Reading Reviews From Member: Calypso
112 Reviews Found

Review #51, by Calypso Werewolf's Trace: Lone Wolf

21st April 2013:
Hey there! I'm here from the Ravenclaw review battle!

I absolutely loved the way this started, with the description of Dom flashing past on the skateboard- it was great, and really caught my attention as a reader! You've gone for quite an original characterisation of Dom in this which I applaud- a Slytherin Weasley is always going to be interesting, and I can see a cause of some friction if Bill, and Fleur, and Victoire reacted badly to her Sorting! It's also great to see a Slytherin who isn't automatically evil, as I think they're a- somtimes unjustly- maligned house. Incidentally, I loved Harry's response- it seems like the sort of kind, open-minded thing he would do! :)

Your description of the platform was really good; you managed to convey the hustle and bustle of it all in just a few words. I do think that this chapter would have benefited from being a little longer- there were several things which piqued my interest which I would have liked to have seen explored a little more- her friendship with Sylvester and Sebastian, or where her parents are in this. I also have a tiny nitpick about her wolf pup... would she be allowed that at Hogwarts?

All in all, an engaging beginning! I really love Dom, and how original she seems, and you are great at conveying scenes and feelings simply and effectively! Well done :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind review and constructive feedback! I'll go back and edit the chapter to add more about her parents and friends. As for the wolf pup, I explain that in more detail in a later chapter (has to do with bill and greyback and Dom getting the werewolf-y gene that bill has). Her relationship with victoire is explained a bit in chapter 2 but is fairly complicated (as you can imagine- with one being head girl and the other a rebel of sorts).
I'll be sure to go back and make the changes you suggested- thank you again for the feedback!

 Report Review

Review #52, by Calypso Grizzled: Grizzled

14th April 2013:
Here from Review Tag :)

Wow- this was so lovely, but at the same time so sad. I could just perfectly picture the old folks' home, and poor Bill and Fleur.

I thought that your characterisation of Bill was spot on: he seemed very believable as a person, and in his continuing love for Fleur. The idea that all the other residents want to hear stories of the Second War made me smile- it was a really nice touch.

The line: "There was one person who loathed Mr Weasley..." made the transition to the second half of the one-shot perfectly. It was a real surprise to me, and made me want to read and have the situation explained! I liked how the tranquil setting of the home belied the emotional turmoil of the principal characters.

I can't decide if I feel more sorry for Bill or Fleur, but I can certainly understand why Bill loves her so much! The part where he was remembering their life together was beautiful without being cheesy. It wasn't fancy or overdone, just a man remembering his experiences, and all the more touching for it.

And the ending was just perfect, if uncompromising. I'm so glad you didn't have Fleur suddenly recognise him or something, as I wondered might happen- the way it ended was heartbreaking but genuine. :)

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy to hear that you liked the story and that it brought out some emotion. I was worried about the characterization, especially of Bill, so it's wonderful to hear that you thought he came across appropriately. I had a bit of trouble imagining how he'd be in his old age.

It's also very good to hear that the story didn't come across as being cheesy. It was a difficult but interesting voice to take on.

Also, so lovely to hear that you thought the ending was good, I really wanted to make it as genuine and accurate as possible. Thank you so very much for the lovely review, I loved it! :)

 Report Review

Review #53, by Calypso When the Axe Fell: When the Axe Fell

14th April 2013:
Hello there- I'm here from Review Tag!

So first off, I've got to say what an original idea I think this was! I've never really thought about Sir Nicholas beyond the books, and this was a really dramatic account of his final moments.

The first paragraph was excellent- it really hooked me. I loved the description of the "inky skies tearing themselves apart"- it was beautiful. The way you built up tension throughout the story was great too. The counting of the strokes worked really well: I found the repetitiveness and the monotony of it very powerful. It was quite horrible really, but worked perfectly for the story.

One of my favourite things about this was how you spent time on executioner as well. It would have been very easy to just make him into this violent, faceless figure, but the way you wrote it, I could actually sympathise with him, and properly understand him as a character. The bit about him turning from man to boy was particularly poignant.

I feel so sorry for Sir Nicholas! It was clever how you wrote him with no fear of dying in battle, but with this terrible fear of being executed. It really fits with his character. I'd forgotten until I read this that he died at Halloween- I would have loved it if you'd tied that in even more to the story, seeing as it's such an auspicious date for wizards...

This was a really great read, and a completely gripping piece of writing! Well done again for making such a minor character into such a vivid story!

Author's Response: Hi!

I hadn't thought about Nick much either until I realised what a brilliant character he would be to write about, and then this idea just popped into my head. I can't imagine having to face a death like this, and I really wanted to get that sort of fear across.

I'm so pleased that counting the axe strokes worked the way I wanted it to! I realise that it can seem quite horrible but I felt it was important to build up tension.

When I had the original idea for this, the executioner was a faceless figure, but when I began writing it he really came to life and even I was surprised about how sorry I felt for him! I'm happy you liked the idea of him turning back into a boy.

Thanks for a great review!

nott theodore :)

 Report Review

Review #54, by Calypso What If?: The Trigger

11th April 2013:
Hello! I'm here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle :)

What an intriguing beginning! I loved the way you didn't explain everything straight off at the start of the chapter. It kept me guessing as to what decision Rose had taken, and definitely made me want to read on!

Rose is a great narrator. It can't have been easy to combine her chatty, slightly humourous voice with the gravity of her situation, but it worked really well. As a character, I like her already!

Your grammar was pretty good- there were a couple of slips I noticed: where you spelled Lily's name as Lilly, just the once, and put practically where I think you might have meant practical. In the last paragraph there were a few inconsistencies with tense as well, but overall it wasn't a problem.

I was slightly sceptical about the flashbacks, but they actually worked really well! The second one I thought was particularly well written (I love best friends fall in love stories :P) and the conversation between Rose and Scorpius seemed very realistic- just how two people might talk in that situation. I liked how it wasn't all polished and perfect for them, but so romantic nonetheless.

