Reading Reviews From Member: ScorpiusRose17
580 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ScorpiusRose17That's Life!: The One With the Wedding Dress

29th July 2015:

I am so excited to be back to review another story for you!! :)

First off let's just get this out of the way... Friends + Harry Potter = Brilliance! I love both!!
I recognized the chapter reference before I saw and read the disclaimer!

I like how this chapter is short. You need something to open and this felt great to me as a start to a new adventure. I don't read enough Molly/OC's so this is a totally treat!

I liked how you jumped into this story with the break up and carried it through to the tea shop with her surrounded by her friends. Is Louis her friend or are we talking about her cousin Louis? This would be my only confused question. I didn't see anything misspelled or really just odd or strange.

I liked the way you characterized Molly and her sister Lucy. Usually when I read stories containing both characters they are bratty know-it-alls OR they are just whiny and annoying. I was happy to see them stand together as humans and not falling into their normal stereotypes.

I look really forward to reading more of this story as it progresses!!

Keep up the awesome work!! :)

Author's Response: I'm excited that you're excited to be back! It really means a lot to me. I'm glad that you caught the reference before I even mentioned it was a story inspired by Friends. I'd like to think that means I'm doing a good job!

Louis is, indeed, their cousin Louis. It's touched on more in the next chapter but, as this was only a prologue, I just wanted to throw the reader right into the action without any real background on anyone, if that makes any sense. I don't normally see a lot of Molly or Lucy stories out there but, when I do, I do see what you've described so I'm pleased that you can see me standing out from the rest!

When the next chapter is posted I'll be sure to let you know because I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for the feedback :)

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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: Malfoy's Story

29th July 2015:
Hi Alec!

I am here with another review for you!!

Well I must say that this chapter had quite a bit of explaining for Hermione and Ron. I wasn't expecting Draco to be the one that caused part of the rift here in fact I would have sworn it was Krum. Oh well... I liked the twist anyways. Draco as a nice guy has always felt to me a bit far fetched, but it worked here.

As for what is happening to the family... my goodness my poor heart broke for little Roxie. I am not sure how I feel about this chapter in the sense that I am nervous to know if everyone is going to stay alive or if there are people in this room that won't make it home. I also thought that the chapter set up nicely with the cliff hanger and the end... there is the stranger... Oh goodness!

Again, I noticed a lot of little things like spaces between words Ofcourse seemed to be the most prominent of them popping up various times throughout alot fell into this category too. You also will want to reread this chapter as I found a couple of spots that were confusing, but it was just a wording issue. For example: "My jaw rather dramatically dropped." A suggested change would be... 'My jaw dropped rather dramatically.'

No worries though! These are and always will be just suggestions to you for your story.

Keep up the good work!!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Hmm, the reason there was alot of explaining about Ron/Hermione was because I had to justify WHY Hermione had cheated with Malfoy. It had to be believable: she wouldn't just cheat with him out of the blue. But also, I enjoyed writing Draco's back story and I'm glad you found it believable -- that's what I was going for.

As for the main plotline -- if you felt bad for Roxie in this one, I don't know how you'll feel about the next chapter haha... Things will get alot worse for the Weasley family.
As for whether people will or won't die: I can't spoil anything. I hope you understand!

All in all, this definitely wasn't one of my greatest chapters. The next one will be alot better though, I reckon. I'll put this one in the queue to edit the CC you mentioned immediately!


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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17Rabbit Heart: 10. Losing Heart

28th July 2015:

I am here again with another five chapter review for you!!

Chapter 6: I will admit that this chapter had me laughing so hard that my own kids were yelling at me to quiet down!! Poor Scorpius! That rabbit is just one crazy mean fluff ball! Wren is still oblivious that something is happening to her and that the rabbit is the cause well partially. The rabbit is just the puppet while the puppeteer is making his way there. That sneaky Dillon! I like the descriptions of their dorm and that each of them personally puts their own touch on their space of the room. I really would like to see Wren take the photograph job for the Quidditch teams. I think she would be excellent at this! Rose kind of bugs me in a way how she goes about doing things without even telling the person they involve. Her heart is in the right place, but that girls mind is in overdrive. (Not in a bad way!) I felt so bad for Hannah when Augusta was with it. I know what it is like to only get bits and pieces of the true person that a condition has taken over and this broke my heart a bit! Then there is the creepy guy at the Inn that Hannah hired...weird. I have a funny feeling that there is more to what meets the eye with him. He seems to know more than he shows... I guess we shall see.

Chapter 7: I liked that the day started off well for Wren, but that evil rabbit keeps getting in the way! The recurrence of the rabbit really reminds me a lot of OotP. When Harry is always trying to do something and Umbridge constantly throws up as many roadblocks as she can. When I read about the rabbits I sort of hear that little annoying cough Umbridge would do to announce herself or that she wanted to interrupt to hear herself speak! This is curious with her not being able to perform the magic like she use too. I am curious to see what happens from here with it. Awe...poor Rose... undetermined points... and yes, she totally fancies Scorpius. ;) The new guy Mister Summers is quite interesting. I like his response when Ian and Charles give him a rough time for also being a janitor... Take that you know it all Ravenclaws! I still really enjoy the banter between the groups as well and this new guy Nate has me curious. Dillon... there he is... that bad vibe I had earlier is only getting worse towards him.

Chapter 8: Oh Albus... I love how he is determined to get even with James and how he has Scorpius there to help him. James better watch himself! I also really liked the cleverness with the shoe communicators while stinky it proved helpful. I feel really bad for Albus in this chapter because here he has the chance to talk to Wren and again she is in a trance. All the while I am sitting here reading going "Ask her! Ask her!" "Wren, put down that darn rabbit and listen!" He just comes off in this chapter as really defeated and I cannot blame him. Oh and a HUGE win for Albus by actually getting the Marauder's Map! Poor James shouldn't have a moments peace now with it in his hands!! :) I am also happy to see Wren interested in something other than Bunny and going to develop the photos.

