Reading Reviews From Member: Gabriella Hunter
  
603 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella HunterWe Are One: Sunshine, stay

30th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm here a lot sooner than you might have expected! I am like Batman! Hahahah.

Anyway, this was another thrilling chapter. I was really in for a shock with what you've done here and your killer has become more and more mysterious as time goes by but why murder Xenophilius Lovegood? I certainly wasn't prepared for that and my jaw literally dropped to the floor, you certainly gave me a bit of shock. I'm not sure who would be so angry with him to murder him and I'm also not sure how he and Umbridge were connected to one another but I'm sure that you'll be leading up to that at some point, its just that the waiting is tearing me up! I thought that you wrote Ron and Harry's reactions to the new death very well and I really loved the bits about Luna's character as well. Luna's one of my favorite characters in the HP world and while I was reading her, I think that I sort of had to breathe deeply. There was something so bright about her and while I can see that she's been upset by the loss of her father, I like the strength you gave her as well. I think Luna is the sort of person that holds her emotions in instead of releasing him, which probably explains the nightmares but anyway, that was a lovely scene you wrote. I'm curious about these 75 letters that were sent to her father and I'm hoping that there's going to be some sort of clue that pops up later on.

Now, your killer seems to have a thing for Robards all of a sudden and I'm curious about where that came from. Do they have a grudge for the Auror Department or the Ministry? I'm trying to wrap my mind around their actions but its really tough and I'm having so much fun trying to figure everything out!

I didn't spot any CC's and your pacing was great, your introduction to new characters was well-done and your story is turning into a great murder-mystery. Hope to see you soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Gabbie! Are you really magic? I think you are. :o

Yeah, I got a lot of hate for killing off old Xeno, but it's all part of the plan. Muahahahaha. :P

I love Luna, and it's always interesting writing her as she's such a unique character, and her thought processes are in a different line than anyone else's. Ooh, yes, they tackle the letters in the next chapter. It's not that great, although they do get a new suspect!

Haha, I'm glad this makes you think! I hope it's not to soon to re-request! I absolutely love your reviews. x

~Erin



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Review #2, by Gabriella HunterLove, Not War: The Healer

30th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie here with your review and I'm here a lot quicker than usual for once! I was really excited to see all the stories in my thread so I made sure to attack this with all my might!

I was a bit taken aback by the abrupt POV change but I was able to follow along pretty quickly after that. Saleena Blackwell wasn't at all what I was expecting and I certainly thought that she was going to be a bit older so I was surprised by how young she was. I was also really intrigued by the history of her family these gifts that her mother kept talking about, I hope we'll be able to find out more about them soon. The Clan sounds like a pretty interesting route to take, especially since I've never read anything about Gypsies before in a HP fanfic but I think that this came off as sounding like a completely different story. I'm not sure how you're going to work all of this in and I'm certain that it'll all make sense in due time but it was a bit confusing and I feel like the second half didn't add up quite right. I did like that Saleena was opposed to rejoining her Clan and I'm a bit worried about the ones that joined Voldemort--that isn't going to bode well. Saleena's relationship with her mother was a good contrast from the one that you had already established for Mrs. Weasley and Narcissa in the previous chapter so I really like what you did there. Will we be seeing her again?

That last little bit just had me kind of worried for Draco though. The poison might kill him and I hope that Saleena had gotten there in time to save his life, I was touched by how concerned she was and it honestly didn't surprise me that she was the Malfoy's personal Healer (I somehow think that they wouldn't have trusted the St. Mungo's Healers all that much) so I'm glad that you added that little bit in. Saleena as a character seems really hard working and dedicated but on one hand, I think she comes off as a little too sassy but that's just me.

I caught a few grammar things in the beginning and middle and a few words are repeated in the same sentence. I'm sure your beta will be able to spot them and they're nothing too major so you shouldn't be worried about them! ;D

Other than what I mentioned, this was a good chapter and I can't wait to see what you've got in store.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again, Gabbie!! It is always a pleasure to see you back here!!

Saleena is Sirius and Remus's age, so she's close to 40 in this. That's not too awful young for a Healer, I hope. She looks younger than she is because that's part of her being a Gypsy. So if it was the CI at the beginning that threw you off about her age, then that's why, lol... And yes, you will be seeing more of Kireonna again - around chapter 20ish I believe. And I promise you that everything will fall into place in due time my dear, in due time! The chapter that I am working on right now, actually; which will be #9, (I think?) will give more detains as to what "the gifts" are, and which one in particular that Saleena has. And you will see later on how everything ties in, I hope... So please stay tuned, haha!! ;)

I'm glad you have caught on to how hard-working and dedicated to her job that Saleena is. That is a key element to her character, and not too many people really comment on this. Saleena has only ever had her work, so she has kind of distanced herself from people to become successful in her career. Her job is her escape, if that makes sense. She took Sirius' imprisonment to Azkaban really, cuz that happened when they were both so young. Sirius was her only real friend, and when she lost him she just sortta went on and buried herself in her work... I may write a Novella in Saleena's perspective once I have finished this Story. The plunny for it is already there, and I have SO MANY notes on her character. It would be great to be able to share them all with my HPFF peeps one day!! ^_~

My beta & I will be going back over all of this as soon as her laptop gets fixed, no worries!! Thank you so much for another amazing and inspiring review, Gabbie!! I shall be back to re-request. See you in the net chapter. I can't wait!! =)

~Deana~


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Review #3, by Gabriella HunterYear Five: R

30th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie here with your review and I'm getting to you a lot quicker than usual and that's just super amazing fantastic of me. I'm glad to be back in this story too, I was just waiting for another re-request from you! :D

Ooh, we switched POVs again! Emily might just be my favorite out of the group just now. I think that there's something really unapologetic about her and I really enjoyed the little flasbacks of her first year at Hogwarts too. Flint was a nasty little bully of course but I liked that she had a moment with Tonks during the Feast--she's an awesome girl too for cheering her up like that--and I liked the little tradition that she had with Dumbledore. I think that each of your characters have a great amount of depth to them and the reasons for their behavior might not make sense to outsiders but I think that it makes them unique. The fact that you're writing about angsty "burn out" students is just really nice to read, its a breath of fresh air from all the typical stories about teens in Hogwarts. Must they be perfect? Its a bit annoying but your characters feel like real students and during this time, I'm able to picture them clearly in my mind. (As a side note, I was born in 1991 but listened to Nirvana in middle school so I was pretty happy about the reference to them in this) Their world seems a bit broader to me and I liked all the differences you showed between them and the other students. There was no awed or amazed dialogue about Harry either and I think Emily's thoughts on that matter were simply hilarious. It really wasn't a surprise to anyone that he would wind up in Gryffindor and the little bit of sarcasm there just made my day. Hahahha.

I do want to know more about Tristan though, I hope we get back to his POV soon. I'm wondering why he was so unsettled to see Neville earlier and why he doesn't like his middle name, he's an enigma that I'd love to know more about. Also, that last little bit at the very end was great, I can only imagine how awful it is to be a student in Snape's potions class but he sure does like dishing out points to this own House even if they've had a little help. Hahah.

I didn't spot any major CCs or any at all really, I just thought that your transitions could have been a bit smoother but other than that, it was a smooth ride as always. :D

As a side note, I enjoyed Tristan and Emily's bantering through their letter, that was a nice moment for me and one of my favorites.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again! Ah! Thank you so much!