I thought this was a great start to a story! You've done an excellent job of engaging the reader, and if you hadn't mentioned that next gen was out of your comfort zone, I wouldn't have guessed! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the beginning, as I always love using suspense so yay for that! I can't believe how great it is to hear that you think Rose is a great narrartor, I think that's always the think I'm paranoid about the most, so I'm so glad to hear that you liked her!

I know there's some grammar issues with this story, as I was trying to get it finished for a challenge, so thank you for giving me the reminder to go back and edit it, I'll do it just after I finish this response.

I was sceptical about the flashbacks too, as I'm not always a huge fan of them, but the response to them here have been pretty positive so that's great! I'm glad that you didn't think it was perfect, as they're not perfect in my opinion and I wanted to reflect that here.

I'm glad that my lack of experience of next gen didn't show, and thank you for this great review,

-Kiana :D

 Report Review

Review #55, by Calypso Facing the Truth: Beginnings and Endings

6th March 2013:
Hello- I'm here from Review Tag!

Haha I did NOT see that ending coming! It was a really great twist and really made me laugh! So original! I liked the way Kate kept bursting in- she seems like an awesome friend to have, and the parts when she and Venus interacted were very well written- they seemed so realistic.

I loved how you created tension through this piece. I could really feel Venus' anxiety and concern! You also did a great job of defying the drunken-one-night-stand cliche of some teen pregnancy stories by giving her and James a real relationship. I would have loved to know more about the two of them, especially because of her mother's anti-Potter feelings! I did think that James came round to the idea of being a father a bit quickly, but it sort of worked with your plot!

All in all, a great piece of writing! I loved the way you wrote Venus, and the twist at the end was just inspired! I really enjoyed reading it!


Author's Response: Haha, yeah, the ending's too different than expected. ;) Original? *blushes* that's a really big complement! Thank you so much! :D
I thought their are too many stories, making their heroines pregnant after a drunken one night stand and if James and Venus would've had a night stand, James probably wouldn't have taken the responsibility so easily.
What I wrote is right for my story.
Yes, I've edited the chapter and the new version is in the queue. Don't forget to read it again for more descriptions of their relationships!
Oh and I really loved your review. Thanks!

 Report Review

Review #56, by Calypso The Three Generations: Sorting Ceremony: Narcissa Black

14th January 2013:
Hello! I'm here from Review Tag!

I've always found Narcissa a fascinating character and this was a great little look into her mind! It really fitted with the Narcissa we know in canon, but gave an insight into her mind which you don't really get in the books.

I really admire how you brought across her nervousness with her desire to hide it: her childishness is definitely there, but you can also see how she will evolve into the inscrutable Black lady one day. Her nagging worries about the reactions of her family are subtle but pervasive. I thought that she seemed extremely realistic.

Before reading this, I'd never considered that Narcissa has Ravenclaw qualities, but I can really see it now... I liked the Hat's parting words to her about being a Slytherin. It's often a house represented as very two-dimensional so it's good to see it being given more depth!

I also liked the way you characterised Bellatrix and Andromeda, even though they were only directly mentioned at the end. Their reactions to Narcissa's Sorting seemed very telling...

All in all, a really great study of a character and of the Sorting process itself! I really enjoyed reading this!


Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked this, and found my Narcissa in tie with canon, and found her eleven-year-old self realistic.

I always thought of Narcissa having some Ravenclaw qualities (look at her cleverness and pride) so I wanted the Hat to take that into consideration.

Thanks again for your sweet review :)

 Report Review

Review #57, by Calypso Betrayal: The Letter

9th January 2013:
Hey there! I'm here from review tag!

Poor Victoire! Poor Teddy! Poor Dominique!

I really enjoyed reading this, although it ended so sadly for everybody! The way you portrayed Victoire's feelings was especially beautiful; the transitions from happy, to angry, to heartbroken were completely believable and very relatable. I really felt for her all the way through. Even though this is only a couple of thousand words long, I felt that I really got to know the characters. There were several places where you seemed to bring across really complex emotions in just a few simple words, which really impressed me!

I think it's clever that you managed to make me feel sympathetic for both sisters and that aspect made the whole piece of writing far more engaging than it had just been a simple good-guy/bad-guy situation, if you know what I mean. I found Teddy much less likable, in the way he'd sort of manipulated both Victoire and Dominique. That said, I thought the letter he wrote to Dom was beautiful: sweet, and sad and eloquent and just lovely.

So yeah- a really intense piece of writing! Your characterisation was brilliant as were Victoire's final reflections on how she'd been betrayed (although I must admit that the ending did leave me with a lot of curiosity about what happened to them all afterwards...!)


Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Yeah, poor Vic, Teddy, and Dom indeed *sigh*

I am glad you liked reading this and found the feelings well-portrayed. I am glad that you also were able to feel for the characters as that was my aim.

Teddy was definitely less likeable, he was quite selfish indeed, and he hurt both Dom's and Vic's feelings very strongly. I put in quite some effort into writing the letter - struggled to get it right - so I am glad you liked it.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I have not yet thought about what happens afterward, but if I ever write a sequel (by turning this into a trilogy), you're welcome to read it xD

 Report Review

Review #58, by Calypso Shade of Winter: Longing for a Child

10th December 2012:
Hey there- CalypsoJenna from the forums here with your requested review. (I should be revising, leaving me with nothing to do but fill your request :P)

I was blown away by this! Just brilliant!

First of all is your use of language, which fitted the story perfectly. You write with such incredible flow, reading this chapter was absolutely effortless. The way you bring across Narcissa's emotions is honestly flawless- understated, yet powerful. I found myself really feeling for Narcissa (who is not always the most sympathetic of characters.) The vocabularly you use describing her feelings for the child she has not had is so touching.
Little details like her red nose and her fondness for the bay windows made this piece of writing even better. The way you described the scenery throughout this piece added so much- it made your writing even more vivid.

