Reading Reviews From Member: Gabriella Hunter
  
629 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella HunterBlessing in Disguise: Unplanned

16th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with our swap! Its really great seeing another Percy enthusiast, I was beginning to think that I was the only one around!

Bwhaha, I love your Audrey. Its really interesting reading a different version of her from mine but I honestly think that they would get along pretty darn well. I like her spunk and the fact that she isn't the sort of person that's going to hold her opinion back--I like that she admitted to having a hangover and hating her job, two things we don't usually see from her character. I'm not sure how you fashioned her or where you got her from but I think she's pretty brilliant.

I liked the banter that she had with Bill and Percy too in the beginning. I got some good backstory on them and it was great getting a bit of a glimpse into their lives. Also, its good to see that Bill and Percy are getting along somewhat in this fic, instead of hating one another like I'd expect. I think that you wrote that really well too, they had a good brotherly affection for one another that came off as really realistic. Also, Percy's way more relaxed in this first chapter and I'm really enjoying this side to him, you don't get this much in the fanfic world. He's usually so stuffy and boring. Hahahha.

But that ending! I never expected that! Percy is kind of a romantic guy, isn't he?! :D I was super jealous of Audrey reading that little scene and I'm curious to know how their relationship is going to work out. :D

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #2, by Gabriella HunterClash: Her

15th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with our swap! I have heard through the grapevine that is the archives that this story is pretty fantastic and I have to say that no one lied to me. Hahahaha.

So, I was completely blown away while I was reading this and I've never seen a story like this on the forums before. I think that its very original and unique, I was pretty much hooked from the first paragraph and the rest was just a whirlwind of awesome.

Firstly, I am amazed that you actually created a villain out of Rose Weasley. THat's something that I've never seen before and I'm really curious about how she became this woman and also what happened to her family and the Wizarding world in general. If you had gone into more detail about just Rose and how she became like this, I wouldn't have minded at all but there's a whole other story going on.

What I really liked was your take on magic and science, they're two things that work together so well but I rarely ever see. I think that you wrote it so well that its hard to imagine it not being fact and it actually makes a lot of sense.

Both magic and science can give and take life away and I found that fascinating. It was an interesting parallel I think, since Rose used her own magic to help her brother and ended up being put on trial. The same thing could be done for using illegal drugs in the Muggle world so I like what you did there. That scene in particular was really emotional and powerful, it had me at the edge of my seat but not nearly as much as the trial itself.

Rose knows what she did was right and even though it was going to have her thrown in Azkaban, she accepted her fate. I'm surprised that no one showed up to support her and I think that you've written the Weasley family a lot differently than what I've seen so far. I can't wait to learn more, especially about how her parents died. :(

Now, Vincent is giving me the creeps. I sense that he's a very ambitious man, the sort who would do anything to get what they wanted and I'm a bit scared of what he'll end up doing to Rose. I don't like the idea of him "training" her either, it makes me cringe. He seems very complicated, cultured and very sly, I'm interested in learning more about him.

Welp, I couldn't find a thing wrong with this chapter and I'm sure that you've gotten plenty of compliments already. I'm just happy that we ended up swapping today, hope to see you around again!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #3, by Gabriella HunterThe Monopoly on Honour: The House of the Brave

14th September 2014:
Hello!

Its been a while since I've stopped by and I was wondering what had happened with this story, you kind of left me on a major cliffhanger.

So, we're getting a few more details about the Wizarding world and the aftermath of the War. I was really curious to see how you would portray that and while I can understand some of what Daphne was saying, I think that her views are awfully biased. I'm not saying that there weren't any Slytherin casualties but she's sort of blindsided by anger here and I think that that might be a problem later. I did like the mention of Hermione and the memorial though, I think a lot of people have used that idea but you put a lot of detail into it, there was still a lot of pain of course but the descriptions were beautiful.

Now, I'm really curious about this POV change and I don't really read too much about Alicia. I think that she's a good character to switch over with, since she'll have different feelings towards Death Eaters and the War itself. This Guild that you've created seems interesting and the news over what the Aurors did to the Nott family just...that had me so furious and upset. I wonder what's going to happen now, when Alicia is going with the Aurors? I don't think its going to be anything good. Magnus seems like a calculating sort but he's got a steady mind and I think that he's only doing his best with what they have but I'll be curious to see how he develops later.

I can't wait to check out what happens next so don't be shy about coming back! I didn't spot any CC's either so good job!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #4, by Gabriella HunterBertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans: Toast

14th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm here a bit sooner than usual so this is cause for celebration!

I was really worried about Rose from the last chapter and I was kind of scared when she woke up in someone else's bed. All sorts of thoughts exploded in my mind and I was a bit scared that something more had happened but was totally relieved that you know...her undies were intact and everything. Hahahaha. Erm...

Anyhoo, I really like what you've done here with this Scorpius. He actually seems like a pretty good guy and I liked the backstory that you gave as well, Rose and he weren't enemies really in Hogwarts and they barely knew each other. That's refreshing, since most stories have them hating one another since birth or being very mean towards one another for no valid reason. I can understand on some level but its nice to see Rose actually not giving in to that prejudice and I'm sensing that Scorpius doesn't really seem like his father either. I would like to know more about him but I'm sure that you'll go into more detail about it later. :D

I think their banter is hilarious as well, Scorpius seems like an awfully smooth guy on one hand but then blunt on the other. Hahaha. Rose felt a little uncomfortable with having him around but I thought it was interesting to see her nervous around something and feeling inadequate.

Ah, James. I'm not sure if he should have really mentioned getting Lorcan's things...I was sort of on Rose's side for a minute there. Lorcan is a real coward for not coming to get them on his own and really? After all this time he hasn't even tried to talk to Rose? I think that he needs a fist to the face. Anyhoo, Rose herself was justified in her anger on one hand but on the other, I think that she just needs a hug. Like, a good one from someone not in her family and right as I thought that, Scorpius gives her that hug! I of course, squealed like a five year old but it was a lovely way to end the chapter! I can't wait for more!

No CC's either, keep up the good work!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie! Thanks for reviewing so quickly! Unfortunately you'll have to wait a little before the next chapter :P

Haha I'm glad you were relieved! The story would've headed in a completely different direction if something had happened!

I will get into more detail, but to start out I have made him a bit of a mystery. Like you said, he doesn't really know Rose or associate with her at all, so I can't really see him totally opening up to her straight away!

I was quite worried about the banter, I rewrote it about 5 times because it kept feeling unnatural, so I'm glad it worked out :)

We do really need to hear from Lorcan, don't we?! But who knows how Rose will react to that...

Thank you again for your lovely review!
-Rosiful


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Review #5, by Gabriella HunterYear Five: The Big Thing

14th September 2014:
Hello!

