Finally here to review this!
I don't know what to make of this chapter. It's left me wondering about so many things, and I really want to read on!
I really liked the beginning of this chapter; the first sentence in particular dragged me in. From there, I was hooked.
There were no real grammar issues with this, and I like the way that you used the length being only 500 to build up so much mystery.
I don't know what to say! Excellent job, and I can't wait to read on! :)Author's Response: The prologue is actually the very first part of a scene that occurs near the end of the story. It's short and somewhat mysterious by design.
The idea is to provide just enough information to be intriguing, so I'm glad that it worked for you.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Wow- this chapter was great, as was the last. :)
I loved the way that you have implicated certain characters as the mole, although I'm not buying either. I wonder who Fred was talking to on the phone. :S
I love the way that you wrote this, as I found it the voice you wrote it in really amusing.
I can't wait to see what happens in chapter three, what happened, and how Dom reacts. :) and I know you wondered about why Dom is my favourite character when I reviewed chapter one. I just think that she has a really interesting character, but also she is generally one of my favourite next-Gens :)
*goes to read chapter 3*Author's Response: Yay! I'm very glad you like HAT (my affectionate acronym).
You're not buying my implications? :O Who do you think it is then? Fred on the phone? Pfft. Guess! :)
I'm glad you like Dom so much- I was worried about pushing certain characters out of the picture by focusing on Rose, but I'm happy you don't think this is the case!
Thanks for the review! :)
Sorry for the late review! I'm off to read chapter seven as soon as I finish this.
Please get rid of Kat, preferably in a way that leaves her miserable. I really dislike her because of the games she plays, and generally because of the unpleasant person that she is, no matter how nice she may seem.
GINNY! Ginny is so awesome in this chapter! The way that she bluntly asks the questions that she wants answering, and the way that she declined Kat's kind offer was brilliant! :)
I don't really know what to say! I'll hopefully have more to say about chapter seven! :)
*goes to read*Author's Response: Oh no, don't apologize! I'm just glad you made it (:
About Kat, well, I'm sure you'll be very happy after the next chapter d:
Yey for Ginny! I'm glad you like her. I'm always so nervous about writing cannon character because I'm afraid of making them too OOC, hopefully that's not the case here (:
Hope you'll like the next one too (: Report Review
I did struggle slightly with this, although part of it may be because I'm being harsh towards Damien. I thought Pippa was slightly too forgiving and open, by talking to Damien in the manner that she did. Perhaps that's just me...
Albus and Pippa working together seems like an interesting idea, simply because they are so infrequently civil. I can't wait to see how that pans out!
Also, the reintroduction of the note has me guessing, but I really do not know who it could be. :/
Damien and Emilie again. I kind of understand Damien suffering from a lack of attention, but after she was upset because of him, it just seems wrong for him to go and see the other person who upset her. He's a character that I've grown to dislike throughout the story. :S
I love your writing, and I look forward to each new day so that I can read a little more! :)Author's Response: Heya.
I think at the end, she didn't really decide to forgive, she just decided to forgot. She could either hate Damien for who he is or accept it, so she decided to accept him as she realizes she wants Damien in her life in the future.
Thanks :) It's going to be an interesting partnership! And the notes are important ;D I just love my sub plots.
Yes. Damien is pretty insecure, so he needs attention and lots of it. He's a very complex character and I'm not surprised you feel like this. But it's actually what I wanted, for the readers to feel conflicted as Damien is meant to be a noble Gryffindor but he's not at all. He's human and mainly, we've focused on all his bad sides through Pippa's eyes, but he has his good points as shown in later chapters, as everyone does. He's just not being the best person he can be. It was also traumatic to see his sister go through what she went through so he met Emilie and for a while, she dulled his pain.
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and I'm glad you're liking the story! Report Review
So you're Tanya? I'm Scott, and I will be your reviewer this evening. I can only dream of reviewing as well as you can write, so this may seem a little substandard. :) I heard you're a little frustrated. I hope this review doesn't frustrate you further, but if it does, can I apologise now? ...and then I'll hide. Plan. :)
WOW. This was amazing! :) You really took advantage of writing a short chapter, it set the scene for the story perfectly, not to mention the tone of the story.
