Reading Reviews From Member: Gabriella Hunter
  
591 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella HunterPicking Up The Pieces: One

22nd August 2014:
Hello!

I told you that I'd be here to leave a review and here I am! I really like what you've done with the two girls and their alternating POVs, it made for a really interesting read and I'm really curious to know how you managed to write them both so well. What differences did you think of that worked the best? I really liked your Bomhemian chic Dom too, I find that really creative and unique, she seems like a riot of a girl. I like that you've also given some great details on their relationship and how their roles were switched by the middle of this chapter, I don't have an older sister so I just found this really fascinating.

Your Victoire seems like the nicest person in the world too, I like how hard working she is and how dedicated Dom was to bringing her back to life after she sort of crashed for a minute. Hahah. I think that both of them were really fleshed out and there's even room for a full story if you were thinking of doing that and I'd love to see if you were going to make more adventures. :D

I think that you did a really great job here and I was all warm and fuzzy by the ending. :3

On my end, expect A Force of Blaise by tomorrow and there's always "Transparent" and "Abandon" and poor Albus to check out if you get bored. I'm going to try and get "At Midnight" updated too before tackling anything else so hope to see you soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #2, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which There Is An Attempted Kidnapping

20th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm super early this time! I didn't have any other stories in my thread and I wasn't busy so I was super excited to get back to this!

So, Olivia and Scor in this chapter were really great, I think. I like looking at their friendship without Cassie being there, I was able to see what tied them together and while I would have liked a bit more conversation between them, I think you hinted at some other troubling things with Scorpius especially. I'm not sure why but the fact that he was sort of shopping his cares away struck me--he was obviously a lot more upset about Cass than he would have wanted to admit so I'm curious to see how that will develop later on. Also, I liked the addition of the new characters too, Oscar and Joe remind me a lot of Fred and George so they were a riot to read. The only thing is that I would have liked a bit more description on them, I wasn't able to put a clear face on them just yet and by the time Esther arrived, I couldn't really picture them all together. Its just a minor thing though, a few details here and there could make the difference but I really liked the idea of Clara Zabini for some reason. Hahahah. I want to see Scorpius running away from her and also, would he use her as a way to make Cass jealous? I kind of hope he does but on the other hand, I'm not sure how that would work out. Hm...

Also, what on earth did Olivia do to her hamster? Hahahaha.

I think that something more might be going on with Cassie at the moment from what Scor and Olivia were saying. Why haven't they heard from her? I would have liked to have gotten a clearer idea but perhaps she's hiding from Scor? D':

This last part was my favorite of the entire chapter. Its great to see Albus again and my goodness, I feel so sorry for the guy! What a horrible girlfriend! I think that you set up his vulnerabilities very well here, I'm able to really understand a bit more about his character. All of his fears make sense too and I'm glad that you kept them realistic instead of having him being the exact replica of his father. That's a bit boring in my opinion, I like this worried, anxious Albus that's not sure of himself. I hope you play around with that more.

But Olivia and Scorpius heard the entire conversation so I wonder how its going to come into play later? I can hardly wait for that! D':

I think besides the bits of details that I mentioned earlier, I would actually make fuller paragraphs. This chapter went rather quickly so I wasn't able to really sink into it the way I would have liked to. Adding more details and condensing the shorter sentences would help but otherwise, its really good! I hope you re-request soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thank you for the lovely lovely review. I'm so glad you mentioned everything you did. I'll definitely put in some more descriptions of the new characters - it hadn't occurred to me that I hadn't done that so that's super helpful. I'll make sure to take all your feedback on when I come back and edit this again.

Anyway, thank you thank you for all your feedback and for getting here so quickly! You know I'll probably be back with a rerequest in the near future.

I'll get your review to you probably tomorrow - looking forward to starting your Molly/OC

Lots of love,

Emma x


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Review #3, by Gabriella HunterDoing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

19th August 2014:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm so sorry that I'm late. I would have been here sooner but I was trying to catch up on some writing and I got distracted. Hahaha.

Anyway, on to this! I like the idea of having Draco weighing his options with his father and mother, I had never really given much though to which parent he truly wanted to impress. In the books you get the sense that he wants to be like his father as he's always saying, "My father, this or that" so I like that you switched this up a bit. I also really enjoyed that you wrote his thought processes so well and gave a lot of detail on how his life was right then, with the Death Eaters on his back and his own conflicting feelings. I wasn't sure if he was actually going to go through with murdering the Minister and what a mission that was! I was really anxious but SO relieved when he didn't make that decision, I was very proud of him but I know that there will be consequences. If you were going to continue this, I'd love to read more, I think that you've developed a very interesting Draco.

I couldn't spot any CC's and I thought that your pace was great and Draco's personality really came alive here. I hope I see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again Gabbie!! I didn't think you were late, so no worries there, lol!!

Thanks so much for stopping by to review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I'm also happy that you liked his decision to make his mother proud, rather than his father. At this point, Lucius has been in Azkaban for over 2 years now, and Narcissa is really the only one he's had in his corner that entire time. So, in my version of events, his choosing to listen to his mother makes the most sense. :)

I actually DO continue this story tho, lol. My Novel; "Love, Not War" takes place 3 months after this mission transpires. There are most definitely dire consequences for Draco's actions here, as you will see if you continue on to read the Novel. ;)

That story is undergoing major revision right now tho, and is therefore not really on par with this story. Not yet anyways, lol. It's a work in progress, but I will certainly come back to re-request reviews from you, one chapter at a time, as the newly edited versions come available to read!! Thanks so much for your interest in this story, your time is very much appreciated!! =)

~Deana~


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Review #4, by Gabriella HunterKingdom Come: The Dilemma.

15th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and everything! I'm sorry that I'm a bit late but I've got this weird cold and it won't go away, its actually mating with my allergies so needless to say, I'm kind of not feeling too hot. Hahahah.

Anyhoo, on to this! I was really worried about Narcissa in the previous chapter and I liked that you switched the POV to Lily's so we could get a clear idea of what she thought of the situation. It was obvious that she was conflicted about bringing Narcissa with her but I think that her heart was too big and she just gave in to what was right. I couldn't imagine Lily just leaving her in the woods like that but I don't think that she was truly certain that she had done the right thing until Narcissa told her what had happened. I just got the shivers from reading that section, it was horrible to think that she had been in that house and nearly died.

I have never written Lily before and half the characters that you have in this chapter alone are ones that I steer clear from. Hahaha. I think that you wrote them all very well, though and I'm going to applaud you for how you wrote Dumbledore, I found him to be really difficult to grasp but you've done a good job here. I was able to picture him very clearly.

