Reading Reviews From Member: Calypso
  
118 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Calypso Dear Al: Hogsmeade

30th August 2013:
Aaaand I'm here from the Gatsby Quote Challenge for the third chapter!

Ooh I like how you're already beginning to show the cracks in their relationship... how everything's maybe not-so-perfect... The part where Lily was wishing to be in Ravenclaw rather than Slytherin was particularly telling, I thought, and a good addition to the general Lily/Snape storyline.

You did a great job of bringing across Snape's jealousy of James... I liked all the water imagery you used in those opening paragraphs concerning him: "a sense of security washed over him", "a surge of pleasure every time she insulted him."
His emotions- that kind of competitive envy- were so real that I empathised with him a lot. You were great at conjuring up those complex, quite dark thoughts.

Ahhh why couldn't he have just asked her to Hogsmeade?!?! He so nearly managed it! You're really managing to highlight with this how close Sev and Lily were, and how things might easily have been different... all through this chapter I was willing Snape to make different decisions. I can totally see why he resents James!

I found Snape's conversations with Avery quite revealing, about Snape's internal conflict between Lily and his friends... You do a great a job of hinting at the build-up to war going on in these times. I reminds the reader of all the difficult matters that these teenagers are going through!
Something that I wasn't sure quite worked was the Dark Magic shop- would people really allow one to be set up, in Hogsmeade? But I suppose it does work with your plot...

Wanting to impress Lily seems like a logical motivation for Snape getting into the Dark Arts- especially as it also highlights that really he doesn't understand her at all. All the same, I can't think that that's going to end well, but I look forward to seeing what's going to happen with all this next!

Another very enjoyable chapter!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Aaaand, yay for coming back :)

I was hoping that that part would be in character. It seemed so to me, while writing it. but I obviously wanted others' view. It is quite revealing. I'm glad you liked it and saw the development :)

Haha :) I LOVE water imagery too. It's so... I don't quite know how to out it, but let's just say that when these things happen to you in RL, you can actually feel it. Physically happening to you. I guess. Thank you :)
Wow. Really? I love dark! Wasn't sure how I'd fare at it. THANK YOU so much :)

You're right. He was JUST there. The thing is, one small difference in their storylines could have changed SO much between them. things could have been so different. I'm sorry I didn't make him ask her... yet (?). read on, I'll give in more about them :)
I can see why too! James is so open and confident, and Snape is constantly second guessing himself.

There's no two ways about it, there was a war going on then. And as much as this is a Snape/Lily/James story. I do plan on keeping the backdrop Canon oriented too. I'm glad you liked that part. i found that it was a good way of getting to know the other sides to Snape's story, rather than showing every memory as conversation with just him and Lily.

I think that during the times when voldemort really was at his peak, when he was feared by every body, everything he wanted was put in place. I think I'll change the location of the shop though, because you do have a point. Another thing, is that at that time dark arts was respected, feared and revered by many.

I don't think he truly understood some aspects of her personality, but there were other things he really understood well. The thing is, maybe it was some sort of a bad boy image, or an idea to look cool. But mostly, it was his environment and the false sense of glory hiding behind the promise of being Voldemort's supporter.
Thank you so much, Bethany :) I will update as soon as I can.




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Review #2, by Calypso Dear Al: Park Swings and Chaste Kisses

30th August 2013:
Hello! I'm back, reviewing for the Gatsby Quote Challenge.

Ohh it's so sad to see Snape and Lily all young and innocent! I thought that you showed the roots of their relationship really well here- including Snape's slightly malicious streak... It seems really true to what we see of them in the books.
There's this lovely atmospheric, nostalgic feel to this chapter- it almost feels like Snape is already looking back on their time together, if that makes sense! Their conversations and the images you use around them have a sort of timeless feel that I like.

Something that did strike me while reading this, is that for a diary-type piece of writing, we get very little of Snape's internal monologue. Seeing as Harry is reading with the intention of finding out more about Snape, I would have loved to have had more about how Snape felt about these events, and the bits that we did see I really enjoyed! It's always great to see things from a different character's point of view...!

There were also a couple of places where I felt that your vocabulary choice could have been better- some of your sentences didn't quite sound right: "hence they did not want it to be taken down" and "he would not refute it" were two that I noticed in particular.

You're setting up a lot of good stuff here! I liked the little moment on the platform with James. It seemed very in character for Lily to be so friendly and open and conscientious, so well done for that!

And ohmygoodness that kiss was the sweetest thing! I think you wrote it just right- it was very understated and honest, and it didn't seem to unrealistic. You managed to stay true to the fact that these kids are only twelve, and that Lily is going to be shy about doing something like that, even with someone she's known for years...

Great chapter! It was really interesting to see some of Lily and Snape's early relationship, and I look forward to seeing how these things that you've set up here will play out later!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Good to see you back, Bethany! :)

I'm glad you liked how I've written the younger versions of Snape and Lily. I kept trying to make sure that they were in character, because I am this canon loving freak :P Timeless? Wow. That is the one of the best things you could have said about that. It made me feel SO good :)

I did write this with the intention to shed more light on their time together. On their experiences. From Snape's angle, but not in first person. I get your point though, and I have been toying with the idea of writing a companion piece to this, with the diary entrees. I'll let you know about any developments on that front!
I'm glad you enjoyed what's there though :)

I'll look into that, and see if I can write it any differently to enhance the flow. But i;m not entirely sure, sorry :(

Haha :) Yes. I don't think she's have hated him from the moment she set eyes on him. It would have to build up gradually.

Haha :P I understand the whole gushi-ness :P I think the only reason she would have done something like that is because she'd known him forever and she's comfortable around him. And of course, she really likes him at this point. Other wise, like any other 1 year old, she probably would never have considered it! I'm happy that it's come off well :)

Thank you so much :) I loved your review and I will look forward to reading the third one. I shall be updating soon! Promise!


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Review #3, by Calypso Dear Al: Prologue

18th August 2013:
Hello there! I'm finally here with your review from the Gatsby Quote challenge!

Ooh a Snape story! I know he gets a lot of criticism, but I think he's such a fascinating character so I look forward to seeing that explored over the course of a longer piece of writing. I can imagine that Harry might have quite conflicted feelings about him following that scene in DH and so it seems totally natural that he'd want to find out more about him...

Kudos to you for narrating from the POV of such an established character! I always find it such a challenge and you did it marvellously here. Your Harry did feel like the Harry we see in the books, with the kinds of thoughts he was having and everything...

The first scene was very atmospheric, and I loved the description of the Firewhiskey "both intriguing and repulsing him"... The bit about Albus and Rose made me smile- Rose sounds just like mini-Hermione! I liked how Albus' fears about ending up in Slytherin came directly before the story of the man who taught Harry that Slytherin isn't all bad; that was clever.

I absolutely loved your description of Harry's trek through Spinner's End! You captured it just perfectly and I could really picture it in my head, which I always like when I'm reading!
I did think that you could have spun that part out even more to build up the tension- instead of saying that Harry performed the security spells, you could show him doing them and how he feels as he does it... I don't know, it's just a thought.

