Reading Reviews From Member: manno_malfoy
  
150 Reviews Found

Review #1, by manno_malfoyTraitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

5th September 2015:
Hello! I did tell you I'd come back for this one. I've actually had my eyes on it for a while, but was avoiding it until I'd finished writing most of my own Draco/Astoria story. But I'm very glad that I've finally started reading it, and that there are many chapters for me to go through.

Once again, your descriptions are spot on. You seem to have a way, especially with describing houses, that just takes me there. You describe everything else immaculately as well, but there's just something about the way you describe houses that's mesmerizing!

I don't know where to start with Astoria. I already admire her so much. I loved when she was talking about the dress and how it could be a political statement then, all of sudden, it gets aggressive and we're informed that she doesn't care about the war or blood purity. She just wanted her family to make it through! It's fantastic!

We don't get to know Draco too much this chapter, but I did enjoy seeing him from Astoria's scrutinising eyes. Describing dark-circles as 'purple thumbprints under his eyes' was perfection.

I can seen now the Downton Abbey-ish formality between these two that you've mentioned in your review response . They both are here to do business and that's that. There's only a brief polite exchange of pleasantries and then we're straight into handling business.

The chapter ended on such an intense moment, where this formality was broken ever so slightly to give way for some emotion from Astoria and to show how strongly she feels about her family and about her loss. I do hope that there's more about how her mother died, and how the war had anything to do with it soon.

But all in all, such a wonderful start. I'm hooked and I really am looking forward to the rest of this story.

-Manno

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Review #2, by manno_malfoyThis Final Adventure : Chapter 1

4th September 2015:
Hello! I've come across this story on the forums, and I thought it would be interesting. Guess what? I was right! I've been trying to branch out and read things that I usually don't gravitate towards, and I think this is my first Regulus story.

I ALREADY like this one! This is such a short chapter, but it works. It's like a little glimpse at something we already know will happen, but youve given it some depth and details. I'm guessing you'll elaborate on it as we move forward in the story...?

I did enjoy the little flashback in the middle of the chapter. Since we don't really get to know Regulus through this chapter, the flashback helped show what it was like for him when he started out with the Death Eaters. And I'm wondering if there'll be more of these flashbacks because I found this one thoroughly enjoyable.

What I thought was fantastic about this chapter is some of the emotions that you've focused on. You've shown his gratitude and care towards Kreacher and I thought that was lovely. Theres also that moment with Bellatrix where he went from proud, determined, and excited to contemptuous and jealous towards Sirius and James. That really hit me for some reason. I I'm guessing it's because it helps me see him as this complex, conflicted character.

Anyway, I'll definitely be checking out more of this story over the next few days. So you've done a great job with this first chapter and really lured me in.

-Manno

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Review #3, by manno_malfoy'Dromeda: 'Dromeda

3rd September 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap. I do love Ted and Andromeda a lot, so I was really excited for this.

I felt that this story was a lot more Andromeda than Andromeda/Ted as we just get to know Andromeda better. We get introduced to her ideologies and where she stands on matters, and her relationship with her sisters and even other Slytherins.

I think your characterisation of the three sisters is quite admirable. Your Bellatrix really is interesting, and I would love to see a story like this one focused on her. What I liked about what you've done with Bella is how you managed to balance her age and the madness, in a way that made it believable. She loves her sisters and it shows. She's fairly agreeable when surrounded by suitable company. So really great work with that.

I like that Narcissa and Lucius are in a loving relationship and it isn't just arranged. Even though we didn't get to see that much of her, but I suppose just enough to know where she stands on things.

What confused me a little bit is the age of everyone and what years they're in. It was hard to imagine what sort of relationship Lucius and Narcissa were having because I didn't know how old they were. And I understand that it's AU (and I'm guessing you did that so you can place all three sisters at Hogwarts at the same time, but do correct me if I'm wrong). But even if that's the case, I feel that it would've been a lot easier to understand the characters if I knew what year they're in.

My favourite part perhaps is when Regulus joined them in the compartment and Bellatrix referred to him as their only cousin. It's such a small thing but makes a bold statement about Bellatrix and what she's like.

I found your Ted very interesting. I like that he has an accent and that you showed it throughout the chapter rather just told us and left it up to imagination. He's just so spontaneous with what he says, and he's the absolute opposite of her, and on top of all of that, he called her 'man'. I had to bury my face in my hands at that moment and wanted to dive into the story and drag him away before he did anything else that's stupid. But alas.


And last but not least, your Andromeda. I admire that even though she disagrees with her family on many things, she manages to not show it as much. She still maintains a natural relationship with her sisters. But I like that she treats Rabastan with some contempt because it shows how her tolerance is just extended to her family.

I happened to catch onto a few typos so I thought I'd point them out. Just in case.

-Andromeda protested in a joking manor... (should be 'manner')

-Oi Ted, common mate! (come on)

-The included you Mr Black (that includes)

Other than that, I thought that this was a nice story. I did want to see more of Ted and Andromeda and how they progress. I do hope that'll be in the series that you've mentioned. Well done with everything, though! :D

-Manno

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Review #4, by manno_malfoyBleeding Hearts and Bitten Tongues: -1.

