Reading Reviews From Member: Cavell
  
256 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CavellRenegade Heart: Changed Priorities Ahead

18th February 2014:
OH WHOOPS IT'S ME AGAIN SORRY ;DD

(so, guess who you're not getting rid of any time soon? ME~)

I feel for Fred so bad, man. Like his whole mental rant on squibs being people too (anyone else reminded of Hermione and S.P.E.W? No? Just me?) just hurt ;__; At first I convinced myself he was being an annoying, whiny teenage kid -- I mean, I'm one, I rant too -- but my god, it just sort of shows you another side to squibs? The side that isn't yearning to have a childhood filled with magic or the side that doesn't viciously and bitterly envy wizards for it (cough, Filch, cough), I mean. It makes you kind of understand where he's coming from and why he was so angry at the end of the last chapter and I could quote that whole first part at you bby, because I honestly loved it, but I'll only write down my favourite and the one that convinced me that this was no ordinary teenage rant of rage:

...they had acted like not being magical was an affliction to be cured, that with the vaccination they were providing, this chemotherapy of sorts, they were playing the role of Midas and had touched the lives of squibs everywhere with gold.

(Didnít they know that it was a curse?)


Also, I adore Hollis *_* She's not one of your typical OCs you usually see -- for one, there's the squib thing, and there's something about her that's just so refreshing to read? Maybe it's just her dry and sarcastic thinking, I don't know, but I adore her and definitely look forward to reading more of her as the story goes on :'3

OHMYGOD THE FIREWORK. OHMYGOD THAT WAS SO TOTALLY UNEXPECTED I JUST STARED AT THE SCREEN TOTALLY GOBSMACKED. Fred Weasley, you little twit -- I should have known but homg I am dying of laughter over here ahahaha. AND THEN THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK you are a genius :'D you really are. I love all the shenanigans Fred and Hollis are already up to and they haven't even made it to the school yet. Your plots are just ajhdkjhf.

I have to stop now before I break the review box with how long this is D; Honestly though bby, this was a FANTASTIC chapter and a wonderful read and I am totally in love with this story and the plot and the characters and gdi YOU ARE UPDATING SOON. I COMMAND YOU TO (very nicely, ofc). See you around, lovely!

Author's Response: WAIT, WHO IS THIS AGAIN? ;D

(i love you bby and this was a lovely surprise! no, really.)

I'm so glad you enjoyed that bit! I thought that it was necessary, because the first chapter did make them seem to be a bit on the complainy side (shh I don't care that it's not a word; you know what I mean) and I wanted to show that there was so much more to Fred's (and thus to the other squibs') motives than that -- since I always believe that there are a handful of complex ideals and motives governing everyone. I hope I did alright in explaining that: it really was so much fun exploring his mindset! >D

Wheee, Hollis! She's so fun and refreshing to write. :'D AND YES HAHA I LOVE WRITING IN THE PARALLELS BETWEEN HIM AND HIS DAD/UNCLE (sob sob rip fred sr T_T) AND I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT! Your reviews always fill me with warm fuzzies inside, just so you know. *___* I love you!

I will be updating very son of course. *cackles*

--Chasm ^___^


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Review #2, by CavellRenegade Heart: Special Order No. 682

17th February 2014:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BBY ;DD HERE'S PRESENT 1/3, JUST FOR YOU.

Firstly, I'm pretty sure I told you this before, but frankly, I am majorly jealous of your story ideas. Like unbelievably jealous -- I fell for this story the moment I read your summary ages ago (and, okay, the chapter images in your gallery definitely helped) and I do apologise for only reviewing now! You have to admit my timing's pretty perfect, though. Anyway, this is such an interesting idea and one I'm sure you'll be able to write super well and just ah. First this and then the other thing (wink wink), you clearly have no idea of how wonderful of a human being you are.

Secondly, I was dying with laughter at the fourth sentence. And the second bigger paragraph. And then again, all throughout the story. My god, your humour kills me sometimes, it really does. And I just really relate to the employer being camera-shy xD (If you couldn't tell yet, I'm reviewing as I'm reading this or else I'll forget everything I want to say so a few of your fantabulous characters will be nameless for now) Actually, I can relate to all of your characters -- you write everyone so well that I even find myself being fond of some of the really annoying characters like the squeaky reporter.

Thirdly (look how organised I am!), have you ever read the Book Thief? If you haven't, you should, and if you have, you'll understand what I'm trying to say when I say that your writing in this sometimes reminded me of Death's narration of the novel. To be specific, the part where you tell us about Hollis meeting Freddie and almost getting expelled because UM SPOILER ALERT WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOT THAT FAR YET NOW I AM TOO CURIOUS AH and that was pretty much me reading the Book Thief. Anyway, I am totally in love with Hollis and Fred already O_O I love how the Weasleys have a squib in the family (I mean, in a family as big as that, it had to happen eventually, right? CAN YOU IMAGINE THE ANGST THOUGH ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S FRED THE SECOND) and I am just really excited for the second chapter and figure out what this special order business is about, so update soon!

This was a great read, lovely, and I loved everything about it and happy birthday again, you smashing person, you :33

--Linn

Author's Response: THIS IS WHY YOU ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITES, BBY. ;D

You are a smashing human being. (Hooray for utilizing our word of the day!) Strangely enough, I get more inspired for a story/a chapter after I've made the corresponding chapter image for it, not before, so that's probably why my gallery will have the chapter images ages before I've even written the chapter, ha. But I'm glad they inspired you to click! (I like to say that the reason I'm so scatterbrained is that have so many plot bunnies. Care to trade?)

Ha, I'm glad that you found it funny! My sense of humor can be a bit -- strange -- at times; let's leave it at that. Aw, you are too nice. I've always been fond of a huge cast of recurring characters, so hey, maybe that reporter will make a cameo again sometime. ;D

I have, actually, but it's been over a year since I did! Now that you pointed it out it does seem like Death's narrative, and I'm super flattered that you even thought of the comparison. Just wait until we get to Hollis/Fred interactions. ;3

I love you and you're awesome (and smashing!) for leaving this review.

--Chasm ^___^


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Review #3, by CavellMy Little Secrets: The Voices Inside Your Head

20th January 2014:
Hi, I'm here for the Ravenclaw Review Battle from the forums! :D Firstly, to start with I just wanted to say that I was really impressed that you managed to step out of your comfort zone so well for the uncomfortable challenge! I've looked at a few of your pieces before and the majority of them are rather fluffy, admittedly, but this was suitably angsty for the challenge. I participated in it myself and so far am struggling a lot with my prompt, so props to you for getting this up and writing it in the first place!

I loved the fact that this story was about Lucy, too. You never see much of her on HPFF, but the few stories that use her write her very, very well and I'm glad to say your story wasn't an exception to that! Your Lucy feels very real and relatable, which was the most obvious to me when she was waking up in the start of the chapter -- while something of an overused scene in fics, Lucy brought a kind of refreshing view to it, if that makes sense? It probably doesn't, sorry :p I was honestly really intrigued to find out that she was glad to be put in Hufflepuff because it made her invisible and how she dyed her hair and everything to be set apart from her family. It's just a really interesting thing to read about considering she's a Weasley and most people see them as happy-families and all so I'm looking forward to finding out more on her view on the whole thing.

