Oh my goodness! What a crazy ride this was! I was going back and forth between the past and present times just in anticipation over who she was going to have to marry and why they needed to marry the Potter kids.
I LOVED that I wasn't sure who she was going to marry until the end right before she walks down the asile.
This was very jumpy, but it flowed well between memory and current times. You did a fabulous job.
Keep up the great writing!
-SR17 :)Author's Response: Thank you dear! Im glad you liked it so much =)
This is an interesting beginning. I like the description. It's not over powering and placed sporaticly throughout thst it is easier to follow especially with this being a short chapter. I would have liked more description about Ruby though. What does she look like? What color is her hair? Those little things made me really wonder about her character. It also intrigues me because now I want to know what she looks like.
I think you did a great job with Al and characterizing him. He is caring, yet has his annoyances. He doesn't understand his wife and lets face it the Potter men usually don't and don't like to question them. You played into that and that is what I saw.
I was sort of upset with Ruby in the end because she wakes Al up and she's mad. I guess it is more curiosity than anything else as to what this explosion is going to be like.
Again, I really liked this chapter and I am curious to find out more about your characters and what on earth they are going to fight about. It will definitely be dramatic.
Keep up the good writing! :)
-SR17Author's Response: Thank you! Im glad you liked the update =)
I will be adding more about Ruby soon promise :D
aww haah well you will see why Ruby was freaking out soon :P It was for a good reason... well kinda haha
thank you! Report Review
I really liked this story! Wooo go Slytherin! He's one crazy mad man in this story, but that is what I love about him!! He has that determination and sense of loyalty to those that mean something to him. It's a well done representation!
I could easily picture the bar fight in my mind as I read along and I was even cheering him on! :) They should have known better than taking on Salazar. Poor fools.
Keep up the awesome writing!!! :)
P.s. I love the name ChristianaAuthor's Response: Thanks Jenn, I miss talking to you. I hope you are doing well Report Review
I really liked this One-shot. I thought you did a great job capturing the characterizations of the Black family. Even their response to Andromeda being pregnant and at Hogwarts to see Narcissa graduate was just how I would picture them to be. I did find myself laughing a couple of times at how proper the family is and thinking about how things actually turn out in the end of the series. They are quite the passionate group of people.
I also liked how you made Narcissa really think about what she wanted rather than rushing into it. She really is and always has been a divided character and seeing that trait come out in this story was wonderful. I also really enjoyed Bellatrix. She is just this insane character and always laughs, I find, at the most inappropriate times which adds to her insane-ness. :)
I did find a couple of places where the wording didn't flow well because of the tenses used. It's not a huge deal, but I thought I would mention it anyways.
Keep up the great writing! I look forward to reading more of your stories!! :)
-ScorpiusRose17Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review - and a long one too, I love those! ;)
I'm so happy that you liked this one-shot. The idea just came to me one night, so I thought I'd write it down. I guess I just imagine them as being overly proper, trying to make everything 'perfect', but failing miserably! That's what I love about Harry Potter - even the smaller characters, like Narcissa, has such an interesting background...
Yes, I thought it was quite hard to write about Bellatrix, actually, because she is such a special character. A great character, yes, but a tricky one all the same!
I will definitely take a second look on this story and try to edit it to the better. English is not my native language so I do make mistakes sometimes, but I'll try to improve :)
Thank you again! Your review has made me so happy, I hope you know that! I think you just made my day :) Report Review
This is brilliant! I really enjoyed how you took a moment from the books and gave it your own twist. I also really like the fact that it is tied in with something that is so human that people can understand and relate to. There aren't many stories on the archives that talk about or have the character deal with such a life altering diagnosis such as Cancer. It really gives the character more impact.
You did a wonderful job with your descriptions that I could easily picture myself as if I were standing nect to Hermione as the chapter went on. I really like that quality when I read and you made it flow effortlessly.
I loved the emotion and the understanding of what the character is going through, how it affects the others in her life. Whenever I picture Hermione I always see her as this strong, independent, smart woman who would do anything for anyone even if it meant making her upset. You really understand her character.
The only thing that I did notice was that when she was listening to her parents, you had mentioned that previously midnight had already arrived, but when she is listening and thinking about what tomorrow is going to bring, it is technically already the day that she will be altering their memories. I don't mean to sound critical over something small, but I just wanted to point it out.