I lovelovelove Emily--partially because I wanted to write a really AWESOME Hufflepuff character. I think it's a shame that Hufflepuff is often seen as dopey or foolish. They have so many really wonderful qualities--the BEST qualities, really (fierce friends, loyal, hardworking, kind).

I was so excited to realize that they would have overlapped with Tonks, and really liked being able to weave her into the story! And the Dumbledore wave--we all know how close Dumbledore was with Harry, and what a mentor he was. I liked the idea that he has a personal relationship with ALL of his students, to varying degrees.

And haha--that's the trouble with trying to write authentic/dimensional characters; sometimes they are just ANNOYING. They do or think stupid things, or behave badly, and you just want to SLAP them! UGH. Anyway, I'm really glad that you appreciate their flaws and imperfections, and I really wanted to capture the experience of that age. In so doing, I remembered how MADDENING it is!

Tristan's POV is up next chapter!

And oh, Snape--I actually LOVE him (when I first read "Albus Severus," I bawled like a baby). But, I remember how frustrated I was when I first read PS (and I super identified with Hermione at that age), so I tried to really channel that here :)

Thank you so much for the review!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #4, by Gabriella HunterNym: Into Focus

30th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm here relatively early! Isn't that awesome?

You weren't kidding at all when you said that this was a different Next Gen and I'm really trying to hold in my battered feels. I think that you chose a very interesting character to write as well, we don't really get much from Charlie and I think that its a pleasant surprise. I'd always thought that he was a Weasley that never got much notice (Sort of like Percy) and so I loved that you chose to write from his POV and I hope that this continues. I have never seen him written as being very insecure or vulnerable either so that was a really great thing to see and you wrote that very well. There have been a few other stories that have hinted at a relationship between himself and Tonks but I like what you've done here. Their relationship was based more off of a friendship and while Charlie had always loved her, I think that really stood out to me as something special. I think unrequited love is the most painful thing to write and while Charlie was dancing with her and caught the ring--my heart sort of expired on the spot. I felt all of his pain and by the end, when she's gone, I had to control myself for a long time because I'm a major wuss like that. Hahahah. I think you've created something really special here and I hope you continue!

Let's see...the only CC's I can give is that it was a bit too sudden, with the Battle towards the end. I think you jumped a bit too fast, you could have drawn out the wedding scene a bit more but otherwise, I thought this was really well-done!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks for the lovely lovely review :)

I really enjoyed writing from Charlie's POV and am very tempted to do more. I think a friendship between him and Tonks makes a lot of sense but it wouldn't seem right for her to have loved him as she's so clearly desperately in love with Remus. For me this felt like the only way their story could turn out.

I'll have a think about how to slow down the pace, I had a feeling that might be something to work on.

Thanks for the review! I'll get back to your wonderful Molly story soon :)

Emma x


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Review #5, by Gabriella HunterValour : The Doubt in the Strength

28th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm SO sorry that you've had to wait so long--I've been busy with real life stuff, writing and slaying dragons. Things got a bit hectic and that totally blows!

Anyhoo, on to this! I think it was interesting the way that you set this first chapter up, I was able to get a good feel for all the characters that you would introduce and I like that their thoughts and duties were so different. There were hints of their personalities too, I can't wait to see how that all plays out and what missions they were on. For some reason, James's part sort of stuck with me the most and I hope you go into more detail about his relationship with his father, I found something really compelling about that.

The last bit of this was really tense, I could understand why the kids were all confused but even still, there was a sense of duty about them even then. Mary and Remus seemed unsure but I think that Dumbledore will have to speak to them in private--I sort of didn't like how cryptic he was but I think that you're just building up for the next few chapters so I'm sure that you'll add in more detail about why he chose them for the Order.

My only CC is that the second half was a bit jumbled, I think that you should go back and just put a few spaces in between your paragraphs. It'll be a bit easier to read but other than that, I think that this chapter went rather quickly but has as nice build up for the next chapter so good job!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this! I have to admit, I hate first chapters. I always feel like after I write them, they're unnecessary. Next time I request from you (because this was so helpful and insightful) I'll ask if you think I should just edit out this chapter.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the character part in the beginning. I just have it there because I have this dream that after this is finished in 5+ years, people will read it all and then go back to the beginning to see if the characters match. Yes, I plan ahead.

I'll edit that bit. It's always hard for me to paste from word pad to hpff.

Thanks again, this was awesome!

Catherine


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Review #6, by Gabriella HunterThe Lost Wolf: Street Spirit

28th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums here to dump this review on you and you'll have to excuse me for being so late. Can you believe that I was attacked by zombies and chased around by gnomes this week? I've been busy! Phew!

Anyhoo, on to this! I was a bit taken aback by the sudden POV change but once I realized where you were headed, I was completely on board. Its always great getting into the head of fresh characters and I really enjoyed what you've done for Sirius here. The word "brave" can have so many different meanings and I'm curious to see how you'll work that in later, though it was a bit sad to read about him being betrayed and alone all over again. The flashback that he had with Wormtail really had my mind spinning though and his thoughts about Cassie were heartbreaking and beautiful all at once. I'd like to know their relationship, though I have a little idea and I hope that you go into more hints later on--also, how did she go missing? I would really like an answer to that and Peter's such a weasel, not wanting to help, just going to add that in there. I thought it was really great how you tied in a lot of the events from the book into this chapter too, I think you blended it in really well. I would have messed up extraordinarily well by the last half of this chapter but you managed to keep her flow and pace going without any choppy sentences or awkward dialogue.

I really like the subtle difference that you've given Sirius and Dog-Sirius. I've never written from the POV from an Animagus before so I found that really fascinating and even though he's still human, the animal side of him was taking control every now and then. You did a good job there too, weighing those out and by the end, when he meets this "spirit", I was completely invested in his heartache and longing. That was written really well and I cant' wait to see what's going to happen next! How will he meet up with Cassie? How is she doing during all of this? I already know how he'll get to confront Wormtail but I can't wait to see how you'll have Sirius and Cassie meeting up and what might happen. SO, feel free to re-request!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #7, by Gabriella HunterWe Are One: It begins with pink

28th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm sorry that its taken me a minute. I was sort of busy and then I had to slay demons and you know how that is!

On to this! I was really taken in by your POV in the very beginning, its a really bold way to start a chapter and not a very common one. I'm not sure if a lot of people would be all right with it but I liked it! I think that it caused me to sink into the killers mind a lot easier and I was able to gather the depth of their hatred as well. I did NOT expect the victim to be Umbridge, that came as a surprise (Even though everything was pink, mind you)! and I'm going to have to agree with Ron--there were a lot of people who would want to kill her.

I just wonder...who could it be? I also really liked that you showed Harry and Ginny in a normal setting instead of something very dramatic and over the top. I liked the idea of them in the kitchen having a discussion than rather, say, being woken up in the middle of the night by a hooting owl with a bloody letter. Or something. I think that you showed a good deal of affection between them too and even though it was subtle, it spoke volumes so good job! Having Harry being a bit overworked makes since to me, I don't imagine that he gets a lot of time to relax and its starting to show.

Anyoo, the last half of this chapter had me buzzing with questions. It seems strange that no one saw anything and it makes it difficult when you realize how estranged Umbridge was from her family. The killer chose a perfect time to attack and I really like that you used "Un-sub", a lot of people might not be familiar with that term but I'm interested in getting into law enforcement soon so I thought it was a nice touch. This really does leave me wondering about what might happen next though...I hope you'll re-request!

