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Reading Reviews From Member: 800 words of heaven
  
425 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 800 words of heavenRabbit Heart: 2. Trusting Hearts

3rd April 2017:
#CTF

Hey, Pix! It has been a ridiculously long time since I read chapter one of this story, but I remember that you blitzed through Like a House on Fire for me, and I’ve always wanted to return the favour. This seemed like a good excuse.

I am immediately struck by how sweet Wren is. She makes my heart ache with just how much she cares for her great-grandmother. What a sweetheart. They’re both trying to adjust to this massive change, but Wren understands that it’s much more difficult for Augusta than it is for herself, which shows a lot of emotional maturity.

Ah, so that’s what’s going on with Augusta! It is actually horrible, but I remember feeling a little confused and very curious as to what was ailing the strong old woman. “Diseases” of the heart are the hardest to fix, even with magic, I think. Wren is starting to understand that better than most.

Oh, gosh! I’m really feeling for the Longbottom family! I think Wren is handling this marvellously so far, considering how young she is. This young woman will go far, I can tell.

Your description is always on point. I don’t know how you do it – it’s like magic to me. London felt so busy and confusing, mirroring the way Wren is feeling so well. She’s gone out onto the streets to lose herself, almost.

Well, isn’t Dillon creepy. Also, his mother is strange, too, telling this little boy to go find his magic “on his own”. That doesn’t sound like a very pleasant experience for anyone. I have a bad feeling about this…

OH NO IS DILLON A SQUIB AND HIS MOTHER HAS LEFT HIM?!?! I KNEW THIS WOULDN’T END WELL.

This kid gets weirder and weirder. Consider me intrigued. I thought this story was going in one direction, but it is clearly not. I cannot wait!

Author's Response: Hi!!

I'm glad you came back to the story, and I hope you get to read through the whole thing, now that it's finished. It really was a fun thing to write. Of course I say that now, feeling my betas looking over my shoulder and shaking their heads at me. I tend to get insecure during editing... anyway...

The Longbottoms have some bad turns here at the start of the story. There's a lot that Wren has to deal with, and it doesn't really matter how old she is. It's hard for anyone to deal with, but that's life, hey?

Aw, thanks for the kudos on description. I try. :) Dillon IS a creepy thing. By design. I'm pleased that you felt that.

Thanks for the words!

Pix


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Review #2, by 800 words of heavenCircles: Circles

1st April 2017:
#CTF

I picked this story for a few reasons. 1) You are an amazing author, and everything you touch is gold. 2) Slytherin represent! 3) I don’t read much microfiction, mainly because I am confused as to what on earth it is. I am curious as to what this story will hold.

Blaise’s story was so cool! I really liked that you focused on the physical with him. It’s all about his breath and his flying. This isn’t a “shower thoughts” exercise for him – he’s all about that altitude sickness and being one with the physical world for a change. You wrote so little about why he’s doing this, but it still speaks volumes. Your skill with subtlety really shines through here.

I must admit, that I found it difficult to connect with Millicent’s story. I could empathise with Blaise, but Millicent… it was a struggle. This is not a bad thing! Well done for writing unlikeable characters, and letting them remain unlikeable, whilst still having their stories heard.

(Side note: I think it’s a very clever and fun thing you’ve done here, using the last word of the previous story as the first word of the next one. It made my nerd mind giggle.)

It is an odd image to think of Gregory as a mama’s boy, but it’s still sweet. And I’ve never dwelt on it, really, but it must have been so difficult for him, after Crabbe dies. That was his best friend! They did evil things together! A bond like that hurts when it’s broken.

I was expecting more from Pansy’s story. But I think you’ve covered that base there by saying that the Parkinson family has nothing to say anymore. Now the war is over, so are their words. Perhaps Pansy isn’t quite ready to tell her story yet, and you’ve really captured that here, keeping even her thoughts superficial.

Ah, Draco. Again, you’ve taken the circular approach here, choosing to focus on the physical aspects of Draco’s life, rather than the emotional, similar to Blaise’s opening story. Different from Blaise, however, as you’ve chosen to focus on the people. It still remains outside of Draco, though. For me, it seems to mirror Draco’s state of mind. He’s trying to make amends, but maybe he’s not quite ready to do that yet, as evidenced by his still significant pride. And those people around him are pushing those feelings down, too.

You’ve definitely piqued my interest in microfiction! This was such an excellent introduction to that particular format of story-telling. I, of course, expected nothing less, since I know what a wonderful writer you are! Well done!

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Review #3, by 800 words of heavenTrapped: trapped

1st April 2017:
Wowee. This was exceptionally intense. I should've expected that, considering that the story was about PTSD, but I didn't expect to get so emotionally evolved.

