh Lily using various metaphors to describe the situation before finally coming out and telling them the only way they would understand it.

I'm really intrigued that Aislinn has now discovered she can shift back in time, not far but enough to change various scenarios. Obviously, I know she is linked with the past whereas as Caitlin was linked to the future, and I think it's a nice reminder of who Aislinn is, even if she's not currently 'Aislinn'. And also her believing the memories of Charlotte – I feel like this was bound to happen eventually – there has to be consequences of what Aislinn is doing after a certain amount of time, and I can only imagine they're going to become more frequent occurrences.

The book Diedre had when she left Hogsmeade– I feel like she is the one who has something to do with it all and she's the one Aislinn needs to concentrate on – you don't buy a book like that for light reading.

Aislinn realising something is going on with Remus – is this something she has time to look into, with everything else going on? I feel like even if she did find out, she wouldn't say anything. But Aislinn seems to be the type that won't let go of something until she gets to the bottom of it but I can see that coming from her Ministry training.

Loved this chapter Alexis and can't wait to read the next one!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #3, by TearsIMustConcealKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to Keeping Calm and Coffee Stains

6th February 2016:
Hi J, here for the BvB!

After hearing a lot about this, I decided it was about time to check this story out and I was not disappointed!

Wizarding politics intrigues me so much and I really like the set-up you've described here. I'm picturing everything so clearly and it really reminds of what we see in TV shows about political campaigns, which makes sense because you did say it was inspired by In the Thick of It.

I loved the introduction to Lorcan – those first 3 lines really show his character! We instantly see his personality and his quirks in the first couple of paragraphs. He's extremely charismatic and I love that he loves what he does, even if at times his mind goes to Finland and wants to live there. It really isn't the career we associate with a Scamander and especially not the son of Luna but I think it really works for him, even if his parents were 'supportively confused'.

I also really liked Lily – you've not given us a lot of information, except for Lorcan's views but I really like the sound of her and she seems very much like Lorcan so I can't wait to read more about her. And I think you've created some strong Ocs, which is always a good thing so I look forward to hearing more about them.

I love how you've put us straight in the action – after the usual introductions, you've instantly put us in the 'thick of it', so to speak and it really works because I really want to know more about Branson running for Minister and why Shacklebolt has really resigned,and what the other team members are going to be doing to help Branson campaign. All the information you've given us makes me want to quickly read on to see what happens next, with the whole campaigning situation. You could take this in so many ways, especially from the way you've described Branson – she could either easily win this or it could all go down in flames so I'm intrigued to how it all pans out!

Anyway, overall I really enjoyed this chapter and I can't wait to read more. Amazing story J!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hey Vicki, thanks so much for the wonderful review!

Wow, I'm surprised and honored that you'd heard a lot about this, but I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Wizarding politics is such a mess, but that gives me a lot of freedom (which is mostly terrifying), so I'm glad you're enjoying it. :) I think this fic is inspired subconsciously by a lot of TV I watched, even outside of The Thick of It (especially Parks & Rec). So it's good that it reminds you of that instead of just being a poor imitation! :)

Ah, Lorcan, my small son. He's such a lovable goofball and I think the opening of this fic is such a great intro to him and his insanity. I find him really endearing and it's always exciting that other people like him too! It's definitely unexpected for a Scamander to end up this political, but they're always quirky!

Lily's a sweetheart, and I think the OCs end up being lovable in their own way, so I hope you continue to enjoy them as they come into their own!

Eyyy nice wordplay there-- this fic is super fast paced and part of it is because I had no idea what else to write about when talking about politics! :P I hope you enjoy the fic if you get a chance to read it, and it's definitely got a plot that could go many ways, unlike the stories I normally write!

Thanks again for your lovely review, and I hope you like it if you get a chance to read on! :)

--J


 Report Review

Review #4, by TearsIMustConcealRise of the Phoenix: Nocturnal Illusions

3rd February 2016:
Hey Nick, here with your review!

I loved the interactions between Aurora and Hagrid – I really love the friendship they have, it's quite heart-warming and it's nice to see Aurora acting so warm towards another person, when usually she is quite closed off.

Her explosion at Hagrid – I think it's the first time we've really seen her express more than slight emotion. Although it's not Hagrid's fault and I could have hugged Madame Pomfrey (which you've spelt wrong on a couple of occasions throughout the chapter) for telling her off – she did deserve it. But I can see where her frustrations are coming from, she's just taking them out on the wrong person. It was nice to see her so fiery though!

I think you've really portrayed Dumbledore well here – he's a tricky character to write but I think you do well here to keep him close to cannon, especially dialogue wise. In typical Dumbledore style, he gave Aurora information, but only the bare bones of it and you can sense that he is keeping a lot more from her, which is something we see him do a lot – he's never one for a straight forward conversation. Him mentioning her talents and achievements – you can almost sense the ulterior motive – he obviously wants to use her in some way, I just can't work out how yet and obviously, neither can she but it's obvious she's got skills that Dumbledore wants to use. I like how we got a glimpse of her knowledge and her skill with magic and magical objects, I feel like this was important to Aurora's developments.

I like how the plot seems to be moving forwards now and we're getting a glimpse of what's going on beyond Aurora and her own problems. I felt that the beginning of the chapter was a little slow-burning. While I loved the interactions between Aurora and Hagrid, I think maybe it was a little long winded and it stilted the progression of the chapter a bit. But that's just a personal opinion.

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and can't wait to read the next! And thank you for the lovely review!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hi Vicki,

I sort of operate a policy of reviewing anyone's work if they are kind enough to fulfil a review request.

Though in the case of Daphne Greengrass, I don't feel obliged. I am definitely going ot check out some of your work tomorrow. :)

Yeah, I am really happy that most of it worked for you on the page as a reader. Hagrid's speech pattern is a bit off, but capturing his character was crucial and the fact it worked is great to hear.

I accept the conversation gets a bit circular, I think it needed to go on a bit to be authentic and to contrast with her rage. But I agree there is one revolution of dialogue too many.

Also well done for noticing Dumbledore's intentions. First reviewer to make note of the orb. I am impressed :0

Great review as always, I will probably request again soon. I look forward to seeing more of your work as well.

