So I knew I missed BTF but I hadn't realised how much until I started reading and got all caught up in the characters' chaos and all. Ah... I'm so behind again.
Your opening scene was award-deserving! You set up the mood perfectly and all the characters were perfect! And how you just had the whole Alerk 'revelation' thrown at us...? That was brilliant! Slightly mean, but brilliant and perfect and it got me so excited about what he's capable of doing to our lovely Marauders & Co. Then there was Bellatrix whom you know I love! For me, she was the highlight of this chapter! I loved how you utilised her to show the difference between those who have been serving dear old Voldy for a while --those who know what they're doing and deserve basking in self-glory-- and those who are still starting out but think they're brilliant and unique and whatnot. It was all just so dark and suspenseful and awesome!
And then there was the Belle part which you also set up for perfectly. Again, your gradual transition between dark and yellow/warm (that's what it looks/feels like in my head)... It felt so natural and didn't make the chapter feel chopped up. I also loved the little glimpses you've included between Belle's portions of her story. It really made me feel as though I was inside her head and there's this foggy string of images and sensations flickering in front of me. It just made the scene intimate and allowed for the progression of Belle's story without making it feel like a chunk out of some autobiography. So I liked that.
I have other entertaining chapters waiting for me! Can't wait to see what happens!Author's Response: MANNO! I'VE MISSED YOU!!
Heheheh. Alrek was supposed to stay in the dark a bit longer, but then I figured it would be more fun for everyone to know that he's bad, except for the people that actually need to know in the story! Our poor Lily and James. I'm never giving them a break.
Bellatrix is too much fun to write. She comes in again relatively soon, and that one (the one a few chapters down the road from here) is so far my favorite scene I've written of hers.
I really struggled with how much 'flashback' sort of things and how much talking and ugh. I ended up pretty happy with the result, and knowing that you think it didn't feel choppy really makes me feel better about it ♥
I'm so happy you like this chapter. And you have no idea how excited I was to see you here ♥. I know you're so busy with your last year of school (yay!) well, until uni of course ;). So just knowing you're still reading is such an awesome feeling.
And, after you reviewed this I went to stalk your AP, and realized you have a new chapter up! Yay! I'm so excited to head over there!
Thanks again m'dear ♥ Report Review
Oh no, it ended so quickly! I kind of felt that you're wrapping the chapter up, but I kept hoping that you weren't. But, indeed, you were. This chapter was just so much fun and though there weren't any raging events, I could clearly see the set up for some. There was a lot of character structuring here, in my opinion, and that was fun to observe.
The first scene felt as though there was a camera lodged at the centre of the Great Hall, following the characters' gazes and zooming in on the important conversations going on. It was enjoyable to have a glance at what was going on through each of the characters' heads, and it was, thankfully, not confusing at all.
I loved how you started out with Peter and how you showed some subtle changes in attitude. Although he's always been the tiniest in the group, here we could see him make use of his friends' abilities and trying to gain some acclaim and appreciation. And Sirius is just so indignant! How is it all Severus's fault anyway?! I was so happy when Lily kind of took Severus's side. Even if her aim was just to be fair and all.
As for James and Severus this chapter... It was quite entertaining to see what each of them finds as the optimum method to impress Lily. We always wonder what made Lily fall for James, what has pushed Severus towards the dark side, and you're answering all of these questions exceptionally. It's an interesting aspect -how Severus decides he wants to become a Death Eater to impress Lily. Stupid, but quite intriguing. On the other hand, there's James who breaks the rules and has taken an insane risk just to keep an eye on Remus and support him. And it's disappointing to see that Severus, despite how well he knows Lily, would ever think that something like joining Voldemort would help him fall back into her good graces. And James who has never been as close to her had the ability to wow her into speechlessness by showing her how far he'd gone in order to help his friend. It was such a beautiful scene to seal the chapter with. :)
I think that the chapter was wonderful and it felt like a light read because I was so immersed. And I loved the diversity of characters here! I can't wait to see what'll happen next!
As always, well done!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hi Manno, and thanks for coming by! I've missed getting your reviews, so I was excited to see that you had a spot open. Besides, this poor chapter was looking awfully dejected :D
I do think this chapter was primarily character-based. Don't worry, there's more action coming in the next few. I'm glad the lack of action didn't deter your enjoyment, though.
I was worried that my transition from the Gryffindor Table to the Slytherin Table might have been a little intense, so I'm happy to hear that it worked well for you. I'm always glad to hear that I've painted a picture well.
I have a lot of fun with Peter, because he tends to fall by the wayside in so many stories and I prefer to take advantage of his mysteriousness and lack of development. I wanted to show that he's got a dark side without blowing things way out of proportion. After all, he's still a Marauder at this point.
You've got an interesting analysis of Severus and James, and I think it's quite accurate. Severus tries too hard in his desperation, whereas James has learned that subtle gestures are the way to Lily's heart. We'll have to see where things go next in my crazy little love triangle :)
I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you!
Amanda Report Review
Hello! I finally made it here! I've been intending to read this story for quite a while now, and when I got it for the exchange, I was super thrilled! I'm sorry I'm a bit late though.
Severus Snape is one of the most complex characters to write about, in my opinion, but you seem to understand him so well! The way you have grouped the sins and sort of mapped out the route for his thoughts made it incredibly easy to sympathise with Severus and truly grasp his suffering. You've showed that his love for Lily had a depth, that it was not a mere infatuation as many would like to believe and that made me really happy! The bit in which thinking about Lily made his hardships easier to withstand back when he's a child was, although slightly daunting, quite touching. And it's almost marvellous how now, even when she's dead, thinking about Lily is the way Severus gets through his day.
You know which part was the most painful? It's the part where you say that Severus wishes he were James just to be with Lily. I can't even imagine which hurt him more, not being with Lily or wishing he were in James's shoes. My heart ached for him, truly! And I liked your vision regarding how Severus still hopes Lily would be his, even though she's dead, because it's such a Severus thing to do! I mean, he's always been so determined and he almost always got what he wanted. Except her. :'(
Honestly, I really, really enjoyed this story. It was rather thought-provoking and made me feel like I've got to know Severus a little bit more through it, to unravel a bit more of his kinked up personality,and I really enjoyed that!
