Reading Reviews From Member: ohmymerlin
  
477 Reviews Found

Review #76, by ohmymerlinThe Wrinkles of the Road: Anxieties

14th February 2014:
Hello!

This was a sweet chapter! I love your Rose and Scorpius! Actually, I love all your characterisations - they're just so brilliant and believable!

It was nice seeing the guy be the emotional one rather than the girl. It's extremely refreshing and it's true. Poor Scorpius must feel so... inadequate? I don't know if that's the right word but you know what I mean.

Anyway, this was a really great chapter! I can't wait to read the next one!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! And yeah, I definitely like making my guys at least as emotional as the girls - that's a stereotype that gets under my skin, because you're right, it's so true that that can often happen.

I'm so glad you liked it, and I hope you enjoy the next one just as much! :)


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Review #77, by ohmymerlinHoping for A Heartbeat : Prologue

14th February 2014:
Hey, Lindsey! I'm here from my review thread! Sorry about the slight delay on this! Real life can be a bit mean sometimes!

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages. My mum experienced one and it was very heartbreaking for all of us. I hope everything turns around soon! ♥

I liked your Ginny's point of view but you did have a few errors by canon. Like, Harry and Cho only kissed in the Room of Requirement, not in Hogsmeade.

Also, you spelt this wrong:

Cho and Harry broke up soon after that as well because of Cho's betrayel...

That should be spelt as 'betrayal' and it wasn't Cho who betrayed the DA, but her friend Marietta. And I thought they broke up because Harry said he was going to meet Hermione and Cho got extremely jealous.

I also got a bit confused you talked about Harry and Cho breaking up BEFORE they got together.

Also, a few times you slipped into present tense instead of past tense. I understand that the last line is meant to be in present tense but quite a few times I caught that you got into present when that should have been past tense.

Anyway, I think you've written Ginny's thoughts quite well. I found myself really believing that they were Ginny's exact thoughts when thinking about all those scenes.

This was written quite well! I'm intrigued as to how we're going to see Harry and Ginny interact as a married couple.

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla,
:)
Thanks so much for more corrections from the book because I have not read any book but DH for a couple years or so. I will fix that! I hope you continue to read eventually and I'm happy that you liked the story for the most part!!!
I will re-request eventually!
-Lindsey


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Review #78, by ohmymerlinRabbit Heart: Have a Heart

13th February 2014:
Hey, there! I'm here from my review thread! Sorry about the delay, life likes to get in the way, sometimes!

So first off, you asked if this holds my interest. DEFINITELY. It one hundred per cent holds my interest! You've got the mystery and stuff written really well where it's not too vague that we as the audience get frustrated but it's definitely enough to make us want to read on!

So far, the subject doesn't seem to be a downer but it is sad. But all good novels seem to be sad. And I kind of feel like that this story will rip our hearts out eventually - letting your best friend die? Oh god, talk about emotional! - but I don't think it's too much of a downer. So I don't think you need to worry about that!

There's definitely enough to pull readers into the next chapter, don't worry about that! I think everyone has a soft spot for a good, old mystery so you shouldn't fret about that!

I honestly think you don't need to heighten the interest level because I'd seen this on the 'recently added' pages quite often and I'd always made a mental note to read it - but you've come to me so it's all worked out! :p

The banner is beautiful. So far, it suits the story really well! I love milominderbinder's work!

So now, the summary. I like the first part but this section:

Okay, wait. Doesn't the cute rabbit make you curious? Stare deeply into his beady eyes. You can't resist him, can you.

I didn't think so.


I felt was a bit too forced. I think it's good with just the first part. But if you really want to keep that part, you'll just need to add a question mark on the end of:

You can't resist him, can you.

this sentence so it's grammatically correct.

I just found that last part turns me off slightly. The rabbit DOES make me curious - and it IS really cute! - but it feels too... colloquial? I don't know, it doesn't feel like a part of the summary but like you're trying to sell the novel...

I also really like Wren's characterisations. It must be hard giving up your childhood home - I've never experienced it but I could never imagine being able to let go of my current house - and I can definitely relate to Wren about her annoyance at her Gran. I think most young people can because even though you might love them, they always ask for a lot and it can get frustrating. I think you wrote that really well and it was extremely believable.

Al is quite intriguing. He seems to have a really kind heart and I'm curious as to what's going to happen between him and Wren!

Rose seems to be her father's daughter, huh? :p She appears to be a good friend but it sounds like that sometimes it comes out wrong, haha! :p

So all in all, this was an excellent first chapter! It was very interesting and has definitely encouraged me to read more!

Feel free to request again!

10/10

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm glad you found this first chapter interesting enough. Whew!

Yeah, I like the banner a lot! And that addition to the summary was kind of a test run. It's gone now, but I might put something else there later. I get bored like that.

Thanks for your opinion about Wren. I can never tell if other people will find her interesting and relatable. By your review, it sounds like I've presented the characters clearly enough for you to get a good picture of them so far.

Thanks so much for the review! I would love to re-request again!


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Review #79, by ohmymerlin30 Days of You and Me: Hope

13th February 2014:
Hahahahahahaha firstly I have to say thank you for the dedication. I'm glad my angry hissing was of value :p

Okay, so Scorpius is still sick. I don't like it.

