Reading Reviews From Member: ScorpiusRose17
  
628 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ScorpiusRose17Constant Vigilance: Nymphadora

27th August 2015:
Hi!

I am sorry that it has taken me this long to get to reviewing this... Real life sort of went crazy today.

This was short, but sweet. I enjoyed getting to see another side of Tonks that we don't get to fully see in the books. I thought you kept to her character well too with the clumsiness and awkwardness. She is not one to work well with stressful people, but put her in a life altering stressful situation and she is your girl! :)

I was anxious jumpy as she entered her flat and things started to unravel. I know that Tonks really admired Moody and I thought the ending was sweet between them.

This was really well written and you do such a fantastic job with description! I look forward to reading more of your writing! :)

Keep up the awesome work!

-Jenn

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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17The Kings and Queens of Hogwarts : Sirius Flirting

26th August 2015:
Hi Katie!

I am so sorry it took me this long to get around to the swap. Things in real life today went sort of crazy!

I loved this chapter! Everything about it was just so... fabulous. The Potter's are like my dream family with all the cool things that they have! :)

I really enjoyed the scene when Marlene finds out about Remus and Doe! I also thought it was nice that you made her think about why Doe had kept it from her too.

This chapter focused a lot on Marlene and Sirius and I was grateful for that because they are both so in love with each other and completely hilarious. I laugh every single time I think of the... "Are you serious?" Sirius joke. I loved seeing the character development increase. You did an awesome job with describing the dance practice and I wasn't all surprised that Peter and Mary were the last to really get it. I am getting so excited because I know that the ball is coming up soon!

I also really liked seeing how happy Mr. and Mrs. Potter were! They really do set this wonderful example on how happy people can be together! And Lily seems to be warming up!! I hope this is the new norm with only a few minor set backs for James!:)

I am really looking forward to the next chapter and I completely adore this story!! Keep up the awesome work!!

-Jenn

Author's Response: JEN!
I always love getting reviews from you, they never fail to make me smile! :)

Same! I think I may have written the potters as how I would like to live! ahaha, a girl can dream right?! :)

Yeah I liked that part as well, it's a part I'm actually quite proud of I'm not sure why :') But I think it was important to show someone else's view of it! :)

I love the Marlene and Sirius relationship, they're like the cool rebel couple that everyone wants to be :') I really enjoy writing them because they're both so sassy! I know everyone uses that joke but you can tell that would have totally been a marauders thing! I'm glad you liked the dancing part cause I was worried it might seem a little boring:') And yes! I'm so excited about posting the ball! I've just finished writing it ah! So much drama in there! Although it is very long so I may have to split it into two parts! But I have one chapter waiting and then its the ball! :)

And yeah! I really wanted to use them as an example of the perfect couple and actually I think that meeting them is what helps to break down Lily's barriers towards James :)

Thank you so much for such a nice review! It's made my day! :)

Katie :)


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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17A Foreign Affair: Chapter 1

25th August 2015:
Hi Kayla!

I was so excited when I saw this posted! I have been looking forward to reading it ever since you asked for the Title help and gave an idea about what the story was about!!

This is great! I really like Astraia! She is instantly relatable and really as an OC captures your mind and pulls you in. She is quirky and her family is well... Greek! It reminds me of a mix with My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Especially with her mom and constantly hounding her to find a boyfriend, marry and have babies. :)

I also really liked the background information that you give about her siblings and her parents. I felt that you did a great job of really introducing the characters.

One thing I was confused about was is her sister married or is she still just engaged? Because there is this one spot where Astraia says that she got to be maid of honor, but it seemed like Demi was still engaged?

Anyways, this was an excellent chapter and I am really looking forward to what is going to happen next!

Keep up the awesome work! :)

-Jenn

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Review #4, by ScorpiusRose17The memories in your biscuits: The memories in your biscuits

24th August 2015:
Hi!

This was really great! I loved how you characterized Professor McGonagall and you give such an honest in depth look into her. I also really enjoyed the memories. Of Remus, of Sirius being sorted, baking in the kitchen and of Dorcas. Her eyes have seen so much in all of those years that you really get a sense of who she is and who she's become.

I was definitely not expecting the dementors to attack so this was a nice dark turn!

Can I just say that your house elf was adorable! :)

Also, one super super small thing that I did notice was that lycanthropy was spelled wrong.