3rd September 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap. First of all, I'd like to tell you that I didn't really need the Q&A. Although it did help reassure me that I got the right idea, I did manage to infer those things you've explained from the story itself. I think that this is my very first Neville/Hannah, and I was thrilled to see that it is. I've been trying to branch out, and this was a good place to start with Hannah and Neville. Especially because of how it portrays Neville whom I really do love.

It's rather smart that you've started out with the truly brutal torture scene which, in my opinion, is written pretty well, then moved onto giving us a bit of background on everything going on around Hannah. That made the story grip me and get me to sympathise with Hannah, and see what will happen next.

I suppose it was slightly mean that you've stopped at a crucial point and kept me on my toes as I read through what had been going on in Hannah's life because I just wanted to see what's going to happen to her.

I was going to comment on how you skimmed over her mother's death in the first part, and then was very glad to see that you decided to give it an entire section on it's own, and to focus on it as what was driving Hannah to do things with Dumbledore's Army. I loved that you described her mum with such detail, because it just made me sympathise with Hannah even more.

Neville! He's just so considerate and amazing! I didn't find it odd at all that he flinched when she told him Alecto had used the Cruciatus on her, because I don't think it's easy to develop immunity towards that sort of thing. Especially with someone like Neville who practically lost his parents to torture. And it makes a lot more sense when we realise that they are close friends and that he might (or might not) harbour some feelings for her.

It was heartbreaking that she didn't tell him about how she feels. It just shows how damaged and scarred they all were already. And it's such a mature decision! And it makes me sad because at seventeen, they should be carefree and frank and falling madly in love.

The only thing that I wasn't too sure about was the focus on houses. Because I think at that point, everyone was fighting for survival and everyone had to be brave to get through it. I'd imagine even Gryffindors would crumble under torture (as we'd seen between Hermione and Bellatrix), but that's just what I personally felt and it's a tiny minute thing. That said, I thought that Hannah considered Neville an honorary Hufflepuff such an adorable detail. I must say, it feels slightly odd to use the word 'adorable' in a review on this story which is kind of sad.

I thought that this was a great, interesting story with a strong female character, and I did enjoy it a lot. Keep up the great writing! :D

-Manno

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Review #5, by manno_malfoyWritten in the Stars: Amidst the Thorns

3rd September 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the review swap!

I've been trying to read new things, and I've never read anything about Tom's parents before. But I've got to say that this was really enjoyable.

First of all, I'd like to comment on the writing style which was perfect. It helped set the scene and the time period. I was interested from the very beginning by the way you described things, even how you managed to describe the cottage. I felt as though I could really see it. And I also loved the way you've written the potion-making scene in the attic.

My two favourite lines are from the opening scene:
'The suns rays lingered on the boy, painting his cheeks with healthy roses, as though it, too, wished only to stroke desperate fingers across that exquisite face.'

And... 'He had unknowingly gained possession of her pierced, aching soul and, what was more, the delicate, dying sprig of her hope.'

They both are just so enchanting and elegant and really set the tone for the rest of the story.

I liked the characterisation of Merope and how dynamic she was. At the beginning of the story, I was sympathising with her and rooting for her. But after her father and brother were taken away and she was no longer a victim, and her deviousness surfaced, I started getting wary of her. And I like how you got me as a reader to transition between these two feelings toward her.

Another thing I liked is all the other characters you've surrounded Tom and Merope with. The other servants in the house with the accent gave me a Downton Abbey-ish feel which I quite liked. And even though I'm not on Merope's side, I can't like Cecilia either. I think you're delivering the frivolous rich girl vibe well with her.

I'm wondering what'll come next. And I also plan to check out Traitorous Hearts soon to sate my soft spot for Drastoria.


-Manno

Author's Response: Hi Manno!

I'm so glad you liked the writing style! Oooh favorite quotes! I LOVE knowing what lines people liked. Thank you!

I've really enjoyed writing Merope. She's proved to have much more potential for depth than I had expected. It's been a fun process, turning her from a victim into a villain. You're smart to be wary. There's a small part of me that can't help cheering for her, and then Tom's over here in my head like, "I beg your pardon, madame, but I am being magically bamboozled and this is no cheering matter! Most inappropriate!" So I straighten my face and am like, "Right. Very bad."

You know, it's funny. A few people told me early on in Traitorous Hearts that bits of it or one of the names reminded them of Downton Abbey which, at the time, I had not watched. For TH it was less because of the belowstairs elements and more because of the initial formality between Draco and Astoria. But I have since watched (and enjoyed) all of Downton Abbey and it definitely inspired me for the servant bits in this story.

Ugh. Cecilia. No, i can't condone Merope's actions, but I can also honestly say that I do not think that Cecilia is any better. If that girl knew how to get her hands on love potion, she'd have dosed Tom in a second. And she's so...irritating.