I'm so happy to be back, you really had me worried with that last chapter. I was a little upset that we didn't get much mention of Laurel in this chapter but I think that you've hinted at other issues that deserve my attention. I thought that it was really reckless of Emily and Tristan though to try that Peruvian Potion after what happened to Laurel but I think both of them were trying to escape other more, unpleasant memories and I found that to be an interesting contrast. I wonder what's going on with Isobel at the moment and its obvious that her bulimia is getting out of hand, I'm wondering just how sick she must be to not be walking around in her make up. Has something else happened to bring about this change? I can't help but wonder about that.

But anyway, Emily and Tristan's moment together was both haunting and absolutely beautiful. I enjoyed the power of the potion too and what Emily saw in her friend, the Big Thing, which you've hinted at more than once has me really curious and it really showed Tristan as a very vulnerable person. Its obvious that he's hoarding a lot of pain in himself but I'm curious to know what happened and what's so terrible that he's hidden away for so long. I wonder if Emily will ever say? I doubt it but its obvious that she was a bit disturbed by what she saw, though that ending scene with them was wonderfully beautiful.

Also, Slytherins are jerks. What was interesting was the amount of lust that the boys couldn't help but feel for Emily and the blast of hatred was a good mix, confusing feelings for someone, I'm sure.

Now, the flashbacks were lovely. I really got a chance to see all of the characters back when they were younger, hinting at things to come in later chapters? Emily though was the sweetest person in the world and I really enjoyed how she eventually became friends with everyone. I've had very emotional conversations in the loo as well, they can be quite intense. Hahahaha.

Not sure what's going on with Tristan either, what's he doing skipping class? The nerve! I can't wait for the next chapter, don't be shy about stopping back!

Also, the music in this chapter was very spot on, it gave me chills. I think that you weave this in so well that it really helps me to sink into your characters and also, it gives me a chance to remember all the angsty goodness that I listened to when I was their age.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello!

Ugh, I DEFINITELY agree that Emily and Tristan were being reckless. I remember seeing people behave like that when I was that age, and FIRMLY CONTINUE TO BELIEVE that they were indestructible even when evidence mounted to the contrary. I hope it came off as "unfortunate but realistic" rather than just "STOP IT YOU FOOLS!"

Yay! I'm so glad you liked that scene! The effects of the potions were really interesting for me to write, and I loved the idea of mixing "literal magic" with "trippy psychedelic." And I really hoped it all worked as a "forwarding the plot" device. I liked the idea of being able to reveal some information to a character, but in a way that was vaguer and more subtle than just a straight up declaration of the facts. Also, it let me string the mystery on longer ;)

UGH, those Slytherins! I have a lot of suspicions about the interior lives of properly prejudiced people (headcanon: Death Eaters totally buy muggle nudie mags on the sly). I'm really glad that you found that interesting, and thought it worked!

Right!?! Restroom-friendships are POWERFUL! And just, yee: writing young-Emily was so fun for me! I also really hoped to convey a lot about Laurel there, so I hope that worked!

So many times writing this story I just wanted to SHAKE Tristan, or SLAP HIM. The fool!

Super glad you liked the music too! I know it can really potentially put readers off, but like you said, teenagers listening to angsty music is such a THING. I really tried to make sure the music always had a *reason* to avoid gratuity. One of my all-time favorite fics is "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality" (it's so amazing, I can't even), but the author ended up offering two different versions of a chapter. The first involved a parody of the "Ghost Busters" theme (and it was brilliant), but readers on that site were just SO allergic to any music in fics that he ended up doing a music-free edit. So glad that hasn't been the case here!

Thank you so much for the review!
xoxo
Roisin


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Review #6, by Gabriella HunterChances and Fate: A Chaper in Four Parts

14th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that this is a tad late. I don't know what's going on with my RL but its really getting on my nerves. How dare it take me away from my fanfics!

Anyway, on to this! Ah, this is such a unique idea and I really love it! This is only a one-shot, yes? I am disappointed. I don't read much Founders and I'm a fan of AU so I was really stunned by how you effortlessly blended the two. I don't think that I've read anything like it before!

So, I love what you've done with each character and their introductions. Godric just made my day today, he was hilarious and I think that having brilliant ideas while drunk is amazing and he should never be ashamed. I like that you alternated the POV in the story too so that we could get a clear idea of who was who and how they were feeling. Oddly enough, they were all thinking similar things about building Hogwarts and their differences were really well-written. I'm not sure who I enjoyed more but they were all so quirky and odd in their own way and even Salazar, who was a bit uptight was a tad unusual in his own way. Hahahah. I do like that you're shipping him and Helga though, that's something that I don't hear happening all the time and I think Rowena and Godric are perfect together. I wish that this was longer but, alas, all good things must come to an end. :(

I didn't spot any CC's and I think that your pacing and characters were excellent! :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Gabbie!
Thank you so much for such a lovely review. You have honestly made my day, I can't seem to stop grinning.
I'm glad you liked my interpretation of all the characters. Godric was fun to write, he is very loosely based on one of my OC's for a story I am planning, so I'm glad you liked him. He says thank you very much for appreciating his moments of genius. ;)
I loved Salazar. I don't think he is as 'evil' as he is often made out to be, but I do picture him as very ambitious. Helga seemed so carefree that I had to pair them together. You can get very far in life with ambition and a cup of tea beside you. Rowena is a calming influence for the boisterous Godric, and I love them together.
Again, thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
Lottie


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Review #7, by Gabriella HunterLife As We Know It: chapter four

14th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and while I was reading, I couldn't help but think that this story sounded awfully familiar. In fact, I did some digging and it turns out that I had read the first three chapters a while back! I was wondering if I should let you know or simply keep on reading and of course I chose to keep on reading since I'd loved this story.

So, surprise! Yay...

Anyway, I really love your Hermione. I like that you have her still with her familiar traits from the books but there's just something that's really relatable and real about her here, she comes off as like a living girl. There are insecurities and hopes that she can't possibly put all together and I simply love what you've done with her, you've given us a side of her that we rarely, if ever, got to see in the actual books.

I feel really sad for her with the whole Ron/Lavender situation and I'm waiting for that to be resolved. This feels like you're going with canon really well so that might not be for a while yet but I enjoy Hermione's thought processes about their relationship. There's some bitterness and anger there too but also something that's more common: Jealousy. I love that you've written that little emotion in so well, you wouldn't usually see it in any other fic.

My favorite part of this story was the entire last half with Mr. Bleakly. It was perhaps the most sweetest thing that I'd ever read in a while, I thought that you merged the loss of love and the endurance of it beautifully.

And of course, Draco Malfoy has to ruin the moment by being his usual rude self. I'm not sure about a lot of people but I like reading scenes about him and Pansy, that's a relationship that didn't seem to go anywhere and seeing them both as just two teenagers instead of bullies for just a minute is really interesting.

