Oh my gosh, this was just hilarious! It's only natural to do the opposite of what your older sibling tells you to do, right? ;) I loved Lily's characterization--adventurous and mischievous, exactly how a younger sister should be. I loved how light-hearted this was as well. I had a smile on my face the whole time reading this!
My favorite part was when Lily said she regretted nothing. I laughed so hard at that line! Definitely a wonderful piece--I think I might just have to check out your other stories featuring Lily now! Great job! :)
~Rosie Report Review
Hey! :) I like the plot you've got here. I'm not much of a Dramione fan but I've started reading them to see what they're like.
I've been reading some of your reviews and they seem quite harsh. Every writer starts off at the same place, and nobody has the right to say your story is terrible. Don't let a few rude reviews stop you!
You can get a beta over at the forums, or you could stop using the shortened version of words. "Plz" should be "please." I know that the shortened versions are used very commonly on social media sites, and when texting, but when you're writing fanfiction it's not right. It sounds very unprofessional to use "osom" or "lol." And people get the idea that you're rushing or don't put in as much effort. When you're writing an essay in school I'm sure you don't use these abbreviations--same thing with fanfiction or formal writing in general. There is a time and place for these kind of words.
I would suggest reading some stories from well-known fics on this site like "Delicate," which you might like. Try observing the way these authors write and it helps build your writing style.
Anyway, don't be discouraged! A few edits and I'm sure you'll feel much better about your stories. :)
~Rosie Report Review
All I can say is that this was absolutely adorable! The mystical land of AU...a world without Voldemort, a world with an average, normal Harry. (Not to mention adorable!)
Toddler Harry's narration was by far my favorite thing in this one-shot! I laughed when he was talking about the hospital: "It wasn't at home at first, it was at the hospital with his mummy--that's where his mummy found it, Harry reckoned." This sentence was by far the best!
Great job! It love reading sweet, light-hearted one-shots like these sometimes. :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: YAY!!! I'm so glad you like it. I'm trying to change my writing style, as my other story isn't very good, so I'm glad you like it. Report Review
Hey there! It's Rosie from the BvB review battle! :)
First off, I think this was wonderful. Actually, I thought this was the first chapter of a novel/novella until I saw that it was actually a one-shot! So I would vote that you should continue. After all, you left us off with such a cliff-hanger! I'm also curious as to how Dom will get along with the twins, and how she'll cope with being a Slytherin.
I enjoyed the idea of the next-gen kids pretending to be Marauders. :) Haha, I love how they thought it was a 'super injustice' to be Wormtail. :P
As for critique, I've only got a little bit. While the dialogue was great at the beginning, I feel as if it lacked description. They're talking, but there's no description as to where they are and what they're doing, when, etc. It just starts off like that and suddenly the reader is pulled to King's Cross. So basically, it could help if you added some description at the very beginning and then made the transition to King's Cross a bit smoother.
So overall, this is lovely as both a one-shot and the beginning of a story. If you wanted to continue, I would definitely read on. The characters seem to be developing nicely and I can already see where this story could go if you wanted it to. But either way, a wonderful piece of writing. Great job! :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: so thank you so much for your awesome review! i do agree with you about the dialogue at the beginning and i will go back and edit that for clarification. i've chosen to leave this as a one-shot, but am working on a sequel that is much longer, and focused on Dom's 4th year onwards, starting at platform 9 3/4 in the epilogue. it's called Werewolf's Trace. check it out and let me know what you think! :) and once again, thanks for the super sweet review!
~M Report Review
This is very interesting. :) I don't think anybody is born without love, even Voldemort himself. Your punctuation and grammar needs a little work, but other than that the story's idea is very good. Tom's characterization as a kid was very realistic, with him sounding so annoyed by the other children in the orphanage, his lucid dreams, and willingness to control people...very excellent. Keep up the great work!
P.S: You should really credit the person who made your banner. They made it for you and it's rude not to even credit them.
~RosieAuthor's Response: Thank you Rosie! I've been wanted to write a "Tom" story for a long time, so I am excited to see where this one takes me. I'm doing my best to proof read but a few errors always seem to escape me.
Regarding the banner, the maker didn't require a credit. Thanks for the concern though! Report Review
Aw, so sweet! :D I love reading about young Ginny, it always makes me smile. (Which this one-shot definitely accomplished!) I loved how in the beginning I was slightly confused if I was reading the actual wedding, and then later I realized that it was just Ginny pretending. Absolutely adorable! Great job. :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: I love that this made you smile. :) Thanks for the review! :)
-ShadowRose Report Review
This was absolutely wonderful! I think this was one of the most emotional chapters so far--Harry had spent so much time and effort trying to leave his past behind, and now he was forced to visit it again. And I even felt sorry for Petunia, which is definitely saying something. :P
Everyone's characterizations were spot-on, I'd say. Petunia was herself, even though you had to portray her as sad and miserable. And I also enjoyed the tiny bits of information you provided about the Dursleys and how they were when they were in hiding.
