Hey there, its Gabbie with your review and I'm really sorry that it took so long to get back to you, I've been very busy. But I hadn't forgotten about you or anything! ;)
So that last chapter had me thinking that Mikaela was going to confront her future husband but instead, it was only his parents! I thought that was just as nerve-wracking though and I was so uncomfortable for her during their conversation. It seems like no one really minds what's happening and I couldn't help but think she was about to explode. And then she did and it was hilarious! I have to say that one thing I really like about her is that she's not only stubborn but she's got alot of fire and I'm glad that she put in her OWN demands. That took some guts! Their reactions were great too, and it was obvious that they weren't expecting it...like, at all. HAHAHAHA. I think that they sort of manipulated her though with all the benefits of being married to their son and that ring? I groaned a little because she just went along with it, even though I felt it was a bribe!!! >:(
Argh! What to do?!! Mikaela mentioned that people think she's an instant sounds-like-witch whenever people see her. I think alot of that has to do with her attitude, she's awfully smug sometimes! Hahaha.
I can't wait to see how she develops as a character though and I liked the happy ending to this chapter. It gave me some hope and being inside her massive closet was fun too and she's friend with a Weasley?! I didn't expect that. More interesting plot twists for me...
Anyway, this was a great read. The only CC's, I can give is that some of your bigger paragraphs could be broken up into smaller ones. :D
Thanks for the read!
P.S.: Since I'm leaving, I'll be getting rid of my review thread. T-T I shall miss this.Author's Response: Seee, everytime you review I smile. Its like magic.
Don't go :(
You make me smile at my own story, its amazing. I hope you come back real soon, like real real real soon.
I didn't like the idea of getting her somethingbut its pureblood background, they couldn't come empty handed. That's why. She's no way near bribery.
I will read this review again and smile.
Take care of your self, Gabbie. :( :(
Em. Report Review
Hey there! I'm really sorry that I didn't come back to this really quickly, I have been really busy with things lately. It sucks! D':
So we're back with the girls and I just love it when they go through to the pavilion. There's just something to very dreamy and lovely about the way you write it and I can't get the images of what I think it looks like from my mind. I think you use such subtle hints of imagery here and there that really capture the scope of it so well. And I don't care what anyone says, Salazar freaks me out, why do I keep getting the feeling that he's hunting Dezzy?
Perhaps I'm reading too much into it but he gives her so much attention and I know that there's something so mysterious about him but I have this feeling in my gut...
But I might just be hungry. :D
Anyway, I'd like to know more about him and Dezzy's feelings for him are growing and the way you write her attraction to him are just perfection. I mean, I sat there sighing the whole time, it was just such a great way, I love the line about her still feeling the press of his hand in her own. Gosh that was so simple but so wonderful!
But now the girls have been found out and good for Dezzy standing up to their father! I was really scared for them though and so upset that he was so cold towards her, I really can't stand it! Ugh, and Dezzy was so upset later, I hope she goes to see Godric and they have a nice long, passionate/perhaps a heavy snog/ talk. :D
I really loved this chapter and I'm sad that I won't be able to keep reading while I'll be away but I'll stop by whenever I can my dear! There was only one grammar thing, you meant to say "had" but wrote "hand" but that was the only one I spotted.
Otherwise, it was great.
OH! A FORCE OF WILLS IS UP! A FORCE OF WILLS IS UP!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi Gabbie!
The pavilion is really fun to write because I can just dive into the descriptions of what everything looks like and how Dezzy and her sisters love it all so much. It's so different from the dreary life they live with their father that they really soak in every minute they can have being happy and free. And Salazar is really bizarre and mysterious... But it will still be a while before you find out more about him! Heeheehee.
And the girls' father is so tough for me, because sometimes I just want to make him beg for forgiveness and become an amazing father, but he's just too consumed with grief to see clearly, and realize how he's hurting his daughters.
I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter, because I had a ton of fun writing it!!! Thank you so much for the amazing review!
Cassie :) Report Review
Ooh, now you love me forever, I'm leaving you a review! :D Its Gabbie here by the way, thought I'd stop by and plop this review on you today before I went back to typing and such myself. :D
So, I have only read a few Remus/Tonks stories so far and I really like the pair of them. Your Tonks is extremely funny and I really like her attitude, she's sort of just blowing in the breeze and taking things day by day.
I was really laughing when she kept mentioning how people kept talking about her being an Auror like it was so surprising. Hahhaa. Just cause she's clumsy doesn't mean she's not smart you know! Of course, there is a bit of mystery about the Order and I'm glad that you added that in.
Tonks meeting Remus wasn't what I expected either and I'm so relieved that you didn't go for the overblown romantic I-just-happened-to-be-gazing-at-you-longingly-from-the-other-side-of-the-room thing which would have been annoying. :p
So Remus himself is interesting but I wish I could have had more on him for a minute but I think you have alot of room to get all that done. :D
The initial Order meeting was great and I was glad to see that Tonks wasn't falling in line with it so easily and there were a few jitters. This falls in line with canon really well too, I liked Moody's mentioning of what happened in The Goblet of Fire.
Always gives me the chills! But then again, Snape was in the room...
Anyway, what I really liked about this was the details you put in with her parents and her mother's relationship with her sisters/cousins etc. I thought that added alot of depth to Tonks and that last little bit with Sirius made me sort of sad. :(
But anyway, on to CC's! Hm, there weren't many, just that there should be less commas in places and about a few spelling things but a quick read through will get rid of those. :D
I hope you update alot for this by the time I get back! ;)
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hey Gabbie!
Yeah I've never really read that many Remus/Tonks stories, so I guess that's why I decided to write one! I'm glad that you liked Tonks, as I really do love her, and wanted to do her proud!
I guess with the Auror thing, it was the sort of the reaction I would imagine she would get, as I would probably have that thought about her as well!
Hahaha, if they saw each other like that for the first time, it just wouldn't have been realistic. Their relationship is so quirky, I guess the way they met sort of represented that!
With Remus, I didn't want him to make a big impact on Tonks, as I think their attraction for one another took longer to develop, and I wanted to show that!
I'm glad that you liked the Order meeting, and of course Tonks wouldn't fall in line, she's a little rebel in my eyes. The thing with Moody gives me the chills too, but I felt it was only right to include it!
I have edited this chapter, and the revised version is in the queue, I wanted it to be updated before you read it, but hey validators have lives too!
