Reading Reviews From Member: Moonyxluna
  
532 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MoonyxlunaTunnel Vision: Letters in the Dark

24th September 2014:
FIRST!

I'm so excited for this to be posted! :D

Let's see.. what haven't I talked about... I love all of the talk about the (almost PTSD like) problems that Hermione, Harry and Ron are dealing with after the war. The kinds of things that they went through aren't just going to go away, and I love that you address them here. The little moment that she loves seeing her dad laughing and joking was heartbreaking.

The balance between Rose being stressed about talking to her dad/family and happiness breaking through because of her relationship was so cute. Sometimes even when you're having a really stressful moment in life, thinking about that special someone can shove that away, even for a few seconds.

The stuff with Luna's painting was really pretty too. It's neat to see that little play from the book expanded on.

I don't want to make it seem like I'm living in a broom cupboard or anything - - I still love this. So much.

I love Rose so far, and I'm interested to learn more about Amy in the future. Write faster! (hah. I should talk.)

This was wonderful. Talk to you soon!

Julie

Author's Response: JULIE!

Thanks for reviewing! I did not expect you to since you had already read it and all.

Thanks, I think that was my favourite bits to write! I feel as if it wouldn't be perfect after the war for everyone so in this story I had Ron struggle!

Haha, thank you!

I will write faster, if you do...deal?

:P

Thanks for the awesome review and being so encouraging, it's so helpful you don't even know!

fin


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Review #2, by MoonyxlunaReincarnation: Know

22nd September 2014:
Hey Sana here with a review for chapter three! :)

A year has past since Rose died. I liked the little flashbacks through the pictures (I'll talk a little more about those below) I'm really curious to see how He's going to react if Rhea experiences any personality changes.

I think one thing that would help with my concerns a little bit in the previous chapters with current point of view, would be to use Rhea's name a little bit more. Like say, "Rhea missed her Albus so much." or "A wave of affection for Freya and Alice went through Rhea, on Rose's behalf" - take advantage of the third person point of view a little bit more than you maybe normally would, and I think that would clear things up. I actually went back and re-read the part when she was looking at the pictures, because the first time I read it I thought it was in Rhea's point of view, and that they'd been together since their first day of Hogwarts.

Is it something that 'Freya' and 'Rhea' sound really similar, or am I just getting my guesses wrong again? :)

A memory flashed in front of her-- maybe say here "One of Rose's memories suddenly flashed in front of her, or talk about how the pictures had triggered the memory in Rhea. Establish whose point of view you're writing the chapter from, and make some kind of indication when, say, Rhea remembers/gets some more tid-bits from Rose.

I feel like there are some conflicting emotions that are going to be happening, by the way Rose (during the memory) felt when she saw Scorpius, even with how mean he was to her (boo Scorpius. hehe)

Okay, okay, so in the flashback Albus is holding hands with Freya.

In your request you asked about Scorpius and Albus. I'll talk about Scorpius here first. I think he's a typical boy :p he picks on a girl because (maybe?) he has feelings for her. It's cute. He's kind of a jerk, but I think that may just be because he doesn't know how to act around her. And I love that she totally pays him back for the comment by pulling him into the lake too. :)

And then Albus. She calls him 'My Albus' in the beginning, and then in the flashback he's holding hands with Freya. Either I'm actually on to something with the similar sounding names (let's be real here, that'd be a shock to us all), or he's with a different girl and I'll be interested to see how that develops.

Come on, let's take a PIC!!-- This is me nit-picking, but you should spell out picture. Same thing like if you had a character say 'OMG' or 'haha', it kind of just diminishes the quality.

I do really like that you have her feeling some rebuttal - the pain in her head - for when she sees the memories from Rose.

365 newspapers littered the floor -- lol, those poor owls. You'd think they'd just stop delivering :p

I already talked about the spacing in one of the previous reviews, so I won't say that again, but just a little formatting comment. For The Prophet articles, you have one of them bolded and one of them underlined. Consistency thing, just pick one or the other. (I'd prefer bolded, personally.)

I'm very curious about learning about Scorpius and Rose's relationship while she was still alive. Were they dating at some point? On their way to a first date the night she 'went missing'? I'll have to read on!

But her heart just won't have it -- wouldn't

I loved the line about the human brain. It made me smile. So true! So Scorpius will call her a weasel, and then pester her about who she's going to Hogsmeade with. Hmm.. :D haha! Of course Albus would be the one to tell Scorpius.

I don't know if this was your intention or not, but I loved the little part you ended up not having in italics, where Rhea's heart lurches when Albus shows up in the memory. Like she's breaking through because of him.

All right, good, she's got a job! With Scorpius. I wonder how he's changed since he saw Rose last, if he's going to be remorseful at all. I like the little plot setup with the interview, and Scorpius interrupting. She's got such strong feelings for Scorpius that seem to be brought on by Rose, but at the moment I'm still sort of shipping Rhea/Albus, mostly because of the fond way she looks at him from Rose's character. So you've almost got a triangle set up here, plus the fact that it's looking like Rose - so, Rhea - is the only one who knows what actually happened with Scorpius (whether or not he did it) the night Rose was killed.

Okay, at the end! Keep it up with these longer chapters! I really liked the amount of information I got here, plus the introduction of the new characters and plot line. Whew, this got really long there. heh. Feel free to re-request!

Julie

Author's Response: OMG JULIE HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO WRITE SO LONG REVIEWS?

Right. I'm sure my beta will help me with that. Thanks for the suggestion! :)

Freya and Rhea, eh? Your guesses keep getting better and better... ;)

Of course, the typical boy he is. Come on, that's how I've always pictured the guy.

IT WILL BE REALLY INTERESTING! YOU ARE ACTUALLY ON TO SOMETHING HERE!!

Yikes... I guess all that time of chatting on facebook is having a disadvantage on my writing...

I happen to really like writing about pain of any kind for some reason.

Can't blame the owls; they have a job to do. :)

Again, yikes. I actually meant for it to be in bold, but I guess I was too lazy to look through the chapter before submission.

Answer: First date (sort of). Read on to find out!

I had been studying biology before writing that chapter, so the influence was there. Glad you liked it! Al just has to be the secret-spiller all the time!

I planned it just like that. That was exactly what I wanted to show. I can't believe I actually succeeded in that area! :D

He is still the same I guess, handsome, sarcastic and everything. Remorse... I don't think so. But you can never tell with boys.

I'M SHIPPING FOR AL/RHEA TOO!! Even though deep down, I know that it would be incest of a sort, but still, they will be so cute together!!

... Maybe I'm a bit TOO much into this story...

I absolutely love triangles! I can plot it so that I will seem really evil sometimes. :)

This is a long chapter, but I'm afraid the next two will be shorter! The sixth will be the longest!

So here's the end of my line-by-line response, thank you so much for that lovely review!

Sana



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Review #3, by MoonyxlunaThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: A Bad Taste

22nd September 2014:
Hey, thanks for swapping with me!

Is this the Percy/Audrey where Percy meets Audrey at a strip club that you referenced in your Teddy one-shot? OH GOSH I'm excited for this now :D I love the concept. You can really make anything of some of the characters that J.K. Rowling only gives us names for and I love the original idea that you've got started with this.

Your details are astounding. The beginning, reading Audrey's anticipation and the way Percy (I'm guessing Percy) sticks out like a sore thumb was very well written and strung together very nicely.

