Hey it's me from the review battle.
Wow! I don't know what to say, this is just so good! It's short but so sweet Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :) Hope to see you around again sometime! Report Review
Well I'm glad that this story was posted and isn't still sitting on your computer because we at HPFF would have missed out on a really great story!
Before I begin I just want to say that I read your response to my review on chapter 3 and thankyou for replying so soon. I'm really glad that you liked my review! Also, I know you said that you would rather me read this instead of two chapters of your other story but seriously, this chapter was an extra and I would still love to R&R the other story as well!
Now onto your review...
This chapter did not disappoint at all, it was just as good as the previous :) It was such a good ending to an amazing story (and I'm not exaggerating)!
Firstly, I loved (I really need to find a better word to use!) the start of this, how Clara didn't back down and kept fighting and how that guy ran away, priceless *evil chuckle*
And am I stupid or something... I can't believe that I didn't realise that Clara was Oliver Wood's son until his wife, Katie!!, said 'Oliver'. Wow silly me! I also love how you included other characters children from the books that are more minor, Zacharias Smith, Tina Jordan (would I be right in saying that's Lee Jordan's daughter???) and Davies were the ones I noticed. I can't believe I only just noticed this now!
I also adore your characterisation of McGonagall. You wrote her just like JK wrote McGonagall in HP which is incredible! I love her sterness but also her soft spot for Clara. And I love how Dom calls her 'Minnie'!
Lastly, the characterisation of Smith's mum and dad was great. I can't believe that Smith's dad was so cruel to Clara and just didn't seem to care about what his son had done. He makes me so angry. Although I love how you made the mum just so nice and apologetic.
I'm really sad that this is the last chapter, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and reviewing. You are such a talented writer and I hope you continue to write some amazing stories because I shall keep reviewing them (no promises RL might butt it's head into my FF life again)! This was such a perfect ending to Clara's story and I hope she never gets bullied again! Thankyou for providing such an entertaining read, YOU ROCK!!!
1000/10 I loved this so much :D
~HT/PWGAuthor's Response: Aww thank you! :D
An extra review?! I'm actually so happy! :D All of your reviews have made me smile SO much, thank you! :D
I'm actually so glad you love it, it's just great to hear! :D
Don't worry, not many people picked up on that either! Yes, I tried to include minor characters from the books (yes, Tina is Lee's daughter ;)) just because the Golden Trio weren't the only kids there! :p
Really?! My McGonagall seems canon?!?!?! Your comment about me writing her just like JK has made me happy and made me to a strange "SQUEEE!" noise! :p
Oh my golly gosh, thank you for this amazing review! I wanted to post in 'Reviews that made you smile' topic in the forums but I was the last one to post and I don't want to double-post! :p
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! :D Report Review
Hey it's me again, sorry about it has taken so long, Real Life is so rude sometimes!
Wow, this gets better and better every time I read a new chapter. It's so fantastic! I know I still owe you 2 reviews on another of your stories, but I think I will review your last chapter of Fun Times as an extra because it is so good :)!
I loved everything about this chapter! The owl names, Musca and Alpha, so adorable and creative, the letter to Clara's dad and the fact that he cares so much about her and the conversation between Clara and Tina is just so natural. I also love how you added the bit about Tina's fear of owls, making her a more realistic character, everyone has fears, right?!
I also really love this quote, "Even though we're Gryffindors, we're not actually lions," she teased. In fact, there were many other witty quotes in this chapter that I just love! For a story on such a serious topic, it has the best humor :)
I also love the little arguements and the friendly teasing between the group, especially Dom's eating thing and Fred sounds like Raj from 'The Big Bang Theory' with his talking to girls problem!
Last but not least, I adore your last line! I was just like "You go girl!!!" and I'm so happy for Clara that she finally stood up for herself :) yay!
