Here from review tag!
I've never read a Charlie-centric fic before, so I'm super happy to find this one as my first because it seems like a really interesting read!
I adore the way you've shown the grief of the other Weasleys - it's something that's often skipped, with more focus going on George for obvious reasons, but it's really refreshing to see how Fred's death affected them all.
I find Charlie really interesting so far. We don't know much about him from canon, so that's heaps of room for manoeuvring, and I'm excited to see where you take him. All the other Weasleys whom we got to meet felt really fleshed out as well, even though we met one of them for like, a line. Starting a story set so recently after the end of the last book allows you to use canon a lot, and I think that you've done that really well here!
Looking forward to seeing what's in store for our tortured hero! Report Review
Heya from review tag!
Hmm. This is an interesting beginning. I'd be interested to see where this might lead. We know quite a bit about Evie, but there's still some stuff about her that we don't quite understand, yet, and that's quite exciting, from a storytelling point of view!
I really like the writing style here. The short and sharp sentences add quite a bit to the mood and ambience of the piece.
One question. How old is she? I think she might be eleven, because she's just starting Hogwarts and everything, but she sounds quite a bit older - even for a mature eleven-year-old, so I'm not absolutely sure.
Like I said, it should be interesting where this goes!Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)
I know that her thinking is mature than her age but the circumstances or should I say her past had done that to her. The cause or reason for that would be told soon and there would be hints of that in next few chapters.
Hope you review again :D Report Review
So, I've seen this story floating around the forums, and I thought it was about time I gave this a shot!
It's been a really long time since I read some good ol' drama. From your summary, the plot sounds very promising!
Our introduction to Brienne is interesting. We know bits and pieces about her; enough to form an opinion on her, but without knowing who she really is. It's a really subtle and well-done way of characterisation and I commend you on it!
I, too, think it's a really inelegant way to be introduced the school. For first years, the boat trip across the lake is the best thing ever, but for a new kid starting not in first year, it's not so crash hot. I'm looking forward to reading about Brienne's reactions!
Wonderful first chapter (you probably get this a lot), and I'm looking forward to meeting more characters and getting to know Brienne better in the next chapter!Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much for your review!
I'm glad you like Brienne :) And I really hope if you continue that you continue to like her, and the rest of my characters! :D
Thank you again! Report Review
OH, MY GOD! WHEN DID YOU FINISH THIS STORY AND HOW DID I MISS IT?!?!?! I think it has seriously been that long since I reviewed something by you! Wow!
Okay, I just got the call for dinner, so I don't have enough time to write a really, long, in-depth, full-on review like I usually do, so I am sorry for it's briefness! And I feel so bad, too, because it's been such a long time!
Anyway, my favourite part had to be the beginning. I loved the scene between Sirius, James, and Remus. It was so wonderful to read, even though it was brief, but I loved the way you portrayed their friendship, once again! They have this wonderful way of talking with each other, which is just so light, but you can still see how close they are.
It was also really nice to see another side of Lily. I think it added a lot of dimension to her character, so well done on that!
And as always, loving the budding... whatever... between June and Remus!
I can't even say I'm looking forward to the next time you post a chapter BECAUSE YOU'VE FINISHED THIS AND IT'S RIGHT THERE! What I will say is that I can't wait to find out who wins! Would it be wrong if I took a peek? ;)Author's Response: YAY! YOU'RE BACK! I'VE MISSED YOU'RE AMAZINGLY AWESOME AND HUMOUROUS REVIEWS!
I'm glad you liked the scene between the boys - it's so fun to write about their friendship and surprisingly easy to write, too. This was my first marauders, and I actually thought it would be a LOT more difficult than it is!
I know what you mean about finished stories! I ALWAYS scroll through right until the end, even if it's just to look at all the pretty chapter images!
Thanks for the review!
Courtney:) Report Review
So, I picked this story because I appear to be slowly working my way through your entire body of work, and this looked like a fun one! It's been ages since I read a first date horrible or otherwise, story!
So I guess the Wotter clan is going to make some mischief happen for poor Rose and Scorpius! I'm looking forward to it, even though I am already cringing on the inside, thinking about what madness and mayhem they are going to inflic upon Rose and Scorpius!
