Reading Reviews From Member: LionsRule
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LionsRuleWorth More: Worth More

23rd January 2012:
Hi, here for the review tag! ^_^

Wow. This was really, really incredible. The way you describe the raw emotion in this story is very intense, and pulls the reader into it. This was short, but it was just enough. I can't even describe how involved I felt. Your emotions are just so perfectly written and spot-on. My heart broke for Tonks and I felt like crying at the end of this piece. I think I'm going to add this into my favorites, it's REALLY really good!

10/10

Author's Response: Thanks! I was going for emotional impact so I'm glad I hit it!

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Review #2, by LionsRuleA Tale of Two Beaters: The Beater's Tale

21st January 2012:
Hi there, here for the review tag!

I chose this story to read + review because there aren't very many stories written about Roxanne, and I wanted to read something original. I'm really glad I picked this! You did a good job writing Roxanne in first person perspective and you captured the innocence of an eleven-year-old going to Hogwarts for the first time. :)

This was really a cute story- you had no grammar or spelling issues as far as I could tell. I like how you portray George still being a joking person, but also show how he makes a great father figure. I'm glad I found this story, and great job! ^_^

10/10

Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much! It's been awhile since I've gotten a review for this piece, so I'm glad you picked it!

:)BaletGir


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Review #3, by LionsRuleUnveiled Secrets: Unveiled Secrets

17th January 2012:
Hi, here for the review tag! ^_^ So sorry about the wait.

I love how you started this. You have really gorgeous descriptions- your writing when Peter looks at Lily and what he means to her is just gorgeous. His thoughts and so descriptive, and what he observes is really in depth. I can't compliment you enough on your descriptions and word choice. Your similes and metaphors are so creative and just perfect.

I really like to stick to canon when it comes to the Marauders, but I really like how you portrayed Sirius. Once again, your writing is AMAZING. I don't even know how to stop complimenting you on it. You flow, your word choice- everything is just beautiful.

James and Remus are even sweeter. This entire piece is just incredibly sweet, and you portray each one of these characters so well. You so easily switch back and forth between the characters.

I also like the countdown pattern you did, switching POV's each time. It's very creative and made the story more dynamic.

All in all, I don't have enough wonderful things to say about this piece. Adding it to my favorites, and I'm really happy I found this through the review tag. Thanks for a great piece!

10/10

Author's Response: No worries. I just wanted to make sure I got a review out of the deal, I hope you can understand that.

Aw, thanks. Descriptions are probably one of my strong suits (ha, I'm so modest) and it really worked to my advantage with this fic. I think my style has matured a bit since this fic, but I do like how metaphorical my writing used to be.

Hm, Sirius is an interesting character. We don't know a lot about his younger years (when he was first Sorted), but I've always taken on the idea that he wasn't always against his family's beliefs. It's kind of hard when you've grown up a certain way to just automatically be against it, to know right from wrong if that was the way you were raised, you know? I think time and patience from his roommates definitely drew him out of that black hole, but I don't think they were besties automatically. That's just my thoughts.

I love James and Remus and they're so sweet with Lily.

I'm really glad you liked this. Thanks for the review. :)


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Review #4, by LionsRuleTo Tell A Tale: Three Winter Flaws

16th January 2012:
Hi there! Here for the review tag thread ^_^

This was a really sweet idea. I love you made the moment after such a chaotic scene in Harry Potter so lighthearted, which is exactly how I think Bill and Fleur would have handled it. You captured their personalities really well, and their banter was really sweet. This piece made me smile in the end :)

One thing I would suggest is getting a beta for this. There were quite a few spelling/grammar errors that can distract from the story, so it would make it even better if you get those polished up :)

Overall, I'm glad I read this! It was a really sweet story, keep up the amazing work! ^_^

Author's Response: Yay for the review tag!

Thank you! I always shipped Bill/Fluer; I loved the innocence of their relationship and I tried to put that across. Thank you!

Yeah, I wrote this story a while back and my grammar was great so I'll go over and edit it one day; I'll also get one of my beta's to read it :D

Thanks again :)


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Review #5, by LionsRuleLike You Mean It: 94 Days After

16th January 2012:
Hello there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review. Please forgive me for the terrible wait (I know it's been over a month since you requested this) but better late than never, right? :)

First off, you opened this chapter really well. I always have issues opening into a scene, and I think you glided into the opening very smoothly. Your characters seem very interesting already.

Once thing I would recommend would not be making your paragraphs so large and separating the dialouge from them a bit more. It would generally make the chapter easier to read. Not that it's bad now, just an idea for you to improve.

