Aww. This is possibly the romantic-est, saddest, realistic-est Lily/James I've ever read. It really made me feel bad for them, which I've never really done before. Good old James, though, hanging in there for Lily.
Green with Envy 2012! Report Review
I like this looking-for-trouble Albus much more than leave-me-alone-I-just-want-a-quiet-life Albus! Really brilliant chapter :)
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Hehehe, curiosity and mystery will get the best of all of us ;D thanks for reviewing! Report Review
That was seriously the best dueling scene I've ever read, and the whole classroom scene was really funny! Monsieur Breech... he sounds like an amazing dude.
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: :3 aw thanks! The duel was so fun to write. Report Review
Oh, cousins... how often they fail us.
I love the back-and-forth between Clemence and Albus! And the part with the Fat Lady... pure brilliance :)
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: I love portraits. It's like, a whole slew of characters that are always there and always watching, ehehe.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Can I just say, I love the main character. Everything about him. He's so snarky and obnoxious and amusing :)
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Thanks! (a her, am I right? ;D) Report Review
Oh, the puns. I do love the puns. Everything was Black.
This chapter is my favorite of all three. I think you did a really good job portraying the complexity of the relationship between Narcissa and Bellatrix -- how even though Narcissa loved Bellatrix enough to avenge her death, she was still horrified by many of Bellatrix's actions. Really beautiful!
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this one- I really enjoyed writing about Narcissa and Bellatrix's relationship, even if the chapter was a little short :P Report Review
In spite of my disagreeing with your characterization of Narcissa, this was really enjoyable to read. The entire scenario is not something I ever would have imagined happening, and it's definitely not what I was expecting (yay plot twist!)
I kind of feel like Molly wouldn't be quite so cowering when Narcissa came, though. I feel like she would be really strong, even if she had been kind of paranoid about it for a long time.
I really like how you switched to Molly's point of view for a while, though. It really added depth to the story and the murder. Well done!
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad that you weren't expecting something like this, because originally that was a concern of mine :P
I imagine Molly to be damaged a lot by the war, and so I think she wouldn't be so alert perhaps. I think she's dwelling on the past, and not thinking about the future much at all.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Very interesting beginning! It's quite dramatic and really grabs the attention so kudos on that!
Normally I'm a fan an introspective point of view in writing, but I think the fact that it's so... factual and blunt gives this a very realistic feel to it. Kind of like a newspaper story.
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews!
I'm really pleased that you liked this, and the way that it was written. I was really unsure when I first posted this, but I'm glad that you liked it!
Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
Very interesting first chapter! I really like your scenery descriptions and the imagery you use. And the whole chapter just gives off this feeling of despair and resignation... gives me the chills!
Green With Envy 2012!Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much! I'm so pleased that you feel the emotion here and that you can imagine this. I feel like with first person, although i love writing 1st person, it has to be very present and descriptive for it to be a good piece. It's always a challenge, for me anyway, and i'm glad that you liked the starting of this. :D Thanks for your thoughts! Report Review
This is such a fantastic story. And this chapter is quite amusing... I actually started laughing in the middle of class by accident.
Anyways, I love it and I hope your grad school finishings go well (although it's mostly for selfish reasons :P)
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: haha aw thank you so much :) I love it when I make people laugh! Grad school is OVER! So I literally just spend the last 3 days writing this story and you'll have an update very soon :) Report Review
First, right off the bat… The Daily Prophet! That alone makes me love this story. The contrast between Elsie’s character development and the steadiness of that ritual is awesome.
The scene with Grace is very well written. I personally can relate to that kind of situation, and I think you portrayed it very well. It was definitely very emotional. And I think it says a lot about James’ and Elsie’s relationship that even at that point, they didn’t turn to each other for support.
The depth of emotion that we see in Elsie is really remarkable, especially knowing how the story turns out. You’ve done an excellent job portraying the way her character develops, as well as James, and it’s really been interesting to read. Very, very well done! And thanks for participating in the challenge!Author's Response: Thank you x1000!
I loved writing Elsie's character. She just wrote herself and I could see how she evolved from before this story untill long after. I tried to make her realistic.
I'm glad you think so! That scene was definitely the hardest to write. I agree about their relationship, it's not James&Elsie, it is James and Elsie.
Thanks! I really enjoyed writing for this challenge. I ended up writing it in reverse order as well and I think that helped me. Report Review
The opening to this was very sad and it immediately grabbed my attention and got me wondering. Kudos for that!
I like how you included Elsie taking the Daily Prophet away from James. That kind of continuity shows some really careful writing, and honestly, little things like that make me super happy.
It was really interesting in this chapter to see the outside perspective of James as the former Golden Boy. It works really well with this story, I think partially because of the timeline – it points the reader towards the past and shows the progression and effects of time, which was the whole point of the challenge. Very well done on that end!
You did an excellent job continuing the characterization of Elsie. The line “She needed to be strong for others so that she could be strong for herself” really captured the essence of her personality and psychology. It’s really interesting to see her not completely numbed, like she was in Chapter 1, like when she argues with James and mentions Ginny’s complaints. That kind of thing got to Elsie, so it definitely shows character development.