I already like your version of Rose. It was nice to see that she was the one who took the initiative to ask Scorpius out! Kudos to her!
And even though Autumn was in this for like, a grand total of two and a half lines, she's my favourite character so far, hands down, simply because we seem to have exceptionally similar thoughts where our sleep is concerned!Author's Response: I hope that you enjoy everything that you read as you go through all of my works. Enjoy your stay at Casa de Alexfan/AlPotterFan/Grace/whatever you want to call me.
It's a good thing that this challenge came along and gave you something different to read as opposed to the dates that go fine.
This is the 21st Century, men don't always have to ask out the girl, the girl can ask out the guy. WOMEN'S RIGHTS AND ALL THAT JAZZ!
Lol, Autumn is one of my favourite characters at the moment as well. I just liked the part where she said Lily was a devil child.
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I haven't read Cassandra Clare yet, so no luck spotting the quote for me! However, this is the second story starring Victoire of yours that I am reading. This is also the first story of yours that I'm reading which doesn't feature romance - which is a nice change!
I liked how this piece was just a sort-of rambly description about Victoire. Her characterisation is very different from normal. She's nerdy, but she's mean and cantankerous, which is pretty awesome! You gotta love smart, mean cantankerous characters!
I find it a little strange though, that in all of six years, no one asked her for help. Why is the entire population of Hogwarts a little bit stupid and narrow-minded?
Anyway, this was wonderful! Do you have plans to write more stuff like this (by that I mean sans romance)?Author's Response: I would suggest reading the first three books of her Series the Mortal Instruments because the other three, in my opinion, aren't good and just destroy the entire series.
This Victoire is a total opposite of the other Victoire, considering the other Victoire doesn't act like she'll eat you for breakfast.
I love nerdy, mean and cantankerous Victoire (would you like at that, we just described me in a nutshell right there!) The mean characters that are just so cynical are just really funny in my opinion. They say some of the weirdest stuff sometimes and do the most ridiculous things sometimes as well.
Don't ask me, I just based this Hogwarts off of my school life. There have been very few times when people have actually asked me for help as opposed to them just asking to copy. Plus, I see people copying their friends everyday.
There's going to be lots more non-romance stuff coming so if you liked this you'll probably like the newer stuff. Report Review
As I was reading this, all I could think was, "OMG! Is this a serial killer story? Am I reading something straight from a Criminal Minds plot?" I love Criminal Minds so this is a good thing!
So I completely missed the part where she was a vampire. I completelye missed the part where she was in fact a she. This is new for me, missing stuff like this! But I still really enjoyed this, because it reminded me a lot of how the "baddies" are shown in Criminal Minds.
To me, this was more of a psychological thriller than straight out fantasy, and it played really well between that fine line of what's in the mind and what's real. I literally sat there wondering if this was real or not. Because the way your main character goes on, it sounds a lot like some sort of elaborate delusion, than vampirism.
I don't know if that was what you intended, but either way, it worked really well! I don't think this style could be sustained over a longer piece, but I thought this length fit it well!
Do you plan to write other such experimental stuff later on? Report Review
Hello! It is a much overdue requested review time! I think you requested this, like, over a month ago, and I'm sorry that I've only just managed to get to it! Also, you requested for chapter three, but I don't think I've reviewed chapter two, so I'll be reviewing this one instead, and you are free to re-request for chapter numero three! Or not. Whatever works!
Okay, WOW! From what I remember, this chapter seems much better than the first one. Your first chapter still needed a little polishing, but this chapter is much improved! It's great to see that in the space of just one chapter!
It's cute that Madeleine and Rose are already so close! I know how important it is to have friends in a new place, and it's great that Madeleine already has this! And it was about time that Hogwarts sent out an information pack with actual information about the actual school in it, because expecting the new kids to rock up and be awed is just far too much to ask of eleven-year-olds!
And it seems that Hogwarts is becoming more... muggle in its approach! I wonder how this will impact on the school population. Change is expected, however it's always interesting to note people's reactions to change!
And wasn't Madeleine’s farewell a little abrupt? Is this just the way she and her family function?
And possible romantic relationship building already? That was quick, dude! We'd met him for like, half a line, at that point!
First day of Hogwarts should be exciting stuff, indeed!