Nick


 Report Review

Review #5, by TearsIMustConcealBreathe: iv. Mistake

3rd February 2016:
Hi Kayla, here I am with your requested review!

I forgot how much I enjoyed this story so i'm glad you re-requested, I'm definitely but this on my reading list so I can keep on reading it!

Urgh, Walburga is just a piece of work, I really can't stand her and all she did was turn her nose up at Sirius. I think you really portray her well, in the sense that us readers completely hate her! I liked how Sirius felt a little envious of Regulus – I think it really shows that despite his feelings towards his upbringing and his family, there is that little part of him that slightly wishes he could fit in, perhaps just for an easier life.

I like that no one caused a scene at the ball – obviously a lot good have been said but everyone ignored him and I think that's a good thing for Sirius, anyway. No one can say anything snide or nasty if they're ignoring him. I love that he tried to talk the house elves, that bit made me smile.

I like Frederic and that moment when they were near enough holding hands – I knew something was coming later on and I was not disappointed. I loved their awkward interactions– I think it was so cute, them bumbling away in a conversation, trying to work out what the other was trying to say.

I also love how you portray Sirius' honesty about being unsure about how he feels and whether he is gay. The kiss was sweet and really realistic, as were his inner thoughts!

I had a feeling someone would see them! I didn't think it would be Regulus but I think i'm glad it was because he does care for Sirius so I don't think he'd run and tell their mother. But I could be completely wrong!

Can't wait to see what happens next! I'll definitely be reading on! Thank you for your request!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #6, by TearsIMustConcealChoices.: Choices are the hardest things to make.

3rd February 2016:
Hi Caity, finally here with your requested review!

Poor Draco – i'm not usually his biggest fan but I do feel for him here, having to choose between his beloved mother and Hermione. How did Lucius find out, I wonder?

I can really feel that he loves Hermione. And I really love how you addressed his previous behaviour, calling Hermione a mudblood, and how he now hates that word. You can see his growth as a person and his realisation that he's just not like them, not anymore or perhaps he never was. You've really told us how they came together beautifully and you captured Draco's struggles realistically.

I love how we can see how much he is genuinely agonising over his choice but in the end, his love for Hermione wins out and I really hope she says yes! But I wonder how Lucius will act, and the rest of his family!

This was a lovely story Caity!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #7, by TearsIMustConcealFirewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots: Firewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots

30th January 2016:
Hi Ysh, here with your requested review, finally! Sorry it's taken me so long!

Ysh you killed me at the end. How could Lily do that? Urgh, she's a Gryffindor, I wanted her to be brave and just give in and admit it to him but she still can't do it. Poor James, he was so defeated and hurt, how can she hurt him? Silly Lily! She doesn't have any idea what she's doing to the poor boy!

Sirius at the beginning, I love a good story with Sirius in and you didn't disappoint. He just adds comic relief and you just have to love him. He has such a good balance – he knows when to joke but he also knows when to tread carefully and rein it in and show his other side – he obviously has family issues so you know he sympathises with Lily which is cute. He's one of my favourite characters. And of course, who doesn't love his winking to the customers for a better tip and him complimenting Lily on her boobs!

Oh James. I loved James in this! From his cockiness to his teasing Lily and then admitting she was right. You've really captured James here perfectly and he's exactly how I imagine him to be. And then boyfriend coming in. “I'm James Henry Potter. I'm pretty sure my grandfather was not called Sodding.” this is just so typically James (I could also imagine Sirius saying something like this too, actually) and I laughed so much at this because I could picture this so clearly in my head! And then calling the guy a squib, James just doesn't know when to stop!

Lily hitting him over the head was great! You can tell she's had a drink because she would never usually do that but it also shows that she does care for James. And then running off to hide in an alley, with the giggling and the closeness, it was so cute and I just want them to be so happy together! We see in this that she obviously finds him attractive but she just can't seem to let go of the doubt in her head!

Everything about this was well written and it definitely didn't show that this was your first time writing smut! The whole piece flowed really well and I think you showed Lily's feelings of doubt really well, with respect to how she sees James and how you portrayed him, with the blonde in the bar; it's not hard to understand her uncertainty of getting involved.

It was all amazing Ysh! I hope you do really well in the challenge!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #8, by TearsIMustConcealCatching Captain: A Double Date Debacle

30th January 2016:
Hey there! I'm sorry it's taken me forever to get around to your request, I recently found my muse so I've been busy writing but here I am finally!

Haha, James and Madame Chang's interactions – I loved them. It's not surprising he's always in the hospital wing, he is his father's son afterall. Madame Chang, is this Cho? Or someone completely different?

I love how James' conscience is almost as annoying as he is! It really works and it's funny to see James getting annoyed because that's obviously how other people are like with him. It's also nice to see the things James is secretly worried about, even if he is denying them. He comes across as confident and cocky so it's nice to see that he does worry about things. And I'm all with the conscience, he definitely can't stop thinking about Emma and the kiss.

I love all of the boys' interactions with Madame Chang, she really does know them all so well! I should have known a Weasley's Wizard Wheezes product would show up soon! And I laughed hard when both Neville and Madame Chang realised what he was up to – they grew up when all the products came out so it's only right they know all the tricks. But James' surprise that they actually knew what they were – I love that he doesn't think any adults are any fun or that they ever had fun. It's a typical teenager thing to believe!

James jumping out of the window then realising his firebolt wasn't coming to save him was my favourite part. I could just imagine the scene and then the scream. “This is why Gryffindors tend to have shorter lifespans than those from other houses. We burn bright, and die young.” I love that this is how he explains things, not that he's an idiot or anything like that but that he's a Gryffindor and that's how they all are.

The tension between James and Emma is so obvious and I like how James is finally realising he likes her even though he's blaming Con for making him think things. And then James' reaction to Emma breaking up with her boyfriend, despite him ignoring it – I'm on board the James/Emma ship!

The boys' idea of the getting the girls all their clothing – it's really clever and such a good way to make money. James refusing to let Rose have skinny jeans and then charging Lily the rate for first years – I love his protectiveness over the girls, it's cute! And then James shooting the girl down – we all know this is because of Emma even if he doesn't know it yet! Poor Frank getting his memory wiped again; he does deserve it though, he's too much like how Percy used to be!