I hope it's updated a lot as well, and I'll look forward to your return :D
Kiana! Report Review
What on earth? I mean, I feel so awful that I hadn't attacked this alot sooner! Gah, it was simply just a mess of brilliance! I think that Charlie is personally one of the best OC's that I've read on thsi site in a long time, I absolutely love her. Her narrations are funny and realistic and I think her awkwardness is really something that anyone can relate to. Given all the weirdness in Hogwarts with Tori being missing and it adds some interesting dynamics as she tries to find a good balance.
Its unfair that everyone is judging her based on Tori not being there but I love that you put that in tehre and made sure to give little snippets of what Charlie had to go through. The fact that people are considering her a replacement and treating her badly because of it is a little much! I mean, it just makes me wonder about Tori all the more, even though I know something shady happened to her in the first place.
There's so much mystery around that and the fact that no one is really saying, save for Aine, just makes me all the more curious and eager to read Tori's POV later.
Honestly, I was sitting here enjoying Charlie's narration about fitting in with her group of friends and loving her friendship with James. Bit of oddness there too with him and Albus, I don't think its as simple as Al falling for Tori, I think it was something much darker.
And why is Albus not affected by Charlie ignoring him? Is he just odd? And why doesn't he have friends!? Strange...
Anyway, what the heck, Rebecca?! I have to say that that was just the most amazing thing ever, so much drama and Charlie-humor! Gah, I didn't think that little terror was going to attack her and gee thanks, everyone for letting her!! >:(
What is her issue? I'm keeping my eye on that little monster. But thank goodness McGonagall showed up, I hope she puts her in her place and speaking of, James and Charlie are getting closer, eh?
I'd like him to pick ME up after I've nearly been choked...
But that's not at all romantic.
So this ending just left me with more questions than anything and why are the twins so creepy? Like, really...really sort of creepy. Anyway thank you for this amazing read! :D
I really loved this and no CC's!
Stop by Abandon whenever you like!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Thanks for another review and I'm so sorry for not getting back to you sooner. It's terrible, I've suddenly become so slack with review responses and I feel so bad! I blame it all on school. But anyway, here I am and I'm so happy you liked the chapter!
It makes me so happy to hear that you love Charlie, as I always enjoy writing her, and her interactions with her little group of friends she is forming, especially James. *Sigh*
Rebecca is a bit of an odd-ball, alright (then again, so is Albus at the moment) and I have to admit, that attack was kind of cool to write. She definitely did go a little psycho.
Thanks again for the review!
Courtney:) Report Review
Hey there, sorry for being seriously late with this review, I would have attacked it sooner but I was busy and sort of lazy these past few days. Anyhoo, on to this!
I really enjoyed Mikaela in this chapter, I was really getting a good grip on who she was as a character and her thoughts were really funny and very sarcastic. Hahah. I could sense that she was afraid, truly underneath all the snark and I liked that she tried to hide it well. In regards to her not believing in love and not wanting to be vulnerable, I have a feeling that she's going to learn her lesson soon. ;)
This Nick person sounds actually pretty awesome, I really liked the backstory you gave on him. There wasn't alot to have me knowing it all but enough to get a good interest in him and wonder what sort of person he really is. So much mystery around him! And I hope he's good looking still too or Mikaela will have a fit. HAHAHA. And Scorpius? I wonder what his reaction to him will be when they meet.?
I love that build up you gave in this chapter, really good stuff!
Now, I never expected that scene with her mother at all and I loved every bit of it. Seeing her mother actually revealing a bit of her own past and the pain it had taken to lose her own love just touched me. I'm glad that she told her daugther about it though and what it might mean if she gave up on what she really wanted/needed. Oh, and the brief flashback was good, though I could have used just a tad more detail, I want to know who this mysterious Ravenclaw boy was! :D
So that ending.say what?! I think I know who's waiting for them and I love the cliff hanger you left at the end, it was a really nice touch. :D
So, as for CC's! BUM! Hahaha. Just a few grammar things that a quick read through will get rid of, other than that your pacing and detail were pretty darn good! :D
Thanks for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Omg
This is such a happy review.
I'm so gladdd you love thiss.
Thankyou soo muchh! Favv review!!!
I can't wait to request another onee.
I love how you love this story hehe. :P
Emm Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm so sorry that it took me a minute to get to it, I really am. I was really busy and trying to type and had to pause in having a hissy fit because I had writer's block. D':
Anyway, its been a while since I've read the first chapter of this story. I have to admit that it took me a moment to get back into it and remember what had happened in the first chapter. I wasn't sure where you were going for the first few paragraphs becasue I'd wanted more detail and explanations on the chapter before. But I could see the more that I read that Emyline had settled in with James but I felt that there was something you were leaving out, perhaps on purpose? How was her father dealing with this? What happened after she and James married and why did he marry her? I couldn't help but wonder about that, especially with her saying that he kept things hidden from her.
I wonder if he's involved in some shady Auror things, not really shady but maybe dangerous? Hm...Got me curious on that.
James himself was a little strange, in the sense that I couldn't really get a grip on his character, I feel like he's just one big mystery. I do like that you gave more background on Emyline though, I thought it was really great to see how close she and her mother were.
I wonder if her dream of healing will come true? With the family constantly moving and this new departure to Godric's Hollow, I can't help but wonder about this. And what are James and his parents going to say? I wonder about this! Do they know about their marriage and the kids?
I think you've got enough going on here to keep going and pulling me in different directions. :D
As for CC's, there were some grammar things, but this one is one that I think a quick proof read will get rid of. "Of course" instead of "Off course", that's the one that I noticed alot but other than that, your flow was good and I hope you hint at more to come in the next few chapters, you sort of left me on a cliffie! D':
Thanks for the read,
Gabbie. :DAuthor's Response: Hey Gabbie!!
Thanks for the review!
Im really glad you liked the update! Well yes there is a lot of mystery. I was trying to maintain the present with only showing a bit of the past. We will see Daddy soon enough when he does things yet again :P
He is a mystery to Emy since she hasn't tried to actually know him. Which is why I tried to make it a mystery to the writer since well its in Emy's POV.
