hey! it's beajerry from the ravenclaw review battle, here with your review!
(can i just apologize in advance for my lack of capitals, the 'shift' button is broken.)
so it's a good start to a next-gen; quidditch, the two potter boys, a funny narrative and a plot already. i've only read the first chapter, but it's shaping up to be like any other next-gen romcom- quidditch, the two potter boys, a funny narrative and a plot. this is good and all, and don't get me wrong, i'm excited to read the next chapter, but i just wish that you'll avoid the typical next-gen potter/oc stereotypes in this story.
the narrative is funny, but not funny enough to the opening seven paragraphs of an un-interrupted monologue. personally, i like the opening chapter to really draw me in- humour, an introduction and sly description of the narrator and her relationship with james- which will make me eager to read the next chapter. all this chapter has going for it is a slight cliffhanger.
but hopefully all will be introduced in chapter two?
anyway. it's a good start, but i'm just hoping you'll avoid the typical nextgen cliches in order to make this really special. hopefully more characters, wit, descriptions and humour will be featured in the next chapter, too.
bea xo Report Review
is pretty much
the best thing ever
(apart from david hasslehoff)
pippa is honestly the best character on hpff, i'm so glad she won the award. you write her thoughts like a painting- they're fluid and yet still clear, they don't rumble into each other. i hate it when people natter on about their personal lives on here, but pippa and i are the same age roughly, and this chapter has just opened my thoughts and fears. i can't help but compare myself to pippa; she seems so real. and albus is the best albus on here.
your writing is so unbelievable. you have such a talent for writing, why aren't you published? i would so read your book. and say, 'yeah, i read her fan fiction...' although then people would know that i read harry potter fan fiction, and that wouldn't go down great in my social group. so i'll just say you're a cyber friend-
omg bea, shut up now.
pleeaase update soon!
bea xoAuthor's Response: Hey Bea! I hope you're okay :)
aw, you're too nice to me! haha, never mess with da hoff ;)
wow, that is a huge compliment. I was amazed to win that award and I still can't believe it :) A painting wow? I know she rambles, but I like putting her little stories, they tell more about her that it realizes, like how she grew up with Scorpius and Damien etc. Wow, that is just wow. I wanted it to be relatable, at least in a little way, i mean, even if someone lets you down in a little way, you can still relate, as him, damien etc let pippa down. and thanks :) I'm glad you like albus, he's a little mean, but he's so much fun to write and their are reasons he is that way.
wow, thank you :) And haha, i like writing as a hobby, i actually want to work with animals :) and yeah, my friends don't know i write fanfiction either and my parents just think i write stories. they don't know what about:)
thanks so much, i'll try to update soon, this review was so much fun to answer, so thank you for that, have a great day!
ryan's keeping the baby! dergh. although i suppose if she didn't, there wouldn't really be the story. still, she doesn't seem like the character who would get all soft about babies and potential and pro-life. i expected her to go 'the baby was an accident, not fair on the baby to grow up knowing it was unwanted, it will mess up my life, getting an abortion' or something.
this is honestly one of my favourite stories here. you have such a knack for writing first person- fred seems like a real character, james is hilarious, the plotline is subtle and suggesting without making you want to tear your hair out at how dumb the characters are being, and the characters are all the perfect balance between the 'good guy' and the 'bad guy'.
bea xoAuthor's Response: See, I get where you're coming from. Completely. But all you know of Ryan so far is what Fred has seen of her. She has a lot to her, including her family life, and hopefully as the story unfolds and you learn more about her, you'll be able to see her motivation behind keeping hte baby. It wasn't a "she's soft" decision at all.
I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far! Thank you so much for the review and I hope you like the rest! Report Review
omgomgomg yeyeyey for summer!
natalie and albus are simply awful. god i hate the pair of them. and james is so sweet, awhhh ♥
JACK'S JAW OMG. strong jaw's are incredible. i'm so glad you described him like that because that's exactly how i imagined him! ahh.
bit late, but i just noticed when jack and rose dated, they were jack & rose, like from the titanic... oh god, i'm late. heheh.
connor is so sweet. i do love him, and oh wow i feel so guilty but i'm starting to get a bit annoyed at dom, in the sense that i wish she wasn't dating connor because i don't really like them together! that's terrible, isn't it? and you write them so well. and i blame it all on dom.