Chapter 9: This chapter was really hard for me to read. Not because it wasn't written well or poorly explained, but because I can relate to Wren and the entire ward on a personal level. You did a great job handling a tough subject that many find difficult and unwelcoming to write. I found it especially hard with the words irreversible and condition unchanged. I did like Albus' jokes they were a hoot! Hahaha! :) I feel that Hannah and Wren really needed the moment in the kitchen together. Wren really needed to let it out and Hannah really needed to stand there and hear it. She is right Wren doesn't understand, but any 16 year old will adamantly tell you they do. I saw Wren grow as a character in this chapter a lot especially by the end. Oh and Smeed has something up his sleeve!

Chapter 10: This chapter I started reading just like the others and not giving a second thought about anything else until it popped into my head what Dillon is. Then I started back tracking in my mind and putting all the little details together. I won't post it in the review because I don't want to ruin it for anyone else, but I will say this... well played! I am happy to see Wren normally now instead of being absorbed by Bunnies trance and that Dillon cannot enter her mind. I'm watching you Dillon! Poor Rose! She just cannot catch a break with the points! I am so very happy to see Albus actually stand up and walk over to Wren... I wasn't expecting him to say what he does once they are alone. Sheesh Albus... you had the perfect chance... It will happen. ;) Oh Madam Pince... what did you do to deserve this treatment by a rabbit!? Hahahaha wow... there's the twist...

Again, overall you did an awesome job. I'm in love with your characters...well not so much Dillon, but I shouldn't be should I? I also liked how you handled the tougher situations that came up in these chapters and that they were handled in a way that could make someone like myself relate, but not upset because it was done so carefully. I really appreciate that. I did find a couple of things that were confusing... Chapter 8: The tool shed was originally behind Greenhouse Two then jumped to behind Greenhouse Three. Chapter 10: I am not 100% on if this really needs to be changed, but here is what I found: When Dillon is thinking about his Mum... "She'd sent those letters about him..." She'd send... she'd sent... it was confusing for me. Other than those two spots, I saw nothing else. I really enjoyed these five chapters and look forward to your rerequest for the next five!!

Sorry it took me longer to review these chapters. I had to deal with some family things that were thrown into the mix of life with kids. :)


Author's Response:

Hi again!

These are really great reviews. They give me just enough detail and impression and stuff. Thank you! Don't worry about the family delay. I have those all the time.

Ah, chapter six was fun to write. I'm glad you appreciate the way I write Scorpius, and yes, Rose bugs me too. I can't have her be too sympathetic, or Wren would have more of a friend to lean on. For the purpose of story, I needed Wren to be alone, but not really alone, if you know what I mean.

In chapter seven, it is interesting that you drew a parallel between the way Bunny interrupts and the way that Umbridge is always "there". That's pretty neat, and we'll just pretend I did that on purpose. :P Rose has a hard head. She's not going to go down without a fight. I'm debating on whether this chapter was paced too quickly. If you felt any of that, please let me know. Thanks!

I loved the shoe thing in chapter eight. It was really fun to do that, and also gave Albus something else to do than pine away for Wren, something he does a lot and I was sort of getting sick over. But I hope it all balances out in the end. I'm glad you picked up on his defeated mood. He can't keep this up forever if he gets nothing for it.

Chapter nine had some heavy stuff in it. Thanks for letting me know that it wasn't too much. It just adds to everything else that Wren has to deal with, and she's already not doing so well. I'm glad you saw some character growth out of her at the end of this chapter. Still, she's got a long ways to go.

Ah, and yes, chapter ten has some not so subtle information about Dillon finally. I'm going to pretend that you put the pieces together and congratulate you for your observations. I had in my head the way that I wanted the story mechanics to work, and they ended up being really complex, because RABBIT. But I think I made it work. Let me know if things get confusing.

Thanks for catching the small slips. All these words, and I can hardly keep everything straight in my head. Seriously, every time I want to find something in my story I have to refer to my outline because I can't remember where anything is. Argh! I think I need to write shorter stories.

Thanks so much for the review! I shall re-request again soon.


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Review #4, by ScorpiusRose17Rabbit Heart: 5. Distant Hearts

26th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here with your review!! I have read the first five chapters and I want to start off by saying that this is truly well written. I loved how full the story is and its twists and turns.

In Chapter 1 I felt awful for Wren for having to leave the only home she has known. I remember feeling the same way when I was younger and thought you did a great job of portraying those emotions. A couple of things I did notice in that chapter were these: When Hannah is talking to Wren about going to see Gran... "Neville and I are going to see Gran." If she is talking to Wren then wouldn't it be "Dad and I are going to see Gran" ? Also, I ran into some confusion about when Hannah was talking to Ginny just before Wren says she wants to go see Gran and that her friends will be alright the sentence says..."Well I can't say I was expecting this..." It almost seems like Hannah was trying to say that she was expecting it, but I was confused so I figured I would bring it up.

As for Chapter 2, I really liked this chapter as well. We find out more about what the Longbottoms are going through, what Wren is dealing with,and what poor Gran is dealing with. I will be entirely honest when I say that I didn't realize that Frank and Alice's funerals were what happened in the first chapter when James says "Nice funeral Mrs. L." We are introduced to Dillon in this chapter and I must say that I got a really funny feeling about this guy as soon as she started to walk across the street to him. And he just happened to be carrying a basket full of bunnies around with him...I will tell you right now I was so relieved when I found out they were bunnies because my mind totally thought it was worse than that. Wren does show a bit of naivety when it comes to this boy. The whole thing screams don't and she totally goes for it. I am not sure where this is headed, but I am biting my nails.

