Reading Reviews From Member: CherryBoom
  
98 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CherryBoomMistakes: Mistakes

22nd April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. =)

It was a very haunting & beautiful one-shot. I liked the way you varied the story with a current moment and flashbacks. Usually the flashbacks can be bit distracting, but in this case, they made the whole story rather bitter sweet.

Descriptions were excellent, the girl's natural sweetness compared to her gruesome fate really made a difference here. It would be nice to read a sequel for it, since it left me with quite many questions. Like did he ever revenge her fate? Or did he just accept it, and move on?

The flow was really nice, and the way you started by comparing their relationship to colliding planets intrigued me.

His anonymity kind of puzzles me. Since she didn't use his name even when she said she loved him, I'm not sure if she ever understood the danger she was in, or if she even really knew his name. Probably not, since she was a muggle.

His aunt does give Bellatrix run for her money. Then again she might very well be one of the lesser Malfoys or the Blacks. Those families have produced so many loonies throughout the years, that the aunt would fit right in. Considering that they were clearly quite respected family, since Voldy himself bothered to stop by, and the mansion they had indicates the wealth, maybe my guess is not so far from the truth?

I enjoyed this one-shot, and could have read more of it. But then again maybe it's better this way, since it was the incredibly sad story.

If you've questions about my review, you can PM on the forums. Other than that, happy writing! =)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I really wanted the anonymity because it was less about him as it was about Jayme. WHEEE! I am so glad you liked the aunt, she was my favourite! I am so glad you liked it, thanks for the review! :)

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Review #2, by CherryBoomI Know Something You Don't: Chapter 1

22nd April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. =)

Well, that was quite a long considering that it was the first chapter of the story. That might scare off some of the readers. But I was pleasantly surprised about her annoying cousin who had a crush on Dudley. She was an excellent addition to this story, and I'm quite interested in seeing if she makes reappearances in later chapters. Because if she does, I bet she could makes things quite entertaining.

I was bit lost in the beginning about who was the main character here, since you used Tabitha's point of view as well. Generally it's better to stick with one point of view per chapter, because it can confuse readers otherwise.

I quite liked how Liesel's dad told her about her heritage, although if most of her dad's side of the family is magical, it's surprising that she didn't know anything about it beforehand. I guess she doesn't have much contact with her grandparents?

It would be fun to know how she first demonstrated her magical ability when she was a kid. =)

Your main character is bit prickly, and bordering on anti-social there in the end. After all, it's the first time most of these kids are alone from their families (except of course the ones who have siblings), so most eleven-year-olds would probably be bit homesick and actually seek company. Also, if she doesn't want to actively speak with other kids, I sense that it might be bit more challenging to write about her.

I like the way you kept the story going from the beginning to the end of this chapter. There was quite a lot of action going on, although it was rather traditional beginning for a fan fic, with the train and letters and starting the new school year.

There were some typos in this chapter (like Pavarti -> Parvati) and some small inconsistencies, but if you read it through once more, those things are quite easy to spot and fix.

It was a solid beginning for a story, and once your OC comes out of her shell a bit, I suspect it will be really fun story to read. =)

If you have any questions about my review, just PM in the forums. Happy writing!

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Review #3, by CherryBoomAgainst All Odds: Muggles and Magic

21st April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. Sorry that I'm bit late, it has been exceptionally busy week. On to the review then (it's super long)... =)

I really like your Tonks. She has carefree personality that I think she should have. Blowing up toilets with Charlie was a nice little detail. I can see them doing exactly that, and then the head boy Bill trying to catch them red-handed. =)

I kind of would have liked to know something about Kingsley's and Dawlish's appearances. Like were they under cover too?

Kingsley's dialogue... Hmm... I kind of feel that it could use little defining to make bit clearer their work relationship, since the dialogue felt more like two close friends chatting, not like boss-employee situation. Also, I imagine Kingsley to be bit more manly when he talks. But that's just my 2 cents. =P

Bill's and Tonks's friendship felt natural. Bill's description felt adequate, since I learned so many things from their discussion. The veela bit was a nice reference to HP books and it was cute how Bill is already smitten with Fleur.

The one thing that was missing was when Bill actually left from table to get more drinks? He was there asking about it, and then he was just gone?

I feel like Tonks and Remus established a tentative friendship here. There wasn't many clues about how they relationship is about to change, but I quite like that they aren't head over heels in love instantly.

Tonks has been tripping over her feet quite many times in these two chapters. While she's clumsy, maybe that characteristic could be shown off with some other method for a change.

This chapter would benefit of beta reading, if you find it hard to spot inconsistencies. There were quite many little things throughout the chapter, like wondering -> should be wandering (the beginning and the end of chapter), there were some words missing from ends of sentences and some phrases didn't quite sound right.

The strongest part of this fic is your Tonks. I like her alot, and I'm interested in reading more just because she's so fresh and funny. =) The details about her life were really nicely planned too, like the primary school detail.

The story flow was maybe bit slow in the beginning but then it began pick up speed nicely once we got into the Leaky Cauldron. This story is one of the most promising Remus/Tonks fics out there, so you're off to good start.

Happy writing! If you need help with beta reading or have questions, let me know. =)

Author's Response: Haha it's fine! Ah this review is so long and helpful I'll try and address all the points in it!

Haha yeah I have to say I really love writing Tonks mainly due to her general attitude to life, it's just so lovely and you almost wish that you can be like her, as she doesn't tend to take all that much seriously which makes me envious.

Yeah I realise now that I need to address the thing about Dawlish and where Kingsley stands with Tonks. I have a habit of making men sound like girls and it's really annoying :/

I'm glad that the friendship with Bill and Tonks worked, as that was probably the part I was most worried about, as it's not strictly canon! I'll go and place him in the scene too!

I'm glad that the change in their friendship was good for you, and that it's not too obvious now, and building slowly. I realised that when writing it, but it was mainly due to a lack of a better alternative, so I'll brainstorm some more ideas!

Well, I've already let you know about the beta thing, and I just want to say another massive thank you for pointing out blindling obvious things that I and other people have missed!