Glad you liked it Gabbie and thanks for reading! Report Review
Its me, Gabbie with your requested review and please excuse me for not being able to read this right away and attack it properly. For the past few days I've been so annoyingly busy! D':
Anyhoo, I thought that this was a great first chapter for a new story. I was able to get the sense of desperation coming off of Dom (I shall call her that!) and was really panicking. The build up you gave and the reasoning on why she was there in the first place was smoothly done. It just made me all the more nervous though as I was able to sense that danger wasn't too far off. The fact that she was out interviewing werewolves was sort of awesome but terrifying and I'd like to know more about that. For her job, was there a real purpose for it, were they intent on making werewolf/human relationships better? Anyway, the rest of this made me tesne up because I was pretty sure that she was going to get away! But that ending, after talking about how important her family meant to her?! ARGH! What a way to do it!! I love it! :D
And here's something interesting! Dom and Teddy, eh? I didn't see that one coming but once she's bitten and changes, will he stand by her? So many questions.
Anyhoo, on to CC's! D':
I don't think there were many, just some minor spelling/grammar things and other than that, I thought your pacing and build up were great. I really like your Dom and the real fear she has of werewolves too, even though she's dating Teddy and knows about his dad. :D
So, continue on! Write more! I demand it!
Thanks for the read,
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I am sorry for the delay in responding!
I am pleased that you found this to be a good first chapter. Its good to know you got the desperation and liked the build up and reasoning. More on her job and interviews and such will be revealed in later chapters =) I am glad that the ending was unexpected for you, and you liked the way it was done.
Haha yes Dom and Teddy, my OTP ;) We'll know more about their relationship in the later chapters too. And of course he'll stand by her!
I'll go back and read the chapter once again to fix any spelling/grammar stuff. I am pleased you like my Dom, thank you for all your kind words! Report Review
I told you that I would stop by with your review and here I am. I thought that I would be laughing alot and its true, I was because poor Darcy is being pulled in all these directions. What's funny is that she sort of fell into her own trap by wanting to compromise with Louis and I have a feeling that its going to get kind of messy. And he's of course, taking this to his advantage and going to use it against her and make her squirm. Hehehe.
But oh, how funny is it that she kept tossing him into broom closets? Louis was killing me, nothing seems to let him down, does it? I wonder what he's really thinking sometimes and if the Towel Incident is really that much of a deal. To Darcy of course it is but I wonder what's going to happen if someone DOES find out? Hahahhaa.
Or is something going to happen thats worse than that?! Ah, I would like to know.
But anyway, I really loved this! I'm wondering,with all the Darcy/Louis action if Lys and Lucy are going to somehow be together. I'm rooting for that! :D
As for that ending, well, I'm getting the feeling its not going to go well for Darcy in the next chapter. Hahaha.
I really can't wait!
I loved it to bits of course! :) On my end, expect A Force of Blaise and then, perhaps Albus, Abandon and then Audrey. Triple A's! Hahahhaa.
Anyhoo, thanks for the great read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi Gabbie! It's so lovely to see you back again!
Poor Darcy, indeed! She really doesn't know when to stop herself sometimes, and is so stubborn that she can't see that sacrificing a little bit of her integrity might actually pay off in the end! Instead she decides to date the boy that gets on her nerves more than anyone in the world! Haha.
Louis is more complicated than meets the eye, and I'm really going to delve into his character more now that he and Darcy are going to be spending a lot more time together, and she's going to get to know him better.
And as for Lys and Lucy... You'll just have to wait and see! Haha.
I can't wait for more updates from you, and I promise to keep you in the loop with Holding On! Thank you so much for the awesome review!!!
Cassie :) Report Review
Hey there, you! I'm really sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you, I've been annoyingly busy and trying to update all my stories before I head out for basic. :p
Anyway, so we're back to the boys! I think Nathan held his own very well against that masked fiend but its horrible that Charlie got hit--and what's this about magical imprint? That something I've never heard before but its very interesting, I can't wait to see what else you do with that.
Anyhoo, the boys were taken to St. Mungo's, and Greg is doing all that he can but I can tell that he wishes he can do alot more. I'm really eager to see what you do with this and the mysterious people that have been causing so many problems. What's really making me worry is that there are obviously more of them out there and I'm wondering what they're going to do now that one of their own is missing/captured/interrogated by Aurors.
I really can't wait to see how that goes, actually, there are bound to be some great answers and more mystery thrown in.
On another note, it seems like Rose is the most unlikeable person on the face of the earth. I really wish that she would get over herself for a minute! And how are the adults not noticing this?!
What I did find surprising was that Ginny didn't go to St. Mungo's/Burrow with Albus after what he had told her had happened. But I think he was in a hurry and from that ending, Harry is about to show up! And I think the story is going to go in a really complex and wonderful turn! :D
Can't wait for your next update!
On my end, there are like, three chapters for the Misfits if you're still reading it. And...I'm getting there...I'm getting to the important bits. D':
GabbieAuthor's Response: Don't think I'm in a position to complain about slow reviewing times... I've barely had a free minute and am counting down to the Easter holidays with quite indecent enthusiasm.
I promise that I shall get around to reviewing the misfits, but right now I'm so busy that I'm breaking my one golden rule about work and that's working after I leave the office at night... I'm knackered, and I want to read when I'm relaxed enough to enjoy it at my own pace!!
Seven days to go...
Sheriff Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and once again, my apologies for not immediately attacking it. So, the beginning of this chapter was interesting, it was nice getting into Draco's mind and seeing how he thinks about everything. I sort of wanted a bit more of a personal backstory with him, perhaps talking a bit more about his feelings for his wife. From what I could gather, aside from that hug, they don't seem all that close and I was wondering if that was just how you wrote it or if I had read it wrong. On other things, I can sense his worry for his daughter really well but I wonder how he and Scorpius are going to get along now? Is something really major going to happen between them? Sort of got me worried.
With Mikeala's thoughts later on in the chapter, I liked that she was trying to get away and thinking at the same time. It seems like being busy helps her out more than anything and I enjoyed how her thoughts kept bouncing around. She was weighing her options and in the end, she decided that she had really no chance of abandoning her family. No matter that she was saying her family name meant alot to her, I couldn't really see if she was nice, mean or anti-social. I'm not sure about that with her, to be honest! D':
But now she's stranded in the middle of nowhere but perhaps she'll get some help from that old couple? Hahaah. I hope so and I can't wait to see what happens later on!
As for CC's, I think this chapter was pretty okay when it came to grammar and all that. Some sentences could be smoother but the flow was good and your story is shaping up pretty nicely. :)
Thanks for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Heyy there,
You give me such happy reviews. The length of them always melts me away. :')
I am so glad that you liked this better.
Draco and Astoria have a very different sort of relationship.Its the kind you expect from Draco, given his past. Mikaela is like him, you will see through the characters in a while.