Keep up the awesome writing!!! I am definitley adding this to my favorites!! :)
Recensio 2013 Report Review
Okay so I haven't reviewed all of the other chapters of this story and I wanted to wait until now.
I loved this story! I laughed, I cried and cheered and gasped in all the right places of the story. Never since I have been part of this site have I ever read someone portray Scorpius and Rose like you do and I just want to say thank you for being brilliant!
I was sure that I had an idea of where the story was going to go and then came surprise after surprise. I felt so horrible when Albus died and I cried when him and Rose visited in between. It was very touching.
Thank you for a story that makes the readers so interested that I for one could not stop reading. I cannot wait to start reading Make You Feel My Love.
Keep up the awesome writing!!! :)
SR17Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! Unfortunately I'm not updating on this site any longer so if you just look at my authors note the information to find this story will be on there. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm so glad you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it! THANK YOU! Report Review
Alrighty lets get down to business on this review...
Peter was perfectly added into this chapter. I really enjoyed the humor and reality that he expressed in the beginning. You really did a wonderful job making sure we saw Peter for who he is. He has this great balance of sneakiness which adds to who he becomes later on when he's older, that feeling of weakness surrounding himself around those who he finds will protect him, and cleverness to a fault. He lacks in magical abilities, but he makes up for it with his determination to wanting to fit in with the coolest kids in school. I hope all this makes sense.
I really liked seeing Remus's internal conflict between fitting in and knowing that this couldn't be the best way to go about things. He as a character has a lot that he wants to prove to the world and is torn because the one thing he wants more than anything in the world is friends. I could see aspects of his character building throughout the chapter as to who he will be when he is an adult. It worke well within this chapter. It really gives us insight as to who he is when he becomes a prefect later on. He is already grasping the way his friends respond to people who hold a title and think they are better than others. This shows us why he didn't do anything when Sirius and James went after Severus when he called Lily a Mudblood.
Him telling them off was something I could see him doing. Of the four Remus is definitetly the more level headed one. He was really able to test the waters when he told them off and realized that James was right they are all the same. It doesn't matter people are people and should treat each other the way that they want to be treated. It was a great lesson for Remus to learn, but it also lead him to more uncomfortable questions that he doesn't want to verbalize yet.
James and Sirius were perfect! They were so much fun to read about and even the little reactions that they had in response to things were so spot on! I really liked how you included how James wanted Peter to be able to learn the spell and yet you have Sirius getting bored. Sirius would definitely be the one to become bored with things easily. I also liked how he was quick to jump up and take part in a prank on James. You did a fantastic job capturing their characters!
I really enjoyed Robert's reaction. You knew it was coming. You knew that he was going to pop because of these four first years. He was so pompous and you just have to love to hate him for his Hermione like way he follows the rules only with a twist of obsessive superiorness. I also really enjoyed reading about Frank. He is kind of like that older brother watch out for you kind of guy. I can see why he's Neville's father. I really can.
As a mom myself I have to say that I really enjoyed Mrs. Lupin's letter to her son. It was very motherly and really showed how much a parents life changes when their child goes to school. Her concern for her son and her pride is something that I really enjoy seeing from her and I think it helps remind Remus of where he's come from and what he's delt with.
I loved the joke at the end with Peeves. He had it coming and I loved seeing how he responded towards them. It was almost like he was trying to express an 'It's on' attitude. You just know that this relationship has taken off to new heights of extream pranking between them. Mr. Filch's characterization is perfect. I really enjoyed seeing this insanely unhappy man become giddy at the thought of punishment for misbehaving kids. You'd think that by now he would just give up.
I did find a few sentences that were a bit confusing and thought I would point them out as always! :)
And what made feel even more guilty was that he had actually enjoyed destroying the common room, had enjoyed creating chaos with his three new friends.
Again, this one felt like it was missing the word he. common room, he had enjoyed... This one doesn't need to be changed, but I figured I would point it out.
He wasn’t as good as James and Sirius, but he wasn’t as bad a poor Peter.
This is just a missing word. In place of a it should be as.
Once, gave the whole class detention, but no one heard him.
This one was confusing because it jumps from Once to gave. I would suggest adding a he between the two of them. Once, he gave...