Oh that photo was so sad! It was horrible to think of all the things that would happen to Snape and Lily one day when I read the description of the photo. I really liked the way you talked about Severus' smile- it seemed representative of a side of Snape that Harry never saw...
The message that Lily sent was really cute! I loved the voice you had for her- she sounds just like that in my head! haha Plus it was a rather poignant message for her to have written him...

One of the things you manage to highlight in this is just how little Harry knows about his own parents, especially his mother cos he doesn't have Sirius or someone to tell him about her... I can see exactly why he wanted to investigate the diary, but also why he had been holding off...

Ooh and I do like a good cliffhanger! Great first chapter- I look forward to reading on and finding out more...!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Bethany :) Hello. I'm so sorry that I'm so late, I would have responded earlier, but I've been quite busy.

I love Snape. I really honestly do. he's such a complex character. He's so flawed, but driven. And I love what the power of true love can make you strive to do. Snape is simply brilliant, and his love, so pure.

That is the greatest compliment you could have paid me, for this chapter. Writing Harry was by no means easy. I tried to make it realistic. thank you so much :)

Haha, thanks :) I think using Snape's story here played well with the quote I was given!
I love nextGen characters, and I was very excited to include that little bit about them too!

Well, thanks :) I tried to write that part out in a descriptive manner. I'm glad you liked it. I will consider drawing it out, and adding more detail when I edit this! thanks :)

It is horrible, after you write about them in their early years, and you're suddenly reminded of what is left for them. it's really so sad. This whole short story is centered around a side of Snape that Harry never really got to see. And Lily. OH Lily, she sounds like that in my head too :)

Thank you so much :) It's quite sad that Harry never got the chance. To some extent, Remus and Sirius give us a great sense of who they were, but they obviously focus on James.

Thank you so much, Bethany. Your challenge was pretty great :)


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Review #4, by Calypso Ice to Ashes : Ice to Ashes

18th August 2013:
Hello, I'm here to review your Gatsby challenge entry!

Oh my, oh my, oh my, this was beautiful! Such vivid imagery... I loved the recurring motifs of fire and ice and all the heat references that came with that. It's a simple idea that works beautifully here...
Your descriptions are gorgeous- there's so much detail caught in so few words and you manage to put across Narcissa's tangled emotions just perfectly... all those intermingled feelings of regret and grief and fear...

It actually took me a while to work out who this was being addressed to; at first I thought it was Andromeda, but using Nymphadora makes perfect sense too and is a lot more original. It's a relationship not much looked into. It also seems realistic that Narcissa might be searching for some indirect way into her sister's life- like you kind of suggest in the very last paragraph?Having read this I'm just enraptured by the idea of Narcissa there on the outskirts of Dora's life, and the little girl not knowing who she is and you bring it to life so elegantly... The way Narcissa/you talk about Nymphadora as a child is so tender and loving that it really breaks my heart to think that she'll never know how her aunt loved her.

I really liked the way you brought across Narcissa's feeling of betrayal when Andromeda left- it was very poignant, and I really felt for her in a way I haven't when reading other Black sisters fics.

Another thing I loved was you reasoning for why neither Andromeda or Narcissa had a second child. It made such perfect sense in the circumstances that it's now my head canon! And it was put over so well too.

Some of your turns of phrase in this were simple stunning. I could spend all day picking them out but I particularly loved "a liability to be shaped into a tool" and the almost-contradiction of "beautifully and gracelessly."

I'm curious, did you think of Narcissa right away for that quote? Because it fits her perfectly, with her kind of icy, materialistic, snobbish exterior. Only you managed to show with this that that's really only skin deep. Anyway the quote flowed beautifully with your writing, I was really impressed!

And ohmygosh my HEART! That ENDING! Part of me was praying that she would stay and that Andromeda would see her and they could mourn Tonks together and then make up, and it made me so sad to think of the two of them both missing her and not knowing. The final lines you left us on were just perfect, showing how both sisters' vision of each other was distorted, and just so full of anguish but the way you wrote made it just wonderfully beautiful...

I was really impressed with this, it was amazing! I love the way you write, I love the different slant on the characters, I love the way you can bring across emotions... Just beautiful. ♥ ♥

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi darling! :)

Ah, I'm so pleased you enjoyed this piece! I loved coming up with the imagery, it really flowed quite naturally for the characters and it's great that it came across well. Thank you for your lovely compliments about the writing style and descriptions, it really means a lot! :)

Of all the stories I've written this is one which I edited the least, and mostly let it flow naturally when writing. I kept the original structure, like not revealing who exactly was speaking and who was being addressed. You're right, in the story Narcissa is searching for a way which she can return into Andy's life, but can't quite rationalize this to herself yet. I loved the idea of Narcissa being on the margins of Dora's life and loving her and Andy from afar, and them not realizing: it just felt so tragic and lovely, somehow.

I'm glad you liked this portrayal of Narcissa, and how she blamed Andy for actually leaving her. I imagined that while Narcissa is too weak to leave and make a life for herself alone, she expected her big sister to protect her and save her, and when Andy failed to be Narcissa's hero this ensued in bitterness and continuing to trap herself. And I'm glad you thought it made sense why they each only had one child! :)

Hmm, I actually wrote a good chunk of this story - mostly the parts of Narcissa reflecting on Tonks - before thinking of entering the challenge. Then I was browsing the challenge threads and saw how the quote was available, and thought "wow, that fits so well with the Narcissa in that little almost-story I was writing!" Then I incorporated the quote and added more of Narcissa's personal backstory and self-reflection, and how she sees herself as opposed to how the world sees her. The quote just fit perfectly, and by manipulating it into the narrative I think it really gave the story the push and shape it needed. I'm so glad you liked how the quote fit, I also thought the story was perfect for Gatsby, since Narcissa is chasing this dream (represented by Andy and Tonks) which she can't obtain, and that she could even be compared with Daisy and her self-denial in a way. So, it fit so well with the challenge, and I'm so glad I got the chance to frame it around these ideas from Gatsby! :)

Ah, I almost left the ending open where Narcissa hesitates when she sees Andromeda, but it didn't quote fit and I didn't feel that Narcissa was quite ready. :( I'm so glad you liked the ending, it was emotional for me to write as well so I'm very pleased that came through! :)

Thank you so so so much for this amazing review, and for coming up with the challenge, and liking the story... it made me so happy, and I loved writing this and working on it. :)



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Review #5, by Calypso I Love You: Always Have, Always Will

16th July 2013:
Hey there! Here from the House Cup!

So I've Tonks and Remus' relationship interpreted in all sorts of different ways, but it was nice to read something that explored both the good and bad parts of it, so to speak. In just a few words, you managed to really portray a couple struggling in the face of war, and the terrible choices that that can entail.

I just loved how you began and ended with the same words, and with Tonks passing Remus' words onto Teddy at the end (although it's painful to think that those are the last words she ever says to her son :( ) It gave the story a kind of circular feeling that I liked a lot.

I really like that you explored Tonk's feelings about Remus runnning away to Harry and co- this really made me realise how good of her it was to take him back after that. You make Remus seem very human in this, with flaws that he struggles against just like everyone else, which is good.

Another thing I like is how you put this in the present tense- it makes it all a lot more dramatic and immediate, which works perfectly here.