Wow, you really are getting to know the character of Mikaela.
And the mystery relationship of Scorpius and Draco shall be saved for later.
I have to keep some attraction of awesome people like you to read my story.
I can't wait to re request another review from you.
Em Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm really sorry that it took me a long time to get to you. I've been trying to write myself and had some boring real life issues getting in the way and you know all that stuff that stops people from doing awesome stuff.
Anyhoo, on to this! So, the first opening scene I think really sets up Mikaela as a character but I think you should have slowed down a bit. I was able to grasp her thoughts all right but I think you jumped a little too much from topic to topic but simply merging some sentences would solve this. It would have been nice to know a few more details of her room, since it would give her more backstory before the main part of this chapter began.
I knew something was a little off though when she went into the kitchen, again more detail of the home would be nice but her mother bursting into tears? Uhm...that's not what I was expecting! I thought you wrote the complete awkwardness of that scene really well and I felt very sorry for her and Scorp! D':
I thought for a moment that their father was going to tell them that they were getting a divorce or something, as that would ruin any birthday. But what did happen was alot weirder than what I thought and completely turned this around! So, magic promises are something tricky, aren't they?
I'm not sure how binding it would be though for her to follow through on this. Would she die if she didn't? What would happen to her family? I sort of wanted to know more details about this!
I do like that she didn't accept it but running off isn't going to solve the problem, hahaha. Or will it?
I also wasn't able to understand Mikaela's thing with Gryffindors or Muggles, perhaps you'll put more detail into that later? I'd really like to know! But ah...its going to be So awkward for her later on...I just know it. HAHAHAH.
Let's see, as for what I said about details, the only thing is that you could break up alot of your bigger paragraphs into much smaller ones. It would make your chapter longer and give you some more room to play with everyone else's reactions/add in quirks or mannerisms. But that's just me! :D
Other than that, I think you've got something really interesting here! Feel free to re-request!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hellooo.
First of thankyou soo much for such a long review. You really have put in a lot of effort in it.
The wait for surely worth it. :)
I am glad you were able to get into her thought process. I am realizing myself that it lacks a lot of details and the paragraphing is not right. I should add more spaces. I am surely going to take your advise on that and re edit the chapters.
I am glad I turned it around for you. It is fun to surprise your readers.
I think for a pureblood to turn in to a muggle is far worse than death. Thus I chose this.
Mikaela was sorted in to Slytherin for a reason. She becomes a coward when it comes to such things. I thought it through before adding her to Slytherin.
Haha I am glad you enjoyed the awkwardness.
Yes they will be further explained in Ch5
I will surely re request
It was fun reading you review
Hey there, I didn't lie, I'm here for our swap. I'd better see a review of something of mine, read whatever tickles your fancy. I warn you though, some of the things I write are awfully pervy.
Anyhoo, on to this! I don'd read many stories from a first person POV so this was a nice change and I really liked Scott righ away. The awkward drive with hsi dad sort of reminded me of many with my mom (Though I'm a lovely lass) and I liked the brief little background you gave them. For some reason, the fact that his mother left them was overshadowed by me laughing at the fact that she had "man hands". I shouldn't have laughed but that was your intention right? :D Hahah. I hope so, cause otherwise I feel dead awful!
Anyway, so that rejection from Lily was just pretty embarrassing but I'll give Scott some credit, he didn't break down and get all angsty. I was wondering why Lily would reject him though, I perhaps would have wanted some backstory on that but I got it later. :D
So, with all the things that he did tell her, I had to laugh at how you burst Lily's bubble. I mean, its pretty different from how girls see things from boys, I'm assuming and I really enjoyed that. And of course, the moment when he was going on about why he was in love with her didn't hurt either. ;)
But...one thing, when he fell off his seat in the compartment, where'd Fred go? That was the only thing that bothered me, and unless I read it wrong, he either vanished or was still knocked out. Hahahaha.
So, anyway, this was a good read, I wish it had been a tad longer but that's the thing with one-shots. They sort of suck that way. :D
But I really enjoyed this! :D
I shall see you on the forums!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Oh, you read my first one-shot, I cringe when I read through it because of all the grammatical errors. I should go back and fix those, but, eh, I'll live with it.
Yes, I was hoping people would laugh at the "man-hands" thing :P I wanted the kid to have a sadish background, but I wanted him to not really care about it (that didn't make sense. Moving on. . .).
Thanks! Fred, oh I had him sneak off when little Scotty was sleeping, but I forgot to mention that (cringe again), but I think he also "forgot" about Fred when he saw Lily. So, eh, whatever.
Yes! One-shots rock!
Thanks for reviewing (very helpful),
Jack (soapman333) Report Review
I'm here with your requested review and I'm sorry that it took a minute! :) So, we're back with Tori and her awful/interesting/peculiar/awesome train of thoughts. I shouldn't really have such a complicated feeling for a character but she's actually pretty interesting.
With her thing with James, its sort of creepy and sort of sad. I mean, its obvious that she was a little uncomfortable but putting up a front to make up for it was something that I just tsked at. And uhm, she can stay away from Fred, he's mine. >:D
Anyway, James seems sort of indifferent to what happened between them and I'd like to know why, perhaps he's so used to doing it with girls that he doesn't really care anymore? Was he playing hard to get? Judging from what happened to them later, I doubt it now. Hehehehe.
But anyway, Tori seems to think the whole world revolves around her and the way she acted with Smith was just amazing. I mean, that takes some guts but honestly, she just makes my head spin! And I'm really curious about her thing with Aine, they don't seem to like one another very much and I actually like that tension. I wonder what's going to happen later? :D
So, Albus in this chapter was a nice little surprise and he's so cute! Like, seriously, he's adorable! But so shy! I didn't like that Tori was using him but there was a tad of genuine kindess towards him that I did like seeing. I think that will play out well sometime down the line. ;)
The buildup you have going on is just great, I like the dark, glittery atmosphere coupled with teen angst and Tori is just a great character to write this story in. Her POV is just so unique, she's a person I love and hate! :D
Really enjoying this and feel free to re-request!
No CC's either aside from just a few spelling things!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Gah, I'm sorry it took me so long to reply-I really need to get back to fanfictioning. This site is so addicting, and I can't get enough!
I'm actually glad your feelings for Tori are complicated because she's a complicated character! She's definitely not likeable but she's not OMG IT'S LORD VOLDEMORT, WE HAVE TO KILL HIM either. And I have no idea where that little outburst came from! I apologise.