Now, Sirius and James's friendship was something that I also liked and the obvious tension that was brought into the Order by having Narcissa there just made it all the more powerful. I wasn't surprised by Mad Eye's opinion either, I feel like since he was the most experienced, he would know more about Death Eater tactics than the others. I agree that leaving her would have been inhumane though and that ending had me wondering what might happen later on. Will Narcissa be brave enough to work with the Order and really turn her back on her family? I'm really eager to read on!

I think that your pacing was good, the characters were fleshed out nicely and no major CC's so good job!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Ahh, you are so wonderful! Thank you again for the marvelous review. You really are helping me immensely. I've been so concerned about how the events have being going and with the characterization of people. Narcissa and Dumbledore in particular. So thank you so much.

You really are a great reviewer and such a great help! I'll have to request the next chapter after I've given some other authors the chance to take your spots. ;)


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Review #5, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which Albus Potter Has A Hero Complex

15th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm sorry that it took a minute for me to get back to you. D':

So, we're back with Olivia! I was wondering how her situation with her family was going and I could tell that it was really tense at her house, though I wish that you could have shown more of that. I could tell that her parents had come to some sort of agreement and I wonder if they were going to officially announce their divorce at Aunt Katie's? I was really wondering about that and I would have liked a bit more on that but I'm sure you can add in those little details in another chapter. I sort of think that Olivia is running away from her problems right now and it would be good to see her confront them.

Now, I'm glad that we got to meet Cass's older brother but I felt like he could have used a bit more description. He seems a tad more responsible than his sister so I'm wondering what their relationship might be like behind closed doors.

Martin= bad. I had a feeling that he was going to be an issue and I seriously wanted to punch him in the face after that last little scene! What a toad!

Now, I really enjoyed the club scene because it gave me a chance to see the kids in a new environment and I also learned a bit more about them just from this chapter. I think that you wrote that very well, the dynamics were different but I was able to see that Cass and Scor's relationship was on the rocks, she completely ignored his New Years Resolution and I wonder how that conversation went. Apparently, not so good and I'm feeling bad for Scor and I'm not really liking Cassie right now, she's being kind of snippy for no reason in my opinion. Is something else going on with her? I didn't like that she kept talking down to Olivia and the others and when she left with Scorpius, I was kind of upset about that too. I could tell that Olivia was a bit lonely and it didn't help that she was drunk either, you had me worried there for a minute!

Albus saved the day though, I was glad to see him finally and he seems like a real gentleman. I hope that we see him again at some point, I'm glad that he was so worried about Olivia too and its obvious that they don't know each other well enough for him to be going out of his way for her.

How does Cassie end up being on first name terms with both Potter brothers? Hm.

Well, aside from what I mentioned early on, I really liked this chapter. I think that you've set up some really great drama for the next chapters too and I can't wait to see what you've done with the characters!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

Thanks so much for the detailed review. I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter, it was one of my favourites to write. I agree with you about needing a bit more detail when describing Andreas so will definitely work that into my next edit, and I'll have a think about ways to make it clearer what's going on with her family.

Thanks for reviewing again. I need to come back to your George/Angelina soon!

Emma x


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Review #6, by Gabriella HunterSomething to Live For: Full Moon Rising

12th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and everything! Sorry that I'm a bit late.

Anyway, Rosalind! I'm glad to see that she's getting a bit of luck thrown her way. I was really curious on what her first day on the job would be like and I think you handled that very well, some writers tend to skimp over the details but you gave me a good sense of how her job would be and supporting characters that might play a role later on.

It was good seeing Hermione and Harry as well, I was able to get a nice sense of their personalities too. I really enjoyed how warm and friendly they were, its nice not seeing a stressed out Harry or an uptight Hermione for once and while I would have liked a brief cameo from Ron, you did a great job introducing these two. I hope we see him again soon. :3

I also liked the bit of details that you used to describe Harry's office, very nice touch with the pictures.

Now, Rosalind doesn't seem like she's going to have the easiest time with all of her co-workers and I think you set that up nicely. It felt a little too much like a high school setting on some parts but I like all the contrasting attitudes and Rosalind is very strong willed and confident, though she doesn't go out of her way to prove it. I would like to know a bit more about Draco though, I wonder why no one will really get to know him? I think you could add in a sentence or two about that but I could tell that his attitude might have something to do with it. Hahahah.

Now, I really liked the ending too. I wasn't expecting a werewolf attack at all and I think you showed just how strong and capable Rosalind is in the face of uncertainty. Draco was a little too easily pushed back, I think but he made up for it later on. He doesn't seem like an easy person to work with either so I'm curious to see how that develops.

My only CC isn't really a CC, I guess but some of your characters speak really formally. I'm not saying that's a bad thing but it would flow a lot easier and be a bit more realistic to throw in a bit of slang here and there or a contraction. Otherwise, I think your flow was all right, just a tad choppy towards the middle but it cleared up towards the end. :)

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi there! and it's fine don't worry about it :)

Thank you! I was hoping to make it a bit realistic, and even though she's not going into exactly the career field she wants she has to start somewhere. I really wanted to add Ron into that scene, but felt that having all three of them meeting a new employee wouldn't fit, but he does appear in chapters later on :) I could never really see as Harry and Hermione being super uptight and stressed out either, unless something extreme happened.

Yeah I had a bit of trouble trying to get those scenes down and still aren't too happy about them. I wanted to show that her and Draco are sort of like outcasts, Draco because no one thinks he should be there (being a former Death Eater and all) and Rosalind because she's from another country and probably doesn't know enough to grasp how their system works. Haha yes but he is moody! He's trying to be more accepting of people but doesn't want to be too assertive about it either.

Haha I was worried I made Draco look too much like a pansy because he wasn't in control of the situation like he would've liked, but eventually he tries to show that he is the boss in their group. He has issues admitting his feelings and whatnot.

Yess I know I need to work on that! I'm just not too familiar with Brit slang so I don't want to use it in the wrong context, but I think it'd be too OOC if it was American slang. Maybe I'll have Rosalind speak more like she's a Westener haha.

I know I hate how choppy my transitions are :( I have a hard time describing what I see in my head that it comes off as half-assed because I'm not sure how to put the words in together. I am working on it though!

Thank you so much for your review :)

-Melissa


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Review #7, by Gabriella HunterKingdom Come: Hellfire

12th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that it took a minute to get to you! D':

You seemed really happy to finally find someone who liked AU and I'm glad that you requested this story for me to read. I really enjoy that genre and I think it sort of gets pushed aside sometimes but I think that creating another universe within a universe is very interesting! I think its pretty bold as well to take HP characters and put them in positions that you normally wouldn't see them in.

