Reading Reviews From Member: accioHPFF
  
111 Reviews Found

Review #1, by accioHPFFBravery and Courage: Bravery and Courage

15th March 2013:
The thing that strikes me with this story is the parallels between Rose and Neville, and Rose and Scorpius and their parents. With Rose and Neville, you explore the similarities in their stories, how they weren't visibly brave during their early years at school, and how people may wonder why they were in Gryffindor. I think that was quite a clever link to form, but it really lends itself to the plot, so well done. :)
The end of the first section really mirrored that scene between Draco and Hermione in PoA, where she hits him. Neville's reaction, though he knows he ought not to be taking sides, made me smile. Obviously Neville and Draco still don't get along and Neville takes some satisfaction from Rose's actions, especially since Scorpius and Draco are probably alike.

To be picky, there were a few typos that I noticed, although they didn't massively distract from the story. A beta could easily fix those, though they were minor. On the whole, great job :)

-Scott

Author's Response: I went through this one-shot with a fine-tooth comb, and the revised version is now in the queue, so no more typo's :)

I'm glad you think I got a parallel between Rose and Neville, as that was really what I was aiming for, without making them basically the same person, so thank you very much for that!

Scorpius and Draco (in my mind anyway) are both very similar and completely different, so yes, Neville did get satisfaction from seeing Rose punch him, but then he also felt very happy when they got their happily-ever-after!

Thank you for the review :D


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Review #2, by accioHPFFTask One Challenge: Bravery and Ambition: Recklessness and Thought

15th March 2013:
Sam! I've read a couple of these House Cup entries today, so when I saw another one on your author page, I thought I'd stop by and leave a review! :)

I really liked the fact that you based this story on their childhood. The idea that they would go into the forest on adventures is a really nice idea. At first, I did think them to be a little younger than sixteen, but having reread it, I think I was just making an assumption early on.

I liked the way that you portrayed their friendship- they appeared to be close, which is a little sad given their falling out later in life. I think you did well to get the banter and laid-back feeling into that friendship, so well done there.

You managed to weave the challenge features/mentions in really well, especially the five uses of Dragon Blood. That was one of the ones that I rejected as being too difficult initially, yet you managed to incorporate it in such a natural way. Well done :D

-Scott

Author's Response: Hey, Scott!

I just had to write them as teens. Given everything we know will happen, how conflict causes them to fall apart, I wanted to show them before the inevitable happened. When things were simple and fun. I really liked how it turned out. :)

Thank you so much. And for leaving such an amazing review!

Sam.


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Review #3, by accioHPFFTask One Challenge: Reclaiming the Sword of Godric Gryffindor

15th March 2013:
Hi Debra!

This is a really nice first story, and I loved the fact that you based it around the Silver Trio, opposed to just Neville. The House Cup seems like so long ago now- I can't believe that I hadn't stumbled upon this sooner.

I think one of the main things I like about this story is that it COULD have been from one of the films. It's a part of the storyline that I've not really considered before, but that's what I love about this story. Yyou've taken an event and really made it come to life with this, so well done for that :)

I did notice a couple of issues in this with typos or slightly unnatural syntax, but it was pretty minor stuff and the general flow of the story was good. Those small mistakes are something that I beta would be able to clear up for you pretty easily.

Your characterisation of Ginny and Neville really stood out to me as well. The quarrel between Ginny and Neville was great in allowing you to show off her hot-headedness and his unwillingness. Great story, well done :)

-Scott

Author's Response: Scotty! I am so sorry it took me longer than a month to reply to this :( but I'm here now!

I love how the Silver Trio sounds. I never thought about them like that but you're right. In the absence of Harry, Ron and Hermione, they were the ones to take up the responsibility of keeping the school safe.

I'm so happy you liked my take on this little missing moment. I felt it was a big part of the book's storyline, so I decided to explore it further and see how it could have happened.