Tori's relationships are definitely...unusual, but you're right about Tori acting genuine towards Albus.
Thanks so much for the review!
Hey there lovely, I'm here with your requested review and its been a while since this story had an update! I actually really like the thought of a very stressed out Hermione, it makes me wonder what she would do in a really tense moment. Her temper was showing in this too, which was a good sign that not everything had changed. Hehehe.
I think the only thing I didn't really get was her feelings for Draco. Maybe I was just reading those parts wrong but I'm not quite clear if she dislikes him or not, I felt like her thoughts kept shifting a bit. But Draco's annoying like that so I can't blame her but it was surprising that he was with Teddy, I hardly see them interacting together in fanfiction.
I actually really like that idea. :D
So, this Platton guy, I didn't like, he was sort of full of himself if you ask me. And I love how he just dumped this mission on Hermione but the threat of another Death Eater uprising has me curious. I wonder how she'll handle being apart from Ron for this long? I'm really glad that you've added in Harry and Neville for the mission though, it would have been too easy for her and Draco to wind up traveling together. ;)
There needs to be angst! And romance! Hahaha. I have a feeling that this case isn't going to go smoothly though, and that ending sort of left me wondering. Ron was acting oddly and I wonder if there's something up with him? Sad to hear about my precious Georgie though, I want him to be happy! D':
Anyway, the only CCs (DUM, DUM) would just be slowing down a bit with some of your sentences. A few periods would be great and some of your details could be cut down a little so the flow would go better. :D
Other than that, its awesome! I'm really curious to see where this goes.
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi Gabbie!
Yes this story was getting a little neglected, but I lost inspiration for a while, and my beta had loads of tests so she took a while.
I'm glad that you found Hermione hasn't changed too much, as I want to keep her to the original. I hate it when characters completely change so I'm glad that you found that she hasn't.
Yes her thoughts on Draco are a bit confusing, but I guess she isn't really sure what she thinks of him, so there's confusion. I'll read it back over and see if I can make it any clearer:)
Yes I never see Draco and Teddy together in fan fiction, so I thought it would be nice to include those scenes. I'm glad that you liked it, as I liked writing it.
Yeah there always need to be that annoying guy, and in this case it's Platton. Yeah I thought it would be too easy making her go alone with Draco, and it wouldn't be accurate as neither of them are aurors.
There will be angst, and romance... But I can't say anymore about it ;)
Ron is a little odd, and I guess you'll find out more about the reason later... Yeah poor Georgie he is still a little sad over Fred, but he will get better, with Ron and Angelina by his side ;D
I'll review this chapter, and include your CC's. I just hadn't updated this in a while, so I didn't do a thorough proof read.
Thanks for the lovely review :D
-Kiana! Report Review
Its Gabbie here with your requested review and thanks so much for stopping by my thread again, I'd been meaning to whine about not reading any of your stories in a while. So, here I am!
I don't read too many stories with Lily and James when they've had Harry. They're depressing and I can't get over James being with someone else, our break up was awful.
Anyway, on to this! I really liked the beginning of this with Lily and your descriptions on what the War had done to she and James. With the loss of friends and the fact that they were hiding away while they were suffering was a really vivid way to begin. Of course, there was the little hint that there was somethihng more going on with Lily and I had my suspicions and was very hopeful that I'd be wrong! D':
James's moodiness and anger were very well-done and Bathilda's appearance and talk with Lily were actually my favorite parts. There's always something nice about hearing an elder give you good advice and Bathilda's own heartache just had me choking up. Its awful not being able to help, knowing that you've had a full life while others are being taken away. Eerie, though, that she gave Lily this talk before they were going to die but I think you've done that on purpose. ;)
I have to say that when Voldemort showed up, ruining the sweet moment between the couple I actually screamed. I wanted a fat unicorn to fly in the house and crush him! But that didn't happen and it just got more intense and frightening for me afterwards. I knew what was going to happen but I didn't have to like it! D':
Oh, James! RIP!
Lily's choice to plead for her son and to fight off Voldemort if she had to always tears me up. I think that was a powerful, lovely scene but that ending!
Argh! Promises broken and kept! I think that's just going to stay with me for a while, I can't quite shake that image of the Potter's in their graves and Bathilda with Remus from my mind.
Perhaps I'll sketch it...?
Anyway, this was great!
Thanks for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hey Gabby!
Thank you for coming by to read this. I've been meaning to drop to request a review for HPo4 but I want to review respond your other reviews first. XD
Stories featuring James and Lily after they have Harry ARE usually depressing but then again...I think their lives are just depressing! I mean...they died when they were barely 21. How tragic is that to begin with? So I totally understand how you don't read them...I'm the same...they always make me cry!
Lily and James are indeed feeling very trapped and useless. They wish they were out there FIGHTING for Harry's future but they know better. Their frustration is there though but they show it in different ways. Lily bottles it up while James takes out his frustration on Lily. Sad, but very indeed true. My own personal experience in resent months bleeds through in this fic. Their feelings of being trapped in one house, feelings useless and whatnot are very real since those emotions are mine so maybe that's why it feels so vivid.
Bathilda was the character that behaved the most. She basically wrote herself as it took me less than 30 mins to do her section. I'm so happy that you liked her views about the war and her inadequacy to the situation.
I have to say...I burst out laughing imagining a fat unicorn flying and crushing Voldemort! The image in my head was fantastic so I have to thank you for that!
Promises are indeed broken and some are kept. I think Bathilda might've told Harry about Lily's secret but then again she might've chosen not to since Harry's had been a bit sucky by this point. I don't think she would've liked putting more sadness into Harry's life.
Remus had to make a cameo in this fic! How can he not considering that he just lost everyone that meant a lot to him.
You should totally sketch that scene! :D
Anyway! Thank you for dropping by to read this!
Until next time
--Rosie Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm sorry that it took a minute for me to get back to you. So, I'm really glad to be back in Charlie's life and to see that he's actually gotten better but not to the point where he can stop blaming himself over Fred. I think that him pushing himself far from his family that way is actually making it alot worse and I want to see him go back to them. He needs it and oh! What a nice surprise coming from Fleur and Bill and OMG references of Georgelina!! You may not know this but I'm a HUGE fan of that pairing but ahem, now is not the time to gush about how much I love George--I mean, stories with him and Angelina. Anyway, so Charlie surprised me so much in this chapter, I wasn't seeing that proposal coming! But do you think he should have told Liz before he asked her to marry him?! I hope she doesn't react weirdly to it when he does say! D':
But oh, my goodness I was so happy, I was getting all gooey and girly! What a funny way for Liz to reaact to being propsed to! It was so like her, I really enjoyed it! :D
Can't wait for your next update and since I favorited this, I can read it whenever I like! :D
No CC's either, it was simply lovely.