There is another one that I haven't been able to refind when I went back looking for it. I would suggest rereading the first portion of the chapter. I know it is the word is and it should be an it when Peter and Remus are plotting.
I also like how you use words that are traditional words for you. I had to look up what a rasher is and I just want to say thank you because now I've learned a new word!
Anyways, keep up the awesome writing! I look forward to reading the next chapter and I hope you find this helpful! Oh and Congrats on TA status!!! ;)
-SR17Author's Response: Hi there yourself! Firstly, I want to thank you for such a brilliant review. I also want to apologise for taking so long to reply. I wanted to make sure I had enough time to devote to as good a reply as I can make!
I am quite relieved you liked Peter here. You hit the nail on the head in everything you said. He may not be the best at magic, but he has a determined will for self-preservation and he he definitely a sneaky character, but all that said, there is some good in him too, you know?
I am glad you liked Remus's internal conflict here. He wants to have friends and will do anything to keep the ones he has, but sometimes that works in conflict with his moral compass, causing him to partake in this he knows are wrong in certain ways or finding himself supporting something that really isn't the right thing to be doing. Yes, I am foreshadowing his older self, who is a prefect and sits there and lets James and Sirius torture Snape on that day by the lake.
I am also glad you somewhat agree with James and Sirius's justification for going after authority figures. The core idea of treating others the way you yourself want to be treated, no matter who you are or what supposed power you have. I loved the way you phrased that it was a good lesson for Remus to learn, and it generates uncomfortable questions he is not ready to verbalise yet. That was a really great way of summing it all up!
I am also very glad you liked James and Sirius. I have been working very hard to get their characters right, you know? But I am also having an awful lot of fun writing them too and I am glad that came across too.
I am also glad you like Robert and Frank. Robert is a lot of fun to do really, I based him on a friend of mine really, he's a good person, he just has an ego the size of O'Connell Street if you know what I mean. And Frank, what can I say? I love writing him too, and wanted him to be someone the boys could look up to, which is someone Harry and Ron didn't really have in school. Plus, Frank will be quite important later on in the first Order of the Phoenix, and I wanted to establish him as a character long before he features there.
I am also relieved that you liked Mrs Lupin's letter, I wasn't sure on it, again no experience in this area at all, but to hear from a mum that it is realistic is just great, thank you so much for that.
I am happy you liked the joke with Peeves and yes that will grow to full blown war between the two sides as times, so I just wanted to lay the foundations here, you know?
I am very sorry about the typos. Thank you for pointing them out to me, and I have fixed them all now and I spotted the one you couldn't find when you looked the second time and I have fixed that too.
Hahaha, that's funny about rasher. I didn't even think when I wrote that, because we never call it bacon here at all, that just sounds so foreign to us, so we call it rashers, and that's what it has always been to me, but it never occured to me before you know? Actually, now I think on it, I don't actually know if that is what they call it in England, I had better check that out. That could just be a hiberno-English phrase and if that is the case it needs to be changed!
Anyway, thank you so much for taking my request and reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it, and you have been so helpful, thank you so much! I haven't forgotten about "In the Name of Brotherly Love" and I am really looking forward to chapter 4 now, and I can't wait to read it and I probably will either tonight or tomorrow! So keep an eye out for my review, I just hope I can be as helpful as you are!
Thanking you so much,
TLM Report Review
This was a really good chapter. I really liked the way that you have characterized Hermione. She is such a spite fire that easily picks up on the most deluded things. Her curiousity always gets the better of her. But now there is this spark that you have been able to light. There is something going on with Malfoy and I am curious to find out why.
I also like the way that you have him characterized he's got that Malfoy thing going pretty good, but he also has a hidden side that hardly anyone ever sees and I am curious as to if he intentionally chose for Hermione to be the one to see it.
Anyways...Keep up the great writing! I look forward to what happens next and I am adding this to my favorites! :) If I have counted correctly...this is my 600th review!
-SR17Author's Response: Oh congrats on leaving 600 reviews! thats extremely awesome and i'm so happy that I could be number 600! I'm so glad that you are enjoying this story and that you feel I'm doing a great job with characterization! thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
This was a lovely first chapter! I liked the way that you used it to sort of sum up what is bound to happen in the upcoming chapters. I also liked how this seemed natural that Ron was already with Lavender and not just running off behind Hermione's back. It gives you that feeling of what if this happened instead...
