Reading Reviews From Member: GingeredTea
  
160 Reviews Found

Review #1, by GingeredTeaHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: No More Secrets

1st November 2014:
Here for our review swap! I was sad to see your latest story hasn't been updated, but really glad to come back to this one!

I fumbled for a minute to place myself and had to read the last couple sentences in the prior chapter, but then it all fell into place. As always, you are spot on with your characters actions, even the smallest ones, and I feel like you are doing a great job with how Ron would experience and muddled through his worry/grief/anger.



“What happened to you?” Ron blurted out, unaccustomed to seeing Harry in such a disheveled state. “I thought the house looked bad...”
. This made me laugh. Ron would revert back to his impulsive, no-filter, self in unusual situations. And he hasn't had any sleep, so I'll give him credit there.

I question whether the 'designs' Tenabra mentions are truly the Dark Lord's or if they are truly her own, disguised under a name that held loyalty and sway - a name under which these men once felt powerful and important. Stupid people tend to forget the fire something ended with.

"It’s the same old claptrap that landed him in prison in the first place.”. I never did peg Draco for someone completely stupid. Foolish - absolutely. Clearly, he remembers the way everything ended - then again I don't think being a Death Eater was ever that beneficial to him.

The collide between Hermione's logic and her emotions was perfectly portrayed.

You pulled those wands out of the bag just in time! :D A happy moment in all this chaos and sadness.

Then Susan - ugh. Okay, not her, but boy did she bring the cliffhanger with her! If you've mentioned Stoops before, I can't recall...but I really want to know more!

Thanks for the review swap, Dan! :D

Author's Response: Two weeks?!?! I guess it's high time I was responding to this. :-/

I'm glad you were able to reacquaint yourself with the story quickly. I love getting that feeling when I come back to a story I haven't read in a while.

Ron has been on a huge emotional roller coaster with Hermione's injuries. All things considered, he's actually holding it together a bit better than he probably should be. He'll have his moments, though.

You *could* be onto something with regard to Lady Tenabra's designs. Time will tell, but I think you're right to be suspicious of anything she says or does.

Draco is far from stupid. He also suffered mightily at the hands of the Dark Lord and he remembers exactly what it was like to be cannon fodder in someone else's war. He has no intention of winding up in that position again, which is why he told Flint to buzz off. Unfortunately for him, that didn't get him completely disentangled from the mess.

Whew! I've never been quite sure how that scene with Hermione reads. I'm glad it worked for you.

The wands were a random idea that came to me as I was writing the chapter before. One of the most fun things about writing in JKR's sandbox is all the little toys and details that she left behind along the way. You can dig them up and toss them into a story anytime you need a bit of a mood change.

Stoops is the muggle who murdered Ginny. So now there's concrete evidence tying him to the blond witch in Magical Records. This just became a lot more personal for our heroes.

This is fun. I'm glad we do it often. Thanks for the swap and thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #2, by GingeredTeaTunnel Vision: Letters in the Dark

31st October 2014:
Here with your very belated review swap! Sorry about that - I've had a terrible cold. :(

I don't normally read things like this, and felt a bit lost just because of my unfamiliarity. As a first chapter, you set up a lot of background in the form of Rose' mindset, which will probably be really helpful going forward.

So she has a girlfriend (Amy), but neither girls have yet told their parents? That conversation may be interesting.

Thanks for the read!

Author's Response: Hi there, thanks for the review.

Yeah, I felt obliged to so there isn't a lot going on in this chapter but it is a vital one without a doubt as I had to start somewhere.

Yeah, basically. :P



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Review #3, by GingeredTeaThe Riddle of Riddle House: The Riddle of Riddle House

26th October 2014:
Here for our review swap (eeep, I didn't realize anyone had wanted to swap with me until this morning!)

Obviously I have an interest in Voldemort's grandsons, as you can probably tell from my own story. So I couldn't pass this up.

I really need to get better at checking out whether something is a one-shot or is being continued before I start off, so I was a bit surprised to realize this was a one-shot.

It was a decent story, although I think it could have used a bit more spark and plot - and for a one-shot there is a rather large cliff-hanger in the sense of whether the boy killed his muggle father and whether he will turn out to be the next Lord Voldemort - and how Voldemort ended up with a muggle descendant!