Wonderful, wonderful work! :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hello! It's neat to see that you were already looking to read this story when you got paired with it -- and no worries about the lateness, of course. I'm a bit late in responding to your lovely review, so I apologize in turn! :)
I'm so happy to hear that you think I understand Snape! I like to think so: I've written loads about him in the two years I've been writing under this account name, and he's one of my favorite characters to write about, largely because of how complex he is: He doesn't have just one side on really any issue. It annoys me a bit when people portray his love for Lily as either tragic and poetic, or just flat-out creepy, because there is a depth to it that really is fun to dig deep and analyze. (Of course, I'm big on analysis in general.) He lived his entire life for her, from the moment he met her, both when she was alive and dead. And I would say that perhaps the one time he DIDN'T live for her was his biggest regret, because that was when she turned him away, when he called her a Mudblood and rejected her help.
Isn't that heart-wrenching, that he might wish to be his worst enemy? And he owed James a life debt, too, which of course, being Snape, he can't ever just disregard. I love what you said at the end, too: He got everything except Lily, and that's really what destroyed him, in the end.
I'm very happy you've enjoyed the one-shot, and everything you claim to have felt is exactly what I was going for! Your compliments truly do mean a lot to me. ♥ Thanks so much for exchanging with me this past month! Report Review
Hello! As I sit here smiling like an idiot, I'd like to start my review with an apology! I'm incredibly sorry I've taken such a long time to come over here. Nano was destructive this time.
But anyway... I absolutely loved every tiny bit of this! I've been developing a relentless fondness for stories from the point of view of children. They're the perfect model of innocent and diabolical coexisting without having one overpower the other. I think you've shown that here as to how Louis starts out by thinking Victoire is evil, then he's led to believe that perhaps she isn't as horrible of an older sister as he initially believed, then he enjoys getting extra pudding because Victoire is punished and can't have any.
Which brings me to another aspect I admire! It really is such an effective system most of the time -desserts and children. I think that even when we grow up that remains but we try to act cool about it, which I expect how Victoire would react.
Speaking of which, I was really hoping we'd get to see how Victoire would take to all this. Would she laugh or try to defend herself and say that she never told her siblings any such thing? It would've been interesting to see her in the flesh rather than have her bully attitude merely mentioned. But maybe that's just me. And it's just a minimal thing, and the story is truly enjoyable.
I admire your Fleur a lot as well! I like how she just burst into French when she saw them! I wasn't quite sure how much they've grasped of it even though I'd expect them to speak French, but I do believe that fury is understandable in whichever language, and a child caught in the crime scene would rush into justification no matter how you approach the matter. So that scene felt incredibly natural and I really, really liked it.
The pace at which you were going was great and I loved how you paid attention to details without making it overwhelming for a child. Your description was, to me, sufficient.
I think this is the loveliest Louis story I've come across yet, and you've made all the elements here work together perfectly to generate a story that is simple, believable, and absolutely beautiful. I'm getting very nostalgic the more I think about it.
Well done and thank you so much for requesting!
-MannoAuthor's Response: I wish I could make my response nearly as long as your review, but, sadly, that won't be the case, because I just do not know how to deal with compliments!
I think Victoire /would/ have tried to lie the story off, but Fleur isn't stupid, and would have seen right through it, especially with the idea that it's not the first time Victoire does this to her siblings.
Just a theory, I'm honestly not sure, but it's food for the thought!
Thank you so much for this lovely review :) Report Review
Hey there! I truly want to hide behind a boulder from shame for how long I've taken to get here. But honestly, Nano had taken over my life. So I'm really, really sorry!
First of all, I'd like to tell you that I'm not in the category of readers that you have specified and felt that I could relate to your characters and your events well enough. Like, I didn't feel as though much (or anything) was lost in translation, and I could understand why your characters were behaving the way they were.
You also seem to have constructed the characters very well. You've given your main character a distinctive voice; I could tell that she's trying her best to accept how underachieved she is when compared to her best friend, and she's trying to take the matter as lightheartedly as possible. I wonder how long she'd be able to keep that attitude up though. I also really admire the friendship you've got between the three characters we've seen so far.
I think the flow was great and there were hardly any technical mistakes that disrupted the sentences and so on, so that was well done. You've used this chapter really well to give us an insight about how your central characters take on life, which I think sets up the story's theme really well.
I've actually enjoyed this first chapter and I'm eager for the events to start popping up. I'm also excited about Oliver because, well, what's not to be excited about? I'd like to see how you're going to tie him into the world of the characters you've introduced so far and to see what he's going to be like in this story!
I apologise again for the massive delay and feel free to re-request whenever you like. :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hello, hello! No need to apologize all. I am also a bit behind on my review thread due to NaNo, so no worries. :)
Thank you so much! I was really concerned about people not being interested in this age group; I suppose I was just weird when I was younger because anything that involved people over the age of 25 was completely lost on me XD
I agree completely--how can you NOT be excited about the prospect of Oliver Wood? :)
Thank you again so very much! Report Review
Jami, look! I'm here and not as a ghost! I really missed BTF!
This chapter made me realise what I love the most about this story. It takes all sides of the war into consideration, puts them all in a good balance that allows the central characters to shine and at the same time shows the events they're yet negligent to.
The Order scene was absolutely wonderful! As always, everything was thought through well and it felt very realistic. How concerned all the characters seemed to be accentuated the gravity of the situation and how the war now is a reality, not just a story on the papers. I loved McGonagall in this chapter and how proud she is. And I can't help but think that two of her "own students" would die, two others would be mentally severed, and one of them imprisoned, and how that should affect her when it happens. Moody was brilliant as well! He remained in-character throughout the scene. You seem to really understand him right now and I like how you've developed his thoughts regarding the war.