Suddenly I'm thinking, like, Poor Tom, right? He's far, far from perfect, but man, his romantic options were just never good!

Oh yay! If you check out Traitorous Hearts, I'd love to know what you think!

Thank you so much for this lovely review, and for swapping with me! :D


--Penny


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Review #6, by manno_malfoyWeasley vs. Malfoy: The Final Showdown

3rd September 2015:
Hello! I'm here for the BvB!

You told me you had more Scorose stories, so I thought I'd check out one of them. And it's fascinating to see both Rose and Scorpius so different from how you had them in Rose Tinted Glass, especially that in both cases, they're written well.

Honestly, from the summary and title, I thought it's going to be a cliche Quidditch rivalry, end-of-the-year love confession. But nope! This really was a pleasant surprise!

The most commendable thing about this story (aside from the brilliant characterisation of Rose and Scorpius) is the well-executed Quidditch element. It was fast-paced, and detailed, and gripping. It was smart to use Damien and Albus alongside Barny to help tell us more about the match, and more importantly, provide very needed insights about the characters who are too busy on the field to show us what they're like when they're not on game mode, and tell us about their hopes and dreams (as in Roxanne's case).

The Scorpius Save (yep, I'm calling it that) was awesome. He just transitioned from game mode so quickly once he realised the match was done. It just shows that he knows how crazy Rose is, and that she doesn't mind to die while trying to win the match. It was just so cute. And I loved how Rose started blushing and that we got to see the softer side of her. I could really relate to that.

I really did enjoy this quick read. And do I spy a prequel about the same Rose and Scorpius on your author page? I'm going for that next.

-Manno

Author's Response: Hello Manno!

Thank you so much for the review! I was smiling like crazy as I read this.

I knew that the title and summary and banner was leading to something very cliche, but I definitely sort of wanted to play with those cliches a little here. I didn't quite play into the big end-of-year-love declaration thing, but this is totally full of cliches.

I'm so glad you liked the way I wrote the Quiddtich scenes here. As I'm not a huge sports fan or anything, I was actually really worried about how that would turn out.

There is another story about Rose and Scorpius on my page. I don't know if it's necessarily a prequel because it doesn't really matter what order you read these. But it's about the same Rose and Scorpius in sixth year instead of seventh. I just love them so much.

Thanks again for reading and I hope to see you in my reviews again soon!!

Stefanie


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Review #7, by manno_malfoypaper cranes: letters to a (dead) sweetheart

28th August 2015:
I am at a loss for words because you just ran all over my heart, and I can't get myself together. I teared up multiple times during the story over the tiniest of details, and I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW OR WHY!!!

I absolutely love Ted/Andromeda, and I feel that I don't read enough stories about them. I've especially managed to avoid stories that discuss how she dealt with his death, and then of course, Nymphadora's for no reason other than that I don't want to watch my ship fall apart. Yours did it so beautifully though, so I don't mind it, really.

From the get go, I thought the title is lovely, and I was quite happy to see it tied into the story so beautifully. The bit about how she dreamed that her pile of letters folded into cranes and she didn't know who she'd rather have back...? It flat out killed me. It always hits me hard when I realise that she's had to lose both of them because the poor thing has had to sacrifice literally everything to have this family. Every letter was perfection. The one about the sunsets was my favourite and it broke me.

And you really channeled the gravity of the loss through out the tragic bits of the story. I teared up reading about her going through the story books, something that reminded her of both of them at the same time. And I thought the little detail about the colour of the book being Tonks's happy hair colour was perfection.

The happier bits were fantastic as well, and very needed too. It gave me a chance to get myself together for a few minutes before a sad part broke my heart again. What it also did is help me really get to know Andromeda and Ted better, magnifying the impact of the loss as we went ahead.

My favourite happy part had to be when Ted asked her why she was with him. And it makes a lot of sense because... was he just the first person she thought of when she realised she didn't want to take part in her family's plan for her, and he was just a way out? Or was he and how he made her feel the reason she wanted out of all of that? And the difference is crucial, and I just loved it.

I appreciated the gradual development of their relationship. It was logical, and far off from cliche in my opinion. It was lovely how you got Sirius involved in it all as well. And I especially liked that Andromeda was prejudiced at the start, but how that didn't stop her from doing the right thing or trying to protect Sirius.

The most original and amazing part was where you've involved Dean Thomas. I was quite puzzled by his presence in the banner, but really... That's such a great idea. I did cry when she just asked him to come back again because that's when I fully understood how tantalized she was, and how she really did believe that there's no return after walking out of that door.

There were a few typos and mistakes (really few), but they didn't really distract me from the beautiful writing and story at all.

Ahem... I've just noticed I've written an essay, but really... You made me feel so many things and I felt the need to put it all out there. You've done a wonderful job with this story and I look forward to reading other stuff by you.

-Manno

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Review #8, by manno_malfoyAfter: One.

23rd August 2015:
I don't think I've read any other story yet that broke my heart the way this one did. I also haven't read another story from Amos's point of view about anything.

