OMG! I am so happy you finally updated this story!
It really is my favorite and I cant wait to find out what happens next! :D
SO AMAZING! Report Review
That was incredible!! I was definitely not expecting that! I know I say this alot but your description abilities are just awe worthy! I'm so excited to see what comes next ! :)Author's Response: You're awesome, thank you so much darling! Report Review
I really hope that you haven't abandoned this story, I want to finish reading it so baldly, its by far my favorite! :)
Please update soon !!Author's Response: I can promise you, I have not! I intend to continue it very shortly, and I can only apologize for the long wait! I wish I could get paid for writing fan fiction, but the world doesn't work that way :( Thank you so much for the review :) Report Review
Ah! Just finished reading this :)
Once again you have given us an amazingly perfect chapter, I absolutely love it! :)
There's just so much detail in this story, it makes it so wonderful :)
Cant wait to read the next chapter :)
xAuthor's Response: Eeek! Thank you so much for this review, I'm so happy you liked the chapter ♥ Report Review
That was ridiculously good, I just can't enough of how incredible you are!
I just love the relationships in this chapter, you really see more of people's personalities, I love it!
Cant wait for the next one lovely! :)
xAuthor's Response: Now I have an amazing CI to go with it!!
Thank you so much darling ♥ Report Review
Ah that was incredible. It was so beautifully written and so sad too, the way you described the emotions running through Delilah was incredible! :) Author's Response: Thank you so much darling Report Review
That was incredible !
So many emotions through this story I was completely enthralled
I had know idea how it was going to end until it did, it was so sad that even though she loved him she couldn't be with him because he was still in love with her dead sister!
This is probably my favourite one shot you have written, it was brilliantly written!
:) -sAuthor's Response: Darling girl you spoil me!! Thank you so much for this amazing review. I'm happy that you didn't know what to expect! I didn't really know how people would respond to this, but it seems like so far so good :)!
Thank you so much :hug: Report Review
Hey! This is Phoenixn with your second review!
The sorting was done beautifully. You kept it very canon. The sorting hat song was also great, but remember its warnings are typically vague.
I think you are characterizing Draco and Hermione perfectly so far. Harry and Ron I haven't seen enough of yet to know, but nothing seems off with them.
Your doing an excellent job moving the plot forward, but may want to stop and add some more descriptive words and imagery every so often.
I am very pleased that you still have Draco as and not a love struck Hermione puppy. I'm excited to see how you move them along to I've another! The carriage ride was great, I could imagine Draco getting all fidgety from being ignored.
Excellent job so far!Author's Response: Hello again!
Thanks again for reviewing. I'm glad you liked the chapter and that you think things are moving along nicely and making sense. I'll take what you said into account about the details. Thanks for your helpful thoughts! I appreciate them!
--Emily Report Review
Hey! This is Phoenixn with your review!
Hermione's characterization seems perfect so far. I like that you have her so pleased with herself She seemed to be a bit too easy on Ron when he insulted her, but I don't think that really takes away from anything. But he did call her obnoxious and compare her to Percy.. ;)
I'm curious as to if well find more about Ron and Hermione's situation in later chapters.
Theodore seems like a great new OC!
I think Ron's reaction to the heads situation is perfect. Him and Harry are both working well characterization wise together.
Love the ending! It's so perfectly.. Draco!
I could really see his face when he told Hermione that he was insulted. It was such a great way to introduce him.. Overhearing a remark about himself then smirking back to it.. Absolutely perfect!
I think maybe just working a bit more on imagery would go a long ways. The flashback scene is perfect, if that could carry through the entire chapter...
A very intriguing and capturing first chapter!Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you so much for such a sweet review! I'll definitely take what you said about Hermione's reaction to Ron into account. I'm glad you like everyone's characterization, though! I'm always worried about Harry and Ron. And I'm so happy you liked the ending with Draco. I loved how I introduced him. :] I'm glad you liked this chapter. Thanks for reviewing!
--Emily Report Review
I really love this story so far, and i think the biggest thing that draws me in is the quality of your writing, everything just flows together so beautifully and that can be hard when a story changes POV's but you've done it wonderfully.
I honestly cannot wait to see what happens next :)
-SAuthor's Response: Awww yay thank you! I'm so happy you liked this chapter! It's hard to start moving in a darker direction, and of course the majority of this story wont be extremely dark, but still. putting that Bellatrix scene in solidifies that there really is a war starting, it's sad. haha. Report Review
Hey, I'm here for your review. :)
This was a very intriguing chapter, it has definitely opened up the rest of your story to many possibilities,
The fact that Regulus and Sirius both believe that people are people no matter what at such a young age is great, i really love Reg's innocence!.
So characterization is really good, and the flow of this chapter is great, its opened up your entire story, which is the best way to start a story :)
Now you said that you were a little concerned with how you were portraying Regulus as a 7 year old, I think that its fine, he seems like a very intelligent 7 year old, and that has come off effortlessly.
So if and when you have another chapter out, id be happy to review it, just pop a request into my thread! :)Author's Response: Yay, I'm going for intrigue, so thank goodness it's working!
I agree with you, and I love this innocent side to Regulus so much that it makes me sad I can hardly write him that way once he's a death eater. Maybe I can get away with it for the next couple chapters (:
I'm glad you think Regulus came off all right, and he's supposed to be very intelligent so it's good that that's easy to tell.
Thanks for the review! I probably will re-request when chapter two comes out(:
Live Life Large(:
Hey - Here for your review! :)
So it has taken me this long to get to this point in your story, i was waiting to review a chapter that had any issues, however, their has not been one!
