Reading Reviews From Member: Maelody
  
250 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MaelodyThe Mildly Perilous and Mostly Tragicomic Misadventures of Sir Roderick Gryffindor and 'Sir' Ivan Harris: In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

24th March 2014:
Hey! Sorry it took so long to get to this! Work and all, you know? :)

I love the names you use in this chapter! Xtra and Nother Xtra made me laugh, and boy do I wish I could hear how they actually talk! XD crazy! And scammers! I'm surprised Ivan tolerated them for so long lol.

She must have thought his eyes were gold because of the armor's reflection, right? ;) Though that whole lesson on gold was hilarious. I really do love Max! :D

Marty Stu is the BEST character EVER! ( obviously!) ;) I'm pretty sure I'm right on this, but the play on Mary Sue was great. :)

One correction I saw needed to be made, though very small, was, "“What? Why would I allow each of you two shillings when I only need one of you to tell me what I need to know.”" It should be a ? yeah? :)

This really is great. It's super original, it gets me laughing, and I love the topics it covers. They're great, and Max is just so snarky! You really excell in the comedy and that's what makes this so enjoyable! Super great job and I can't wait to read chapter three! :D

Author's Response: Oh, I understand! Sorry it took so long to respond!

Haha! I'm glad that you caught the Xtras. I only work on this story when I'm over-tired, and have to go back and reread all of the madness while I'm awake. ...the things that happen while I'm mildly dillusional... They provided some nice filler (and pointless) conversation!

I'm glad you enjoyed the lesson on gold ;) and Max!

Yes, you're right! Marty Stu is the male-version of a Mary Sue, and your reaction was exactly what I was going for!

Yes, it should be a question mark! Thank you!

Thanks so much!! This is really fun to write, but I think any comedy has to be credited to my sleepy-mind rather than my lucid mind!

-Rumpel


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Review #2, by MaelodyEvolution: The Prince's Pain

18th March 2014:
Hey there! I'm back again! :)

So I think you need not worry about Snape. I think what you've done here is amazing, and that last bit, I really liked.

There's always been "two sides" of Snape that the reader gets to see. The Death Eater/bad guy we all thought him to be, and the man who vowed to watch over the son of his love once she passed. That's all we know , and I think this was wonderfully done with all we know of him.

I really like how you delved into how he planned it all out, like he discusses in the last chapter in his POV, but Potter was there because of Lily. It was something he didn't expect, and it threw him off. I especially like that he was ready and willing to hurt his "friends" if they hurt Lily in the duels. It brings out that part of Snape that everyone actually likes ;).

The beginning was very McGonagall-esque by the way. You captured her character quite well in this one, and I think James' responses were pretty spot on, too. Makes me wish they would have thought to accio their attackers' masks off! ;) alas, no one can think of everything when they're dueling it out, can they? Haha :)

This has to be one of my favorite chapters so far simply because it really, REALLY, catches some of the best characterization of some of the big characters here. You did an excellent job, even if it didn't do much more than reveal suspicion. :)

Can't wait to read on! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: Whoo! There is nothing like coming back to such a wonderful review after a forced absence for the past few days!

I was definitely hoping to capture the duality of Snape here, with his preparation and willingness to be cold and cruel, but his "softer" side which flows from the depth of his feelings for Lily, so I'm glad that came through.

I'm also relieved you enjoyed the last bit. As I was going through the chapter I had definitely decided that I wanted to use the potion-making process to contrast with his emotions, but worried I may have gone a bit overboard since the detailed descriptions involved aren't often my forte.

Now that I'm back, I'm definitely working on getting updates done for both my WIPs (especially as the deadline on one creeps disturbingly nearer)! Thanks as always for reading on and of course for your splendid reviews!


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Review #3, by MaelodyEvolution: An Unexpected Partnership

15th March 2014:
Hey there! So my guess is this is Snape and his crew! First years eh? He's still just a little cowardly then! ;) though it was nice to see, mere hours after being bested by him, that Lily could work with James like that. I don't see her letting this down though. She has to tell someone about this encounter! She's a Prefect! ;)

The duel in itself was very interesting. You make it so intense to catch up and see exactly what is happening, and it makes me wonder what the turnout will be. And I just love that James wins! His reaction was perfect, seeing as how Lily needs to see how she treats him sometimes. Though their resolve was natural and I really liked it! :)

I was wondering if anyone had heard of the attack on the family yet. I'm assuming that's what the dueling teacher meant by reading the papers. They lost a Hufflepuff student didn't they? I feel like someone should mention this just to show how the school cares. :)

The teacher was great, though, very Italian ;). Osario does worry me though. Only because you mentioned a black beard in the attackers earlier, and Osario has black hair and seems older. I may be letting my imagination run wild, but I'm gathering theories now! :D that's great! :)

This story has just grown into something phenomenal. I love Lily and James stories, and in all reality. I think our head cannons are pretty similar. It makes me want to write one so badly, but I'm just happy to see your story here exists! :) and you're doing so well with it! I love it, and I just can't wait to be all caught up! It's getting exciting and more action packed! Now I'll actually have to wait for updates here soon! XD

Either way, I love this chapter, and this story, and I can't wait to continue in this journey with you and your characters! :) great job so far, and I hope I catch up soon! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: This was definitely another chapter I sweated because of the dueling/fighting. I feel like there are so many concerns in scenes like that from believability, to pace, to tone...and still reaching a satisfactory resolution, so I'm really encouraged that you thought those parts went well.