-Kiana :D


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Review #4, by CherryBoomDerwent Demented: Derwent Demented

15th April 2013:
Hi! I noticed that you and the next writer after you in the tag had both reviewed me, leaving you you without a review. So count this as compensation. =)

I really liked the idea of this one-shot. It was one of the most original fan fics I've read, and I wouldn't mind reading more about Derwent and his quest for finding his family. I do hope he will find them.

The wholesome backstory with gardening and happy family compared to his present state and being stuck in Azkaban was a really nice contrast. The ending where he tried to offer an apple to another dementor and then glided away still clutching it, was very visual scene. I could really imagine it in my eyes.

Excellent story. Maybe you could write more about Derwent? And of course, I'm very much interested in why dementors attacked his family. =)

Author's Response: That is so nice of you, thank you for thinking of me!! :P It's great to hear that you liked this one-shot, and that you thought it was an original POV. The idea just kind of came to me, and I thought it would be really fun to write!

I'm glad that you enjoyed the contrasts with Derwent's past life and his current one as a Dementor. I'm not sure why I picked him out as being a gardener, but it just seemed to strangely fit. Also good to hear that the scene with the apple was effective.

I haven't decided yet if I'm going to leave this as a one-shot or continue it-I really liked writing it but haven't quite re-discovered the muse for this story! But your feedback is very encouraging. :)

Thank you so much for the review, I really loved it!!! :)


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Review #5, by CherryBoomWhere are you now?: Where are you now?

14th April 2013:
Hi! =) It was a really nice one-shot. I know you were worried about the swearing, but it fit in there very well. It's true that teenage boys need bit rougher language to be believable characters than girls.

It was cool how subtly you managed to tell us about his mother's abuse. It didn't stand out, but that tidbit made impact anyways.

The most striking thing about his character was how he tried so much to convince himself that he didn't care if Lily liked him, and instead looked for assurance from his dumb friends and mastering their unhealthy habits to become part of the gang. And yet he realized how much it was his fault when it came to his and Lily's crumbling friendship. The way he compared himself to having the Midas touch, just inverted one, was particularly well written.

I noticed that there were repeated words regularly, but I'm pretty sure some of it was meant to be there for stylistic reasons. If that wasn't your conscious choice, then maybe you could check if some of the tautology could be eliminated.

Anyways, I truly enjoyed this fic, and the way you wrote Severus. I would say you really got into his head. =)

Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: Hi! Boys do have a much coarser tongue than girl's, plus with Snape's bitterness I think he would've been a heavy swearer :P

He tries to shunt away his feelings for Lily because he knows that he shouldn't have them and that he can't have them. He's also trying to save himself from rejection too- he called the girl a mudblood, she isn't going to come running into his arms and he knows it.

Snape's mind is like a broken record, something that is shown in his treatment towards Harry. He cannot let things go and I wanted to repeat words and phrases because of that ;)

Thanks so much for the lovely review, made my day!


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Review #6, by CherryBoomDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: The Informant

12th April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. =)

Well, it's most certainly an AU fic, if there ever was one. I haven't read anything similar, so points for originality. I liked that you got a reader in the middle of the story right from the beginning, and that the story just flowed from there.

I'm quite excited to see that Sirius is still alive, because he is one of my favorite characters in canon, and his death was pretty pointless there. Oh, yay, and there's Remus too.

Renaming Harry's kids and marrying someone who isn't even canon got me scratching my head for a while, but maybe there's some kind of side plot there still uncovered. Oh, now I see *doh*, when I reread the summary... I'm not sure, if all that info needs to be in the summary though, since it acts as a kind of spoiler there. I'd definitely consider writing less spoiling summary for your story.

I'm surprised that Harry didn't force the Death Eater to drink Veritaserum. It would have been very logical thing to do. The Pensieve scene was very well written, it served its purpose and let readers see bit more interaction between Harry and Devlin. Characters felt natural, and dialogue fit well to them.

As this is the first chapter, it naturally raised many questions. It's really sign of a good fic, when you don't get all the answers in the beginning. The most pressing one that I'm pondering is, whether Voldemort sent the Death Eaters to be captured on purpose or not. But I guess I've to read further to see about that. =)

It's quite intriguing beginning for sure.

If you've questions about my review, you can send me PM on the forums. Happy writing!


P.S. For a next time: if my slots are filled, please wait until there's room before requesting. Thanks. =)

Author's Response: First off, sorry about requesting I must have miscounted. I try really hard never to request when slots are full! Eeep *hangs head*

As for the summary, I have gone back and forth on it. It is so AU (and I haven't seen a story like it either) that until I made the summary sort of obvious, no one was reading it! It's like people wanted to know what they were getting into, kinda? Or people would read it and think Harry was related to Voldemort (in the older version, I've made it more clear in this one) and then review that it wasn't believable etc., etc., so I made it an obvious summary.

I think Harry didn't really want to be proven wrong. He wanted to keep that hope, in some way. I think that will be more clear as we go forward.

I'm glad you liked it and that it left some mystery! :)

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #7, by CherryBoomMolly: Molly

12th April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. =)

It was a really sweet piece of fluff. The idea was wonderful, and it would be interesting to read more about Percy & Audrey and their family. I see that you've softened Percy's edges from canon, but it works quite well for such emotional one-shot. Though I can't deny that I was hoping for a small sign of Percy's pompousness to emerge, just for laughs. =P

I quite enjoyed the characters, although mostly this one-shot concentrated on Percy's and his mum's relationship. Mrs Weasley was especially splendidly written. If I remember right from OotP, Molly's biggest fear was losing her loved ones, so losing Percy (even for a short while) must have been really hard for her.

There's really only one thing that felt like it was missing from this one-shot. You didn't describe much of the characters. I would have like to know whether little Molly had as flaming hair as her grandma, whether Percy was still wearing glasses and bit more about Audrey. But it's a really minor issue.

Other than that, it was wonderfully written one-shot with nice flow and I didn't even notice any typos in text. The ending was perfect, since it brought a good closure to the story.