You mentioned that you were concerned about the characterisation of Narcissia, but I really don't think you need to worry. I thought that you caught the icy pride that hides her real, deep emotions wonderfully well in here. Her desperation for a child so exactly explains her possessive protection of Draco, and seems to fit in with her personality. I also thought you nailed her relationship with Lucius- his wordless comfort after she'd been disappointed again, but then the feeling that his was the final word when she raised adoption.

I also really admire the way you've structured this chapter, with the different months. It made Narcissa's plight, that awful sense of waiting all the more painful.

And then the drama of the ending! I'm honestly on tenterhooks over what her desperation has driven her to do, and the consequences that it will have...

The only small thing I would raise is that I'm not sure that Narcissa would think of herself as a "Mom." Maybe substitute with Mum, or Mama, or Mother? Just a thought.

I thought this was a fantastic piece of writing. The flow, the characterisation... just superb. I'll definitely be waiting for the next chapter! :)



 Report Review

Review #59, by Calypso The Boy Through the Window: Prologue

10th December 2012:
Hello! CalypsoJenna from the forums here with your requested review!

Oooh this was spooky! I really loved the way you built up the suspense with each sighting, culminating in the final appearance of him in her kitchen. I think the idea of this story is fascinating, not to mention original, and even though this is only a short chapter, it really piqued my curiosity about the storyline! I'm especially interested in the way Ginny is going to deal with Riddle turning up- you've already mentioned her worries about hallucinating, and I'm curious about how other characters will react to it.

I do like the way you've portrayed Ginny and Harry's relationship- the moment when she "could tell by the look in his eyes that he believed her before she even answered with a nod," was a really nice touch, underlining the trust and solidarity there seems to be in their marriage. I haven't read that many fics from Ginny's POV, so it's nice to hear her voice!

I was also impressed by the little details about their lives you managed to include in so few words- their friendship the Weasley's, their care and attention for their kids... It all seems very in character.

And your last line was just wow! It was a great way to end the chapter- creepy and intriguing but also slightly humourous... Just perfect!

So yeah a very tense and interesting beginning! I'm fascinated as to how you're going to tackle Tom Riddle as a character, and already interested in the characters and their relationships! If you'd like to re-request for further chapters, feel free to do so!


Author's Response: First of all, thank you for the review. I lost internet some time after you reviewed and got it back a few days ago (by then I forgot people had reviewed)

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the sightings. I had wondered how I would introduce Tom for a while so its nice that someone likes it.

Someone else mentioned that they liked the little details of their life. It's funny because I hadn't exactly planned it that way, I just threw her in likely situations. Funny how that worked out. I'll probably throw in little details like that now. Also, if there's one thing I don't like, its a skeptic, which is why I had Harry take her seriously.

I found the last line weak, actually, so thank you for that bit of confidence.

How I'm going to characterize them is what makes me nervous about all my stories. So, so nervous.

Again, thank you for the review :D

 Report Review

Review #60, by Calypso Better Days Than These: I'm perfect and I know it... but I'm not snobbish at all, because that would be wrong and not at all perfect.

8th December 2012:
Hey there- CalypsoJenna from the forums here with your requested review!

Well I do enjoy a good parody from time to time :P You mange to fit a lot of cliches into this chapter, all wonderfully recognisable and amusing. The parody-ness was consistent all the way through, but there still seemed to be a convincing plot to it all!

Peony herself is hilarious, and seems to fit so many Mary-Sue stereotypes. Caviar encrusted bacon was one of the highlights of this chapter for me, as well her array of finches...
The amazing thing is that (while I'm not sure I would love to know her) she remains likable as a character, something very impressive considering the type of story this is!

I think it's interesting that you've decided to set such a fluffy, ironic story in such a dangerous, scary part of Hogwarts history- I'd be curious to be how that will play out.

I really enjoyed her argument with Pansy as well- their animosity felt real, but also laughable, and I did giggle at Pansy's exposť over her underwear!
"The Slytherin rules stated very specifically that everyone in their house must maintain (and exploit, whenever possible) unresolved family issues" was pretty much my favourite quote of the whole chapter!

And poor Squiggles! I'm already loving the idea of Peony trying to take on a murder investigation! I thought this was a great first chapter of a very amusing story!


Author's Response: Hi, and thanks so much for coming by to review!

I'm glad you found the tone to be consistent through the chapter. Whether I can maintain it through the entire story remains to be seen. The one thing I didn't want to do with this story is rehash old plot lines, hence the chosen time period and the smash-up of stereo-types.

Pansy was a great opportunity to showcase Peony's fluffy side. They are fun to write together, just to see the sparks fly. Thanks again for letting me know what you think of my silly story!

 Report Review

Review #61, by Calypso Welcome to the Bored Generation: Mutated Unicorns

3rd December 2012:
Hey there- CalypsoJenna here from your review swap on the forums!

So first off this is a great premise for a story- it's a really fun and original idea that all the problems have been solved by the Hogwarts generation and the next one are desperately trying to liven things up is fantastic! :P

Carmen is a great character! I thought you introduced her really well with the pamphlets and her announcements and everything- it did make me laugh. Her and Rose seemed to make a great pair too, and I love your description of Rose- much more wacky than the usual one, and your reason why they like each other so much fits perfectly.
I would say that I think your description of Rose and Carmen could be a little more subtle here... maybe work it into the narrative somehow?

Your write with real flow. The chapter moves so smoothly from one event to another, never sounding forced. Carmen and Rose seem to talk so naturally- just how real friends tend to talk to one another!

And you gotta love a cliffhanger! I loved the description of the statue's nose coming off, it injected just the right amount of humour into a serious situation. Very intrigued as to what the noise was- I hope it makes Carmen's life a bit more exciting for her!

So yeah, great chapter! I really love the idea, the characters, and the humour of this fic! It's so original, and lots of fun! :)


Author's Response: Hey there!

Glad you like the premise, it's what inspired me to come up with the rest of the story. I don't know about others, but I would hate to have perfect hero Harry Potter or Hermione Granger as a parent, it would drive me *nuts*!