PS: I LOVE Downton Abbey so much! This has nothing to do with this review - I just felt like sharing!Author's Response: Thanks for the comment. I'm so glad you liked the fact I added in the prospect, it just seem something that Lewis would do for her school.
You have given me an idea, too!
Laura Report Review
Um... so when did you request this review from me? Was it over a month ago? Perhaps... but better late than never, right? *smiles hopefully*
Okay, so Fern still appears to be lost, and I get that how in different Houses and stuff, you tend to lose track of people, but is it not weird that you forgot THAT YOUR YOUNGER SISTER IS MISSING?!?! Perhaps that's just me. Also, kudos to them for doing homework on a Friday night! I don't do homework until Sunday night if I can help it!
Haha, the Potter-Weasley get-together and buddy system is a cute idea. And it's even more adorable because James thought it up!
I actually love the Weasley-Potter family dynamics you've set up here! They seem like a loud, rowdy, tight-knit bunch of people and there's only one way to describe them - adorable!
I really liked the way you wrote the duelling scene in this. It was succinct, and to the point, which really helped to keep the pace up, and illustrate the speed at which duels probably occur.
So, Lorcan is a girl? I had always assumed that she was a he, so I was super confused for a second there. And respect for James just went down, like ten notches! He shouldn't care what other people think of him and his relationships!
FERN HAS BEEN LOCATED! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!
AND OMG LOUIS YOU SLY DOG! I actually haven't formed an opinion on him yet - must learn more about him! Hopefully, the next chapter is the "date" and we learn more about him? And why he chose Autumn?Author's Response: AAH WHAT A NICE (SORT OF) SURPRISE!
No, it's not just you! I think Autumn just has quite a lot on her mind, and she's used to not seeing Fern for some time, but two weeks is a max before a big worrying phase.
Haha, I never do homework on Friday evenings. I probably should, but I've got the self-motivation of a piece of aspargus.
Potter/Weasley dynamics are nice to write about, even though this isn't focused on them. I do try to include some regularly though!
Yep, Lorcan is a girl -- I understand your confusion :) James is a bit too worried about the way people see him, isn't he? He is a fundamentally nice guy even though he's a bit of a manipulator.
LOUIS IS A SLY DOG INDEED! Yes, the next chapter is the date, I hope you'll like it. Thank you for the review :) Report Review
I think I have officially reviewed everything you have ever written, til date, now! Yayayayayayay!
I don't know why that deserved celebrating, but it felt like a momentous occasion. Anyway, on the review!
So this is WAY different to your other story. Your other story is funny and snarky and not-dark, where this story seems dark and intense. And of course, Dominique and Catherine don't seem to be on the best of terms! Drama!
So I don't get it. Why is being with a muggle such a big deal to Catherine? Are they that serious?
Also, sometimes, your point of view got a bit disorientating, but aside from that, this appears to be an interesting start!
Good luck with this!Author's Response: HIII
THAT IS AMAZING!
THAT MEANS I NEED TO WRITE MORE!
I SHOULD STOP USING CAPS LOCK NOW. Yes stopped.
Mostly people are calling this story sweet but I'm glad you got the picture. It gets darker and crazier. Haha, yes they are not but that is how they willbe. They fool each other, play along. This Dom is very different from the other one.
WHAT ABOUT ASTON MISSY?
You dont like him?
Thankyou for you review!
Em Report Review
I like Nicolas far more than Albus, but that might be because WE STILL HAVEN'T MET HIM AND IT'S KILLING ME INSIDE. Is it too much to ask that you introduce the second line in your love triangle?
Mikaela was still annoying, but that makes for interesting reading, BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO MEET NICOLAS.
As you can see, I might be reading this for one reason and one reason only.
You know what I want next chapter!Author's Response: HI,
Can I tell you how much I love this review. Well very much. I have a BIG grin on my face.
Nicolas... is on his way to meet you. ;)
With his deep voice, blue eyes and macho built and damn, he dresses well!
Albus will grow on you. He is a lot like Mikaela and so will Mikaela. Give them time. They are spoiled brats!
Anyway, you should keep on dreaming about Nick where as I will go and bring him here.
THANKSSS FOR THIS REVIEW. *hug*
Yay! A Teddy/Victoire story! I'm a bit of a sucker for those! And there aren't nearly enough of them around.