But there's a bit of hope??? I don't know... I'm so curious as to how this is going to end! I really hope they find a cure so Scorpius will live! D:

I just love all your characterisations! I can't wait to read the last chapter! I can't believe it's already the end! D:

Oh, and Happy Valentines Day! ♥

- Kayla :)

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Review #80, by ohmymerlinPrincess, Fall.: Princess, Fall.

10th February 2014:
Hey, there!

This was absolutely brilliant! I've always pictured Dorcas to be very stubborn and headstrong, but I never thought of her as a Pureblood but you just wrote that so well!

I love how you used the second person, it just made it so much more real. I really felt Dorcas' emotions and you just wrote them all so perfectly!

I have like no words to say about this because it's just brilliant!

Definite 10/10!

- Kayla :)

Hufflepuff, 2014

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this piece! When I got the quote Dorcas was one of the characters who seemed to fit best for me - I've not read much about her so it was quite easy shaping her character around those attributes. I really liked the idea of the pureblood tying in with the princess and how that fitted with the other characters.

I'd never used second person before, but it just seemed appropriate for this piece. I'm glad you liked it and thought that Dorcas's emotions seemed real!

A massive thank you for posting this in the story recommendations too, you're amazing!

Sian :)


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Review #81, by ohmymerlinRise: Alone

10th February 2014:
Tag!

Woah, this was such a great chapter! I ADORE the way you write Regulus! He's such an intriguing character and you seem to write him effortlessly!

I felt so sorry for him, being alone at Christmas would be the worst thing in the whole world. And I loved the dream/memory sequence. It was so good.

I am also extremely curious as to why new Dark Marks are green too. Hmm... I guess we'll have to see and find out!

I love how appreciative Regulus is of Kreacher and how even though he's now a Death Eater, he's still a sixteen year old boy at heart - wanting to show his parents his achievements, wanting a few friends, etc.

This was a brilliant chapter! I loved it so much! I just want to hug Regulus and tell him everything will be okay and no one will ever hurt him even though I know that that's a lie :p

10/10! :D

- Kayla :)

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Review #82, by ohmymerlinClash: Epilogue

10th February 2014:
Aw, I can't believe it's over! This was such a great novel and it was definitely one of my favourites!

Thanks for such an amazing and interesting novel and for all the crazy characters! I'm definitely going to miss them all!

- Kayla :)

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Review #83, by ohmymerlinChampagne Supernovas: Step One: A Grand Entrance

10th February 2014:
Hey, there! I'm here from my review thread and I'm so sorry about the delay in this! Real life can be a meany sometimes!

You said that this was your first fluff and don't worry, it definitely doesn't come across like that! You've definitely got the fluff-amount quite good already!

Fred seems like a loveable character! And him being a bit jealous of James is extremely typical of a fifteen year old boy, so kudos!

Also, Alice is just great! I love how shocked Freddie got when he realised that her favourite subject is History of Magic. I loved her quote, "Practicality means nothing in the matters of love." That's brilliant!

Also, I think this is my favourite sentence ever: That lady could be so interruptive without even uttering a word.

So far there doesn't seem to be any plot holes, which is something you asked for so I don't think you'll need to worry about that!

This is a really good first chapter. You've brought the plot in without making it too fast and you've explained most of the main characters' personalities but I never felt too overwhelmed with information so good job!

I don't really have much to say about this chapter except that you've written it really well and believable and I'm intrigued as to what's going to happen with lil Freddie and Alice :p

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Please don't feel bad about taking a long time to review for I have taken even longer to respond! I agree, life is the biggest meanie there is. I feel so embarrassed right now because I usually am so prompt with responding, but anyway thanks for this utterly wonderful and helpful review!

Freddie is supposed to come across as a typical teenager with absolutely no clue about anything involving love. I'm so glad that you like him already! Alice is probably a character I can relate to a lot. It's sort of like I've put a piece of myself into her. I'm very happy that you think of her as a great character. That quote of hers is something that I'm especially proud of :)

Haha, you liked the quote about Madam Pince! Thanks a lot. I think that sentence roughly sums up Freddie thoughts towards the librarian!

I'm absolutely relieved at the thought of no plot holes. Now I just have to watch out for them in the chapters to come. Thanks for this incredibly motivational review!


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Review #84, by ohmymerlinQuelques ans après-A few years later: Chapter 1:Visite inattendue

9th February 2014:
Hi there! I'm here from my review thread and I'm so sorry for the delay in getting to this. Things just kept coming up!

Okay, so you've asked about the characterisations. I'll do Draco first.

So Draco was always quite rude, that we are aware of it but he was always very polite to higher authorities. I think the way he's speaking to Kingsley is quite out of canon because he was always quite a show-off to anyone with more power than him. Think of Krum.

Also, Kingsley seems quite... dumb in this. And we know that Kingsley is anything but dumb in the novels. I understand that he might be shocked but I feel he'd be able to keep his composure a bit better. But you've kept his good humour which is really good!

However, I think Hermione's characterisation was done extremely well! She's still polite even though she married Draco :p I don't have any issues with her.

Okay, you also asked about dialogue. Personally, I think your dialogue is fine except that there's so much of it and hardly any description! I think you can keep the amount of dialogue but you should definitely add more description. The room that they're in, what's it like? How old are they? How long have they been married for and when did they run away? Etc.

I understand that this is an introductory chapter and I'm sure the last couple of questions will be answered in future chapters but I think you definitely need to add some more description.