Overall, I love your writing style it's just so perfect with absolutely near to zero faults. This was probably one of the best chapters yet and I can't wait to keep reading :D
~HT/PWGAuthor's Response: Hi again! Don't worry about taking a long time, I understand RL can butt its ugly head in our FF lives. ;)
I'm so glad you liked it, and I'll be really glad if you could review the fourth chapter of this and one review on my other story! I'd love some feedback on the last chapter! :D
Musca and Alpha actually mean something; I just can't remember what! :p I think one meant night and the other flight? Or darkness? I can't remember, sorry! :p
Everyone has a fear and I wanted to portray it in this story, not everyone is strong and perfect. :)
I'm glad you like my humour, so many people tell me in RL that my humour is lame and dry! :p
IT WAS FROM THE BIG BANG THEORY!! :D I think you're the first person that got it! EEE!!! I'm so happy someone finally figured it out! :D
I'm actually so glad you love this story, it makes me so happy to read all your reviews! :D
AND THE RATING IWEGFKDBKH I ALWAYS DO THAT TO PEOPLE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET ONE IN RETURN EGUHFVHUKDFVGKDHBGSKDJ LET ME LOVE YOU! ♥
Thank you so much for this review, this has completely made my day! :D :D Report Review
Hi it's potterweasleygranger from the review thread here to give you a review.
This is a great start to what seems like a mysterious, angsty story that seems to have a creative plot.
Firstly, I love your description. I've read many stories that never have enough description or and I've read many that have way too much that it gets boring. However you have written the perfect amount of description so that the reader can picture everything in his/her head and not get bored. You are to be commended for this!!!
I also really like your OC's name Persephone Fay. They are both unusual names (although I understand that Persephone was a character in Greek Mythology) and fit together well!
I know that this chapter was probably meant to be short for effect but however, I became really sucked in and was enjoying the story and then suddenly it was over! I think that maybe for your next chapters, you should try to up the word count byt a little bit more!
Lastly, I LOVE your last sentence, "it was time". One of my favourite things is when an author uses the technique of keeping the reader 'hanging" which I'm sure who have heard of before. I love how you use that technique here because seeing that made me automatically think "time for what???" "what's going to happen next, I want to read on!" And that is how you attract more readers!!! So congratulations on the usage of that :D
Overall a wonderful start to a mysterious story and I will come back to read on (when I find the time)!
9.5/10!Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review!!
I'm glad I made you want to read on, and I hope you find the time to do that quite soon!! I really tried to make the first chapter seem very suspenseful and dark. Sorry it was so short, but it actually started as something I just started writing one day, and then it turned into an actual idea. I wrote it as it came to me, and that was how it needed to end to set up for the next part. :)
Thanks for your lovely compliments!!
Hey its me again!
I'm really glad you wrote this because it gives people a deeper insight into what bullying really is about. Even though this is just a fictional story, the themes still happen to thousands of people in real life.
You have done a great job of writing this along with the addition of humor (like the pig animagus thing) so funny!
I love your characterisation, it's so unique and really brings out a side in these characters that is not written much in fanfiction. I love how you made Dom so caring and sweet and Fred so outhere and weird! I also love love love to see James' nicer side. Rather than seeing him arrogant and stuck up he is humble and caring. I love how you have done this because it gives a reader a fresh perspective on him.
I also like you got rid of the stereotype of Hufflepuffs being kind and loyal. The bully girls definitely do not show these attributes which is also great because you haven't just stuck to the "guidelines" making the characters seem less Mary Sue.
So, if you couldn't tell from this review, I LOVED your second chapter and will be starting the last one as soon as I can! (I know I said that last time and it took me ages but i will try)!
10/10 keep up the amazing writing :)Author's Response: Hi again! Sorry about the lateness of this response!