Chapter 3: This was the chapter of flying time. I have it out for this bunny...he is pulling some weird things here. I love all the twists you've taken the time to evolve and develop. This time warp is a bit confusing at first because it sort of throws you off guard. Like how could that happen? I also really enjoyed Nellie. She was fun and sassy. I loved her honesty! Even at Wren's expense it was nice to see that someone was watching out for Wren. I felt so awful for Albus! He just wants to be with her and she isn't catching on.

Chapter 4: I liked seeing all of the personalities of her friends and the internal struggle of Albus and his feelings. Poor guy! I also really enjoyed how Albus was determined to not allow James continue to jinx him. James... yeah he's awesome! :) I almost wish Wren would voice her feelings the tension between her and Albus is insane at how it comes through a computer screen. One spot I did notice in the ice cream shop and talking about Lily not coming you had a confusing sentence... "Even thought she got along with Wren" Did you mean 'Even though she got along with Wren...' ? Other than that I didn't see anything else confusing.

Chapter 5: James is taking a bunny home to Albus... Oh my! This Dillon guy has me on the edge of my seat with how he is acting and giving out magic mind tricking bunnies to random people...this cannot be good. I am glad that Wren got more photo stuff for her birthday too and she took advantage in checking Albus out! Hahahaha!

Overall, awesome story so far! I love how cohesive the story is the only couple of confusing things I felt were really not knowing who the funeral was for in the first chapter, but you did find out in the second one. Other than that and the sentences that were confusing were truly it. I love the characters, their banter and the way they carry on. I am worried about this Dillon guy and his bunnies and Hogwarts. The suspense is intense!

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read and review your story! Please stop by the thread and request for the next five chapters!! :)
That way I can keep track easier!


Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for doing this sweeping review thing. It really helps when someone reads a few chapters before commenting, because I get a sense for how things are playing out in the story better.

Ack! I'll squash that typo straight away. Thanks for pointing that out to me!

I can see how a word tweak would smooth over Hannah's part in chapter one. That makes sense. I've gotten comments on the confusion between Gran and Frank and Alice before, but I think for now I will leave it since you seem to be clear in chapter two. If I figure out how to give a short shout out to it in chapter one, I'll go back later and add it in. Hehe, bunnies! Because bunnies aren't dangerous at all...

Ah yes, another typo, but at least that's an easy fix. I'm glad you like these characters and you have the right vibe about Dillon. I would love to stop by for another set of chapters.

Thanks again!


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Review #5, by ScorpiusRose17The Kings and Queens of Hogwarts : Just Another Marauders Day

26th July 2015:
Hi! I just want to start off by welcoming you to the forums and letting you know that I excited to have the opportunity to read and review the first chapter of your story! :)

Let's start off with your areas of concern. Characterization of your characters. I think you did a wonderful job hitting on the traits the signify each of them. For example the "bromance" between Sirius and James. I have never thought of using that word to describe their close friendship before, but it totally works and I love that it is how you described it. Out of your main cast of the six, I REALLY loved how you characterized Remus the most. When I think of him as a character standing alone this is exactly how I see him. I almost feel that because of him the lunacy of the others works really well because you have him and Lily there to ground them all. So a huge kudos for your wonderful characterizations!

I feel that the story works great as it is without coming from a certain point of view which is refreshing. A lot of the time stories will jump between POV's and that can be hard for the reader to determine how the Author is trying to portray the story. I am not saying that POV's don't work, I just feel that your story stands perfectly fine on its own two feet with out it.

I adored how you introduce the readers to your characters before you really delve into the story itself. It gives us some insight as to how and what we should expect from these characters. Not everyone will always agree on certain characteristics, but I love that you put your thoughts into it. That way there isn't any confusion. Also, I love the Marauders! Anything with them is always going to be intense-on-the-edge-of-our-seat-filled-with-comic-relief-goodness! I really enjoyed how you jumped in and didn't hesitate to show them causing trouble! :)

Some things that I did find were all minor little things that can be easily changed. I noticed some capitalizations missed throughout the chapter. Lily's name in a couple of spots was missed along with Potter and Marauders. Also, the number issue... I am someone who thinks that if you start something either stick with it or change it entirely, but don't go back and forth. If that makes sense... I noticed at the beginning that you used 6th years, but later in the sentence you use five years. I would either pick spelling out the numbers entirely for uniformity or I would use the numerals every time. Also, watch out for words being different than you intended... they pop up here and there throughout the story. An example would be "What's was that McKinnon?" You would obviously want to drop the 's from What. Another example is when Peter is speaking and asking "Yeah whatcha?! do Whatcha do?!" Just watch out for the punctuation being in the wrong spot. Please note that these are always just suggestions and you the reader have the final choice over what you take away from reviews.

I really like your story and feel that it has a lot of great characterization and potential. I do think that going ahead and proof reading would help polish up any of those spots I mentioned or any others that you come across in the future. I hope this review was helpful and that you want me to review for you again!

Keep up the good work!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review!

I agree with the punctuation and capitalisation issue, you've pointed out things that I completely missed so I will definitely go through and double check everything again! I've always struggled with that kind of thing :')

I'm glad i've got the characterisation right! Remus is my absolute fav, I just picture him like standing in the middle of chaos, shaking his head in normal everyday life, but when he's just with the others or when he's drunk he's a bit of a joker. Bromance is the perfect way to describe them, I'm pretty sure Sirius is a tad jealous of Lily..