Your entire story so far flows beautifully.
The characters you have created, as well as expanded upon, are incredible.
You have found the perfect balance between action chapters and bridge chapters.
Another thing that i admire, is the way you end each chapter, always with something intriguing, that will keep your readers wanting to continue on.
Again with your characterization,, I absolutely love the dynamic between Elena and Simon, I cant wait to see what happens between them :)
And lastly, your entire plot line is incredible, how you came up with this, ill never know!
- Ill be reviewing the rest of your chapters asap!
Author's Response: Hi!
Thanks for the review :D And thanks for reading so much of it!
I'm glad that you find the overall pacing to work well, and that you think that the characters have grown throughout the story. As you said, there is a lot of suspense at the ends of chapters.
Thanks so much for that! It's great to hear that you like the plot. Some parts of it have honestly surprised me as well, but some of the plot is also planned out, of course.
I appreciate the review. And I look forward to hearing more from you! Report Review
Hi there, i was browsing through and i came upon your story, i hope you don't mind if i give you some friendly critique! ;)
First off, I'm a little confused as to why you highlighted the names of the characters, i felt like it distracted me from the rest of the story.
Going through it, i also found a few spelling issues, that can be quickly fixed. :)
It's Penelope, not Penople (an easy mistake though)
The line reads : 'Bellatrix thought for a while and then finally came to an idea. '
It would probably flow better if it said ' Bellatrix seemed to contemplate something and after a moment she finally spoke'
Also their are a few 'yours' when their should be 'you're"
and the most important thing, that i think you should work on is your paragraph structure.
A reader will simply be confused by the way the conversations flow ;
"Call for me and I'll take you to the toilet, and at 5:30 I'll give you you're dinner, okay?" "Yep sure" "Okay I'll be back on 3 minutes" "Bye" 'Whatever"
There is no structure to this conversation, their is no way to tell who is speaking.
You need to break up the conversation, eg;
"Call for me and I'll take you to the toilet, and at 5:30 I'll give you your dinner, okay?" whispered Draco, in voice so unlike his own.
"Yep sure" Replied Hermione, who just wanted to escape.
Draco hesitated before speaking. "Okay I'll be back in three minutes"
See how much easier that is to read?
So just to be clear, this is very interesting idea to write about, but just go through this with a spell checker and work on the structure and you'll be set!
:) Report Review
I'm really interested by this story, but i also think you're rushing into it a bit fast.
I don't think Draco would ever accept that Scorpius is his son straight away, and he would ask more questions than just one. other then that , ill keep reading :) Report Review
The story is quite complicated , i had to read it over twice to fully understand it.
My only suggestion would be to not make the paragraphs as chunky, maybe split them up a little.
The story its self is lovely.
The struggle of it is a great read.
-SAuthor's Response: Hello there dear reviewer~
Hmm... when I was writing it, the chunky paragraphs were the only way I could properly tell the story without compromising the flow of it, if that makes any sense at all. I don't know. Maybe it's just a matter of taste - or my ego - but splitting the paragraphs or editing them down would have decreased the overall quality of this story.
I'm glad you liked Carelessness, and thanks very much for your review. :) Report Review
Every word did count.
I had no idea that it was Narcissa and Lucias that you were talking about, i so totally thought it was Lily and James.
Again, you're an incredible writer!Author's Response: Yay, I am so happy you were tricked! That was my main goal here!
Thank you so much lovely Report Review
You're a incredible writer,
The story is short, but it holds so much meaning.
Happy to have read! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much, and I'm glad you liked it. :) Report Review
That was just so cute!
I laughed like twice, particularly at the part when Ginny pours the cream out and Percy slips! haha
Such an adorable story, and so well written!Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Incredible as always :)
It's also really sad :(
but i can totally feel there love? you know what i mean?
you're an amazing writer!
-SAuthor's Response: Awww I just want to hug you now! haha!!
It is a sad piece, I was hoping to cheer it up a bit with the ending :).
Thank you so much for the review! It made my morning! I'm so excited to see my banner :)! Report Review
Just gosh! no words can explain,
I just wish there was more!Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Oh wow, just wow.
This chapter was awesome! I couldn't stop reading it!
I really like the relationship that lily and remus share, its sweet.
I see you have added some new characters, i like belle, I'm not too sure about alrec yet, I feel like there's something off about him perhaps?
SO EXCITED to read the next chapter!Author's Response: I am looking back at your reviews and smiling so big right now! Report Review
It's been awhile since a story has made me so excited!
I DEFINITELY cannot wait for what you have installed!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the feedback! Report Review
Wow. This was really good!
I take back what I said in the previous review, your use of contractions in this chapter is fine :)
All I have to say, is something that you have already said, just make the chapters a little longer and you will be gold :)
Cant wait for more :DAuthor's Response: Thank you :)! Now that this chapters isn't written on the screen of my iphone... it does look a whole lot shorter ;) I am thinking I will go through these first few chapters this weekend and add a few things that I originally had planned. Nothing changing to story line, just some stuff to get a better feel of what those first three weeks were actually like.
Thank you for the reviews!!
-J Chrissy Report Review
Hey :) so I really like this first chapter, it's really intense.
Don't be afraid to use contractions though, I've notice you haven't, but I think it drags the sentences out longer then they need to be.
Just a thought though :)
Otherwise im excited to read more!Author's Response: Am I just rude and never respond to your reviews or something? haha!
I am so happy to continue with this story, and very excited the first chapter got you interested! Report Review
Its good! I'm definitely going to keep reading! :)Author's Response: This made me happy!
Thanks for reading and reviewing :D
*Maria Report Review
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