Reading Reviews From Member: Cavell
234 Reviews Found

Review #26, by CavellEyes of a Survivor: Blown Away

16th September 2012:
I genuinely don't have enough words to tell you how sorry I am about the HUGE wait, Jami, so I'm hoping an extra-long review will make up for it, however slightly.

This was gorgeous one-shot, love *squishes* I was terrified for every second I read it, it was so raw and real in all of its glory, and heavens, I wish I could write something like this and yet still have the ability to bawl my eyes out in the end. The fact that I'm a Daddy's Girl made me cry just a little bit harder.

Your description is beautiful, and the fact that everything you described sounded beautiful made me know that if I saw them in real life, I'd be reminded of exactly how ugly the world can be. I wanted to sit with Astoria and Draco out in that crackling storm, even if I knew that the minute I'd let Astoria go, she'd take a beating.

There was a tiny thing I spotted, however, but it's so little you probably should ignore it:

and lightning spit and screamed against the earth. - Do you think it should be 'lightning split' or am I just being picky, trying to pick out a flaw in your otherwise perfect writing?

This was freaking powerful, and don't you dare say otherwise. It seemed like you put in every emotion while writing this, even if it didn't fit with the story, and the fact that I can actually tell you did that just goes to show that this was a stunningly powerful piece. I think the subject - and it was a very sensitive subject, too - was handled very delicately like a proper author. You never actually told us bluntly what was happening, you never crossed the actual line, and that was what made me tear up in the first place because you didn't need to say it to make me cry.

And for the record, I rarely cry when reading stories.

I think it was fitting to burn the house down, although it's a pang to say so because if none of this happened, maybe Astoria could have had a happy life. That last few lines hit the nail on the head, and I swear I could almost see this story playing out in front of my eyes.

It was easy to follow, and I'll leave it at that because while my review was long, it's a bunch of nonsense and probably no use to you whatsoever. This was lovely, Jami, and I'm sorry I had to take so long to review this stunning piece.


Author's Response: Bahh how am I supposed to even respond to this truly amazing review?! You are wonderful ♥ and don't ever feel bad about taking a bit, I'd much rather a well thought out review that takes a while than a hasty any day!!

I am so happy that you got that, beauty in such a dark word kind of feeling. I really wanted to use Astoria to symbolize that this kind of abuse had no barriers. It didn't matter that she was a special, perfect, beautiful child or that she was selfless as can be. She was still the trigger. It didn't mater that Draco wanted to save her or help her sooner, because he more than anyone understand family loyalties.

I really wanted to tell the story without actually telling what happened, so I'm extra happy that you feel like I achieved that ♥

Haha so, I actually originally meant that the lighting split the sky open, then I typed spit and just went with it. I kind of liked the fact that spitting on something is pretty degrading, and having the lighting spit kind of felt right... but I might not be making any sense right now and there's a very good chance I'll end up changing that for the next edit, haha.

The ending was my favorite part to write. I think because the lyrics are talking about there not being enough rain to wash the sins out of the house, but Astoria went around that. So when rain couldn't wash them out, she burnt it down. It felt very freeing to both her and Draco.

Okay, I'm just rambling now because you are such a perceptive reader and it's so awesome to get every single review from you. Thank you so much darling ♥

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Review #27, by CavellCommon Sense: Chapter 1

7th September 2012:
There are no words to say how sorry I am for being such a pathetic person and taking so long with this review *eyes downcast in shame* I'm so sorry about this, though I do have to say I did kind of warn you ;)

So, where to start? Ah, yes - I honestly can't believe you've never ever written anything but angst - it's just not obvious! Everything here sounds natural - the lighthearted dialogue, the easy description, the way the characters themselves acted. Honestly, this was brilliant in all of the meanings of the word, you do fluff very well.

I've read a lot of Next-Gen, and one about a Seer, but Mia's (and yours, to an extent) take on it was interesting, the way she said she didn't want things to happen because she had the visions beforehand and she thought it would feel forced - I, myself, never actually thought about it that way and it was really food for thought, so well done on getting that little detail!

No mistakes at all - not even a comma misplaced or anything! I am honestly so, so picky about these things, but nope! Your one-shot was flawless, not to mention just the right length and I was so disappointed to reach your AN, since the story was already over :( Thanks for requesting, and good luck with the rest of your stories!


Author's Response: Hi!

I honestly can't blame you for being slow (though I don't think you were that bad, and you're right, you did warn me), because I know that ever since school started my pace doing anything has been that of a dead turtle.

I jokingly say that I write fluff in my head...because I do have some up there, I've just never taken the time to put it into words. Perhaps I'll have to start, because some people seem to like this piece.

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you said that I pulled all of that off, because it was my biggest concern.

That idea just popped into my mind, so I had to run with it of course!

Yay! Good grammar :) I do try very hard for that, so I'm glad it's appreciated.

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #28, by CavellBefore They Fall: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

26th August 2012:
Urgh, I took a little longer with this review than I wanted to, so sorry for the slightly longer wait, Jami :( However, YAY A NEW CHAPTER! I was so excited when I saw it pop up at the top of my favourites list, though I forced myself to wait for you to request it :p

It was definitely interesting to see a glimpse into Lucius' mind - it wasn't what I was expecting, but much, much better. I have never actually seen him written before, but wow, yours was definitely true to canon, as if Ms Rowling herself wrote him instead of you, and now I'm really curious to see what the Death Eaters are going to do.

I really liked Polly :) So often, people forget about the younger kids, the first and second years, and it was nice to see someone happier and a lot more cheerful than the seven of them :p Her introduction and reason was very natural, and made me laugh too, especially on what she said about Alice. I honestly can't wait to see why is she so important, and her introduction really makes me realise that you planned out this story so carefully and I admire you for that :D

I never actually realised Belle's full name, and for some reason it brought a new side to her :p I adore the name Isabelle, and I'm actually planning to use it in a story of my own someday, so I loved seeing it as Belle's because it made her more relateable as a character in whole - a normal name - and just because the name is lovely and it's not used as often as it should (then again, that isn't entirely a bad thing). I had seen the CI request in TDA and wanted so badly to know why Belle was crying, and wow. o.O I feel so sorry for her - that must be awful, and kind of makes me glad I'm not famous or anything like that.