Characterization is definitely one of the most important aspects in a story for me, so I always pay special attention to it. I'm relieved that you found theirs an accurate one. I'm always very anxious about characterization, especially concerning characters that are pretty well established in the series like Neville and Luna.

I have edited part of the story in the lookout for typos and funky syntax since it's been pointed it out to me before and I'll be sure to finish it soon enough.

Thanks a million for stopping by! It warms my heart to hear from you *hug*


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Review #4, by accioHPFFA Real Dark Night of The Soul: A Real Dark Night of The Soul

3rd March 2013:
Alli!

I really enjoyed reading this story and I can't believe it's your first story on the archives! I loved how you decided to write this, with the initial scene painting such a vivid image, only for it to be a figment of his imagination. Description was definitely a strong point of this story in my opinion. I think the images that you painted with this were so easy to imagine, and I can clearly see this story unfolding in my head.

I only spotted one mistake, a line in which it read "running lose". I think that it's supposed to be 'loose' but that was the only thing I picked up on, and it's being picky and minor. The grammar and syntax of the story was excellent, and generally the story flowed really well.

It was refreshing to read something that developed his thoughts from Azkaban and how he kept sane, especially the idea of being able to see the guard tower. I like the fact the fact that his longing for freedom is loosely connected to his innocence but that isn't the whole reason for his sanity. The idea of the land of the living and then Azkaban is also a really interesting concept, that amongst the Dementors and the other inmates, he feels as though he is almost in a land of the dead. I've never thought about it in that regard so much, but it's certainly an interesting viewpoint.

I really can't find much to comment on that's not so positive! I mean, you even managed to imitate Hagrid's speech, something which I find somewhat of an impossible task. Awesome job, and I hope to see something else appearing on your author page soon!

Author's Response: Hi Scott!

Thank you so much for being my first reviewer and saying you enjoyed the story! I'm glad the descriptions stuck out in the story as a strong point. I really tried to find a good balance between painting a vivid image and keeping the plot moving so I'm glad it worked. Also, thanks for pointing out that mistake! I will definitely go change that when I edit in my new banner.

I love that you pointed out that you liked the idea of Sirius's sanity being focused on him being able to view the guard tower. The idea of the smoke as a sign of life was where the entire idea for the story started from, and it worked itself out from there. I'm also glad you picked up on the emphasis on the dead feel of Azkaban which I tried to contrast with the dream and the lively forest.

All of your kind words mean the world to me! Thanks again for taking the time to review.

Alli


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Review #5, by accioHPFFTaking the Biscuit: Role Models

10th September 2012:
MARINA!

YAY! I really enjoyed this first chapter!

I really like that you decided to start it with another family gathering, as it was really nice how you described all of the interactions and relationships since the end of Just Rose.

I'm also insanely curious about what Hugo is up to, already! Hopefully you won't keep us all in suspense too long there, because I'm nosey. :P Although you said nothing illegal... That's definitely a good start. :D

I really like the way you managed to weave in other people's back stories, like Matthew being an only child, or how you introduced Lucy's plans. It seemed really naturally placed :)

Awesome job, I can't wait to read more!

Fargle

Author's Response: Fargle xD

Thank you SO much for the review. Hugo... all will be revealed. Naturally I'll have to work out the details myself first, but it's all there in my head somewhere.



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Review #6, by accioHPFFPaper Hearts: Approaching Deadlines

18th July 2012:
Julia!

This story is such a pleasure to read and review! I cannot believe that I didn't read this sooner.

I'll start with the section at the start that confused me a little. It's only something minor, and it may be me misunderstanding you, but the two times in the first two paragraphs didn't seem to match up. In paragraph one you say "It was now midday," and in paragraph two, you say, "It was now eleven."

That aside, I think this was excellent. I loved the section at Malfoy Manor, and I think the interview itself was amazingly done. I'm left wondering about how ill Narcissa is, and what's wrong with her, though! I hope she recovers from it.