Sirius Black is one of my favourite characters of all time. This story made my heart break for him all over again. I haven't visited OotP for a long time, and I'd sort of forgotten about Sirius being stuck in Grimmauld Place. I really liked how you portrayed this as him being locked away, all over again. I sometimes wonder if he ever wonders if it would've been better to stay wherever he was during GoF.

I think you really captured Sirius' anger very well. I felt myself getting angry for him, too. And you've written a different side of PTSD, which I really appreciate. It's not the usual "flashbacks" that is normally seen in the media, and whilst this is a very big and real part of PTSD, there is more to it. You've highlighted the anger, the isolation, the hurt, the perceived judgement of others instead. I really enjoyed reading a more broad experience of PTSD. Of course, this also has the added bonus of making Sirius' character development more complex and interesting. The anger and frustration experienced by him is a common symptom, but by viewing it through the lens of PTSD really changes things.

Thanks for writing this wonderful story. I really enjoyed it :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Sirius Black is my favourite character but a lot of the time I get so sad thinking about how unfair his life was :( Him being confined to Grimmauld Place was really clearly doing bad things to him.

When it came to depicting PTSD, I was really considering how his surroundings would play into it, and also how PTSD from Azkaban would look. I thought things like always checking his breath as soon as he feels cold and seeing Dementors in the shadows, scratching the walls, etc would be effective in conveying the same sort of thing as writing a flashback would.

Thanks for the lovely review!

-Kayla


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Review #4, by 800 words of heavenTo Take Umbridge: 1- Intelligence

16th December 2016:
Hello! I'm 800 words of heaven from the HPFT forums, and I'm dropping in with an early birthday review, since I won't be around for when it's actually your birthday.

This is such a wonderful start! I don't usually read post-Hogwarts stories, especially those focusing on Harry and crew as adults doing their jobs. I'm glad I read this though. It seems super interesting.

I really like the little details that you've included here. So far, Harry, Ron, and Neville seem like actual Aurors doing actual Auror things. I thought the use of Polyjuice potion was rather clever! And that last line has me hooked! I'm keen to find out what happens next.

This is a really nice start to your story. Happy birthday once again!

Author's Response: Hey there,

Thank you so much! As you can probably tell from the date, this story's taken a bit of a back seat until I finish my 'main' fic (Which is slightly similar to this if you're interested) but I do intend to finish it at some point.

Thank you so much again and enjoy your Christmas!
SiriusAura92 :)


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Review #5, by 800 words of heavenLess Than: Less Than

16th December 2016:
Hey Meg! I won't be around on your birthday, so I'm popping in now!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

This story, man. I just. Right in the feels. The symptoms you've described lead me to believe that this is a particular syndrome, and if it is that syndrome, I also have it. I'm nowhere near ready to think about having children, but I know infertility is a very real possibility. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I can't even imagine what it's been like for you. I'm a med student though, and I'm super passionate about removing the taboo around talking about "women's health issues" like infertility (and miscarriage and pregnancy in general). There's a part of me that's cheering that you wrote this story because it's so so important to talk about stuff like this.

I'm sorry that I don't have anything to say about the story itself in terms of characterisation and dialogue and all those story craft things. I read this story yesterday though and I needed a full day to process my feelings about this before writing something. So I guess that means a pretty good story. I understand that this is a deeply personal story for you, and I feel really privileged to have read this. Thanks for sharing, and happy birthday once again.

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Review #6, by 800 words of heavenJigsaw: Piece #1

14th December 2016:
Hello, Sian! I'm going to be away from internet when it's your birthday, so I'm popping in a little early to leave you a birthday review.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I've been meaning to read this story since you first published it. Now that it's finished (I think?) I can enjoy it in all it's complete glory! Woohoo! I'll (hopefully) be back to review the other chapters soon.

That opening scene reminds me so much of the opening of Goblet of Fire. Something wicked this way comes! Brace yourself! (I am completely and utterly braced, and am giddy with what you have planned for me, the reader.)

I really enjoyed the rest of this first chapter. I wasn't expecting it to be written in first person, but it definitely gives it a personal touch, since we're right inside Roxanne's internal monologue.

Your descriptions are amazing. I am a little jealous :P The scenes are set up so well and everything feels so atmospheric. That pub sounds like a cool hipster place. (I want to go there now.)

I really like how you took the time to build up a picture of what Roxanne's life is like on an everyday basis. I was expecting to be thrown right into the thick of things, but this feels like it's going to be more of a slow burn - I'm excited!

This is a lovely chapter one, and happy birthday once again :)

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Review #7, by 800 words of heavenAresto Momentum: Time is my enemy

14th December 2016:
Hello! I'm going to be away when it's your birthday, so I'm popping in now to leave an early birthday review! So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

This story is wonderful. Founders stories like this are rare in my reading experience - most focus on romance, rather than friendship. This is such a refreshing delight.

