Reading Reviews From Member: TheGirlOnFire
  
96 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheGirlOnFireYou Hate Me: You Demand Respect, Though I Give You None

9th July 2014:
House cup 2014 review

Hello,

So the plot so far us a little bit of an idea as too awhat we are in for. I like the way you have written this chapter, the way you gave us the backstory in the story when it was relevant. I'm still not sure what this story is about properly, but maybe that was your intention. I like the way you have already built the charactera up and shown us a little about their personality. You have left for much room to show character growth. The relationships between the characters gave also been shown which is fantastic, I like going in knowing a lot. I do like your style of writing but it got kind of confusing when you changed POV's it took a little while for me to understand who was talking. Bout other than that I really enjoyed your first chapter and I cannot wait to read the rest.

TheGirlOnFire :D

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Review #2, by TheGirlOnFireEvent Three : Prompt 3.

8th July 2014:
House cup 2014 review

Hello,

Oh my God! This was amazing. It was kind of confusing at first but once I started to understand what was going on it was amazing. It was really emotional. My favourite scene was the one where James was telling Sirius abiut Harry. Almost brought out a tear. I love the way you wrote this, Sirius being stuck and lamenting on the death of his best friend and then coming to the conclusion that he'll have to make it for James and for Remus. This was very well written and I am glad to have come across it. I like the way you tackled the prompt, I think that James and Sirius woukd have a never ending fraternal bong. My only piece of criticism is about (like I mentioned before) the begining is kind of confusing, it took a while for me to actually understand what was happening, maybe you coukd make it slighty clearer for future readers. Great story though.

TheGirlOnFire :D

Author's Response: Sorry for the late response but ah, I'm so happy you liked it!

This was written in like the space of 2 hours so I'm very glad that it makes some sense haha. I've never written anything remotely 'sad' before so this was a bit of challenge!

I do agree with the fact that it is confusing, I realised after it had been validated but maybe I'll go over it and change a few bits!

Thank you for the lovely review :)


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Review #3, by TheGirlOnFireCooking Level: Amateur: Prologue - Poppyseed biscuits

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 review

Hello,

This was very interesting to read, I enjoyed reading Ted and the chefís interactions they were funny. It was a bit hard to follow though. The terminology and the structure, I know that you havenít edited it but some spaces between the paragraphs would make it much easier to read. I donít read many Ted Lupin stories so this was great to read. I have definatly not read a story about chefs so this was very new to me. I don't read AU stories but I found myself liking this. I can't wait to see how this progresses and see how Ted Lupin fits in in the cooking world. :) great start! keep up the good work.

TheGirlOnFire :D

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Review #4, by TheGirlOnFireEarthquake: 1

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 review

Hello,
This very intriguing, I am very interested in finding out what happens next. I am dying to know what happened to her at the beginning of summer. I want to know what happened that resulted in her becoming psychologically damaged. I do not like her father, he hates magic yet he married a witch. I donít understand the logic. But then again maybe he feels inferior because his wife has magic. Also, I didnít like Gretchen. She seems too sell-involved and selfish. She doesnít care about what happened to her sister only about her budding relationship with Albus. I like how you have already started showing the relationship dynamics between her and her family members. I do hope she ends up being allowed to go to Hogwarts. A little CC, I would have liked to have read a little more description, I small amount could really make the scene seem more real to the reader. I do however understand that this is the first chapter and starting a story is incredibly hard to do. I wish you good luck on the rest of the story and hope that itís as good as this chapter.

TheGirlOnFire :D

Author's Response: Their dad just doesn't understand magic. And he is a bit jealous and feels left out. It really was hard writing the first chapter but thank you and I hope that too :)

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Review #5, by TheGirlOnFireDreaming up Denial: Dream the Day Away

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 review.