And then we que in the sneakiness that is Draco. :) I like the way he sort of steps from the shadows and Hermione has this sense that he is there. I love his creepiness! :)
I look forward to reading what happens next!
-SR17Author's Response: EEk this review makes me so happy! I'm so glad that it makes you want to continue reading! yes Draco is rather creepy! I'm trying so hard with this piece to keep it canon while during their school years and I'm so glad that so many people feel that it is working well! Thank you for taking the time to read and review!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
I really loved this chapter!
You did such a great job showing this outside world compaired to the magical world and it was great to see. I also liked getting a chance to see how Muggle borns would receive letters and what they have to think about before the send them back. When I first read Nathan's I laughed. At first I thought that was the only thing he was going to put in his letter. :) I liked Greg's response to it aswell.
I like that they are ignoring Miranda, but I have this feeling like something more is going to happen that involves her and I cannot put my finger on what it is.I even have this feeling that there is more to the muggle born children's friends. Dunno guess I will have to wait and see. I do like that the boys are currently getting along.
Keep up the great work! I cannot wait to see what happens next!
-SR17Author's Response: Oh, there's more to come, that's for sure. I can hardly believe I'm 48,000 words and the actual main plot has barely lifted itself off the ground yet.
Hopefully we'll get a few chapters sorted in the next week or so as it's nearly half-term, but I'm currently sticking on a biological point regarding Louis' genetics, and I need to get that dead right before we go anywhere.
Thanks, as always,
Sheriff Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review!
First thing I want to say is... Ugh Rita Skeeter. Whenever I read, see or hear her name it's like running fingernails down a chalk board... you can't help but cringe.
I really enjoyed this chapter! I loved how the boys are now banded together and even that the boys from the other houses are starting to see that trend too. I am curious to know what is happening at Diagon Alley with the muggles and how they are entering it. I like how there is a bit of mystery here and it promises to be just as great as your other story!
You have done a brilliant job of keeping intrigue throughout this entire story and this chapter doesn't faulter from that. I am happy to see how much Albus, Louis, Nathan and Daniel have all changed in a short amount of time. Yes, it is marked with awful things that they have said and done, but this chapter really gives you that sense that the dynamic is changing between them for the better.
I also like how we get to see inside of moments where Greg is questioning himself and his sanity. He has a lot to deal with, but I think out of all of your characters, he has really been the one to only fit this position the way that it is needed.
Keep up the awesome writing! I look forward to finding out what else is going to happen! :)
-SR17Author's Response: Evil woman, pure and simple. I'm amazed JKR didn't find a way for a falling bit of masonry to finish her off. I might need to correct that particular oversight.
I'd swap with Greg in an instant... Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review!
I really enjoyed One-shot and I thought that you did a great job with it. I loved the twist that this took in having Draco be the one to deliver Rose. I liked seeing the changes in the pair of them who bonded over the little one. I also felt really sad for Draco when he reflected on his wife and how much different she was than Hermione.
I thought you did a great job showing the progression of the pair of them. I also really liked the bit about Narcissa and how Draco reflected on the war time mother that he had known, but there she sits now. It was quite heart warming.
I liked the descriptions and the way that they provided a wonderful picture in my mind as I read along. You did a wonderful job! Keep up the awesome writing!! :)
I also added this to my favorites!Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! It was very heart warming for you to not only review this as asked but to also add this to your favorites.
I love Dramione and I know that their pair is one of the terribly hard pairings to write and stay as IC as possible. I'm quite glad that you think it was okay. I tend to be OC with the two of them yet give them a background of what they've been through after all. Thank you so much! Report Review
Hi there! I am here with your review on chapter 2! :)
First of all I want to get my only criticism out of the way... I did notice some sentences that were confusing because of word choice. These are easily something that can be improved by just reading the chapter over again. These are just simple words for example... here should be changed to her.
Okay now that I have gotten that out of my way I can continue on. I really liked this chapter!! :)
The way that you characterized Harry is brilliant. I love how natural he is while I read. Ron is perfect especially when he finds out about Harry and Ginny. Ginny is very natural too and I am able to get that sense of spark and spunk she has. That is such a Ron way to react! Hermione is fun because she always has this subtle way about her and that comes out in this chapter. Neville and his toad...oh Neville. Then Luna...goodness that girl is so much fun to read about and you do a great job bringing out her unique personality.
