At long last, I'm finally getting around to the rest of this story, which it appears you are almost finished with, very exciting!
The characterization, and Brienne in particular, continue to be very strong. I enjoyed her little quirks, such as slipping back into her French accent when she is sick, and we can continue to see the difficulty of her situation and how she is handling it in a very believable way.
I also enjoyed the way you keep incorporating the events from Book 3 and showing Brienne's perspective of them, but also while maintaining the canon integrity of the events by not trying to give her a bigger role in them. This is what makes the story seem as if it could have realistically been occurring concurrently with Harry's.
Also, as much as we all like Sirius now, I can remember how terrifying he seemed before the relevant plot twists, and that really came acrross here. The suspense continues to build!Author's Response: Hi! It's so good to see a review from you again!
Since you nominated Brienne last year for Best Original Character, I'm very glad you think her characterisation is consistant :) Thank you!
I really want this to be parallel to the original. I hate when OC's are shoehorned into the original story and it just doesn't fit.
Thank you so much! Report Review
I read through this a few times, and each time I noticed new layers. I can't really do it justice in a review, but there was such a poetic flow to the writing that manged to make such efficient use of every word.
These events were such a pivotal era in Dumbledore's life, and we only really got a brief description of them in the books. You really conveyed the whirlwind of emotions Dumbledore experienced, from being seduced by Grindelwald's vision of power, to watching his family be ripped apart, as well as realizing that Grindelwald was not the person he though he was and questioning everything he believes in.
The analogy of the albatross was well used, and while the thought of Dumbledore intentionally killing his sister may be a bit disconcerting, the overwhelming feeling of guilt and regret was very well captured.
On another note, the historian in me absolutely loves picturing young Dumbledore in the same Victorian setting as Holmes and Watson.Author's Response: Wow, thank you! :D One thing I like about this 500 word challenge is the need to not only make every word count, but to include as much as possible within those words. I wasn't sure whether enough of the story had come through - I had so much in mind about the Dumbledores and Albus's interactions with Grindelwald that it seemed like there was no way of fitting it into this structure. It is, however, excellent to hear that it isn't the case, that the story still conveys as much as I hoped it would.
It's still up in the air whether Dumbledore purposely killed her or not. If he did, it was either because he believed he was doing her a favour or because he worried about what Grindelwald would do to her, how he would use her as propaganda. It doesn't make the act right in any way, but I wanted to put that possibility out there. There's too much left unsaid in the series - it's not even known whether Dumbledore feels guilt and regret because of Ariana's death or because he loved Grindelwald. An incredible amount of potential is lost in a single moment, and it's great to hear that this story managed to capture that effectively.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this! It was fantastic to hear your feedback! :) Report Review
So its been way too long since I left off with the last chapter, but better late than never, it's great to be back.
I really enjoyed the way you've seamlessly adapted the classic trappings of politics and bureaucracy into the magical world; something we got a some good glimpses at in the books, but would be much more prevalent to the story when the characters are older and working.
You've also done an excellent job at portraying the character's mental states, particularly Harry. I could really feel the tension of all the pressures he was under, and how its tearing him apart to see Hermione in that state and not be able to tell her the whole truth, and also the lingering fears he must have about a renewed war.
Lady Tenabra seems like a classic villain; she had that intense chill about her when she spoke, and you could tell that she is not somebody to mess with. I feel like Flint and company don't really appreciate what they're getting into.
The plot continues to be very compelling, and I hope to read the rest of the story in the near future.Author's Response: Hi, there! It has been a long time. I'm so glad you came back.
As much as I feel like the Ministry went through a "golden age" under Kingsley's leadership after the death of Voldemort, the pendulum swings both ways. Governments, as a general rule of thumb, can't handle prosperity and success for very long without messing it up somehow. You're correct; the canon characters are much more aware of the goings on inside the Ministry now because of their age and professions.
Poor Harry isn't mentally well and he really hasn't been since Ginny's death. Hermione has been one of the anchors of his life since he was 11 years old, so he definitely doesn't deal well with how close he came to losing her.
Flint and his friends have *no idea* who they're messing with, but they'll find out soon enough. Aside from her eloquence, Tenabra also has a talent for manipulating the circumstances to her advantage, as you'll soon see.