I'm happy too that you liked Osorio. It was nice to be able to imagine a different DADA professor (sincerest thanks Tom Riddle). He will reappear in the fic, even after leaving Hogwarts (per said curse), but I won't give anything away about how since your wheels are turning...

Thank you so much for the kind praise. This being the first story I've had the guts to ever post, and on an archive with such quality stories, it's really great to know that someone is enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!


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Review #4, by MaelodyEvolution: Three Months

15th March 2014:
I don't know why I have wondered more about it before, but what exactly is it that James gets a fizzled about? Did he and a girl do something and now he's sort of a dating heartthrob and yet laughing stock? He's not proud of it, whatever it is. I feel bad for him!

Aaaah, the first little spat haha ;). I like how natural it came out, and how Katie sort of won out in the end. Though I'm sort of with James here. It must be irritating to be trying to keep a relationship going, and everyone is believing he can't do it and questioning him. Poor guy. Maybe, just maybe, Katie was being a little selfish there in not wanting her to get upset with her. Or maybe that's what we girls do? Get out of trouble xD.

Ooh, more Lily and James interaction next chapter? I can't wait! Though now I worry about the three month thing xD. Though we all know it won't work out with Katie, I just hope everything comes to an understanding. I rather like Katie (as you know) and I love the Lily/James relationship as a whole! :)

I have one chapter left for my blackout challenge, and just a couple more to catch up! (Which I will. And I will continue on with it afterward). :) great job so far! Moving onwards!

~Mae

Author's Response: What I've tried to hint at is that James has a reputation for treating relationships casually and selfishly. In the past he's never had one last more than three months. We will learn later in the story exactly what irritates James about this reputation, which has come up gently before with Remus and more directly here with Sirius and Katie.

Realistically, it will probably come up post-James/Katie. After all, I can't go resolving everything about James during their relationship right?

I'm psyched you plan on keeping reading even after the challenge is over, both because you are enjoying the story so much and because your feedback has been both awesome and encouraging! Thanks again!


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Review #5, by MaelodyEvolution: New Year's Eve

15th March 2014:
Hey! So I'm not sure if I've mentioned this or not yet, but you have a real talent for dialogue. Nothing seems faked, and there are plenty of awkward moments, and I really feel like the characters don't always know what they're going to say before they say anything. Which is great because it brings a real was to the whole thing! :D

This, after that last chapter, was one big ball of super awesome! It was cute, and it gave us more of a look at Petunia (and her awful jealousy). And, of course, Lionel being there was a treat. Absolutely adorable, too. His inner thoughts and worries about how to approach a relationship with Lily made me smile. This whole chapter just felt very natural and I liked it very much. I can't wait for the two of them to return to Hogwarts and decide on their relationship! ;)

I'm so close to catching up! I can't wait to see where you've left off and what you have to come! :D more adorable dates and Lily humor I hope! ;)

~Mae

Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment on the dialogue! Over time, I feel like it's become one of my strengths (whereas detailed description is one of my 'needs improvement' areas, in my opinion), so it's nice to get reinforcement that I'm not completely lacking self-awareness.

I'm interested to see what you think of how Lily/Lionel develops based on what you thought of this chapter. We'll get a lot more on it very soon.


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Review #6, by MaelodyEvolution: Winter's Chill

15th March 2014:
Wow! Ok, so at first I thought that the trio was Snape and his goons, maybe making a way to do Muggle vandalizing. I'm so glad it wasn't because that was awful! That poor family! The children! Just awful! :(

However, representing what this time was about, you did an excellent job. These are the types of attacks that made Lily and James want to fight in the first place, and what pulled them together in the end. That's just me though ;).

This was so dark and scary. It truly made me sad to think about the family, but it was wonderfully written. The pace of the story and plot are picking up a little here, and I'm excited to see where you go with it! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: I'm glad you felt the intensity of the scene. It was definitely meant to be a short, sobering one that marks the entrance into the story of the darkness in the outside world. While it won't be immediate it will continue to have an escalating impact on the story, including some huge moments in the future.

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Review #7, by MaelodyEvolution: Family Fireworks

15th March 2014:
Aww! I was a little disappointed with how Lily viewed her sister on wanting to be a house wife, because only two chapters ago you expressed how her own mother was a house wife, but the rest of it was sweet. :) Lionel finally got a hold of her and her response made me smile.

Poor Sirius! His dad is awful! Though it's cool to see what the moment was that made him run away from home to James'. I like that James also said his parents would take him in with no questions asked to them haha. Of course they'll say yes! ;) best mates for life there! :D

I think there is more to Katie's dad being jealous of the Potter family, and not just upset about her grades. Though I liked how loving and joking they were before she brought up James. They remind me of my own family. :)

I like the transitions between POVS in this chapter. They run smoothly, and it definitely allows for us to see more of the setup for everyone else. This was delivered very well and I can't wait to see what happens at Christmas!

~Mae

Author's Response: Yikes! My intent was definitely not to slam Petunia for wanting to be a house wife. I think Lily absolutely respects the life her mother chose and women who choose to stay at home. My intent was more to show that that isn't a life Lily sees for herself and how angry she is with her sister for suggesting to Vernon that it is. Perhaps I need to take a look at that bit again in the future and re-work it.