One tiny error I noticed though was in the start of the chapter where Lucy was telling herself to get up, it was a little confusing to read because the thought wasn't in italics like it was in the rest of the chapter, but that's a quick fix. There weren't many errors in this actually, so good job on that! Considering this story is also for the modern romance challenge, I thought Gwen was very sweet and her and Lucy's background was also very interesting and naturally, modern, and made for a lovely read. All in all, this chapter kept me interested until the very end, especially about Lucy's relationship with Gwen and the voices in her head and exactly what happened at the party! I honestly felt really bad for her when reading her thoughts :( Nice chapter anyway, and good luck with the rest of the story!

--Linn

Author's Response: Hi!

This review was so nice ohmigosh! Thanks!!

I really had a fun time writing this story, to be honest. It was scary to be so far out of my comfort zone (I love fluff and romance), but it was refreshing and a nice learning experience. I definitely can't wait to write more of this story!

I'm so glad that you liked Lucy! I felt like because hardly anyone writes her, she was sort of easy and open and just free. It took a little bit of the pressure off, and I loved writing Gwen in, I felt like Gwen was the perfect balance for our Lucy.

I figured in a large family like the Weasley's at least one cousin is going to feel like an outcast and like they're left out. So it was easy for me to write Lucy in that situation, and I felt like it set the pace for a darker sort of frame of mind.

As for the thought, the voice in her head is more of a cynical afterthought to everything she does. So I felt like her telling herself to get up would be something that the voice wouldn't partake in, and I felt like it wasn't a dramatic enough entrance for the voice. If that makes sense.

Thanks again for the review! I'm glad you liked it!

xoxo LL


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Review #4, by CavellAtlas Air: Prologue

17th January 2014:
Hi, it's Raine from the forums and the review battle!

I've seen the link around for this story a lot, and I've been very intrigued by it so I'm really happy that I got to read and review it now! The first few paragraphs grabbed my intention instantly, and I was definitely intrigued about the situation Teddy and Victoire got themselves into even from the very beginning, so if that was your intention with the letter, then well done! Also, I loved the idea for this story -- the few stories I've read about these two characters in particular are always set in Hogwarts, so even if you hadn't specifically requested for Atlas Air to be reviewed, I would have definitely reviewed it anyway just because the whole idea of this story really interests me.

Your description here is flawless. I don't know what it is about it, but even from reading your description of what kind of place the two characters in, I kind of felt their desperation -- the way you wrote the descriptions just gave off that kind of vibe, if that makes sense? Which it probably doesn't, sorry! :p I quite liked Victoire and Teddy's characters too -- I loved the whole part about them being more than the best friends they were before this chapter was set and how protective Teddy was over Victoire and I'm honestly really looking forward to reading how they develop into the people in this chapter.

Even though I'm not completely sure of what was going on in this chapter, I still think it was a good introduction to this wonderful story and I just want to add that I adore the fact that this is set in Africa :''D Your quick pace was easy to keep up with and your clear writing made for an amazing read and I do wish you all the best for future chapters -- this was a pleasure to read!

--Linn

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Review #5, by CavellBoys Over Flowers: Shake, Rattle and Roll

16th January 2014:
Hi there! I've always been a big fan of your stories, though sadly I've never stopped and reviewed, but I decided that I simply loved this first chapter so much that I absolutely had to review.

I adored all of your characters! Raffi has such a blunt, honest voice that made me want to squeal and suffocate her in a hug, and Scorpius was all broody and arrogant and hilarious and James was just ♥ there are no words in any dictionary to describe your James, except for absolutely smashing. He was adorable and funny and the wrist story made me grin like an idiot.

Your one-liners, too, are absolutely hilarious and you should see how madly I'm grinning right now because my gosh, I just really loved reading this and I think it's such an original idea and you'll be seeing me around here for a while, I think! (and I'm stopping now before I start rambling now again)

--Linn

Author's Response: Hi!!! That's so lovely to hear from the 'lurkers' (i'm joking)! I'm glad you liked it, I've been working/fiddling with this for a very long time.

The rag time team are quite strange, and they're probably going to get crazier and stranger, as they get into their antics.

Please do stick around, it's hopefully going to get very exciting! Thank you for the lovely review!

-nell ♥


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Review #6, by CavellHourglass: morning

16th January 2014:
Hi there, it's Raine from the forums with your requested review finally! I do sincerely apologise for the wait -- I am totally drowning in school right now, so it's a little harder to find enough time to get to my review requests, but I'm here now!

Firstly, I loved your characterisation of Albus in this. Even from reading the summary, I knew your Albus would be different from all the others you usually see in stories here, and when I read the first list about his having breakfast with Scorpius, it just confirmed it and honestly, I'm rather impressed. I rarely see authors break out of the mold, so to speak, and do it well, too. You showed his little quirks -- making the list and staying up at night to read biographies -- very well, so I've already got a good sense of his character even from the first few paragraphs, so well done! Also, I did like the line about the Great Hall being thrown into a black hole -- little one-liners filled with humour like that just really get to me.

Your description, as well, was very good. You never gave too much or too little so I had this little image in my head of all that went on as I read the story. As well as Albus, I liked Scorpius' characterisation as well as the explanation for why they were friends (if they could be called that) and again, you didn't go with the usual thing of them meeting on the train and instantly becoming friends, which I really liked. You did a lot of different things in this chapter than what's usually seen in next-gen stories, so it was a lovely read. While it was a little short, the pacing was good and easy to keep up with it and the chapter kept my interest until the very end. I was very intrigued by the letter Albus got, of course, and I'm sure it will make for a great plot as the story develops. Thank you for requesting, as it was my pleasure, and feel free to re-request!

--Linn

Author's Response: No need to apologize! School comes first.

It's so great to hear that my Albus is unique. It's probably because I don't read much Next Gen, so I'm not influenced by others' interpretations (well, I have read a few, but those Albuses were so well characterized that I couldn't have done them justice!).

Whew, glad you liked the description. I worry sometimes about my balance as far as description and action. I'm trying to be more light on the description in this novel in order for the plot to move a bit more quickly (because there's A LOT of plot), so I'm glad it's working.

I will most certainly be back to request again. Your review was so helpful! Thank you and good luck with your schoolwork!


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Review #7, by CavellGubraithian: Gubraithian

14th January 2014:
Hey bby! I told you I'd come find this, didn't I? ;D Firstly, I had absolutely no idea what to expect when you first told me you'd written a one-shot, but can I just say that I think that this is an absolutely smashing little thing and I am so very very impressed by you and aw, my bby, just look at this story AND TRY NOT TO WEEP WITH ADORATION FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DID. (except that would be egotistical, but oh well, you deserve it). I wasn't surprised this was a one-shot that included a bit of Jily (let's face it, m'dear, you're rather predictable in that department smh) but if you hadn't told me that it was mostly about Lily, I'd be even more impressed than I am right now.

You rarely ever see stories focusing on just Lily and even though this included a bit of Snape and James, for the most part, it focused completely on just who she is and I absolutely adored your take of her, like omg fangirling pathetically here. You see a lot of different Lilys here on HPFF but there was something about yours that just -- I don't know? She was just different and refreshing and I am as in love with her as James is. I LOVED LOVED LOVED (sorry, that was totally necessary) all the fire metaphors. Obviously, that's used a lot about Lily too, but again, you had a totally different take on it and I won't say I loved it because you'd probably smack me over the head for using it for about the millionth time in this review. (I loved it).