FRED AND PENNY ♥ ♥ ♥
so yesss. amazing chapter, and i'm really looking forward to the next one!!
bea xoAuthor's Response: whoohoo for summer :D
albus&natalie are horrible. i hate them. i don't know why i wrote them into the story, because they depress me. albus comes back in chapter twenty one :( boo :(
I LOVE STRONG JAWS. mmm. jack is a very fine looking boy, if i do say so myself. much to james' annoyance.
ahaha ~ yeah. i'd just gone to see titanic in 3d when i wrote that, so it became jack&rose. i don't even know...
dom is actually really annoying. i don't like her half the time. but hopefully she'll get a bit nicer... and then she'll stop snapping poor connor's head off. they're a bit sickly together, i reckon :P
thank you so much! and the update will be soon :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
i really enjoyed reading this! this inspired me to write a one-shot about a wotter child before hogwarts- is that okay, by the way? don't want to look like i'm copying you or anything :p
this was absolutely adorable, and i really liked how you captured his rivalry with james. i always thought that ginny would get on better with james, and harry with albus, too! so i'm glad i'm not the only one who picked up on that in the epilogue ;D
the only fault i can see is that his thoughts sound way too advanced for a three year old (he would be three, as that's the age most children start nursery in england). but it was still amusing to read!
bea xoAuthor's Response: Oh no, that's perfectly fine! ^^ In fact, I'd be curious to read it, actually.
Yay, another fellow person who got that dynamic! *cheers* I'm glad you liked it. :) And I researched it and some sources but it in the four/five-ish age range, which was what I thought myself, but there you go. I probably made him a /tad/ mature though. (understatement much?) xD
~Khanh Report Review
OMG GIRL YOUR STORY IS FINALLY UP I'M SO PROUD AHHH IT'S SO COOL IT'S LIKE IT'S PUBLISHED BUT IT'S NOT OH SWEET BACON IT'S SO GOOD!
okay bea, chill.
first of all, even though i never got that email and now i'm going to have to await the next few chapters like everyone else, i'm okay with that. because this story is amazing. we need to go over the chapter summary a bit and you need to get a banner that will do this story justice, yeah? because this story deserves a smartie prize, or whatever.
AND BENNY! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO SEE MORE OF ALBIE AND BENNY, ah you know my love & affection for those two.
is that even possible?
idk, i failed my maths exam.
love love love, bea xoAuthor's Response: Awe Bea thank you so much your review totally made my day. I was smiling like crazy! It was such a surprised!
I did sent you and email but I don't think you got it...so now you have to wait like everyone else :p
Oh Albie and Thady will come into play in the next chapter (if I remember right haha) I'm posting it now so another 5 days to wait haha
Also I've already requested a banner - it's animated. Wow!! I hope to get that very son!
Hehe a smartie, funny word...Louis needs to say that lol
I love you!! Thanks for reviewing my dear :D Report Review
yaayy another chapter!
first of all, never doubt this story, rebecca. EVER AGAIN. it is definitely one of the best on the site. you're like the first person who has ever thought of the Wotter children in a negative light, and i've read other bullying stories but yours wins by far. end of story, good night, lights off.
anyway. i love how corinne got on so well with fred- and omg you're so good at writing the weasleys! i always get really scared writing them, as if i'm insulting j.k rowling's characters- (that's the best thing about next gens, for me). but you did a really good job :3
bwahaha love how she woke up in tyson's bed- i would have been scared out of my life, haha. they're all so cute, being so protective over her, like they're her older brothers or something. omg. imagine tyson as an older brother. oh wow.
bea xoAuthor's Response: Yes! Another chappie :)
I can't say that I'll never doubt my story, because I do it about a million times a day. It's second nature at this point. And you're way too flattering, this story can hardly compare to the other genius's that write on this site. But thank you for the compliment :)
Im happy you like my portrayal of the Wotters! I feel the same as you about insulting JK by attempting to write them, but I figured I might as well try at it!
Ahah yes, she did wake up in Ty's bed. Which, you know, I think definitely scared Corinne for a moment there. But yes, I love how protective they are of her too! I wouldn't want Ty as an older brother though, because I'm kind of in love with him and that'd be awkward/illegal.
I'm going to try and update much sooner than it took me last time, seeing as I'm trying to wrap this story up before college starts, so next chapter should be up fairly quickly :)
Thanks for reviewing!