Your writing flows really nicely, and your descriptions are beautiful. Your characters thoughts are really well-developed and seriously, I can't get over how amazingly well you describe things. I tried to find a quote or a passage for an example, but the whole chapter just has amazing descriptions, so I couldn't pick!

Your ending was the perfect cliffhanger. This seems as though it has the potential to blossom into a really amazing story, so stick with it. Thanks for requesting, and once again, I'm really sorry for the delay in getting this up!

- Jacqueline

Author's Response: Okay, so, it has taken me an appallingly long time to respond to this -- so let me apologise! I'm so sorry! I haven't logged on here in a while, though that's absolutely no excuse. And thank you for taking the time to review, I appreciate it. :)

I actually prefer longer paragraphs, though I do see your point. Long paragraphs can be a bit...er...daunting? I guess? *dies* Yeah. I know what you mean. They are a bit lengthy -- I'll have to go through and see if I can find a point of cut-off that's smaller. ^_^

But thank you for your kind words! I fret constantly over my writing lolol so I'm super glad that you like my descriptions and that it flows okay. :) -squishes you-

thank you so much again! I still smile when I read this review. ^_^ ♥

-Taylor


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Review #6, by LionsRuleAll You Need Is Love: The Next Generation: James

16th January 2012:
Hiii! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review. Ahh, I can't believe I'm so late in getting to this (it's been over a month, yikes) but better late than never! Right?

Anyway, I really like how you started this chapter. I love how you portray James. A lot of stories have their own interpretation of him, but I actually think this is the most spot on. From the epilogue in DH, I can totally see the James that JK Rowling wrote growing up to be exactly like your interpretation of him. I know it's hard to tell that from only a few sentences about him, but it makes sense in my mind. ^_^

You asked about your flow and coherence, and for the most part, it was excellent. There were a few parts that got a bit choppy, such as the paragraphs about James' thoughts. Yet none of them were really bad, but if you really wanted to improve, those are the areas you might be able to polish up on.

However, I really think this a great chapter. Congrats on an excellent piece, and once again, I'm incredibly sorry for the horrendous wait.

- Jacqueline

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for this! No worries about the wait!

Thanks for this, both the praise and the advice. I hope I got James right - he's a bit cliched, but that can happen I suppose!

I'll look out for that, thank you!

So happy you liked that :)


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Review #7, by LionsRuleHis Game: His Game

15th January 2012:
Hi there! I've never read a Bellatrix story before, but I found about this through the Review Tag thread on HPFF and I'm really happy I found this. It's a great story- you capture the personalities and thoughts of your characters. The banter between Rodolphus and Bellatrix is spot-on, and it keeps the reader intersested. Your writing flows really nicely, and your work choice is excellent, but the best feature of this story is how perfectly you portrayed Rodolphus and Bellatrix. It's exactly how I imagined them in the books. Wonderful job on this story, and I'm really happy I found this! 10/10

Author's Response: Hey there! Wow, I'd almost forgotten about this one-shot, lol. I really, really enjoyed writing it. I actually wrote it in a three hour stint one afternoon. Rodolphus and Bellatrix fascinate me particularly, so I'm glad you like them and their banter.

Thanks for the wonderful review - and the 10/10!
Aph xx


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Review #8, by LionsRuleVoldemort and the Tell All Interview: Voldemort and the Tell All Interview

1st December 2011:
Hey there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^

What an interesting idea! This was a very original idea for a comedy piece. You put a very evil character into a very hilarious position, and you combined him with Rita Skeeter, which was a very good idea. I could tell this was going to be a funny story even after just reading the summary.

You had some very interesting scenes in here that made me laughed. I loved how you had Voldemort admit that all he ever wanted was to be loved. XD I also laughed when you had Lee Jordan make a joke about the Weasley family. Even though this was a very original and absurd idea, you stuck to the characters very well! I cannot compliment you enough on your creativity, but what I also like is how you somehow managed to keep it cannon.

Oh my gosh. Your Cedric Diggory being reborn as a vampire made me laugh so hard. You added in a Twilight joke in your story, but it fit into the plot, so it was absolutely perfect. Your portrayal of Harry was also hilarious! The “nosy” joke also made me laugh. The best part was when Bellatrix ran onto stage, and Molly Weasley kept repeating her famous line in different contexts. Classic! In short, I was just basically laughing throughout this entire piece. Well done!

