Always nice to see the inclusion of smaller characters like Dobby into the story line, don't think I've ever read a story where they made a house elf a secret keeper before. In hindsight of reading the chapter I can understand better why it would be a smart option, but I was a little bit unsure why he needed to become Harry's slave in order to be a secret keeper. I thought that the main reason you might have brought the story in this direction is because if he was surrounded and they tried to make him talk he could just vanish as Anti-Apparition wards don't have any effect on Elf-magic as proved in DH2.Author's Response: The whole Dobby as a slave thing was a little contrived, to be honest, because of what happens at the end of the story. I definitely could have done better here. G. Report Review
Couldn't review second chapter because I've already done it before apparently.
I like the way you've resented Dumbledore as the admirable, quirky and loving person that I picture him as. It seems in a lot of fanfiction that Dumbledore is constantly made to seem the bad guy as canon is disregarded or pushing into the background to make him seem more of an evil or deceitful person. That is always something that's left a bad taste in my mouth. Even though according to canon his past wasn't exactly all sunshine and daisies, I've always just though the point of his darker past was to prove that he is human just like everyone else and not on godlike status. That he could be manipulated by power or greed just like any other person in his shoes. So that's just one more reason why I enjoy your stories.Author's Response: I am definitely not a Dumbledore basher, and you are right, it seems that bashing the old man is now in fashion in the fanfic world. Certainly he is a man with faults, but he also accepted the supreme responsibility to oversee the salvation of the wizarding world. Though Harry is my favorite character, I enjoy writing Dumbledore more than anyone, and I think that comes through in the story. G. Report Review
I've read a lot of fanfiction and when the urge hits me I will spend hours scrolling through the first few characters of various author's attempts to make an interesting story.
One thing that keeps me coming back to this story is the characters. In the first chapters of so many other stories there is some event catastrophic or not that changes the character or attitude until I can no longer picture them as the character (Harry in most cases) portrayed by Rowling and that usually does it for me and I stop reading. What I love about your stories is that it keeps enough to canon that I can read, imagine, feel the character to be the same one that Rowling created all those years ago, but still feels like I'm reading something almost completely original.
I wish you'd write more. But I've pretty much given up on that hope by now. I might do my part and review after each chapter this time and with the hope that might encourage you to write another fanfic.
I wish I could just forget the whole story and read it again with the awe and wonder from the first time, but unfortunately my brain's already trying to piece together which story this is and is likely to try solve it like a jigsaw puzzle the further I get through it. Fortunately it's had no luck yet and although it's triggering a feeling of nostalgia I can't remember the plot thankfully and hopefully I'll be able to enjoy the story once again.Author's Response: Well, welcome back and thank you for that wonderful review. I hope you enjoy the story again. I did make a few small changes to it (hopefully improvements) a year or two ago, so you may or may not notice them.
Occasionally I think about writing a new fic, but frankly the last two books of the series disappointed me and dampened my enthusiasm, and though I like to read a good post Hogwarts story, I just do not feel compelled to write one. I will never say never, but I have nothing planned for the foreseeable future.
I appreciate your comments on how I write my characters. I was very satisfied with how I wrote Harry and Dumbledore in this story, and they come easiest to me. In my mind, I like to think I did OK with Hermione, but I do not think I did Ron's character justice. I'll be interested in your comments. G. Report Review
On the changes:
I liked the short added interaction between Neville and Ginny, and you've done justice to Neville's character both in that scene and in his notes.
On the actual story:
It was a just question too. Why did it always have to be him? Really sad as well, he was so small in death, and never really got a chance to prove himself as the Gryffindor he could have been.
It's a little bit ironic how he went out and left behind notes helping to solve the mystery on how to get the ring, which as we know allows communication with the dead.