I really like the narrative voice in this. I love how your character acts and feels about things, and I especially love how you use the really short sentences. Every line is so effective, and the way you repeat the "lying in a box" means that it's an image constantly in the forefront of the reader's mind.
I like the way that they aren't celebrating the victory at the Battle of Hogwarts, because of the recent deaths. I think that was a really nice touch. :)
So, this is me (Scott, your reviewer for this evening) signing off. I'm sorry I had nothing useful to tell you. Unfortunately, this work was too good for any feedback to improve. Well, that's fortunate too. Anyway, I'll get around to chapter two eventually, but for now, goodbye! :)Author's Response: Scott? Scott... hmmm... Sounds vaguely familiar... HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? ;-) And 'substandard'? Pffft, this is such a lovely review, and the fact that you left it specifically to brighten the bad day I was having makes it even more amazing! :-)
Yay! It's so great to hear that the short chapter still managed to have an impact! I was hoping it would be long enough to set the tone, but short enough to be given a chance! haha Glad it did that for you!
Awww, thank you so much! I really love my OC and it's always incredible when people like her as well, especially her inner voice because that's a huge part of who she is, so thank you! And I'm so happy the short lines are adding emphasis and effect because I know it could easily have turned into a 'choppy' piece if not done properly! Short sentences can easily make a story feel very staccato, with no fluidity, but yay for pulling it off! Thank you!!!
I just know that when the seventh book ended, I was of course happy that Harry won, but was definitely mourning our losses, so I just took that and assumed most characters would feel the same! Especially since they were all still surrounded by the evidence of their losses! So sad, but I'm so glad it worked for you! ^.^
Oh, Scott! I know who you are: Scott! Duh. This was a wonderful review, you silly goose :-p Really, this was such a kind review and it sincerely made my day do a 180! Thank you for leaving it, you're a sweetheart! :-D Report Review
oh no! Pippa's having trouble with it all, and I found the bit about him to be really good! Even though I can't help feel sorry for her :/
I think Scorpius is great in this, and he's probably my favourite character :) although he reminds me of a puppy. :P
Oh, I hope Damien's there to apologise to her. I'm still annoyed at how he's behaved. I wonder who let him in. *abandons review to find out*
Sorry for the shorter review, I don't know what to say! Awesome job, as ever :)Author's Response: Heya :)
Yes. Pippa struggles. Also, I'm glad you found it well written as I really enjoy writing stuff like that :)
I love Scorpius. He's such a joy to write. He is a lot like a puppy! He's just so happy and positive. And everyone needs him, even though people would hate to admit it.
Hehe! You'll find all about Damien in the later chapters! Don't worry about it, I'm just so glad that you like the story! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! Xxx Report Review
Hello hello hello!
Firstly, I decided to tag you on this, because I'm reviewing The Human Factor anyway, so thought I'd leave one here :) okay?
I really feel like I should start with the biscuit love. Now, today being the first day of Lent, I'm at the start of a biscuit-free (miserable) few weeks. So reading this was hard. But it was really really good. :)
Nellie seems to have had an unfortunate time. The quill incident, the detentions, and the falls. Although, during this, I can see Pippa and Cassie. I think their relationship is the same, close friendship that Pippa shares. Anyway, to focus on this story, I think that she had a really unfortunate time, although it was definitely entertaining.
The whole scene was just excellent, and the way that you wrote it was great. I found it funny in a few places, I really like the tone in which you write. :)Author's Response: Heya :) I hope you're alright and That is fine with me :)
I LOVE BISCUITS. Aw! I'm sorry for that :P But I can see why giving up biscuits would be hard because they are nice, at least once lent is over you can eat them again.
Haha, yes, Nellie always gets her invovled in things like that. There is always a strong theme of friendship in all of my stories. I really enjoy writing friendships. I'm glad you found it entertaining.
Thank you so much! That is amazing to hear! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! xxx Report Review
So, where do I start?