I found a few errors with spelling and grammar, but they were minor. In one instance, you spelled “Serious” instead of “Sirius”. However, a one-shot beta over at the forums will be able to go over your story and fix all of the mechanics for you. You should also look into getting a banner over at the dark arts, which will attract more readers to your story.

Overall, this was an excellent piece. To answer your area of concern, your humor was very effective. It was refreshing to read a funny piece after reviewing serious stories all day. I’ll be adding this to my favorites, now. Amazing job! ^_^

- Jacqueline

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review, I'm so glad you liked the humor! This was definetely a fun story to write.

Oops, it looks like I fell for my own pun when it came to Sirius:)

Thanks again! -James


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Review #9, by LionsRuleThe Recruit : Dark Days

1st December 2011:
Hey there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^ I apologize for the delay.

First of all, I liked your story summary. It was rather intriguing, so I thought I’d compliment you on that seeing how most people have a lot of issues with their story summaries (including me). I also liked how you set the scene for this chapter, you opened well into the story with your character looking at her little blue box.

I did spot some minor grammar/punctuation/spelling errors. For example, in your first paragraph, you might want to revise your sentence flow as you have a few run-on sentences. For example:

“I stayed still, my eyes transfixed on the little blue music box that sat oddly alone in the middle of the bookshelf otherwise packed with thick psychology volumes and several other text books. Most which haven’t been read by medical students till their third year.” I know this isn’t exactly a run-on sentence, but because you made that second sentence incomplete, the flow makes it seem as though it’s one long run-on. There were a few too many details packed into this sentence.

Also, I think you meant to have a period instead of a slash in this sentence: “The lid opened slowly and a blue fairy appeared with long wings that circled around her small frame/”.

Normally, the whole “abnormal special powers thing” can get cliché, so you need to be careful so your story doesn’t slip into the category. However, seeing as your plot is so unique already, you might not have any trouble with it. Just a warning, though. ^_^

I also think you missed a word on this sentence: “‘So why are here and not out there?’” That sentence doesn’t really make sense, so you might want to add a “you” in there.

Lastly, you ended this chapter with a good cliffhanger. It was a good way to wrap up all of your scattered details and pull them together. Overall, I really liked this story. You have a very original idea and you write well, so congratulations on a great story! Feel free to re-request from me in the future! ^_^

- Jacqueline

Author's Response: Hey thank you so much for reviewing and thanks for all the advice and the head's up! It definitely was a helpful review :) Thanks again. Glad you liked the story in general.
~Pen2Paper


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Review #10, by LionsRuleThe Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven: Act I

28th November 2011:
Hey there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^
To start with, you did a good job opening this piece. A lot of people have issues with the beginnings of stories, but you flowed smoothly into the chapter and I liked that. You introduced the character, provided some background info, and then connected him to Sirius (who is a character we are all familiar with). So well done with that!
This piece was very original, which I liked. You took canon characters and put them into a different story line, which I don’t usually like, but this was actually a nice idea. You also really got into the evil character of Cygnus really well- it was a very fascinating read.

I love the death scene of King Orion. You truly portray Cygnus well and it ended the first chapter with a good cliffhanger- I'm sure your readers will be back for more.

Overall, this was really good! I enjoyed it and this story has a lot of potential. Congrats on a great piece!

- Jacqueline

Author's Response: Hi Lionsrule!

Sorry for taking so long to reply to your review. School was kicking my butt. I definitely struggle with starting a story so I'm happy that it didn't seem like it's off to a terrible start. I was a little concerned with people's thoughts on including canon characters into this AU but it seems to be working for people.

Cygnus is a fascinating character to write, and I loved writing him in the death scene. It was something he had been working towards for a while so it was...well, not nice, but definitely an accomplishment for Cygnus for his plans to finally start falling into place.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for stopping by and reviewing, I really appreciate it. :)


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Review #11, by LionsRuleClash: Fireworks

27th November 2011:
OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY LEAVE US HANGING LIKE THAT?!! GO UPDATE. RIGHT. NOW.

AHdsagasgdjasgde this chapter was just so amazing and so many things were happening and I don't even know where to begin. It was just INCREDIBLE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE update soon. PLEASE.