Anyway, Narcissa! I'll have to be honest when I say that I don't read many stories featuring her as the main characters. There have been a few where she's depicted as being rather cold and snooty but I love your approach here, she feels like a real woman with insecurities and fears. That makes her have so much more depth and the conflict that she has with her family just sprang out to me really well. I think that her need to impress her family is what I found the most intriguing, I had never thought of this angle for her before and I think you wrote it very well. A child wants to do all that they can to make their parents happy and you pose the most daunting question; What if its not the right thing?

I was tense while reading about Bella's task as well and even though you didn't have him speaking, Voldemort gave me the chills. Narcissa's fear of him was so clear that I didn't need him to even be in the scene for long to get that sense of dread, so good job! Now, I felt so horrible for her when her parents and the others just LEFT her in the burning manor! Seriously? Did they do it on purpose? And that poor Muggle man! How horrible. I wish that Narcissa had been able to save him but she probably would have died too if she had but I know that's going to weigh on her for a while.

The ending had me really eager to read more too, Lily Evans and Narcissa? Interesting mix! I can't wait to see what you do with them and I hope you re-request!

I liked the plot, the flow is good and your characters seem very well thought out so no major CCC's!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Ahhh! Thank you so much, Gabbie@!! Your review was seriously so helpful and so insightful. I honestly don't think I had ever really read a story about Narcissa on the site before I started writing it, so I really felt like I was winging it with her, so I'm glad you feel as if I did justice in that area. I was pretty concerned. Thank you for all you had to say. It really helped me, and I'll definitely keep all those things in mind as I move forward with the story! Really, thanks again for the review, and I'll definitely have to come back and request future chapters! :) Thanks!

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Review #8, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which Draco Malfoy Makes A Joke

9th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you but I was sick and things weren't going well with my tummy yesterday. It was not at all pleasant. Hahaha.

Anyhoo, on to this! So I really did enjoy getting back to Olivia, I was wondering what you were going to do after that explosive first chapter and I have to say that I wanted just a little bit more. I think that you set up your new characters well though, I certainly think Cassie is someone that I'm going to have to grow to like. I think she came off a bit too hard? I would have liked to have seen a softer side of her without the snark but I think you can have another chance at that but I do enjoy her outspoken personality, she doesn't mince words, does she? I also liked the little bit of information you gave on her own family situation but I would have liked to have gotten to see how that made Cassie feel, perhaps even a paragraph or two on how that's affected her. Scorpius on the other hand I really wanted to know more about, I felt like he was just kind of lingering in the scene instead of being fully in it, I kind of got a grasp of him but I'd like a tad more from him in the next few chapters. I couldn't get a sense of how he felt about his own family very much so if you added in a bit more with that, it would give him a lot more depth. He does have a great sense of humor though and I would like to know how he and Cassie started dating too, I'd like to know how they balance each other out. Hahaha.

Now, Mr. Malfoy came as a bit of a surprise for me because I'm so used to seeing a rather mopey Draco in various fanfics. Its nice to see him smiling and trying to joke around instead of hovering in the shadows and brooding so I really enjoyed him! Also, that little article in the Daily Prophet had me laughing a bit, who makes an entire article based off of Albus Potter's love life? Rita Skeeter of course! Hahaha. I wonder, will we be seeing more of Albus in the future? Does he pay a larger role in this story? I certainly hope so! :D

That Howler! Agh! I was wondering how that was going to go and I wonder what sort of trouble Olivia is going to be in when she goes home? I can't wait to see what you do with her family dynamics too, I hope that you won't be stingy and keep this story to yourself! :D

All in all though, I think that this was a good chapter and aside from what I mentioned before, it was a fast paced read and I didn't spot any major grammar issues either. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

Thanks so much for all the super helpful feedback. I'll definitely think about your notes on characters when I come back to edit this. I don't think there is much soft about Cassie right now but I'll make sure to develop Scorpius further.

I'm glad you like the Rita Skeeter article. It seemed a bit silly but is very similar to what she did to Harry so I didn't think it was unbelievable. Albus is going to feature in a big way :)

I love your reviews. They're really constructive and make a big difference.

Thank you thank you,

Emma x


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Review #9, by Gabriella HunterThe Monopoly on Honour: Do we not Suffer?

9th August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums tossing this revie w at you and I'm sorry that I'm late! I was sick and things were not very good for me during that, let me tell you! Also, its nice to meet you!

So, this! There aren't a lot of stories that feature Draco and Astoria as a couple in the fanfic world for some reason. I think that this is really refreshing, showing them as two young people in love instead of, say, just together because its what their families would want. I think that their relationship has so much passion as well, that was really great to read and I could see from the way you wrote them that they were very close and I loved the flashback of how they first met. The innocence was nicely written too, you could see that there were no dark things in their lives at the time.

Now, in the future they're hidden away at the Manor, fearing that they'll be put on trial and taken away from one another. That threat hung over their heads and made me worry for them too, I wonder how things will proceed? I also like the introduction to their families too, you've written them a bit different from what I've read before and I enjoyed it very much. They all seemed close, though a little stressed out and I can't wait to see how Daphne's trial goes as well. Anyway, that last little bit was really horrifying! I think you wrote it very well but gosh, it was so dark! I loved it! Poor Selena! I want to know more about that incident too, I hope you continue on with it later on!

My only CC's would be that your transitions are a little too choppy. I wasn't able to follow the scenes and flashbacks very smoothly but I think that if you cleaned those up a bit they wouldn't be a problem.

All in all, a good read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Don't worry - happens to us all :) I'm currently sitting in bed with a mug of tea and the flu, so I know what you mean!

On Draco/Astoria - it just seemed like the natural way to portray things, the way that best fits in with their characters. I don't think it was a conscious decision - it was just the way their relationship developed in my head.

The trials, the trials! I'm really excited about writing them. There will be a few unexpected twists! Stressed out is an understatement :)

Selena - yes, I've really put her through hell, haven't I! But I think it's realistic - I mean, something that bad cannot leave an eleven year old child unscathed. You will find out more about what happened, again, in later chapters :)

Thanks for the comment about the transitions - when I go back and edit it, I'll fix it, and I'll keep it in mind when writing future chapters.

Thank you so much for your review!

Celi :)



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Review #10, by Gabriella HunterSomething to Live For: Interviewing a Foreigner

9th August 2014:
HELLO!

Hey, there! Its Gabriella Hunter from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that its taken so long for me to get back at you. I would have gotten to this yesterday but I was sick and didn't have the time.