I've got two little nitpicks for you (and they really are tiny things!) One is that I think Wolfsbane is spelt like this? And another is that when Remus talks about coming back to Dora and his son, surely he doesn't know if the baby will be a boy yet?

Oh but the part where Tonks handed the baby to her mother was just heartbreaking! I loved the way she described his smell, and the fact that it was her love for him that drove her to leave him- I quite enjoyed the irony of all that! I feel so bad for all the characters in this, all having such difficult things to endure, but I suppose that's exactly what war causes...

A great, very thought-provoking piece of writing. Great work!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello!

I think one of my major goals while writing is to write something that is realistic and that people can relate to. In order for that to happen, the good and bad parts of a relationship have to be shown. And of course, that's even more essential when you throw something as big as a war where people die into the mix.

And the circular bit to this story was the most heartbreaking part of this story, at least for me writing it. Combined with the present tense, you really felt Tonks' struggle of having to decide between the man she loved and the little boy who depended on her for everything. It was really hard and painful to watch...

As for those two little things...I'll definitely go through and fix those things. Because this was stream of consciouness, I didn't go thorugh and do any in depth editing, so thank you for pointing them out!

Thank you so much for the review! It's much appreciated!
~Grimmerz


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Review #6, by Calypso Sage: Sage

16th July 2013:
Hello! Here from the House Cup!

Wow, this was so gorgeous. It was so simple, and beautiful, and your descriptions were just awe-inspiring!

I really liked the way that the whole thing was directed at Regulus, as if your OC was still talking to him, despite his absence- it fitted in with the whole idea that life can come from death, that I sort of got from this. The whole piece of writing here felt really like a journey- from the initial grief and denial to the eventual acceptance and hope, which I liked as well.

I'm very curious about your narrator! I'm starting to come up with theories as to who she might be, which is probably ridiculous, but oh well. I'd never thought about the idea of Regulus having a daughter, considerng how young he was when died, but I suppose it's perfectly possible, and it did work well here.

As I said briefly before, I just adore the descriptions in this- my favourite bit was probably the part with him describing the mountains and forest, although I did like the bit in the meadow at the end too...

The narrator's love for her daughter really came through in this- not just as the only thing she has left of Regulus, but as a person in her own right. Her presence was a lovely reminder that life goes on even after war.

This was so pretty and atmospheric. I loved the cyclical structure of it, and the dreamy kind of way it was narrated. Really great writing! ♥

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi there!

It's so wonderful to hear that you loved my descriptions in this! I also am glad that it evoked curiosity about the narrator. It's so good to hear that my writing did that here. I really enjoyed reading your review! Thank you for taking the time to not only read this, but review it as well! :)

All the best,
Kristen


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Review #7, by Calypso seasick: Everyone goes to Azkaban by boat.

16th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here from the House Cup!

Ohh this was so sad! There was something very sparse about the narration which made it feel as if we were just getting a tiny glimpse into a character's life. It was slightlly frustrating at points, knowing so little about the situation, but it did create and interesting effect.

I was very intrigued by the beginning, and impressed at how well you managed to describe the whole scene in really not many words at all. I think that Azkaban's a really interesting- if unpleasant- part of the magical world, and I always enjoy fics that explore that a bit...

I don't know why, but I wasn't expecting an OC as the main character- I think that using one kind of added to sparse feeling I was talking about. By the end of this, I did feel very sorry for her though- putting her in Azkaban seems so injust.

The scene with her father? boyfriend? was really gripping but also horrible (in a good way!) I felt so sorry for Georgia, putting on such a cold exterior, with such a difficult life underneath. I also liked how you never actually spelled out why she whether she was abused, or what exactly, leaving it to the reader to work out for themselves.

And the ending seem so blank and hopeless- just perfect for Azkaban. The way that everybody ignored her comment about being seasick really brought home the bleakness of it all, and the last line was great- so beautifully described, but so hopeless... :(

I really enjoyed reading this!

-Bethany ♥

Author's Response: Hello!

I did try to make the narration quite... mysterious, so I'm glad that came across, but I wasn't intending any frustration so I'll maybe try to revise it!
I used an OC as the main character because that's what I was given for the challenge (along with the banner, I had the character of Georgia).
It was her father, in the story, and I'm glad it was horrible in a good way :P I tried to make the guilt as ambiguous as possible by not really explaining Georgia's background.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #8, by Calypso A Flash of Green Light: James and Lily

16th July 2013:
Hello! Here for the House Cup :)

This was so tense! You conveyed Lily's panic and terror wonderfully, so that I could really empathise with her. It was written so vividly... I love how you plunged the reader straight into the action there at the beginning- I guess because you don't have many words to spare- and make the reader work out the situation that Lily's in as they read on.

I loved how you described how the green light "peeked" under the door. It seemed like a rather childlike word that fitted perfectly with the childishness of Harry. There was a great contrast between the violence of the spells, and the innocuous-ness of that word... And actually also the contrast between her attempts to comfort Harry and the terror in her mind.

The imagery was really striking in this too- the bit where Lily was describing the pain like red hot knives, was especially great, I thought.

There was something a bit disjointed and fleeting about the way you wrote this, which perfectly seemed to capture Lily's fractured state of mind- it made it seem even more realistic.

And the ending was great (if a bit depressing!) It felt so final, and really brought home what an awful end it was for a woman who had such a full life.

A really dramatic and exciting one-shot! Great job!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Im glad that the disjointed sort of thinking fit well with how it would have been to be Lily. There must have been a million things running through her head, so I wanted to do her justice. I'm glad that you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading and for giving such a lovely review!(:

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Review #9, by Calypso Young and Beautiful: Young and Beautiful

16th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here from the forums to review your challenge entry :) And I must say that the beginning grabbed me straight away!

First off, I really liked the way you worked the song into this story, and the link with the Great Gatsby film's soundtrack- it was really neat! And the lyrics do work perfectly with Fleur, and the way she's perceived. It's a tough subject, but a very real one that you tackle here, about the way people treat Fleur because of her looks, but you manage it really well. I like the part where Fleur/you point out the fact that her appearance is really the least impressive thing about her, being basically down to genetics! You also made this work really well in the story...

It's such an interesting thought that Fleur decided to work at Gringotts to escape human stereotypes, and makes perfect sense with the character you've created for her.

The way you established Fleur's attitude to her appearance was good, because then when Bill appeared, it was really obvious why she fell for him. It was cute that she actually remembered Ron asking her out before the Yule Ball, but I get why she preferred Bill! He was so lovely, I wanted to give him a big hug, haha. I liked how you described the small things that showed how much he really cared about her.
I was also impressed with your use of the quote- it's written in a fairly old-fashioned manner, but it fitted into the narrative linguistically as well as plot-wise.

And ohmygoodness that end bit was so sweet! I was aww-ing all over the place. I loved the last line, and the way it summed up her faith in him and how he hadn't let her down... There were a couple of typos in this that you might want to check through for- they did interrupt the flow a little bit.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this! It was quite a different take on Fleur, and I thought that you captured her proud, slightly aloof voice pretty much perfectly! Great work, and I'll be posting the results soon!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello, I'm so so sorry for how late this reply is!