You've chosen such a difficult topic, and I have no experience with PTSD, but I think you've dealt with it masterfully. There was raw emotion in every line, and in your descriptions of emptiness.

I thought your progression backwards through the timeline was what really helped your story make such a huge impact and really does set it apart. Because you started off with explaining the relationship between time and pain, and then you showed us, you managed to get across a solid idea and evoke true emotion. What it also does is that we start out gently, but then things gradually intensify so that the story ends on a high note. That was cool. Really.

I want to say that I enjoyed this story, but in reality, it just made me really emotional and sad; it kinda killed me. Which means that in just a few words, you got me invested in the story and in the characters that you've written. And one more thing. The POV. I honestly didn't even notice you were using it until the very, very end, and I had to scroll back to see if it was there all along. It really does suit the kind of story that you want to tell. Nothing, absolutely nothing, gives space for retrospection the way second person does, and you've used it perfectly.

This officially is one of my favourite stories. Heart-wrenching as it is, it's written incredibly well. And, based on this, I'm looking forward to checking out other things you've written.

-Manno

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Review #9, by manno_malfoyJumping Off Swings: Moment of Death

21st August 2015:
Hello! I'm here for the BvB.

I probably shouldn't have expected this because of Snape's involvement in the story, but the title was so cheerful and hopeful, so the all the angst hit me really hard. I could never make up my mind regarding Severus and it's because of great, well-written stories like this one. Even though the title misled me a little in the beginning, I found the way you've interlaced swings into the story made it a great fit. Now I'll probably get a bit sad every time I think of swings.

I must commend you on the use of second person. I believe it's the perfect choice for the situation here because of Severus's detached state. You've executed it really well, too. The sentences flowed smoothly and it never felt awkward or confusing.

Speaking of confusion, I was really impressed by how you managed to convey Severus's distress and deluded state and still keep everything organised. Jumping between memories along the timeline of his and Lily's friendship, and then inserting Harry's physical being... Really, really well done with that!

This was so sad, I was on the very verge of tearing up. You've displayed a wide array of emotions: sadness, guilt, and even happiness as he reminisced. Severus is one of the most difficult characters to write, in my opinion, and you've done really beautifully, presenting a complex, conflicted Severus even at death. And I loved it! :D

-Manno

Author's Response: Hiya!

My mind is totally blank here. I have no idea how to respond to this review because it's just so lovely and you're really really great for leaving such a lovely review. Like, I can't help but smile sadly at the compliments you've left me and just...I'm so happy I help with the indecision with whether Snape is good or not and just...you're so kind!

This story was not orignally meant to be sappy. I had thought up the title quite a while ago and then suddenly I had the most unfortunate idea for a plot so I really twisted the title and made it angsty. I'm sorry it was kind of misleading, but I am glad it made sense as the swings interlaced into the story. It fit too well, once I got things going.

And I agree with your assessment...Snape was a character I never thought I'd write, just because his character is so complex! I wasn't sure I could do him justice, and when I first started, I could not get him to cooperate in first or third person POV. He rejected the whole idea of it and I almost gave up. Then I decided to try him out second person, which was something I had never used to write fanfiction, just original fiction stuff. Turns out, second person really does well with his character and it was the only way I was able to walk through his deluded state and keep things organized. It was by no means an easy task, but I'm glad that it worked out as well as it seems to have.

Thank you again, for this lovely review! I really appreciate it and I am so glad you enjoyed the story!

-Mikaela


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Review #10, by manno_malfoyRose Tinted Glass: Paper World

21st August 2015:
Hello! I'm here for the BvB review fest!

There's nothing that I love more than Scorose stories! Although I do tend to go for novels for all the angst, this was just so serene and beautiful, and I couldn't ask for more. The concept, 'the rose tinted glass' is absolutely brilliant. You've done a wonderful job elaborating on it to show how Scorpius's view of the world was. And it was especially brilliant to tell it from Rose's point of view, because she gets to see both versions of things and compare; so we can take her word for it.

The moment where Rose looked at Scorpius's charcoal sketch of her and said that 'she's beautiful' really goes to show how deeply she believed in that. It's a small detail, but it gives credibility to Rose's descriptions and words throughout the story.

I really did enjoy reading this story and I think it's the first thing I read for you...? I'm not sure! But I definitely would love to read other things you've written, based on how much I liked this!

-Manno

Author's Response: Hi Manno!

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I have a few other Scorose stories written as well (I love them far too much), so maybe you'd like to check those out too?

Anyway, thanks again for your kind words. I've always loved artist Scorpius, so this story has a special spot in my heart and it's always thrilling to see that others like it too!!

Stefanie


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Review #11, by manno_malfoyIn Love: You Are In Love

17th August 2015:
Hello, I'm here for the BvB review fest!

I don't know what I was expecting when I clicked on this story, but it wasn't this. 500 words, to me, sound extremely scarce, and I wouldn't know how to convey anything in such few words. But you've done enough to make me smile multiple times throughout the read.