On to this! So I didn't think that this moved slowly at all, I think your pace was pretty good for most of this chapter. I think that probably adding a bit more detail about Rosalind here and there would give it more depth but otherwise it was good! I like that we got a bit on her backstory and I loved how you opened this chapter, there's nothing more nerve wracking than a job interview! D':

I also like all the familiar characters that you threw in too and the description of the Ministry of Magic was very nice. I think that it was a bit too jumpy at parts but I was able to follow along pretty well and I think I can't wait to see Draco again--I smell love interest? I wonder why he was so stressed out though...Hahah.

Also, the country that you made up sounds interesting, I hope you put more details in there at some point. Salvadorian? I've never heard of it before but if its a real place you'll have to clear that up for me! Hahaha.

Ah, I also like that you've given this a sort of dark cloud as well. What happened to Rosalind's parents? I'm really curious about that and I can't wait to meet her sister as well and find out how Hogwarts has changed from her POV if you were going to do that.

Also, George! I LOVE George so I was really happy to see him in this story. I would have liked a bit more on him but I think that you're going to do that much later, I hope we see him again! :3

So, all in all I think this was pretty good! I think that if you cleared up a few things and took care of a few spelling issues, you wouldn't have a problem at all!

Make sure to come back!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi there! It's fine I understand how life can be :)

Yes, I feel like my transitions are a bit wonky, and they end up being a little stiff. I guess I haven't described much about what Rosalind looks like because I'd like the reader to want to be in her shoes, but I'll make sure to add to that :)

Ooh well Draco isn't well liked because he was a former Death Eater and he's difficult to work with, there's a little on that in the next chapter but I don't think my edits have been validated yet. His father is also in Azkaban and that's part of the next chapters as well. And yes! But it might take a while haha since they work in the same department.

Haha El Salvador is a teeny tiny country in Central America, about the size of Massachusetts. Both sides of my family are from there and I actually got the idea for the story because my mom was telling me about how during the civil war a lot of kids were kidnapped from their homes and forced to fight. There is a flashback to that time in chapter four :) It's really short though, I'm thinking of adding more to it.

Yes very big dark cloud! And it gets progressively worse the more you find out about Rosalind. You'll see in later chapters what happened to them and why she decided to leave the States. I'm really excited to get that part put together :) I am planning on including her sister, but I'm still trying to find the right timing for that.

I love George as well! He has always been my favorite twin. He's also a potential love interest that is seen more in chapter three and the one in the queue. I think he makes a good contrast against Draco, who is his opposite. They bump heads a few times :)

Thank you so much for your review! It helped a lot and I'll make sure to go back and rewrite certain areas. I'll definitely be back to request for more :)

-Melissa





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Review #11, by Gabriella HunterStarfall: Prologue

9th August 2014:
Hello!

Its Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm so sorry that its taken me such a long time to get back to you. I was sick yesterday and I've been busy on top of that and you know, that's just not cool! Real life is such a bummer. *Sigh*

On to this! Now, you weren't joking around when you said that this was your darkest story yet and I am totally into angst so this was right up my alley you know. But holy crap! I did NOT expect this to go the way it did at ALL, I mean...gosh, I'm still trying to pick my jaw up from that one you know. Hahaha. So, I like that you opened with Voldemort, he's not a character that I've ever dared to touch because he's so complex. I think that you got his thoughts and arrogance down though and you've hinted at several plot points later on with the various Death Eaters that he was certain would pose a problem later on. I can't wait to see how that goes!

Now, as for Lily. I was really surprised that you took this route for her character because she's usually depicted as being stubborn and very strong willed so to see her as weakened and broken is quite a shock. I know that you said that people thought that she was too far from canon and while I can agree to some extent, I do believe that you have the skills to give more depth to her character. I saw that this was an AU so I can understand why you made necessary changes to canon and while I'm not for what happens to baby Harry at all (Cause babies are cute) I think that you only did it to set up your plot further and your characters. I'm more interested in seeing how this affects Lily and her remaining friends down the line so I'll be eagerly awaiting more. I think you're being very bold as well and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that so you shouldn't feel as if you're doing something wrong. Keep on pumping out those ideas! I've gotten a few stories that were questioned here and there but you know, its all up to you on how you take it.

I hope to see you soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #12, by Gabriella HunterTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Malice

4th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums attacking this story and leaving you a review! Its been a long time since we swapped stories and I've totally missed you! Real life has been a major pain so I haven't been able to get back to any of my favorites lately but I hope that will change in the next few days! D':

Well, I wasn't really sure what I was expecting when I started reading this but it was a really nice twist. After reading the summary, I expected this first chapter to be focused more on an Auror before introducing the villains later but you went in a completely different direction! First of all, I want to give you kudos for being brave enough to actually write from the POV of a Death Eater, its a fresh take on the War and I found myself engrossed in Kaspar from the first paragraph.

Kaspar of course isn't the sort of character that most would have created to start a story but this is very unique and I love how you didn't shy away from how awful he really was. I've read a few stories about Death Eaters who were simply "mislead" but I love that you never gave any sort of excuse for his behavior. Reading about such an awful character was really new for me and I really enjoyed it, I also loved the setting of this and how you managed to give away details about the Wizarding world without it slowing down the pace. Murder, rape and violence are talked about with fantastic skill and didn't feel forced, I wouldn't have been able to get through those paragraphs in one piece! I think that you've got a really great story here and I'm not even going to go on and on about how wonderful your writing is. You know this already, I hope!

Mary Goldsmith had me worried for a minute, I was certain that Kaspar was really going to defile her but was just as horrified when he was thinking of decapitating her. That sent a shiver down my spine but I think the action that you incorporated was very well done, the Aurors responses and timing couldn't have been more perfect. I was holding my breath while he parried with them and let me tell you, I was NOT expecting Mary to beat the crap out of him either! I thought that you wrote that wonderfully and I'm certain that Kaspar isn't the sort of man that likes being on the receiving end of pain.

Karma at its finest!

So I obviously really enjoyed this and I can understand why you were a bit unsure about it but I can assure you that its worth continuing. I saw that you had two more chapters and I'm hoping that you continue with this, I can't wait to find out what happens next.

The only CC I could spot was one misspelled word in the second chapter but other than that, it was excellent!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi, Gabbie! It's been ages! Awesome to see you again!

Odd that you should say that, because I wasn't entirely sure what I was planning to do when I started writing it, either. It's more clear to me now, but the last chapter is definitely evolving as it's being written. I kind of like it when stories do that. The idea of dropping directly into the PoV of a fugitive Death Eater hit me while I was trying to line up the 4 PoVs for the story and not feeling especially satisfied with how it was working out.