You make a good point about the description. It is not embedded at all and I've been wondering what to do with it for ages now.Problem is, I like it. Other problem is, I don't like info-dumps so I shouldn't be writing them myself. I usually try to incorporate a reviewer's suggested changes asap, but with this one I'm still waiting for a my mind to click and produce a brilliant idea. Glad you pointed it out though!

Thank you for complimenting Carmen, she is my baby! Her life will most certainly take a turn for the much-awaited weirder, but all in good time!

Thank you for a kind review, cheers!

 Report Review

Review #62, by Calypso On The Radio: 3

29th November 2012:
Hello there- this chapter looked lonely so I thought I'd come and give it some love!

Haha Grace does make me laugh- I really like that she's not that great at Apparition... it makes her seem so realistic and relatable. You have a great skill for combining humour with really good storytelling, which I think is why I'm enjoying reading this so much!

And wow her family are rich! I really enjoyed reading her interractions with her parents- her Dad seems sweet, although I'm not so sure about her mother!
It also amused me reading about wizards trying to deal with the concept of the National Trust- that was a cute touch.
The other thing- more serious- thing I enjoyed as regards Grace's family was the whole Pureblood-post-war dimension. It's really interesting to hear how the family has adjusted, especially her mother's distancing of herself from her Death Eater father.

The other thing I wanted to say is that the names you've been using are fantastic!

Oh dear- I have a feeling that Grace's little lie about Francis is going to have less than perfect results! With that and the family weekend away, I'm sure the next chapters are going to be hilarious!


Author's Response: It did feel a bit lonely- since NaNo just finished, I was actually going to pop over and ask you for another review! Well, fate made me not have to fill out a form ;) No, this was a really fab surprise! Thank you so much!

You are so nice to me! I can't resist a good bit of humour- I always have these really serious plunnies, and I can never pull them off because my characters are always a bit mad and silly. (Like me, really. I am no dark heroine.)

They are rather rich! I spent a long time thinking about how much money I would give them, and I decided this: For how I imagine the castle, this would be a likely sum. Not only that, but considering the fact that they have another very large, old estate to keep up, and the fact that neither of her parents earn anything, it should be just enough to keep them above average. It's very difficult, working on that kind of thing. My least favourite thing, actually, grrr.

The National Trust thing should be fun, as I'm going to make them 'muggleise' the castle- I'm quite looking forward to writing that, actually.

hehehe I'm actually really obsessed with character names, and I spent hours planning out her family tree. I have a hilarious joke hiding in there, though it doesn't appear in this chapter. Lets hope I can slip it in. Mwahahahaha

Her lie is going to have some repercussions! I think the next chapters are gonna be pretty fun, as I can do lots of plotting, as well as sillying! I'm looking forward to them, and the next chapter should be soon, since NaNo's finished.

Thank you so much again for the surprise review!

 Report Review

Review #63, by Calypso Harry Potter and the Shift of Time: The Calm After the Storm

29th November 2012:
Hey there! CalypsoJenna from the forums here with your requested review!

May I just say how much I love your description? You set the scene beautifully at the beginning- I could just picture Harry sit all alone outside with the light from the Burrow "pooling softly in the garden." I think that you really captured that end-of-war feeling. Your words: "Funerals, press conferences, memorials and awards ceremonies" seemed to sum it up perfectly.

I very much enjoyed Ron and Hermione's conversation- it felt very sincere and sweet. It was a really original idea to tell it from Harry's perspective, and interesting that you're showing slight tension within the Trio. Not only does that seem realistic, but also great potential for storylines!

Your characterisation of Harry was spot on. He's such a formidable character to write, as we see so much of him in canon, but I thought you did a great job- he seemed to act very realistically.

You mentioned that you were worried about this being cliche, but in the main I think you managed to steer clear. I thought that Hermione and Ron behaved a little predictably from time to time, but mainly they just seemed sweet and heartfelt.
The only thing I did notice was that there were a few typos- you might want to have a read through and fix those.

All in all I thought this was a great opening chapter! I'm really interested to see where this story will go!


Author's Response: Hi! I had tried to respond to this awhile back, not sure where it went!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm especially pleased that you found my Harry characterization authentic, one of my biggest fears in writing a fic from his POV.

And I appreciate the note on the typos... I'm working in a program without a spellcheck function, so the 2nd set of eyes is greatly needed.

Again, thanks so much for your time!

 Report Review

Review #64, by Calypso Memory Dust: Risky Business

29th November 2012:
Hello! I'm back (finally) with your requested review!

I really love the way you're portraying Ron and Hermione's quiet but pervasive dissatisfaction with their lives. I was quite curious about how you'd go about explaining their former years, but in both these chapters you've done a really good job of it. They're both different but definitely not unrecognisably so- you've managed wonderfully well to bring through their personality traits, whilst still highlighting what they're missing.

I must admit I was close to screaming at the hospital scene when they were so close, and yet couldn't remember each other! The bit where he said her name... ! It's great to see them connecting already, if rather ironic that they were finding common ground in their memory loss: the thing that drove them apart in the first place.

Another this you do a brilliant job with is the flow- the events moved from one to the next pretty much seamlessly and I you wrote their emotions so well that I could really identify with the characters!

And oh I'm so curious to find out what has happened to their memories! So many questions- I will have to read on and find out!

It was a pleasure to review this! Anytime you feel like re-requesting, please do so!


PS. I loved the chapter image!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for this lovely review. I really tried to portray that even though they don't remember anything, they're still sort of the same people underneath. I loved writing Ron saying again. HBP moment inspired me, I have to admit, and I wanted to add it as a parallel to really ignite some sense of recognition within them both.

I'd love to re-request, thank you. :) I'm very happy you enjoyed it so far.

 Report Review

Review #65, by Calypso Other Side of Glass: dust

26th November 2012:
Hey there- CalypsoJenna from the forums finally here! Thank you for your review on my story- I'm sorry it's taken a while for me to get to yours!

So I really enjoyed reading this- it's such an overwhelming moment for George and you brought across his emotions wonderfully- his reactions seemed so realistic.