Bullying happens to most people but sometimes people still don't really get what it's really about. That is the point of this story, and I'm glad to hear that the message is getting through! :D
I'm so glad you like my characterisation, I tried making them as un-cliche as possible. :p James is an odd character, he used to be stuck up but with a few words he becomes humble and caring, and that's kind of what Harry was like. In OOtP, he was angsty and grumpy but with a few words he usually went back to normal. :p
I also love James Potter II, so anything he does in my eyes is perfect! :p
Just because someone is in a specific house, doesn't mean they fit the stereotype! I also wanted to break that little convention we usually see in fanfictions! :p I'm SO glad to hear that they aren't 'Mary Sue', because I know how much it frustrates me when there's Mary Sue's in a story! :p
I'm so glad you liked it, don't worry about how long it took you, there's absolutely no rush! I completely understand that RL tends to but it's head in our fanfiction lives! :p
Thank you for taking the time to review this, it's really appreciated! ♥ Report Review
Ohh this is such a sad chapter :*( I can't believe she has never had a friend! How sad :(
Hi it's potterweasleygranger from the forums and challenge.
This was a great (and sad) start to what seems like an interesting story with a creative plot line. I can't wait to read on and see where it goes!
Firstly I would like to complement you on this quote (I think it's also part of your summary) "It was like I had a sign on my forehead that read, 'I HAVE NO FEELINGS SO MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MAKE ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP. SERIOUSLY, HAVE AT IT! MAKE FUN OF ME!’"
This is a fantastic quote that really shows emotion and gives an insight into just how Clara is feeling. There were some other examples of good quotes in this chapter to which proves that creating quotes such as these is a talent of yours!
I also love the name of your house elf, Hooky. How Cute!
Also, lovely similes, I noticed the ant and foot simile was a great idea and just like the quote, gives us an insight on just how heartcrushing bullying is.
Lastly, I love how you characterised James and how you wrote that he went from being so rude and arrogant (which is how I picture him normally) to being generous and kind, just by the simple scolding from his cousin. This is a new side of James for me so I am intrigued to see how you continue to write him in future chapters!
I love this chapter it is so well written and really shows emotion. It is also about a sad but different topic that I've not read much of in fanfiction.
I will read chapter 2 ASAP.
Keep up the good work!
~pwg/htAuthor's Response: Hello there! Sorry for the lateness of this response, I've got a lot on my plate right now!
Yeah, the quote was part of the summary. I'm glad you thought it gave an insight to how Clara was feeling, I really wanted to get that through! I'm glad you liked my other quotes too. :)
Hahaha, I spent ages looking at house elf names! Glad to hear that you liked it! ;)
Bullying is heart-crushing, I really wanted to get that through and I basically wrote my experiences of bullying! You feel so insignificant and so many people don't understand that.
I think James is someone who thinks they're being nice and happy, but when someone tells him that he isn't, he'll change. I think he's a bit naive but with the right direction, he's a pretty good boy. :p
I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for taking the time to review this and thanks for making me the winner of your challenge! :D Report Review
Hey it's potterweasleygranger from the challenge. I am so sorry for how long I have taken to r and r your story and post the results of the challenge (which will be up ASAP) but I have been very busy with school and everything.
Anyway, for your review:
This was a great story! You made sure that it fitted the criteria of the challenge really well and came up with a very creative idea to incorporate Super Speed. Congratulations on successfully completing my challenge :D
Your description was good and I like the way you portray Albus both in the dream and out. I particularly liked the ending as it was so sweet :)
Overall you did a fantastic job in the difficult challenge and thankyou for particpating! Report Review
Hey it's potterweasleygranger from the challenge. I am so sorry for how long I have taken to r and r your story and post the results of the challenge (which will be up ASAP) but I have been super busy with school.
Anyway to your review:
This was a very entertaining story with creative humor that kept me interested until the end. It had a good story line and it fitted the cirteria of the challenge well! I also commend you on your use of onomatopoeia and your characterisation of Sirius was excellent.
The song that you chose fit the story well, even though it was not required for your story it was a fantastic addition.
All in all great story and thankyou for particiapating in my challenge! :)Author's Response: Hello there! Don't worry about taking a while, I understand that real life can get in the way (sadly). :p
I'm glad you liked it, it was written a while ago so I'd nearly forgotten about it! :p
When you said my use of onomatopoeia, I was like "huh? When did I use that?" :p
I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Sirius! He's a tough cookie to write! ;)
ahahaha I was having an "I LOVE EIGHTIES MUSIC LET'S LISTEN TO EVERYTHING ON REPEAT!" So that's where I got the inspiration from! :p
It was a great challenge, I think it was my very first! :D
Thanks for creating it and reviewing this! :D Report Review
HI I'm here from the review battle.