Hello, this was so adorable. Rose's denial about her feelings then her admitting that she loved him. In such little words you managed to show multiple emotions and show Rose's character. I enjoyed reading her confusion and her anger. The ending had me laughing to myself. It make the story funnier to find out that Scorpius was her boyfriend. Some CC; I would have liked to have seen more of their relationship even if it was just a fight or an argument. It would have been nice to see more on how they interacted outside if class. Other than that I really enjoyed reading this short story. It's light and fluffy and just the sort of reading I need right now.

TheGirlOnFire :D

Author's Response: Hi there!
Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it!
I was thinking of creating a longer fic based around this one-shot which will definitely include more of their relationship. However when I do edit this story again I'll take your points into consideration. Thank you so much for your lovely review
Veela_is_me


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Review #6, by TheGirlOnFireThe New Girl: Gryffindor

7th July 2014:
House cup 2014 review

I'm back.

So I'm now even more confused as to her character. She hasn't been around boys but she's completely comfortable acting that was around them. Especially that last scene with Cormac. Also, adding more on Hermiones dislike of her will give her character more depth right now she seems flaky. I would think that someone new would be shy around strangers eespecially strangers who know eachother so well, this is just my opinion. I don't know if the plot has developed from the small hints she has given about wanting to be kicked out. I think that you shouldnt stray from that path because it's a really good concept and has the potential to make this story really good. Even though my reviews haven't been completely positive I do think that this could be a good story.

TheGirlOnFire :)

Author's Response: Your reviews have been really helpful, so thank you :) I totally get everything your saying and I agree. I do need to be more descriptive and make less statements, but I also have so many ideas to where I want to take this, and it's already going to be so long. For now I think I'm just going to continue writing the story and as I get better at writing I will go back and edit my first chapters. After all the first chapters are the hardest.

miss_music


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Review #7, by TheGirlOnFireThe New Girl: Hogwarts

7th July 2014:
House cup 2014 review

Hello me again.

So this time I felt like this chapter needed more description between paragraphs to make it flow better. It's longer than the first one which must mean that there is more description than in the first one but more would make the story flow better.I've got a little CC about the characterisation of Addie. She seems like a bit of a contradiction, she dresses like 'a stripper' and enjoys the reaction she gets from boys but she isn't used to the reaction. It seems like you are trying to make her two different people. And her being given what felt like a dictatorship to me on her first day doesn't seem realistic, maybe if she had worked up to it and slowly gathered her 'followers' it would make for a more realistic tale. It's not all CC though, there is great story here and I do hope to continue reading.

TheGirlOnFire :)

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Review #8, by TheGirlOnFireThe New Girl: Platform 9 3/4

7th July 2014:
House cup 2014 review

Hello so this story has a lot of potential. I'm intrigued to find out more about her plan to get expelled. I thought that there wasn't much build-up to it though, it was just stated. It's a good idea one I'm interested in finding more about I just think that it could have been delivered smoother. That sounds so harsh, sorry.

Whilst reading this chaptera few things popped out at me. For example there is too much 'telling' and not enough 'showing'. I understand that this is hard to do, I myself find it rather difficult but the less we are straight out told the better the story comes across. Also, I spotted some minor grammar mistakes which can easily be fixed. I recommend getting a beta who will clean this right up.

Anyhoo, my apologies if this sounded too harsh.

TheGirlOnFire :D

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Review #9, by TheGirlOnFireQuelques ans aprŤs-A few years later: Visite inattendue

16th March 2014:
Hi! This is for the blackout bingo :) 20/20

I'm New to Dramione, I dint really understand how it would work, but I like what you did in this chapter. With Draco and Hermione returning to England a marriage couple wit twins. They seems so familiar with each it seemed so natural you'd have actually thought it was Canon. I would have loved to have seen Harry, Ron and Ginny's reaction to Hermione being married to Draco. Draco made me laugh. He was so funny, acting all arrogant and really into how beautiful he is. He made me laughed so much. After reading this, I'm not sure I'll over look Dramione anymore, will I look for it probably not, but will I read it if it's there peopleprobably. Keep up the good work, you're writting is pretty great.

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks for the review!