I hope this review was helpful for you. If you have any questions, you can PM me in forums. Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: Hello! First of all, thank you so much for doing this!

I'm glad that you liked this. I have softened Percy's edges, but that's because he, in my mind, changed a lot after the Battle, after losing Fred and especially after having a baby. I agree with you that I should have shown a bit of his old traits too, I just couldn't come up with something good. But I'll definitely add something if I do ;)

I'm glad you liked Mrs Weasley. She's such a lovely character to write, so I'm glad you think I did her justice.

You're absolutely right about describing the characters. I'll definitely give this story a second look when I get the chance - I personally love when things are described well so you get the full picture, so I really agree with you :)

Once again, thank you so much! This review was both very kind and helpful, and I really appreciate it!! :)


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Review #8, by CherryBoomIt's Not Love: A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

8th April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review! =)

Changing POVs... I can see how this could be necessary, if you're more interested in concentrating Draco's and her daughter's relationship, and keeping her and Nick's story more as a sideplot. It could lead to very interesting fic for sure. Just be careful that you don't get tempted to write more than couple of points of views, because it will throw the flow off very easily and readers might get bored.

Draco's POV comes off bit forced. Mainly it's about how much you underline him being a concerned and good parent, but then trying to toughen him with how he treats Scorpius. Of course it could be that Mikaela is daddy's girl and that he disses his son, but it would be bit odd considering how sensitive your Draco is. There's a missing comma in this part and some of the word choices aren't the best ones. Maybe you could check those out, if you're editing this story.

You do use a lot of telling instead of showing in this chapter. I'd rather form my own opinions based on how characters act with other characters, than end up being told out right that your main character is rather vain and self-centered. Showing the things a reader needs to know would make you fic stronger and more believable.

The problem with this chapter is that it's just inner monologues. The chapter doesn't push your plot forward. It's in a standstill as we speak. Grantedly, I can see that you're trying to build Draco's and Mikaela's characters here, but there really needs to be something more to be happening than just driving around aimlessly.

There are some places where the tense you're using changes without reason. There are also some typos and other inconsistencies, that I'm sure you can hunt down with your beta.

I did get better picture of your main character in this chapter. I just don't like her that much. But it's interesting to read about someone who's not exactly miss Goody Two-Shoes. Just keep her interesting and the plot going in next chapters, and I'm sure you'll gain good readership.

If you've any question about this review, you're welcome to contact me through forums. =)

Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: Heyy
Thankss!
Em


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Review #9, by CherryBoomThe Steps to Insanity : Prologue

7th April 2013:
Hi! I loved the way you started this prologue. The first lines were nothing short of amazing. I love the imagery you used here. =) You applied the second person point of view very smoothly, personally I've pondered using it while writing an one-shot, but I haven't managed to write it ever as organically as you've done it here.

Your characterization of Bellatrix is really intriguing. While we all know that she isn't right in her head, you managed to give her plausible agenda that sounded surprisingly logical from her point of view. The idea that she thinks she can steal someone else's magical abilities when she kills them is very well plotted.

The story's flow was excellent, and I didn't even spot any typos here. =) It's fun to watch how you're getting scarily better and better with your writing. =P Happy writing hun! =)

Author's Response: Hi Cherry! Second person PoV is something that I've really, really ended up love writing. I tried my first with a Fleur shot, Fairy Dust, and oh my gosh it's just addicting! I hope you do decide to try it, and if so let me know when it's posted! I'd love to read it!

Ahh that's exactly what I wanted! For this all to make sense in Bellatrix's head. I'm not looking to write something that shows us how crazy she is. We'll see that, but I want to write something that makes sense to *her*... so instead of focusing on things like how terrible it is what she's doing, or wants to do, I'll focus on how terrible it is that other people aren't doing that. I could just kiss you for thinking that I've managed to give her a plausible agenda.

Awww thank you for the sweet compliments ♥ I've always told you that improving as a writer means a lot to me, and any improvement I've made/will make is all thanks to wonderful reviewers like you. I've actually gone back through and rewritten the first few chapters of BTF because I couldn't stand how sad they were compared to the newer ones :P

Thank you again for stopping by, and I really hope you have something new on your AP soon for me to stalk ;).


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Review #10, by CherryBoomHeartbeat: Meet the Malfoys

4th April 2013:
Hi! I saw the incredibly beautiful banner you have for this story and wanted to read it immediately.

I love fluffy stories like this. The little plot twist about how they thought that they could never have a baby, and then seeing him/her in ultrasound was a very sweet moment. By the way, while echography is technically correct term, usually prenatal ultrasound is called just ultrasound or sonogram. Not sure if you knew that. =)

Rose's & Scorpius's relationship was very naturally told. I loved their characters as well. The only thing that you could have described bit more might have been their surroundings, but it's a wonderful one-shot as it is.

Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: The banner is amazing, isn't it?

In my country, we actually call it a prenatal echography and as I see it, Rose probably wouldn't know what it was called if it weren't for Hermione. And she would use the proper scientific name!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #11, by CherryBoomAgainst All Odds: The First Meeting

2nd April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review! =)

Tonks is one of my favorite characters in HP. So this story should be really fun to read.

You gave us quite a lot of backstory in the beginning of the chapter, but once I got past that, story's pace picked up really well. The rest of it was nicely action oriented, and the whole Guild scene felt natural, although admittedly you could have used the incredible environment JKR has created for Grimmauld Place more vividly in descriptions. The ending was bit abrupt, maybe it could have had some kind of hint to what might happen in next chapter.

Tonks's character was really well written, and Remus sounded quite believable as well, although we didn't get much out of him yet. You forgot to place Sirius before his first line. I mean that there wasn't any description of where he was standing and what he was doing before his first line. In fact, you could add bit more description to all guild members, since they didn't have many lines each in this chapter. That would make them act more naturally.

The dialogue was excellent in most parts. Sirius felt bit out of character, especially towards the end of the chapter. He sounded far too housebroken considering he's a man who has been forced to be inside his parents' weird house that he hates 24/7.