I really love this song, and it made me think of someone who wants to be seen for something more than just her looks - and Fleur came to mind almost immediately after that!

Yes, I love Bill - he's so sweet and gentleman-ly. I'm glad the quote fit in well; that was a bit of a concern based on the style differences!

I'm glad you liked the ending - and AHH I will go fix those typos ASAP.

Thanks so much for reviewing, and I'm so happy you liked this!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #10, by Calypso A Voyage with Voldemort: Ibiza

13th July 2013:
Ahahaha this made me laugh so much! Where did you even get the idea for it?! It's so wacky and awesome.

Voldemort as a fashion designer is just brilliant- he's certainly got the ego for it! And I loved his Death Eaters as his entourage- Lucius being his hair-care expert, and Snape paid to be his muse is just hilarious. It's kind of clever, because the fashion world is famous for being cutthroat... just not Voldy-style cutthroat!
Also the names of the fashion labels... Harry's Hipster in particular made me giggle...!

I just loved the scene with Bellatrix on the aeroplane, quibbling over who gets the window seat! I think the juxtaposition was what made that bit so amusing, with Bella doing her evil sadist talk to an air hostess, and having to deal with all the little ins and outs of Muggle life... And to be honest, just the image of Bellatrix in hair-curlers is enough!

I did notice a few typos; you might want to have a check through...

I didn't think I'd be able to imagine Snape getting drunk until I read this. Lucius is a meanie :P Voldemort doing the conga oh my goodness, and I loved the random German partiers. I think that was the great strength of this actually, the randomness.

Ooh sassy Snape! It puts his position as a double agent in the books in a very different light. I hope he has more luck with Harry :P And actually, I sort of found myself wishing Voldemort well too, which was very surreal!

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this! Great job!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi Bethany!

I'm so glad that you loved all of the set up, it was a lot of fun to write. Thas fashion industry was quite easy to fit around them as they're all so bitter and competitive like the people in it!

Of course the window seat is awesome, why else would the quibble over it? I quite like Bellatrix as a muggle. Though I based her on my old history teacher who was muggle Bellatrix. I'm so glad I no longer have her!

Yeah they should be edited out now!

Yay for randomness, there needs to be more of that in life! I'm glad you saw it as a strength as I was worried it would be to cluttered and chaotic.

Yup, I hadn't thought of it like that until another reviewer mentioned it but it is fun to look at Snape's betrayal in that way!

Thanks for this fabulous review, Bethany!

-Kiana


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Review #11, by Calypso The Girl from Slytherin : The Bat Bogey Hex

29th June 2013:
Ahahaha that ending made me laugh! (Although I probably should be feeling sorry for Tor. But then maybe not, because she was very mean to that Ravenclaw girl. So I don't know. So this story is confusing like that. But that's a good thing. :P)

I like that you've introduced Ginny a bit into this story. I think I've said before that I enjoy all the points of reference with the books, and as Tor and Ginny are fairly close in age, this seems realistic. You wrote them together really well, and managed to show how if they didn't have such different ideals, they could be friends- and how their alliegances are really the only that divides them. And then there was the contrast between their dislike of each others' backgrounds and their common ground over discussing boys...

Ooh I'm looking forward to Tor and Amaris' prank on Griz! I'm glad that you cleared up why she dislikes Tor so much too...
And Goyle really is awful! That scene was very vivid; I could really feel Tor's panic and you would not believe how relieved I was when Ginny appeared! Another thing you did well was actually showing the repercussions of Tor's encounter with Goyle, and how if affected her, so well done for that too!
One thing I wasn't sure about was whether Tor and her friends wouldn't refer to Crabbe and Goyle by their first names? Seeing as that's how they talk about most of the other Slytherins?

Yet another interesting flashback! I'm very intrigued by Yaxley's reference to the terrible thing he did... It's actually difficult to imagine what a dark wizard would perceive as a terrible thing, unless it's some kind of fraternisation with blood traitors or something...

Aww and I like Terry more and more! I really enjoy the eloquent, slightly sarcastic way of talking you have for him, it fits well with his house, and with what we've seen so far of his personality...

I found that final seen with the first-years very poignant- it actually did a great job of showing the power of peer pressure. I was virtually yelling at the screen for Tor not to do anything cruel, and I genuinely thought that she was going to do us proud and not curse them, but what actually happened was better, as it showed that Tor's pureblood pride is far from altered, and the power that her friends exercise over her actions...

All very interesting! I look forward to reading on! :)

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you liked this chapter, and appreciated the ending! Really, Tor got what she deserved, and being confused about the reaction is exactly what I wanted to convey. I'm glad you thought it was better that she attack the first years, and yes, it shows how she's susceptible to peer pressure and still not able to assert any of her own beliefs, especially in front of the other Slytherins. It's that self-preservation quality, I suppose...

I'm glad you liked Ginny: I really wanted to try out writing her the way she is in the books which I always loved, and it does make sense since she and Tor are similar in age. Having canon characters do cameos in this story is always fun as well. :) I agree, they do have a lot in common and could be friends, and I'm glad you liked their little interaction!

The Goyles really do not have many redemptive qualities in this story! The prank comes up a few chapters down the road, but was hopefully worth the wait. :P I'm glad you appreciated the scene with Goyle, which I thought was quite awful as well.

I'm glad you're getting intruiged about Yaxley and his past as well, I really enjoy including his backstory in the flashbacks and sub-plots. Since Tor is close to her father, the way he acts and the things he has experienced definitely affect her as well.

Aw, Terry is so fun to write so I'm pleased you like him! :) I love how you described him as eloquent and slightly sarcastic, that really is a perfect reading.

Thank you for another wonderful review, I really appreciate it! :D


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Review #12, by Calypso Reason to Fight: La Rafle

29th June 2013:
Hello there! I'm finally back for the next chapter!

Oh the scene with Simon's family was so sad! :'( You really captured the panic and confusion of everything that was happening, and the way that their lives were uprooted by it all. I really liked how you explained the reason for them not using magic to escape- it seems totally believable that Joseph's status as a French citizen and First World War veteran would have led him to underestimate the brutality that the Nazis would show towards him. His thing about "the Nazis are violent but they aren't monsters" was so ironic it was painful.
Your description of Sarah behaving like a younger child was particularly heartbreaking too.

And I felt so sorry for him when he woke up in the camp with all that uncertainty and fear. I hope the rest of the group can find a way of saving him!

Another thing I liked was seeing a bit of everyday life for the group, just before the letter arrived. It was a little glimpse of another side to them, and displayed some of the everyday realities of life in occupied France...

Ooh and Astrid's going right into the lion's den...! I'm very intrigued as to how that's going to work out for her, and I enjoyed that little hint about her and the Minister... Her conversation with Mme Gauthier gave a rather dark edge to the end of this chapter, and showed what danger Astrid's resistance connection put her in (although hopefully being a witch will give her a bit of an advantage!)

I'll be interested to see what happens next!