So, all in all I think that you've written another excellent chapter and I can't wait for more! Your pacing is fine and your characters continue to hold up amazingly. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #8, by Gabriella HunterThis love is ours: This love is ours

12th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm so glad to be back and reviewing your work, so sorry that it took me a while to get back to you. Real life was a major pain. >:(

So, this is a bit different from your usual work but I actually really liked it. I think that you did a good job for this to be the first fluffy story that you've ever written. I never really managed to get the hang of it, myself, someone would have ended up crying by the end of it because angst is in my blood. Hahahhaa. Anyway, I really like the POV that you used, it was easier to get into Curie's head and I absolutely adored the way she and James met, I think that it was a bit quirky but so sweet. James came off to me as more approachable here in this one-shot than in others, where he's a serious stud-muffin. He seems more down to earth and I really loved the entire James Bond bit, I was dying as I imagined what his face must have looked like and Curie's laugh just...I have it in my mind that its a sort of wheezing-snort type thing and that really had me dying. Hahahaha.

I also like the flashbacks that you wove into the story as well. It showed how their relationship was developing and also hinted at James's life a bit, what with past girlfriends showing up and ruining a perfectly good date and all. I think the last part was my favorite, it reeked of romance and I giggled my way through it because it was beautifully written.

I have no CC's, other than the fact that it was over too soon!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #9, by Gabriella HunterBertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans: Rum

12th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and my goodness, please excuse me for not coming to this sooner. I was just really busy and things were not going well or me in Real Life Land and it was a major pain. >:(

So, on to this! I'm so happy to be back, I was really wondering about what Rose would do and I was surprised that she was actually all right with going to the engagement party. Lily of course was the main one who pushed her into it and with the addition of Cece, she really didn't stand a chance. I really liked Cece too and I'll be happy to know a bit more about her, I thought you weaved in her backstory very well without detracting from the story.

Things were going all right for a minute at the party and I enjoyed the moments that Rose had with Alice and Albus. Although Rose was a bit uncomfortable being there, I think that it was a good thing that she finally came and I was starting to think that everything would work itself out. I felt really badly for her though when you explained how Victoire and her family were basically snubbing her. I mean...really? I'm not at all certain of the family dynamics there but that's really messed up! Dominique was in the wrong and I'm not sure why they act like that ISN'T true. Anyway, I liked the little moment that Rose had with her parents and its always nice seeing them in a story, their characterizations were right on point too.

But then...Dom and Lorcan showed up. Really?! I wasn't expecting that at all and they sure do have a lot of nerve! I don't blame Ron for being upset but poor Rose, she just left without even confronting them and almost ended up being too drunk to function. I thought that entire bit was brilliantly written too, its a side of her that we might not have ever seen and for a minute I was really worried about what would happen. And then...we get a blonde hero that can only be who I think it is and I literally can't wait for the next chapter! :D

I didn't spot any CCs and your characters are flawless. The plot is addictive and you've really got me eagerly anticipating the next chapter!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks for the review Gabbie!
And don't stress about how long it takes, I thought you were quite quick actually! Especially because I was on the reserve list.

I'm glad you like Cece! She's actually based on a friend of mine who sure has done some crazy things.. So it will be interesting writing her! Thanks for the comment about the backstory too, I'm trying to avoid doing flashbacks, which is quite hard since every character has their own past that explains their personality.

I was trying to get through the impression that Victoire never really like Rose that much, and therefore really wanted to stick up for her little sister.. but I might try rewording that a little :)
I'm so happy to hear the parent's characterisations were alright. I was stressing so much about them, I never realised how hard it is to use someone else's character and make them seem like they could be the same person!

Haha I'm glad you liked the ending! Hopefully the next chapter lives up to your expectations!

Thank you so much again.
-Rosiful


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Review #10, by Gabriella HunterYear Five: Self-Spelling

12th September 2014:
Hello, lovely!

I am SO sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you but I was really busy and wasn't able to buckle down and get to my reviews. It was a major pain. ;__;

I was wondering when things were going to take a turn for the worse when it came to the group and here is this chapter, destroying my feels! I'm not sure what I want to talk about first but my mind is all over the place and I can't really get all of it out! Agh!

Isobel seems to be going through a stressful time and while I was reading I got the sense that she might be a bit tired of her group of friends. Perhaps it was just me but there wasn't really a strong feeling of companionship between them all this chapter and while she was in the loo, I got the sensation that those feelings had been bubbling up for a while. I wonder if she feels a bit artificial? She was talking about how much she put into her face and studies but that didn't leave her with anything very special. It really got me curious. And then...what?! Bulimia? Did I read that correctly?! That's a serious problem and I'm not sure what to even say about that, aside from the fact that you handled it brilliantly and have some MAJOR guys for actually writing something like that. I tip my hat to you madam because I would never have been able to do it without caving, its such a serious issue and I wonder when we'll see more of it--or if anyone will find out. How long has Isobel been doing this, I wonder? Hm...

Anyway, Isobel's concern about Laurel built up really nicely to give me a great punch in the bum later. I'm not sure how you managed to do it but I've been concerned for Laurel or about five chapters or so and I'm glad that we've finally got an answer. Tristan acted guilty of course but I'm not sure if he really understood the damage but maybe that's just me. Self-spelling is dangerous and such a unique thing to include in a fanfic, never seen it done before and its pretty fantastic. Well, your writing of it is but the actual problems are horrible.

I thought Laurel was going to die. I'm not even going to lie, that scene scared the crap out of me and by the time she was in the hospital wing, I was really shook up. :(

The remarks of the other students of course had me a bit riled as well but it seems to me that the Hex Head's days are nearing an end. I can't wait to see what you do next so stop by like...today because I'm certain that I'll be finished with all my reviews by then. Hahahah.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello!

I don't know WHY you apologize for being "late" with reviews, when I am the LEAST timely person EVER!

Thank you SO MUCH for your analysis of Isobel's state of mind! You are absolutely spot-on. And as for her eating disorder--it was such a difficult thing to write, because I really didn't want to do that to her (and almost didn't). But then I really wanted to be realistic, and push myself not the shy away from gritty realities (which I think is sort of offensive or belittling, if you are handling heavy subjects at all), so I'm SO GLAD you thought I did it with tact! That was really important to me, because I think it's also sort of *irresponsible* to include a subject like that and then mess up how it's portrayed. Anyway, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in another response, but I sort of envisioned "Self-Spelling" as a magical cross between "drinking alone" and "shooting up"--as for its implications and dangers. I really fretted over the execution of that scene, and did a ton of research, so I'm SO relieved that it was affecting! It's just such a pivotal point in the story, I felt like I had this huge responsibility to do it well!

Thank you sososososo much for this review!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #11, by Gabriella HunterThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Yang’s Audacity

12th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie dumping this review on you and I'm SO sorry that its taken me so long to get to this, I've been weirdly busy. It sucks!

Bwhahah, I found this chapter to be quite hilarious. Annett has quite the reputation doesn't she? I am both amazed and a bit worried that she might take things into he own hands when it comes to her rival/love interest/pest that is Arden Yang. I think its interesting from what I've seen here that Annett is mostly on her own during Hogwarts--has that been done on purpose or has she simply just given up on friendships? I would like to know more about that of course so I hope you go into more detail. I think that having all the boys point out how much the students at Hogwarts are afraid of her only seemed to emphasize how much of a loner she is. I'm not sure if Annett cares really but its something that I'm going to pay attention to for sure. What I really liked is how analytical she continues to be and her thoughts on Arden and how to get her revenge was just too perfect. I don't think things will go as easily as she thinks but I could practically hear the gears in her mind moving. Hahahhaha.