I do hope you get a chance to read more. Thanks for the great review! Report Review
So it's been far too long since I read the first chapter, and hopefully it will be a lot shorter than that before I go on to read the next one.
This is a very fascinating era of canon, as we only get to see glimpses of it in the books, and the glimpses we see are pretty much caricatures of what the characters were like at that age, so you definitely have a lot to work with.
While the glimpse we see of James/Lily at that age involves the infamous scene with Snape from their 5th year, James obviously matured a lot from that point to the point where they ended up together, and I think you've done a really good job at showing the seeds of that here, given the mature and sensitive way he was handling Lily's loss. We also know that Lily's parents have to die before Harry is born, so it's always interesting to see how writers incorporate that.
Overall so far we can see how the events around James and Lily are forcing them to grow up at a young age, and I can only imagine its going to get more serious when the war becomes a factor.
Also, I have to commend you for including Peter, and also in a way that seems pretty accurate as to how I'd picture Peter at that age. Far too often he is totally left out.
This chapter gave us a really good sense of Lily's inner struggles, and how they ultimately may draw her closer to James. I'll try to read more soon!Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you enjoyed this second chapter, and I know how that can happen with RL getting busy and a story sort of getting pushed back.
Peter is definitely left out way too often. I've sort of gotten a nice head canon around him which helps a lot with writing him and making sure he is included as one of the friends and not just a tag along.
I'm really happy you liked the start of James and Lily growing up. Really, I think James could have matured over anything. Just the war starting, or more specifically them realizing how bad the war actually is, would have done it probably. But I figured to use Lily' parents' death as a nice little stepping stone ;).
Thank you so much for this lovely review ♥
Btw, I'm always very curious about your username. haha. I may have to google it.
Wow, what an opening!
First of all, I'm really into history, particularly the Cold War era, so the narrator's backstory of growing up in East Germany grabbed my attention right away.
The descriptions that set up the opening scene were very well done. It gave a a good mental image of the man and woman, as well as creating a sense of urgency and foreboding about the scene. I particularly noticed the use of "puggish," which was a very nice subtle reference that tipped me off that the woman was actually Pansy.
I am very much intrigued by Mr. Baader, and I would like to find out more about what exactly his job is and how he got involved in it. Whatever the case, he is certainly in the middle of a lot of intrigue. As for the mysterious blonde man, I have a guess as to who it may be, but I'll just have to wait and see if I'm right or not.
The closing notification of Pansy's death really brought home the sense of imminent danger and let me wanting to know what happens next.
Great job! Report Review
The first paragraph had some very effective descriptive language that really had a spooky feel to it, and the rest of the chapter seemed to follow with the same dark sense of foreboding.
It seems that Dominique is making a very foolish decision by entering the forest during the full moon, but on the other hand, we can tell that she enjoys breaking exclusive stories, and she is willing to go to great lengths for her job, but you still have to wonder what she was thinking.
It was interesting to see Dominique's reactions to werewolves given her family history, and I'm sure this will be explored some more.
There was a nice build up to the climax at the end, and while I had a pretty good guess where things were going, the bite can still be a bit startling. It will be interesting to see what happens to her next.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked the descriptions and it felt sort of spooky to you, as that was my aim.
Yes it is true, Dominique made a foolish decision but she loves her job too much to give it up!
Yes, her reactions will definitely be explored through the story gradually.
I am pleased that you liked the build up and the climax, and found it interesting. I hope you like the future chapters =) Report Review
As a huge sports fan, I'm really enjoying this so far. The descriptions of the characters, who seem to be quite the band of misfits, and the conditions of the club set the tone that they are they classic underdogs who nobody expects much of; the type of characters that are the protagonists of most sports movies.
It was very interesting to see Oliver at this stage in his life and how he seems to be finding a new outlet for his competitive spirit. It reminded me of an article I was reading recently about Michael Jordan and how it's hard for him to deal with getting old when he still has the same drive, but his body has slowed down. I'm sure its a similar case for somebody like Oliver, and he'll be just as driven as a manager as he was a as a player. I'd be interested to see a little more of his intervening backstory such as his investments and how he got into coaching, but maybe that will be discovered throughout the rest of the story.
This was a very interesting opening, and needless to say I'd like to keep reading.Author's Response: Hi there!