Your grammar and punctuation are fine as far as I can see. All I noticed was this:

"Wonderful manners, Hermione. Thank goodness they didn't take after their father!" He said chuckling as Malfoy growled low in his throat.

It should be: "Wonderful manners, Hermione. Thank goodness they didn't take after their father!" he said chuckling as Malfoy growled low in his throat.

The 'h' in 'he' should be in lowercase, but that's a mistake everyone makes so don't stress over it too much!

But yeah, other than that, there didn't seem to be any problems. The story flowed quite effortlessly and I'm curious as to why they kept their marriage and children are secret. I know that they probably would be judged if they did come out and announce it but I feel like at the end of the war everyone would be more accepting. I'll guess we'll just have to find out later! :p

There isn't much I can say about this chapter as it is the first chapter and first chapters are generally very vague so they can set the setting. Anywho, this was a great chapter!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey,

Sorry for the late response... Got caught up with the speed-dating challenge with an awesome partner!

I wasn't aiming for a rude Draco but a more snarky one. He was making comments like that with Kingsley because...You'll know in the later chapters. *lips sealed*

Kingsley was more shocked than anything in the story...He wasn't meant to be dumb but speechless.

I'll try and change a few sentences of Draco and add a few dialogues for Kingsley...Mm...

Glad you liked Hermione's characterisation!

I know, description-description. I've been told that so many times. Thanks for reminding me again... I'm trying but it's taking time. Step by small step?

I'll change the particular punctuation mistake you noticed. Thanks for mentioning it!

Yeah! Keep reading...Dramione's story going to come out soon. The one half in my head and the other half on the laptop are funny and interesting (according to me...And I'm obviously partial!). Can't wait to see what you think of it!
I'm very happy you liked it.

Thanks for reviewing!

Kinnu

P.S. Did you figure out who my amazing partner was?


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Review #85, by ohmymerlinThe Wrinkles of the Road: A Coming Storm

6th February 2014:
Aw, I loved this chapter! Even though not much happened, I love all your characterisations! Glad you're back though, hopefully real life isn't too demanding!

Can't wait to read the next chapter! :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! :) There will be a lot of Scorpius action in the next chapter, promise. ;)

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Review #86, by ohmymerlinCanis Major: Conversations and Confrontations

4th February 2014:
Hey, Adele!

Don't worry, this chapter is far from being a mess! I actually quite liked it, even if it was a bit fillery. It just wrapped everything up nicely :)

Hmm... there's still something off about Henry for some reason. I've always felt that way but I can't put my finger on it. He's nice and all but he just seems... wrong. :p

Anyway, I really liked this chapter! I can't wait to read the next one! :D

- Kayla :)

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Review #87, by ohmymerlinRules of the Game: A Home From Home

4th February 2014:
Hey, Lauren! I'm here from my review thread! :)

Also, the 'an' should not be capitalised in this sentence: "So are you going to get on this train today, or are you just going to stand there deciding if this wall is going to let you through?" An amused voice came from behind her.

It should be: "So are you going to get on this train today, or are you just going to stand there deciding if this wall is going to let you through?" an amused voice came from behind her.

You've put the wrong 'too' in this sentence: Rose is to close to her due date to Apparate.

This should have a comma at the end of the dialogue instead of a full stop: They weren't that bothered whether I was okay or not." Lily added.

It should be: They weren't bothered whether I was okay or not," Lily added.

Okay, so one of the main issues I have with this is the summary. It's a great summary but it implies that the story is going to be from Lily's perspective, not Ivy's, which caused me a lot of confusion. I honestly do love the summary but it gives the readers the wrong idea about who the story will centre around.

Even if most of it does centre around Lily, I think you should make it more evident that it's from Ivy's perspective.

Speaking of, Ivy seems very interesting. Even though she's Head Girl, I feel like she feels a bit left out a lot of the time - evidenced by Lily and Alice being best friends for nearly their whole lives. It kind of sounds like she has a wistful tone for some reason.

So did Al and Ivy sleep with each other, or was it just a kiss or was it hiding a body or will we find out later in the story? :p I like how she feels extremely guilty about it - a lot of fanfictions tend to just skip over the guilt of doing something inappropriate with a family member so that's great!

I do find Ivy to maybe act a little too young - not in an immature way but just young... I know that doesn't make much sense but I have no other way to put it. She seems mature but at the same time still kind of like a little kid. She seems very timid though, so maybe it's just that.

Lily seems like a really fun character. She's outspoken but in a good way. And the fact that she has a strong sibling relationship with her brothers makes me so happy! I love strong sibling relationships in fanfiction! :D

Al... he seems like an enigma... I can't comment on him much as we don't really see him that much in this chapter. All I can say is that I find it a bit odd that Ivy feels extremely guilty and embarrassed but he doesn't. So I'm super curious as to what they did!

James and Elise (sorry I can't do the accents on this keyboard) seem quite sweet. Again, I can't really comment on them as we don't have much backstory. Although I am curious as James is only 21/22 years old and he's already engaged?! And Rose and Scorpius are having a child? I feel like they're all growing up a bit too quickly :p

(That may be a little bias from my part though, so feel free to ignore that, ahaha :p)

I really like Ivy's mum. She seems super cool and chilled out. Is her dad in the equation or no?