Yeah I chose to just dive straight in because I feel like a longwinded start with the train ride and everything wouldn't be crazy enough for the Marauders!

I'd love for you to review again!
Thank you so much for the praise and advice!

Katie :)

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Review #6, by ScorpiusRose17Olive: Olive Hornby

26th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here with your review! :)

First of all I want to compliment you on how original this story was. I have never read anything with Myrtle unless you count the Harry Potter series themselves. I really liked getting a chance to see things from Myrtle's side and even more so from Olive's side since she is merely a faintly mentioned character. I have never really given any thought as to how Myrtle would react after dying or how she would be able to effect Olive in the way that she does.

The characterization is great. I see and can totally hear Myrtle's voice as I read her shouting or Moaning I guess you could say! ;) I think you did a great job with Professors Dippet and Dumbledore, but the star was definitely Olive. You were able to take a character so under developed and really bring her to life!

The plot is great! Yes the format jumps around because you are trying to keep it in its proper timeline, but I had no problem following it at all. It was almost like reading a diary. I also didn't see any words misspelled, confusing sentences or anything of that nature.

You did a great job with this and I really liked how it starts off predictable with Myrtle dying because she is being teased, but then it ends for Olive with such relief that the nightmare she created finally will stop. Oh and I really liked how there was a delay in the way that the Ministry responded. This is so true in real life how most divisions in government take their time getting around to what needs to be done.

Thank you for asking me to read and review this! I really enjoyed your story and look forward to reading more of your stories in the future! :)


Author's Response: I've always had a soft spot for Moaning Myrtle. I've always been interested in her character and her story so I was thrilled when this plot bunny popped into my mind!

I think one of the greatest compliments someone can receive when writing a canon character is that the reader hears said character's voice as they read, so thank you for that! Olive was a little hard to bring to life because I had to balance her teasing side with her more sympathetic side, so I'm glad you think I've done her justice.

Thank you for reviewing and making me smile with your kind words! I'll probably be dropping by your review thread again some time in the future :)

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Review #7, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: Home

25th July 2015:
Hi! Here is another review!!

I liked how this chapter divulged more of the plot's background secondary happenings. I wanted clarification from Ron on why he was a complete prat to Hermione and here it was. The two of them have been doing this ever since they liked eachother way back since the first Harry Potter book and here it is carrying over into life long after. I loved the dog! I was again a bit confused at first as to who's POV it was in, but it wasn't totally bothersome.

This old man has me questioning a lot more than I probably should, but there are things that he says that make me wonder somethings. I don't want to share too many of them, but he has a Dumbledore-ness nature to him that sort of creeps me out and intrigues me at the same time.

The pace is nice in this chapter and I only found one thing that I could complain about! :) The very end when he looked out the window to see that the clouds have cleared it is the would catched that doesn't fit here. I would suggest a change to the word caught... "I caught a peek out of the window..." Hopefully that makes sense.

I cannot wait to see what else is going to happen with Rudolphus, The Weasley family/Potters and their friends, Ron and Hermione's relationship, is Louis or Hugo going to end up with Loriette and what about Scorpius and Rose? I guess we shall see!

Thanks for asking me to review for you! Please make sure you post to the review thread when a new chapter comes up!!

Keep up the good work!! :)

Author's Response: Hey!

So, I've finally answered all of the reviews in your review-athon and it was a blast! Its seriously one of the best feelings ever for an aspiring writer to read about what someone thought of your story, and I've barely got people who've read through it all so what you did is super appreciated!

I actually didn't intend to have any speculation on who's POV it was at the beginning; Padfoot made references to his snout, paw and he was tied up so I hoped it would be clear it was the POV of an unknown dog. Luckily the confusion wasn't bothersome to you!

I actually think its too bad you didn't reveal your speculations about the old man, it would have been amusing to read! In any case: there's still actually a little bit to Ron/Hermione's story which you'll learn about in the next chapter. After that, we'll get on with the main plotline (stopping Lestrange)

Thanks so much for reviewing! I PM'ed you instead of posting in the review thread that there's a new chapter sorry! I won't do it again, but I hope you won't mind for this one time.

Thanks again! You're the absolute best!


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Review #8, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: Revelations

25th July 2015:
Hi! Yay another review on its way to you!! :)

So wow. Here we go. This plot is crazy. I mean crazy. I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around everything I read! This is craziness! Rudolphus Lestrange back from the thought you were dead group to this insanely scary fact that he now has more power than anyone else in the world from the spell book he stole not to mention he even got the last time turner. Why oh why does magic have to be so complicated sometimes that they think "Oh yeah let's just make these things in case this happens." Yes, in case some 15 year old somethings break into the ministry and destroy your entire stock of time turners that you leave all bunched up in one room...Sorry I feel better after getting that all out. Usually I don't rant like this in a review. the plot... Here we go... As I said in my last review this is going to get so much worse before any of it gets better. I am worried about the Weasley/Potter clan and their friends. Madness in the hands of crazy only equals - in this case- Rudolphus Lestrange. And to hear how Slughorn describes what happened only makes me worry more.
I love this so don't get me wrong.

I feel a little confused in the beginning because it took me a few lines to realize that it is Hugo's POV that we are reading about. Other than that and a few minor misspellings I saw nothing that was concerning. The pace/flow moves a tad slower when Slughorn is speaking, but I am not sure if that is just because I picture him being more slow in the way he normally talks or if it is because I am trying to absorb all the plot info that he is giving out. I will lean towards the latter of my thoughts.

I do feel anxious reading this now, but totally in a good way.

You've done a great job so far, so please continue to good work!

Author's Response: Woww I could almost FEEL your excitement with this one, and that only makes me super excited as well!!