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Review #12, by LionsRuleA Light That Never Goes Out: Winter Wonderland

26th November 2011:
Hey there! LionsRule back with your review request for chapter 2! ^_^

First off, at the beginning, you mention two people named Jane and Sarah. I did assume that they were simply two other students, but you may want to insert in who they are when you first introduce them in this chapter. Next, I love how you described how James and Lily’s personalities showed in what they were wearing- Lily was bundled up to stay warm, while James was a bit careless and didn’t have any regards for warmth, and how he was only wearing gloves with the intention of throwing snow at her. That made me laugh :)

Their innocence and inability to say ‘I love you’ was very sweet. I laughed again when James hid behind Lily- I love how they’re so obviously in love, but still very respectful and innocent with each other. It makes the story really lighthearted (I think I mentioned that in the last review, too, but I wanted to say it again because it really makes the story original). The two playing in the snow together is really such a sweet moment, I’m very glad you wrote it out. The ending was absolutely perfect, as well. I still am smiling at how cute it was.

I always try to give suggestions in my reviews, yet you don’t have to follow these if you don’t want to. They’re such some bits of advice that I think might improve your story. I think that even though Lily and James are very sweet with each other, you might want to include a chapter where they fight. Not every couple is perfect, and I’m sure Lily and James had their fair share of arguments. You can still keep the story sweet and lighthearted by showing how they get over their issues, though. It’s just a suggestion. XD

Anyway, another lovely chapter! Please re-request when the next one is up. I actually think I’ll be adding this story to my favorites, because it really is an excellent story

- Jacqueline ^_^

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! You've completely made my day with this. :)

I have a four more chapters written, and there's conflict in a couple of them, because, exactly as you say, every couple bumps into issues. I wouldn't say that they fight, exactly, but there are definitely some hurt feelings and tension that they have to work through.

I hope you like the coming chapters as much as you like this so far! :)


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Review #13, by LionsRuleHearts and Arrows: Hearts and Arrows

23rd November 2011:
Hey there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^

The first thing I noticed was that this story was very original. I’ve never seen a take on a Ron/Hermione like this, so I thought it was excellent that you added your own twist on the story. I know you were supposed to rewrite the scene, but you really though outside-of-the-box with Amatis and Cariad picking the couples. So good job with your originality! :D

I also loved the characters you created. Amatis and Cariad are absolutely hilarious, and their funny banter really made me want to keep reading. I also loved how you added them into scenes from the books. Adding an extra twist onto some of my favorite HP scenes really made the story very original while also familiar at the same time.

I would also like to compliment you on your sentence flow, word choice, grammar, and punctuation. Your story flowed really well, and that made it even nicer to read. You picked really good words and the dialogue was seamless. Your story was virtually free of any technical errors.

Your story is so original, and what I love is that it might of actually happened. You stuck to the book very well, and you added the cupids into the perfect scenes. I honestly couldn’t find ANYTHING to critique on. So congrats on such an excellent story!

I would recommend getting a banner for your story, though. It will definitely help draw in more readers and get more attention for this awesome story. You can go make an account over at the-dark-arts and request a banner; they’re always excellent in making story graphics.

Bravo! Feel free to request another review for any other stories you might want reviewed. I will definitely be adding this story to my favorites and I would love to see more of your work in the future. ^_^

-Jacqueline

Author's Response: Aw - thanks so much! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! It's always great to get good feedback, and this really did make my day. I'm very proud of this story, and it's nice to know I did a good job.

Thanks for the idea about the banner, I hadn't really thought about it before. I shall check out TDA and see what I can do

Sophie x


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Review #14, by LionsRuleA Light That Never Goes Out: A Light That Never Goes Out

23rd November 2011:
Hey there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^

I only really review one chapter at a time, that way I can provide more focused feedback on your story. So this is only a review for your first chapter. If you would like one for the 2nd chapter, feel free to re-request from me back over in the forums. :D

First of all, I loved how you opened this chapter. It was a great way to introduce the characters. It was very sweet at how innocent they were, and it was refreshing to read a story where it didn’t immediately open out with the two hating each other. You added in enough backstory so we know that Lily used to dislike James, though, which still stuck to the storyline.

James’ reaction to Lily actually asking him out made me laugh. It was a nice twist, and when he dropped the umbrella I actually laughed. ^_^ Their playful banter really makes the story light and carefree, which is also very nice to read. I love how shy you make them once they know they like each other, as that’s how I actually imagined James and Lily when they first actually began to like each other. So I’m very happy you decided to stick to their personalities.

I really couldn’t find anything to critique this chapter on. It was just so sweet and light and happy and short that I was smiling the entire time. It was original, especially for a James/Lily piece. You have excellent sentence flow and word choice, and generally this is great writing. Fantastic job!

