Hey! This is GrangerDanger76 for Team Blue! :)
This is a great start to the story! They way you introduced your MC and Albus was perfect, especially how her mom wanted her to do it - that was my mom when I was in school! I really like your MC's spunk and originality, she's super cute!
You changed tenses a little bit, but other than that, great job! :)
GD76Author's Response: My mom is not like the MC's mom, she's happy that I stay home (although she does yell at me for not going outside and reading too much).
I'll keep a lookou for those verb tenses! Thanks for the feedback and for reviewing! Report Review
This was like... super cute. I love Lily.
Also, just for the record, I totally knew Lily's favourite animal would be a cat when the conversation started. :)
I really liked how they talked but James wasn't as awkward as he usually is portrayed. Like he was obnoxious but not in the way that makes me strongly dislike him.
I also really like how Lily was portrayed. It was spot on for how I always think of her :)
This was adorable and fluffy and really made my day a whole lot better.
10 meow / 10
Lots of love,
Camille and Astro :)Author's Response: I didn't see your penname so I was reading this thinking, "This person is just adorable - they're so sweet!"
And then you said "meow" and I was like, "Huh?" and then I saw it was you! :p
I'm glad you liked it! And I couldn't NOT make Lily not like cats. :p It is proved in canon that they have a cat and I cant imagine James liking cats because Sirius is a dog. :p
You're too sweet, Camille! ♥
Thank you for this lovely review! :)
Love, Kayla and Myles. :D
P.S. I don't know if I clarified, but in my review to you when I said meow/10, I meant 10. :p I just wanted to let you know that. ;) Report Review
I love how this is such a contrast from all your other stories, it makes it so interesting. I really liked how well you conveyed Fleur's delicate and quirky attitude indirectly, by talking about the things she loved about her house.
And Bill too, you showed her immense love for him in such a simple way. This was just such a cute story! It was short but it said a lot.
CamilleAuthor's Response: I used to write fluff quite a bit -- Leaping Obstacles, Coming Home, And Now A Word From Our Sponsors, Painted Blind -- but this definitely is a change from most of my recent stories, and I'm glad I returned to fluff, if only for a bit!
I think Bill and Fleur have one of the greatest canon relationships, and since trying them out nearly a year ago I've been wanting to return and write them again. Sarah set me this challenge and I'm glad I took her up on it! It makes me happy to know that their love came across to you as well. :)
Thanks for reviewing, Camille! ♥ Report Review
Ooh! This is getting so intense!
YIPEE! :)Author's Response: Hello again,
The intensity mounts...
Irish Myth. Report Review
Oh goodness... drama is stirring.
I just love Rose and Scorpius because really, we both know they are totally ment for each other. ;)
I am just loving this story! :)Author's Response: Hello again GrangerDanger76,
Drama most certainly is stirring. They most certainly are... If life decides to let them. Thank you so much for reviewing again,
Irish Myth. Report Review
Whee! Another great chapter! I looked at your blog for the story and it is a really great idea! I'll be there often!
Great chapter :)Author's Response: Hello GrangerDanger76,
Thank you! I'm so pleased you checked out my blog, I hope to see you there,
Irish Myth. Report Review
Oh goodness! This is fabulous! I was a bit weary reading the description, but this actually like a really quality story.. :)
Great Job! I loved it!Author's Response: Hello GrangerDanger76,
Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope you like the next chapters just as much,
Irish Myth. Report Review
Hey this is GrangerDanger76 from the foums for the review swap!
So uhm, wow, that is a lot to take in... Poor Mikaela, seriously, that is really intense!
I really liked the way you developed her though, she's very quirky. I also think it's pretty unique how she's Scorpius' twin!
Excellent job establishing the relationship of her father, as well as the protective older brother Scorpius, I really liked that, and hope to see more of that relationship grow :)
I'm curious to see what happens next :)
GrangerDanger76Author's Response: Hii there! Thankyou soo much! :D
I'm so glad you like it! It was a pleasure reading yours.
Thankyou for the swap! We must do it again!
Em Report Review
Hello! This is Camille from the RC Review Battle!
Oh wow! You made Tom very compelling! I really did feel bad for him...which was strange. And this is exactly 500 words? That's awesome! I really liked the way you characterized Tom in such a short story, it was really really good!
Nice Job! :)Author's Response: Hey Camille!
I'm glad that you felt bad for Tom, as that's what I wanted to do ;D
I'm glad that you felt that Tom's character came across in 500 words, as that's what I wanted to do, and I wasn't sure if it had worked or not!
Thank you for this lovely review,
Kiana! Report Review
oh. my. goodness.
I think I just died. KAYLA. I CAN'T STOP READING THIS FABULOUSNESS. I JUST... IM CRYING. CATS. CATS EVERYWHERE.