Overall, you did a wonderful job characterizing Professor McGonagall. I enjoyed her memories and getting to see her through various things that had happened in her life. Your descriptions were great and easy to follow and your House Elf Edda was adorable! The only thing I found was the one misspelling.

This was great and thanks for the review swap! Keep up the great writing!

-Jenn

Author's Response: Oh, wow, thank you so much!!!
I was so unsure about this story, so I'm really happy to hear that you liked it!!!

I'm just so glad that you liked how I wrote McGonagall, and the memories too! This story kind of wrote itself, most of the memories just happened, without any planning...

Oh, good! So the Dementor attack worked well! So great to hear!!!

Oh, well... I just love house elves...

I'll check the misspelling, thanks for pointing it out!

Thank you so much for the absolutely amazing review! Getting to your review immediatly!!!

So much love,
Chiara


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Review #5, by ScorpiusRose17Blackwater Side: Blackwater Side

23rd August 2015:
Hi!!

So where to start... this was a wonderful One-shot! I really enjoyed the way that you characterized Ron and Harry. Their easy distraction, the messiness, the way that Ron hesitates and the way Harry has that get on with it already attitude.

When you brought up the moment shared between Harry and Ginny I was instantly transferred back to the book! I liked the way you described them and their relationship. It was quite powerful especially when you say this..."it seemed his destiny then to be hers." That is when I feel that their connection started so I was happy to see that pop up.

I also really enjoyed the way you described everything from the messiness to the way Ginny's breath made him shiver and even the way you described London.

You did a great job with this!

Thanks for the review swap! :)

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hi, Jenn.

Thank you for picking this for review swap.
This story was my response for Molly's story of Ginny's POV. Till then, I've never written about mature one before, so I'm happy to know you enjoyed this.

Let's do review swap again!

:) Kenny


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Review #6, by ScorpiusRose17That's Life!: The One With All the Firewhisky

23rd August 2015:
Hi!

I am here with your review! :)

I was excited to see you post a request for this story again in the thread! I have been looking forward to finding out what happens!

This chapter flowed well from the last and throughout this one. I did notice one thing that may not even be an issue, but I figured I would mention it and see what you think and say about it.

"We’d sat around and relaxed for a little while, sometimes turning on the telly and channel surfing before flicking it off after finding nothing worth watching."

- This sentence is fine, but to me it reads a tad weird with you beginning with We'd. It can totally flow along fine with we instead of we'd, but either way is your choice. It was just something I noticed.

I really enjoyed getting to read about the different jobs each of them held. I like the uniqueness of each one and how Charlotte is a bit baffled by the idea of work. When you said the line Old Money... I immediately thought of the movie Titanic when Rose's mother describes Molly Brown as "New Money". It almost made Molly seem sort of snobbish in a sense, but that was okay it worked!

I really thought poor Molly's word vomit was hilarious! Oh the things Firewhiskey will make you say! :)

I am really looking forward to seeing where this goes and the relationship between Molly and Charlotte.

Keep up the superb writing!!!

-Jenn

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Review #7, by ScorpiusRose17Devlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: The Informant

22nd August 2015:
Hi!

Here for the review swap! :)

This was interesting. I really thought you did an amazing job characterizing Harry. It reminded me a lot of the anger that we see coming through in the OotP, but this was different in terms of situation and growth of the character.

Your descriptions are well done. I will admit, whenever I read anyone describing Voldemort I always have high expectations and I want to feel creeped out. I want to have that spine tingling feeling you get when you see something scary. You met that expectation so wonderfully in so little words! I am truly impressed.

You also did a wonderful job drawing me in to the story and I found myself eagerly wanting to know what is going to happen especially with the cliff hanger at the end. I will be adding this to my reading list!

Keep up the awesome writing and I look forward to reading more of your story! :)

-Jenn

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Review #8, by ScorpiusRose17Bonded For Life : Bonded For Life

21st August 2015:
Hi!!

This was lovely! I really enjoy reading sweet stories like this about Lily and James. It really gives you an idea of their happiness among all the chaos that surrounds them outside of their wedding.

I think what I liked the best about this was that it was through James' eyes not Lily's. It makes it that much sweeter and adorable coming from him. I like how you also incorporated his friends into this too, but kept the focus on Lily.

You are a wonderful writer and I look forward to reading more of your work! :)

-Jenn

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Review #9, by ScorpiusRose17Forest: Forest

21st August 2015:
Hi!

