BAH. I give up with you and your insane cliffies. (EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER. WHY, VAL, WHY? WHAT POSSESSES YOU TO TORTURE US EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU UPDATE?!?!?) I'm just going to refuse commenting on it any time I ever review. (We'll see how that works out, huh?) The worst thing about me being superbly late with this review is because I had it all typed up and everything and I read it out of curiousity when I reviewed last time. (Whoops?)
"Cat isn't a woman. She's a Quidditch player." - lolololol. Best quote ever! I loved it, and the glimpse into Cat's view on things. More often than not people say different views can often mess up the story system or something bizarre like that, but this was a nice change to the usual that I honestly, truly liked.
Flow was good! And Maya was absolutely lovely, I wish I had an older sister just like her (and considering I actually have a little sister...) and I loved the name Liam and the fact that she was a Ravenclaw and I have a feeling she's going to be quite an important part of the story. Le sigh. The Quidditch scene was absolutely hilarious, every time I reread it I grin like mad :p
Cat is so witty! I don't know, Kiwi's so damn lovable but I think I relate to Cat more because I think somehow she's more like me than Kiwi is, and if you're ever planning to go into Cat's view again (something like every third chapter, I'm thinking *wink wink nudge nudge*) I'd love you forever, seriously.
Well, that review was highly unhelpful. Oh well, nonetheless, go update with the sixth chapter soon! :DAuthor's Response: Aww, Linn, you should know by now I only write those cliffhangers to annoy you! Just joking, the essential reason they're there is for /me/ to get back into the story and continue writing...
AHA, YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON TO PICK UP ON THAT QUOTE! I have been waiting for this moment. It was so Oliver-esque, I just had to include it :)
I wish I had a sister like Maya too... Hopefully that's what I'm like with my sister? Or will be, sometime in the distant future.
She is going to be an important part of the story, in the sense that she's there to reign Cat in when she does stupid things. And Cat is going to continue doing stupid things, of course, so Maya will be there too.
I also relate more to Cat, so I can see why you want me to write more in her POV which is actually going to happen again! Soon.
It wasn't unhelpful at all. I love your reviews - almost as good as pancakes, remember?
&hearts Report Review
NO REMUS DON'T DIE ON US *wail*
Phew. Panic over. Gee, Jami, thanks for the stupid scare - though how did Sirius know what to do (serious face)? A lot of people do actually hold tryouts during their stories, and I thought it was very interesting to see how you would pull it off, and I was not disappointed :) I would have liked an explanation on the Quidditch-y terms in that part, though I figure this chapter is long enough so no complaints from me :p
Admittedly, Margaret's introduction was a little choppy. Kind of just "hey there, I'm here!" if you know what I mean, which you probably don't since that didn't make sense. I don't know exactly why it doesn't feel all natural to me - I suppose it's just that her first introduction was dialogue? lol, I don't know :p Just ignore me on this, seriously. Snape, ugh. He and Lily could have worked if they tried, but Jily's my OTP so nope, stay away, Snape! Though I thought you pulled him off very well in that scene :)
The first/second years! :D Hilarious, I adored the fleeting sight of them even though it was only for like, five seconds. I was utterly confused at first and on the edge of my seat for the confession. I got the gist of it in Sirius' dream at the start, but holy cow, the actual bit was so much better and I'm glad you didn't put it in italics like most do. I didn't expect Lily's parents to be killed, I thought he only killed the girl or something, but WOW. BIG BOMBSHELL, GOSH, JAMI.
It was so intense, I almost cried, but the aftermath was worth and JAMES how could you?!?!? I understand his reaction, but I feel a lot more sympathetic since I actually saw everything from Sirius' eyes. It's what I love about narrators - you never see everything that happens because if you did, everything wouldn't be as fun. EPIC CHAPTER, I LOVED IT, UPDATE SOON, pretty please?Author's Response: You're review seriously made my life! Bah!
You will find out exactly why Sirius knows that spell, but it won't be until he has to use it again - between chapter 21 and chapter 23, depending on how my outline holds. GOD THIS CHAPTER WAS SO LONG. Haha, I really would have split it up if I could have, I promise!!! I'm happy you liked the bit of tension starting out in the beginning, it was important to me to show that turning into animals/werewolves isn't always just a blast, but that those weekends can be really terrifying.
NOW! Tryouts! I actually had the same thoughts as you, but then I decided if these people don't know what they're trying out for, they better get there butts off the Pitch! I will go into more detail describing the game and plays and such during their firsts Match, in chapter 11!
AND I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED THE CAR WRECK SCENE!!! Since the very first chapter when I wrote Lily arriving with Sirius at the Potters, I wanted so bad to publish this! Poor guy :(. I was angry at James when I wrote his reaction too, but I think you'll be happy with their 'apologies' to one another in the next chapter. WHICH I JUST put in the queue like 3 seconds ago! AND it's right under 5,000 words. Better length, ya? Haha.
You're such an awesome reviewer, you seriously always put me in the best moods. Usually only coffee and chocolate put me in such a good mood...
Thanks so much for the review, darling ♥
OH OH. And yes, I would ship James and Lily with every ounce of my dying breath! Haha! I can't even read Snape and Lily, but I thought he deserved *something* in this. Okay, now I'm done ♥
You'll see me very soon with my chapter 9 request!! Report Review
YOU. VAL. EVIL PERSON. I KNOW YOU WARNED ME LAST CHAPTER, BUT UGH. I can't believe that cliffie. Hmph. I never even saw it coming - that's how good cliffies are formed, you see. I'm so jealous :p
Anyway, my own ridiculousness aside, I seriously adored this chapter! You have a genuine sense of humour which I adore and it translates into your writing so flawlessly that I find myself grinning at practically every second paragraph :D I know I've mentioned this in my last review, but I really do mean it - I'm jealous ;)
I do wish that maybe the team would be introduced a little more naturally, like less of 'this is this-and-this etc.' but when I look over it I think that maybe this way is more suited to Kiwi's thoughts (LOVE her name, by the way!) so it doesn't bother me too much, if you're wondering - I'm honestly not sure, since we've just met Kiwi and all and I'm not too sure what to make of her yet.
However, I can say that she and Oliver are developing as characters quite well and I totally did not see the food fight in the kitchen coming, which is a relief because if you aren't careful this story could easily become cliche which would be a genuine shame because it is going quite well and I do want to see where you're going with this, so I can't wait for the next chapter! :)
--LinnAuthor's Response: Linn, I am so sorry for the late response...
First of all, even though I read your review a week ago, I want you to know that it was the best part of my day, after pancakes. Nothing beats pancakes.