Watch your dialogue tags :) Most of them were right, but I saw a few of them that you need commas and a lower case letter after the quotes.

Oh god.. Percy would wear his wizarding robes to a strip club. What a dork.

I do not like this Remmington pit boss person. Not to say you don't write him very well. You've made me loathe him very very quickly. lol. It's nice that all the girls seem to stick together though; with a slimy, pathetic excuse of a man like that running around, you really have to.

I love Audrey's spunk, though, and how she's very quick to stand up for herself. Again with the details being amazing, but I like that you've given her some physical flaws/ things that she doesn't like about herself, but she sort of seems to overlook them because of her line of work. It's very well written.

If you ever plan on going to edit this, I noticed a few formatting things - some things didn't get double spaced and some got put on a new line in the middle of a sentence. It's nothing too distracting, but for if you edit.

I love the little moment where she is finally in front of Percy and feeling her heart flutter. Those little emotions that you wrote in there were very sweet, how she was confused seeing him and feeling like that when she'd been so experienced in the past.

Percy's shyness is such an adorable contrast to George and Lee. I feel like they already stick out so much that Percy is just generally embarrassed for being there, and those two make it so much worse.

had her dead mother gawping in horro and received -- missed an 'r'.

I'm very interested in this after reading the part where she talks about her marriage fears. (knowing where it ends up) With her parent's marriage ending and her seemingly wild heart, it'll be a fun contrast to what we know about Percy.

Oh, George.

The walls she puts up when George comes up and addresses her are very understandable. I think you've written her profession with a level of respect that I really admire.

I love the way you write Percy. He's sort of too-blunt when he asks her about the staring, and it really fits his personality that he isn't quite this suave, smooth talking person around a pretty girl. And then to top off the wonderful bickering banter, he asks her out. I love it.

The 'i hate you' 'well I hate you more' 'I want to kiss you' (Okay, other things, but let's keep it 12+ :D ) trope you have set up is wonderful. I really feel like they're seconds away from jumping across the table and kissing at the way they insult each other.

And then we get to the end. I'm very curious about why Percy got up and left. Maybe too strong of feelings, and he's scared of them. Anyway, thanks for swapping with me! This was a really enjoyable read. Good work on it!

Author's Response: HellO!

Thanks so much for stopping by with this awesome review, I'm sorry that I'm just now answering it. I had so many reviews to get through and I was determined to answer a few of them today before I get back to doing more swaps. Phew.

So, this is the same story that I sort of talked about in "Glass" with Teddy Lupin. I don't think a lot of people were expecting Audrey to be a stripper or to really read about it but you guys have been GREAT--I was kind of nervous about how you all would receive this!

I think the great thing about Audrey is the fact that we know nothing about her. I think that while I was writing her, I really wanted to go out of the box and bring her to Percy in a completely odd way. I can't picture her any other way now. Hahhah.

I really like the opening for this chapter as well, it sets up Audrey's attraction to Percy in a way that we haven't seen. I think that there's something slightly haunting about it but I've never been able to change it. It just fits.

Remmington is a creep, he doesn't improve in this story at all. Trust me.

Percy WOULD wear his Wizarding robes to a strip club! If you read the one-shot "That Night" (Which is basically this entire chapter from his POV) you'll understand why though. Hahahha.

I used the simple editor to upload this and I noticed the formatting things! Blast!

Bwhaha, George and Lee were a riot and it was really fun to write Percy being so shy in comparison. It made him all the cuter!

Ah, marriage. Audrey has a rather jaded view on love and marriage in general so I can't wait to see how that goes, I've written a lot of chapters since this first one so I hope you stick around for them.

George has my heart.

I know a lot of people told me that he came off as a bit too much in this first chapter so I toned it down in the second. Percy can't be suave in my mind...I just can't see him picking up girls like Bill or Charlie, it just never really fits. Hahahhah.

Hahahah, Audrey and Percy's "I hate you but I want you" thing was so much fun! It was hilarious to write and it's obvious that the attraction between them was genuine, though neither of them wanted to admit it.

Percy was VERY afraid of what he was feeling and I think that you'll only be more interested in him in the future!

Thanks for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #4, by MoonyxlunaTeddy and Lumpy: Master Adventurer

19th September 2014:
Hey, thanks for swapping with me!

This one just looked way too cute to pass up. I love stories with kids. (which is weird, since I don't want them.) but I had to pick it!

I like the concept you guys picked for this, the 'show that all experiences with magical creatures aren't bad' - I feel like Hagrid would be proud :)

He's very cute, the way you write him, with the being annoyed in his grandma for calling things 'grown-up' and his good stick. And of course the little change of hair color was a cute little addition to his character.

You should capitalize 'Horklump' as it's something that J.K. Rowling invented. :)

I like the innocence here. The Horklump seems like it'd be a little bit of a menace (unwanted mushroom in a garden type), but it's very sweet that he goes immediately to making it his friend.

And the name. So cute.

He changed two of his own spikes to match the colors of the flakes and laughed-- aww they're bonding! dying in cuteness over here.

Aw, just imagining all of the little adventures they'd get on. :D

This was very sweet and fun to read. Good work with it, and thanks for swapping with me!

Julie

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Review #5, by MoonyxlunaWhat next?: Chapter Two

19th September 2014:
Hello again, Andy! I'm so excited that you re-requested!

Right off the bat, let's talk about your mentioned concern. (which I will probably bring up again, but I think it applies here.) I think Rose is acting obsessively about Scorpius in a very.. unknown to her, but annoys her friends with her 'NO THEY AREN'T FEELINGS' attitude that she seems to have towards him. (also being one of my favorite tropes in fanfiction, the 'NO NOT FEELINGS' little moments)

Oh god, I'm laughing. I thought Ruth was just being painfully sarcastic at Rose but it's even better than I thought, they're talking about two completely different topics! I love how their personalities compliment each other. I feel like Rose just pushes Ruth's buttons with the 'mild entertainment' comment (I can just picture Ruth's affronted face) and Ruth right back with her sarcasm towards Rose's ongoing 'situation' with Scorpius.

Charms were Ruth's favourite -- should say 'Charms was'.

establish order when Malfoy sneaked into-- when Malfoy snuck

This is just me. I have to say I love the fact that Rose doesn't dislike Jeanie, and just says she's pretty and just that's it. It just makes me happy (explained in my review thread! haha.) It's very progressive :D

It also says a lot about Rose that she isn't jealous of Jeanie on principle. I wonder if that will change as the 'not feelings' start to change? (I'm getting ahead of myself. I still have Jonathan to think about..)

So about Malfoy again. I think she's acting reasonable for the way she's describing him. I don't think it's too much, and I think you're developing some very interesting plot lines for the future chapters with it.

Oh, it can't be good for her to be getting into her own head when Malfoy is the topic!

haha! Hermione being disappointed that her daughter is taking Divination. I love it.

Hmm, so they do have a bit of a past with getting along. It is hard to lose even a friend to petty arguments, I can't imagine how it would feel if Rose actually had feelings for him back in fourth year. I do still love Rose. I think I said this last time but she's so down to earth, and you make her into such a real person while I'm reading, that I can't help but feel for her.

We skirted around? that idea for months -- Idk if this question mark is supposed to be there?