I saw this story listed in the One-shot Dobby Noms so I thought I would stop by and give it a read! :)

I don't normally read LGBTQA stories, but this was fabulous! I loved the way that you characterized both Lily and Elia. I also really enjoyed the descriptions and could really picture in my mind everything you described from the look of the trees, to the color of Elia's eyes.

I was happy to see there relationship grow over time. It was sweet and the way that they bonded over baby unicorn's but then went back to that same spot where they first met in the end was nice. It made their friendship and relationship come full circle.

Keep up the awesome work!

-Jenn

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Review #10, by ScorpiusRose17Beside Yourself: Beside Yourself

21st August 2015:
Hi!

As a parent myself this was really hard to read, but I thought you did a superb job of capturing not only how frustrating it can be for a parent, but also how other things such as PTSD and how it can and does effect a persons mind, thoughts and life.

I was instantly sad for Lily at the loss of James. How absorbed her mind was with the fresh loss and then to only be reminded of him every time she looks at her helpless son... you tore my heart out.

I actually enjoyed seeing the angry side of Sirius because he would go to this extreme for James. It felt so real. Also with Remus in how he is the voice of reason and comfort... You just hit the nail on the head with these characters!

I am just completely in awe of how well you were able to take such a serious subject and express it the way you did with these characters in a One-shot. It is just epic!

Keep up the awesome writing and I look forward to reading more of your stories! Happy Birthday by the way! :)

-Jenn

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Review #11, by ScorpiusRose17shock. : Chapter 2

21st August 2015:
This was hauntingly beautiful.

I really love your descriptions and the way the story flows flawlessly as you write. It was easy to feel the story shift from the previous happy chapter to this more serious and angsty chapter. You didn't skip a beat.

You did an awesome job again with characterization. Especially since you are adding two really tough characters to write, Voldemort and Dumbledore.

The only thing I felt was a little off was when Voldemort called Dumbledore Albus.

Overall, I really enjoyed this and you did a fantastic job!

Keep up the awesome work!

-Jenn

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Review #12, by ScorpiusRose17shock. : Chapter 1

21st August 2015:
This is awesome! I love Sirius so what a treat to be able to see him act all goofy and serious as a pirate! I really enjoyed how easy this was to imagine as I read along and I thought you did an excellent job on the way that you characterized everyone. Sirius has never seemed one to back down from a challenge no matter how odd, dangerous or sour it may be! :)

This was great and I look forward to reading on even if I am nervous for the horror side.

Keep up the awesome writing!
-Jenn

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Review #13, by ScorpiusRose17Not Backing Down: There Are Two Houses in the Dungeons

20th August 2015:
Hi again! (Slytherin Hot Seat Author)

Here with another review for you!! :)

This was an interesting chapter on Lucy. I liked how you really made her front and center and give the readers a chance to get to know her and see what she is like.

I liked getting a peak into her day and seeing how she copes with school, other kids and if she is good at magic or not. I don't normally read anything about Lucy, but I thought the way that you characterized her was spot on especially by making a point on how she feels unnoticed in the large family she has.

I am really looking forward to seeing what comes next in this story and I hope you have the chance to post again soon!

Adding this to my favorites!

Keep up the great work!

-Jenn

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Review #14, by ScorpiusRose17Not Backing Down: Prologue: The Den of Wolves

20th August 2015:
Hi there again Slytherin Hot Seat Author!

I am here with another review for you! :)

I thought this was a great way to open a story. I liked getting the details of each character and seeing where they get sorted. I think the biggest surprise to me would have to be James and getting sorted into Slytherin. I think it is an interesting choice and one that I look forward to reading more because you bypassed the norm.

I also really like how you delve into the minds of each of your characters and give us their thoughts and feelings of what they think or feel where they should belong and how they feel about where they have been placed. The insight is great!

I look forward to reading and reviewing the next chapter and finding out how they are all going to fit in these houses... or not.

Keep up the great work!

-Jenn

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Review #15, by ScorpiusRose17All in a Day's Work: The One Where it Rains Clothing

20th August 2015:
Hi there Slytherin "Hot Seat" Author!

I really enjoyed this opening chapter of your story. I like the fact that there is a family that can rival that of the Weasley's when it comes to craziness and many kids. You've also created a great host of characters and you don't shy away from making sure they all individually stand out. I like how they mix flawlessly with the "normal" Next Gen characters.

