I liked this a lot :D
Just a small error. You said Naomi instead of Natalie right before James kisses Annabelle.Author's Response: Oops, thanks for pointing that one out!
I'm slowly (very very slowly) going through and editing the chapters so I'll be sure to fix that one :)
thank you and glad you enjoyed! :) Report Review
I was reading this and I was like: WHAT? ANOTHER STORY WHERE JAMES LIKES A SLYTHERIN NAMED ANNALISE? oh wait...this is a prequel. I feel bad for Michael. I"LL DATE YOU MICHAEL! :D Tor/Teddy shipper all the way.Author's Response: Hahaha yeah. And don't feel bad for Michael! Trust me, he's got good things coming his way :D
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I think you did a good job of preparing us (the readers) for the sensitive issue by making sure we knew that there was probably something wrong with Benji. The story flows well, but one issue I have with the characterization is Hannah. Hannah seems like she cries too often. I think Gran is characterized very well though. The quote is also used well.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked the story and the way I prepared the readers. I am glad that it worked out.
Hannah is just going through a tough time being a first time Mom and it is an emotional roller coaster for her, but she is going to turn it around in the coming chapters.
I am happy to know that I have done a good job characterizing Gran because I was really worried about how she would be portrayed. I'm glad that you think I used the quote well.
Thanks again! =)
-SR17 Report Review
Everything is so dramatic. :P. Anyway, i think i kind of have an idea of what's going on. Victoria is going to slowly fall out of love with James, as James falls in love with Victoria, she's going to like Greyson, James will be sad, then they'll end up together in the end. Or you could just have James and Victoria get together straight away... Report Review
Okay, you want a good strong hook to pull readers in, and your first paragraph needs some work. This is what I recommend you changing it to: "The first thing that Seamus Finnigan heard when he stepped out of his office and into the cool winter air was the sound of the late night bustle and people yelling across the street at one another -saying that something was amiss or they had dropped something on their way out of the store." Also, make sure you stay in the same tense throughout the story. There are a lot more grammatical errors, but you said you were getting this beta'd so that's good. I think you have a good plot going, and you left at a good cliffhanger moment. You might want to let us more into Seamus' life though: what has he been doing since Hogwarts? what is his life like? etc. But overall, great job :)Author's Response: Hi! :)
Thank you so much for you lovely, and honest review. I never used to like CC cause I was a little younger than I am now, but now I enjoy it as you guys help me get to a better level or writing :)
I will definitely take your review into consideration and am revising this chapter as we speak.
Thank you so much for a lovely review :)
~Karni. Report Review
I notice that you don't use punctuation in dialogue...I'm not sure if you meant to do that or not? That's really all the grammatical error I see. I really like the whole characterization and how you tied the two stories together, but wouldn't Katherine be a bit older? I'm not sure, but good job so far.Author's Response: Thank you for your review! As you can see the story is in edits and I request reviews to see whether I've made the right edits or not. Here I didn't notice I wasn't using punctuation in dialogue.
I'm glad you like the characterization I think Ãt's my strong point :P But where do you mean Katherine would be older. In the first part she two maybe three and in the second part she's eleven. Report Review
This was very well written :) I liked the description and the whole plot of it all. I was like WAIT so their daughter's named Ruby? What about Rose? But then I was like oh... :) Haha I love Ron. "You name your necklaces?" Great read :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that you liked it. I really put a lot of effort into the description into this story so I am glad that showed.