It started out so intimately and somehow, the vagueness regarding who the characters in question were made it a lot easier to just focus on the words and the emotion they could bring across. I didnt even realise that its Ron/Hermione until I was done, even though you did have some clues in there. The wording of the entire story was quite nice, all the paragraphs are really well-composed. But my absolute favourite sentence was:

"Its how its taken this long for you to realize that the both of you, together, are more than what the war created."

I found this a beautiful and subtle way to explain how damaged they both are by the war and maybe even how it was hard not to wonder if they're only together to seek comfort away from the war outside. But that's just how I interpreted it; I could be completely off the point.

I personally think you've done beautifully in the face of such a difficult challenge. Really well done! :D

-Manno

Author's Response: Hiya Manno!

I’ll start for apologizing about the late reply. I was out of town last week and have been busy preparing for another semester of uni since then. But! I do really appreciate your reviews! I could not stop smiling when I got home to two new reviews! They’re much appreciated!

I am glad you found I was able to convey the emotions I was trying to get at, and manage it so well in 500 words. I was really nervous about the word count and how vague the story would seem to someone who didn’t know my head cannon of Ron/Hermione. I did leave hints here and there, so I’m glad you did notice them there, even if they weren’t super obvious at first.

That line is also one of my favourites! It took a while to write, but once I got it, it sort of captured the point I wanted to get at. I mean, they are both damaged by the war, but I wanted it to be clear that there was some indecision with them about being together because the feelings were kind of a free fall from a really intense moment, with the war going on and just…they needed time to figure out if them together was what they wanted, and not some need to have someone to help cope after the war. And I’m so glad you picked that line to share.

Again, thank you so, so much for this review! This story was a challenge, for many reasons, and I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks again for the review!

-Mikaela


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Review #12, by manno_malfoyFor the dancing and the dreaming: For the dancing and the dreaming

17th August 2015:
Awh This is such a sweet, little story! Ive always wondered how Molly and Arthur made things work, especially at the beginning of their relationship. And I think that youve demonstrated that perfectly.

I really enjoyed the over all simplicity of the story that made it incredibly easy to see how genuine their love is for each other. There's Arthur with his obvious guilt, feeling as though he's not doing enough to make ends meet. And Molly with her optimism and seeing plenty where there is barely enough. I could truly see your Molly develop into the generous, motherly-to-all grown-up Molly that we all got to know and love through the books.

Your closing paragraph was golden and it sums up both the story and Molly and Arthur's relationship which may be many things, but never materialistic.

I really did enjoy reading the story. And I think the title is lovely and really suits the story as well!

I almost forgot to mention that I'm here from the Ravenclaw common room for the BvB review fest!

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Review #13, by manno_malfoyIn Fields of Poppies: Nail Your Colours to the Mast

14th August 2015:
Okay, whoa. It's taken me a while to get through this chapter today, not just because it's long but also because you've A LOT of things going on in it. There were a lot of different timelines, and James and Sirius (yay!). But you are right! The transitions in this chapter are a lot better! It's amazing how you've found a way to tie the end of each section to the start of the one afterwards. I could just see it in my head like a movie, when the camera scans over, and things go from vibrant colours to yellowish-tones. Sorry if I'm getting too excited about this, I just thought it was cool how you went about it this chapter.

The part with her grandparents was fantastic because it brings all three characters from the different timelines together in one room! It was also great how you managed to have Lily converse with her grandmother despite her the state of her memory and her repetitive question. I especially liked it when it took Lily's train of thought onto how she didn't have choice when it came to fighting this war, and how she felt rejected in both realms.

Then there was the scene of the duel at Hogwarts, which I think you've written with an adequate amount of gore and intensity. And when James and Sirius came along and Lily wasn't all too grateful because of their attitude really goes to show what sort of woman she's becoming. I really do admire her sense of independence and how grounded with all her values. And this also came up when she questioned James about what he does to Severus. -insert lots of hearts here-

As for the other two wars, Phil is my favourite, I'm not sure why. Probably because of how the previous chapter ended for him or maybe because of how his friends pick on him. I don't know. I must admit that I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to history, so I can't really comment on the accuracy of all things. But I do like the vibe you've got going on!

-Manno

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Review #14, by manno_malfoyIn Fields of Poppies: Bite the Bullet

13th August 2015:
I must admit that I don't read too many stories about Lily, but yours is written so differently from all the ones I've read. We already know that Lily is bold and brave, but yours has a bit of an edgy side to her that I find refreshing. I was beyond amused by the scene where she was smoking and Severus was judging her, and not just because of the smoking. You're building up the tension between them gradually, and that's so realistic, because friends who are that close don't just fall out all of a sudden.

Your characterisation of Severus too is very impressive. He doesn't believe that there's any real threat for muggleborns, which explains why he wasn't seeing his friends attacking her as a serious problem. And I suppose it'll just go downhill from there until he, too, calls her a mudblood. It's all so sad. :(

What was even more amazing than all the Sev and Lily scenes was Phil's story in this chapter. Your writing on that part was fantastic and authentic, and for a moment, I forgot that I was reading a story on HPFF. It just sounds so gory and real, and the dialogue through out it all is top notch. I loved the closing scene and his thoughts about his mum.