There were some small typos and inconsistencies in this chapter, but nothing major. All in all, it was excellent start for a fic, and most imporantly left me wanting more. =)

If you have questions about this review, you can PM me in forums. Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: Hello there!

Yes I realise know that I probably gave too much backstory at the beginning of the chapter, but I have such difficulty trying to find a place to weave it all in. I'm glad that the rest of the chapter balanced it out though, as I would hate it if it was all slow!

I know I tend to lack description a lot of the time, so thank you so much for pointing out where I could include more. I just always wonder whether I'm boring the reader but including it, so I'll add some more in :)

I'm glad that you liked Tonks' character, and as for Remus I didn't want him to feature too much in the first chapter as I thought it might be a bit odd if she paid him so much attention and didn't know who he really was. I hopefully make up for it in the second chapter ;D

I'll sort out the Sirius issues, it's just hard trying to estimate what he'll act like as he's such an unpredictable character, I'll definitely go back and include some of the pointers about him.

I'll re-read the chapter and get rid of the errors, they always seem to appear no matter how many times I read the chapter, and it's so annoying!

I'm glad that you wanted to read on, and thank you for such a helpful review, I'm definitely going to go back and edit in the pointers :D

-Kiana :D


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Review #12, by CherryBoomFlicker : Flicker

2nd April 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review! =)

It was a very interesting idea to use a couple of lesser known characters for one-shot. I haven't read many fics about them, so it was nice to see how you imagine their characters.

I was bit disoriented in the first part of the fic. I was assuming that she was lying in some abandoned warehouse or something (because you didn't mention where she was), and dying slowly from her wounds, because her thoughts were so jumbled. So I was quite surprised when I realized that she was actually wandering around Diagon Alley, when I got further in the fic.

It was left quite unclear why she was in Diagon Alley. Was she leaving note to someone before her death? Visiting the places where she used to go with Benjy? How did Voldy & the Death Eaters know where she was?

I'm guessing you must have answers at least to some of my questions, but they just didn't show up in text. So extra descriptions could make this fic bit more readable. Now I was just left in some kind of suffocating cloud where I couldn't figure out which way she was going.

I liked her inner thoughts, although those were bit too flowery for my personal taste. I appreciate your similes, but they kind of kidnapped the plot and never let go.

I wasn't sure until the end, whether she was on a good side or bad side. Most of the story was quite ambivalent about it.

Her fate was left bit unclear. Like was she killed on the spot or tortured first? Or did Death Eaters capture her, break her mind and then kill her? So many options. The end left me with many questions as you can see.

I can appreciate this type of writing in one-shot, but if it was longer fic, it would definitely need some sprucing up, so that I wouldn't lose hope and stop reading it before the end.

I didn't actually learn a lot about the characters. Clearly Benjy and Dorcas were lovers, but that's almost all I got. There was a typo right in the end in Dorcas's name by the way. I think there were a couple of other inconsistencies as well, but can't remember right now where those were.

You are way good with expressing character's feelings. I could feel her intense pain about losing her lover, and there was some guilt in there too. But most of all she was practically out of her mind with grief. I hope that was the effect you were striving for? =)

It was intriguing and generally well written one-shot. But bit distrubing. =P

If you have questions about this review, just PM me. Other than that, I hope this was helpful review. Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: hi! I'm sorry for the late response to this! I've been so busy and i've gotten so behind on all my responses to reviews! I'm really sorry because i don't want to seem unappreciative.

I want to thank you for your honesty and i see where you are coming from with a lot of your points. Especially with needing to establish the setting earlier to avoid any confusion. And maybe hint stronger to why she was there and clear up some of the imagery and similes. I have a habit of letting them take over the plot. Part of it was that she was a little out of her mind with grief and disillusion with the war. She doesn't have a strong grasp on reality which is why some of this is confusing because it's reflecting her own mind frame which is in the simplest sense, confused. She's broken and the war has broken her both emotionally and mentally. She's out in Diagon Alley because she's trying to grasp who she was before, someone who'd do what she wanted and fight the power the war had on the world and another part is the fact that she just wants death. Rather death than keep experiencing what she is experiencing. Which is the loss of a lover and the loss of innocence that things will get better.

The ending is supposed to be a bit ambiguous. It's the end of her rope where her mind really doesn't have a grasp on what's going on around her. Mostly i just want to reader to interpret it how they like.

I get what you're saying with most of your points and i will try to clean a few things up just so that it's more readable. Thank you so much for your honesty!! :)


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Review #13, by CherryBoomIt's Not Love: When It All Began

29th March 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review! =)

So you're trying to breath some life to good old arranged marriage plot I see. Hmm. I guess it's one way to bring two (usually) opposite personalities together and force them to have relationship, but that approach is not very subtle one.

Since there are many similar stories in the archives, I recommend that you'd take time and plot your story carefully. Original plot twists and well written characters make big difference when you're writing something that has popular predecessors.

Your OC is quite a believable teenager, although her reactions to such odd and devastating news are bit all over the place. Considering she and Scorpius are twins, it's unbelievable that she wouldn't have seen any emotions on his face before said birthday. Twins are usually very perceptive about each others feelings. That would make Scorpius quite an odd kid. Even if he's serious type, that just sounds wrong.

There's not much to mention about Astoria, since we don't get to know her beyond her facade. Draco, on the other hand, is very far from Draco presented in canon. Especially the idea, that he would describe how he pleadingly sobbed on his mother's deathbed, is odd. Guys just generally don't say things like that. They may sob and plead, but hardly tell about it to anyone else. Just my 2 cents. =P

Draco's monologue is bit monotone truth to be told. Plus since it has such important information to the listeners, surely they would interrupt him and not let him just lecture through? Especially Mikaela. Make them converse, argue or even shout, but whole back story without any interruptions or even descriptions in between is not very well written.

The flow of your story is nice, there's plenty of action and I like the fact you present the conflict right in this first chapter. I'm quite interested in to see what kind of counterpart (Nick Jr.) you've created for her.