I've always both loved and hated this chapter, I hate Neville dying, but I can appreciate why it was necessary for the story-line. I guess I'm also the same with George's death later in the story, I still wish it was Ginny and I'll stand by that, but I understand that you needed to show the consequences of the ring, and the sacrifices involved. Also I suppose George sort of "needed" to die for Fred to mature and become what he is in CoW.Author's Response: With rereading and redoing things, I also reaized that I had mixed feelings about ending Neville's character so quickly. But I tried to add a few things in later on in RoM that would lead to a return of Neville in CoW... or at least interaction with him in his current ghostly condition. Report Review
This isn't really a mistake of such, but I've noticed it in both this Chapter and Chapter 11, when Dumbledore is addressing any of the students there is no consistency in whether or not he uses their first name or surname. It's a lot more apparent in Chapter 11. It's not a major problem but I just thought that I should mention it.Author's Response: There's sort of consistency, when he's talking to them as students or when other people are around he addresses them by their surname, but if he's trying to have a real conversation and they are alone he will step out of his role as headmaster and call them by name. It probably isn't clear enough, but that's what I was intending. I can go through and try to clear it up. Report Review
I can't really remember what this time was like the first time I read it, but I thought I should mention that I really liked it. Kind of an ironic Harry saying he didn't think Luna was his type of girl and that's exactly what happens in the next story, but then again I guess she isn't really the same Luna in CoW.
I'm guessing that you've added some to that scene with Ron and Ginny to foreshadow the ending of the H/Hr relationship.
Now I wish I didn't read this chapter, I was starting to warm to the idea of H/L and F/Hr, now all these heart-filled H/Hr moments reminded me why I liked them as a couple in the first place. It kinda sucks reading on with that knowledge.Author's Response: I love the irony of Harry shuddering at the thought of Luna liking him and then as you read on they grow closer as friends and his view of her changes completely (while maintaining the relationship with Hermione) it's all subconscious in this story, and only beginning to come to the surface in the sequel. I think I've bettered the journey/drama of the characters while re-editing but I guess I'll leave that for you to decide at the end.
I added the scene with Ron and Ginny more to foreshadow Ginny's spiral downward. But because it's told from Ron's POV, it's not something that's focused on, which is why I like the scene. It's got secrets. If you read it knowing what Ginny is going to be like soon, then it has a different meaning. But mostly it was meant to let the reader see a bit into Ron's thought processes. I find it interesting you thought of it as a foreshadowing the end of H/Hr as that wasn't at all my intention in writing it. That makes me happy, that it apparently has a level I wasn't even aware of as the author.
Harry and Hermione's relationship isn't going to be over for a while, and what I tried to emphasis in RoM was that the love felt between H/Hr and R/L was real, it just wasn't meant to be because of how different they all are. As they couple up in a few chapters, hopefully you'll see what I mean. Report Review
Only noticed the one mistake this time:
For a moment, the Slitheryns looked scared.
- Slytherins*Author's Response: Thanks, I think that one may have to be let go for awhile though while I fix bigger ones, but now that you have a review under the chapter, I'll have the reminder to come back for the misspelling. Report Review
There is a paragraph around the middle of the chapter. It begins with "But Harry hadn't been paying attention to either of them at the time." Just read over it yourself and then read the next sentence, I think you've forgotten a paragraph, or a break or something. Because it goes from just being Harry and Hermione alone in parlor to Harry being snapped out of a daydream by Ginny, in front of (as you've put it) everyone.
Also a little error here:
The entire decor of the house had been completely different, - Extract.
I think it should be one of these and got mixed up halfway through:
- The entire decor of the house had been completely changed,
- The entire decor of the house looked completely different,Author's Response: The error, that's exactly what happened. It said one thing originally and I was in the process of changing it and must have not been paying attention, in a rush to get it done and all. I'm sure you'll find more of those...
I know what part you're talking about and I did mean to put in a *** not a full (BREAK) because it was a moment of recall, not a different scene. That's why Ginny snaps him back to the present when she tries to get his attention. Like I said, completely my fault for rushing. I had a feeling this was going to happen, thanks for being an editor, I apparently need one. Report Review
Just the one sentence I couldn't make much of:
I also leave you the knowledge that you did everything you could and our, pranks shall we say, in no way reflected our opinion of you. - Extract.
Maybe I'm just not reading it properly. But anyway, I tried to word it better.