"Would she love him more if she knew that he could point a gun at a living man and pull the trigger? He prayed she would never have to find out." is such a strong, touching closing sentence.

Such wonderful, unique work!

-Manno

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Review #15, by manno_malfoyIn Fields of Poppies: War Stories

13th August 2015:
So initially, I thought it'd be tough to keep track of what's going on in each war and with each Evan because of the shifting about. But you chose perfect points to stop and resume each story and I had no trouble whatsoever. In fact, this way, it's like going through a collection of anecdotes, and I've enjoyed the chapter and the three different story lines a lot.

I didn't expect you'd tell Lily's story from the start, but it's nice that you did. I always enjoy reading about her and Severus and it's always interesting to see how their friendship would come to an end. I love the characterisation of your young Lily. She's such a trouble-maker and it's amazing that she's fending her enemies off all by herself. Not only that, but she even manages to get away with it.

I do hope we'll be seeing more of Severus and, of course, the Marauders as the story progresses. And I'm eager to see how this Lily will develop into the exemplary student that all the teachers remember. :D

-Manno

Author's Response: Yes! That is exactly what I want to hear about the three stories! I was a little concerned how that would work in planning, and it took me forever to figure out how to switch stories, so I'm glad it's working!

I debated a lot on where to start Lily's story as well. It would have made more sense in a lot of ways, but the other two start at the beginning, so I thought Lily's ought to too. and I really like writing little Lily! She's so much fun, and I love getting the chance to develop her so thoroughly!

Definitely more Severus and definitely more Marauders coming up! Thank you again for the review!:)


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Review #16, by manno_malfoyIn Fields of Poppies: Prologue: Her War

13th August 2015:
Hello! I've heard that you've got a bit of a different war story going on, and I thought that sounded interesting.

I liked how this was just a quick introduction with nothing going on, just drawing comparisons between the three different wars. But the thing is, you've done those beautifully. How you've used the descriptions to explain how each suffering was different, but in the end, there was always an element of similarity... And your wording was absolutely amazing while describing each aspect, really building this atmosphere of turmoil and sadness, but also perseverance. I found that mostly prominent in the bits about her grandfather, which sounded artistic, like he'd embellished upon them. And I suppose one could go mad and would never make peace with what they've seen during the war if they don't do that. If that makes any sense.

I especially liked how you've ended the chapter with Lily's stance on the war. It really grounds the chapter and reminds the reader what sort of Lily we're talking about it.

I'm excited to see how you'll draw parallels between the wars as the story progresses as I've never seen something like this done before.

-Manno

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you came over to check this out!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I did work really hard on the description and comparisons, so I'm so glad it came out well.

thank you so much!


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Review #17, by manno_malfoyDefiantly Devious: Concept and Design

13th August 2015:
Oh no, the last chapter you have up for now! I really do hope you've got others on the way.

So the fact that the 'proprietor' keeps sending George the products for free is making me stick to my theory regarding how it's someone who wants to help him stay inspired. But who could that possibly be?

I really enjoyed seeing the friendship between Ron and Hermione this time. You've clarified that they're no longer together, but I appreciate that they've maintained the friendship. And that Ron still knows that she's always right and has no issues admitting it. Even though I really love Ronmione, I'm looking forward to seeing what the alternative is in your story.

I found the experiment exciting and I was happy to see that you've still added the thought process behind it. 'Heated Ice' indeed is peculiar.

I've said it in every review so far, and I'll say it again: great writing, great idea, and great development so far. Thanks for all the entertainment you've provided me with today!

-Manno

Author's Response: I feel that after all those years of bickering, Ron would finally pick up on when to admit he's wrong and when she's right. I didn't want them to have any animosity in the story, to tiring to write all that, so I figured just have them keep their friendship the way it always was. I really wanted George to play around with another inventors creations and see what he would get, I think George is just as curious a creature as Hermione in a way. New chapter coming soon!

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Review #18, by manno_malfoyDefiantly Devious: The Nevers

13th August 2015:
Ah, so many things going on in this chapter; it's so exciting!

I'm very happy to finally see the characters flourish and interact, and to get to know what they're like in your head. Characterisation-wise, you've done marvellously this chapter. It was quite nice to see that George's sense of humour is still intact. It started with gratitude, but then ended in teasing. And now that the ring is named after her and it's attracting clientele, he owes her a lot more.

You've got Hermione written perfectly as well. Her temper and her curiosity and her defensiveness. It's all there.

I really enjoyed your focus on Harry and Hermione's friendship in this chapter. I think you're doing a great job portraying it. It's good that Harry is looking out for her and making sure she's taking breaks. Also the scene when they're at DD and he immediately decides that the lantern is the perfect gift for her really goes to show how well he knows her. I also would really love one of those for myself because I have a tendency to read in the balcony at night where there is no lamp.