This continues to be a fresh, unique Next Gen and while I'd like to see a bit more from Annett interacting with other students, you've set up something wonderful here. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie! :D

Thank you for this review!

Well, she is mostly on her own in Hogwarts and has been for the past five years. We shall see how things changes for her sixth year. ;)

You will also see how she uses/deals with that little piece of information if at all.

I'm relieved to hear that my chracterisation of her is still going smoothly and that you find this story fresh and unique. That means a lot to me. :D Thank you for all your compliments.

Hope to see you on the next chapter soon, Gabbie!

Cheers.


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Review #12, by Gabriella HunterLove, Not War: Trustworthy

12th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie with your review, sorry that I'm so late but I've been really busy and that's such a drag. Hahhahaha.

Its good to be back, I was really curious on what was going to happen next after that explosive chapter and you didn't disappoint me. I'm worried about Draco though, he has information that he's not willing to give and while I can understand that he might be a bit afraid, it can prove to be a deadly mistake down the line. Saleena of course has her own secrets and by the end of this chapter I was wondering what was going to happen for her to finally crack. I know that there's a lot going on right now with her family but she could save a lot of lives if she gave up just a bit of what she knows. You mentioned that you were worried about characterization but I think that you wrote Saleena very well here. She was still headstrong and still determined but there was a bit of vulnerability there that I thought was a nice touch. It made her feel more real to me and I'm curious to see if you'll explore that side of her more. I also enjoyed your introduction of Tonks and Remus, I think that you did a very good job with them--they're two characters that I've never written before but they seem very in character here. This mysterious girl from America sounds interesting so I'm hoping that I'll hear about that a bit more, there's something fishy about it!

So, Voldemort is looking for the Gypsies? That is not good news. I was really horrified to read that! I wonder though, how he learned about them and what his real motives are. I hope you go into more detail there because I was a bit confused me that he would suddenly be interested in a throne that not too many people know about. I'm sure you'll explain that in another chapter!

As usual, your characters are excellent and your pacing, flow and take on familiar faces was very spot on.

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #13, by Gabriella HunterActions Speak Louder than Words: Broken: Rose POV

12th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums and my goodness I am late! I am so sorry for that but I've been pretty busy lately and really had no time on my hands to get to my reviews! D':

This is your very first fanfic? I never would have gotten that vibe at all, this was really well-done! So, I'm very intrigued by Rose's issues that you've set up here, I don't think I've seen her written this way and her past is making him awfully curious. At first I thought that she might be pregnant, what with the throwing up and everything but after I continued reading, it was obvious that some sort of trauma was hanging over her head. I thought the part with the picture was especially interesting, she seemed to be lost in memories and I'm wondering who this person is that drugged her. Its giving me a bad feeling but this is so good that I of course want to read more!

What I really liked about this first chapter is that you don't shove the information down my throat. I feel like some others have to beat you over the head with the Next Gen characters and force them to be unique instead of just creating the character that they'd like to see. Rose here comes off to me as vulnerable, sweet and damaged and that's not something that I've seen very often. I also like that you wrote her cousins very smoothly, they fit into the story and with the backstory that you gave on each of them, it didn't feel forced at all. I really enjoyed the part about their Sorting--Albus in Ravenclaw doesn't happen very often and I thought it was especially hilarious about the Sorting Hat possibly being drunk. I think that you've set up something really nice here and for a first chapter, it struck all the right notes!

No CC's that I could spot either! Your flow was great and your pacing was just perfect. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

No worries about the time. I completely understand and I LOVE this review! Yes, this is my first fanfic and I'm really glad that it didn't come off that way. The chapter was really short and I just wanted to give the reader a taste of what is going on with Rose. I'm so glad that you're intrigued! Yay!

I did intentionally create a Rose character that was very different. I thought about it a lot and I don't think she would necessarily be a perfect combination of her parents. Instead, I think that she would feel a bit overshadowed by them. One of Rose's major flaws is that she really doesn't think she is as strong as her parents.

I don't want to give away too much about what is going on with Rose, but I'll be sure to re-request a review from your thread - you do such a fantastic job with them. You picked up on all the little details that I put in the chapter.

Thanks again Gabbie!

♥ Beth


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Review #14, by Gabriella HunterBuilding Dollhouses In The Sand: Prologue

9th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie with your review, I'm sorry that I'm just now getting to you but I was a bit busy yesterday and after looking at your lovely review for my story, I had to get here as quickly as possible. :D

Anyhoo, this first little bit had me so upset! I was just getting used to the character and before you know, they're snatched away from me! I think that you wrote that scene really well though, there was a lot of unspoken tension in the room and by the end, I could really appreciate the way you built it up. I'm all for angst too so this was a great way to start the chapter. >:)

I wonder if Katherine remembers anything about what happened though? Also, I liked the bit of canon you had in this story with Fabian and Gideon and later, Fred and George.

Now, I've read a lot of different versions of the twins and I have to say that I enjoyed them a lot here. I've written them in a few of my stories but never so young and I really loved hearing about them entering Hogwarts for the first time. The bond between them is still there and its really lovely to read and I liked all the family dynamics that you set up too. It goes so well with what we already knew about them and I adored the brief little bit with Charlie, he seems like the coolest brother ever. Oh, and I'm a Percy enthusiast so I was especially happy to see that bloke in this.

I liked Katherine's shy nature, she comes off as rather mysterious and I can't wait to find out more about her. Lee of course was a gem and the bit of backstory you gave on him was great, you could picture them being friends after that.

The twin's banter is perfect by the way. :D

Now, there wasn't anything that I disliked about this chapter and I like the mention of well-known characters from the book like Cedric and Angelina so I'm looking forward to more.

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the lovely review and the swap, it's understandable that your were busy, I am too (procrastinating :P) I love the twins and I always try to interpret the canon characters as best I can, so I'm glad you liked their banter. I really hope you do read more since I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Thanks again for the swap :)


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Review #15, by Gabriella HunterBertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans: Chocolate

8th September 2014:
HEllo!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and its good to be back! I was wondering when you were going to be stopping by again!

I think that you did a good transition here too, I wasn't expecting this chapter to start the way it did, I'm glad that you actually progressed with the time instead of having everything still happening in the same day. I tend to do that a lot in my stories and it drags a story down but you've gone right for the emotional punch and I really love it.

I feel really badly for Rose and I can't even imagine what she's going through right now. I like that you had her breaking down so completely though, it doesn't seem in character for her at all but I like that she's really frazzled and out of sorts in this chapter. I'm wondering if she'll have the strength to go through with the party that Al mentioned towards the end? I really hope so, it would be good to see her out and about again.