Her and Sirius definitely felt natural, so I can't wait to see where you're going with them ;) The transformation in animals was interesting - I loved seeing it from the animal's view, you're right, no one puts much thought into that so I'm pleased you did. The twist was excellent, definitely food for thought to be honest with you.

I felt like the description was stronger in this chapter, being a lot more serious than the rest, and thus your imagery was beautiful, and there are zilch complaints from me - it's another brilliant chapter under your belt, Jami, and I certainly can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: Blah this was such a sweet review &heart; you made my heart go crazy with warm and fuzzies!

Lucius was really fun to write, I don't see him as a good person - but I do see him as wanting to protect his family. He likes the idea of being in this mission, but he hates how dangerous it is. And, you'll know very soon exactly what it is these baddies are up to.

Oh my gosh I'm so happy you liked Polly's Alice line, it was so fun for me to imagine some big bad Quidditch star pining after her, and Sirius really not being okay with even the thought of it because Polly is their friend.. she does play an important part of this story so I'm happy you liked her introduction :). Haha I'm a crazy planner, I think that's why I write a lot of one-shots, sometimes it feels good to just start on something totally unplanned.

Yay strong descriptions!! I worry so much about imagery, but in these kinds of chapters where there is more serious I do find it a bit easier.

Thank you so much for this amazing review, you have no idea how excited I am when I get to request one, they are always the best and so well thought out and insightful.

Thanks again, darling ♥

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Review #29, by CavellThis changes everything : Finding out

25th August 2012:
I definitely don't read much Ron/Hermione - or any of the trio, admittedly - but even I know that this was a genuinely good start to what is turning out to be quite an interesting story! I didn't see too many mistakes, though there was some that I did spot:

the grandfather clock had not long chimed 11:00pm - I think this would be better phrased as something else. Maybe try: the grandfather clock having not long before chimed 11:00pm?

Kingsley is also spelled with an 'e' - don't forget that, love ;)

Oh, and it's 'vaguely', not 'vaugly' - this is such a good story and I don't want it to be marred by little mistakes. Oh, and by Victoria do you mean Victoire, Bill and Fleur's daughter? I was kind of confused by that, I'm afraid to admit.

I found it really interesting that Ron and Hermione have only been dating for a month - definitely a twist to the average story, but a good one nonetheless. I'm actually wondering why you had it that way, but I know you have a good reason for it which I can't wait to hear. I also noticed that Ron wasn't an Auror - so many twists in this story, but you definitely manage to pull it off - and your reason was actually very reasonable, so well done!

I'm so used to pregnant people as teens, still Hogwarts-age, so it was definitely nice that Ron and Hermione actually had jobs and were out of school. It just makes it easier for everyone, so I'm definitely glad you had it that way. The flow is good - sometimes it's a bit choppy, but that's mostly unnoticeable so don't worry about it. Ron and Hermione are also perfectly canon and true to themselves, so well done about that!

All in all, this was a good introduction to the story and it was definitely a nice read and a good deviation from the usual. Thanks so much for requesting, and good luck with the rest of the story, love! If you fix everything I mentioned up above, this chapter would be even better :D


Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review! :)
I'll go through and edit the mistakes and yeah, I meant Bill and Fleurs daughter.
I'm glad you liked it though and thanks again for reviewing! :)

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Review #30, by CavellOpposites Attract: Prologue

20th August 2012:
First things first - I really am sorry for the unfortunately long wait for this :( My summers really are busy, but still, I am here now! And might I just say, this was an excellent start to what seems to be a very interesting story.

I love Penny! She's rather sarcastic and biting, but not in the all-out way that a lot of people do it - she seems to be a lot more subtle. She's also clever, but not in that way where people make characters all knowing and all that stuff. Actually, all in all, I loved both Tammy and Penny! While Tammy seems to be a bit uppity, she is a sweetheart, and have I mentioned Penny was awesome?

I do think your plot is gripping! Some people would immediately classify this as cliche, but I wouldn't, and I have read a lot of Sirius/OCs in my day. I'm honestly interested to see where this could possibly go, and it definitely captures my interests. I didn't know what I was expecting when you requested this, but you probably exceeded any and all of my expectations :)

It definitely flows, don't worry, and I do like your dialogue! Most people have trouble with it, but yours is flawless and a lot like something real, actual people would say, so well done :) Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request, and good luck with the rest of the story!


Author's Response: That's alright! I'm glad you reviewed anyway! :)

I actually think that Penny is only smart book-wise, but when it comes to common sense and real life, she's a complete idiot :P I'm glad you really like Penny, I'm trying to make her someone very relatable. & about Tammy, she is a bit uppity but I think she's quite cute :P

I've tried thinking of something to put on my summary to make it seem not so much as a cliche, but alas I've gone past the word limit :( haha so I've just let it be. I'm really glad it isn't a cliche and I really hope it isn't for the rest of the story.

I'd like to thank you for taking the time to leave a review! So thank you!!! :)

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Review #31, by CavellPost Scriptum: Making Good, Breaking Bad

20th August 2012:
Ugh. I missed out on 100th review >.< Meh. 101th isn't so bad, admittedly. Anyway, I'm here now! I actually read this five minutes after I saw your request (I get way too excited over the little things, honestly) but unfortunately I was busy and that is why I am here six days later. Gah. Me and my bad timing, honestly.

Anyways! I don't often read about Hogsmeade weekends - and if I do, they're usually about dates and all that sort of stuff - nor do I think about them that much, but I'm glad you included some in this chapter! Of course, Regulus and his friends don't exactly have the best sense of where to go (Hog's Head? Really? I know you're Death Eaters, but seriously, even Regulus agrees with me) but I was interested to see how you would put your own spin on the all-wizarding village - and what a spin, too. Your description makes me see everything, from the dust in the pub and the excitement of the girl who bumped into Regulus.

