God how I love fluff.
I found this so funny - just Lily's swearing and 'RPIMA' - it had me in stitches. And it was made even better for the fact that I really can imagine this happening - I think you got the characterisations so perfect. The idea of James hiding a great person beneath his arrogance has always really appealed to me, and I love how Sirius was just there watching it all go on and laughing at them :)
A really great story - funny and smart - I really enjoyed reading it!
-unknownhorcruxAuthor's Response: Thanks! This was my first Marauder fanfic, so I just sorta went with what seemed right, and this happened. Seemed to work out.
Cheers, Phoenix Quill :D Report Review
Hi! I really love the story. It's a really sweet idea and I think it captures both characters really well. It could do with a tiny bit of proof reading. Just little things like, 'He stared his dusty hands'. Just reading it over carefully would really help little things like that.
A sweet, thoughtful story - well done! Report Review
Hi! I'll add comments as I go along, so I'll be writing as I'm reading.
First off, I love this idea for a story. Never gets old :)
You may want to go into a little more detail when you say that they have a lot of complex emotions. People will really want to hear about them and it's where you get to show off your writing skills.
Try to make sure you don't repeat words - in the paragraph about Dumbledore's grave, you said 'grave' about 3 times. Just reading stories through and listening to how they sound would be helpful for that.
I like this phrase: 'as pale as the moon but perfectly intact.' It's a really good image.
I like the idea of Hermione asking Harry about Ron. It seems genuine and I can believe her anxiety.
I love the bit with Ron carrying Hermione. It was really sweet!
Overall, a really nice start to what's going to be a great novel. I'd just be careful with those few things I mentioned. Try to add some more vivid descriptions and vary your vocabulary a bit more. Well done! I really enjoyed that!Author's Response: I know what you mean by the vocabulary part, I tried to use some more deeper and complex words to describe their emotions but from the top of my head I couldn't exactly find any! Thanks for the Review and I love the fact that you used constructive critcism :) Report Review
I don't know why you have no reviews on this, so YOU DO NOW!
I love the story. It's concise, sweet, and an interesting point of view that not many people think of. Keep writing more of these; they're great, and you most certainly do not suck at them.
-unknownhorcrux Report Review
Well that made me emotional. A really beautiful story which summed up Molly so well. I loved how you kept giving the idea that they would all be reunited one day along with Fred.
A really lovely story. Well done! Report Review
Well that was emotional. A really nicely written story, and I love how you've written it from Rose's perspective - it gives the situation an innocence which makes it so much more emotive. A really powerful story - well done! Report Review
I really liked this story. Most people think of Victoire and Teddy as ending up together, so I like this spin you put on it, even though it breaks my heart.
The only slight criticism I'd have is that you tend to say what she's feeling rather than showing it. Like, for example, you say 'Never before in her life, had she felt so out-of-control, so helpless, so clueless, so vulnerable'. Instead of saying something like that, it's often a lot more powerful to show how she feels, rather than just saying it bluntly. It makes stories a lot more elegant. Also, maybe if you included more of the facial expressions and body language of the characters rather than saying blunt statements.
A really nice story - well done!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked this story, and the different angle of which I showed Vic and Teddy.
Ah, thanks for your comment on that. I'll look into it. Usually my style of writing always tends to say things bluntly but I'll see what I can do.
Thanks again! Report Review
Ooh! I like it! Really elegantly written, and I love how you gave more and more indicators of who he was and then only properly said it at the end. A really nice pairing that isn't very common, which I like!
Just once near the beginning, you said 'H' instead of 'He' - just a tiny proofreading thing.
Well done! A really nice, concise story! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much :) This was actually written in one sitting to get it into the queue, so I haven't quite ironed out all the kinks yet, but I'll definitely be goin back over it over the next two weeks :D Thank you so much for reading and reviewing :) Report Review
I really like this story! I like how it flashes through all the years, keeping their relationship as the constant throughout. Nicely written, apart from the one thing that you can't quite decide which tense you're in. I'd suggest making it all present tense - the parts with present tense fit a bit better with the story structure than the bits you wrote in the past tense.