Even for the brief few lines Snape and James appeared, I loved them too! (ahaha I'm sorry but there's only sooo many words for love and adore) The bit where Snape goes on about being heroes and utopia and all -- I could just see it. Also, the part where James loses his control and talks about Lily's flaws??? I died right there because usually everyone else's James just sits there and takes whatever Lily throws at him and I never believed that anyone's ego, no matter how big, could take that so I'm just really glad that was there okay and just ahh. The bits of Jily you snuck in, too -- *cries* I have run out of words.

Keep writing fanfiction, man. If you don't I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. ily, darling :33

--Linn (just in case you didn't know who I was) (btw, I'd be VERY OFFENDED IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS BY NOW) (and 250th review! I couldn't think of anyone better to give it to)

Author's Response: Heeey Linn bby! First of all, I'm so glad that you liked this. I know, it took so much restraint not to center the one-shot on Jily because I wanted to do something totally different, and I ended up putting something subtle in there anyway because I couldn't help it. (Gosh, can you imagine the charged tension in their fighting though? I drool.)

I'm really glad the characterization clicked! And thank you thank you thank you! You know how much I love my extended metaphors. :'D *smacks you over the head lovingly anyway*

Snape and Lily's friendship is totally underrated sometimes because I think that there's so much more than an obsessive crush and a girl who wants to cling onto the past, you know? I'm so glad you understand. >D AND JILY need I say more? ;DD

Your review was so sweet; thank you so much! I'm definitely writing more -- I have a novel in the works at the moment which I will /definitely/ be flailing to you about.

--Chasm ^___^


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Review #8, by CavellOn the Edge of an Ocean: Not Again

14th January 2014:
Hi lovely, it's Raine from the forums with your review finally! I do apologise for the wait -- school has been getting the better of me lately, but I'm determined not to drown in it like last year. Anyway, on to the review! I took the time to re-read the first two chapters as well, mostly for the sake of remembering what was going on in the story, which is another reason why I didn't get to this as soon as I should have, but one thing I want to add is that your writing is as amazing as I remembered!

I just think the whole idea of Molly being in denial about Lucy's death is really interesting -- while I have suffered through a few family members' deaths as well, I never remember feeling like Molly does, but I suppose that's what happens when someone as close to you as a sibling dies. You really capture her emotions (I'd call it grief, but...) very well, as well as her love for her sister and I especially liked how she ended up associating a lot of things with Lucy, as I think it's something we all would do. I didn't think how she was acting was overdramatic at all and instead very realistic for someone going through something like that. A thing that really stood out to me was how you pointed out the weird atmosphere in the air, the feeling something was missing -- that really tugged at my heartstrings right there, my gosh, and if I had been Molly noticing that would probably have been the point I realised that, yes, she's gone and she's dead and we all know it.

There's just something about your writing here that's really nice to read -- there isn't too much of everything and the flow is just right and it kept my interest up right to the end. I thought the characterisation was great, as well, even though I obviously can't say anything about it being canon, it's just the way everyone acted was very Weasley-ish, if that makes sense? I'm very intrigued by the ending of the chapter -- I definitely feel like this is going somewhere great, so well done! It was a lovely read, so thank you for requesting :D

--Linn

Author's Response: Hey! Not to worry! Thank you for taking the time to review at all! Good luck with your school work and I hope it doesn't drown you! I know all too well that feeling!

I was trying to draw on my own experience and also other people's experience and seeing how they cope with it. It's strange, in a way, to see how people react to grief. Some like being together, some just need to be alone because they don't think anyone else can understand their grief like they do. You hit the mark though when you don't quite call it grief. It's something a bit different then that in my eyes as well. They are mostly emotions, confusing emotions as Molly can't quite see this as actually happening in real life. She still thinks to an extent that this could just be a dream. I suppose she's just dissociating herself from reality. Though there is a part of her that knows and feels how wrong everything is and how much is changing.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments! They were a joy to read and i'm glad you like the writing so much!


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Review #9, by CavellThe Lucky Girl: The Lucky Girl

6th January 2014:
Hi, old friend :D It's certainly been a while, hasn't it? Anyway, I'm now here to review this very lovely-looking one-shot of yours, which I've been meaning to read for a while anyway, so this is all very good for me.

Firstly, I quite liked the idea of this one-shot -- I've never read that much of Tonks, and the few stories I have read tend to focus on her joining the Order and falling for Remus etc. so this was definitely a nice change from the usual! While this piece of yours was also a little short, it provided a really nice glimpse into canon that I enjoyed a lot, and I just loved the little nods to canon you sprinkled here and there, like Moody's constant vigilance! and Tonks was just so natural in this and her thoughts and actions were so normal and realistic, like how she thought about her exam scores and practiced fixing her appearance in the mirror. Little details like those just made my stomach flip and think that this would definitely be something that would have happened in canon.

I definitely thought there was enough imagery in this, and it was very well-balanced with Tonks' thoughts and the actual dialogue, and I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before a while back about how I love the way you describe things because it sounds so natural, except I'm not sure I said it in so many words, but there you go. The flow too, was perfect -- it was slow enough for readers to get in every detail but quick enough so you didn't get bored with the story.

I thought Arielle was very sweet, and her interaction with Tonks was very natural (I've said this a lot, haven't I?) and in-character for a girl and an adult, but at the same time, it fit Tonks' character too like how she noticed the colour of Arielle's dress first and helped her feel better by telling her a funny memory. Honestly, Amanda, you're lovely at writing canon characters -- I couldn't find a single fault about this one-shot and everything was just perfect. Well done, and thank you for requesting!

--Linn

Author's Response: Linn! It's awesome to hear from you and I'm so glad to see you around HPFF again :)

Yeah, it was fun to explore Tonks; she was a character I'd wanted to try for a long while but I couldn't find the right angle to get into her head. Turns out we have a lot in common in terms of not always feeling adequate and being afraid of the unknown. I'm really glad the details worked and that my Tonks felt like the one from canon.

I'm also pleased to hear that the imagery worked well and didn't impede the flow. This one wasn't as heavy on imagery as some of my other pieces, but I felt like the story was more plot- and character-driven so I tried to just weave in the description throughout Tonks's journey to her first day of work.

It was really fun to write Arielle and to allow Tonks an opportunity to play the adult (haha) and be a comfort to a little girl. It's great that you felt like it was integrated well and liked seeing little hints of canon Tonks come out in the moment.

Thanks so much for your sweet review :)

-Amanda


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Review #10, by CavellThe Seams: A Storm Is Coming

2nd January 2014:
Hi there, it's Raine from the forums with your review! Sorry for the wait, by the way -- got caught up in the holidays and all, but I'm here now! Anyway, to start off, your description is absolutely amazing, and while I usually think that about a lot of stories considering my lack of them in my own stories, I really mean it this time :D I especially loved your description of the storm at the start of the chapter -- Lightning casts its lament across the clouds in the distance; the clamor of thunder rolls ceaselessly onward, a knight of battle against the stagnation of impinging summer. -- there's just something about it that really makes you see and feel the storm, and just ahh. I honestly can't get over that.

The song, too, is lovely, as is all that happens in this chapter -- I was sobbing myself when I reading through it, because you can simply feel the sadness just by and reading it and wow, I'm really sappy, sorry. Your description just makes everything come alive in that way, and honestly, your writing itself is beautiful as well. While I obviously can't say anything about people being in-character according to the books since I'm pretty sure both Ursula and Penelope are original, I do want to say that their characterisation is perfect and just seems so realistic, which is something I really noticed while reading this chapter -- everything seems realistic.