I found it rather interesting that Regulus didn't drink Firewhiskey, and that he was actually waiting until he was of age, and that his mother didn't allow him too. Obviously, most let Sirius or any of the Marauders do it, and this just goes to show that you are very cheerfully shattering any cliches that you might come across, because let's face it - with a brilliant plot like yours, you probably won't come across any average cliches :)

The talk about the Death Eaters just brought a whole new level of seriousness into the story - while it was most definitely serious before, you aren't forgetting that there's a war right outside their window, that Hogwarts is just as safe as a Muggle village would be, and that they're going to have to grow up long before they are officially meant to. So many people just stick to the romance with the occasional mention of the war, but heck, Amanda, you aren't forgetting - you're shoving us in right into the action :)

Your ending lines -.- I'm envious. Ugh. See what you do to me? I have so much more that I could say to you, but this chapter in all has made me utterly speechless, and I honestly can't wait for the next when it comes out - bravo for another excellent chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one.

Author's Response: Hi Linn! I'm happy to see you back here!

I did try to purposefully defy a few cliches in this chapter, starting with the setting. I agree that Hogsmeade visits always seem to be about flirting, first dates, dramatic breakup scenes, etc. It's lovely that the description worked well for you and you could appreciate the seediness of the location Rosier and his friends chose. Naturally, the regular village would be too warm and friendly for a band of soon-to-be and recently-added Death Eaters.

Firewhiskey doesn't sound pleasant to me, and I hate reading fics where characters just drink it casually like it's no big thing. It's great that you could also see that I tried to attack a cliche directly there. I tried to use it to symbolize Regulus's continued innocence.

Oh, yes; I think my number one Marauder era pet peeve is forgetting that there's a war going on outside. The romance is part of the plot, obviously, but I'm trying to be careful not to let it take over too much. I'm pleased to hear that you think I'm accomplishing that.

You're very kind, as always, and I truly appreciate this thoughtful review. I always look forward to hearing back from you, and you can bet that I'll continue to re-request chapter by chapter as long as your thread is open. Thanks again for coming to visit me!


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Review #32, by CavellThis is War: This is War

20th August 2012:
Holy crud (by the way, sorry for the superb delay). I don't know what I was expecting when you expected a review for this, but wow, you exceeded any expectations I might have had for you. I loved Lily and all of your characters. While most put Lily down as the person who was determined to fight and do what was right no matter what it takes, your Lily was the same but she didn't want to fight - of course, she'd do it if she was asked, but for the most she only fought for the Marauders' safety, and I admire you for pulling that off so well :)

Your description is completely amazing! I'm not too good at it, myself, but woah - you pulled everything off flawlessly. I can't say which in this one-shot is my favourite paragraph, because I'm pretty sure I don't have one - all of them were brilliant - because absolutely everything was fantastic. Most people don't write about Lily during the actual war, before Harry was born, so you shattered every cliche this situation might have had, so well done!

Your flow was lovely, and there were no mistakes whatsoever :) Mind you, I'm usually picky about mistakes, so bravo! It held my interest for the whole thing, so don't worry about that, and when Peter showed up I even held my breath :p Anyway, thanks a bunch for requesting, and good luck with the rest of your stories!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for dropping by! And I'm sorry it took me so long to respond! I just got back from vacation.

I'm really really REALLY glad that you liked this one shot. It still makes me so nervous, though I don't know why.

Honestly, originality was exactly what I was going for in this piece, especially in the spots you mentioned, so I'm glad you saw that.

I couldn't be happier that you liked my description! It's something I tend to be pretty heavy on so it's comforting to know that it comes across well.

It had to be Peter at the end, because no one else would have come back for Lily, no matter how desperate things got. In my mind Peter hadn't turned yet during this one shot, but he was debating internally which side was the correct one.

Thank you SO SO much!


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Review #33, by CavellMagnolia Street: Tumbling, Suddenly

18th August 2012:
HE ASKED HIM TO THE WEDDING - that's freaking adorable, and aww I'm such a sap, aren't I? :p Scorpius said yes to the offer! Lysander and his lists, too - the percentage and everything, and the little side-comments were so funny. I actually see how he and Lorcan are twins, now. I love how we saw the title finally come in this chapter - I was wondering why it was called such a lovely name.

The pub's little - ugh, what do you call it again (forgive me, I always forget the little things) - slogan made me smile sadly a bit, though I'm still pretty happy about Lysander and Scorpius going to the wedding together. Nice convincing Scorpius to go with you, Lysander ;) Dressing-up and the drinks are always good reasons to go to a wedding after all.

In all of these three chapters, I did not see a single mistake, so well done! I am usually so picky about these things, even silly things like commas and all that weird stuff, but nope! Your story is absolutely spotless, completely flawless and I can't wait to see where the whole thing is going. If it's as good as these chapters, then it's bound to be amazing ;) Bravo!


Author's Response: Oh, you like the title (or, that's what I'm gathering, anyway, from "lovely name")! I was struggling trying to name it, and finally I just went with the first name of a pub that I could create. So there you go. :P

Dressing up and drinking are always a good reason to go to anything, at least in his (fictional) opinion.

Yay, no mistakes! It takes me forever to write a chapter because I have several, several, several drafts. So hopefully the finished product is really as error-less as it should be.

Thanks for your lovely reviews! They completely made my week.

xx Rin

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Review #34, by CavellMagnolia Street: Tempest Outside

18th August 2012:
I might have liked this chapter even more than the first one, and I really did like the first one, so that's certainly saying something ;) I loved Lorcan! Gosh, he's so... gah, what's the word for it? Ah, adorable! Yes, he's adorable and funny and sweet and completely adds a bit of brightness to Lysander and his... gloominess (we know what can cheer him up, though) ;)

I'm glad to actually have an explanation for the lists Lysander keeps making in his head though :p While I do adore him and his character, and think that he is very smart indeed, it was still an explanation and I do like those. You're defying every single cliche in the book while writing this, and you're doing so gosh darn well - Lorcan's getting married to a Muggle! I want to meet her. I hope we do, sometime in this story.

While I was so disappointed not to have any Scorpius in this chapter - what can I say, I've taken a liking to him even after only one chapter - I still loved everything. Engaged was said five whole times in this chapter, mostly by Lysander and his disbelief, and for some reason, I find that utterly hilarious. I'm weird, I know. Aww... he took three of the plants home! That's just... gah, I'm speechless.