This little piece reads like it's a lot longer - in a good way. The characters feel fleshed out, as do their relationships with each other. And the depth of feeling is immense. It's so difficult to convey so much in so few words, and it's really amazing that you have. Awesome stuff!

Loved this little story, and happy birthday, once again!

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Review #8, by 800 words of heavenConstant Vigilance: Nymphadora

12th December 2016:
Hello! I am here for a birthday review! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

So this is great. I love love love Tonks! In such few words you've written this lovely slice of life piece. I really enjoyed getting an insight into what it's like being a junior Auror, especially on her first assignment as a fully qualified one! You captured the first-day-on-the-job jitters perfectly, and also how, unfortunately, things can go oh so wrong no matter how hard you try.

And that love story tho. I must admit that I am not a huge fan of such big age gaps between a couple. I am trying to push my boundaries and challenge myself to read out of my comfort zone, and this was actually delightful. It's not a ship I've ever really considered, but here, you've crafted the story so well that I can see the dynamic working. Excellent job!

Thanks so much for this little gem of a story, and happy birthday once again *hugs*

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Review #9, by 800 words of heavenThe Great Tale of Me, Lyra Malfoy: I.

8th December 2016:
Heya! I'm dropping in for your review request :)

I really enjoyed this first chapter. Like you said, not much happens, but it was still fun.

Lyra seems like a fun character. She's sarcastic and a little weird. So far, she seems like a typical teenage girl. I'm looking forward to seeing her gain some depth in character. Not character growth since it's far too early in the story for that, but just some more fleshing out on who she actually is, beyond the sarcasm and tendency towards slapstick humour. I do like her use of lists. I approve of lists greatly.

Since we didn't get much on individual people, I'll just lump the rest of the Malfoy family together. I'm really looking forward to getting more Scorbus that doesn't just involve smooching - probably in the same boat as Lyra, there. I am not sure how likely this is going to be since this story is in Lyra's point of view, so of course we're going to see their relationship through her biases. I love this new and improved Draco Malfoy. I am all about the "father-of-the-year" Draco Malfoy trope. However, I'd love to see how he got there. I know this is also unlikely since sixteen-year-old daughters don't really care all that much about their parents' character development. But still, I think it will help this slightly out-of-character Draco make a little more sense if we got a little backstory on this miraculous transformation.

As to humour, I really enjoyed myself! I am a big fan of the humour genre, and this was a lot of fun. For me, most of the humour in this chapter came from the dialogue itself, rather than Lyra's internal monologue. I'm not sure how that's going to change over the chapters. On the note of dialogue, I really enjoyed it. It was fast and snappy and felt realistic. However, I would love a little more description of what's going on immediately around Lyra. I got enough background knowledge for an opening chapter, but not much on where Lyra actually was or how anything looked or felt our sounded. I had to fill in a lot of those gaps myself.

Typos:

"Oh, so your Hufflepuff with muggles, but not with your own sister? Wow, Scorpius."
- "you" should be "you're"

(we share a dorm for christ sake!)
- "Christ" should be "Christ's"

This was a great opening chapter, though! Looking forward to more :)

Author's Response: Hello, sorry for how late I've been in responding. Real life has been really crazy for me.

Thank you so much for your kind review.

Lyra is definitely a fun character, and I do flesh her character out a bit more. But not that much until the climaxes in the story.

Yes, I definitely love that Draco too. In most of the fics I have he's like that (I do have a few where he's mean and strict though, for versatility).

Thanks so much on the humour. That's certainly the most important part for me. There is definitely more description starting in about the third chapter or so.

Yep, I'll definitely change the your - you're, just a typo because I type super fast.

Christ however I'll keep the same, because that's just kind of how she talks. In fan fic when I do that I like those things to be more of swears than religious things, because I don't really want to represent religion unless it's important to my story. So instead of God I usually put Godrick, instead of Jesus or God there'll be Merlin, or something like that. So christ in this sense is a swear rather than a person.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and I will definitely keep some of your suggestions in mind when I write future chapters.

Thanks!

-ImaRavenclaw


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Review #10, by 800 words of heavenMisery: After detention

18th April 2016:
REVIEW SWAP.

There were SO MANY good stories on your AP from which to choose, but I can't resist me some Neville/Hannah!

Oh no! Everything is so dark and horrible at Hogwarts! I must admit to preferring my Neville/Hannah a whole lot fluffier - and happier - but in this case, it worked so well. You wrote Neville so beautifully! I just loved how dark he came across, really showing the effect holding the fort has had on him. His self-loathing is just so strong and it hurt my heart to read about it, but the characterisation was just beautiful.