The plot was there, however, and it was interesting. I could sense the forced atmosphere of your writing, and when I check on the reviews, I read this was a response to a challenge - which explain the rushed feeling towards the end to the writing?

But anyways, beside my story I've never run across another original character as Voldemort's grandson, so I had to choose this one to read!

I'd love to do another review swap sometime and get a chance to read some of your longer stories.

:)

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Review #4, by GingeredTeaMonster: What Big Teeth You Have

19th October 2014:
Obviously, I had to know what happened next.

This memory room was an awesome idea! I loved your description of it.

So I have to say this end is surprising me. I had thought for sure this would release him and he would be captured after doing something terrible. To intermingle Albus' first viewing of his "father's triumph" with this animal was a good choice. Just WOW. This whole scene is tense and raw and powerful - and I just cannot tear my eyes away.

You have him attack Albus and for a moment I was back in cannon, in the tension and uncertainty that was Harry Potter's life - and I am sure Hermione was there too. Fantastic move!


Then you do a round about. I had almost forgotten that someone had warned her of the hearing. Seamus, huh? I didn't see this coming, but it was a nice sense of closure to the tension of the previous scene.

You did an amazing job in just two chapters. I was skeptical you would be able to tie this story up neatly, but you have and I am impressed!

Thank you for the swap and the help, Dan!

Author's Response: Sigh. Time to answer my last unanswered review. It's bittersweet. ;)

The memory chamber was one of my favorite things I've come up with for a fan fic so far. It seems like such an obvious and useful thing, I don't see how it wouldn't have existed.

Hermione took a calculated risk by putting Greyback into the middle of the memory. There was certainly a chance that things could have ended the way you had guesses. Playing the scene through Albus's eyes was appealing for exactly that reason: the mix of wonder and horror.

Interesting how quickly you can forget the beginning of a story, right? I have that problem with your story all the time. Seamus tips Hermione off, not because it's what he wants to do, but because he realizes it's the right thing to do.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for the swap!


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Review #5, by GingeredTeaMonster: In Sheep's Clothing

18th October 2014:
Kay, so I was scrolling down to Conspiracy of Blood and saw this...and had to stop by. Hope you don't mind. The quote was just too much to resist.

From the very beginning I felt you wrote Hermione perfectly.

Whoa, I didn't see that coming! I laughed and then reread to make sure it was alright to start laughing.

Loved this line: "More than anything, Albus Severus Potter was determined to make a name for himself, separate and distinct from the three famous names that had defined so much of his young life." (Yeah, I'm lazy today, no italics...)

Then...then...well I'm not quite sure what happened next. My first thought was that it was Tom Riddle's diary... but that can't be right... Oh my. I began to connect the dots when you chose to use "powerfully built". By this point, you obviously have me terribly curious! I loved your description of him, especially the hair!

I was infatuated with this story to such a degree that I couldn't peel my eyes off long enough to review. This seems like a great plot and I am eager and terrified to find out what happens next!

I really enjoy the way you used Albus at the end of this - driving home the point that someone can use your words against you (Greyback behaving so well and qualifying under Hermione's law).

Author's Response: Hi!

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for this story. It was a little side project to take a short break from writing Conspiracy of Blood, and it also allowed me to indulge (indirectly) my Seamus/Lavender head canon. I was happy when you picked it.

The beginning is obviously a big dose of misdirection. This is a story where I felt like creating a lot of mystery, even though the actual plot is pretty straightforward. Sometimes I'm sneaky like that.

I definitely think of Albus as a son who spent a lot of his life trying to escape the shadow of his famous relatives and namesakes.

The book is a mystery that gets revealed in the next chapter. It's not a diary or anything sinister like that. More of a message. One that few people other than Hermione would understand.

I'm really please that you liked it! I thought Albus -- having grown up steeped in his aunt's idealism -- was a great point of view to use. He doesn't understand how she could be so upset about the possibility of Greyback being paroled.

Thanks for the awesome review and thanks for the swap!


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Review #6, by GingeredTeaMy Life In Gold: My Life In Gold

17th October 2014:
Here for the review swap!

This initial scene was so very cute. I could just picture them sneaking into the closet - especially Albus. Adorable.