Obviously, the relationship dynamic you've set up here is very different to what we normally see in Teddy/Victoire stories. Victoire is very different. She doesn't want to date Teddy. She doesn't get it. She seems a bit introverted and a little nerdy. Besides all this, she seems to be on pretty good terms with him. They seem to be friends, and in my head, their relationship dynamic is what James and Lily's would have been if they were normal people and not the parents of the Boy Who Lived, and everything.
Teddy is also adorable. He's very comfortable with himself and appears to be quite confident, which is really nice to see, because often, you see Teddy as this really sensitive guy, or one who's like his dad, with all these unresolved issues and insecurities about himself. But this guy's got it together.
Whilst the plot device might appear to be a bit tired, your refreshing take on these two characters bodes well for this story despite that! I'd like to see where this goes!Author's Response: Everyone seems to be reading the Teddy/Victoire story which I honestly didn't think would be such a hit. Anyway, you're very right indeed, there aren't many Teddy/Victoire stories around the archives so I just thought I'd add to that.
I was hoping that their relationship would be very different than how it's usually written.
I wanted to make Victoire a little bit nerdy as opposed to how she's usually portrayed and I didn't want Teddy to be this totally soft guy who didn't say anything so I want to make him just slightly cocky and arrogant.
I've never really understood why Teddy was like to be perfectly honest, I just never understood where that all came from.
Thanks so much for the feedback and for reviewing! Report Review
You've reviewed so much of my stuff, and I've hardly reviewed anything of yours! And I wish to have reviewed more, because your stories are always really engaging.
This isn't really my thing, but I'm a sucker for Draco fics. His characterisation is not canon, obviously, but it still seems realistic. Knowing what we know of him, if he ever did love like that, his actions here seem believable.
I was wondering about your choice of Death Eater in this. I thought someone like Bellatrix Lestrange would be more fitting, simply because it would be a double betrayal and all, considering he's her nephew and everything. Why did you choose Rodolphous Lestrange, especially because we know so little about him?
The ending was really sad, but also very moving and emotional. I think you handled it really well, in a touching and poignant manner.
Do you have plans to write other stuff like this in the future?Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
I am pleased you find my stories engaging, thanks. Well, the story was AU so of course he wasn't really canon but I am glad it seemed realistic to you anyway. Yes indeed, I've always thought that if Draco loved like that, he'd be too much of a coward to live without his love.
Well, I chose Rodolphus Lestrange on pure impulse. I just didn't choose a famous death eater like Bellatrix because I am not sure if it would have been easy for Draco to kill her in rage immediately after Catherine's death.
Its good to know that you think I handled the ending well, with it being all sad and emotional and touching.
Thanks again for reading & reviewing. I am not sure if I will write something like this in the future yet. Depends on whether I get hit by inspiration or not! Currently, I am focusing on my short story though. Report Review
When I read the summary, I thought this was going to be a super emotional read, but then I start reading this, and I'm like, "This is pretty funny!" and then I get to the end, and I feel like crying. If the idea was to put your reader through an emotional rollercoaster, you succeeded!
This was actually a really lovely read. Derwent was wonderful as the narrator. He seems to have accepted his lot in life, and I like how in the end, he wants to connect with his past, and find his family.
I really love the Dementor lore that you've built up here, too. We don't know that much about Dementors, but your interpretation of them is delightful! I really liked your attention to detail, here.
And honestly, I reckon Derwent will find his family. He does have eternity, after all.Author's Response: Hola! I'm glad you liked the story, and that it took you on an emotional roller coaster! This story was just one of those goofy, funny ones to write but I definitely wanted there to be some longing and emotion in there as well.
So happy to hear that you liked Derwent- he was such a pleasure to come up with. The Dementor lore was fun too: I love picturing them as having some form of political systems and history.
I think he'll find his family, too! :) Thank you for such a lovely review!!! Report Review
I don't know if this was intentional, but this had me thinking of that carnival scene from She's the Man. I was fully looking forward to the fist fight that happens, but alas - smoke, but no cigar!
I really like the way you've written this. It's full of dry humour and is really quite an entertaining read. Your main character is adorably grumpy and sarcastic, and is quite endearing.