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi again Gabbie!! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond to this!!
I know what you mean; I'm really anxious for Charlie to get back home, too. And I promise, he'll go home in good time... there's just a few things that need to happen first. XD *winks*
Haha! Feel free to gush away about Georgelina! I tried to keep this story as close to Canon as possible, so I'm glad you enjoyed the mention of them!
I completely agree with you; Charlie really should have spilled the beans by now. Let's hope that doesn't cause too much trouble later on...
Haha! YAY for you being happy about Charlie's random, surprise proposal!! I'm glad you liked it!! And I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story (if I ever buckle down and finish writing it, that is!) XD
Thanks again dear, so much!! Your reviews really make my day! Report Review
Its Gabbie here with your requested review and I'm sorry that it took a minute. I'm really glad to be reading this story again though, I was wondering what was going to happen next. Devlin isn't having an easy time being with his family and I really liked that you were showing it and his emotional reactions to Harry and Alex. Those are the sort of things that stood out to me in this chapter because I just know that he can't really handle it all. On Geoffery's end, I'm wondering just how he's going to handle being away from Devlin for this long and if he might try and see him. I liked the little bit we got with Remus but what a dumb thing for Geoffery to say! He got punched and for a good reason to! With the way Remus and Devlin had reacted to one another, and then hearing that, he was sort of asking for it. :p
What I really liked that was that Devlin himself was the one to really burst Harry's bubble. He was more than adamant that he would hate him if he knew how changed he was and him saying that he was no longer his son was just a powerful moment. Harry is letting his emotions control too much of his actions and i'm really starting to worry about that, I hope he'll be more careful. :(
Alex is still more wary and straight forward with Devlin than he is, though. I could actually sense that he liked her in this chapter and I'd like to see how that develops and if he'll grow closer to Emma.
But that ending! I'm not sure if I like it, I have the feeling that Devlin is going to do something or say something that will get him out of the house. You've got me curious on what he's going to do though and I'm sure that the crafty little thing is going to think of something really complex. :D
I think this was excellent and there are only like a few CC's that a quick proof read can change! Otherwise, it was great! :D
GabbieAuthor's Response: I'm glad this chapter expressed Devlin's feelings well enough - I was really pushing for that.
Geoffrey...well you'll just have to wait until the next chapter. He does know Devlin better than Potter. And yes, that was an extremely dumb thing to say, although I think he was being honest from an emotional stand point - he is wondering if Harry and Alex can handle the truth.
You really hit the nail on the head with this comment: "What I really liked that was that Devlin himself was the one to really burst Harry's bubble. He was more than adamant that he would hate him if he knew how changed he was and him saying that he was no longer his son was just a powerful moment." Because this is a snippet of what Devlin says in the next chapter: "ÂÂYou don't know me enough to hate me. [...] You could hate me, I promise."
I think Harry has always worn his emotions too visibly - hence his difficulty learning Occlumency. So I try to keep him too that. After all, it is his ability to love and feel those emotions that makes him different from Voldemort.
I think he already is really close to Emma, from his emotional perspective. He hints at the fact that he made a pact with Voldemort for HER - that he wouldn't run away, if Voldemort wouldn't hurt her. I think in his mind, he's done a lot for her she'll never understand.
I think it's clear enough to tell you he'll be sneaking out the back door. The question is wether he can get past the wards. Then again, we do know from Draco's scene that he escaped from Voldemort before, yes? ;) So...he must have some escapee experience.
I just finished up the next chapter - I had to rewrite the ending a few times to get it right. I really like Harry and Devlin's reactions in the upcoming chapter and think they each come to a bit of an epiphany about each other. But besides that, I just really enjoy writing Snape. ;) Report Review
Hey there, I'm sorry that I couldn't leave you a review sooner, I had got busy with some really boring and lame grown up stuff. Gosh, that sucks.
But anyway, here I am! Its so nice being able to get into Godric's head for a while and see where he came from after reading TFD for so long. I had always been really curious about him and his upbringing was just how I'd imagined. Godric is the sort of person that's comfortable with the simple life and I really oved how you tied both the beginning and ending together. I really like the image of him looking out of his window to watch the sun rise, there was something really beautiful about that to me. With his parents and siblings, I thought that him going out to look for work was a really noble thing to do and I hope that we get to see them again. That, or he speaks about them at some point! :D
There was really nothing at all wrong with this, I could have wanted this to be a tad longer but this is just a one-shot sadly, and I DO have TFD to look forward to! :D
So thanks for the read!
Expect Albus today or tomorrow and then Audrey and her Weeeasley.
p.s.: I shall see you on the forums!Author's Response: Hi Gabbie! I'm so so so sorry that it took me this long to respond to your lovely review!!! I was just busy with some work and such. But I'm here now! Haha.
I'm so glad that you enjoyed this one-shot! It was really different, I think, because I've never really gotten into the heads of any of my male characters before. I really enjoyed being able to tell Godric's backstory, because he has such a happy, peaceful childhood, that I could really picture as I was writing this. The sun-rise was one of those clear images, and I'm glad you like it, too! I'm working on ASOS, and will let you know when I FINALLY finish the chapter and put it in the queue!
Cassie :) Report Review
Back again with your requested review and long live fluffy pink unicorns! :D I would have attacked this sooner but I've been busy with actual real life issues that really suck! D':
Anyway, so we're back with Peony and her issues with being perfectly perfect and angsty. I think that the beginning of this with her sugar-quill induced nightmare set up the rest of the chapter very well. I never would have guessed from reading this that she was actually killing people in her dreams, completely not on purpose! That's pretty darn awful but genius, I've never seen that done before so that was really neat! :D
But goodness, she really is starting to see the bigger picture of things. I like that you had her shifting her attention away from charity events and marathons to what's actually happening around her.
When she snapped at Astoria, I don't believe it was simply because she didn't want to hear about boys or see Blaise flexing his muscles. For some reason, that whole little bit with Blaise just had my dying and yes, why didn't anyone ask how he knew about Mrs. Lestrange's allergies with latex? ;)
I think I died laughing right then.