I thought this story was good. I don't normally read what I'd consider a sort of chick-flick story (no offense in my poor term - I just can't think of another one). I read slash quite often, interchangeably with hetrosexual stories, as long the topic is something I typically enjoy. Mainly something more angsty.

Still, I think this was a great addition/response to the challenge and I was excited to get a chance to read it!

Thank you. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I will happily accept "chick lit" ;) I really wanted this to be a fluffy, 12+ story, since there isn't hardly any youth-appropriate stories about trans issues. And I absolutely understand why, since the trans experience has for too long been beset with brutality and prejudice. YET, I think there's value in writing Good Examples. So yes, happy to have succeeded in chick lit!

Thank you so much for the swap!
xoxo
-Roisin


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Review #7, by GingeredTeaseventeen, eighteen.: countdown.

17th October 2014:
I'm here for the review swap. :)

Alright this is intriguing. My first thought is OCD - let's see if I am right. ...

Oh my. I really thought something would interrupt these numbers, but I did not see that coming! I'm sitting here, still trying to process what just happened - I was almost ready to laugh a moment ago!

You did a marvelous job with this, especially the sentence structure and the story's flow. I really admire the stagnant and obsessiveness you conveyed just with the repetition of your words/sentences. It was brilliant in a very sad way. You managed to convey her difficulties quickly and while this story was short you also managed to surprise me!

Great job and just WOW...

Thanks for the review swap!

Author's Response: Hiya! Thank you so much for this review swap! :)

Well, that is an amazing guess! Thank you so much for the amazing praise, it really does mean a lot. I suppose the intent of this was to show how funny the disorder could be to everyone else but her, so I'm kind of glad it took you off guard.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review, it means so much!
Lo :)


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Review #8, by GingeredTeaReincarnation: Back

17th October 2014:
Here for our review swap - sorry I am so terribly late. I have been sick! I haven't read the prequel - I hope that won't hurt my reading too much. If I recall correctly, this is the story you wanted me to read in our swap. :)

To be honest the spacing between the lines really threw me off. Beside that it was a good chapter, but I wasn't thrilled with the flow - I think you could have combined some sentences to become paragraphs, added some descriptions, and added some clarification between her memories and realities. Introductions are always the hardest to write and usually to review. Your summary sounds very interesting. I liked some of your simple sentences and some of your repetitiveness about revenge and innocence, etc. etc.

Thank you for the review swap!!

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Review #9, by GingeredTeaThe Letters to No One: a girl can dream;

11th October 2014:
I find myself saying this often, although I suppose it will become less often eventually: I've never read a story like this. I don't usually read Draco/Astoria - or Draco anything. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed this story. The ending was just terribly creepy and I did NOT see it coming.

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Review #10, by GingeredTeaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Peculiar Childhood: A Prologue

11th October 2014:
I was very uncertain about this story, but you have write it well, and held my interest from the first sentence. It's well and good that I learned long ago not to judge a book by its cover. ;-)

You did a wonderful job capturing Annett's inner dialogue and the lens through which she perceives her world. I was impressed! I might even learn some awesome vocabulary from this story!

I thought it was interesting that Teddy was part of the Muggle Welcome Committee (and loved that you came up with that!!) Your flow, characterization, and plot were all well executed.

I would love to do an exchange again!!

Author's Response: GingeredTea,

I am so glad to hear that! Thank you for staying. Bahaha! Or the alliterating summary and the hand-drawn banner in this case.

Thank you so much! I am delighted to hear that. Really, your compliments help my ego grow. :P

I am so glad you liked the idea of the Muggle Welcome Committee. I, myself, wondered how Muggleborns would actually react to a letter from Hogwarts and what Hogwarts could do to help convince them of their being a genuine organisation.

Again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it.

I would love to do another exchange too!

Cheers,
Em


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Review #11, by GingeredTeaGame Over: Three

11th October 2014:
Ahh, this is such suspenseful story! I love it! Whose this Matt bloke? Why do wizards have the tooth in a muggle place? Why, why why!

This is fabulously written and perfectly executed. YoYour cliffhangers are devious! The flow was brilliant and kept me on my toes!

Author's Response:

Yay for suspense!!