The ending really got me in the heart, though -- I am definitely left with a lot of questions after reading Penelope's letter and finding out she's a Prince and how Eileen and Tobias will tie into things and the curse and just wow. This was a really impressive first chapter and to add to that, your grammar and spelling was incredible and I couldn't see any mistakes at all, so well done! I would definitely read ahead if I had the time for it!

Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request and see you around the forums, dear!

--Linn

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Review #11, by CavellThrough The Darkest: A Case Worth Waiting For

2nd January 2014:
Hi there, it's Raine from the forums with your review! Sorry for the wait, by the way -- got caught up in the holidays and all, but I'm here now! Anyway, to start off, I really think this is a really good idea for a story! It's just that you always see all the perfect families in next-gen so your story was a nice change from the usual things you see :) Also, your description is lovely -- description is something I, myself, struggle with so admittedly I'm easily impressed when anyone else can pull it off, but yours just seems to have this ethereal, magical quality about it if that makes sense? It's most obvious when you're talking about the house, so well done on that!

There were only tiny mistakes in the first chapter though, but they were the only ones I spotted so good job on the almost flawless spelling and grammar. No lantern had burned there for a long time [and] neither had the structure been visited. -- I think this sentence would make more sense with the 'and' in there to connect the clauses. Also, when you talk about the time later on in the chapter, it should be 3 o'clock sharp instead of the other way around. I thought that the plot definitely seems curious enough and it's left the reader with plenty of questions to ask themselves, which is always what you want for a good mystery!

I love how Hermione's Head Auror -- usually it's Harry who takes on that position, but it sort of fits Hermione too, and she and Cress are so professional as well! Another thing I noticed though was that when you skip from their meeting was that the transition was a bit awkward -- I can't quite point out what's wrong with it, but when you skip over, the last part just feels a little unended, if that makes sense? Which it probably doesn't, sorry :p

All in all, this was a good first chapter and I definitely felt like the mystery was building up rather nicely, so good job on it, and thanks for requesting!

--Linn

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I know! I totally agree with you. Most of the next-gen stories have perfect families. That's why I decided to try something that hasn't been tried before.

Ethereal, magical quality? *blushes* Thank you so much for the lovely compliment! I struggled a LOT with the descriptions you mentioned, so it feels lovely to hear that you liked them. :D

Yeah, I always end up making grammar mistakes. I'll be sure to go and edit them. Thanks for pointing them out!

I also think that Harry should be the Head Auror, but in this case, Harry has been removed from the position as he lost his interest in his job.

I know the transition from the meeting seems a bit awkward, but it just has something to do with the mystery that I can't tell you right now.

Thanks for the wonderful review! It was really helpful. :)

Ashwini


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Review #12, by CavellAlbus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince: On the Hogwarts Express

30th December 2013:
Hi there! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review :) Now, when I saw your request I wasn't sure if you just wanted me to review the first chapter or read the whole story and review your most current chapter, but since I usually only read and review one chapter for requests, that's what I'm doing now -- if you meant for me to read the whole thing, then I'm really sorry :p

Anyway, I think you have a good first chapter so far! I know when I write stories, the first part is often the part I struggle with a lot, but I think you did rather well. Your writing is very easy to read -- the flow and pacing are slow enough so we can get all the details, but at the same time quick enough so it never feels boring or anything. While starting a story at the Hogwarts Express is somewhat common, it makes sense here since we left Albus and the rest of them there at the end of DH. From what little we saw of them in the epilogue, I thought everyone was rather in-character in this chapter, so well done on that! I especially liked Scorpius -- it just seemed so like him to not like his parents and the whole Death Eater thing.

Also, I liked the banter between Albus, Rose and James. It all felt very natural to me and it definitely sounded like they had all grown up together and were close. I especially liked the addition of canon when they mentioned the whole teaching-garden-gnomes-swear-words thing, since it's rare that people let canon actually tie into next gen stories. The grammar and spelling etc. was good in this chapter as well -- there were some misplaced commas here and there, but for the most part it was okay, except that Weasley is spelled wrong when Rose is first introduced and Scorpius hasn't got an 'o' in it. Also, by Professor McMillian do you mean Ernie Macmillan from the books? It's just I love how familiar some things are from canon, although his surname was spelled wrong. The spacing of the chapter at the very end after your A/N by the way is a little wonky, but nothing a quick edit won't fix :)

All in all, this was an enjoyable read, and even the few spelling mistakes didn't throw me off too much, so well done! I didn't think it was boring at all and I'd love to see more from Albus and Scorpius and the rest, especially what houses they'll be in! Thanks for requesting!

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Review #13, by CavellThings I Said: Trouble

25th December 2013:
I will start off by saying I am unbelievably sorry about how long I took to get to this review! In fact, you probably don't even remember requesting it, it was that long ago :( Nevertheless, I am finally here with your review, and I hope it's long enough to make up for how long it took to get to you.

I'm just going to start with that I love Lily/James. As in it is my OTP of all time and space and I was just really happy to read this, like you would have thought I was totally insane because I was grinning through the whole thing :'D Your Lily and James were simply so in character that I just couldn't help adoring them and this one-shot in general -- the Coldplay lyrics weren't an unwelcome touch, either ;) I did think it would have been nice to talk about what they were fighting about earlier on in the chapter to make it less confusing, but that's just me being easily confused. The overall flow of the chapter was also good but I think it would have been less messy to actually write out them going to the Room of Requirement etc. to prevent too many breaks and all, but that's just me.

The Marauders themselves were very in character, which I definitely enjoyed, as did your inclusion of Peter! While I hate him for what he does in the future, it just seems odd without him. Also, the flashback was a little choppy -- while it did explain a lot for the story, something about it was just off, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I think an explanation of why the Slytherins had to be leaders of the school would have helped as that confused me a bit too. Another thing I noticed was that the breaks in time seemed off as well, but it wasn't anything too noticeable.

All in all though, this was an interesting idea for a one-shot and I did enjoy reading it, and as far as I could see, there weren't any mistakes in grammar or spelling, so well done! The plot was rather original too as was the whole idea of the one-shot since you so rarely see problems between Lily and James after they get together, so good job on that too! Thanks for requesting and sorry again for the long wait!

Author's Response: No worries about the time, real life can get in the way sometimes. :)

This was my first ever try at writing Marauders, so I really wanted to make sure I did it well and as close to canon as possible with the situation I gave them. I didn't really want to reveal what it was they were arguing about because that would've sort of jipped the ending with James explaining the reason for everything. But your pointing it out does make me kind of want to reconsider. ;)

There's no way I wouldn't have included Peter just because of his future actions! He was still a close friend to all of them even after they finished at Hogwarts so why keep him out? As I've gone back and looked over this, I did realize I kind of forgot to explain that part. Basically, it's the beginning of the first wizarding war so the Slytherins want to be in charge so that theoretically, Voldemort could have control of the school, kind of like how it happens in the next generation.

I'm so very glad you thought my idea for it was original! I'm very picking with my grammar and spelling, so it's good to know I didn't miss anything. Thank you very very much for the very long and detailed review! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #14, by CavellNot Normal: {Chapter the Second}

25th December 2013:
I will start off by saying I am unbelievably sorry about how long I took to get to this review! In fact, you probably don't even remember requesting it, it was that long ago :( Nevertheless, I am finally here with your review, and I hope it's long enough to make up for how long it took to get to you.