Kaspar was a truly nasty piece of work, not "misled" at all. People tend to throw the term "casual sadism" around a lot in stories about Death Eaters. Kaspar's sadism is anything but casual. He glories in it. It's a huge part of who he is. I'm glad that all of the allusions to the awful things that took place during the war didn't slow the story down or feel out of place. I didn't see them as the type of thing that Kaspar would dwell on. It happened, it's in the past and his only regret is that the "fun" came to an end.

If you've read ahead to the next chapter -- and it sounds like you have -- then you already know who "Mary Goldsmith" is. If you haven't, I won't spoil it for you. The Aurors' timing was definitely not by accident. And Kaspar does not take pain as well as he dishes it out.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it, and I'll try to hunt down that misspelling. Thanks for pointing it out.

Thanks so much!

-Dan


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Review #13, by Gabriella HunterThe Lost Wolf: In Limbo

4th August 2014:
HELLO!

I'm back here with your review and you'll have to pardon me for being so late! I was busy writing and trying to catch up on some of my own stories and wishing I had candy. Hahah.

Anyhoo, poor Cassie! I feel so sorry for her, especially knowing that the Colonel just tossed her aside so nastily. I don't know if I want her to see him again, just to beat him down or what but I can't believe he actually just pushed her away and thought that giving her that poor excuse of a house would make up for anything!

I thought you did a really good job portraying how lost Cassie was thought, the description of her new home had my heart aching. I was able to picture every broken thing and I thought that it was a beautiful way of showing just how torn up she was on the inside. I also personally like that Cassie isn't some raging beauty and has both mental and physical scars and it really sets her apart from some of the other heroines that I've read in the past. I think its a bold thing to try for a main character but I'm happy that you decided to go in this direction, you don't shy away from how ugly the scars are or how they've damaged her self-esteem. The hysterical laugh towards the end made my blood chill though and I was so upset at the thought of how alone she was just then, it really stood out to me.

What also was brilliant were the flashbacks! What could they all mean? I have to know more and I want to know what Lupin and Sirius have to do with her life, I really hope you keep moving in that direction the hints are driving me crazy. Hahah.

That last line at the end was wonderful as well, it really made me feel for Caassie. I hope she gets rescued because I hate to think of her being lost right now, it really makes me want to hop right into this story and hug her. Hahah.

I think this was a great chapter but you missed a few capitalized words here and there. Other than that, it could be a bit smoother in some parts but was a great read regardless!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review!

I'm glad you liked my description of Cassandra! I am trying to depict her as different. Not beautiful, sexy or anything... She is, as you said, quite messed up, both physically and psychologically, and magic won't do anything on these aspects, I fear.

Oops! Typos are my damnation! I'm glad you pointed them out, this story will undertake a massive editing soon, and knowing what mistakes I should look for will be immensely helpful. Just one little thing... I don't actually know what do you mean by "smoother". It's not a citric to what you said, mind you... I really don't know what you are referring to, if you mean that my style should be smoother, aka less descriptive in wounds/violence, or if you intended that some of my sentences are too long or intricate. It it is the latter, thank you for telling me. Since in Italian we tend to use lots of commas and not many full stops, I may have written too long sentences, and I would be eternally grateful if you could tell me which one seemed too... Wrong in your opinion.

If you referred to the amount of details in my descriptions... You may not like some of the next chapters. Oops! ;)

Anyway, thank you again for your suggestions, and if you don't mind I would like to re request as soon as I can!

Maryhead


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Review #14, by Gabriella HunterTrixangela Snape: Year 1: Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

4th August 2014:
HELLO!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that it took a minute, once again. I hope you won't be like Frodo and cast me into the fire or something. Anyway...

So, I was really interested in seeing what had become of Snape since the prologue and I really liked meeting Trixie, she wasn't at all what I expected. I think that you've given some really great hints about what their relationship is like and despite everything, its very loving and although Snape isn't the openly affectionate type of father, you can see how protective he is. I also liked that you kept his hatred of Harry in and I'm curious to see what Trixie will think of the Boy Wonder later on. It was pretty obvious to see that she didn't quite think of Harry the same way her father did and I wonder how that will play out later or if they'll ever talk about it more. Also, the introduction of Draco was one of my favorites, I honestly love writing him and the eager to please version that you've written is something that I haven't seen very much of.

I think that you've done a good job, however, of showing just how nasty he really is. Draco, Pansy and the Ghouls (Crabbe and Goyle) were very spot on and you could see the power that Draco had over all of them. He's a pampered bully and you didn't stray from that at all, which was nice to see and I also liked that Trixie didn't fall in with his schemes or wasn't interested in wanting to please him.

In fact, I loved that. It showed that Trixie has her own mind and knows the difference between right and wrong, I especially liked the scene that you wrote with Ginny and Luna as well. The three of them make an interesting trio and their personalities were fresh, Luna coming off as insightful as ever while Ginny held that strength that I love about her.

I hope the three of them remain friends but by that last part of the chapter, I wonder how that will continue. Trixie isn't aware of what kind of teacher her father is and I think that might come into play later on and I can't wait to see what you do with that bit of drama.

All in all, a great read! No CC's that I could spot and I hope to see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Loved your review! I had a LOT of help with the CCs though, so I can't take 100% credit for that. :)

As the story goes in, you'll see how Trixi and Snape handle each other, it's been so much fun to write about :)


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Review #15, by Gabriella HunterMelting: His Mother's Eyes

1st August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm really sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you. I've been reading and trying to work up to writing myself so I was pretty busy but here I am! :D

Anyhoo, I haven't read too many stories that feature Snape's last moments. I think that they're too sad and I'll be honest and say that when I read about his memories in the book, I about melted myself. Hahah. Gah, it still makes me sad...

Anyhoo, I think you did a very good job showing how afraid Snape was while he talked to Voldemort and what was going through his mind right before he was killed. It took a lot of courage to stand there with that much fear going through him but you wrote it very well and I loved reading about his love for Lily. Despite everything, she gives him strength and that was what struck with me the most. The description of how Snape was melting and the way you wrote his final moments were just so sad to read. I think you did a beautiful job though, the details and heartache were excellent and I felt my heart clench. I write mostly angst so this was right up my alley! Hahahha.

My only CC would be to just go through and clean up a few words that were misspelled and perhaps add a bit more of the setting. I know how Snape dies and where but if you would add a few more details in about that, it would flow a bit better and give it a bit more tension.

Otherwise, thanks for the read! :D

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)
I'll have a look through and edit those words! I did think of adding more to the setting, but tbh, if it was me in Snape's shoes, I don't think I'd be paying much attention to my surroundings :p it would be different if it was in 3rd person though :)

Thanks again!


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Review #16, by Gabriella HunterSummer at the Abbey: Beginnings

1st August 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm really sorry that I'm late. I would have read this yesterday but I got caught up reading and everything, I just finished a great book and...well, you don't need to hear me blathering on about that.