Look at all the questions! Makes me feel like I did something right. :P

Thanks for the incredibly flattering review! I hope you keep reading.


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Review #12, by GingeredTeaThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: Sweet and Sour

10th October 2014:
Hello! I'm here for a review swap! Glad to be back.

I noticed this tiny grammar issue early in: There was no telling what sort of anguish Percy was holding him prisoner and Audrey couldn't imagine gaining that sort of access, he was incredibly guarded." --- maybe you mean to say "what sort of anguish was holding Percy prisoner?" OR just take out the 'him'? Beside that, I would say that sentence is actually two complete thoughts. Percy's anguish and Audrey's desire to get close to him. There shouldn't be an 'and' - its kinda throws me because the thoughts, while of the same vein, aren't really completing each other.

I think this was a great illustration of most of what Audrey is feeling right now: "Percy had been right when he’d said it was uncharacteristic of her to want his trust but Audrey thought that it was different with him and wondered if she wanted to try."

This chapter revealed a lot to us about Audrey's perspective about herself and her ability to be in a relationship.


"But she had to make them happen." - there's that forced 'the cup IS half FULL' mentality I picked up on before.

Enter Percy! WOOT! Percy and Audrey awkwardness - although it's beginning to get a little less awkward. Good for you Percy, showing up actually dressed and not in your bathrobe. ;-)

You so DID giggle Audrey and I so did laugh at you!!!

I loved Percy's last line in this!

Great chapter! :)

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Review #13, by GingeredTeaTraitorous Hearts: The Lady of Greengrass Hall

7th October 2014:
Alright, so you had me with the last chapter, but now you really have me here.

Did you come up with the name " Lavinia"?

"Lavinia Greengrass became a spy." And I just became really really intrigued!

You write Astoria with exquisite care and I can just see how alive she is as a character for you. Your descriptions lend rather than retract from your story, and I can see it all play out in my mind.

"Draco Malfoy didn’t realise just how right he was. At least, she hoped he did not." EEE - I nearly bit my finger nails. Don't discover her!

Then you switch back in time and we get another small glimpse into the true beginnings of this story.

I'm starting to suspect you have a talent for memorable one-liners. "It appeared that Lavinia Greengrass had perhaps, in the end, learned one secret too many. " - loved this one!

This revealed a lot - mainly how Astoria came to be the young adult she is. I am well and hooked and will see you over ---> in a couple!

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Review #14, by GingeredTeaActions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

7th October 2014:
So I was wondering form last chapter whether other's know about this experience Rose had? Or is she trying to not only cover up her reaction but it's occurrence as well?

You played the party scene well, and you managed to introduce Scorpius with a casual ease that felt perfect. Their laughter over their made up conversations had me giggling a few times too. I KNEW something bad was going to happen when she stood up to get new drinks. I just knew it. Jerk, that's all I have to say.

---Why don’t we just invite Nana Molly and Grandad here and call it Christmas.--- Oh Merlin this had me laughing!

Then the ending. You took me from laughing to near tears - happy and sad all mixed together.

This was a great chapter! I can't wait to read another! :D Sorry for the delay. I must have simply lost track because I won't start a new review swap until I believe I have them all complete. :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

Gosh - thanks for this review - it has me all warm and fuzzy. I love it when a reader picks up on all my clues and everything I try to jam into a chapter! ♥

As for what happened to Rose... everyone knows that she was kidnapped for six days, but they don't know what happened to her when she was being held captive. Don't worry, it is revealed fairly early on, but I wanted to clear up that, at this point, they only know that she was kidnapped and returned.

Yeah, that dude was a creep, huh? Good think Scorp and her family were there.

Thanks again for this awesome review!

Beth


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Review #15, by GingeredTeaTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Fury

7th October 2014:
Eeep, sorry I'm so late, Dan. I'm hoping to throw this cold/flu/whatever off my back, but it's lingering. Onto the review!

It doesn't really need saying, but I will say it anyway: you have an potent ability to write an entrance sentence!

You manage to not only introduce who I am assuming to be Jugson, but on top of that to illustrate Imperius without once saying the word! The way you described him, worth actually describing his person, made my skin crawl. Bravo.

The break from the memory (I'm assuming Harry looked into her head), was also managed well.