The way that Astoria asked the questions and gave Narcissa as long as she needed, and the way Draco sat in the corner observing, are two things that I think were really great at making this seem real.
When she came out and spoke to Draco, I didn't really know what to expect, but I loved how you tackled that conversation, and hope am now wondering if that marks a turning point in the story...

Awesome! :)

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Review #7, by accioHPFFPaper Hearts: Procrastination At It's Finest

18th July 2012:
Wow- this chapter definitely lived up to my expectations after reading the first! :D

I think my first thought is how well your writing flows. Everything moves at a nice pace, and your word choices always seem to fit so well!

I like the way you incorporated both sides of her life into this- work and social. Also, I'm intrigued to know if there is any room for Terry Boot to become a prominent character. I guess I'll have to keep reading to find out!

I loved the letter by Narcissa- it seemed so naturally written, with the apology for her absence and all. I also really liked the way that she seemingly knew about how Draco would have behaved; it was a nice touch.
I hope that the interview tomorrow goes okay, but judging by the contents of this chapter, I see a few dark clouds on the horizon there.

I... I don't know what to say about this now, but everything seems so well written. I'm off to read more!

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Review #8, by accioHPFFPaper Hearts: Ink Stains

18th July 2012:
JULIA!

I FINALLY got around to reading this, and I have to say, I think you did a great job!

I can't remember if I've read any of your stories, but I love the style in which you write! I thought you started it beautifully, and the way you added in bits such as "An occupational hazard." were really well placed extra bits.

I think that this is one of the first stories I've read with a heavy focus on the Greengrass family, but I think you tackled it well and made them very believable. I liked how you used "Tori" in the conversation, because it made it seem more natural whenever they spoke.

Introducing Dennis? When I read it, I was a bit surprised that you had written him into this, but it fitted perfectly and it was nice that you included such a minor character. He seems like a tiny detail in the HP world, but you really brought him up in this as more than that.

I really liked the way that you ended this, because it left the story at a really interesting place, and I can't wait to carry on reading. Great job! :)

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Review #9, by accioHPFFGhosts: Ravenclaw

18th July 2012:
Wow. This was written really well!

I've never read a BloodyBaron/GreyLady story, but I loved this! I really liked the way you told the story! Although initially I did wonder how you would manage to tell the whole story in one chapter, I think you did it brilliantly, and it flowed at just the right pace.

The dialogue between the two at the end was also really well written, and I think it was particularly fitting to a story in this era; it reminded me that this did happen a long time ago.

The final section was so effective in drawing the story together. I love how you died Helena's death with her mother's, and the section about the "cloudy grey colour" was also superb. The last line... I don't know what to say, except that I think it is possibly the perfect way to end the story.

Great job!

REVIEWED FOR THE HOUSE CUP 2012 COMPETITION.

Author's Response: e! I'm so glad you liked it! It was a bit of a beast for one chapter, but i cut out a lot... I'm happy that the old-fahionedness was apparent, i wasn't sure how to convey that without sounding stupid, so i'm glad it worked out.
thank you so much for your review and input, it's very appreciated :D
~Gill


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Review #10, by accioHPFFHonour Among Thieves: hospital, accusations and the Gringotts plan

18th July 2012:
Jenny! Another great chapter!

I realised reading this that I really liked the style in which it was written, with the times giving us an idea of how quickly this thing was going on in that one hour security window.

I really like the fact that the group is beginning to fight back. I think Teddy backing away from everybody is a really good idea, because after being poisoned so badly for being a part of this group, it seems natural that he would want to back out.

I'm eager to read chapter eight because, although they haven't encountered any major difficulties on the way in, I'm curious to see how they find a way out!

Reading your stories is always such a pleasure, because it's so easy to read. It's interesting, well written, and there are hardly ever any spelling or grammar mistakes. :) Awesome job!