I'm still annoyed with Damien. A secret relationship with his sister's enemy seems selfish, and especially because he doesn't admit it. I think that hiding it was wrong, but I can't decide whether it's because he knew how Pippa would feel betrayed, and didn't want to lose her, or because he's too spineless to admit it to her. Either way, for now at last, not cool. Even to hide it from James...
Scorpius has ghost socks! Wow, he is one cool kid :P
Albus seems to be behaving unfairly to me. On one hand, he's upset about what Pippa did. But she didn't hurt Lily. He seems to want to twist the knife for an error of judgment. I wish he and Pippa wouldn't be so cruel to each other.Author's Response: Heya :)
Yes, Damien is a very frustrating character, at least to Pippa. Yes. He doesn't admit it for a special reason that is revealed in a later chapter :) You'll find out soon! And yes, it is weird that he hid it from James, his best friend.
Haha, Scorpius is well cool :)
Albus is always unfair. Yes. But to him, she still used someone innocent who didn't need to be involved, but she is now. I know, they are very cruel, but they'll learn eventually :)
Thanks so much for the review, I hope you like the rest of the chapters and I hope you have a great day!
xxx Report Review
I've been writing all today, but I read this early this morning. But hey, I still review every day :)
Damien has angered me. Well, if he's doing this to get back at her. He knows how much she upset Pippa, so I think he's being a bit cruel, using this to get back at her because of a small argument, which wasn't exactly her fault.
Well, that is all provided you're talking about who I'm talking a out. I'll find out tomorrow. :P
So Albus discovered Pippa's plan? I can't wait to see what happens there! She did use foul means, and dragging Lily into it wasn't the best thing that she could have done.
Scorpius' interpretation of the dress code was... interesting. I love how you wrote it though, especially his heartache with leaving the hat behind.
Sandwiches. The way Fred said sandwiches, as if to say 'what else?' was funny. I like how his priority with the backpack was his stomach. :P
Can't wait to read more! I'm finally adding this to my favourite stories, as well as making you a favourite author.Author's Response: Hiya :)
Thank you for all your wonderful reviews, it means a lot to me and always makes my day, so thank you for doing this!
Damien is complicated. You'll learn a lot more about why and he does the things he does in later chapters. There is more reasoning behind everything :)
Yes:) Albus is clever! Yes. She did, but she didn't hurt Lily in anyway. But she still shouldn't have used her, but that is the kind of Person Pippa is. It isn't the best trait she could have that she'd do anything to get what she wants but that's Pippa.
Thank you :) Scorpius loves dressing up :) And he hated leaving his hat behind! He loves that hat :P
Haha! Yeah, I tried to think what they would take, but they can do a lot of things with their wands so a lot of the normal stuff isn't needed. So food it was!
Wow! I'm honoured! Thank you so much! I'm just so happy that you like my story! I'm so happy :) thank you! I hope you like the rest of the story and I hope you have a great day!
Xxx Report Review
Marina! Biscuit references are everywhere in this chapter! Let me just enthuse about that for a while. :) I think the betting with biscuits was a brilliant idea, and also I think that the "I had to have a biscuit on Molly's behalf" was just great.
Scorpius left! She finally managed to stop people from bringing them together! Although frankly, the idea of him turning up with figurines of her parents was just weird- although it seemed natural for Scorpius. I don't think we've seen the end of him though!
Rose's reaction to Teddy made me laugh, although it was an awkward position to be caught in. Her reaction to Victoire was great- I seem to have developed a dislike for Victoire, as so many people write her in the way you have. A nice Victoire seems a bit far fetched to me. :P
Boris seems really grumpy, although I think he could become an interesting character in later chapters!Author's Response: Haha! I love biscuits, if you hadn't guessed...
You definitely haven't seen the last of Scorpius. He's way too fun to write out :P
I usually write Victoire as nice, and as you'll see later in this that it's just that Rose is a bit biased.
Boris will become more important later, you'll see.