I am curious to see where this goes and if there is a bit of something going on between Albus and Day!

Keep up the great work! :)

-Jenn

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Review #16, by ScorpiusRose17My Lily: Always

19th August 2015:
Hi!

I am finally here with your review! :)

This was great! I loved the way that you portrayed Snape especially when it came down to describing the houses and his feelings for Lily! I am not one to ship Snape/Lily, but this was really a nice change of pace!

I don't see anything that I would change or add to. I think you did a great job of making this Chapter stand on its own two feet really well.

The only thing I did notice was this...

"He opened his mouth to ask what she was thinking when, suddenly, she leaned in close to Severus and give him a small kiss on the cheek."

-give should be gave.

I did notice another one, but when I went back to copy it, I couldn't find it but I know it is in there somewhere!

Overall, I truly enjoyed this and thought you did a great job with characterizing both Lily and Snape. Especially being the only time you've ever written Snape is impressive!

Keep up the great work!

-Jenn

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review! I'll go back and try and fix that typo - I can't believe I missed something as simple as that! I'm glad you enjoyed my take on Severus and their pre-Hogwarts relationship :)

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Review #17, by ScorpiusRose17The Other Weasley: Vacant Truth

19th August 2015:
Hi!

I am finally here with your review! :)

The flow of this story was good. I know you know about the grammar and other slight issues going on so I won't point those out, but I will mention that once those are addressed, this story will flow perfectly. I don't see any issues with the structure of the chapters either.

I really enjoyed your characterization. I like Molly the best! I don't read much of her in Next Gen so this was quite the treat! I also like Scorpius. I guess what I am trying to say is that you've done an excellent job of making these characters your own and not falling into the characterization cliche' that you could have. It makes them stand out and real the way you've done it.

Overall, this is great! I love the characterization, I like that the story is original and really makes me think about other Next Gen characters in a way that I would have never thought of before. The flow is only slowed down by the issues that you are already aware of and that I know you are in the process of changing. You have a great story here and I am grateful that I was able to review it for you!

Keep up the great work!

-Jenn

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Review #18, by ScorpiusRose17in this moment: i am ticking like clockwork

17th August 2015:
Hi!!

This was an excellent story! I really enjoyed getting to see a different side of Lily and getting to see a different side of James. The progression of your characters was nicely paced and the story also flowed well.

I also enjoyed the foreshadowing of the impending war and how it plays part in opening her eyes. I think the way you write is beautiful and interesting! I look forward to reading more of your writing!! :)

Keep up the good work!

-ScorpiusRose17

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Review #19, by ScorpiusRose17Finding Him: morning.

16th August 2015:
Hi!

I am here with your review!

I really like this chapter. I think you did a great job of capturing my attention and making me want to read on to see what is going to happen to Rose and Scorpius.

I think the plot is brilliant! It can be hard with characters that have been over done with the same general plot idea, but you haven't fallen into that category.

I love the way you have characterized Rose. She's determined, but at the same time reserved. Which is a nice change of pace from other stories. I am really looking forward to seeing her characterization unfold as this continues. Albus was great too. I like the confident, caring, sometimes odd Albus so this totally works for me!

As far as Britishisms, I didn't see anything that stuck out to me. A couple of things I did notice were these:

He has a knowingly look on his face as if he knew I am lying.

-I think you may have meant 'knowing' here in this sentence rather than knowingly.

His continues to observe me, trying to guess what I had been thinking of.

-With this sentence I think you may have meant 'He continued' instead of "His continues..."

The swirl of thoughts clear and is replaced my determination.

-I think you may have meant to say 'replaced by my determination' instead of "replaced my determination. "

Overall, I think you have an excellent opening chapter that captures my attention and makes me want to read more of the story. I really enjoy the characterization of Rose and Albus and that you stay away from making them fall into the normal cliche' characters. The plot is also well explained and promises for a lot to occur. I also found a few spots where some words were mixed up or needed to be changed around, but nothing that took away from the story itself. Those were merely suggestions only.

I hope this review has helped you!

I look forward to reading more!

-Jenn

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Review #20, by ScorpiusRose17Areopagitica: Affiche Rouge

16th August 2015:
Hi!

I am here again with another review for you! :)

I really enjoyed this! This is a great start to a good story. I thought you did a wonderful job of really creating the atmosphere of the second war especially with what was happening inside the castle. It really is engaging.