AND LOOK! Advances on the romantic side of things for James and Lily! Granted, they're small advances, but at least things are moving! Soon, I'll have to personally lecture Lily for wasting precious time just because she's insecure and prudent. It was really enjoyable to see James be jealous but not try to show that to Lily so she doesn't think he's possessive or that he has no right to interfere. It's really sweet!
This has been a great chapter to get back to!
*stares at the 'next chapter' button-thingy with a grin* Yup, it's time to move forward! See you next chapter!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Manno I've missed you! ♥
YES! Lily and James advanced! The next one has some serious fuzzy feels.. Lily will get there very soon ;). Chapter 13 centers mainly around Belle, so I'm excited to finally get that out there.
The Order scene was so daunting at first. Having to list out all the members that would currently be in, adding what their occupations are as well as the part they play in the order and making up an age for most of them, it was just intimidating. I wanted to make sure to have it all down though so I don't mess up something little in the scenes there in, and those facts will come in handy next book, but then when I finally got writing this scene I had SO much fun with it. Both sides are recruiting at Hogwarts, but this side is obviously doing it more delicatatly. The Order sees potential members that can play some part in helping them rescue their world, then Voldemorts sees young brains that need to be trained and manipulated into believing in his world, as well as young people he will need to make examples of to keep his world in his control. I am so happy you like the branching off parts instead of them feeling like they don't belong, because I really enjoy writing them.
Your review has filled me with so many warm gooeys ♥ thank you so much for stopping by, and I hope you love the next chapter ♥ Report Review
Hello, I'm here with your requested review! And I dearly apologise if I am a bit late; Nano has come in the way of everything last week. But anyway...
First of all, I must applaud you for the amount of apparent extensive research you've made for this story. The only two Japanese words I know are 'chan' and 'sakura' and I got everything perfectly. You're basically showing us a completely different side of magic and everything is so prominently original, so I really enjoyed the aspect of 'exploring' magic in this first chapter.
Your descriptions are absolutely wonderful. Although I had the words and translations open in a note, there were times I didn't really have to look at them because I could get what you were talking about through the context clues. Other than that, it just made everything quite colorful. Once they were into the village, I could practically see the place and I really, really liked that.
At the beginning, it felt like there was a bit too much information and too little dialogue, and that's completely understandable because you want your readers to understand what's being said and at the same time make the cultural aspect obvious. Eventually, I felt myself actually start admiring the pace at which things were going and how you were able to introduce new things into the narration. I do hope, nonetheless, that in the next chapter we'll get to see more things happen.
Your characters are, so far, very interesting. I'm rather curious as to why Edmund had been taught in Japan to begin with and I cannot wait to see what's going to happen in the ceremony.
Oh, and a comment on the summary!
"...with an unwitting English wizard caught in the middle."
This line struck out to me a little because it reminded me of Nick from the Great Gatsby. I can't wait to see what part he's going in this war.
To me, this story is unique and very different from what people would generally venture into, as a writer or a reader. Nonetheless, you've written an exceptional first chapter and I'm quite intrigued to see how matters are going to progress.
Good luck with the following chapters and thanks for requesting. Feel free to re-request whenever! :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for coming to check out my story, Manno! And please don't apologize at all. I never would have requested this close to NaNoWriMo if I'd been thinking clearly. So I extra appreciate this review since you probably took time out of your own writing to read mine :)
I think I'm going to have to go back and reconsider the dialogue for sure. In my mind I probably didn't see the imbalance so clearly because the next chapter might be dialogue-heavy. But obviously a reader can't know that! There are probably some things I can add, more inconsequential small talk since I don't want the conflict Atsushi is hiding to come out right at the beginning.
The reason for Edmund's Japanese education will definitely be explained in the next chapter. I referenced it very briefly in the story that this one is a spin-off of, but I'll need to do it again here because it obviously needs to stand on its own. I can't expect people to read 50,000 words into another novel to find out the reason there, hahaha! So thank you for the reminder! It's very helpful to have fresh eyes look at a story since I often take parts of it for granted, having had this information in my head for so long.
Thank goodness the summary seems ok! Half of the reason I put off posting this story was because I just couldn't seem to come up with a summary. I really hate those things.
Thank you again for the review! Good luck with your own writing this month and I'd love to re-request in the future when I'm done with NaNoWriMo myself and able to get back to working on this story :) ~Renny Report Review
Hello! I'm here with your requested and I dearly apologise for the delay. I also find it necessary to apologise for the confusion regarding story length the previous time; I should've been more diligent.
First of all, I'm happy you've fleshed out Clara this chapter. We saw how she reacted to crisis this time and how she tried to be civil with her tormentors and tried to sort out the dilemma even before her group of friends tagged along. It shows that she has the makings of a strong character and that she truly has a chance at becoming even stronger.
Now, speaking of that group of friends Clara has made. I wish you had told us how long after the previous chapter is that first scene of the chapter or told us of what happened to make Clara earn such loyal friends. I mean, I can guess that James had introduced them to her or vice-versa but what has happened to make them support her so heatedly? To make Fred and Dom go pale at showing Mcgonagall the photo in the paper and so on?
Flow was quite alright. I didn't feel that anything jerked me out of the chapter or anything as such. As for description, I felt that it was better in the second part than the first. And, personally, I believe that including descriptions when opening helps hook the reader because it paces them into the character's thoughts and how they view what is happening around them. But that's just a personal preference. Even if I, too, am guilty of disregarding details and imagery sometimes when I'm writing. :)
I liked the dialogue, and thought that you really brought out your characters through it, especially Dom and Fred. Dialogue has added so much to their characterisation and made each of them special. I also liked the way you've portrayed McGonagall and I didn't feel that she was out of place. I also liked how she seemed to sympathise with Clara and wanted her to stand up to her bullies.