-Rebecca Report Review
god, this reminds me of angus, thongs & full-frontal snogging. loved this chapter! Report Review
'and no, it is not available in kindle version- i don't even know what that means.' omg dying
hey, i'm here from the review tag!
so this was pretty damn hilarious. you captured the tone of sir nick perfectly, and this is definitely one of the funniest, most accurate canon pieces i've read- your writing is so incredible!
honestly have nothing negative to say about this. i love his references, and the way he compares himself to shakespeare, and lord nelson; you caught the perfect pompous tone, without going too over the top.
i also love the way you describe his relationship with the other ghosts. it sounds like something out of monty python, that ghosts' meeting! god, i wish there was actually a book on that.
this was an amazing read, congratulations!
10/10- even though you're a spurs fan. i don't even care anymore, arsenal is what, third? hahahaha, unlucky...
ps- i noticed you typed 'honour' as 'honor'; this is a bit of a personal question, but what side of the pond are you from? because you follow british football, but that's an american way of spelling it ;)
bea xoAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot for the review, glad you enjoyed it!
I totaly picture Nick being all pompous, but kind of in a humorous and endearing way.
I'm actually American, but I love a good footmball match! Report Review
This is just the perfect ScoRose! Honestly enjoyed every word of it, it seemed so innocent and they're so cute together- even though we read barely any of their interaction, you could so sense the chemistry between them. This was so great, are you going to write anymore?
Bea xo Report Review
Oh wow, I love the ICTC reference! One of my favourite books ever ;3
This was a really interesting turn on Dominique's character, and I found it very realistic, if not slightly sad. You get so many celebrities like her nowadays, and I liked how you sort of introduced that to the Wizarding world.
Really great one-shot!
Bea xoAuthor's Response: I LOVE ICTI!! The dad is so clever o.O. I'm glad you found this realistic, and it was meant to be sad ;). So super glad you liked it! :D THANK YOU! Report Review
think i died when you mentioned how cigarettes are sexy, especially on tumblr. no joke, my tumblr is full of skinny indie hippies smoking them- and of course, that supreme poster of kate moss...
anyway. LOVED THIS CHAPTER! the more i read of this story, the more i go, OH MY GOD CONNIE IS THE HPFF VERSION OF ME. because she soo is.
ahh! god i want to know what james & andrew did to her. i have a feeling we're not going to find out until the like, 30th chapter or something, which is pretty annoying. oh well.
another amazing chapter! ♥
bea xoAuthor's Response: Cigarettes are sexy and they kill you too :(
I'm glad you like it. Really? I didn't really see Connie as a character people were going to relate to, I just imagined them laughing with/at her.
Don't worry, you should know by at least chapter 13.
Thank you :) xxx Report Review
This is so refreshing, compared to all the rom-com NGs Dominique has been starring in since people worked out she was in the same year as James. I love this so much! It's a totally new twist on Dominique, and it's something that everyone can relate to. My heart pines for her, it really does.
10/10, Bea xoAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the review! :) You're so right- Dom's always portrayed as loud and sexy and confidant, but I see her as an intimidated child who loves her big sister with all her heart, and wants to feel loved herself. I don't know...I just never saw Dom as a...wild one? :P
My heart pines for her two! :(
-LWG x Report Review
YO DAWGIE, IT'S ME FROM THE REVIEW SWAP!
oo, i've actually been meaning to read this for a while, but never got around to it. so tg for the review swap! :3
anyway. this may just be the first time i'm not a rose&scorpius shipper! even though she's only said a few lines, rose annoys me so much. maybe it's because we're reading it from hannah's point of view, though.
i found the bit in the prologue, about lily and graham the hufflepuff, hilarious! reminded me of ron and ginny, haha.
the only critism is characterization. from the first chapter, hannah doesn't seem to have any identifiable personality, which is a bit annoying for me personally, as i'm a big one for characters. and is hannah the only main oc character in the story?
i suppose i'll find out!
bea xoAuthor's Response: Hi!
I'm glad you got to read a bit of it! Hopefully you'll get to read more.. the story gets better as things go on so, yeah.
wow. I'm special. All stories do that. Okay. Ignore that.
Yep, Rose is ment to be irritating because this is from Hannah's perspective. At this point Hannah sees her as the only thing standing in the way of her being with Scorpius.
haha.. I think with James gone, Al sees it as his personal responsibility to protect little Lily, whether she likes it or not :p
Hannah grows as a character a lot more in chapter two and three. When I wrote this I was really focused on bringing the plot into the story that her character suffered.
Nope, her best friend, Sophie will be introduced in chapter two.
Thanks so much for reading, and for the review! Report Review
Really, really enjoyed reading this!