-Bethany

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Review #13, by Calypso The Girl from Slytherin : The Hospital Wing

22nd June 2013:
Hello there! :)

Ooh I lurved the scene with Snape and Voldemort! It did make me marvel at just what a good double-agent Snape was, and it was chilling to think of Voldemort thinking about training up Tor and her friends while they're still barely more than children. So far in the story, I don't think that we've seen Tor specifically in such close connection to Voldemort... And I really liked that last little mention of Snape's relationship with Lily was very touching, and it was nice to have a tiny peek into another person's life who's been compromised by Voldemort...
One thing I wasn't quite sure about was Voldemort referring to Draco as "the poor little child." I get that it was meant to be sarcastic, but I'm still not sure that Voldy would even have a conception of him as unlucky... I don't know.

Oh no! Tor didn't get picked! That made me sad. Am I right in suspecting that there's something slightly fishy about Griz and that Bludger?
Ooh I can't wait to hear more about Amaris' plan! I'm sure that whatever she's come up with will be amazing...! Pureblood maniacs or not, I really love Tor's friends. They're so supportive and kind, and you write them so wonderfully together.

Yay! Terry came to see her! I really like how you're establishing how perfect they are for one another in some respects, and how mismatched in others. I hated (in a good way!) all the irony going on there when he was talking about Griz's father being a Death Eater, and also the way she just assumed that he was a Pureblood, and sympathetic to the Dark Lord- it's weird, because in the books, we assume that people are against him, unless told otherwise. I like how Tor's relationship with her friends and natural allies is already being altered by Terry, in the bit where she realises that her friends are responsible for his friends' plight.

I absolutely the way things are developing, and there's so much in this chapter that I'm looking forward to seeing the consequences of... This is such an interesting story on so many levels, and I'm looking forward to reading on!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you liked the switch in perspective and seeing what was going on in the rest of Voldy's circle. It is very chilling, and tragic to think about these young people being dragged in, often against their will or being blinded by glory. I'm glad you liked Snape, and you're right, Voldy is much more sadistic than sarcastic, I'll look into that! :)

I know, but she's too busy to play Quidditch anyway! There's definitely something fishy, Griz isn't the nicest person even if she can aim a Bludger. I'm glad you're excited for the plan, and actually like her friends- I think they're great as well, and love writing the dynamics between them.

I know, Terry and Tor are just so sweet together! You're right, they have such a strange relationship that both works and isn't meant to work. I'm glad you liked the irony, I loved writing it and having Tor squirm a little. And yes, she is beginning to see things in a different light already!

Thank you for another wonderful review my dear, I really appreciate it and they make me so happy! :D


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Review #14, by Calypso The Girl from Slytherin : The Quidditch Trials

22nd June 2013:
Hello m'dear!

:O It's Terry Boot! I don't know why, but I'm glad you chose a canon character, it sort of grounds the whole story in the magical world even more, and seeing as we know virtually nothing about him, you're pretty much at liberty to do what you like with him. I think it'll be interesting that he's older than her, just cos it'll be another dynamic in their relationship... I'm very interested as to what Tor's friends will think of him...

I really loved the way you wrote that delicious feeling of falling in love. I could really feel Tor's excitement about seeing him, and joy when she *did* see him, and that general anticipation that you get in situations like that. It was so sweet.

I always enjoy the little italicised sections you put in about her father and his Death Eater life. They make a great contrast with the rest of Tor's more everyday concerns, and help to remind us that there's a darker edge to her life too!

Ooh the Quidditch trials were exciting! (although I was pretty sure that Tor would get in :P) I liked all her friends' advice to her about the trials, it made me smile, as does her little crush on Theodore! One little thing- in previous chapters, I'm pretty sure that you were referring to Cousin Zelda as Cousin Zena- you might want to fix that!

I'm definitely starting to dislike Griz now! Although the bit about her shrunken head did make me laugh (I love how you mentioned its name!) She seems like she could be a powerful enemy for Tor though, and her hitting the Bludger at her shows that there's some animosity between them. So I can't wait to see how that will unfold!

Another great chapter! Well done ♥

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi darling, great to see you back! :)

Yes, it's Terry! I wanted to use a canon character who, like you said, helps set the story in Hogwarts era and connect it to Harry's world. And yes, there's a lot of freedom to define his character! I have a very clear image of him in my head now, and it's become my headcanon as well! :P

Aw, I wanted to give Tor a lovestruck teen moment! Despite the dark sides to her personality she is still a fourteen year old girl with a crush, and I'm glad you found it sweet! :)

I'm very pleased that you like the Yaxley references and anecdotes as well, I really enjoy including them and elaborating on the other people in Tor's life. There's a lot more to Yaxley than Tor realizes, and he's a lot of fun to imagine.

Haha, Tor was pretty confident about her Quidditch, wasn't she? I'm glad you find the Theo crush fun, and how the boys were of course trying to give her advice. Oops, silly me, I'll go back and fix that! :D

I'm glad you pointed out the Griz shrunken head bit because I thought it was quite typical of Griz! She really isn't very pleasant, and their relationship is definitely not going to get better.

Thank you for another lovely review! :D


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Review #15, by Calypso Acanthus: The Tale of Acanthus

18th June 2013:
Hello there!

Ooh there were so many things I loved about this chapter! Your descriptions of Egypt continue to be amazing (I really want to go there now! :P) and I'm really enjoying the contrasts between all the cultures- wizard and muggle, and British and Egyptian.

It was really interesting to read from Scorpius' point of view for a while- he shed some interesting light on him and Rose. I like that you not only /told/ us that Scorpius is quiet and Ravenclaw-ish and Rose is brash and Gryffindor-ish, but that you /showed/ us how their personalities affect their lives.

And Rose is a cat-lover? I like her even more!

Dalila intrigues me. I like how her frienship with Rose seems to be developing, but I'm still wondering if she's hiding things... and why she doesn't like Scorpius... I am starting to love her grandfather though, he seems pretty awesome!

I really enjoyed Rashidi telling the story of Acanthus, and the mixture of derision and awe with which the family responded to it- it was all very atmospheric! I love myths and things, and the way you had Rashidi tell the story, it felt like a real legend. And now they're all going to search for it!
Rose's motivation for the trip seems completely realistic, especially as you've already set up the way she feels somewhat belittled within the Weasley family in previous chapters- I really like the way you've done that. And I also love the selection of characters you've got going with her- I'm looking forward to seeing all the dynamics between them!

This was another great chapter, possibly my favourite one so far, and I really can't wait to read on and find out more! ♥

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi Bethany!

I'm so glad that you liked the descriptions of Egypt! I really hope they are realistic, because I'm basing them off of Morocco, so I don't want to crush your dreams! I've been working a lot on the show vs. tell, so it's great to see that it's paid off!

I really enjoy encorporating lots of house characteristics into their personalities, I don't really know why it's just a lot of fun! I'm glad that you liked Scorpius' POV, as I wasn't sure whether to include it or not, but variety makes it more fun for me!

Of course Rose is a cat-love, and it doesn't have anything to do with me being one too...:P

I'm glad that Dalila intrigues you and the friendship is going well, as her and Rose aren't that similar! I love writing her grandfather, as eccentric old people are surprisingly fun to write!