I enjoyed the chapter and I'm very happy you've re-requested. Good luck with the next chapter (is there another?)! :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hello there! It's okay for the delay, you're doing me a favour, so I don't mind how long it takes. :)
Yes, Clara tried to er... take it head on this time? I tried to incorporate your advice from your last review, I'm glad that it worked. :)
It's about a few weeks after the first chapter so that's why they seemed a bit more friendly-ish/colloquial. I dunno, I just picture all those characters to be very nice and accepting of others, I'll try and fix that soon-ish. Thanks for pointing that out! :D
Description, ugh. I'm horrible at that. I'll have another read of it and add some in. I'll focus on the first half though. :p Thanks for the tips! :D
I'm glad to hear McGonagall wasn't too out of place, I think I took several days on writing her! :p
There's another two chapters, and hopefully you won't mind me re-requesting? :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this, all your advice is really appreciated. :D ♥ Report Review
Hey Amanda! The Review Tag brought me here and I'm very happy it has! :)
At this moment, I don't know if I should gush, cry, or tell you how amazing you are.
I think I should start with saying I've never read an Eileen/Tobias story, never even thought about that, so this has been a very interesting experience for me to say the least. I also loved that it wasn't exactly all about their relationship and that I got to know what kind of a person Eileen is before we got to Tobias. It made the nature of their relationship quite easy to understand.
I love that you've drawn her characterisation from the Grimm version of Snow White. Dark stories are always so intriguing to take on, whether you're the reader or the author, and you've done marvellously with this one-shot. I absolutely admire how the three Snow White signature colours were a basic theme here. The way you've used the colours to show the change in Eileen's life over the time, her emotional state... I was rather astounded by how effectively that worked!
I see a lot of Severus in Eileen's characterisation and that, on its own, made this story very special. You've set her and Tobias's characterisation and their relationship in a way that they relate to Severus's personality, and that sort of justifies many of the drastic choices that Severus makes-or they do to me anyway. Now I'm sitting here and wondering if Severus should've made Lily a Love Potion or ever even considered it.
Okay, I went off track.
Honestly though, this is one of the most haunting stories I've ever read. Your word choice and your descriptions added so much to the over all dark theme of the story, and the details easily got me into the perfect mood for this story and made everything so easy to visualise and even, at some points, feel. Every word had relevance to the bigger scheme of things and I was swept in once I was past the opening. :)
As always, wonderful work! Absolutely one of my favourites! Author's Response: Hi Manno! Thank you so much for stopping by!
Well, if you find that you like Eileen/Tobias, WeasleyTwins is the goddess of that ship. So much of this was inspired by her, and this was just my small stab at emulating her work. You're right that it was mostly about Eileen. I don't know, Tobias just makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if I could tackle him head-on in a fic yet. I think it's because I picture him as being representative of everything bad about Severus, and yet I feel like my Eileen here could also be responsible. Regardless, it was neat to explore this pairing.
I loved playing with the colors, using them in creepy repetition to describe Eileen throughout the piece. It was also cool to imagine her taking on the role of Snow White and twisting her into the Evil Queen in the end. I was scared that the whole style and theme just wouldn't work, and I'm pleased and flattered by how much you liked it!
Severus was definitely on my mind when I wrote this. I tried to imagine what kind of dynamic could create his complex personality. I've often contemplated the idea of Snape making Lily a love potion, then pouring it out, then re-making it in a moment of desperation. It's a chilling and yet very intriguing concept.
Thank you again for this awesome review :)
Amanda Report Review
Hello! I'm here with your requested review. I'm sorry for the wait!
I like that you understand James. You say that you RP him and it shows in your writing -I used to RP too. Your experience with him shows in how the point of view was consistent throughout the piece and how you took us through his process of thought rather swiftly. It made us get to know your James to a certain extent, despite the size of the piece. Therefore, I congratulate you on the wonderful characterisation.
Now, I was wondering about a single point. I'm no expert when it comes to Marauders era, and I've checked some resources but I still may be wrong. I don't think you've mentioned what work Lily and James were doing but I never really thought Lily and James got the chance to work after they got out of Hogwarts. I thought that the war had already started in their 6th-7th year and once they were out, they got into the Order. So, supposedly, they were working together? Again, I'm not sure, but I thought I'd point that out anyway.
That aside, I really liked the way James proposed! It showed how well he knew Lily -especially that he hid her actual copy and didn't ruin it- and how he was ready to marry her and how he really has matured over the years. I also liked you Lily a lot too!
Over all, I really enjoyed this piece -the ending was lovely! I thought it portrayed both characters wonderfully, and that James's emotions came across to me easily. I'm glad I've read it and thank you for requesting.
-Manno Report Review
Hello, I'm here with your requested review and I'm very sorry it has taken me a while to get to.
I'm very glad you've updated because, I stand assured, that this story has so much potential. The idea is very interesting and you write it wonderfully. This chapter was quite intense and explained most of the questions that were raised by the first chapter.
I have to congratulate you on your characterisation. I think you write Ginny brilliantly and I really enjoyed reading about her in this chapter, even if I generally don't. I like how strong she is being, how she really has grown since she last had an encounter with Tom.
Your Tom is great too, or so I believe. He is as taunting as ever and I love how he's just trying to get under her skin. Which I suppose he succeeded at doing by the end of the chapter.
I loved the scene in the bathroom! You've paved the way to it wonderfully because, honestly, since the beginning of the chapter, I wanted to know what Tom had in mind. And that scene had all the answers and it was quite action-packed.
I still can't believe Ginny has run away from Harry, but I sincerely hope she'll think up a way to prove to him that she hasn't gone insane and that Tom's really there, following her around.
I don't think I've caught onto any technical mistakes. Naturally, that made the narrative go smoothly and nothing distracted me. So well done with that.
