Reading Reviews From Member: racing time
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by racing timeOn the Run: The New Girl

10th January 2012:
Hey! Figure I'd drop by and give a small tip here or there. You are very talented with words. The beginning was honest and made me want to read more. Unfortunately, I don't think the impact of what Draco is feeling is strong enough when we see him break down. Perhaps if you build on the intro, it will hook us readers more :)

As well, during the narrivation, I was hoping to read more of that they were doing. (ex/ig: whether or not they took a defensive strance, turned away, when they start to loosen up to each other).

As well, it appears a bit off that Draco opens up to her right away. If the chapter were much longer, perhaps it could happen, but it is something very difficult to acheive.

Author's Response: I'm done rewriting. Take a look...

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