I love Ryan and Gemma, especially Ryan! If you're trying to paint an image of a sort of sexy, sarcastic and witty sort of character, it's really working. I also like what you did with the stereotypes of the houses' girls.
The back-story about Roxy and Freddie really made me upset! I've never really paid attention to their relationship before, but now I'm starting to... And is that a Roxy/Scorpius ship I'm seeing? ;)
Also liked the placements of the Wotters- never really thought about Al being a Ravenclaw, always thought it would be Rose.
This has been really, really great; update soon!
Bea xoAuthor's Response: Ah, thank you so much!
Ohmygosh I love both of those girls. I didn't even expect Gemma to turn out like that, but I love her so far too. They're just sassy and confident and don't care. I like that about them.
I feel for Freddie about Roxy. To have someone that close to him suddenly just sort of vanish hurt him bad.
Thank you so much, Bea! I hope you enjoy the rest! Report Review
N'awwwhh, I really like this! All the other Wotters have such personalities- James, Albus, Dominique, Fred- but Hugo is the most unexplored one of them all, and I think you did the son of Ron and Hermione justice. I really enjoyed reading this, update soon!
By the way, one thing- it should be 'Weasley genes' not 'Weasley jeans' ;)
Bea xoAuthor's Response: Thanks you so much for the review!
I'm really gald you liked the story - The Common Room is 1/2 done so shouldn't be long! :D
Thank you for pointing out that silly error! I have already gone and corrected it - look at the AN's when its upadated for a special mention :P
Rach xx Report Review
Oo go with Advertising! My mum works in Advertising, and she's always trying to push her career on me. It sounds good, but then again, it depends what area of Advertising you do, doesn't it? She works in the creative area, which is probably the funnest...
Erm back onto the story. ELISE AND MADISON ARE SO MEAN! I hate them! I was half expecting them to start beating up Corinne and then Wyatt and Tyson and Chaise would randomly turn up and so would Fred and his friends and it would be a massive gang fight. That would be pretty cool ;)
But what you did was cooler! It was so realistic- they are every school's bitchy bullies.
Oo and I loved you quote about sitting home all day and writing on a computer! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
Another great chapter!
Bea xoAuthor's Response: Ahah yes I love advertising! I interned at an advertising company last year and I really do love it and know it'd be the perfect job for me. And I love the creative area of advertising the most :)
ELISE AND MADISON ARE VERY MEAN! There's always got to be those people to bring you down. But sadly I don't think a gang fight would happen because that would turn this into a West Side Story kind of deal which wasn't what I was aiming for.
I'm happy you liked what I did instead though :) And I'm flattered you think M&E are just like bullies today. I've been aiming for that with them.
AND YES YOU DO SEE WHAT I DID THERE! I love poking digs at myself in stories. It's so much fun. Because in all honesty I really am a loser. But I wouldnt have it any other way!
Thank you so much for reviewing!
-Rebecca Report Review
Hey! It's BeaJerry from the Review Battle ;3
First of all, can I just say that this may be the best written Dramione I think I've read? The description was brilliant; I can't find a flaw with your talent of description.
And I also enjoyed the fact that you started off without an explanation of why she was there; this chapter was purely her meeting Draco, and them... well.
However, I must say that I can't imagine Hermione in a situation like this, especially a few months after the war. Even if she was drunk at Hogwarts; and not alone; I'd imagine her to be the sort of drunk that would start talking to the walls, not get off with Draco... But I do like how it was a masked ball!
So overall, great opening chapter.
Bea xoAuthor's Response: Thank you for the feedback :) I'm glad you enjoyed the descriptions and setup!
As for Hermione and her actions... I've found that's the central issue some have with wrapping their heads around this story. I'll be the first to admit she's very OoC in this scene. Her actions with the masked man are essential to the premise of the story though, and I tried to make it as realistic as possible (her being drunk was the most plausible thing I could thing of for Hermione sleeping with someone, haha). I've tried to keep her as in character as possible throughout the rest of the story though to make up for it. :)
Also, the storyline has been altered a bit so it's not right after the war. This would be the beginning of their seventh year if they'd attended it. It's slightly AU ;) Thank you for reading though, and I'm glad you liked it!
Bri xx Report Review
I'm in love with this!
'Oh please, we all know that indie people party the hardest...' awks when in our school, it's true. Something about ombre'd hair and ripped tights makes them so much more waste-able.