See you on the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks again for your reviews! I just can't get over how lovely they are.

Lorcan! I needed a counterpart to Lysander, somebody who was obviously a twin but definitely different. I'm glad you like him (and I'm saying "glad" a lot too, now)! I'm especially glad (see?) that you think he's sweet as opposed to obnoxious. That was sort of a fine line for me to walk while I was writing him.

Oh, wow, defying cliches? Thank you! That was quite an unexpected (and appreciated) compliment.

Yes, you will get to feet the fiance! The next chapter, I think. OR maybe the one after that. Anyway, you'll meet her (if only briefly). I don't know how much of a role she'll play in the chapter, but she'll be there for a little while.

Anyway, thank you again!
xx Rin

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Review #35, by CavellMagnolia Street: Tuesday

18th August 2012:
Hello, there! I'm here for TGS' Review Exchange, and can I just say that I must have been lucky enough to snag such a good story! :P I don't know what expectations I might have had when I first read your summary, but you exceeded every single one of them :)

I don't often read slash, if not for the mere fact that I don't seem to find absolutely excellent ones very often, but I regret not searching more, because yours is one of those excellent ones! You have a way with words - your descriptions skills make me feel like I'm actually there with Lysander, and the way he thinks is so unique, if that even makes any sense at all.

I do loved the way he tried to stick Scorpius into a list of words - of course, no human being can fit into a list perfectly, but Lysander's evidence added some humour to a mostly serious piece :) This was a very interesting concept, not to mention a brilliant idea, and I'm glad you made a whole story out of it. I don't often see stories set after Hogwarts, not to mention characters at their jobs, but even if this is only the first chapter I can already tell that Lysander and Scorpius' jobs fit their characters quite well.

All in all, even though this was a little bit short, it was definitely a good introduction to what seems to be an awe-inspiring story, and while I'm new to this (and don't know whether to review the next chapters or not, but I will just to be on the safe side) I'm glad I found a good story in the middle of it all :)


Author's Response: Oh, wow, thank you! So much praise and I'm not quite sure how to respond appropriately! Maybe I can just continue to drool all over my keyboard as a response; I'd be fine with that.

The whole list concept was a little nebulous at first to me, and I was almost afraid that it would chop up the flow and be terrible, etc, etc. That being said, I'm really glad you like it! I think it makes him more of a calculating scientist, if you catch my drift.

I'm also really pleased that you like their jobs, because at first I was unsure where I would stick the two (Scorpius especially). It sort of fell into place, though, and I'm glad that place was the right one.

Oh, yeah, very short. Well, short-ish. I'm really terrible at writing long chapters, to be honest.

Thanks again for your praise! I cannot thank you enough.

xx Rin

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Review #36, by CavellActing the Part: For the last time, I'm not jealous!

17th August 2012:
Hello again! :D

You have lovely one-liners - I saw loads that I love in this chapter, though this one was just so adorable that I had to point it out: "It was like seeing what you read." I still prefer books to movies, but - but Charlie's so sweet *sniffle* He's perfect for Mel! (Shut up, Melanie, I don't care if you say otherwise, everyone else in the story completely agrees with me -.-)

The last scene was amazing - I loved the scary movie stuff, and seeing as I just watched one last night, I can relate to Mel and Jess's (love her, by the way - all of your characters are so funny and real and relateable) panicky states when Marty knocked on the door with a drunk Charlie :p I so want to find out what happened between Charlie and Violet, but I suppose I'll just have to wait for the next chapter like a normal person *heavy sigh* Meh. I love your cliffhangers - they're so subtle but they're there and that's all that matters.

The romance between Mel and Charlie is adorable - it's really subtle, which just goes to show that you have awesome skills, and - asgfghdsh I don't know what to say. All of this chapter was amazing and I can't wait to see how else you can blend in the magic with the movies :D

Author's Response: Hey again! *huggles Linn*

I'm so glad you like my one-liners, I really try to make them noticeable :) CHARLIE AND MEL- I ship them too, so no worries.

I built on my limited experience of scary movies to write that scene, so I'm glad you liked it :P The reason I don't watch them so much is because my reaction is exactly the same as Jess'... any noise is an axe-murderer :P

I'm really glad you like my characters and my romance (ohmygosh I spend sleepless nights worrying about writing romance) and your reviews help me sleep. Thank you so much, Linn! :)

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Review #37, by CavellThe Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven: Act II

14th August 2012:
First things first - the wait :( I'm sorry for taking so long with this review, RL is a little bit crazier than I thought, though at least I'm here now, huh? :) Anyway, on with the story!

I love your opening scenes! You immediately shove us in the action, leaving us no time to think, just read and wow... it was interesting seeing everything from Sirius' view since I haven't seen him written before, but I liked yours! Since he's only young and stuff, he's a lot more innocent and sweet and ah, he's adorable and so was Regulus - I loved them both, and in fact, I loved all of your characters and I most especially adored the fact that Regulus was the one who first heard the news.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes at Sirius' father's death, your description was that good. People deal with grief in so many ways, but the way Sirius and Kreacher and Regulus and everyone else was fitting to their characters, so well done on getting it right :) This is a really good AU - I didn't know what I was expecting when I first read the first chapter, but wow.

Woah, the rest of the Marauders' first appearances are epic ;) Perfect way to end a brilliant chapter! I loved the suspense and you made everything so intense, making me wonder what's going to happen next and ohmygosh, I'm rambling aimlessly, aren't I? :p Sorry! Anyway, thanks for requesting - again - and apologies again for the wait.


Author's Response: Hey Linn,

Don't worry about the wait. :)

I was a little worried about just "shoving" you guys into the action, but I felt like this was the best way to approach the situation.

Aw, you really should read more Sirius fics. He's such a fantastic character. I think you'd like him. Writing young boys is so hard! Especially Regulus. I'm constantly worried I'm making him too wimpy, but yay, I'm glad you love both boys. They're so much fun to write.

Grief is definitely a topic that I like to write about and one that I seem to have some success writing. I really want to make people /feel/ and if I can do that then I feel like I was doing a good job.