We'll get some more of the Wallenby/Potter family dynamic in the future. Suffice it to say Katie's dad really does care about her grades BUT you're not totally off the mark.

I'm also relieved to hear you comment about the POVs. Sometimes I feel like I switch too often (as a writer, it feels a little like cheating on occasion). But I do try to do it smoothly and for good reason, so I'm glad you felt it worked well in this case.


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Review #8, by MaelodyEvolution: Progress

15th March 2014:
I like that you didn't add the prank, actually. With going back and just describing it, I think it saves from repetitive reading with different dialogue. It saves time for you and the reader ;).

I'm so happy Katie didn't get upset with the boys for coming up with a prank. I was going to be upset with her if she did. I like that James is with someone who likes being with him for what he already does, and doesn't want to change him. It makes me really think about how much he's trying to change (I know part of it is for himself) and how that's what makes Lily start liking James. You're making me sort of regret liking Lily/James! XD it's not a bad thing though, so don't worry! :P

Sirius as Bad Santa eh? I like the idea of it ;). And by the detentions, I expect it went exactly as planned haha. :)

~Mae

Author's Response: Hah! Don't regret liking James and Lily! While I am trying to keep James/Katie believable still, I'm also making a conscious effort to take it in a certain direction where hopefully people really like Katie and the James/Katie relationship. Like I've said, I have a particular endgame in mind for that pair and have for a LONG time, so I'm hoping that creating that feeling and the right dynamic will amplify the impact of that. We'll see...

As for Sirius...who else would be Bad Santa, right?


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Review #9, by MaelodyEvolution: Special Appointment

15th March 2014:
I knew Lionel would be the one to ask her! That was super cute, the way he did it, too. He sounds pretty mature though, physical wise. Chiseled look and all? No wonder he's one of the hottest wizards of the school? ;)

Lily gives me that vibe in this chapter that she's not technically as sweet as everyone makes her out to be, but that she feels more inclined to think about what people want to hear as opposed to what she wants to say. Like how she blurted out "That's Potter for you," was obviously what she wanted to say, but because everyone was hurt by it, she felt bad. It makes Lily seem more like a pleaser rather than an independently nice girl. I hope that makes sense? Though I do like her! :) She agreed to the date, and she yet again noticed a subtle change in James. That's always a plus ;).

I wonder what Katie thinks of Lily at this point. Is she seeing (even if in her own mind) Lily ride the jealousy train, too? Especially after James picked on her for so long? I wouldn't doubt it haha. :) Though Lily's friends are spectacular! You do a good job at making them universal friends to characters rather than friends to just Lily. And they know her well enough to excuse her behavior when she's ignoring the conversation. I liked this chapter! It was very girl-tastic haha. :)

~Mae

Author's Response: What you said about Lily in that scene definitely makes sense. I am hoping it will shine through more later, but I'm kind of trying something different with Lily, where I think she is generally an independently kind person who takes a long time to make a judgment on someone. However, once she does reach a judgment, I feel like she is pretty resolute and stubborn and it would take A LOT to change it. Not sure it's exactly a flaw, but maybe a self-inflicted blind spot. I think this would definitely apply to James and so prevent her from coming to any conclusion quickly about how he's changed.

I'm glad you liked Lily's friends. They've actually gone absent for a bit, but they will be back soon because I think they're going to prove important. I am also trying to make them not be the "yes girls" who lurk in Lily's shadow or the "wink-nudge girls" who just exist to give Lily a final push toward James.

As for Katie and Lily, like I mentioned before, they are supposed to not really know one another deeply. They will have some moments together before the end of the year though where we'll see more of their perspective on one another, so look for that.

As a male author, I'm also kind of oddly relishing the "girl-tastic" comment. I was nervous about this chapter because I had to capture something that (no intent to stereotype), but I don't have much experience with in my own life, so I'm glad it came off.


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Review #10, by MaelodyEvolution: The Prince's Plot

15th March 2014:
I like this revenge driven state. I'm more on the side that I think Snape would see James is done pursuing Lily now and that he would be trying to make it up to her. This is nice though. It gets straight to what Snape thought he was going to be when he was young. He was a teen meddling with dark magic. He hated/s Muggles, and that was a major part of his young life people seem to forget.

The perfect place, huh? I'm thinking Hogsmeade somewhere? Since everyone can be in a lot of different places? At first I thought about the Shrieking Shack, but I think that was only a thing Sirius did to Snape. Though it'd be cool to see those two things work together! :D especially since we all know Snape will eventually feel the need to owe James ;).

Pretty short chapter, but enjoyable nonetheless. You captured Snape very well, which is not an easy feat.

Great job! Moving on!

~Mae

Author's Response: Phew! I'm relieved you thought I wrote Snape well. I was definitely nervous writing him as he's such an important character to the series and also a divisive one about whom we have selective past chunks to go on. Admittedly, the difficulty of writing Snape probably contributed in a big way to this chapter being short.

I kind of figured that Snape would basically still be infuriated at everything that happened at this point, and that he would be throwing himself into dark stuff like people often throw themselves into their hobbies when they are hurting.

You raise an interesting point about him trying to make it up to her. At this point I thought perhaps it's still too raw given the depth of his emotions and Lily's dismissal of his attempts throughout summer, but I think at some point you're right, Snape has to try and win back Lily's friendship. I have some ideas about a chapter surrounding that, but nothing firm yet on when to introduce it or how I'm going to write it.