You are an amazingly talented writer whose stories always blow me away. Once again, after reading this chapter I'm in awe. You can write so many different genres so well and I loved the humor in this chapter, it's really good :D
You wrote your OC Archibald really well and described his interests and personality very well. I would of liked to see more physical descriptions but that can come in later chapters :)
I also found your characterisation of Lily different. I normally find her to be the more enthusiastic child out of her brothers, cousins etc. but I like how you made her unique!
I loved the Franklinstein bit... How did you come up with that?
You have a really great plot going on so I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Thankyou for providing such a brilliant read.
10/10 and I shall add you as a favourite author :)Author's Response: Hey there Hedwigs_theme! Thanks for this lovely review! You really are very lovely (those first lines are making me blush quite a lot, so I hope you're happy - we have a very red AC on our hands)
And Awwh, I really do love Archie so I'm glad you like him too. I'll have to add some physical descriptions in at some point, I think, because I'm not sure whether I ever actually do that... hmmm.
Bah, I've always thought Lily II would be quite the... well, quite haughty and cool. Maybe that's just me.
AHHAHA, Franklinstein... there are a lot more o those namey things to come, my friend.
Thanks or being so lovely! Really appreciate it :)
-AC Report Review
Wow this is a great story :)
I love the tension and how you leave the reader hanging on to your every word by keeping them in suspense throughout the whole one-shot.
You have an intriguing plot and I love the little quote-like things in itallics that you made up, a great addition to your story.
Your characterisation of Rose was great and it's different to see a new, more protective side of Scorpius which actually works so well :)
I'm sorry that this review will be quite short but I really can't think of anything to say that isn't wow or well done you're amazing :D
~htAuthor's Response: Hello my dear! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Oh wow, what a lovely review! I'm so glad that you liked it!
Thank you - I'm glad you picked up on the tension of the story - I love perceptive readers!
I'm so happy you liked my italics. I thought they were a good technique to use in this story. Everyone seems to like my characterizations of Rose and Scorpius - I really wanted to give them something more, you know?
Please don't worry - I appreciate every review, no matter how long! Thank you so much for the absolutely fantastic review! I hope you enjoyed! :)
Shelby Report Review
Before I begin with this review, I just want to apologize because this one-shot was so good that as hard as I try, I really can't find any faults, so this review will probably be just me raving!
This story is so unique, I haven't read anything quite like it before, ever! It has such an interesting plot (how on earth did you come up with something like that!) and fantastic metaphors, which I love.
I loved your characterisation of Petunia, it was perfect! I honestly don't know how you did it though because she is really difficult to write :0
Your quotes were beautiful, especially this one in particular:
The truth is the world is so full of dirt and grit that it is near impossible to avoid it. You can try. You can clean and you can scrub until your skin is red raw with the effort, but that will not change the fact that your parents are dead and your sister is dead and magic is real and you are still not a part of it. You can scrub until the whole world is sparkling, but there will still be mountains of crap that you cannot move.
And once it has all been cleaned, you find yourself looking for it again, just to wash it away once more.
Lastly, I can't believe you thought of Muriel for the Dursley's to live with of all people! It made it very interesting.
I hope you actually understood some of that what with all of my raving :D
~htAuthor's Response: Oh thank you so much Hedwigs theme! I'm so glad that you liked my little one shot enough to stop by and review (its something that I find every so every so important).
Plot... well, I was given 'Petunia' in the unquiet mind challenge and it just kicked my brain into gear and, well, this sort of thing is something I'm really interested in (not to get into too much detail, as it's very much a family/self centered interest) and well, yeah... then I just had to write and I'm really glad I did! :)
Muriel/Petunia friendship is just... I REALLY want to write about it at some point. But I reckon that they'd want to fob the Dursley's off on someone fowl and... there's Muriel ready with open arms(ish) ;)
Thanks for a lovely review!