Okay, I liked both your Harry and Ron, I thought they seemed mature but still a bit silly. I'm sure you can develop them a bit further later but as of right now, I think that they make a good team and I'm glad to see that they're dedicated to their job.

Ginny came off as honest, supportive and understanding, which is refreshing when it comes to her character for these sort of stories. I usually see her being a bit TOO fiery and that can get a bit daunting. Hahahah.

Anyway, good chapter! Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Don't apologize! That was really quick, and I didn't expect the review so soon, to be honest.

I love writing in second person. People have told me that it's surprising when I DON'T write in it. :P So it's great to know that it's effective. I thought it would help the reader connect to the killer as well, and kind of understand what his/her thoughts are.

I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible, with the exception of the fantasy element of course. :P I think people don't do justice to the relationship between Harry and Ginny. The books don't focus too much on it, and the movies make Ginny seem really shallow. But from what I can gather from canon, Ginny is a wonderful person and they have a good, understanding relationship.

It makes sense for aurors to use such language, so I thought I should include it. If people don't understand, they'll learn when they read. :) Oh wow, law enforcement. I hope that works out for you!

I wanted Harry and Ron to be mature adults, but still retain the goofy boyishness of their friendship. I'd love to know what you think as the story progresses.

Thank you for such a great review! I'll definitely be re-requesting. :)

~Erin


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Review #8, by Gabriella HunterDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Feverish Thoughts

28th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and its been so long! I've totally missed you and I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you. I had meant to get to this a lot sooner but some real life issues came up and then my review thread kind of exploded and I was like, "In the name of Merlin, back into the abyss with yeh!" and so.yeah.

Anyway, it took me quite a long time to figure out what was happening in this story and where I left off. I managed to figure out where I was after about an hour or so of foaming at the mouth but what a chapter! I had been curious about where your story was headed and what was happening and I'm really happy to see that its up to almost fifty chapters. Okay, I really like that you have continued to soften Devlin in some aspects while also hardening him in others. I can see that he might not ever be ever to warm up to Alex (Who I find to be rather mysterious) but I think that if Harry works hard for it, he might be able to earn his son's trust. I'm not sure what might happen in the process but there were moments of wonder with Devlin that touched me, he's been deprived of so much so its nice to see that he's taking the world in. At least for a little while before plotting another escape. Hahaha.

I also like that you added Ron and Hermione into this chapter and I think that they were written very well. They weren't over the top or floating around in the scene, they were really a part of it and I really enjoyed reading that--also, they were wise to not truly trust Devilin either--so I hope they show up again soon.

That ending had me a bit worried, as did that scene in the bookstore. Devlin is being hunted or haunted by something and I really want to know what it is! I also like the ending, I think it was my favorite part of this chapter. Geoff has been an interesting character from the start and I found his connection with Devlin to be touching but also a bit worrying. It was obvious that Harry was a tad bit unsettled by their closeness and for good reason! Hypnosis?! Madness! I was not expecting that at all! I wonder how long this will go on before Voldemort discovers that Geoff has gone against his orders? D':

Very good chapter of course and I'm SO happy to be back! I hope that we'll be seeing each other around a lot on the forums so don't be shy to drop by and PM me from time to time.

I have a lot of newer stories on my author's page that I think that you'll enjoy so don't be too much of a stranger! It'd be great to hear from you.

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #9, by Gabriella HunterLove, Not War: The Letter

26th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review, thanks for giving me such a great story to read, you've made my day! I would have gotten here a bit sooner but I was having some boring real life issues and things got a little tense. Like, can you believe that?

Anyhoo, on to this! This feels like a very interesting AU to me and I'm curious about how you're going to work in the events of the past book and what you've done here. I really like what you've done so far with this, it kind of makes me sad to see that the Burrow is empty though without the kids. I did like that your POV with Arthur was very smooth, it really felt like him to me and I think his character was spot on. Although the children weren't there anymore, you could see that he was still worrying about them and where they would be in the next month or so. I think that it really showed in how tired he was and how dull the Order of the Phoenix meetings were getting. The war was quickly falling out of hand and not knowing where Ron, Harry and Hermione were only made it so much worse for Arthur and Molly.

Also, I have no idea why but I want to know a bit more about Percy. I'm kind of a Percy enthusiast at the moment so anything Percy Weasley is going to snatch my interest...

I wasn't expecting this letter! Lucius Malfoy of all people? I wonder how he was able to get it sent without being killed himself? The letter itself was more heartfelt and painful than I would have expected and I was really blown away by how you wrote it. Lucius never struck me as a very warm man but his fear for Draco and the grief he was suffering at the loss of his wife were just so powerful. I think that one some parts of the letter it sounded a bit too juvenile but otherwise, it was very good.

Now, I know that you mentioned that people thought that Molly and Arthur's bickering was sort of childish but I enjoyed it! I think that being married for so long can really create a good banter between couples, it didn't seem forced but I was able to see how close they were. Now, Molly's refusal to allow Draco into the home at first put me off but then I had to try and think of what she had been through. I like that you made her sort of the villain for a minute, that's a side of her that we usually don't see. Arthur did have a good point though in allowing Draco to stay with them, maybe they CAN help! I would like to see how that goes and what Draco will say if he survives. I hope they find the cure for that poison soon! I can't wait to see what he says about everything and what might happen next.

I think you've got something really great here and I hope you stop by again!

There were only a few misspelled words but otherwise your flow and pacing are wonderful. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey Gabbie!! OMGosh, this review seriously made my day!! I am SO glad you think that this is such a great story. I have been working extremely hard to make this thing better all summer, so it's good to see that some of my hard work seems to be paying off. =)

Don't be sad tho, the Burrow won't be empty for too much longer. *wink* Thanks for the compliments on my characterization of Arthur. He is one of my favorites to write. And as far as Percy goes... He's definitely an important character in this story, just probly NOT in the way that you might expect. He is present for the majority of this story after, like, chapters 13 or 14 onwards... I don't wanna give too much away here tho, but if you LIKE Percy's character then you're definitely in for a pretty big shocker, lol! Just keep in mind that this story is Book 7 disregarded, for the most part. I started this story before DH was released, and since then I have done my best to incorporate cannon things from the last book into this Novel. It is still pretty AU for the most part tho, and Percy's character is very much different in this than what he is in Cannon. I just hope that you will stay tuned for that and continue to read this story even after Percy's big reveal, lol. ;)

YES!! Thank you SO much for everything that you said about Lucius' letter. I worked on that a lot to get it just right. And I'm glad that Molly & Arthur's dialogue seems to be much better too. This chapter is the only one that has been fully Beta'd now tho, so I am curious as to what misspelled words you found, lol. If you notice these things next time, could you lease point them out so that I can get them fixed asap? Thanks again for reading and reviewing, Gabbie. I will definitely be back to re-request again!! :D

~Deana~


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Review #10, by Gabriella HunterYear Five: The Hex Head Express

26th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review. I'm a bit late but I thought that I'd get some reading done and kind of got caught up in boring real life issues. Lame!