But oh my god. I loved Harry in this chapter. He seemed so laid back and I just LOVED how you made him have an interest in Sparks, the snowy white owl. Everything about him I loved :D

I loved the banter between Lily, Alice and Ivy. It's a very accurate portrayal of a friendship between 17 year old girls :p

Ooh, I forgot to analyse Alice. She seems so like her father, but in a good way. I just loved how sweet she is and she just seems like the kindest out of the three. :)

Aw, Jimmy has a crush on Lily, hahah! Hogwarts newest Romeo and Juliet with their opposing Houses ;) Jimmy seems like a pretty good mate to have, I'm excited to see how Lily and him will interact during the year with their Quidditch obsessions - especially if Ravenclaw and Gryffindor end up being the top two!

Anyway, this was a great introductory chapter! It definitely has me wanting to read more so that's always a plus!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this review! It's so detailed, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!

First things first, thank you for pointing out the typos!! I will be going to sort them out once I've responded to this. Much appreciated.

You're not the first person to point that out about the summary. The thing is... the chapter revolves around all 5 of the characters and each chapter is from someone different's POV... but I could only pick one to do the summary from. Originally the first chapter was Lily and the story kind of does revolve around her the most but then I changed it to Ivy without changing the summary. I don't really know what to do for best now though because I like the summary as it is. I will take your comments on board though because I think you're right... maybe I'll just have to change the summary.

I'm glad you find Ivy interesting. I wouldn't say that she's left out by Alice and Lily, but she's aware they were friends before meeting her. I might need to redo that bit if it sounds wistful...

Albus and Ivy though. Hmm, you do find out what happened so I don't want to give too much away. I'm glad you thought the guilt was good though. She really does feel guilty!!

I think Al is very embarrassed (maybe that doesn't come through enough) but he wants to speak to her so he's trying to swallow that embarrassment and talk to her. But then she tries to carry her trunk and he can't help but laugh at her stubbornness.

James is 5 years older than Lily in this so yeah you're right with the age. I do agree with you to a certain point, but they are only engaged. I know people who get engaged at this age and then leave it for a few years before getting married. I don't think getting engaged is too much... as for the pregnancy, you're totally right and it's actually an accident but I've read so many stories where Rose/Scorp have a baby young that it's kind of my head canon so this story isn't focused on that but they are having a baby.

No Ivy's dad isn't around. You'll find out more as the story progresses.

Aww, I'm so glad you liked Harry! Him and Ginny nearly didn't feature in this chapter, just because I got worried about getting them right. They both really worried me!

I'm glad you like Alice, as well as the friendship between the girls. I want it to be obvious that they're really close.

Hmm Jimmy and Lily... you'll have to wait and see. The Quidditch rivalry between the two of them will certainly increase!!

Thank you so so much for leaving an amazing review. you've given me some amazing comments and some things to think about and I really appreciate it. I will be requesting again!

Thank you!
Lauren :)


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Review #88, by ohmymerlinMy Not-So-Imaginary Fiend: XIV: Am I Ready to Start This?

2nd February 2014:
:O

I'm actually scared. Benjamin is TERRIFYING. The nightmare nearly reduced me to tears.

COME ON, SALLY-ANNE! DEFEAT THIS EVIL CURSE!

I don't have much to say EXCEPT THAT I HAVE GOOSEBUMPS o.o

I have no words except oh my god you're an amazing writer. I can't wait to read future chapters I'm so nervous for this!

10/10

- Kayla :)

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Review #89, by ohmymerlinWarfare: 1 September, 2022

2nd February 2014:
Hello again! Sorry for the slight delay on this!

Okay, James seems interesting. He just seems like a normal kid who is a little too mischievous. :p I liked how he told the second year that he wasn't James Potter, lucky he has a common name and CAN get away with that, unlike his brother, ahaha :p

He doesn't seem overly nasty - I kind of got that impression from Penelope in the last chapter - but rather quite a nice person.

Fred also seems quite interesting. Seems very laid back and chilled but a pretty good friend. Although, I think that was not a smart move wasting all those jellybeans :p

haha, for Raph I honestly thought you kept misspelling 'Ralph' but then you revealed his full name and it made a lot more sense :p I like his dedication to Quidditch - seeing as he is Oliver Wood's son. I have to admit, having Oliver Wood's children obsessed with Quidditch can sometimes be a bit overdone but so far you've made it fit easily and it doesn't feel too forced. Although, as a half Italian myself I totally agree we can get too intense sometimes. Especially with our crazy hand movements, haha :p

I find it a bit sad that Liam is really only in that friendship group because of James but I like that you've made James value Liam as a good friend. I have a funny feeling he and Lewis would get along quite well.

I can totally see the parallels between the two groups but you haven't made it too forced and it fits in effortlessly so good job on that!

As you said this is still an introductory chapter so I feel like there isn't too much for me to comment on, sorry! However, this is very good and really makes me want to read more, even though it's just the beginning so well done!

10/10 :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey, no worries.

James is an interesting character... as are all the Gryffies. They aren't as boisterous as the Claws with their personalities, but their stories run so deep and those things will definitely be brought up soon.

Haha! I got that a lot when showing people this story! I should have thought about that before I named him Raphaelo LOL

It's sad, but besides Fred, Liam is James's oldest friend. That will definitely be touched on later, and their will be more development there as time goes on.

Thanks for reviewing, and I'm happy that you liked it :)

--Mon


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Review #90, by ohmymerlinA Blossoming Romance: Birthday Planning, Summer And Topless Boys

31st January 2014:
Hey, Sophie! I'm here again!