I also liked all the descriptions in this chapter. They provided a great picture in my mind as I read a long. I look forward to reading what will happen next! Keep up the great work! :)
-SR17Author's Response: Borrow scenes are always so much fun to write, probably because they're usualy family based and I enjoy giving Harry that feeling of being included.
I absolutly adore Luna, and love writing her, and the same for Neville!
I can't wait to see what you think of future chapters!
~Moon~ Report Review
Hi I am finally here with your review! Sorry it has taken me a lot longer than anticipated.
I really enjoyed this chapter and the start of this story. It was one that held my attention all the way through. I really liked the descriptions that were in this chapter and I thought you did a wonderful job helping create a vivid image in my mind.
I liked how Ron snuck up on Hermione in the garden. It was a very Ron thing to do. I really enjoyed the way the the characters were characterized. Ron was perfect and I loved Hermione. They just seemed so like the ones that we all know and love. Mrs. Weasley was just as wonderful in her small appearance about the washing. :)
I look forward to reading what comes next! Keep up the great writing!!
-SR17Author's Response: Thanks for making it over here ;)
Its so odd that I enjoyed writing this Ron/Hermione scene because I'm not really a fan of the ship, but I'm glad I did it justice in your eyes.
Mrs Weasley is one of my favorite characters, and I don't write her nearly enough... might have to do something about that! LOL
Thanks for the R&R!
~Moon~ Report Review
Hi there again!
I really liked all the details and flashbacks in this chapter. I felt that it added well to the intrigue I have as this story builds. I was really able to get some insight on Lucy's past. Her past has affected her in so many ways and it is nice to see the past play along with the future here. Esepcially her mother. The plot is really starting to come more alive and unfold. Even though this chapter was super long, it held my attention throughout.
The characterizations of all the characters are spot on. I can't break it down to all of them because there are a lot in this chapter, but you did do a brilliant job! I also really enjoyed the give and take of the flashbacks here. They mixed well between now and then.
Keep up the great writing! I look forward to finding out what is going to happen next and what will unfold as the story continues!
-SR17Author's Response: I LOVED THAT YOU LIKED AUDREY. She's terrible and I hate her and love her at the same time. She's a bit like my own mother, actually. So yeah. This was great. Thank you so much for all your kind words. I'm so glad you liked the flow and give and take of the flashbacks. thank you so much for reviewing, this really means a lot. Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review! I am sorry that I haven't gotten to this sooner. Life has been crazy still.
I am really enjoying the plot and seeing it slowly unfold. I really like Lucy and am intrigued by her friendship with Ted and what happened those five years ago to make her run away from it all. The characterization is really well done. Each character I can see here has been handled with great care. I love the way you have Scorpius characterized. He is different than I have ever read. Lucy is an ongoing character that I find thrilling. She has so much mystery to her. Darren is a breath of fresh air and I am curious to learn more about him too. James is as I would always imagine him to be...James. :)
The flow of the chapter is great. I don't feel that it is messy anywhere especially when it transitions into a memory. It is great to get a glimpse into the past through these flashbacks and they flow nicely too. The length of the chapters shouldn't worry you. You have a lot that you are trying to convey and if it takes an entire chapter and 5000+ words to do it and do it right then I wouldn't worry. If you are worried and that is your main concern then I would suggest possibly splitting the chapters. I don't think that is the case though.
I am really enjoying this story so far and I think you have done an amazing job with your characters, description (which I am highly jealous of;) ) and keeping intrigue. Keep up the awesome writing! Always remember to write what makes you happy. If you do that the others who read your stories will know how much you love what you are writing about as well. :)
-SR17Author's Response: Hi there! No worries! Life gets so busy sometimes. I am so, so pleased you liked the characters! I worry about that constantly. I love Scorpius, he's my little gem. That's great advice, by the way. I know it's so much harder to write something I don't like than something that I like. So yeah. You're so right. Thank you so much for all your great points. this really means a lot. :) Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review! I am sorry it has taken me much longer than anticipated.
I really enjoyed this even if it was an experiement. The way that the story unfolds is in such a delcate manner and you feel the characters pain as the story ends. I really thought that you did an amazing job with description. It wasn't subtle, it wasn't over done, it was just the perfect amount to take your mind there and build this vivid picture in your mind. This helped tie in the imagery as well.
