Reading Reviews From Member: ReillyJade
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ReillyJadeWaging war: Waging War of Tonks Lupin

8th August 2013:
Hello! Reilly here with your requested review! :) Sincerest apologies for the delay; I fell off the face of the earth for a few days. :p

First, pardon me while I completely fangirl over all this Remus/Tonks amazingness. They're honestly one of my favorite canon ships and...gahh, I just love them so much! :D

I think this was presented in a very interesting manner. I really liked the idea of using snapshots to tell us her life story. You packed a lot of emotion into a relatively short piece, so well done with that.

Your characterization was flawless in this, and not just for Tonks, either. Remus and Bellatrix were spot-on, but I think my favorite was Ted. I like how much he had in common with his daughter. It was really sweet and made it all the more heartbreaking that he never got to know his grandson who was likely just as amazing.

My favorite thing you did with this was the beginning. You tell us right off the bat that she's going to die, which sets the tone for the entire piece and makes the happy moments all the more bittersweet. What really struck me was this: "It was bearable in comparison to losing him." On the first read-through, I assumed this referred to Remus, and maybe it did. On the second read-through, though, I felt that it pertained more to Teddy than anyone else. At the end of the story, it's Teddy she's thinking of, fighting for, and wanting a better life for. She doesn't say it, but we know it's breaking her heart knowing she won't get to see him grow up. As such, I think her death is how she's 'losing' Teddy, and that's breaking her heart. I'm not sure if this was you're intention, but if it was, it's a stellar way to connect the beginning to the end and make the story come full-circle.

{Pardon my analysis of something so minor. It's an English major thing. :p}

My lone suggestion is to keep an eye on your spelling and grammar. There were a couple of oddly-placed commas here and there, as well as a few minor misspellings, but don't dwell on this criticism too much; we aren't machines, after all! :) It's just something to think about when writing in the future.

You did a fantastic job with this! Well done! :D Cheers!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and there's no need to apologize.

I like Remus/Tonks too. They are a different and strong pair.

'Flawless'- that's a huge compliment and I am really very honored.

When I got Tonks as the character for challenge, the first thought that came to my mind was, reliving the memories of her past when she is just about to die.

I had two options to use for her childhood and I went with Ted because whenever I was angry, my father used to come and joke with me till i felt good. i just tried to show a father-daughter relation in that snapshot. It was sad that Ted never got to meet Teddy but if they had met I don't think she would have named her son after her father.

When I said that line in beginning, I was thinking about Remus but then I changed it and made it as if she was missing both of them. It was like when you read about Remus you will think it's about him but when you reach teddy, you think that's him. I tried to make it a circle between both.

I can't say it from personal experience, but a mother cares about his children till her death and wish for their betterment. I have tried to describe the feeling what a mother feels when she leaves her infant(almost) and all her concern are how he's going to survive. who will take of him.

I know I have a freaky tendency to use commas a lot and I am trying my best to improve it.

Thanks for your review and compliments. :D

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Review #2, by ReillyJadeCareful What You Wish For: Brothers and Sisters

8th August 2013:
Hello! Reilly here with your requested review! :) Sincerest apologies for the delay; I fell off the face of the earth for a few days. :p

In your request, you expressed concern about whether this was an interesting start or not. You needn't worry. While Quidditch rivalries are written about a lot, as are sibling rivalries, there's something unique about this one. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what makes it feel so different, but it does, and that's a good thing.

Characterization is your strong suit, I think, particularly between these siblings. You handled their banter well: it had enough snark and zest, but it wasn't overdone in the slightest. It almost reminded me of the Weasleys. :p

I like not knowing whether this is a wizarding or Muggle family. I'm thinking maybe it's a mix - one wizarding parent and one Muggle/Muggleborn parent. Though it's hard to tell, and I like that. I really enjoy not knowing everything right from the start.

My favorite part of this, though, is the youthfulness laced throughout. Your characters sound their age, like teenagers, and that's fantastic. A lot of writers (myself included) tend to write younger characters a little more grown-up sounding than they actually are simply because our writing matures the more we do it, and as a result, it can be hard to keep the dialogue sounding teenager-ish. That said, kudos for making your characters sound their age, and therefore more realistic.

I think you're off to an excellent start here! Well done! :D Cheers!

Author's Response: Hey there! Not to worry about the delay, I myself am useless at keeping on top of things.

Yay, I'm glad! Yeah, Quidditch rivalries are quite common, so I'm glad you think this one was different! It's probably not the main focal point of the story, even though Dani is obsessed with it.

Oooh, I'm good you think the characterization was good - that's great to hear! And I absolutely love writing family dynamics, and couldn't resist triplets!

Thanks for the lovely review!

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Review #3, by ReillyJadeKamikaze: The Wrong Plan

7th August 2013:
Hello! Reilly here with your requested review! :) Sincerest apologies for the delay; I fell off the face of the earth for a few days.