I also leave you with the knowledge that you did everything that you could for us, and our.. pranks?, shall we say, in no way reflected our opinion of you.
Sirius' Will was a real tearjerker. Just thought I should mention that.Author's Response: Well I'm glad it evoked emotion, I was hoping for that.
As for that sentence it was meant to say that Dumbledore had done everything he could to keep them in line and be a good headmaster/professor and so when they still stepped out of line it didn't have anything to do with the him, it was stuff they would have done regardless.
I think it makes sense the way it is, but I'll take another look at it in context and see what I can make of it. If it confused you, it probably confused others and it's easy for me to know what I meant to say not so easy for other people who aren't mind readers :) Report Review
This chapter was a lot better, I imagine that you rewrote most of this chapter, as it seems to be right on par with your newest installation of CoW, and a real credit to your story-telling ability.
I noticed a small mistake in the third paragraph and one a little later.
- Most everyone left, except the Weasleys, Hermione, Luna, Neville, Lupin and Tonks.
- Almost* everyone left, except the Weasley's, Hermione, Luna, Neville, Lupin and Tonks.
- "Let it alone, Hermione." Harry pleaded, cutting her off.
- "Leave* it alone, Hermione." Harry pleaded, cutting her off.
Also, I'm not too sure about the wording in some these:
Harry felt at home, for the first time in a long time. - Extract.
Harry felt more at home amongst these people than he ever had living with the Dursley's, even though they shared no common blood with him, they treated him like he was family. And for the first time in his life, he felt truly accepted, even loved. - Suggestion.
He paused to nod at Lupin who was sitting quietly with tears on his face. - Extract.
He paused to nod at Lupin who had taken a seat in one of the sombre corners of the room, tears streaked down his sallow, thin face. - Suggestion.Author's Response: Most vs. Almost was a word choice on my part, not a mistake. It sounds more like how I would talk and is perfectly acceptable to use grammar wise (at least here it is) and Weasleys vs. Weasley's is correct because without the apostrophe it's plural but with the apostrophe it's possessive and I meant more than one Weasley, not something belonging to one of them.
As for the other two, I agree they are statements that can be expanded on, but I've noticed that this is where you and I differ in out writing styles :) You tend to write in a lot more description whereas I like to get my point across and move on. I will say that those two sentences you picked out are a bit bare and need a bit of punching up, but I don't think going that descriptive would fit my style. Maybe more like:
-For the first time since being left on the Dursleys' doorstep, Harry felt he was home.
-He paused to nod at Lupin who had closed in on himself in his grief. He felt for his friend, who had silent tears staining his hagard face.
I think that sounds a bit more like me...
Now I just have to go change it, thanks for pointing out the bareness of those lines! Report Review
I liked the few little changes you've made, but in some parts it feels a little bare in detail compared to CoW, just little things like the end of the first paragraph seems to be lacking a little.
Besides, he just wanted to go. - Extract from the chapter.
- Besides, as much as he would have like to see the Dursley's sweat under interrogation by the Order, he just wanted to go, to be set free from these loathsome people, and the prison that he called home.
I think something a little more along these lines would contribute more to the quality of the chapter and depth of the characters. The extract from the chapter worked fine and paints the right picture, but I think if you're trying to write a worthy predecessor to CoW, little things like this need to be given a little bit more attention. But overall I liked it, it serves it's purpose being an early chapter.Author's Response: Yeah, at the beginning I found it harder to add things in, so I'll take that under advisement. I'm not sure your suggestion is the way I would word things, but I get the gist of what you are saying is missing. I had thought that a bit more interaction between the Dursleys and Harry and Lupin should have been added but I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to have happen and so I think this is one of the chapters I edited the least. I guess it shows more than I thought. Well, one more chapter to go through again, I'll get on it as soon as I finish the last two chapters of RoM and get the next one up for CoW. Thanks! Report Review
Lupin gave the ring back, I didn't think he would hand it back over so easily after all the damage it has done. Even after all the trouble Luna went to through to keep it from him and Fred, and how much she stressed the dangers to Lupin two chapters ago. Harry's word seems to have become more and more diluted, it's a wonder how anyone still believes him, especially with something so important as the ring, You'd think that they would ask for an unbreakable vow or something to make sure he isn't tempted to break any promise's.