I think you've gone a great job with this chapter as a whole and I can't wait to see where you'll be taking this next. Thank you for re-requesting! :)Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm happy that people seem to like it and that there are no obvious mistakes Report Review
SO GORGEOUS! -squeals- I've only read one Charlie/Tonks story (one-shot) before and I adored them. I was kind of sad they're not the kind of ship you'd see written often, but you're writing a short story COLLECTION! -squeals again until she's out of breath-
Okay, now I can type. :D
The opening was absolutely gorgeous! It really is different from the rest of the narrative so I'm glad you set it off from it. BUT DID YOU SEE THAT THIRD PARAGRAPH IN THE OPENING? It is the MOST gorgeous thing EVER! It absolutely is an interesting way to think about feelings and love, especially when mostly lack of love is what causes a relationship to fall apart. But, indeed, the two extremes can be destructive and I can't wait to see how this will be applied onto their relationship. Even if it means it'll break them up!
I absolutely love your characterisation of Tonks! I loved the way she thought about things, no matter how heartbreaking they were for most of the chapter. I think it's kind of cruel of you to build up for a sad end to their relationship, but I think that there were hints here and there that there might've been a chance. The way she'd started musing of all the things they've done together, and the third paragraph of the opening -how sometimes they gave it more they can truly give or more than it needed- It all gave me hope!
I'm very happy that you're still allowing them to be happy. Being the psychotic person I am though makes me eager to see if we'll be getting to see them fall under tough consequences and get crushed by reality. Okay, that sounded mean, but I'm just being honest.
I also like the way you characterise Charlie through Tonks's eyes. The way she describes him makes it easy to see why she'd be willing to try so hard to keep their relationship in one piece and why she'd been so terribly sad when she though he'd break up with her. :)
I really have enjoyed this first glimpse at them and I can't wait for more! Dan is, indeed, very lucky because this is a gorgeous story. Not that it's a surprise!
Keep up the magnificent work, Jami!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hi darling!! Sorry this response has taken me so long! Yes! A collection! I was too afraid to commit to a novella or something, so with this I don't have to worry much about trying to form some cool plot, I can just explore them as a couple. Mwahaha.
I am so happy you like the opening. That's kind of the beginning of the end, a more mature Tonks looking back that you'll see in one of these final chapters, and I really wanted it to stand apart so I'm thrilled that it struck out at you a bit.
I'll continue this until Remus and Tonks get together, which means you'll absolutely see a but of crushed by reality. I like writing that, so we're clearly both mean ;)
I'm so happy you enjoyed this first one, m'dear ♥ I am almost done with the next chapter told from Charlie's view point, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it that one!
Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews ♥
YAY! MYSTERY MAN HAS APPEARED! And he was so worth the wait!
This chapter was absolutely beautiful! You've worked with emotions really well here and I was so excited that I was rooting for Molly throughout. The previous chapter, Molly's acceptance of her new self was rather subtle and was shown in how she was enjoying the new things she was getting to experience. This time though, she seems sure about what she wants and that makes her such a strong character. I really, really like strong characters, especially those aren't commonly admired.
I love Audrey's reaction to seeing the sketch! That scene was described really well I could see and feel everything! I'm also happy that Audrey apologised for coming in between Molly and Leigh. They never really should've because it never really was Leigh's fault.
I absolutely adored the reunion scene! It was epic and romantic I was just very happy for the two of them. I loved the way you described the rain and the cold and how you've described Leigh through Molly's eyes and how she was feeling! It really helped the scene make an impact! I'm also happy to see that Leigh is okay with exploring new Molly along with Molly. It shows how he truly cares for her.
I'm kind of sad we never really get to know what happened the night of the accident because I was really curious but I suppose that's okay. Molly is a different person now and she doesn't really care about what's passed.
The epilogue was rather cute! I loved the part where the paramedic gave Leigh painkiller when he started to talk about hexes. It's really funny!
I am very glad I've come across this story because I truly enjoyed it! You've done a wonderful job with it, really! :D Report Review
WHY ISN'T THE BOY INTRODUCED IN THIS CHAPTER?! WHY HOLD HIM OFF? I WANT MYSTERY MAN NOW!
Okay, I'm calmer now. Wish I had gnomes to throw off when I'm angry; I'm kind of jealous.
What I really liked about this chapter was how you picked things that happen routinely -mornings, night-outs, and family gatherings at the Burrow- and showed how Molly was acting differently towards these things. It really develops her as a character and it's fun to see that she's starting to adapt to things and embracing the fact that the accident may have changed her.
I like how she and Lucy have bonded a little this chapter and how both Lucy and James are trying their best to be supportive.
Although this chapter felt like a lot of dialogue and little description, I felt that it kind of worked with this particular story. Molly is just trying to get to know the people around her again and they're testing her to see if she's still the same person. And I think you're doing a great job with showing how she feels about all of this.
NEXT CHAPTER! Mystery man better be there!
-Manno Report Review
Hello! So I've just finished listening to the podcast of this story on HPPC and I thought I'd come by and leave a review (and continue on with the other chapters because I really want to know what will happen next).
I really like the idea of the story, and most importantly, the execution. The way you've blended humour and confusion together in the beginning was very entertaining and made things very realistic. You've also written her state of disorientation really well and without making it confusing to the readers, so that's really great! :)
The party scene was wonderful as well! I'd die if I had to re-get to know my family. It took me at least ten years of annual visits to get to match all the names with the faces. So I really do sympathise with with Molly. It's so sad that she doesn't really feel like old Molly, and that James talks about her like she's kind of gone just so they'd differentiate between the two. And it really isn't his fault that there isn't any other way around it, you know -because when he talked to her like she's old Molly she was hurt too- but it's still sad. I also like the idea of their being best friends; it's not often that you come upon a Next Gen story where Molly isn't boring and the least liked member of the family.
When James mentioned her being in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night, all I could think of is that scene from the Notebook where they were lying down in the middle of the street. Don't ask me why! But it's probably the way Molly was thinking about that boy just a few sentences before that.
Anyway, it's time to go read the following chapter! I can't wait to find out who the boy is and what Molly (really) was doing in the middle of the street!