First, let me applaud you on quite an intriguing start! I'll be completely honest and say I'm difficult to please because I'm terribly picky, but the way you've delivered the introduction is remarkable. You're hinting at things but not giving everything away, hence leaving a trail of mysteries and much to look forward to. That's the way a first chapter should be done, and you've done extraordinarily well!

I also must commend your characterization of Draco. Now, I'll admit I'm a sucker for Dramione despite being an intense Ron/Hermione fangirl, but all too often, Dramione writers water down his character and turn him into... well, a wimp. :p Thank you so much for not doing that. I really like the way you were able to show his sensitive side, yet still keep him as the same arrogant, snarky Draco we all know and love. You struck a really good balance here, and I hope you're able to keep it that way for the remainder of the story because it's perfect.

I especially enjoyed Draco's inner monologue. Again, there's the snark, but you've also woven in quite a bit of subtle worry. It was almost as if Draco's pride was preventing him from being honest with /himself/ about his fear, which was an excellent touch.

My lone critique is to keep an eye on tenses. There were one or two spots (which for the life of me, I can't remember where they were) where it briefly switched to present tense, then just as quickly reverted to past tense. These easy mistakes to make and I do it myself all the time, but it's just something to keep in mind in future chapters. :)

All in all, a wonderful start! Feel free to re-request. Cheers! :D

Author's Response: Don't worry, I totally understand! It happens to the best of us :)
Gosh, your review was just so lovely to read. I've read it over a few times and nothing could wipe the smile off my face right now. To hear that you're picky, and you still liked this beginning means a lot, so thank you!
Don't worry, I love Ron and Hermione too, but there is just something about Dramione that keeps calling me back *shame* It makes me so happy to hear that your liked Draco's characterisation! Really, I felt rather silly at first, putting in the inner monologue, and I actually ended up deleting it in the final draft. But I liked it too much and stuck it back in at the last second (which is incredibly unprofessional, but oh well). I've had positive reviews about it too, so I'm really, really relieved, to say the least. And don't worry, he won't be turning into a wimp in this story. I've done it in my previous stories, and I really feel like sticking as much as I can to canon with this novel, so he's going to stay like this (as best as I can make him, anyway).
His pride conflicting with who he is ... You've pretty much hit the right note there with what I was trying to characterise with him, haha. There will be a lot more of this in the future chapters.
Ah, tense - it's my life-long writing enemy. I'm looking for a beta reader at the moment, so hopefully that will happen. Thanks for pointing it out, though, I'll definitely go over this chapter again :)
And again, thank you very much for the review. It was incredibly supportive and helpful! I'll give the next chapter a once-over too, and then definitely re-request. You are a lovely reviewer, so thank you! :)
- Mahalia

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Review #4, by ReillyJadeThat Escalated Quickly: Before the Party

28th July 2013:
Hello! :) Reilly here with your requested review!

This is a very fun start to a story! It's short, but it sets a very youthful tone that's hard to find in fan fiction. From this chapter, I'm getting the vibe that it's not going to be one of those stories that's going to depress me at some point, haha.

I think the strongest aspect of this chapter was characterization. The first two paragraphs seemed like a lot of rambling, which was perfect, seeing as Hermione has a tendency to rattle on when she's frustrated; I'd expected her inner monologue to be just as you described. Furthermore, for Cormac, you've captured his arrogance and confidence perfectly. As such, you've really kept him in-character as well.

You mentioned plot believability in your request. This is only the first chapter so it's a little difficult to give a solid comment on that. However, if you're shooting for canon-compliancy, you definitely seem to be on the right track. This honestly seemed like a missing piece from the book.

My lone suggestion is to keep an eye on your balance of dialogue and narrative. This chapter may be an exception simply because it's so short, but it did get very dialogue-heavy toward the end. I think fluffing it up with Hermione's thoughts in a couple of places could balance it out a little more. Just something to think about in future chapters. :)

Overall, I think you're off to a great start! :D

Author's Response: I began writing this to counter my darker Draco/Hermione novel and to strengthen my humorous and fluffy writing skills. Don't worry, it won't depress you, it's just one of those fun pieces.

Many people have said that I have a knack for getting into character and staying close to canon so I'm glad you think so too! Sometimes it's hard with non-canon relationships but for this one I still don't know if Hermione and Cormac get together or if Ron comes back to Hermione.

Sometimes my balance can get a little skewed; I've noticed it in my other stories as well. I'll probably go back and edit it again to add more description/thought process from Hermione to balance it out.

Thank you for the wonderful review! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #5, by ReillyJadeAlbanian Knights: Testosterone Levels Rising

26th July 2013:
Hello! Reilly here with your requested review. :)

This is an interesting concept you've got going here. Not many authors explore what the Death Eater children are up to. That alone makes this an interesting start.