I'm really pleased you're liking it! AU isn't for everyone and it's such a fine don't want to make a mess of it, that's for sure, but I am having so much fun writing it. I love this story. :)

Heh, I love the Marauders! I think you'll really like their part of the story. I know I'm going to have fun writing it.

Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. :)

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Review #38, by CavellHeaven Can Wait: Reflections

14th August 2012:
Can I just say that you have a talent with opening lines? Because seriously, you do! The first line of this chapter instantly sucked me in so fast I didn't realise I was already halfway down the page :p Also - gah, I'm horrible with timing, I know, and I'm so sorry :( Forgive me, though this awesome read really cheered me up!

Lily's summer routine was so sweet - I never have routines, I often wing everything, but Lily's was so bittersweet since she talked so warmly of Severus who had hurt her and I feel so sorry for her, the poor girl. Her description of her former best friend made my heart warm, because it was some lovely description on your part, so well done. I also loved the scene where Lily tells Severus what's on her mind - very intense, and very well done, too!

There weren't many mistakes, but I did spot this little thing:

"What's that supposed mean?" - I think you're missing a 'to' there, love ;)

I loved the memories - aww, it was nice to see their friendship over the years even though by now it's ended. One thing I do want to ask you about, in the first memory (which was hilarious, by the way) would the Slytherins really let Lily sit with them at their table? I know it was a little bit before Voldemort rose to power, but even then would they? It's just kind of niggling on my mind, though any explanation you can come up with is good enough for me :)

Sometimes, it did confuse me, though :( Like the shifting from part-to-part again, though maybe sometimes my brain just got a bit muddled and is mixing this up with the other stories I've read today :p I loved the insights into both of Lily and James' minds, though I just preferred Lily's because it showed exactly why Severus called her a mudblood :)

Thanks for requesting again, and sorry for the wait!


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Review #39, by CavellBreak Out: II.

13th August 2012:
Rachel - Jane - ohmygosh, I can't remember which is actually your name *face-palm* forgive me, but anyways - I lost all track of time, I'm so sorry for such a horrendously late review :( Still, reading this made me feel loads better.

The first sentence instantly gripped me - and it was such a good start, too! How on earth do you do it? The fact that it was Ron's POV interested me as well, as I wanted to see how well you'd do with his since you've already finished Harry's with flying colours, and I'm glad to say that you did really well! I always thought that it would be rather hard writing boys, but you pulled it off perfectly. There wasn't too much description when you were speaking from Ron, and somehow you found that perfect balance when writing him :)

I like your metaphors! They just add to your awesome description skills, which are amazing! It's weird seeing everything from Ron's view, since I'm so used to the scene being from Harry's, but hearing his thought are interesting because it doesn't seem like you're repeating anything and that you just made up the scene all by yourself even though I know perfectly well that it was J.K. who plotted the whole 'Harry-is-dead?' scene and you just expanded it with Ron's view and I'm rambling aimlessly, aren't I? :p

OHMYGOSH, this is an epic AU :o I didn't know what would happen afterwards since the last bit of canon I remember was Neville killing Nagini - but wow, you exceeded any expectations I might have had for you and woah woah woah I'm seriously speechless o.O No - why are they losing? *cries* Your description makes me feel like I'm there and I'm so scared for them and what the heck's going to happen next?!? (This is my bizarre way of asking you if you terribly mind re-requesting so that I can read the next chapter :p Even if you didn't, I'd read it myself anyway)

(Sorry for the mostly rambly, gushing review, I can't help it!)

Author's Response: Ahaha! My real name actually is Rachel, but so many people call me Jane that I respond to it instinctually, so you can use either. ;) And please, no worries about the review! It's always great to see someone stop by, no matter when the review is left, and you certainly don't need to be feeling bad about it. :)

I'm so happy you liked that first sentence! Starting chapters is always kind of hit-or-miss for me, but this beginning just kind of popped into my head, so I'm tremendously happy you liked it. I love writing Ron, because he's got such a fun voice to write in, you know? Even here -- he sees things differently than Harry, and it's neat to explore. I've written him a few times now and always love it. I actually think I like writing male main character more than female ones!

I actually had to go back and find metaphors in this to know what you were talking about. :3 Similes and metaphors aren't something I consciously put into stories -- they just sort of crop up -- but I'm so super happy you liked this scene. And I was actually rather worried this would seem too much like I was borrowing from canon, or copying it, so you've really, really alleviated some of my fears to that end! Thank you!!

I say this is my first time writing AU, but in reality, all my stories are, just a bit. (I mean, inserting original characters into canon events and having them change as a result... that's pretty AU!) But this is the first time I'm /changing/ canon events, so to speak, so I'm honestly just so pleased that you like it so much. :3

I'll definitely be by to re-request! Thank you so, so, so much for such a sweet review on this story. I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate it. ♥ I hope to see you back very soon for chapter three, as well!!

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Review #40, by CavellActing the Part: what's a film?

9th August 2012:
*squirms awkwardly in seat* Hush, Jenny. I do not read your stories that often. Go away. Stop looking at me like that.


Oh gosh, you epic person with SO MANY PLUNNIES that I'm jealous :o I cannot even begin to fathom how this came into your brain, but I'm glad it did! You seem to always have a good starter on your hands, and this was certainly an interesting idea! I love your characters - I haven't ever seen Charlie Weasley written before, but even so, I know yours is perfectly awesome. I like Mel, too! Of course, I hate Violet because I'm biased, but even her, you make real. So many people make the mean girls without a zilch of substance in them, but you - gah, no words, honestly.

Mel's theory about Marty and Muggles is interesting, to say the least ;) And your description! I'm jealous, I fail at description, so I always go green with envy at everyone's skills in it. You don't provide too much that you go overboard, or too little that everything's vague (*cough*like me*cough*), in fact, you have found just the right balance in between the two. Charlie's questions about films is hilarious, as are Mel's thoughts on everyday life, and gosh, I can't even believe you. Why do you keep coming out with these things, huh?! What happened to leaving some talent for the rest of us?! I'm so ashamed in you, so many little people have nothing, and here you are, hogging the great story ideas and characters and skills with descriptions. HMPH.

Lots of love, xxx and all that good stuff,

Author's Response: HELLO! No, don't squirm! I want you to come back again and again and again and again *ensnares Linn in her evil trap of words*

Thanks so much for checking up on me and reading my stuff, it means the world to me.