On to this! Let me be honest and tell you that I know absolutely nothing about Downtown Abbey or Doctor Who. I have never watched either of them so this was a bit hard for me to follow, with all the characters and not getting much backstory but I was able to enjoy this chapter regardless. I think that the beginning of this, setting up your main characters and just a brief history of their relationship was nice. I was able to get a feel for each person and I'm eager to see how they are in the next few chapters, I like seeing quirky things that are done to Next Gen characters.

Having this as a super AU with so many new and fresh characters is such a bonus! I wonder how they all will interact with one another? I'm really curious to see how that's done. The only thing that I think you might need to change is just the pacing of this chapter, it felt a bit rushed so I wasn't able to really get a feel for it but I think that's my only issue. Otherwise, I think you have something really unique and special here! I noticed that you said this hadn't gotten much notice so I would suggest making a blog or doing review swaps to get your work out there. I know exactly how you feel! D':

So, thanks for the read! Feel free to re-request!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

Thanks for reviewing! I completely understand getting tied up in a book and ignoring everything else.

Yes, this really was a chapter devoted to just introducing the characters and main setting (the hustle and bustle of the Abbey). As time goes on, the characters become more fleshed out.

As far as backgrounds go:

The Doctor travels all of time time and space with companions. This story takes place at some point during the seventh series of the 2005 show. In that series, he has a companion who doesn't travel full time with the Doctor, but only occasionally.

This story takes place after the fourth series of Downton Abbey. Lady Mary, who is featured the most in this story, is the eldest daughter of Lord and Lady Grantham, the owners of the Abbey. She is a widow and has a young son. Thomas, the other character I use the most, is the underbutler. He is scheming and unlikes by most of the Abbey. He's gay, which could be a factor in how unpleasant he is. That's not gaycist, it's true. Imagine being gay in the 1920s - especially in a rathe religious and traditional household!

I guess it is an AU, though I've never though of it as one.

I'd agree it seemed rushed. But that's ok, as I'm not trying to work on plot very much here.

I like your idea about a blog post. That could be a great way to promote the story.

Thanks much!


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Review #17, by Gabriella HunterMorbid: Cousin Larry

1st August 2014:
HELLO!

Its Gabbie from the forums and I'm so sorry that I'm running late. I spent the entire day reading and eating junk food so I didn't get a chance to come and leave you a review! Forgive me! D':

Anyway, I adored this. I don't think I've read a Teddy Lupin story quite like this and I really love the way you've written him. Its very unique, I never even thought of making him so fascinated with death, I think that speaks of something far more interesting than just having him being the typical nice guy. In fact, there's something not quite pleasant about him and I really enjoyed how you didn't stray away from that but it was humorous and didn't make me too worried for him. Haha. I really liked the brief mention of Harry and Ginny too but I wonder...was his grandmother dead? I would have liked to have known what had happened to her!

The opening scene for this chapter is brilliant by the way. How could you not keep reading after that? Hahaha.

I was disappointed that Teddy didn't go back to the Auror department but I could understand why and I like how you've given his future a mysterious note. What sort of job would suit him? I wish this had been longer, I would have enjoyed watching him do job interviews...

Anyway, the middle part was my favorite. You don't hint right away that Teddy is crashing a funeral but once you know, I was somehow not really that surprised. Hahah. I thought it was awfully naughty of him but I actually have heard of people doing this! I would have liked to have known more about how he got into it though, that would have been fun.

And then Amy! She's just as bad as Teddy! Their whole scene was simply lovely. I think they connected on something that most people would have cringed away from and I wish that we could have seen more of her. But I totally loved their conversation and how easily they were able to get along.

The bit about Merlin was a bit confusing but it didn't pull me away from the story. In fact, it actually makes me wish that you had continued on with another chapter but alas, I can't have everything that I want. D':

So, I totally digged this! No CC's and your characters and pacing were fantastic!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey Gabbie!

I'm so happy that this seemed unique to you. I never thought of this kind of portrayal of him before this amazing challenge I entered, so that makes both of us! I think I may have made him a bit more humorous than I expected him to be, but that's fine with me because the whole point of him is that he isn't quite depressed, just interested in death. For the purposes of this story I pictured that his grandmother is either dead or a bit too old to properly take care of a kid like Teddy.

I actually came up with the opening scene on the strangest whim, I'm glad it worked! Also, the job interview thing is an interesting idea. That'd be SO fun to write. I didn't want to simply explain that he was crashing a funeral because I think it's funnier to just suddenly realize what he's doing.

I'm SO glad that you thought Amy and Teddy's scene was lovely because she is a huge part of Teddy's "coming of age" story. Amy may not be as outwardly strange as Teddy, but she's a bit of weirdo in her own right haha.

Merlin is definitely supposed to be a bit confusing. His character begins to make more sense as time goes on, or less, depending on what your initial thoughts about him are. And it's good that you wish I had continued with another chapter because there's two more chapters of this story! And considering what you said you liked in your review, they'll be satisfying as well!

I'm so incredibly flattered that you have no CC at all! That makes me feel amazing. Thank you so much for this review!


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Review #18, by Gabriella HunterHarry Potter and the Plot of Power: 01 For Crown and Country

26th July 2014:
HELLO!

Hey, its great to be back! I was hoping that I would get another request from you and thank goodness that you decided to ask for another review because this is fantastic. I think that this has to be the most unique story that I've read in a LONG time! I'm really enjoying the group of characters that you've created, their backstories and the subtle things you've done to show the passage of time. The opening scene with Ron and Hermione was my favorite (Because that last bit had me all up in my poor feels) and I love how you have their relationship. Usually they argue and fuss a lot with one another but you can see the depth of their love and friendship and I thought it was very well-done. There was a bitter sweet quality to their conversation, however and I liked that Ron wasn't really able to give up on what he'd enjoyed for the past few years. The fact that you're not afraid to age them and even make them apprehensive about getting a bit older was very realistic. Gray hairs and wrinkles aren't the usual things that you see in these sort of stories, some people make it seem as if time just stops and everyone keeps their smashing good looks. Hahah.

Anyhoo, executions?! These peope are insane and I can't help but wonder how far they're willing to go! Its scary but I think you wrote that very well and the introduction to new characters and faces was nice as well. There wasn't alot of information on each one but it give them a bit of mystery that I think is really fascinating, I'd love to be in their heads for a while to see how they tick.

