Reading Reviews From Member: Moonyxluna
  
520 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MoonyxlunaGlass: Glass

15th September 2014:
Hey Gabbie! I'm here with your requested review! You're right, you've got quite a monster here! But I'm happy to hopefully be of some help to you!

Oh gosh, Percy marrying a muggle stripper. That's a plot twist. :D

I'm sort of curious right off the bat, because it seems like he's not too saddened/empathetic for his girlfriend just having broken up with him. I'm wondering how that will play in with the summary as you said he thinks he constantly feels like a disappointment.

Your imagery in the first few paragraphs is beautiful. I Really like Teddy in the first part, how he feels like the doesn't quite fit in, despite the Potters and Weasley's basically treating him like family. I feel like their families would do everything in their power to make him feel loved, but sometimes it just isn't enough for someone to hear.

He's got quite an interesting personality. I can really see where he doesn't feel like he quite fits in. I always sort of picture the Weasley/Potter family to be very close-knit, traditional, and it seems like Teddy is living a very fast, live in the moment, life here.

Oh boy, Dominique. It's got to be hard for Teddy to see someone he's always grown up as a family figure as something more. I'm interested to see how you'll play through this. I'm wondering where his cruel-ness towards her comes from? Is it a rebellious stage? Obviously it feels like something more. Kids are mean. Don't make fun of the kid with the stutter, Teddy!

His personal opinions of the Weasley family are very intriguing (I say 'interesting' too much so I'm trying synonyms :p) I love that he genuinely enjoys spending time with George's part of the family, and that he things that Bill and Fleur have a certain poise about them. It's neat to see the canon characters' story lines pushing through.

Oh gosh, what a cute little interaction. Gotta love the "I hate you, you hate me, I'm attracted to you" trope.

As far as your concerns with pushing Teddy too far, I don't think you should be worried. He does seem harsh, mean, and a bit dramatic, but that's how life is. No one is going to be perfect. (like, Hermione was bossy.) It's a character flaw and it's good to have them; it makes your characters more realistic and relateable.

He's seventeen and getting into bar fights? Oh, Teddy.

Is Teddy just being mean when he says she's no good at sports? Because after that a little while down it says she's on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, so I'm wondering if that was a slip up or if he was just using an insecurity to be a jerk to her.

At half way through (I review as I go) I'm not really shipping them yet. I'd like to see a little bit of a change coming up with Teddy before I'd want him to be with her. He's a little bit too mean to her at the moment. I will keep reading!

I cheered for her a little bit when she snapped back that this was why no one really liked him. I'm glad she was able to stick up for herself when he was picking on her.

Your choice of having FredII be his best friend compliments Teddy really well. He seems like he can take all of the snark that Teddy throws his way, and level right back at him, and also calls him out when he's acting strange(for him). It's such a contrast to see Fred, who must have grown up around such happiness with his Dad's shop, to see him being friends with Teddy, the kind of downer.

I noticed one or two spots where you switched a dialogue tag with a period. They're very minor and I'm being nit-picky but this sentence: The idea was wrapping itself around... I think you should finish that off, and then start "Met a pretty girl..." and have that be a sentence itself. I think I saw one more but I went back to find it and I can't.

I think you handled Teddy's animosity/depression very well. Instead of just coming out and saying it you show it through how he behaves and it's very well written. Good work on that! Even if he is kind of a jerk you still make me feel for him, and want to know more about why he is the way he is.

It was a very heartwrenching moment in the water, him thinking about how his parents would take him in. SAd! (and very well written.) I don't know if you meant to do this, but him stuttering from the cold water was a nice touch to bring him level with Dominique.

Alright, I made it! Really, really brilliant work on this. You grasped depression in a mature way, and with the utmost respect. This was a really great read. I mentioned this above but Teddy was a very fascinating character to read. I'd read another chapter if you wrote one! Do let me know if you do :)

(Oh, and I totally get the friends thing! haha! I came back from a little writing hiatus and I feel like almost everyone I knew is gone!)

Julie

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Review #2, by MoonyxlunaWhat next?: Chapter One

15th September 2014:
Hey! Here with your requested review! (I don't mind if it doesn't really have anything do do with my 'types' - I love fanfiction and I love trying to be of some help)

I really enjoyed the initial introduction of the two girls. Those magazine quizzes are loathsome. :p

You're a little comma heavy through the beginning of this. It's not really distracting and god knows we all do it, but just watch for some of those natural pauses that you may or may not need.

I really like your writing style. (you said this was your first story!) I'm learning a lot of information about the girls, but I don't feel as you're throwing the information at me, I just feel like it flows really well with the story.

Oh god, Hermione would be the pestering mom that shoved further education at her kid :p It was a very symbolic setup/moment, having the stuff about the future in her hands and having the cute little fun magazine sitting there. I don't know if that was your intention, but it created some nice symbolism.

Ruth was in the Ravenclaw -- this is super minor, but if you edit you should change this to 'Ruth was on' instead.

haha! Oh gosh I love Rose. I work at a sports bar so right now ALL I AM HEARING ABOUT is football. I'm so sick of it. It's all they talk about! I get it, Rose. I so sympathize, and can relate to that moment where she just knows what's coming.

The setup with meeting Scorpius was interesting. I'm curious as to why he's only saying hi to Ruth. Is he doing it to get a reaction out of Rose? To just be immature about it? I guess I'll have to see!

the short stubs of his beard - I laughed out loud at this. It wasn't meant to be funny but little teenage boy beards always make me laugh.

You've got quite a cast, and I think you've done a great job introducing them, giving some descriptions and information about them, while not taking anything away from the arrival to Hogwarts story line.

Oh boy, so she's got a boyfriend right now, and her and Scorpius are just getting past the stage of not talking to each other. Interesting! Though I do like him. The little 'autographed book' moment made me kinda love him already. And he's a Hufflepuff, so yay! :D

I really like your Rose. She's a sweetheart, and she's very down to earth. You have a talent for putting in natural humor that doesn't take away from the story. I'm looking forward to the slow build of this and to learn more about all of the characters. This was truly an enjoyable read, and I love what you have started here. I'm going to add this to my favorites, and please do re-request! I'm afraid I wasn't much help with this review! Hopefully I can be of some help in the future chapters! Keep up the brilliant work.

Julie

Author's Response: Hey, Julie!

What a lovely name, for starters. One of my characters' name is Julie. Which means I have four characters whose name starts with a J. Talk about statistics!