I especially how you described Fred's death so physically. There was something rather grotesque about it, and yet something gripping too- as if George was having to break the moment down into the literal sequence of events in order to understand that it had happened.

I also thought his train of thought when he was trying to pretend to be Fred fitted in really well with the way you've characterised him in this. It's strange, because we always see the twins as happy, lighter characters in the books, but here you're really showing George in a darker light which is interesting.
I liked the way you used the fact that they were identical all through this chapter.

And argh the way you can use language! I think that was my favourite part of reading this. You used such beautiful turns of phrase, it was so easy to identify with George's grief. The level of description was perfect- enough for the reader to be able to picture the situation, but not too overdone. Every detail seemed so well thought out, and exactly the kind of thing George would be noticing under the circumstances.

So well done! A really touching piece of writing. Your portrayal of George's emotions is exquisite, and I'd be really interested to see what kind of journey you're going to take him on!


Author's Response: Hello, Bethany! Thank you so much for your lovely review :D I'm glad you liked it, and your comments were wonderful! I want to explore the identical-ness of the twins in this fic, so there's probably going to be a lot more references to this in future chapters...probably until readers are sick of hearing how identical the twins are :D

I'm glad you think George's character and observations are realistic; I've been having quite a trying time writing him in-character, because yes, you're right, the Weasley twins are always light-hearted and joking in the books and they are hardly ever shown as sad, or in a darker frame of mind. Maybe some anger here and there, but generally they feel quite inaccessible. So that's what I'm trying to explore here and I hope I will be successful :)

Thank you so much once again for your review! I really do appreciate it and hope you keep reading :D


 Report Review

Review #66, by Calypso His Pack of Four: Chapter 4

15th November 2012:
Well hello there! Thank you for your review on my story!

Ahh! Emotional overload!
I really loved this chapter. I thought you portrayed the feelings of Wolf and Remus perfectly- they both seemed completely in character throughout. I feel like I say this in every review I leave on this story but you write Wolf so brilliantly. The way he missed his pack was beautifully sad, but his thoughts seemed entirely appropriate for an animal too.

I find the way you've developed Wolf's character completely fascinating- it seems that he's really evolved since the beginning of the story. The fact that he managed to refrain from attacking the drunk Muggle seemed like a huge step from when he nearly bit the brothers in the forest. Plus the way his attitude to his pack has changed from when they first appeared in his life. . .
It also seems that the relationship between Remus and Wolf has evolved too- (I love the the way Wolf refers to Remus as "the other one!" It made me giggle.) They seem to be a lot more aware of each other, and Remus appears to have a lot more control over Wolf... I'd be interested to know if Wolf is also exercising more control over Remus. . .?
The part where Remus regains consciousness in the Potters' house was so beautifully done. I loved Remus' reflections on James and Lily and Sirius- the whole circle of blame between Remus and Sirius is so heartbreaking... I just kept thinking if only, if only, if only!
And he started the sign! That was such a perfect touch, a really original idea. It's lovely to think that Harry did see the message, even if he doesn't realise who wrote it.

So well done! Absolutely stunning description and portrayal of emotions throughout- glad there's going to be a fifth chapter!


Author's Response: Hey! Ugh, I finally get around the replying to your review.

I'm glad that you liked the emotional overload. To be honest, I found this chapter extremely hard to write just because of the emotional part. I had to listen to several Enya songs over and over to get the feel of this chapter. But hey, apparently it worked! XD Wolf was hard, though, because of the lack of human speech but I'm glad you and other people have liked it.

Wolf has definitely developed as a character. He would definitely have attacked the drunk muggle if he hadn't been "helped" by the other Marauders. He definitely learned to control the urge to attack all the time. However, I do see Wolf attacking when it comes necessary, like in a desperate situation.

While Wolf and Remus really don't like each other, I think they've come to terms that they're like flatmates. They HAVE to share the space, they HAVE to deal with each other, no matter what. They tolerate one another. 'the Other One' also makes me giggle because he refuses to call Remus by name while Remus continues to call him 'animal', 'the werewolf' instead of 'Wolf. Like I said...they tolerate one another.

The whole circle of blame between Remus and Sirius is definitely sad. Even in canon, if only they two guys had been angry enough to blame each other, I think they would've come to the conclusion that it wasn't either one of them who had betrayed them.

Remus starting the sign was my favorite part of the chapter. It just seemed, to me, that that was something he would definitely do.

Glad you enjoyed the chapter! the next chapter is coming soon! :D Just need to tweak a little details and I'll post it.

Until next time!


 Report Review

Review #67, by Calypso Keep Calm and Carry On: The Job Thousands would Kill For

14th November 2012:
Hello! I'm back with your requested review :)

Haha woo for feminism! Love your idea about the female goblins' protest- it's so original. I'd never thought before about how all the goblins in Gringotts seem to be male but you're absolutely right!

That done with, I think that this was another great chapter! Poor Edie- it sounds like a hideous internship. Still, you managed to work a lot of humour into the narrative- I'm really enjoying Edie's cheerful, slightly sarcastic voice. Your writing has a really lovely flow to it- it makes it very easy to read!

Your character descriptions are all fantastic, and very skillful. I can just imagine Rose, and Mr Ward, and Mildred, and Theo (turned feminist swim-suit model photographer? I'm just gonna go with it!) The way they all act seems very realistic.

Edie herself is extremely relatable, if not always completely likable. You do a really good job of bringing across her flaws as well as her weaknesses without making her seem like a monster! Her jobs in the Witch Weekly Offices do make me laugh- I particularly enjoyed Mr Ward's sandwich orders! ;) -And then of course your fantastic anti-climax over the Gringotts thing. You brought across Edie's horror beautifully there, and I was torn between sympathy and laughter!

So yeah, another wonderful chapter- I really enjoy your writing style, and your character portraits. Do we get to meet Oliver in the next chapter?!


Just thought I'd say I'm so happy that my suggestion about George and Lee Jordan in my last review was helpful to you! :)

Author's Response: Hello, hello, hello!