Ah, Hugo! No! I am so terrified for him and what happened to Lorcan?! Who kidnapped him and who is that dead body?! D':

Gah, I loved this to pieces so I hope I hear from you again! No major CC's either, keep on writing and pumping out those chapters!!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #19, by Gabriella HunterBertie Bottís Every Flavoured Beans: Introduction

26th July 2014:
HELLO!

Hey, there! Its Gabbie with your review and I'm sorry that I'm late getting back to you, also its nice to meet you and junk!

Now, reading this...I wouldn't have thought that this was your first fanfic (?), I thought it was very well-done considering. I liked the flow and pace of your introduction as well, it was easy to follow and I gathered a lot of information about Rose from the first few paragraphs with only a bit that could have me really curious to find out later on. I think that you've made her a tad more realistic than some of the other fics that I've read--she's usually so perfectly perfect and that gets old--so I enjoyed reading about her not being sure of where she wanted to go with her life and who she wanted to be. Also, I loved the bit about Honeydukes and being a massive craver of sweets, I think you hit the nail on the head with that one so good job!

Also, I really like that her love interest was Lorcan and not someone more typical, like Scorpius. I enjoy those too but its nice to read something a bit more fresh and I thought that the backstory you gave on his relationship with Dom was nice as well, I could tell that their feelings for each other weren't what they were pretending. I'd have liked a bit more about Rose's relationship with Dom, however so I think you could add in a few sentences about that somewhere. How well did they get along? Did Rose hate her for interfering with her relationship with Lorcan?

Also, I think you can say sixth year instead of actually putting the number in there. It sort of stands out as being a bit weird and in one paragraph you mean, "offense" instead of "offensive" but that was all that I could spot. The rest of the grammar was spot on and really good and judging by the ending of this, I know that I'm going to be in for a ride.

I'll try to get back to this soon but I have another story to review in my thread but I promise that I'll be back! You can re-request at some point if I forget though!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: That's alright Gabbie! Thank you for taking the time to review!

Thank you so much for the lovely compliments! It is my very first fic, though I have been reading Next Gen stories ever since the last HP book came out, so I've always wanted to give it a try!
I'm so glad you found her realistic!

Dom and Rose's relationship is quite complicated at the moment :P
It's something that will definitely need to be developed/explained more in further chapters (or like you say, sneak a line or two in the intro when I get around to updating it).

Thanks for picking up on those! I will change them!

No worries, I definitely will re-request!
Thank you so much for the amazing review!!

-Rosiful


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Review #20, by Gabriella HunterThe Fourth Daughter: The Challenge

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

I'm back! I told you that I would be reading this next chapter and reviewing for you after that last one left me in a knot. Haha.

Dezzy's situation is pretty awful, I couldn't imagine sitting there with all of my sisters (If I had any, mind you) with my horrible aunt and scary father. I think that scene was written really well, the girl's unhappiness was something that was so clear but not over done. Some people would have went on and on and on about it but you just let the scene speak for itself and it was a great read. I feel sorry for the girls though and poor Clara, her spirit was all broken up about what Aunt Rowena had said to her.

The chapter had a great moment in the middle though with the girl's decorating the Christmas tree with Mistress Helga, it was a beautiful scene and I'm glad that the girls got some happiness out of it. Helga was being awfully bold with having them there though, I hope she doesn't get into any trouble!

That ending! How could you? Really?! I was feeling the love and being so happy for Dezzy and Godric and then you just had to throw in some feels. Hahahha. I think their father is taking things too far and I can't wait to see what the other girl's reaction to this challenge will be! Did their aunt put him up to this? Will he ever forgive them for dancing? Gah, I need to know.

And Dezzy confessed her feelings for Godric!!! How could you leave it there?! D': What will happen next?! Will we see Salazar again? Darn you for this! Hahaha.

So obviously, I loved this and can't wait for an update so don't hesitate to let me know!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #21, by Gabriella HunterThe Fourth Daughter: The Nightmare

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

I was just about to pop on over to read the current chapter when I realized that I hadn't left a review for this one! Gasp!

So I'm really feeling for Dezzy and the girls, Aunt Rowena's expectations of them are so high that she's intent on breaking them in order to get what she wants. D': I wonder how they'll break free from her? I want to hope for the best but she made me angry, telling Clara that she doesn't approve of her reading habits. And then Dezzy fainted from the stress of it all! What are they going to do about their father, I wonder, I noticed that she was thinking of his disappointment a lot and it made me so sorry for her. I hope he shows up in the next chapter so I can see how that develops.

The nightmare! Scary stuff! Poor Dezzy, I was really worried about her and the awful dream Godric just made me want to hug her. Does that speak of the future? Or is someone messing around in her head? The pull to go back to the pavilion is strong...I wonder if Salazar has something to do with that?! I'm going on to the next chapter now so see you then! Haha.

On my end, expect Abandon today or tomorrow and after that I'll try to get At Midnight or A Force of Wills up for you. Haha. D':

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #22, by Gabriella HunterComplicated: In Which Christmas Is Not The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm really sorry that I'm so late. I didn't mean to be you know but saving the world takes a lot of my time. Hahah. Also, nice to meet you!

Wow. Gosh, I thought MY family dinners were awkward but this just took the cake! I am all for some angst and drama though so this was addictive to read. I actually liked the way you started out this chapter, I was able to get a good sense of the situation to come and I thought Olivia's narrative was just brilliant. Her reasons for hating Christmas were sort of justified and I was able to get a good sense of how her family life was too. Man, they sound like my immediate family actually and that is not a good thing. HAHA.

*Ahem*

So, I really liked how you slowly built up on the tension. I wasn't able to figure out who her parents were but it came together really nicely, Pansy's obvious devotion to Draco after all these years is both sad and a little strange. Apparently her feelings for him never really left her. :(

Olivia's dad is a piece of work. I feel like he's not even really present with his family and doesn't even like them, I'm not sure if I'll even want to read about him after this chapter. Haha. I do like that you didn't shy away from that though, there are a lot of stories that will gloss over neglectful parents but I applaud you for writing it and putting their issues out in the open. That's a bold choice and I have to say that that dinner scene was just...my goodness, it was great to read but the content made me wince a little but it was SO good--Pansy's delusional about Draco I think and it just sort of escalated from there. Also, bravo for bringing up the fact that Draco WASN'T a good person when he was a boy and bringing up past trauma, I felt for Katie and Oliver (Also, I had them get married in one of my own stories so mild meld!). Their pain was subtle but powerful.

And that ending! WHAT?! I couldn't believe it! I hadn't thought that it would go in that direction! What on earth is going to happen next?! Olivia's dad is terrible. T-T

Okay, my only issues were that Olivia's attitude towards her cousin made her come off a bit unlikeable. I know that you said that they didn't have much to do with one another but I think her calling him a Moran and so forth was a bit much. I would have liked more of a background and a solid reason for their dislike that would explain their antagonism. I am glad that they tried to come to some sort of truce while they were trying to stop their parent's arguing.