I must say that Im always hesitant when I approach Hogwarts Era stories, especially when the trio is prominent because I worry about characterisation. But yours, not only is it sitting with me well, it's impressing me. I can't applaud you enough!

The plot so far is great too. I'm wondering how long things will stay civil between George and the 'proprietor' or if things are going to spiral out of control soon. Is Never been one for chess, myself. But the quaffle is in your possession, Red. supposed to be a clue for us? Because a few names come to mind, but I'm going to keep them myself for now because I don't like to be proven wrong! :P

Anyway, this has been another incredibly enjoyable chapter. Possibly the best so far due to how there's a lot more going on in it and how much more we get to see of the characters.

I've only got one chapter ahead of me and that concerns me. Please, do keep on writing this and I hope you can update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I try to keep them as close to the original characters our wonderful JK produced. As for the chess thing, it could be seen as a clue, but it's also because I don't know a darn thing about the game besides how to move a pawn :/

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Review #19, by manno_malfoyDefiantly Devious: It Begins

13th August 2015:
Hello, I'm still around for more creative fun. I'm sitting here wondering how you'll come up with all the fancy products that will be used on both sides of this challenge. I also just came to the realisation that this challenge is a bit of a present to George, just in case he was thinking of slackening because of his grief or because Fred isn't there anymore. This should keep him trying be innovative and coming up with great products. So the 'proprietor', in my opinion, is really doing George a favor. But this story is only getting started, so I may be completely wrong.

I quite like how you explain where George gets his inspiration. Whether it's Hermione or just things he comes upon when he's out and about. It really does make things realistic and more interesting to me. It'll be fun to take a walk around George's brain when it's written this way.

Oh, and in the display description, you've got a D missing in 'powder'.
"Each Piece Carefully Infused With Darkness Power".

It, indeed, is a short chapter and all, which is why I don't have anything else to say about this chapter. But all in all, it was fun and officially kicks off this game, I suppose. I'm still very hooked and enjoying the story! :)

-Manno

Author's Response: I literally sat down and wrote an entire list of products the proprietor would come up with and ones that George would as well and how they would play off each other. And thats how I set my chapters up...It was actually hard to come up with original ideas and not useanthng they created in the books, or tweak them.

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Review #20, by manno_malfoyDefiantly Devious: The Nerve

13th August 2015:
Hey there again! I thought I'd stick around see where this goes.

This chapter has been enjoyable as well. It definitely isn't as mysterious as the first. In fact, I'd say that it's quite the opposite as it answers questions that us readers may have about George, his life, and the people around him while the first chapter only gave rise to questions.

I think you've done a good job setting the scene and explaining where each of the characters has been and what they plan to do. I can't help but wonder how and if they're going to get involved in all the mayhem. I would say Hermione would be quite resourceful for this sort of thing, but I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I absolutely admire how you've described how George has been dealing with Fred's death. This line in particular struck a chord for me:
"But George learned quickly, adapt or die. He loved his twin, but he wasnt ready to join him just yet." Had Fred been alive and they were confronted with this challenge, I'd have no doubt they would do marvellous things. And I really do hope that with how much George misses Fred, he would be able to procure something that would've made Fred proud.

I thought the scene over the dinner table was well-written and even though there wasn't much of it in this chapter, I think you have Ginny and Hermione characterised well so far. Also, why does Harry think he gets to give people advice on not getting involved in mysterious things?! He practically went around looking for trouble, and grave consequences never seemed to stop him! But it does sound like something he'd say, even if he wouldn't follow it himself.

As a bit of a nit-picker, and in the spirit of constructive criticism, I caught a few minute errors. I always appreciate when reviewers point those out to me as it makes it easier for me to know what to target while I'm revising. But do let me know if you don't want me to keep an eye out for this sort of thing going forward.

-When you're talking about Victoire, the line should say "There were times when" instead of "time".
-You really should be more careful George. is missing a comma before George.
-And in your closing line, I think it should be "it usually ends badly" instead of "bad".

But that doesn't take anything away from the great quality of writing and story-telling throughout the chapter. I really did enjoy it, and I'm excited to see what else you have in store for this story.

-Manno

Author's Response: I didn't want George to be walking doom and gloom thundercloud over his head type of character. I feel that he would have his issues, like not being able to be in his flat alone, but not completely isolate himself as other authors tend to go for. I feel he would still find that making people laugh would be his sole purpose in life.

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Review #21, by manno_malfoyDefiantly Devious: The Competition

13th August 2015:
Hello! I was going to through the recently published stories and this caught my eyes! And I'm very glad it did.

It's quite nice how you've taken inspiration from Alice in Wonderland and brought it into the magical world. It makes sense that someone would try to come up with spells and potions that would replicate fictional things, especially if they're a muggleborn. But you haven't told us anything about who the owner is, but I'm very intrigued to know who it is and what their intentions are.