Now, Lily is hilarious. I've read quite a few versions of her and I prefer what you've done here the most. I like that she's not shy and quiet and she's got a lot to say, I mean, she even broke the door! Hahaha. Also, she did have some good points, it wasn't helping anyone that Rose was locking herself away like this. It takes a good friend to point out the nasty little bits that you'd rather ignore, you know?

Al and Alice of course came off as a surprise to me but I'm happy for them. Rose of course was shocked and I still feel badly for her but I hope that her love for them will propel her to actually take that first step and get out of the flat. I only worry about what would happen after that.

Again, a great chapter! I think your pacing and flow are fine and your characters are sympathetic and very relatable. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing Gabbie!
I guess I for got to stop by sorry! I've asked for so many reviews that I sometimes forget where everyone's up to :P

I actually usually hate it when stories skip over periods of time, but it just seemed right for this story. Since the fic is based on Rose's recovery and such, I just wanted to get straight into it!

It is interesting writing Rose, because I see her as being a very strong person too, but even the strongest person wouldn't cope well with that happening to them.

I loved writing Lily! She basically wrote herself in this chapter. So I'm really glad you enjoyed her character!

Thank you again for the amazing review! I'll stop by much sooner this time :)

-Rosiful


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Review #16, by Gabriella HunterYear Five: Troll in the Dungeons!

8th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums and you know what the deal is! I'm right on time for this chapter since its about three days instead of say, a week like the last few times. Hahahha.

So, I'm really starting to worry about our group of Hex Heads. I had a feeling that their constant Cheering would get them into some trouble but now I'm starting to see that the side effects are taking their toll and it was an interesting contrast for Tristan to be the one to notice. Before, he seemed up to Cheering and general Hex Headedness but now, I can see that he's tired and floundering a bit. I wonder what would happen if he straightened up a little? Its stretching it a bit I think but Tristan's feeling ungrateful and a bit angry with himself and I wonder how that's going to translate into his life later on in this story.

The popularity boost from the birthday bash didn't really make Tristan happy, I could tell and while he went through the motions of his classes without really being there. I did like that little bit when he was in Transfiguration though, he has the talent but I don't think that he's reaching for it, it sometimes seems like he's a bit afraid to but maybe that's just me? The fact that he was even worrying about his OWLs for even a minute suggests that he's not at as apathetic towards his studies as he thought.

Anyway, Laurel. What on earth is going on with that girl? I've been worried about her for the past three chapters or so and I'm really scared now, I think her drug habit is getting a little out of control and I'm with Tristan, I don't really like her new batch of friends either. That last little bit with the girls and Tristan had me worried though, they're really running wild right now (Good Hermione reference in there as well, don't think I didn't notice!). The consequences are not going to be pleasant.

As usual, I liked that you added in canon but didn't stray away from your actual plot. The entire thing with the troll was mentioned but not spoken of excessively, which I could appreciate and I'm actually happy that Harry hasn't even said two words in this story. Hahahaha.

Anyway, another great chapter and can't wait to hear from you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh man, yes! they have been running absolutely wild, wearing themselves ragged, and pushing too hard against the boundaries. They aren't, as they believe, indestructible, and cracks are beginning to manifest.

Your comment about the popularity boost not *really* making him happy was so on point! And yeah, Tristan really does have a lot of natural talent and cleverness, but as his teachers would say, he just doesn't *apply* himself.

hah, you know Laurel had a problem when even TRISTAN has his reservations!

Writing them running wild at the Quidditch match was really interesting to me, because *they* had a lot of fun--but I also wanted the reader to feel something that they didn't, and give the whole thing a little bit of a foreboding feel/make the reader feel uncomfortable with their behavior. But at the same time, I'm locked into their POVs, so they had to express that without themselves consciously realizing it. I'm SO glad that worked!

Thinking about it, I don't think Harry even says ONE word in this story ;) Since the gang are all OCs, I would be breaking canon if Harry knew who they were, or ever interacted with them.

OK, let me scurry over and give you your review!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #17, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which Cassie Misses The Train

8th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm right on time! I should really start giving myself a week or two to get to you guys but that sounds really selfish to me but anyway, its good to be back!

Now, I would have read this immediately after looking at your areas of concern but RL got difficult so I had to hold off. Which was annoying. Now, I've read the entire chapter twice just to get a feel for what you were worried about and I can honestly say that this is a good chapter but it could be better in some areas. What I really liked about this chapter was Olivia and Scor's relationship, they're a fun pair and I think that their bantering is rather sibling-like but I'm wondering if you're going to go in another direction? I sort of want them to try dating but I think Albus is going to show up and take them for a loop (I can only hope so) so I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for that one. I was a little worried about Cassie though, where has she gone? Its very unusual that they haven't heard from her by now so I'm really curious on what's going on and what the heck is going on with her and James? Don't think I didn't notice that! There's some animosity between them that I find so very delicious and its obvious that there's a lot bubbling under the surface so I'm really excited to read that. But what will Scorpius do?! D':

Now, I didn't think that this chapter was horrible or anything but while I was reading, especially in the beginning I thought that Olivia was a bit too detached. I know that she's probably just trying to hide behind a strong front but her conversation with her mother could have been a bit better, I would have liked to have seen them really talk about what was going on at home without side stepping the issue. Olivia's thoughts on the matter, how she really feels about it could make a big difference in the pace of this chapter too. How is this really bothering her? Can she sleep at night? Is she angry at her father for what he's done? These are the sort of questions that you could really plow through in just a few paragraphs and while Olivia felt sorry for her mother and seemed a bit worried, I think you could have pushed it just a little more so that we got a clearer picture of their relationship just then. I feel really badly for Pansy and you know, what? I hope she finds some twenty-something hunk to make her life all the sweeter. You're not aware of this but I'm a very petty person when it comes to this sort of thing, I'd have already written about her going on dates right about now. Hahahahhaa.

Okay, other than that little scene, I think that the trip to the Express could have had a bit more tension. I know that Scor was busy trying not to cringe by having Lara so close but I really think that you could force them together in some realistic way--perhaps they have to share a detention and he really gets to know her, maybe even starts questioning his feelings for Cassie? That would be interesting!

Other than that, I liked this chapter and I'm really curious on what you're going to write next so don't be shy about coming back!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks for the review and all the suggestions. I'm really glad you like Olivia and Scor's friendship. I love writing them. A few people have suggested they'd like them to have a go at more than friendship but I think their relationship is actually very platonic. They've always had this very tight knit little group with Cassie and don't let many other people in which means their friendship is very intense, but you're right that Albus is the important one here :)

Cassie's story won't be revealed for a while, but I'm glad you noticed the animosity between her and James. I think Cass has quite a lot of animosity with most people to be honest, but Head Boy James is definitely more irritated by it than some people.

I'm in two minds about your thoughts on Pansy. I would kind of love to write her rebounding from Andrew and going on lots of dates, but I think as a character she has a lot of problems that stop her doing this. Olivia's not the type to talk her problems through with her mother, and you're right that it makes her seem detached and probably adds to their issues, but I don't think it would fit with her character to deal with it sensibly. I'll have a think about your comments though. I can see that it might be worth adding a bit more about who Olivia feels into the mix.