As for reader reaction...I felt Wow. This was such a different way of writing and the vocabulary and way that the story flowed really brought out the emotions of the character. I am assuming that these characters are Snape's parents and please correct me if I am wrong. You hit all of my senses with this story.
I will admit that I had to read it a couple of times to make sure that I fully understood. This is just me though and isn't anything that takes away from your story. I just wanted to be sure before I reviewed.
Anyways, keep up the awesome writing! I love that you like to take risks and chances with your stories. They always provide something different each time. :)
-SR17Author's Response: Hello darling! Thank you so much for reviewing! You're such a lovely reviewer and I always appreciate your feedback! And please don't worry about the delay, I'm a patient woman! :)
I'm so glad that you liked it! Thank you - I'm really happy you picked up on the fact that this isn't subtle, but it doesn't beat the idea of the story to death, you know? I wanted to get it out there and let it stand for itself.
Wow is a great reaction! I like that reaction! I'm so happy you liked my vocabulary - I was actually told a few times that it was too elevated, but I think it fit well! Yes, they're Snape's parents - I do love them - they're my OTP!
Most people tell me that they have to read this a few times - I'm actually glad you took the time to read it more than once - maybe that means it was pretty good? :P
Thank you so much! I really appreciate that you like that I take risks! It's so lovely to know I've got such wonderful reviewers like you! :)
Shelby Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review! I am sorry that it has taken me much longer than anticipated. I really, really ejoyed this and was highly excited when I saw it was a Founder Era story. I don't get many of those in my review thread so when I do I get crazy happy. :)
I really liked the way that you told the story of what caused the Baron to go after her. What led up to it and what occured to make her run away. I like that you tied her mother into it and showed us a side that is entirely possible of her mother.
I liked your use of more subtle details throughout the story. I felt that it gave a lot for being less. Which is a wonderful thing! :) I enjoyed the images that were provided as well. Like when she is in the antechamber with her mother and the Baron. It is a creepy moment and you really do get a sense of fear for Helena being in there.
Again, I really enjoyed this and I loved having the chance to review such a well told missing situation from an era that we don't know much about! Keep up the awesome writing!! :)
-SR17Author's Response: You see, this is the kind of review that I have no idea how to answer because it makes me ramble with joy and embarassment.
Oh, you. *blushes*
This was really a piece that I could not not write, so honestly, thank you so much for being this positive about it, it means a lot!
Here with your review! Finally! :)
I really thought that you did a great job portraying Remus. He felt a bit torn between being confident and having that fear still there, but I could see a lot of growth in him from where he started out at. That was perfect! I thought that it was realistic that he would still feel this way when he fights with Snape. It helps balance out his torn feelings. It is like he wants to preserve all that he can between him, Lily and the others, but he still has this fear that everything is going to fall apart. I hope this makes sense.
You totally nailed James and Sirius. Their personalities were great and I like how you made the witty and not just the troublemakers. By doing so you were able to provide in the subtle hints of how bright they actually are despite the chaos they cause. Peter was interesting and I like how he is jumpy when James and Sirius do something he finds remarkable even if that means talking back to someone. Peter isn't my favorite character in the world, but you do a wonderful job of bringing him to life.
I really thought that when Sirius recieved the Howler was spot on and I even caught that moment when he had a small smile on his face despite the repercussions of that Howler. He shows that he is different than the rest of his family. He may be a Haughty Black, but he is Sirius and he will always have a light hearted, loyal side to him.
I really liked Lily. She has this Lily-ness to her. Where she is kind of stuck up, but she does care and has a wonderful way of showing it. I always think of Lily as brainwashed in a way before Severus utters that unforgiving word to her when in fifth year.
I felt really bad for Robert. I like him as a character because he gives good contrast, but I felt horrible for him. He really didn't know what he was getting into when James and Sirius became Gryffindors.
Professor McGonagall was brilliant! She was this great combination of strict teacher and caring individual all rolled into one. It was nice to see her soft side come out when she was dealing with Remus. It is a subtle thing that I see in her, but it is there. I thought you nailed her characterization.
Madam Pompfrey was a wonderfully fussy! She is very typical and exactly what I would picture her to be!