Descriptions could use some work and there are huge spaces between paragraphs, which takes off from the reading experience. But that is easy to edit. =)

As you see, while there are some issues with this chapter, with little rewriting I could definitely be interested in reading more of your story. The base for this story is solid, now you just have to build upon it and make the plot your own. =)

Happy writing!

Author's Response: Heyy,
Yeah i will take up your advise and edit soon
thankyou
Em


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Review #14, by CherryBoomWhat is love?: The Riders Pub

29th March 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. =)

Writing Dramione can be quite a tought job. The biggest problem with this pairing is that it requires rather big change in both Draco's and Hermione's characters before their romance can become fully believable. I see that you've already changed their outlook in life before this fic starts, which is one way of doing it.

I personally would have started this story from Hermione's slide to decline, so that it would have made it easier for reader to connect with characters. As it is, since neither of them are very canon like, I hope that you will introduce their back stories more prominently in next chapters. Otherwise I fear that some of the readers might disconnect with this story.

Your Hermione is not very likeable at this point of story. She disses her friends, drinks alone and is generally pretty sad character. Even though you hinted at what has happened to her in the war, it definitely needs more defining. I don't quite buy Draco's character at this point. You've changed him tremendously from canon and it's bit odd that he feels pressing need to explain himself to drunken Hermione, who probably won't even remember their discussion when morning comes. Also Draco's change in outlook would be more realistic, if it came through showing it with his actions, not telling with monologue.

The end part (after your author's note) was definitely too abrupt. Consider rewriting it without forcing Draco to propose quite so early. Let them talk first, connect with each other and only after that start bargaining, if that's what your plot requires them to do in this chapter.

There are still quite a lot of typos throughout this chapter, as well as some missing pronouns, especially in the part where Ron visits Hermione. Also, take a look at the part where Ron manages to avoid the rug again, since I can't found out the previous mention to the said rug. If you need help with typo hunting, you are welcome to PM me.

All in all, I can easily see where you are leading the readers with your story. Think about how you could surprise the readers with some plot twists, or create/deepen the OCs that interact with Draco and Hermione to make your story more original.

With some rewriting I'm sure you will attract more readers to it. Your story flows nicely and descriptions work reasonably well. So once you get the characters right, the rest will come naturally. =)

Happy writing! =)

Author's Response: Cherryboom,

Thank you for taking the time read and review this chapter.

Hermione's actions and behaviors are explained more throughly in later chapters. This first chapter was more to show where they have ended up so far with their lifes. This happens to be my first fanfic I ever wrote and I can agree that Draco is a tadbit bit to far on the soft side but it seems a few people like reading that. I do have other fics where he doesn't change at all in his actions. I think writing grows with us.

I am working on rewriting parts of this story.

Thank you for your time,

Megthechef43


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Review #15, by CherryBoomThe Worst: The Worst Had Happened

27th March 2013:
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. =)

I like the premise of your story. I have read some werewolf stories about Teddy and Bill's & Fleur's daughters, but this promises to have fresh spin on things and I'm definitely intrigued. What I like the most is that you jumped straight into action in both chapters, and you still managed to give us plenty of back story in between action.

Considering that you emphasized that there shouldn't be any werewolves near the cabin according to wolves themselves, and that there was one waiting for her when she opened the door, it looks like it could be one of your subplots. =) I'm definitely intrigued about what brought this attack on her. Was it a chance? Or did she somehow get tangled in the werewolf pack's inner power struggle or something like that. And the big question of course is whether she knew the biter beforehand or not. =)

I guess I'm so used to linking Vic and Teddy together, that it took a while in this chapter to realize that you meant that Teddy was Dom's boyfriend. It's quite a fresh outlook, but at the same time I keep thinking that I want to know if you're fixing canon more to your liking, or if there's some kind of back story here as well.

The Weasleys were wonderful, but their grief was rather overwhelming considering that she's alive and seemingly well. After all, in canon Fleur is rather unfazed about Bill's injuries after similar attack during the war. It seems like one needs to get pretty badly bitten to get what ever causes lycantrophy to his/her veins. Of course maybe Bill's attack didn't occur on full moon, I guess that could mean significant difference with an outcome of becoming werewolf, but Fleur certainly didn't know it at the time. So I'm inclined to believe that Dom might not be yet fully aware of what kind of damage werewolf attack caused to her besides probable moon craze.

I do like your main character, especially since she overcame her fear of werewolves and took on that assignment while knowing risks. Her tendency to distance herself from other people when she's hurt is interesting, although I would definitely feel such commotion bit smothering as well. I'm hoping that she won't mourn over spilled milk long, and uses her Ravenclaw wit to figuring out why she was attacked.

The Weasleys were quite loving family, but Teddy's comment about "going through phase" rubbed me bit wrong. Maybe he doesn't get how much Dom fears werewolves? You know what I was thinking? I thought when I read about Teddy's reaction, that he must be a former Hufflepuff. Kind, loyal, but not very assertive. Well, that's how he comes across to me at the moment. =P

I hope that although Fleur and Vic fled Dom's room, that they would return and be stronger and more supportive when Dom starts to recuperate. In canon Fleur especially has that inner strength that I'm hoping you will show us more in next chapters.

I like your writing style, it flows very naturally and is easy to read. I'm quite interested in reading more of this story. I can see many possible ways to continue it, and it will be interesting to see where you will lead us eventually. Excellent start for a fic! =)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you like the premise. I am trying to make it as original as I can, so I hope you like it further too.

Why the wolf attacked, whether he knew her or not, all those questions will be answered in chapters 4 and/or 5 =) I hope you'll be satisfied.

I have always wanted Teddy & Dom to be together so I did that here. There's a flashback in chapter 3 that clears up things about how they came to be =)

Aha you're spot on! No one has speculated on why Fleur was crying so much - that there might be some further damage which Dom doesn't know about yet - but I am pleased you kind of are on its trail. I shall reveal it in chapter 4! The first three chapters are kind of a build up as the main stuff starts from chapter 4 =)

Don't worry, Dom is still in shock but she's going to recover soon, and get to figuring things out. As I said, chapter 4 is the one to answer your questions :D

Haha yes Teddy could be a Hufflepuff. I see him as this calm, collected, laid back person. Not very assertive indeed.