I was aiming for the plot to be extremely crazy! Yep, so now we have Lestrange who is pretty much the most powerful wizard in the world atm.
Whether the Weasley's will be able to stop him (and HOW they will/wont stop him) will be explored in future chapters.

Don't apologize for your rant, I found it extremely amusing hahaha ^^
The possible small confusion at the beginning was intended, actually. I made it not last for too long to avoid It becoming annoying, I hope it didn't bother you.

I sure do hope you continue reading! Your excitement is making me so happy I can't even :D

Thanks and god bless your beautiful soul! Woohoo!!


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Review #9, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: The Fury of the Flaming Fiendfyre

25th July 2015:
Hi! Here with another review!!

Oh my this is getting interesting!

First with Harry and Hermione!I really enjoyed the background information as to what happened or what started all of the rift between her and Ron. While I can totally sympathize with Ron about Viktor and his deep insecurities, he ought to know better than that too. I feel horrible for Hermione who was obviously afraid to do a job she was asked to by the Minister of Magic because she was sure what would happen with Ron. Poor girl...usually it is a female who is insecure or jealous, but Ron really takes the cake with his jealousy here.

Holy Fiendfyre!! This is quite action packed here! All I could think about was... How on earth are they going to get out of this one?! And now Rudolphus Lestrange is in the mix... This is going to get ugly before it gets better! I cannot wait to see what you have in store for his character. I really enjoy the depths of the way the Death Eaters worked and how crazy their minds were.

Also, you did a superb job at hitting the nail on the head with characterizing Kingsley. That is honestly some of the best I've seen of him. The way he spoke, just worked really well and made me picture his calm demeanor among all the brutality of the Battle for Hogwarts.

The plot is in over load and now exploding onto the computer screen as you introduce the baddy! :) I thought the pacing was great and the flow was nice with only a few minor spots here and there that could be corrected if you proof read. (I know I say this a lot...sorry).

Keep up the good work!!

Author's Response: Well, as you perhaps know now, there's still more to Ron/Hermione's story! But this was the beginning.

Yup, Ron sure has a feminine side, although he would never admit it. I'm surprised but thankful for how well you think I portrayed Kingsley -- I never paid much attention to that but it sure is nice to hear :)

There's a bunch in store for Lestrange's character, I can't wait for you to read it!!

Thanks again for all your reviews!


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Review #10, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: Broken Bonds

25th July 2015:
Hi! Yay another review!! :)

Holy Cow Dementors... AGAIN! What a bunch of soul sucking stinkers they are! Not to mention the all out fight between Harry and

What is going on with Ron and Hermione is all I could think about. Then we have this huge brawl in an alley between Harry and Ron and Hermione takes Ron out with a pipe...I am lost for words. I mean I wholeheartedly agree with Harry that this is absurd on Ron and Hermione's ends, but WOW. How could they go from Ron and Hermione to this!? I am really looking forward to seeing where there relationship does and doesn't go. Poor Ron though, the dude really needs to get over the petty crap that happened years ago.

The Dementors...oh man. The stuff is really going to hit the fan isn't it? First Molly, then you have Hugo getting attacked! I did love how he was teased by the family though for his crush on Loriette. Typical Weasley family! :)

Only a few minor misspellings throughout the chapter like panick-panic. Other than that there really wasn't much else. Again, proof reading would be best to pick these out and correct them, but as always these are merely suggestions to you from a readers perspective.

I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Yep, there definitely was some heavy stuff in this chapter.

who'd ever thought Hermione would end up taking Ron out with a pipe while her son was battling 2 dementors?

About Ron getting over his insecurities, I'd say that, since its Ron, he simply has a very hard time doing so.

Stuff is going to hit the fan indeed, like, with the force of a bazooka. I do proofread, but I just read over certain things. I, however, will edit everything you mentioned!


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Review #11, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: The Dementor Attack

25th July 2015:
Hi! Another review here for you! :)

I liked this chapter. I like the way that you portray Louis. I don't usually read a lot about him, but this is a good strong character. I also liked how Hugo kept Louis thinking and challenging him.

I only found a few things that slowed the flow of the story down. A couple of sentences that didn't sound right. There was one in Louis' POV and one in Molly's. Also a few words were misspelled, but these are again minor.

The pace is nice, the plot is evolving and it is interestingly original on how your story is being told. A lot has happened in this chapter. Two boys fighting over the same girl, a dementor attacking Molly, and Harry freaking out by interrupting quiet time with Ginny because of Ron and Hermione's secret. I am really looking forward to what is going to happen next!

Keep up the great work and don't forget to proof read! :)

Author's Response: Hey!

I'm surprised you like Louis, he's actually one of my least favorites (I still like him though) but I guess I can see why.

The CC will be edited! On to the next one!


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Review #12, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: Weasley Partying!

25th July 2015:
Hi! I have another review for you! :)

I enjoyed this chapter in seeing what happened with Snape. I am a bit confused though, but I am sure that the answers will come as the story continues. The plot is really picking up. This wasn't my favorite chapter, but I agree with your Author's note that it had to be done. Not all the chapters are going to be the funniest or grabs your attention the most so kudos for sticking with it and doing what needed to be done.

I like the different point of view here. It gives the situation a bit more depth. The pace is fine too. It definitely is original with the plot twisting all over the place with a Snape relative. Who would have seen that coming!? Not me! :)

Minor things: words without spaces ex: "Fine,fine,fine" to Fine, fine, fine. Wich to which and other minor misspellings. Just be vigilant when you reread or proof read to watch out for things that may not make sense or don't seem like they are spelled right.