This was an interesting chapter! We can definitely tell that Alyssa is starting to - and unwillingly - become interested in Al, hehe :p

However, I did notice quite a few grammatical errors which did pull me out of the story slightly.

This is actually a spelling error but 'cracken' should be spelt as 'kraken'. I did have to look that up though because it's such a weird word. I always hear it said but I never actually knew what it was, ahaha! :p

Her speech about being nineteen is EXACTLY what I say! It's such an awkward age! It's just there. :p But, there should be a question mark at the end of the first sentence: What's so exciting about turning nineteen.

It should be: What's so exciting about turning nineteen? as it is a question.

This too should have a question mark: Huh? What are you on about Lil.

It should be: Huh? What are you on about, Lil?

This also needs a question mark: Hey Al wanna come to my birthday party.

It should be: Hey, Al, wanna come to my birthday party?

The 'he' should be in lower case letters in this sentence: "What is it Lyss? Have I grown an extra head or something?" He asked

Like: "What is it, Lyss? Have I grown an extra head or something?" he asked

Also, a comma should go before someone's name. I'll use this sentence as an example:

You were staring at Al Lyss.

The comma should go after Al as he is currently the subject. So it should be like:

You were staring at Al, Lyss.

I've noticed that quite a few of those commas are missing and because I'm a grammar nut, it does detract me from the story a bit.

This is also incorrect: ...sliding down it until I hit the floor, "Ow." I moaned softly...

It should be: ...sliding down it until I hit the floor. "Ow," I moaned softly...

The comma is at the end of the dialogue if it is followed by '(s)he/they said' or something similar. But if it was phrased like this: I moaned softly, "Ow." it ends in a full stop as there is no more speech.

Also, the last sentence: Oh crap, what have I got myself into. should have a question mark on the end because she's asking herself a question.

Anyway, you also asked about the new characters.

First of all, where can I get a friend like Ayli? :p I want a friend that bribes me with shoes and is able to design her (and my) own clothes! :p I have to say, that's a very unique profession, especially in fanfiction so props for creativity!

Also, can I just say I love the name Niamh? It's so nice to look at! :p

And I definitely agree with Dom! Strippers should always come to a party! ;)

Speaking of, Dom seems like a fun character! We don't know much about her yet but I think she's going to be good!

Rose seems very straight-laced but she still seems very sweet. Her heart seems to be in the right spot.

And Caleb sounds like heaps of fun! And again, I like the creativity with the professions! I feel like a lot of fanfiction authors seem to think that there are only three jobs in the world: Aurors, Healers and Ministry workers, hehe :p Not that it's bad having characters work there, it can just get a bit tiring.

Also, what does Alyssa do? It said that she worked at night but didn't say her actual job - unless I missed that?

Oh and the shirtless scene sounded like fun ;) Just like a movie where the boys next door reveal their beautiful bodies, ehehe ;)

Anyway, I hope this wasn't too harsh but I really enjoyed this chapter! I'm enjoying the whole story, actually!

Feel free to request again - on this story or any other story!

- Kayla :)

(Also, sorry about the essay! :p)

Author's Response: Hey, (Essay's are good!)

Alyssa is definitely starting to gets some heart pings and flutters no matter how much she wants to deny it.

Damn I've done it again, Thank you for pointing those out. I'll be sure to change them before sending this chapter off to my beta.

I think Nineteen is certainly an awkward age I mean you can pretty do much whatever you could at eighteen. You just feel that bit older.

Ayli is soo fun to write! I was trying to think of how she would manage to get the shoes to bribe Lyss with and then I was like she could be a fashion designer along with her mother who runs a shop.

I love Irish accents and considering Ayli is Seamus' daughter I thought it fitting that he would have married an Irish woman from back home.

Dom has good ideas :p Strippers and parties are a must. She's a lot like Ayli but she has a slightly wicked side to her.

You got Rose in one :) She's straight laced and the mother of the group, so she tries to keep the others in line.

Caleb's great, he's so fun to write as well. Him and Ayli together are like two little children who have eaten too many sweets :p I wanted it to be different and as this lot as still young I didn't really want them to anything heavy.

I've written that in but I've yet to edit. Alyssa works in a pub as a barmaid as her uncle is a close friend to the owner. She's worked there since she turned eighteen.

Oh yes, think of that moment when the guy in the 'Call Me Maybe' song video does it ;) Plus their both Potters.

Nope not at all and thank you once again for pointing the grammar stuff out as it is so to my strong point.

-Sophie :D


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Review #91, by ohmymerlinDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with the Kidnapping

30th January 2014:
Oh my god. Mason and Emerson are actual real life three year olds. Breaking in and kidnapping James? C'mon, man.

And to be quite honest, James is SUCH a drama queen, ahaha! I know he's annoyed at his family because they weren't being extremely supportive but let's be honest - James is basically a grown man, and he did some stupid things.

Ah well, that could be my opinion.

Anyway, this was an intriguing chapter. I can't wait to read the next one to see what happens! It isn't looking like a good eighteenth birthday for James!

- Kayla :)

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Review #92, by ohmymerlinThe Peverell Society: 5. A Shift in the Plan

29th January 2014:
Hey, Ral!

Woah! This was an INTENSE chapter!

I literally have no words for it except that oh my GOD you write brilliantly. I usually hate law stuff but you make it so interesting and easy to understand!