Charlie is nearly an OC, he's written so little, so I feel very free with him and Mel is an OC so I can do whatever I like! MWA HA HA *coughs* And yeah, Violet's just mean. And crafty.

Your description is awesome, so no putting yourself down, you! I'm happy you like this though- the plunny for this so nearly ended up in the UFG thread. :)

You've made me glad I wrote it. Thanks so much! :D

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Review #41, by CavellThe Burning One: The First Day

5th August 2012:
Aah, another brilliant chapter from you, I say! :D Sorry, by the way, for the atrociously late reply. RL is so mean to me! I loved the fact that Sera is in Hufflepuff - it's so often that the protagonist is in Slytherin or Gryffindor, so I'm quite glad for the change! And having friends in different houses, too - you're really exploring the whole boundaries thing, and I adored it. There weren't very many mistakes that I spotted - most of the time, your grammar and spelling are flawless - though there were these two:

I'd really like to know if the Ministry is even close to catching - it's 'are', love, not 'is' ;) Just thought that I might as well point it out since you asked.

first train tip to school - at first I completely skipped over this, since it's such a little mistake, but nevertheless, it should be 'trip'.

Flow and pacing - they're good! It doesn't feel like it's a slow chapter, nor is it so fast that no one can keep up with it. I think you've found just the right balance in between the two, which I'm glad for since it's such a good story so far! I also find your plot very interesting - Catie's sure uppity! :p Not that I don't like her - I do - it's just that it's so strange why she just won't go up to Sirius herself, but I can totally try to guess how your plot will play out, and I can't wait to see more!

Aaron! I love him. I know someone named Aaron who's a sweetheart so I think I'm just biased, but yours is so adorable, and I love how he cheers up Sera and have their exchange and all. Anyway, thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request, and good luck with the rest of the story! It's certainly shaping up to be a good one ;)


Author's Response: Oh, don't worry, dear. I understand perfectly how crazy RL can be.

Yeah, that's the reason why I chose her to be a Hufflepuff. There are so many Gryffies and Snakes out there, and even Ravenclaws (although not as many). And yeah, they can't all just be friends with only their housemates (x

Ooh, thanks for pointing those out! I'll correct them asap!

Great. That's always nice to hear! Balace is good ^^

Haha, I actually know someone who's just like Catie in that way. She'd never approach a guy first, they always have to come to her d:

I'm glad you like Aaron! I'm quite fond of him too!

Thank you so much for your lovely and heloful review! I'll definitely re-request once I update!

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Review #42, by CavellBreak Out: I.

5th August 2012:
Hey, Jane, it's me, Linn, Raine from the forums, and I have finally come with your requested review! :) I didn't forget about you or this, no worries :p The weirdest thing about this was that it was short, but it felt like it was so long o.O Not many people attempt AU, but even on the first chapter you're doing so well - and I don't disagree with the various brilliant reactions you've had ;)

Harry! Gosh, he was ... to put it simply, he was Harry. So many people are scared to write him, afraid they'll blutcher his character and ruin what J.K. has so carefully crafted, but you - my goodness, not you. You wrote him so well and so realistically, I can't believe it. Your Harry is right up there with J.K's, no doubt about it ;)

There were zilch mistakes, and I mean it. Nothing that I could spot, and I'm usually picky over the silliest of things :p I liked Voldemort's thoughts, too! It kind of never occured to me that he might not believe Narcissa when she said Harry was dead or anything, so I'm glad you spotted that - better you than me!

I love your imagery and description! :o I have so much trouble with the two of them, myself, so I am so, so jealous of your fantastic skill *shakes head in wonder* I literally feel like I am right there with Voldemort in the Death Eaters, so well done! Anyway, thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request (I was kind of honoured you requested in the first place :p) and good luck with the rest of the story! If it turns out as good at this first chapter, then it will be brilliant ;)


Author's Response: Hey, Linn! No worries about the wait -- I mean, I sort of forget who I request from as soon as I do it, so it's always a happy surprise. :3 And I'm so happy that you found the chapter length, well, good! A thing I'm trying to do with this story is try not to focus so much on the word count, and if it hits the 500-word minimum, then it is what it is. :)

I'm so grateful for your compliments on Harry's character, too! I feel like I've read the books enough, and listened to the audiobooks enough, to get into his character voice pretty well (although that might be a bit of an arrogant thing to say). I LOVE writing Harry; I'd love to do a Harry-centric novel someday. So compliments such as yours really are so, so encouraging to that end!

Gahh, what even to say. Description and imagery are two things I focus on in writing, simply because I see scenes vividly, and want readers to see them that way, too. I WANT them to be there. And I'm happy to hear you are!!

Just thank you, so much, for such an incredible review. ♥ I honestly cannot tell you how much it means to me. Aaand I might have already been by to request for chapter two. -shifty look- You're awesome!!

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Review #43, by CavellSecond Childishness and Mere Oblivion: Second Childishness and Mere Oblivion

30th July 2012:
Trouble with the style, my Godric! :p This was an absolutely beautiful piece, and don't you dare say otherwise! I loved it. All of it. From the beginning, with Lily recalling her first time, from the hospital scenes - everything! You also almost gave me a heart-attack too, you know, when Harry wasn't breathing for a moment. I found it totally ironic, same as Lily, seeing as she was saying that she was his 'protector' and everything. I thought that this was a bittersweet glimpse into their lives before Voldemort murdered them at Godric's Hollow, and I loved how you made everything not perfect, strange as it sounds - their situation surrounding their first time, their arguments, just... wow. Gah. I'm speechless, seriously.

It definitely flowed well, mind you ;) It was perfect - all of it. An absolutely lovely read, which I completely and utterly adored. Well done :) Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request on another story, and speaking of which, good luck on all of your other stories! If they're as good as this one, then I have no doubt that they are as fantastic, too :)


Author's Response: Hahaha, thank you so much! I'm really flattered that you liked it so much that you could call it beautiful :) (I can see a lot of flaws in this story, myself, but thank you anyway!)