Can I just say that I absolutely love Ellie's humour and being inside her head in general :''D She is just so sarcastic, in a nice kind of way, that's totally refreshing and I just really love how you've characterised her! Regulus, too -- her thoughts about his appearance and arrogance was just so amusing to me. To get away from your brilliant characters (as I will touch on them later), I thought the opening scene was very well done, as it had just the right amount of internal dialogue and description to set the scene for me, so good job on that! I also enjoyed your one-liners -- "And dead, but who really cared about such trivial things?" and the whole thing about Regulus' smile stepping down a notch.

(I am terribly sorry for rambling and gushing like a lunatic, by the way. I promise I'm not usually like this. For some reason your story does this to me.)

I also loved (you'll be hearing that a lot from me, haha!) the touch on how Ellie's one of those people who actually cares about school and isn't a swot about it. Honestly, when most authors attempt to have a character like that, they usually end up as a terribly nerdy type of person and it's perfectly possible to care about grades and not be stuck-up about it, so well done on that. Also, I've seen stories about people seeing ghosts before and I'm just really glad Ellie didn't make a big fuss about it or scream or something. You make the whole thing just sound very natural, which was lovely to read.

Regulus' character -- told you we'd go back to this -- was also terribly amusing. While I could say I thought he was being rather childish, I actually think this was appropriate considering how long he's been around the earth and aged into modern times (and besides, all boys are annoying, so you hit the nail on the head there) and while it is a bit odd he's still around as a ghost (you'd think almost defeating Voldemort would leave one satisfied enough to move on, yes?) I just loved the idea and think it's just really original.

AGAIN, YOUR ONE-LINERS. CRYING. I just needed to get that out of my system, apologies. Also, I absolutely adored Ginny. I thought she was very in character, and I just love the thought of her being the cool mum and just ahh. This chapter was just brilliant all in all, and even though there was literally only four characters in it and it was long it was honestly a wonderful read and asdfghjkl favouriting. Thank you for requesting (feel free to re-request, and I promise not to take so long this time!), as it was my pleasure!

--Linn

Author's Response: No worries about the late review! I totally make up for it by giving you a late response :P

I'm so glad that you like Ellie's headspace. She's different from all my other MCs because no one thinks quite like her. Her thought processes are a little strange, and she's very aware of what kind of person she is, and that can be quite disconcerting to write at times.

Regulus is just the best character to write. I've taken a lot of liberties with his character, and I think that adds to his charm. He's totally unexpected, and I'm so happy that people are still able to connect with him.

Oh, it's lovely to hear you being so honest about this story! I'm just so flattered that it's all good things.

Yeah, Ellie cares about school, and later on, I want to touch on how caring about school, and then being good at it (because she is) actually causes a little strain with her peers. No one likes a swot, and caring about one's education can often be perceived that way. I'm so happy that you don't feel like she is though! And Ellie's been seeing ghosts for too long to run screaming! For her, it is a natural thing, seeing dead people.

I'm always worried about the one-lines. I think they're funny. Are other people going to think they're funny too? And thank you on your feedback on Ginny. She's very different from all the characters I've ever written, and it was difficult for me to write as her.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I really appreciate you taking the time to take a look at it :)


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Review #15, by CavellEverto Trucido: Words, Words, Words

25th December 2013:
I will start off by saying I am unbelievably sorry about how long I took to get to this review! In fact, you probably don't even remember requesting it, it was that long ago :( Nevertheless, I am finally here with your review, and I hope it's long enough to make up for how long it took to get to you.

The opening scene actually wasn't all that bad in my opinion, but you very well could have edited it in the time from when you requested to me actually sitting down and typing out this review, so I can't exactly say anything on that. One thing I did notice though that there were a few errors here and there in the first part -- Sirius, although quite silent, had [remand] awake with Grace (remained was spelled wrong here) and then the part where Remus talks about what Grace might be able to do with him, the whole sentence just seems choppy (and by this, I mean the part where he talks about Grace being his Servator and them being destined to be together and all). There's two more mistakes in the paragraph where Grace talks about defeating the lethifold -- it probably would [of] eaten me too (have is the right word there) and then there's a spelling mistake which I think should spell immortality, but I can't be too sure :p

The ending of the scene itself seems a bit odd as well, as you never see Remus actually giving an answer as we immediately move onto the next scene straight after Grace asks him a question, but I did think both Remus and Sirius were very in character although I did think Sirius would be a bit more protective over Remus and the whole thing about Grace helping him, but that's my interpretation of him. I did enjoy seeing Grace's visions of Lily in the following scene though, but I did think the part about her and the staircase was a little bit random, though an amusing touch to the story.

Another thing I noticed was the whole part about Grace's animal tattoos was a little bit confusing as it didn't seem to tie in to anything before the scene, so it seemed rather random to me, and you also never mentioned why Grace was cursing and why she was so angry until the scene after. I think a part about where she stomps off to see Dumbledore instead of the break would help it to flow better, but this chapter is rather long as it is, so that's up to you. Another thing is that his explanation about the handbook and her bloodline seems rather random since Grace never actually asks about that, but I did appreciate the explanation myself!

Also, nice touch with Remus' bio in there ;D It really helps tie in canon and all that, though I think a quick nod to Pottermore at the start in the disclaimer should have been added. 'Luny' is actually spelled 'loony' by the way -- Sirius mentions it when talking about Grace near the end. Snivellus, too, doesn't have an 'o' in it. Anyway, it's nice to see that Grace is finally thinking about how her presence affects everyone! And by that, I mean the whole thing about being friends with Remus first and Snape 'not feeling the electricity' as so often in stories like these, the main character never stops to think about the consequences, so I was glad to see that Grace did have not-so-good affects on people, though I did feel sorry for her at the end.

This was really a nice chapter, and I hope I haven't been too harsh on you! Thanks for requesting, and sorry again for the wait!

Author's Response: Hello!

:D It took me a bit to figure out when I had requested this, but that's alright. No big deal.

I know that the opening has been rewritten a couple times, but I'm unsure if it was before or after I requested the review. Ah, thanks for the typos and such (I seem to miss them no matter how many times I reread and revise :p). I'll get on fixing those.

Yeah, maybe I should include his answer :). I agree, Sirius would probably be more protective of Remus. This was still when I was trying to figure out the character's personalities. Now that I have them as I like, I should probably edit some of their actions and remarks in the earlier chapters. The staircase comes back into play later in the story, it has some symbolic significance *cough* but at this point it IS a completely random occurrence.

Ah the scars/tattoos/whatever were the result of what happened during the sorting ceremony, but I (now) realize that I had absolutely no indicator to that -_-. Thanks for that :). The explanation was meant to inform the readers, but I didn't realize that it came out at random; oops.

Another oops; at some point before the revisions, there was some props given to Pottermore. I'm not sure when, why, or how I ended up excluding it, nor did I realize it happened. :) I'll throw that in there again. Right, two o's in loony and not o in Snivellus (I will fix that).

Nah, this wasn't harsh at all. I take my "Be a Big Girl" medication daily, so I can take it ;). Thanks so much for the assistance!