Fleur and Vic are going to help Dom soon, don't worry. You'll see their inner strength soon.

I am glad you liked my writing style and found this easy to read. I am excited about what you'd think of future chapters - especially chapter 4 onwards, so i'll be re-requesting!

Thanks a ton!


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Review #16, by CherryBoomPercy Weasley is a Vampire: The Hallows Café

4th March 2013:
I love the way Audrey uses accessories. Another wig, witch's hat and a self-made garlic necklace were lovely touches.

I'm starting to feel sorry for poor Percy. =P He tries to be so chivalrious, and is so anxious about date going well, and Audrey just keeps grilling him about potential undead pets, bats and running water. The confession about running over a muggle policeman was so cute. And Audrey checking his pulse was just hilarious. I gotta hand it to her, she's very thorough with her potential vampire inspection. Although hopefully she decides not to behead him, it would be the most unfortunate happenstance. =P

The reason why I return to this story again and again is that its simply put so funny. I love Percy and Audrey and their odder than odd relationship. They're both off their rockers, but it definitely adds to the funny factor. Thank you for making me smile every time I read more of this story. =)

A review for Gryffies vs. Snakes review battle

Author's Response: Audrey is pretty out there. XD

Poor Percy, indeed! Here he is thinking that he's on a genuine date, trying his best to be appealing, and Audrey keeps going out of her way to alarm him. He must be desperate for romance at this point if he considered that situation to be a successful date!

It would be quite a shame if she beheaded him. lol.

I'm glad you liked this! I'm always happy to hear that this made someone smile.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. :)


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Review #17, by CherryBoomOver The Edge: Chapter One: Prologue: The Man In The Suit

13th January 2013:
I'm definitely intrigued. =) You got me right from the short summary, since I haven't read any similar fanfics before. I haven't actually ever thought about what kind of future Viktor Krum might have after the war, but I can see it happening.

You used HP elements quite sparingly in the prologue. It felt more like it could belong to Dennis Lehane's book, or somewhere similar. But I love that kind of stories, so this is right up my alley. In fact, as soon as I had read this chapter, I checked how many chapters you've written it, since I prefer to read as much in one sitting as possible, if the story is particularly compelling as this most certainly is. I'm quite thrilled that there are so many chapters ready.

The plot is amazing. It's really original, and most importantly it has potential to keep readers on their toes. I'm also very intrigued to see how you will make full use of the mature rating. I've been quite hesitant to write mature scenes myself, since I'm not quite sure how far I can actually go. So this is going to be interesting in that sense as well.

I loved the dialogue and the suit guy. Apparently Krum doesn't know him yet, but I've good feeling that we will see more of him soon. =) The emotional ending was very well done. Usually I quite dislike the idea of reading the end first and then getting back to the beginning (at least I think that might be how you will write it), but I was very surprised how well it worked for you. Yeah, I'm sold. I promise to leave you more reviews, if you keep me as titillated as this first chapter hints. =P

Author's Response: Thank you, cherry! The magical elements are pretty sparse throughout, but I do my best to keep the characters canon (at least in personality). I'm glad to hear this might be your type of story. It's actually almost complete (just about four chapters left), so if you do get a chance to read more, it will be finished soon.

I was very leery to try a Mature story. It isn't so much mature in the graphic sense, as it is mature in the topics (substance use, mostly), and also just being more about adult problems. But it's been nice to push myself and try something new. And don't worry, I've been on staff for five years and I still get second opinions on content from time to time :)

I'm glad you liked the man in the suit. He will certainly be back in a big way in the future. And I'm glad you didn't mind the flashback, even if it isn't your favorite style. I'm kind of fond of writing prologues that are out of time-sequence with the rest of the story, but I can see why others might not like it as much.

I do hope you decide to read more. I'm always open to any and all feedback, good or bad. Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #18, by CherryBoomThe Anatomy of Genius: The Anatomy of Genius

13th January 2013:
First of all, I love your banner. RDJ has that certain flair of sensitive genius you describe James having here. And he's a hottie. =)

I liked your similes and how Lily used them when she tried to dissect her and James's relationship in her mind. The Cokeworth scene was particularly telling. It gave a sense of how Lily felt about herself and her background, when she was discriminated against in school, and then again her magical ability was disapproved by Petunia when she was back home.

Only thing that I would have liked to see more, would've been some kind of resolution to her feelings. While she grudgingly helped James, her opinions of him hadn't changed much compared to the beginning. I know it's only a one-shot, but that detail kind of left me hanging. Of course you could always write more, which would be quite lovely. =)

Your writing was top notch. Descriptions were well thought of, maybe bit flowery in places, but they gave me very clear image of happenings.

It would have been interesting to know why James had been drinking alone. Clearly he wasn't as happy-go-lucky as Lily presumed, but that kind of behaviour without his friends makes me ponder about all the possibilities.

It was interesting read all in all. =)

Author's Response: Thank you! :D The banner was a great inspiration for this story, though I obviously changed direction with the story, making it much darker than I initially anticipated. But a young RDJ suits the image I had of James in this story - one who can be both the reckless silly ass and the deeper, more complicated individual.

I'm really glad that that you liked the Cokeworth scene because it's my favourite from this story - it says so much about both characters. I like to imagine that scene from James's perspective and wonder how uncomfortable he may have been, standing in a strange, very Muggle place with Lily, who isn't subtle about the fact that she doesn't want him there. To her, it's a violation of her privacy - I suppose for readers it would be like having your teacher or boss over for dinner.

It's interesting that you don't see Lily's change at the end. It does hit her when he says that "You think everything I do is stupid." At that moment, she realizes that she's misinterpreted him, that he is weak, human. When she replies "not everything", she is admitting to her change of mind. It wouldn't be realistic to make it happen any faster, not with these two characters. He has been a pest, that "nice guy" who expects her to pay attention to him. But only now does she see that there's more to him than that - he has potential, and she has the power to encourage it.