Oh no! Malfoy heard. So if he was letting his fourteen-year-old-self walls down at all, they're right back up again after that little slip up. I wonder if she'll be relieved, or sad about it?

I love how thought out the explanation of jobs is. It's a real compliment to muggle society that just because you major in a topic doesn't mean that you're going to be able to get a job in it. love it.

Quidditch! I hope you write the Quidditch in the next chapter! I'd love to read it. Ha! I had to smile.. I was typing and hadn't scrolled down to see what Ruth said about Rose's 'Quidditch style', but I kind of was thinking 'I bet she calls her an over thinker...' and it happened! :D

Aw, conflict! It's cute to see that she's still got the jittery nerves over seeing her boyfriend. I wonder if that has a lot to do with the fact that they haven't really established things fully (with the cancelled trips) or if she's jittery and jumpy for a different reason? I still really like Jonathan. You're making it hard for me to choose who to ship! (besides Ruth/Albus. Because I am totally on board for that. She just totally doesn't want to talk to Rose about her cousin, right? Right? (don't tell me I want to read it!))

HA! Way to get right to the point, Scorpius. Oh, what a bittersweet ending. I think that little 'I don't get you' moment really hooked me in for the next chapter. I can't wait to read it! Request as soon as you get it posted! Again, I love this so far. It's so well written, and so easy to get hooked to. Keep up the awesome work!

Julie

Author's Response: Julie, I adore your reviews! And not just because you say lots of nice things but also because you have this weird, crazy way of saying them!

Thank you so, so much for reading and reviewing. It's incredible to hear someone say they can't wait for the next chapter. I would now literally post the rest of the story just for you! :D

Although each of your comments made me very giddy, I'm not going to mention them all because this would turn out to be a VERY long author's response but I have to mention a few details.

First of all, Ruth and Rose's personalities complimenting each other is one of my favourite parts of this review. They are my OTP, really (which is probably impossible, because Ruth is an OC but I don' caaare!).

Secondly, I'm so happy you like my way of introducing Jeanie. Personally, I neither understand nor enjoy reading about girls hating each other for no apparent reason. So when I read the 'no girl hate' rule in your thread, I instantly thought: 'Oh my god, she might actually like my story!'
Oh, by the way, I don't know if you got that impression but Jeanie is not actually Scorpius' girlfirend. It's not just you, everyone seems to think that but I wanted to let you know, since you're planning to continue reading. I'll stress that fact more clearly during editing. :)

It's a relief to hear that Rose is acting reasonable! Obviously, different people will have different opinions but it's always good to hear someone shares yours, right? :D

I'm very sorry to disappoint you, but there really won't be much Quidditch in this story. I honestly couldn't write a decent Quidditch scene for the life of me. But that thing you said, about guessing what Ruth was going to say about Rose as a player, it made me squeal with joy! :D

Thank you for pointing out the mistakes! As for the question mark, I honestly don't know how it got there, haha.

I just read your review once again (for the milionth time) and I want to hug you and also give you a lifetime supply of chocolate! I'm currently in the process of going through the first two chapters with my beta so it will be a while until I post the third one but I will definitely let you know when it's up! Thank you once again for leaving such a wonderful review! :)


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Review #6, by MoonyxlunaReincarnation: Remember

19th September 2014:
Hey Sana! Here with your requested review!

The little bit of symbolism with the names of the flowers was very pretty. It makes me curious to see how Rhea's personality is going to be different than Rose, and how Rose will react to it, if she ends up holding on to some of her memories.

I'd love to see some more fleshing out of what kind of memories/what kind of a voice Rose still holds. This is such an original idea, and right now I'm getting a little lost in where Rose ends and Rhea starts. (obviously that's kind of the point, but stick with me.) I can follow the story line, but I think it would make it a little clearer if there was a little bit more of a distinction between Rose's thoughts and Rhea's thoughts. Like, in the beginning with the flowers, it's from Rose's perspective, but then it turns in to Rhea? Is Rhea self-aware enough that she knows her soul has been reincarnated with Roses?

Hmm, so she does still have some of Rose's memories, and knows they're Roses. Interesting! I wonder how that's going to come into play when Albus and the platinum-haired boy is introduced.

So then we're introduced to a little back story about the 'mysterious' platinum-haired boy! Who, of course, is Scorpius. I love the little bit of worry that her parents will disapprove. I like how's hes trying to huff and puff his way into a date and she turns around and throws it back at him with pointing out the first name. It was cute!

OH god! NO! I take it back! So did he kill her? But there's a black-haired man. So that isn't him. Was Scorpius late, and the stranger killed her? Was it Albus? So many questions! I'm very interested to see how this little revenge/mystery will play out. I'm also glad that you added a back story as to what happened with Rose!

So Rhea is going to be haunted by the memories of it. I like the touch. It sort of starts off the plot of revenge if she's able to see what happened to Rose in the previous life. It'll be interesting next chapter (from your little preview) to see how emotions will play out when she sees the boys in public. (I want to say something that I'm guessing Albus is going to be a twist, but whenever I do I end up being really, really wrong, so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut for now!)

Speculating for this is fun! I really like the idea of this so far! I didn't notice any punctuation/spelling errors during my read through.

I'm curious, how old is Rhea(/Rose) here?

So, as far as your concerns with Rhea's character. As mentioned above, I'd like to see some fleshing out of her versus Rose's motivations in the next chapters. I didn't get too much of her character yet, but I am definitely looking forward to read some more. Feel free to re-request! I hope I'm explaining my concerns correctly! I did enjoy this a lot.

Julie

Author's Response: Hey Julie!

I actually wasn't sure they would make any sense, but glad that you liked it! I'm thinking of Rhea as the total opposite of Rose, appearance and character-wise.

GAH! I thought I got everything! It was so difficult to write two points of views as one person in the beginning chapters. I' sure I'm getting them right now.

GOD NO!!! I won't tell all details, but it was NOT Al! I love him too much to make him the villain. :)

Keep guessing the twist! You are close!

Rhea is about 21, same age as Rose and Al and Scorpius.

You are great at reviewing! I'll be sure to re-request and hopefully, most of your doubts will be cleared.

Lots of love
Sana


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Review #7, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 17

19th September 2014:
OH god Charlie is going to make her angry all over again! He knows just what to say to make the situation way worse! Their bickering is so funny.

lol.. Charlie would be the only one to not want to 'put up with' Harry Potter. I love the "It's illegal to hurt the golden trio".. uh.. I think it's illegal to hurt anyone? haha they are hilarious. I love all the family feels!

I'm dying. Albus threatening people as he's shoving biscuits into his mouth. I can't stop laughing at the mental image. But of course, he's got to bring up the Fred moment. lol.

Aw, sad, Lucy just shrugging him off! I do think Adam needs to suffer, though. He needs to be able to work with Lucy when bad things happen and not just going out drinking to try to drown his problems.

Hugo and Charlie make the weirdly perfect team to antagonize Harry.

OH GOD FRED JUST GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND HES MISSING :D

How strange. How strange. They said 'how strange'. I am glaring at them. haha.

I love the line about the 'family business' with Albus. I can't stop laughing.

The terrible excuses. oh boy they're bad. (in the best way). Ah, new love. I love George's reaction. Such a 'cool dad' reaction.