It was like walking through a spider’s web that clung to his magic momentarily before allowing him to pass.. Oooh, I loved this. I have always imagined wards like spider webs in my stories, too. :)

I do admit I got a bit lost between the actual memory (I'm assuming) with Donny and the personal one with Harry and Voldemort. But then I understood that he was doing what Harry does best - making everything personal.

Your action scene is impeccable - I am really impressed. I struggle to write action scenes and yours always *seem* to come so easily. The flow was exceptional.

“Bloke chops the head off a great, bleeding snake and now he thinks he’s Godric bloody Gryffindor,”. LOL oh my this had me laughing! It is SO Ron!

Harry’s wand flew into his hand, summoned by his magic and propelled by his rage.. This was a really powerful sentence. It is sort of a caption of what defines Harry Potter to us all. :)

I think this is possibly the best thing I have ever read from you! :D

Thanks for the swap and I'm sorry I was so late!

Author's Response: Hi! It's official "catch up on my unanswered reviews" day. I have been sadly remiss.

I agonized a bit over the start of this chapter. Whether dropping the reader right into one of Harry's visions/recollections was the best way to go. I'm still not completely sure about it, so I'm glad you liked it.

Harry actually didn't look into Teresa's memories. He didn't want to inflict any more suffering on her. The visions are a combination of how Harry imagines Teresa and Donny's encounters with Jugson mixed in with some of his own worst memories.

You and I definitely have a lot in common with how we imagine wards and other magical protections. I've always felt like a sufficiently talented and attentive witch or wizard would perceive such things.

The visions/memories made things very personal for Harry, not that he wasn't already taking things personally anyway. There are a lot of commonalities he finds between Donny and Teresa's waking nightmare and his own experiences.

I'm glad those scenes **seem** to come easily. The truth is more complicated, of course. ;)

Of all the characters we write, I think Ron is one of the easier voices to capture. At least for me. That's the main reason I can never get my head around most Dramione or H/Hr stories. They invariably turn Ron into such a jerk and they get that voice all wrong.

Harry utilizes his anger really well up to a point. Then it gets the better of him. There are fine lines everywhere in this story.

Thanks so much for all of the kind words. I really appreciate it!


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Review #16, by GingeredTeaThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: The Spice of Life

5th October 2014:
Sorry I'm a bit late. My first review got eaten... gerr!

I liked this intro a lot more than the last. :)

See, this is the sort of forced positive thinking I was talking about in my last review: "Audrey swallowed hard and tried to block out those thoughts but it was hard, they were far too depressing. "

Awkward Percy is only topped by Awkward Percy trying to be the Relationship Hero - saving people from himself! Okay, that sounded cooler in my head. I'll work on it for next chapter.

I always enjoy the banter you get going between Percy and Audrey and then the rather odd ways it has of petering off. :)

This chapter had a bitter/sweet sort of ending that left me wanting to know more. :)


Grammar errors:

She thought of how he had been the last time shed’ seen him. THIS SHOULD BE 'SHE'D" NOT SHED' :)

“Angelina is a strong person. I’m not quite sure what she sees in my brother but she understands him I suppose and that’s all he needs,” [you need a period not a comma here]

Thanks for the great read, Gabby. I can't wait until we do this again. Okay, more I can't wait until we reach point where this story is caught up! :D

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Review #17, by GingeredTeaThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: Bitter Conversations

5th October 2014:
Honestly, I wasn't as thrilled with this beginning as I was with the previous one. But lets' talk about what I loved. Audrey by herself can be a bit...depressing? She seems like one of those people who sees the cup half empty and her positive thoughts seemed almost forced - as though she is consciously forcing herself to notice that the cup is half full. Hope that made sense. I both love and dislike this about her. She is a ton of fun, however, with Percy around.

MINOR GRAMMATICAL ISSUE: Pamela sometimes came round her flat to practice as well.But in between that, studying, --- you're missing a space between well and but. :) You actually have a couple small places where this same issue happens again.