Anyway, thank you very, very much for the review! Every little detail you mentioned made me really happy. For instance, I'm relieved you think Hermione would act that way. I didn't want to make her insanely pushy but I agree she would be the pestering kind of parent.
Ah, thank you for the advice on my usage of the comma, I'll keep it in mind. See, this was very useful! Also, I'll make sure to edit the grammatical error you mentioned, thank you!
And you like my writing style! That's the best thing to hear when you're writing in your second language. Honestly, this one sentence made me smile way too much. :D

God, I bet it's annoying hearing about football all day long. I hope you have developed a gift for selective hearing! :)

Now, about Scorpius. Hah, that's the trouble with very careful readers. They get curious about things which not even the writer seems to understand! :D But I think it's safe to say that Rose might have exaggerated a bit about Scorpius only saying hi to Ruth. I tried to imagine how it would feel to be around someone you are not speaking to and it seemed fair that you'd misinterpret their actions only to give yourself more reasons to dislike them. Actually, I think I want to rephrase that sentence now.

You like Jonathan, yay! Though, I'll be honest, I only made him a Hufflepuff so his classes wouldn't overlap too much with Rose's. But I tried to do make him as Hufflepuffy as I could. :)

Oh, that last part of your review is just so lovely. You're the sweetheart, not Rose, haha. Honestly, I'm just blushing and giggling like a madwoman. And you really did favorite it! I have to re-request now! And I assure you I found your review very helpful. Not only it made me think about some aspects of the story I may have neglected, but it also instantly made me want to write more! Once again, thank you, I am honestly grateful for you taking your time to do this. :)

- Andy


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Review #3, by MoonyxlunaReincarnation: Back

15th September 2014:
Hey, here with your requested review!

OH GOSH your summary is very good! I haven't even started yet and I'm very interested to see where you're going with this. I (in a totally non-morbid way, god this sounds bad) really enjoy stories told from the afterlife so I'm excited for this.

okay, onward! I like the beginning, how it's not one hundred percent clear what her reason for being there is, other than 'revenge' and some vague names. It grasps the concept of the afterlife, and not really knowing what/if it really is a thing.

They had to be inter-connected somehow ---I'd say 'intertwined' or 'connected'; inter-connected feels really awkward.

A place where she can start anew -- you should say could to keep it in past tense like the rest of the story.

I like that once she finds herself in the body she isn't really accustomed to it. I liked the line that 'it carried her' that it wasn't really hers yet. I think if you were looking to do something a little more in that part you could talk about how it felt 'strange' or 'different' to be in the new body.

With that paragraph, you say 'her feet... it carried... her hands' - I think you should stick with either calling the body 'it/the' as it's not hers quite yet (that she's still getting used to it), or 'her/hers' that it is hers; one or the other.

I wish I could get a cab somewhere for 15 cents. I'd never drive again :p Is this set in a different time? Or just really cheap?

Pacing! I didn't find anything wrong with it in this chapter, I thought it was a good introduction to 'how did we get there' with the reincarnation moment. If you re-request, I'll have to divulge a little bit more into it as the plot moves on.

If you wanted to add to this to up your word count, I think you could take advantage of the 'afterlife' idea, and talk about the imagery a little bit more.

It made me smile that Ron was telling her to let go of old school grudges. It's very atypical of him in Rose/Scorpius stories to do so, so it added a spot of originality that drew me into the ship.

One tiny thing about formatting before I summarize this! When you post your chapters, do you use the 'paste as plain text' button? You have to go through and edit in italics/bolds after, but it's really helpful for getting rid of those extra spaces between paragraphs, and the big empty space at the end.

You had mentioned characterization, too. I didn't get too much in this as it was an intro, so please do re-request so I can learn more!

I'm very curious about the handsome blonde, and the general setup for this. In the summary you mentioned Albus, so I'm interested in how that's going to come into play. I'm excited to see how she's going to react to seeing her family members, if she's going to remember them right away or what's going to happen. Very good work in drawing me in, and such an original idea.

Julie

Author's Response: Hey there Julie! Wow, that was fast!
I had nothing to do with the summary; it was all Maia's work. I'm glad that you liked it!

Thank you for pointing out those mistakes, I'll edit them soon! And thank you for those compliments! I'll be back on your review thread in a minute!

Yikes... I never really thought about those formatting stuff... thanks for the tip, I've been wondering how to get rid of that space! :)

I think we all might know who the handsome blonde is. ;) And Al will be coming REALLY soon!

Thanks so much for the lovely review!

Sana



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Review #4, by MoonyxlunaDoing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

15th September 2014:
Hello! Here with your requested review! I mentioned this on the forums, but if you want to PM me about your novel, we can work something out. I know full well the feeling of picking a story back up after a few years and all your readers are gone. :p

I really like your voice for Draco. He has that little arrogance mixed in with some doubt that we love about him from the books.

I also like what you've done with this story. It's very harsh, but I can absolutely see Voldemort sending Draco to be the one to kill the Minister of Magic after his failings in killing Dumbledore. Such a creative idea to expand a little bit more on what was going on from the Death Eaters point of view.

OH, good! I'm glad Draco didn't just kill him in his sleep. As he said, it would have been cowardly. I said this above, but you captured his hesitation through the last few books really well.

I loved the last line. So very good in an unlike Draco way to tell him to pick up his wand. Wanting a fair fight. Very noble for a Death Eater :p

This isn't a super helpful review, but I really enjoyed this, and you did a good job with it! Again, feel free to PM me!

Julie

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Review #5, by Moonyxlunalove and lycanthropy and other institutions: institutionalisation

15th September 2014:
I have this issue that I love Remus/Tonks and Remus/Sirius almost the same (therefore ship both unashamedly) so I was super excited when you requested this, as I had no time to read it during voting in the Common Room. (ah work) I review as I go so if I ramble about things more than once just stick with me!

I really enjoyed your introduction of the Marauders. Right away I loved your characterization of Remus, that he's sitting there enjoying a typical breakfast with his friends, but the thing on the top of his mind is how long the full moon is away. It's sweet to see the slow development of James and Lily, and the mention of Sirius and Peter were fun.

I'm curious about the affection in the Great Hall. The jeering seems really light hearted and since it'd be the late 70s early 80s, I almost think people would be crueler? (to put it sadly and quite bluntly, unfortunately.) Not to the point that it'd take away from since it's not a focal point, of course. I'm wondering if they're in an established relationship here or if it's a secret. (I'll keep reading and figure out!)