Excellent chapter! :)
~Rosie Report Review
This looks like it's going to be a very interesting story. You don't read much about vampires in the HP world, (although we know that they're there) so your take on this was quite interesting. :)
Your detail and word choice was excellent; with a little more practice with writing, I think you could be a very well-known author around here.
However, one thing that distracted me was when you said "mither." I'm pretty sure you mean "mother." I was thinking that you meant to put the Scottish accent in there, but I think you should save it for her dialogue only. When she's thinking, I don't think it's appropriate to use "mither."
Anyway, interesting start. Keep it up! :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: I'm always interested in what J.K.R. doesn't write about in her books, so I try to think in that department. :D
Thanks; I'm flattered you think I'd be a good author. :D I've tried to write fanfictions before, but they never turned out the way I wanted it to... Hopefully this one won't turn out like the other ones!
About the "mither," I wasn't sure whether to put it in the dialogue or her actual thoughts or both. It would make sense in the dialogue, but in her thoughts, she's still Scottish. It took me a while to decide. :D
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Haha, I had a goofy-looking grin the entire time I was reading this! Again, your description was phenomenal and I loved how in-character everyone was. I really enjoyed the part where Hermione tells Molly the news! :D Everyone's reactions were really enjoyable to read. Great job on this chapter!
~RosieAuthor's Response: Aw, so glad you enjoyed it! The next chapter is underway at the moment!
Thanks for continuing to read and review this story :)
Athene xo Report Review
*Bursts out sobbing* THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL! Such a bittersweet ending! You ended the story so nicely, and I don't think it could have been any better. And the last word, "on," was the same word that you started with in the first chapter! I've said it before and I'll say it again: you are a fantastic writer!
Voldemort's gone for good, but I find it sad that Harry's not there to celebrate. *Hugs canon* The whole "what if" scenario was done so perfectly throughout the story, and each event made sense. The creativity was phenomenal, what with Draco playing an important role, Harry dying, of course, Ron and Hermione being separated, Voldemort dying because of Harry's blood...honestly, what goes on inside that brain of yours!?
*Cough* I'll just continue stalking your Author's Page*cough*
~RosieAuthor's Response: ♥ Thank you so much!! And I think you are the first person to mention that the same word that started this story also ended it, which was very intentional -- it shows the different connotations of those two words, and yet how they're not that different at all.
But anyway. "Bittersweet" is, I believe, an apt word to describe this epilogue, which is why I'm pretty thrilled that you picked it out, too. :) The war is over and good has triumphed, but they sacrificed a lot along the way: Neville, Fred, Charlie, Colin, Tonks, Lupin. And, of course, Harry. But there are bigger things, more important things, in store for all of these survivors, and grief will only hold them back -- so they won't grieve forever. Hence the "sweet"!
I don't know what goes on in my brain, or how these things come about... but I do know that I'm very, very glad you appreciate them. ♥ Thank you so much for being an incredibly dedicated reviewer, and I would love to see you back by before too long! Report Review
I don't know how I'm even managing to write a review, since right now, I'm utterly speechless!! I can't believe it's almost over already. :'(
I love how Percy breaks out of his shell here, standing up to Voldemort the way he did. Especially since everyone thinks of him as a coward.
And of course, Expelliarmus! Naturally, it had to be the spell that killed Voldemort! And the scene was perfect, too.
Overall, I'm pleasured to have read this story. You did such a wonderful job with that "twist in time" element that I've enjoyed so much! The entire story gave me chills and I must say that you're a very, very talented writer. I'm hoping to read any more stories that you might come up with in 2013 and maybe even start reading some of your current ones!
I can't wait for the epilogue! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: I can't believe it's almost over, either! It really feels like I've just started posting this story, even though... wow, I guess that was six months ago. Time flies when you're having fun!
Percy breaking out of his shell was planned from chapter 3 on. :D He just does not get enough credit in fan fiction, I think. Love him! And of course it had to be Expelliarmus -- Hermione and Ron would have known that that was Harry's kind of signature spell, and besides, I try and tie things to canon, anyway. And Harry's still with those he left behind in that spell, in a way.