But Terrence showed up soon after I came back to life and what horrible news! Roderick is dead?! And he brought cookies?! Hahaha.
It feels like everything is going downhill for poor Peony but I do like that we got more on what was happening with the case. Very suspicious business and we finally know what killed poor Squiggles! So Pansy though, has been trying to kill Peony for a while now and she got arrested?! How is she going to get out of this one, I'm pretty sure her finch's can't save her now! D':
And Draco is awful, wanting to use Peony but I think he was showing some character by not falling in line with Pansy's idea.
Oh! I shall also say that Pansy and Peony's fight and Snape's advice was hilarious.
So, this ending! What's going to happen now, I wonder? Terrence's bum has been kicked out of Hogwarts, Peony has been convicted of murder and Pansy is related to a hag! Hahahaha.
Very good though, I loved the entire thing and think that this is probably the funniest thing I've read in a long time. No CC's either! :D
And Lambie died! Murdered!! I just thought of that again! Oh, the horror...
First off, you are awesome.
I just had to get that out of the way. I'm so glad you were able to wrestle yourself away from that nasty RL and come back to innocent little Peony and her pretty problems. :)
Ahh, you didn't see that coming? That's awesome! Really. It is. She is starting to understand that the world around her isn't all pink fluffy unicorns and she'd better get with the program or she's gonna be snuffed out like a stub of a candle. That comment by Astoria really is the last straw for her. You are so right. Things have gotten so bad in Peony's world that she can't hide behind her community service projects any longer.
Oh, and there you go again being awesome. I was wondering how many people were going to pick up on Blaise's comment. Can you believe that it took me a LOOONG time to figure out how to sneak that in there and still have a 15+ story? *innocent blink*
Anyway... Terrence is a sweetheart, bringing bad news and cookies like that. I'm pretty sure the finches aren't going to sway Snape at all. Peony is in deep trouble, but not before her valuable dueling lesson. :) I loved writing that part.
Again, I have enjoyed your awesome review! I'm so happy that you are enjoying reading this story. Thanks so much! Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie here with your requested review and I'm sorry that it took a minute for me to come back to you. I'd actually gotten busy and blah, blah, blah, and I'm lazy like that but anyway, here I am!
So, Hermione has been given another few details about her assignment with Malfoy. It sounds really interesting and i have to say that I really like your idea of having another Death Eater like group showing up. What I really liked was that you didn't have the group being in Britain, this gives you a chance to show something much different and broader. I can't wait to see what you do with this nad how the Italian wizarding world is different from the British one. Though Hermione is upset, I think that she'll do what she has to do in the end, I'm under the impression that she's going to get alot of surprises. There was a moment of interest when Harry talked about Draco going under cover and i wonder if that'll help her opinion of him? Just a thought, to be honest. Hehehe.
I like the buildup that you've got going too, I really want to see how Hermione does with the pureblood lessons. That little bit into pureblood society was really neat, as I always found it fascinating! :D
As for CC's, there were a few grammar things but nothing a quick proofread won't cure. Other than that, it was a good, solid read and I'm really hoping for another few clues to this case and how Hermione and Draco will interact. :D
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hello Gabbie,
I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to reply to this review.
I'm glad you like the idea. I've read a few neo-deatheater group stories and some can be a bit cliche. I'm hoping to stay away from that, hopefully by what you mentioned, they are not a British based group. Hermione will get quite a few surprises but you are right she will do what she must in order to complete the mission. She was swayed a bit by Harry's information on Draco, not that she will show it. :)
I'm sorry that I missed the lessons. It would have been more of a filler chapter but you will see her lessons come into play in the following chapters.
I'll be getting a beta at some point I hope.
Thank you again for your time and review!
Meg Report Review
Hey, its nice to meet you I'm Gabbie and I'm here with your requested review! *Tosses confetti*
I'm actually quite a fan of Dramione, I like seeing what people do with this pairing and all the stories that they tend to come up with. From what I could gather from just this first chapter, I think it might be a suspense/mystery and I'm really excited! :3
Just the thought of Hermione being an Auror is exciting for me right now! Hahah. I think that you've added a few tweaks to her character that I really like, as in her sitting around watching muggle TV and everything. I can picture her as being really more relaxed and I'm sure that more of her traits will come out in the later chapters.
What's funny is that she's still doing Ron and Harry's work. :p Hahaha. I would have liked a tad more information on what had transpired over the past few years but again, you'll most likely mention that in the next chapters. :3
But this mission that Harry and Kingsley have assigned she and Draco with has me curious. I want to know more about it in this first chapter, just a little hint of what's to come would be greath.
And isn't Draco just the same blonde haired git as always? So he switched sides, hm? I'm interested in knowing more about that, I hope you give a detailed explanation on that and his manicured nails. Hahaha. ;)
But how is Hermione going to deal with him? I can't wait to see what you do with that and her being his designated girlfriend...oh, the things that will happen will be fun, no doubt! :D
So, as for CC's, I didn't spot any grammar things, your pace was fine and aside from just a bit more detail here and there, I enjoyed this! :D
Thanks for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Gabbie,
Nice to meet you as well. You can call me Meg. I'm so glad you came and read and reviewed this chapter for me.
I think you pointed out the parts that most of the readers have liked so far. I personally can't see Hermione giving up all her muggle ways. I think the muggle tv is a good place to start and you will see more of this in the coming chapters.
Just a warning, the next chapter holds a lot of information on Draco and Hermione's mission and it explains a few more things. The chapter will get longer and I hope you continue to like what you read. I will be requesting a review for the next few chapters.
Thank you again!!
Meg Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and sorry that it took a minute for me to get back to you. Real life issues got in the way and I've been trying to actually stop being lazy and type for a change. -_-
So. This was really amazing! I'm not sure what I loved more about it but I think just the slow decline of Draco's thoughts were enough to keep me reading on. I wanted to learn so much about this girl and this pain that he was experiencing that I didn't pause or stop reading for a minute. The brief glimpses of her in his memory just stood out in my mind and I loved the haunting quality you gave those words. "Come with me," sounds so ghostly towards the end and while I thought it was fantastic that you strayed from canon and had Draco joining the Order, I also appreciated the danger and doubt you added in. The Order accepting him wouldn't have been easy and I can't help but wonder what the cost would have been had he NOT joined them? Other than the possible murder of him and his family...could he have hidden somewhere else? Hm...