Every night, the moon grows and gradually moults its black wrappings - beautiful imagery. stunning. That whole section was wonderful.

I like the radical revolutionist Lily. She doesn't take away from anything in the story for me and it's really great to see them doing something about what's going on pre-books. I suppose to my above concern, in the grand scheme of things no one is really going to be worrying about what the two boys snuggling.

At a third of the way through I'm not finding anything confusing with the flow. I'm enjoying the 'then and now' of how they became friends, with the 'what's going on' of their seventh year. I thought it was very original and interesting that Remus was about to be the end of a prank, and James and Sirius sort of found a limit and couldn't help but become friends with him.

Oh my god, those puns are terrible. (in the best way. I love them.)

I love the little shippy hints when they've figured him out and Remus' reaction to Sirius casually throwing his arm over.

I really enjoyed the ease of banter in the Quidditch bleachers part. I think it's such a tragic flaw with Remus' character, and the moon coming up and effecting his mood, that he sort of 'ruined the mood' with their moment. Unless it was one of those 'chicken' moments. :p You captured it really well there.

Ah, outside the hospital wing; there's the animosity I'm looking for.

You mentioned in your request the development of their romance. Right now I'm about half way through and I'm loving the banter, and the small touches and all of that, but I'm not really one hundred percent clear on their relationship yet. Are they established or are they getting there? I don't think this is all your writing, though. I think a lot of this has to do with Sirius' ease around other people, and the way Remus' point of view works. (which makes the ship successful!) I'll keep going!

I think I aww'd out loud at the little nuzzle. cute!

Oh god, what beautiful angst in the first kiss. (all caught up now! haha. reviewing as I go has its ups and downs!) I found Sirius borderline too-harsh towards Remus, but I think it fit his characterization so far.

The only spot I'm finding myself looking for a little more was the part where James and Peter find out. (and in nine thousand words that's seriously amazing, so bravo) The transition at that part was a little bit too quick between and I'd like to see a little bit more to bring me to the 'past' part before I'm back to the future part. Other than that I haven't found any moments where I got lost with the style of the story. It's very well put together.

I enjoyed your characterization/portrayal of Peter through this whole story. I think you've found a balance of not making him the butt of every joke, but still poked at him in a light hearted way that I think the boys (James and Sirius) would have done to anyone they cared about.

OH BOY Sirius is up to SOMETHING in the hospital. I love it; I love the ease that Remus accepts Sirius in this scene, how much their relationship has developed through the story.

Alright at the end, I made it! hah. Seriously though, in 9,000 words I didn't get bored at any point, and at the end I found myself wanting to keep going. The flow was wonderful and it was such a beautiful theme with the 'institutions', and I think you did such great work with the ship and all of the surrounding personalities. I wish I could be of more help to you, but if anything hopefully this puts your mind at ease that this was truly a joy to read. Fantastic work!

Julie

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Review #6, by MoonyxlunaMorbid: Cousin Larry

15th September 2014:
Hey! I'm looking for anything to sink my reviewing in so I'm happy to review!

I love that you have Cameron Monaghan in your banner. I love shameless. (Did I warn that I ramble? I ramble..)

I don't think you have to worry about interesting characters. Your first sentence caught me by surprise and I'm immediately curious as to what's going on in this boy's head.

This is me being nit-picky, but if you edit, in your first three paragraphs, you say "teddy did x" all three times and it feels repetitive since he's the only subject matter for all of those. I think at the start of the third paragraph you could change it to 'he' and when Harry and Ginny get mentioned in the fourth, keep his name again. (does that make sense?)

If you're looking for something to add on, I'd love to see a little more about the types of therapy they brought him to. Is there anything different in the magical world?

I'm very intrigued by Teddy. (again, he's interesting.) He's very atypical. I was a little surprised when he went into Auror training, but I got a good chuckle when he got kicked out, even if it was for defending himself. Doesn't seem like the type to hold down a 'typical' job. :p

One thing I'm curious about going further is what makes him like this? Is it just a fascination? Something in his head? Does it have to do with his parents deaths? Are there deeper things going on?

the midst of a war that i am unaware - missed a capital 'I'.

The lonely street didn't seem to understand what an important moment this was - I loved this line. Very pretty.

I'm kind of finding myself wondering how old they are here? It was a very (I don't think cute is the right word.. infinite? idk.) moment but still running out of a funeral seems like something more of a younger child would do, and I know he's out of Auror training and she's working. Curiosity!

However, I enjoyed the introduction of Amy. I think you gave her a good little bit of information, not too much that it was distracting, but just enough to make me want to know more about her.

His conversation with his (Imaginary? I'll have to see.) friend Merlin was interesting. I keep saying interesting but it is. I genuinely want to learn more about what's going on with Teddy and see you pick at his brain some more in upcoming chapters. I'd love to see how he reacts to the therapy, also, if he hated it, was indifferent, or any other feelings. Is he seeing things, or just in his own head, or just developing friends due to a lack of them?

I thought the chapter ended a little abruptly. (Unless you did it on purpose! Maybe just one more sentence talking about his body language or giving a look to Merlin, or something.

Thanks for requesting this! I really enjoyed reading it and am very curious to see what happens next :) feel free to re-request!

Julie

Author's Response: Hey! This was so quick!

I'm a huge Shameless fan myself! He's one of my favorite actors ever.

I'm super really glad that the characters all seem to be interesting enough here in the first chapter.

I love the nit-picky stuff! I want this to be as good as I can get it before I start with an entire series, so all of it is appreciated! I'll go back and spruce this up with your suggestions.

I knew that I couldn't have this Teddy stay an Auror for very long. Like you said, a typical job just would not suit him.

I will say that a lot of the questions you have are going to be answered throughout the series, rather than in these three chapters necessarily. There's really large hints towards what makes Teddy this way in the third, but it isn't completely explained.
Plenty of people have figured it out though haha.

Teddy and Amy are both nineteen here. And I know that is young for Amy to be working at St. Mungo's but that is explained in full in the next chapter. I've never had anyone ask their ages before! Their running and laughing was very child-like, wasn't it? These two both have a penchant for behaving a bit like children at times. Neither can be called a well adjusted adult, I will say.

Merlin is such an fun character for people to speculate about. I can't wait for your opinions on him as the story goes on. And don't worry, I absolutely abuse the word interesting in reviews!