Well of course the new baddy couldn't just be the nephew of a Death Eater, he has to be a vampire as well. I love your imagination. It will certainly be interesting to see how that plays out, seeing as I'm so far behind the times when it comes to vampires, am I still correct to assume that they still become bats and have two prominent, sharp canine teeth? Or has that become an old fashioned image of a vampire?
Full of quite a few surprises this chapter, I thought we weren't going to be seeing any members of the coven until their semester of school ended. I guess we'll have to wait until next time to see if she can recover Harry's powers.Author's Response: There's a reason Lupin gave it back, of course he wouldn't just want to hand it over after hearing what Luna had to say, but he definitely didn't give it back without having added a few precautions to it. That's all I'll say now, but have no fear, there is a reason for everything.
I had to add a vampire, they weren't prominent, but they were mentioned in the regular books, so I figured it'd be okay to add one in here. I love (most) vampire stories, they've always been creatures that fascinate me. Of course, I have to do things differently, so it's not going to be like the movies or books, I want something more natural if that makes any sense. Something that isn't so farfetched like being allergic to sunlight and all that, something that makes vampires seem like a more realistic threat. We'll see how it goes.
As for Gabriella showing up when she did, again there was a reason, which is partly explained in the next chapter, (still working on finishing it) and she isn't the last one we'll see before they all leave school. I have had ideas for what happens at Hogwarts for a long time now, I just had to get them all there and wound up taking a lot of detours along the way. Report Review
I like the changes you've made with the addition of Dobby, and the early foreshadowing of Harry's telekinetic abilities. I was a little skeptical to the probability of bringing RoM up to the same standard as CoW, but the extra little bit of detailing and the expansion on the depth of the story has worked wonders.
I only noticed a few small things like, I would query the use of a conjunction to start a paragraph. I know that it was frowned upon whilst I was in primary school, that is, to start a sentence with a conjunction. Although I know that starting a sentence with "and" or "but" is quite acceptable nowadays, so I'm not sure if that's the same with the start of a paragraph. Thought I should mention it anyway.
Apart from that and the some missing capital letter's in "the Order" or one of the "Hogwarts: A History" it seemed fine to my eyes.
Also I remember being quite confused the first time I read this story as to why there were speech marks around the letter. I'm glad to say that I finally understand that the letter was (for lack of a better word) "regurgitating" Ron and Hermione's words.
Well one chapter down, only 37 to go. If all the chapter's are this well written then my job's going to be incredibly easy.Author's Response: The conjunction thing doesn't bother me, it may be frowned upon but there are tons of books where they go ahead and do it anyway. I was looking more for like really obvious grammar issues, because most of this gets written at night while my roommate is asleep so I can use the computer, and my attention to details like that tends to wane with the hour.
I also was looking for the first part of your review. I want to know that the things I'm changing and adding to the story are strengthening it and not bogging it down unnecessarily. I'm glad you liked the improvements, I never liked this chapter before, it was like the thing I had to write to get into the story (That's how I always feel when writing a 1st chapter though) And since Dobby was one of the characters I loved from the books but haven't done much with here, I decided it would be a perfect place to put him in. Thanks for starting to do this, looking forward to you thoughts about the rest. Report Review
Well I was wondering how you where going to portray Xenophilius for a while now, since you had Hermione's parents being so.. cynical and a little overprotective, and we obviously already know a great deal about the Weasley's and a good bit about the Malfoy's. He certainly is different from what I would have expected, I thought he would have been a little more concerned for Luna's well-being, since he is a single parent and all. I really felt terrible for Luna this chapter with her father's number one interest for being there was for the story and not her, really tugs at the heartstrings, reading that kind of thing, I guess it wouldn't have been there if that wasn't part of your intentions. But, I guess I do understand in a way, I can't understand how desperate Xeno must have been to get some revenge on the man who brought about the death of his only son. The bit near the end brought me around a little, maybe he isn't the most conventional father, but at least there is a loving bond between the two of them.