Okay, one might nitpick before we get to my favorite part (Percy/Audrey interactions). That little boy that you use to introduce Percy. I don't have an issue with him, but his mom. Here's my thinking: we're near nightclubs and it's late on a Saturday. If they're awake, that mom is exhausted. Probably not a rich mom either if she's at all near where Audrey is living. I speak wonderful English and used to get called a snob when I was a teen, but I can tell you - past nine with a small child, I'm short worded. Here's what I'd have her say instead: “Don't point, Billy (this is the action you want to stop immediately so you're not embarrassed as a parent)! I don't know him or why he picked those clothes (kids think you know everything - lay down the facts so you don't get thousands of 'whys' later). Put your finger down right now (that kid didn't listen, honest). How many times do I have to tell you these things?" Just my thoughts, tethered to a three year old as I often am. :) And even with all that, he'd probably said "no, no, HIM. Why is he wearing a dress?" As if I simply misunderstood his totally NOT impolite question/pointing. LOL

This made me laugh out loud: “Where the fuck am I?” Audrey heard the sound of the monster lying on her living room couch growl three hours later :D

“So you fondled me in my sleep?” was his question and she roared with laughter." I roared along with her! :D And here too "At that, Percy really roared with laughter. " only with Percy this time. :D

I loved all their interactions in this chapter and the way Audrey manages to snag his attention despite all his efforts to drag himself away from her. :D

Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by, I wasn't expecting you to have reviewed so quickly! Yay, me! Hahahahha.

I honestly didn't like this chapter at all, if we're going to be blunt. Hahaha. There was just something about it that I never could really get into, I had thought about changing this and starting fresh with something else but it never quite worked out that way. I knew that I'd wanted to show what Audrey's life was like without Percy and how she'd been scraping through but it didn't sort of work the way I'd wanted it to.

Yes, Audrey by herself is pretty depressing and it's actually something that I did on purpose. It's part of a bigger problem for her, she's been alone for so long that she doesn't know HOW to be with anyone anymore and thinks that she's defective in some way.

Ah, yes. That entire little bit with that boy and his mum was sort of not what I wanted either. I had thought of Audrey just literally bumping into Percy but it kind of sounded a little TOO convenient when I wrote it so I just kept the two of them in. Hahaha.

I have about...four or five younger cousins who were more like this kid here. And my aunts are a lot meaner too so that's probably why that scene didn't really come off so well. Hahahahahah.

Bwhaha, the best thing about this chapter to me was that entire scene with Percy and Audrey at her flat. Hahahha. They're so prickly and hilarious.

Anyhoo, thanks so much for the review! :D There are two more chapters that you can read too, don't be shy about stopping by again!

Off to Devlin!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #18, by GingeredTeaActions Speak Louder than Words: Broken: Rose POV

3rd October 2014:
I loved this entrance for its subtlety, darkness, and intimacy. You take what I am assuming was a sexual assault and express it brokenly through the character's fractured perspective. That blame, so ingrained that it you feel it through her expressions but it doesn't weigh that much in her head - as if it is just a cold terrible fact now about herself rather than something up for debate.

I also love how instead of a classic trigger you chose a much more...I want to use the word intimate again but I know there is a better word to describe what I mean. You choose this feeling of grogginess, before she really knows what to do or what will happen, as her trigger. You do it amazingly well with a sophistication I don't often encounter in the fan fiction community.

Thank you for the fantastic swap. I hope we can do many more in the future as I am definitely in love with this story! :D

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thank you so much for giving this story a chance! I actually was not intending to imply sexual assault, but I was trying to be mysterious about what trauma Rose has endured to cause the panic attacks. A large bit of it gets revealed fairly early on (maybe chapter 5?)

Wow. Sophistication! Thanks so much! I'm just so excited you think the story is a worthwhile read ♥

Beth


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Review #19, by GingeredTeaHow to Fly: How to Fly

3rd October 2014:
This was perhaps the sweetest one-shot I have ever read! Ahh, adorable! I loved your repetition of the one phrase. Perfect!

Okay, so I don't think this counts as enough of a review - I'm gonna go stop by another one as well. :)

Author's Response: Hey there!

So glad you liked this ♥. I really enjoyed writing it!

Beth


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Review #20, by GingeredTeaTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Outrage

3rd October 2014:
I always appreciate how you introduce a chapter - I must say that every time, but I really do.