-Manno Report Review
THIS STORY IS SO BEAUTIFUL! I just finished listening to the podcast on HPPC and thought I'd come here and leave a review! :)
First of all, I adore your style of writing! The words just seem so calculated and they flow with elegance that makes the emotions included come across PERFECTLY. You've got me on the verge of tears because the way you've phrased George's feelings and emotions is just wonderful!
I also really admire what you've done with Percy! How he's changed the way he works with things but, basically, he's still the same person. It is nice to see him be a bit more sympathetic -I mean, he's helping his younger brother and that counts for sympathetic when Percy is the character in question, correct? Even if all he truly talks about is business plans?
I really like this line: "He really had become middle aged over night."
Even though it's simple, it does get the way George is feeling across quite bluntly. It made me want to hug him and tell him that it's all going to turn out okay.
You really do have a wonderful first chapter here! I'm very intrigued to see what will happen next and hopefully, I'll be able to come back soon and see where you take this! :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Ahhh thank youuu!
I haven't been on HPFF in ages, and to come back to this is lovely :)
Firstly, thanks for commenting on my writing style, I really appreciate that- it's hard not to make things OTT when writing angsty stuff, so thanks again :)
Also yes, that's exactly the way I'd wanted Percy to come across. He isn't exactly used to being compassionate towards his family members, and I felt that trying to help him get back on his feet was Percy's way of showing he cared :)
Thanks again for this review! I'll get busy writing some more. So happy about that podcast too, haha!
-Olive Report Review
Hey Jami! I don't think I've ever read a story about Fleur before and I think this has to do with how I don't really know much about her. And you made a very strong and brave character out of her, and that shows the side of Fleur that the Goblet has chosen years ago.
The narration was rather haunting -more of your beautiful dark writing! I have a speculation as to why second person was rather a suitable perspective to use here. I suppose that in a war you don't really feel like yourself. And it shows in the contrast between the part in the beginning where she can't feel any remorse for the person she killed and in the end where she returns to her normal self and collapses into Bill's arms, crying. Throughout the story, she wasn't /really/ herself, or was rather detached from her true self. And that made her a 'you' rather than an 'I'. I may be wrong, and probably am, but I can justify its use.
I also think you've used it skillfully and that it didn't feel overbearing at any point. In fact, it helped add to how action-packed this story is. Personally, I believe that, for some reason, writing in second person allows the author to write descriptions better than does any other perspective. I'm not sure why, but yeah...
Speaking of action-packed, you described all the movements wonderfully. Everything went smoothly and it truly felt like a movie with people moving and glares being exchanged, Fleur moving swiftly enough to send a spell at Greyback and defeat him.
Honestly, when I first saw the pair you received in the thread, I was curious as to how you're going to work your way around them. But I must admit that you've done an absolutely wonderful job and you kept everything canon.
You've done an absolutely marvellous job, not that it's a surprise, and good luck with the challenge.
-MannoAuthor's Response: Oh my goshhh you are doing it again! I'm going to turn into mushhh!
I love your speculation for second person! I wish I could say that I totally thought of that and that's the exact reason.. but honestly, I tried first person and third with these. And they just sucked. It felt too generic, too 'drama after battle' style. When I write poetry it's always in second person, so I figured I'd decide to do that with this and it just clicked. But let's pretend that I absolutely thought of what you said, and that was my motive behind it in the first place ;).
Thank you again for this awesome review ♥ you always turn me into piles of feels.
I just listened to the podcast of this story on HPPC and I thought I'd come here and let you know what I think of this lovely story!
First of all, I applaud you for choosing such an interesting event for the story to revolve around. I never thought about what it'd be like to see Ginny's side of what happened in the Chamber of Secrets, so I'm officially intrigued to know what'll happen next between Ginny and Tom.
I think your descriptions were great and very calculated, especially those of Ginny's feelings and thoughts. Her experience with the diary was described very well too and that part was quite interesting. I'm eager to see what other details you will be including as the story progresses.
I believe that this is a wonderful first chapter, and hopefully, I'll be able to keep up with this because it really does seem like an interesting story!
Great job! :D
-Manno Report Review
So I came across this story through HPPC and I thought I'd come by and gush a little on how I truly admire this story!
I am in love with your opening paragraph! It's just so poetic and deep, and it's vivid in an inexplicable way! It's the kind of thing you can see, hear, and feel! And I think starting a chapter out like that really grips the reader. Well, I know it gripped me! :D
Another thing I liked is the characterisation of Sirius here! Mostly, we don't see a sincere side of him, and it was refreshing change to see him be this profound and this confused. You also wrote about the way he was feeling so well that it was so easy to sympathise with him. I really just wanted to go and give him a hug. And that's just for what he felt regarding himself.
Then, Violet came into the scene and you began to describe how he felt about her, and how he saw her as a person. He knew what kind of a person she was while he didn't know what he's like and that made me wonder if she knew him, if she saw something he missed. Of course his view might be a little biased, but still!
And this line was absolutely brilliant! "And then there was Violet, who simply walked in, changed the world, and walked out without even claiming credit."
This story is absolutely wonderful! I first listened to it and was mesmerised, then I came and read it and was blown away again! I'm so glad I've stumbled upon this story!
Keep up the great work! :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the reviews! (Although Robbi gave it so much life, so most of the podcasting goodness came from her! :P) I'm so glad you liked it. It was really fun to write Sirius in a new light - I've tried so many times, but this was the first that I felt as if I came close to capturing him. Keep up the podcast reviewing - they make HPPC so bright and happy! :D
Annie Report Review
Ah, this is such a bittersweet ending for this lovely story. It's sad to hear that Arnold had died but it certainly is good to know that that has changed Herbert. He is now level-headed and bases his decisions on things other than how much glory it'd bring him. This chapter kind of made me be proud of him.
I am really, really happy I have come across this story! I stand by what I've said earlier, that it's unique and so well-written. The characters were absolutely wonderful and fleshed out to an extent that's suitable for this kind of story. And I truly love it!