Yeah, the whole goblin thing has always been interesting to me. I've generally disliked the goblins I've read about in the books, and this is just another reason to feel that way, as far as I'm concerned ;)

I like that you don't always like Edie--to me, that means she's more realistic! She's definitely got her flaws, that one. I'm also glad to hear about your sympathy/laughter conflict. I'm trying really hard to make Edie the underdog without making it seems too melodramatic or as though I want the reader to feel deep, poignant sympathy for her. What happened with Ward is something you kind of have to laugh at. :)

And yes, that was a really valuable suggestion about Lee Jordan/George Weasley. I just kind of liked the idea of having them around but really it didn't do much for the plot, so you were completely right to suggest removing it. I thank you again!

 Report Review

Review #68, by Calypso Solstice: I

9th November 2012:
Hello! This is CalypsoJenna from the forums, here with your requested review.

Wow what a great, in-depth piece! I loved the way you portrayed Snape- quite different from in the books, but very in character nonetheless. It was interesting to look at a different time in his life to parts JKR writes- we know he has a difficult childhood, but it was lovely to see that explored more deeply.

Your first line was brilliant. It really grabbed me, and the sentiment seemed to reflect a lot of Snape's personality. Your description of Spinner's End was really atmospheric- I could just imagine what it must have been like, with Snape hiding in the run-down house.

I also thought that you portrayed Snape's journey of understanding with his father very well- from the initial naivety when he wanted to tell his father about his new broomstick to the eventual realisation of his mother's fears.

The flow was generally good, especially at the beginning and the end. I do feel that perhaps this story could benefit from being a little more gradual though, with a little more imagery and deeper description, maybe?

That said, I loved the ending. It was very understated, but effective nonetheless. You made a very damaged, vulnerable man out of a much maligned character and beautifully portrayed an fascinating part of his life!


Author's Response: Hi!

I'm so sorry I took so long to respond. I've been rather busy with school lately.

Snape is a very complex character with an unfortunate life. In spite of this, he was very proud of his magical roots - use of his mother's name when signing school books, for example in HBP. I wanted to delve a bit deeper into his childhood. Most people tend to forget that he had a rough time and his parents were poor. I also wanted to make his youth one that was without Lily Evans. I've seen writers want to include her in Snape's childhood. Yes, she was an important part of it, but there's more to him that just her. I daresay his experiences as a child shaped him into the person he was when JKR introduced him.

His relationship with his father might have been the most important part of this story when it came to shaping him as an individual. From that little snippet in OoTP, Tobias Snape was not as loving as one might expect. As a child, especially a boy, he tried his best to gain his papa's approval - just like Draco and Lucius. But like you said, Severus grew to understand the man very well.

I tried to make this sort of subtle, but I suppose it may come off as vague. I do see what you mean about more description though, I wondered about it myself.

I wanted to include the word 'solstice' somehow, and that's what came of it. It actually was the first line that came to my head when I drafted the story, so I decided to leave it for the end. It is small, but still packs a whole lot to it.

Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it.


 Report Review

Review #69, by Calypso Memory Dust: Living in a Lie

8th November 2012:
Hello! This is CalypsoJenna from the forums, here with your requested review!

I may be biased because I love Ron/Hermione so much, but I thought this was an amazing first chapter! You set up your scenario well, introduce the characters and really manage to grip the reader in just a few thousand words! It's a fascinating set-up that you've got here- a really original idea. :)

I thought that this chapter was very well structured: I liked the way we began with Harry and Ginny, and the way you managed to subtly convey the situation using that scene. I found Harry and Ginny's reactions really interesting- the way Harry had given up hope, but Ginny was still looking... It was such a sad image of her cutting out the newspaper articles and keeping them all in the scrapbook.
And then the way you continued with seperate views of Ron and Hermione's new lives- I think it's interesting that you've set sort of competitive love interests for each of them- I'm curious to see how that will play out! I really enjoyed all the characters' interactions in this- especially Ron and Chelsea's, I thought that they acted very naturally together.

The way you brought about Ron's accident as well was very well done- it felt dramatic but sudden at the same time. I really felt the shock of it.
I'm looking forward to finding out more about what's caused them to lose their memories, and about how they've explained that absence in their new lives- you did a good job of this with Ron and Chelsea.

I was also impressed by some of your turns of phrase. I particularly liked "a small butterfly kiss", the part where you described Ron's mood as still being a cloudy autumn day and the final words of the chapter. However, if I were to mention something which you could improve on, I would say that the flow of language isn't always as smooth as it could be...

All in all I thought this was a brilliant first chapter! If you'd like to re-request for further reviews, please feel free to do so! :)


Author's Response: I think that even though Ron doesn't realize it, Chelsea reminds him of Hermione a little and that's why he likes her. I'm glad you liked the differing reactions of Harry and Ginny. Some people were upset that Harry would probably never give up hope, but he was really tired and didn't want to believe in something false. And I think the basis of Ginny's belief is that Ron is her brother and they have a certain link together, being the two youngest children etc. :)

Haha, I was really unsure of the accident because my action/surprise writing can be pretty awkward. Thanks so much for all your kind words. This chapter was written ages ago and it's really nice to hear new thoughts on it. I'd love to re-request when there's a free spot. Thanks again, Bethany, you're awesome! :)

And yeah, aren't R/Hr just the greatest?

 Report Review

Review #70, by Calypso The Fairest: go out there and get it

3rd November 2012:
Hello! CalypsoJenna here at last with your requested review!

What a haunting piece of writing! I really love all your parallels with Snow White: the colours, the mirror, the obsession with physical beauty... Your imagery is brilliant and very consistent- I really enjoy the way the same ideas come up throughout the story. I think you've maintained that very well.

Eileen is a very dark character... I loved the way you brought across her clear, logical mind. So often, love is portrayed as something illogical and beyond the realms of science, so the way Eileen viewed it so mathematically and ruthlessly was very chilling, not to mention original. I couldn't help but notice the paralells with Merope Gaunt which very subtle, but a clever touch. I can also completely see Eileen as Snape's mother from this- they seem to have a lot in common...