You of all people shouldn't be jealous. I fangirl all over the place with your stories, you know, and when I first read Journey to the River Sea the first thing I thought was: "This is so unfair. She has so much talent, I wish I could write like her." And I'm not joking, this is an actual quote.
I wasn't really satisfied with the introduction of the team... But I wanted to include them somehow, just a bit, and it's the only way I could think of. I'll probably go and edit sometime in the distant future...
I love her name too. Nuff said.
I am so glad you thought the food fight wasn't too cliche. I am /trying/ to steer the story away from cliche, though I'm afraid it's not going to be very true as you'll see in the next chapter, but I hope that it's not too big an issue.
Thank you so much for the amazing review! :) Report Review
Ta da! I'm back! :D Hi, Amanda! I've missed reading Post Scriptum and Marauders in general, I feel like writing it myself since I read so little of it *sniffle* Anyway, enough about me, more about you and another lovely chapter!
There were a lot of scenes in there, you're right - for the most part, the start and ending bits where they changed weren't at all rushed, though it was the most obvious in between the scene where Sirius packs and he and Regulus returns to the castle. (...I seriously hope you know what I mean, because I know I'm doing a horrible job explaining it :p) Anyway, I felt horribly sorry for Regulus - no, I love Sirius, but he has to be so mean all the time, ugh -.-
Moving on from my general strangeness, I did like the Quidditch scene at the beginning! Most people use it as a filler, and I do wish it was a little bit longer because I so wanted to pick up tips like the weirdo I am >.< But, it didn't feel awkward or anything, and since it was our only glimpse of Lily for this chapter (and it wasn't too meaningless seeing as Regulus sent the notes) I'm pretty happy for the most part :)
Ugh, I'm horrible at this, I have nothing useful to say, Amanda, I'm sorry :( Most of what I do have to say is gushy and fangirl-y, blah. This was a lovely read, though, and I really do apologise for the slight wait along with the whole being-useless stuff, but I genuinely can't wait for the next!
--LinnAuthor's Response: Hi Linn! I am really, really sorry that this response took me so long. I get busy with things that I love so much less than your reviews.
Someone else pointed that rushed transition out, and I totally agree -- it needs some work. Now as soon as I figure out how to fix it... haha. I'm glad most of them worked okay.
You know, I've lately seen a lot of Snape fans who are just adamantly against Sirius, as much or even more so than James. I try to play with both the positive and negative sides of a character, so it's been interesting for me to bring out Sirius's less attractive qualities and still try to balance them with those things that would have made his friends love him. So if you have conflicted feelings, I guess that's working well, which is great!
Well, I'm horrid at action scenes in general, especially Quidditch, so you're probably best not trying to pick up tips from me. It's great that you felt like it had a purpose and enjoying the interaction between Regulus and Lily there.
Hey, I'll take all the gush I can get, so thank you! I hope to see you stop by again soon!
Amanda Report Review
I had such a lovely long review written up for you literally five seconds ago but no, of course I accidentally press the wrong button and then it's gone forever! I'll try to make up for it, though, and try to remember what exactly I wrote so here goes:
Ah, love, I have a million excuses and apologies for you but I think the best one I can give you is an extra-long, gushy review to praise your lovely one-shot. But, I don't want to talk about that, so on with the review!
You're right, at times it is a bit hard to understand, but all at the same time it makes sense if you just think about it a little and I thought long enough to even get tearful enough to have to wipe my eyes so that I could actually read this gorgeous thing properly. This was such a clever, original idea which I totally loved so I'm glad you requested this.
I adore Florence, even with her flaws and guilt-ridden state and the horrible thing she's done in the past, but the past is the past and the poor girl can't do anything about it so I feel so sorry for her *squishes* I want so badly to know about what happened to her poor sister and Florence herself and why exactly her life had to end right here at the church.
It really does say something at exactly how awful her actions have been when she's actually at a tumbledown church begging for forgiveness and deliverance, and her fleeting and disjointed thoughts about her situation just added to the intensity and seriousness of this story, so kudos to you because you give so little backstory but I'm interested in it all the same.
There were pretty much no mistakes in this thing at all, and I don't know if I've said this to you before or not (I probably have, so apologies for repeating myself too much) but I'm so picky with spelling and commas and oddly-phrased words, but nope! Yours is flawless to go with the awe-inspiring writing. (I also totally expect a link to the story about Florence when it's up, cough cough, because if it's as well-written as this one then it's bound to brilliant)
I genuinely don't have anything constructive to say so sorry (again!) for such a rambly and mushy review but I can't help it - I have absolutely nothing bad to say about this story, and I can't even give you a favourite line because I loved every word of it, so brava, love.
--LinnAuthor's Response: ksjhdfkjsh ah Linn! This review is too nice and i've just stared at it for ages because it brings me such joy and overwhelming feelings! I can't even respond properly without blubbering.
I know it's a bit hard and i'm actually planning on revamping it a bit and cutting down on the word count so i can focus more on the story. I am happy that you think you've gotten it and was actually touched by it. I'd be curious to know what you thought happened. :P
Her life had no meaning left for her anymore, all she could see was her guilt and pain and she couldn't get past those feelings of complete worthlessness. I think also she thought that maybe through her death she could give back life to the one she took. Of course, you can't bring back life, but she's a bit mentally unstable which will show more in the actual story. Anyway, it's a complicated story and will take some time for it to come out but i will be sure to link it to you when it does :P Her death is like her deliverance because she doesn't have to face her feelings and failures anymore. to her, the past isn't just the past, it's her. (i hope that makes sense?). But she sees her past as her present and future as well.
I don't think it's flawless at all and your words are so overwhelming if you think that it is here. I'm happy that you enjoyed this, as sad as this piece is. Thank you SO SO much for your lovely words, they nearly made me cry. :D *hug*
-zayne Report Review
First things first - the wait, argh! I'm so sorry about this, Val, especially with how you review River Sea so quickly, but I honestly don't have enough words in the world to give you my million billion excuses, which pretty much ends up to two letters - RL.
But this review isn't about my failure at reviewing, it's about your story! I love reading humour - I get to laugh and smile and giggle and it's far easier than mopping up tears after sobbing hysterically over a particular story, and yours is hilarious. You have a genuinely subtle sense of humour which makes me grin like a maniac every single time, and I have a very odd sense of humour, so well done.
I love Kiwi! I think her and Cat are adorable, and their back story and connections to Hermione were very well thought out. Oh, and I love Oliver, too ;) I'm assuming we meet the team in the next chapter? I hope so, because if Cat and Oliver are brilliant, I'm sure the rest of the team will be, too.