Author's Response: Awww, thanks Scotteh :)

Firstly, those timings. You have no idea how difficult it was to plan and stuff! All I can say is I am now adequately prepared for my RL break-in to Gringotts!

Gringotts... well, the end of it should be interesting, and I hope you like it. As for spelling/grammar.. you know I'm a bit of a freak :P

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #11, by accioHPFFHonour Among Thieves: keys, the Fraternity and the uncovering of a plan

18th July 2012:
I am finally trying to catch up with reading and reviewing this! Here goes...

I'll start with the folder because, of course, that's the main part of this chapter. It's interesting because as well as incriminating them, you give reasons as to why they are involved. I'm not sure how Lily has come to be in possession of this information, but I'm sure the plot will thicken soon enough!

Teddy and Victoire? I wonder what's going on there! I hope it's nothing serious, but obviously it must be if St. Mungo's sent Harry and Ron a message about it. I also think you did a great job writing as Harry and Ron, because in my eyes, they're very difficult to write.

The extra details, like Lily's boyfriend being french and hating magic, are all little things that are really effective in making the story more interesting. Great job!

Author's Response: SCOTTEH!

YES, THE FOLDER! The plot will thicken... (hopefully) and yes, sadly, Teddy and Vic aren't very happy at all :(

Also, OMG, yes! The trio are so hard to write! :)

Thanks so much for the review, Scott! *hugs*


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Review #12, by accioHPFFJust Rose: Ridiculous Relatives

18th July 2012:
Hello again!

The way you started this chapter... I was reading through the description at the start of the chapter and ended up getting more and more eager to find out what had happened. I think that was a really great way of starting it, opposed to telling the reader what was happening.

Lucy went to Matthew? My first thought at the time was "why?" Unless I missed the connection between Lucy and Matthew, I was confused as to why she would go and ask him to talk to Rose. I kind of realised that she would not go to Rose directly, nor anybody else in the family, but I was still confused as to why she chose him. I'm now wondering if she knows him from elsewhere?

Lockhart's books being used again? Oh no! I really liked the idea of the meeting between Rose, Boris and the publishers, because it seems like a great idea and I haven't read anything with that before. I hope Rose can do something about it, even if she has to ask her mother for help!

The part where Rose can't find the phonebox to the Ministry of Magic was also really good, and the response at the other end of the phone was great!

Aside from the confusion about the Lucy and Matthew situation (which may be me misreading something or reading too much into it), I loved this chapter! Great job!

Author's Response: Since when do things have to make sense? I MEAN, THERE IS TOTALLY A REASON WHY SHE DID THAT... Like the fact that Audrey and Lucy think Matthew is Rose's boyfriend, so that's probably why :D

Thank you so much! :)


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Review #13, by accioHPFFJust Rose: Disillusioned

18th July 2012:
MARINA!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter, and I think it offered something different to a lot of the others, because it added a different dimension to Scorpius and Rose's relationship.

In this chapter, he was there for her when she needed somebody to talk to, which I think really is a nice contrast to how he behaves in other chapters. He retained a lot of his character at the same time though, so I think you did an excellent job with that!

I think that the argument with Molly was really good, and I loved the final line. I think it was a really powerful ending to the chapter, and I really am left wanting to read more.

Awesome job!

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Review #14, by accioHPFFJust Rose: Advice

7th June 2012:
Hi Marina!

I found this really entertaining- as entertaining as usual, and the bar for that here is pretty high! I thought it was just awesome! :D

Scorpius decided to write a strongly-worded letter to Rose? Haha, that's hilarious, but something that I can really imagine Scorpius doing. Weird, weird thought. :P

Jesús was miserable too? Even though he was reasonably down-tempo this chapter compared to usual, it was still great reading about him trying to stick up for Scorpius. Also, that slight error in his english was just hilarious... albeit unfortunate. :P

Finally, the bit up in Scotland- is there a change in the wind? I'm excited to see what happens now their friendship has been repaired! :D

Great chapter as usual, I loved it! :D

Author's Response: Thanks Scott!

