You're really talented! You're a good writer; it was actually quite emotional even though I barely knew this character. 10/10 for a great (very sad) storyAuthor's Response: thanks so much! every review is really encouraging and I'm so glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
OH MY GOD there are so many grammatical mistakes--I just can't take it! Report Review
ooohhh this is a great story! I really like how you don't have any grammar mistakes (they really bother me in other stories) and your writing is really good! I can't wait for the next chapter; please update soon!Author's Response: Thank you! I try to read over it a few times before posting so as to avoid grammatical error, and am glad to have earned your approval. I'm working on quite a few stories right now, but should have a new chapter ready soon. Report Review
wow, I love it! Great story, I hope you add more soon! You are really good at making them seem as young as they are. Can't wait to read the next one!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the encouragement! I am so glad you think so! Report Review
daw... so cute! I love it! Report Review
That was awkward. Nice chapter, but why did it all have to go so wrong in the end? why can't they just get together already? I guess that's what keeps the story going, though :) anyway, nice chapter--I can't wait for the next one!Author's Response: lol...well it all had to go wrong because it went wrong in the original story :) I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, thanks so much for the review. Report Review
Wow, great chapter! It was interesting to hear it from Al's perspective. When i read this part in Animal Magnetism, Al really did sound like what Lucy called him. But it really sounds different hearing it from Al's POV. Pretty Epic.Author's Response: Yeah, I knew that when I wrote this from Al's POV I would have to be careful to do so in a way that the reader still wanted to forgive him. I like Al's temper, but it's important that he's remorseful too. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Can I just say: CUTE!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Interesting. Your 'story' was unique, especially in the sense that it was more of an essay analyzing the characters Lily and James than a series of events.
I liked that you used the writing tool of repetition, and that you have shown an aptitude for provoking emotion in readers. This is really one of your strong points; I think you should expand on this concept. You used repetition not only in your ideas (which conveyed Lily as having a dark yet thoughtful side to her, and James as far more cheerful) but also in you sentence structure. Also, I'd like to commend you on your lack of grammar mistakes. You used a plethora of thought-provoking words, and among them, I found very few grammatical mistakes.
If you don't mind a little constructive criticism, I'd like to make some suggestions. Repetition, which you used to great effect throughout your piece, should be used sparingly or with slight variations. If everything is exactly the same without fluctuation through the entire piece, it can become dry and nondescript. I would also like to point out that you've described Lily as a far darker character than most people would choose to accept. She might not have been the most welcoming of people, but she doesn't strike me as the type to be visiting cemeteries on a regular basis. Nor does she strike me as the type of Gryffindor to be frightened of Slytherins or her family. You might also consider varying your sentence structure--your primary subject for each sentence is also the subject of the paragraph. However,
Overall, it was nicely done. Very nice work.Author's Response: Thanks for the amazing review! it is more of a character study I know.
Thanks for the CC, I just wanted to portray Lily differently than the perfect Gryffindor who is perfect and loves everyone (except james) but I see your point. Thank you for the amazing review!
- Jasmine Report Review
I'm sure your story is really great, but I have to tell you: I couldn't manage to read it. There's too much spacing between the paragraphs! I am aware that HPFF requests extra spacing between paragraphs, but that only means one extra return. It doesn't mean seventeen. If you're trying to make your story seem longer, this is not the way to go about it. I'm sure your story is wonderful, but... have you ever tried reading an essay in all-caps? To me, that was what it was like. I'm sure your story was wonderfully written in other respects, so I will definitely read your story at another time. I'm sorry; I don't mean to be rude. Please, PLEASE consider removing some unnecessary spacing.Author's Response: Hi. I do understand what you are saying. However, the excessive spacing is not actually my own doing. When I submit all my stories and chapters I do enter with only one return. For some reason, the extra space gets added in. It's not my intention to do this and I don't know how to fix it. To make matters worse, the extra spacing isn't always consistent. I am very sorry this irritates you, I feel much the same way. I'll look into trying to fix it again, but please know that at the moment, it is out of my hands. Report Review
Even though you don't love this chapter, I want you to know that I did. I am kind of annoyed with Al for not manning up and just asking her, but that's exactly how I felt when I read Animal Magnetism, and it's that part that makes the ending all the more enjoyable. I think you've done a great job conveying what Albus is going through, and chapters like this (while they may not contain much action) give readers something to relate to, add depth to the story, and help develop characters. Really, nice work! I can't wait for the next chapter.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review. I think I worry sometimes that these chapters might be a bit boring, because a lot of them began as character exercise for myself so i worry that they're too information heavy. Thanks again for reviewing, next chapter is now up! Report Review
This story is amazing! I already read all of Animal Magnetism and I loved it so much. Please update soon; I can't wait any more!! I loved this chapter :)Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Update is finally up! Report Review
wow. you're such a good writer! that was intense, bro. you made me tear up a little :) BEST STORY EVER! keep up the good work! one hundred million/10!
*adding to favorites*Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it and that it affected you so much! I really appreciate it :)
Thanks for reading and reviewing :D Report Review
omigawd there aren't anymore chapters left!
OK down to business:
I know right! time passes so effing quickly! The summer is over in like... a month! WHERE DID IT GO NOW I HAVE TO DO MY SUMMER HOMEWORK AND I DON'T WANNA
he broke up with Sarah! yayayayyayayay finally... That took you long enough. She was so mean and a poop and she sucked and... yeah I'm glad she's gone!