One little peeve of mine, though. It seemed as if Albus popped out of nowhere. There was very little plot development on that part. I'm not sure if this was because their relationship wasn't the focus, but rather just a day in the life of a person behind the counter of a kissing booth.
Still, this was a way enjoyable read!Author's Response: It was most definitely not intentional, someone told me that this reminded them of that before and I realised that it did but I did not write it like that intentionally (even though I was thinking about the movie while I was writing this one-day).
It's good that you found it entertaining because that was what I was aiming for.
I thought that he was a bit sudden as well and I was thinking about writing it differently but after a lot of thought I decided that I liked it the way it was and so I left it at that. Plus, the romance part wasn't part of the story, that just kind of came out while I was writing (as things so often seem to happen with me).
Anyway, I'm glad that you enjoyed it and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Oh, my goodness! This story looks like so much fun! I love that little bit of meta-humour from Cho about the Resurrection Stone. Very inspired!
Ooh! Alliances! So Neville's ditched Ron and Hermione, huh? And Myrtle's joined the gang. This should make for some interesting shenanigans! And Astoria and Draco are allies? Do I smell romance in the air?
Good job with this! I'll be excited to see what the first challenge will be! Report Review
GAH!!! THIS IS SO CUTE! It's almost two in the morning in my neck of the global woods, and I have more than half an essay to write, which is due in tomorrow, but WHO CARES BECAUSE HARRY AND GINNY HAD A BABY!
Sorry about that - I think I got a little carried away, there. But really, this story is such a wonderful read!
First off, let me start with Ron and Hermione. I thought your take on Hermione was a bit more uptight than what I had expected, but it worked well within the story. I guess when they have kids of their own, she might loosen up a little! Ron was typically Ron. He was pretty ignorant of the magnitude of what having a baby entails, but was still very loyal towards Harry and Ginny when all those crazy people came out of nowhere. To be fair though, Hermione didn't seem to get how big of a deal a baby was, either!
Molly and Arthur were adorable! I guess it wasn't much of a surprise that two pretty decent parents would make two pretty decent grandparents, as well, and it showed. Molly acted like the maternity ward was her second home, and Arthur was a very calm and wise force in the room.
Harry and Ginny's reactions to becoming parents seemed really in character and very realistic in the setting. Even heroes don't know what to do when it comes to parenting! I liked how you showed their insecurities, fears, and general noobness in such a light and humorous way!
Actually, the entire piece was so light and funny - it was a delight! In my opinion, you handled a very monumental occasion with the right amount of humour, so that the entire piece came off as being very poignant and sweet!
I don't think I can say this enough, but this really was a really nice read!Author's Response: Hi, there!
Sorry to keep you up so late and I hope your essay turned out alright.
I think Ron and Hermione are both a little out of sorts because they can feel life changing around them and they aren't quite sure what to make of it. Ron comes from a large family and Hermione understands what children are in an academic sort of way, but suddenly it's happening to (gasp!) people their own age. It's an unsettling feeling, from what I recall.
Molly and Arthur have now been through this six times with their own children and twice with Victoire and Dominique, so there aren't really any surprises left for them. I'm glad you liked them in this.
Harry and Ginny's reactions are more or less exactly what I remember feeling after my boys were born. Once we were back in our hospital room and the nurse walked out the door, we suddenly looked at each other and had no idea what to do next. You figure it out, obviously, but it's a very weird feeling!
I'm really glad that you liked the story. It was a lot of fun to write. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
This sounds like an interesting story! The chapter is very short, but the mysterious purple letter is very mysterious and very purple!
I'm not sure if I read this right, but did Cherry pickpocket Rose? If she did, um... how nice of her *sarcasm*.
I don't know what to think of Rose so far. There wasn't much character development, but we did learn some very interesting things about her. First of all: she's a know-it-all and loves to flaunt it. Secondly, everyone hates her. And third, she has no friends, and wants just one. She's obviously intelligent and very talented, but in the interpersonal skills department - not so much. I'd like to see where you take her from here.
You asked about the ending? To me, it felt a little abrupt. One minute, we were with Rose, the next, we meet this mysterious man in a purple suite, and right after that, we're back with Cherry. And then the chapter just ends. I'm not sure if the intended effect was to confuse the reader, because I can see how that would play into this story and make for an interesting mood, but I'm not sure.