It was partially on purpose, but possibly a little too abrupt. I'll look back into it definitely.

This was really, really helpful. Thank you so much for this! I'll be sure to re-request, but I think I'll wait a while to give you some breathing time and not swamp you with this story. Thanks again!


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Review #7, by MoonyxlunaThe Expectant Follower of Always: The First.

11th September 2014:
Hello Emz! I'm here from the puff review tag! I picked this one because it was from the John Green Challenge and I love his work, and it looked like it could use some love.

I think right from the beginning you took the theme that JG uses 'always' in and grasped it. It's sort of romantic to think that Snape and Harry found their love and their 'always' at such a young age, but we all know things don't happen like that in every situation. So I sort of like that you've given Albus that right away, that things aren't going so fantasy perfect for him.

One tiny thing I want to CC you on is formatting. I like the beginning with the three guys and "The xx of always", but I think it could be separated off with an asterisks or something so we know where the actual first person prose starts. Does that make sense? Also there are a few paragraphs in the beginning that didn't get double spaced. Just really something minor, but every little thing helps, especially formatting for reading online.

It's interesting that he mentions all of the people he cares about, but doesn't include his girlfriend. It makes me curious as to why he's dating her if he wouldn't include her in the list. I suppose that happens though, sometimes there's just not a connection and you don't really know how to end things.

I think this could benefit from a read-over or a beta. You had quite a few missing and unnecessary punctuation marks and things that got a little distracting. Especially if it's written for a challenge if the deadline isn't too far off, every little thing counts in those, and it also makes the reading easier and the reader be able to get into and enjoy the story more.

I'm happy that, even if he doesn't care for her too much, he still wants to protect her when she's sad about something, getting angry when she tells him about her friend's fight. His heart doesn't seem too into it, but it's at least nice that he'd be there for her. I sort of feel bad for Echo at the moment. If Al is so quick to predict and be annoyed with her when she's upset, I wish he'd just break up with her (though it may be hard, it seems like it'd be better in the end.) I shall have to see!

It's very hard when your friends don't like who you're dating. I sort of grinned when Rose basically told him straight up that if she wasn't going to be his 'always' what was he doing?

You should spell out numbers. I think the general rule is under one hundred.

I'm glad he's going to end it. Oh! Ruby heard. Hmm.. I wonder if she's going to be something close to an always? I guess I'll have to see :p She's a sweetheart. I loved her cute little ramblings about Charms.

Aw, little cute huggy feelings! Albus, pay attention to those!!

It would pain me as a feminist not to say anything about the 'horrible breakup ideas', but I'm going to do it nicely (afterall this is for the puff review thread ;) ) - Even if they don't like her and want them to break up, I hope he doesn't let her down to meanly. It seems like, despite Albus' distance with her that she really likes him (or maybe the idea of him?) and getting broken up with sucks enough.

oh god, good! I'm glad he's going to do it privately. haha! Poor Albus, someone obsessed with his dad dating him. That can not have ended well.

What a fun start! I really enjoyed the setup with what may be an always for Albus and Ruby. I'd really love to see some more fleshing out of his friends, espeically the twins, and Scorpius being in Gryffindor. Keep up the good work here!

Julie

Author's Response: Hey Hufflepuff Julie!

I absolutely love John Green too! I completely get why you choose this one!

I'm so glad that that came through, the use of always will be constantly referred to in this story! It is really romantic the way Snape and Harry found their always so soon but I hadn't really thought about it until I started writing this! Poor Albus, I feel quite harsh for making him search for his always but it makes the story, so it's got to happen (Sorry Al!).

I will get right on those. I understand what you mean, and will try and sort them out.

I think with Al and Echo they had something but it had just faded for Al, which I admit is really sad, but as you say, it happens.

Thank you for your concern! I will definitely get a beta-reader for this one I think.

Al isn't a bad boyfriend, he may know that's it's not working for him anymore but he isn't one to start shouting and getting angry with her predictable-ness in the middle of the common room!

I kind of love the Rose I've created here. She's slightly different to the ones I've created in the past and her bluntness makes me grin too.

Okay. I shall change that too.

Yeah, Al didn't really have much choice, he knew it was the right thing to do. Ruby! She's super cute and cares a lot about Albus, so maybe there is something there?

I love that you picked up on this bit they way you've put, "Aw, little cute huggy feelings! Albus, pay attention to those!!" has quite literally put a giant smile on my face! I love that!

I know... Rose has just had enough of Echo. I know that Rose wouldn't have meant a lot of the things she said as she knew Al wouldn't have done any of them (because he's such a good guy). Echo does really like Al... that's the sad thing.

But of course! Al is a really good guy to be fair to him and he is going to do it privately with her.
That one relationship did not end well... poor things!

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! If you keep reading you will find that fleshing out of the relationships! I will try to keep up the good work!

Thanks so much again for the really lovely review!

*Big Hugs*

ScoroseOTP
Emz xxx


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Review #8, by MoonyxlunaThis love is ours: This love is ours

11th September 2014:
TAYLOR SWIFT IS MY SUPER SECRET GUILTY PLEASURE SO i ALREADY am going to love this
:D

oh exciting! I so rarely see second person point of view, it's always so fun. I think it's a challenge for writers to stay in the same tense through the whole story with it, and I didn't see any changes or slip ups, so I really enjoyed the ease of read for that.

I really enjoyed their little meet-cute. The burst of giggles made me smile; it kind of gave her a realistic characteristic. And I loved that he didn't quite know what to do about it. Sometimes when a cute boy says a funny thing you just have to giggle a little bit, and ask the stupidest question you can think of. I love her sarcasm (maybe because it's relateable? heh) in the elevator, as well. The characteristics meld together quite nicely.

omg is she a Muggle? OH I LOVE IT! I don't know if it was meant to be written this way, but I like how James was sort of hesitant to share his last name; he must get instant reactions all the time when introducing himself, so I liked how he was sort of surprised when she didn't go for the last name, instead talking about something completely different.

Hmm, it makes me curious when James says he enjoys basketball. Is he lying because she's a muggle, or does he frequently watch muggle sports? Either way, cute.

I was a little surprised that he'd told her so early, but the why was so cute I completely looked past it. I thought it was super sweet how he told her, and her exasperation over it was very well written. She reacts very expectedly, and it's cute how he manages to make things all okay for her.