Oh, and while I'm talking about that. I can't exactly remember what kind of scenario Lucius is in at the moment, is he going to be prosecuted or something if the story get's published or is he a fugitive?
Quick cures, that's something new. Kind of ironic considering most of the other items sold by the Weasley's where made for creating minor accidents to get out of class. But I guess he can try make amends for all the student's he has kept out of class by trying to keep more in with these cures.
Interesting, Snape's escaped from the Death Eaters, or maybe set loose by the Death Eaters would be a better statement, I never really trusted the Snape in this story, a lot of things seem too coincidental about him, but then again he never did put in the truth telling part into the potion that was injected into Draco. Well maybe I don't have enough evidence built up to support one side just yet, and I'll just have to see what happens.
I just knew you would have to add in another adversary this year at Hogwarts! Well I look forward to seeing how this unravels. Well let's hope for our heroes sake that he is as bad as Cho.
Really enjoyed this chapter, and next stop Hogsmeade station! Then off to Hogwarts.Author's Response: Xeno undoubtedly loves his daughter, would give up the magazine in a minute for her if she asked. But she wouldn't because she loves him just as much and what's more, she understands him and the way he thinks which is a bit backwards- like "only sick people take pills, if I stop taking my pills I won't be sick."- only with Xeno its "Luna doesn't tell me that it bothers her that I work so much so she must be fine with it." And beyond understanding his thinking, she understands that his obsession with the magazine serves a purpose, to keep him from falling apart over the loss of his wife and then his son. I think there's a large child-like side to Xeno that makes Luna feel more like the adult and perhaps it's starting to weigh on her now that she actually is an adult with real problems of her own and now needs someone to turn to. Anyway, that's my input on it based on what I've done with Luna's character and what I see when I'm writing from her POV. At least I kept Xeno's appearance like Rowlings'.
As for Lucius, he is still running free with Voldemort. What is about to be revealed are his true roots as the child of two muggle parents only to be adopted by the Malfoys in secret. It isn't anything that would tie him up legally, it's something that very well could turn his own against him, as vehement as they are about purebloods and muggleborns. It's something that will at the very least discredit him and take away some of the power he has to terrify the masses. It may be the end of him via Voldemort, or maybe he'll be ostracized and then be off on his own to start his own little campaign of evil. I don't know yet, but it won't be good for him.
Quick Cures is something to save the store and Fred's sanity, that's what he knows for sure. What he is unaware of is that he's also doing it as a way to keep in contact with Hermione. Just another plot devise to drive a wedge where it needs to be driven.
Snape... I don't know what I'm doing with him other than I have an idea for his return to the story and so I figured I needed to start mentioning him again. Once he reappears though, I'm not to sure what backstory I'll give him; escaped, set loose, insane, under the Imperious curse or the influence of some new potion...I just don't know. We'll both just have to see what happens.
Of course I needed another adversary, no way would Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle be able to be appropriate antagonists, especially after the summer they all just lived through.
Lots of surprises coming up when some familiar faces show up at Hogwarts along side some unfamiliar ones. Hoping to have a new one up soon. Talk to you later. Report Review
Sorry for the delay, the power went down for the best bit of a day after their was some safety concerns with the transformer on the end of my street.
It took me a while to remember were you are up to in this story, but once I did everything started falling back into place again. Two more of the Coven found anyway, It will be interesting to see how they come into place in the story, with Jie being involved in 'the muggle entertainment industry' and all that, I imagine he is going to have a hard time going from performing for muggles to fighting dark wizards, also his ability would rule out the need for the Ring wouldn't it? If he is a medium or whatever. It will good to see how aware they are of their special powers and for which side, if any, they chose to aid. It must be quite difficult to keep coming up with this other characters and giving them a unique ability, I can't keep track of them myself but luckily for me not to many of them are deeply involved in the picture at the moment. Apart from that not too much new information this chapter, the same relationship saga's trail along as usual, and even though most of the character's learnt a good bit this chapter, we the reader were already aware of it because of the 3rd person narrative. Effectively, we know all their secrets, troubles and doubts as soon as they're aware of them.
