Reading Reviews From Member: moiraine_lendreth
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by moiraine_lendrethWood: Wood

18th May 2007:
It sounds like something a HPDM slash writer called Rhysenn had already written, although Harry and Draco were working on a plastic table. It has the same good and bad points as your other fic, so I can't say anymore here. ^_^

Author's Response: Seriously? That is just weird. Hm, oh well. Thanks!

 Report Review

Review #2, by moiraine_lendrethIronic isn't It?: Ironic isn't it?

15th May 2007:
Congratulations on finishing a vignette that not many writers would want to delve into: the mind of a Harry Potter lusting after Draco Malfoy with an arrogance to match Anne Rice's vampires. On the good side, your story is solid: all the elements blend in together to emphasize your point on irony (the title, the monologue, the character behavior), and you have a grasp of how to set the mood in a story. Still, I would like to point out a few things. One: I know you've already apologized for it, but try harder to correct your grammar and spelling errors. If nobody wants to beta your story, beta it yourself, as much as you can. Two: There are certain points/elements in the story you did not need to add, as well as points that were missing. Example, Harry Potter focused on a mission and thinking deeply of it would not be slamming a glass once-filled with rum on a table. If you study his behavior in the books, and the way you introduced him into the story, he would most like put it down with a soft chink, slowly stand up, and focus his eyes on Draco. Third: The climax of your story was a bit off...it would have been better to have put in that decisive moment--their eyes meet, or Harry remembers something sublimely pure and beautiful about Draco--that suddenly turns his obssessive rage into simple, lustful obssession.

All in all, your story passes as a satisfactory piece that can still be rewritten to show more intensity, strength, and emotion. But it was a darn good try at a masterpiece. ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the CC, I don't get that often enough. Yes, there is a lot to improve on for this fic. I wrote this a couple of years ago and I just came upon it on my computer. Lol, grammar/spelling is not my strongest suit. I have tried beta-ing, but I can never catch my own mistakes.

I completely agree with you on the point of the climax, I do think it is a bit rushed instead of a transition.

I love your perspective on Harry and the glass. I still picture him slamming it down because of irrational anger.

Thank you so much for the inputs/pointers. I really did help me see this one-shot in a different view. I might take on it and improve this fic.

P.S: Lol, arrogance as Rice's vampires.

Cheers


 Report Review

Review #3, by moiraine_lendrethCat's Moon: Truth Be Told: Then Cursed Off… Part 1

6th January 2007:
Well. That was quite...brief. Someone might have already told you this, but your story is spaced a little bit too w i d e. You might want to change that. And the plot whooshed past me like a whirlwind; I think you ought to tone the pace down and explore into the character of Prof. Van Namen. From the quick conversations, I'm guessing she's just like Harry? I can't wait for the next chapter. ^_^

Author's Response: Lol, thank you. That helps me ton. Good guess! I am new to the whole format of this site....

 Report Review

Review #4, by moiraine_lendrethCat's Moon: The Portkey

10th December 2006:
Hey, Siren. I just finished the chapters to this story, and am just going to say that you have great potential in writing. Although there were a few chapters that seemed hastily written (they were too short or fast-paced), your idea about Harry and Draco becoming "Dark Angels" is quite unique, and I daresay remarkably refreshing. ^_^ I hope to see more chapters updated soon!

Author's Response: Wow. That was an amazing review. Lol. Yea, sometimes I just want to get a chapter up. *smiles* Thanks for reviewing and I am glad you like it, and thanks for the compliments!

 Report Review

Review #5, by moiraine_lendrethSeven Dead Bells: Releasing Some Tension

16th August 2006:
You know, I've been reading your story for a few days now, and this is the only time I've gotten the chance to review it. I loved Garth Nix's Abhorsen series, and from the title of your story (and your name, I might add) it seems you did, too. :) Well, the plot is progressing nicely, although it could do with a bit of work on the characterization. Still, it's quite a decent read. Nice work.

 Report Review

Review #6, by moiraine_lendrethShinobi Wizard: Chapter One The Chunin Exams Part One

10th August 2006:
Oh wow, this is great: a Naruto and HP cross-over. ^_^ So Kakashi still runs late...he he. It's a good plot, and I hope you can spin out a great story out of it. Hmm...will Harry aka Arashi be able to master the summoning technique and call Gamabunta? *evil laugh* That would be nice if he will fight with Voldemort later on... or the Sexy technique! lol

 Report Review

Review #7, by moiraine_lendrethConnection: The Philosopher's Stone: The Match

1st August 2006:
okay, this definitely proves it: I am not the only person in this site to love both Harry Potter and japanese animation. ^_^ It was a terrific idea to combine HP and Full Metal Alchemist! A warning though: I could read a few loopholes in your story, and it seems the pace of the story is a bit too fast (or was that intended?). But all in all, it is a decent story. Worth the reading.

Author's Response: Well what did u mean by too fast? alot is happening but thats because their in the middle of a war in harry's world now arent they? well, anyway, i want u to email me so i can hear ur thoughts. Thanks for the read!

tsmfma@gmail.com


 Report Review

Review #8, by moiraine_lendrethLove By Accident: Chapter 6

13th December 2005:
Wow, your story is very interesting...as they say, a "gripping read". When are you going to update?

 Report Review

Review #9, by moiraine_lendrethInvisibly Yours: Invisibly Yours

8th February 2005:
Oh dear, I think you need to check up on your grammar. You could visualize your characters pretty well, too, and the way you carried the change in the story's POV was more than satisfactory.

Author's Response: My grammar? I see, well that'll be something to look into in the future. Thanks so much for the review and the critique.

 Report Review

Review #10, by moiraine_lendrethThe Doomed: Train (Wreck) of Thought

19th January 2005:
heya, i just finished reading all of the chapters to your story (is one hour and forty-two minutes a record time? ^_^)--and i have to say kudos for your more than satisfactory work. you have visibly improved your writing as i progressed through the chapters. although i believe you should work out your skill in making your characters behave more consistently, specially your main characters. ah yes, and you should exercise your skills in imaging, too. sometimes there were parts that were vague or could mean two things; a bit confusing for me, really. by the by, your work is great! ^_^ i can't wait to read the next chapters.

Author's Response: lots of helpful hints! thank you! when do you think kitty is being inconsistent? cuz i think i agree with you, im just having a hard time with examples... help!! ~thanks a lot, katherine~

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login