Feel free to re-request another review, I’d be happy to review your stories again! ^_^

Author's Response: Yeah, that's the way I run my review requests too - easier to organize that way, I think. Sorry for this reply taking a few days - this past week has been horribly hectic for me.

I'm really glad you liked the way Lily and James came across here - I love the couple, and I really wanted for this to be my take on canon, and not contradict it. (If that makes sense.)

Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it.


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Review #15, by LionsRuleNever Mix Drinking and Apparating: Learning the Hard Way

23rd November 2011:
Hey there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^

First of all, I really love the idea of this story. It’s very humorous and original. I love the plot, as it has just enough twists to make it very interesting. Also, I do like how you opened into the first scene. It immediately drew me in as soon as Harry accidentally Apparated with Slughorn, and it added to the suspense of the story. I’ve never seen anything like this story.

This story made me laugh quite a bit. It’s always tricky to write comedy fan fictions, but you did an excellent job with it. I really enjoyed reading this. You also got into the characters very well. You made sure each of them was true to their personality for the initial reactions, which made the story even more entertaining.

However, I did find some areas that could be improved. There are some areas where more commas and punctuation could be used. They’re very minor mistakes, so I think if you simply went over it you might be able to fix it. There were also a few run-on sentences, which were usually seen when you were setting the scenes or towards the beginnings of sections. You may just want to revise those so it’s less confusing. I also spotted a few errors with capitalization. Since it can be tough to spot these on your own, I would suggest getting a beta, just to help clean up any errors you have. There are actually many one-shot betas available at the forums, so I would look into that.

You also might want to elaborate on how they are convinced to stay at the party and dance- I don’t think Harry would simply give in as soon as Slughorn started dancing. I think Draco and Harry might need a bit more convincing to stay at the party, but that’s just my opinion. ^_^

Overall, I really loved this piece! I was funny, and you used great word choice. Congrats on a great story! ^_^ If you ever want a review from me again in the future with another story, feel free to re-request.

-Jacqueline

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the detailed review! Someone is already in the process of beta-reading my story, but thanks for the suggestion! I do tend to write run on sentences, so I will go back and check for that too. I will also explain more why Harry and Draco stay so long. Thanks for pointing that out!

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Review #16, by LionsRuleA Portrait Existence: Phineas Nigellus Black: A Portrait Existence

23rd November 2011:
Hi there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review! ^_^

First of all, your plot was well-structured. It was short and sweet, which was great, as it really just provided a snapshot of Phineas’ life. I think it was great that it was only one scene of his life that was written, because if it had gone one any longer, it would have made it boring. So you chose well with your word length.

Also, I really enjoyed the opening scene. It was familiar to HP readers because it was in the book, so it definitely stuck to the books. Yet you didn’t simply copy it out of the books, but you did your own spin on it. It was really refreshing to see it from Phineas’ point of view.

The tone was very consistent, and you also stuck to the characters well. You really got into Phineas’ character and you stuck to his true personality, which helped make the story very believable. You also explained some of the backstory, so it was easy for readers to follow along.

I also loved your word choice. You picked great vocabulary to make the story sophisticated, yet you didn’t make it confusing. I can’t tell you how annoying it is to read a fan fiction where it seems as though the author looked up every single word in a thesaurus and changed it! Yet your word choice was sophisticated enough, but still easy to understand. That really helped your sentence flow and provided a good addition to the piece.

Now- these are just suggestions, so don't take these too harshly. I always look for any critique when I review, so here are a few areas where you might be able to improve.

There were a few parts of the story that dragged a bit, so it might be a good idea to revise your flow. Some sentences were a bit choppy, while others had a bit too much detail. For example, the conversation between Phineas and Derwent in the beginning, as well as when Dumbledore asks Phineas for a favor tends to drag a little bit. The ending is a bit rushed in comparison.

However, overall, I think this was an excellent piece. It was very refreshing to read, and it was also very original. You are a fantastic writer! Feel free to request again from me in the future for any other stories you might want reviewed. Keep up the amazing work! ^_^

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks for such a nice review :)

Glad you liked my plot, word length, opening scene, the tone, Phineas's character, the backstory and the vocabulary. I really appreciate your comments, and feel flattered :) Thank you!

Don't worry, I don't take the suggestions harshly :)

I'll see what I can do about the flow to make it less draggy when I do an edit, and about the sentences too - thanks for pointing that out.

I am happy to know it made a refreshing read and you think I'm "fantastic". That puts a nice big smile on my face ^_^

Thanks a lot once again!! I'll surely request for some other story of mine soon!


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