Reading Reviews From Member: Shay_Gryff
  
258 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Lifetime Of Crushes And Broken Dreams

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, I really don't understand your reasoning for the twins not liking each other. If they had just grown apart or if there had been some major falling out it would make more sense, but for six years of hatred they made up too quickly. It--again--feels forced and rushed. I feel like the entire story could be fleshed out and edited to be so much better than it already is.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #2, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: A New Beginning

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, I still don't really understand the root of their emotions. For anyone really. Lily and Frank didn't even know each other before they started dating, Adrianna and Remus spend little to no time together, and Sirius and Brianna don't seem to have an emotional reason to hate or love each other. I'm really confused as to where any of their relationships are coming from. Yeah, that's it for now!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #3, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: The Games That Play Us

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, the one big thing that stood out to me was that you used pounds as their type of money, but they would be using galleons. That's it for this review!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #4, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Can't Stop This Thing We've Started

23rd December 2014:
Hey!

Same sentiments as my past reviews, it just need a big edit and update.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #5, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Life Time Piling Up

23rd December 2014:
Hey there!

This chapter has a much better flow than the last, but there are still a few of the same types of issues.

The interaction between Sirius and Brianna seems really fake and rushed. I don't understand where any of their emotions are coming from and I really don't see any real interpersonal relationships between anyone.

Sorry if you feel a bit offended by my reviews, I just want to help in any way that I can!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #6, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Hanging By A Moment

23rd December 2014:
Hello again!

Okay, this chapter especially feels choppy and forced. I feel like it needs more of Sirius' thoughts to show you what is going on instead of you telling us what's going on. For example, instead of saying "Dinner that night" you could have Sirius thinking about sitting down, or have the Marauders talking and getting food, or just something less abrupt and more thought and dialogue driven.

Other than that, this chapter wasn't bad! Not great, but not bad either.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #7, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: The Place You Have Come To Fear

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, I don't really understand why their Muggle Studies professor is using his class time to try and fix his students' behavior. I don't know, I feel like that job would fall more to Dumbledore or McGonagall.

Sorry this review is so short, but I don't even know if you get on the site anymore to read these reviews so... yeah.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #8, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Tumbling Down

23rd December 2014:
Hi there!

A few words were missing and there were a few grammar mistakes, but other than that it was a relatively clean chapter!

I feel like Sirius is developing a little bit, but everyone else is really flat and unchanging. I hope that changes soon!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #9, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Nothing Was All I Found

23rd December 2014:
Hello again!

Even less typos! As you kept going your grammar and spelling improve drastically!

I'm still missing character development. All of their interactions feel forced and fake.

The story is great, otherwise I wouldn't be rereading it ;)

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #10, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Can't Fight For Much Longer

22nd December 2014:
Hello there!

The story is starting to flow better, but I don't feel like much is happening to the characters. The past two chapters have had some action, but almost no characterization has been built upon. I don't see Sirius' reasoning for 'falling' for Brianna.

That's it for this review. I still recommend revamping the story and getting a beta to help you.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #11, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Pefer Not To Be Rescued

22nd December 2014:
Hello!

Basically take all of my comments from the previous three chapters and apply them to this one as well.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #12, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: I Love To Hate You

22nd December 2014:
Hi there!

There are a lot less typos in this chapter! Yay! However, the dialogue isn't flowing very naturally. It feels choppy and forced, as do Sirius' 'visions' of wedding rings. I understand that it's difficult to put all of OTH into one novel, but in general the pace of the story is rushed and choppy.

Also, and this is a very minor thing, why did you use choke as Sirius' description? I know that it's what was used by Peyton to describe Lucas, but Sirius hasn't done anything to be referred to as choked, and it seems like it's Hayley to Nathan.

This might be just because it's been a while since I've read the story but Alice is Peyton, Sirius is Nathan, Brianna is Hayley, and Lily is Brooke, but I can't figure out who everyone else is. I don't know if it's just me or if you don't have everyone as distinct characters.

Anyway, lovely story, lovely job!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #13, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Getting In Each Others Business's

22nd December 2014:
Hello again!

I know that it's been a while since this story was published, but I really think that if you do a massive edit and update it would really improve the flow of the story. I personally get really distracted by grammar mistakes such as "there" instead of "their" and I know some people who stop reading stories when there are too many typos. I would be happy to beta the story for you if you'd let me!

Again, other than that it's a good story! One Tree Hill is awesome and I'm glad I decided to reread this story as a re-watch the series.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #14, by Shay_GryffChasing Pavements: Nobody's Home

22nd December 2014:
I'm really glad that I'm rereading this story! One Tree Hill was a great show and I'm reading as I watch it (for like the third time)

I feel like you could use a massive edit with a beta. There are a lot of typos and grammatical mistakes that detract from the story. It's also very choppy and I feel like if you revamped now it could be improved drastically.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #15, by Shay_GryffNot Another Fairytale.: That just happened.

18th January 2014:
Hello! I still really enjoy this story. I think once you get going a little more it will be really great. However there are some missing words and major typos that detract from the story. I would recommend getting a beta or having someone else look over it before you post the chapter.

UPDATE SOON!
Shay_Gryff

Author's Response: Hello, thanks for the review. I'm currently on the searchoice for a beta and I'm trying to work through all the typos. For some reason they always see
To slip through. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Keep reading,

TheGirlOnFirexx


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Review #16, by Shay_GryffA Violet in the Sunshine: Chapter 11: Plans

22nd December 2013:
Hello!

I just wanted to let you know that you call Rose's sister both Faith and Hope a few times.

Good job so far, I'm looking forward to the rest :)

Shay_Gryff

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Review #17, by Shay_GryffHugo Weasley: To the Rescue: The Talk

21st December 2013:
I love Hugo!!

