Reading Reviews From Member: ohmymerlin
477 Reviews Found

Review #51, by ohmymerlinAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: Two Peculiar Subjects

24th February 2014:

This was such a good chapter, I love Al so much! And OH MY GOD HE CAN DO NON-VERBAL SPELLS AT A FIRST YEAR LEVEL! THAT'S AMAZING!

And Art! He's such a cutie, I love him! I had this mad thought that maybe he's secretly evil but he's just too cute for that!

I love reading Rose! She's such a great character!

I'm pretty sure your chemistry is right, by the way! I only did it in year 11 - I ended up dropping the subject - but I'm 90% sure that's exactly how it works! Obviously there are a lot more tiny little details (electrons/protons) but you're right in general terms! :D

Anywho, I really liked this chapter! I can't wait to read the next one!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Albus is impressive. :)

You thought Art was evil? *sobs* Not poor Art!

Yeah, I took Chemistry a few years ago, so I'm pretty confident about Fuchs's explanation. I just wanted to be sure. :)

Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #52, by ohmymerlinIce Dragon - Speed Dating Entry: do you hate it?

23rd February 2014:
Hey, Emily!

I've just come from Dark Whisper's piece and the two stories flowed so well, it's hard to believe two people wrote it!

I love your Rose! I loved reading about her insecurities and the way she was so down on herself - well... I didn't like that but I appreciated the talent of your writing, ahaha!

Anyway, Emily, I really loved this one-shot! You and Dark Whisper clearly worked very well together!


- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey Kayla! :D

Hehehe, how do you know? Maybe it's another account..okay, going too far with the conspiracy theories, sorry. I promise that we are different people, haha! :P

Yay! I was sort of worried about how people would receive her but I'm so glad that you liked her. :) I think that next-gen characters would have problems of their own to deal with, it wouldnt be perfect for them, they have to cope with the pressure of being the kids of famous people. :( Aw, thank you!

I'm so so glad you loved it! I really enjoyed doing the Speed Dating competition, DrkWhisper was an amazing partner.

Thanks for the lovely review Kayla, it was so nice to come home to. :D

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Review #53, by ohmymerlinIce Maiden - Speed Dating Entry: Do you hate it?

22nd February 2014:

This was just glorious. I love the way you write! It's so intricate and delicate, and your descriptions - oh goodness me, YOUR DESCRIPTIONS.

They're just flawless, it was like I was Scorpius and I felt everything he felt.

Although, the one part where you said 'status quo' really made me think of High School Musical, ahaha, and I envisioned everyone bursting into the dance and song :p

Anyway, I loved reading this story! I'm going to have to go read Emily's to see Rose's response!


- Kayla :)

Author's Response: ohmymerlin,
Well, hello there. Wow! Thank you for your wonderful compliments and mentioning the details. It is a lovely thing to say. Thank you! :) I wish I could go to an ice sculpture show someday. I can only see on the Internet pics, which I'm sure doesn't do them justice.

Uh,oh... Status quo reminds you of High School Musical and breaking into dancing and singing? YIKES! Can you tell I haven't watched it? I think I will have to edit that as it is a bit of a mood killer. LOL! XD Oopsie! Hahahaha!

BookDinosaur did a super lovely job on Rose's point of view. I could not have given her such personality. I was blessed to have her as a writing speed date! It was very exciting. :)

Thanks so much for the generous 10! And thank you for reading and reviewing!

Dark Whisper

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Review #54, by ohmymerlinSapere Aude-Speed Dating Entry: Prudentia

22nd February 2014:

This was so cute! I love how similar Rowena and Salazar are - I've just read Rumpel's version - and how they both judged a book by its cover, ahaha! Definitely meant to be! ;)

The last part about the green and blue eyes meeting was really sweet and I loved how similar it was to Rumpel's!

I really loved your piece, and I loved how well it matched up with Rumpel's! It was really quite spectacular :3


- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for your review!!

Oh yes, Slytherin and Ravenclaw are not so dissimilar as they'd like to think! I believe that they'll learn that as they collaborate to start Hogwarts!!

Yeah, Rumpel and I threw that in to really connect the endings of our stories. I'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out in both hers and mine!

Thank you very much!!


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Review #55, by ohmymerlinVox wuod Sanctimonia; Speed Dating Entry: Cupiditas

22nd February 2014:
Hey, Rumpel!