Aw, a cliffie :p How evil, and only on the first chapter, too! This was also just the right length for a story like this - I'm usually so picky about stuff, but nope, this was exactly the right length (I actually yearned for more when I reached your AN, but I'll wait if you request again) and no mistakes whatsoever, so kudos to you!
This looks like a very interesting story, and I do hope that I'll get to come back again and again and read it until the end because I love me some Oliver/OC :D Anyway, thanks for requesting (sorry for the wait again), feel free to re-request (please please do, cough cough) and I hope to see you around!
--LinnAuthor's Response: Linn! I totally forgot I had asked for you to review, so please do not rack your brains out trying to find the words for an apology that's not needed, because then how would you write Journey to the River Sea?
Thank you for the compliments on my sense of humour - to be honest it's based on the way I reply to my friends in reality. They hate me.
Well I hope you love them all! I tend to go all "my precious, my precious" over that trio, so it always warms my heart to know that I'm not the only person liking them... We do meet the team a bit in the next few chapters, because they're also a big part of the story.
If you found this cliffie evil, I'm afraid you'll never forgive me in the next chapter. I will make up for it, promise.
I'm going to go and rerequest right now. And you will see me around: I'm participating in your challenge and bouncing in my chair for the next chapter of Journey to the River Sea, so...
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, it made my day!
I genuinely don't have enough words to tell you how sorry I am about the HUGE wait, Jami, so I'm hoping an extra-long review will make up for it, however slightly.
This was gorgeous one-shot, love *squishes* I was terrified for every second I read it, it was so raw and real in all of its glory, and heavens, I wish I could write something like this and yet still have the ability to bawl my eyes out in the end. The fact that I'm a Daddy's Girl made me cry just a little bit harder.
Your description is beautiful, and the fact that everything you described sounded beautiful made me know that if I saw them in real life, I'd be reminded of exactly how ugly the world can be. I wanted to sit with Astoria and Draco out in that crackling storm, even if I knew that the minute I'd let Astoria go, she'd take a beating.
There was a tiny thing I spotted, however, but it's so little you probably should ignore it:
and lightning spit and screamed against the earth. - Do you think it should be 'lightning split' or am I just being picky, trying to pick out a flaw in your otherwise perfect writing?
This was freaking powerful, and don't you dare say otherwise. It seemed like you put in every emotion while writing this, even if it didn't fit with the story, and the fact that I can actually tell you did that just goes to show that this was a stunningly powerful piece. I think the subject - and it was a very sensitive subject, too - was handled very delicately like a proper author. You never actually told us bluntly what was happening, you never crossed the actual line, and that was what made me tear up in the first place because you didn't need to say it to make me cry.
And for the record, I rarely cry when reading stories.
I think it was fitting to burn the house down, although it's a pang to say so because if none of this happened, maybe Astoria could have had a happy life. That last few lines hit the nail on the head, and I swear I could almost see this story playing out in front of my eyes.
It was easy to follow, and I'll leave it at that because while my review was long, it's a bunch of nonsense and probably no use to you whatsoever. This was lovely, Jami, and I'm sorry I had to take so long to review this stunning piece.
--LinnAuthor's Response: Bahh how am I supposed to even respond to this truly amazing review?! You are wonderful ♥ and don't ever feel bad about taking a bit, I'd much rather a well thought out review that takes a while than a hasty any day!!
I am so happy that you got that, beauty in such a dark word kind of feeling. I really wanted to use Astoria to symbolize that this kind of abuse had no barriers. It didn't matter that she was a special, perfect, beautiful child or that she was selfless as can be. She was still the trigger. It didn't mater that Draco wanted to save her or help her sooner, because he more than anyone understand family loyalties.
I really wanted to tell the story without actually telling what happened, so I'm extra happy that you feel like I achieved that ♥
Haha so, I actually originally meant that the lighting split the sky open, then I typed spit and just went with it. I kind of liked the fact that spitting on something is pretty degrading, and having the lighting spit kind of felt right... but I might not be making any sense right now and there's a very good chance I'll end up changing that for the next edit, haha.
The ending was my favorite part to write. I think because the lyrics are talking about there not being enough rain to wash the sins out of the house, but Astoria went around that. So when rain couldn't wash them out, she burnt it down. It felt very freeing to both her and Draco.
Okay, I'm just rambling now because you are such a perceptive reader and it's so awesome to get every single review from you. Thank you so much darling ♥ Report Review
There are no words to say how sorry I am for being such a pathetic person and taking so long with this review *eyes downcast in shame* I'm so sorry about this, though I do have to say I did kind of warn you ;)
So, where to start? Ah, yes - I honestly can't believe you've never ever written anything but angst - it's just not obvious! Everything here sounds natural - the lighthearted dialogue, the easy description, the way the characters themselves acted. Honestly, this was brilliant in all of the meanings of the word, you do fluff very well.
I've read a lot of Next-Gen, and one about a Seer, but Mia's (and yours, to an extent) take on it was interesting, the way she said she didn't want things to happen because she had the visions beforehand and she thought it would feel forced - I, myself, never actually thought about it that way and it was really food for thought, so well done on getting that little detail!
No mistakes at all - not even a comma misplaced or anything! I am honestly so, so picky about these things, but nope! Your one-shot was flawless, not to mention just the right length and I was so disappointed to reach your AN, since the story was already over :( Thanks for requesting, and good luck with the rest of your stories!
--LinnAuthor's Response: Hi!
I honestly can't blame you for being slow (though I don't think you were that bad, and you're right, you did warn me), because I know that ever since school started my pace doing anything has been that of a dead turtle.
I jokingly say that I write fluff in my head...because I do have some up there, I've just never taken the time to put it into words. Perhaps I'll have to start, because some people seem to like this piece.
Thank you so much! I'm so happy you said that I pulled all of that off, because it was my biggest concern.
That idea just popped into my mind, so I had to run with it of course!
Yay! Good grammar :) I do try very hard for that, so I'm glad it's appreciated.
Thank you so much for the review!
Urgh, I took a little longer with this review than I wanted to, so sorry for the slightly longer wait, Jami :( However, YAY A NEW CHAPTER! I was so excited when I saw it pop up at the top of my favourites list, though I forced myself to wait for you to request it :p
It was definitely interesting to see a glimpse into Lucius' mind - it wasn't what I was expecting, but much, much better. I have never actually seen him written before, but wow, yours was definitely true to canon, as if Ms Rowling herself wrote him instead of you, and now I'm really curious to see what the Death Eaters are going to do.