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Review #11, by MaelodyEvolution: The Price of Popularity

15th March 2014:
Hey there! Back up and running again. I should be caught up by today, too! :D

Those nasty Hufflepuff girls! I mean, good on them for having a personality other than bumbling little girls who don't fit in any other Houses, but they're quite nasty! Especially Rebecca! To be glad Katie heard her? Well, if Katie were to talk, and spill names, Rebecca would have ruined Courtney's chances of James even being nice to her! I hope something turns around to bite these girls on the butt! I hate nasty girls like that.

I like how they spend so much time together. It reminds me of fresh, brand new relationships. Boy and girl can't get over how much they like each other, every other five minutes is spent with kisses, holding hands, and touching the other in some way. In free time at all is spent with the other. It's very new relationship esque ;). I like the believability in this point. You do a really good job with this throughout the entire story: believability. They're so sweet together, though!

I hope James finds out who those girls are, or maybe he'll do it to all of Hogwarts, but I hope he gets them all in a good prank! ;) which reminds me, was that night a moon night, or was he really wanting to scheme out a plan? ;) just curious! Though I'm pretty sure it was a moon night.

Alright! I am moving on now! I'm so enamored by this story! I can't wait to catch up! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: I am glad you are still enjoying it so much! It was great for me to return home from a busy day to see that you took so much time to read and review even more chapters! You are awesome!

As far as the believability aspect, that's one of the biggest things I've been trying to strive for with this story. I mean, obviously I try to do it in all my stories, but you know what I mean. So it's great that you think it is!

I have actually been trying to find the right moment for some of the issues in this chapter to resurface. I'm not sure (sorry!) that the girls will necessarily crop up in that, but I haven't planned it out at this point, so it's possible.

As for the moon...suspicion confirmed. It was definitely a moon night.

Thanks again for reading and your thoughtful reviews!


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Review #12, by MaelodyEvolution: One Day in November

15th March 2014:
As a musician myself, I find it highly attractive that James knows how to play the Violin! You don't see music being much of a part here in the Wizarding world, but it's so cool and exciting to see you've added this tidbit of information. I do hope that you can find ways to brig it back in here and there, though. I'd hate for it to be one of those random "one time only" deals where he only used it to impress her. Then him being so good wouldn't make sense ;). The instrument you made up sounded cool, too! :) I wish you would have mentioned a certain way a time sounded, or had Katie recognize a song once or twice. It would really help set the mood he was giving her here. I'm imaging lots of Shubert though ;).

I'm thinking that now that we're in chapter twelve here (or am I in 11?) we know your character's names. :) I think the constant reminder of last names makes me feel like I don't know who I'm supposed to be reading about, but I do because you've introduced them before. :)

So I'm assuming the date is what James put in his note for Katie? That's sweet, though there was definitely another total boy moment when it came to enjoying her date look ;). Which is great though! It makes him totally relatable on that scene, which is cool! :)

I like Katie. I really do. I miss seeing Lily around, but nothing happens overnight right? I'm still looking forward to how you plan on putting them together and what you consider cannon excited me because we seem to be pretty similar! :) I'm excited to move on and continue reviewing! :) I'm having loads of fun with your story!

~Mae

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the musical touch! I have definitely been thinking of ways to revisit it later in the story because I don't want it to come off as a one-time deal, but the struggle has been that he was kind of supposed to be sharing a "secret talent" that with Katie that he doesn't show off with and that maybe only his family and the Marauders would know about. As for the tunes, I wish I could say that I was a cultured aficionado of music involving violins, but sadly I am not. I'll have to find some information out if I work it back in though, so thanks for the suggestion!

Ahh, the last name thing. I will think about this going forward. It's something of a struggle for me because I actually do this in real life and it bleeds through in my writing. I just find that I often like how first names and last names flow together rather than alone sometimes, spoken and written, but perhaps I will need to find a way to resist the urge...

Glad you're enjoying the story and thanks so much for the thoughtful reviews!


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Review #13, by MaelodyEvolution: Aftermath

15th March 2014:
Oooh, so Katie is turning into a serious thing! That's good. I was really worried he might end up using her (knowingly or unknowingly). I was right though! Remus totally caught on last chapter! He is, after all, James' "smart" friend ;).

I may be wrong with this, but I don't think McGonagall is teaching in this period. In the fifth book, I think she says something about only being a professor at Hogwarts for 18 years. That's barely older than Harry at that time. I mean, unless she's brand new to them, in which I don't quite see her being the Head of House yet, but I think she would have come right after the marauder era characters we know would have graduated. :) it was super cool to see her give a rare smile at their pranks though! She is pretty awesome, even if others don't see it ;).

I'm glad you kept the Remus confrontation in, by the way. I feel like it's pretty crucial to moving this along, and helping point out the direction this is really going. :)

I really wanna know what he wrote to Katie now! Lily's note was sweet, but not overly adorable, which I like. You're writing him as someone who's not only changing for others, but himself, and that shows. If Lily notices along the way, then kudos for her, right? Haha :)

This was a sweet chapter, and I can't wait to read the next one! Great job so far!