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Yup, to this day this is my least favorite chapter but I don't know how to make it better, plot wise. It just had to be done. At least I surprised you with Snape actually being Snape's relative and not actual Snape. It's interesting to think about, I reckon: Snape must have had some relatives, right? So this could have happened ( in theory and with a huge load of coincidence)

Anyways, I'll use the CC when I'm going to revise this chapter! Thanks so much, I can't thank you enough :')


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Review #13, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: The Wizard Ninja

25th July 2015:
Hi! Back with another review!

Wow...I was not expecting the butt cheeks to come off. That was...different, hilarious, but different. :) The characters are once again wonderful in your interpretation of them. The plot is pacing along quite nice and there is a ton of originality going on.

Again, things that I spotted were all minor and can easily be polished up. The word wich crops up again, also the spell you have as Reparo is Repairo. Also, you have words that are missing spaces between them and the next word. Do you speak Dutch? If not how are you going about getting the translations from English to Dutch?

My continued suggestion is that you proof read or reread the chapters over to fix these little things. You're doing a great job with the story overall and I really am enjoying it!


Author's Response: Haha I'm Dutch! That's partly the reason I made them go on vacation here! So all the Dutch talking and other Dutch-related stuff won't be a problem.

This chapter was primarily comedic, I'm glad it carried over. Thanks for the CC & overall review!


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Review #14, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: Family Quidditch and The Lovegood's Nargle Dance

25th July 2015:
Hi again!! Here with another review!! :)

Wow. Lots of things are happening in this chapter and let's put it this way...BOMBSHELL ENDING! Holy cow! I did not see that coming!

I really enjoyed the characterization here. I think with such a large amount of characters making tiny appearances to being the front runners to the story is a hard task to give them all the individual attention they deserve, but you are doing a great job here making sure they "Speak for themselves". I hope that makes sense.

Again, the only things I see are minor things. Spaces between words and punctuation missing. Using the word brake when you mean break. Brake is only normally found in a car everything else you break. ;) Its and It's makes an appearance in this chapter as well and are a bit mixed up. Usually with numbers...anything under 20 you spell out, but that isn't a huge deal and that "rule" is commonly not agreed upon all the time. Just something for you to think about.

I am eager to see what happens next in this very drama filled craziness Weasley style!!


Author's Response: WOOHOO! I was totally going for a good ending with this one! Calling it 'bombshell' is so flattering I can't stop grinning like an absolute twat from reading it.

I think I get what you mean -- I tried to make every character its own character, not just an add-on for the sake of being an add-on. Sure, there are less important characters because if EVERYONE was super important this story wouldn't flow so smoothly I think.

Again, thanks for pointing the CC out! I'll revise all chapters soon and I'll be looking at your CC as I do so!

Thanks a bunch! :) Alec

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Review #15, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: The City of Nargles

25th July 2015:
Hi! I am back again with another review!

I really thought this chapter got the characters and their personalities right. Not that you didn't before, but it comes through more for me as a reader in this chapter. Especially when Harry is getting annoyed by George and Ron! The banter back and forth between everyone is great and Hugo has quite the sharp personality for someone his age.

I didn't see any confusing sentences in this chapter. Actually, the only things I did see that stood out were minor things. Wich-which, alot- a lot, Mom-Mum. I also saw a couple of spaces missed between words and/or punctuation. All things, as you could probably guess, that could be polished up if you take the time to proof read. Also, just be as consistent as you can in your choice of words that you use like the Mom or Mum. It feels sort of jumpy when I read Mum and then some-odd-number-of-sentences-later I read Mom.

The pace is great and I can really see that the plot is starting to vamp up. All those kids out and about in Amsterdam... TROUBLE! :)

I look forward to seeing what happens!

Author's Response: Hey!

Yess, my main goal with this chapter seems to be brought over well. With this one, I wanted to show their personalities more, primarily. Besides that, I wanted to write some silly humor. I'm super glad you like Hugo! He's definitely one of my favorites!

Again, the CC you mentioned will be edited. Since they're so small things I read over them when proofreading -- but I'm so thankful you noticed and pointed them out, I want my story to be the absolute best it can be! Thanks a bunch :)


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Review #16, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: On Their Way

24th July 2015:
Hi there! Here with another review!

It's Rose for the win!! :)

Another good chapter. I really liked the characterization as it begins to delve more into the story and things start happening. I will honestly admit to you that I laughed probably way more than I should have with "Weed." James said bluntly. I am laughing again.

Pacing here is great it isn't too fast or too slow. It was also definitely funny. I adore this group of mismatched people so much and all their quirks!

I only noticed about a handful of things in this chapter compared to the first... when Mr.Weasley calls them all together to go over the rules you use the word ensemble the word I think you were actually looking for is assemble(d). Also, "As I was walking next to Louis, Dom's little brother... i." It should be a capital. The last spot I noticed two things in the same sentence... "As everyone looked at her in panick..." Panic. And "forgot my diary on the airport." I believe you meant in not on. I know I am a nit pick.

Again really super minor things that can easily be cleaned up. I really like this story so far and I look forward to finding out where it goes from here other than Amsterdam...which is an awesome choice for such a crazy bunch of people.

Keep up the great work!! :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Yeah, I don't know if I should be proud that Holland is so known for weed, but I'm going to choose to be! Rose for the win indeed!

I'll edit the mistakes you pointed out soon! I'm so glad you liked this one ^^


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Review #17, by ScorpiusRose17A Weasley Vacation: Meet the Weasley's!

24th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here with your review!! :)

I just want to start off with saying that I am really excited to see where this story goes. I love the Weasley/Potter/Longbottoms and Scamanders. I love that you ended it on a cliff hanger because I was really wondering who won the bet. Which one of them will have the bragging rights?! :)

As for your concerns, I do find that this is original. I have never really read anything or every really imagined what it would be like if you got all of them together like that besides crazy! So a huge kudos for you taking on this many characters at a time. I also like your characterization.