And her friends! Dora, in particular! I just wanted to slap her!Author's Response: Thanks so much!
The Daily Prophet was in there for some context, I suppose, so you could see it wasn't always so sad for them.
I'm glad you thought the character development was good. It was difficult to figure it out since the story is back to front :)
I HATE Dora. I feel like I shouldn't hate one of my own characters, but I do. I really wanted to write supportive friends, but I needed Dora for the plot *sigh* Report Review
This looks really interesting so far! I really like your characterization of Elsie. You did a very good job of making her relatable, and the way she interacts with the other characters is very realistic. And speaking of other characters, I like how you incorporated minor characters, like Maggie, Ginny, Albus, and the bartender, but kept them mostly in the background -- I think it emphasizes how Elsie is totally focused on James.
There were a few lines that really jumped out at me:
"Ginny needed somebody to blame, just as James needed his drink and Elsie needed her rituals. Elsie could accept that." This is a really good characterization of three of them, made even more effective because of its simplicity.
"She ignored the fact that he had been out of work for over two years. She ignored the fact that he never went a night without a drink. She ignored the fact that she lost all her friends for him. She ignored the fact that she was a shunned woman. She kissed his forehead and whispered a soft good night." This, to me, is just a really poignant summary of all the sacrifices that she's made, and it really made me sympathize with her.
Great job overall, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you!
I'm really glad you like my characterizations. I spent a lot of time thinking over the characters.
I definitely tried to have some strong lines in there and thank you for noticing! Report Review
This looks really interesting! I'm kind of confused about the Veela DNA thing... And how does a teenager end up living with her boyfriend?
It's a really good idea though, having your main character be a cousin of the Delacour-Weasleys on the other side. All the Next Gens are about the Weasley cousins, so it's cool seeing some other family members. And I think Yvonne liking house-elves is a really nice touch! Great job!Author's Response: Oh, thank you for the compliments! The veela DNA thing and the rest of it is going to be explained more in the next chapter, I promise you! Just wait and see. :D
Thanks for reviewing!!!
~~LilyAngiPotter Report Review
What?! Luna wouldn't cheat! She's so... /good/.
Great job with Draco, though. Smug as ever... I can totally picture him going "Like what you see?" and messing with Luna's head telling her they slept together.Author's Response: It's not really cheating, Draco kissed her! ;) Haha :) thanks! xx Report Review
To be honest, that's not at all how I imagined Luna... But it's an interesting plot line! I like how you include plenty of characters besides Luna and Draco... like Harry, Ginny, Ron, and of course George's little appearance :) My only suggestion would be to have a little less dialogue and a little more spacing, to make it easier to read. Nice job!Author's Response: Thanks, I'll try doing that on the next chapter. It's my first time writing these and I think I get a little carried away with the dialogue. But I totally understand what you mean, thanks again I'll defiantly make sure to make the next chapter have more spaces :) xx Report Review
“Minerva,” I began, “Adrian Pucey spoke words of love to me, encroached upon my personal space, and then touched me inappropriately.”
Oh, poor poor Snape. Life is hard for him. I feel bad for him, I really really do. And McGonagall, the nerve of her! Report Review
"prance-and-leap combo plus imposing eyebrows" -- I can't... even... Just... What?!
I must agree with Snape about Dumbledore's cryptic-ness... It's quite overrated, and frequently annoying. Report Review
I love how you incorporate those canon scenes, because it's really funny how it's "historically accurate" but completely ridiculous at the same time. I can definitely see Snape rambling on about the indecency of wearing hats, and I love the part with all the food falling out of his clothes :P Report Review
The burden of sexy feet! I feel like I use the word 'brilliant' too much, so I'll give you some synonyms:
This chapter was Dazzling, and Intense, and most of all Resplendent! It was also Scintillating, Sparkling, and Vivid, not to mention Glittering and Luminous! Report Review
Oh, the angst! Some people... I love it!
It's so true though, Dumbledore totally plays favorites. Poor Snape. It's not easy being a Totally Fabulous, Formerly Criminal Potions Master. Report Review
"The next day, I came out of the closet (and I mean that in the most literal, non-homosexual of ways)." = BEST. OPENING LINE. EVER.
I'm actually laughing over here. Like legitimately throwing my head back and outright chortling. I'm getting weird looks. But I have no regrets because this is awesome! Love Snape's sexy feet :) Report Review
I would have thought that Snape would be superfreakedout by songs about werewolves, given his particular run-ins... But the Irish dancing, that is the icing on the cake! Really brilliant. I wonder who had the nerve to offer him cheese as he was in the cupboard. Report Review
I love how he takes away only one point, that always stuck out as weird to me. Also, Voldie salsa dancing? Truly lovely mental image! Report Review
This is hilarious! I can't believe I've never read this before... It's great to something humorous about Snape, when usually it's all star-crossed-lovers or abused-child-syndrome and serious stuff!
Favorite line: "I must make a list." Honestly, I think that that should be Snape's thing, his compulsion. Make lists about everything. Heh.
Really fantastic! Report Review
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