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! I mean, I had fun writing it, but I wasn't sure whether it would be fun for the others given the amount of dialogue there. I love myths too, and I basically got to make my own one up here so it was so much fun!

Yay for it being realistic! I was slightly worried it had been a little rushed, so I'm glad to see that you didn't find it like that! Erm, those characters may be replaced by different ones soon! All I say is be on guard, and no more!

Thank your for another amazing review, and I hope you like the next chapter too! ♥

-Kiana



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Review #16, by Calypso Reason to Fight: La Faiseuse d'Anges

12th June 2013:
Hello again!

Ooh, I really like the moral twist you're putting all of this- In a way, I'm glad that your team aren't going to get away with their actions without some kind of pay-off. It could be really interesting to see how any doubts the characters might have will play out, because ohmygosh they're ruthless aren't they? I almost felt sorry for the Mayor there, he really didn't stand a chance!

Johanna's backstory was just heartbreaking! I felt so sorry for her. (And the feminist in me had a nice little internal rant about how unfair and hideous the whole thing is!) It certainly puts an interesting slant on her actions in the first chapter...
I really like how we're discovering bits and pieces about these characters, and gradually building up a picture of them all.

Definitely rooting for Camille and Xavier here! (Xaville? Camier?) The little scene between them was perfect: very subtle and understated but none the less impactful for it. I get the impression that they still have some sort of feeling for one another...?

I think I'm reserving judgement about the Minister for the time being... I know they're in desperate times, but his plan does seem pretty awful, especially in light of what Astrid reads in the file. I like the idea of mountain elves though- it was very original and the description of it sounded as if it came straight out of Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them!

I'm very intrigued by Jean's comment about Astrid too, and where that could be leading, too...

Another really wonderful chapter- I look forward to reading on! ♥

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi!

They are quite ruthless, terrifyingly so sometimes, and even though I'm the one writing sometimes I have to pause, stare balnkly at the screen, and wonder where on earth what I just typed came from. But I also think this ruthlessness is necessary to their survival, in an almost primitive kind of way: kill or be killed. If that makes sense?

Oh, Johanna. Again, one of those moments where I have no idea why I'm so horrible to my characters...

I go with Camivier, but Xaville sounds good too! As for them still having feelings for one another, well. If I said anything, that'd spoil it, no?

You're absolutely right to reserve your judgement about the Minister, even I'm not sure where I stand. This story more or less writes itself, so everything can happen without me agreeing to it, which probably isn't very reassuring.

Thank you so much for yet another lovely review! ♥


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Review #17, by Calypso Reason to Fight: Le Phare

12th June 2013:
Hey there!

I love the way the story's developed in this chapter... it's all very intriguing! I continue to be in awe of the way you can handle so many main characters and have them all feel so complex, and I just love the way the drama of the group's task is unfolding next to their personal dramas...

There's something very atmospheric- almost nostalgic- to the way you write, that makes me feel as if I'm actually there with your characters. I love that way you've included the little snippets of French which make it clear that the story is set in France and the characters are speaking a different language without confusing the reader- even one like me who only learnt French for three years!

I'm very curious as to what's gone on in Jean's family so that he's happy to kill his own uncle- and from the story of the attempt to stab him, it doesn't seem like the first time! I really like how you've continued to emphasise in this chapter just how ruthless these people are, even though we're coming to like them and everything.

As I said above, I like how you're bringing personal aspects of the characters into the story. The scene in the lighthouse between Camille and Xavier was so beautiful and romantic, and I loved the way you wrote them together, so that I'm totally shipping them now! :P Having read that scene, it was so sad to see their rather less pleasant feelings towards each other now, and I'm desperate to find out what caused such a rift between them...

Your descriptions of Simon's concentration camp are chilling- you really bring across how harsh and degrading it must have been, but at the same time how Simon has just become accustomed to it and taken it in his stride. And the way he looks after his sisters is really touching ♥ I really hope that they'll be okay!

And eugh that poison sounds awful! I can't wait to hear how their attempt at his life will go, and will definitely be back for the next chapter when I get the chance! This is such a great story :)

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello again :)

Erm, well, I think me handling them all is a bit of an exaggeration, as the characterisations sometimes overlap (to the point where it takes me a while to realise), but thank you! I'm happy you think the inclusion of personal drama works well: a lot of WW2 stories (not fanfiction) seem to forget that the people who fought were human, with fears and hopes and flaws.

Jean's past will be brought up again later, I promise! Your comment about them being ruthless yet likeable is exactly what I was aiming for, so again thank you for the compliment.

Oh, Camille and Xavier. You find out in chapter five what drove the rift between them, and I hope you'll like the explanation! Don't worry about them too much, I really love them and don't want anything to happen to them quite yet (and now I need to stop before I spill everything, as tempting as that sounds).

Oh, Simon. The camp scenes are so difficult to write, but it's simply something I can't not write about. It wouldn't be fair to all those who really had to go through it.

Thank you again so much for another lovely review!


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Review #18, by Calypso Just Go With It: Running Away

12th June 2013:
Hello, here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

Ooh, it was interesting to meet Amy! I like how you're showing Viktor and Amy independently first, before (I assume!) bringing them together. It's nice to learn something of them before they meet each other, and it's a good way of giving some of their backstory.

Amy seems like quite a character- I feel very sorry for her, having such a controlling family and not being allowed to make her own life decisions, it must be very tough. I would have loved to have seen her feelings towards them explored a bit more... does she resent their control? Does it stop her getting on with them normally? I also think that maybe you could try and display some of Amy's character traits as the story progresses, rather than telling us everything now. Just an idea.

I really liked your description of Amy here: "She wasnít beautiful but she had grace and charm that made her so attractive" as it made her seem very realistic, and human. And I think that more often, it is attributes like "grace and charm" that make people attractive, rather than just their physical appearance. So well done for that!

I like Amy's carefree, rather flippant appraoch to life, and especially to marriage- it seems to fit with what else we know of her personality. The description of her escaping the house was great- you built the suspense really well- as in the first chapter, I liked the little details you put in, like about her rubber-soled shoes. It made it very vivid.
I also liked that she did have some regrets about leaving her parents. However wayward she is, I'd have found it hard to believe that she didn't feel anything for them, so that was a good addition!

Another thing I enjoyed was the note you ended this chapter on, with all Amy's hopes for the future. I'm curious as to what will happen to her and Viktor next!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hey Bethany! Glad you're back for the next chap!

I wanted to explore Viktor and Amy independently just to let the readers know how different they are. I didn't plan to write Amy's backstory, but I had to state the reason of her running away. But you're right. I should edit out some part of it and put it in the future chapters. It'd be fun to explore Amy through Viktor's eyes.
I didn't use to be good at detailing, so your compliment makes me smile helplessly. =] I'm so glad my writing skills are developing!
Thanks for the wonderful review! Hope to see you back soon! :D


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Review #19, by Calypso The Motorcycle Incident: Something New

9th June 2013:
Here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

Oh dear- it looks like Lily's in a bit of trouble!

The title was definitely what initially attracted me to this- it looked very intriguing, so well done for that! I enjoyed the way you wrote the beginning, with James' warning to Lily, and the way that even as he's telling her to keep away, we know that she's probably going to try and ride it!
James having a motorcycle reminded me of Sirius a bit, which was a nice connection, just like Rose and Lily ending up in the tree was reminiscent of Harry and Ron crashing into the Whomping Willow!