This was such a cute read. I really enjoyed their relationship and how you brought it all together with the cute proposal at the end. The going through the magical wall was such a nice touch. I can only imagine the kinds of things the Wizarding World would say about 'Harry Potter's famous son' dating a muggle, so I thought that was a really nice addition, and it really complimented the theme of the story, with the TS song.

Awesome work on this, and thanks so much for swapping with me!

Julie

Author's Response: Haha, hi. I love it when people go caps lock on me. :P

I LOVE second person. It's like my MO. People are surprised when I don't incorporate second person somehow. :D

You don't know how relieved I am that you liked it. I am absolutely horrible at writing romance, especially fluffy ones and I was trying to make this as realistic as possible. I really don't know how people do it.

Yess. :D It's for the gift it challenge and Curie always said she'd love to go out with James, hence, the second person and muggle Curie in the story. :)

Well, I figured since James can't tell her he plays Quidditch, basketball would be the best muggle option for it. Maybe I'll edit that part to make it clearer. Thanks for commenting on that!

Love and trust make you do stupid things. And it was a fragile situation as well, so. Luckily for James, she wasn't one to out him.

Thank you so much! I really tried hard to write this so it's so nice to get all these encouraging remarks! Thank you for the fabulous review and I'd love to swap with you again!

~Erin


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Review #9, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 11

29th August 2014:
THEY'RE SO MEAN TO FREDDIE! grr. haha! I'm glad he didn't have to spend the night there but I still feel the huge urge to defend Freddie's honor! (Is this what love feels like? ) :D Leave it to George to prank his own son after trying to help him ask out a girl.

Aw! She fell asleep at the party! I feel like she really is me and this is something that I would do, fall asleep in the middle of the party. aww and she's sleeping in his bed. Freddie,we've had the personal hygiene talk a few times now; you need to wash your sheets! OBVIOUSLY you need to just have her stay over again, mister! I hope he asks her out when she wakes up!

OH BABY TIME! yes! aw yay, two boys! James was right. He totally doesn't need the ego boost, though!! They're such cuties.

Uh oh. Is this a bit of trouble in paradise for Adam and Lucy brewing? I remember Adam in the previous chapters saying how much he was starting to loathe his job, and I guess the fight was a reminder of that. I'm curious to see what's going to happen. Weddings and building lives together are expensive and so I know he can't exactly quit his job, but I do hope he finds a better one where he gets treated with more respect soon. Of course, in his field, hopefully!

The rest of the chapter was very adorable! hee, they've got these adorable rising Quidditch stars and they aren't even born yet!

I'm scared that I'm almost out of chapters! *cries* I don't want the love and fluff to be over!!

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Review #10, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 10

29th August 2014:
Aw, I'm so happy they've found a house; it sounds lovely! Why don't Amelia and James share income, if they're married?

Oh, I don't know what I'm hoping they're having. I hope it's two boys! Maybe! I don't know what to pick! I know it'll be amazing no matter what.

JAMES AND ADAM you are grown men! Don't spend your money on Quidditch shirts! Those two *rolls eyes*

Oh yay, the WWW party! Aww, she's such a cutie, showing up even though she's still under the weather. (totally something I would do, too! lol) Aw, this plan is totally backfiring on poor Freddy! Haha! George testing his products on the kids.. I can't even.

Aw, the jumper part! So cute. I love how you take those classic romance things (pretend relationships, boy gives girl sweatshirt, etc) and you make them so perfectly new again by making them your own.

OMG! Did Fred really just get arrested! How!! Albus, take it easy on your cousin! You can't leave her alone with Hugo! She doesn't love Hugo, she loves Fred! Okay!! Why does Albus have to be the serious Auror for the first time ever when it happens to be INNOCENT OKAY Fred that gets in trouble! I'm sad.

Love love love it!

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Review #11, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 9

29th August 2014:
Aw yes my - erm, her - Freddy! Ah, new loves. All the cutesy jitters. Oh no she's sick! Maybe Fred can go over to her place after his shift and help her out ;) hehe. Aw, he's such a sweetheart for staying late for her. LOVE!

OH NO! Freddy use your brain she's sick! Oh no oh noo! Aw, she's so nice about it, though. Aw, you can just feel his embarrassment as he 'curls in the fetal position'. Though you can also tell she obviously did not dislike it ;) I love the writing of those two, it makes me so happy!


HUGO STOP PICKING ON FREDDY! He's such a card, I can't tell if he's misinterpreting things that badly or if he's just that sarcastic that everyone legitimately believes what he says. Either way it's hilarious.

random but I noticed you started spelling Freddy with an 'ie' in this chapter instead of a 'y' like the previous chapters. Just so you know :)

Aw, the moment with George and Fred was so adorable. He's such a good dad, I love the dynamic of their relationship so much.

Amazing chapter again! I am loving how fluffy and campy this is; sometimes all everyone needs is a little bit of happiness and it's really great to read about in this story!!

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Review #12, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 8

29th August 2014:
HUGO is such a weirdo. haha! I can't imagine Hugo, Percy, Charlie and Bill hanging out. I just see all the brothers reliving memories and Hugo just being strange in the background. And the stuff about who Hugo's favorite uncle was was so funny. Hugo is Uncle Harry's biggest fangirl, isn't he?

hahah! Hugo uses 'family emergency' as an excuse. These boys are so insane.

The family stuff was so cute. Hugo is just this awkward thing and of course the triangle has to make an appearance! SUCH A LITTLE WEIRDO haha. Aww, such a bittersweet moment seeing them all remember stories about Fred. It's good to see that George is able to remember the happy moments with his twin. And the necklace thing made me go aww out loud. That's such a creative thought; I always thought it'd be super sad that his hand on the clock would never move again, but now it moves right along with George!

whoa! I didn't know that was from JKR! That's awesome!

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Review #13, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 7

28th August 2014:
Yay Scorpius! in the prequel to Illusions I always loved his and Albus' friendship. Ha! I love that he feels necessary to announce his appearance very loudly to prevent any.. awkward situations.

oh Albus. What would Mariah say if she knew you let Pedro play with your wand!? BAHA Albus your child outsmarted you. amazing. And Scorpius is wonderful too, as always.

You should write a story about Pedro when he's older and make him a superhero with a pet cat sidekick. "Guardians of the Wizarding Galaxy."

OOh, I do hope James gets the promotion! That'd be great for Amelia if she was able to take some extra time off to be with their kids.