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Review #15, by accioHPFFWicked: Dark Reunions

22nd May 2012:
I really liked this! It was a great start to a story!

I really liked the concept of this, her hiding away and waiting to try and escape. There are so many questions that I can't wait to read on and find the answer to! :)

I liked how this was written! I did think some ideas were repeated and mentioned a couple of times, but I like your writing style!

I'm intrigued by Lucille's past, concerning the Death Eaters and Rabastan in particular :)

Overall, I thought this was a great opening chapter, and I can't wait to read more! :)

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Review #16, by accioHPFFBefore They Fall: Sirius Black

22nd May 2012:
Hi!

I think this was a really good start, especially for your first fanfiction!

I really liked the dynamics that you established between the characters. I thought Mr. and Mrs. Potter were very convincing in this, and I think you did well with Sirius, James and Lily too.

There were a couple of minor spelling mistakes that I noticed, but they didn't detract from the story! One thing I would say, I think you should use a few more contractions. In some of the dialogue particularly, you could use some contractions to make it seem perhaps a little more natural.

I really liked the way that you included Mrs. Black in this too, and the story regarding the money and Sirius' choice of career. I think that was quite a unique thing, and it worked really well!

The dialogue in this was really good! I think that apart from the lack of contractions, you managed to make it seem natural. The only comment I'd make here is that I think you could try to add a little more description, because I thought that there was quite a lot of dialogue.

A great start to your first fanfic! I'll be stopping by to review more soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will definitely try and work on more description and contractions. I hope to see your reviews again, this one was very appreciated and helpful!
-JChrissy


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Review #17, by accioHPFFMuggle Studies: Compulsions and Convulsions

21st May 2012:
Helen! I can't believe I didn't keep following this story better!

I really like what you did with this chapter, making it about Bonfire Night and the effects of Halloween. I think some of the anecdotes about what happened at Halloween was my favourite part, because it's just really funny, ennit :P

Some of the references you made were great :D One or two of them I didn't initially get, but I somehow knew you'd get a Sherlock reference in here :P

Overall, I loved this chapter! I really liked the way that he spoke to them about the chances of them surviving in the muggle world too. I don't know what else I can do, except list EVERYTHING in this chapter that I liked :P

Great job :)

Author's Response: Oh hey Scott! I can't believe you haven't been following it better either (loljokeI'mjokingyougetitit'snotveryfunnyI'msorry).

ENNIT. GOt to love a bit of humour. Ahahah, of course Sherlock was going to creep in there somehow! I was actually quite surprised I didn't get him in there sooner.

Thanks for a lovely review Scott! :)

-Ac


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Review #18, by accioHPFFJust Rose: Meeting the Parents

20th May 2012:
MARINA!

*did not race across to read this*

I don't know where to start with this...

Draco. Your description of Draco at the door made me wonder if it was actually somebody else! :P I can imagine Scorpius like that, but Draco being like he was in this chapter wasn't something I expected. I really liked the way that you portrayed both Draco and Astoria though, because you made them different to what people expect. I think that they would cherish their only son so much as to the point of calling him 'Scorpy' (which was hilarious :P).

I want to know more about what happened at the shop whilst Rose was away though. Boris being cheerful, and Matthew being tired? I hope that you shed some more light on why they're both like that. Also, I obviously can't wait to see Rose's reaction to what happened.

... I think that's all that I can say that has any worth, apart from the fact that I loved this chapter! :D

Author's Response: Haha! I hate writing Draco, so I sort of wanted to make him as weird as possible. This story is definitely already over the top, so I didn't think having a strange Draco was too out of the question ;)

Thanks so much for the review, Scott!


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Review #19, by accioHPFFMischief Managed: First Year: Settling In

18th April 2012:
Wow-

It's such a long time since I read the first chapter, and I can't believe I never got past it!