I thought that you wrote the friendship between Rose and Lily well- they were both quite developed, which in about two thousand words is impressive! I also liked how Ron just accepts that Lily's around his house a lot- it showed as nice relationship between the two families!

Ahh Lily and Rose's bike ride did make me giggle- and it was really gripping too! You definitely brought across the suspense in that part, and at one point I was genuinely quite worried for their safety :P But I should have known to rely on some quick thinking from Rose!
I have to say I feel a bit sorry for James, but hopefully some magic can sort the bike out?

I've just noticed a typo: "You've ruined your brothers bike." I think there needs to be an apostrophe before the "s" of "brothers."

Haha, Lily's last line was just perfect! It sort of summed up the whole one-shot for me, and was a great, rather humourous note to leave it one! This was a great story, and it did make me laugh- well done!

-Bethany

Author's Response: I thought the title was actually quite blah and uninteresting but less is more seems to be the case here!

I was actually thinking about Sirius when I have James the motorbike and I was hoping that someone else would think of Sirius as well!

And thank you very much, it means a lot to me to hear that the character development was good. Since the Golden Trio are such good friends, it made sense to me that their kids would be barging into their houses without knocking. It's how my family is anyways.

The bike ride was actually the most difficult part to write as I didn't know how to go about it. I was actually really worried that the way I'd written the scene didn't work and people would point it out to me.

Thanks for pointing out the typo, I must've missed it when I was reading through the chapter.

Thank you for the feedback, it was very appreciated, thank you for reviewing and I'm glad that you enjoyed the one-shot!


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Review #20, by Calypso The Girl Next Door: Amelia

8th June 2013:
Oh wow! Intriguing chapter!

I was interested to see a chapter written from Amelia's point of view, as she was only really mentioned in passing during the last one, and she doesn't seem like an immediately sympathetic character. I'm extremely curious to find out how she knows so much about the magical world (I'm sure it's going to be important to the plot!) plus what she isn't telling Sirius about Lexi and basically you raised a lot of questions that I want to find out answers to with this chapter!

Petunia seemed a lot more likable in this chapter than she ever does in the books and I really liked the inclusion of her- she wasn't someone I was expecting to crop up! And you addressed something here that I think is often skated over in the books- that actually quite a lot of Muggles must know about the magical world. I like how this chapter is sort of set on the border between these two worlds- you show how interesting it can be when one crosses into another!

There were also some wonderful funny moments in this- clueless Muggles in the magical world always make me giggle :P and Amelia's references to Sirius as Dog Girl-Boy were hilarious!

Even though we didn't see a huge amount of them, I liked your characterisation of the Marauders- it was clever that you could tell exactly who each one was, just from Amelia's descriptions of them!

This was very interesting continuation of the story- I can't wait for the next chapter, and to hopefully have some of the questions you've raised explored and answered! ♥

-Bethany

Author's Response: Oooh thanks!

Yep, Amelia does know quite a bit about the magical world, which will be explored further in chapter four. Those questions will eventually be answered... one day :P I wanted to connect her with Petunia, because after all, it's a small world :P And indeed there must be, except no-one really realizes how many do because the International Statute of Secrecy prevents them from telling others so there are rarely "omg, you know too?!" moments :')

Hehehehe, absolutely! And that was made up on a whim, so I'm pleased it's gotten such a positive response! :D

And thank you so much, that kind of comment means a lot to me ♥

The next chapter is being written, so SOON!

-Isobel


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Review #21, by Calypso The Girl Next Door: Prologue

8th June 2013:
Hello there- I'm here from the forums! (And this is my hundredth review! :D) I know you said you'd prefer feedback on Chapter Two of this, but I thought I might as well leave a review for Chapter One as well- particularly as this looks like such an interesting story! ♥

Awww- your young Sirius is so cute! It was nice, because I could see features of the adult Sirius in him, but there was a much more innocent, optimistic streak in him as well! I liked the way you wrote his relationship with his family- his father's remote pride, his animosity towards his mother and Kreacher- it all felt very in character.

It was very interesting to see Sirius' inherited prejudices about Muggles play against his natural open-mindedness, and I like the idea that his decision to abandon the principles of his family as a teenager might have stemmed from his friendship with Lexi as a child.

You did a great job of characterising Lexi too; she felt like a totally believable child, with her fights with her sisters. But there seems to be something darker going on there as well, with her absent father, and the financial constraints her mother appears to be under...
Her conversation with Sirius was just the sweetest thing! Again, they both felt genuinely childlike, with the kind of concerns and thoughts that children actually have.

But what could have happened to Lexi?! It was a bit of a twist, but a great one. Here too, I liked the combat in Sirius' mind between his Slytherin and Gryffindor sympathies...

This was a great and very intriguing first chapter! I look forward to reading the next one! ♥

Author's Response: Hi Bethany! And woo, congrats on that! :D And ohmygosh, thank you so much!

Awww, he is! I loved writing a younger Sirius, particularly as I had a little wriggle room with his personality :P I'm honoured that you felt he was in character though, since he's such a hard one to perfect ♥

Yup! I just couldn't contemplate the idea of Sirius rebelling against his family on the premise of - what, exactly? I think to have been placed in Gryffindor, and to rebel against his family like that, he must have been exposed to a different lifestyle before Hogwarts, and thus the idea of the girl next door was born.

Ooooh, thank you! And I'm really pleased that you felt my characterisation of Lexi and Sirius was spot on, especially with the whole childhood aspect.

Ahhh, you'll have to read on to find out! ;) Sirius does indeed have some Slytherin aspects of his personality, although he'll never admit it.

Thank you so much! ♥


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Review #22, by Calypso Reason to Fight: Prologue

8th June 2013:
Hey there- I'm here from the forums!

I picked this as I saw it won a couple of Diadem Awards, and having read it, I can say that I can definitely see why! This was just stunning!

I was intrigued right from the beginning, from that gorgeous description of Caen, and of Camille. I absolutely adored the contrast between Camille's elegant clothes, and her ruthless killing of the solider. The "Avada Kedavra" came as such a shock! But it certainly made me want to read on!
(The same thing was true with Johanna and her Imperius Curse actually.)

I loved that you didn't just explain everything straight off, but made the reader gradually work out what was going on- it's nice to be made to engage with a story like that! And I have to say that this is *such* an original idea for a story- I've never read anything like it, and I'm really interested to see what you're going to do with this scenario...!

I really liked the structure of this chapter with the snapshots of all the different characters. You seem to be able to convey a lot about a character in just few words, so I feel like a really know this group of people, despite not having been with them for long. You've also managed to give them a lot of depth- so far, they all seem very real.
Handling so many main characters can be tricky, but so far you seem to be managing it well!

I'm guessing that the link to a canon character is Astrid's to Apolline? I'm interested to see how that dynamic will play out- especially if Astrid's also part Veela...

I'm extremely impressed by this chapter! It's so beautifully written, and so original, and I'll certainly be reading on! A stunning chapter ♥

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi Bethany!