And Hannah! Go figure she's the de facto first aid person of the renegades. It's very fitting since she goes on to become the Matron at Hogwarts years later! I really liked how you wrote her so freaked out when Neville first comes in. It made so much sense and gave that scene a lot of urgency. I really enjoyed it.

And, ah. Thank kiss! OMG that kiss! Yay for kisses! And yay for hope!

Thanks for the wonderful swap! *hugs*

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Review #11, by 800 words of heavenThe Gifts: Neville: The Three Broomsticks

18th April 2016:
Heya! I am finally, FINALLY here to review your lovely Hanville story. Yay for Hanville!

Ah! This is just sooo cute! I am enamoured with their love story. Neville is very true to what we know of him from canon. He's still nervous and a little shy, but still quite the Gryffindor, deciding to approach Hannah about his feelings that way - and all of a sudden, too!

And Hannah! I would have liked a little bit more about her, but I understand that's a little difficult to achieve when writing in first person. But what we do get is just wonderful! She seems so capable - and that's just such a perfect match for Neville.

And OMG look at Madam Rosmerta playing matchmaker from beyond the grave! It's a little sad that she has passed away, but go figure she works out what's going on between the two of them before they ever do. What a sharp woman!

This is just such a lovely piece! Awesome stuff :)

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Review #12, by 800 words of heavenQueen of Quills: Memory Lane

18th April 2016:
SLYTHERIN REVIEW TAG.

I really liked this story! This was a deviation from your usual style and choice of mood and tone, but it's still fantastic. I love visiting your author's page because I'm always going to find something new that will challenge the way I look at a character. This piece was no exception.

I am just in awe of how you wrote so empathetically about a character that you dislike. To me, it seemed that you used that dislike to feed Rita's own self-loathing. Whilst I am of the opinion that Rita would have been unrepentant until the very end, I liked your take on things. I think Rita mentions it herself, but she has rarely thought about her actions and their consequences. It is interesting to note that now, as a doddering old woman, she is finally doing so.

I love the little touch of gallows humour at the end, there. Rita Skeeter: Queen of Quills or Rejected Outcast? is a book I'd definitely want to read. I can just imagine her penning it as she's dying, her way of leaving one final mark on the world. It would be a particularly "Rita Skeeter" way to go!

This was a lovely read, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself! Until next time :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #13, by 800 words of heavenThe Ultimate Betrayal: The Ultimate Encounter

18th April 2016:
SLYTHERIN REVIEW TAG.

Ooh. I am excited about this Percy Weasley AU! He's such an interesting character who's rarely written about, so I'm excited to see where you take him and this story. Is he going to become a spy for the Order of the Phoenix? In the first few paragraphs I've read so far, I think this is unlikely, so I'm guessing he's going to become a Death Eater. Death Eater Percy Weasley is a character I can get behind!

I like how you've really emphasised just how loyal Percy is. For me, that's his defining Gryffindor trait, and I'm glad to see it playing such a strong role so far in the story, even if it is for someone whom I don't particularly like.

Describing Percy's ego as "delicate" is just so perfect. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Another defining Gryffindor trait, I think.

Yesss! I called it! DEATH EATER PERCY WEASLEY YAAASSS!

And omg he's already meeting Voldemort? Well, wasn't that fast?

This is an incredibly intriguing first chapter with an even more intriguing premise. Well done!

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Review #14, by 800 words of heavenRise of the Phoenix Volume I: The Gathering Storm

17th April 2016:
Heya! I'm here for our review swap!

Oh em gee, why didn't I find this story earlier? I'm only a few paragraphs and I'm already in love. I love love LOVE your descriptions! I am actually ridiculously envious of them, because they are just so cool and amazing. One that especially stands out so far is that of Aurora's scar. Amazing. It was like you were describing a river or canyon. Too cool.

a hangover effect of being born in a country that wonderfully mixed emotional restraint with self-loathing. There's just something so British about this line, as well as a little bit sad.

Or, I don’t know, dabbling in black market floo powder. I hope Theo remains his wonderful self throughout the story. I hope he is in the rest of the story. He's a treasure so far.

OMG of course Dr Theodore Morgan has a white twirling moustache. I wouldn't expect any less.

I'm sort of sad that we won't be seeing the Far East in this story. Maybe in Aurora's recollections however? I'd love to read about the way magic would work there.

a make-believe swashbuckling pirate playing in caves This sounds like an amazing job description, just saying.

a mass grave of insects on the window sill, party amongst stubbed cigarettes and balls of used chewing gum. Eww, gross.

I am unsure if Theo is actually just an oblivious old dude, or a little but cagey. The mood of this story - especially Aurora's tenseness - has me jumping at shadows.

WILL THEY REALLY BE OKAY!??!? I DON'T THINK SO.