I'm so, so glad to have had you as such a faithful and lovely reviewer on this story! ♥ You really have no idea how much it made me smile to see your name cropping up every two weeks after an update. It seriously means so much. :) If you felt like reading any of my current stories, that would be absolutely fantastic! And before too long I'll more firmly planned and started writing a Harry/OC murder mystery, and I'd really like to get started posting that by late February or early March!
Thank you so, so much, Rosie! I'm very much looking forward to your thoughts on the epilogue!! Report Review
It's Rosie with the first of your prize reviews! I know I'm super late, but I guess better late than never!
If there's one detail that I've ignored from Rowling is that Dudley never has a magical child. I've always been fascinated with the idea, probably because the irony plays out so nicely! So that's why this first chapter had me really intrigued.
I love how Ginny was the one telling Harry to invite his cousin's family over. And of course, he didn't want to. :P I can totally see that happening!
I can't wait to see what happens at dinner! I can already tell that things are going to get very interesting! :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: Hey! Sorry I'm a tad late responding :P
Ahaha, exactly; it's such a fun/weird idea to think of a mini-Dudley with a wand in his hand...
Ha, I wouldn't want to if I were Harry, either :P
Anyways, thank you for the review, and I hope you enjoy the rest! :) Report Review
Stop being so amazing. It should be illegal to be this talented. I swear you do something to these chapters that makes them so perfect!!
OH MY GOSH MOLLY KILLED BELLATRIX!! I love how it's still Molly that defeats her! But then again, how could I have thought otherwise!
Ron and Hermione finally meet again! You captured the moment so flawlessly and it just left me with this stupid-looking grin on my face! Again, WHY ARE YOU SO AMAZING?
I really want to know who's going to defeat Voldemort! I can already tell that the next chapter is going to be the most epic of them all!
And just one question--will there be an epilogue?
Anyway, awesome-tastic chapter but what else is new? :P
~RosieAuthor's Response: Oh, goodness, I'm blushing. ♥ It's fantastic to hear you enjoyed this chapter! Gah, I cannot get over that first paragraph. I'm grinning like a loon over here, I do hope you know!
Molly was always going to defeat Bellatrix, just like in canon, from the moment I first sat down to write this story. I can't imagine it any other way! And Ron was always going to get Hermione back, too, because /that/ couldn't have happened any other way, either. SO glad you liked how that turned out, though, because I admittedly was a bit worried about it!
The next chapter's where everything comes to a head! I'm almost bouncing on the edge of my seat thinking about it, I kid you not. I hate to have to wait until after the queue closure to post! But alas, such is life...
As for an epilogue, the final chapter is... it's not really an epilogue, but it hints at things to come. If that makes any sense. It's the lightest chapter of them all, to be certain. You'll have to read it and see what I mean! :) Thank you so, so much, Rosie, for such amazing reviews, and being so supportive of so many of my stories! Report Review
No!! Not Dean!! First you kill Harry, then Neville, and now Dean too? :'( But anyway, this chapter was very exciting! I loved the suspense build up here! I can already tell that the next chapter is going to be great! (pfft, like your chapters are ever not great.)
Again, I'm astounded at how you kept Draco in character! You could have easily written him so that he seemed OOC by making him act too helpful, but he was still himself at times like when he was a bit rude to Hermione. And I totally get how he felt about Harry dying; it must have been strange having your arch-enemy die.
And I see the next chapter is already up! *runs off to read*
~RosieAuthor's Response: Yes! :( It's very weird -- someone else (it might even have been you) pointed out that it's like the Death Eaters are sort of just picking off the Gryffindor boys in Harry's year. And knowing as they do that Ron's still at large, that's a real dent to morale. Poor, poor guy...
I'm so happy you're finding Draco to be continually in character, too! I've not written a lot about him before, and long ago, I never bothered keeping him in character. :) I can't even really wrap my head around what must be happening to all of them, though. All these people they grew up with, just... gone.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review, as always! ♥ Report Review
Haha, Ron's reaction was perfect! To be honest, for Ron, it could have gone either way. He could have totally freaked out and have fainted or be really happy. Ron and Hermione's characterization was perfect! :D
And Molly was right! I thought she would be. ;) Hermione's reaction was perfect as well! And of course, the first two things she thought about was Ron's reaction and her job. :P
Wonderful chapter, as always! Waiting anxiously for the next chapter! :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: You're quite right that Ron could have gone either way - and it was quite tempting to have him freak out. But I'm glad you think it worked this way! I really loved writing this chapter, because I feel like I've seen so many fics where Ron and Hermione are unhappy, so it felt great to write them being really excited (and scared, and nervous, and worried...)
I promise that the next chapter is on it's way!