Anyway, on to this! I'm really happy to be getting back to this story, I think that you've really got something unique going on. I liked the introduction to the new characters, starting with Isobel and so forth and I think that they're all very entertaining. I see in a lot of stories that the friends of the main character are usually pretty straight laced and without many quirks but I love what you've done here. The girls and Tristan seem like the sort of kids that were constantly in trouble or sneaking around to get a smoke. This actually makes Hogwarts seems more realistic to me, it feels more like a school with students like this. I know that some people might not like the idea, especially with Fred and GEorge dabbling in a bit of pot but I honestly don't find it off putting. With the two of them, I sot of expected something like this and I think that you're really brave for writing it! I've never dared to even do something like that with either character (George is my bias) so this is really great to read. I also like that this POV didn't stray to Tristan, even though we get to meet him first, I was able to get a lot more information about him as a person through Isobel's eyes. Its very intriguing I think! I wonder if he'll ever want to talk about how his summer actually went? It was obvious that it was really bothering him and my goodness, his first time? I'm not sure if he'll want to really talk about it for sure now!

What I really enjoyed more than your characters (But not by much, I think your Fred and George were spot on) was your canon. You mentioned Harry in such an offhand way that it didn't feel like it was the center of the chapter and I really liked that you went in that direction instead of having the group fawning all over the news that he was at Hogwarts. Also, references to Tonks, Percy, Charlie and Penelope were great too, it made your world seem bigger and it merged seamlessly with canon. I'm able to believe in your characters and really picture them where they need to be, they're not just floating around in space, not taking root of the scene. Or something? Hahahah. I can't wait for more!

I didn't spot any CC's or anything and I hope you continue to request!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thank you so much for the review!

Yeah I definitely think of Tristan as being the main, or each least *central* character, but they're all given pretty equal weight throughout the story. Kind of like an *ensemble,* if I may be so bold!

"This actually makes Hogwarts seems more realistic to me," THANK YOU for that! HP started as kids books, and the Trio were super busy fighting Voldemort--but I always thought some more adult/late teen themes lurked around the periphery of the story (implications that Snape's dad was abusive, or that Dung Fletcher was a homeless alcoholic). I figure that EVERY school has it's burnout clique, and there are certain experiences that are common for teenagers, so I wanted to examine those in the context of Hogwarts!

And hahaha, the Twins. My friends definitely think they at least went through a stoner *phase* at some point, so I didn't think it was TOO OOC for them ;)

Weaving in canon was one of the most fun things about this story :D I'm really glad you liked it! It's where a lot of the comedy comes from--since we know the story so well, it was fun for me to write how Tristan and his friends get mixed up rumors :P

I definitely wanted to enrich canon, but never break it! So I'm so glad you feel like it's working out!

I will definitely rerequest! This review was MARVELOUS and thank you SO MUCH for taking the time!

xoxo
Roisin



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Review #11, by Gabriella HunterThe Monopoly on Honour: When Love absents itself

24th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm so sorry for the long wait. I was actually pretty sick for the past few days and now I'm fighting through a stomach virus to give you this review--I hate having you guys waiting for so long! D';

Anyway, on to this! I'm really intrigued by the family dynamics that you've created in this story, I think its really fascinating. I've never really looked at the Malfoy family and their relatives as such tortured souls and you've done such a great job for making me feel some empathy for them. The beginning scene with Lucius and Cissy just made me really upset though, I knew that their marriage was falling apart and I thought that it was painful to read for a moment but also beautifully written. I sort of wanted to cry a little, reading how broken they were and the way you've interconnected everyone's pain with their loved ones was a brilliant move. From Daphne to Theo, to Astoria and Draco, I really loved that aspect in this chapter!

I was really upset by that decision to shove Theo in Azkaban though but Astoria and the others seem like they might have something up their sleeves. I wonder how that will work out later on? I really hope that you'll give me a lot of detail on that! It was also unfair that a lot of other Death Eaters were slapped on the wrist as well but I DO really, really love the pureblood values that everyone kept holding onto. In a changing world, what do they have left? Agh, really great chapter!

I don't have any major CC's either. I thought the switching POV's could have been done a bit smoother but other than that, great job!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks so much for the review, and I hope you feel better soon! Being ill really isn't nice.

Ah, the family dynamics - you're right, empathy is really what I was going for :) It was quite hard to do without making them adhere to the stereotypical 'we never really believed in Pureblood supremacy anyway' - that would have been too easy. The consequences of their actions, especially Lucius's, are severe, and I wanted to put them through that, but that does not mean that the automatic correlation with 'monster' is necessarily true.

Thanks so much for your comment about Lucius and Narcissa - it was a really hard scene to write, but it's definitely one of my favourites, and an opportunity I could not resist. It's just so much fun to delve into their psyches like that, and especially in Lucius's case, to take it that far and to see where it goes next is really exciting for me.

Ah, Theo. I suppose I did that to show how serious the new regime is about these trials - I never thought most people getting off after the war was realistic. I studied the English Civil War and the resulting war crimes trials, including after the Restoration, as well as Stalin's show trials in the 1930s for two years. That's where I got the inspiration from in terms of atmosphere, and probably why my depiction of the wizarding war trials in this is so dark!

The Plan. :) I'm very excited about it - I've almost got to the point where I can start writing it. Without giving much away, it will, hopefully, be the major pivotal point of the story (cue LOTS of angst).

It is unfair, isn't it? But as Snape said in that brilliant scene from the Half-Blood Prince 'Life isn't fair.' If you hadn't already guessed, in this story I will put them through hell *evil laugh*, principally because it's so much more fun for me as a writer, and hopefully makes the story more compelling to read :) well, that's the idea, anyway!

Thanks for pointing out the transitions - I am planning to go back and edit everything at some point, and when I do, I'll be sure to work on those.

Thanks so much for your review. It's really encouraging for me to know when people enjoy it, and point out everything that I can improve on!

Celi xxx :)


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Review #12, by Gabriella HunterBertie Bottís Every Flavoured Beans: Chilli

24th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums and I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you. I'm currently struggling through a stomach virus so please bear with me!

Okay, I am so in love with this. I think that you merged Rose's emotion with the actual plot very well, it went very quickly but through her eyes we see just how quickly everything has fallen apart. I think that you did that lovely but Rose herself was perfect, she didn't want to believe it even though there was every reason for her to. I couldn't help but want to find Lorcan and pop him one but you sort of pushed that anger aside and showed just how hurt Rose was and introduced Albus and ALice very nicely. I think that Albus came off as a really sweet guy and Alice seemed very understanding and protective. I'm glad that someone is on her side, I'm not sure how this might tear up the family dynamics and I can't wait for that. I'm all for drama, you know. Hahaha.

That ending though! Holy crap! Dom sure did have a lot of nerve! I don't know what she expected out of Rose but she was lucky that Albus didn't let her continue that slapathon! I wonder what will happen between them? Will Lorcan show up again? Where was he during all that?! >:(

I loved that last little sentence too, it was very final and dramatic. Rose is going to need some time to heal and I really wonder how much love its going to take.

The only CC's is that there are two grammar things that you should look at. You say "of" instead of "our" and "cousin" instead of "cousins" towards the end but other than that, it was great! Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Oh no! Hope you start feeling better soon :(

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the chapter, it was quite intense to write, so much emotion haha. I love drama as well, there sure will be lots of it :P

Things didn't really go exactly as Dom had hoped, that's for sure! Lorcan will definitely be showing up again, but for now, Rose needs a little space I think :)

Thank you for picking up on those! I'll fix them soon!

Thank you for so much for such a nice review.

-Rosiful


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Review #13, by Gabriella HunterPicking Up The Pieces: One

22nd August 2014:
Hello!