Thanks for the swap! I'll be back soon for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Hey there,

The enthusiasm of your review was awesome to see.

It took me a while, RL kicked me in the butt recently, but I just posted a review. I hope to come back with another over the next few days.

Cheers for the swap :)

Nick


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Review #15, by 800 words of heavenBroken : Why Did You Break A Perfectly Good Heart?

10th April 2016:
REVIEW TAG.

I visit your author page so infrequently, so I am always so pleasantly surprised when I see that I have so many wonderful new stories to choose from!

I think I say this every time I write a review for you, but I am just SO IMPRESSED by how much your writing has improved over the years I've been reading it. You were always fantastic, but with every new thing I read, you become EVEN MORE FANTASTIC. HOW DO YOU DO THIS? WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?

This was just so creepy to read. Draco was a horrible horrible person. It's been a while since I read an evil Draco story, and I love the way you turned the usual Dramione love story on its head. I'm not much for the ship, so this was so realistic for me. I felt so sad and sorry for Hermione, and her pain felt so so real. Love can be a terrible, terrible curse sometimes. It was so nice to see that she was still loyal to Harry though. She knows she's going to die soon, but still she keeps his secrets. Go Hermione! More power to you!

This was just a wonderful read, and good luck with the challenge :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #16, by 800 words of heavenHat's Dilemma: Hat's Dilemma

21st March 2016:
Heya! I'm finally FINALLY dropping in for our review swap! I'm sorry for the delay.

So first off, I must get this off my chest. I. LOVE. THIS. STORY. OMG IT IS SO SO GOOD.

Please please write more about sorting ceremonies because you have such a knack for them. I'm enamoured with the way you write the Sorting Hat. You've completely captured the snooty, snarky, holier-than-thou, I-know-all-which-is-definitely-more-than-you voice that I sometimes love, and I sometimes hate. If possible, can you just write a story of the Sorting Hat talking to different people and making people question their sanity? Because that would be AWESOME.

Coming to the actual people, I absolutely loved each of their voices. You really balanced being eleven, and still showing the characters we know them to be later on in their stories. I think Minerva's section was my favourite, but your attention to detail and turns of phrases were just perfect all around.

Basically, I love this story. That is all.

(Also thanks for the swap!)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the swap! I really enjoyed your story as well :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed this little tale. It didn't really fit into any era or genre, and just seemed to hang in there...

I'm so glad you liked my Sorting Hat voice - I was quite worried about that to be honest because I wanted to convey exactly what you've mentioned and kept editing and re-editing it!

OMG That's a wonderful idea! I can totally imagine the Sorting Hat just completely messing with people's heads! Now I HAVE to write a sequel :D

I'm glad you liked the characters as well. Minerva was my favorite to write, she just basically wrote herself...

Thank you so much for your lovely review and the swap :)

~Ysh


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Review #17, by 800 words of heavenIn between: The Sorting

12th March 2016:
Heya! I'm here for our review swap! I'm a sucker for a Marauders' era story, so I couldn't resist this one, especially when I saw that the first chapter was written not from a Marauders or Lily's point of view, but Emmaline's. I was intrigued to see things from a minor character's eyes for a change.

I really liked this first chapter! You've introduced the four protagonists, and I assume that the points of view will be rotating between these four? It will be especially exciting to read the different perspectives not only because they're different characters, but also because they're in different Houses. How will their friendships change, and what sort of tensions will arise? We already know what happens between Lily and Snape, but with Eddie and Emmaline in the mix, I'm interested to see what kind of spin you put on it.

I do have one question about the point of view. Is this Emmaline recounting her story from a point in time when she's much older, or is she telling the story as it happens to her (but just in past tense)? There were parts that read like one or the other, so that confused me a little, but other than that, this was very enjoyable!

This is such a lovely start, and I'm curious to see whose point of view we will be seeing next! Thanks for the swap :)

Author's Response: Hey! Hello, dear!
First of all, thank you for the swap! It's always a pleasure! :D

I do love Marauder Era stories (well... I suppose it's quite clear from my penname and the stories on my AP... :P) I'm glad you found Em's POV refreshing! :D

Yes, my idea is to rotate between the four. I'm planning on writing from Severus' perspective in the next chapter, but I still have to start working on it... I'm still not sure how their friendship will develop through the years and how being in different houses will change their relationship. And I can't wait to find out!

You know, you are totally right about this... The fact is, I'm not sure myself... On one hand, I think the story would work better from a retrospect perspective, on the other I like it to be a as-it-happens thing, because it would emphasize emotions more. I think I tend a lot to mix the two (one of the reasons I tend to avoid first person perspectives) but I never realized until you mentioned it now, so thank you for pointing out the issue. I'll edit the chapter and try to adapt it to a retrospect perspective.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this start and that I made you curious for what's next!
Thank you so much for the swap and the lovely review!