Thank you so much for your lovely reviews - you've really given me the boost I need to get on and finish the chapter!
Athene xo Report Review
Gah! I can't even put into words how amazing this chapter was! I had this goofy grin on my face the entire time I was reading this! That's one of the reasons why I love this story-it's just plain, simple, fluffy, and just wonderfully adorable!
Harry's characterization was perfect, and so was Ginny's! The announcement near the end made this chapter even better. Great job with the description, as usual. :D
This was my favorite chapter so far, I must read the next to find out if it's even better than this one...
~RosieAuthor's Response: Aw, ROSIE! What a sweet review. I'm so happy that you like my Harry and Ginny - they can be so difficult to get right!
Thanks again :) Report Review
All the Weasleys together-it certainly made for an interesting chapter! I would just pick out all my favorite lines from this chapter but that would mean surpassing the review limit. :P One of my favorite parts was when Molly and Hermione talked. I've always seen Molly as another motherly-figure for Hermione, and that certainly showed here.
The first time Hermione said that she was feeling ill, I guessed that she was pregnant. And I think I'm right! I must read on to find out for sure. :)
And this was my favorite line: He noticed the eyes of the women on him, and waved sheepishly at them, a fleck of whipped cream on his chin. Hermione smiled fondly as she waved back. "...well, I'm just not sure that he's ready for fatherhood."
PERFECT Ron Weasley moment right there!
This was a lovely chapter. I absolutely adored all the family feels and how spot-on the characterization was. Great job! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: It was certainly interesting writing them all together! I had to draw up a table plan, a family tree, and a layout of the Weasley house/garden (as I imagine it!) to keep tabs on them. I also had to uninvite Teddy Lupin! Just too many people.
Yeah, we don't get to see or hear much of Hermione's mother, so Molly is the mother we know about. I agree with you, I think she really takes Harry and Hermione under her wing; Harry at first because he's an orphan and Hermione at first because she's muggle-born. Plus, Ron just kept inviting them over... :P
Heehee, and were you right? Well, I know the answer obviously, as do you know! Haha.
YES! Ron. Ron and his messy little face. You just have to love him.
Athene xo Report Review
Romione feels!! I adore these two, and you wrote them perfectly! Ron and Hermione's characterization was spot-on. :)
I also like how you pretty much summed up Hermione's life after the war. How she successfully raised awareness on S.P.E.W and her relationships. Those tiny details you added did a great job making it all seem so realistic!
And once again, I'm blown away by your writing style! Great job with the description! Great second chapter, I must read the next one! :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: I love Romione too! (Can you tell? Haha) They may be my favourite part of writing this story. It's all been on hiatus for a while but reading your reviews has got me all anxious to get back to writing it again! I miss Ron and Hermione!
I seem to remember having a tricky time trying to think my way around Hermione's post-Hogwarts career! But I'm glad you think I managed it ;) And the friendship/working relationship with Luna surprised me, but it somehow seemed to work.
Eee, thanks for the review! They make me smile. Sorry I've taken a while to respond, I've injured my back and can't sit at my computer for long.
Athene xo Report Review
It's Rosie with the first of your prize reviews! :)
This was just so sweet! I've always loved the Weasleys, especially Molly. I love the tradition of her baking a cake for each grandchild, it seems like something she would definitely do. :)
How do you write detail so flawlessly? I had a perfect visual of the cake being made and how much of a mess the kitchen was. I think it's something that defines your writing style very well.
It seems like Molly's going to have to make a lot of cakes in the future...there are many more grandchildren on the way! :P
I also liked Audrey's characterization. She seems like the perfect match for Percy!
A very good first chapter! I absolutely love your writing style. Keep up the great work! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: Hi Rosie!
Aw, well thank you for the kind words! I had fun thinking of the various cakes Molly would come up with for her grandchildren. I imagine that as the kids grow up, she would even send their cake to Hogwarts for them to enjoy with their friends.
Thank you so much for your comment on the detail. I do feel that perhaps I get over-detailed, but to know that you could imagine the kitchen and everything means so much; the main thing I always want to accomplish in my writing is to create images in the reader's mind!
Aw, and Audrey. I like her.
Thanks again Rosie! Report Review
That was adorable! I've always been so confused on why Rowling made Fred and Angelina go to the ball together when we know that George marries Angelina. I hate it when people say that Angelina only liked Fred but she married George anyway because he died. And this one-shot does a great job explaining!
And I'm glad Angelina found out about the switch. She knows who truly loves her that way. :D Fred and George's characterization was also great, by the way!
A very sweet one-shot! You did a great job with this. :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: Aww, I'm glad you liked it!