FinFin realising in the middle of the night that Freddy's been erasing Freddy's memory because he likes Ali – I definitely didn't expect that but it makes sense; Freddy is always the one to do it and it's his first instinct! And I guess I don't blame him – Frank is terrible! I love how Ali, even though we haven't seen her, is the opposite of Frank and Mary, it means I'll like her instantly!

Emma's sassy 'we'll see' to James' question – I loved it so much! Definitely my favourite aside from James jumping out the window!

Overall, this was another great chapter and you've added more parts of description which really helps the overall reading of it! I loved it and cannot wait for the next one!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad the Madame Chang interactions were fun, they were fun to write. And yeah, it is Cho Chang, I might need to make that more apparent in a later chapter, haha.

I found using the conscience a great way to get some of James' emotions out in the open, without him actually saying it out loud, which is something he'd never do, so I'm glad it went over well!

James should probably make the bit about Gryffindors having short life spans his motto, it really seems like the kind of reasoning he lives by, haha.
The obvious tension between James and Emma was surprisingly enjoyable to write, while also serving as a build up for what's to come in the next few chapters...

Freddy erasing Frank's memory was actually a last minute idea, inspired by something you said in one of your previous reviews about Frank's motives for always trying to catch the boys out. I thought It'd be a cool thing to implement, and now the next couple of chapters are going to be very longbottom-related - all down to you!

And yeah, I've been trying to put more description in after your previous reviews, and I've found it reads a lot better now, so thanks for the advice!

And thanks again for a marvelous review!


 Report Review

Review #9, by TearsIMustConcealThe Corner: The Corner

30th January 2016:
Renee! Sorry this has taken me forever! It's been a busy week and I actually got writing chapters so I was distracted but here I am!

Oh Renee, this was just so sad and heartbreaking and cute and beautiful, all at the same time. At first I was smiling and then I wanted cry by the end. So many feels going on for such a short story, you really killed it Renee but I'm not surprised because your writing is just magical!

The joy I felt when they began to play. Kids aren't born to hate or be biased and this really showcases that fact. Here they are, mutually fascinated and amazed by a children's tv show and that brings them together. There's no feelings of hate or dislike, they simply see each other as children playing a game, completely engrossed in the fun they're having. I found this part so cute and its simplicity really works here – you don't need anything else because just the description of them playing together, when in reality we know this kinship obviously doesn't last, is just so lovely and it makes my soul feel fuzzy.

And then there goes Petunia ruining it all by shrieking and being very melodramatic when all they were doing is playing. It's not rocket science to know that it's both Petunia and Vernon who keep Harry and Dudley apart and they encourage the bullying. Her reaction, which I can understand to a point, is just so harsh and Harry's reaction breaks my heart because he just wants to play and they were having fun. He doesn't understand what he's done wrong and this is pretty much how he feels his whole life whilst at the Dursley's and it just kills me Renee, I am feeling all the emotions right now!

And then his corner, where he can imagine another life and magic and everything he ever wants it just soul-destroying. You portray his thoughts and feelings so beautifully here; of his joy at being able to imagine everything he wants to, from magic to warriors but then his realisations that he's safe where he is, despite not feeling loved or welcome, when his imaginations go too far.

Then, for once, he was glad to be where he was, even if he knew that safe did not always mean happy.  - this line broke me and shattered my heart. A little boy should never have to feel that and I just want to hug him and make him feel better and tell him he'll be loved unconditionally, he just has to wait to find the right people to care.

As for you concerns, this whole thing is perfect. The simplicity of it makes it work and honestly, if you added more, it would just overwhelm it. It works in its simplicity and this whole piece of writing is just incredible! You have nothing to be concerned of and I really hope this wins in the challenge!

Once again Renee, you've outdone yourself and I cannot wait to read more of your writing! I could continue to praise all of this forever but I'm running out of adjectives and it would eventually end up as a whole load of jumbled words so I'm going to go!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hello love!

I have a terrible confession to make: I picked you for this review request partly because I knew even if you hated it you would be super nice about it. *hides* Your reviews are just SO NICE! *happy feels* Like, honestly, how can you be so nice and amazing and kind and sweet and... did I hear someone say "I'm running out of adjectives"? (OMG, thank you!)

It's a relief to hear you didn't think it was too simple, or rather that the simplicity is for the best. That's kind of what I thought, but I was really nervous because this was a gift for Lizzie and I was afraid she'd read it and think, "huh, that's it?" (Of course she was very kind in her reply as well, because she's lovely, but I worry about these things.)

I really didn't mean to make this quite as sad as it is, but you are so right to point out that this is basically how Harry would feel throughout his whole childhood, and I guess that does make it quite sad. Sorry about that! And when you said he just needed to find the people who would love him unconditionally, I thought immediately of Molly and now I am having all the Mrs. Weasley feels. :,)

Thank you so much for this amazing review. You are such a wonderful reviewer, I hope you know!

lots of love! Renee


 Report Review

Review #10, by TearsIMustConcealIgnotia: Ignotia

25th January 2016:
Here for the BvB review battle!


Laura! Your writing leaves me speechless! The way you write is intelligent and beautiful and I could read everything you write and always find something more beautiful than the time before. This review is probably going to consist of me literally just praising you, just so you know.

I have honestly never read anything about Bathilda Bagshot, nor do I know a lot about her, aside from her being an author but the banner (I can't resist anything with Natalie Dormer on it,) immediately drew me this and I knew I just had to read it and I was not disappointed in the slightest.

I love the theme of Bathilda telling the untold stories of people she thinks truly deserve it and then to have this, her own story, told after her death is just poetic. I am already in love with this piece of mastery.

Bathilda is so intriguing in this piece. I find it so interesting that it took another woman to suggest to her about writing about women in history but I love that she took it on because she's just incredible and if anyone can write about women's history, it's Bathilda! It just seems fitting that she be the one to write it.

The way you write this era is incredible – you capture everything with authenticity and realism, it's just remarkable. The way you portray small facts that really transport you back to that time period and include all the societal oppressions, especially for women in that time – I'm in awe.