Another great chapter and we're off to Hogwarts next time, can't wait to see what this year has to offer for our heroes!Author's Response: I can say that most of the coven members won't be actually showing up in the story until after they leave Hogwarts, but one or two may show up while the gang is at school, if things play out the way I think I want them to. Most of their abilities eliminate the need for the ring, remember it was made by a coven ancestor and without permission he had it infused with wandless powers. I think we'll be learning a bit more about the ring once Jacinda comes into the picture, her being part of Mykele's line.
Yes, we the reader are aware of the emotional turmoil the characters are going through, but they are just experiencing it as it comes. So while we may read and think we know what's coming, these characters can only know themselves (Except Harry and Luna) and therefore can only react as each situation presents itself. The main thing I wanted to move along was the slow awakening of certain people to certain other people and the fallout of emotions that is about to come when everyone finally figures it all out. You may think you know all their secrets, but I still have a few up my sleeve, so all I can continue to say is pay attention to details, they may mean nothing now, but I've planted them for a reason and just because something seems like its on it's way to being settled doesn't mean anything.
I may have overstated, yes they will be heading to Hogwarts next chapter, but not until the end, so I hope you weren't expecting a whole Hogwarts chapter. That'll be the one after the next one.
Talk to you later. Report Review
Really promising start, It will be interesting to see where this story goes.Author's Response: Thanks! It's my first fanfic so I can't wait to see how this goes! :) Report Review
I sent my extended thoughts via forums. But I'm sure a little review here can't hurt.
It was a really good chapter, descriptions were more plentiful and more vivid. Lots of new information to process but you're shaping the story up beautifully, I did noticed the timeline and had some troubles fitting the story about them, but nothing too major.
Very excited to see what Harry digs up from all his sleuthing next time around.Author's Response: Might be awhile on this one, CoW needs a lot of attention right now. See you in the forums. Report Review
Your best chapter to date without a doubt. Sarah's memories... Well lets say I've read the chapter three times now and I think I'm still a little tense from reading it the first time, so dark, so very thought provoking. The mental picture was vivid, I honestly thought that I heard the words and seen the memories unfolding before me, just incomparable to Deathly Hallows, a different class, this was just leagues better.
I've never wished more that there was a >> button to press. My minds completely blown so you'll forgive that I can't seem to articulate proper sentences (or think straight) and I'll have to finish my review here.
This chapter finished way too quickly. I can't believe your going to leave me hanging here for another week and half or so. :(Author's Response: Wow, high praise indeed! I was worried I hadn't heard from you in awhile. Hope school and everything is okay.
You're right, I'm going to be leaving you hanging for a bit. It's taking me a while to get up the gumption to switch over and work on the HP stories and I can't focus on them when I do, I think I'm getting a bit burned out so I've been working on my own stuff more. But I did manage to finish a short chapter 3 of SiS so that should be up in 3 to 4 days.
Talk to you later. Report Review
First off, I should mention that I'm a devoted Harmony shipper.
I still really liked it, It's different, in a good way, and something about it just touched me. Most of the time, I would have preferred that they did love each other, but this is an exception. I don't know if it's the way you built the emotion or what is, but It was just great. Report Review
There we go, with the eating scene in Leaky Caldron that's a little more Ron-like behavior. (Actually.. Do you call it a scene if it's in written format?) Moving along, I see that you have included at least some of "A Scandal in Bohemia." in the story, obviously some parts differ because of the merging of the two worlds, and it's quite plain that in Doyle's story Miss Adler did not jump onto a broomstick for a quick getaway, nor has Watson married Mary, considering that Luna has taken her place. But you've included the King of Bohemia (I'm not even going to attempt his whole name.)
So I'm assuming that in this story that 'the Quibbler' is more of just an average small time newspaper, rather than the one in JK's stories when it was basically a joke paper, which main articles included imaginary creatures like wacklespurts or whatever they where called. I know that Ron referred to the Quibbler as 'garage papers' in Chapter 1, but Harry seemed to think it was a respectable enough source. Plus I've noticed in both of your stories that Luna is a lot less dreamy, so I guessed that it probably follows the same trend.