AND UH... PLOT TWIST? THE BEST PLOT TWIST I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. OH MY GOD KAYLA I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. ASTRO IS IN YOUR STORY. OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATHE.
BUTT REALLY. MEOW MEOW MEOW. CAN I BE A CAT TAMER? LIKE OH MY GOD, YES. THIS STORY IS PURE PURFECTION. I CAN'T GET OVER IT.
BUT like srsly pls halp.
I honestly couldn't stop laughing. it was insanlu good and fabulous. I loved every second of it... and the rose and Scorpius part. uhg. just. my feels.
Breathe. Scorpius has a cat named Astro. No big deal.
Oh my god, this is story is more than I can handle. I just. I can't convey my feelings so Im just going to stop...
10 0 0 0 0 0meow0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0/10
CameowilleAuthor's Response: ahahahaha I'm so glad you liked it! It was actually my most favourite thing to write! :'D
YUS PLOT TWIST 4 DA WIN
ASTRO ♥ ♥ ♥
I WANT TO BE A CAT TAMER AS WELL PLS WE SHOULD JOIN TOGETHER
I MADE SCORPIUS OWN ASTRO BECAUSE IT SOUNDS MORE CONSTELLATION-Y I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AHAHA
I LOST IT AT CAMEOWILLE OH MY GAWD
I'm so glad you liked it, I wrote it specifically for you. ♥ ♥
MEOW MEOW MEOW Report Review
Hey! My name is Camille from the forums! I saw your post in the RC Common room and thought I'd check your story out!
So first off, your writing is just lovely, it's so professional and mature that I would honestly pick this up and read it if it was a published book. I love the way you've developed Harry's character, and I guess you're a Harry/Hermione shipper huh? :) I quite liked the interaction between Harry and Dumbledore but also between him and the Dursley's because while it is somewhat cannon, you're putting your own spin on it which is unique and refreshing. I really really enjoyed reading this chapter, and will definitely come back once the others were validated. Your writing is so very good and I hope your proud of your first chapter.
Overall, I didn't see any typos, but then again, I am no beta. :) But good work there, you probably actually proof read!
But really, great job on this chapter, I can't wait to see you around the forums, and read more of your story!
GrangerDanger76Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the first chapter. I've written loads more, but validation takes longer than I'd hope sometimes. If you are interested, I can email you the other chapters I have written so you can read it all now.
I actually don't proofread at all. I right all of my chapters really late at night while I'm just trying to find something to do (clinically diagnosed insomnia does wonders for my writing), then I just save them and post them after maybe one read through. I know that's not the best tactic, but I do edit as I write. I cannot for the life of me leave a typo sitting with the logic that "spell check will catch it later". OCD ftw.
Thanks for reading and I can't wait for you to see the rest of the chapters! Report Review
YAY! Teddy! I was hoping he would pop up in this story!
(I am a big sucker for Teddy) :)
Anyways, this was another lovely chapter. I am interested to see where this progression with Malfoy goes. I am excited, I hope they go far! :)
GrangerDanger76 Report Review
Wow! Very nice yet again. I liked Scorpius POV a lot, although I was a little confused like "Wasn't there just a party?" HAHA.
Anyways, great job yet again, I don't have very much to stay but keep writing, I love seeing your growth as a writer! :)
GrangerDange76 Report Review
Hello! Back again!
So this was another lovely chapter! I am so happy to see you have changed your quotation method, and you have developed solid footing in fanfiction. I found a few typos, so if you just give it a quick read through I am sure you will find them.
However there is one thing that is bothering me. Being that these characters are British, it is highly unlikely for any of them to speak Spanish. I am assuming you speak it, and then are trying to incorporate that, which is great, but perhaps you could choose another language, such as French, or even Latin, since much of the wizarding spells are Latin based. You could even stretch it as far as having any European-based languages, would be much more probable then Spanish, even though Spain is Europe. That is just my suggestion, though.
Other then that, you are doing great! Just a reminder, do not give away any personal information (ie, last names, address,) for that is both against site rules and not very safe! I hope your sister creates an account, and starts her own fanfiction journey! :)
GrangerDanger76Author's Response: ha ha ha. Rose Williams is not my real name nor my sister's I don't really like the name my parents gave us coz you can't shorten it so i decided to call us Rosaline and Josephine Williams. It's just our penames.
Anyways, I know what you mean about spanish but I just thought it would be interesting because Antonio Banderas, Enrique Iglesias and manny other REALLY hot guys come form Spain and I thought "Why not incluse a charming/playboy spanish guy?"
I don't speak french, though I do know a bit of Latin though.
And i think Josephine will post her story soon too.
And thanks for the suggestions I really love them!
R.W Report Review
I'll admit. I squealed.