I really wish she told him what her secret was. I can't wait for his reaction. I think he's either going to flip a shit or be all chill and stuff and finally kiss her when she tells him about the future and pours her heart out. I just really hope it's not awkward... please don't let it be awkward :)
I have some favorite lines (I always do except I'm too lazy to tell them to you) here they are:
1) "Actually, Fred's shagging has gotten quite brilliant, thanks," Alex said sarcastically. "Next time, you can come along and he"ll demonstrate for you, yeah?"
2)"Shouldn't you be dancing about in glee?" he asked.
3) Actually more of a favorite moment: when he asks about the secret :) darling it's a cute moment but WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SPILL ALREADY?!
And I was wondering (not really of any importance, but hey) why does everyone call each other 'love'? Isn't that a little... weird? I'd be freaked out if my cousin called me that, but you know... irrelevant.
I know you want to update soon. I just have this feeling that you really feel like being nice because everyone would be happy and we could all eat rainbows and sunshine and then everyone would be nice to each other so war would end and if war ended then everyone would realize that all the money we saved from not killing other people should go to the starving children in Africa who need us and then we would give it to them and who knows maybe they're amazing people who have magical powers to solve all the other problems of the world.
so you should update.
love you, girlie! Report Review
i can't believe this is the second to last chapter. I think I'm dying. THIS CANNOT BE THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER OF THIS AMAZINGLY ADDICTIVE STORY.
:D Ily Report Review
why? why why why? why can't she just... grow up already? what do you mean she doesn't deserve normality?
Artemis is screwed up. in a good way? i don't know. no, actually, being this screwed up probably isn't good for the people around her. It might be contagious. And then EVERYONE will be screwed up, and that would be just depressing as heck. I mean, i would ask you to please make this character see sense soon, but you've already written everything and there's no changing whatever you've written now. I just hope she stops feeling sorry for herself and takes a look around. Her best friend is freaking preggers, her brother is missing because depressed and freaked out, and James is being torn apart, and she feels sorry for HERSELF?! this kid has frigging gone over the frigging edge of doom. Report Review
1) Jason or Fred: Who's cuter?
2) What do you think the bet between Rose and Scorpius is?? (waggles eyebrows)
I have no frickin idea. maybe has something to do with Quidditch?
3) What couple do you want to scream at most: Artemis and James, Rose and Scorpius, or Fred and Alex?
seriously? what kind of an obvious question is that? ARTEMIS AND JAMES
4) Whaddaya think is going to happen next?? (should have been the first question, haha)
Artemis suddenly realizes that James is fricking awesome and falls in love with him and then they go get married and have lots of children and the world will be happy and we can all go eat rainbows and sunshine.
5) What's the best way to teach sleazy Matt a lesson?
Alex tells him to go die in a hole Report Review
you have made me love lily and james. he fainted! LOL. Report Review
I LOVE THIS STORY Report Review
I like it! I think it would be easier to read if you put the paragraphs back together/don't press return after every sentence, though. It will... I don't know... sound less choppy. A new paragraph means a new topic, not a new sentence. :)
Anyway, I really like your story. I like how I can already tell what your characters are like after only one chapter. You have a talent; I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: i am aware of how dodgy the formatting is for this story, especially for the first half or so ~ it bugs me, but it would take another massive edit for me to put everything back together. this story was written a very long time ago, and at the time i had a vague obsession with all the jokes being laid out on a line each. i know it reads very brokenly because of it. but i'm glad you enjoyed it, and i hope you enjoy the rest :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
This is a very interesting idea--I can't wait to see where you go with it. I love the whole concept :) I really liked how you started the story in the middle of the action and then elaborate on it later... I don't know... it was cool.
I love the idea of the real love potion and the fact that these people are all collaborating--collecting emotions--with a unique instrument so that they can set up couples. It's very well written!Author's Response: I'm so happy to see you like it! Yeah, I didn't want to do a long 'introduction' chapter, because I thought the best way to show people's characters and backgrounds would be to just jump straight into the plot, and find out more as you go along.
It is quite a strange concept really, but it's one that I'm having fun with I have to say!
Thank you :3 Report Review
Thanks for updating! I really love this chapter...no, scratch that, I really love your whole story! 10/10
Whenever I need to cheer up, your writing can always make me laugh :D one of my favorite parts was when the boys were talking about the girls after the match; it made me laugh because it sounded exactly like the kind of thing they would say.
You have done a really great job with developing your characters, keeping the story interesting, and making me (along with many others, I presume) laugh. Thanks for providing my favorite form of entertainment!
Please update as soon as possible. The next chapter sounds hilarious :D I can't wait!
Until whenever you decide to update again,
~Your most awesome fan/Sonia
P.S.: I love Animal Magnetism, tooAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review, I'm glad you like the story so much. I'm working on a new chapter at the moment after quite a long break so with any luck it will be up soon.
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
aw :) that is the best Harry/Ginny fic ever! I've read it like five times :D so cute and happy and omigosh i love it!
BEST. STORY. EVER.Author's Response: Thank you so much, I so thrilled you liked it that much, thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh my gosh I'm so thrilled, thank you!
Lizzie Report Review
omigod omigod omigod i love this story! she should just tell him that she loves him already!!! please please please update soon i will love you forever if you do
reading this story just makes me so happy and i couldn't believe it was the last chapter when i finished reading. i was all like 'where the heck is the little next button?!'
i can't wait to read the next chapter--especially the one about their date :D if it goes badly i think i will cry, so please make it go well and make them be happy forever! you're so funny--please update ASAP!
55/10! Report Review
cool story, bro. btw you said it was january 31st and New years=does not compute
Why didn't anyone notice her hair?
but anyway i liked it and can't wait to read the next chapter Report Review
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