Oh dear, that went on a little too long. Sorry about that. :|

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! :D


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Review #19, by CherryBoomDespite It All: Despite It All

9th January 2013:
Well, that was quite a helpful mirror. =) I'd love to quote Arthur Weasley's advice about never trusting things without brains, but this particular mirror feels like it could be a Lupin family heirloom. It certainly knows Remus very well. Only thing that I'm not quite sure is that how the mirror could know how Tonks feels about Remus. Of course it could have heard something when someone from the order visits him, but since it's in his bedroom, that's pretty unlikely. =/

Ah well, it's pretty unfortunate to leave a wand at home, if you're a wizard. Apparently he doesn't have keys even though all his neighbours are muggles? How does he go in when there is a neighbour standing near by? It sounds bit risky all things considering.

I quite like that you threw all these hurdles at them, before they could enjoy their date. It feels bit unlikely that they would talk about the order in middle of the pub, because it's a secret organization. I really like the werewolf activist part of the story, I could read more about her since she sounds like a very interesting character. Maybe you could write a story about her in the future?

I'm glad that they had a good time after all the little bumps on the road. A kiss is always a good way to end the story. And that mirror sure is a nosy one. =)

As you can see, there were some loopholes in your story, but otherwise it was well plotted and easy to read. The descriptions were particularly good and helped to set the tone and livened up the characters.

It was fun to read, and very fluffy and cute. I quite enjoyed it. =)

Author's Response: Hello there!

The mirror was one of my favourite bits of this story to write, although you're right that it's knowledge on Lupin's personal life is maybe a bit extensive :/ I see what you mean about the keys as well... I was sort of counting on wizarding ignorance of Muggles to explain that, but it is a little thin. Plotting is something I find difficult, so thanks for pointing those inconsistencies out!

Well I wouldn't want to make it too easy for them :P I'm glad you liked the werewolf activist- hmmm yeah she would be an interesting character... you've got me thinking about her now!

I do see what you mean about the loopholes. This was written for a deadline, and I can see that it could have been rather better thought through... Thankyou for picking up on some of the flaws, and for taking the time to leave such a helpful review :)


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Review #20, by CherryBoomKeeping Secrets: After the Battle

8th January 2013:
Well, that was a very emotional start for sure. There are not many Charlie fics around, so Charlie/OC is completely new territory for me. While we don't know much about Charlie from books, this scene certainly felt like a natural continuance to the battle of Hogwarts.

I liked Charlie's and Bill's brother-to-brother talk. It would be quite like the Weasleys to lean on each other when the disaster strikes. They are after all such a tight-knit family. I'm quite looking forward to learn more about Bill in upcoming chapters, since he seems to be the closest to Charlie. Arthur felt natural as a grieving father, and while we got only a short glimpse of others, it's perfectly understandable that Charlie shuts them out and just tries to get through it before breaking down.

It's pretty sad that he blames for himself for Fred's death. I don't remember from books, if he was in that particular battle, but since he was all the way in Romania, it's no wonder if came too late there.

Your writing was smooth and the flow was good throughout the chapter. It was an ideal starting point for a fic since it changes Charlie's life so much right from the start. I'm quite interested to see how you will introduce your OC to this fic.

It was a good read, and when I've more time, I will return to it and read more. =)

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this!!

Haha; I agree, this is a very emotional start. I got all emotional just writing it! :P And you're right, there aren't many Charlie fics out there... that's part of the reason I chose Charlie as the canon character... it gives me a little more lead-way as an author. I can play with events and characters somewhat while still making it believable!

Haha; everyone likes the Bill/Charlie love going on in this chapter! It actually came across much better than I thought it would, which is awesome!! And I'm so glad that Arthur and Charlie's reactions felt natural and believable!!

Yes, it's terrible that Charlie blames himself for Fred's death. You'll find out more about whether or not Charlie was in the battle in the next chapter! :) *winks*

EEk! I'm so excited that it's got you interested!! I look forward to reading more of your amazing and thoughtful reviews!!

Thank you SO MUCh!


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Review #21, by CherryBoomMischief Managed: First Year: The Sorting

7th January 2013:
It was a lovely start for a Marauders fic. I liked how you chose the moment when they were sorted as a starting point, and not the typical Hogwarts express scene.

I was pleasantly surprised how distinct voices you've already written for each character right from the start. I loved how you didn't omit the little Peter, but gave him an equal time as well.

It was interesting to see how Sirius was reminded about the things he had heard from Bellatrix and Narcissa, and then showed some seriously independent thinking. It was very much like him to think about how he could make McGonagall smile, not if he could, but just merely how.

Remus was so self-conscious, that it almost broke my heart. Poor kid, already knowing how other students would reject him, if the truth would come out. His back story was really well written and it was great way to show how he was forced to be brave, so that he'd survive. Your hat is so wise! I really like it! =)

Peter and too big school robes. I can see how he would be the chubby kid in a man's clothes and get ridiculed on the very first night. *sigh* Yet he was clearly thrilled just to be included with other kids. And James, of course he would help Peter, it would be very much like him to help the resident underdog, just because no one else cared to do it.

I loved Dumbledore's kindness and how his beard would point to North. It sounds quite similar than the little oddities he used to say. I'm still bit miffed to JKR that she didn't tell us how he got that scar which looked like a map of the London Underground to his knee.

James's little story about saving a muggle girl from the biting mushrooms was so hilarious. I can definitely see James being the one kid who is so enthusiastic about everything that sometimes things get knocked over and friends end up in St. Mungo's. =D Then there's his need to get noticed. Some kids just require little bit more attention and he seems to be exactly that kind of kid. =)

The rest of the Gryffindors from that year round up the gang pretty nicely. I'm very interested in reading more of this story to see where you'll lead us next. Your writing was practically impeccable. The characterization was top notch. I wouldn't change a thing in this chapter, it's just so good as it is.