Professor Dumbledore...the character that you feel gives you the most trouble and here my friend you did a brilliant job with him. I wouldn't be able to picture him any other way. He was so real, sensitive and wise!
You did such an amazing job in this chapter fleshing out all of your characters and making sure a lot of ground gets covered.
I did notice a couple of lines where a word was missing and here they are:
"They were all eager to start, but soon found out that it would years yet until they reached that level of magic."
You are just missing the word be between would and years.
"In Herbology they were brought into Greenhouse One in the school grounds."
This sentence is fine on its own and I am okay with you leaving it this way if you would like it to, but it does sound a little strange with the "in the school grounds." It may sound better if you used on instead, but either way it works.
Keep up the awesome writing of this story! I love it and I adore you as an author! You have such a great grasp at what it is that you are writing and bringing to life. 10/10
-SR17Author's Response: AHHH I had this big long response written and it just disappeared!
Okay, I will try this again. Do not worry about the delay in reviewing, your reviews are well worth the wait, so I do not mind at all.
I am so glad you liked Remus here, and you hit the nail on this head, I wanted to show how far he had come, but at the same time show that he still his his awful fear that it is all just fleeting, that everything will just fall apart without warning.
I am so glad you liked James, Sirius, Peter and Lily. With James and Sirius I did not want them to be just troublemakers. I wanted them to be funny and clever too, a bit like Fred and George. But there is a slight maliciousness to what they do, which will be more evident later on. With Peter, yeah, I find him very hard to write, so just knowing you find him real really makes me more confident. With Sirius I am glad you liked the Howler. I took on board what you said in your last review and make a few minor tweaks, and I very relieved you think it works. Thanks so much for the CC in the last review, it really helped in making Sirius more like the Sirius we know. Cheers!
Again, so glad you liked McGonagall, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. With McGonagall there is a conversation between her and Remus that is coming in chapter 16 that I am really unsure about, it has gone through about 5 drafts and I am just worried and nervous about it, but just knowing that you find her real here, makes me feel more confident. Even with Dumbledore. I put in so much work and time into writing him, it really takes forever, but just hearing you say that it is realistic makes it all worthwhile!
I am also glad you like Robert. He is a cross between Percy and this girl I went to school with. I am glad you like him because he is the first original character that will feature a godo bit, so I am happy you like him!
I am sorry about the typo. I have put 'be' where it should be now! In terms of the on versus in debate... I think in is right, because the Hogwarts grounds are enclosed in walls. You say in the garden, because a garden has walls, but you say on the beach, because a beach has no walls... or at least that is my understanding. I could be wrong. I'll check with with my English teacher!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and taking my request. I will request for the next two chapters once your queue is open again. I love your reviews and I adore you as a reviewer too, and your story are great too (I will get around to reading them all, probably over the mid-term break!). Thanks so much for everything again. You are truly fantastic!
Finally here with your review! A new story!?! =D you never disappoint that is for sure. I love this!
I really enjoy how with this story you really jump right into a great story line and showing us the character it does a great job of hooking the reader and keeping the interest alive.
I really thought that your characterization was perfect. It is smooth, I am able to connect with the characters and I find them believable. I like how caring Sera is and wanting to take care of Maman. You see her in such a vulnerable way right off the bat.
I like the new story so far and I like the introduction of the new characters. I am looking forward to reading more and seeing where this new adventure of yours takes the readers!
Keep up the awesome writing! =)
-SR17 Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get to, I have been quiet sick.
Okay so first of all the plot...I love it! I think it's great and refreshing. I know that you are worried about it dancing that fine line between cliche or not, but I really found this unique and highly intriguing. I really do want to read more and I found myself being pulled in by the story line, the summary and just the way you write. It's brilliant.
I really liked teh characterization. I can sense that shy Weasley side and it is so sweet, but there is also a hint of a temper there that doesn't want to surface. Scorpius was funny. I liked how he responds in the story and he is a little over the top, but in such a great way it doesn't take away from him.
I didn't feel like any of this seemed dull or overused. I think you are working with a wonderful angle here and it is honestly different.
The flow of the story was well done. I didn't see anything that I would consider messy during transition as I read along.
Keep up the awesome writing! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm happy you liked this :) I was so worried about the plot, but you've calmed me down. Thank you for all those kind words - it really means a lot. Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review and I just want to say that I am so sorry for taking this long to get to reviewing for you I have been quite sick.