I loved all your descriptions at the beginning of the story and the joke about Ron's snoring. :)

This just seemed so HARRYish: Harry ignored him and, finding his clothes in a dirty, bloody pile at the foot of his bed, he shed the thin hospital gown and started to put them back on. [...] Harry was forcing his way past a middle-aged wizard in Healer’s robes who seemed to be operating under the flawed assumption that mere words were going to change his mind.

I have no trouble picturing Harry being undisturbed by bloody clothes and certainly no trouble picturing him not listening to an authority figure!

And then Justin as he ponders that with Harry the "best thing" is sometimes so ironic. Yeah Justin, like almost-dying!

“Always the way with your sort.” Okay, there goes my guess that she was Poppy...

It sounds like, while Harry has the whole "it's not your fault" speech memorized, he's learned something from it that he just hadn't had before. Whose fault it is isn't important - who does something about it is.

The whole interview was exquisitely written. I felt like crying as I read it all! Ugh, the boy Donny - that's so sad! How did it happen? When? You leave a lot left unsaid that is eating me alive to know.

The way you choose to end this, with Harry and his team taking on her anger for her, was just so perfectly Harry yet again!

Thanks for the wonderful read, as always, Dan! I can't wait to read the next one!

Author's Response: Hi!

I felt like the introduction to this chapter would have been pretty dull without some sort of twist. "Justin looked at Harry laying unconscious in his hospital bed..." Boring! Why not take the opportunity to poke a little fun at wizarding high society?

Harry isn't one to be confined to a hospital bed. I think Madam Pomfrey probably had more success with that than anyone else who tried, but Harry was much younger then.

I thought it was amusing to realize that your best bet when you work with Harry might not seem like such a good thing in a relative sense.

The nurse is not Madam Pomfrey. Part of my thinking with her is that her identity is a lot less important than the message she delivers.

By this point in his life, Harry has started to buy into the concept of not everything being his fault. Which is not to say that he handles the situation in a completely healthy fashion now, but it's still a lot better than brooding and beating himself up.

The interview with Teresa was hard for me to write. I wanted her to seem very traumatized and terrified, which is where the whole "house elf" act came from. But I didn't want her to seem silly or caricatured. We never find out exactly what happened to Donny because Teresa, herself, doesn't know and Jugson isn't likely to tell. But you'll see a version of events in the next chapter that makes it all very personal for Harry.

Harry and his team will carry Teresa's anger for her, which is going to be very touchy because we know how Harry struggles to deal with anger. Much more on this in the next chapter.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #21, by GingeredTeaPlay the Devil: Richard

1st October 2014:
First off, I know it has nothing to do with you, but that chapter image is awesome. :)

From the very opening of this chapter, I could sense the portrayal of a man trying to distract himself with a simple morning routine. You managed to do this so subtly and so well that while it was an immediate 'sense' I had, the thought did not exactly cross my mind so bluntly until he admits to himself in the story that he is trying not to think of Rose.

Then you begin this sentence: "Agnes had let him be the highwayman". This especially long one stands out clear as a run on thought of the character and does so perfectly!

"Richard liked to internally boast of his denial of fate." Generally I find when someone has to internally boast anything, it's because they're trying to convince themselves.

Somehow, Richard's old world speech/thought patterns and actions brings a new level of humor to his awkward interactions with Rose. I found myself laughing quite a few times!

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Review #22, by GingeredTeaEfflorescence : The 1st of September

1st October 2014:
Okay, so the beginning was alright except that my first critique is the lack of line spacing.

The rest of it flowed alright. It is only a beginning, so I'm afraid there isn't much for me to comment on. I can't even say the character is especially interesting, because she hasn't done anything yet. Perhaps a tad more foreshadowing in the first chapter might be useful. But that is sort of the nature of an introduction, hmm?


I noticed this typo: every (YOU MEAN "EVER") since he received his Hogwarts letter.

Author's Response: First of all, thanks for the review!
I'll fix up the typo and line spacing :)

I think I eventually will redo the intro, it was my first attempt so it's not very interesting haha.

Thanks xx


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Review #23, by GingeredTeaBuilding Dollhouses In The Sand: Prologue

1st October 2014:
So that was an interesting beginning. You were trying to go for the Lily Potter thing, right?