I love the way you write Bathilda's relationships with the various characters referred to here. I especially loved her interaction with Gellert and how they eventually bonded over a mutual love of history. I wonder if she ever realised, back when she reading him stories of glory and power and might, that he would ever turn out the way he did? And I wonder how she viewed him once he started his rise to power – would she be proud of his excellence, despite the ways he showed it? Or would she simply abhor the way he turned out? It's an interesting thought and I also wonder whether she realised that she almost encouraged his future behaviour with the reading of past conquerors and the glory they received? Such an innocent hobby turned into something much more sinister in the end.

Her relationship with Livia – oh how I loved their interactions! When I picture her and Elladora and the others, I am immediately think of Emmeline Pankhurst and the Suffragette movement! Also this line - “I found that I was not so timid as I had always thought. “ I love that Livia brought Bathilda out of her shell and I really feel Livia had such an impact on Bathilda and her character and confidence in some respects.

Oh Laura, this was simply incredible and I'm going to have to start reading more of your work. I could praise this forever and not get bored, it was that good! I bow down to your greatness!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #11, by TearsIMustConcealRise of the Phoenix: An Unusual Party

24th January 2016:
Hi Nick! Here with your requested review!

Finally the Ministry have arrived – it took them long enough! Although it's quite obvious they're not particularly interested in Aurora whatsoever. The way they just cleaned the scene without so much of a glance at Aurora – clearly the Ministry are just wanting to clean up the messes made and ignore them!

To give Greyback healers but not Aurora is outrageous! But quite realistic actually, seeing how they're all acting. And it doesn't surprise me that Fudge is more interested in the capture of Greyback – he needs all the good news he can get in the times!

I love Theo's reaction to everyone ignoring Aurora – he's the only one who seems genuinely concerned that they've left an unconscious girl on the floor while they dealt with everything else. I'm really glad Theo made a re-appearance because I really enjoy his character!

Ahhh, her Dad is a judge? And I love how it's Dumbledore coming to the aid of Aurora – I knew he had to come into this somehow. I wonder what he needs to speak to her about? It must be something important. Ahhh, she has some skills he needs? I'm very intrigued. And what is it about St Mungo's that no one is trusting? Has it been infiltrated? I'm guessing it has to be something along those lines!

Anyway, you know I adore this story and this chapter is no different! Your writing is so, so great and I just love everything about this!

Thank you for the request!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hey Vicki,

Wow, glad you liked it. I really appreciate your feedback as always.

Best,

Nick


 Report Review

Review #12, by TearsIMustConcealIntemptesta Nox: Shadows Gather

24th January 2016:
Hi Alexis, here with your requested review! Sorry it's taken me so long!

The story is really flowing now! I absolutely loved this chapter!

It's only right that Charlotte's memories would start to invade Aislinn's own – something as dark as the manacle would obviously have downsides to using it's power. Could the more she uses it, the more she feels herself becoming Charlotte? In both appearance and mind? Or will there simply be a severing of all connections between Charlotte and Aislinn? I have so many questions!

I like how Aislinn fought back against Charlotte's nature and spoke out in class - I feel like this is significant in that Aislinn is fighting to keep herself sane rather than being consumed with Charlotte. I also loved how Sirius and Lily both looked impressed that she spoke out – they're surprise was realistic!

Poor Aislinn having to suffer through a date with Peter but it's the name of the game when being undercover. I love how Lily noticed Charlotte/Aislinn's faltering in saying yes – Lily notices everything! But I love how Lily interacts with her – like the show of her intelligence in the classroom made her feel that she could finally approach her and ask her to study with them. And obviously, that's the perfect place to spy on Snape, who is just inherently suspicious.

Poor Deidre White! But with what Aislinn told Dumbledore, it's obvious that Voldemort does know about the manacle and it won't be long before he starts the search, if he hasn't already. And the Ministry not getting in contact – things are getting hairy now and I love it! I love Aislinn's interactions with Dumbledore – it's so different to how any other student or person would ever speak to him but it really works because obviously the importance of the situation comes before tact and politeness.

I really do love Aislinn!

And I absolutely adored this Alexis! I cannot wait to read the next chatper! You really have me hooked!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Heya Vicki,

After the creepy first chapter and the ominous follow up, we finally get to see Aislinn at work - er, school. Being back at Hogwarts is challenge enough (can you imagine pretending not to know how to perform a particular spell and remembering to deliberately flub up something you mastered years ago?) Having to cope with Charlotte's memories makes it just all the more harder. There's almost a sense of frustration to Aislinn when she blurts out the bit about bezoars (and it feels like such an Unspeakable trick - why bother with carrying various antidotes when all you need is a bezoar?)

Of course, the Marauders make things even more challenging, what with Peter's proposal of a date. How awkward is that - he's like nine years younger than Aislinn and totally not her type. But it's like you said, she's undercover and has to play the game. All the while, Aislinn also has to watch for outside threats. When she speaks to Dumbledore, there is a distinct shift from how Charlotte-the-student speaks and acts to Aislinn-the-Unspeakable-on-a-mission. It also reveals a little of the stress that she's under, particularly when compared to how she addressed him in the previous chapter.

Things will continue to be weaved in, but I assure you by the end of the story you'll understand why Aislinn was somewhat disturbed in the first chapter.

:hugs:

~Alexis




 Report Review

Review #13, by TearsIMustConcealRoses are Red: Just a Bump on the Head

24th January 2016:
Hi there! Here with your requested review! I'm sorry it's taken so long!

So anyway, I absolutely adored the premise of this story. I haven't read anything like this before so I was excited to start!

I love that it's Ron with her when she wakes up. I always picture Rose as a daddy's girl at heart so I thought it was cute that he was there! Where is Hermione though? I'm guessing Rose has been injured for at least a couple of days so is Hermione elsewhere? Work maybe? And wasn't sure when she was going to wake up? Because that would make sense.

Poor Scorpius! I'm not a big ScoRose fan but I really felt for Scorpius here. It must be so hard for him to watch her not remember him or their life together and to have reverting back to their old habits of what must have been constant hexes and arguments. I really felt for Scorpius when she wanted him to leave the room but I like how he didn't protest – he obviously loves her and is willing to be patient.