Also in Chapter 1, you refer to Luna's father as John Lovegood.
(Well, it’s of a sensitive nature. Which is why my father, John Lovegood,)
Then in Chapter 2 it's back to cannon with Xenophilius Lovegood.
(We were led up the two short flights of stairs and down a long hall to an office bearing the name Xenophilius Lovegood, Owner and Operations.)
I really liked when Harry pointed out the patterns in the dust, prime example of Holmes at his best there. As Holmes says to Watson in A Scandal in Bohemia "You see, but you do not observe." But honestly who isn't guilty of that? I mean I certainly never counted how many steps where in my staircase, well.. not until after I read that.
Like the other reviewer, I thought immediately of Voldemort, when I first read about the Dark Mark scorched into the side of the building. Although I highly doubt that it was Moriarty's hand that actually did it, he is above common crimes like stealing and breaking and entering, more fitting crimes like treason and sedition. I would think that it was probably one of his followers who left the mark, they're called Slytherin's instead of Death Eater's in this story right?
Basically no errors, all in all (to me) it was nothing short of perfect. 10/10 as usual. I can't really think of anything else to say than looking forward to the next one, I know it's pretty cliche but it will have to do.
Well hope that was a decent enough review, should get round to doing some more soon.Author's Response: If this story goes well, I plan on having two sequels, one that goes back to the case where he meets Hermione and one where he first meets Voldemort. They will have aspects of the real stories, but mostly will be fitting the new timeline I'm creating, (so Ron as Watson hadn't met Luna as Mary yet. Plus I'm setting it up as Voldemort being their first ever case together which is obviously different from the series as Study in Scarlet was the first.)
The quibbler is very much looked down upon as silly and useless by Ron and everyone else, but Harry as Sherlock would know that in everything there is something useful to be gathered so I don't think he would write them off. But no, it's not so much about imaginary animals and things, more like conspiracy theories and the like, they take real stories and have very complex stories citing outrageous claims. As for Luna, I think in RoM I had her more dreamy when she was still hiding her power from everyone, and I explained it away as her using that to keep people from suspecting. Once she was able to reveal her secret, she became less dreamy. In this one, she's still going to believe the improbable and she's still not going to be an ordinary girl (no powers just weird) she's just a bit more down to earth which is the Mary influence.
Thanks for pointing out the disparity, I had changed Mr. Lovegood's name in the second chapter but forgot to go back and do it in the first, I just went and fixed it so whenever that gets back through the queue.
I'm trying very hard to keep Harry himself but add in the brilliance of Holmes. I think once some action starts, we'll see more of the Harry influence.
I don't know who left the mark yet, if it was him or someone working with him, but the thief is Hermione. His followers will be Slytherins, Death Eaters are going to be the former enemies from the war. (Watson was fresh from serving in the war when he met Holmes, so I had to include that in there somewhere and that gave me the opportunity to add in the DEs. But Voldemort didn't lead them in this story, he simply wants to collect the remaining ones and bring them together under him and the Serpent's Doctrine. That's where the difference comes in.)
I'm about halfway through the next chapter but I'm having trouble with the scene (yes scene) between Harry and James. I know the relationship between Holmes and Mycroft is sort of love/hate and competition. I'm trying to push through, but I think I feel kind of burnt out on HP which could be part of the problem. I've been working on my real novel a lot more because it has nothing to do with HP. I mean I have both stories and I'm trying to fix RoM it's like HP all the time and my brain feels bored everytime I open one of them to work on. Even CoW which is actually in an exciting place right now. So the next few might be a bit slower getting put up, I'm still plugging away on them though.
Thanks for liking this story, i wasn't sure many people would. I know because of the movies a lot of people have become SH fans without ever reading one of the stories, so I'm glad that people who have read them are being supportive. See you in the forums. Report Review
Thank you. I was a little down today, but this helped me to smile.Author's Response: Aww, I'm glad. :) Ã¢Â™Â¥ Report Review
Glad you're back from your break, I'm really enjoying this story! Looking forward to your next chapter, can we be expecting it soon-ish?Author's Response: Keeping my fingers crossed! Hopefully school doesn't keep me too busy, otherwise I'll have to wait until the weekend, and with the queue it'll take longer. Thank you so much for reading and leaving a review, it means a lot :3 Report Review
You weren't kidding about a major cliffhanger anyway, wow!