As for the plot in this chapter alone, I cannot tell or say much about since the story isn't in full gear here yet. I do find the story funny. Weasley's are naturally funny so that is already playing in here.

Things I found while reading:

Some of the things that I found that seemed a bit confusing were these: The first sentence... "It was a, for England, very uncharacteristically a rainy day at the Burrow." It is confusing to me because England is usually rainy a good amount of time. That and when you read the sentence aloud, it just doesn't roll off the mouth as well as a sentence should.

Here are a couple other places where sentences were a bit confusing... "combined awful much power." I would suggest either 'combined with an awful lot of power' or 'combined with too much power.'

When Dom snaps at Hugo and it brings him back to the present train of thought it is somewhat confusing too. "Huh what?" Me over thinking..." I would again suggest a change to help with the flow like adding in a reaction like him jumping in surprise and Dom yelling.

Other things are more simple like spelling or changing a sentence around to make it flow a little better. In the paragraph where Albus is excited the word used is exited. When you introduce Loriette, you mention she skipped "forth year and is now in fith." They should be fourth and fifth. Also, when she is introduced, there was some confusion with the sentence that almost made her seem like a triplet of the twins Lysander and Lorcan. I would suggest a change to the sentence to make it flow smoother.

Your use of Mum and Mom. It changes throughout the story a few times. Also throughout the story there were a couple of times when I ran across alot and wich. Alot has a lot of room between a and lot and wich should be which. Lastly I found that Rose was asking a question about where they thought they were going but you used "Rose said skeptically." But it was a question so asked would fit better than said.

These are all really minor things in the story that can easily be changed and polished up. Just take your time in rereading. This story has a lot of great qualities and is loaded with potential so do not feel discouraged one bit! You're doing great!

I look forward to reading more of your story!!

Author's Response: Finally responding to you reviews! Sorry it took so long, I was very busy with writing chapter 13!

I'm glad you find the idea original; I find originality very important for everything I write. As you said, I agree the plot hasnt really started yet so there isn't much to talk about that part. Taking on so many characters can be a hassle when they're all together, but its fun!

I'll get to all CC you mentioned in an edit!

Thanks so much! Like, really.


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Review #18, by ScorpiusRose17Stand Tall: Hands Touch

19th October 2014:

I just wanted to start off by saying that I was reading through a section on the forums and saw that there was a story being written about CP, so I had to stop by and read it.

I really enjoyed this first chapter and getting to know who Alba is as a person. I think that is something that people forget is that no matter the disability the person is still them. She voices that when James mistakes her for a robot. I really liked that part. Kids and the innocent things that come out of their mouths. :)

I love and admire Alba's determination. She wants to prove herself. I like how she can joke about the serious issues like falling "6 out of 10" She just knows it happens at times and James is super awesome for not being afraid to stay behind and help her. Ego is something I always expect from James, but I am happy to see it deflate a bit when needed.

I look forward to reading more of this story and how your character deals with their disability in the wizarding world. CP is something near and dear to me as well as someone special in my life suffers from its effects.

Have an awesome day!! And keep up the awesome writing!!

-SR17 :)

Author's Response: Wow, I'm glad you decided to stop by!

I also have someone close to me with CP. It's nice to hear that you enjoyed my portrayal. Thank you so much for the lovely review. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as much as this. +]

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Review #19, by ScorpiusRose17Love is blind...Also cruel, painful and sometimes drives you insane.: Most Loyal

18th October 2014:
This is a really interesting one-shot. I don't normally read or write many with Bellatrix in them so this was fun to read.

I liked how you kept her real. She really is that character that will play with her food before she eats it and she never disappoints. She is just one of those characters that is also predictable, but you were able to keep me guessing throughout.

I like how Yaxley isn't afraid to put his two cents into her. A lot of the characters run the other way when Bellatrix confronts them, even her own husband seems scared of her, but I like how you chose Yaxley. Even in the books he seemed to be more... eye rolling at her all the time.

This was a fun One-shot and I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your stories in the future!

Slthyerin Review! :)

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Review #20, by ScorpiusRose17Knock on Wood: No One Does That

16th September 2014:
Finally they are friends again!! Those last chapters were rough. I felt bad for Hannah and I felt bad for Fred because I can totally understand where they are both coming from. The banter between them is just... there are no words to describe it! I love them. They make you laugh, they make you cry, they make you believe that they are real and that is the genius to not only them, but to you! :)

I am happy to see that they are still annoying Albus. :) Especially when Quidditch interrupts study time for the big exams. Also when they sneak out and Rose and Scorpius are patrolling. He knows they are there and yet, if you look at it you can see the annoyance in Rose it is very subtle or maybe it is just me? Someone like Scorpius who should be perceptive considering his parentage, is neglectful in catching this tiny little trade off between them. They annoyed me and it just doesn't feel right between them (R & S) Maybe it is because I know Hannah is going to spill the beans or at least I hope she does to Rose about Scorpius.

I cannot wait to see how this is going to end! I really have hopes for certain things and I know with you letting the characters guide you instead of being forced out, it's going to be great!


P.S. Sorry I have been away so long!

Author's Response: JENN YOU'RE HERE! *hugs* You have no idea how happy I was to see your name pop up! It's so good to hear from you!

:D They are! aw, thank you! I love them a lot. They're very fun to write.

haha.. It wouldn't be Hannah and Fred without annoying Albus.

Yes! Rose is very subtle about it, but it's a mix of annoyance and stress from exams. Scorpius is (obviously :p) pretty competitive and wants to win. And so catching someone out after bedtime would just be an excuse for Slytherin.