I'd love to see where this story goes, though!Author's Response: Well hello there!
First off, I feel the need to thank you for your kind words (to formal?). They really mean a lot to me, even if your just here for review tag.
Second, I guess I was sorta trying to confuse the reader. The truth is, this is my first fic and I ended up confusing myself (if that makes any sence :p). I think it kinda fits the mood.
Next, I've gotten a lot of reviews telling me the ending was a bit sudden. I think that maybe I'll edit out the last bit about Cherry, or try and smoothen that out. The man in the purple suit is vital to the story and I really wanted to get him introduced quickly.
About the pickpoket thing, I see Cherry as the kinda girl who goes to any lengths to be the first one with the freshest gossip. And she must have seen the owl land too, because she it's lunch in the great hall too.
Well anyway, thanks for reviewing, it means a lot to me that you liked it, especially since I liked Like A House On Fire so much. I'm still waiting for the next chapter!!
-katty01/ginnys twin Report Review
FDESKHBGLEN RLHGNERGBMNHBMER! I'm a huge Jily shipper, and it's been so long since I read a Jily fic! I don't think there's much hope that this'll get updated, but I really hope it does!
I haven't read a Lily quite like yours. She isn't as distant as other portrayals of her, and she's quite willing to give James a chance, which is a refreshing change from the norm.
James is adorbs. There's really no other way to describe him, other than adorbs. He isn't even adorable; he's adorbs.
Please post the next part! I know what the answer to James' question is, but James doesn't! Report Review
REVIEW TAG, YO!
Aww... this story was absolutely adorable! I liked it so much! Just what I needed on a day like this - it's made me feel much better!
I love the subtle humour in this. It isn't outright funny, but it has its moments, and they're really charming. They add a lot of colour and lightness to the mood of the story, which I think is really fitting for this piece!
I also like the way you portrayed Percy. I was really happy, too, when JK Rowling told us the name of Percy's firstborn. I thought a similar thing to you, and I adore the way you've told it here!
I think you have a wonderful author's voice, and I hope you write more stories like this one in the future!Author's Response: I am so glad that you liked it!
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! It makes me so happy to hear that you enjoyed this story, and especially that you liked Percy (he's not the easiest character to write!)
Thank you so much again!! :) Now that you've encouraged me, I probably will write more stories like this one ;) Report Review
Dark stories aren't really my thing, but I love Bellatrix's character, and taking that into consideration, if I want to read me some Bellatrix, I'm not about to get it in a fluffy romance novel! So I gave this a go, and I really enjoyed it!
I like your use of the second person. It had me guessing as to Bellatrix's mental stability, which is really awesome. I thought it began as a stylistic thing, that just fit well with the tone of the piece, but by the end of it, I was wondering if there was someone else telling Bellatrix all of this - and it's a bit unclear whether or not that person is inside her head, or out.
I also really liked that opening paragraph. It felt detached from the rest of the story, like it was the beginning of a fairy tale, or a folklore, or something. I can't quite explain it, but it reminded me of the way some of the parts of Wicked by Gregory Maguire were told, as well as prologues in another series of books I read.
You did a really good job on capturing the single-mindedness, determination, and drive of Bellatrix's character really well, too.
Considering how short this prologue is, I think you've done such an amazing job in introducing your character and setting the mood for this piece. Well done!Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you enjoyed this despite dark stories not being your favorite. I think we all have those things. I love Marauders, but I don't like reading them much, so I understand not really being crazy about a certain type of story.
I think second person is usually what I turn to when I want something to feel blurry. I love that it made you question Bellatrix's mental stability... I'd say at the point of this prologue it's not looking too good, haha. I LOVE Wicked and am totally taking that as an awesome compliment. Now if i could just squeeze through my screen and hug you...
Thank you so much for the awesome review ♥ I'm so sorry this response has taken too long to get to! I've had a lovely step throat filled week. *insert eye roll here.*
Thanks again! Jami Report Review
REVIEW TAG, WHAT UP?
Sorry about the greeting - I haven't left the house in a few days.