As I respond to this, the Dobby awards have taken place so I just want to thank you again for your immense support to the story, it really means the world!

The contrast between being feminine and a murderer is present in each of the girls. I think that as a woman in such times, you can look a lot more innocent then use that to your advantage, which is exactly what these three are doing.

Aw, thank you for finding this so original, and liking it too!

I'm so happy you think they're very real! What I was really worried about was making them come across as a bunch of super-trained wizards saving the world, so it's a relief to know that's not the case.

Astrid is book!Apolline's mother, yes, so Fleur's grandmother. In my head, Astrid is the Veela grandmother whose hair is in Fleur's wand.

Thank you again so, so much! ♥


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Review #23, by Calypso The Fallen: The Fallen

8th June 2013:
Ohmygosh Kiana, break my heart why don't you?! :P

I feel so awful for Remus. You really captured how shattering the deaths of his friends must have been for him. There was a flat, hopeless tone to his narration in this that really seemed to show his grief, and guilt and with all that, a kind of numbness. Right through the funeral, it felt like he was just going through the motions, almost as if he still couldn't take in what had happened.

Your characterisation of Remus was spot on. I liked his desperation not to attract attention, to the point where he was willing to turn up late to the funeral, and the way he wanted to make Harry proud but in a passive way. The whole bit with him thinking about Harry was really sweet, actually.

And oh the irony! Especially when Remus was lamenting that James and Lily hadn't chosen him or Peter as the Secret Keeper. And when he was feeling so guilty and responsible for Peter's death. I kept wanting to yell at the screen NO ACTUALLY PETER'S THE TRAITOR! :P But it really rubbed in how unfair Lily and James' deaths were, and how little it would have taken to have avoided them. :(

I loved the little detail of the worm in the soil, and "This is a rare case of the world of living colliding with the world of the dead." That line was seriously beautiful.

I also thought it was apt that he didn't break down until the end. The last two paragraphs were just perfect- his final words to Lily and James, the description of him "grazing" his fingers against their names, and then the final contrast between the celebrating world, and poor Remus' grief. Beautifully and subtly done.

I really enjoyed reading this!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi Bethany! Sorry about that, but now you know what poor old Remus was going through :P

I'm so glad that you liked his narration and that you picked up on all the emotions I was trying to get across. I've never been through grief as badly as he has but I can imagine that he would be going through, but like you said, I can imagine it would be as if he was just going through the motions.

I'm so glad that you liked his characterisation as I love him as a character and I didn't want to do it badly. I'm glad that you liked the bit about Harry as I always wondered why he didn't go after Harry so I had to come up with a solution to it.

I know! I couldn't help but laugh a little when writing that! I was yelling too, and I was making it happen so I would hate to think what Remus must have felt like when he realised it had been all wrong, and, again, like you said, showed how awful their deaths were by them being betrayed by their friend.

Eep thank you for saying it was beautiful ♥

I'm so glad that you liked the last two, as I only wanted him to break down then as the realisation hit him and he realised how awful it was.

Thank you for this lovely review, Bethany, it really made my day ♥

-Kiana


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Review #24, by Calypso Falling into Darkness: Gellert Grindelwald

8th June 2013:
Hello! I'm here from the forums!

Ooh a Grindelwald story! I think there's so much scope for interesting pieces of writing about the events with him and Dumbledore, so it's great to see somebody exploring that- and you did a great job of it!

I loved the description of the clearing in forest at the beginning. It was so spooky and atmospheric with the trees and the darkness and the mist; I could just picture it my mind. "No creature and no animal had stepped foot or paw in this clearing" was my favourite line there, I think, as it really showed what a dark place it was.

You really managed to get inside Grindelwald's head during this, and interestingly, I didn't feel that he came off as a completely bad person, and certainly not one without a conscience. I like the idea that he would be haunted by Ariana afterwards, and try to escape the responsibility for her death- that seemed to fit with his character.

So, the enourmous stuffed penguin. I did double take when I first read that! I understand that you had to fit it in for a challenge, but it was quite a contrast with the darkness of the rest of the chapter, and gave the whole thing a rather comedic feel... That said, I really liked the idea of it as a manifestation of Grindelwald's guilt. I would suggest maybe varying the way you describe it? Or somehow linking it to Ariana's death, so there's a reason *why* it's a stuffed penguin?

But your ending was just perfect! Grindelwald's stand against Voldemort fits beautifully with the way you've characterised him here, and I do like the idea that he redeemed himself somewhat right at the end. I was a a great idea to include it!

Overall, I thought this was a very spooky, well-written chapter!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Grindelwald was interesting to write as the protagonist. There is so little written on him. As well as I haven't written a villain as one of my protagonists before.

I've added your suggestion of varying the penguin's description as a note in my chapter. I've been working on varying the description of the penguin. My first attempt didn't work, however, I've another idea that I'll be trying.

I've also added your suggestion of linking the penguin to Ariana's death to create the reason for the penguin's existence.

After reading how Grindelwald had stood against Voldemort, it seemed as if he had changed his views and had become remorseful for his actions before Albus had defeated him.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #25, by Calypso Like a House on Fire: A First Time for Everything

8th June 2013:
Hey there! I'm here from review tag!

The beginning of this was really gripping! I liked how you started the whole chapter with a question- it was a good way of engaging your reader straight off. Her dreams certainly raise a lot of questions- I'm very intrigued as why she's getting them... I'm guessing it's something to do with Lily's reference to her difficult summer?

I'm not too sure about Lily so far... She seems like a nice person, but a bit melodramatic and self-centred, so I'll be interested to see how her frienship with Millie plays out.
I liked how you didn't portray James just as a crazy Lily-stalker, and actually made him seem like a normal teenage boy as well. Still, I'm not sure if being stuck between James and Lily is going to be a terribly comfortable place for Millie!

One thing that I found a bit confusing was whether they're at Hogwarts yet? Because with Lily and Millie being together and in such proximity to James and Sirius, I assumed that they were at Hogwarts, but then there are references to Diagon Alley, so you might want to try and clear that up!

Another thing I enjoyed was James and Sirius' conversation. It was very funny, and seemed quite realistic! It'll be very interesting to find out more about Millie- just what's haunting her, and what will happen with her and Sirius! A great first chapter!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hello! *waves cheerily*

You're correct in guessing that it has something to do with her difficult summer. And I'm happy to hear my opening gambit worked! Sometimes questions work, and sometimes, they don't.

Lily's supposed to be that way - and it's nice to hear that you're a bit conflicted about her! Hopefully, it means I'm writing an engaging story with somewhat complex characters!

James never struck me as a crazy Lily-stalker - I always thought he had too much pride for that, if nothing else. And it's an interesting position to be for Millie!

I knew I was forgetting something - LIKE WHERE ON EARTH THEY ARE! It's very silly of me, but I guess my only excuse other than getting a little carried away and not thinking things through, is that this was the first chapter of my first fic, and it definitely requires a bit of a rewrite - which is planned for once I've finished all of it. They're at Diagon Alley, by the way!

And there are a few more great James and Sirius conversations later - they're some of the most fun things to write in this story.

Thanks for the wonderful review!


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