Loving everything so far!! Off to read more :)

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Review #14, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 6

28th August 2014:
holy wow! When he said soon, he meant soon! Ugh, cleaning when you're upset, I have been there Lucy. It was very sweet how he did it, also, it kind of was very 'their relationship'.

OMG they're spying on Fred. This is amazing. mash potato on there, she really fancied some with gravy -- haha! I just went out to dinner with a preggo friend a few weeks ago and she told them "just bring me the biggest plate of mashed potatoes and gravy you have" It sounds like they're having fun so far! Nothing's going to get ruined, right?? right??

Kind of like, I've got a fish swimming around inside of me.. weird. terrifying. I don't want to have kids. haha.

Freddy is adorable again. Do I have to say that? I mean I'll still keep saying it every chapter he's in but just so you know I always think he's adorable. Aw, yay for liking the same foods! So cute. haha! Asking if she works tomorrow like he totally didn't know she worked when he switched the shift. loser.

AW they're so nervous! cuties. THERE WILL BE MORE KISSES you need to wash your face Fred. You've been sweating all night. haha!

another wonderful chapter, dearie!

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Review #15, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 5

28th August 2014:
back for more! I kept thinking about how I'd get to come home and read this and it prevented me from murdering my waitstaff tonight :)

I just snorted. for real. I love brother and sister moments like that. Cute! There little argument was very funny, you can really tell she's super loyal to her best friend and they really act like they're the innocent sibling in the situation.

"amelia angerly grabs orange juice" hahaha. this is gold. she's got no reason to be worried! ADAM YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT entirely OKAY!

so cute.

FREDDY! What an awkward little loser (I say again with nothing but love). I loved how awkward you made things, it was very fun and relateable. I love how Fred actually considers letting Lucy do all the work, I'm calling him a loser again. out of love. hehe.

I'll send you an owl with the details - THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH. I don't know why. I know they can't use cellphones or anything like that but she is literally standing right there and works with him every day and he's going to send her an owl. I am dying.

Hugo just admits 'being creepy' hahahha. And YES SHE HAS SEEN FRED's FACE OKAY AND ITS ADORABLE. um. or. you know. hee.

OOH are they going on a double date with Lucy!? how fun. aw, this was so cute. Have I ever told you that I love your Fred Weasely ? I think I said this with Albus last chapter but Freddy is my one true love, forever. (except for Derek Hale) haha.

hearts and love and onto the next chapter!

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Review #16, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 4

28th August 2014:
PEDRO! yes! haha. Children running and screaming *eye twitch* but it's not real, so I am okay! oh Albus is in trouble now. I love that Pedro adds in his little comments. such a cutie. I can just picture Albus bringing the cat over and Mariah bringing it back like.. twice a week they just keep showing up at Amelia and James' house and it makes me smile.

Oh no, Lucy! It's probably hard for her seeing him miserable at his job and then noticing the - regardless that they aren't bad, but nonetheless - changes in his personality. It's very hard to watch your significant other miserable in something that you can't control, and not be able to figure out changes otherwise. I'd be worried too! We know, but she only sees this so I feel for her!

James you are so obvious. what a loser. (I say that out of nothing but love) hee.. Book recs ;) ;) haha! You're wonderful.

ooh. I think that was a significant part in their relationship, the just trust me moment. They've been through so much that It's got to be hard for her at times when James acts so secretive. It really reminds the reader that things don't go away just because of time. (or maybe I'm reading into it too much, either way I liked that moment)

haha! have fun on the sofa, James! I hope it still has cat hair everywhere!

-Julie

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Review #17, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 3

28th August 2014:
I'm HERE! like.. two years late.

I went to your page and I could NOT for the life of me decide what I wanted to read. So I had to pick one where I had left off. What should I read next? (is 'Beat It' connected with this story? Because that will help me pick. Last chapter it said 'take her to one of your sister's Quidditch games' is it related?)

Anyway, a review! I love Nana Weasley, and I love that everyone calls her that to avoid confusion. She's such a littler fusser and it's very sweet to see.

I'm very worried about Adam and his job from the last chapter. If he's going to be proposing to Lucy hopefully he can stick with it, or find something that makes him happier.

OH NO (or yay. we'll see!) I hope and don't hope (at the same time) that Charlie is a menace living at home. OMG I can just picture it. We'll see! I can't wait.

Yay Albus. I missed your Albus, he's such a fave characterization of mine. such a little goob. I'm an Auror, I know what evil looks like - Albus you're ridiculous. I heart you. No Freddy in this chapter, but that's okay because it was adorable anyway. Filler chapters are great for fluffy little fun moments like this. :)

Your writing makes me so happy! Onto the next chapter! hearts!

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Review #18, by MoonyxlunaPicking Up The Pieces: One

22nd August 2014:
Wow, this was amazing!

It's very refreshing to read a relationship between two people that isn't romantic, but a sisterly one. Those kinds of things are so seldom written and you did such a great job with it.

It very much hit home for me. I'm not very close with my younger sister but I do constantly worry about her. I think you did a great job conveying an older sister's desire to worry and a younger sister looking out for someone that traditionally wouldn't get looked out for so much.

I like that you mentioned Teddy but he wasn't a focus.

Really, really fantastic job.

Julie

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Review #19, by MoonyxlunaBucklebee's Academy: Bucklebee's Academy: The New Girl

7th October 2012:
Hi! I'm here with your - very late - requested review!

I really love the premise of this for a few reasons. For one thing, Dudley's magical child! It's something that I've always wanted to read but I've never found one before. Also, I love that you've pulled her out of Hogwarts! I know that sounds really strange but too many times it's the random transfer girl getting put into Hogwarts just to create romantic tension so I'm really interested to see how this will work out for her.

So, this is just my opinion really, but I think in the first paragraph you could do without this: Why did dad have to get transferred to Canada? I think because it's explained in the summary and because a few sentences down she directly tells Carina, it feels too repetitive. Again, though, just an opinion :)

One thing that I think could be cleared up was the introduction of the fellow third years. You've introduced a lot of characters and I was just as lost as Bryony was. I got these really nice descriptions of the girls directly around her, but by the time I've read through the list of boys names I've forgotten all about them. Maybe instead of listing off all of the names, worry about the ones directly in the scene - the few girls - and focus on giving them some relating personality traits. Make them stand out and later, when others come into the scene, give those people their own chance to shine. Juggling a large cast is a fun challenge to give yourself, and it's perfectly fine to introduce them even a few chapters in :)

That being said, I thought the little bit of interaction with Heath was really cute! I'm not sure what to make of it, but I like that. I think I'm in the same spot as Bryony as far as that, so I thought that whole scene was really well written.