Aw, the moment with Harry was so sweet. I love the way you write Harry, I think in all of your little mentions of him you've got his personality down so wonderfully.

NOO last chapter! Can't wait to read more!! *hugs*

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Review #8, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 16

19th September 2014:
Alright Amelia! Some tough love is definitely needed for this situation.

Well, I'm glad he didn't do anything he'd regret to damage his relationship! Still, getting thrown out of a pub in the middle of the day is not a great thing to have happen! I bet it really hit home for her to have the old feelings brought up, even though she seemed like she pushed the bad memories down pretty quickly.

haha! here his revenge comes! Oh, the joys of waking up a hungover person.

It's stressful that he had to quit for something that wasn't his fault! But he still can't be making his whole family worry like that.

I'm glad Amelia is going to help him! She's such a glue for their little group of friends. Maybe he can get a job at the Hospital making potions!

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Review #9, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 15

19th September 2014:
THE SUMMARY for this chapter! *is nervous*

lol.. She's just like me moving! All of the books came with. I did not have to sort them. I'm sitting here now dreading putting them back into alphabetical order how I had them! *cries*

I ran out of room on the bookcases - in which this is me. haha.

Oh no here it comes..

I guess we had to know it was coming, something to push Adam overboard. He just is really unhappy at work. Hopefully it doesn't end up effecting his and Lucy's relationship when/if they finally find him. I hope they get their happy ending just like everyone else!

Sigh, still sucks! Even if they know he's an adult he's still got adult responsibilities to not worry his family half to death!

I can't remember what happened with Kelly? (sigh hiatuses) moving on! I hope Adam didn't do anything he's going to regret when he sobers up.

moving on!

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Review #10, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 14

19th September 2014:
YAY for James! That promotion will be so nice for the babies and the new house they're getting.

Lol.. I love that the crowd parts for Harry to walk through. I bet he'd hate it, all the attention after all of those years. Too funny. Aw, he's such a proud dad though!

baby ice cream shelf! lol.. she blames the babies for eating poor James' ice cream. It's the perfect excuse, he can't be mad at them!

They're such a cute couple. I'm so glad they finally get to be super perfectly happy after all that they've been through.

:D Fred!

Oh god, Fred, for the love, you've been on a date with her now!

(don't worry, I still love you)

she was either insane or up to something, no wonder Fred liked her-- favorite line. hahah.

They're such little losers. I love it! So so cute! I'm drowning in cuteness. In the best way. And yay! They're finally dating. Can he finally actually talk to her now!? god I hope so!

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Review #11, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 13

18th September 2014:
Oh no. Is it bad to panic about her not feeling well? Tell me to stop worrying! Oh it still makes me all happy to see James worry about her. But she's a trooper! At least she works at the hospital if anything happens!

Ah, go Healer Spelling! She definitely needs to be off of her feet before something really effects the babies!

I love Amelia and Adam's relationship. They're such fun sibling drama to read. I'm still worried about Adam. He seems so unhappy at his job I just hope things get better for him soon!

Aw, Lia! What a cute nickname!

Oh, Charlie. Be nice to Amelia! Smelly carrot thief. haha!

Ah, babysitting Pedro. Is this going to end in magical tragedy? lol I guess we'll find out! Aww, what a cutie! I loved the line about James saying how Albus is the most disgusting person he knows. I'm cracking up.

I like the little 'stretch mark potion'! Such a cute way to incorporate magic into their story, while still tackling all of the stresses that pregnancy brings.

JAMES! hah.. pregnancy horror stories! I'll just remember these for later!

Another adorable chapter! :D

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Review #12, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 12

18th September 2014:
Domestic cute-ness. I love it. (You know I love it.) I have to tell you anyway. They're adorable. Such a sweet couple.

OH BOY BABY NAMES! Those are terrible. (in the best way) I hope they give them normal names so they aren't cursing their parents for life! haha.

AW, how cute would it be if the babies were born on uncle Fred's birthday? (YES I DID JUST NEED AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT FRED. SHH OKAY.) Why don't I remember Brent? He's the one that saved James, right?

WEIRD! I said this before.. I don't want to have kids. Hiccups!? DO THEY DO THAT!? weeird.

Speaking of weird, haha, there's Hugo! lol. Just invites himself in. I'm cracking up that Hugo thinks he has to brush girls' hair. Such a funny little boy. I'm just picturing him sitting on the edge of their bed interrupting their domestic bliss. And so comfortable just admitting that he basically followed Adam around. what a card.

Oh god, so cute with the Bill part. So cute so cute! I love it. Keep writing this amazing fluffy fluff and I will be here! (eventually :p)

hearts and love!

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Review #13, by MoonyxlunaGlass: Glass

15th September 2014:
Hey Gabbie! I'm here with your requested review! You're right, you've got quite a monster here! But I'm happy to hopefully be of some help to you!

Oh gosh, Percy marrying a muggle stripper. That's a plot twist. :D

I'm sort of curious right off the bat, because it seems like he's not too saddened/empathetic for his girlfriend just having broken up with him. I'm wondering how that will play in with the summary as you said he thinks he constantly feels like a disappointment.

Your imagery in the first few paragraphs is beautiful. I Really like Teddy in the first part, how he feels like the doesn't quite fit in, despite the Potters and Weasley's basically treating him like family. I feel like their families would do everything in their power to make him feel loved, but sometimes it just isn't enough for someone to hear.

He's got quite an interesting personality. I can really see where he doesn't feel like he quite fits in. I always sort of picture the Weasley/Potter family to be very close-knit, traditional, and it seems like Teddy is living a very fast, live in the moment, life here.

Oh boy, Dominique. It's got to be hard for Teddy to see someone he's always grown up as a family figure as something more. I'm interested to see how you'll play through this. I'm wondering where his cruel-ness towards her comes from? Is it a rebellious stage? Obviously it feels like something more. Kids are mean. Don't make fun of the kid with the stutter, Teddy!

His personal opinions of the Weasley family are very intriguing (I say 'interesting' too much so I'm trying synonyms :p) I love that he genuinely enjoys spending time with George's part of the family, and that he things that Bill and Fleur have a certain poise about them. It's neat to see the canon characters' story lines pushing through.

Oh gosh, what a cute little interaction. Gotta love the "I hate you, you hate me, I'm attracted to you" trope.

As far as your concerns with pushing Teddy too far, I don't think you should be worried. He does seem harsh, mean, and a bit dramatic, but that's how life is. No one is going to be perfect. (like, Hermione was bossy.) It's a character flaw and it's good to have them; it makes your characters more realistic and relateable.

He's seventeen and getting into bar fights? Oh, Teddy.

Is Teddy just being mean when he says she's no good at sports? Because after that a little while down it says she's on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, so I'm wondering if that was a slip up or if he was just using an insecurity to be a jerk to her.

At half way through (I review as I go) I'm not really shipping them yet. I'd like to see a little bit of a change coming up with Teddy before I'd want him to be with her. He's a little bit too mean to her at the moment. I will keep reading!

I cheered for her a little bit when she snapped back that this was why no one really liked him. I'm glad she was able to stick up for herself when he was picking on her.

Your choice of having FredII be his best friend compliments Teddy really well. He seems like he can take all of the snark that Teddy throws his way, and level right back at him, and also calls him out when he's acting strange(for him). It's such a contrast to see Fred, who must have grown up around such happiness with his Dad's shop, to see him being friends with Teddy, the kind of downer.