I really liked this chapter and the way that they bonded. They really came together to act like true Slytherin's. I felt horrible for Louis, but was happy to see that he was starting to return to normal. I also thought it was really clever to see/read about Veela and what they become.
Daniel and Nathan really shinned in this chapter. They were able to stand up and prove themselves. I was highly annoyed with Miranda. She really bothers me. I was thrilled with the conversation between Albus and Greg. I think it gave Albus the much needed kick in the pants in order for him to see things for how they are not what they should be. Hope that makes sense.
I loved your description and the way you refrain from over using the word said. Everything was so clear in my mind as I read along and I really appreciate that.
Keep up the awesome writing! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Thank you very much :-) Glad you are feeling better.
I couldn't tie up one argument without starting another - it's all boring if everyone's friends!
I have been struggling with writer's block a little on this lately, but I've just finished the next chapter and I think I know where we're headed afterwards, too. I've also finished a one-shot on Matt & Oscar's first few days that will hopefully come up soon.
Sheriff Report Review
First of all I want to apologize for taking as long as I have to review this story. Real Life has been getting in the way of my reviewing habits and now I am back to it.
Anyways, onto the review.
I really thought that the descriptions and imagery were wonderful. You were able to catch a tragic, emotionly packed moment and really make it come to life. I LOVE the wording and the way it all flows together so smoothly. I also thought that this was an interesting take on a Rose/Scorpius story. I don't really read a lot of stories where they are just friends and not something more.
This has really left me near speechless. It was a very WOW moment when I reached the end thinking that this was simply amazing. I have never read anything quite like this style wise, so I wasn't exactly sure as to what to expect.
Keep up the brilliant writing! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Hello! Oh, don't worry about any sort of delay - I totally understand, and besides, I'm an extremely patient woman!
I'm really glad you enjoyed this! I'm also really glad you liked my diction - I've had several reviewers tell me that my vocabulary is too complicated and so I've been worrying that I'm overly loquacious or something! Yes, they never are just friends are they? I personally like the friend dynamic when it comes to them.
I like speechless reviewers! It means that my writing left an impact (I hope!). Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I really appreciate it! :) Report Review
Hi there! Here with another review for you! =)
This chapter was great and I LOVED Harry and Ginny's letters. They are such wonderful parents for accepting their child no matter what his relationship preference is. It was so inspiring to read. You did a great job really bringing out the emotions of his parents.
I also thought that you did a great job keeping that fear in Albus about what people will say and think about him because of him being with Scorpius. I can see the story progress in such a fantastic way as I came to the end of the chapter. So many things have changed and here we are seeing them happy!
I thought you did a terrific job at making this chapter believable. I really was able to connect with it from a parent perspective. I also thought that the pace of this chapter was perfect and steady.
Keep up the great writing!!! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I'm happy you appreciated Harry's and Ginny's letters. I thought a lot about how they were likely to react. As a mother myself I thought about how I would react, and I hope that I would show my child that I loved him with unconditionally, as parents are supposted to do. Report Review
Hi there! I am here with your review! I am sorry that it has taken me this long to get to it. Life is crazy right now. Anyways...onto the review!
I really liked the progress that this chapter makes. Albus comes out of his shell and realizes that there is more to life than worrying about what others are going to think about his relationship status. I hate that it had to come out like this, but it is a blessing to that it has. It really woke him up seeing Scorpius get hurt like that.
I enjoyed the bits of humor that was laced throughout this chapter as well. You keep with the seriousness of the prospect of everything that these two are going through and then you pop through with these little bits that really make the chapter well rounded.
I thought you did a great job making this believable. I mean it felt so natural and not forced. You make it so easy to embrace such a taboo subject even in the Magical world. I can definitely see Scorpius's parents acting this way. Mostly his father and I think his mother is withdrawn because of Draco.
Keep up the great writing! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Don't worry about the delay! I understand that you have other things to do besides reviewing. :-) And your thoughtful and lovely reviews are always worth waiting for!
I agree with you, this wasn't the way Albus had wanted to come out, but I think it maybe was for the best. He wouldn't dare to do it otherwise.
I'm glad you liked the chapter. I think it is the most important chaper of the story. Report Review
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