I told you that I'd be here to leave a review and here I am! I really like what you've done with the two girls and their alternating POVs, it made for a really interesting read and I'm really curious to know how you managed to write them both so well. What differences did you think of that worked the best? I really liked your Bomhemian chic Dom too, I find that really creative and unique, she seems like a riot of a girl. I like that you've also given some great details on their relationship and how their roles were switched by the middle of this chapter, I don't have an older sister so I just found this really fascinating.

Your Victoire seems like the nicest person in the world too, I like how hard working she is and how dedicated Dom was to bringing her back to life after she sort of crashed for a minute. Hahah. I think that both of them were really fleshed out and there's even room for a full story if you were thinking of doing that and I'd love to see if you were going to make more adventures. :D

I think that you did a really great job here and I was all warm and fuzzy by the ending. :3

On my end, expect A Force of Blaise by tomorrow and there's always "Transparent" and "Abandon" and poor Albus to check out if you get bored. I'm going to try and get "At Midnight" updated too before tackling anything else so hope to see you soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #14, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which There Is An Attempted Kidnapping

20th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm super early this time! I didn't have any other stories in my thread and I wasn't busy so I was super excited to get back to this!

So, Olivia and Scor in this chapter were really great, I think. I like looking at their friendship without Cassie being there, I was able to see what tied them together and while I would have liked a bit more conversation between them, I think you hinted at some other troubling things with Scorpius especially. I'm not sure why but the fact that he was sort of shopping his cares away struck me--he was obviously a lot more upset about Cass than he would have wanted to admit so I'm curious to see how that will develop later on. Also, I liked the addition of the new characters too, Oscar and Joe remind me a lot of Fred and George so they were a riot to read. The only thing is that I would have liked a bit more description on them, I wasn't able to put a clear face on them just yet and by the time Esther arrived, I couldn't really picture them all together. Its just a minor thing though, a few details here and there could make the difference but I really liked the idea of Clara Zabini for some reason. Hahahah. I want to see Scorpius running away from her and also, would he use her as a way to make Cass jealous? I kind of hope he does but on the other hand, I'm not sure how that would work out. Hm...

Also, what on earth did Olivia do to her hamster? Hahahaha.

I think that something more might be going on with Cassie at the moment from what Scor and Olivia were saying. Why haven't they heard from her? I would have liked to have gotten a clearer idea but perhaps she's hiding from Scor? D':

This last part was my favorite of the entire chapter. Its great to see Albus again and my goodness, I feel so sorry for the guy! What a horrible girlfriend! I think that you set up his vulnerabilities very well here, I'm able to really understand a bit more about his character. All of his fears make sense too and I'm glad that you kept them realistic instead of having him being the exact replica of his father. That's a bit boring in my opinion, I like this worried, anxious Albus that's not sure of himself. I hope you play around with that more.

But Olivia and Scorpius heard the entire conversation so I wonder how its going to come into play later? I can hardly wait for that! D':

I think besides the bits of details that I mentioned earlier, I would actually make fuller paragraphs. This chapter went rather quickly so I wasn't able to really sink into it the way I would have liked to. Adding more details and condensing the shorter sentences would help but otherwise, its really good! I hope you re-request soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thank you for the lovely lovely review. I'm so glad you mentioned everything you did. I'll definitely put in some more descriptions of the new characters - it hadn't occurred to me that I hadn't done that so that's super helpful. I'll make sure to take all your feedback on when I come back and edit this again.

Anyway, thank you thank you for all your feedback and for getting here so quickly! You know I'll probably be back with a rerequest in the near future.

I'll get your review to you probably tomorrow - looking forward to starting your Molly/OC

Lots of love,

Emma x


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Review #15, by Gabriella HunterDoing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

19th August 2014:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm so sorry that I'm late. I would have been here sooner but I was trying to catch up on some writing and I got distracted. Hahaha.

Anyway, on to this! I like the idea of having Draco weighing his options with his father and mother, I had never really given much though to which parent he truly wanted to impress. In the books you get the sense that he wants to be like his father as he's always saying, "My father, this or that" so I like that you switched this up a bit. I also really enjoyed that you wrote his thought processes so well and gave a lot of detail on how his life was right then, with the Death Eaters on his back and his own conflicting feelings. I wasn't sure if he was actually going to go through with murdering the Minister and what a mission that was! I was really anxious but SO relieved when he didn't make that decision, I was very proud of him but I know that there will be consequences. If you were going to continue this, I'd love to read more, I think that you've developed a very interesting Draco.

I couldn't spot any CC's and I thought that your pace was great and Draco's personality really came alive here. I hope I see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again Gabbie!! I didn't think you were late, so no worries there, lol!!

Thanks so much for stopping by to review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I'm also happy that you liked his decision to make his mother proud, rather than his father. At this point, Lucius has been in Azkaban for over 2 years now, and Narcissa is really the only one he's had in his corner that entire time. So, in my version of events, his choosing to listen to his mother makes the most sense. :)

I actually DO continue this story tho, lol. My Novel; "Love, Not War" takes place 3 months after this mission transpires. There are most definitely dire consequences for Draco's actions here, as you will see if you continue on to read the Novel. ;)

That story is undergoing major revision right now tho, and is therefore not really on par with this story. Not yet anyways, lol. It's a work in progress, but I will certainly come back to re-request reviews from you, one chapter at a time, as the newly edited versions come available to read!! Thanks so much for your interest in this story, your time is very much appreciated!! =)

~Deana~


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Review #16, by Gabriella HunterKingdom Come: The Dilemma.

15th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and everything! I'm sorry that I'm a bit late but I've got this weird cold and it won't go away, its actually mating with my allergies so needless to say, I'm kind of not feeling too hot. Hahahah.

Anyhoo, on to this! I was really worried about Narcissa in the previous chapter and I liked that you switched the POV to Lily's so we could get a clear idea of what she thought of the situation. It was obvious that she was conflicted about bringing Narcissa with her but I think that her heart was too big and she just gave in to what was right. I couldn't imagine Lily just leaving her in the woods like that but I don't think that she was truly certain that she had done the right thing until Narcissa told her what had happened. I just got the shivers from reading that section, it was horrible to think that she had been in that house and nearly died.

I have never written Lily before and half the characters that you have in this chapter alone are ones that I steer clear from. Hahaha. I think that you wrote them all very well, though and I'm going to applaud you for how you wrote Dumbledore, I found him to be really difficult to grasp but you've done a good job here. I was able to picture him very clearly.

Now, Sirius and James's friendship was something that I also liked and the obvious tension that was brought into the Order by having Narcissa there just made it all the more powerful. I wasn't surprised by Mad Eye's opinion either, I feel like since he was the most experienced, he would know more about Death Eater tactics than the others. I agree that leaving her would have been inhumane though and that ending had me wondering what might happen later on. Will Narcissa be brave enough to work with the Order and really turn her back on her family? I'm really eager to read on!

I think that your pacing was good, the characters were fleshed out nicely and no major CC's so good job!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Ahh, you are so wonderful! Thank you again for the marvelous review. You really are helping me immensely. I've been so concerned about how the events have being going and with the characterization of people. Narcissa and Dumbledore in particular. So thank you so much.