I think every Potterhead was confused about the George/Angelina pairing, so I thought of this little fic! :p
When people say Angelina only liked Fred I want to cry. Angelina would have never done anything of the sorts! She loved them both, I think. :)
ahahaha, Angelina is too knowledgeable. She's known them since first year, I think she would have known how to tell the difference! ;)
I'm glad Fred and George's characterisation was good! I was so worried about that!
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for yet another review! ♥ Report Review
Awesome chapter, as usual! Haha, Clara FINALLY slapped someone in the face! I must say this is a start for her!
I love Tina and Dom! I'm glad they're there for Clara along with Fred and James. And I burst out laughing when I heard that Fred was terrified of girls until fourteen. :P
The ending was fab! It totally leaves the reader hanging! Update soon, pleasums! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: Yes, she slapped someone. All this pent-up anger and emotion took over her rational thoughts. xD
Ahahaha, I was watching Big Bang Theory and I thought, "What if Fred wasn't confident like he seems to be in every single other fanfiction ever?" :p So yeah, I thought I'd slip that little detail in there. :D
The update may take a while, but I want to try and get it out there as soon as possible! :D
Thanks for another review! ♥ Report Review
Ugh, I want to yell at those mean girls! And I thought Hufflepuffs were supposed to be nice? I also find it funny that it was Zacharias Smith's daughter who was being the bully. :P Much like her father, isn't she?
I'm so glad the bullies got all of those punishments! But the thing is, I'm afraid they'll be even worse to Clara after that. I guess I'll just have to read on...;)
An awesome second chapter! Once again, your emotion is portrayed perfectly! Keep up the great work! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: They ARE awful, aren't they? :(
I wanted to break that stereotype, so I just added it in there. ;) And I couldn't have Slytherins or someone else pick on her because they didn't know her! D: So yeah... it had to be them.
YES! YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON TO PICK THAT OUT! omg *squishes in a hug*
I was like, "Is anyone gonna pick this up???"
Read on and you'll see. ;)
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for leaving me another review! :D Report Review
You know, one of the biggest reasons why I picked this story for first place was because you captured the emotion and hurt of bullying perfectly. It's like I'm stepping into Clara's shoes and I absolutely hated those bullies!
And the ending of this chapter was just so sweet! It was very realistic how Clara doubted James at first, but then he steps out and apologizes. A very good way to wrap up the chapter, it seems to have a very natural flow to it. :)
Overall, a wonderful job with this! Great characterization and an excellent start! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: I'm still so honoured that I came first! I read some of the other entries and I was shocked at how good they were! So I'm so flattered. :)
I'm glad you hate the bullies, I based them off people who bullied me (and others) so as I sat down and typed I kept thinking, "Muahahahaha I'm creating a character based on you and I'm going to make everyone hate you! Muahahaha!" :p
If any of my bullies came up to apologise to me, I wouldn't give them the time of the day. Even though Clara is rather trusting, she wouldn't be like, "OMG YAY BFFLS 5EVAH!", she'd have to take time.
And that's what I wrote...
Anyway, I'm glad you liked the ending of it. :) It was sweet, wasn't it? ;)
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Wow, such a short yet powerful one-shot! With those few words you really showed how much the scars affected the person narrating the story. And then the ending...it left me with so many questions! But I guess that was the point of the interpretations challenge. You did a really good job with the goal! And I don't really have much more to say! A short review for a short story, I guess. :P
~RosieAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much! You're so kind! ♥
The ending was meant to be ambiguous, a few people keep asking who it was but I don't even know! :p
Thanks for another review! :D I'm glad you liked it! :D Report Review
It's Rosie from the blue vs bronze review battle! :)
This is a really good start! I really liked the characterizations of all the characters, especially Sirius. Lily's 'fiery' temper was portrayed very well, and James seemed just right! I like how you didn't over-exaggerate them, either, which I find a lot in Marauders era stories.
I liked the detail and the overall flow as well. The only thing I'd recommend that you do to improve the flow even more is to check your spacing after some of the dialogue, like here: They know. THEY KNOW!" Lily shouted. There's an extra space after "know." Not a big deal, but it's kind of distracting.
Overall though, I loved this very much! I always enjoy Jily and you're doing a great job with them. :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: Hi Rosie, thanks for stopping by, much appreciated :)
I'm glad you enjoyed the characterisation and flow. And thanks, I'll take a look and see what you mean, like a double space? Oops lol, thanks for pointing that out. Glad you enjoyed it, hopefully you enjoy what's to follow if I ever get around to updating it again lol. Thanks! Bobby xx Report Review
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