I'm glad you like how I wrote the chapter! I wanted it to sound more natural than forced, so I'm happy that came across...

The reactions are coming up in the next chapter! Read them if you can!

Thanks,
Kinnu



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Review #10, by TheGirlOnFireThis is not a Drapple: Chapter One

16th March 2014:
Hi! This is for the blackout bingo 19/20 :)

This was so funny. You jade me at "This is not a Drapple". Draco was so funny, with his whole, "tough-guy" reputation. This made me laugh so much. This is exactly how I imagined Draco to be like. Cocky, arrogant and a 'bad boy'. I loved that this was a Drapple, he even wanted to call her Apple. This was awesome. Involve how he spent all half-time woowing her only to reject her the second she unfroze. Classics bad boy always wanting what they can't have. I loved how you described her like an Apple, shiny skin, round voluptuous body and red hair. My favourite line had to be "who was he to question such a plot hole?" this had me in tears. I loved this. I'm so glad I read it for the bingo. Kudos to you for writing such a funny fanfiction.

TheGirlOnFirexx

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Review #11, by TheGirlOnFireDeepest Desire: The Mirror of Erised

16th March 2014:
Hello, this is for the black out bingo. 18/20.

Oh wow. I wish my first fanfic was this good. Damn girl, the feels this gave me. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have felt like for Ginny, everyone she loved was dead or missing. This was really good. I don't read AU stories, mainly because I like Canon the way it is, but this. Tis was amazing. I could feel what Ginny was feeling and I wanted her to die. Which is new. I wanted her to die so that she too could be at peace and so that she could be happy too. This is the first time I found myself rooting for the death eaters to find her. I am amazed at what you managed to capture in so little words. Keep the good work going! I can't wait to see what else you'll write.

TheGirlOnFirexx

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Review #12, by TheGirlOnFireMagiciansí Story: Returning Home

16th March 2014:
Hi! This is for the blackout bingo, 17/20 ;)

I like reading about the founders, they are really interesting to learn about. I feel as if you tried too hard with the 'old-fashioned' talk, it didn't come of as natural. It didn't foo as well as it should. Instead of "There is no way you'll not be married. You just keep your smartness under control." maybe try this, "There is no way a women of your standing will not marry, despite your attempts to dissuade all potential suitors with your cutting remarks, your dowry will handle any doubts they may have." This is just a suggestion. Is this going to be multi-chaptered because I can't see it as a one shot?. Other than the few issues I gas this is a good start to your story. :)

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review! I've always been interested about the Founders as well. Thank you for the suggestion, will defiantly look over the chapter and see what needs to be fixed. Yes it is meant to be a multi-chaptered story and I am going to continue writing it.

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Review #13, by TheGirlOnFireSeverus Snape: The Mind is not a Book

16th March 2014:
Hello! Me again. This is for the blackout bingo 16/20 ;).

I don't read many Severus fics so I thought I would read this one. I liked the idea that Shape was always trying to protect Lily, this is something he probably would have done as he was madly in love with her he even cut her out of his life knowing that she may end up with his enemy. Even though he was madly in love with her, and he kept it going till the end. It's quite heart breaking to even try to image what he went through till that moment of his death. Also I liked your description of Bellatrix, "her beauty was just a mask for her evil intentions." this was very chilling and the perfect way to summarize Bellatrix. This has got to be my favourite line in this story. Keep up the good work. :)

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry it's taken so long to respond... I figured I had to write a Snape fic at some point and then it just sort of hit me I guess. He is one of those characters that has so much going on you have to look deeper. I am pleased that you liked the Bellatrix line. Thanks again TheGirlOnFire :)
XOXOXOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #14, by TheGirlOnFireMolly smiles: Nothing's Wrong When Molly Smiles

16th March 2014:
Hi! This is for the blackout bingo, 15/20.