I LOVE how stubborn Hermione is. She's no longer a teenage witch but now a mother who's child has been threatened. THINGS ARE GOING TO GET SERIOUS, YO.

Anyway, another great chapter - I don't know how I survived not reading your stories - and I can't wait to read the next one!

10/10

- Kayla :)

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Review #93, by ohmymerlinNothing Extraordinary: Halloween Part II

29th January 2014:
OH MY GOD, KATIE FINALLY KNOWS!

Now that Al is being such a meanie, I don't want him anywhere near Katie! Tate is an extremely sweet guy and obviously cares for Katie a lot and she deserves that!

AND YOU GO GIRL, SLAP HIM ACROSS THE FACE! ONYA, MATE!

Scorpius is so funny, hahaha! The poor guy is trying to be the mediator and they just ignore him. He's only trying to help! :p

Anywho, can't wait to read the next chapter!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: I agree. Al's a meanie. And Scorp was my fav bit to write. I imagine him as this adorable fool xD

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Review #94, by ohmymerlinThe Making of the Map : The Waffling Matter

29th January 2014:
Hello!

This seems super interesting! I LOVE the way you've characterised our favourite Marauders and Lily! She was a bit of a stuck up snob, wasn't she? (But that'll all change in good time, ahaha! :p)

I loved how Sirius didn't like the idea of James fancying someone because then that would mean someone would come before him and he's so not prepared for that, the lil cutie.

And Mallory Waffling sounds extremely familiar. Is she meant to be related to someone called Adalbert Waffling?

And naw James is cute with his feelings! It's like he wants to admit it and be brave, but at the same time if he admits it it means he actually likes someone and good grief that's not allowed, ahaha! :p

Also, I loved how Sirius said having four friends sucked :p I never thought of it that way but it was definitely true! And the embarrassment of being called the Marauders made me laugh, hahaha!

Anyway, this was a really good first chapter! I'm definitely adding this to my favourites! Can't wait to read the next one :)

10/10

- Kayla :)

Hufflepuff, 2014

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Review #95, by ohmymerlinA Blossoming Romance: Short Dresses, Awful Dates And A Knight With Messy Black Hair

29th January 2014:
Hey, Sophie!

This was another great chapter! I'm really curious as to how their relationship is going to develop! I liked the little friendly banter - especially with the list. It made me laugh so much!

"Buy bread, check. Kill Albus Potter, check. Put the cat out, check." hehehehehehehehe!

The characterisations were very good! Terry is a disgusting creep and I hope he stays out of the story for good now. What's he doing perving on girls nearly ten years younger than him?!

Although, him reaching out for the salt reminded me of Harry in Order of the Phoenix when he reaches out for Cho's hand and then lunging to the sugar when she didn't notice him, ahaha! Was that intentional? :p

Anyway, I do have a little bit of criticism on your grammar, sorry!

You forgot the closing quotation mark here: "You have five minutes Lyss to get ready and apparate.

This should end in a question mark: And anyway how on earth did this dress get mum's approval."

This sentence

...for Quidditch matches as well as the muggle sport: Football whilst stuffing his face with chips.

should be structured like this:

...for Quidditch matches as well as the Muggle sport, football, whilst stuffing his face with chips.

You misspelt nicknamed as 'nicknaned' when Terry is forcing himself upon Alyssa.

This also should have a question mark at the end: Memories, isn't it.

Although I saw on the forums you've gotten a beta and it will just smooth out all the errors. What I find that helps me is to read out loud what I've written. And that way it makes me really concentrate and then I pick up on the errors more easily! Although, I recommend doing this with music on or at a quiet whisper because your family might hear and might start thinking you have an imaginary friend, ahahaha! :p

I still feel like Alyssa is being too cold to Albus, though! Warm up, m'dear! :p

Anywho, this was a really good chapter! The plot is interesting and I'm keen to read more! Feel free to request again! :D

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

Thank you! Slowly but surely they get with a little help of some liquid courage, lol.

Love a bit of banter and I don't really think humor's a strong point for me so it's both interesting and fun to write.

Terry is a creep and Alyssa has her mother to blame for him. He may be in it once more for luck but for now he's gone.
I forgot about that :) but nope it wasn't intentional, just written at random because of him wanting to be like the couple at the next table.

It's fine, I suck pretty bad at grammar, it's a wonder I passed English to be honest :p I'll be sorting them out right away.

Yep, got my beta sorted and chapter one is done! Just need to edit it on here. Thank for the tip, I might have to try that. Although I do mutter/talk to myself sometimes when writing for no reason so it wouldn't be no different I guess. Haha, certainly doing that was music, can always say I was singing along then :p

Alyssa is a bit cold but she soon warms up to him in more ways than one :p

Thank you so,so much Kayla. Your reviews are so helpful!!
-Sophie :D



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Review #96, by ohmymerlinCity of Angels: Prologue

29th January 2014:
Hey, Isobel!

This was a great introductory chapter! First I'm going to commend you for writing, editing and then putting it in the queue ALL on your phone! I can hardly unlock my phone without getting annoyed at it!

Okay, so you asked about my opinion on the prologue. It's very interesting! I'd never really thought of Pansy being outcast and her private life of her family forcing her to act all daintily and such. I did find it a little unbelievable but you've made it work!