I really liked Polly :) So often, people forget about the younger kids, the first and second years, and it was nice to see someone happier and a lot more cheerful than the seven of them :p Her introduction and reason was very natural, and made me laugh too, especially on what she said about Alice. I honestly can't wait to see why is she so important, and her introduction really makes me realise that you planned out this story so carefully and I admire you for that :D
I never actually realised Belle's full name, and for some reason it brought a new side to her :p I adore the name Isabelle, and I'm actually planning to use it in a story of my own someday, so I loved seeing it as Belle's because it made her more relateable as a character in whole - a normal name - and just because the name is lovely and it's not used as often as it should (then again, that isn't entirely a bad thing). I had seen the CI request in TDA and wanted so badly to know why Belle was crying, and wow. o.O I feel so sorry for her - that must be awful, and kind of makes me glad I'm not famous or anything like that.
Her and Sirius definitely felt natural, so I can't wait to see where you're going with them ;) The transformation in animals was interesting - I loved seeing it from the animal's view, you're right, no one puts much thought into that so I'm pleased you did. The twist was excellent, definitely food for thought to be honest with you.
I felt like the description was stronger in this chapter, being a lot more serious than the rest, and thus your imagery was beautiful, and there are zilch complaints from me - it's another brilliant chapter under your belt, Jami, and I certainly can't wait for the next!Author's Response: Blah this was such a sweet review &heart; you made my heart go crazy with warm and fuzzies!
Lucius was really fun to write, I don't see him as a good person - but I do see him as wanting to protect his family. He likes the idea of being in this mission, but he hates how dangerous it is. And, you'll know very soon exactly what it is these baddies are up to.
Oh my gosh I'm so happy you liked Polly's Alice line, it was so fun for me to imagine some big bad Quidditch star pining after her, and Sirius really not being okay with even the thought of it because Polly is their friend.. she does play an important part of this story so I'm happy you liked her introduction :). Haha I'm a crazy planner, I think that's why I write a lot of one-shots, sometimes it feels good to just start on something totally unplanned.
Yay strong descriptions!! I worry so much about imagery, but in these kinds of chapters where there is more serious I do find it a bit easier.
Thank you so much for this amazing review, you have no idea how excited I am when I get to request one, they are always the best and so well thought out and insightful.
Thanks again, darling ♥ Report Review
I definitely don't read much Ron/Hermione - or any of the trio, admittedly - but even I know that this was a genuinely good start to what is turning out to be quite an interesting story! I didn't see too many mistakes, though there was some that I did spot:
the grandfather clock had not long chimed 11:00pm - I think this would be better phrased as something else. Maybe try: the grandfather clock having not long before chimed 11:00pm?
Kingsley is also spelled with an 'e' - don't forget that, love ;)
Oh, and it's 'vaguely', not 'vaugly' - this is such a good story and I don't want it to be marred by little mistakes. Oh, and by Victoria do you mean Victoire, Bill and Fleur's daughter? I was kind of confused by that, I'm afraid to admit.
I found it really interesting that Ron and Hermione have only been dating for a month - definitely a twist to the average story, but a good one nonetheless. I'm actually wondering why you had it that way, but I know you have a good reason for it which I can't wait to hear. I also noticed that Ron wasn't an Auror - so many twists in this story, but you definitely manage to pull it off - and your reason was actually very reasonable, so well done!
I'm so used to pregnant people as teens, still Hogwarts-age, so it was definitely nice that Ron and Hermione actually had jobs and were out of school. It just makes it easier for everyone, so I'm definitely glad you had it that way. The flow is good - sometimes it's a bit choppy, but that's mostly unnoticeable so don't worry about it. Ron and Hermione are also perfectly canon and true to themselves, so well done about that!
All in all, this was a good introduction to the story and it was definitely a nice read and a good deviation from the usual. Thanks so much for requesting, and good luck with the rest of the story, love! If you fix everything I mentioned up above, this chapter would be even better :D
--LinnAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks for the review! :)
I'll go through and edit the mistakes and yeah, I meant Bill and Fleurs daughter.
I'm glad you liked it though and thanks again for reviewing! :) Report Review
Holy crud, Laura, I can't believe it - this chapter was as beautiful as the last. And I'm not saying brilliant or fantastic or excellent or awe-inspiring - I say beautiful because that's what this story really is. It's so darn beautiful because you take your precious time with description and you let your writing style when you let us read this chapter, and I'm so honoured to be the first to review this chapter and the last, which technically makes me the first reviewer of this story :p
Your first lines - urgh, I'M SO JEALOUS. I can't believe it, hmph. Some authors like to shove their readers right in the action, some (like me) go wherever they think it's right and fitting, but you - you, Laura, you actually like to think carefully and start where you think it's best, you don't just write one down randomly and hope for the best, judging from how precise your first paragraph was. You didn't ask about this when you requested, but I wanted to point it out anyway just because I wanted to :p
You switch the flow between the different realities so seamlessly that I don't realise you've done it until I suddenly find myself thinking wait, wasn't Gilderoy just the boy a minute ago? You do it so carefully that I know that everything must have been thought-out and planned really, really well. I usually don't plan my stories, myself, so I admire your stories :) I found the realities in this chapter more interesting than the last - probably because the last was the first and you were experimenting and stuff - and way more detailed, since first he was in Mungo's, then he was the boy and then he was with the Minister and gah. It's not confusing, trust me. It should be, but I am able to keep up with it.
Another character introduced? At first, I was scared since this story was so unfamiliar territory, but nope! You made Millicent Bagnold fit in effortlessly in J.K's very carefully-crafted world, almost as if Rowling had made her personality yourself, so well done! I definitely think she has actual purpose in this story, so don't worry about that. Gilderoy was definitely good, though. He's so out of it but so not all at the same time, which may be confusing for others, but it's fitting for his situation and don't you dare go thinking he wasn't the same Gilderoy in the last chapter because he was.
This was a gorgeous chapter, and I'm so pleased you requested it in my thread so that I could read such a masterpiece :) Feel free to re-request for the next chapter when it's up, and good luck with the rest of the story! I know it's going to be brilliant.
--Linn Report Review
First things first - I really am sorry for the unfortunately long wait for this :( My summers really are busy, but still, I am here now! And might I just say, this was an excellent start to what seems to be a very interesting story.
I love Penny! She's rather sarcastic and biting, but not in the all-out way that a lot of people do it - she seems to be a lot more subtle. She's also clever, but not in that way where people make characters all knowing and all that stuff. Actually, all in all, I loved both Tammy and Penny! While Tammy seems to be a bit uppity, she is a sweetheart, and have I mentioned Penny was awesome?