Oh wow. I did not see that coming. She died! What?! That was amazing. I really never thought Molly was going to die. How doe she die? What happened? So many question unanswered. I liked this story though. From the beginning, it was obvious how much Percy loved his daughter and how much it hurt him when she died. And now that Molly can't smile anymore Percy's going to be heart broken. I loved the way we saw Molly grow from Percy's eyes. I think that's what makes the ending more heart breaking, you made us feel what Percy would feel. I haven't read any stories that were solely based Percy and his relationship with his children, especially a sing fix. This was refreshing and emotional, and I'm glad I read it. This was such a great read.

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hi GirlOnFire. Yes, she did die... I was going to go into detail, but my original idea would have required me asking a validator in advance if it was okay to post. I am glad I seem to be the only one with this particular topic, I hope others join me soon! I am glad you liked it :)
XOXOXO,
LLG


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Review #15, by TheGirlOnFireJames Potter and the Quidditch Case: The Partner

16th March 2014:
Hi! It's me again. This is for the blackout bingo 14/20 ;)

I liked the progression in this chapter. James trying to figure out who did it and then being returned back to square one. So it wasn't the Slytherins. Hmm. My new theory is that it was the Hufflepuff, maybe they misjudged her? I have a bit of CC. You are probably writing shory chapters on purpose, for the first chapter this is fine. But I think that there needs to be more detail in the next chapters, maybe an insight onto James mind and how it works to process suspects. There is so much room for character development, and I don't think you're filling it. I hope that in later chapters you do write more detail; as detail can take a story a long way. This was still good though. Keep going. :)

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: We'll have to see who it is (when I get around to writing another chapter...) I understand your CC but I think for a story it is important to be careful about every little detail you add in. If I added the wrong thing in, one character could become suspect more than the rest, and if it is the person who "did do it", well, it wouldn't be a very good mystery now would it? I'll eventually write more and fill in every single gap I can... James'll probably go on an accusing rampage... Thanks again TheGirlOnFire

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Review #16, by TheGirlOnFireJames Potter and the Quidditch Case: The Malaclaw

16th March 2014:
Hi! This is for te blackout bingo. 13/20 ;)

This was great and this was so funny, Fred being attracted by the Malacaw. I laughed so much. "The lobster tried to eat my face." I found this so funny. What would seeing this be like. James 'manly yell' that's so typical boy. They scream like a girl the call it a manly yell. Who sabotaged them? Was it the slytherin quidditch team, or was it an external party. This was great. Well done, it may have been really shirt but it was still very good. There was so much revealed in so little words. There was a lot of mystery to. I think you have dine well with tis first chapter and I can't wait to read the rest. I hope it's as funny as this one. Good job, keep up the good work.

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hello TGOF :)
I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. The question "Who done it?" really was the mystery here. I tried to make it as funny as possible because the mystery wasn't overly serious. I really wanted to keep these chapters shorter to open them up to everyone who has like an hour of time (rather than three days to catch up). I know I don't always have that kind of time and I want something more filling than a one-shot but something I can make time for to read. So I decided to start writing one!
thanks again dear!


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Review #17, by TheGirlOnFireThe Black Parade: We'll Carry On

16th March 2014:
Hi! This is for the blackout bingo, 12/20

This gave me chills, I'm not sure if it was the song or Draco's story, but wow. I found myself singing along with the lyrics, this is a great song and I really like what you did with it. How you user to to add a sort of behind the scene feelings. Rather than use it ato prompt that story along. I loved how you captured Draco's reluctance and his need for freedom. I though that that was perfect. I'm going to assume that this is Draco telling Scorpius not to make his mistakes. Well that's what I thought it was. I like the idea that Draco changes and becomes someone who he used to make fun off, someone he used to hate. This was well written and touching. Keepthe good work going.


TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, it was originally written as a letter to Scorpius but I was told that format wasn't allowed on the archives, so I had to make minor changes.

I am a huge fan of MCR and loved using one of their songs which happens to be my favorite.

Thanks for the review!