I also admire the structuring of this story. I think the way it begins with her death overshadows the whole narrative of her life, and I really like the cyclical way that the beginning of the story and the end seem to tell of the same event.

You mentioned in your request that you were a little concerned that this story was too confusing or forced, but I really wouldn't worry on that count! I think the stream-of-consciousness style is utilised wonderfully here- it really seems to fit with the character you've created for Eileen, and the metaphors and imagery make it more engaging to read, not more confusing.

So well done- this was a great read! Your characterisation and your imagery and style of writing were all wonderfully done, and came together for a very chilling piece of writing! I'm only sorry it took me so long to get round to leaving this review!


Author's Response: Hello, and thank you for coming by :)

I'm happy that you like the repetition and parallels with Snow White. I had been toying with an idea like this for a while, and I just sort of fell into this ship as a way to make it happen.

I think a lot of my characterization of Eileen comes from how I conceptualize her son, so I love that it came through that way for you. The parallels with Merope Gaunt were intentional, inasmuch as I felt like Eileen would be the first to suggest using a potion to get something that one wants. I picture Snape as returning to the logic of a potions recipe as a calming mechanism, and I figured he might have gotten that from his mother in some way. It separates both of them from Tobias.

I'm glad you like the way I began this! Starting with the death was actually one of the last things I decided; I wrote it and it just seemed to make sense and cement the mood. I'm also happy to hear that you liked the SOC style and felt like things flowed smoothly.

Thank you very much for this kind review!


 Report Review

Review #71, by Calypso On The Radio: 2

28th October 2012:
Hey there! I'm back with your requested review! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get round to you- RL has been obsecenely busy of late.

I really enjoy reading Grace. She has a very strong personality which comes through in her voice. I like the way she chats with Rose- they way they talk sounds very realistic- exactly the way best friends do talk. The argument with Lipton was made me giggle, although I'm not quite sure why she destroyed the wall...?

I think that your writing flows beautifully- as I've said, the character interactions are spot on and you slip between scenes very smoothly too. I find your writing style very easy to read.

Your plot seems to be developing in a good way too. I'm guessing that the issue with the Cursebreakers is going to be important...? I think Grace's perspective on the Weasley/Potter clan is an interesting one, because she's sort of neutral about them. It was interesting to find out about her Pureblood background.

I did think that the flow into this chapter was a little odd, as at the end of the first chapter, Grace was just about to go out, and then at the beginning of the next one she was complaining about their neighbour, so I was a little confused about that...

But otherwise, another great chapter! I think your plot's shaping up well, and that your writing style is wonderful. I'm still really enjoying the radio aspect to this story, and the way the characters talk to each other. Just make sure you keep things planned out, and I'm sure it will continue to be wonderful :)


PS. I meant to say in my last review that I love your summary!

Author's Response: Oh, it's absolutely fine- your reviews are always worth the wait.

Thank you! I think it can sometimes be hard for characters personalities to shine through when writing in the first person, because they are talking about their own view of their world, and therefore themselves.

She was trying to sort of vanish it, so she could hop in their and take his guitar off him, or whatever, but obviously it didn't go too well. I'll work on making that clearer :)

Thank you, when I was starting out it was my worst thing, so It's nice to see that I'm getting a little better.

You're right, the cursebreaker issue is important, and will be a rather large portion of the jigsaw. I think we'll find out more about her background (we find out a little in the next chapter), particularly because I have so many notes on it that I'd hate myself forever if I left it out.

Hmm, was it? It was meant to be maybe the next day or a few days later. I'm not sure how I could make that better/clearer, because I don't need to write what goes between the two... hmm... I don't know.

Thank you so, so much. Things are very planned out. Very planned out. I'm certainly a planner, which is probably a good thing. Thank you so much for your review, and as soon as I have a few more chapters up I'll hop over and re-request, if that's okay.

Ooh, thank you, I had a lot of trouble with it. Brill ♥

 Report Review

Review #72, by Calypso Figurehead: Nine

17th October 2012:
Ooh the plot thickens :P

You get Umbridge so absolutely in character. I can just imagine her sitting in her office, all pink and kitten-ed, trying to get Amelia and Oliver to inform on the DA. This story has really made me think about how divisive this year is for the Wizarding World, and the confusion Voldemort succeeds in creating. The way the Amelia/Oliver dynamic (and perhaps the Oliver/Katie one) is thrown into question because of it, is really interesting.

Amelia and Oliver's conversations are as wonderful as usual. The whole part about conjuring the blankets made me laugh! Amelia's voice is just so deliciously readable. There's something about her sarcasm and egotism coupled with her determination and principles that make her a very engaging character...

Yet another marvellous chapter. I meant to say in my last review but forgot to how much I'm enjoying some longer chapters! Excited for the next one!


Author's Response: I'm glad I get Umbridge in character, but that's also mildly horrifying in itself :P I've always seen the year of OotP as a very decisive, very tense one and I'm glad that's coming through in the story, it's one of the main reasons I chose to write about it.

Eep, thank you! I love all my characters, but I think Amelia is one of my better ones and I'm so glad you're finding her engaging - I love writing her so I can only hope others love reading her.

I am writing longer chapters these days, it's quite amazing. I used to have a terrible habit of cutting off chapters soon after I hit 1000 words so getting 3000+ words in a chapter is an achievement indeed :P

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and I hope to see you back for Chapter 10, which shouldn't be too far away!

 Report Review

Review #73, by Calypso The Prim and Not So Proper: Introductions

17th October 2012:
Hey there! This is CalypsoJenna from the forums, here with your requested review. I'm sorry it's taken me a while to get round to it!

Great beginning! You introduced your characters and set out their differences really well. The passage where each of them woke up particularly emphasised this- it told the reader a lot about both girls. I think at the moment, I prefer Max of the two of them- she makes me laugh!

In fact, all the way through, you did a really good job of highlighting the disparity between these girls' lives- Max with her slightly chaotic family, and Elizabeth with her rather more serene one.