And lol, it was kind of my intention to make the moment later on a very much EEP moment, as someone else said, because I do think something like that could have happened.

It was very much intended to be imperfect; first times in literature are always SO overrated, when, really, I know (not from experience, lol) that it's never easy the first time, at least for a girl. Also, a couple are bound to have arguments, so I wanted to convey how things were far from simple between James and Lily, even before they were married.

I'm so pleased you liked it! I have another story in the queue which isn't very good (it's James/Sirius, so I'm not sure you're into that...) but I'll probably stop by your thread if you are. Thank you very much for the review -- I swear my head is just inflating to ten times the size atm :D


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Review #44, by CavellPerpetual: ( i )

30th July 2012:
This was a very interesting take on Draco and Astoria, but I loved it! :) You have such a gift for writing her, and developing a strong narrator in a one-shot under 700 words is a brilliant skill :) There weren't much mistakes, although I did see this:

You've become to thin. - it's with two O's, love, not just one, to make 'too'. Just thought you ought to know :)

I understood it perfectly well! I loved the plot it had - most one-shots don't have one since they are so short and all, but yours... wow. You explore canon, making things your own, what with Daphne's death and Astoria's grieving and your imagery! *squish* I loved the idea of the game with the questions and the honest answers - it's like the Truth in Truth or Dare except more real and more raw and more hesitant and more dangerous, which I adore - and the bit about the dams breaking! Oh, goodness me. Beautiful, all of it. It definitely flows well, so don't worry about it.

Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request on another story, and speaking of which, good luck on them! :)


Author's Response: Thankyou so much hun! :D I have a goofy grin on my face right now.

I'll just fix that. I'm not going to be able to write much now that the holidays are almost over, this was a very-suddenly-written-at-4am oneshot, but I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks again, I'll be sure to re-request if I write something else :)

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Review #45, by CavellBefore They Fall: The Picture of Friendship

30th July 2012:
Ah... progress! James/Lily type progress is my most favourite type of progress, which you probably already know since they're my OTP and all. The chapter wasn't at all slow! It hooked me in from the beginning, from when Alice was trying to calm Lily down to Belle's story to Lily's flashback to Sirius and Belle's spying - which was hilarious, by the way. The way Belle revealed herself and Sirius to James and Lily talking made me laugh out loud. Very creative ;) Still not many mistakes that I spotted, but I did see these two:

Neither spoke while the walked - I assume you meant 'they' and not 'the'?

beat read - it's 'beet-red' or 'beet red', love. Just wanted to point it out because I do hate to see any mistakes in such a lovely piece of writing :D Speaking of which, loving your new banner! Fits the story more, in my opinion.

Is it weird that I feel bad for not getting the sentence you meant in your A/N? Because I do :p No clue why, I admit, but anyway, on to the rest of the review. Your Lily is different from others in the way that she is actually facing her feelings for James head-on, instead of being frustatingly in denial, so well done! I loved that :) It definitely shows that she is recovering from Mr and Mrs Evans' death - she would probably never truly get over it, but at least she can think about them without wailing and running out of the room :p You're really making Alice and Belle and everyone else - especially Peter, which I like - your own, so well done!

You didn't mention this in your areas of concern, but I loved the last bit, a glimpse into Remus' mind and looking out on his friends with happiness and not worry though I am anxious to find out who the dark green eyes belong to. I love how Remus is good at Flying, too. You don't see that everyday, let me tell you. All in all, this was a brilliant chapter, Jami, and I'll certainly be watching and waiting eagerly for the next :D


Author's Response: Hahah don't feel bad for not getting it, I'll tell you ;)

When James says:

"We have all the time in the world, right?" when he is talking to Lily about not having to know exactly what they want. It made me so sad because the day he says this (September 30th) him and Lily live another 4 years, 1 month, and 1 day. The fact that he thinks exactly the same thing every other teenager does: that they really do have all the time, and has no idea how short his life span is, seriously kills me. Haha. I almost started bawling. The Marauders+Lily Alice and Frank are by far the characters I get most heart broken about. Bawww. Okay I'm going to be done before I blubber.

Anyway, thank you for pointing out the mistakes!! I'm going to edit them right now! Honestly, I love when reviewers point out mistakes because it actually means they're reading the story and not just skimming through. And it gives me the chance to improve.

Making these characters in *my* characters is really important, so I'm happy you feel like I'm achieving that :)! Peter and myself don't talk about what he does in the future, otherwise I just want to write a chapter where he gets ran over by a heard of centaurs. So as long as I don't think about his future, he actually becomes pretty fun to write :P!

The next chapter is going to my beta tonight :)!!

Also, I saw your reviews that made your day post, so happy that it made YOU happy! I was on my iphone so it had to be short :/. But, I try really hard to repay the amazing reviewers that read my story, please feel free to send me a message any time you want an opinion. Otherwise, I'll continue popping over when I get the chance to read and review some of your stories :)!

Thanks again for this amazing review! ♥

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Review #46, by CavellPost Scriptum: Sparks

29th July 2012:
*sneaks in ... sneakily* Erm, hi Amanda *awkward wave* Woops? Just because of my own stupidity and late-ness, I'm going to give you an extra long review, m'kay? *deep breaths* Get ready!

The Lily-Regulus scene was awesome. It wasn't too dramatic with me expecting them to do an Unbreakable Vow or something, but it wasn't too casual either with me thinking is that it? It had just a bit of everything - some uncertainty since they don't really know each other all that well, kind of tense and ohmygosh... can I just say brava? Definitely makes sense, I, myself would ask Regulus to do something in return if I was Lily, which of course I already obviously knew would happen from the summary and it really lived up to expectations :)

James was brilliant, I loved the opening scene. I thought that it was a nice touch, being with the Marauders for once, instead of always staying with Lily and Regulus, so good twist! James' routine made me smile - sadly, at his thoughts of how the others would react if they knew what he was doing, but smile all the same.

Surprisingly enough, the differences between Severus/Regulus and Sirius/James weren't all that, well, different. Sure, Severus is a little more hesitant around Regulus than Sirius is with James, but the scene when Snape was crying in the common room bonded them a bit, if you know what I mean :) I also liked the evolution of the Marauders' Map! It's nice to think that the four are human, too, and didn't just make it in a matter of months and that they're still working on things like adding names.