I thought about naming her Ruby, but I thought it might of been a little too much between the necklace and the name. So I am thankful they named their daughter Rose because it really helped! =) I know Ron is such a goof ball even in the serious moments. hahahaha it sounded like a Ron thing to say. =D
-SR17 Report Review
Great characterization. You built up a lot of drama too, and i'm waiting for the whole things just to..EXPLODE. :) Well, now apparently Al knows that Logan's a muggle, and doesn't Logan seem sort of daft to you? The plot line is very good, and I didn't see any major grammatical errors. Nice banner, by the way :DAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed the characterization! I don't think it's one of my high points, so that means a lot :D
Oh, gosh, it's going to EXPLODE, trust me ;)
Yes, I see what you're saying about Logan being daft. In my head, I see him as smart, just kind of oblivious to all this magic. I'll make him more intelligent and on top of things in upcoming chapters :)
I'm so glad you like the plot and that you favorited it :D It makes me really happy you like the banner too, so thank you :)
Thanks for a great review! I'll re-request! Report Review
This is a really interesting fan fic. I love Lily. She's so spunky and sassy and awesome :) You did a great job with all the characterization and its pretty well written. Great job :)Author's Response: I'm glad you think it's interesting! I love Lily, too. She gets even more snarky in the next chapter, too, which is exciting, haha. Thanks so much for reviewing I really appreciate it! Report Review
This was so fluffy and happy! :) I was waiting for Draco to appear and snatch Hermione away, but it didn't happen. It's funny how wizards are so amazed by the Muggle World, when all we want is to be able to be in the Wizarding World. Great job with this story :)Author's Response: Yeah, this is a rare Romione for ya. I'm glad you really liked the fluff. I can totally understand why wizards would be just as fascinated with our world as we are with theirs :) Report Review
This story was definitely a change from your others, but it was still terrible (plot wise) . Like twilight. No offense if you like twilight. I think you did a great job with the challenge, even though the story was bad, it was a feel good story and had a happy ending--like the title. I hope i'm not making you feel bad :P haha. Great job anyway :)Author's Response: I definitely don't like Twilight and I'm actually happy that this story was compared to that considering I was going for awful. Thanks :) Report Review
This was a lovely story, Victoire's baby letting her know what she wanted to be called. I think you did a good job with characterization, and i felt that the reader really got insight into Victoire's personality.Author's Response: Hey :)
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked my characterisation with Victoire and Teddy and the way that Victoire's baby chose it's own name :D Thank you! Report Review
This was really sweet :) The part where Ginny talked about everyone sticking their noses into the wedding I totally thought "BUT VOLDEMORT DOESN'T HAVE A NOSE." I feel like you captured all of the pressure that Ginny and Harry were under even though they loved each other so much and wanted to get married. Good job :)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this, I had fun writing it, it was just something that wasn't one of my best, but I still liked it, people still don't understand why I call it Penguins though :)
Lizzie Report Review
Yay yet another shout out :) My friend actually told me about your story today. She was like "I was reading Innocent, and I know you read it, because you had a shout out, but when will the next chapter be up?" I really really really hope J and Sirius get together soon :)Author's Response: Ahh I'm So Happy You And Your Friend Like The Story :) You Don't Understand How Happy This Review Just Made Me. Don't Worry, I Promise There Will Be A Happy Ending Eventually, I Wouldn't Be Able To Live With Myself If There Wasn't Lol. The Next Update Might Take About A Week As I've Had Some New Ideas So I've Gotta Work Them In Somehow And I've Got Loads Of Uni Deadlines But I Promise It'll Be Up Next Week :) Thank You So Much For The Review :) xx Report Review
Review Swap :)
I like this, a lot :) Its a nice change from all of the negative Victoire stories that I read. Quick question, what does the title of the story, "Je Souhaite," mean? This was a great read :)Author's Response: Thanks :)
Je Souhaite means "I Wish" in French. I think it's on the banner. I'm glad you liked this chapter. Report Review
I've been reading this ALL.DAY. It's amazing, Connor/Dom is amazing, Fred/Penny is amazing, Rose/Scorpius is amazing, but most importantly JAMES/SUMMER IS AMAZING. UPDATE soon PLEASE.Author's Response: wow, thank you! that must have taken you quite a while, so thanks a lot :D yeah, there are a lot of couples in this story... ive only just realised :P update will be very soon,