-Rumpel


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Review #16, by CavellOf Heartburning and Other Losses: Break Your Bones

9th December 2013:
Hi there! I favourited this story a while ago but I decided to leave it a review only now because one, I felt rather sorry for its lack of reviews especially since it's such a /fantastic/ story (but more on that later) and two, I was just in the mood for reviewing. Nevertheless, I would just like to start off with that I love, love, loved the way you started this story! I'm just so used to most stories set in Hogwarts starting on the platform that I was pleasantly surprised when this didn't. Not to mention I really liked the whole character study thing at the very beginning of the chapter -- it really helped pull you in, because you already knew a bit about Rosemary and James before starting, and it just really reminded me of a Lily/James fic (The Life and Times, have you heard of it?) that starts off similarly and that just made me love this whole thing after only a few paragraphs ;p

Speaking of characters, I honestly just adored everyone in this chapter. Rosemary is already shaping up to be a great main character -- she's not so perfect that you think she can't /possibly/ be realistic and at the same time, she has enough flaws to make you love her for it. I'm not entirely sure if that made sense, sorry, just understand that I love her so far xD James, too -- while he was an arrogant prat (to put it lightly!) he was still fun to read, as was his and Rosemary's banter. The whole love-hate thing (lots of emphasis on the latter and barely any on the former -- for now, muahaha!) is so overused but for some reason, their banter was simply /refreshing/ to read because they genuinely disliked each other, and not for totally stupid reasons as is often the case with some fics nowadays.

Lastly, your writing in general was just lovely to read :') It hit the right balance between enough description, natural dialogue and just natural flow in general and oh my gosh, I do love this story so far. I rarely start on a story only one chapter in but I can already tell this will be very, very promising! Can't wait for the next chapter~

--Linn

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, thank you thank you thank you for the review! I love hearing feedback (especially long feedback) and this just made my day. And yeah, I have heard of The Life and Times! It's actually one of my favorite fics, and it's sort of what inspired the little character study at the beginning. I was actually a bit unsure about putting it in there, but your review has now reassured me it's fine.

I'm really happy you like Rosemary. I'm attempting to write her so she's not entirely likable while still being intriguing for readers, but it's really hard. I think I'm going to toughen her up and be the instigator in a couple things, so we'll see how that all works out.

Thank you for the very wonderful review again! I promise a new chapter will be up soon -- or at least after the staff holiday, haven't quite decided yet. :)


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Review #17, by CavellOnce More We Fight: Chapter One- Prologue

5th November 2013:
Hi! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review, finally :p To start, can I just say that from what I've read so far, your descriptions are beautifuuul. You feel like you're really there with them, and it's only the start of the chapter, so well done with that! While the dialogue is at times difficult to understand, it did flow rather naturally, as did the whole chapter. You make the reader curious about Gerard and Williamson from the very beginning of the chapter, especially about the incident and why they ran away and what they were doing there in the first place (the last, by the way, wasn't explained and I would have quite liked an explanation). I just can't with your description, it's actually lovely. It's not too much so as to overwhelm the reader, but enough for them to picture it very vividly. Considering I'm awful at description myself, I'm really impressed with this.

The spacing, by the way, gets a little odd when you use the line breaks, but that should be an easy enough fix if you get a chance to edit this. Your grammar and spelling is rather good as well, and I found no mistakes, though there is something I want to point out -- you use a single apostrophe for your dialogue, and while that is generally acceptable, sometimes it simply looks odd with your writing, but that's probably just me being picky, so don't mind it if you want to.

All in all, this was honestly a lovely read and very intriguing and I would love to read more when you get a new chapter up! The prologue itself was very mysterious in every sense of the word, and I loved the addition of a familiar face in Teddy, and he himself seemed quite in character, though I can't say that for sure since we get such a brief glimpse of him. The suspense element works very well and your writing is just really nice and easy to read, so well done! Thanks for requesting, and feel free to re-request on another story if you want. See you around the forums!

--Linn

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Review #18, by CavellNot Normal: {Chapter the First}

5th November 2013:
Hi! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review, and can I just say that from what I've seen from your writing, I'm very fond of it so far :) I was never one for a lot of description (er, pretty much just because I suck at it xD) but I did like my dialogue and from the look of your first chapter, so do you! Of course, I'm going to sound a bit hypocritical here but I wish there was a tiny bit more description in the start of the chapter, just so we are all well aware of the background and set-up and all. Aside from that though, your dialogue is lovely and flows very naturally, so well done! Your grammar/spelling is good as well, though there's one thing I noticed near the start of the chapter:

Thank[ ]Flamel Chris has grown out of the melodrama. -- you're just missing a space there in between the two words, and it's a quick fix anyway. This happens a few times in the chapter, you missing spaces -- another one happens around when Ellie thinks about Brahe and such.

Five-year-old Ellie is completely adorable, by the way! &heart You showcased how much of a child she was very well and I didn't feel she was too mature or unrealistic at all, and the introduction was good as well, throwing us straight into when she realised she had a gift -- ahem, Gift ;D Your characterisation is nice as well, and at first I thought Ellie was just going to be another of those quirky!OCs but she's refreshingly normal, which I liked, and I loved the whole thing with her mother's death and how you showed us even the magical world had its epidemics and how cheerful Ellie tried to be with her brother.

Also, I'm glad Ellie and Albus didn't hate each other for no reason. You didn't give us an elaborate backstory, but you gave us enough for us to know that they at least disliked each other quite a bit. The banter and relationship between Ellie and Chris was very natural, as was the one between Ellie and Albus. His flirting in particular amused me :"D Ellie's point of view is just a nice one to be in, because she hits the right middle between slightly sarcastic and sweet enough to be likeable, and I loved the part where she talks about her cake sense. The whole Divination thing was awesome as well, and I liked Rose. All in all, this was a lovely read and I really enjoyed it! While there was a lot going on, it was easy to keep up with and I didn't think it was predictable or cliche at all, except for the Divination part where I just knew she was going to mention something about love, but I don't think that counts xD Thanks for requesting and feel free to re-request!

--Linn

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so much! That means a whole lot to me :D

Yes, I know what you mean about description - I am trying to improve, so all the feedback that I can get is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

And awkward about the spaces - I'll be sure to fix that up!

It is so difficult writing as a young child! I'm glad you thought it turned out well. There are some parts where I feel she sounds too mature, but if you thought that as a whole, she sounded the right age, I'm really happy!

I'm happy that you find Ellie normal! Death and disease are part of life, and I felt that even the magical world couldn't escape from that - I'm glad you enjoyed it!

The reason is pretty silly, but I guess Ellie can hold a grudge! Writing Ellie and Chris together is one of the more difficult aspects of this story, so I'm glad that you felt that it came across as natural/ Albus is just fun to write. I'm happy that you're enjoying Ellie's POV. It was a difficult decision to make, to not switch around POVs.

And doesn't everyone expect a mention of love when they visit creepy divination shops? Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!


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Review #19, by CavellEverto Trucido: The Big Bad Wolf

3rd November 2013:
Hi again! Anyway, I'm glad to see you threw us straight into the story, which meant that this was a quick read. There was, however, a little spelling mistake in the third sentence -- you spelled tilting wrong, but that's a quick fix. Again, the pacing of the chapter is a little odd, but I think you're already aware of that. Also, I would have liked a bit of background or set-up when we start the chapter -- we don't know Anne and Grace are in Noctars or what Noctars even is until a few paragraphs later. Your dialogue's very good right now, which I'm pleased to see since it's an important part of the story too, but I would have loved a little bit of description and imagery of where the characters are.

The introductions were definitely a little smoother this time around, so well done! Especially when it came to Gretchen -- it all sounded very naturally there. Also, I loved how we finally got to know a little bit about Grace's history! ;D Gretchen's message was just so ominous, though... it makes you really fear for Grace's fate. One thing I noticed though was one moment Grace was speaking English perfectly and the next she starts connecting words and saying 'hafta' and 'prolly'. Of course, this happens in real life, but it's a little sudden here and would have been a lot easier to take in if she'd been speaking like that since the beginning of the chapter.