First of all: LOVE LOVE LOVE the banner! It's absolutely beautiful!

Now, the story. The story was so good! I loved it so much! I loved the way you characterised Salazar, it was so interesting and how he was so dismissive of Rowena even though he never met her! Typical Slytherin, judging a book by its cover ;)

Anyway, this was a really lovely story! I especially enjoyed the ending, with the green eyes meeting the blue! It was really sweet! ♥

Definite 10/10

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh thanks! I'm getting a little better at banner-making ;).

Thanks so much! I'm glad that you liked Salazar and that you enjoyed the story!


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Review #56, by ohmymerlinAnd Maybe They Will: Surprise

22nd February 2014:

EEEP. THIS WAS SO CUTE! I love Rose and Scorpius stories, and you wrote it so well! I just loved how Scorpius was so nervous and fumbly. So cute! :'D

I love how similar it was to LilyEPotter's story too! It was so sweet that the tradition was kept through the family, haha! ;)

Anyway, I really loved this story! It was a brilliant read! ♥

- Kayla :)

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Review #57, by ohmymerlinA Midwinterís Proposal: A Midwinterís Proposal

22nd February 2014:

This was so adorably sweet! I loved it so much! With J.K's news that she thinks Ron and Hermione wouldn't work out, it's made me really sad so I've got a renewed love for them and this story so did them justice.

I really loved the way Ron prepared everything. You wrote him perfectly. You wrote Hermione perfectly. You wrote everything perfectly.

I have nothing to say except that I really loved this piece. Great work! ♥

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

This was a fun story to write. :)

I've seen them being an item since before the OOTP and are one of my favorite pairings. :)

Thank you!

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Review #58, by ohmymerlinWhere Rainbows End: Where Rainbows End

21st February 2014:
Hey, Isobel!

This was so sweet! I love the way you write and this did not fail to impress me!

Rose was so sweet! I loved the whole thing with her and her Gramps, and your descriptions. Oh my god, your descriptions! They were just beautiful. I loved them so much, the rain and the sun and it was just so glorious.

And I loved how Rose thought her Muggle grandfather was magical, it was so sweet - truly a child's innocence :')

This whole thing was just beautiful. I loved it so much! ♥

Definite 10/10

- Kayla :)

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Review #59, by ohmymerlinBirdie (Speed Dating Entry): Birdie

21st February 2014:

This was really sweet - although I think Ron overreacted WAY too much. But then again, Ron always did have a flair for dramatics :p

I love how he had flash cards with all the family members and names, that made me laugh!

And the way he called her Birdie gfvbksgfhh ♥

That was so cute! :3 Scorpius is really an adorable person! :')

Anyway, I really liked this one-shot! Great job!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Ron did totally overreact. He'll see that eventually and maybe even apologize. But he's Ron, and Ron does what Ron does.

My boyfriend has a big family, so I may or may not have made flashcards before meeting all of them for the first time.

Birdie!!! Ancient Romans used bird names as terms of endearment (like Sparrow), and I just think that's adorable.

Thanks so much for reviewing!!

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Review #60, by ohmymerlinA Poem for Petunia : A Poem for Petunia

21st February 2014:
Hello! I've just come from Debra20's story and this was so sweet!

I loved how the both of them felt out of place and uncomfortable - perfect match from the very start! ;)

I really enjoyed this one-shot, you wrote it really well! I don't tend to read Petunia/Vernon stories but I think you guys have swayed me slightly! ;)

Anyway, I loved this one-shot and it was really good to see how well it worked with Debra20's! :)

- Kayla :)

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Review #61, by ohmymerlinA New Life - Speed Dating Entry: A New Chapter in our Lives

21st February 2014:

First of all, you made me cry when Petunia was talking about Lily and Harry. I didn't expect to cry.

I hardly ever read stories about Petunia and Vernon but you pulled it off so well! It kind of made me forget how horribly they treated Harry :p

It was really sweet how you wrote her, how she was so caring of Dudley and Vernon. Even though she didn't care for Harry that much, she did care for her husband and son and I'm so glad you portrayed that!

This was a lovely piece. You wrote it fantastically!


- Kayla :)

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Review #62, by ohmymerlinNever, not even Once: hpff speed dating competition entry.: One

21st February 2014:
Hey, Sarahjane!

Oh. My. God.

I just came from Aphoride's story and it was written so well and I admit, I was wondering how it was going to match up because hers was written extraordinarily well.

But, I should have not had those doubts. You're a talented writer - and I KNOW that, I was just floored by her talent - and you have matched it so well. The way you wrote Regulus was absolutely brilliant and I loved how well your stories matched up.

This was so brilliant, it's a lucky thing you guys were matched up - you were perfectly suited for each other!

I think this is definitely my favourite pair of stories so far. I loved everything about your piece and everything of hers.

I am absolutely amazed at how well you both wrote and how well it worked. It's hard to believe two people wrote this!

Anyway, as you can tell, I adored this piece. Definite 10/10!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi lovely! Long time no talk, eh? I'm not on my computer at the moment, so do excuse my spelling mistakes (of which there will be many!)

Oh god, thats, just thank you so much for saying that! Aphoride is just a pure talent and just, well you're just so kind, awh thank you love, you've made my day!

No really, thank you Kayla! I honestly don't know what else to say to this, gosh you've really left me so speechless, just thank you so much !!

Sarahjane xx

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Review #63, by ohmymerlinmaybe, once.: maybe, once.

21st February 2014:

This was absolutely amazing! I loved it so much!

I have never thought of Regulus and Barty being in love with each other but now that I've read this story, I can't picture it any other way!

You got their characterisations so well, it's hard to believe that this is a fanfiction!

I really loved this story! I loved Barty's voice and the way he was so jealous of the girl. You wrote this piece fantastically.

10/10 definitely!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey there, thanks so much for stopping by! Good luck with the competition! :)

Yeah, it's a bit of a niche pairing :P It's something I really ship, though, haha, and I didn't really expect to end up writing it but my partner was so enthusiastic and had so many great ideas around it that it just... happened! :) Glad I've converted you to the pairing, though ;)

I'm so glad you like their characterisations! I didn't want it to be cliche or anything, but to build them up as real, complicated people in a very difficult situation, so thanks!

Haha, he's really jealous, lol. Really jealous. It's a wonder he didn't curse her, tbh...

Thank you so so much for this lovely review! I'm so glad you liked it! :)

Aph xx

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Review #64, by ohmymerlinRed Silk: The Wedding

21st February 2014:

AW! This was adorable! I loved it so much!

I've just read the first chapter and you guys have written it so well, it's hard to believe two people wrote this! It just flowed so effortlessly and I had to suppress a little cheer when Padma finally admitted that she was in love with Gautam!

This was a really great story, I really loved it!

Great work!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey :)

We definitely worked as hard as we could to get the chapters to flow together as smoothly as we could! Oooh, do we have yet another Padma/Gautam shipper here? ;)

Thanks for the review!

x Ely

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Review #65, by ohmymerlinRed Silk: A Failed Chai Exchange

21st February 2014:

This was so cool! I'm not Indian but I have a weak spot for reading fanfiction about Indian people. I have no idea why, but I've read so many that I actually remembered what 'beta' meant, haha :p

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this! Gautam was really sweet and Padma was extremely interesting. I really felt her emotions and I absolutely LOVED how her and Parvati interacted, it really made me laugh, hehe!

And it made me laugh at how she kind of stuck out from her family with her language and such :p

Anyway, this was a great chapter! I'm off to read the next one, I'm so curious as to how this is going to work!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

Haha, that's funny you remembered what beta meant! :P I think different cultures are so fun to explore, and I did have to pester my mum a bit to get correct details! I remember we tried using google translate for something, and it was rather off and gave us quite a luagh :P

I'm glad you liked Gautam, and the relation Padma and Parvati shared as sisters. We really tried to show that in both of our pieces.

Thanks for reviewing! I alos know you've read and reviewed every entry, so wow, you're awesome for doing that! Thanks for a fabulous and kind review, it means so much!

- Nadia

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Review #66, by ohmymerlinValentine's Day - The Year After / Speed Dating Entry: I.

21st February 2014:

Hey, Ral!

This was so adorably sweet! I was so excited to read yours and Fonzzx's pieces because James and Lily are my favourite pairing and I just ufjeihfjk

You definitely did not disappoint.

This was just so adorable! I just wanted to snuggle them close and ufhbhjfv

They were written so well, I really loved this piece and as soon as James said he did something really bad with Filch, I knew he was lying, hehe. He's such a cheeky boy but I love him :')

Anyway, I really loved this story, Ral! Great job!

- Kayla :)

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Review #67, by ohmymerlinSpeed Dating Entry - Valentine's Day: Valentine's Day

21st February 2014:

I've been looking forward to reading yours and Ral's because James and Lily is my favourite thing in the whole world!

And you did not disappoint!

James was so sweet and it was so cute seeing how they interacted! I just wanted to squish them together, they're so adorable! :3

Anyway, loved this story! I'm off to go read Ral's now! :D

- Kayla :)

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Review #68, by ohmymerlinPrison Hearts - Speed Dating Entry: Prison Hearts

21st February 2014:
Hello! I've just come from Polyjuice_'s story!

Not going to lie, I did get some goosebumps!

The way you wrote Bellatrix was really good! In the beginning, it sounded like there was a bit of humour and I was confused because I thought this was the creepy version but then as I read on I got more and more creeped out :p

But that's a good thing, ahaha!

I really loved your portrayal of Bellatrix - I can't seem to say anything else because I'm so awed by the way you wrote her. She's just glorious.

Anyway, great job! And I loved the way your stories connected! It was really interesting!


- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah, I'm glad! Goosebumps are a good thing.

I actually had a lot of trouble balancing the humour and creepiness in some spots, partly since I'd just read Liz's story and was giggling from it, and because it's hard to take Bella's crazy seriously sometimes. :P I'm glad you found it creepy by the end, though!

I'm really happy to hear you liked the way I wrote Bellatrix! I was a little nervous I wouldn't do her justice but she was fun.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! It's really great of you to come by, and I appreciate all your kind words. :)

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Review #69, by ohmymerlinJust Give Her the Stinkin' Rose! ~ Speed Dating Entry: Enough Power to Power a Shake Weight

21st February 2014:

This was so cute! I'd never imagined Rodolphus to be like this but you pulled it off!

And I like how he blackmailed the warden. It's very Death-Eater of him, hehe! :p

But it did make me laugh that he used Bellatrix to get what he wanted. It's quite obvious that she's the crueller one here, hehe!

Anyway, I'm off to read Lululuna's story now! :)

- Kayla :)

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Review #70, by ohmymerlinChoreographed Affair: Choreographed Affair

21st February 2014:
Hey, Rose! I've just come from Sian's story and :O

This is absolutely amazing. I don't tend to read Founder's eras but wow you guys pulled it off! The speech, the manner, the values, the thoughts were so perfect it's hard to believe you guys didn't actually come from that era, ahaha!

I really enjoyed this piece, it was so sweet to see Helena's point of view and to see how innocent and young she is compared to Godric!

Anyway, great job on this - and AMAZING work on how similar the two pieces were!


- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!!

Oh boy, I'm so glad you were able to read both of our stories!! This was my first Founders and it was all intense and scary to write. I'm not a time travelling author, which would be kind of cool. :D

She is quite the contrast to godric but they do have quite a bit in common (mainly their unhappiness).

Thank you so much for reviewing this!! It meant so much to me!


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Review #71, by ohmymerlinBow, Begin.: Bow, Begin.

21st February 2014:
Hey, Sian!

First of all, WOW! I usually don't read Founders stories - I've never really taken a liking to them - but this was just brilliant. I love the way you write, it's so delicate and you got their language, their manner, and values perfectly!

I absolutely loved Godric, he was such a sweetheart. And Helena was so innocent and beautiful! :')

Was the reason she didn't make it because of the Bloody Baron? Or when I read Rose's version does it make more sense? ;)

Anyway, I'm off to read Rose's version! Great job on this!


- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

Aw, you're just so sweet in your reviews! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed reading this, especially if you don't normally read Founders era. Yay, I'm so happy you thought the style of narrative fit the time period!

I love Godric too! ♥

You've probably read Rose's version by now so you'll know the answer, but you're along the right lines...

Thank you for the lovely review!

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Review #72, by ohmymerlinOnce enemies, forever enemies. Or not?- Speed Dating Entry: Granger and Malfoy? On a date?

21st February 2014:
Hey, Kinnu!

I know that I've already read this but I just wanted to review it anyway, ahaha!

As you know, I wasn't a fan of Dramione but this one-shot is so amazing and I still want to clap about it - except I can't because my mum and my cat are asleep and I don't want to wake either of them :p - because it's written so flawlessly.

They're just so cute together, it's too sweet! :p

I love the line: "Slytherins are never early anywhere." It really made me laugh, ahaha! Clearly you have a knack for humour ;)

I just love this story so much. And I'm so glad I got to work with you! I had so much fun working with you, dear! ♥

Anyway, loved this story! :D

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey,

I know you aren't a fan of Dramione and I'm not a fan of Ronmione so I think we've convinced each other of the other's choice, even if it's a little bit. And I loved working with you... So much FUN!!!

Aw...I'm flattered that you think it's flawless and I'm humorous... (I rhymed!) *blushing*

Loved your story too! I'm going to get around to reviewing it one of these days...Soon!

Thanks for reviewing and I thought we made a wonderful team,


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Review #73, by ohmymerlinHormones: Thursday

21st February 2014:
gdsbhefsjbhffsjhbvhkvkhbvvdamhdm smhumfbhfjvdk bj ldvkhb



So sweet

I nearly cried

Oh my god

I love them so much

This line:

"We already had the sex and Ryan doesn't like talking about it," I said.

made me nearly wet myself.

And the book.

And Freddie.

All of Freddie.

He's just such an adorable human being.

Can I have one?

And Ryan is slowly opening up to him #success

Look what you've made me do. You've made me use hashtags in a review







[softly sobs]

Never mind me I'm just curled in a corner at how sweet these idiots are

Anyway, I loved this chapter. I'm sorry for the terrible review but my brain is seriously like fgyvbdsgvhvdikbvbhdvbfxhvhfj

I can't wait to read all of this story. I just want to see how everything pans out. I just can't gfkbfhkghKGHFHKBKFK

592596376847027926924986741/10 ;)

- Kayla :)

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Review #74, by ohmymerlinJordan & Parsons: C is for Coffee, Criminals and a Catastrophe

20th February 2014:
Hey, Isobel! I am SO sorry for the delay! Real life can be a real meanie poo sometimes!

Okay so first, Alicia and Roxanne's conversation.

You asked if Roxanne acted appropriately/was justified in her treatment towards Alicia and I think she was! I don't understand the full story yet but seeing as she lied to Albus and to Roxanne and Fred and her sister, I think that's completely justified! And she's a mother of two, I think she's fully at liberty to act the way she wants to. Personally, if I was Roxanne, I would NEVER ever do that. I think on some level, Alicia and Roxanne are quite similar.

With the revelation that Alicia lied to Leanne - unless that's another sister I'm forgetting - I think Leanne was very forgiveable! I am constantly amazed that people are helping Alicia - I would be like 'NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING NEAR YOU' :p - but it's definitely proof that she's exceptionally good at manipulating people.

I really like that you've made Alicia INCREDIBLY flawed. Many main characters are flawed but this is one of the rare main characters where I actually don't like. I don't like that she's extraordinarily selfish - I know she thinks she's doing it for the company but most of it has stemmed from not wanting Al there which I think is so selfish.

Sorry if I've offended you with my dislike of Alicia - but I love the whole story and all the other characters, don't worry! I'm loving reading this! - but she's a very difficult character to like. I just want to smack her and sit her down and give her a good talking to, ahaha :p

I thought the last section was good! It's also obvious Alicia has a small attention span. It's not that she gets easily distracted, but if something new comes up she just leaves all the other equally important stuff - helping her sister get an extension for her dream job? *coughs* - and rushes to do that? I don't know, though. I'm the sort of person who won't do anything UNTIL I've completed my first task. I get a bit OCD about that. I must have my list crossed off chronologically :p

Sophie is extremely useful, isn't she? I really like her character so far! And that is a good idea about extending the (somewhat illegal) business to Muggle-borns! (As a side note, I just found out I've been spelling that wrong all the time. I always wrote it as one word, ahaha!)

Oh, and this is a bit off topic, but you accidentally add a closing quote mark on this sentence:

I know that the more I talk, the likelier it is that I'll make her decide not to help."

but it's a simple error that's easily fixed. I always tend to do it too :p

And you said take a guess as to who Marin is but I haven't got a clue! I Googled it to see if it was a girl's name so that's how utterly clueless I am. :p Will she help with the plan for the next day? As well as helping organising the Muggle-born extension of the company? Or will she get an extension for Leanne's deadline? Or all of the above? :p

I am extremely curious as to who she's (or he's) going to be and what she/he will do!

All in all, this was a great chapter! I really loved reading about it and I am so curious as to how the plan will pan out and whether or not they're all going to get caught! All the characters seem super interesting and I really want to know the full story about Alicia and Al, and all the lying and stuff!

Speaking of, I would also like to see more Al but seeing as he's a silent partner and Al and Alicia don't really get on that fantastically, it makes sense why he's not an integral part of the story at the moment.

Will he be brought into the plan though? Seeing as the summary says 'We had a 100% success rating until Albus Potter walked in' (or some variation of that) and accidentally stuff it all up? Or is it just that Alicia is blaming him for everything as a result of guilt?

Anyway, as you can tell I'm very intrigued by this story! I'm going to add it to my favourites! :D

Again, sorry about the massive delay - I never intended it to go that long - and I will respond to your PM soon but as I said before I have something else to cross off my list first, ahaha!

Feel free to request again! :)

- Kay;a :)

Author's Response: Kayla, hi!! Don't worry about this -- this response hasn't been that prompt, either :P

Thank you! ^.^ I wasn't too sure at all, since fortunately I've not been in Roxanne's situation. I'm really pleased you caught that little subtlety about Alicia and Roxanne being more similar than they'd like to admit, because they were brought up together and their parents are still close even after all those years so they have a lot in common.

Haha! Leanne was indeed the sister that Alicia lied to. I do feel that way sometimes, but then people do /have/ to help her in order to keep the plot moving :P Not to mention that the reader (and me) know Alicia's internal thoughts, but the other characters only see the good girl exterior she tries to portray.

Don't worry! Alicia is the exception -- I /want/ you to not like her, because she's a challenge for me. I like to think that she has the "what if" factor, like when there's a choice and we choose the better option because we're nice people, and Alicia makes the bad choice -- through her, we can see what if. If that makes any sense at all?

Hehehehe. Alicia does have the other things on her mind, but she tends to focus on one thing at a time and put things in order of deadline. For example, Marin has something to do with the plan for the next day, so she has to be there that night while the deadline for Leanne's article is the next morning (and even then the Bludger would need time to decide on a candidate so the deadline's longer).

That's kind of why Alicia hired her ;) Most employers would see Sophie's youth as a disadvantage, but she sees the world through innocent eyes. She sees no reason in expanding the business to work in the Muggle world, despite the fact that someone with more life experience might be all "what about the purist clients? what about the ISS? what about such-and-such and so on" and that's why she's my favourite employee of Alicia's :P

Ooh, thanks! I'll fix that soon!

You already know who Marin is now from the forums, sort of :P As for the rest of your questions, you'll just have to read the next chapter when it comes out ;)

Hehehehehe thank you! I'm really glad that I've kept your interest, 10k into this novel!

THERE WILL BE MORE ALBUS. I feel like I've already told you this, but I may be misremembering, so here goes: he was supposed to appear in this chapter, and the whole stuffing-up incident in chapter four, but because the chapter length became longer than planned, Albus comes in in chapter four and the disastrous event happens in chapter five. :P

Oooh thank you, I'm so pleased! ♥

Again, don't worry about the delay, I'm guilty of it too! Thank you so much for reviewing, Kayla, especially such a super-long monster one as usual :P

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Review #75, by ohmymerlinA Blossoming Romance: Ayli's Birthday, Making Friends and Drunken Kisses

18th February 2014:
Hey, Sophie! I'm here from my review thread! Firstly, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THEY KISSED THEY KISSED THEY KISSED!


WE FINALLY HAVE SOME ACTION! :'D But they agreed to be friends? Shouldn't they agree to be more than friends? *waggles eyebrows up and down like that old Cadbury ad*

... Unless you guys didn't have that ad and it was some weird Australian thing. If not, just ignore me, ahaha :p

Also, I loved the hummer part. I've been in one hummer and one Chrysler limo before and both of them had all that stuff you mentioned, and it's so much fun! I honestly wanted to just ride around in there all night but we had functions to attend, ahaha! So yeah, props for accuracy! :D

*coughs* Now that the fangirl part of my review is over, I'll comment on your grammar/spelling.

I caught a fair few errors, sorry I'm really nit-picky. I am really weird about these things, please don't hate me! D:

"Yeah the baby of the group has finally caught up with us oldies." Rose chimed in.

This should have a comma at the end instead of a full stop like so:

"Yeah the baby of the group has finally caught up with us oldies," Rose chimed in.

...and then drank it in one, "You all ready?" She asked as she smoothed...

This should have a full stop at the end of the 'one', and a lower case s on the 'she'. Here's what I mean:

...and then drank it in one. "You all ready?" she asked as she smoothed...

"Have fun girls," Her mum called smiling at us all as she came out armed with a camera, "You all look beautiful!"

Should be:

"Have fun girls," her mum called smiling at us all as she came out armed with a camera. "You all look beautiful!"

It just flows a lot better with the full stop at the end of camera.

...heard Seamus say, "And no boys." in the background... should be:

...heard Seamus say, "And no boys," in the background...

I made that a comma because the 'in' was a part of the sentence. Honestly, I don't know if that's grammatically correct because that still confuses me but I think it is right. If not, just ignore me, ahaha, because I generally do that because I like the way it looks, hehe :p

"Happy birthday Ayli!" He called, "Surprise."

This should be:

"Happy birthday, Ayli!" he called. "Surprise."

A comma needs to always go before someone's name (there are some exceptions but I can't think of any currently) and again the 'he' should be in lower case.

"Amazing." Dom muttered in awe

"Amazing," Dom muttered in awe

"I love you all." Ayli replied.

"I love you all," Ayli replied.

"Pass the bubbly." He said into my ear

"Pass the bubbly," he said into my ear

Again, all these should have commas after the last word instead of a full stop. And on the last one the h from he should be in lower case.

The red hed she had been dancing earlier helped us across the VIP area and out through the club.

You've misspelt 'head' and forgotten the word 'with' between dancing and earlier. :p

We eventualy arrived back on my street

'Eventually' is misspelt here but it's most likely a typo since I did the exact same thing retyping it out, ahaha!

I climbed inot my bed and settled down.

This is just a small typo of 'into' but that's probably a result of typing too fast, ahaha! I think that's the reason for most typos nowadays! :p

Also, this sentence: Laughing I waved goodbye to him as Caleb span me around in his arms and took me dance.

Instead of dance, you should have 'dancing'. Or you could have written 'took me to dance' but personally I think dancing suits better. :)

Overall with your grammar, I've noticed you tend to repeat the same mistakes. You often put a full stop where there should be a comma and have the 'he/she/they said' in capitals when it should (usually) be lower cased. I don't know if that's a term but I had no idea how to put it, ahaha!

You also asked about characterisation. I think it's great so far! I haven't had any problems with it so I don't think you need to worry about that!

Next up, plot! The plot seems to be progressing very nicely. We're slowly getting some action from Al and Alyssa so that's definitely good! :D

So yeah, I don't really have much to say anymore except that OH MY GOD THEY KISSED.

Still not over it, ahaha! :p

Anyway, this was a great chapter! Sorry if I came across as a bit harsh or condescending about the errors, I honestly don't intend it that way. :/

And oh my god, sorry about the length of this! o.o

This is what happens when you write one sentence per line instead of clumping them together in paragraphs, ahaha! :p

Feel free to request again! :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey Kayla!

Super sorry I'm late replying, my internet has been messed up as well as being busy.


They've agree to be Friends? For now maybe ;) Hehe yes! We did have that advert along with the gorilla one :p It must have been a weird UK thing as well then. As for more than friends? Wait and see, wait and see ;)

I've been in a limo once so I sort of based it on that and some pictures of Hummers from off online. It's so fun though and I think we would have rode around all night as well :) So much fun but we had places to be :)
Hehe fangirl all you like but grammar/spelling is good.

I've gone over on my saved copy and edited all of those that you've pointed out so THANK YOU. I'm so used to writing things lately that except when I know it's needed all grammar goes out the window and then I go all funny when typing which is a pain for me.

Ahh so long as Alyssa and the others behave themselves that it. Hehe there's more to come but THEY KISSED!! You're in for a lot more in later chapters.

Ahh your seriously a life-saver and definitely not harsh! I've said it before but Thank you, thank you, thank you for your reviews!!! *hugs*

Hehe it's like a whole essay :p

- Sophie xx

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