Much love,
Chiara


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Review #18, by 800 words of heavenWrackspurts and Regrets: Wrackspurts and Regrets

2nd March 2016:
Heya! I'm 800 from Slytherin House over on the forums, and I'm here to paint the archives Green with Envy, representing Team Ouroboros! I noticed that you've just recently joined the archives, so welcome! Also if you haven't checked out the forums yet, please don't be shy about doing so! We're a lovely bunch of people and we're always terribly excited about new members! If you like it over there, maybe I'll even see you in the Pit (that's where us Slytherins hang out) sometime soon!

Now, onto the review!

I'm in two minds about Ron's fury. There's a part of me that agrees - crushes are dumb. But there's another part of me that's raising its eyebrows at Ron because I'm pretty sure he himself had a teeny tiny crush on Krum during fourth year - can't blame him, really. Victor Krum is very crush-worthy.

That first line of dialogue that Luna utters has basically captured the essence of Luna in a few clauses.

Aww! Poor Ron! He's struggling with his own crush! He's not taking being friend-zoned very well, is he? But alas, the heart wants what it wants, and Hermione's wants Victor's.

Woah! I was not expecting Ron to just kiss Luna! Literally everyone was surprised by this turn of events: Ron, Luna, me. I would've liked to see a little more build-up in Ron's feelings towards Luna before the kiss. Compared to the entire rant he has about Hermione, only a few lines were dedicated to him even noticing Luna at all. I feel that a little more balance between these conflicting desires would've made the kiss more believable, and less out of nowhere.

I am very glad to see that Luna, however, just took it in her stride in her own Luna way, and has already moved onto to bigger and better things - like catching Wrackspurts!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I was pleased to read it.

I agree about the build up to the kiss - I feel I could have elaborated on it a lot more. I tried to but then nothing sounded right so I just left it in the end. It's my first ever peice of fan fiction (actually my first ever short story) so it was more like practice hehe. I'm going to keep it the same so I can look back and learn from it :)

I haven't ventured over to the forums yet but they are intriguing. I'm glad everyone is friendly - I'll have to have a look-see soon. I have only very recently discovered the world of HPFF, can't believe I wasted years of my life not knowing about it!

Thanks again for the review!

Violette S.


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Review #19, by 800 words of heavenThe Hogwarts Times: The Hogwarts Times

2nd March 2016:
Hey Lee! I'm 800 from Slytherin House (from the forums), here to leave a review for Team Ouroboros! Slytherins this month are painting the archives and forums green with envy! The description for this story looked intriguing (ALSO SLYTHERIN REPRESENT WOOHOO) so I thought I'd give it a read :)

OMG I AM SO GLAD I READ THIS. I am completely and utterly in love with the concept of this story! IT'S AN EVIL VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY THIS IS THE BEST. I was unsure at the beginning as to what the time period was, but then you mentioned Rita Skeeter, and I was like OMGOMGOMG. I really love this idea that Rita came by -ahem- journalism because she and her two friends were just bored one day in the Slytherin Common Room. And then they decided to turn their love for gossip into profit - how very Slytherin of them *smirks*

AND THEN DORY TURNS OUT TO BE DOLORES UMBRIDGE. Can things get any worse for the student population/better for me? Probably not. I imagine these three to be like the Mean Girls of Hogwarts at the time - except they write a paper. This story is even more perfect, since our very own inaugural forum newsletter has just been published!

And that ending! OMG. Umbridge is so devious! I just imagined her doing that smirk emoji the entire time she was penning the letter to Rita. I'm actually really curious to learn about what happened to Marigold and how she ended up married to a Muggle-born - there's a story in there, I'm sure!

As you can tell, I really enjoyed this little one-shot. Fantastic work!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it so much! I wasn't sure about writing about Umbridge but it ended up working pretty well.

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Review #20, by 800 words of heavenEvolution: Sharpened

7th February 2016:
Heya! I always say that I'll be back soon, but then I disappear for months on end. But this story is just so wonderful that it keeps bringing me back!

I really admire the way you characterise minor canon characters. Slughorn reads very true to what we know of him from the books, including his relationship with Lily. So wonderful.

I really enjoy the brief glimpses we get of Sirius and Lily together. I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but because Sirius and Lily are so close in canon, I'm super excited to see their relationship develop in that direction over the (hopefully still significant number of) remaining chapters of Evolution.

Sirius and James' conversation was interesting. I liked the way you mixed politics and James' possible love life so seamlessly. The dialogue flowed very naturally. I was worried for a moment that Sirius would forget to address the "James and Lily" situation, but you brought it all back full circle very nicely indeed. It was also nice to see another side of Sirius; someone who cares for his friend, and wants to fight in the war, and thinks astutely about the opinions of the student body. It was a very subtle form of character development, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the sort in the future - for all the characters, and not just Sirius.