So... onwards with the review. :) I really liked how this was written; I like the format of writing all four POV's in a chapter. I think Remus and Peter's POV's were my favourite. I liked Remus' because you can see that he's fighting his demons, and he doesn't want to be unkind to anyone else in his condition. I enjoyed Peter's because I think the way that you slipped Lucius and Narcissa into this was excellent.

I enjoyed the parts which were written from James and Sirius' angles too, however, I'm left slightly unconvinced that they were instantly so mischievous, although maybe that's just me. I did really like the Bellatrix discussion though!

Overall, a great job! :D

-accioHPFF

Author's Response: Hi! :D

Awh - I'm glad you like Remus and Peter! Most readers are always wary of Peter due to knowing of his eventual betrayl - so I'm glad you're giving him a go! He's one of my favourites to write :)

I'm actually currently editing the first couple chapters - so hopefully you'll suddenly see a big grammatical/flow change if you carry on :P

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing - I hope that you enjoy the rest! :)

Keira x


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Review #20, by accioHPFFBetter Days Than These: I'm perfect and I know it... but I'm not snobbish at all, because that would be wrong and not at all perfect.

18th April 2012:
I really like how this was written, and think that it's an excellent opening chapter!

All of the little things that you wrote into her character- friends with the House-elf; in fact practically everyone, even the Carrows, although not her sister, were fantastic. I think the whole Azkaban care package type thing was something else that I especially liked.

My only problem with this was perhaps just with the wording of some small sections. I found that I had to reread a couple of parts because when I first read it, I wasn't quite sure what you had been meaning. Usually it was probably me trying to read it quickly to find out what was going on, but I just thought that was something. :)

The murder of a HOUSE ELF?! :O I can't wait to read more about that, and you've left me intrigued about what happened! I'll definitely be returning to find out more about that!

An excellent read. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I will go back and check on that. Perhaps I can straighten it out with another re-read. I appreciate the comments!
pix


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Review #21, by accioHPFFBrain Activity: Residue

28th March 2012:
Ash! :D

Well, firstly I feel compelled to mention your chapter image :P YAY.

I love this story so much! I just think it's brilliant, as I've told you before.

I really liked how you started this chapter, with Neville marking homework, and the descriptions and explanations that you planted in here were also great. I really liked how you wrote Neville's character throughout, but I thought the start was excellent.

Roger Davies? I think I may dislike him more than the zombie. :P I don't know what to say, other than that I think in future chapters, I can see him being a character who'll go out of his way to irritate Hermione. Although he's already doing it here. :P

I really like this story and think you've done a brilliant job writing this! I've never really read zombie fics, but I think this is such an interesting idea, I can't wait to find out more! :)

Author's Response: SCOTT!

I'm so glad that you liked my chapter! I have never really been good at writing Neville before, or, I guess i really haven't spent a whole lot of time writing him before so I had some fun doing this.

And I wasn't super familiar with Roger Davies character so I kinda had fun molding him how I wanted him to be.

I'm SO glad you liked this though, because I'm really trying to be different and unique so yay


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Review #22, by accioHPFFJust Rose: Can-Can You Dance?

26th March 2012:
Marina!

Firstly, the chapter title is hilarious.

Secondly, the chapter is hilarious. Thirdly, I love it.

I really liked how you managed to make her stay- the whole proving a point to people. You bought in the idea of wine tasting fairly early in the chapter, which I think I expected to be some kind of disaster.

But then you make us wait, because she and Teddy decide to go and have Can-Can lessons, with of course ends up as another awkward moment for her and Teddy :P You even said that they thought it would be less awkward, which only added to the comic effect. If only it were that simple for them :P

I think my favourite moment in that scene was where Teddy had to put on the Can-Can skirt. The thought of his reaction was so funny. This was closely followed by the thought of them being told to leave, with the instructor simply pointing them towards the door.