I'm so happy you came by! This made my day to see your name come up! I love hearing your opinions because you always pick out those little things that I try to push subtly in there. Thank you so much dear! Hope to see you around more!

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Review #21, by ScorpiusRose17Iridescent Hearts: Amber Ruby Malfoy: Crazy Grim Reapers

20th January 2013:
Oh my goodness! What a crazy ride this was! I was going back and forth between the past and present times just in anticipation over who she was going to have to marry and why they needed to marry the Potter kids.

I LOVED that I wasn't sure who she was going to marry until the end right before she walks down the asile.

This was very jumpy, but it flowed well between memory and current times. You did a fabulous job.
Keep up the great writing!

-SR17 :)

Author's Response: Thank you dear! Im glad you liked it so much =)

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Review #22, by ScorpiusRose17Pregnancy Jitters: Caught?

20th January 2013:
This is an interesting beginning. I like the description. It's not over powering and placed sporaticly throughout thst it is easier to follow especially with this being a short chapter. I would have liked more description about Ruby though. What does she look like? What color is her hair? Those little things made me really wonder about her character. It also intrigues me because now I want to know what she looks like.

I think you did a great job with Al and characterizing him. He is caring, yet has his annoyances. He doesn't understand his wife and lets face it the Potter men usually don't and don't like to question them. You played into that and that is what I saw.

I was sort of upset with Ruby in the end because she wakes Al up and she's mad. I guess it is more curiosity than anything else as to what this explosion is going to be like.

Again, I really liked this chapter and I am curious to find out more about your characters and what on earth they are going to fight about. It will definitely be dramatic.

Keep up the good writing! :)


Author's Response: Thank you! Im glad you liked the update =)

I will be adding more about Ruby soon promise :D

aww haah well you will see why Ruby was freaking out soon :P It was for a good reason... well kinda haha

thank you!

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Review #23, by ScorpiusRose17Task One Challenge: Chapter One

19th January 2013:
Hi there!

I really liked this story! Wooo go Slytherin! He's one crazy mad man in this story, but that is what I love about him!! He has that determination and sense of loyalty to those that mean something to him. It's a well done representation!

I could easily picture the bar fight in my mind as I read along and I was even cheering him on! :) They should have known better than taking on Salazar. Poor fools.

Keep up the awesome writing!!! :)


P.s. I love the name Christiana

Author's Response: Thanks Jenn, I miss talking to you. I hope you are doing well

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Review #24, by ScorpiusRose17Narcissa's Choice: Narcissa's Choice

19th January 2013:
I really liked this One-shot. I thought you did a great job capturing the characterizations of the Black family. Even their response to Andromeda being pregnant and at Hogwarts to see Narcissa graduate was just how I would picture them to be. I did find myself laughing a couple of times at how proper the family is and thinking about how things actually turn out in the end of the series. They are quite the passionate group of people.

I also liked how you made Narcissa really think about what she wanted rather than rushing into it. She really is and always has been a divided character and seeing that trait come out in this story was wonderful. I also really enjoyed Bellatrix. She is just this insane character and always laughs, I find, at the most inappropriate times which adds to her insane-ness. :)

I did find a couple of places where the wording didn't flow well because of the tenses used. It's not a huge deal, but I thought I would mention it anyways.

Keep up the great writing! I look forward to reading more of your stories!! :)


Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review - and a long one too, I love those! ;)

I'm so happy that you liked this one-shot. The idea just came to me one night, so I thought I'd write it down. I guess I just imagine them as being overly proper, trying to make everything 'perfect', but failing miserably! That's what I love about Harry Potter - even the smaller characters, like Narcissa, has such an interesting background...

Yes, I thought it was quite hard to write about Bellatrix, actually, because she is such a special character. A great character, yes, but a tricky one all the same!

I will definitely take a second look on this story and try to edit it to the better. English is not my native language so I do make mistakes sometimes, but I'll try to improve :)

Thank you again! Your review has made me so happy, I hope you know that! I think you just made my day :)

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Review #25, by ScorpiusRose17Tomorrow's A Hope: Chapter One

19th January 2013:
Hi there!

This is brilliant! I really enjoyed how you took a moment from the books and gave it your own twist. I also really like the fact that it is tied in with something that is so human that people can understand and relate to. There aren't many stories on the archives that talk about or have the character deal with such a life altering diagnosis such as Cancer. It really gives the character more impact.

You did a wonderful job with your descriptions that I could easily picture myself as if I were standing nect to Hermione as the chapter went on. I really like that quality when I read and you made it flow effortlessly.

I loved the emotion and the understanding of what the character is going through, how it affects the others in her life. Whenever I picture Hermione I always see her as this strong, independent, smart woman who would do anything for anyone even if it meant making her upset. You really understand her character.

The only thing that I did notice was that when she was listening to her parents, you had mentioned that previously midnight had already arrived, but when she is listening and thinking about what tomorrow is going to bring, it is technically already the day that she will be altering their memories. I don't mean to sound critical over something small, but I just wanted to point it out.

Keep up the awesome writing!!! I am definitley adding this to my favorites!! :)


Recensio 2013

Author's Response: Awe thank you so much for the awesome review! I'm going to skip right to the last bit about midnight and then saying tomorrow. I know for myself, even if its after midnight and I'm still awake, I will still refer it as tomorrow even though it is technically the next day. I know at least quite a few other people do the same thing as well. I say it that way because I have not yet gone to sleep so I still see it as tomorrow. I hope that's not too confusing to understand.

I'm really glad that you feel that I understand my character. Hermione is actually one of my favorite characters to write, which may be noticed if one takes a look at my authors page as I have quite a few that feature her as the main character. This review is really wonderful! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!


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