I am glad your enjoying this! I am in no way, shape or form a sporty person, so I feel a bit out of my depth, but thank you for that, I'm glad to hear I'm on the right track
Olivers past will be revealed in later chapters, as will how he came back to coaching! Oliver is definitely still as competitive as ever!
Please do keep reading! :)
Thank you so much for such a nice review!! Report Review
So I have to commend you on how well you were able to capture overwhelming and all consuming grief in a very short space. We can feel the pain of Draco's inner struggles; what Catherine meant to him, what transpired during the war, and what had been taken from him. The pure emotion really comes through.
I also though the repetition of the phrases "come with me" and "avada kedavra" was very effective. It really drives home how much Draco is tormented by her memory and the desperation that it ultimately drives him to. I don't know if you've seen Inception or not, but Catherine's role kind of reminded me of Leo DiCaprio's wife in that movie.
It's great to see how you're continuing to grow as a writer.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.
I am pleased that you found the grief captured well in this short fic. I am so glad that emotion came through to you and you could understand Draco's pain etc.
I always wanted to try out something of this sort - repetition and all - and its great to receive positive feedback on it. I haven't seen Inception actually (I want to though) but it is flattering that you can compare my OC to a wonderful movie's character.
Thank you so much for your awesome review! I hope to grow more as a writer in the future with all you readers' support! Report Review
Here from review tag!
This looks like an interesting idea for a story. Most pregnancy stories I see involve kids that are still at Hogwarts, so it's a nice change to see one where the characters are older and married.
If I may make a couple suggestions, one would be kind of minor, and that would just be paying more attention to details. There were a couple points where it mentioned "Muggle" devices like clocks, and I think that it just might help to remember that it's Harry Potter and that there is magic involved.
Also, the ending felt a little abrupt. I understand that you wanted to have a cliffhanger, but in this case, I thought it felt like the scene just stopped in the middle.
You did a good job of introducing Albus' character and his relationship with Ruby, and it will be interesting to see where things go from here.Author's Response: Hi!
I am glad you liked the story =)
Oo right off course. though honestly I feel that Al would still have a clock and Ruby is a muggle born witch so it seems like it would be right
ahah! I must have got caught in the whole story and not realized how aburt it was.
Thank you! I am glad you liked it =) Report Review
Here I am finally for the review swap!
The first thing I wanted to point out is that I really enjoyed the depth you've given Scorpius, a far cry from the typical Slytherin stud with quidditch toned abs we're all too familiar with. Without getting bogged down in background information, you managed to convey a good picture of everything he had been through, especially the grief of losing his mother. I think the Malfoys are pretty complex characters beneath their stereotypical exterior, and you captured that very well.
It was also very interesting to see the new status of the Malfoy family. In the books, they were basically aristocracy, but it seems highly unlikely that the familiar societal structure would still be in place after the war, and I could easily see the Malfoy's sort of fading into obscurity as the world around them changes. Also, Narcissa seemed to be able to bring out what little good there was in Lucius, and I imagine Astoria may have had something of a similar effect on Draco, so it is very interesting to see what a Malfoy Manor with no women will entail.
The relationship between Scorpius and Lily seemed delightfully complex as well, and I'm very interested to see how it develops from here. In a way it sort of reminded me of Snape's relationship with the original Lily, but I'm sure there's much more to come where they're involved.
This story is very intriguing so far, and I will definitely be back for moreAuthor's Response: Hi, Cassius. I'm so glad liked Scorpius. I really enjoy writing Next-Gen characters because you get the freedom to develop personalities, but still have something to draw on given what we know about the parents/grandparents. I'm happy you liked what you saw of him here.
Obscurity is pretty much exactly how I imagine the Malfoys 25+ years on. Whatever punishment they had for their part in the war is probably behind, but it's unlikely the name would carry much prestige anymore. It's just more their own internal dramas now.
Scorpius and Lily's relationship is meant to be complex (or as much as is possible for characters their age) but without being the main focus of the story. I love the idea that it reminds you a bit of Snape and Lily since Snape is part of this story, and Lily II's feelings for Scorpius will motivate her actions much the same way that Snape's did for him.
Thank you for this lovely review. I'm really glad we got paired up for the swap this time around. Report Review
Back again for chapter 6! and it appears that this chapter is tearing at my emotions in Downton Abbey-esque fashion.