I noticed one or two spots where you switched a dialogue tag with a period. They're very minor and I'm being nit-picky but this sentence: The idea was wrapping itself around... I think you should finish that off, and then start "Met a pretty girl..." and have that be a sentence itself. I think I saw one more but I went back to find it and I can't.

I think you handled Teddy's animosity/depression very well. Instead of just coming out and saying it you show it through how he behaves and it's very well written. Good work on that! Even if he is kind of a jerk you still make me feel for him, and want to know more about why he is the way he is.

It was a very heartwrenching moment in the water, him thinking about how his parents would take him in. SAd! (and very well written.) I don't know if you meant to do this, but him stuttering from the cold water was a nice touch to bring him level with Dominique.

Alright, I made it! Really, really brilliant work on this. You grasped depression in a mature way, and with the utmost respect. This was a really great read. I mentioned this above but Teddy was a very fascinating character to read. I'd read another chapter if you wrote one! Do let me know if you do :)

(Oh, and I totally get the friends thing! haha! I came back from a little writing hiatus and I feel like almost everyone I knew is gone!)

Julie

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Review #14, by MoonyxlunaWhat next?: Chapter One

15th September 2014:
Hey! Here with your requested review! (I don't mind if it doesn't really have anything do do with my 'types' - I love fanfiction and I love trying to be of some help)

I really enjoyed the initial introduction of the two girls. Those magazine quizzes are loathsome. :p

You're a little comma heavy through the beginning of this. It's not really distracting and god knows we all do it, but just watch for some of those natural pauses that you may or may not need.

I really like your writing style. (you said this was your first story!) I'm learning a lot of information about the girls, but I don't feel as you're throwing the information at me, I just feel like it flows really well with the story.

Oh god, Hermione would be the pestering mom that shoved further education at her kid :p It was a very symbolic setup/moment, having the stuff about the future in her hands and having the cute little fun magazine sitting there. I don't know if that was your intention, but it created some nice symbolism.

Ruth was in the Ravenclaw -- this is super minor, but if you edit you should change this to 'Ruth was on' instead.

haha! Oh gosh I love Rose. I work at a sports bar so right now ALL I AM HEARING ABOUT is football. I'm so sick of it. It's all they talk about! I get it, Rose. I so sympathize, and can relate to that moment where she just knows what's coming.

The setup with meeting Scorpius was interesting. I'm curious as to why he's only saying hi to Ruth. Is he doing it to get a reaction out of Rose? To just be immature about it? I guess I'll have to see!

the short stubs of his beard - I laughed out loud at this. It wasn't meant to be funny but little teenage boy beards always make me laugh.

You've got quite a cast, and I think you've done a great job introducing them, giving some descriptions and information about them, while not taking anything away from the arrival to Hogwarts story line.

Oh boy, so she's got a boyfriend right now, and her and Scorpius are just getting past the stage of not talking to each other. Interesting! Though I do like him. The little 'autographed book' moment made me kinda love him already. And he's a Hufflepuff, so yay! :D

I really like your Rose. She's a sweetheart, and she's very down to earth. You have a talent for putting in natural humor that doesn't take away from the story. I'm looking forward to the slow build of this and to learn more about all of the characters. This was truly an enjoyable read, and I love what you have started here. I'm going to add this to my favorites, and please do re-request! I'm afraid I wasn't much help with this review! Hopefully I can be of some help in the future chapters! Keep up the brilliant work.

Julie

Author's Response: Hey, Julie!

What a lovely name, for starters. One of my characters' name is Julie. Which means I have four characters whose name starts with a J. Talk about statistics!

Anyway, thank you very, very much for the review! Every little detail you mentioned made me really happy. For instance, I'm relieved you think Hermione would act that way. I didn't want to make her insanely pushy but I agree she would be the pestering kind of parent.
Ah, thank you for the advice on my usage of the comma, I'll keep it in mind. See, this was very useful! Also, I'll make sure to edit the grammatical error you mentioned, thank you!
And you like my writing style! That's the best thing to hear when you're writing in your second language. Honestly, this one sentence made me smile way too much. :D

God, I bet it's annoying hearing about football all day long. I hope you have developed a gift for selective hearing! :)

Now, about Scorpius. Hah, that's the trouble with very careful readers. They get curious about things which not even the writer seems to understand! :D But I think it's safe to say that Rose might have exaggerated a bit about Scorpius only saying hi to Ruth. I tried to imagine how it would feel to be around someone you are not speaking to and it seemed fair that you'd misinterpret their actions only to give yourself more reasons to dislike them. Actually, I think I want to rephrase that sentence now.

You like Jonathan, yay! Though, I'll be honest, I only made him a Hufflepuff so his classes wouldn't overlap too much with Rose's. But I tried to do make him as Hufflepuffy as I could. :)

Oh, that last part of your review is just so lovely. You're the sweetheart, not Rose, haha. Honestly, I'm just blushing and giggling like a madwoman. And you really did favorite it! I have to re-request now! And I assure you I found your review very helpful. Not only it made me think about some aspects of the story I may have neglected, but it also instantly made me want to write more! Once again, thank you, I am honestly grateful for you taking your time to do this. :)

- Andy


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Review #15, by MoonyxlunaReincarnation: Back

15th September 2014:
Hey, here with your requested review!

OH GOSH your summary is very good! I haven't even started yet and I'm very interested to see where you're going with this. I (in a totally non-morbid way, god this sounds bad) really enjoy stories told from the afterlife so I'm excited for this.

okay, onward! I like the beginning, how it's not one hundred percent clear what her reason for being there is, other than 'revenge' and some vague names. It grasps the concept of the afterlife, and not really knowing what/if it really is a thing.

They had to be inter-connected somehow ---I'd say 'intertwined' or 'connected'; inter-connected feels really awkward.

A place where she can start anew -- you should say could to keep it in past tense like the rest of the story.

I like that once she finds herself in the body she isn't really accustomed to it. I liked the line that 'it carried her' that it wasn't really hers yet. I think if you were looking to do something a little more in that part you could talk about how it felt 'strange' or 'different' to be in the new body.

With that paragraph, you say 'her feet... it carried... her hands' - I think you should stick with either calling the body 'it/the' as it's not hers quite yet (that she's still getting used to it), or 'her/hers' that it is hers; one or the other.

I wish I could get a cab somewhere for 15 cents. I'd never drive again :p Is this set in a different time? Or just really cheap?

Pacing! I didn't find anything wrong with it in this chapter, I thought it was a good introduction to 'how did we get there' with the reincarnation moment. If you re-request, I'll have to divulge a little bit more into it as the plot moves on.

If you wanted to add to this to up your word count, I think you could take advantage of the 'afterlife' idea, and talk about the imagery a little bit more.

It made me smile that Ron was telling her to let go of old school grudges. It's very atypical of him in Rose/Scorpius stories to do so, so it added a spot of originality that drew me into the ship.

One tiny thing about formatting before I summarize this! When you post your chapters, do you use the 'paste as plain text' button? You have to go through and edit in italics/bolds after, but it's really helpful for getting rid of those extra spaces between paragraphs, and the big empty space at the end.

You had mentioned characterization, too. I didn't get too much in this as it was an intro, so please do re-request so I can learn more!