She plays for the Chudley Cannons – I love that because obviously it's Ron's favourite team. I think that's a cute detail!

I think this story has a lot of potential and I can't wait to read more! Thank you for requesting!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hello! It's fine, I appreciate you taking the time out to read it :)

I'm happy that you enjoyed it :) Yes, in the next chapter Hermione does come, she was at work and Rose had been out for about a week. I was thinking of combining the first and second chapter, but I'm not sure how I would go about doing that?

I'm usually not a huge Scorpius/Rose fan either, but I felt like in this story it's justified for me a little more, and I'm enjoying writing Rose, the cold-hearted, while Scorpius is the nice one :)

Thank you! I knew that if she were to play Quidditch, it HAD to be for the Chudley Canons.

Appreciate the nice words and so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for your time :)


 Report Review

Review #14, by TearsIMustConcealSweet Dreams: Sweet Dreams

24th January 2016:
Hi Jenn! Here with your requested review! I'm sorry it's taken me so long!

I love a good angsty Sirius story so this did not disappoint at all!

I love the way you captured Sirius' downward spiral – everything you've mentioned him doing is so realistic and I can imagine it all. Sirius surrounding himself with girls and drink is the type of destructive behaviour he seems like he would do when hurt or upset, which obviously he is here.

Marlene must have really affected him not to go to Order meetings because he loves being in the Order! I wonder why she cancelled the wedding? I'm really intrigued. Is it something to do with her death, because we know Death Eaters kill her family so did she not go through with the wedding to protect him? I hope that's the reason because I don't like seeing sad Sirius!

And for him to ignore James? That's when you know it's bad. He obviously doesn't want to listen to anything he doesn't want to hear and James is the type to tell him how it is, whereas Remus knows when to back off and leave him to it and that's why Remus is allowed in. But James has a point when he says Sirius needs closure and needs to see her before he can do anything else – he needs his head in the game and he can't do that moping around.

I knew what Sirius was walking into to moment I knew he was going to see her. That whole scene was so heartbreaking. Him closing the Marlene's mums eyes and then saying 'goodnight sweet angel' to her little sister – that broke me! Urgh, too many feels here Jenn! You've killed me here! And then him holding her and crying.I couldn't take anymore!

This was an amazing story Jenn and I hope you do well in the challenge!!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #15, by TearsIMustConcealThe Red-Haired Badger: Prologue

24th January 2016:
Hi there! Here with your requested review! I am so sorry its taken this long!

Wow, I am really intrigued by the prologue. I think you done a really good job in capturing your readers attention by giving us the Founders history, so we can wonder how on earth it relates to Rose Weasley aside from being a story to her.

And then your last line! I immediately wanted to know more so you've done a great job in gaining interest and making us want more. I cannot wait to read the next chapter and see how Rose comes to being back in the Founders era!

There is one little typo – you missed the 'a' off Rowena but aside from that, it was great!

This was a wonderful prologue, great job and I will definitely be back for more!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #16, by TearsIMustConcealDesignated Mum Friend: 1.

24th January 2016:
Hi Claire! Here for our swap!

I've been dying to read this since you announced a new story this morning because i've missed your writing and I was not disappointed with this whatsoever!

Designated Mum Friend - all I can think about is The Duff and the whole Designated Ugly Fat Friend. So I am now shortening Designated Mum Friend to DMF!

So, this was so much fun and I got excited when I realised it was Next Gen because I adore Next Gen stories! I adore Lyra! I think this was a really good introduction to Lyra and her personality and character and how she just has to help but she is a healer so it's obviously in her nature! She doesn't seem to mind being the one who gets up early to get the rest up and help them. But how long will this last?

I also loved the interactions with the rest of the gang- they definitely could not survive without Lyra helping them but I think I would like to see them try! Hopefully Lyra will tell them to do it themselves one day and sit back and let the chaos happen! I can't wait to see more of them in future chapters!

Your writing is still as amazing as always and I'm glad you've managed to overcome your writers block with an amazing idea! I can't wait to read more!

I've missed you and your stories Claire!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #17, by TearsIMustConcealMaking the Reserves: Making it to the Academy

21st January 2016:
Hey Lo, sorry this took me so long!! I completely forgot but here I am!

So, obviously after discussing face claims for this story, I could not wait to read it! And I was not disappointed whatsoever! And I think it really helps that I can picture Molly already!!

I love that it's Molly as the main character. Most other Next Gen fics concentrate on the usual suspects so this is such a refreshing change! And to have her really into quidditch? It's so different but I really love the whole concept!

I love the family dynamic – it's so sweet and lovely and it really works! And it's so typical of Percy to make sure that for her going to the academy, she has to do well in her NEWTs – this little detail made me smile and I think it was just cute!

This is the first time i've read of a student actually attending a Quidditch Academy that concentrates on school too. Usually in quidditch stories, the characters finish their schooling before going on to try out for quidditch but this actually makes perfect sense that somewhere like this would exist! It's a unique idea and I really like it!

The character interactions are really well written and they all gel so well together!! I can already see the girls really becoming friends and getting up to all sorts! And Cedric Wood, oh isn't he just adorable? I love Oliver Wood so I know I will inevitably end up loving Cedric too. And I love that he's a quidditch player too – how could he not be?

I really can't wait to read more about Molly and her quidditch adventures and I hope you get the next chapter up soon!!

Thanks for the swap!!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #18, by TearsIMustConcealParachute: Frequent Visits to St. Mungo's

20th January 2016:
Hi Branwen, here for the BvB review battle!

I felt like I haven't read anyhting of yours in forever so I was pretty excited when I saw you were the next person to review!!

Obviously, you are the Queen of Next Gen so I was super excited to see your authors page and although I know i've started to read CINAS, I saw this and I was just drawn to it, probably because of the amazing banner, but I guess i'm shallow like that :P

But anyway, onto the story...