I do think your plot is gripping! Some people would immediately classify this as cliche, but I wouldn't, and I have read a lot of Sirius/OCs in my day. I'm honestly interested to see where this could possibly go, and it definitely captures my interests. I didn't know what I was expecting when you requested this, but you probably exceeded any and all of my expectations :)
It definitely flows, don't worry, and I do like your dialogue! Most people have trouble with it, but yours is flawless and a lot like something real, actual people would say, so well done :) Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request, and good luck with the rest of the story!
--LinnAuthor's Response: That's alright! I'm glad you reviewed anyway! :)
I actually think that Penny is only smart book-wise, but when it comes to common sense and real life, she's a complete idiot :P I'm glad you really like Penny, I'm trying to make her someone very relatable. & about Tammy, she is a bit uppity but I think she's quite cute :P
I've tried thinking of something to put on my summary to make it seem not so much as a cliche, but alas I've gone past the word limit :( haha so I've just let it be. I'm really glad it isn't a cliche and I really hope it isn't for the rest of the story.
I'd like to thank you for taking the time to leave a review! So thank you!!! :) Report Review
Ugh. I missed out on 100th review >.< Meh. 101th isn't so bad, admittedly. Anyway, I'm here now! I actually read this five minutes after I saw your request (I get way too excited over the little things, honestly) but unfortunately I was busy and that is why I am here six days later. Gah. Me and my bad timing, honestly.
Anyways! I don't often read about Hogsmeade weekends - and if I do, they're usually about dates and all that sort of stuff - nor do I think about them that much, but I'm glad you included some in this chapter! Of course, Regulus and his friends don't exactly have the best sense of where to go (Hog's Head? Really? I know you're Death Eaters, but seriously, even Regulus agrees with me) but I was interested to see how you would put your own spin on the all-wizarding village - and what a spin, too. Your description makes me see everything, from the dust in the pub and the excitement of the girl who bumped into Regulus.
I found it rather interesting that Regulus didn't drink Firewhiskey, and that he was actually waiting until he was of age, and that his mother didn't allow him too. Obviously, most let Sirius or any of the Marauders do it, and this just goes to show that you are very cheerfully shattering any cliches that you might come across, because let's face it - with a brilliant plot like yours, you probably won't come across any average cliches :)
The talk about the Death Eaters just brought a whole new level of seriousness into the story - while it was most definitely serious before, you aren't forgetting that there's a war right outside their window, that Hogwarts is just as safe as a Muggle village would be, and that they're going to have to grow up long before they are officially meant to. So many people just stick to the romance with the occasional mention of the war, but heck, Amanda, you aren't forgetting - you're shoving us in right into the action :)
Your ending lines -.- I'm envious. Ugh. See what you do to me? I have so much more that I could say to you, but this chapter in all has made me utterly speechless, and I honestly can't wait for the next when it comes out - bravo for another excellent chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one.Author's Response: Hi Linn! I'm happy to see you back here!
I did try to purposefully defy a few cliches in this chapter, starting with the setting. I agree that Hogsmeade visits always seem to be about flirting, first dates, dramatic breakup scenes, etc. It's lovely that the description worked well for you and you could appreciate the seediness of the location Rosier and his friends chose. Naturally, the regular village would be too warm and friendly for a band of soon-to-be and recently-added Death Eaters.
Firewhiskey doesn't sound pleasant to me, and I hate reading fics where characters just drink it casually like it's no big thing. It's great that you could also see that I tried to attack a cliche directly there. I tried to use it to symbolize Regulus's continued innocence.
Oh, yes; I think my number one Marauder era pet peeve is forgetting that there's a war going on outside. The romance is part of the plot, obviously, but I'm trying to be careful not to let it take over too much. I'm pleased to hear that you think I'm accomplishing that.
You're very kind, as always, and I truly appreciate this thoughtful review. I always look forward to hearing back from you, and you can bet that I'll continue to re-request chapter by chapter as long as your thread is open. Thanks again for coming to visit me!
-Amanda Report Review
Holy crud (by the way, sorry for the superb delay). I don't know what I was expecting when you expected a review for this, but wow, you exceeded any expectations I might have had for you. I loved Lily and all of your characters. While most put Lily down as the person who was determined to fight and do what was right no matter what it takes, your Lily was the same but she didn't want to fight - of course, she'd do it if she was asked, but for the most she only fought for the Marauders' safety, and I admire you for pulling that off so well :)
Your description is completely amazing! I'm not too good at it, myself, but woah - you pulled everything off flawlessly. I can't say which in this one-shot is my favourite paragraph, because I'm pretty sure I don't have one - all of them were brilliant - because absolutely everything was fantastic. Most people don't write about Lily during the actual war, before Harry was born, so you shattered every cliche this situation might have had, so well done!
Your flow was lovely, and there were no mistakes whatsoever :) Mind you, I'm usually picky about mistakes, so bravo! It held my interest for the whole thing, so don't worry about that, and when Peter showed up I even held my breath :p Anyway, thanks a bunch for requesting, and good luck with the rest of your stories!
--LinnAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for dropping by! And I'm sorry it took me so long to respond! I just got back from vacation.
I'm really really REALLY glad that you liked this one shot. It still makes me so nervous, though I don't know why.
Honestly, originality was exactly what I was going for in this piece, especially in the spots you mentioned, so I'm glad you saw that.
I couldn't be happier that you liked my description! It's something I tend to be pretty heavy on so it's comforting to know that it comes across well.
It had to be Peter at the end, because no one else would have come back for Lily, no matter how desperate things got. In my mind Peter hadn't turned yet during this one shot, but he was debating internally which side was the correct one.
Thank you SO SO much!
~Cassie Report Review
HE ASKED HIM TO THE WEDDING - that's freaking adorable, and aww I'm such a sap, aren't I? :p Scorpius said yes to the offer! Lysander and his lists, too - the percentage and everything, and the little side-comments were so funny. I actually see how he and Lorcan are twins, now. I love how we saw the title finally come in this chapter - I was wondering why it was called such a lovely name.
The pub's little - ugh, what do you call it again (forgive me, I always forget the little things) - slogan made me smile sadly a bit, though I'm still pretty happy about Lysander and Scorpius going to the wedding together. Nice convincing Scorpius to go with you, Lysander ;) Dressing-up and the drinks are always good reasons to go to a wedding after all.
In all of these three chapters, I did not see a single mistake, so well done! I am usually so picky about these things, even silly things like commas and all that weird stuff, but nope! Your story is absolutely spotless, completely flawless and I can't wait to see where the whole thing is going. If it's as good as these chapters, then it's bound to be amazing ;) Bravo!
--LinnAuthor's Response: Oh, you like the title (or, that's what I'm gathering, anyway, from "lovely name")! I was struggling trying to name it, and finally I just went with the first name of a pub that I could create. So there you go. :P
Dressing up and drinking are always a good reason to go to anything, at least in his (fictional) opinion.