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Review #22, by CherryBoomPrefect selection: Meeting with the Headmaster

6th January 2013:
Hi! As a thank you for being such a great Santa this year, here's a review for you in return. =) I enjoyed each one of your presents very much.

I like to write scenes the I feel are missing from HP books as well. It's comforting to know, that even now when there are no more HP books to wait for, one can always read a fanfic like this and feel the magic all over again.

I haven't ever really thought about how prefects were chosen, so this was quite interesting take on it. I agree that most likely the opinions of the heads of each house would be the most important factor, since they know their students much more personally than the headmaster could know.

You portrayed each of the teachers very well. Minerva and Severus were very much like their canon counterparts, and it was interesting to see how carefully Pomona had thought about each one of her candidates before coming to the Dumbledore's office. I liked the reasoning of why Anthony Goldstein was chosen, because I always root for underdogs. Only the reasoning behind Ron becoming a prefect wasn't quite as convincing as with other choices. I have always hoped that his own personal traits and merits without Harry would be enough to choose him. Probably bit like with Ernie and Hannah, he would be the social one, when Hermione is more the intellectual leader of them two. They complement each other in that sense. But that's just my two cents. =)

I love the idea that Dumbledore died with the certainty that Harry and his friends would somehow overthrow Voldemort once and for all.

Your flow was natural and even though this wasn't the shortest of the one-shots, I still could have read more. There were misspelled words here and there (e.g. The plum witch -> plump?, Digory -> Diggory ), so it could use a round of beta reading. But if was a lovely story, and I loved to read it.

Author's Response: Ok, first, sorry for the delay. I feel horrible but I have to admit that I have not been around much in the past year.

Second, thank you so much for this review!
I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one that likes those little missing moments from canon! I love reading them and playing with the original story a lot.
When it comes to Ron's selection, I agree with you and my reasonning was similar to yours. I however chose to go with this "storyline" because I didn't want to use the same reason (same as Hufflepuff) to explain the choice of prefects and also, when it came to giving reasons (more social, more laid back...) I always came to the conclusion that Harry exibited those same qualities and, therefore, there was no reason that explained why Ron came over Harry and how Minerva would have convinced Dumbledore.

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, I'll check them out right now!


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Review #23, by CherryBoomPretty Broken Things: .

4th January 2013:
Reading this one-shot was bit like watching a poisonous flower to bloom. So pretty, yet so deadly. It was quite chilling and enthralling. =)

I loved how you made Tom Riddle so smooth and suave, the master manipulator of the highest caliber. And Minerva, so strong and yearning for knowledge, yet realizing how step by step she was gently led into the spider's web.

I haven't read Minnie/Riddle fics before, but this was definitely worth the try. While I usually see their personalities being as opposite each other as possible, you made me believe in this toxic love.

Your writing was spellbinding. I loved how you spun the words and sentences into something almost poetic. There were so numerous carefully crafted sentences, which blinded me with their beauty, that it's hard to decide which one was my favorite. Maybe right in the start where there were those rumours about Riddle. Or simple 'Insanity becomes you, darling.'

It was a lovely read. I will definitely check out your other works as well. =)

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Review #24, by CherryBoomWith All Things: George, August 1998

17th December 2012:
I actually had added this to my TBR pile a while ago, but never got around of reading it. Hence this swap was an excellent reminder of to me to start reading it. I'm very glad I started it, and that I have plenty of time to read it through on holidays.

I'm bit surprised too, how few there are longer Weasley twins fanfics. And most of them are more comedic in their nature. George/Angelina is indeed rare find. I'm very interested in how you're going to spin their story. =)

The idea of moving on after losing basically a part of oneself is unbelievably sad. Since we all know, how strong Fred's and George's relationship was, it's easy to imagine how hard it must be for George to move on all by himself. He's so brave to try to get back to routines and living in their apartment.

I loved Ron and his backstory of spending summer rebuilding Hogwarts. Bringing fish and chips was a very (sweet!) guy thing to do, and try to see that his brother would eat something too.

Libby McNaulty was a memorable character, although very, very annoying. =P I can see how her type could stir up some trouble in other chapters of this story.

Lee's speech was very touching. Also surviving Umbridge's reign in Hogwarts is a very notable achievement. Right up there with encountering dragons in triwizard tournament. =)

We didn't yet get much out of Angelina, but I'm so glad she knew that George needed some diversion from dark thoughts. They will be so good to each other. =)

I quite enjoyed reading this chapter, and will continue reading it on holidays. Writing was smooth and characters were very realistic and believable, I quite liked them. Thank you for an excellent swap review. =)

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Review #25, by CherryBoomPercy Weasley is a Vampire: Pasty Patsy Percy

11th December 2012:
Well, as luck would have it, it turns out they're both completely barmy. =P I laughed so hard at this chapter. The end with the date proposition was the best, it was simply put spectacular! The fact that he said that he likes boyfriends. *snort* And then that he and her boyfriend could go and have a tea, while she watches over his trolley. That was in a whole new sphere of embarrassment. =P

The imaginary Weasleys were so much fun. George constantly ribbing poor Percy, Arthur nudging him in right direction, Charlie's unsolicited chick advice and Ron was... well, just Ron. Especially the comment about getting glowing skin by swallowing Patronus, that one was ingenious line.

I'm actually starting to pity Percy. Fishy sweat stains, whole stammer thing, cruel co-workers and now he has this nutter with blue wig following him. Oh, how mighty have fallen.

The goblin who doesn't believe in birthdays was amazing. I bet he doesn't believe in Christmas either. =P

If such thing is even possible, you outdid yourself and this chapter was even better than the first one. It was phenomenal! I had so much fun. =)

Author's Response: Have you ever had one of those moments where you just couldn't shut up and every thing you said made you sound even stupider? It's a condition and Percy suffers chronically from it. XD

Percy is definitely not living the life he was when he was playing in the Minister's pocket. I feel bad for him, but he does need this sort of lifestyle. Anything else is too tempting and he'll turn back into that smarmy little git no one liked.

Thank you so much for your fantastic review!


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