All in all, another brilliant chapter, and I can't wait for the next ;) I'll definitely been keeping an eye on this, that's for sure, and sorry again for the super long wait!

Author's Response: Hi Linn! No worries, seriously - I don't consider this late at all, and thank you for coming by :)

I'm so happy that the 'pivotal' scene in this chapter worked well for you. I was trying to make it realistic, so yeah, if it had seemed too over-the-top or too subtle, that wouldn't have been so good. I'm glad that you felt like characterization was on point there as well.

I'm happy you liked the twist! The more I toy with James, the more interesting he becomes to me. I don't think his friends would be really mean to him if they knew about his little habit - very different, naturally, from how Severus's friends would react - but they would definitely tease him a little, I think. I just wanted to show that the confident Gryffindor boy has a softer side, too, and his share of secrets.

Interesting! They should be a little different, but not too much, I guess. I want it to seem like Regulus and Severus are bonding, just not as quickly as James and Sirius bonded. That map would definitely take more than a semester or two to create, I think, and I'm glad you're enjoying watching it come to life.

Thanks so much for this wonderful review! I'll be by to request again when I get the next chapter posted! :)


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Review #47, by CavellBefore They Fall: Secrets Surrounding Us

27th July 2012:
Ohmygosh, Jami. Epic fail. Horrid timing. Gah. I'm going to quote McGonagall here - loved that scene with Dumbledore, by the way - "The summer wasn't kind to [me]." Still, I adored this chapter! It added just a touch more fear for Lily and the Marauders' lives, and just a bit more seriousness to their story in general. And Bellatrix at the start! I loved Voldemort's punishment - in the modern world, it's called 'three strikes, you're out' but much, much more serious.

Your imagery is amazing! I envy your talent with description. I'm bad at it, myself, but yours is so flawless and effortless and so darn natural - hmph! No fair on the lesser individuals like me :p You really make everyone your own, and McGonagall's reason for letting them throw the party made me laugh :D One thing I do want to ask you is why does Voldemort call Bellatrix by her first name and Regulus by his last? That was just one thing, though, because other than that, your spelling and grammar was absolutely flawless.

Anyway, all in all, brilliant chapter :D I can't wait for the next one, and see you there soon!


Author's Response: This is such an amazing review ♥ thank you so much!

Before I forgot to answer because you've turned me into mush - He calls her Bellatrix because there's two other Lestrange Death Eaters (her husband and his brother) and the Lestranges are currently his most trusted. Regulus is still proving himself. But mainly it's to save the confusion of wondering which Lestrange he's referring to :).

I'm sorry you didn't have a good summer :(. I'm always here to talk if you want to send me a message over the forums ♥

Imagery is something I constantly work at, constantly. I find myself completely ignoring and have to go back through the entire chapter to add it, it's horrible. So the fact that it seems so natural here makes me extra excited!!!

Thank you again so much for this amazing review, it has made my days!


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Review #48, by CavellTurn on the Light : Prologue

27th July 2012:
In all honesty, I really, really liked this! :) I love the way you've written Lily - she's not like anyone else's, not your regular fireball, all sassy and snappy and such, she still might get into some trouble - as evidenced by the fact that she lied to her family about going to the World Cup - but she's more careful about it, and I did like Scorpius, too. You have a good plot set up already, I can tell, and I seriously can't wait to see where this is going - I loved everything. The TV and the explosion - why would there be an explosion, though? That bit I don't get - just, ah. This was a lovely read :)


Author's Response: Aww thank you so much Linn. I'm really glad you like it. Yeah the explosion was supposed to be the owl hitting the window (Like Errol?) Yeah I have to redo that bit. I've used it metaphorically. Didn't think about it much but I'll correct it.

Thank you for pointing that out :) I hope you follow this :D


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Review #49, by CavellCaught in the Net: Of critters and men

27th July 2012:
So I only came here for Pass the Parcel for the HC at the forums, and I found a new favourite story instead :D Hurrah! I really, really enjoyed this one. I adore Louis in general, but yours and Tam are absolutely hilarious. They really caught my interest, and the last line *falls over giggling* Well, that will certainly make an interesting second chapter is all I can say!

I didn't spot many mistakes at all, though there was this one - shouldn't it be Professor Beamish instead of Mr? It just makes more sense and all, but other than that this story is a perfect one for the summer. Everything made me laugh, or at least smile - the explanation about Lysander and Dom, the horrid dye job, Tam's hate for haggis, everything! This was an absolutely lovely read and I can't wait for the next chapter :)


Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!

Pass the Parcel was so fun! Glad you found a new favorite, that's the best part of participating in review competitions, finding all the hidden gems. =)

Yes, he's the Charms professor, but I wanted to give some extra info on him. Thus he became Charms professor, Mr. Beamish. =) Plus I haven't yet decided his first name.

It's so cool to hear what things each reader finds fun. The next chapter is going to queue this weekend. Hint hint. ;)

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Review #50, by CavellLoving Through Tragedy : The Strings of Fate

26th July 2012:
Holy cow, Jami! Way to make a girl cry! I totally should have reviewed Before They Fall instead, but this just caught my interest and I don't regret reading it at all. This one-shot was so raw in its emotions, but so sweet and sad at the same time, and Fleur's memory! Wow. I loved everyone's speeches after the Battle of Hogwarts - I like to imagine that they really did that, and then leave their memories in the Pensieve - but why would they have a Pensieve in the first place, was what I'm curious about. I think in the books I only remember one, in Dumbledore's office, but still.

I don't recall any spelling or grammar mistakes, so well done! I loved your version of Bill and Fleur - I haven't read them before, sadly, but yours were really good! And Fleur talking to Bill while he was 'asleep' *laugh* All in all, a wonderful read, and I promise to get on the next chapter of Before They Fall soon-ish. See you around!


Author's Response: I am so, so happy you liked this! It needs some work as it's one of my older pieces, but I haven't gotten around to it.

Bill and Fleur are such a wonderful couple to explore, I hope to do so more often in the future. I'm really happy you decided to review this piece, I forgot that I like it until someone else tells me they do too ;)!!


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