I like how you started off with Rita Skeeter. You cannot help but roll your eyes when you read anything she writes because you know it's full of lies. Not only that, but it really does set a tone for the entire chapter.

I really thought you did an awesome job of characterizing Neville, Ginny and Luna. I could really get a good sense of their defiance to the new order in the school. I also enjoyed the Carrows. You did an amazing job of making me despise them and really feel for Ginny, Neville and Luna. The pace was great. I didn't feel rushed while reading it or confused as to what was going on at all.

I did notice this one sentence was a bit confusing...

"The tears strung the aging matron’s face as she was forced to watch helplessly as one of her students suffered yet again."

-I think you may have meant stung instead of strung.

Overall, this is a well-written chapter to the beginning of what promises to be an interesting insight to what happened inside the castle during the second war. You did an amazing job drawing my attention with your characterization and description. It was well paced and I look forward to what will happen next!

Keep up the good work! :)

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hi Jenn!

Thanks so much for the review! I've fixed that typo and it should be updated soon! Thanks for pointing it out.

I'm glad you enjoyed this and I hope to see you in my reviews again soon!

Stefanie


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Review #21, by ScorpiusRose17Areopagitica: Prologue

16th August 2015:
Hi!

I am finally here for your review!

This is an interesting prologue. I am drawn in by the secrecy of what role these random objects play in the revolt that is building inside of Hogwarts. I thought you did a great job writing this!

I am looking forward to seeing where this is going!

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hi Jenn!

Thanks so much for the lovely review!

Stefanie


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Review #22, by ScorpiusRose17Rabbit Heart: 29. Secrets of the Heart

16th August 2015:
Hi Pix!

I am finally here with your review! I am so sorry it has taken me this long to once again get to this for you.

Chapter 26: The plot is really unfolding fast and furiously in this chapter. I am so happy to know that it wasn't Bunny who hurt Rose. It was another rabbit instead. I was a bit upset with Wren and the choice that she made. Yes it is selfless, but it is also selfish in a way. I felt bad for Albus who obviously is upset with her for the choice she made too. I understand his sort of devastation and I hope that they are able to work this out in the end. Smeed's story line is really well done and I am really liking how even Nate's uncle ties into this as well. His story was sad. I also really liked how James and Albus are now setting aside everything to work together. This is getting crazy. I mean I knew that this was going to happen, but it is still just insane that something so seemingly innocent can turn into this crazy and wild!

Chapter 27: I am so worried about what is going to happen. I am literally on the edge of my seat!! I am so glad that James is there to help Albus especially with all the prefects being enthralled! I am glad that they are going to find Rose and the others. Hopefully they won't all be enthralled. That Madam Pince is just really gone off the deep end. She almost seems like she is liking this more than they are. No No No... McGonagal what are you thinking!?!? Ugh... No!

Chapter 28: I really loved this chapter! I loved how Neville just sort of feeds the punch to the plant and apologizes to it. I am glad to see that at least some of the students have been saved from the awful Dillon and his evil plan! Oh and I liked how Rose and Scorpius sort of deal with their issues. I also loved the answer to the Ravenclaw Riddle. I really hope that they are able to pull of their plan! I am worried about how they are going to do that now especially with Dillon knowing how to becoming basically immortal thanks to Ian and his big mouth!

Chapter 29: I loved this chapter! Finally Wren admits her feelings for Albus to Rose and Callie! I thought it was hilarious how Rose acted with the pictures and Wren too! I cannot believe that I am saying this, but I am so happy that Bunny is helping Wren. She's right, she cannot do this herself. I love how Bunny is almost like a double agent here! I am glad that Albus and James are safe too and working together. McGonagall is sort of creepy acting all lovey. Oh. My. Goodness... MCGONAGAL! SMEED! WHAT!??!

Overall, this has been an incredible story. I have always thought I kind of had an idea of what was going to happen and that there would be tons of twists and turns, but this was just... just EPIC! I loved the characterizations, the relationships and how they are all banding together to make this story work as the plot releases its wild hidden self! I love it!

Keep up the Superb work!! I am really looking forward to seeing what is going to happen especially after the really large Cliff Hanger at the end!!

-Jenn

Author's Response:

Hi!

Chapter 26: Wren's choice was really hard, but I'd set her up to do this from the very beginning. I hope I sold it well enough that even though it's not what she SHOULD do, it makes sense that she went ahead and did it anyway.