I adore Lily here. I've not particularly read much about Lily and definitely not as the main character of a story so I was instantly intrigued about her and what you were going to do with her! And I was not let down in the slightest! I feel like her reaction, though completely reasonable in any other case, is completely atypical coming from the family network she comes from yet this is the reason it really works and that Lily really shines as a character! It's not expected of her to disapprove and dislike her family's actions, she's expected to be part of that once she gets older and yet, she's upset about everyone being hurt and no one else seeing the seriousness and I honestly love that and I feel like it makes her such an original character!

I adore Lily and Scorpius' little interaction – I feel like they have a little connection here, as they're both affected by the many St Mungo's trips and it's heart-warming to see him be there for her, as possibly the only sane one amongst them all and someone who mostly agrees with her.

I really liked the conversation between Lily and Harry and Ginny – it just shows how different life is for Lily now, compared to how it was for her parents. The countless hospital trips probably just seem like the norm for Harry and Ginny, considering what they had to grow up around but obviously for Lily, it's not normal, especially because I can imagine comparing her family life to friends at Hogwarts. I can understand Harry and Ginny's, almost blasι reaction to the whole situation but I can also understand how difficult it must be for Lily because no one seems to get where she's coming from, aside from Scorpius. It must be hard for Lily, especially not sharing the thirst for adventure because I can imagine her always feeling left out and that makes me want to give her a hug.

I love the way Lily just left without actually asking if she could stay with Edwin – there's the Potter streak coming out. A little reckless but if I was in her position, I would have done the same!

Amazing story Branwen, like usual and I hope I get to read more sometime soon!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #19, by TearsIMustConcealBecause In Reality: i've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match.

19th January 2016:
Hi Sama! Back for the BvB review battle!

So, I was super excited to carry on and I just couldn't resist when I saw you were the next person to review in the common room.

So anyway, onto the story.

Ooooh, now we're getting more back story on Bea. I was instantly intrigued by her encounter with Davies, who seems like a complete jerk, by the way. I really never pictured Bea to be with that type of guy so obviously there is a dark past there and i'm thinking that perhaps he wasn't always jerk-ish and that something went down between them? I really want to know more! I like the way she made a promise to herself not to get back with him – it was to herself, not to anyone else and I think that really shows her strong character!

I knew James had to appear sometime and he didn't disappoint! I knew you had made him a quiet character so their interaction wasn't suprising! It was obviously extremely awkward and I can definitely relate to Bea here – I've been in many situations in group projects where there is always that one person that you can barely get two words out of. It's super frustrating and I'm not surprised Bea practically ran out at the end of the lesson! I can't wait to see how you develop their relationship!

I loved Hailey! She represents that one person we all knew in high school, the ever popular queen bee who all the guys loved despite all the girls knowing exactly what she's like! I feel like she's the type who knows what she wants and I do love a good character that we can love to hate! Does she play more of a role in future chapters? I hope she does!

This was another amazing chapter Sama and I cannot wait to read more!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #20, by TearsIMustConcealBecause In Reality: a teenage vow in a parking lot.

19th January 2016:
Hi Sama, here for the BvB review battle!

I was immediately drawn to this story and I'm so glad I started!

Oh Ronnie! I loved her but she seems to be that one friend that although you couldn't live without her, you want to push her so she'll stop talking. She's the type you laugh along with but secretly apologise to everyone around you because what she's doing is crazy. I like that she's so honestly boy crazy and she doesn't care how crazy she is about it. Poor James, I don't think his quietness stands much of a chance against Ronnie and her ways! And I also feel that with Ronnie being the way she is, she brings Bea out of her shell a bit more, which is great!

Bea is one of those characters you immediately bond with and find similarities with. She's pretty much the polar opposite of Ronnie and it really works. She's quietly insecure and also quite shy, and I think we can all relate to not thinking too much of ourselves but at the same time, she's clever and has a sense of humour and I just love her. I think you've written her really well and I really enjoyed her narrative.

I love the idea of a quiet James – it's quite refreshing to see him in a different light. I like that, although we don't meet him here, I feel as though he'll have some real depth and I'm already shipping a cute Bea/James relationship – I feel as though they could be utterly perfect for each other!

I absolutely adored this and I cannot wait to read more!

-Vicki

 Report Review

Review #21, by TearsIMustConcealFaηade: For You (Intro)

18th January 2016:
Hey there! Here, finally, with your requested review. I'm sorry it's taken me so long!

Anyway, onto the story...

I really loved this! I'm constantly drawn to stories that straddle good and bad and really delve into people's minds (I did a criminology degree so i'm immediately fascinated with 'criminals' and how they think, how they justify themsevles, etc). I really enjoyed Rosalind's characters – she's very in your face but she's real, if that makes sense? She doesnt' sugar coat anything. She admits what she's done but she has genuine reasons as to why she's done it and she doesn't feel guilty – she felt like she had to do it and I really understand that! She's such a strong character that i'm immediately drawn to her and her story. She's a fascinating character!

My favourite line has to be “If you ever want to know who your real friends are go to prison.” -this really speaks to me and I feel like it lets us in on a slightly more vulnerable side to her, whether she admits it or not. This takes her from a character you can't identify with, due to her harshness and directness to someone who does feel, despite not coming across that way. I'm finding myself really feeling for Rosalind because the way she tells her side, with such conviction, I believe that Sal did truly deserve to die.

Her emotions regarding Emma, George and Draco all point towards her not always being so cold as she comes in her narration but as she's been in Azkaban, it's not surprising her detachedness, plus in your author's note, you describe her as angry and bitter, and this definitely comes across, in a good way of course. I also really loved the way she put aside her anger so she could flirt with the guard – she's extremely intelligent and you can feel she doesn't do things without having a reason to do so and I think this really shows her intelligence and resourcefulness – it's like she can see a way out through this guard and she has a determination to go through with it!

Regarding your concerns, I feel as though you gave just enough for the reader to want to know more about her (for those who haven't read your first story, anyway) but it doesn't give her away at the same time – i'm still so curious about her and the way she is and how her mind works so I think you characterised her extremely well. The story flows well and it all makes sense to me so I don't think you have anything to worry about!