Haha a few people have said they'd like Scor to maybe give Clara a chance. We'll see :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review.

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #18, by Gabriella HunterThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: An “Auf Wiedersehen” and a Wotter Invasion

6th September 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie returning with another review for you and I'm a lot sooner than usual and that just makes me very pleased indeed! Hahahha.

So, Annett's big adventure has finally begun and I really like that you included nearly every single Weasley child--correction, Wotter child in this chapter. I thought those little bits were really hilarious and even from just a few sentences I was able to gather their personalities and what might be in their futures, all of them stood out and had their own little flare so thank you for wonderful writing. I also hope that we see more of Mr. Scorpius in the next few chapters, I think that he and Annett would be interesting friends so I can't wait to see what happens and also, I like that Rose wasn't mean to him despite the obvious awkwardness of the situation. Hahahah.

Annett's thoughts are brilliant as well, I think that she has a really interesting way of observing everything around her while also having those fears that every first year would experience. The analytical process of weighing her options is also really essential to her character and I really loved that she was so fascinated and curious about how magic and science blended so well together. I think I was laughing out loud towards the end with some of her experiments and I'm really curious to see what sort of student she shaped up to (I was surprised, just as an add along that her friends were also witches, that was a nice shock!

I was a tad confused during the Sorting though, I'm not at all certain what House Annett was put into but maybe I misread something? I'm not sure if you were going to put that in some other time as a surprise for us later so I'll wait. I think some of your paragraphs were a little too choppy in the beginning but otherwise, I didn't spot any crazy grammar issues so good job!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again, Gabbie!

Haha. I am similarly delighted. :D

Thank you so much, I did alter that dialogue after an extremely helpful reviewer pointed out the lack of differentiation between the characters during their dialogue. I'm pleased to see my edits have been working.

I'm thrilled about what you think about the interactions between the characters! Thank you. Annett is amazing fun to write because of everything you've just said about her. I enjoyed blending magic and science similarly so!

The Sorting? No, it wasn't explicitly mentioned because that's how nervous she was about the entire ordeal. I do imply it, though, sneaky thing that I am ;) (hint: who was sorted and the last scene before I fast-forward).

And that's where my editing skills could use some work. Thank you so much for pointing that out! I will definitely smooth those paragraphs over. :D

Thank you for your review, Gabbie! I really appreciate all of your insightful comments!

Cheers,
Em


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Review #19, by Gabriella HunterWe Are One: Bitterly Truthful

5th September 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie with your review and I'm a bit early with it this time around since I'm no longer sick and able to actually move around without passing out. Hahaha. Being sick was a major pain!

Anyway, on to this! Our killer is a rather resourceful little thing, hm? I'm still trying to figure out who this could be though and its really starting to make my mind hurt--at first I thought that it was someone close to Harry and the others but now I'm wondering if it might be someone on the Auror team or perhaps someone in the Ministry? I wonder what their motive is for killing the victims and what they'll do next but what a close one Pamela had with the mysterious slayer! I'm glad that it didn't resort to violence but I wonder if she'll ever be able to remember a tiny detail about the person? Hm...

Now, I don't blame Robards for wanting to test the new Veritaserum and I know that you wouldn't have put that in unless it was going to have some major significance for later so I'm really curious on what might happen next. I think that there was a big clue dropped in there but I can't figure out what it is...

Also, the varying views on death were interesting and while some were what I expected, I was proud of Harry at the end :D

Your ending was sweetly done as well and I enjoy the little moments you have with Harry and Ginny before the darkness comes again.

Great pacing, your mystery is only deepening with the growing list of suspects and I think that you've got something great here!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #20, by Gabriella HunterValour : The Beginning in the End

5th September 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I apologize for being so late. I've been really sick these past few days and just barely managed to feel better and it was an adventure, let me tell you. Hahaha.

Anyhoo, on to this! I was wondering when you were going to be stopping by again and I'm glad to be getting back into the groove of this story. I like that you had the group discussing what the Order was in the beginning and I think that their personalities really came across well, I didn't think that any of them were just floating around in the scene, they all had equal say. Mary's fears about joining of course were really realistic in the situation, I'm glad that you didn't have everyone being readily on board and that there was some actual fear and anxiety. The time jumps were a little confusing at first but I was able to follow along easily enough after a while and I really enjoyed the speech that Lily gave at their graduation (This is the first Hogwarts graduation that I've ever read by the way but I think you did a good job!) and it really gives a bit of foreshadowing for later. It kind of gave me chills.

Now, that ending scene at the bar and so on have introduced a few other issues that I can't wait to find out more about. There's an obvious crush on Sirius that I want some answers on and what about Peter? I wonder if you'll stick to canon with his character or not but I'm curious on whether or not his fear will be a problem for the rest of them.

That last little bit had me a tad confused though, I hope you'll explain what was going on in the next chapter? The only CCs that I can offer is that you might want to go back and shorten the spaces in between the paragraphs so it won't be so broad but other than that, this was another good read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: No problem! I know we all are getting busier lately.

I'm so happy you liked that scene! I thought it was a good insight into their innocence and it's good to have a discussion without authority.

Yay! I'm so happy you liked that as well. I worked for a while on that speech.

Poor Marlene. She's going to have a couple of problems throughout the group, while most of the others are isolated with just a few people.

Peter will stick with canon. I think that's all I can say at this point. He won't be back until chapter five, which is "his" chapter.

I am hoping that the time switches weren't confusing people.sorry! :( Those extra bits that don't seem to fit at the end of or the middle of chapters are sort of hints at what's to come. They'll either be scenes that are missing from the story, or scenes that will be very important later on. The dates are really important.

I'm so happy that you actually liked it! I was very nervous posting this because I've never worked with so many main characters.

Thanks, I'll request again soon

Catherine


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Review #21, by Gabriella HunterLove, Not War: Same Side Now

5th September 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and can you believe that I was really sick these past two days? I was so under the weather that I could barely even roll over and that, my friend, was a nasty bit of grossness that we shall not discuss. Hahahah.

Anyhoo, on to this! I think that you covered a lot of ground in this chapter and I'm not sure at all how you managed to get through it all without combusting on the spot. Draco really showed a lot of himself in this chapter though, this vulnerable and weak side of him is far more interesting to me than the one that is usually portrayed and you did an excellent job. I thought that his conversation with Harry was very intense and I really love that you showed both of their opinions in this. It wasn't just Harry blaming Draco for being a prat and it wasn't just Draco blaming Harry for all of his problems, they actually managed to meet in the middle and work through their issues to some degree. There was something so wonderful and bitter about that part of the chapter and once Draco realized that he was not, in fact, being made fun of and was actually being shown genuine concern, I sort of felt my heart clench for him. It seems like Draco is always on edge, he's never quite sure what's real and what isn't and I think Harry gave him something that he had never had before--trust--and I wonder what might happen in the future.