Yay, no mistakes! It takes me forever to write a chapter because I have several, several, several drafts. So hopefully the finished product is really as error-less as it should be.
Thanks for your lovely reviews! They completely made my week.
xx Rin Report Review
I might have liked this chapter even more than the first one, and I really did like the first one, so that's certainly saying something ;) I loved Lorcan! Gosh, he's so... gah, what's the word for it? Ah, adorable! Yes, he's adorable and funny and sweet and completely adds a bit of brightness to Lysander and his... gloominess (we know what can cheer him up, though) ;)
I'm glad to actually have an explanation for the lists Lysander keeps making in his head though :p While I do adore him and his character, and think that he is very smart indeed, it was still an explanation and I do like those. You're defying every single cliche in the book while writing this, and you're doing so gosh darn well - Lorcan's getting married to a Muggle! I want to meet her. I hope we do, sometime in this story.
While I was so disappointed not to have any Scorpius in this chapter - what can I say, I've taken a liking to him even after only one chapter - I still loved everything. Engaged was said five whole times in this chapter, mostly by Lysander and his disbelief, and for some reason, I find that utterly hilarious. I'm weird, I know. Aww... he took three of the plants home! That's just... gah, I'm speechless.
See you on the next chapter!
--LinnAuthor's Response: Thanks again for your reviews! I just can't get over how lovely they are.
Lorcan! I needed a counterpart to Lysander, somebody who was obviously a twin but definitely different. I'm glad you like him (and I'm saying "glad" a lot too, now)! I'm especially glad (see?) that you think he's sweet as opposed to obnoxious. That was sort of a fine line for me to walk while I was writing him.
Oh, wow, defying cliches? Thank you! That was quite an unexpected (and appreciated) compliment.
Yes, you will get to feet the fiance! The next chapter, I think. OR maybe the one after that. Anyway, you'll meet her (if only briefly). I don't know how much of a role she'll play in the chapter, but she'll be there for a little while.
Anyway, thank you again!
xx Rin Report Review
Hello, there! I'm here for TGS' Review Exchange, and can I just say that I must have been lucky enough to snag such a good story! :P I don't know what expectations I might have had when I first read your summary, but you exceeded every single one of them :)
I don't often read slash, if not for the mere fact that I don't seem to find absolutely excellent ones very often, but I regret not searching more, because yours is one of those excellent ones! You have a way with words - your descriptions skills make me feel like I'm actually there with Lysander, and the way he thinks is so unique, if that even makes any sense at all.
I do loved the way he tried to stick Scorpius into a list of words - of course, no human being can fit into a list perfectly, but Lysander's evidence added some humour to a mostly serious piece :) This was a very interesting concept, not to mention a brilliant idea, and I'm glad you made a whole story out of it. I don't often see stories set after Hogwarts, not to mention characters at their jobs, but even if this is only the first chapter I can already tell that Lysander and Scorpius' jobs fit their characters quite well.
All in all, even though this was a little bit short, it was definitely a good introduction to what seems to be an awe-inspiring story, and while I'm new to this (and don't know whether to review the next chapters or not, but I will just to be on the safe side) I'm glad I found a good story in the middle of it all :)
--LinnAuthor's Response: Oh, wow, thank you! So much praise and I'm not quite sure how to respond appropriately! Maybe I can just continue to drool all over my keyboard as a response; I'd be fine with that.
The whole list concept was a little nebulous at first to me, and I was almost afraid that it would chop up the flow and be terrible, etc, etc. That being said, I'm really glad you like it! I think it makes him more of a calculating scientist, if you catch my drift.
I'm also really pleased that you like their jobs, because at first I was unsure where I would stick the two (Scorpius especially). It sort of fell into place, though, and I'm glad that place was the right one.
Oh, yeah, very short. Well, short-ish. I'm really terrible at writing long chapters, to be honest.
Thanks again for your praise! I cannot thank you enough.
xx Rin Report Review
Hello again! :D
You have lovely one-liners - I saw loads that I love in this chapter, though this one was just so adorable that I had to point it out: "It was like seeing what you read." I still prefer books to movies, but - but Charlie's so sweet *sniffle* He's perfect for Mel! (Shut up, Melanie, I don't care if you say otherwise, everyone else in the story completely agrees with me -.-)
The last scene was amazing - I loved the scary movie stuff, and seeing as I just watched one last night, I can relate to Mel and Jess's (love her, by the way - all of your characters are so funny and real and relateable) panicky states when Marty knocked on the door with a drunk Charlie :p I so want to find out what happened between Charlie and Violet, but I suppose I'll just have to wait for the next chapter like a normal person *heavy sigh* Meh. I love your cliffhangers - they're so subtle but they're there and that's all that matters.
The romance between Mel and Charlie is adorable - it's really subtle, which just goes to show that you have awesome skills, and - asgfghdsh I don't know what to say. All of this chapter was amazing and I can't wait to see how else you can blend in the magic with the movies :DAuthor's Response: Hey again! *huggles Linn*
I'm so glad you like my one-liners, I really try to make them noticeable :) CHARLIE AND MEL- I ship them too, so no worries.
I built on my limited experience of scary movies to write that scene, so I'm glad you liked it :P The reason I don't watch them so much is because my reaction is exactly the same as Jess'... any noise is an axe-murderer :P
I'm really glad you like my characters and my romance (ohmygosh I spend sleepless nights worrying about writing romance) and your reviews help me sleep. Thank you so much, Linn! :) Report Review
First things first - the wait :( I'm sorry for taking so long with this review, RL is a little bit crazier than I thought, though at least I'm here now, huh? :) Anyway, on with the story!
I love your opening scenes! You immediately shove us in the action, leaving us no time to think, just read and wow... it was interesting seeing everything from Sirius' view since I haven't seen him written before, but I liked yours! Since he's only young and stuff, he's a lot more innocent and sweet and ah, he's adorable and so was Regulus - I loved them both, and in fact, I loved all of your characters and I most especially adored the fact that Regulus was the one who first heard the news.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes at Sirius' father's death, your description was that good. People deal with grief in so many ways, but the way Sirius and Kreacher and Regulus and everyone else was fitting to their characters, so well done on getting it right :) This is a really good AU - I didn't know what I was expecting when I first read the first chapter, but wow.
Woah, the rest of the Marauders' first appearances are epic ;) Perfect way to end a brilliant chapter! I loved the suspense and you made everything so intense, making me wonder what's going to happen next and ohmygosh, I'm rambling aimlessly, aren't I? :p Sorry! Anyway, thanks for requesting - again - and apologies again for the wait.