-MannoAuthor's Response: I'm glad you found the ending "bittersweet". My hope was that Herbert wouldn't just come off as a caricature by the story's end, and hopefully the fact that he loved his brother and wanted to make him proud came across. The fact that he made you proud is great! :)
I'm really glad you came across the story as well--it's been ages since I had any reviews on it, so it's been wonderful to hear from someone who enjoyed reading it! Thank you again for the lovely reviews! Report Review
OH YAY! Drama and chaos! This is absolutely hilarious! I think that, for Herbert's sake and image in his family, it's a good thing Arnold didn't show up! I really do feel sorry for him despite everything. I also believe that you described things wonderfully this chapter, especially the part where the stage began to fall apart!
And Aria! Oh my God! She stops midway through taking out her anger on Muriel to tell Drystan that he performs decently too! And she calls him 'Drystie'! I suppose it's safe to assume that he cheated on Muriel with Aria?
This has been another wonderful chapter! Time to go for the last one! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks, Manno! (And again, I have to apologize for taking a while to reply. Time goes by so fast, especially with NaNo and everything else!)
I'm so happy that you found all of the chaos funny, particularly the part with the stage falling apart. My strength with humour (and let's be real, it's generous to call it a "strength") is more in clever one-liners, so writing physical comedy in a way that actually made people laugh was a challenge.
Yes, there was a secret affair going on! Lots of drama both on- and off-stage--though not the kind that Herbert wanted! :P
Thanks again! Report Review
Hey, I'm back again! I happen to lose track of things easily, but the review battle reminded me that I wanted to keep up with this story when I first read it! It took me long enough, I suppose, but I'm glad I came back because this chapter got me even more intrigued!
I love the way you've started the chapter; I felt that the rich descriptions in the flashback paced me into the chapter and just put me in the right mood for it. I am happy to have seen a bit of what happened that night.
I suppose I really like this chapter because it fleshes out both Dominique and Lysander alike. I think I'll grow to like Lysander because he's got that mysterious aura around him and no one knows where he has been or what he's been doing, which I'm sure will be fun to find out. And it took something as bad as having his brother die for him to return.
To me, so far, Dominique seems to be this honest, strong character. And I found it interesting how she sometimes second-guessed herself regarding the Scamander twin she's chosen. I can't wait to see where that'll go.
I also enjoyed getting to know a bit more about what's happened between Lysander and Dominique in the past. And it was quite entertaining to see the awkwardness of being around each other again.
I really, really enjoyed this chapter! Hopefully, I'll be back here soon enough! :D
-Manno Report Review
GORGEOUS! GORGEOUS THINGS ALL OVER THE CHAPTER! And the way you've ended it... I can't even formulate proper words.
I suppose I was expecting you'll get to this particular canon event eventually since you hinted at it the previous chapter, and you showed us Severus's willingness to protect Lily from the Marauders. It really is funny how both of them view each others' friends. Anyway, I was really impressed with the way you had Sirius lure Severus into going to the Shack. I honestly still don't understand what Sirius could have been trying to achieve by that. Getting Severus killed? Is that really a cause worthy of risking the exposure of his best friend's secret? This chapter made me wish I could see that Library scene from Sirius's point of view.
The thing with Severus is, perhaps, how his brain kind of stops working properly when matters are related to impressing Lily. Somehow, he doesn't suspect anything about this little rendezvous and he doesn't doubt Sirius's integrity despite his distaste for him; it really was stupid on his behalf, no matter his good intentions. I mean, he already had his suspicions regarding Remus and he was brewing a potion to have said suspicions proven. Yet, he blindly goes into the Whomping Willow in the hopes of impressing Lily. But I suppose that's what you do when you're desperate for the forgiveness of the one you love, right?
Severus and Lily aside, just for a tiny bit... Once again, there are occasions that prepare Lily (and us for having her) fall for James. He tries to protect his best friend by hurting who once was hers, reacts maturely to the whole situation and promises to reprimand Sirius for his recklessness, and she's impressed by him. I suppose that's sad because it was meant to be Severus's night to impress her. Poor Sev. Yes, we're back to him again! :D
And another chapter ends with the two of them fighting and being distanced from each other furthermore rather than just making up and being friends again. The best thing that happened this time though was having Lily confess that she missed Severus too. Maybe that'll change him a little and accordingly help her hold up her end of the deal with Regulus? Let me be hopeful about this despite everything I know about how things end for these two. As far as I know, Severus and Lily will make up and so will Sirius and Regulus, and everything will be just dandy.
I cannot wait to see the consequences of all that's happened in this chapter and how it will affect the deal between Regulus and Lily. Wonderful, wonderful chapter! It may even be my favourite but I'm finding it hard to settle on anything. Too many gorgeous things and chapters.
PS. This is my 100th review! So happy I've left it here! :D
-MannoAuthor's Response: Manno! Happy 100th review, once again!
You know, I think that's a valid point. It was a little tough for me to even imagine why Severus would take the bait from Sirius, and so Lily was used to sort of remedy that issue, but I do have to wonder what Sirius's motive was. Hopefully it wouldn't just be for laughs at this point. I think it probably stemmed from the bitter edge of his life, with his issues at home and generally dark outlook on things. I'm sure it wasn't easy to be around him.
Hah, it's so true! Lily makes him stupid, and fortunately some people have found that sympathetic. I think it bothers her, too, knowing that she's the cause of his injuries. It's probably one of many reasons why canon Lily eventually decided not to stick with him.
Toying with the Severus-James dynamic has been so hard and so enjoyable at the same time. I want to allow myself to get to know James and understand what Lily eventually found lovable about him, and I also want to see Severus the way that she eventually did. It breaks my little shipper heart every time she and Severus have an argument, and yet I'm enjoying letting her bond a little with James. This story has been so weird for me!
Be hopeful! Do it! It's okay to want that nice, clean ending--I know I do! I also love Lily's messiness, though. It's fun for me to play with her emotions and make her conflicted, as much as I usually want only good things for her. Characterization is a real roller-coaster!
Thank you again for this fabulous review :)
Amanda Report Review
Hey there! I'm here from TGS for the review exchange!