I feel like Pansy is a BIT out of canon, in the books I always got the feeling that she was extremely snobby and I don't know if I can imagine her being so... sweet? Not that she's exactly sweet in this but she's acting like a little princess saying that she was only trying to protect herself in the Battle. And maybe she was using that excuse but I feel like that Pansy should be a bit louder/ruder in my opinion. I just felt like she was playing the innocent card too much and Pansy always struck me as a person who would kind of just accept that she's done wrong but still whine about it - but not in a nice way. In an obnoxious way.

But that could be my head canon. I just always pictured her to be really snobby and stand-offish, even when in exile.

Also, is Pansy a prostitute? Or is it a different type of escort that I'm unaware of? (After all, I am a teenage girl who has no experience in that area :p)

If so, that's quite believable. For some strange reason, I always felt Pansy was very comfortable in her sexuality or whatever, and I can believe that she works in that profession.

But I'm very curious as to why she's using Fleur's name. I would love to see Fleur's wrath if she ever found out. I feel like Pansy would be left into dust, ahaha :p

You have managed to make me ask questions (clearly, haha!) but you haven't been too vague. It's vague enough that we're hanging for more and we're a tiny bit frustrated but not so much that it looks like you've been lazy. And leaving the prologue on a cliffhanger of sorts just makes us want to stay even more because we have to know.

I liked how you've given us a big reason as to why Pansy was always all over Draco and it's very believable as Purebloods were always like that. So good job on that!

Just to go back on Pansy's characterisation - sorry - I just feel like it's not very in-character for her to not like imperfect. She never seemed like that type of person to be delicate and specific. I don't think she was a go-with-the-flow type of person, but just very stubborn and set in her ways, if you get what I'm saying?

I understand that it's after the Battle but no one changes that dramatically. I think she'd still be stubborn, obnoxious and - quite frankly - rude but she'd have become more withdrawn? I don't know, that may just be my head canon.

Anyway, this was a really good introductory chapter! You've definitely drawn the readers in especially since we really don't know much about Pansy after the Battle so it will be interesting to see your take on it!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

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Review #97, by ohmymerlinWarfare: 1 September, 2022

27th January 2014:
Hey there! I'm here from my review thread! :)

First off so I can get this out of the way before I forget, you kept accidentally spelling 'batter' as 'butter'. As in 'cookie batter'. Unless you call it cookie butter wherever you're from then just ignore me, haha! I generally call it cookie dough or cookie batter but that might be an Australian thing :p

At one point however, you did write cookie batter so I thought I'd just point it out in case you hadn't noticed just yet.

Okay, so the main thing you asked was about characterisations. I'll do Penelope first. She seems very interesting and at the same time she's a normal teenager. It's sad that she has to drop out of school but it's nice that she's letting her sister stay there instead. But wouldn't Hogwarts have something like a charity fund? That's not the right term but I'm just thinking of how Dumbledore assured Young!Tom Riddle that Hogwarts could pay for his education.

Also, if money is tight shouldn't Penelope technically not have come back? Or if she does leave, can't she be home schooled?

It's sad that her mother has cancer and it's extra sad that she has to sacrifice so much and work heaps to try and help her, but it's sweet that she's doing all of this. It's very interesting as to how it will all work out.

Chris seems like a good bag of laughs, though! And a loyal friend! Is he actually going to drop out with Penelope or was he just being silly? But he has his heart in the right place, either way, which is just sweet. He's a total sweetheart :p

Simon is funny too! I totally agree with him with the cookie dough, though! It really is heaven in a jar, haha! And carrying an extra spoon around made me think of the Friends character, Joey! Was that intentional? :p

Lewis is a bit of a... nark? I don't think that's the right word but he kind of reminds me of Percy Weasley a little bit. But it's kind that he plans on helping her already. It shows that he's different from Percy who would have never assisted in such naughty things!

Anyway, I'm so interested to see this thing - is it a prank war? - pan out! It's a great introductory chapter and all your characters had great charisma and you didn't throw all the information at us too quickly. So good job!

10/10

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh, it is cookie butter haha. It's hard to explain what it is, but basically it's a cookie spread you can use instead of peanut butter. I eat it by the spoonfuls, much like Simon here :P

While Penelope loves it at Hogwarts and we don't see this side of her yet, she's really independent. She's the type of person who doesn't like asking for help from other people and certainly doesn't announce her problems to just anyone, and doesn't want to be thought of as just a charity case.

She could come back for that year, her parents had already paid for her and her sister that year, but who would home school her and how?

He's just being silly! Good old Chris. I like to write him as the best friend that anyone could have!

That wasn't intentional, but now that you mention it that really does sound like him!

He is a bit like Percy, but don't worry--he really develops later. You'll see when his story gets told :)

It is a prank war! And glad you liked it!

--Monica


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Review #98, by ohmymerlinPure Intentions: Red Flags

27th January 2014:
Hey, there! I'm here from my review thread!

Firstly, I don't think you have to worry if you've characterised the next gen kids well because so far you've seemed to get them spot on! Not that we actually know what they're like but these characterisations are very believable so good job!

I quite like how you've made Al and Scorpius' relationship kind of like a 'friends with benefits' thing but not? I don't tend to see that in slash couples in fic, so it's great to see it being portrayed here!

Anyway, I feel like Albus was written extremely well. He has that sense of mischievousness that Ginny definitely possesses which is great to see! A common thing in next gen is to make Al exactly like Harry so seeing him similar to Ginny is definitely a breather.