~Mae

Author's Response: Indeed! Katie is most definitely turning into a serious thing, as you'll see as the story develops. My biggest challenge with it right now is keeping things feeling authentic while still playing out the endgame I have had in mind for it since pretty much page 1. I'm interested to see how you think it plays out overall in the end.

As for McGonagall, I honestly did not remember anything about the timing in canon, so I just went with the Wiki, which says she started teaching in 1956 (which surprised me because she was really young then). As for being Head of House, you may have a fair point there. The Wiki just said "before 1991" but I figured that she could conceivably be Head of House after 20 years in the job unless there was still a more tenured Gryffindor professor, which I honestly don't know.

For Remus, he and Peter have been a bit of a challenge going forward (Sirius too in some respects) because I've felt like I've lost the group at times and certainly Sirius more than I should. For Remus, my struggle is that I do often use him as a kind of sounding board for James and Lily on one another, but I'm trying to figure out a good way to make that not his only major role. I'm interested to see how you think that plays out as well.


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Review #14, by MaelodyEvolution: Celebration

15th March 2014:
Hey! Back! Sorry it too a bit, I had a super long work day and some severe Once Upon A Time catching up to do (I hope I didn't give you Gryffies too much leverage ;)).

So this installment was sweet. I think that Remus may have realized what James was truly up to there in the end, but I like how he seems to be handling it thus far :). And the mutual friendship really helps tie the POVS together to help making the switches make sense.

So I really like Katie. She seems so confident, and fun, and spirited, and like the perfect girl for James if only she were Lily. Of course she's not, and he'll have to see that at some point, but I like where you're going with her. I think she definitely likes him, and this is the year she's going to make herself known to him. I like that! And her snitch confetti trick was pretty cool ;).

The corner dispute was pretty hilarious, considering the dialema Lily was having before having a conversation there. Since he listened to her, therefore making it the first time she's realized he's changed this year, I think he might be in luck, though Katie is in the picture now. You're gonna have a hard task in the end, yeah? ;)

I liked this chapter. The flask bit was sweet, and it helped show the cleverness of the marauders as they thought the party out in such a short amount if time (boy, how rumors fly!) ;).

Great job and I plan on reading more! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: Hello again! I had a crazy day myself!

I'm glad you like Katie. There is definitely a lot more of her throughout the story so you'll get to see more about her as time goes on.

It's good to know you liked the dispute and the flask scene too. When I was writing it I wasn't sure how it came off, since it was the first interaction between James and Lily in the story since the post-Potions incident. I tried to make it light so that it wasn't a "too much change too soon" thing, so hopefully that worked.

Thanks for taking the time to come back after what sounds like a very busy day!


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Review #15, by MaelodyEvolution: Just a Game

14th March 2014:
Wow! What a game! Seriously! I've never read a match where I didn't already predict the outcome! I was seriously worried Ravenclaw were going to win that one! That'd make the boys made for sure, wouldn't it? Haha

So Lily has met Katie for the first time? Seems a bit odd, seeing as how they're in the same House and Year. Wouldn't they share the same dorm? Either way, I love how this shows just how sweet, spunky, and spirited Katie seems as a character. I think I might honestly like her so much later in the story that it'll break my heart to see her left behind so James can love Lily haha. But, sometimes things like that happen. It's sad, but true. :(

That ending was really sweet. :) it reminds me of my pep band days in college! The basketball team just barely lost their biggest game yet, and they cheered for us for being their biggest fans. I might have been the only one who teared up a bit, but it all meant a lot to all of us. I'm with Lily on this one, though. How would James know of that? Or is it just something he did out of the kindness of his heart?

Amazing Quidditch writing! I was so right when I said you'd be amazing at it! I can't wait to read more of this! Maybe there are more Quidditch matches to be held? ;)

Moving on!

~Mae

Author's Response: Very glad you liked the game! I really sweated writing it because I wanted to do the match justice. I had a million different thoughts about how it ended up - were the commentators remarks too lengthy, did I get the pace of the game right, on and on, so it's exciting you thought it went well. As for the end, the reason James knows will eventually come to light WAY down the line. And there are DEFINITELY at least two more Quidditch matches to come, though I'm not sure about more than that.

Re: Lily and Katie, I think I needed to phrase it better. The idea I was trying to get across is that while they've had interactions before, they've never really gotten to know each other in-depth. It was supposed to be kind of a tongue-in-cheek deal, the handshake and comment, but I think without more it did come off like they had literally never met, which I agree would be nuts.

I find myself walking a delicate line with Katie later in the story too. The point is definitely for readers to like her a lot and to like what you'll hopefully find to be a realistic relationship between her and James, which will ideally make the end I have in mind that much more effective. You'll have to be the judge of that...

Thank you again, a thousand times for taking the time to read through so much of a WIP and review each chapter! I know a lot of people don't even look at long WIPs until they get completed in the fear they won't get finished, so it's awesome that you did and I'm glad you're enjoying it. You can also feel free to cite this review response in later days as my official promise that this fic WILL be finished - so keep reading if you like it!


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Review #16, by MaelodyEvolution: Differing Opinions

14th March 2014:
I always appreciate delving further into Marauder traits, but I'm not sure if I'm a big fan of James thinking Peter belongs in Hufflepuff. I've always imagined him to be more loyal than that, and I don't see any of them being Peter's friend out of pity, so I'd love to see him shine as a character more to himself here. I like that he feels like he might have to choose between friends, and that he might not have all the best ideas, but if he's weak enough to have his friends thinking the same thing, then I think he's just a little off the cannon mark that he was intended to have. Either that, or I have too much love for young, untainted Peter haha ;).