Well done - a really good job!
-unknownhorcruxAuthor's Response: Aww thank you! :D
ohh, I must have kept changing, sorry about that! I rushed to get this out before the queue closure! I would edit it, but I can't currently. :/
I was aiming it to be in present tense, so I'm glad that you've said that. :)
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
I really really liked this. I saw the quote from Aragorn's poem and I got a little overexcited, so I thought I had to read this. It had a really nice theme to tie it together, and I like how you just gave little snippets of what happened in each paragraph. I always found Luna really interesting, and this did her justice - well done!
-unknownhorcruxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so glad you think I did Luna justice because she is such a different, interesting character and I was afraid nobody would like my version of her! Glad you recognised the quote, Lord of the Rings for the win! Can't wait until The Hobbit. Thanks again for the lovely review. :) Report Review
Oh how I love bumping into nerdfighters.
I love this story - it's clever, funny and extremely well thought through. A great original idea, with an awesome title (Katherines is such a good book. But I can't choose my favourite of the John Green books... especially now that TFiOS is out...)
Anyway, great story and DFTBA!!Author's Response: As do I! You should look me up on the forums. We can chat about all things nerdy :P
Thanks again for the amazing banner. It's so wonderful and much better than I was hoping for :D
Thanks also for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed this silly little one-shot.
DFTBA! Report Review
Hi there! I think this was a really sweet story - it's concise, well thought through, and it portrays the characters really well.
Just a couple of tips if you'd like them!
1) try not to replace full stops with commas. It makes your sentences really long and quite difficult to understand.
2) you accidentally changed tenses halfway through - just a bit of proof-reading will sort that one right out.
A really great story here- keep writing, I'd love to see some more of your stuff :) Report Review
This is really sweet, and a great idea - you should try to make more of it, though - it all seems a little whisked-over, and I know I'd love to read more of this, it's absolutely great!
Keep it up! :)
-unknownhorcrux Report Review
This is great! I have a few suggestions, if you want them :)
Using the **FLASHBACK** and **end of flashback** kind of interrupts things - you could just put the flashback in italics? I think people would still get the message :)
It's a great story, but you should just quickly proof-read it, there are a few typos and weird tenses, etc.
Also, would hermione seriously forget that she slept with Draco Malfoy? (I might be getting it wrong here, but surely she would remember doing something so out of the ordinary, especially for her character... Or was she just REALLY drunk? :P)
Seriously, well done, and you should try and expand it if you feel you could add more.
Good job! :)Author's Response: I was going for her being completely drunk lol :) and thank you so much for your feedback! next time I post something I will for sure read it out loud first (: Report Review
The fact that this has no reviews is a pain to me - a) because I know how good it feels to be rewarded with a review, and b) because this is bloody fantastic.
You seem genuinely intelligent. Your writing is elegant and painful and insightful. Using the Merchant of Venice strung the story together really well, and so much thought was put into the quote and the story that I can find nothing to fault.
You got the characters down perfectly, and you managed to make the sex scene poignant, important and most of all, it didn't make me cringe! This is a brilliant piece, and you deserve to be incredibly proud of it :)
-unknownhorcrux Report Review
I think it's great! The brackets are really funny, and they help to break up the slightly cheesy bits. (Don't get me wrong; I'm a BIG fan of cheese :P)
Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to write this lovely review! Ahahah I am actually a fan of cheese as well, but too much of it is never good, so I'm really glad that you think that its not overly cheesy! I've just started to write a second chapter :D Report Review
It's a really sweet story. I love that it doesn't go on too long like so many fan fictions. A great idea, only thing I'd say is that you should try to punctuate more - I mean, commas would have really made it clear, and emphasise what you are saying. Great story though! well done! Report Review
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