I'll nitpick ages a bit. Not sure how old you wanted the baby to be, but a child that can speak three word sentences is probably 2-3 years old and does not typically clap and giggle at pretty lights nor are they 'laid down' on the floor. At that age, most children would be clinging with fear to their mother, or stood still and frozen as the flight or fight response resounded in their head. They might cling so desperately that the mother could not tear her off enough to place her behind herself. But that's not that big of a deal.

The time shift was large and kinda surprising. I kinda thought the baby was a Weasley (Molly?) but it appears that is not the case.

I am really interested to find out who that girl is and what this story is going to be about. This was a fair introduction and I really enjoyed reading the story. Thanks for the swap!

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Review #24, by GingeredTeaThere's Water In Oil: There's Water In Oil

30th September 2014:
You manage to make Snape sound well...Snape-like with the first paragraph. Having written Snape myself, that's a big compliment.

Okay, so my first brutal critic (I love getting freereign). You do this great job with Snape describing Peter (foolishness, nervousness fidgety energy) and while I don't think Snape would have said 'fidgety energy' and would have illustrated the sentiment with a harsher word, my real issue is with the word 'mad'. Snape is such a 'mad' person that I think he would have some really cutting/dry/sarcastic expressions for this feeling.

Loved this sentence: Her sister, Bellatrix, was in tow, as hostile and superior as ever.

BUT, am I wrong in thinking the comma after Bellatrix is expendable?

I think you do an excellent job capturing Snape's perspective on life - what interests him and what he dismisses easily.

"Severus navigated Bellatrix’s many accusations with the grace of a Quidditch star." This line seemed worth mentioning because I thought it was quite brilliant. As a child/teen, Severus Snape watched and loathed James Potter and Sirius Black - both Quidditch stars. He lost the love of his life to James. It would seem natural he would have some analogies in his head in which he compared himself to be equal to a Quidditch star. :)

You do an excellent job of distilling Snape's natural relationship with the Death Eaters and his awkward one with the Order, into two paragraphs - bravo!

Oh man, I really loved the next couple paragraphs - there is water in oil. It wasn't silky or beautifully flowing, but Severus Snape is neither of these, and I think you have managed to capture some of that awkwardness, even on the inside.

"Dumbledore would now have no argument against appointing Severus to the Defense Against the Dark Arts post in the fall."

THIS MADE ME LAUGH! :D

Loved this small trip into Severus Snape's mind! Great job! :)

By the way, you might end up liking my Severus Snape - he reminds me of yours a bit. :)

Author's Response: AH! This review is so amazing and helpful--thank you so much!

You are definitely right about those word choices, and that is indeed a great opportunity for some /dry/ Snape! Thank you for pointing it out!

You know, I think both the comma and the name Bellatrix are expendable. I mean, we all know who she is.

I am soOoOoOo relieved you liked the Quidditch Star line. I worried people might see it as OOC, but since we're in his head, I really wanted something very personal, private, and embarrassing for him to bleed through.

And oh man, Snape's relationship with the Order vs the Death Eaters is SUCH a tricky and interesting one. I'm really glad you liked that interpretation, because I rather fretted over getting it right without derailing the whole thing.

YEE, I like my Snapes petty, broken, proud, pathetic, wrathful, lonely, focused, tragic, misguided, and redeemed--so glad you are of a similar mind!

YAY! Thank you for swap!!!


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Review #25, by GingeredTeaIcarus: Prologue

27th September 2014:
Alright, so I wasn't too sure coming into this if I would like it or
not, but I have ended up really enjoying myself! I love the voice
you have created for Lily, and the bit about Albus' plug collection
actually had me laughing (actually, quite a bit of this had me
laughing!). I also loved the humor you added about their name
and the clarification you had Lily slip in there - that made me
laugh as well!

Great first chapter! I think I'll be back for more! :)

Tory, from the review thread.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm sorry it's taken me ages to respond to this!

Hehe, I'm not too surprised by your initial doubt about this story - it is kind of out there! I'm glad you decided to read it anyway and that you enjoyed Lily's voice. That bit about the names was definitely some of my own opinions of the epilogue sneaking into the story in a really non-subtle way. :p Glad it made you laugh! Thanks so much for your review!! :)


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