This is such an intriguing and original idea! The Sorting Hat's ability make decisions for itself has always made it a curious object, and I love the fact that you explain that by making it a Horcrux. It just fits perfectly, and the hat giving Riddle the same advice that Godric Gryffindor would almost surely have given as well is a really lovely touch. The song was a cool thing to see as well, it was creative but still stuck to the format of, "describe the houses and the task of sorting," and overall I felt that it worked quite nicely. :)
I thought that your characterization of Riddle was very believable. He wasn't curious at all about the end of the story that the hat told, only the portion he needed to use. The clarity with which that came through was excellent, and it brought greater depth to the clear lack of sympathy that he shows while he forces information out of the hat. That aspect of him, and the way you subtly expressed his separation from his peers really brought his character together for me.
I also thought it was interesting how Riddle almost seems to be reminding himself that he is Lord Voldemort sometimes. Is he still building his confidence, or is that just part of his sense of superiority?
Anyway, I also loved the tale of the Founders. You painted such an intimate portrait of the friendship between Slytherin and Gryffindor, and when that all went up in flames, a part of that intimacy still survived. It was great how parallel their relationship was with the splitting of a soul and how Gryffindor's despair shows that doing so is such a destructive act. I have to wonder if that other piece of Gryffindor is still floating around somewhere, maybe as something like the eagle knocker on the Ravenclaw common room door, or maybe mixing up the staircases when he gets bored. ;)
This story was beautifully written and definitely a pleasure to read. I'd definitely like to see another one like it in the future!
-Warrior Report Review
This isn't a happy story at all, but I loved it. The strength Narcissa shows in keeping all of this from her husband - and the implication that she continues to do it for years into Draco's childhood - marks her as a determined woman and certainly explains how she came to be so emotionally bereft. All throughout the books it seems like Draco is the center of Narcissa's life in just a bit more than the usual way for mother and son, and I love that you picked that up and expanded on it.
I want to know when Lucius turned into such a jerk! I loved how the two of them met, and I thought it showed a... softer? side of Lucius that isn't often touched upon by writers, although I too feel that he once had the capacity to express affection. The difference in how he and Narcissa treat the house elves, though, is also quite telling, and I liked that you slipped that into the picture. :)
I also really value constructive criticism, so whenever someone writes that they are open to it, I always comb through and see if I spot anything that could use improvement. However, I didn't find anything in this story to constructively criticize! It was very well written, the characters were believable, and the emotional depth of it is impressive. Awesomely done.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
I am pleased you liked this not-so-happy story =) Its great you liked the way I have portrayed Narcissa, your comments are spot on. Yes, I enjoyed expanding on the motherly side of Narcissa we saw in the books.
Haha, I guess over time, a lot of men turn into jerks. They are all nice in the beginning and later just turn horrible (speaking from experience). I wanted to show a softer side of Lucius, yes, before going over to his meaner one. Aha I am glad you picked up on the treatment of house-elves, it is a detail I pride myself on.
It is such a great thing to hear that you don't find anything in this story to constructively criticise. It means a lot to me. Thanks for all your lovely words! Report Review
This story was absolutely heartbreaking, but I mean that in the best possible way.
The depth of Narcissa's emotion is really something else. She understands and internalizes the whole concept and scope of the war, which not only fits perfectly with the reference to Les Miserables, but serves to make the all-consuming nature of her grief seem almost altruistic, and quite permanent.
I loved the dynamics of the family as Narcissa revisited them, they were all believable and they took a bit of the focus on despair away from the literal deaths. This is how I have always pictured the Black parents dealing with the "treachery" of Sirius and Andromeda as well - I feel like it would have come close to destroying them. Their lives would never have been the same after that, because none of them could accept what had happened.
Your imagery and metaphors are beautiful, and I have to say that they are the reason felt like I should tell you how much I loved this story. Regulus going from a prince to a butterfly with black-stained wings... excellent.
Cheers, and keep writing! Report Review
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