My favorite thing about this was the banter. It was so reminiscent of the way Harry and his friends would all bicker back-and-forth. It was comical yet natural; this is how teenagers talk, after all! It didn't sound forced or overly polished, which is a pet peeve of mine concerning dialogue, so I applaud you for that. I also think you struck a good balance between dialogue and narrative, which can be very difficult to do when multiple characters are involved in a scene.

Even though she's a pureblood, Isabelle /almost/ reminds me of Hermione. She's witty and surrounded by boys she apparently keeps in check often. I like her spunk.

Oh, good - Scorpius is a blood-traitor. That's what I like to see. :D

You mentioned in your request that you were concerned this was cliche, and it doesn't seem that way so far. Even if it was, your writing style is enough to keep it light and fun, so I think you could get away with a cliche or two. :p

Great start! Cheers!

Author's Response: I've always been intrigued by the death eaters and their children. Everyone naturally assumes they're going to follow in their parents footsteps but Draco and Regulus are just two examples of children that in the end did the right thing. There's so many possibilities and at this point even I don't know exactly what my characters will chose to do.

lol. Yes, the Malfoy's are definitely blood-traitors because I see Draco as being a semi changed person after the war. (I have a chapter coming up devoted entirely to all of the 'blood-traitor's' in Slytherin.)

I'm glad you think the dialog is working well, it's sometimes a struggle to write. Thank you so much for your great review--I really appreciate it :)

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Review #6, by ReillyJadeTime turner Mayhem: Time turners suck!

14th February 2012:
Ahhh, Dramione. Ron/Hermione is totally my OTP, but I've always had a soft spot for Dramione. Not sure if I'm allowed to like both, but oh well. I do. :p

I think you have an extremely interesting premise here, and you're off to a good start. At first I was skeptical; I was like oh, here we go, another drunken one-night stand story again, so kudos for not going that route! While it's fun to read sometimes, it's done far too often. So far, this seems like a pretty unique idea that I haven't seen before, so I'm interested to see how it all plays out.

However, I feel like this chapter relied too much on dialogue. The lack of detail made it difficult for me to really connect with the characters, so I think there is some room for improvement here. It doesn't even have to be anything major, either. It could be as simple as describing the appearance of the room, the expressions on their faces, etc. Just adding in a few extra descriptive sentences here and there could really give this piece a bit more substance and make it all the more interesting. :)

As for grammar/spelling, I did notice a few scattered errors throughout the piece, but they were all the type that are extremely easy to miss, especially in your own writing. I don't know about you, but when I read through my own stories, I tend to focus so much on flow that I end up missing so many of those pesky typos. If this something you find yourself struggling with, too, something that works for me is to read the story backwards, one sentence at a time. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it makes it so much easier to focus solely on grammar/spelling without the concern for characterization, flow, etc. getting in the way.

I really do think you're off to a solid start here, and you've certainly peaked my curiosity. Excellent job! :)

Author's Response: Lol I have always liked Dramione, I think you're allowed.

Thank you, I wanted it to be slightly different because I had seen a lot of stories with the drunken one night stands in them when I have flicked through as well. So I'm really glad it's worked out right!

Arh description, I think I hate that word! Narh, thanks for pointing it out, I do know that my stories lack in it, but I'm working on it, promise.

Thanks for mentioning the grammar side. I'm thinking of trying to find a beta for this, so hopefully when I edit it all that will be sorted out.

Thank you again for such a lovely review

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Review #7, by ReillyJadeAct of Vengeance: Death.

13th February 2012:
Hello Scott :)

Aww, this makes me sad. Not sure if that's the exact emotion you were going for, but I love Narcissa so much that I don't like to see her suffer.

But enough about me. Considering how short this story was, it was actually quite captivating, and I think that really exemplifies your talent as a writer. I'm not usually one for extremely dark stories such as this, so the fact that you were able to get to me with such few words really says something trust me, it's hard to do. Despite the whole slowly-deteriorating thing, Narcissa still seemed relatively in-character; the brief mention of her concern about Draco was a really nice touch and further promotes the notion of maternal love, just like in the books.

I'm also quite impressed with the aura of mystery you've created here. You've given barely any insight as to why she's in Azkaban to begin with, so writing this in an end-to-beginning format (at least I think that's what you're doing?) is a very clever choice. Said format doesn't always work, but I think this is the kind of story it will suit quite nicely.

Overall, very well done! You've got a lot of talent! :)

Author's Response: Hi! :) Thank you!

Usually I write about Narcissa when she's happier, so this was a contrast, but I thought it was too good an idea to give up!

Wow- thank you! I'm glad you thought so! It felt like her character like was impossible to get right here, so I'm glad it ended up good! Both her character and the deterioration took a lot of problem solving.

Yeah, it's a beck-to-front story, so you'll start to learn more as time goes on. Hopefully your view on Narcissa will change too! :)

Thanks again for such a great review!

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