GAHHH. YES. FINALLY. We have been waiting for this! I loved the families reaction to Scorpius, especially Hugo's. That was such a nice touch. I am so excited for the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Finally, right? I hope the wait was worth it. I really loved that scene. Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
Hey! I really liked this chapter and am now very excited to see what happens at the wedding. I love the way you've set up the flashbacks to sorta allude to the whole sco/rose part. I also really like how you showed the relationship between Dom, Albus, and Rose because it brings some light to the story to see her interacting with her family.
Great Job! :)
CamilleAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm so glad that you liked this chapter, but I hate to say, the wedding scene is still a couple of chapters away so you'll have to wait for that! Yeah I thought the best way to be do a lot of flashbacks as you get an idea of their relationship, and I could choose the most poignant moments of it! I'm glad that you liked Dom and Albus as I feel as if I'm neglecting them:( They will feature more in the next chapter though!
Thanks for the review, Kiana:) Report Review
KIT, I'm dying... This was so brilliantly lovely and fantastic and adorable and sweet. It was so artfully done, congrats on that. I just can't stop rereading it. Your so very talented, great job. :)
Camille Report Review
EEEKK! How crazy. I loved the little sco/rose moments in there... I love this story because of how incredibly unique it is! It is such an interesting plot line and I just love it! Ahhg the mysterious women! I just love the way Rose doesn't really know she likes Scorpius yet, but it is so obvious to is. Rose is such an incredibly round character and you have developed her so well so far, and I'm excited to see how she grows even more! :)
(PS: in case you missed it, I nominated your story for the Ultimate Ship-off, and it moved on to the next round! Yipee!)Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying it! I traveled to the Smoky Mountains about four years ago and since driving through them I haven't been able to get them out of my head. Some locations just stick with me. I'm glad I was able to use it in something as fun as this.
Thank you so much for the nomination! So sorry it took me a while to respond to this review, but I really appreciate it! It means a lot to me. Report Review
Hey I'm back! Another lovely chapter! I really liked Rose's internal monologue because it really let's us get a feel of her character. I see youve sorta settled into an Author's Style and I'm so happy for you, and cant wait to see your growth throughout the story :)
Camille Report Review
Hey! I'm here from the RC Review Battle, for team blue.
First off, your writing is phenomenal for this being your first fic! I loved the beginning the way you described them was so unique and really really artsy. It was perfect. I am very intrigued by your OC and I am a sucker for Sirius stories! :)
Great job! I really loved it! :)
~CamilleAuthor's Response: Hey Camille!
I'm glad that you loved it as, it's my first story it's my baby really ;)
I'm glad the description was good as I wasn't too sure about it. Thanks for the lovely review! Kiana Report Review
Hey girl! I saw your status on she forums and I thought I'd pop on over! This was just absolutely adorable. I loved the little flash backs and scorose moments. I really liked your creativeness. I can't wait for your later chapters! :)
Camille Author's Response: Hey Camille it's nice to see you here! I'm glad that you liked, and the flashbacks worked as I was a little worried about them! The next chapter should appear soon! Report Review
Oh goodness... DRAMA! I can't wait to find out what happens next! Great Job!Author's Response: Yup. Drama, drama, and more DRAMA. The drama shall never cease in this story! Please read on! :) Report Review
Loved it! Super fun little intro chapter. I quite like Zelda she's very spunky! But Rose and Malfoy. Gah I can already feel the sexual tension :pAuthor's Response: Thank you! ^-^
I hope you keep on reading, because I can promise that if you like spunky characters and sexual tension, you'll like the coming chapters even more! :P Report Review
Hey! This is a really good start! I really liked the beginning... Rose is very witty which makes her really relatable and charming. I liked her friends too and the little insite about her family.
One thing I wasn't too sure on is why you used the style of dialogue that you did. Although this is fanfiction, generally here at HPFF we use traditional novel style dialogue. Such as...
"I know," replied Dom. "But you know James and Fred would want us to be happy for them."
"Guys we should get going or we will be late."
"Thatís exactly what we want." Said Dom smiling mischievously.
"Why?" I asked.
The quotations help minimize the confusion between dialogue and narration. However other than that this was a great chapter and I am looking forward to reading the rest.Author's Response: Why thank you GrangerDanger76 I was waiting for a review so that i could post the next six chapters.
Tell u what?
because u are my first review i will send u a review of every new chapter i have the day i send it for validation.
P.S: thanks for the quotation tip!! Report Review
asdfghjkl; I just...
Okay. No. Yes. I can't handle the feels right now. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Breathe.
This was an insanely good chapter. Great Job. My heart hurts for Ron and Scorpius but the way you did this was so artful and lovely. I am so excited for the next chapter. Wow. okay.
Scopius/Rose... YES. VICTORY. :)Author's Response: FEELS. There are so many feels.
I'm really glad you're liking it! It has been so much fun to write. Really!
Thank you! Report Review
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