I mentioned this above, but I really like the idea of a new school. The one thing I would be careful of is making it TOO much like Hogwarts. Yes, it's nice to see some of the similarities, but make sure you take the opportunity of creating a new school and use it to show as much creativity as you can :)

Bryony couldn't see all the way around the common area because in the centre of the common area was the -- it's just a little repetitive having 'common area' twice in the same sentence.

I like Carina so far :) I thought it was really brave of her to shout at her older brother! I'm the oldest so I've never had that happen, but I couldn't imagine doing that! I think it shows - maybe not Bryony, yet - that even though she got sorted into the Unicorn house that some of the traits from the other houses can be present in the people of her house.

Overall I think this was a really neat first chapter. I'm going to add this to my favorites because I'd love to read more of what's going to happen. Please do re-request when you get the next chapter posted, I'd love to see what happens next! I hope this was helpful for you, feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk about anything further! This has the makings to be a really great story!

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Review #20, by MoonyxlunaRevolution: Chapter One: Girl

7th October 2012:
Hi I'm here with your requested review :)

Your details with Ron in the beginning are very nice! Since you said that this has a bunch of different ships I am curious to see where his emotions towards Hermione will eventually go; it seems like he still likes her here so I think you did a good job setting those things up.

I liked how you captured his insecurities about his looks. In comparing to the way Hermione matured to himself you really dove into that familiarity of Ron for the reader; it was nice to see that. I suppose the one thing I would be careful of - which, I'm sure you are aware, I'd just like to point it out ;) - to watch out for changing Hermione too much. Part of the reason I love her so much is because she isn't that typical 'pretty girl', she's just average and it helps the reader relate to her. I do understand that they all have grown up here, but it's just something to keep in mind :)

of his twin brother's sitting-- You don't need the apostrophe in brothers.

a thin, nearly clear broth pouring out of the end of her wand --Just something small, but technically it's impossible for wizards to conjure food; I think it's a neat touch being Mrs. Weasley, but to keep it real to the books I would probably change it to water ;)

The moment for Ron when he realized he had his arm around Hermione was really cute. I think it fit him so perfectly!

Overall this was a really neat first chapter. Great work!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! I had a lot of fun writing Ron and his insecurites and as far as Hermione, yes I believe that as she gets older he grows into her looks, but the discription is also given by Ron, who is going to be a bit bias for obvious reason ;)
Thanks so much for the R&R!
~Moon~


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Review #21, by MoonyxlunaInvincible: Invincible

12th September 2012:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

I think this is such an adorable idea for a story. It reminds me so much of when I was little and learning how to ride a bike! Albus' determination is the cutest... I found myself going 'aww' quite a few times reading this :)

I noticed in the beginning part you had Harry reference Ginny by her first name to Albus. I thought that was a little strange; I think you should change it to 'mum'.

Make sure you capitalize class names like Potions :)

You did SUCH a beautiful and heart wrenching job capturing the way Albus looks up to James. I think you did a really great, and accurate, job writing his uneasy feeling of talking to his brother about his situation.

I thought the Chloe parts were really sweet, and I loved how nervous he was. Through the whole story I think you gave Albus such a real characterization that made him so easy to relate to. Everyone has things that they aren't good at even though they wish they were, and everyone has people they look up to. I loved that you took them both and applied it to his situation.

I was the oldest in my family, but I definitely know me and my little sister had a few moments like this :) This was so wonderful, I'm so glad you requested it so I could read it!

-Julie

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

The plot is very similar to those childhood troubles of i.e not being able to ride a bike :) But I must say, I think I would have been in the same boat as Albus if I was trying to learn how to fly! :p

Oh, thank you for pointing that out! I guess I was too concentrated on showing Harry's side as a father lol. I'll fix that and the capitalization asap :)

It was never a problem with me and my sister, but I felt like especially with brothers, there's a different amount of pressure and more fear of being teased because of it, so I'm really glad I was able to convey his worries correctly!

The parts with Chloe were really last minute actually so I'm happy you liked it :) Albus experiences things in this that are so universal that we all go through, and it definitely helps my writing to know that I'm able to add depth to the character and show him as someone to relate to.

Aww! My sister and I have had so many moments like this--I go to her for everything!

Thank you again for leaving me such a lovely review! :D


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Review #22, by MoonyxlunaDown Comes The Night: Chapter Three

12th September 2012:
Hi Maggie! I'm here with your requested review :)

So, I actually did get most of this chapter read when we swapped... but god if I could get one extra second to review on that day? Nope. But that's okay! Because hopefully I might actually be able to be helpful re-reading it :)

I really liked the way you wrote Salazar's mannerisms through Helga's eyes at the start of this chapter. Every little detail she spoke of his actions just fit the situation so well and I think it worked with his out-of-mind dialogue. It really fit her concerned personality, and his hardened one, so well. I really do love your imagery through the whole thing in that regard.

One thing I love is how you've taken the traits each of the Founders looked for in their students, and you've worked them in so subtitle, but in such a recognizable way. Like with Rowena. You don't go out-right and say "She's smart, she's witty", but you just write her that way. It really makes the characters come to life from what little we know about them.

Oh my Godric, the part with Gryffindor! Seriously, so adorable. I am a little bit curious though about the fact that she's a muggle. I mean, I certainly don't want to have her leave but I know that Hogwarts had the protection that all Muggles could see from the school would be a "mouldering ruin with a sign warning them to keep out, that it's unsafe" - I hope that she's able to stay!

I loved Elaine, and that whole scene in the kitchen. You've got a small cast, and it really gives the chance for even more minor characters to come out in their own light and be loved.

You asked about more imagery. I really think you've done a lovely job talking about their mannerisms and the things surrounding them. The only place I could possibly think that I would have liked to see a little bit more of inner monologue from Helga would be her thoughts on Salazar's actions -- or, lack thereof -- as she watched him at dinner. Maybe just another sentence or two during that scene? I felt like that was the only part that ended a little too quickly.

YES :) it sets up suspense. I can't wait what happens when they confront the Boggart tomorrow. I'm kind of curious... so, it's Salazar with the fire, so I'm wondering what Helga's will be. And of course I'm wondering how it's going to affect their -- hopefully -- budding romance.