EW KENDRA. Can't stand her, but then again, it is from Connie's point of view. I love how at Hogwarts, they would be the typical HPFF 'best friends who fell in love story', and then you have Connie, the hipster squib...
AHH I WANT TO KNOW WHAT JAMES DID! Please update soon, this is such an amazing story; I've seen it in the archive a couple of times and never got around to reading it, and I'm so glad that I did!
Bea xoAuthor's Response: Hola!
It is true for my school too, some of my friends/people I know are hispter/indie kids, they get wasted so quickly, they're all lightweights.
Connie's technically the bad guy, since Kendra's done nothing wrong, while Connie is causing drama for herself.
Nobody likes talking about it! Because it's weird and awkward and they'll be dead if any parents find out.
I plan on updating it next, one my new story comes out of the queue. :)
-Nell :) xx
♥ ♥ Report Review
OH MY GOD JAMES ♥
He's just way better than Fred. Well, Fred's better than James, of course, but he's so perfect. And James' is so flawed, and he's sarcastic and funny and I don't know why, but I think in the argument between him and Fred, he's not necessarily the right one, but he has the right morals... Does that make sense?
I don't know, there's just something I don't like about Fred... CAL AND JORDAN AND AMAZING. It's so annoying how they're arguing, especially for Lonnie!, but I find it interesting how Jordan is hanging out with AJ now.
Bea xoAuthor's Response: [firstly, I'm a tad embarrassed, because I've been reading your story boys&girls and loving it. I really ought to review. :)]
it's not really an argument between the two of them, you'll just have to wait and see what the issue between them is.
Fred has his flaws, they're just taking a decade to emerge.
I'm glad you like Cal and Jordan, I wanted Lonnie to have interesting friends. Jordan's in private investigator mode. They'll be making a full return to the story.
Thanks for the review,
Nell :) ♥ Report Review
This was really interesting to read! And it must have been such a challenge to right, I would imagine. I think you did a great job, especially portraying Rose's denial.
I'm actually really glad there's a one-shot like this in the NG archive, when almost everything else is so about love and other typical teenage issues. No one really tackles subjects like this, and I think you did a brilliant job.
10/10, Bea xoAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I haven't seen an awful lot of these kind of one-shots either, but this just popped into my head one day; I thought Rose would always feel some kind of pressure on her. Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
OMG OMG. YOU SO DID NOT JUST DO A JEREMY KYLE THERE. I was half expecting him to sit on the step and start screaming at the fat chavs who were all pregnant with each other.
But then again, this is Hogwarts, not Croydon.
This is so funny! Literally laughing at every second sentence, well done. Cherry-Lou is the perfect parody of a Mary-Lou and it was hilarious reading you basically mock the majority of female Next Generation OCs.
Bea xoAuthor's Response: So glad someone got the reference! (it's a British thing...) aww I'm so glad you found it funny:) Thank you so much! :) Report Review
Loved this! Millie is a badass of hipster extremes and Berkley is adorable. Clearwater was the prefect who dated Percy, right...?
Anyway, it's a total pity that Hogwarts doesn't have internet, because Millie would be all over tumblr haha. This is great, update soon!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! The characters are a lot of fun to write, so I'm glad that you like them! And yes, Clearwater is the prefect who dated Percy :)
And I'm so mad that Hogwarts has no internet! There would have been so many hipster plotlines there, but oh well, I'll just ahve to work around it.
Thanks for reading and reviewing; I'll try to update soon :D Report Review
OMG THIS IS AMAZING. Hogwarts Gossip Girl, oh my God... Can so see Rose and Scorpius having a Chuck and Blair relationship!Author's Response: lol you might be surprised at who i've paired up with who :) but I hope you still like it none the less :D
thank you for the review :D Report Review
Loved this! Every single Teddy/Victoire I've read are some Taylor Swift fairytale, and this was so refreshing. They're lovely, but this was different and I loved it.
But does he kill her, or turn her into a werewolf? That would be interesting, if she turned into a werewolf... ;)Author's Response: Hi,
Thank you so much for your review. I guess I wanted to write something dark and as far away from a fairy-tale as I could, and I can certainly imagine this pairing have an anything but perfect relationship and I guess this was how that though came to life when I started writing.
Sadly he kills her in this story, I suppose he just couldn't handle the thought of not being with her or something along those lines. I have considered having him turn her and then making a novel of it, but I think it works better as a one-shot myself. :)
Thanks for your lovely review!
~ In The Shadows I Dwell Report Review
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