Chapter 27: Pince is definitely not doing anyone favors around this time. And McGonagall's a strong witch. But, yeah. There's this cute little rabbit...

Chapter 28: Hehehe, I love the Neville bit too. One day, when I'm braver, I'd love to tackle him in a main role, but right now I don't have any solid ideas. Rose and Scorpius finally get a chance to talk things through... sort of... but you know there's more chapters left so I couldn't resolve things completely just yet. And also, BAD IAN! You are welcome to yell at him all you want.

Chapter 29: So close! And whee, double-agent Bunny! I bet you never thought you'd write something like that, did you? :P This was one of those Big Scenes that I couldn't wait to write. It's also why Smeed demanded more story. There was a situation after this, let me tell you, but I managed to talk him down.

Thanks so much for sticking with this story all the way through. It's been such a treat getting your thoughts along the way. Two more chapters to go. I hope it resolves in a satisfying way for you.

Pix



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Review #23, by ScorpiusRose17The Kings and Queens of Hogwarts : Bad Christmas Jumpers Are All The Rage

14th August 2015:
Hi Katie!

Here with another review! :)

I really liked this chapter and I can totally feel the anticipation of the impending Ball and I am excited to read that when it comes up! I also really enjoyed getting the chance to meet Mr. and Mrs. Potter. I loved the way that you characterized them.

You did a great job describing the Potter home. I was just as amazed as Lily was when you described her room and the entire house on the tour. You also did a great job with transitioning from Hogwarts to Potter Manor. I really laughed when poor Sirius seemed to get the short end of the stick with the fountain out front! ;)

It is great to see the humor in there with the seriousness. I was really sort of emotional when I read about Marlene's family. Especially the fact that she has a younger sister and knowing what is coming once they leave Hogwarts. It was a bit of a dark moment for me when I read it.

Some of the things that I found were these:

"4th year Slytherins"

- The only reason that I included this is because in your other chapters and later in the paragraph you use the word for the year number instead of the numeral. It just didn't feel consistent when you put 4th year Slytherins and later said sixth year Gryffindors. Just something to think about.

"I swear to Godric, you will be spending your Christmas in bed because you balls will still..."

-Lily is so hostile! :) This one is included because I thought you may have meant the word your in place of you.

"but Mr potter didn’t have James’"

-Potter wasn't capitalized. I saw this occur a lot throughout this chapter. So this would be just something I would watch out for.

"Mrs Potter continued to great her surrogate children and embraced Doe and Sirius tightly,"

-With this, I felt that you may have meant greet instead of great.

"Though once they all steeped into the car through the door and sat on the leather seats,"

-I think you may have meant stepped here instead of steeped.

"James and Doe’s summer and Christmas parties"

-With this spot, I noticed in the beginning that Lily was talking about their New Years and Summer Parties, but not their Christmas Party since Lily I assume has never attended one?

"That right the house had wings.."

-This sentence had double periods and I wasn't sure if you meant to do that? Also, when you read it out loud or silently it seems like you meant to say That's instead of that.

"Lily strongly suspect was a family heirloom, but it still fitted perfectly with the rest of the room."

-This sentence was just weird. I think you may have meant something like this... 'Lily strongly suspected it was a family heirloom, but it still fit perfectly with the rest of the room.'

"Does kept her sweets in."

-I think this was simply missing the apostrophe in Doe's.

Overall, you did a spectacular job of welcoming Mr. and Mrs. Potter into the fold of your list of characters and characterized them really well. You did a great job of giving a look into their lives and did an awesome job with descriptions. I did find somethings that you may want to take into consideration, but they didn't take away from the story. They are also just suggestions and I am not trying to be such a nitpick about it.

Keep up the great work and I am really looking forward to reading the next chapter!! :)

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hey Jenn! :)

thank you for the suggestions, i'll change them right away!

This is one of my favourite chapters and I'm not sure why :') it's probably because I love Christmas so much!
I'm actually writing the ball chapter at the moment! Which is super exciting, I hope it's worth waiting for! :') I think Mr and MRs Potter are great as characters, especially because they've gone against the pure blood norm which the slytherins seem to follow, so i really admire them for that, and especially because they raised their son in the this way. And they are also amazing because they take Sirius in, they are just good hearted people, so i hope i do them justice! (I based them a little on my great aunt and uncle, fun fact for you :'))

I'm glad the transition worked! And the Potter's definitely have everyone dream house, who wouldn't want to live there?! I wanted to make their home so extravagant because it emphasises how modest they are, even with all their wealth.