It was a really strong first chapter, amazing job! And I hope everything I wrote makes sense to you!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hello there! Don't worry at all I completely understand how life can be :)

Oh thank you so much! I have the same degree actually and I figured I'd put it to use somehow so here it is! Haha. I love criminals as well and I was constantly fascinated in class how they would always justify their actions, but if someone else did something similar then all of a sudden it was bad.

Yes Rosalind is very vulnerable but she does not like to show it. She feels that she has to put on an act for the world because she doesn't want to come off as weak but at the same time doesn't want anyone to find out what she's done in her past. She wasn't born a terrible person, she's a product of her actions and thats what conflicts her.

Oh thank you! I've been struggling with the narration regarding her feelings towards her sister, Draco and George without her coming off as the crazy, in-your-face person she is in the beginning of the narration. I've always had a harder time with descriptions. Yes everything made perfect sense! Thank you so much for your wonderful review :)


 Report Review

Review #22, by TearsIMustConcealDragon Fire: A living fire to light the darkness.

18th January 2016:
Hey, here for the BvB review battle!

Well, this just killed me and my heart. The feels I have are unreal and I never really pictured Charlie and Tonks together but all of a sudden, I'm feeling this pairing so much and this was just heartbreaking in the end! When he says 'well, you look very nice...Nymphadora' This made me feel everything!!

I love everything about this – Charlie is just the ultimate sweetheart and their friendship is just incredible. I loved that you used snippets of them – I think it really works here and we get to see a bigger picture and fill in the gaps ourselves. Like, the fact you never established whether they were attracted to each other.you've let us decide what the nature of their relationship and this really adds to this story!

Your descriptions are wonderful and the ending, where he sees her as a stranger, despite always knowing who she was despite when she changed was just the ultimate heartbreak. You can really see the depth of their relationship (platonic or otherwise) here and how much he really cared for her and it was just amazing!

Anyway, I adored this and I think Charlie and Tonks is possibly a new otp for me!

-Vicki

Author's Response: HI there!

I mean understand that Remus and Tonks' deaths were meant to symbolise something, according to J.K - that war would continue cause children to become orphans, first Harry then Teddy etc. - but still not 100% over it. (Let's not even talk about Fred). So obv I was flooded with Tonks feels so this one-shot occurred! I'm glad you are also feeling the feels.

Although there's very little in the books about Charlie, I really wanted to write about him. I think it's a really cute couple - whether they are a couple or not, as you say - because I can imagine them both being really into Quidditch and being clumsy and magical creatures!

Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it!


 Report Review

Review #23, by TearsIMustConcealRise of the Phoenix: Tooth and Claw

17th January 2016:
Hey Nick! Sorry it's taken so long to respond but here I am, finally, with your requested review!!

How does this chapter not have any reviews? I am honestly shocked, people are really missing out on your story here!

So anyway, onto the story...

The tension is almost immediate when you begin reading, especially after the last chapter and Greyback introducing himself. You can just feel the fear and panic Aurora is feeling and the joy Greyback is getting from it!

Your portrayal of Greyback is utterly terrifying and amazing at the same time! The whole scene where he is preying on her, teasing her in the creepy, terrfying manner that he has was just amazing! I couldn't stop reading and I could picture it all so vividly. It gave me chillls!

The tension only increases when he suggest the wandless magic duel and I felt myself cheering on Aurora before it had begun! I think it's here that Greyback's arrogance was his down fall – he doesn't actually know how good she is!

I love how you gave her time to survey her surroundings, to take everything in and seeing what she could use to help her – I think in most action scenes, the writer tends to jump in but you've made it realistic and gave her time to see how she could use everything to her advantage! It really cements the fact that you have such a talent for action scenes!

The way Aurora held herself, drinking to stall Greyback, to steer the conversation, giving her enough time to gather herself before she fought back – it's really sensible and realistic and I think it gives enough of a build up so that when the action and duel does start, we're so ready for it to happen! And of course, it's really clever on Aurora's part to do that, to gain the advantage and upper hand – she seems like she's been in quite a few predicaments, if the way she handled herself during this is anything to go by.

And then the action started and it was intense and I found myself cheering Aurora on loudly in my head! She's quick and clever during it all, always thinking of her next move and not getting caught up in distractions! And I wanted to scream when she was shouting depulso and it wasn't working – I was silently egging her on to find the right spell!!

The scene where Greyback has her on the floor, completely helpless – I could hear the breaking of her right hand and I could feel the vulnerability but I love how, even during that, where she is fighting for her life, she is still thinking things over and when she finally realised what she was doing wrong, I wanted to cheer! I love how she managed to take advantage of Greyback's peverseness and tendency to play with his 'food' to save herself and gain control back! I did for moment think this was it!

Anyway, this whole chapter was just as amazing as the last two and I honestly can't wait to read on! Your pacing was great throughout this and your actions scenes are something to be admired!

Amazing job as always, Nick!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hi Vicki,

Thanks for reading this chapter. I feel bad that I have submitted three requests to you, but delighted that you have enjoyed it so much. :)

This chapter was a tricky one for me to write. Not from the process, but because I always struggle other whether I can depict a woman essentially being beaten up.

I think the context, and also the nature of the OC, Aurora, whom I am delighted you were able to get behind, made it acceptable in my head.

I agree with you about action sequences. Obviously I indulged one cliche of her flirting with death and finding a way out, but the fact I based it on her intelligence meant it worked on the page. And I am really happy it worked for you too.

As I said, I had no reviews beyond chapter 2, so I am so grateful and delighted you took the time to read it. You really are wonderful, and I really should get round to looking at some more of your work.

If you ever want a review, message me or put up a forum post because I definitely owe you one. :)

One word of warning - As I am using this story to improve my writing, I am trying out a fair number of techniques.

So I should say chapters 4-7 are slower. I try to use thought processes and dialogue as a vehicle for plot movement.

And I have no idea if I pulled it off. :p

But cheers for the great words,

It means a lot for sure.

Best,

Nick


 Report Review

Review #24, by TearsIMustConcealIntemptesta Nox: The Assignment

17th January 2016:
Hi Alexis, I'm sorry this review is late but here I am!