I really enjoyed the family relationships in this chapter- you've put them together really well. I think Max being close to her grandfather is a really great idea- it will add so much depth to the story to have his voice in there. Elizabeth's relationship with Liam also seems really sweet! It's an interesting idea for this "studious and perfect" character to be dealing with a terminally ill brother. I would advise you though, not to make Liam tooo perfect- as a nine-year-old boy, I'm sure he'd have some moments too! Although in this chapter you've steered clear of that. Also like the way you've developed his illness- it seems realistic.

So well done on this chapter! You've set up two very conflicting characters- I'm very intrigued as to how they're going to meet. I think it's a very original idea to base a story around (what I assume will be) a friendship, rather than a romance. A wonderful start!


Author's Response: Thanks for your review!!

I love that Max makes you laugh. She's probably my favourite character at this point. Though I've really enjoyed exploring Elizabeth's character.

Hmm thanks for the point about Liam. He doesn't have a huge part in this but I guess a nine year old would have to be selfish at some point. I will keep that in mind for future chapters. I'm glad the illness seems realistic though.

I feel there are far too many romantic fictions on this site so I really wanted to use this piece to explore relationships outside of this field, and how two very different girls would interact in the Hogwarts social scene :)

 Report Review

Review #74, by Calypso Figurehead: Eight

14th October 2012:
Hello again!

It's so great to find out some more about Penny! Their question game was great because it was a quick way of telling the reader a lot about her- and about Amelia. I'm really enjoying the scenes between the two of them- you write your character interactions very well!

Also loving the fun with the "Bet she breaks all the boys' hearts" type comments- I think my favourite quote of the chapter would have to be: "I didn't think coming out by owl was the best way of going about things." I am interested to see how her parents we react if/when she comes out to them though.

And wow- she really dislikes her father! That scene was very intense- both Amelia and her mother's emotions were beautifully written. Can't wait to see how it will pan out with her spending Christmas there...

And thanks for the A/N. I knew I recognised "Love and Monsters" from somewhere!

Yet another wonderful chapter! **goes off the review the next one!**

Author's Response: I really enjoyed writing the question game - it gave me an opportunity to include a lot of detail about Amelia that I haven't put in yet, as well as get to know both characters better myself - they tend to surprise me at every turn :P I'm glad you're enjoying the character interactions - they're an important part of any story and always my favourite parts to write.

I think it's important for both of them to be joking about it - I imagine Hogwarts, and the wizarding community as a whole, to be far more traditional than the Muggle one, and it was over fifteen years ago as well, so overall homosexuality is far less accepted. You'll see family reactions within a couple of chapters - Christmas is indeed an interesting time. Not only because of that but, as you pointed out, she really doesn't like her father. At all.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it means a lot that you keep coming back and leaving such lovely reviews :) See you in chapter 9!

 Report Review

Review #75, by Calypso His Pack of Four: Chapter 3

14th October 2012:
Hey there! I'm happy to be back again!

I loved this chapter! Reading it made me realise how briefly this event is actually mentioned in the books- I'd never thought so much before about the danger for Remus, and the way everybody would react afterwards.
As it was, the way you wrote the scene where Remus nearly attacks Snape was incredible- really dramatic and the danger which he poses to others really hit me in this chapter.

His description of Snape threatening his pack member and his territory was very Wolf-ish and James and Snape's argument was great- I felt you really captured the animosity between them. (They also reminded me a little of Harry and Malfoy.)

Sirius' reckless side came through very strongly- as I've already said, the actual danger to Snape really hits home in this chapter, as well as the danger which Lupin would have been in had he attacked him. In the aftermath, all four boys' reactions seem completely realistic. I thought that part was very well done as there are lots of dynamics going on there! You said in your last response, that you find Peter hard to sympathise with, but it really doesn't come across in your writing and I've been impressed by how well you characterise him!

And he told Lily! I did love the scene between them. Lily was wonderful- kind, and clever, a little bit fierce and yeah- wonderful. I liked hearing a little bit about Remus' past as well- how he was bitten, and his feelings about the Shrieking/Raggedy Shack.

I did notice a few Americanisms in this- like being "mad at" each other, and I think I saw a "gotten" somewhere. Don't know if that bothers you but I thought I'd mention it. The only other thing I could criticise is the beginning of Remus and Lily's conversation- it wasn't quite as flowing at the rest of the piece and felt a little bit unnatural.

But nevertheless another brilliant chapter! This is such an original story and I never fail to be impressed with the way you write Wolf. I'm happy to see a new chapter posted too! :)


Author's Response: Yay! You're back! :D Bah! So sorry for the super late review response! :( But I'm here!!

You're right, the whole prank incident was only mentioned briefly on the 3rd book and the 5th book where Remus explains a bit more what happened. I wanted to expand a little bit on it so I'm glad that you liked it and made you realize how really dangerous Remus the Werewolf is.

The whole James/Snape scene was fun to write. I just figured that this is when Snape sort of cracks and says "enough!!" and totally lashes out at James with anything and everything. The anger that Snape feels and resentment is something I want to explore a bit more...specially now that I have a plot bunny jumping around in my head...

Territory is something I like to point out when it comes to Wolf. He's an animal that, when feeling threatened, he'll lash out. And smelling something 'evil' coming towards him really made Wolf nervous and wanted nothing more than to protect what belongs to him. Things would've been very, VERY bad for Remus if he had gotten out and bitten Snape. He could've bitten James as well. Gone to the school and attack. Gotten killed by a teacher. His own guilt would've driven him insane I think. So many thing that would've happened thanks to Sirius' reckless behavior.

Yep! Lily got the truth out of him! It would've been bad if Remus had lied to her and she had found out later on so he had to tell her then.

Yeah, thank you for pointing them out! I just went ahead and edited the chapter to correct them. I'll go ahead and see if I can work on the first part of Remus and Lily's conversation. The beginning was indeed tough to get into so maybe that's why it doesn't flow very well.

Thank you for dropping by to review! So happy that you think that this story is original. Wolf has definitely becoming my personal OC in a way so I want to tell his story as well!

Until next time!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>