--LinnAuthor's Response: Hey Linn,
Don't worry about the wait. :)
I was a little worried about just "shoving" you guys into the action, but I felt like this was the best way to approach the situation.
Aw, you really should read more Sirius fics. He's such a fantastic character. I think you'd like him. Writing young boys is so hard! Especially Regulus. I'm constantly worried I'm making him too wimpy, but yay, I'm glad you love both boys. They're so much fun to write.
Grief is definitely a topic that I like to write about and one that I seem to have some success writing. I really want to make people /feel/ and if I can do that then I feel like I was doing a good job.
I'm really pleased you're liking it! AU isn't for everyone and it's such a fine line...you don't want to make a mess of it, that's for sure, but I am having so much fun writing it. I love this story. :)
Heh, I love the Marauders! I think you'll really like their part of the story. I know I'm going to have fun writing it.
Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it. :) Report Review
Can I just say that you have a talent with opening lines? Because seriously, you do! The first line of this chapter instantly sucked me in so fast I didn't realise I was already halfway down the page :p Also - gah, I'm horrible with timing, I know, and I'm so sorry :( Forgive me, though this awesome read really cheered me up!
Lily's summer routine was so sweet - I never have routines, I often wing everything, but Lily's was so bittersweet since she talked so warmly of Severus who had hurt her and I feel so sorry for her, the poor girl. Her description of her former best friend made my heart warm, because it was some lovely description on your part, so well done. I also loved the scene where Lily tells Severus what's on her mind - very intense, and very well done, too!
There weren't many mistakes, but I did spot this little thing:
"What's that supposed mean?" - I think you're missing a 'to' there, love ;)
I loved the memories - aww, it was nice to see their friendship over the years even though by now it's ended. One thing I do want to ask you about, in the first memory (which was hilarious, by the way) would the Slytherins really let Lily sit with them at their table? I know it was a little bit before Voldemort rose to power, but even then would they? It's just kind of niggling on my mind, though any explanation you can come up with is good enough for me :)
Sometimes, it did confuse me, though :( Like the shifting from part-to-part again, though maybe sometimes my brain just got a bit muddled and is mixing this up with the other stories I've read today :p I loved the insights into both of Lily and James' minds, though I just preferred Lily's because it showed exactly why Severus called her a mudblood :)
Thanks for requesting again, and sorry for the wait!
--Linn Report Review
Rachel - Jane - ohmygosh, I can't remember which is actually your name *face-palm* forgive me, but anyways - I lost all track of time, I'm so sorry for such a horrendously late review :( Still, reading this made me feel loads better.
The first sentence instantly gripped me - and it was such a good start, too! How on earth do you do it? The fact that it was Ron's POV interested me as well, as I wanted to see how well you'd do with his since you've already finished Harry's with flying colours, and I'm glad to say that you did really well! I always thought that it would be rather hard writing boys, but you pulled it off perfectly. There wasn't too much description when you were speaking from Ron, and somehow you found that perfect balance when writing him :)
I like your metaphors! They just add to your awesome description skills, which are amazing! It's weird seeing everything from Ron's view, since I'm so used to the scene being from Harry's, but hearing his thought are interesting because it doesn't seem like you're repeating anything and that you just made up the scene all by yourself even though I know perfectly well that it was J.K. who plotted the whole 'Harry-is-dead?' scene and you just expanded it with Ron's view and I'm rambling aimlessly, aren't I? :p
OHMYGOSH, this is an epic AU :o I didn't know what would happen afterwards since the last bit of canon I remember was Neville killing Nagini - but wow, you exceeded any expectations I might have had for you and woah woah woah I'm seriously speechless o.O No - why are they losing? *cries* Your description makes me feel like I'm there and I'm so scared for them and what the heck's going to happen next?!? (This is my bizarre way of asking you if you terribly mind re-requesting so that I can read the next chapter :p Even if you didn't, I'd read it myself anyway)
(Sorry for the mostly rambly, gushing review, I can't help it!)
--LinnAuthor's Response: Ahaha! My real name actually is Rachel, but so many people call me Jane that I respond to it instinctually, so you can use either. ;) And please, no worries about the review! It's always great to see someone stop by, no matter when the review is left, and you certainly don't need to be feeling bad about it. :)
I'm so happy you liked that first sentence! Starting chapters is always kind of hit-or-miss for me, but this beginning just kind of popped into my head, so I'm tremendously happy you liked it. I love writing Ron, because he's got such a fun voice to write in, you know? Even here -- he sees things differently than Harry, and it's neat to explore. I've written him a few times now and always love it. I actually think I like writing male main character more than female ones!
I actually had to go back and find metaphors in this to know what you were talking about. :3 Similes and metaphors aren't something I consciously put into stories -- they just sort of crop up -- but I'm so super happy you liked this scene. And I was actually rather worried this would seem too much like I was borrowing from canon, or copying it, so you've really, really alleviated some of my fears to that end! Thank you!!
I say this is my first time writing AU, but in reality, all my stories are, just a bit. (I mean, inserting original characters into canon events and having them change as a result... that's pretty AU!) But this is the first time I'm /changing/ canon events, so to speak, so I'm honestly just so pleased that you like it so much. :3
I'll definitely be by to re-request! Thank you so, so, so much for such a sweet review on this story. I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate it. ♥ I hope to see you back very soon for chapter three, as well!! Report Review
*squirms awkwardly in seat* Hush, Jenny. I do not read your stories that often. Go away. Stop looking at me like that.
Oh gosh, you epic person with SO MANY PLUNNIES that I'm jealous :o I cannot even begin to fathom how this came into your brain, but I'm glad it did! You seem to always have a good starter on your hands, and this was certainly an interesting idea! I love your characters - I haven't ever seen Charlie Weasley written before, but even so, I know yours is perfectly awesome. I like Mel, too! Of course, I hate Violet because I'm biased, but even her, you make real. So many people make the mean girls without a zilch of substance in them, but you - gah, no words, honestly.
Mel's theory about Marty and Muggles is interesting, to say the least ;) And your description! I'm jealous, I fail at description, so I always go green with envy at everyone's skills in it. You don't provide too much that you go overboard, or too little that everything's vague (*cough*like me*cough*), in fact, you have found just the right balance in between the two. Charlie's questions about films is hilarious, as are Mel's thoughts on everyday life, and gosh, I can't even believe you. Why do you keep coming out with these things, huh?! What happened to leaving some talent for the rest of us?! I'm so ashamed in you, so many little people have nothing, and here you are, hogging the great story ideas and characters and skills with descriptions. HMPH.