I loved the sorting! Grace, naturally, makes a wonderful first impression xD McGonagall as well was very in character and brought a sense of familiarity to the whole thing. And baby Marauders! We don't see much of them in that scene but I just love seeing all the canon characters so young and cute. You told me you knew the third scene was a mess so I won't comment on it since you've probably heard it all, except to say Grace's cursing was a bit abrupt. You also didn't mention what year the boys were actually in -- I guessed they were first years at first but then you talk about the whole animagi thing which just confused me. I thought all the canon characters were very much in character though, and the whole thing where Remus freaks out when she hugs him just amused me :')

All in all, aside from a few things here and there, I did enjoy reading this, so thanks for requesting and feel free to re-request, of course!

--Linn

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks for coming back to help!

Yes, the pacing is something I'll definitely have to work on as well as some additional descriptors. Imagery and descriptions are areas that I seem to struggle in.

I hadn't thought of adding information about the setting in the first scene. Now that you point it out I realize that it is a fantastic idea to avoid confusion. The inconsistencies in Grace's speech I had overlooked completely, so thank you for pointing that out.

I have realized that I have made a huge error. Somewhere along the lines in this particular rewrite of the chapter I lost some critical information. Grace is 16 and it is the marauders sixth year at Hogwarts. I'm not sure if I had mentioned that Grace could not attend Hogwarts until after she had graduated Noctars or not either. They "why" part of that doesn't come into play until later though. Sorry about the confusion!! :(

The revelation of her age kind of explains Grace's language, although it seems I overdid it. This is especially true in the next chapter :(. I'm working on fixing it, toning it back a bit.

Yay for cannon! That was something I was definitely stressing over. Though, I do still need to come back and work on James a bit, I think.

Because of the strong AU in the story, I've been trying to pepper background information through the story so that it is not too overwhelming. I'm not sure if it working or not :).

Thanks again for helping!

-Rumpel


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Review #20, by CavellA Moment of Fear: Lily

3rd November 2013:
Hi there! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review :) First things first, I loved the idea for this! I thought it was really creative to show everyone's fears, and Lily's fear was very creative especially, because goodness knows I'd be nervous beyond belief on my wedding day too. Admittedly, the flow was a little choppy in the first three paragraphs when you explained why Petunia wouldn't be attending the wedding, but maybe that's just me :p Not going to lie, I liked the explanation for it though! Of course, it's simply a shame Petunia wouldn't come -- that would have been a perfect backdrop for a little chaos.

Anyway, I thought Lily's fear was very realistic as she worried about the war and Voldemort and all, and the part about their love for each other fading over the years just really touched my heart, especially since we know about how they wouldn't live for too long after this :( if that part was meant to make you tear up, then it worked! One thing I noticed though is the spacing gets really weird around the part of the flashback and then afterwards near the end, but that's an easy fix. Also, in some sentences, you're missing a few commas, usually right after someone says something and proceeds to do something else, but that's just me being picky.

Mrs. Evans said standing up. -- there should be a comma in between 'said' and 'standing up' and I noticed this was something that happened regularly when Lily and her mum are talking to each other. Really though, this was the only part where there were any mistakes because other than that, it was a fairly lovely read. Thanks for requesting, and see you around the forums!

Author's Response: Hi Raine!

I'm so glad you liked the premise for this story. The first three paragraphs are a bit choppy - I've been meaning to do something with them.

I wasn't shooting for tears in this section of the series, but I am glad it moved you enough to cause a bit of tearing up. :D

Thank you so much for the CC and pointers where the story went weird. I'll take a peak at the spacing funkiness.

Your review was really awesome - thank you so much for the detailed feedback!

-Rose


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Review #21, by CavellSheer Abandon: Prologue

1st November 2013:
Hi there! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review :) Firstly, I thought this was a really interesting idea for a story! I've never read very many stories set before the Marauders era, so this was a new thing for me, but I enjoyed it. Your writing was really easy to get into and the flow and pacing didn't seem rushed at all, so good job. I thought that Tom's character was very spot-on, even from the very beginning just by reading this sentence: Or is he more special than most, and the only one without a family? Typical, I thought to myself ;p Your description is just the right balance between too much and too little (I have a feeling I've told you this in a different review).

Also, holy moly, mini Walburga xD I just kind of flailed a bit, and just her existence in the story really solidified the fact that this would be a really original story with an equally original plot and just wow. You can already see the Black family ways shining in her when she tells Alphard not to slouch or telling him to watch his language, and just your characterisation is amazing. I also thought the whole being-sorted-before-Hogwarts thing was very creative and definitely something they would pride themselves on.

Albus! His introduction was very neat and natural, and I loved the way you weaved in the part where Walburga had dragonpox and that was why she was in Alphard and Tom's year. Also, Fee's introduction was very mysterious and all in all, you just left me wanting to know more. You even made me like the characters, a little bit! I also loved how you put in the song in the sorting -- you see that so rarely in first day fics, it was a nice change. Totally adoring Alphard so far, by the way, he seems the nicest of the lot, and I loved the banter between the four and Abraxas at the Slytherin table.

All in all, this was a wonderful read and I basically adored all of your characters and your writing is terrific. The interactions were definitely realistic and I just enjoyed the whole thing, so thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request on another story (or on the next chapter when it's up -- I'll be looking out for it!), and see you around the forums!

--Linn

Author's Response: Hi Linn! I'm really pleased that you liked this, and that it was easy to read :) Tom's character is very difficult to write, so it's absolutely great to hear that you feel he's spot-on! :D And thank you (and yes, I believe you also read my Albus/OC, Jordan & Parsons!)

Mini Walburga is definitely fun to write! I imagine her as this precocious, bossy girl and yep, she definitely wants to make the Black family proud :P Alphard is definitely still a little kid with his pranks, and he doesn't lose that mentality for a little while. The whole being-Sorted-before-Hogwarts thing was inspired by Draco in Philosopher's Stone ^.^

We already saw Harry's perspective of seeing Hogwarts for the first time, so I wanted to do something different and then I thought, what about Albus seeing the childrens' arrival? And that's how I played it out. I'm pleased that you like the characters, and thank you! I'm glad you like the song ^.^ Alphard and Sirius definitely have some things in common :P

Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments, and I'll definitely rerequest! ♥

-Isobel


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Review #22, by CavellEverto Trucido: The Trial

1st November 2013:
Hi there! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review :) To start with, I felt that this chapter could have been a little bit longer -- trust me, I know all about how hard it is to write long chapters and how sometimes you feel like you're rambling on pointlessly, but this chapter did have the potential to be longer. I'd also like to say that from what I've seen so far, this looks like a really interesting story! You're right in saying it's a very strong AU, and I tend to avoid those, but this was a good read and a good idea, too! Sometimes, though, the flow was a bit off and I had to reread over some parts to figure out things like who was Grace and how exactly was Albus in the courtroom and stuff like that.

'Her body language would suggest that she was exhausted as she slouched forward, her shoulders rounded.' -- this sentence in particular was a little off-sounding, mostly because I think it would be better phrased as Her body language suggested she was... rather than what you have.