~Celtic~


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Review #18, by TheGirlOnFireTASK ONE CHALLENGE: Victory At The Crossroads: Victory at the Crossroads

16th March 2014:
Hi! This is for the blackout bingo. :) 11/20

I really enjoyed reading this. Salazar is such an interesting character. I thought he handled being attacked by a dragon very well. I don't think I'd be able to kill a Dragon with no magic. How he jumped in ready to help his village, very brave of him. I think that Salazar had a subconscious need to make his father proud after not being able to get a wand. He was brave and courageous, (Gryffindor traits) goes to show that slytherin and Gryffindors are very alike. I liked the way you handled the prompts, they were there but they weren't overly obvious. This was interesting and a great read. Although, there where a few typos in this. Some of the sentences didn't make sense. Other than that I enjoyed reading this.

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Yes, I saw the typos after I submitted this piece but haven't went back to correct them yet. This was my first attempt at writing in the Founders era, Salazar was such an interesting character to write about. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

~Celtic~


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Review #19, by TheGirlOnFireAfter the War: Remus Lupin

15th March 2014:
Hello, this is for the blackout bingo:) 10/20

I've never actually read anything that told the story of what happened after Remus died. I've never really thought to but this was great. This was very unique to me. (maybe there are stories like this but this is the first I've read).I liked the reunion between James and Remus. Although I felt like there should have been more emotion there, they haven't seen eachother in over seventeen years, it seems to me that they would have felt more. (That's just my opinion). It was a great idea to have this be the build up to the scene in which Harry sees his deathad loved ones. I though that that was very clever. Keep writing such great stories.


TheGirlOnFirexx

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Review #20, by TheGirlOnFireLosing the Happy Ending: Tears in the Dark

15th March 2014:
Hi! It's me again. This is for the blackout bingo. 9/20 :)

I liked this it was very well written. It was soft and emotional. I really like that. Sometimes you just heed a story that is emotional but not heavy. I liked Alice's regret over Nevilles birthing being at such a bad time. I liked the guilt and regret she felt over Marlene and the death of her family. I fulltime you captured that perfectly. The little twist at the end that linked it to James and Lily's death was great. I've always wondered what Alice and Frank where doing at the time of Sirius's arrest. Where th e already in hospital or where they just UN aware. They are never mentioned to have had any link to that moment. I'm glad you wrote your interpretations of that night from Alice's POV,it's always mice to see what other people think about certain things. :)

TheGirlOnFirexx

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Review #21, by TheGirlOnFirePink - The Color of Hate: Lost in Thought

15th March 2014:
Hello, this is for the blackout bingo. 8/20 ;)

I like the idea of a story bwing told from Umbridge's point of view. It was nice seeing what Umbridhe thought about things. That scene with the Hufflepuffs, my friend would sincerely go to her grave defending Hufflepuffs she has so much Badger Pride. Some what she was saying was really like Umbridge. You really captured the spirit of Umbridge and you portrayed what she really thought about certain situations. I never liked Umbridge, this made me like her less. Everything she said about Hagrid and Dumbledore. It's very realistic. You have really written this well, I am really glad I read this, You are quite talented. Umbridge is such an evil and difficult person to write and I feel like you did her justice.

TheGirlOnFirexx

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Review #22, by TheGirlOnFireEvery Song Must End: Bitter...

15th March 2014:
Hi! This is for the blackout bingo. 7/20, :)

This made me smile. The idea that Astoria healed Draco made me smile. Draco deservedto find some happiness after what he went through. I loved the way you wrote this, I really felt what Draco was feeling. It's a wonderful skill to have, Bering able to make your readers feel something in particular. The use of the quote was brilliant. That episode of DW is one of my favour and that line is so powerful. I really like how you used it to help tell the story. Tue end of Draco's bad year's and the start of his New future. I like Draco and I hate it when he's portrayed as a bad person, I'm glad that you didn't do that. I hope that you do continue writing stories like this.


TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Yeah, I'm really terrible with angst, so I wanted to give this a happy ending. I love the idea of love healing Draco, and because I'm a bit of a fan of canon, it couldn't be anyone else but Astoria!