I'm very curious about the handsome blonde, and the general setup for this. In the summary you mentioned Albus, so I'm interested in how that's going to come into play. I'm excited to see how she's going to react to seeing her family members, if she's going to remember them right away or what's going to happen. Very good work in drawing me in, and such an original idea.

Julie

Author's Response: Hey there Julie! Wow, that was fast!
I had nothing to do with the summary; it was all Maia's work. I'm glad that you liked it!

Thank you for pointing out those mistakes, I'll edit them soon! And thank you for those compliments! I'll be back on your review thread in a minute!

Yikes... I never really thought about those formatting stuff... thanks for the tip, I've been wondering how to get rid of that space! :)

I think we all might know who the handsome blonde is. ;) And Al will be coming REALLY soon!

Thanks so much for the lovely review!

Sana



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Review #16, by MoonyxlunaDoing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

15th September 2014:
Hello! Here with your requested review! I mentioned this on the forums, but if you want to PM me about your novel, we can work something out. I know full well the feeling of picking a story back up after a few years and all your readers are gone. :p

I really like your voice for Draco. He has that little arrogance mixed in with some doubt that we love about him from the books.

I also like what you've done with this story. It's very harsh, but I can absolutely see Voldemort sending Draco to be the one to kill the Minister of Magic after his failings in killing Dumbledore. Such a creative idea to expand a little bit more on what was going on from the Death Eaters point of view.

OH, good! I'm glad Draco didn't just kill him in his sleep. As he said, it would have been cowardly. I said this above, but you captured his hesitation through the last few books really well.

I loved the last line. So very good in an unlike Draco way to tell him to pick up his wand. Wanting a fair fight. Very noble for a Death Eater :p

This isn't a super helpful review, but I really enjoyed this, and you did a good job with it! Again, feel free to PM me!

Julie

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Review #17, by Moonyxlunalove and lycanthropy and other institutions: institutionalisation

15th September 2014:
I have this issue that I love Remus/Tonks and Remus/Sirius almost the same (therefore ship both unashamedly) so I was super excited when you requested this, as I had no time to read it during voting in the Common Room. (ah work) I review as I go so if I ramble about things more than once just stick with me!

I really enjoyed your introduction of the Marauders. Right away I loved your characterization of Remus, that he's sitting there enjoying a typical breakfast with his friends, but the thing on the top of his mind is how long the full moon is away. It's sweet to see the slow development of James and Lily, and the mention of Sirius and Peter were fun.

I'm curious about the affection in the Great Hall. The jeering seems really light hearted and since it'd be the late 70s early 80s, I almost think people would be crueler? (to put it sadly and quite bluntly, unfortunately.) Not to the point that it'd take away from since it's not a focal point, of course. I'm wondering if they're in an established relationship here or if it's a secret. (I'll keep reading and figure out!)

Every night, the moon grows and gradually moults its black wrappings - beautiful imagery. stunning. That whole section was wonderful.

I like the radical revolutionist Lily. She doesn't take away from anything in the story for me and it's really great to see them doing something about what's going on pre-books. I suppose to my above concern, in the grand scheme of things no one is really going to be worrying about what the two boys snuggling.

At a third of the way through I'm not finding anything confusing with the flow. I'm enjoying the 'then and now' of how they became friends, with the 'what's going on' of their seventh year. I thought it was very original and interesting that Remus was about to be the end of a prank, and James and Sirius sort of found a limit and couldn't help but become friends with him.

Oh my god, those puns are terrible. (in the best way. I love them.)

I love the little shippy hints when they've figured him out and Remus' reaction to Sirius casually throwing his arm over.

I really enjoyed the ease of banter in the Quidditch bleachers part. I think it's such a tragic flaw with Remus' character, and the moon coming up and effecting his mood, that he sort of 'ruined the mood' with their moment. Unless it was one of those 'chicken' moments. :p You captured it really well there.

Ah, outside the hospital wing; there's the animosity I'm looking for.

You mentioned in your request the development of their romance. Right now I'm about half way through and I'm loving the banter, and the small touches and all of that, but I'm not really one hundred percent clear on their relationship yet. Are they established or are they getting there? I don't think this is all your writing, though. I think a lot of this has to do with Sirius' ease around other people, and the way Remus' point of view works. (which makes the ship successful!) I'll keep going!

I think I aww'd out loud at the little nuzzle. cute!

Oh god, what beautiful angst in the first kiss. (all caught up now! haha. reviewing as I go has its ups and downs!) I found Sirius borderline too-harsh towards Remus, but I think it fit his characterization so far.

The only spot I'm finding myself looking for a little more was the part where James and Peter find out. (and in nine thousand words that's seriously amazing, so bravo) The transition at that part was a little bit too quick between and I'd like to see a little bit more to bring me to the 'past' part before I'm back to the future part. Other than that I haven't found any moments where I got lost with the style of the story. It's very well put together.

I enjoyed your characterization/portrayal of Peter through this whole story. I think you've found a balance of not making him the butt of every joke, but still poked at him in a light hearted way that I think the boys (James and Sirius) would have done to anyone they cared about.

OH BOY Sirius is up to SOMETHING in the hospital. I love it; I love the ease that Remus accepts Sirius in this scene, how much their relationship has developed through the story.

Alright at the end, I made it! hah. Seriously though, in 9,000 words I didn't get bored at any point, and at the end I found myself wanting to keep going. The flow was wonderful and it was such a beautiful theme with the 'institutions', and I think you did such great work with the ship and all of the surrounding personalities. I wish I could be of more help to you, but if anything hopefully this puts your mind at ease that this was truly a joy to read. Fantastic work!

Julie

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Review #18, by MoonyxlunaMorbid: Cousin Larry

15th September 2014:
Hey! I'm looking for anything to sink my reviewing in so I'm happy to review!

I love that you have Cameron Monaghan in your banner. I love shameless. (Did I warn that I ramble? I ramble..)

I don't think you have to worry about interesting characters. Your first sentence caught me by surprise and I'm immediately curious as to what's going on in this boy's head.

This is me being nit-picky, but if you edit, in your first three paragraphs, you say "teddy did x" all three times and it feels repetitive since he's the only subject matter for all of those. I think at the start of the third paragraph you could change it to 'he' and when Harry and Ginny get mentioned in the fourth, keep his name again. (does that make sense?)

If you're looking for something to add on, I'd love to see a little more about the types of therapy they brought him to. Is there anything different in the magical world?

I'm very intrigued by Teddy. (again, he's interesting.) He's very atypical. I was a little surprised when he went into Auror training, but I got a good chuckle when he got kicked out, even if it was for defending himself. Doesn't seem like the type to hold down a 'typical' job. :p

One thing I'm curious about going further is what makes him like this? Is it just a fascination? Something in his head? Does it have to do with his parents deaths? Are there deeper things going on?

the midst of a war that i am unaware - missed a capital 'I'.

The lonely street didn't seem to understand what an important moment this was - I loved this line. Very pretty.

I'm kind of finding myself wondering how old they are here? It was a very (I don't think cute is the right word.. infinite? idk.) moment but still running out of a funeral seems like something more of a younger child would do, and I know he's out of Auror training and she's working. Curiosity!

However, I enjoyed the introduction of Amy. I think you gave her a good little bit of information, not too much that it was distracting, but just enough to make me want to know more about her.