-AC Report Review
Yay Amy got sorted into Gryffindor :)
Hello again, me from the review thread!
This chapter was just as good as the last one, packed full of humor, fantastic description (again!) and much more :) You wrote it incredibly well so good job.
I love how you included that first bit at the start where Andy becomes a death eater, a great addition. It left me feeling very sad that Amy had been put in such a horrible position. Poor thing :(
Once again, your description of everything, from the looks of Lily and Steph, to the sight of the Great Hall was amazing ( I wish I could describe as well as you)!
I think I noticed a few grammatical errors and also noticed that you called Fawkes an it, when personally I would call Fawkes a him.
Your characterisation of Lily was perfect. I loved the arguements that 'Red' and 'Black' (I love those nicknames) had. I also really liked reading the bandage scene, it was very humorous and overall a sweet scene to read.
Congrats on another great chapter!
Keep updating this, your doing great! Report Review
I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to complete this review, I've just been so busy and distracted now that school has gone back.
Anyways, I'm finally here now here it is:
I really like this so far, the description is fantastic and the plot, intriguing. Your characterisation of the marauders is perfect. You really captured James and Sirius' funny side along with James' longing for Lily and was that a hit of a crush forming that I saw/read (whatever) from Sirius! I love how you call Peter Mouse-Boy and Remus' characterisation is also really well done.
You should also be commended on your first and last sentences. First sentences should be interesting adn enough to suck the reader in, whilst last sentence should be suspenseful, making the reader want to read the next chapter. You two sentences certainly fit both of these catagories! :D
As I stated above, your description was really fantastic, truly I can't really comment on anything there.
Honestly, you did such a good job, and did you really make that CI and banner???
10/10 and off to the next chapter, soon! Report Review
Hahaha! This is really good!
Hi I'm here from the review battle.
I really enjoyed reading this short but sweet one-shot of yours. You portrayed the founders really well and I like how you gave the hat some of the spotlight. Who would of thought that hat's could be that cunning :)
I love all of the arguing between Salaazar and Godric, it's just how I imagined their relationship.
Well done with this :)
~htAuthor's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this one-shot. I remember that it was a lot of fun to write! :) I've always thought that Salazar and Godric would make an interesting pair. I've been thinking of writing something about that. After the millions of other plunnies have been cared for... Hah, hah. Thanks for the review!
Aether Report Review
Hi I'm here from the review battle!
I really enjoyed this first chapter, it's a fantastic and intriguing intro to what seems like a wonderful story with an interesting plot. There are a couple of things that I would like to commend you on:
1. Description: I loved your description of Astoria's looks, the picture that was 'painted' in my mind was georgeous and so perfect.
2. Humor: I can't remember whether you put this as one of you genres, but I loved the little bits of humor you added into this, mostly in the conversation between Astoria and Draco.
3. It was very smart to change from Draco to Astoria's POV. I found it a very interesting part of your story and a great addition! Well done.
I noticed a few (as in 3 or 4 so not a big deal) grammar errors but I assume that they are most likely just typos, so don't stress over them or anything.
In conclusion, this was an extremely enjoyable read, so keep up the good work and good luck with future chapters :)Author's Response: Hi! :D
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it! :) Thank you so much! :D
Actually Astoria's description was one of my favorite parts of the chapter to write! I'm so happy you liked it and it had that much of an effect.
Humor is not actually one of genres but I do like to add a little bit here and there and I'm really happy to hear you picked up on it and enjoyed it!
I'm glad you enjoyed her POV. I really like writing from Astoria's pov and I plan to do it some more throughout the story.
I'll have to keep an eye out for those! :P
Thank you. :D And thanks so much for the lovely review! :) Report Review
oh :( Poor Dom.
This is such an emotional story, I feel so sorry for the girl (I'm assuming that's Dom, right?) she shouldn't have been treated that way.
Aside from the emotion, which was fantastic (and sad) by the way, I really loved your last sentence:
" Because no girl can ever forget the only boy they ever loved. You were my first and last love."
It's a great way to finish off a story.
Another thing I love about this, is the fact that this one-shot is only 750 words. It's so short but so sweet and it's really good that you managed to get your message across to the reader within that amount of words, without making it seem like a really bad and abrupt ending.
If I could give you CC on one thing, it would be the flow. To me, your sentences didn't seem to completely flow properly into one and other ( if you know what I mean). I think that maybe you should go back over this and just have a look at your sentences, mostly the ones at the start. They are quite short and as I have already pointed out, just don't flow as nicely as they could.
Other than that small CC, everything else was good!
Great job and thanks for requesting a review, I hope I have helped :)
~ht/pwgAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for this review. I'm so sorry that it took me months to reply.
I wasn't too sure about the flow, so thanks for your suggestions on it and I'm glad you think that I got the message across to the reader with such a short amount of words. I felt that it didn't have enough words, so that was great to hear.
Thanks again for your review,
Charlie Report Review
Hi It's pwg from the review thread!
I really enjoyed reading your story, it has a very interesting plot and you wrote it very well.
I think that this story definitely has potential and you should absolutely continue writing this because it's very interesting.
As you used OC's as your two main characters, I can't say too much on your characterisation, but I loved how you characterised Benjamin, making him Pureblood obssessed. The characterisation of Remus and Marta was also very good.
I love the idea of this story, it's very unique. How did you come up with something like this??
I look forward to reading more of this in the future!
9/10Author's Response: Hi there!
I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter! It really gets moving after I get Benjamin and Marta properly introduced (both to the reader and me as I wrote it). Benjamin has a whole lot more to him than what meets the eye.
I actually got an inkling of this story from a small thing I did in a previous fanfic I wrote here. I turned that thing into an imaginary friend, made the imaginary friend opposite of what one would normally expect, and gave him a history that would only work in the HP universe. Thus, Benjamin was born.
Thanks for picking this story and I hope you continue as the story unfolds! Report Review
Hi I'm here from the review thread (potterweasleygranger).
I really enjoyed reading your story, it's incredible!
I love the way you wrote this. It's so unique, in fact I've never read a story like this on HPFF yet!
I wish I could be more helpful in this review but as hard as I try, I can't find any constructive criticism to give you. I guess that's a good thing :D
10/10Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it ^__^ Report Review
So I wrote this really long review last night, basically full of compliments, and was just about to post it when my computer's internet kinda decided to stuff up and all of my review got lost :(
I will try and relay as much of what I said yesterday in this review as I can but I may forget something.
This was your best chapter yet, I loved it! Your description was way way way better and I loved your characterisation :)
I loved how you wrote McGonagall. You have absolutely no reason to be worried about her, I could pratically hear her voice in my head saying the words that you wrote and the characterisation was genius! Dumbledore was also really good, especially with description!
Your characterisation of Lily and James was awesome, James as a funny guy who knows how to be sensitive when necessary, and Lily who has feelings for James but won't admit them.
"What do you know...? He’s even overbearing in portrait form" I love that sentence, along with many other witty comments that you had your characters say!
(Will save now just in case my computer stuffs up again!)
Did you really write those song lyrics? Because they are really clever!
Overall, I think that this chapter really shows how good a writer you are! Keep up the great work and good luck in your next chapters!
~ht/pwgAuthor's Response: So, I think I must have forgotten to push that pesky submit button because I really thought I replied to this! Anyway, thank you so much for your review!
I am so happy you like my characterizations so far, I am really getting close to Lily and James so that makes it even more important for me to really do them justice.
Yay! Dumbledore and McGonagall are really terrifying, I'm so happy you liked them!!
I am happy the comment come across as witty, they sound that way in my head, but I never know if it's just me who thinks that or not ;)!
Yes, I wrote the lyrics, I actually had to write an entire song to try and get a few lyrics out, haha! Thank you, poetry is one of my passions so I had a lot of fun being able to incorporate a but of that similar style into this.
I am so happy you liked this chapter, and sad to say that I think our reviewing relationship is coming to an end :( as everything beyong this goes over the 4,000 mark.
Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews, I will be sure to request for one shots or anything that falls under the 4,000 words in the future! You are a great reviewer!
Jami Report Review
Hi it's potterweasleygranger from the review thread.
Is this really your first novel in first person and your first angst in English?! Because it's really good :)
The characterisation of Lavender was really good and I loved the way that you added simple things like Parvati or Trelawney that remind the reader of her life at Hogwarts.
I also loved the mystery and angsty feeling of the story. They are actually two of my three favourite genres and you wrote them immensely well.
Definitely keep going with this story because it seems like you have a great plot going!
Good luck with future chapters,
~ht/pwg~Author's Response: Hey there!
Thank you so much for leaving this review.
I get really nervous when experimenting with writing but it's turned out to be really fun! I'm so happy you think it's good.
The plot in itself is really angsty so I'm trying to make it less heavy when writing it, but it's awesome to hear I can do it :)
Lavender will keep changing, hopefully I'll see you again soon :P
Thank you again and sorry for the extra-late reply! Report Review
Hi it's potterweasleygranger from the review battle!
Wow this is a really beautiful one-shot, that you wrote incredibly well, putting in lots of emotion and description.
I'm kind of speechless right now (or whatever you call it when you can't think of what to write because you have just read an amazing story) so I'm finding it hard to write a constructive review :) so sorry about that!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm really glad you liked it. Report Review
This is a short but sweet prologue!
I really love your dialogue and the retorts and mock from the guy.
Spelling~ I didn't notice and errors in both this and grammar.
Characterisation~ I like how you didn't reveal the characters names throughout the whole prologue, very smart! I liked how you made the boy seem kind of heartless and the girl, really upset and emotional.
Emotion~ I loved the emotion, although I didn't read as much about his feelings, I enjoyed the way you wrote her's.
In fact, I really liked the way that you wrote the whole story, you seemed to find the right words for everything.
~htAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot for the kind review. I was worried about the lack of physical description, so I'm glad it didn't bother you! Report Review
Hey it's me from the review thread.
This is a really beautiful story, with great romance and angst. Well done...
Flow~ I have know idea why you are worried about flow, it's absolutely fine, great in fact.
I think that it would be a good idea to possibly put a line of some sort (even if it's just ...) between Snape's memories and Harry's real life.
I really love how you managed to get your message across to the reader without using 2000+ words. Though keeping it short can be a risk because I find that sometimes, when the author makes it too short, I am left with a empty feeling, kind of wanting more. I did not get that feeling with your story!
Thankyou for the great read!
9.5/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'll definitely take your suggestion into account. :) Report Review
Hi it's me with another review.
So I think that one of the best things about this chapter is your description, especially of your characters. This is very good, as I have seen many authors who do not pay enough attention to description (me included).
Firstly, I noticed more of that switching from past and present tense again, so you might want to either get a Beta reader or have a look through yourself.
Also, I noticed some typos in the story, like when you called Lucius a "She". But don't worry about that too much, I've done that before as well!
I also think that you could've possibly slowed down the pace of the lesson, as I felt that it moved very quickly and the flow was a bit er, jumpy.
I also really enjoyed reading the conversation between Sage and Lucius in the library, and your characterisation of both Madame Pince and Lucius!
Keep up the good work :)
8/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!
I appreciate it! I did find a beta for this story so I hope the future chapters are a lot better than this one ^_^
Thank again! Report Review
So you did a good job with this chapter, though I have a few things:
During this story, you switched alot bewteen past and present tense. This can leave a reader feeling confused, so be careful.
Second, towards the end of the story, you were talking (or rather writing) about Lucius being on the train, then suddenly he was at Hogwarts.
Other than those 2 things, your story was really good and it seems like you have an interesting plot brewing, so keep up the good work :)Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I shall look over those things again! Report Review
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