So, when I started reading this, I was like, oh, another teen pregancy story. As a rule, I try and avoid them, but I'm glad I clicked on this, because this was just such a pleasant surprise!
Can I just say, that Venus' nickname is adorable? And so is James. He was just so cool and supportive and ugh! Loved him!
When Venus first looks at the test and thinks she's pregnant, my first thought was, "Shouldn't she get that verified?" And thank goodness for Kate! I adored how this story turned out at the end! Unexpected, but really awesome! I think it's a pretty common thing, mistakes like this happening, although I'm not sure how often they happen concerning pregnancies!
But such an adorable story! Well done!Author's Response: Hi! I can totally understand how you must've felt while reading this. I'm not a fan of teen pregnancy stories either. Though these stories are the inspiration behind my beloved fic! ;)
You liked Venus's nickname! Wow, I feel like I've given an award or something. I haven't got a compliment like that before. :) I love James too! Especially in my own story, haha.
Venus was just too scared to verify I guess. You sort of guessed the ending right? ;) Kate is just a best friend everyone'd love to have, isn't she? Report Review
Why you no write more of this story? I love it so much! I read and reviewed the first chapter ages ago, and for some strange reason, never got a chance to get back to this!
But seriously, I think this story's great. I love how you're exploring characters from a House that isn't as well known as the others. I think it gives you a lot more room to manouver and play around with the characters and whatnot!
Helga Hufflepuff is awesome! I thought that making her the "mother" was bit urgh, but then you explained why that is, and that made me sad. It also makes a lot more sense why she's so mothering. I like how you gave a tangible reason for it being there!
Please write more of this! I'm looking forward to getting to know a couple of Puffs - I'd love a chapter on Tonks, of course, but also on Zacharias, if you could manage it! Report Review
Now, I'm not really into angst (like, at all), but I'm willing to give new things a shot! And I'm glad that I did!
I think this a really strong start to what seems to be quite the story! It looks like this will be one of those stories which will be mostly character driven, so I'm looking forward to some really intense character development (which I love)!
I must say, that already, Al is my favourite. He seems like such a good friend, and I'm looking forward to how you develop his relationship with Charlotte!
PS: What happens when you reach chapter 24? Which wonderful word will you choose for the letter X?Author's Response: Hey!
I'm glad you gave it a shot :) I am focusing a lot on each character and showing how they develop over the year (in good ways and bad.)
I know what you mean about Al. I love writing him so much that I have to really remind myself to write my other characters in! If you read on you'll see what I mean. (hint hint)
Thanks for the lovely review!
PS: I know right??!! I've been throwing around some ideas (all of which are no good.)
X is for Xylaphone: Charlotte picks up a new instrumental talent. Laughable.
X is for Xenophilius: for some reason Charlotte meets Luna's dad. Why would she though?
X is for Xiphoid Process: I think I would ruin the whole story if I titled a chapter after the cartilage at the bottom of the sternum (I'm studying anatomy.)
Luckily I have a little bit of time to think about it :) Report Review
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Ooh! So this chapter (or at least what I've read of it so far) seems to be from James Potter's point of view! Exciting! I'm looking forward to seeing the drama from another perspective. In the chapters so far, James has come across as pretty mellow, so I'm pretty pumped to see how you flesh him out.
I love your description of the Map! I think it's really clever that you've left quite a bit of it still "blank" and I can see quite the interesting subplot developing! I'd love it if how the Map was completed was included in the story. It probably has nothing to do with the plot, but I really want to know now! Perhaps just as an interesting footnote?
You know, I think my James-centric bias is showing, because if Severus was partaking in the creepy ritual of watching a dot on a page, I'd be completely freaked out, but since it's James, it's almost... endearing, in a way. His feelings for Lily are quite palpable. I think, in their own ways, both James and Severus are equally creepy in their affections for Lily, and kudos on you for showing this similarity.
I think Regulus' budding altruistic nature has quite an interesting avenue of expression. He barely even knows Lily, and doesn't seem especially close to Severus, but he still wants to rebuild their friendship, even though Lily's a muggleborn and Severus is weird. It's an interesting aspect of his personality, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it manifests and grows. Considering that it seems to be part of the plot, I have high hopes!