Lots of love, xxx and all that good stuff,
LinnAuthor's Response: HELLO! No, don't squirm! I want you to come back again and again and again and again *ensnares Linn in her evil trap of words*
Thanks so much for checking up on me and reading my stuff, it means the world to me.
Charlie is nearly an OC, he's written so little, so I feel very free with him and Mel is an OC so I can do whatever I like! MWA HA HA *coughs* And yeah, Violet's just mean. And crafty.
Your description is awesome, so no putting yourself down, you! I'm happy you like this though- the plunny for this so nearly ended up in the UFG thread. :)
You've made me glad I wrote it. Thanks so much! :D Report Review
Aah, another brilliant chapter from you, I say! :D Sorry, by the way, for the atrociously late reply. RL is so mean to me! I loved the fact that Sera is in Hufflepuff - it's so often that the protagonist is in Slytherin or Gryffindor, so I'm quite glad for the change! And having friends in different houses, too - you're really exploring the whole boundaries thing, and I adored it. There weren't very many mistakes that I spotted - most of the time, your grammar and spelling are flawless - though there were these two:
I'd really like to know if the Ministry is even close to catching - it's 'are', love, not 'is' ;) Just thought that I might as well point it out since you asked.
first train tip to school - at first I completely skipped over this, since it's such a little mistake, but nevertheless, it should be 'trip'.
Flow and pacing - they're good! It doesn't feel like it's a slow chapter, nor is it so fast that no one can keep up with it. I think you've found just the right balance in between the two, which I'm glad for since it's such a good story so far! I also find your plot very interesting - Catie's sure uppity! :p Not that I don't like her - I do - it's just that it's so strange why she just won't go up to Sirius herself, but I can totally try to guess how your plot will play out, and I can't wait to see more!
Aaron! I love him. I know someone named Aaron who's a sweetheart so I think I'm just biased, but yours is so adorable, and I love how he cheers up Sera and have their exchange and all. Anyway, thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request, and good luck with the rest of the story! It's certainly shaping up to be a good one ;)
--LinnAuthor's Response: Oh, don't worry, dear. I understand perfectly how crazy RL can be.
Yeah, that's the reason why I chose her to be a Hufflepuff. There are so many Gryffies and Snakes out there, and even Ravenclaws (although not as many). And yeah, they can't all just be friends with only their housemates (x
Ooh, thanks for pointing those out! I'll correct them asap!
Great. That's always nice to hear! Balace is good ^^
Haha, I actually know someone who's just like Catie in that way. She'd never approach a guy first, they always have to come to her d:
I'm glad you like Aaron! I'm quite fond of him too!
Thank you so much for your lovely and heloful review! I'll definitely re-request once I update! Report Review
Hey, Jane, it's me, Linn, Raine from the forums, and I have finally come with your requested review! :) I didn't forget about you or this, no worries :p The weirdest thing about this was that it was short, but it felt like it was so long o.O Not many people attempt AU, but even on the first chapter you're doing so well - and I don't disagree with the various brilliant reactions you've had ;)
Harry! Gosh, he was ... to put it simply, he was Harry. So many people are scared to write him, afraid they'll blutcher his character and ruin what J.K. has so carefully crafted, but you - my goodness, not you. You wrote him so well and so realistically, I can't believe it. Your Harry is right up there with J.K's, no doubt about it ;)
There were zilch mistakes, and I mean it. Nothing that I could spot, and I'm usually picky over the silliest of things :p I liked Voldemort's thoughts, too! It kind of never occured to me that he might not believe Narcissa when she said Harry was dead or anything, so I'm glad you spotted that - better you than me!
I love your imagery and description! :o I have so much trouble with the two of them, myself, so I am so, so jealous of your fantastic skill *shakes head in wonder* I literally feel like I am right there with Voldemort in the Death Eaters, so well done! Anyway, thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request (I was kind of honoured you requested in the first place :p) and good luck with the rest of the story! If it turns out as good at this first chapter, then it will be brilliant ;)
--LinnAuthor's Response: Hey, Linn! No worries about the wait -- I mean, I sort of forget who I request from as soon as I do it, so it's always a happy surprise. :3 And I'm so happy that you found the chapter length, well, good! A thing I'm trying to do with this story is try not to focus so much on the word count, and if it hits the 500-word minimum, then it is what it is. :)
I'm so grateful for your compliments on Harry's character, too! I feel like I've read the books enough, and listened to the audiobooks enough, to get into his character voice pretty well (although that might be a bit of an arrogant thing to say). I LOVE writing Harry; I'd love to do a Harry-centric novel someday. So compliments such as yours really are so, so encouraging to that end!
Gahh, what even to say. Description and imagery are two things I focus on in writing, simply because I see scenes vividly, and want readers to see them that way, too. I WANT them to be there. And I'm happy to hear you are!!
Just thank you, so much, for such an incredible review. ♥ I honestly cannot tell you how much it means to me. Aaand I might have already been by to request for chapter two. -shifty look- You're awesome!! Report Review
Trouble with the style, my Godric! :p This was an absolutely beautiful piece, and don't you dare say otherwise! I loved it. All of it. From the beginning, with Lily recalling her first time, from the hospital scenes - everything! You also almost gave me a heart-attack too, you know, when Harry wasn't breathing for a moment. I found it totally ironic, same as Lily, seeing as she was saying that she was his 'protector' and everything. I thought that this was a bittersweet glimpse into their lives before Voldemort murdered them at Godric's Hollow, and I loved how you made everything not perfect, strange as it sounds - their situation surrounding their first time, their arguments, just... wow. Gah. I'm speechless, seriously.
It definitely flowed well, mind you ;) It was perfect - all of it. An absolutely lovely read, which I completely and utterly adored. Well done :) Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request on another story, and speaking of which, good luck on all of your other stories! If they're as good as this one, then I have no doubt that they are as fantastic, too :)
--LinnAuthor's Response: Hahaha, thank you so much! I'm really flattered that you liked it so much that you could call it beautiful :) (I can see a lot of flaws in this story, myself, but thank you anyway!)
And lol, it was kind of my intention to make the moment later on a very much EEP moment, as someone else said, because I do think something like that could have happened.
It was very much intended to be imperfect; first times in literature are always SO overrated, when, really, I know (not from experience, lol) that it's never easy the first time, at least for a girl. Also, a couple are bound to have arguments, so I wanted to convey how things were far from simple between James and Lily, even before they were married.
I'm so pleased you liked it! I have another story in the queue which isn't very good (it's James/Sirius, so I'm not sure you're into that...) but I'll probably stop by your thread if you are. Thank you very much for the review -- I swear my head is just inflating to ten times the size atm :D
~Soraya~ Report Review
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