That's my only CC, really. I thought the rest was excellent! Feel free to re-request, I'll save a spot for you!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie,

Thanks so much for your review and all the helpful feedback. It's really great to hear from you. I'll definitely re-request for my next couple of chapters if that's okay.

Let me know if you'd every like me to look at anything of yours.

Thanks again,

Emma x


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Review #23, by Gabriella HunterControl: "I'm dreadful at potions and I have a hatred for James Sirius Potter." -Gwen Larson

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm really sorry that it took me a minute to get back to you. Things have been annoying! Gosh!

Oh, its nice to meet you too. :3

Okay, so I adore Next Gen, let me be honest and say that I have at least four on my own account and there is no shame in that. So of course I checked this out very happy indeed! I also love reading different stories about James, who I found to be a very fun character to write, personally even though I have made him into a monster. Hahaha. Anyhoo, I thought that the beginning of this chapter was pretty darn good, I loved all the different personalities that were mixed in and the humor was great. Gwen comes off to me as being very stubborn and I thought her obvious dislike for James was hilarious, though I'd really like to get a better reason as to why.

Did he do or say something mean to her in the past? Or perhaps they've known each other a bit too long? Hahah. I'd like to see more of what ties them together but I think there's room for that in the later chapters. (I noticed that you have a lot more chapters so this is good for me)

I thought the battle with Lily for the Snitch was well-written too. I was able to get a lot of information about James's family and a lot of other supporting characters as well. Gwen is not one to be teased.Hahahha.

I liked Dom and Avery but I think there could be a bit more background for them aside from what you revealed in this first chapter. I'm all for a good party but I'd like a few more details about them besides that so I can get better invested in their characters.

I really liked Gwen's breakdown of all the people in her life but I thought that you could have made this part a bit smoother. It felt a bit choppy and I think that if you actually blended them into a few paragraphs with some details, it would flow better. I did like her commentary though, she's hilarious and I think I adore the way she watches after her friends too. I wonder what will happen to her and James in the next chapter? Being drunk has backfired on her, I think! Hahaha. And what is this sudden interest that Stella has for the horrible pair that is James/Scorpius? Which one does she have a fancy for? Hm...what will Gwen do about that, I wonder? Hahaha.

Aside from what I pointed out, I thought that this was an entertaining read so don't feel shy about re-requesting!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #24, by Gabriella HunterTrixangela Snape: Year 1: The Prologue

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and its nice to meet you! :D Also, sorry that I'm late!

Okay, this is a really unique idea. I have never read a story with Snape and Lily in this way, I had never even thought of twisting his story to the point where he had a family of his own. I think it was a bold choice and I really love the world that you created, its AU but its got a few traces of the original HP books that I love. The beginning had me wrapped up in the story really quickly and I was fascinated by Harry's ability to bring Lily back to life with the Dark Lord's wand? Wow. That was some great writing too, it was heartbreaking but shocking at the same time and I think you wrote Snape pretty well too. His resentment for Harry is SO clear and so...well, not pleasant to read but I think you kept him as canon as possible. His love for Lily was also heartbreaking and wonderful to read, you could see how much he cared about her. BUT I was really mad at him for just abandoning Harry though! Agh, that wasn't a very good thing to do! I think it was awfully selfish but he was in a moment of grief and probably wasn't thinking straight and there was nothing very Marry Sue about it either so THANK YOU. Hahah.

Also, I enjoyed your Albus. I have never dared to write him before. Hahahha.

Now, the ending with Snape and Trixi was very good, I liked how awkward he was to be with her and how difficult it was for him to be there for her after Lily's death.

I want to find out more about how Harry brought her back...

Anyway, I really enjoyed this so don't be scared to re-request!

There were only a few grammar issues in the earlier paragraphs but most of it was pretty spot on so you should be able to look through and fix those without any problem. :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! It was awesome! I am glad you liked all those parts (except Snape's selfishness... yeah... it's only SLIGHTLY AU, so I can't totally leave out that Harry needed to be raised by the Dursleys - sorry :() And we love Snape because he's Snape, I totally can't rewrite his character, otherwise, I may as well made my own OC that is very similar to him.

I have noticed the grammar issues myself, I have been just too lazy to edit them, I have gone through many of the current chapters fixing mistakes, so eventually, I'll get to this chapter too. I also need to change some of Harry's words around, as someone noted that he may have been talking a bit too immature for his age.


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Review #25, by Gabriella HunterWake up, Rose.: It's Kind of a Funny Story.

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your awesome review! Be prepared for that! Also, I'm sorry that I'm a bit late. T-T

So, we're back to Rose and I was actually a bit worried for her. I thought that something else had happened for her to be in the hospital wing but I think working in the love potion with the alcohol was a good twist. I never expected that! And it makes since that those two things shouldn't be taken together but I do think that Rose should have gotten into a bit more trouble for drinking--maybe she gets a letter from her parents? I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't have just been blown under the rug unless she bribed the school nurse. Hahaha.

Oh, I caught something too: "Mrs. Weasley" should be, "Ms. Weasley" since Rose isn't married. That was the only thing that stood out and it'll be easy to spot. :D

I was really surprised by Scorpius! I had a feeling that he liked her but I was shocked that he would actually want to get it off of his chest right then and there. It was pretty brave of him but I wonder how Rose will handle the truth of it later on? Did she even believe him? Will he be more assertive later? Hm...

Albus and Dom! Tsk, tsk, tsk. They were really naughty for doing that to Rose and I can understand why she's mad. Will they make up? I know that they didn't intend on her and Scorpy...you know, doing all that but I hope they understand the consequences!

I thought this was a good chapter, it certainly didn't go in the direction that I thought and I hope you update soon, okay? Aside from what I pointed out earlier, there weren't any other problems that I could spot so keep on writing!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey Gabbie!

I'm glad you liked my little early-story twist. I didn't even think of Rose getting in trouble, honestly. I suppose I may just write a scene in which she gets a stern talking to from her head of house or something similar. And yes, I edited out the Mrs. but it hasn't made it's way through the queue yet! That must have been a complete brain lapse on my part.

Scorpius (in my mind) had been wanting to say it for years and seeing Rose so close to actually dying encouraged him to let that loose! I hope Rose's decision of how to handle what he told her keeps you interested!

Al and Dom are a bit immature, if you couldn't tell by their actions, but I think eventually I'll have them come around and regret what they did.

I'll be sure to updating soon(ish), thank you so much for this review! You've lived up to your previous awesomeness :)


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