His conversation with his (Imaginary? I'll have to see.) friend Merlin was interesting. I keep saying interesting but it is. I genuinely want to learn more about what's going on with Teddy and see you pick at his brain some more in upcoming chapters. I'd love to see how he reacts to the therapy, also, if he hated it, was indifferent, or any other feelings. Is he seeing things, or just in his own head, or just developing friends due to a lack of them?

I thought the chapter ended a little abruptly. (Unless you did it on purpose! Maybe just one more sentence talking about his body language or giving a look to Merlin, or something.

Thanks for requesting this! I really enjoyed reading it and am very curious to see what happens next :) feel free to re-request!

Julie

Author's Response: Hey! This was so quick!

I'm a huge Shameless fan myself! He's one of my favorite actors ever.

I'm super really glad that the characters all seem to be interesting enough here in the first chapter.

I love the nit-picky stuff! I want this to be as good as I can get it before I start with an entire series, so all of it is appreciated! I'll go back and spruce this up with your suggestions.

I knew that I couldn't have this Teddy stay an Auror for very long. Like you said, a typical job just would not suit him.

I will say that a lot of the questions you have are going to be answered throughout the series, rather than in these three chapters necessarily. There's really large hints towards what makes Teddy this way in the third, but it isn't completely explained.
Plenty of people have figured it out though haha.

Teddy and Amy are both nineteen here. And I know that is young for Amy to be working at St. Mungo's but that is explained in full in the next chapter. I've never had anyone ask their ages before! Their running and laughing was very child-like, wasn't it? These two both have a penchant for behaving a bit like children at times. Neither can be called a well adjusted adult, I will say.

Merlin is such an fun character for people to speculate about. I can't wait for your opinions on him as the story goes on. And don't worry, I absolutely abuse the word interesting in reviews!

It was partially on purpose, but possibly a little too abrupt. I'll look back into it definitely.

This was really, really helpful. Thank you so much for this! I'll be sure to re-request, but I think I'll wait a while to give you some breathing time and not swamp you with this story. Thanks again!


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Review #19, by MoonyxlunaThe Expectant Follower of Always: The First.

11th September 2014:
Hello Emz! I'm here from the puff review tag! I picked this one because it was from the John Green Challenge and I love his work, and it looked like it could use some love.

I think right from the beginning you took the theme that JG uses 'always' in and grasped it. It's sort of romantic to think that Snape and Harry found their love and their 'always' at such a young age, but we all know things don't happen like that in every situation. So I sort of like that you've given Albus that right away, that things aren't going so fantasy perfect for him.

One tiny thing I want to CC you on is formatting. I like the beginning with the three guys and "The xx of always", but I think it could be separated off with an asterisks or something so we know where the actual first person prose starts. Does that make sense? Also there are a few paragraphs in the beginning that didn't get double spaced. Just really something minor, but every little thing helps, especially formatting for reading online.

It's interesting that he mentions all of the people he cares about, but doesn't include his girlfriend. It makes me curious as to why he's dating her if he wouldn't include her in the list. I suppose that happens though, sometimes there's just not a connection and you don't really know how to end things.

I think this could benefit from a read-over or a beta. You had quite a few missing and unnecessary punctuation marks and things that got a little distracting. Especially if it's written for a challenge if the deadline isn't too far off, every little thing counts in those, and it also makes the reading easier and the reader be able to get into and enjoy the story more.

I'm happy that, even if he doesn't care for her too much, he still wants to protect her when she's sad about something, getting angry when she tells him about her friend's fight. His heart doesn't seem too into it, but it's at least nice that he'd be there for her. I sort of feel bad for Echo at the moment. If Al is so quick to predict and be annoyed with her when she's upset, I wish he'd just break up with her (though it may be hard, it seems like it'd be better in the end.) I shall have to see!

It's very hard when your friends don't like who you're dating. I sort of grinned when Rose basically told him straight up that if she wasn't going to be his 'always' what was he doing?

You should spell out numbers. I think the general rule is under one hundred.

I'm glad he's going to end it. Oh! Ruby heard. Hmm.. I wonder if she's going to be something close to an always? I guess I'll have to see :p She's a sweetheart. I loved her cute little ramblings about Charms.

Aw, little cute huggy feelings! Albus, pay attention to those!!

It would pain me as a feminist not to say anything about the 'horrible breakup ideas', but I'm going to do it nicely (afterall this is for the puff review thread ;) ) - Even if they don't like her and want them to break up, I hope he doesn't let her down to meanly. It seems like, despite Albus' distance with her that she really likes him (or maybe the idea of him?) and getting broken up with sucks enough.

oh god, good! I'm glad he's going to do it privately. haha! Poor Albus, someone obsessed with his dad dating him. That can not have ended well.

What a fun start! I really enjoyed the setup with what may be an always for Albus and Ruby. I'd really love to see some more fleshing out of his friends, espeically the twins, and Scorpius being in Gryffindor. Keep up the good work here!

Julie

Author's Response: Hey Hufflepuff Julie!

I absolutely love John Green too! I completely get why you choose this one!

I'm so glad that that came through, the use of always will be constantly referred to in this story! It is really romantic the way Snape and Harry found their always so soon but I hadn't really thought about it until I started writing this! Poor Albus, I feel quite harsh for making him search for his always but it makes the story, so it's got to happen (Sorry Al!).

I will get right on those. I understand what you mean, and will try and sort them out.

I think with Al and Echo they had something but it had just faded for Al, which I admit is really sad, but as you say, it happens.

Thank you for your concern! I will definitely get a beta-reader for this one I think.

Al isn't a bad boyfriend, he may know that's it's not working for him anymore but he isn't one to start shouting and getting angry with her predictable-ness in the middle of the common room!

I kind of love the Rose I've created here. She's slightly different to the ones I've created in the past and her bluntness makes me grin too.

Okay. I shall change that too.

Yeah, Al didn't really have much choice, he knew it was the right thing to do. Ruby! She's super cute and cares a lot about Albus, so maybe there is something there?

I love that you picked up on this bit they way you've put, "Aw, little cute huggy feelings! Albus, pay attention to those!!" has quite literally put a giant smile on my face! I love that!

I know... Rose has just had enough of Echo. I know that Rose wouldn't have meant a lot of the things she said as she knew Al wouldn't have done any of them (because he's such a good guy). Echo does really like Al... that's the sad thing.

But of course! Al is a really good guy to be fair to him and he is going to do it privately with her.
That one relationship did not end well... poor things!

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! If you keep reading you will find that fleshing out of the relationships! I will try to keep up the good work!

Thanks so much again for the really lovely review!

*Big Hugs*

ScoroseOTP
Emz xxx


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Review #20, by MoonyxlunaThis love is ours: This love is ours

11th September 2014:
TAYLOR SWIFT IS MY SUPER SECRET GUILTY PLEASURE SO i ALREADY am going to love this
:D

oh exciting! I so rarely see second person point of view, it's always so fun. I think it's a challenge for writers to stay in the same tense through the whole story with it, and I didn't see any changes or slip ups, so I really enjoyed the ease of read for that.