You really are a great reviewer and such a great help! I'll have to request the next chapter after I've given some other authors the chance to take your spots. ;)


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Review #17, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which Albus Potter Has A Hero Complex

15th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm sorry that it took a minute for me to get back to you. D':

So, we're back with Olivia! I was wondering how her situation with her family was going and I could tell that it was really tense at her house, though I wish that you could have shown more of that. I could tell that her parents had come to some sort of agreement and I wonder if they were going to officially announce their divorce at Aunt Katie's? I was really wondering about that and I would have liked a bit more on that but I'm sure you can add in those little details in another chapter. I sort of think that Olivia is running away from her problems right now and it would be good to see her confront them.

Now, I'm glad that we got to meet Cass's older brother but I felt like he could have used a bit more description. He seems a tad more responsible than his sister so I'm wondering what their relationship might be like behind closed doors.

Martin= bad. I had a feeling that he was going to be an issue and I seriously wanted to punch him in the face after that last little scene! What a toad!

Now, I really enjoyed the club scene because it gave me a chance to see the kids in a new environment and I also learned a bit more about them just from this chapter. I think that you wrote that very well, the dynamics were different but I was able to see that Cass and Scor's relationship was on the rocks, she completely ignored his New Years Resolution and I wonder how that conversation went. Apparently, not so good and I'm feeling bad for Scor and I'm not really liking Cassie right now, she's being kind of snippy for no reason in my opinion. Is something else going on with her? I didn't like that she kept talking down to Olivia and the others and when she left with Scorpius, I was kind of upset about that too. I could tell that Olivia was a bit lonely and it didn't help that she was drunk either, you had me worried there for a minute!

Albus saved the day though, I was glad to see him finally and he seems like a real gentleman. I hope that we see him again at some point, I'm glad that he was so worried about Olivia too and its obvious that they don't know each other well enough for him to be going out of his way for her.

How does Cassie end up being on first name terms with both Potter brothers? Hm.

Well, aside from what I mentioned early on, I really liked this chapter. I think that you've set up some really great drama for the next chapters too and I can't wait to see what you've done with the characters!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

Thanks so much for the detailed review. I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter, it was one of my favourites to write. I agree with you about needing a bit more detail when describing Andreas so will definitely work that into my next edit, and I'll have a think about ways to make it clearer what's going on with her family.

Thanks for reviewing again. I need to come back to your George/Angelina soon!

Emma x


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Review #18, by Gabriella HunterSomething to Live For: Full Moon Rising

12th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and everything! Sorry that I'm a bit late.

Anyway, Rosalind! I'm glad to see that she's getting a bit of luck thrown her way. I was really curious on what her first day on the job would be like and I think you handled that very well, some writers tend to skimp over the details but you gave me a good sense of how her job would be and supporting characters that might play a role later on.

It was good seeing Hermione and Harry as well, I was able to get a nice sense of their personalities too. I really enjoyed how warm and friendly they were, its nice not seeing a stressed out Harry or an uptight Hermione for once and while I would have liked a brief cameo from Ron, you did a great job introducing these two. I hope we see him again soon. :3

I also liked the bit of details that you used to describe Harry's office, very nice touch with the pictures.

Now, Rosalind doesn't seem like she's going to have the easiest time with all of her co-workers and I think you set that up nicely. It felt a little too much like a high school setting on some parts but I like all the contrasting attitudes and Rosalind is very strong willed and confident, though she doesn't go out of her way to prove it. I would like to know a bit more about Draco though, I wonder why no one will really get to know him? I think you could add in a sentence or two about that but I could tell that his attitude might have something to do with it. Hahahah.

Now, I really liked the ending too. I wasn't expecting a werewolf attack at all and I think you showed just how strong and capable Rosalind is in the face of uncertainty. Draco was a little too easily pushed back, I think but he made up for it later on. He doesn't seem like an easy person to work with either so I'm curious to see how that develops.

My only CC isn't really a CC, I guess but some of your characters speak really formally. I'm not saying that's a bad thing but it would flow a lot easier and be a bit more realistic to throw in a bit of slang here and there or a contraction. Otherwise, I think your flow was all right, just a tad choppy towards the middle but it cleared up towards the end. :)

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi there! and it's fine don't worry about it :)

Thank you! I was hoping to make it a bit realistic, and even though she's not going into exactly the career field she wants she has to start somewhere. I really wanted to add Ron into that scene, but felt that having all three of them meeting a new employee wouldn't fit, but he does appear in chapters later on :) I could never really see as Harry and Hermione being super uptight and stressed out either, unless something extreme happened.

Yeah I had a bit of trouble trying to get those scenes down and still aren't too happy about them. I wanted to show that her and Draco are sort of like outcasts, Draco because no one thinks he should be there (being a former Death Eater and all) and Rosalind because she's from another country and probably doesn't know enough to grasp how their system works. Haha yes but he is moody! He's trying to be more accepting of people but doesn't want to be too assertive about it either.

Haha I was worried I made Draco look too much like a pansy because he wasn't in control of the situation like he would've liked, but eventually he tries to show that he is the boss in their group. He has issues admitting his feelings and whatnot.

Yess I know I need to work on that! I'm just not too familiar with Brit slang so I don't want to use it in the wrong context, but I think it'd be too OOC if it was American slang. Maybe I'll have Rosalind speak more like she's a Westener haha.

I know I hate how choppy my transitions are :( I have a hard time describing what I see in my head that it comes off as half-assed because I'm not sure how to put the words in together. I am working on it though!

Thank you so much for your review :)

-Melissa


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Review #19, by Gabriella HunterKingdom Come: Hellfire

12th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that it took a minute to get to you! D':

You seemed really happy to finally find someone who liked AU and I'm glad that you requested this story for me to read. I really enjoy that genre and I think it sort of gets pushed aside sometimes but I think that creating another universe within a universe is very interesting! I think its pretty bold as well to take HP characters and put them in positions that you normally wouldn't see them in.

Anyway, Narcissa! I'll have to be honest when I say that I don't read many stories featuring her as the main characters. There have been a few where she's depicted as being rather cold and snooty but I love your approach here, she feels like a real woman with insecurities and fears. That makes her have so much more depth and the conflict that she has with her family just sprang out to me really well. I think that her need to impress her family is what I found the most intriguing, I had never thought of this angle for her before and I think you wrote it very well. A child wants to do all that they can to make their parents happy and you pose the most daunting question; What if its not the right thing?

I was tense while reading about Bella's task as well and even though you didn't have him speaking, Voldemort gave me the chills. Narcissa's fear of him was so clear that I didn't need him to even be in the scene for long to get that sense of dread, so good job! Now, I felt so horrible for her when her parents and the others just LEFT her in the burning manor! Seriously? Did they do it on purpose? And that poor Muggle man! How horrible. I wish that Narcissa had been able to save him but she probably would have died too if she had but I know that's going to weigh on her for a while.

The ending had me really eager to read more too, Lily Evans and Narcissa? Interesting mix! I can't wait to see what you do with them and I hope you re-request!

I liked the plot, the flow is good and your characters seem very well thought out so no major CCC's!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Ahhh! Thank you so much, Gabbie@!! Your review was seriously so helpful and so insightful. I honestly don't think I had ever really read a story about Narcissa on the site before I started writing it, so I really felt like I was winging it with her, so I'm glad you feel as if I did justice in that area. I was pretty concerned. Thank you for all you had to say. It really helped me, and I'll definitely keep all those things in mind as I move forward with the story! Really, thanks again for the review, and I'll definitely have to come back and request future chapters! :) Thanks!