Scorpius is very interesting. He seems very conflicted which is quite accurate for a teenager, gay or not! He seems to have this façade to try and mask his true feelings for Al but is fine with revealing them to his parents. He should try and tell Al before it's too late but then I guess the point of this fic is moot :p

You also asked for feedback on the plot. I think it's quite well done. It seems archaic to me that Draco and Astoria think that Scorpius needs to pass on the blood lineage. Haven't they heard of adoption? Surrogacy? (Is that even legal in the UK?) Or even MPreg like some authors do on other sites? :p

However, I must say that the dinner scene with Draco, Astoria and Scorpius felt a bit too rushed. Did Scorpius come out to them before or are they just very accepting of it? If they are, it feels a bit odd that they're not too fussed about it but they're still forcing him to get married? If they really cared about their son they would let him marry whomever he wants, whether it be male or female.

So far you've managed to engage your audience and make them want to read on! I know that all I want to know is how Scorpius is going to deal with all this? I hope he goes with his heart and not what his parents tell him to do.

Also, I have to commend you on your grammar and spelling. I didn't notice any mistakes and it just made the chapter flow that much easier! Good job!

10/10

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

I'm glad the kids are characterized well and come through as believable. It's weird for me to not have a ton of canon anchor points when writing FF.

It's kind of funny - I've only written one slash where the guys were madly in love. This one is trying to tip towards that but flops instead.

It's great to hear that Al doesn't come across as just a mini-Harry. I was worried that was houw he sounded but, you're right, I did give him a fair bit of Ginny.

Scorpius is quite a conflicted character. I imagined that Albus had tried telling his parents he doesn't like women several times before the dinner scene and that they've been dismissive each time. I paint them are rather crumby parents. At the beginning of the story scorpius feels like he won't have any choice but to go with his parents wishes.

The plot is a bit archaic. I imagined that pure bloods would have the most old fashioned and at times backwards views on what a family should be like.

I can definitely see how the dinner was a bit rushed. I should add a bit of the long term contention Scorpius has experienced with his parents (especially Draco). They tend to go off at each other over a battle of will.

It's great to hear that I've engaged the audience so far! I can't promise that Scorpius is going to make the best choices. :-/

Ah! I'm so happy I managed to avoid grammar/spelling flubs. :D

Thank you so much for an incredible detailed and well thought out review!

-Rose


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Review #99, by ohmymerlinOff the Rails: fifty-eight

26th January 2014:
Aw, bless! James is such a sweetheart!

And underneath all that sweetness he still is a boy who likes to eavesdrop on his friends and has a strong sense of insecurity of not being on the Quidditch team. I'm so glad he got picked! I knew he would and I wish he would just put more faith in himself! He's clearly a good player!

Carlotta is the best! I love her personality, she's got such... charisma? I don't know if that's the right word but she's so bubbly and positive! I love it!

And go Brie! She's such a great character! I love how Freddie is trying to be all 'oh I'm ot good enough for you' and Brie is like 'no I choose idiot'. That's true love :p

And I'm hoping Brie is successful like James! And speaking of, I LOVE how James is so obviously in love with Carlotta but they haven't admitted it yet! It's obvious! He's willing to turn down an offer from out of Europe for her, which is crazy! But good crazy. He's still thinking what's best for him and not for other people.

But good grief Ryan needs to TALK to Della! He doesn't necessarily have to tell her his feelings for her (but he should because honesty is the best policy and I kind of think that Della won't reciprocate them but I feel she has a right to know) but he should tell her that he's doubting it. But I don't want Della to feel guilty for not returning his feelings if Ryan does admit it.

Ugh, this is so confusing! :p

Anyway, I loved this chapter! I can't wait for the next one! :D

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: I think James himself has become a far better character than I could ever have envisaged creating when I first started out on this venture. He's not perfect, but he's so wonderfully loyal and caring and down to earth, and he really is such a joy to write. I don't think he'll ever fully believe in himself though, because he's wary about becoming big-headed and in his eyes, confidence in his ability would equate to cockiness. Maybe that says something about whether this is the career for him? :P

You're right; Carlotta is very charismatic. She has to be, to be able to catch James' eye and interest. And hopefully her positivity will rub off on him, the silly billy that he is. :)

And I love that you love Brie - and Freddie, for that matter! No, he's not perfect by any means, but she doesn't care about that, she loves him flaws and all. And he her, on that note. If only he'd see sense and stop trying to be so noble, eh?

James and Carlotta will always be that couple who are crazy about each other but won't say it. They're both used to NOT getting too caught up in things, so declarations of love certainly aren't for them. But James is content with that. I'm looking forward to where things go between them in the sequel.

Oh Ryan, he's such a cutie isn't he? Those poor Murphys, both pining for the person they love...

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #100, by ohmymerlinNothing Extraordinary: Halloween: Part I

26th January 2014:
Hmmm... I'm quite confused as to what's happening. What is wrong with Al? Like does he actually like Katie or is it something else? All I know is that he's being a bit of a meanie and should lay off.

hahaha Katie-Cat is even more verifiable as a nickname now! :p But Al is still being a git so...

And why are Rose and Pippa hiding it from Katie? Doesn't she have a right to know?!

Anyway, this was a great chapter! I can't wait to read on! :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Read on, read on. Confusion will be cleared up ;)

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