Otherwise, I love the ideas xD. Won't everyone be surprised? Notes and a good Hogwarts cleaning? Sirius' attitude made it all the better. From "what's brilliant about bubbles and happiness?" To the suggestion of a little fun with two ladies ;). All very boy like, and all very humorous! :D

I really love the direction this story is headed. I mean, obviously to the whole Lily and James thing, but how it gets there is half the fun! To see that they actually haven't had that many encounters yet makes it all the better! It shows that a lot more than constant bickering and seeing each other happened than what the books lead on. :)

Going on now! :D

~Mae

Author's Response: Ahh that scene! My portrayal of Peter in this one was not one I was particularly happy with looking back, especially the Hufflepuff comment. Peter will be given page time in this story (more so later on) and I'm planning on walking that back a bit, but I still may come back and edit this scene later because I agree that part of it was just...ehh.

You are also my first reviewer who has appreciated what I was trying to do with the limited interactions! Like I alluded to in an earlier response, I think I may have drawn this on a bit long even in my own opinion as the story continues, but it's been a delicate tightrope of showing all the other important happenings in their relationships, at Hogwarts, and in the outside world - AND still having enough James and Lily interaction to make the eventual endgame believable. I keep telling myself that choice is going to pan out and hopefully it will...


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Review #17, by MaelodyEvolution: O Captain, My Captain

14th March 2014:
Whoops! Maybe I spoke too soon on James needing more thoughts? ;) Either way, it was rather nice to see a non-Lily controlled mindset. Even if he was looking at Katie the rest of the time ;)

Hmm, I'm betting Lily sent her friends, or they've come to investigate themselves, just to see why James has been acting so strangely. I'm sure it hasn't gone unnoticed haha.

This was a great Quidditch oriented chapter. Especially since the two of them didn't even like half of the ones who tried out. Though I was a little confused as to why first years were auditioning. I thought that was banned a hundred years prior to Harry becoming the youngest ever after so long? Anyway, it's good that they'll at least take the week to decide, even if they already know who they want. It makes them seem less prat-like ;).

I love good Quidditch writers, which you are, so I can't wait to see some actual matches go down in the story. Well, hopefully you write them! :D is it sad I get more into fictional, written down sport more than I do physical visual sport? Haha ;)

Alright, great job! I'm moving forward!

~Mae

Author's Response: Hooray Quidditch right?! The main point of the tryouts honestly was to introduce characters, but I'm glad you thought the Quidditch portions were done well too and not too forgotten in service of other goals.

As for the first-years, this is a good question. My last re-read of the books was quite some time ago now, but my recollection (which may be wrong) was that they simply hadn't had any first-year players in that time, though I do now recall something about a possible McGonagall ban, but am sketchy on the time-frame. Very good catch!


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Review #18, by MaelodyEvolution: Another Run-In

14th March 2014:
Good to know that Slughorn has been teaching the exact same lessons after all these years xD.

Hmm, he's really super focused on Lily all the time. Maybe it's because it's right at that time that he's realizing he may like her, but there's more things on a teenage boy's mind (I would hope) than a girl. Pranks, Quidditch, food... ;) though their first encounter was hilarious. She didn't know how to take his sincerest, and he was shocked and confused to realize she thought he was pulling a prank. It was cute, and nice to see. You could have gone the normal route where their first encounter is him pulling a prank, which grows tired some after the first thousand and one fics, but you didn't. And that was nice. :) I'm loving what I'm seeing in your characterization between the two well known characters, and am impressed to see what you've done with them. It must me a little daunting to know they're such loved characters, and a lot of people view them just like everyone else does.

This version is lovely though. It's how I picture them, and it makes the story all the better. You're doing a great job and I can't wait to catch up! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: For me, Slughorn seems so into his Slug Club and other things that I would think he'd keep a very standard plan for his classes as a professor so as to devote more time to those interests than changing his syllabus, so I decided to keep that. Glad you noticed it.

I'm also happy you liked their first encounter. I definitely wanted to make a point to do something a bit different that could also be a first sign in retrospect that James is being different.

I agree in this portion of the story he's maybe a little too focused on the ladies. Speaking from experience, I remember spending a comparatively large amount of time thinking about girls and I know a lot who were very similar, but more balance on the page is probably a good idea I think. I kind of wrestled with James's thoughts in the section (not just this chapter) because a transition was coming and I'm not sure I eased into it well enough either. I think giving him some other thoughts like you mentioned could have helped make that more natural, so I appreciate the feedback!


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Review #19, by MaelodyEvolution: Hogwarts Bound

14th March 2014:
Boys will be boys! XD it was a bit awkward, being a girl, scanning that poor young lady alongside James, but it's easier to get in his head ;).

So annual resolutions? I like this idea. And poor Peter! But hey! You included him! There's no way you can go wrong now! ;) I'm with Remus though. I bet he'll be able to pull it off.

So my prediction was correct. You wrote each boy perfectly cannon (to my vision anyway) as they spend time together. Especially Remus. I love how you have him engage with the boys. He's not too quiet or scolding, but enough of a character to believe that he is friends with the Marauders, even over his brains. Peter seems like he'll be a very fun character to get to know here! I sort of hope that I'll get the chance to see him change a little bit though throughout the course of your story.