I felt like Grace knew a whole lot more than the Council and I was right :p She sounds a bit confident in herself, but I think that's more of what she can do than what you have done with her, as I feel she can be a likeable character if only I read on. Sometimes it got a bit confusing because although you said in the beginning it was set in the Marauders era and this was the setup, there are parts when I was just really confused about when it was set, like when she calls out their names and Remus is already married to Tonks, but Sirius is alive, as are James and Lily who are both married, so I didn't know who was a ghost and who was actually alive.

I admit I loved the addition of new characters and the introduction of Eileen and Regulus and all those rarely-used characters, though of course I would have liked some kind of explanation with Emery and Alphard and all. Atrum's introduction, too, was a bit rushed as there had been no mention of him at all and then the mention of Marlene and Anne felt a little bit unnatural like you had just been name-dropping. You actually had very few grammar/spelling mistakes but it was just the setting and the characters that threw me off, but I think those would be easily fixed anyway. Not to mention that Grace's general existence intrigued me, especially since it was mentioned she was a Potter and you never said how she was related to the Potters.

I'm guessing though that a lot of these questions will be cleared up in the next chapter ;p All in all, the chapter wasn't bad and your writing is actually very good, it's just those little things that nagged at me as I read. If they were fixed, I'm sure this would be an excellent start to what looks like an interesting story, so good luck!

Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request, and see you around the forums!

Author's Response: Oh, yay! Help has arrived!

The very first version of this chapter was over 3000 words. I suppose in my attempt to cut back confusion, I also lost a lot of content.

Ah, yes. I have the tendency to be wordy! Thank you for pointing that out. It's one of those specifics that I will have to go back through and alter.

It seems while cutting back the first chapter, I've only created more confusion. To try and clear things up, my author's note is convoluted, and will be changed. It's supposed to state that the majority of the story will be set in the marauder's era, but this chapter is actually set in 1998. I need to add a date in there somewhere. Also, everybody mentioned is currently alive...the specific details of that will be clarified later in the story. But I need to add some indicator of who's alive in this chapter, as I've obviously done a terrible job at that!

I've also seemed to mess up the character introductions as I've scaled back. I either need to exclude certain characters for the time being or go into more detail. At some point, I had eliminated much of the detail because my sentences distorted the ideas and made everything so very confusing.

Thanks so much for your help! I'll give this one another rewrite soon :).

-Rumpel


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Review #23, by CavellTime Marches On: ...tick...tock...

1st November 2013:
Hi there! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review :) To start with, I would just like to say that this was a wonderful idea for a story -- I've seen people do the whole George-after-Fred's-death thing but I've never actually /read/ one before, so this is new to me. Your first line took me in immediately, which rarely happens, so well done! Personally, I'm totally useless when it comes to first lines, so it just amazes me when people can pull me in with just a first line. Anyway, I loved the use of repetition throughout the one-shot -- like you said in the first paragraph, the ticking of the clock is often ignored, so the whole tick-tock thing really ties in well with that, so good job!

You can feel George's grief in every word, how completely devastated he is after the death of his twin, and having never lost someone in my immediate circle of friends or family, I honestly felt terrible for him :( I adored this line in particular: "Time stops for nobody, it marches on, akin to that of a well-organized army, and youíre being dragged with it." I just thought it was a beautiful metaphor that explained the whole one-shot. I felt tears welling up in my eyes while I was reading the thing, and although this was rather short, I didn't feel it was rushed or anything and the plot was well thought out. You really feel for George as he thinks about all of the things he and Fred would have done had his twin not died, so all in all it's just really sad.

How the amount of ticking seemed to go down and down until there was only two really got to me, as well as the fact that by the end of the one-shot, you knew he was healing and you knew he was getting through it slowly but surely, and all in all, this was a wonderful read. It was very good at making you feel what George felt not to mention the flow and pacing wasn't rushed at all, and the writing itself was lovely, and I saw no mistakes in the piece, so well done!

Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request on another story, and see you around the forums!

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for reviewing this for me especially as you said you don't like anst-y stuff as much.

I seriously don't know how to respond to reviews that are so complimentary about my stories, but I was really happy reading this review!

I am so so happy that you picked that line out because its one that I hoped stood out, and the fact that you said you had tears welling up was great :D (in a good way ofc (; )

Thanks for the brilliant review, I enjoyed reading it!


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Review #24, by CavellJordan & Parsons: A is for Adultery, Awkwardness and Albus Potter

31st October 2013:
Ooh, I really love the concept of this! Your plot seems original so far, and I really love how this is about Lee Jordan's kids, so it's like a whole new slate. Alicia is already a lovely character so far -- she's not your average OC and isn't overly insane or something, and I love her professionalism (um, no idea how to spell that, sorry!) and her reasons for letting the company to Albus despite the whole ex thing, which is really creative, by the way!

Also, the companyyy~ All of this just adds up to one big, amazing idea, not to mention your description is just right in between too much and too little and your characters are really entertaining so far, and your writing just flows so well and is just easy to read. 10/10, definitely going into my favourites! Hope you update soon :D

--Linn

Author's Response: I'm really glad that you love the idea of this story - I never get tired of hearing that :D I'm pleased you like Alicia too, and the way I've characterized her :) (BTW, you spelt professionalism right ;)) and it's great to hear that you find the plot so far creative!

It's always a pleasure to hear such lovely compliments, and thank you for favouriting this! There's a new update soon! :D

-Isobel


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Review #25, by CavellWillows and Wood.: Cat: Of problems and proposals

8th October 2012:
BAH. I give up with you and your insane cliffies. (EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER. WHY, VAL, WHY? WHAT POSSESSES YOU TO TORTURE US EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU UPDATE?!?!?) I'm just going to refuse commenting on it any time I ever review. (We'll see how that works out, huh?) The worst thing about me being superbly late with this review is because I had it all typed up and everything and I read it out of curiousity when I reviewed last time. (Whoops?)

"Cat isn't a woman. She's a Quidditch player." - lolololol. Best quote ever! I loved it, and the glimpse into Cat's view on things. More often than not people say different views can often mess up the story system or something bizarre like that, but this was a nice change to the usual that I honestly, truly liked.

Flow was good! And Maya was absolutely lovely, I wish I had an older sister just like her (and considering I actually have a little sister...) and I loved the name Liam and the fact that she was a Ravenclaw and I have a feeling she's going to be quite an important part of the story. Le sigh. The Quidditch scene was absolutely hilarious, every time I reread it I grin like mad :p

Cat is so witty! I don't know, Kiwi's so damn lovable but I think I relate to Cat more because I think somehow she's more like me than Kiwi is, and if you're ever planning to go into Cat's view again (something like every third chapter, I'm thinking *wink wink nudge nudge*) I'd love you forever, seriously.

Well, that review was highly unhelpful. Oh well, nonetheless, go update with the sixth chapter soon! :D

Author's Response: Aww, Linn, you should know by now I only write those cliffhangers to annoy you! Just joking, the essential reason they're there is for /me/ to get back into the story and continue writing...

AHA, YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON TO PICK UP ON THAT QUOTE! I have been waiting for this moment. It was so Oliver-esque, I just had to include it :)

I wish I had a sister like Maya too... Hopefully that's what I'm like with my sister? Or will be, sometime in the distant future.

She is going to be an important part of the story, in the sense that she's there to reign Cat in when she does stupid things. And Cat is going to continue doing stupid things, of course, so Maya will be there too.

I also relate more to Cat, so I can see why you want me to write more in her POV which is actually going to happen again! Soon.

It wasn't unhelpful at all. I love your reviews - almost as good as pancakes, remember?

&hearts


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