So happy that you found the piece emotive! The word limit created a great environment for visceral reactions and not much room to elaborate. And how good is that DW episode? I cried when I watched it.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing :)


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Review #23, by TheGirlOnFireAnywhere: October, 1979 - Riddles

15th March 2014:
Hello, this is for the blackout bingo, 6/10 :)

I loved this chapter, I really enjoyed reading the interactions between Belatrix and Loren, they both seem like complex characters. I loved how confused Belatrix was on how she felt about Loren and what kind of person he was. This is very interesting, I've never thought of Belatrix as confused, she just seems like she knows what she is doing.The flirtation and the banter was great, I really enjoyed reading it. I can't wait to see where this story is going. I am really interested to see where this goes. This is a great second chapter. I'm still curious as to ho this will end, will it end canon or AU? I can't decide how this will end, will it be happy or sad. I will be reading on.

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hello!

It's very interesting writing them, because of things you'll find out later on in the story, and every though I worry about getting Bella right (while still mixing it up for the challenge), it is fun. I'm glad you like them.

Well, I'm adding AU moments with the canon timeline, if that makes any sense? You'll see when I get to the end. :)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #24, by TheGirlOnFireAnywhere: September, 1979 - Beg

15th March 2014:
Hi! this is for the blackout bingo, 5/20

I like the first line in this, I was instantly intrigued as to what would come next. It was very powerful. The short summary of what had happened to 'The Mudblood' was nicely done. I liked that you id that rather than write a chapters worth of a back story leading up to the moment he met Belatrix. Who of course would crucio a person rather than admit that they like them. I'm interested to see how the relationship develops, will it include some Stockholm Syndrome? This seems like an interesting concept. I liked the interaction between Loren and Belatrix, I think that it's great that he doesn't cower in front of her. She needs someone that isn't scared of her. I'm excited to see how this progresses.

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hello!

Yes! As soon as I got Bellatrix for this challenge, my first thought was that line. The idea for this story went from there, so it was only right to start the story with it. It's probably my favorite line; I'm glad you like it. :D

Loren is a very... complex character, he won't break easily. :)

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #25, by TheGirlOnFireVernon's Story: Caveat Smeltonia

15th March 2014:
Hi, this is for the blackout bingo, 4/20 :)

I didn't like the bullying, bullying sucks. I know that writing scenes like that can be hard but I don't feel like you captured the realism that comes with bullying. It was nice start to your story , but I feel like they just jumped into the bullying, I get that that happens sometimes, but I would have liked to have felt Vernon's feelings as he did what he was doing. You told us rather than showed us, I think that that is something you should work on, showing not telling is one of the hardest but most best way of writing. I really hope that this wasn't too harsh, I just think that beating around the bust doesn't help people improve and we all need to improve. (don't hate me)

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hi GirlOnFire!
Don't you worry, there's definitely no hating going on :D I welcome all opinions, there are no good or bad ones :)

Bullying does suck and in my experience, it often happens very quickly - three bullies comfortable in their role and a scrawny new kid; I don't picture Vernon and his cronies as the kind of guys that feel or even think too much during the act.
Most likely, it's become a habit, a daily routine. That's just how little I think of Vernon.
Quite honestly, I actually wouldn't know where to start as I have no idea what a bully like Vernon probably feels like - heck, I don't even feel it's relevant for the progression of the plot as it is.

I agree I should work on my writing and I try to improve every day a little more, hence welcoming any non-judgmental opinion or constructive criticism :) Indeed, we all need to improve, and long descriptions about feelings and settings are rather important for the development of characters.
Part of the experience, the fun in writing is writing about things or feelings we do not know of - I get that.

You mentioned you would have like to feel Vernon's feelings as he was bullying the boy - I will definitely look into that when I edit the story and see if it wouldn't bring this story to a degree of drama higher than I want it to be :)

Thank you for reviewing and sharing your opinion!
The next chapter is validated if you're interested :)

Cheers!
Gee.


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