So James sort of blurted without thinking, eh? Now he's going to HAVE to prove himself! Not to mention beat Remus while he's at it ;).

Pushing onward!

~Mae

Author's Response: Heh, well that was the idea anyway, to get you more in James's head - sorry if it was a bit awkward, but that's a helpful comment to get since it's easy to get caught up writing from your own gender's perspective.

I'm glad you thought the Marauders stayed in character - it's my hope to develop them more throughout the story since I haven't done as exceptional a job with that as it's worn on. Possibly something I might come back and add after I finish.

I'm glad you liked the annual resolution idea too. It seemed to me like something the Marauders might do in the spirit of competition, and my goal is to revisit them for varying reasons in the story so hopefully it will play out nicely.

Thank you so much again for taking the time to keep reading and reviewing!


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Review #20, by MaelodyEvolution: Words of Wisdom

14th March 2014:
I've never read a story where they have James interact with his do stents before! That was so sweet! And I can definitely see where James gets his attitude ;). I simply just love how his father knows about his pranks, lack of care for certain grades, and everything about his son. They love him regardless. Another part of that true love trait we all know that came from James and Lily into Harry. It's always bugged me that most people just make James love Lily because we're told he does. We then see how she falls on love with him, but never much on how he's grown smitten with her as well. This is a wonderful take. And the fact that his father is going to be part of the reason why James is going to mature up, makes this all the better! :)

Alright, I'm moving onwards! I really want to get caught up in this story! Maybe with so many chapters, I won't be stuck in "the slow burn" for quite as long ;).

~Mae

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter. It's something I haven't done as much as I'd like throughout the rest of the story, but I'm planning on addressing it again soon because I really want to touch on some of the family issues the characters deal with, particularly James because so many James/Lily fics I've read either never address them (when JKR has said they were very loving parents) or use their deaths as a tool to unite James and Lily.

I'm glad you're feeling like you might get caught up and keep reading, though I will warn you, I truly meant slow burn, so it is still going where I am right now, though starting to become more apparent at least on one side.


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Review #21, by MaelodyEvolution: The End of the Line

14th March 2014:
Hey there! Back again! :)

First off, I'm just a little confused. In the very beginning of this chapter, it states that it's almost an entire summer later, but then the descriptions make it sound like the same Summer James is revealing? I'm just a little confused here. Otherwise, I loved seeing this part in Lily's POV! To see her go back and forth on what it really was that turned her from Snape, and how it took so long, broke my heart. I'm sure you know of my love for Snape/Lily ;).

The slur. The whole chapter did a great job digging into just what she went through because he said that, and then when she came to terms on what the slur meant, it broke my heart. A part of me wishes she never would have gave up on him, but the way you put it in words and in her letter, I could understand. As heartbreaking as it is to give up on your friend, sometimes you have to realize there is no way to give help when it is not wanted. :(

I can't wait to see the characters get together! Separate cannon can always be easier than putting them together, but I'm sure even then your characterization will be amazing! :D

Moving on!

~Mae

Author's Response: Re-reading it I definitely get the confusion with what summer it is. It is supposed to be the same summer of James's realization and the first line was intended to suggest that James was first really struck by Lily as a possible romantic interest in the beginning of the summer, while Lily waited until almost the end of their summer break to formally end her friendship with Snape.

I'm glad you thought that part was handled slowly and well enough to make her thoughts and struggle seem realistic because I think it would have been an immensely hard decision for her so I wanted to have her wrestle with it on the page a bit.

As for James and Lily being separate, that part of the dance has turned out to be my biggest challenge to this point (at least from reviewers who are thirsty for more interaction - which IS coming). I actually planned out a lot of the big moments of the story in advance of sitting down and writing and I have occasionally (don't we all) realized that there is so much I need to cover outside their interactions to set up their relationship that they haven't interacted as much as even I'd like - though I hope you'll see the reasons for that as legitimate if you keep reading.

Thanks again!


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Review #22, by MaelodyEvolution: Ain't No Sunshine

14th March 2014:
Wooh! Your author note assured me this story is right up my alley! I love realistic L/J stories! I've always wanted to write a real one, but just haven't gotten to it yet, so kudos to you for getting to it! And for the first chapter to be amazing, too!

So I realized that for the first two challenges, you didn't make it into my reviewing list, even though you were so kind to come to my page! So, since this is the third and final round, you're the only Gryffindor who hasn't received a review freon me, you have such an amazing story, and it's over twenty chapters long, you win my complete and undivided attention for the next 24 hours ;) I hope you're surprised when you wake up in the morning! :D

Anyway!

Thinks is so cute! Though it was a little random of him to question her about his father. Or do we lead up to that as well?

A rainy day is the best way to start off any story, I swear! And you described it so nicely! I wish it was raining here now. :(

So James has realized that Lily is the girl he can't get out of his head? I like this phrase. It's obvious he isn't in love with her. And you make it clear that these last couple of years they have really just been teasing. Nothing too serious. To say Lily is actually shy around boys was really a nice treat, too! You seem to have a really interesting take on these characters, and I'm excited to read on and find out what exactly it is you have planned out!

Wonderful first chapter, and I'm now here for the long, slow burn ;).

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and writing all these reviews! I was absolutely surprised when I woke up this morning and it was AWESOME!