Honestly, I told you before but I'm so in love with this story. Keep up the great work hun. Of course, please do re-request!

-Julie

Author's Response: Julie, hey! I'm so glad you got a chance to come by! And oh my goodness, I completely get it. RL can be crazy :/ But thanks so much for this review!

I just tried to imagine how Helga would react to Salazar in that situation, seeing him so troubled by the boggart. And I've said it before, but everything Salazar says or does is a challenge for me to write. So I'm really glad that scene worked well, and they stayed true to themselves as characters :)

Ahh, I'm so happy you're liking the Founders! I really wanted to give them the distinctive traits their houses are known for, but without stereotyping them too much, you know? And it's also great to know the "show don't tell" thing is working well; that's something I think we've all had trouble with at one point or another :)

It's so awesome that you're picking up on future conflicts about the Muggle issue at Hogwarts. I don't know how big a part that will play for Elaine in this story, but I definitely see it as a point of contention for the founders at some point. I'm still working out the details :) And I love working with a small cast for the exact reason you said. It lets me explore each character a little more deeply, and it's so fun :)

I will definitely look into adding to that dinner part a little bit. Thanks for the suggestion! I see how a little more detail there would be good :)

I'll be re-requesting as soon as I can, so hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer to see the rest :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. This made my day!

--Maggie


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Review #23, by MoonyxlunaThe Burning One: Prefect Duties

11th September 2012:
*fangirls over Remus*

ohmygod. I don't even care, that this is labeled Sirius/Oc and I know perfectly well that Remus is just a minor character here. *keeps proudly fangirling*

I love how you've managed to write Sera's awkwardness and her loathing of getting herself in embarrassing situations that she knows she can prevent. I can (way too perfectly) relate to her mind going into overdrive at "how the hell am I going to do that inconspicuously" when Catie asks her to talk to Remus about Sirius.

And James! He wasn't even in the part, but 'using' Sirius to weed out the people who aren't serious about Quidditch... got to love him. I am still curious as to his reasoning for being in the Slytherin corridor and I'm half way wondering if there was someone else there under his invisibility cloak, but I'll just go along with his 'Head Boy' story for now. I think his stuttering and 'trying to keep things inconspicuous' were really humorous and in character for him :)

I really like how you work in the details about Sera's mother's condition, and the constant progression or regression of her status. It's not like it's something your randomly throwing in, it all really fits with her story and it brings such a lovely depth to her tale.

I was halfway through nodding when I realised what I was doing. "No! Absolutely not! I - oh lord... I'd be dead if you did that, how did you even guess it?" - Loved. just loved. So perfectly awkward :D

*steals Remus and runs*

Lovely chapter! I can't wait to read more of this, and - of course - more of tntly :) Talk to you soon!

-Julie

Author's Response: Haha ^^ I'm so glad you like him! That's a huge compliment for me because I know how much you like him so that can only mean that I've written him well and hopefully kept him in character d:

Glad you liked the awkwardness. That's always the easiest for me ton write because I'm such an awkward person in real life d: seriously, I always end up in the most uncomfortable situations. It's my talent d:

Hmm, we'll see if you'll find that out at some point d: but I'm really glad you liked James too ^^

Yeah, I don't want to give every piece of information immediately, I need to keep some of the mystery up (:

Yey for favourite quotes!

No! Don't take Remus yet, I still need him for my story. Okay, maybe you can borrow him for a while, but I need him back soon!

Next chapter of tntly is almost done! So you don't have to wait long (hopefully) d:

Thank you, dear, once again ♥


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Review #24, by MoonyxlunaLosing My Head: 1 - Authority is a problem for me.

11th September 2012:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

Right from the start I really love the voice and the characterization you've given Rose. I like how original you've made her. She's not the perfect Hermione clone, and she's definitely not the rebellious, snide type. She's normal, she's a normal person who wants to see the best in people; she's got realistic flaws, too, and I love that.

A Ravenclaw Scorpius!? *loves* I've never seen him as a Ravenclaw. I have to be honest with you, when I read your summary I was a little bit iffy about the "mysterious Scorpius Malfoy", but you've completely proven my skepticism wrong with the characterization you've given him. He definitely gives me a great feeling that he should be in Ravenclaw. I actually pegged Rose for Hufflepuff in the beginning, but I like her as Gryffindor too.

I think with your characterization alone, you've got a really interesting start to this story. I'm so curious to see where you plan on going with the plot. With the summary I'm really curious to see how you plan on pulling Rose into realizing what she is truly capable of, and how Scorpius is going to help her.

The only thing formatting-wise that I noticed were a few spots where you didn't have double spaced paragraphs (I know I know.. the most minor thing in the world, right?) It happens to me all the time from copying from Word and pasting as plain text :p

You've got a really interesting start here and I'd love to read more! I wish I could be of more help, but hopefully at the very least this put your mind at ease that this is really great! Keep up the fantastic work, and feel free to re-request!

-Julie

Author's Response: Hey there! Sorry for replying to this so late *shamefaced*

I'm so glad you like it! There are a LOT of clches in this genre of fanfiction so of course I try and subvert them whenever I can. I should definitely change that summary though, it definitely sucks. :P A few people have said that they thought Rose was in Hufflepuff so I might develop that a bit!

I'm really glad you think it's a great start and I'll get those formatting errors changed! Thanks for the review!


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Review #25, by MoonyxlunaAresto Momentum: Time is my enemy

11th September 2012:
*hides*

I can't believe I took this long to get here and review! RL... But this was seriously so beautiful!

I loved how you used the spell Arresto Momentum for the title and how you brought it to live with the first paragraph. I think it was a really great way to introduce things and to wrap in a certain magical element to a mournful situation.

Honestly, every sentence flowed so well and it was so heartbreaking! You captured death with such a beautiful elegance that I enjoyed every moment. The narration through Helga's eyes was so fitting and I loved the element of fleeting mystery as to what was really going on.

Lovely work, dear!

-Julie

Author's Response: Aww, don't worry, dear! I'm just as late with my reviews! But I will get to them soon, I promise!

I'm glad you liked it. It was the banner that gave me the plunny for this. I was trying to come up with a good name for it and then it just hit me, along with the plot bunny ^^

Thank you, you really are too sweet ♥ but I'm really glad you liked it so much (:


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