Roderick finally made his long awaited return to the story, only to cruelly dash our heroine's hopes and dreams. But alas, a true Mary Sue must have her heart broken at least once in the story, and now that's another box you can successfully check off. Peony's innocent obliviousness to everything going on around her is managing to be hilarious and endearing at the same time.
And now that her house elf friend is gone, she managed to find an even more fitting companion in the lamb; she really is the ultimate Sue.
I can only imagine what's in store when she meets Aberforth!Author's Response: Hey!
I hope you don't have to repair your emotions too much after reading this. That sounds like a lot of extra work. How did you know about the checklist?? Haha. I kind of had one for this, and Breaking Peony's Heart was definitely on it. How does this girl manage to be funny and endearing at the same time? If I knew that, I'd write like this all the time.
I loved creating that little lamb. It has all the quirky components I could ever hope to have. And it's creepy too, so double points!
I hope you appreciate her meeting with Aberforth. That scene was fun to write too!
Until next time! Report Review
So I've been meaning to read the rest of the story for a while, and now I'm finally getting around to it!
Peony continues to be pretty much the perfect Mary Sue. Her appearance, her mannerisms, and the way you just can't help liking her. While she has all the basic hallmarks, especially the newly discovered powerful ancestor, it's a lot of the more subtle lines that I think really make the story work so well.
Additionally, I have to commend you for the rare feat of managing to balance creating a ridiculous Sue with also having an actual plot in the story. Well one would expect a parody story to have some humorous construct of a plot, this one even manages to be suspenseful to the point that we're actually worried about who this mysterious murderer might be.
I should be getting to the rest pretty soon, looks good so far!Author's Response: Welcome back!
You found the plot! Hooray! That was the one thing I wanted to stick out: that the story is actually going somewhere. I may have chosen a ridiculous path, but still. And you found it suspenseful too? Double bonus!
Thanks for coming by and reading and reviewing! Report Review
So this younger version of Narcissa with Draco seems to fit in very well with the image we see of Narcissa in book 7 during the final battle; seemingly right in the thick of things with the death eaters, but much more concerned with the safety of her family over anything else. You did a good job of portraying her strong maternal instincts and how that would be her driving force in the situation.
You mentioned the departures from canon, but aside from a couple details, it still didn't seem too far off from what was likely happening despite being AU. If Lucius was able to conjure a patronus, a peacock is certainly an interesting choice. It seems symbolic of his deep pride and boastful appearance, which would be a good metaphor.
The scene with the boggart was particularly effective; it provided us with a brief moment to gasp, before putting things back in the proper perspective.
Overall this was an insightful look at Narcissa's character and role as a mother.Author's Response: Thanks for reading & reviewing!
I am glad you found this younger Narcissa close to canon, and liked the highlight of her maternal instincts.
Ah, I couldn't have explained the significance of the peacock patronus better. I thought along the same lines :)
I am glad you liked the boggart scene, it took me a few tries to get it just right with the flow xD
Thanks again! Glad you liked it! Report Review
The first thing that really jumps out is that I really have to compliment the imagery in this story. The descriptive language was very effective. Through the early sections, there seemed to be a growing sense of dark foreboding, and it comes to a head as it reaches the climax in the cave. It was not melodramatic at all, I really think it fit the event well.
The characterization of Regulus was very interesting as well. We could sense his inner conflict and how the more he tried to please those around him, the more isolated he became. It's also totally believable that he would have grown up in Sirius' shadow, and would have a major chip on his shoulder about that.
My only minor criticism is some of the punctuation such as not capitalizing "i's", but then again, maybe that's artistic license and you meant to do it.Author's Response: Hey!
I had a lot of fun with the wolves and cockroaches and zombies and so on, so I'm glad you liked it. Especially the cave. I learnt like ten new ways of saying 'caves are dark' from writing that.
I adore Regulus and his awkward way of trying to rescue everyone from themselves. (Or at least, that's how I see it.) He's just so much fun to kill off, especially with his complicated relationships with pretty much everyone at this point, etc. etc.
I actually tried capitalising words the first few times I wrote VI, but it didn't really work, because I'm picky like that.
Thank you for your review! :) Report Review
Back for chapter 2!
The interactions between the Marauders was very well done, managing to represent both a normal realistic group of teens as well as what we know about their personalities from the books. Beth seemed to fit seemlessly into it as well, and she seems like a character many readers would relate to . Snape's entering vibe was well executed, and it will be interesting to see what kind of tension Beth's feelings may cause with her friends.