Now, Ron on the other hand showed all the signs of someone who will NEVER be able to tolerate an enemy. I like the contrast that you did there with the three boys, their varying POVs and opinions really got me into their heads better and while I can understand why Ron feels the way he does, there really isn't any time for it. I enjoyed his bantering with Draco, however. Hahah.

That last little bit has me SO nervous! Voldemort knows where Draco is--The MINISTRY knows where Draco is and now there's a looming threat hanging over their heads in the form of the Minister himself! What?! I can't wait to see what happens next so don't be shy about re-requesting, I'm really anxious!

Another great chapter, I didn't spot any CC's, your pacing is great and your characters have compelling depth. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Aww, I am so sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well, Gabbie. I hope you get better soon! I hate being sick. It is the absolute worst. =/

This chapter and the next one are my favorites out of all the ones that I have re-written so far. I'm glad you have found this "new side" of Draco to be so interesting. Hopefully this impression shall continue, haha!

I was a little nervous at writing Harry, I'll be honest. (I mean, he's HARRY POTTER, lol!!) But since this is AU, the trio have been thru alot in the past year and a half out on their own, and Harry has really had to step it up as a leader. It is for that reason that I see Harry as taking a "bigger-picture" approach on things. He's tired of fighting, and he sees potential in Draco as an ally. They all know that Draco can give them inside information on Voldemort, and everyone is craving for said info. I'm really glad to see that you liked the Harry/Draco side of the conversation so well. You analyzed everything rather well, and I especially liked what you had to say about Draco being on edge and unsure of what is real. He certainly does have a LOT of trust issues to work thru here, lol.

Ron is stubborn and bull-headed, and I imagine that he will always be so. Much like the Gryffindor/Slytherin rivalry, I cannot see Ron (or the twins, for that matter) letting up so easily on the Malfoy/Weasley rivalry. Add to that the fact that he is already in a PO'd mood from wearing the Horcrux all day & night, and you have one angry Weasley, lol. He may come around one of these days tho. Who knows? ;)

I enjoyed writing the banter between Ron and Draco a lot too, but not nearly as much as I liked doing the beginning scene with him and Harry. I tried hard to explore all three of the boys in this though, and get each of their opinions across well. And I am particularly glad to see that you caught on to the contrast between all three of the boys in this. (:

Yep. The secret is out. Everyone knows where Draco is now! Dun-dun-dun!!! I cannot wait to see what you think of the next chapter. I have already re-requested, haha!! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this, Gabbie, I really appreciate it! You are such a star reviewer, my dear. Hope you are feeling much better now. See ya in the next chapter!! =)

~Deana~


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Review #22, by Gabriella HunterYear Five: Three Times Charmed

5th September 2014:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and man, you won't believe how upset I was about not being able to read/review this a lot sooner. I was actually pretty sick these past two days and while that was a really gross bit of suffering that I shall not get into, I'm glad to be back!

So, we're at Isobel now! I really love that each chapter as a different POV from the gang and so far, this one might just be my favorite (Next to Tristan's, I have a thing for him). Isobel seems really more blunt than the others with some of her views and I enjoyed reading about how she saw the others, there were some perceptive details that had me really curious. What I really liked about the beginning of this chapter is that Isobel didn't make any excuses for her companions or her own vanity, which is a bit refreshing, its nice to see a character that owns up to something everyone else would call a 'fault'. And this has nothing at all to do with anything but my goodness is she short! 5'2''? I'm about 5'8'' without heels so I was really surprised by that, I tend to think everyone else around me is tiny but anyway, moving on!

I was really surprised by the information about Emily's past relationships and I'm wondering what might happen if she ends up dating Tristan. I can understand why Isobel would be a bit annoyed, I don't want this to be solely for a sex thing but Emily seems to really like him so I'm just going to see how that goes for now. You've got me curious about Laurel as well, there's something going on with her that's got me a bit worried. I'd been wondering if she was a bit addicted to being Charmed and that also makes me a bit concerned about what she's trying not to think about. Hm...I'd like to know more about that, it might be something essential to the plot later and that is always a good thing.

Anyhoo, I really liked their adventure in Hogsmeade and Isobel's narration was hilarious on some points. Now, I'm a Percy enthusiast so I sort of squealed about seeing him in a scene with Penelope, even though it was a tad awkward...(Also, what exactly happened between Tristan and Angelina? I'm an Angelina/George enthusiast as well so that was something that sparked my curiosity) and I wonder, why didn't Laurel want to go into the Hogs Head? So many questions...

Anyhoo, I really enjoy the awesome bands that you introduce and talk about in this story. I know some people might not be all that interested but seeing as how I love music, I think that the contrast between Muggle/Wizard life is really brought into clearer focus. It sets up both worlds better in my opinion and its a great way to understand characters and the way they interact with one another (Isobel's thoughts on Tristan harping about Muggle discrimination was pretty interesting, I think.) so I hope that you show more of that in the future.

I hope the gang will be able to make it through their OWLs in one piece but I wonder if their smoking and Charm sessions will be a problem? I'm sort of not really sure right now but I hope you follow up on that later!

Another great chapter, no CC's that I could spot and your pacing was great as always.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello!!

Ah! I'm sorry to hear you were ill! Hope you're feeling better!

It's really exciting to me that different readers have their favorites :D I was hoping for that when I chose to write a cast of four very different characters!

And YEAH, Isobel is tiny! It's funny, because she comes off as the most mature of the group/is the most serious. But she's also the youngest and the smallest (she's almost a year younger than Tristan, since the cut-off age thing for Hogwarts is kinda weird).

For Emily, I really liked the idea of writing a highly sexually active character who doesn't fit the stereotype (because I've noticed in real life, that's usually the case). Definitely more on that later!

A lot of people have expressed curiosity about the Hog's Head thing, so I think I should go back and work on that. Laurel suggested it for precisely the reasons she outlined (they would probably serve them booze), and only walked out because it was so sketchy looking inside. I never meant for it to seem important or mysterious, so that is FOR SURE a fault of the writing. I'm really glad you've pointed it out, though, so I know how to go back and revise!

YAY for your comments about the music stuff! That was EXACTLY what I was trying to do! I definitely didn't want the music to be TOO gratuitous, but I wanted it to have a heavy presence, since this story is about expanding on what was absent from canon. I would say I like all the stuff mentioned, but I didn't want to just rattle off all of my favorite music in the story. Instead, I thought a lot about what was era and character appropriate, and what sort of worked as an exposition device (the lyrics were all VERY intentionally chosen!)

Whether or not the gang get through their OWLs in one piece is definitely the CENTRAL crux of this story!

Yee--thank you so much for this review! I'm so glad that this story is resonating, and that all the little things I tried to do are coming across! I really appreciate the thought and time you put into reviewing!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #23, by Gabriella HunterThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Peculiar Childhood: A Prologue

5th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review, I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get to you but I've been a bit under the weather these past two days and its been a mess. A really, really, nasty sort of mess. Hahahah.

Anyway, on to this! I'm not sure if you had wanted me to review your prologue or not but I'll be more than happy to start on the first chapter as well so don't feel shy about re-requesting or anything in the future!