I am going to respond to your more detailed reviews too, but I wanted to stop here first for a giant thank you. It is definitely my HOPE that as it plays out you and other readers will find that it lived up to my promise of being realistic.


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Review #23, by MaelodyThe Great Traits of a Gryffindor: The Traits of a Lion

14th March 2014:
Aww, what a sweet contribution to each trait of the Gryffindor House (though I miss those snakes traits ;)).

One little question real quick before I get going: Is Palivarti supposed to be Pavarti Patil? I was just a little confused there. :)

I've never heard of the Natalie McDonald story, but how sweet of Jo to do that! :) it must have been hard, though, considering thousands if children claimed the same thing and she chose that one child. It's sort of sad once you think of it, but at least Natalie will be remembered in the books. :)

I think my favorite was the honesty once. All the other traits were done very well, and can be easier, in my opinion, to portray. Honesty, however, can be a lot harder. Being blunt and being bold enough to tell the truth (something a lot of people use as 'bravery') and just being honest are twin different things. Collin could have been looked at as pitiful and weak for not agreeing with them, and even against Harry, but everyone was reacting before they were thinking. He was stepping up and admitting he saw failure in their future. It's the best example of the honesty trait I've seen in a while! :)

Great job! I hope it wasn't too hard to put the snake traits aside and write about those silly lions ;).

~Mae

Author's Response: Hey Mae! Ugh! Pavarti will be the death of me! Honestly. I'll fix it soon... I thought Natalie's story was rather sweet, so I just threw it in. You were right in a sense, honesty can be hard, but I think it is easier to write than it is to do in real life as well sometimes. I am glad you liked the way I went about honesty, I just think sometimes you have to be blunt and that is a different type of brave, not just exhibiting bravery. You have to know how to shoot honesty out there but you can just do something completely stupid and be called brave if you were successful.

It actually wasn't all to hard to think like a Gryff for a bit, it's just perspective after all. Or not ;)

XOXOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #24, by MaelodyThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The Four Hour Nap

13th March 2014:
I'm not letting up on Michelle, but I'm beginning to think that maybe she's speaking out of experience here. I think that Ethan did everything she's warning Abigail about to her. It's sad, but she needs to realize that not everyone has to be sad because her love life didn't work out.

Maybe it's the snake in me, but I really sort of hope that when they fall out again, Abigail will realize that Isabella and the Ravenclaw girls can be her friends now, and leave Michelle in the dust for a little bit to help her see that she can't control everything. Of course, if she learns her lesson, they can be friends again ;).

Haha, I would love to see a point from James and William's side. I think William might find this all a bit 'adorable' in the most boyish way I can think of. I hope he's a much better friend than Michelle! By what I've seen, he definitely is. Is he going to be my Horatio equivalent in this story? ;) I hope so! :3

Your story, as always, is absolutely wonderful! I'm falling in love already, and I can't wait to catch up! For now, moving on! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: Michelle needs to remember that Abigail was there for her during her massive crush on Ethan, but sadly Michelle is very selective in what she remembers. She needs to let Abigail work things out on her own.

Haha don't worry, that's what I hope too. :P Maybe it is the Slytherin in us? :O

William would find it funny and will mock James for being so awkward around Abigail. Maybe I need to do that POV? Oooo he could be your Horatio equivalent! :D William is a good friend, don't worry. :P

Thank you once again, your are just so amazing and I will never get enough of these fantastically wonderful reviews. x


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Review #25, by MaelodyThe Adventures of Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy: The One With The Change In Friendship

13th March 2014:
Parchment! That's another one of their potion smells! Ooh, this is so adorable!

Michelle is getting on my nerves! She can't even allow her friend to feel happiness! I don't know if maybe in her head she feels like she is helping Abigail by not letting her think ahead, but she's not giving her room to breathe! James is being such a sweetheart! I love him already! :3

It's so nice to see a personality to James other than the ongoing prankster or moody Quidditch star. He's so humble, and awkward, and full of little bits of adorableness! I can see how he and Louis are related ;).

Hmmm, I should come up with a ship name for these two, eh? No couple can beat my love for Louisio, but Jamagail sure is adorable! ;)

Oooh, Muggle Hobbies? This class must get more boring as the years go by. XD "Muggles like to sit in front of the television for 13 hours straight." XD

This is just absolutely too adorable! Soon I'll be all caught up and I'll be waiting for updates on BOTH of your amazing stories! I'm excited and sad all at the same time haha :)

Moving on, my dear!

~Mae

Author's Response: Yes! Parchment is! Remember those smells! :P

She's getting on mine too, don't worry. I just want to write something horrible happening to her, but I just can't. *shakes fist at her* In her head, she thinks that she's being nice and helping, but in reality she's just making a mountain out of a molehill.
Awww I love James too :3

I wanted to have lots of him being adorable, I can't imagine him being a player or moody or anything else. And yes, him and Louis are very similar!

Haha you should! Jamagail is a good ship name. Oh everyone loves Louisio, I didn't realise just how big that love would become when I first began writing that story. haha.

Hahaha I can see it getting boring quite quickly, but they keep themselves entertained. They shall be making things out of wood soon enough. :P

Thank you so much! I need to work on updating this story, I have to edit the next chapter and I'm hoping to put it out soon.

Thank you so so much! You're amazing!! :D


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