They adding the McKinnons is so heartbreaking because everyone already knows what happens to them, it'll be heartbreaking when they eventually meet their untimely end... It's quite interesting that it's a dark moment for the story, because if we were to read this before all the harry potters, then it would be seemingly quite happy. It's going to be odd writing them with this in mind :')

Thank you again for such a lovely review!
I'm glad that I have at least one person reading my story :)

Katie :)


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Review #24, by ScorpiusRose17The Kings and Queens of Hogwarts : Detentions, Droppings and Dates

13th August 2015:
Hi Katie!

I am finally here with a review for you! Sorry it has taken me awhile. Real Life got a bit hectic and needed my attention.

I really enjoyed this chapter. I adored getting to see more of Doe and Remus' relationship unfolding and even though it is secret, it's so lovely and fresh.

You did a great job with the pace of this chapter and with the flow. Every transition was smooth and made for some really easy understanding and reading.

A few things I did notice were these spots:
"Their fingers brushed against each other as they walked along the corridors and it took everything within them, not to beam. Or run off to the nearest broom cupboard.."

-There isn't anything wrong with the sentence, but I did see quite a bit of double punctuation with periods throughout this chapter so be careful there!

"Sirius smirked rubbing his hands together eagerly, a little to eager for this detention.."

- With this sentence it was more of a grammar issue with the word to. Since you were meaning more to the extreme, you would want to replace it with the word too. It also had the double period at the end.

"They were weighting for her to dish out the detention from yesterdays mass food fight in the Great Hall, though none of them were overly bothered (apart from Lily who was visibly uncomfortable);"

- I believe you meant to use the word waiting instead of weighting here.

"I don’t think the punishment still has the same effect that it used to have.."

-This sentence was also a grammar issue. Since you were meaning for the word effect to mean some form of producing change or a form of influence, you want to use affect instead. Also, a double period at the end.

"‘She lying her head on my chest right now..’"

-This sentence here read a little weird no matter if it was silently or out loud. I think you may have meant 'She's laying/lying her head on my chest right now." Double period at the end of this sentence too.

"‘I was trying to my romantic!’"

-I think you meant be instead of my in this sentence.

"making Doe shivered noticeably, so without even asking,"

-Just some conflict with the wording of this sentence here. I think you meant to use the word shiver instead of shivered.

This was a wonderful chapter filled with lots of love from Doe and Remus. I really love their story line in this and I adore the fact that Remus has a sense of happiness with her and vice versa. Sirius was hilarious and I could totally picture him with the pink fluffy gloves and freaking out when the Owl pooped on him. I am still laughing at the imagine in my mind now! :)

There were some spots that I noticed somethings that can always be changed, but they are as always only suggestions. The one that I noticed a lot though was double periods at the ends of sentences (I know that's where they go! :) )so be careful of those!

I really like where this story is going and I look forward to reading the next chapter!

Keep up the superb work!

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hey Jenn!

Thanks again for a lovely review :) it really spurs me on to keep writing!
I love Remus and Doe, so I thought i'd give them their own chapter (kind of) :) I'm glad the flow works well because that's something I always worry about!

Thanks for pointing all those bits out, I would never have noticed them otherwise and will definitely change them so it's all right. I'm definitely going to request a Beta read through because I struggle a lot. I'm actually dyslexic so even when I read through, I miss a lot of mistakes :')
and the double punctuation is a really bad habit of mine '..' is actually meant to be '...' but when I text on on social media I only do two dots, I'm not sure why :') but thank you of pointing it out! I'll be sure to keep an eye only bad habit in the future!

I'm really glad you're enjoying my story!

Katie :)


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Review #25, by ScorpiusRose17In Every Stitch: Eight

9th August 2015:
The second person POV always has a way to draw out more relatable emotions in characters and I think this was a great representation of that.

You truly did a great job capturing Molly and her natural instincts to protect and love those who may not be hers. She has a large heart and sees things as they are. You kept her true to her character.

I think you did an awesome job here with conveying the proper emotions, characterizing your character and for taking on the challenge to write in the second person. Molly's thoughts throughout this one-shot were amazingly powerful and brought a tear to my eye as I thought about Harry.

Awesome job!!

-Jenn

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