I think that you set up your main character (s) in a really unique way. I like the scientific aspect that you've taken with this story, its never something that I see being done in Fanfic Land so I'm really impressed. I could never have been able to write any of this without scratching my head and searching for the biggest dictionary so I'm really interested in this world that you've created through Annett's eyes. The sporadic use of magic throughout this chapter though was really hilarious and I think I laughed out loud about the "dissecting" bit, having two parents as scientists can be a bit scary--but what I found great was that her parents weren't afraid of her powers and they weren't willing to let her ignore them either. I think that that is a nice twist to this as well and I can't wait to see if we'll hear more about their reactions to the Wizarding world later on, they would probably want to question and poke at everything.

Now, I didn't blame Annett for thinking that the Hogwarts letter was a prank though but I really enjoyed that little bit with Teddy Lupin. I wasn't expecting him to be her guide but for some reason that made more sense since he'd be easier to relate to (He's around twenty or so in this, I'm guessing?) and isn't an imposing adult. The thought of the two of them casually talking about magic and Hogwarts just came off as really sweet to me and for some reason, completely realistic and I have no idea why I think that. :D

I didn't spot any crazy CC's or anything and for a prologue, this was very informative and your characters seem thought out and interesting! I can't wait to read more!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello, Gabbie!

Firstly, I hope you're feeling much better now. If this is not the case, then I hope you get better soon! :D

This is the very chapter I wanted to hear about from you, actually! But I'll take you up on the invitation to temporarily overcome shyness to re-request. :D And I extend a similar invitation to you to don't be shy and continue reading as much as you like. ;) :P :D

I'm thrilled that you enjoy the story so far! And, yes, I am very much a science nerd, if that wasn't glaringly obvious. :P I'm sure you knew that already.

I do explore the scientific state of mind throughout the story. Namely, I highlight the openness of mind and curiosity. Which you've also deduced yourself! Haha. Question and poke, indeed!

Teddy does make another appearance in the next chapter and then again some chapters later that I haven't submitted yet. :)

Thank you so much for reading and leaving such an amazing review. You lit up my day with your kind words. I really appreciate that. :)

Cheers!


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Review #24, by Gabriella HunterDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Shifting Thoughts

2nd September 2014:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get to you but here I am! I hope that you can forgive me!

Anyhoo, on to this! The mystery surrounding Deviln just continues to deepen and I am amazed by how detailed and intricate your writing is! You're fantastic at drawing me in and I'm really invested in these characters--they're all so complex that I can never tell what they might do next.

There were quite a few things in this chapter that had my mind churning with questions. I never knew that Devlin had that much control over his magic--well, I sort of figured of course from the previous chapters but using the Imperious curse? That was a terrifying new skill that I couldn't believe that he would use, it makes his relationship with Geoff all the more tangled and confusing. I think that they have a lot of depth when they're together and I wonder how their futures will be towards the end.

Also, I'm wondering what's going to happen with Harry and his job. Its obvious that time is running out to capture Voldemort and Devlin seems to be the key in all of this but I wonder what Albus will discover (Great writing him by the way, he was spot on)and what might be at stake if things don't progress?

That ending though was both sweet and a little horrifying. Devlin is plotting against the Dark Lord and willing to do anything for Emma and I can't help but worry about what that might mean...hm...you've given me a lot to think about.

As always, this is fantastic and I truly love everything about this story!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #25, by Gabriella HunterThe Monopoly on Honour: We shall live in song

2nd September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie dumping this review on you and I'm SO sorry that I'm a few days late. I had some real life things to do and my allergies were really bad for some reason (Nature does not like me) and there were other, more boring things to take care of.

Anyhoo, on to this! Lucius Malfoy is one cunning little bird, isn't he? I really like how you opened this chapter though, you took all the pain and despair from the previous chapters and blended them all together--I was really sad to hear that his marriage was not at all what it appeared but I'd already suspected that. I wonder if Narcissa will ever be able to forgive him and return? I doubt that it will be soon or ever but I'm sort of feeling for Lucius and that's not something I thought I'd EVER say. Hahaha.

I also like that you wrote him as such a warm father figure, that's something I've never seen before either. I think that the way he dotes on Astoria is very sweet, a bit calculating here and there but he's aware of her strength and is putting his hope in her. Its really surprising and touching that he would lose just a bit of his control and I enjoyed their sweet bantering and Astoria's obvious fondness for him.

Now, the blood magic was very cool. I had read about this before but never in this much detail and I'm really blown away by what you've done here, it doesn't surprise me at all that the Malfoy's would go to such great lengths to preserve their heritage. I'm really curious about this plan that Lucius and Astoria mentioned and I can't wait to read on about it, I hope you won't keep me waiting too long!

I didn't spot any CCs or anything, your flow and pacing are great and your characters are very fleshed out and realistic.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks so much for the review, and it's my turn to apologise to you for the late reply - I've had no time this week. I hope your allergies are better :)

'Cunning little bird' - Indeed! I'm having a lot of fun writing him. Oh, his marriage is definitely not all it appeared (and I shall leave you to interpret that it whatever way you wish :p) Will she be able to forgive him? Hmm... Lucius has a lot to explain and a lot to prove before that happens, don't you think? You're feeling for Lucius :) Brilliant!

I wanted to delve deeper into Lucius's familial relationships, and for some reason, I was particularly drawn to what he would think of Astoria. Not only is she the girl his son has fallen in love with, and so there's that "seal of approval", but I also see Astoria as his intellectual equal. I also think that they are very similar in some ways - they both, with more or less success, are the strategists behind trying to keep their family together, and because of that, they understand the strain they're both going through. Astoria can't break in front of Draco, Daphne or Selena, because they all need her, and Lucius is similar. Ah, I enjoyed their banter too. It was a lot of fun to write! I like sardonic humour :) I suppose I was trying to show that Lucius does actually care about things - I don't think he could be that ambitious a Slytherin without having an incredible depth of motivation. I also see him as being incredibly determined, but he's only human, and his decision to involve Astoria is as much strategic as it is because he is actually able to connect with her in some way.

The blood magic. I'm glad you thought it worked well! It's important for the very obvious reason that it's tied in with the protection of the Malfoys, but it's also linked with their attitude to blood status, amongst other things, and if you want more detail, well, you're in for a treat in future chapters. It comes into play a few times :) I thought it made sense that they would use it - both from a heritage and security point of view - I see the Malfoy brand of blood magic as being very, very difficult to circumvent, so it is one of the most secure weapons they have, and hopefully it'll become clearer why in the future

The plan is in its primary stages, but the next chapter begins the arrest sequence, as well as introducing some more characters and a whole other perspective, so hopefully that will fuel your curiousity. By the way - that is the biggest compliment! It's so encouraging to hear that people want to find out what happens next!

I should be putting the fifth chapter into the queue over the next few days, so keep an eye out for it :)

Thanks so much for the awesome and really helpful review. It really means a lot :)

Celi xx



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