I knew that it was the Dursley from the start when you mentioned a very large teenager boy. Not too many people in HP match that description, and I think you're down to just Dudley when it comes to people who would write to Harry. (Even though, that is doubtful itself.)
I'm short for time so I'll send the rest of my thoughts via forums later.Author's Response: That's why I wanted to warn you before you read, I knew I ended it in a very inconvenient place.
I'm not sure what to do with the Dudley character which is why I left it so open with him helping or at least trying to. He may or may not make another appearace, we'll have to see. But it's built in either way.
Looking forward to more in the forums, see you there! Report Review
Character choices are interesting, Ron playing Watson, it's an completely absurd thought but yet that makes it all the more intriguing. I wonder who's personality will come out out the dominate, will Watson add a certain sophistication to Ron's character, or how will Ron's own lackadaisical personality affect the character of Watson, I wonder.
I was 99% sure that you would have Harry as Holmes, but it still strikes me as odd when Ron refers to him as Potter, I know that's the fashion that the Sherlock Holmes stories are written in, but I can't help but to be reminded of the drawling snarl of Snape or the tone of absolutely loathing used by Draco Malfoy.
I'm looking forward to seeing the sheer genius of Sherlock Holmes acting through Harry, and the involvement of Hermione as Irene (or as Holmes refers to her 'the woman'), that should be fascinating. A Scandal in Bohemia was one of my favorite Sherlock Holmes stories, and it will be great to see your interpretation on the relationship.
I loved how quickly Ron's opinion on The Quibbler changed when Luna entered, of course that had to be nothing more than a coincidence, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she was attractive :P, and also the way Harry refers to eminent danger as 'exciting!' It's something I can definitely imagine Holmes saying in one of Sir Arthur Doyle's stories.
One little thing bothers me, I would have had Goyle as Bradstreet just because they have a similar physical build-up both being tall and stout, where as Crabbe would be considered short and stout, and to me Crabbe would have a better Inspector Hopkins. I don't know if you would agree, but I thought it might be worth me pointing it out.
All in all, It was fantastic. The descriptions when used were effective, story was amazing and the characters were captured to complete perfection.
It will take a while for me, to get my head around Ron sipping tea instead of acting like the gorb he usually is when at the dinnertable, as well as acting maturely and generally being quite an elegant person that Watson is. But I'll get used to it.
(Just a last second thought, shouldn't it be Ronald or Ronald Bilius instead of just Ron to keep to the formality of the story?)
- Sorry for the delay on the review. Life's caught up with me, been busy catching up with friends and stuff that have come back from various holidays. Talk to you more later anyway.
FYI - *Gorb* Irish colloquial word meaning to eat ravenously or messily.Author's Response: I think in this story, Ron will be a mixture of himself and Watson. Currently it's more Watson, I admit, but as the story progresses, more of the Ronness will come out.
I felt awkward when I was writing, having Harry be called by his last name. But like you said, it was how it was in the SH style and that's the style I'm aiming for. SO I must do what I must do.
As to the inspectors, I intended it to be that way and didn't realize until you pointed it out that I mixed them up. An easy edit. Thanks for that, I would have totally missed it.
As for Ron's, lack of gorb-like behavior, he was only drinking tea in this chapter. In the next they stop for lunch while discussing the case and Harry as Holmes definitely has something to say about Ron's eating habits. With his name lacking formality, I agree with you and will edit accordingly. He should have been introduced as Dr, Ronald Weasley.
No worries on the delay, I've been quite the busy bee myself. Let me know when you update your story! Report Review
I just loved it. Detailing is great, story is interesting and the characters of Harry and Hermione seem to be captured flawlessly. Really looking forward to the new chapter.Author's Response: Flawlessly? I'm blushing!
Thanks for the great review! Report Review
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