Now, this story is certainly the closest I've ever gotten to anything that is film noir but I truly enjoyed every bit of this chapter. From the very beginning, the opening scene was magnificent! The way you described things set the eerie scene perfectly and it made easier for the rest of the chapter to play out in my head like a movie. I suppose that's a very good thing considering the theme is 'film noir' and all.
Your imagery throughout the chapter was quite fascinating as well. There were sentences like this one:
"They were not the gates of heaven or hell. To some, the most accurate and honest, it was right in the middle." These are just pure genius and added so much to the chapter's rich theme.
The concept of the story itself is absolutely brilliant as well! I love how you're using all the facts we've discovered through Pottermore to put together such an interesting story. The characters you've chosen to focus on and all the canon facts that you've included show how well you've thought everything through and really makes me eager to find out what else you'll be including and what all of this will lead to. And that makes this a very gripping first chapter.
The characterisation seemed alright to me as well. Moody's roughness and his desire to just get things done was quite obvious in this chapter, keeping him loyal to canon. I love how he's still trying to get used to his leg and how he still considers it as a hindering factor; I suppose he gets over it eventually? I admire the way he thinks about things, especially Hogwarts, and I'm hoping to start to understand him a bit more as the story moves forward. Anyway, I can completely see why Dumbledore's chosen him for this 'case' and I can't wait to see what's going to happen and if we'll get to meet McGonagall in this story. And I thought Dumbledore was great too, by the way!
I am very happy I have gotten the chance to read another one of your stories and I'm hoping I'll get the time to continue on with this one because it seems to be insanely intriguing!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hi, Manno! Thank you very much for coming to read and review this story - I appreciate it! It's even better that you enjoyed this first chapter. The opening scene was an important one to get right in order to best set the tone for this genre, so I'm glad to hear that it was successful in doing so. The style for this story requires a strange balance between heavy imagery and short, terse sentences, which is something I'm not used to. It makes for a unique tone that only film noirs have, and it's great to hear that I've got it right. :)
For some reason, Dumbledore has never been difficult for me to write. He's so eccentric that he's unpredictable, but at the same time, his voice and manners necessitate a very particular tone, almost ironic, but also whimsical and dark. He's one of the strangest characters in the Potterverse to write, which is probably why I enjoy it. :P Moody is more straight-forward, and here he's much younger, only in his thirties, I think. At times it's like writing an OC rather than a canon character with him. It's great that you liked how both characters turned out!
Thank you again! :) Report Review
So, one day, when you're all caught up in book 2 of Before They Fall or something like that, I'll steal this story and claim it's mine, okay? Great, we have a deal then! Alright, I'm /probably/ just kidding, but right at this moment, I kind of wish I wasn't.
JAMI! ALL THE FEELS! This is why I usually avoid Fred-centric stories! They make me feel like sitting in a corner and sobbing because the world is just so cruel and because it should've been Percy! It never should've been Fred, and it never should've been George who has to live with a severed heart and a no-longer-existent twin brother, AND THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR STORY THAT'S MAKING ME THINK OF ALL THIS.
But anyway. I love how smoothly everything went, how the time passed as you switched from character to character and how the events tied in across them all. It made the story so dimensional because each glimpse was different than the other and told different stories that, in the end, conveyed the same thing: they didn't want him gone; they never TRULY got over him, no matter how many years have passed, no matter who is standing above the grave, no matter how much they've achieved in their lives.
And it's just so touching how you put together everyone's feelings and let those feelings define them! You could really tell apart all the different characters -especially Ron because he very Ron-y.
And I love how you brought Audrey and Angelina into a couple of scenes, and also Hermione into the Ron scene!
Now, the George part! HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING! And you know what? It makes a lot of sense! What would you say to dead you? They know you so well that you don't even need to say anything to let them know how you feel, what you think. And it was just so painful.
Oooh! I spotted a couple of typos, which I think were the only problems here, so I thought I'd point them out.
"he had nothing left to stay " I think 'stay' should've been 'say'.
"Mum had been the one that suggest" I think 'suggest' should've been 'suggested' but there's a chance I'm wrong.
Also, imagine how cool it'd be to have that dead person that you go to and just let everything off your chest and know that they're not going to judge you! Okay, maybe 'cool' is the wrong word, but you do get what I mean, right? It's like having a penpal that never responds, or that imaginary friend that you recite monologues in front of or something! He was practically helping them all get over their death by just being... dead. Does that make sense?
Also, you know what helped make this story really special? You know how I always tell you you're so good with the 'darker' scenes in BTF? Well, this felt like a blend of dark and hopeful and you've made the dark part appear in the form of speech and feelings rather than descriptions of people and rooms, but it worked out very beautifully to get all the emotions across!
Anyway, I don't even know how you managed to write this, and I don't think you know how deeply it's touched me because I can't really put that into words! And Sarah is really lucky to have gotten such an awesome story and I really do believe she'll love it! Because it's an awesome story and you're an awesome author, and I can't wait to see what awesome thing you'll be writing next!
-MannoAuthor's Response: You are killing me with these amazing reviews! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RESPOND ANYMORE!
I am so happy you liked that George didn't even say anything. I started writing his and any kind of dialogue just felt ridiculous. Did he ever talk to Fred about anything before? Probably not because they were thinking the same things! They didn't need to verbalize it all because they just knew! And that kind of closeness being taken away is terrible :(. It makes me want to cry :(. But it just really felt more appropriate for George to just be there and let Fred be there with him. Bah. It's too sad :(.
Okay I totally thought the same thing as you! With the dead person confident! I mean, you know they won't be repeating it, but at the same time you still get to say it. Clearly we're just creeps that think a dead person style journal would be cool (for lack of a more appropriate word :P )
I am so happy you liked this ♥ writing the Weasleys was terrifying for me, and I can say that Charlie and Bill are the only two I'd be writing from here on out, but it was a nice experience.
Thanks for all the awesome reviews, darling ♥ Report Review
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