This neeeds proof read, a lot of it doesn't make sense, particularly the part in James' point of veiw. It is good, but a little rough around the edges, not your usual polished bits of work. This chapter is very predictable.Author's Response: it probably does need a bit of an edit, i'll read over it when i find the time in between all of my school work. thanks for the advice.
ellie :) Report Review
At the begining it is mentioned that it is five in morning then later it changes to six. Still a really cute chapter though. Keep writing! :)Author's Response: Okay, thanks :) Report Review
I think that you perhaps could have extended the scenes in this chapter. Maybe by writing part of the newspaper report or by lengthening James' appointment with Scorpius. Still very good though. Keep wiritng! :)Author's Response: Okay. Thanks. :) Report Review
Nice dramatic ending. I wonder how Rose will take things...
There a few spelling mistakes in this chapter, but nothing major. :) Keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks. :)
Ha. I'm bad at catching those, but I'm getting better. (I think) Report Review
What an amazing idea! I can't wait to read the next chapter. I don't think I can fault anything with this! Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I hope you continue to like it :D Report Review
This is a great chapter. Please keep updating!
Sometimes things get a little muddled and spelling mistakes interrupt the flow of the story.Author's Response: Thank you! I've got a new writing software, that helps me edit, so hopefully that shouldn't be a problem anymore. :) Report Review
Oh no! Why does she leave?! This is terrible! Our destined lovers will be parted! No!
Very nice chapter, again. I suggest you proof-read it, a few little punctuation and spelling mistakes interrupt the flow a little. Keep up the good work though! Update soon please! 10/10Author's Response: Don't worry, it won't be all that tragic, promise. Thanks for the review, and thanks for the feedback, I'll make sure to go back and look over it! Will try to update soon! Report Review
A really good beginning, already slightly in love with James.
Roxanne is going under to many nicknames when we meet her, it's confusing.
Cliche is spelt... Cliche (Normally it has an umlaut on the last 'e' but when I type it it looks like this: Ú) . It's a weird one.
Good start though!Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! Love when people tell me what I can do to make it better! Glad you liked it and thanks for the review!! I'll have to go back and edit these things! Report Review
Once again, another good chapter.
You really know your characters, their reactions are perfect.
McGonnagal's needs a little work, her input seemed a little short and not quite right somehow. In this situation, I don't think she would be saying 'mister'.
Anyhoo, fabulous as ever. :)
-CaldanAuthor's Response: thank you :D
thanks, i do try and keep them in character so that is good to hear :D
ill edit mcgonagall's part and see what i can do to make her more realistic.
thank you for the lovely review,
ellie :) xx Report Review
Connor's reaction is perfect. But I don't think he'll be letting James and Summer off lightly!
There isn't really a lot to fault with this chapter, but I felt that if you added some of Penny's mysterious bruises into earlier chapters making a longer lead up it would be better.Author's Response: awh, well thank you :D and you're right, he wont. hes gonna have to do something.
thank you :D and yeah, i probably should have, but he wasnt physically abusing her for a long time, so ill see if i can edit it in :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
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