Which brings me to my next point: ambiguity. You've kept things very nice and short but definitely gave me enough to get me hooked. Throughout the chapter there has been this eerie feel that I thought really suits the story so far. It's reinforced by the great, graceful descriptions. They were meticulous but not overwhelming; just the right amount to give us a feel of the place and the atmosphere. And I felt as though you really did take me there and I could see the place well enough in my head.

When I came to the end of the chapter, that's especially when I went, 'whoa, this story definitely has a lot of potential'. It reminded me a bit of the Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, which I really love. And if this story is anything like that at all, then I'll probably enjoy it as well. I'm looking forward to the rest of the chapters and seeing how you'll develop the plot and the characters, but really well done on this one.

-Manno

Author's Response: Holy cow! I sat here and read through all your reviews in one sitting! First, I just want to say thank you for taking the time to do so! And for reminding me to go back and edit a few things! I read the Night Circus, and it has to be one of my favorite books, I loved how she was able to create such beauty with her descriptions and that's kind of what I'm going for here. Thank you for reading!

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Review #22, by manno_malfoyShenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Arrival at Hogwarts

8th August 2015:
Hello! I'm still around for the BvB!

I just love how you're slowly letting us into this whole world you have in your head for these characters. There are minor characters all over the chapter, which makes things a lot more realistic. And it's great how you've included Seamus somehow. I don't know why you didn't tell us who the woman that is his second is, but seeing how well-constructed this story has been so far, I'm going to guess it's intentional?

I didn't know what I was expecting for your Victoire post-Hogwarts, but working with magical creatures perfectly suits the Victoire you've been introducing us to the past few chapters. And it's cool that you've mentioned that Dominique is interested in dragons as well. It's nice to know that in your world, Charlie isn't completely out of the picture.

Another great thing you've got going with characterisation here is how Victoire is a Ravenclaw but still is careless and gets in trouble. It makes sense that there all sorts of intellectual people, and not all of them are goody-two-shoes book nerds. So I think you're doing a wonderful job with keeping things believable and logical!

I have concerns for Victoire thanks to Fred and Juliet because you've said earlier that Fred is attractive and everybody likes him. And if they're doing this to her, thinking she has any hand in the matter, when things are just starting out and are all dandy, what will they do to her when/if Fred messes up?

I don't know if this counts as a review since I'm just mostly gushing about your characters and how I'm starting to care about them. But whatever, I'm enjoying it and I've got other chapters to get to! :D

-Manno

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Review #23, by manno_malfoyShenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Meeting the Train

8th August 2015:
Continuing on for the BvB review fest, but also for all the fun.

This chapter was even more fun because there was more teasing and more uncomfortable situations for Victoire. I'm really starting to like your Fred. He sees through Victoire (as best friends should) and through Roxanne. It seems as though she too is trouble, but in a less obvious way. I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll include her throughout the story because she already seems like a fun character.

It was amusing and realistic to have Fred notice that Teddy likes Victoire. In my experience, the best friend always notices such advances. But the fact that he brought it up really reinforces how close they are and what their friendship is like. I'm wondering how you'll be including Teddy, now that they're at Hogwarts and he isn't, but I guess we'll see.

It was fun getting introduced to their friends Micah and Lexy, especially in a way that also gives us an brief idea as to what they're like.

And yay for a Neville appearance! I hope we'll see more him being all serious and authoritative in the next chapter!

I like how this is such a light read, but with such complex, well-developed characters already. I'll probably spend the rest of the day going through the other chapters.

-Manno

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Review #24, by manno_malfoyShenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Missing the Train

8th August 2015:
Hey there! I've here for the BvB review fest! And I'm glad I'm finally reading something by you!

I guess Fred is usually troublesome, but Victoire? I don't think I'd come upon another story that portrays her this way. I like the energy they both give off so far and how they get along. I really do like Teddy/Victoire, so I just can't help but wonder if Teddy already realises that he has feelings for her. One can never tell when 'I love you' is being passed around so casually. So I'm eager to see how it'll develop from here. But it's so adorable how he has three pictures of her already.

I felt that this is a great first chapter. It gives us a quick glimpse at the three main characters and gives us just enough information to get a feel for the dynamic between them. I really enjoyed this first chapter and I'm excited to see what comes next.

-Manno

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Review #25, by manno_malfoyPride and Scorpius: Goblin Friends and Friends of Goblins

7th August 2015:
I'm still having a go at the BvB fest!

I certainly didn't see what happened in this chapter coming. But I definitely am enjoying Rose's inability to decide what she thinks of Scorpius. You really have thought out having the goblins come to Hogwarts and the Malfoy scholarship is a wonderful idea. And it was so cute how happy Scorpius was when Albus called him 'Scorp'; it's a great detail to add. And it was also lovely to see Dawnsfirstbloom come to Rose's defence already. All the blooming friendships in this chapter!

Even though you've been doing a wonderful job with the characterisations, I can't really figure out which house each of them will end up in. But I'm eager to see where each of them will end up. Especially Scorpius since he hasn't said much so far (how Mr. Darcy of him, I must say!).

This has been another great chapter! I've really enjoyed all of this today!

-Manno

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