And Scorpius, just saying ;)

KEEP WRITING :D
Shay_Gryff

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Review #18, by Shay_GryffDaddy Dearest: How Far We've Come

21st December 2013:
Hello! I can see why you were nominated, this story is amazing! I can't think of a better word to describe it, though it definitely deserves better than that. This is one of my favourites, I just love it so much!

How you wrote it just flows so well and makes me cry with Rose and love Scorp and Scorose is one of my OTPs and this just shows why. I wish I could put into words how this story has affected me but I hope this short little review will get at least some of that across. I truly love it, from beginning to end and everything I imagine happens afterwards. Thank you, and you should consider writing that sequel. ;)

KEEP WRITING :D
Shay_Gryff

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Review #19, by Shay_GryffSilver Linings: Albus: When Everyone Comes Together

8th December 2013:
Hello! I started this story yesteday and had maybe two chapters to read when I woke up today. I really like this story, it has so much love and friendship and its written very well and I love Al! Great job, I look forward to reading the sequel!

Shay_Gryff

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much! The sequel is about ten/eleven chapters away from being posted (in that I have ten/eleven different chapters I need to post first before I get to it on my list :P). Hopefully, it'll be up before New Year.

Thank you for leaving a review, I'm so glad you enjoyed this story!

Sam.


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Review #20, by Shay_GryffBolder: Dancing

7th December 2013:
Hello again! I finshed this one as well. And although I really loved Stronger, and the happy flashbacks from last chapter, I'm not a big fan of this story. I don't really know why, there wasn't really anything WRONG with it, t just didn't sit well with me. I still think you are a fantastic author though!

KEEP WRITING
Shay_Gryff

Author's Response: I do have to admit that this was written rather quickly and was really just a quick idea. It definitely wasn't as well-planned as Stronger. I'm sorry you didn't like it, but I'm glad you took the time to read it and review and that you liked Stronger so much. Thanks for the review!
~cb ")


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Review #21, by Shay_GryffStronger: Epilogue- Christmas

7th December 2013:
Hello! Sorry I haven't reviewed before, but I literally read this all today and I'm so glad I found this story! I've actually been meaning to read it for a while but life and broken computers get in the way :(

Any ways, I love this story! For a first novel-length piece it was extremely well written and the plot flows so well and I LOVE ANDIE!! By far my favourite, other than James and Calla.

Speaking of James and Calla, AHH! I loved this story so much! I'm going to read the sequel right... NOW!

KEEP WRITING :D
Shay_Gryff

Author's Response: Wow thank you so much! You have no idea how much this made my day. :) I'm so glad that you liked the story!
~cb ")


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Review #22, by Shay_GryffWolfsbane: Epilogue

5th December 2013:
Hello! I FINALLY finished reading this story! YAY! I've had to restart reading it twice now because of school getting in the way but at last I have read the entire thing!

And I love it!! Charisma and James... they need a ship name. Jarisma? Jafy? (Wolfy/James, though no one calls her Wolfy after Christmas so I guess not)

You wrote this story so well and Chic grew as a character into someone strong and much more independent. I must say that James is my favourite character though. Or maybe Freddy.

I look forward to reading the sequel!

KEEP WRITING :D
Shay_Gryff

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Review #23, by Shay_GryffNot Another Fairytale.: The One With The Question

22nd October 2013:
Still lovely!

KEEP WRITING :D
Shay_Gryff

Author's Response: Thank you,
Keep reading. :)

TheGirlOnFirexx


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Review #24, by Shay_GryffNot Another Fairytale.: The One With The Party

10th October 2013:
Hey! Great job so far with the rewrite! I LOVE Daisy and Al! I really enjoyed reading Al's PoV this chapter too, it was nice to see/hear from him.

I love this story so much! It has a lot of potential (and a lot of typos but that can be overlooked) and I can't WAIT until you get farther into it :)

KEEP WRITING :D
Shay_Gryff

Author's Response: Thank you, yeah I really liked writing in AL's POV, I thank I'l do more of those later. Thank you, I hope this story lives up to it's potential.

Thank you and keep reading,

TheGirlOnFirexx


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Review #25, by Shay_GryffBeauty Queen: Epilogue: The Quidditch Cup

9th October 2013:
Hey! Great story!I love Tasha and all of the characters, but my favourite would HAVE to be Molly!

I've wanted to read this story since I finished reading your other completed stuff, but I don't do well with WIPs so I've waited and it was SO WORTH IT!

I can totally relate to Tasha feeling restricted and not wanting to disappoint anyone. I have problems saying no sometimes and I have gotten myself into situations where I wish that I had said no! She is such a great character and I just love how you write!

I also really like how you have the beginning interviews and the end interviews, it really shows her growth as a person and as an individual.

I LOVE JAMES!

I was a tad bit sad that Scorp/Rose wasn't your ship of choice, but you wrote Dom and Scorp's psudo-relationship so well I don't really mind :)

So again, great job! I absolutely loved it

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you! :) I'm so glad you liked the character, especially Molly who may or may not be my favorite character I've ever written.

It means so much to me that you found Tash relatable! I totally get what you mean about not being able to say no sometimes, but I hope through this story you'll be able to say no when you want!

And yes, the beginning/end interviews I loved writing because I felt like I was writing a new character by the end of it, and so I felt like I'd done my job at giving Tash some growth.

I love James too! I wish he actually existed because I'd be all up on that.

ScoRose is actually my least favorite ship, because it seems too obvious to me, so they were never in the cards in this one. But I'm glad you could tolerate Dom and Scorp!

Thanks so much for reviewing this story as well as my previous story! Means so much that you like my writing :)
-Rebecca


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