And how very devious of Lily! I like how she's already thought of a way out. More than Regulus' altruism, I'm looking forward to seeing how Lily's show of selfishness (or is self-preservation a better word?) is going to pan out.
I really like the dynamics of the deal. The reasons for each character striking the deal in the first place are switched if you think about their "usual" personalities, and I can't wait to see where it'll lead!
I'll talk about Regulus' personality first. I like where you're taking him as a character. Six chapters in, and you can see the way he is. Along with the reader, he too is confused about his actions. He sees a lot of himself in Severus, and whilst he doesn't want to be his friend exactly, this bond is compelling him to do things for him. I'd like to see where this element of his personality will lead him. Will it come to play when he officially becomes a Death Eater? Will it become more important when he finally decides to try and thwart Voldemort and destroy his Horcrux? One thing I would like to see more of in Regulus is his intelligence. He must've been somewhat capable of complex thought to have figured out that Voldemort had Horcruxes, and what exactly a Horcrux was. I mean, Voldemort gave Lucius Malfoy one, and I don't think Lucius quite figured out what on earth it really was. Regulus is part of Slug Club, but the membership is a rather dubious measure of intelligence, in my opinion.
And OMG! I actually laughed when Regulus mused about why he thinks he's never had a girlfriend! He was just so adorable in that moment!
Concerning the interaction between the Marauders, I think you've shown a different side of their relationship. I've rarely read any fanfics where the bond between the boys is so inherently strong. Like, I know they were close and everything, but you've actually shown that through their actions and their words. James knows how each of his friends will react, down to the fact that Remus will come check on him like a mother hen the minute he steps into the dormitory. I especially enjoyed reading the conversation between Sirius and James. Sirius, so far, has been quite arrogant and emotionally distant, but he goes to James to talk about serious stuff. It showed a more vulnerable side to him that I really hope you explore and develop further. And it also showed a softer side to James, who was being a really good friend.
I'm really excited now to see where Regulus and Sirius' relationship will go now!Author's Response: Hello again, thanks for coming by :)
James was a real challenge--being a Snily fan, I just don't like the guy very much, and so I decided to make him likeable to me and hope that he would also be likeable for other readers. I'm glad you like the perspective shake-up. It won't be the last time; changing perspective is one of my favorite little tricks.
I'm working on some parts now that are fairly Marauder-centric, so I'll have to try to find a way to fit the completion of the Map in there. I'm happy you like how it's still being fleshed out at this point. I also LOVE the comment you made about the differences between Severus's and James's behavior. They probably see one another as being quite creepy, and yet they have a lot in common when it comes to Lily. That issue of the dot-watching being creepy or romantic was on my mind the whole time I wrote this section.
Yeah, Regulus just doesn't have that evil core that I think you really need to succeed as a Death Eater. He can't help but feel something when he sees others around him in pain, which clearly comes out in canon with the way he reacts to Kreacher's "duty" in the cave. He never fails to fascinate me as a character.
In the same vein, I often fall into the trap of making Lily this sweet, well-meaning character, and I wanted to introduce some conflict here, just a touch of selfishness. She still sees the benefit in helping Sirius and Regulus reconcile, because I think she can see the similarity between their falling out and the one she's experiencing with her own sister, but for right now she just wants a reason not to have to re-open her old wounds with Snape. I'm glad you like how she's playing out; her conflict will be a central theme.
You make a good suggestion about Regulus's intelligence, and how him figuring out the Horcrux suggests that he was smarter than the average Death Eater. I'll have to think about ways that I can work that in later on. I will note that he's not a bad student; like a true Slytherin, though, one thing he sees in Snape is a way to get out of doing his work (e.g., with the Potions scene and the book).
I do like my Marauders. It was important to me to show that Peter isn't just an afterthought; he's really part of the group here, which will make his eventual split from them all the more painful for everyone involved. I think James does know his friends quite well, perhaps the best out of all four, which is maybe why his loss was so painful for Remus and Sirius. As for Sirius, yeah, I wanted to show that he's not as tough and carefree as he seems at times; many stories have him confiding in a girl, but I figured it would be more realistic for him to turn to his honorary brother, James. I will make another note to add in more Sirius in future chapters.
Thank you for yet another fabulous, comprehensive review! I'll be back to re-request when I see a free slot :)
-Amanda Report Review
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