Anyway, Draco's battle with Lestrange, and the hint that his father had been murdered was really intense. I could really picture this in my mind and loved what you did there--only, Catherine dying was perhaps the saddest thing ever. T-T
But the ending...oh, goodness, that ending. That takes some real guts to write a sentence that way but I'm not sure whether I was going to cry or be angry with Draco. I wanted him to keep moving forward but he just couldn't take it any more. T-T
Sadness to the extreme! D':
Anyway, this was beautiful, actually. I have no CC's for it, other than I'd like this to be a novella *Hands fat puppy as bribe*. It woudl please me. Hahaha.
Anyway, thanks so much for the wonderful read! :)
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I totally understand how RL gets in the way, so its no big deal at all. Don't be sorry!
I am so glad that you liked this. I am thrilled that you couldn't stop reading. I always wanted to attempt something like this where a lover is calling her lover, and "come with me" were just the right words to experiment with, so I am glad you liked that! Yes, the Order accepting him wouldnt have been easy which is why Catherine was there to help him. I am not quite sure if he could have hidden somewhere else, after all Voldemort can find anyone!
The battle was a short scene and I was a little concerned on it, but I am pleased that you found it intense. Yeah, Catherine dying was sad. Aw it took me a while to pull myself together and write the ending too. But in a way, I think he needed that.
I doubt I can ever make this into a novella, but I appreciate your awesome comments. Thank you so much for your lovely review, it totally made my day! Report Review
Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and nice to meet you and all that. So, I saw that this was for the sad story challenge and I have to say that this really upset me. In a good way though! I've never read a story with Mary as the main character before and I really liked that you put so much emphasis on her. With the way this began, I'll admit that I was a little confused by the quotes but after a while, they started to blend in so well with the story that I barely noticed. All the pain and hardship of the War was written so well, I could feel that the Order was losing control of the situation. There wer some great descriptions of the fighting, I love a good duel and the grittiness of it made me stay hooked to my laptop. There were of course some incredibly sad moments with more of the Order dying and when Benji dies I just had to sit there and mentally scream. The way he was killed just...the brutality of it was just awful but you wrote it very well and in a way that didnt feel forced or, thank goodness, gory. I wanted to, at the end, just scoop Mary up and lock her up somewhere but that can't happen. What was extremely depressing I think was not only did she die, but at the end, she accepted it. She knew that it would be too late and I'll remember that for a while, I was able to imagine that clearly. :(
So, as for CC's, I have none! I loved this and despite it being so sad, I thought that it was wonderfully written and really enjoyed it!
Thanks for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi there, and nice to meet you too! Sorry about this response being a bit late, I didn't have my computer for a few days.
Thank you so much for this review, it made me so happy! :) I love writing obscure characters and I always get plunnies for the First Wizarding War, so that's where me writing Mary came from.
Hmm, I might go back and add a little A/N at the beginning explaining the quotes then, instead of leaving it at the end.
I'm so happy you liked the fight scenes. I was nervous to write them because fight scenes are not my forte at all, but I'm glad you liked them!
Thank you so much for the amazing review, it made my day! :)
Hey, there, its Gabbie with your requested review and wow, what an interesting read. So, I'll admit that when I saw George/Angelina, I sort of freaked out and attacked this with way too much energy. But anyway, aside from that, this was perhaps a really unique way of looking at grief. How many times do people really say that they wished it never happened? And what would happen if it did? I think you played on that so well, giving George a sense of relief and happines that was bittersweet. For a moment there, I thought that it was happening for real and that somehow, in this story that Fred and everyone that had passed on had come back. There were some funny bits in here too with everyone making fun of George's "oddness" but it came across very well. I was surprised by some of the things you changed, like Draco and Hermione and how you explained Fleur's absence while Teddy had his parents. All the things that could have happened but never did. George did start getting a little uncomfortable after a while though and I liked that you put in his increasing unease with the BOOM! of his real life coming back. It took a lot for him to admit that what was happening around him was just a dream and the end to this was so sad! D':
I don't want to picture him all alone in his flat but you didn't shy away from the hardship of having Fred gone. So, bravo!
I really enjoyed this and actually think it woudl make a good AU story if you ever thought of continuing on from this! No CC's either, I thought everything was lovely. :3
Thanks for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm really glad to here that you enjoyed it so much; it was one of my favorite things to write. And no CC's? Wow, thanks! I really appreciate you taking the time out to read my story. :) Report Review
Hey, there. Sorry that I didn't come here really quickly and attack this but for some reason I've been busy and trying to actually type. D':
I'll admit it, I'm being lazy.
Anyhoo, so Charlie is really starting to get a crush on Liz. I was surprised for a minute or two that he stayed as long as he did when he was intent on leaving but I think having this attraction to Liz is a good thing. Obviously he doesn't think so and won't admit to going to the pub for the reason of seeing her because he likes her, but you and I know what's going on. ;)
I think that you describe Liz in a way that's actually very attractive. She seems so light and easy and I think the contrast with Charlie is really well-done, its like a balm for him. Not sure if he'll accept that later but that's another chapter, right? :D
Taking an actual step to get to know her was a little funny on his part. He seems sort of shy, almost second guessing himself alot but he eventually won Liz over and decided to walk her home.
Sorry Jeff! >:D
I thought that moment between them was really sweet, a tad awkward because I think both of them were a little nervous but it was realistic and I enjoyed it. :3
But the mention of brothers...oh, poor Charlie. All of his guilt over Fred came sweeping back and the poor thing, I know he was just breaking up at wanting and needing his own happiness. D':
But that ending was nice! Liz senses something in him and she wants to explore it but being cautious on her end is really understanding. Ah, I hope things go right for them!
So this chapter has no CC's, I like the pace and flow of it and no grammar things. :D
Thanks for the read.
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi again Gabbie!! Thank you so much for coming to review this for me!! :D Haha, it's no problem!! We all have our days where we just need to relax!!
Yes, Charlie is definitely starting to get a BIG crush on Liz! Haha, yep! We know what's going on here!! :D
I really DID want Liz to be a bit of a contrast with Charlie, especially right now since he's going through so much. Whether he'll admit it or not, she's pretty much exactly what he needs right now, that's what so great about it! As for whether or not he'll accept that later... you'll just have to keep reading to find out!! *Grins evilly* :)
Haha, yes, poor Jeff! But he really is quite annoying and it's a necessary evil. We can't have him keeping Liz and Charlie from getting together, now can we?? :P
Aww!! I'm glad you liked the chapter so much dear! ♥ Thanks again!! Report Review
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