Thank you so much :) Report Review
This chapter was excellent, although I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. :)
I really like how you write about Rose, she's so... average. Normal. She's not amazingly clever, beautiful and popular- she just has a normal life. I really like the fact that, although all of these things happen, and she has this funny predicament, her life is normal.
Scorpius, or Rat Boy, makes me laugh so much- the way that he doesn't seem to pick up on the awkwardness that I imagine is just hilarious, and Molly inviting him for lunch made me laugh. The way she did it to annoy Rose was funny. :)
I love this story so much, I'm hooked after only two chapters :DAuthor's Response: Who doesn't need telling they're excellent every once in a while ;)
What I really wanted to express when I started this was that people CAN be normal and still have a story worth telling. A lot of fanfics are so hard to relate to because it's in an unfamiliar setting, or the characters are different to people we know. I wanted Rose to be someone that anyone could relate to. (and the more I write, the more either she becomes like me or I become like her. I didn't have a stalker when I started this and now I sort of do :P )
thanks so much! I'm glad you're hooked :D Report Review
This was a really great start!
I think you set it all up very well, although splitting the prologue and chapter one may have been a good idea.
I can't wait to see what happens between Hannah and Scorpius- she was obviously really upset by what had happened with Rose. I think that'll make a very interesting story.
The only advice, apart from the small issue with dialogue tags, is to try to add more to your characters. I want to know more about their pasts!
Sorry for the short review, I'm in a hurry. I'll review chapter two tonight! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! I put the prologue and chapter 1 together, because I wrote the prologue almost as an afterthought, and I didn't think they stood alone well enough (If that makes sense?)
It hurt her.. it was just how sudden it happened that impacted her so greatly.
Hannah gets a lot more of a character come chapter two, I agree with you. I really tried to focus on getting the plot information out there, that I didn't realize I was cutting into her character too much, thanks for pointing that out!
Oh don't worry, this was great! Thanks for reading! Report Review
Quidditch! It was great how Pippa thought that searching for the snitch from the ground, in that weather, would work. But then again, she does seem to be slowly overcoming her fear. Even if Albus has to shout.
Jumpers? Scorpius and his animal jumpers is a weird thought, it's hilarious.
Scorpius has his whole life planned out- live with an old lady who will feed him pies. That made me laugh, and I loved Pippa's comment afterwards about the shoelaces too.
Cleaning again? I love the idea thought, and the reasoning behind it. I also loved the talk between Albus and Pippa, and the implications of their family histories was great too. They both seem to spend more time at night asleep than awake! :D
Damien still ignoring Pippa? I hope this gets resolved soon!
Hmm... this review was more event based for a change :S anyway, I'm going to read the next chapter! I'll review again tomorrow! :)Author's Response: Heya :)
Haha. Yes. She's rather lazy like that. As flying does still scare her, but you're right, she slowly is coming over it. Haha, yes, Albus has to shout at her a lot.
I am a big fan of jumpers :) And I imagine Scorpius having a lot of cute ones as his mother buys his clothes and he likes wearing them.
Haha! Yes! He has it all planned out :) Not so stupid as he makes out! Haha. Thanks! I love writing Scorpius and Pippa together.
Yes! Pippa cleans a lot :) Thanks :) I wanted to add that in to show how the world is now. It's changed slightly.
Damien and Pippas relationship is still confusing but they'll confront it soon!
Haha, it was! I hope you like the next chapter! Thanks so much for the wonderful review and I hope you have a great day!
Xxx Report Review
SHE MADE THE QUIDDITCH TEAM! :D The way she did it made me laugh, Albus' reaction made me laugh, and the thought of where this'll lead made me laugh. I cannot wait for you to continue with that! :)
Damien angered me in this chapter :( I understand that Brother-Sister relationship can cause comments, competition and jokes about each other, but what he said was really cruel. I hope he apologises, otherwise I'll still be annoyed with him :P
This chapter only confirmed my Fred/Pippa feeling! I just think they really should be together, so that girl at tryouts can go away! :P
Scorpius made me laugh in this chapter. :P When he was tending to the cut, I was like, "what?" and thought I'd missed something in Hogsmeade... but then you said he'd fallen from the chair, which is just hilarious, and something that I can imagine Scorpius doing.
Albus... He was civil again, before they fell out again. I did laugh at his reaction at tryouts though, when he realised she was the only candidate and became the Seeker by default.
Pippa... She's really nice, however much she tries to conceal her emotions. The way that she reacted to Cassie's reaction at the start reminded me of somebody who was in shock, and you saw her genuine concern. Also, the way she lay in the hospital wing was really endearing, because she seemed fragile without her friend there.
I loved this, as usual, and will read chapter ten tomorrow! :DAuthor's Response: Hullo!
Thank you :) I'm glad you liked that part ;D I wanted to do my own little twist on it all. It's a lot of fun right here due to quidditch scenes.
Yeah, their relationship is really complicated with a lot of layers around it. Damien can be really cruel at times when he's filled with anger and Pippa took the brunt of it this time.
Haha! Yeah. A lot of people love Pippa and Fred :P And I do too.
And Scorpius! So glad he made you laugh. Haha, I understand. Scorpius fall downs a lot. He's rather clumsy.
Haha, yeah, he was. They have really a complicated relationship that is a bundle of emotions, it's so fun to write.
Thank you :) I tried to write it that way and I'm glad it came across. Thanks :) Pippa needs Cassie. She doesn't like to admit it, but she does!
I'm so glad you loved it! This means a lot to me! I hope you like chapter ten :) Thanks so much for the review and I hope you update soon.
xxx Report Review
Took me a week to R&R this! A week since Chapter Two! :(
I like this story so much! I think it's a really unexplored area of the books, and so reading this is brilliant.
There were a couple of typing errors, but there's little point in dwelling on that. So I won't- I just thought I should point it out. :)
I really liked how you described Ginny isolating herself, not eating or sleeping properly, and so becoming ill. I like that it's noticeable, since Percy told her to go to Pomfrey, but everyone, including her brothers, just assume it's the flu. :)
The relationship between Tom and Ginny is present still, and it's interesting to read about Tom's reaction to her 'vacant tone'
I love how she reacts to the situation she finds herself in, where she is in the corridor. That's left me wondering what's going to happen next. :)
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! :( This is really excellent, so it's tricky.
I'll give up here, and will hopefully read chapter four soon! :)
Scott :) Report Review
I read this earlier, but due to several distractions, have only got around to reviewing now. Sorry about that. :P
Firstly, I have to say something, even though you probably won't like it. I kind of want this to turn out Fred/Pippa, because they just seem to work. It's so hard to explain, but as I've read this, it's something that's been in the back of my mind. So, yeah. :P
Cassy and Pippa have such a great friendship. I love how she named one of her Pygmy Puffs PJ, because that just made me laugh so much. Her and Pippa have such a great relationship, it's just great to read. Although I am worried about the next chapter, I'll be honest. :P
Albus made a snipe that was really an underhand remark. I think it was really weird to see such a contrast, from a time when they were almost civil (I know, crazy! :P) to hating each other, all due to one comment. Although it was fantastic, so I can't say anything bad there. That part was really interesting! :)
I seem to focus on characters so much, but you write everyone's character so well!Author's Response: Heya :) Haha, don't worry about it, it's fine.
Actually, a lot of people have said that :P Fred is just awesome. And he's a decent person unlike Albus. He'd be good for Pippa actually but :P
I'm glad you think so :) Haha! That was such fun to write! I just love writing them together! So they'll be a lot of scenes of them together in the future.
Yes! He does. Always. Haha, yes, they were actually trying because of Scorpius and not to frighten Scorpius. But yes, it can all change because of one remark. And I'm glad you found in interesting :)
Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you like the characters so much and it's always interesting to hear what people have to say about them :) Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day!
xxx Report Review
I was going to wait until this evening, but I cracked about forty minutes ago. So here I am, as promised.
They sat at the Gryffindor table?! I hope they didn't touch any of our food though. :D
I thought that the whole marshmallow eating contest was a nice idea to include, however disgusting it may be to see James dribbling. Anyway, I thought it was a good idea, one that I've never read before, and it set up a scenario which enabled you to create this scene around.
Scorpius? He's so care-free, it's great to read about. Although, I do know somebody who Scorpius reminds me of. He seems really similar to Lily, who was also really care-free.
I like the recurring mention of 'him', because that's one of the few negative relationships that are prominent- the other being Albus and Pippa. Speaking of which, the next chapter is going to be fun :P (assuming that the meeting is the next chapter, of course). But back to the original point, I can't wait to see how the story with 'him' develops.
I don't know what to say! This was great, as usual, and a nice chapter to include, because it felt different to the others. :S
Now, the only problem is it's lunchtime, and I have to wait until tomorrow to review. So today, I will be suffering. But this is such a great story, thank you for making it so awesome! :DAuthor's Response: Aw! Thank you :)
Haha, nah man. Well, Cassie probably did snap, but Pippa probably didn't.
Thanks :) I thought it would show another aspect to the boys personality. Haha, yes, it would be a disgusting moment. Thank you :) I wrote the start and needed something to connect it too, so the start didn't seem so random and I came up with this.
Scorpius is very carefree. Yes. Lily is also very carefree, but she's more of a wild carefree rather that Scorpius who just drifts around.
Thank you :) Yes. It was all very negative and you pick up peices of the relationship throughout the whole story. Haha, yes! The next chapter includes the meeting! And thanks :) I really enjoy writing the him aspects :) They're a lot of fun, (for me, not for pippa).
Aw! Thank you very much :) Yes. The story has it's heavy chapters, so I like to balance it out with a semi lighter one where the characters can regroup. If that makes any sense.
Haha! Aw! You're too kind! Thank you so much and I hope you have a great day!
xxx Report Review
This was brilliant, Marina. At a few occasions throughout, I was having to suppress the laughter that this caused. It was excellent. :)
I really like that Rose is close to Molly, because usually Rose is only friends with Lily, Dom, Roxanne etc. Percy's children are usually written to be the outsiders of the group, so her being a central character, who isn't ignored, is really great.
Scorpius? Thank you! You've written about him like I imagine him, I always imagined him to resemble a rodent. Everyone seems to write this popular, attractive Scorpius, but you haven't. I really like the fact that he's unpopular, although it sounds cruel. I just can't wait to see what happens next! I love this description of him that you used...
"Molly and I had affectionately nicknamed him Rat Boy, because his pointed features strongly reminded me of an unwanted rodent. Well, not necessarily just unwanted rodents, but this one certainly wasn’t wanted by us."
Rose is great, her little explanation using the bacon sandwiches was great, and I think you've established a great narrative voice. I was really hooked, and the humour that you infused into this story is really fantastic!
I do sympathise with the characters in this chapter though, those family gatherings with trivia games, are not fun at all. But sadly, we do have an Aunt Audrey in our family.Author's Response: I'm glad it made you (suppress) laugh! That's sort of the whole point so that's really great to know :D I just love writing Rose and Molly. Friendships are an underrated aspect of fanfiction and it's nice to write more of it in this fic than I have before. I mean, this is listed as a romance but that isn't really the main point. For Rose, there's so much more about her than who she's going out with even though she seems to think about it a lot of the time.
Scorpius is how I've always imagined him - I just cannot picture him as attractive or popular. It's a bit like how Draco becomes the Slytherin Prince or whatever, it just doesn't sit right. But when I came to write this I knew there was no way he could be "normal" or "popular" because he has such a weird family. Haha.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
I'm already contemplating breaking my "one chapter of The Human Factor a day" idea. I mean, I've itching to know what happens. But no, you get one review each day. :) *resists*
Pippa's great- although I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. I really love the character that you've given her, and I like that you're beginning to explore a different side to her, after everything that has happened to her. I can't wait to see that unfold.
Albus? I loved what happened in this chapter, regarding Pippa's handiwork. I get frustrated by not knowing what drives Albus. I sit asking myself, "why does he behave like he does?" I hope we see more of that.
I loved Pippa's "It obviously hasn't been long enough" comment. She didn't go bawling and screaming, yet held her own against Emilie. Albus stuck up for Pippa? That DID confuse me? I wonder what's going on there... Anyway, I don't like Emilie. She's nasty to Pippa. :(
This was mainly character based, but hopefully tomorrow I'll talk about something else. :D Thank you for writing such an excellent story! :D
"must resist, must resist, must res-"Author's Response: Heya :) welcome back! It is good to see you again! Aw! That has made me smile! I just like that you are liking the story!
Thank you :) I adore writing Pippa. She has a lot of sides to her, but I don't like to show it all at the first chapter, thus why secrets about her are still being revealed and will happen throughout the story.
Albus is an engima, but we actually got him to show emotion in this chapter! Eventually, you'll find out why he is the way he is. His secrets will be out in all due time.
Yes! Pippa is used to battles and she can hold her own against a lot of them. And she hates Emilie. Ah! Albus hates Emilie too. If you're interested, there is another story called 'to be human' on my page which has that scene from the story in albus point of view. Albus likes confusing Pippa. He gets kicks from the fact that she can't work him out.
Ah, don't worry! I love hearing things about the characters as sometimes people take to them different to how I do and think more clever things about them than me! So I'm always interested in what people have to say.
Aw! Thanks you're far too kind! Thanks so much for the review! I loved it! I hope you like the rest of the story too! And I hope you have a great day. Xxx Report Review
Wow, this was really great! :) Although I'm not surprised, I've read some of your stories before. :)
I loved how you wrote about Tonk's choice, should she stay with Teddy, or go to help Remus in the Battle. I felt like I was also having to decide what I'd do: go and fight, or stay with my child. I was willing for her not to leave the house. :P
Andromeda's great- although I love stories about all three of the Black sisters. I think that, although Andromeda's always in the shadows in the HP books, we all build up this image of her in our minds, and the Andromeda you created is almost exactly like I'd imagine her to be. :)
I don't know what to say, this was really great. If you ever want a review on later chapters... *points to review thread* :)Author's Response: Wow. Thanks for that! I'm so glad you took the time to review this, it means a lot.
Sam. Report Review
This, again, was really good. :)
I think you did really well with the scene between Draco and Harry. It was easy to visualise, and I think you did well with how you thought of their characters.
I really like the plot, although I think that I would like to see it progress slightly quicker. I love your work here, but I'm itching to know more! :P
Hermione! I think you've done a great job with her grief- I can certainly imagine her in this situation.
-accioHPFFAuthor's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked the scene between Draco and Harry. I think I was also "watching" it in my mind hence it was son easy to get across. I understand on wanting it to progress quicker but for me to avoid cliche and keep this as real as possible, this pacing is how I see I'm going to get it done :) Report Review
I said that I'd review that even after Secret Santa, and I gave up! But I'm in a reviewing mood, and review a lot more often. Plus, I owe you a lot of thank you's for all of your help. :)
My first thought as I read this? "I'm an idiot." Second thought? "Why on Earth did I give up with this?"
Seriously, you are just so amazing at writing, I'm hooked again.
Lily! Lily is so funny in this, a Hufflepuff who seems to say everything that crosses her mind. Also, I find the whole obsession with Damien hilarious, and how much she thinks that she knows about him.
Fred offered to give Pippa lessons? I can't wait to see how this turns out! As nobody else offered to help her, I'm assuming that she is as bad as you described.
I think how you show the characters is great; Lily's eccrentric wish to clone Damien, and Pippa's lack of understanding about cloning,
All in all, another brilliant chapter! I'll get around to chapter six soon! Thanks again! :)Author's Response: Heya :) Thanks so much for your christmas reviews! They made my day! And aw! It was no problem! I was happy to help!
Haha! That made me laugh! I'm so glad you liked it again! It means a lot to me!
Aw! You're too kind! Thank you so much! That's made my day!
Aw! Lily! I love writing Lily! She's just so much fun to write as she doesn't have a fliter and just says anything! And yes! Damien is her 'first love'. So she's pretty obsessed.
Haha! You'll have to read the next few chapters to find out how Pippa does!
Thank you! I love creating characters! So I'm glad you're liking them.
Thanks so much for your review! It's made my day! I hope you like the rest of the chapters too! I hope you have a great day! Xx Report Review
I thought that this was great, as usual.
I really like the progression and advancements in this. You've introduced Henry at last, albeit very briefly. That's something I can't wait to read more about in the next chapter. :)
I also like how you introduced Mel's past. I think that it added to her character and built a more complete picture.
I also liked the banter whilst Reyna and Keira were in detention, it was a really nice touch to add.
The only thing I can think to say that's on a slightly less positive note is that I had to reread the bit where McGonagall issued detentions a couple of times, to see who she was actually talking to. But that's a minor area.
What else to talk about? I don't know! I think I've covered most of what I wanted to say.
Oh, and brilliant work. :)Author's Response: :D
You got to me fast! Thanks so much for this.
Yes, Henry is back and his character explored in ch4&5.
Mel is such a complex character and yet, despite all the hardships she's been through, she's positive and motherly and caring, without being bitter like she so easily could have been. Jack will eventually make an appearance in the story (though not for awhile yet) and hopefully it will add more dimension to the fic.
The banter just flowed between them and I'm quite happy how it turned out, considering it was completely unplanned. It's great to hear that these random bits work and that people like them ^_^
I'll check back over that bit with McGonagall too. I hate it when I read things like that in other stories, and i'm cringing right now that I managed to miss it in my own :S
Thanks so much for this really speedy review, it's great to hear you like the story so far and your comments have been great.
- Adele :) Report Review
Hi! I'm so sorry for the late review, I have no excuse. *hides*
Luna's mother! This is the fist fic I've read that has her in, let alone as a central character!
I think Sophia's a good name, it fits what you've told us, and what canon tells us. It just fits. :)
I loved the spell creation, where she tried to work out the right incantation. I was really interested at the start, and so found reading this chapter really enjoyable. :)
Your descriptions are good. You pick the right words, and you describe everything well, although there is perhaps room for a little more description.
I think I've touched on it briefly, but your characters were really good. I like how you portrayed the family, and I can't wait to see more about them.
Voldemort wanting to recruit her? Well, that's a great idea! I can't wait to read more about that too!
Sorry for a very nonconstructive review, but I thought that was brilliant! :)Author's Response: It's okay for the non-constructiveness...it was still a very uplifting review!!! Thank you for coming and giving me such a positive response!
-Dobby Report Review
ROMANCE? The genre I know least about, so I may have to stumble through this review quite blindly. I don't read Romance a lot. :P
Firstly, I loved how this was written- the way that you described some of the interactions between the two characters, before moving onto the story about her family's thoughts about her behaviour.
I think you did really well with Dom's character too. You made her a really interesting character. I think Dom is one of my favourite Next-Gen's, and there is so much diversity in how she is written- but this is truly a unique way of characterising her.
I love the voice that you described her family in, and I think you nailed Fleur's speech. I could imagine her saying that, exactly as I read it. :)
Generally, your word choices were fantastic, as is usual when I read any of your work.
The only thing I can point out, is that there were a couple of minor spelling errors. I remember 'untill' being one of them. That took nothing away from the story though.
Brilliantly done. :)Author's Response: I was thinking 'this really isn't going to be your cup of tea' after I posted it, but well... at that point it was reviewless and I'm not okay with that.
(I'll get to your review when I've finished these responses, shouldn't be too long - I'm on a roll)
Although, it isn't exactly very /romantic/ for a romancey-story. Ahha.
I love Dom. I can't exactly grasp hold of why, but I think she's always seemed like one of the most dynamic and appealing Next-Gens. She just seems so interesting, so she usually creeps into my Next-Gen stories one way or another. And, hey, she got a one-shot all to herself this time!
I wouldn't surprise me at all that there were spelling errors, ahha. I wrote this on a whim so I posted it the same day I started writing it. I'll have to go back and edit at some point :)
Thanks for reviewing even though it isn't really your genre.
-AC Report Review
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