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Review #20, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which Draco Malfoy Makes A Joke

9th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you but I was sick and things weren't going well with my tummy yesterday. It was not at all pleasant. Hahaha.

Anyhoo, on to this! So I really did enjoy getting back to Olivia, I was wondering what you were going to do after that explosive first chapter and I have to say that I wanted just a little bit more. I think that you set up your new characters well though, I certainly think Cassie is someone that I'm going to have to grow to like. I think she came off a bit too hard? I would have liked to have seen a softer side of her without the snark but I think you can have another chance at that but I do enjoy her outspoken personality, she doesn't mince words, does she? I also liked the little bit of information you gave on her own family situation but I would have liked to have gotten to see how that made Cassie feel, perhaps even a paragraph or two on how that's affected her. Scorpius on the other hand I really wanted to know more about, I felt like he was just kind of lingering in the scene instead of being fully in it, I kind of got a grasp of him but I'd like a tad more from him in the next few chapters. I couldn't get a sense of how he felt about his own family very much so if you added in a bit more with that, it would give him a lot more depth. He does have a great sense of humor though and I would like to know how he and Cassie started dating too, I'd like to know how they balance each other out. Hahaha.

Now, Mr. Malfoy came as a bit of a surprise for me because I'm so used to seeing a rather mopey Draco in various fanfics. Its nice to see him smiling and trying to joke around instead of hovering in the shadows and brooding so I really enjoyed him! Also, that little article in the Daily Prophet had me laughing a bit, who makes an entire article based off of Albus Potter's love life? Rita Skeeter of course! Hahaha. I wonder, will we be seeing more of Albus in the future? Does he pay a larger role in this story? I certainly hope so! :D

That Howler! Agh! I was wondering how that was going to go and I wonder what sort of trouble Olivia is going to be in when she goes home? I can't wait to see what you do with her family dynamics too, I hope that you won't be stingy and keep this story to yourself! :D

All in all though, I think that this was a good chapter and aside from what I mentioned before, it was a fast paced read and I didn't spot any major grammar issues either. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

Thanks so much for all the super helpful feedback. I'll definitely think about your notes on characters when I come back to edit this. I don't think there is much soft about Cassie right now but I'll make sure to develop Scorpius further.

I'm glad you like the Rita Skeeter article. It seemed a bit silly but is very similar to what she did to Harry so I didn't think it was unbelievable. Albus is going to feature in a big way :)

I love your reviews. They're really constructive and make a big difference.

Thank you thank you,

Emma x


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Review #21, by Gabriella HunterThe Monopoly on Honour: Do we not Suffer?

9th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums tossing this revie w at you and I'm sorry that I'm late! I was sick and things were not very good for me during that, let me tell you! Also, its nice to meet you!

So, this! There aren't a lot of stories that feature Draco and Astoria as a couple in the fanfic world for some reason. I think that this is really refreshing, showing them as two young people in love instead of, say, just together because its what their families would want. I think that their relationship has so much passion as well, that was really great to read and I could see from the way you wrote them that they were very close and I loved the flashback of how they first met. The innocence was nicely written too, you could see that there were no dark things in their lives at the time.

Now, in the future they're hidden away at the Manor, fearing that they'll be put on trial and taken away from one another. That threat hung over their heads and made me worry for them too, I wonder how things will proceed? I also like the introduction to their families too, you've written them a bit different from what I've read before and I enjoyed it very much. They all seemed close, though a little stressed out and I can't wait to see how Daphne's trial goes as well. Anyway, that last little bit was really horrifying! I think you wrote it very well but gosh, it was so dark! I loved it! Poor Selena! I want to know more about that incident too, I hope you continue on with it later on!

My only CC's would be that your transitions are a little too choppy. I wasn't able to follow the scenes and flashbacks very smoothly but I think that if you cleaned those up a bit they wouldn't be a problem.

All in all, a good read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Don't worry - happens to us all :) I'm currently sitting in bed with a mug of tea and the flu, so I know what you mean!

On Draco/Astoria - it just seemed like the natural way to portray things, the way that best fits in with their characters. I don't think it was a conscious decision - it was just the way their relationship developed in my head.

The trials, the trials! I'm really excited about writing them. There will be a few unexpected twists! Stressed out is an understatement :)

Selena - yes, I've really put her through hell, haven't I! But I think it's realistic - I mean, something that bad cannot leave an eleven year old child unscathed. You will find out more about what happened, again, in later chapters :)

Thanks for the comment about the transitions - when I go back and edit it, I'll fix it, and I'll keep it in mind when writing future chapters.

Thank you so much for your review!

Celi :)



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Review #22, by Gabriella HunterSomething to Live For: Interviewing a Foreigner

9th August 2014:
HELLO!

Hey, there! Its Gabriella Hunter from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that its taken so long for me to get back at you. I would have gotten to this yesterday but I was sick and didn't have the time.

On to this! So I didn't think that this moved slowly at all, I think your pace was pretty good for most of this chapter. I think that probably adding a bit more detail about Rosalind here and there would give it more depth but otherwise it was good! I like that we got a bit on her backstory and I loved how you opened this chapter, there's nothing more nerve wracking than a job interview! D':

I also like all the familiar characters that you threw in too and the description of the Ministry of Magic was very nice. I think that it was a bit too jumpy at parts but I was able to follow along pretty well and I think I can't wait to see Draco again--I smell love interest? I wonder why he was so stressed out though...Hahah.

Also, the country that you made up sounds interesting, I hope you put more details in there at some point. Salvadorian? I've never heard of it before but if its a real place you'll have to clear that up for me! Hahaha.

Ah, I also like that you've given this a sort of dark cloud as well. What happened to Rosalind's parents? I'm really curious about that and I can't wait to meet her sister as well and find out how Hogwarts has changed from her POV if you were going to do that.

Also, George! I LOVE George so I was really happy to see him in this story. I would have liked a bit more on him but I think that you're going to do that much later, I hope we see him again! :3

So, all in all I think this was pretty good! I think that if you cleared up a few things and took care of a few spelling issues, you wouldn't have a problem at all!

Make sure to come back!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi there! It's fine I understand how life can be :)

Yes, I feel like my transitions are a bit wonky, and they end up being a little stiff. I guess I haven't described much about what Rosalind looks like because I'd like the reader to want to be in her shoes, but I'll make sure to add to that :)

Ooh well Draco isn't well liked because he was a former Death Eater and he's difficult to work with, there's a little on that in the next chapter but I don't think my edits have been validated yet. His father is also in Azkaban and that's part of the next chapters as well. And yes! But it might take a while haha since they work in the same department.

Haha El Salvador is a teeny tiny country in Central America, about the size of Massachusetts. Both sides of my family are from there and I actually got the idea for the story because my mom was telling me about how during the civil war a lot of kids were kidnapped from their homes and forced to fight. There is a flashback to that time in chapter four :) It's really short though, I'm thinking of adding more to it.

Yes very big dark cloud! And it gets progressively worse the more you find out about Rosalind. You'll see in later chapters what happened to them and why she decided to leave the States. I'm really excited to get that part put together :) I am planning on including her sister, but I'm still trying to find the right timing for that.