This was a wonderful chapter, as always. And, as always, I'll see you again in the grey box at the end of the next one :)

Author's Response: Hello again! I'm glad you came back! Your feedback is always so great.

As far as length, yes, there will DEFINITELY be a substantial number of remaining chapters. I've obviously posted a few since this one, but I'm imagining as of now that it probably won't be done until the 75+ chapter range.

I'm glad you actually enjoyed the James-Sirius conversation. I definitely wanted to use it partly to continue to address the politics in play (not just with the war, but even with his friendship with Sirius who, though he gets closer to Lily later (and has started a wee bit), is not exactly fired up about the idea of James and Lily being together for a variety of reasons - some genuine, some selfish. But I had hoped that it would also show, as you picked up, that however he may behave publicly, Sirius is, even pre-Order and pre-Azkaban, much more thoughtful and determined than people tend to give him credit for. He's still flawed certainly as we know, but yes, he can be quite...serious...too :p

Thanks for R&R-ing!


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Review #21, by 800 words of heavenEvolution: Open Season

26th December 2015:
Hello! It's been a ridiculously long time since I read Evolution but since I started reading it during the holiday season, I thought it would be an apt time to return.

Ah! I've missed Marlene and Alana! It was really nice to see them talking about something other than boys. Lily came off a bit like a robot with no feelings, but clearly her friends know she loves them and will miss them the next year. And the end scene with Sirius and the Quidditch magazine made me chuckle.

There's some really wonderful moments in the first couple of scenes with James. Your love and understanding of the machinations of sports is very apparent in the first few lines, and Peter is an actual gem when he's dissing Sirius for being the "vice-captain" - words I thought I'd never use to describe Peter Pettigrew.

I'm really pleased with the way Lily's behaving when she and James are on patrol. She's very understanding but still firm when she's talking with the Hufflepuff first years. It seems a lot closer to the image I have of Lily in my head, where she's more mature and balanced than she is at this point. It's lovely to see her move in that direction.

James finally speaking about what's bothering him is also some unexpected character development. For all that I think of him further along his arc than Lily, this scene highlighted that he's never actually been very open with his feelings to other people - at least not verbally. I'm hoping this forms part of the basis of their friendship.

This was a really wonderful chapter! I'll see you at the end of the next one :)

Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks so much for returning and the detailed review!

Yes...hopefully once I actually finish (which I had been hoping to do by the end of the year, though that's obviously not happening now) I can do the re-writes to make more serious conversations the norm and flesh them out a little more.

Though here Lily was obviously a bit distracted and subsequently irritated, I would say she definitely gets into this mood when she's ruffled or is trying to avoid something - particularly admitting something. Almost a defense mechanism for her as if - "if I act like I just don't care about this/you, it/you will go away." :p You'll get to see it make a return in the latest chapter before it gives way toward the end if you keep reading ;)
And yes, another subject of the edits will be showcasing more of this Lily earlier on, because though I do think she's quite strict prior to her exposure to James as a rule, her kindness needs to show through more than it does at present.

Indeed, this is sort of the final, pre-relationship step in James's maturation - being willing to open up. As you've probably seen, Lily's not the best at it either (no coincidence), but as they spend more and more time together, both of them start to come around more (hmm...).

And I'm glad you didn't miss Peter getting one in on Sirius! So many people have Peter as Sirius's constant whipping post (in terms of jokes) and while I think there's definitely truth in that, I also think Peter got his jabs in on occasion or Sirius wouldn't respect him as a friend.

Thanks for the detailed feedback and the kind words!


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Review #22, by 800 words of heavenDamage Control: The Devil is in the Detail

26th December 2015:
REVIEW TAG!

I read the first chapter a while back, AND I HAVE RETURNED. I really liked this second chapter! Poor Hero!

I'm really enjoying Hero so far. It's apparent that she's very hardworking and well-read and wants to go to high places. She's shrewd and sharp because her job needs that of her, but she's not quite... cutthroat. At least not in the way Lily is!

Lily's turning out to be quite the "villain"! I'm very very intrigued to see where she goes and how she develops and gets more depth as a character.

Your writing is great. I like the descriptions, and dialogue is my jam, so this dialogue-heavy chapter was perfect. I also loved getting the worldbuilding for the department, as well as Hero.

Hoping for some Potter boys shenanigans in chapter three! Great stuff :)

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Review #23, by 800 words of heavenDamage Control: Choices, choices

27th September 2015:
Heya! Here for our review swap!