Anyway, the parallels between this chapter and chapter 1 couldn't be more different if they tried! Whilst the first gave me chills, this one piqued my interest completely! I think chapter 1 gave us the intrigue to carry whilst this one really cements the readers interests, as its here the plot seems to thicken and start!

I'm so interested in the older prophecy – I thought it had something to do with maybe the chamber of secrets but obviously the time line is completely out! A great number of deaths within Hogwarts? I really want to know what this is and what could cause this devastation, especially one predicted a long time ago!

Aislinn is a human time turner? What an original idea! I absolutely love it! And now that I know this, it makes sense that she see Caitlin in her concscience all the time – she has the ability to go back and change history yet she couldn't do anything about it this time. It explains a lot of things!

So Death Eaters got to Caitlin? That makes sense – did Voldemort take her due to her abilities? I mean, she's a reputable Seer, he'd kill to have a Seer on side! I think he used her and her abilities in some way – he doesn't do things for no reason so there has to be a motive there!

I love the idea of a Manacle! I loved the cursed necklace in HBP and thought it was clever so it would make sense that other objects would be cursed with Dark Magic! And for Grindelwald to have created it? I feel as though this guarantees Dumbledore's co-operation because never found it himself and as he said, he feels as though this could have been prevented by himself.

You've portrayed Dumbledore here really well – I always find him difficult to depict but you've done a great job! And I love Aislinn, probably even more now. She's such an intriguing character, with so many hidden layers that I want to know more about her. Your pacing throughout is excellent and you've given us enough without giving it all away and I cannot wait to read on!

Amazing job as always Alexis!!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Pffft! No need for apologies, Vicki!

When I initially wrote these two chapters, I worried whether readers would feel discombobulated going from creepy/horror in the first, to shifting right into mystery/intrigue. It's still Aislinn, but she's a bit different, not quite as damaged. I also wanted to play around with story structure. Chapter one is the present, chapters 2-6 are the past, and chapter 7 is a direct continuation of chapter 1. The present book-ends the past. In a sense, the structure is a reflection of Aislinn's ability to Shift back in time.

Speaking of which, Aislinn's ability is the reverse of her twin sister's. Caitlin had an affinity for the future and Aislinn an affinity for the past. With their twin-link, they are similar with an hour glass. And yes, it haunts Aislinn that she could not save her sister despite having such a unique ability.

With regards to why the Death Eaters were after Caitlin, you nailed it. Voldemort was drawn to her abilities as a Seer. This was also why the Ministry went to such lengths such as assigning an Agent to protect Caitlin. Now with that in mind, what might Voldemort do if he discovered what Caitlin's sister was capable of?

As for the Manacle, well, I loved that cursed necklace, too! It just made sense that other objects would be around - some old, some new, some completely foreign. I wanted the Manacle look delicate and innocent, yet be terrible. And of course, who better than Grindelwald to have created it. (By the way, this is not only object of power that Grindelwald created in my 'verse. There is another in Child of the Hunt, but it hasn't been revealed yet). Can you imagine how the Manacle might be used by someone with very dark intentions? Something else to yet worry about.

With his past relationship to Grindelwald, Dumbledore would feel a level of responsibility when faced with the Manacle. It has consumed one of his own students and now it has to be used within the confines of Hogwarts in an attempt to save other students? Between the Manacle and the prophecies, Dumbledore is in such an unenviable position. I have to admit, writing Dumbledore is something I kind of dread because I worry about getting him right.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review. Can't wait to see what you think of the next chapter, as it shows what it's like for Aislinn going back to classes as Charlotte.

:hugs:

~Alexis


 Report Review

Review #25, by TearsIMustConcealRise of the Phoenix: Into the Void

10th January 2016:
Hey Nick, here with your requested review!

So, as you know, I loved the first chapter and I couldn't wait to read the second and I must say, I was not disappointed!

So much action! Honestly, the way you write action scenes is inspiring – you include so much detail, from the actual duelling and even to the background, like mentioning the fallen trolley on the floor and the storm outside, the wind howling – it's amazingly written and you can really picture every scene vividly! You've done an amazing job!

I love Aurora so much! She seems very much a reluctant hero in some respects and when she realises “she was the only person that could save them.” You can sense she'd much rather the train journey had been easy and carefree rather than the battleground it's become instead and there is this feeling that she's not used to being the hero in the story. But she knows she's got to help and she does a rather good job of it – her talent with spells is clearly unmatched and you can see she's a talented witch. But even she isn't immune to pressure and the scene with Greyback, where she can't even use the spell to give him antlers, is really poignant, to me anyway in the way it makes her really relatable and it really works with the scene.

Greyback is as terrifying and creepy as ever! I've just recently written a one-shot where I included Greyback and I must admit, he does freak me out a lot and you've really conveyed that here! His characterisation is spot on, in my vision of Greyback anyway, and although I had guessed that it was him in charge of the gang, the way you introduced him to us was suspenseful!

I'm intrigued as to why the Ministry haven't arrived yet – obviously they are dealing with something else but it must be big if they haven't been able to come to the scene where there are muggles trapped and they've seen magic performed. Was there a planned distraction so Greyback could raid the train? Or was the raid simply an opportunity?

I absolutely loved this and I cannot wait to read the next chapter! If you want to re-request for any other chapters, feel free because I am absolutely loving this!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hi Vicki,

Thanks so much for the lovely feedback. I am really glad the action scene worked. It still has a few typos in it, but the change in prose structure was a bit of a gamble by me so I am happy it paid off.

Also - thanks heavens you like Aurora! If people didn't buy into her none of this would be even readable :) Great that you can feel invested in her.

I take your point that Greyback was hardly a big reveal. It wasn't going to be anyone else haha.

The Ministry is an odd beast - their behaviour can seem like a mystery even when there is an explanation.

You're a great reviewer and thanks for the offer. I have re-requested for chapter three. I am so flattered you took the time to read this far in by the way.

Any commentary on chapter three would be great, as I have no idea if I went too far with the violence to be honest. I try and make Greyback live up to his name, but I could have overdone it.

I am definitely going to need to check out your writing more. If you are this perceptive in your reviews, I imagine your stories must be really worth reading.

Feel free to message me or whatever if you want a story review any time soon.

Best,

Nick


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>