I love George as well! He has always been my favorite twin. He's also a potential love interest that is seen more in chapter three and the one in the queue. I think he makes a good contrast against Draco, who is his opposite. They bump heads a few times :)

Thank you so much for your review! It helped a lot and I'll make sure to go back and rewrite certain areas. I'll definitely be back to request for more :)

-Melissa





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Review #23, by Gabriella HunterStarfall: Prologue

9th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm so sorry that its taken me such a long time to get back to you. I was sick yesterday and I've been busy on top of that and you know, that's just not cool! Real life is such a bummer. *Sigh*

On to this! Now, you weren't joking around when you said that this was your darkest story yet and I am totally into angst so this was right up my alley you know. But holy crap! I did NOT expect this to go the way it did at ALL, I mean...gosh, I'm still trying to pick my jaw up from that one you know. Hahaha. So, I like that you opened with Voldemort, he's not a character that I've ever dared to touch because he's so complex. I think that you got his thoughts and arrogance down though and you've hinted at several plot points later on with the various Death Eaters that he was certain would pose a problem later on. I can't wait to see how that goes!

Now, as for Lily. I was really surprised that you took this route for her character because she's usually depicted as being stubborn and very strong willed so to see her as weakened and broken is quite a shock. I know that you said that people thought that she was too far from canon and while I can agree to some extent, I do believe that you have the skills to give more depth to her character. I saw that this was an AU so I can understand why you made necessary changes to canon and while I'm not for what happens to baby Harry at all (Cause babies are cute) I think that you only did it to set up your plot further and your characters. I'm more interested in seeing how this affects Lily and her remaining friends down the line so I'll be eagerly awaiting more. I think you're being very bold as well and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that so you shouldn't feel as if you're doing something wrong. Keep on pumping out those ideas! I've gotten a few stories that were questioned here and there but you know, its all up to you on how you take it.

I hope to see you soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #24, by Gabriella HunterTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Malice

4th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums attacking this story and leaving you a review! Its been a long time since we swapped stories and I've totally missed you! Real life has been a major pain so I haven't been able to get back to any of my favorites lately but I hope that will change in the next few days! D':

Well, I wasn't really sure what I was expecting when I started reading this but it was a really nice twist. After reading the summary, I expected this first chapter to be focused more on an Auror before introducing the villains later but you went in a completely different direction! First of all, I want to give you kudos for being brave enough to actually write from the POV of a Death Eater, its a fresh take on the War and I found myself engrossed in Kaspar from the first paragraph.

Kaspar of course isn't the sort of character that most would have created to start a story but this is very unique and I love how you didn't shy away from how awful he really was. I've read a few stories about Death Eaters who were simply "mislead" but I love that you never gave any sort of excuse for his behavior. Reading about such an awful character was really new for me and I really enjoyed it, I also loved the setting of this and how you managed to give away details about the Wizarding world without it slowing down the pace. Murder, rape and violence are talked about with fantastic skill and didn't feel forced, I wouldn't have been able to get through those paragraphs in one piece! I think that you've got a really great story here and I'm not even going to go on and on about how wonderful your writing is. You know this already, I hope!

Mary Goldsmith had me worried for a minute, I was certain that Kaspar was really going to defile her but was just as horrified when he was thinking of decapitating her. That sent a shiver down my spine but I think the action that you incorporated was very well done, the Aurors responses and timing couldn't have been more perfect. I was holding my breath while he parried with them and let me tell you, I was NOT expecting Mary to beat the crap out of him either! I thought that you wrote that wonderfully and I'm certain that Kaspar isn't the sort of man that likes being on the receiving end of pain.

Karma at its finest!

So I obviously really enjoyed this and I can understand why you were a bit unsure about it but I can assure you that its worth continuing. I saw that you had two more chapters and I'm hoping that you continue with this, I can't wait to find out what happens next.

The only CC I could spot was one misspelled word in the second chapter but other than that, it was excellent!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi, Gabbie! It's been ages! Awesome to see you again!

Odd that you should say that, because I wasn't entirely sure what I was planning to do when I started writing it, either. It's more clear to me now, but the last chapter is definitely evolving as it's being written. I kind of like it when stories do that. The idea of dropping directly into the PoV of a fugitive Death Eater hit me while I was trying to line up the 4 PoVs for the story and not feeling especially satisfied with how it was working out.

Kaspar was a truly nasty piece of work, not "misled" at all. People tend to throw the term "casual sadism" around a lot in stories about Death Eaters. Kaspar's sadism is anything but casual. He glories in it. It's a huge part of who he is. I'm glad that all of the allusions to the awful things that took place during the war didn't slow the story down or feel out of place. I didn't see them as the type of thing that Kaspar would dwell on. It happened, it's in the past and his only regret is that the "fun" came to an end.

If you've read ahead to the next chapter -- and it sounds like you have -- then you already know who "Mary Goldsmith" is. If you haven't, I won't spoil it for you. The Aurors' timing was definitely not by accident. And Kaspar does not take pain as well as he dishes it out.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it, and I'll try to hunt down that misspelling. Thanks for pointing it out.

Thanks so much!

-Dan


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Review #25, by Gabriella HunterThe Lost Wolf: In Limbo

4th August 2014:
HELLO!

I'm back here with your review and you'll have to pardon me for being so late! I was busy writing and trying to catch up on some of my own stories and wishing I had candy. Hahah.

Anyhoo, poor Cassie! I feel so sorry for her, especially knowing that the Colonel just tossed her aside so nastily. I don't know if I want her to see him again, just to beat him down or what but I can't believe he actually just pushed her away and thought that giving her that poor excuse of a house would make up for anything!

I thought you did a really good job portraying how lost Cassie was thought, the description of her new home had my heart aching. I was able to picture every broken thing and I thought that it was a beautiful way of showing just how torn up she was on the inside. I also personally like that Cassie isn't some raging beauty and has both mental and physical scars and it really sets her apart from some of the other heroines that I've read in the past. I think its a bold thing to try for a main character but I'm happy that you decided to go in this direction, you don't shy away from how ugly the scars are or how they've damaged her self-esteem. The hysterical laugh towards the end made my blood chill though and I was so upset at the thought of how alone she was just then, it really stood out to me.

What also was brilliant were the flashbacks! What could they all mean? I have to know more and I want to know what Lupin and Sirius have to do with her life, I really hope you keep moving in that direction the hints are driving me crazy. Hahah.

That last line at the end was wonderful as well, it really made me feel for Caassie. I hope she gets rescued because I hate to think of her being lost right now, it really makes me want to hop right into this story and hug her. Hahah.

I think this was a great chapter but you missed a few capitalized words here and there. Other than that, it could be a bit smoother in some parts but was a great read regardless!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review!

I'm glad you liked my description of Cassandra! I am trying to depict her as different. Not beautiful, sexy or anything... She is, as you said, quite messed up, both physically and psychologically, and magic won't do anything on these aspects, I fear.

Oops! Typos are my damnation! I'm glad you pointed them out, this story will undertake a massive editing soon, and knowing what mistakes I should look for will be immensely helpful. Just one little thing... I don't actually know what do you mean by "smoother". It's not a citric to what you said, mind you... I really don't know what you are referring to, if you mean that my style should be smoother, aka less descriptive in wounds/violence, or if you intended that some of my sentences are too long or intricate. It it is the latter, thank you for telling me. Since in Italian we tend to use lots of commas and not many full stops, I may have written too long sentences, and I would be eternally grateful if you could tell me which one seemed too... Wrong in your opinion.

If you referred to the amount of details in my descriptions... You may not like some of the next chapters. Oops! ;)

Anyway, thank you again for your suggestions, and if you don't mind I would like to re request as soon as I can!

Maryhead


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