Ahahaha, I'm so glad that I picked this story to read (I was eyeing the Percy one, which I may give a whirl anyway)! So much fun! I think I was grinning from like the third line in, and I didn't stop until the last word of the chapter. I can't wait for the appearance of the Machiavellian Lily Potter, as promised in the summary. Hero seems to have her suspicions already, but yay for unpleasant surprises!

Oh, goodness. I loved loved loved the way you've shown the Wotters. They're nuts. It's great. I'm hoping they all make at least one appearance in this story at some point. They all sound crazy in their own way and I think it'll throw Hero into a spin - or not. She seems to be able to hold her own in this business. (My fave so far is Albus. Really want to see him being a brash activist.)

And that brings me to Hero. This was such a lovely introduction to her character that's left me wanting to learn more. She's so sarcastic and snarky! I'm really pumped for more of her particular brand!

This was such a fantastic start, and thanks for the lovely read :)

Author's Response: Hiya! (my first review swap so yay! I should do this more often)

I was hoping you'd choose one of them hehehe. So happy you thought so! This is my experimentation with dark, dry, wry comedy so it's great that it made you smile. You won't have to wait long for Lily Luna *cough*nextchapter*cough*.

Ah, that was so much fun, designing that crazy family tree full of nuts. I just wanted to turn them all upside down inside out. That's a tall order but I'll see what I can do about them making an appearance in some way shape or form.

Woohoo for Hero! She's a no-nonsense firecracker that might not come off too well so I'm glad you are already attracted to her brand.

Thank you for this lovely review! :D
~Misty


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Review #24, by 800 words of heaven'Dromeda: 'Dromeda

27th September 2015:
Heya! Here for our review swap :D

I've been on a recent Andromeda/Ted kick, so this caught my eye instantly, although I was very tempted by your Regulus/Mary one-shot too because REGULUS. It is difficult to resist a Black brother :P

I really liked the way you focused so much of the story on Andromeda's feelings about her family. She doesn't fit in, but doesn't go the typical teenage angst route (*cough*Sirius*cough*) but just accepts it and rides it out. Her love for them is clear, even though she knows that they know that she doesn't fit in. I think it shows a real maturity to her character, which was really nice to see.

Does Andromeda have any friends at all? She seems to spend most of her time with her sisters and their friends, and the rest she's like this super quiet person who studies all the time. What does she do for fun? Is she a knitter? Embroidery? Painting? Ceramics? (CERAMICS!) You mentioned that you're planning to continue this story (yay!) so I'd love to see more of Andromeda in her down time.

Haha, I really liked Ted! He's very much like his daughter (I can see where she gets it from). He's just like this chill guy who is very smug about making a pretty girl smile. Too cute! I'm excited to see their relationship grow! I think it'd be cool to see something written from his point of view, actually...

Overall, this was just a very enjoyable one-shot and I'm excited to see where this may lead in the future. Thanks for the lovely read :)

Author's Response: Hey! :D

Andromeda and Ted are my babies, I love them! and it definitely is hard to resist black brother ;)

I'm glad you liked that aspect, I think its so important to include because its a massive thing to leave your family, so I wanted to establish their relationship to emphases how tough it will be for her!

In my eyes she has a very small group of friends which are mainly her sisters and other Slytherins (that have been pre approved by her family). She's a character who is sheltered from the real world, but is also fascinated by it! :)

I'll definitely make sure to include that for you! :)

I LOVE Ted! And yes he is definitely like his daughter! I will be doing some Ted POV so don't worry about that ;)

Thank you for such a lovely review and swap!

Katie :)


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Review #25, by 800 words of heavenRadicalia: Prologue

27th September 2015:
Heya! I was browsing through the archives and this caught my eye, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I really liked this prologue! It read a lot like Rowling's first chapters read from the books, written as they are from another point of view from the main story. I hope we get to see more of Nathaniel as the story moves along. He's just lied to a bunch of Death Eaters but WHY? Also the way they treated Ginny was not cool.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where this story goes. This first chapter has successfully got me intrigued in the rest of the story, which is basically what you'd want from a first chapter. Ginny seems like a total butt-kicking kid here so I'm hoping for plenty of action for her to show off her mad skills.

Thanks for the lovely read :)

Author's Response: !!! YEE! Thank you SO MUCH for reading and reviewing! I had that weird nervous feeling from posting a brand new story and so this means SO MUCH to me :D

You make SUCH a good point about the whole "opening with another POV" thing--that's is a total Rowling move. And I only just realized that I, like, ALWAYS do that :P I'm really glad that device worked here because I wanted the opening to be kind of High Impact, you know?

Man, I'm so excited about Nathanael that I just want to tell you all about him! But I will refrain, and not be spoilery, and just let the story unravel as it ought.

I'm working on the next chapter right now so hopefully I'll have it up soon!

Thanks again SO MUCH for taking the time to check out this story!

xoxo
Roisin


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