THEN comes the drama at the winery, which we were waiting for ever since the start of the chapter. Of course it doesn't end well, and this leads on to the scene at the very end, which I have a feeling she may regret in the next chapter :P

I love the way that you write this, because the tone you write in means that I'm interested and constantly laughing.

I can't wait to see what happens next time! Great job!

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you liked the title. I'm reaching the end of my NaNo chapters now, and they were untitled so I'm thinking of titles as I post. It's hard to think of one so long after writing, but it's good to know you liked this one.

Can-can was a weird idea, but that's what you get when you combine NaNo and this story. It's hard to work out what's resulted from NaNo madness or just the story set-up in general ;)

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks so much for reviewing :)


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Review #23, by accioHPFFAll The Wild Things: The Heaven Hotel

26th March 2012:
KEELY!

As you know, I've just seen this updated and wow, I really enjoyed this chapter!

I can see some similarities between this and The Human Factor, because I get the feeling that there are some things about Albus that you're holding back on. Maybe I'm wrong, but I did get that feeling- although of course, Albus is seen to be a lot friendlier in this.

I really like the way you wrote about "The Heaven Hotel", although I don't think I'd want to stay there myself. :P I think it's really interesting how you wrote about her expecting to miss it, even though it's this horrible place.

At several points in this, you made me laugh with this, especially with the hostility from Scorpius. I think James is probably my favourite character of the three, although I'm sure my opinions will change as you reveal more.

I know that more will be revealed through the story, and I can't wait to find out more about Chandler and her past!

Author's Response: Hey :) I'm so glad you liked this chapter, I'm always unsure of everything! Yes. There is a lot of things that are being held back on. Albus isn't as messed up as THF Albus, but he has his own secrets. There are some differences but some similarities, I guess.

Haha, I really wanted to show that it wasn't a great place, but Chandler loved it anyway. She likes the simple things, she's used to surviving on minimal things and doesn't need much to be happy. But you're right, I wouldn't want to stay there either.

Haha, James aye? And it's so much fun writing a grumpy Scorpius!

Yes! There will ;) Thanks so much for the review! I hope you have a wonderful day and I'll try to update soon! xxx


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Review #24, by accioHPFFBrain Activity: The Zombie Lord

4th March 2012:
I liked this. It was really great.

I really like the transformation; that final scene was brilliant. I think the way that you explained how he was transformed was excellent, and the dread when she realised the consequences of what she had done was also really good.

There were some minor issues, although they are really very small, so that's nothing to worry about. They can be corrected easily enough. :)

I also really enjoyed the difference between the start and end of the chapter. At the start, she knew that she shouldn't do what she did, which contrasted really nicely to the end where she did it regardless. I also like the turning point in the chapter, where she visits Ginny and Albus. That was awesome.

I've never read a zombie fic before, but I really enjoyed this, and look forward to chapter two. :) I hope your write quickly! :P

Author's Response: Wo! Alright! Well I'm glad you liked it, first and foremost! I think it's funny, the scene where he transformed was literally the most furiously I Was writing and, personally, I think the worst written scene. Though I have edited it since you wrote this so it's not Quite as bad as it was before. I did do a few edits so I hope that I corrected some of the issues that you found :) I love that you loved my zombie! He's quite lovely, isn't he :p

THANKS FOR READING!


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Review #25, by accioHPFFHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Everything That Ever Mattered

27th February 2012:
Wow! That was written so nicely!

At first I wondered why it was such a one-sided conversation, but then I realised that at this point, Ginny was already dead.

I really liked certain parts of Harry's speech, such as the section about Neville still being nervous around Snape, and the sadness regarding Narcissa's death.

I loved the description of the environment around him in this, and I loved the turning point within the chapter, where suddenly the perfect environment is ruined, and everything becomes darker again.

:)

Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed this. It's a very emotional chapter, and I tried hard to conceal the true nature of Harry's conversation for as long as I could so that the entire thing wasn't one long sob-fest.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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