ellie :) xx Report Review
Hi :) There weren't any major grammatical our flow issues with this. This is definitely plausible (ITS CANON :D), your description was good also. My biggest question is that, was Hagrid gamekeeper during the Marauder era? I would do research on that, but I'm feeling a bit lazy, sorry :P The part that made me most happy was when Remus went all philosophical. Was that the quote for your challenge? If so, I did the exact same thing :) But yeah, overall great job, its original and the plot is great :)Author's Response: YAY! Thanks so much for this. ^_^
I wrote it for a challenge and it was a really new thing for me, so i'm glad that it worked and that you liked it. ^_^
Thanks again for the review. :) Report Review
Ooooh yay I got a shout out :) Poor Sirius :( J's being really unreasonable in my opinion and they should just get together soon. Like legit. How many more chapters do you think they'll be? My prediction is that something is going to happen to Sirius because of his family and then J will feel bad. I love this :)Author's Response: I Felt So Bad To Write Those Scenes But I Was Quite Pleased With How They Came Out. J Is Being Unreasonable But She Thinks That Pushing People Away Will Help Her And She's Still Bitter Towards Sirius For Going To Dumbledore. She Still Doesn't Know What She Wants Yet =/ I Promise You That They'll Both Get A Happy Ending Eventually :) There Should Be Roughly 10-12 Chapters Left But I'm Not 100% Yet. I Have It All Planned But Its Just A Matter Of Writing It All Out. Thank You So Much For The Review And I'm So Happy That You're Enjoying The Story :D xx Report Review
This was great :) Its an odd pairing, but it worked. I liked the way you used the quote, and the description was very good. Great job :) Report Review
Hi :) I think you should add a "because" in your first sentence after the comma, it makes everything flow a bit better. But you want to know about the flow of the story :P I think it flows rather nicely, we get to know the characters (or re-know the characters). One think I would look out for is cliches from other fan fics. Make it your own :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'll have a look at the flow thing, I'm assuming you mean ships and little details are cliched. I'll have a look! Report Review
I think the hook at the beginning is good. It makes you want to read on. I love the names of the parents :) There's really nothing grammatically wrong with this and it flows nicely. I think you did a good job of establishing the relationships the characters have with each other. Great job :)Author's Response: Thank you so much!! :) I was kind of worried that it just wasn't working, but thanks! Haha, I actually wanted to name Angie's Dad Gerry, but then I found Gerasim and fell in love with it. And then I found Dorea and Charlus on the Harry Potter Wikia, and it just felt like it fit. But thanks for your review! :) Report Review
I liked the description and the mystery aspect of it all. I expected it to be Sirius though. You cut it off at one of the most perfect parts, a part that more could be written, but didn't have to be. The plot is definitely intriguing and I could "see what what happening in my mind's eye" as you put it. I really don't have any major criticism, good job :)Author's Response: It's funny that you mention Sirius. Loads of people seem to be interpreting the character differently, and I find that fascinating. Thanks for mentioning that. ^_^
And i'm glad that you liked the ending. I thought it might be a bit awkward, so it's great to hear that it works. Same with the description (that's always something i'm working to improve upon.)
Thanks for the review,
- Adele :) Report Review
Haha this was really funny and sweet. The four are so manipulative :P Poor Ron. Anyway, this was one of the better Dramione's that I've read, good job :)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. :)
Sam. Report Review
This was very well written. You captured Dumbledore very well, which is often a difficult thing to do. You illustrated the relationship between Gellert and Albus well. Good luck :)Author's Response: Awh, thank you very much! I'm super glad you enjoyed it. Fantastic challenge. Report Review
I understand Kessie's family being allowed to go to Hogwarts, knowing she is a witch and all, but what about Richard? Isn't a bit odd for him to see Hogwarts and know about magic, him being a muggle?Author's Response: Richard's very special to Jay (you'll find out more later) and she tells him everything, including everything about her sister. He wanted to be there to support her when visiting Kestrel as Jay is hurt by the fact that Kestrel is so withdrawn and stuff. McGonagall knows more about Kestrel's history than she lets on and feels sorry for Kestrel's family, so she makes special allowances. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection