Reading Reviews From Member: ohmymerlin
  
719 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ohmymerlinHormones: The Hogsmeade Branch

7th December 2014:
GAH I WANT TO KNOW WHAT FREDDIE IS ABOUT TO DO

But I hope that this doesn't make Ryan super mad at him and never want to speak to him again but logically I know she won't do that. She'll probably be mad at him for a long time (maybe forever) but she'll have to at least pretend to play nice for the sake of their daughter! BUT I'D RATHER THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU NEVER FINISH OFF YOUR STORIES THAT WAY

Seriously though, AWESOME CHAPTER, AWESOME STORY, AWESOME AUTHOR

I can't WAIT to read the next chapter! They're always so great! It just never stops being great! ♥

10/10

- Kayla :)

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Review #27, by ohmymerlinHormones: The Court Case

6th December 2014:
[world erupts in confetti and cheering music]

GO RYAN OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE HER SO MUCH

And oh thank god that WWW isn't going out of business/bankrupt etc. And that means they've got a spot in Hogsmeade, right?! :D

I really liked how you showed James' role in the business. I never totally understood it until now and you did a mighty fine job of that! It's interesting to see how clever he was in the business-y side of things :)

Absolutely LOVED this chapter! And I loved how boss Ryan is. She's the absolute best. I just LOVE her!

10/10 of course!!

- Kayla :)

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Review #28, by ohmymerlinHormones: Trust

6th December 2014:
Oh thank god George is okay (ish)

And aw, that father/son bonding moment was so sweet! You wrote that really well!

I also loved how you showed that Ryan is such an important part of Fred's life and she really does impact him, she's just not some random

Although I admittedly did tear up, I think you wrote this phenomenally. You're such a fantastic writer and you deserved every Dobby nom you got :D

Off to read the next chapter!

10/10

- Kayla :)

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Review #29, by ohmymerlinHormones: The Nursery

5th December 2014:
[THROWS ROTTEN VEGGIES AT YOU VERY AGGRESSIVELY]

Jokes, I'm not as mad because I can just click the next arrow but I have a feeling I will not like the chapter that follows this because as we are all fully aware, you are a very evil person :P

I'm with Fred, though. Still don't really trust/like Ollie that much. It's one thing saying things behind peoples' backs, but to actually call that to her face is pretty horrible. Like, Ryan is going through so much already but UGH WHY MUST U BE SO RUDE

ANYWAY, this was such a great chapter! I love when Fred and George talk. You write their relationship so fantastically! ♥

I HOPE HE'S OKAY OMG

10/10 ofc

- Kayla :)

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Review #30, by ohmymerlinHormones: The Dragon's Nest

5th December 2014:
AWW FREDDIE AND ROXY ARE TALKING AND ARE ON THE MEND YAY!!!

And omg Molly was fitting Ryan a sweater. Absolutely typical! Just loved it :P

I loved all these Freddie and Ryan moments. It was so, so, so, so sweet ♥ I just love how they interact and that they're tolerating each other and totally are on the way to falling madly in love :'D

Loved, loved, loved this chapter! Everything about it was so amazing!! ♥ ♥

10/10

- Kayla :)

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Review #31, by ohmymerlinResurrection : Cooperation

5th December 2014:
Hello! Sorry for the massive delay in reviewing this, uni is terrible sucking up spare moments in my life!

First of all, this line:
"Albus Potter had never been at the mercy of a woman before. Unless, of course, the woman was his mother, his grandmother, his aunts, his cousins, or his sisters."

Best line ever! Absolutely loved it! But don't you think it should be 'sister' instead of 'sisters'? I only noticed it once I was reading it for the seventh time :P

And ooh Burke is a creepy psychopath! Why does he want to destroy love? Will his motives be revealed? DUN DUN DUN

I'm really scared for Georgiana though! I don't really like her (she's kind of got a snobby air to her :P) but I don't want her to die or anything!

I'm interested to keep reading! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Hello! We're both guilty of letting school take up all of our lives. I'm preparing for a major test in February so that has been all that I can think about!

Ah! Thanks for pointing out that plural mistake. I'll definitely fix it. I love that line too because it kinda embodies what I imagine to be Albus' masculine pride paired up with his love for his family.

Burke's motives definitely will be explained! There's definitely an aspect of Burke potentially being a psychopath since who would want to do something like destroy love?

Georgiana is snobby! I like to think of her as a slightly better version of Draco Malfoy. Georgiana definitely prides herself on being Slytherin, pureblood, etc. but she has a clear sense of right or wrong.

Thanks for sticking with this story despite my sporadic updates!!! :)


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Review #32, by ohmymerlinMy Not-So-Imaginary Fiend: XX: Pontem

5th December 2014:
OH MY GOD

YAAAYYY

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST

I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW

IT'S OVER, IT'S FINALLY OVER WOOO!!!

(Except now that Sally-Anne has to deal with Voldemort and the terror of the Death Eaters and such but shhh)

BUT OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER

THIS WAS SUCH A BRILLIANT CHAPTER I LOVED IT SO MUCH

AND THAT WAS SUCH A CLEVER PLOT TWIST/EXPLANATION! YOU WROTE THAT SPECTACULARLY!!! Did you have that planned from the minute you started writing this and the prequel or did you just go along with it?

Absolutely wonderful chapter! Such a great way to finish the story! Can't wait for the epilogue! (I snuck a look at your author's page hehe ;))

So of course, 10/10! ♥ ♥

- Kayla :)

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Review #33, by ohmymerlinMy Not-So-Imaginary Fiend: XIX: A Glint of Hope

5th December 2014:
WAIT WAIT WAIT

WHAT OH MY GOD

WHAT

SO SALLY ANNE DID DO SOMETHING GOOD SHE MANAGED TO GET MARTA PONTEM TO DO SOMETHING TO THE CURSE?!

HOLY GUACAMOLE

I DO NOT COMPREHEND

OKAY SOZ FOR THIS TERRIBLE REVIEW BUT I HAVE TO READ ON

10/10

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Review #34, by ohmymerlinMy Not-So-Imaginary Fiend: XVIII: The Terrible Truth

5th December 2014:
NOOO

BENJAMIN YOU EVIL MONKEY FART

(I would use other words but sadly they are not 12+ :P)

HE'S SUCH AN EVIL PERSON/GHOST/COPY/WHATEVER HE IS

I HATE HIM SO MUCH HE'S SO HORRIBLE TO SALLY ANNE AND POOR LUPIN IMAGINE THE TRAUMA HE JUST WENT THROUGH LEAVING SALLY-ANNE SCREAMING AND CRYING FOR HIM OH GOD WHY

SORRY THIS IS ALL IN CAPITALS BUT OH MY GOD

I JUST WANT THIS CURSE TO BE OVER AND DONE WITH UGH JUST DUHBJDGHD

I can't believe you've written a character like this! Your imagination is just WILD! :D If we could publish fanfiction, I reckon this book would definitely be a top seller! You should seriously think about writing a original novel! You've got the talent and the imagination! :D

So although I was so angry at this chapter, I still absolutely loved it! I love all your writing! ♥

10/10

- Kayla :)

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Review #35, by ohmymerlinMy Not-So-Imaginary Fiend: XVII: Reaching Back to the Past

5th December 2014:
omg that was so emotional

And ugghhh Gaunt was so creepy! It's so gross that he was so fixated on Marta and he just looks SO SO SO EVIL

I honestly was a bit emotional from this because I just want Sally-Anne to defeat Benjamin and end this stupid curse arrgghhh!!!

But another fantastic chapter! I really loved it! But why was Sally-Anne suddenly able to understand Marta? I understand that they were speaking a different dialect (they would have spoken English but it would have been old English, right? Like Chaucer? So practically another language :P)

ANyway, off to read the next chapter! Can't wait! :D

10/10 ♥

- Kayla :)

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Review #36, by ohmymerlinMy Not-So-Imaginary Fiend: XVI: Almost Ready

4th December 2014:
WOAH

SO DRAMATIC

I can't remember if I've asked this/if you've answered this but did you actually work out that maths or did you just pick a number out of thin air? If you really picked it out, YOU ARE A MATHS GENIUS AND I BOW DOWN TO YOU!

If not, you're super creative AND STILL BOW DOWN TO YOU! :P

This was such a great chapter but URGH BENJAMIN WHY ARE YOU SO EVIL BUT THEN TRY TO BE NICE TO SALLY-ANNE THAT IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP THAT MANY PEOPLE SUFFER FROM YOU INSUFFERABLE, PATHETIC, NOT-GHOST

(can you tell I don't like Benjamin, ahahhaa? :P)

10/10, of course!!!

OFF TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER! :D

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Review #37, by ohmymerlinTug Of War: Talking

4th December 2014:
Aw they're finally together! It was extremely cheesy and cliche BUT THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT AMAZING I LOVE THIS TYPE OF FLUFFY STUFF I LOVED IT

But I'm still like ehhh Stella you deserve someone so much better than James! Yeah, he says all this sweet and loving stuff but he's proved he can be such a meanie to her and there's always that chance he'll go back to being like that! DON'T RISK IT STELLA

But then again, she's always got her stinging hexes, haha ;)

But yeah, great chapter! I can't wait to read the next one!

- Kayla :)

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Review #38, by ohmymerlinAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: Tears and Laughter

4th December 2014:
I THOUGHT I REVIEWED THIS CHAPTER WOT

BUT OH MY GOODNESS CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING THE STORY! I AM SO GLAD I WAS YOUR SECRET SANTA, I WOULD HAVE NEVER FOUND THIS OTHERWISE!!

Absolutely brilliant story! I also really liked the theory of Slytherin being weak magically! That was very clever! :D

And omg David is hilarious, absolutely love that guy, haha!

Amazing story! Amazing author! I'm interested to see the sequel! :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hooray! It is done! *cheers* *throws up fireworks*

I have no idea where the "magic weak" thing came from... it just popped in my head. Or maybe I'm just naturally clever. :)

David is awesome. He's a cool guy.

The first chapter of the sequel is popping into the queue today! Check back in a few days.

Thanks for the review!!


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Review #39, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Full Circle

4th December 2014:
*wipes hand on forehead* pHEW THEY ARE OKAY AND CUTE AND TOGETHER

MORE JAMES AND OLIVER?!?!?! DOES THAT MEAN SEQUEL?!?! :D

But omg, I know this story has been ended for a while now but I can't believe it's over! It's such a fantastic story! I absolutely loved it, you wrote it so phenomenally, and I loved every bit of it! Congrats on finishing it!!

Absolutely loved the ending, you did it so perfectly and I just loved everything about this ♥

10/10

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: YES! OF COURSE THEY ARE OKAY!

I would never lie about a sequel.

I'm so glad you liked it. I admit, it became one of my all time favorite things. I miss them. I need to write the sequel. *looks at all the things that need to be finished first*

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #40, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Let Me Go

4th December 2014:
WHOOP THERE IT IS

*in the Chandler voice* I KNEW IT!!

But :((( y u do dis sam

And I can see Oliver's reasoning for being so mad but I don't agree with it! Can't he just see that James would never actually mean that?! He's being just a /tad/ overdramatic!

James was just trying to keep his wish but :(((

Okay, I'm just going to read the next chapter because surely you're not going to leave them not talking?!?!?!

10/10, once again! ♥

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: OMG, I DID THE CHANDLER VOICE, TOO!!!

Because it must be done.

He's not mad at James. Not enough to be dramatic. He's mad at himself for putting James in that position and just wants to blame someone else for a while. Once he's alone, he'll calm down and blame himself and try and fix it... with help. ;)

Surely, I would never. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #41, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Overcoming Demons

4th December 2014:
Oh, phew nothing bad happened yet. But there's still two more chapters and I know you, Sam. *suspicious eyes*

But naw, they said 'I love you'!!! HOW CUTE!

And Oliver has a chance to stay in England FOREVERRR

he and James in a very adorable relationship that will last forever and ever :P

And omg, Oliver's dad talking about James' specific body parts made me crack up, hahaha! Absolutely loved it!!

Anyway, another brilliant chapter, Sam! You're such a talented writer!! ♥

10/10

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: You know me so well...

Of course, they said I love you. It was time. And Oliver might just stay (as in, yes he will)...

Will it, though? Will it really? ;)

I love Oliver's dad.

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #42, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Closer

4th December 2014:
OOH TUCKER AND SARAH, TUCKER AND SARAH

hahaha I really loved the way you described the way they were sitting in the potions class -- I have no idea why I liked it so much but I did :P

This was such a lovely and sweet chapter! I don't want to read on because I know something bad will happen BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE US BEING HAPPY DO YOU?! :P

but we all still love you and your fantastic writing! ♥

10/10

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Tucker and Sarah are something.

It's been a while. I'll have to read back, but I'm glad you like it. :)

Haha, I know how you feel. I write it, but I never wanna read it. :D

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #43, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Ready

4th December 2014:
ooohhh~~~ things r getting seriousss ;)))

(no wine, just over tired :P)

I love how much James loves Oliver :') It's so sweet and you write their relationship so well! It's a bit sad though that they're still hiding their relationship. JUST BE OUT IN THE OPEN AND BE HAPPY

But I totally understand the reasoning behind it, it's so real and believable but I'm not a person that hides many things so I JUST WANT THEM TO BE OPEN AND RELAXED AND FREE but I guess it isn't me and they are just fictional characters :P

Love the chapter, again! 10/10 ♥

Author's Response: Things always get serious when I write. ;)

Yeah, James loves Oliver very much. Would do anything for him, even keep quiet. Silly boys.

Fictional? Who's fictional? THEY ARE REAL, I TELL YOU! *cough* I'm glad you find their relationship believeable. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #44, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: The Birthday of All Birthdays

4th December 2014:
EEEK

THEY'RE SO CUTE AWWW

I WAS READING IT AND I LITERALLY MADE WEIRD NOISES AND MY BROTHER LOOKED AT ME STRANGELY BUT SO WORTH IT

THEY'RE SO SO SO CUTE

AND THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER AWWW

YAY YAY YAY YAY

Also, loved the part where Al and James had a little chat -- I LOVE strong sibling relationships, and I like that although it did seem a tiny bit awkward (mainly because James had just been snogging Oliver and he's coming out for the first time), it was still super sweet :')

LOVED this chapter, Sam! Absolutely loved it!

And of course, 10/10 :D

Author's Response: Haha! It definitely sounds like it was worth it. JAMES AND OLIVER WILL ALWAYS BE WORTH IT!!!

Finally!

James is usually too open with everyone, so he doesn't find talking about his feelings as awkward as Albus does, only what he was doing just before. Albus, however, doesn't like telling his family anything. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #45, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Tell Him

3rd December 2014:
[heavy breathing]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

FIRST OF ALL, I HATE MELANIE UGH SHE'S SO ANNOYING AND TERRIBLE

SECOND OF ALL, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THEY'RE A COUPLE NOW

THEY'RE COUPLEY AND CUTE

OH MY GOD

I LOVE IT

AHHH NO WORDS EXCEPT OH MY GOD, AHHH AND FINALLY!!!

LOVED, LOVED THIS CHAPTER, SAM!!!

10/10 OF COURSEEE ♥ ♥

(also happy birthday! :P I was going to try and review them all on your birthday but it's nearly 1 am here and I have to work tomorrow haha but I will be returning ;))

Author's Response: That was a lot of oh my gods. Totally justified, I know. THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER!!!

Melanie is just a big, jealous meanie. :P

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.

P.S. I know this is very late, but thank you for the birthday messages! :D


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Review #46, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Lakeside Encounters

3rd December 2014:
you're pure evil Sam. I would use your full name if I knew it just to make sure you know you're 100% evil. Get everyone excited about the chapter thingy and then being like LOL NOPE SUCKS 2 B U

But oh my god James (and Oliver) just BLURT YOUR LOVE OUT FOR EACH OTHER IT IS GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW

Although this chapter was a bit (VERY/EXTREMELY) frustrating, it was still fabulous, as you are ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

10/10 ♥

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Evil Sam. It's just a known fact now. No one is surprised. They read something of mine and they're just like, that evil [probably ends with a naughty word or two]. :P

I was not thinking SUCKS TO BE YOU, though. I was just cackling. ;)

I know right! Silly boys!

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #47, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Letting Things Out

3rd December 2014:
JAMES JUST GET OLLIE AND SNOG HIS FACE OFF DON'T GIVE ME A PATHETIC CHEEK KISS PLS

Mmm I loved the description of Theo. It was definitely very descriptive and even though I can't technically see him, he was definitely eye candy ;)

JAMES AND OLIVER, JAMES AND OLIVER THEY'RE SO CUTE I LOVE THEM

(okay I've had a couple of wines so I might not be making that much sense, hehehE)

But you say James is getting bolder but Oliver is totally getting way more bolder than him! He FLIRTED WITH A WINK :P hahaha onto the enxt chapter!!

10/10, of course!! ♥

ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Author's Response: YEAH, JAMES, DO AS KAYLA SAYS. GOD.

Oh, he is. It was my favorite part of that chapter, I won't lie. And I have one word for you, my friend: SEQUEL. ;)

They're both getting bold. Maybe it will continue...

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #48, by ohmymerlinStuck in the Middle: Care to Make a Wager

3rd December 2014:
SAM IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO REVIEW BUT I AM FINALLY HERE

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR THE AWKWARD POST-SHOWER GLIMPSE

I absolutely loved it but OF COURSE you had to make it all mysterious and curious ;) So glad you put it in though :P

LOVED how Harry was totally warning Oliver. And that he and Ginny bet on their son with alcohol and chocolate :P

Loved this chapter so much ♥ Soz for taking so long hahaha

ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D :D

10/10

Author's Response: HEY!!!

ANYTHING FOR YOU! WHO DOESNT LOVE A POST-SHOWER GLIMPSE!

Everything is mysterious and curious. I'm a mysterious and curious person.

Harry is just awesome. And more intuitive than people give him credit for. You'd think they'd learn, but no.

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


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Review #49, by ohmymerlinWhat next?: Cold War

2nd December 2014:
Hello! Sorry for the massive delay in getting the review to you (OVER TWO MONTHS, I AM SO SORRY D':) but I'm finally here!

So first of all, loved the chapter! I thought it was really well done! I really liked it and I love your style of writing. I don't know what it is, but I really liked the way you write.

However, from what you've described Rose as (a little bland but overall an extremely sweet person; I love her characterisation) I feel like her and Malfoy wouldn't have had a massive blow up, you know? I feel like she'd just kind of hide in the shadows and if he did things to her she wouldn't react and he'd eventually just get bored with it. But that's just my opinion.

Also, I LOVED your descriptions in this! You wrote them spectacularly.

Loved Rose and Ruth's friendship! And oooh something is totally going to happen between Al and Ruth, ehehehehe ;)

And oh god, I laughed so hard when Rose said she talks to Neville :P I like her quiet sense of humour, haha!

I kind of feel bad for Jonathan. Rose doesn't really properly ~feel~ anything for him, and it's one thing to like a person but you need that spark and I can totally tell she doesn't have that spark.

Anyway, loved the chapter! Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hey Kayla!

Don't worry about it, dear, I understand! I have a review thread myself and I know that sometimes RL can get in the way of reviewing, which is perfectly acceptable. I still appreciate you leaving this review, thank you!

And the timing is just perfect, actually, because with time I've somehow lost interest in this story and this lovely review has reminded me of why I love writing it so much. And it's so great to hear that you like my style, especially regarding the descriptions! I'm quite fond of descriptive prose, I can't lie. And I'm glad parts of it made you laugh, that is always a huge compliment in my books! :)

As for Rose, you make a great point! God, yes, it's quite obvious now. I planned on revising these first few chapters so it's great to hear honest opinions about it - it will really help me flesh out my characters more. The thing with this chapter is that I mainly used Rose as a spectator of the world around her and so her personality kind of got lost in it all, I think. I do like your analysis of her - bland and sweet, that's exactly what I was aiming for at first, but I hope some of her temperament will show in later chapters. The nature of their fight is a bit more clarified in the next chapter (which I will request a review for, because I'd really like your opinion on this) and I hope it explains that the argument wasn't really as huge as Rose imagined it was. However, I will definitely add some more characterisation to her in this first chapter, just to make it clear that she /would/ fight back if provoked. Your opinion is totally valid and I am very grateful you shared it with me! Feel free to do so for anything else you found weird! :)

Yay for Rose and Ruth! I love writing them, though they will have problems of their own. Aah, I can't say anything about Al and Ruth! But I'm sometimes guilty of toying with my readers! *hides* Haha, I'll say nothing more.

Ah, yes, Jonathan. Very good analysis! I really wanted to try portraying a relationship that is very bland and uninteresting, just because there's plenty of relationships like that in real life.

Thank you so much for this review, Kayla! I'm glad you liked it and I'm very glad you gave me CC, I truly appreciate it! :)

Andy


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Review #50, by ohmymerlinA Blossoming Romance: Bridesmaids, Best Men And Sober Kisses

2nd December 2014:
Hey, Sophie! Sorry for the crazy delay on this! But I'm finally here! :D

First of all, OH MY GOODNESS CHLOE AND LORCAN GOT MARRIED! And Al and Alyssa kissed whilst sober! DEVELOPMENTTT~~~ :P

Okay, I've picked up a few things so I've written it all down below.

In fact I've avoided the Potter household all together and the blind on my window has been kept firmly shut much to Chloe's protests of letting the sunlight in.

In fact, I've avoided the Potter household all together and the blind on my window has been kept firmly shut, much to Chloe's protests of not letting the sunlight in. -- you just said that the sunlight was being let in but if the blind was shut/down, it would block it out, haha :P

But more than that, today's the fateful date in my baby sister is getting married.

But more than that, today is the fateful day that my baby sister gets married. -- I just liked the way the latter sounded. The first sentence seemed very awkward and didn't roll on my tongue nicely.

Normally I'm used to be up and going to bed at weird times but getting up at five to travel into central London to the hotel was a bit far fetched in my opinion.

Normally, I'm used to waking up and going to bed at weird times but getting up at five to travel into central London to the hotel was a bit far fetched in my opinion. -- I just fixed it a little bit because it sounded a bit clunky

Our fluffy white cat Snowflake looking miffed as she meowed at Chloe who promptly fed her the ham.

Our fluffy, white cat, Snowflake, looked miffed as she meowed at Chloe who promptly fed her the hame. -- LOVED this sentence! Loved it all, you just had to add a few commas and changed 'looking' to 'look'

I am really not a morning person.

I was really not a morning person -- need to keep this in past tense to align it with the rest of the story.

This was one of the reasons I love my mother so very much

This was one of the reasons I loved my mother so very much -- just needed to add a 'd' to the end of love ;)

My yellow bug was on the drive

My yellow bug was on the driveway -- just left out 'way' here, unless in England you guys just call it a drive, so then ignore me!

I was looking forward to just get to this hotel and sleep.

I was looking forward to just getting to this hotel and having a sleep. -- just fixed it up a little bit so it would flow nicely

Also, you said Chloe was going shopping at seven, and then returning before ten to have breakfast, but if they left the house at six, by the time they would have gotten there (including the time from when they got lost) it would be about seven, so Alyssa would practically have a ten minute sleep. Which is a little useless :P Maybe make it for eight, as most shops don't even open at seven anyway ;)

Which is always a plus!

Which was always a plus! -- Again, you need to keep the past tense so it matches with all your story. You've got a few sentences in which you do this, so you might want to focus on that?

making sure that me thoughts were not about to come true.

making sure my thoughts were not about to come true -- just a lil typo here!

We've arrived. Al x

Okay, the only thing that bothered me here was the 'x' Al put at the end of his text. I've got quite a few guy friends and relatives, and not once have I ever seen them put little kisses at the ends of texts. Even when the guy likes the girl, I don't think he does it. I also don't think he does it when he has a girlfriend but I've never seen my guy friends/relatives text their girlfriend, except for my brother who doesn't do it either. It's just a tiny nitpicky thing but I thought I should let you know :)

I swear one of the guys muttered, 'She looks hot," as I past him

As I walked past, I could have sworn one of the guys muttered, "She looks hot." -- again, just reaaranging the words to make it sound nicer

I was breathing heavy as I loosened my arms

I was breathing heavily as I loosened my arms -- this just makes it flow a little better

Seriously though, aside from those above things, you've improved so much. This was a really well done chapter!

You asked if the pacing was fast, and admittedly, it did feel a bit fast and choppy when they were getting ready for the wedding -- it would have been great to slow that down a bit but it didn't really matter too much. I mean, I've never been IN a wedding (attended a few, though) and it seems like it would just be a day where everything goes by really quickly so, it could have been worse!

In terms of detailing, I think maybe you could go more in depth with Alyssa's emotions. Especially with the guilt she's having by lying to her family about Chloe's wedding. You describe them very well, but I think you could dig a little deeper! I BELIEVE IN YOU :D

Definitely seemed real, yes!

Characterisation was excellent!

So overall, this was a fantastic chapter, Sophie! You've done super well on it! Sorry about the delay. I didn't realise it'd been over two months :O

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Kayla, hi!

It's finally, I honestly forgot I even requested haha so it was a nice surprise :)

I KNOW! haha, first Chloe and Lorcan, then Alyssa and Al, love is in the air :p

YOU ARE LITERALLY A STAR! I've gone over and edited the little things as well as other changes/things I added in. As for the Al putting and x it's probably because I do it all the time with my friends, it's a habit I guess which sneaked in :p But you are right. The 'drive V's driveway' thing. Technically it is a called a driveway but I always think of those big fancy houses with those long driveway's that lead up, so I call it a drive, it might just be a thing from where I'm from.

I was a bridesmaid for my brother a few years ago and it was crazy! Literally the morning/getting ready goes so fast. I definitely think there were bits which did move faster than normal, but its normal (I think?).

Alyssa's emotions, ahh so many different ones. I've been so tired lately I haven't been writing but I most probably will go back over the chapter and add to them. THANK YOU :D

I've said it before, but you are a star and you deserve a medal (again) ♥

-Sophie ♥



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