I really enjoyed their little meet-cute. The burst of giggles made me smile; it kind of gave her a realistic characteristic. And I loved that he didn't quite know what to do about it. Sometimes when a cute boy says a funny thing you just have to giggle a little bit, and ask the stupidest question you can think of. I love her sarcasm (maybe because it's relateable? heh) in the elevator, as well. The characteristics meld together quite nicely.

omg is she a Muggle? OH I LOVE IT! I don't know if it was meant to be written this way, but I like how James was sort of hesitant to share his last name; he must get instant reactions all the time when introducing himself, so I liked how he was sort of surprised when she didn't go for the last name, instead talking about something completely different.

Hmm, it makes me curious when James says he enjoys basketball. Is he lying because she's a muggle, or does he frequently watch muggle sports? Either way, cute.

I was a little surprised that he'd told her so early, but the why was so cute I completely looked past it. I thought it was super sweet how he told her, and her exasperation over it was very well written. She reacts very expectedly, and it's cute how he manages to make things all okay for her.

This was such a cute read. I really enjoyed their relationship and how you brought it all together with the cute proposal at the end. The going through the magical wall was such a nice touch. I can only imagine the kinds of things the Wizarding World would say about 'Harry Potter's famous son' dating a muggle, so I thought that was a really nice addition, and it really complimented the theme of the story, with the TS song.

Awesome work on this, and thanks so much for swapping with me!

Julie

Author's Response: Haha, hi. I love it when people go caps lock on me. :P

I LOVE second person. It's like my MO. People are surprised when I don't incorporate second person somehow. :D

You don't know how relieved I am that you liked it. I am absolutely horrible at writing romance, especially fluffy ones and I was trying to make this as realistic as possible. I really don't know how people do it.

Yess. :D It's for the gift it challenge and Curie always said she'd love to go out with James, hence, the second person and muggle Curie in the story. :)

Well, I figured since James can't tell her he plays Quidditch, basketball would be the best muggle option for it. Maybe I'll edit that part to make it clearer. Thanks for commenting on that!

Love and trust make you do stupid things. And it was a fragile situation as well, so. Luckily for James, she wasn't one to out him.

Thank you so much! I really tried hard to write this so it's so nice to get all these encouraging remarks! Thank you for the fabulous review and I'd love to swap with you again!

~Erin


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Review #21, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 11

29th August 2014:
THEY'RE SO MEAN TO FREDDIE! grr. haha! I'm glad he didn't have to spend the night there but I still feel the huge urge to defend Freddie's honor! (Is this what love feels like? ) :D Leave it to George to prank his own son after trying to help him ask out a girl.

Aw! She fell asleep at the party! I feel like she really is me and this is something that I would do, fall asleep in the middle of the party. aww and she's sleeping in his bed. Freddie,we've had the personal hygiene talk a few times now; you need to wash your sheets! OBVIOUSLY you need to just have her stay over again, mister! I hope he asks her out when she wakes up!

OH BABY TIME! yes! aw yay, two boys! James was right. He totally doesn't need the ego boost, though!! They're such cuties.

Uh oh. Is this a bit of trouble in paradise for Adam and Lucy brewing? I remember Adam in the previous chapters saying how much he was starting to loathe his job, and I guess the fight was a reminder of that. I'm curious to see what's going to happen. Weddings and building lives together are expensive and so I know he can't exactly quit his job, but I do hope he finds a better one where he gets treated with more respect soon. Of course, in his field, hopefully!

The rest of the chapter was very adorable! hee, they've got these adorable rising Quidditch stars and they aren't even born yet!

I'm scared that I'm almost out of chapters! *cries* I don't want the love and fluff to be over!!

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Review #22, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 10

29th August 2014:
Aw, I'm so happy they've found a house; it sounds lovely! Why don't Amelia and James share income, if they're married?

Oh, I don't know what I'm hoping they're having. I hope it's two boys! Maybe! I don't know what to pick! I know it'll be amazing no matter what.

JAMES AND ADAM you are grown men! Don't spend your money on Quidditch shirts! Those two *rolls eyes*

Oh yay, the WWW party! Aww, she's such a cutie, showing up even though she's still under the weather. (totally something I would do, too! lol) Aw, this plan is totally backfiring on poor Freddy! Haha! George testing his products on the kids.. I can't even.

Aw, the jumper part! So cute. I love how you take those classic romance things (pretend relationships, boy gives girl sweatshirt, etc) and you make them so perfectly new again by making them your own.

OMG! Did Fred really just get arrested! How!! Albus, take it easy on your cousin! You can't leave her alone with Hugo! She doesn't love Hugo, she loves Fred! Okay!! Why does Albus have to be the serious Auror for the first time ever when it happens to be INNOCENT OKAY Fred that gets in trouble! I'm sad.

Love love love it!

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Review #23, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 9

29th August 2014:
Aw yes my - erm, her - Freddy! Ah, new loves. All the cutesy jitters. Oh no she's sick! Maybe Fred can go over to her place after his shift and help her out ;) hehe. Aw, he's such a sweetheart for staying late for her. LOVE!

OH NO! Freddy use your brain she's sick! Oh no oh noo! Aw, she's so nice about it, though. Aw, you can just feel his embarrassment as he 'curls in the fetal position'. Though you can also tell she obviously did not dislike it ;) I love the writing of those two, it makes me so happy!


HUGO STOP PICKING ON FREDDY! He's such a card, I can't tell if he's misinterpreting things that badly or if he's just that sarcastic that everyone legitimately believes what he says. Either way it's hilarious.

random but I noticed you started spelling Freddy with an 'ie' in this chapter instead of a 'y' like the previous chapters. Just so you know :)

Aw, the moment with George and Fred was so adorable. He's such a good dad, I love the dynamic of their relationship so much.

Amazing chapter again! I am loving how fluffy and campy this is; sometimes all everyone needs is a little bit of happiness and it's really great to read about in this story!!

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Review #24, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 8

29th August 2014:
HUGO is such a weirdo. haha! I can't imagine Hugo, Percy, Charlie and Bill hanging out. I just see all the brothers reliving memories and Hugo just being strange in the background. And the stuff about who Hugo's favorite uncle was was so funny. Hugo is Uncle Harry's biggest fangirl, isn't he?

hahah! Hugo uses 'family emergency' as an excuse. These boys are so insane.

The family stuff was so cute. Hugo is just this awkward thing and of course the triangle has to make an appearance! SUCH A LITTLE WEIRDO haha. Aww, such a bittersweet moment seeing them all remember stories about Fred. It's good to see that George is able to remember the happy moments with his twin. And the necklace thing made me go aww out loud. That's such a creative thought; I always thought it'd be super sad that his hand on the clock would never move again, but now it moves right along with George!

whoa! I didn't know that was from JKR! That's awesome!

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Review #25, by Moonyxluna'Till Death Do Us Part: Chapter 7

28th August 2014:
Yay Scorpius! in the prequel to Illusions I always loved his and Albus' friendship. Ha! I love that he feels necessary to announce his appearance very loudly to prevent any.. awkward situations.

oh Albus. What would Mariah say if she knew you let Pedro play with your wand!? BAHA Albus your child outsmarted you. amazing. And Scorpius is wonderful too, as always.

You should write a story about Pedro when he's older and make him a superhero with a pet cat sidekick. "Guardians of the Wizarding Galaxy."

OOh, I do hope James gets the promotion! That'd be great for Amelia if she was able to take some extra time off to be with their kids.

Loving everything so far!! Off to read more :)

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