So much more to read!
-JamesAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you came back for the second chapter! And I'm pleased you liked the interactions between the Marauders, too. I've really loved writing their friendship in this story, arguably more than the romantic aspect between Beth and Snape! Realism is something I always, always strive for in writing, so hearing that it was realistic to you is very much appreciated. :)
I didn't set out to write this story knowing that adding in a fifth Marauder (especially a female one) was cliche, and I'm very happy that she fits in well with the others.
Thank you so much, once again, for giving this a shot! I honestly can't tell you what it means to me. Here's hoping to see you back very soon, and I really do appreciate what you're doing for me! Report Review
So I'm finally getting around to start reading this, but I've heard nothing but good things.
I have to say that Beth appears to be a character that grabs your attention right away (partly because I'm in love with Katie McGrath, but that's besides the point) But anyway, you get extra points for degree of difficulty for taken on the classic "5th Marauder" idea. It seems convincing so far, and if she isn't being shipped with Sirius, then it's already very original. I enjoyed the banter between the friends, and I also give you credit for including Peter in the group.
This looks like it's going to be a good read!Author's Response: Hi! I'm SO excited you're reading this, by the by, and I can't wait to see what you think of it. I'm so happy you've heard good things about it, too! I'm a bit invested in this story. ;)
I didn't go into writing this knowing that tackling a fifth Marauder was a huge and heavy cliche, so hearing that it is so far original is really very gratifying! Beth's a lot like me in some ways (and nothing like me in others), so I'm always curious to see how she comes across to other people. Sirius is an interesting character in Beth's life, and I think you'll get a better taste of that in In The Red -- but they are never an item, which is something overused that I was only too happy to steer away from!
Another aside: People just don't include Peter enough in stories. I know we, as readers, are prejudiced because we know what he becomes, but James and Sirius and Remus had no idea what he would grow up to do. Thank you for positively mentioning that!
Thanks so much for the review! ♥ I'm madly excited, and I hope very much that you'll enjoy this as you go. Hoping to see you back soon! Report Review
This is awesome!
I always thought about when I was reading the books how much Dumbledore withhld information for the sak of creating reader's suspense that really wasn't fair to Harry. If he was in charge of an actual school, I can only imagiine the multitude of lawsuits that would have resulted.
I seriously LOL'd picturing Richard Harris saying some of these lines.Author's Response: You're the king of writing Voldemort crackfics, so I'm very pleased to hear that you enjoyed this. I like taking swings at people who are supposed to be noble, invincible, high up on a pedestal, etc., and bring them down to size. If Dumbledore and Hogwarts were real, I'm thinking he would be sued within an inch of his life for his extreme negligence, favoritism, hypocrisy, dangerous living conditions, and not being smart enough to notice a Death Eater masquerading as Moody for AN ENTIRE YEAR. The way he forced people to trust him with no explanation, even though oftentimes he was wrong, proves that he never stopped hungering for and abusing power.
lol, Richard Harris. He's hip to that jive, yo.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I hav to say that I really enjoyed your portrayal of Snape, who is a very complex and difficult character to write. I liked how you inocrporated how he blamed himself for Lily's death and every time he saw Harry it reminded himself of his failingsand continued a self destructive cycle that made him seem outwardly bitter and lashing out at those around him. He is a very layered character with some complex emotional turmoil, and you were able to make that come accross in such a short story, so major credit for that.
James and Lily's entrance into the story was well placed as well. Lily very often comes off as pretty Mary Sue-ish, but here she definetely wasn't. i liked how you showed that she had some flaws, but Snape loved her in spite of that.
I'm generally not a fan of Snap/Lily, but this was a good read.Author's Response: Hi there!
I'm glad you liked my portrayal of Snape, he WAS extremely difficult to write!
Lily is always seen as 'perfect' and she never does any harm, but she was human and she did have faults, and I wanted to convey that Snape didn't love her because she was perfect, he loved because she was imperfect.
Wow, that's so cliche! :p
Anyway, don't worry, I'm not a Snape/Lily fan either, never in a million years but I'm glad that you thought this was a good read. :)
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
This was a really good one shot. It was an interesting choice of structure which worked very effectively. We could see how each seperate sin affected Snape in a very real way, and it kind of came full circle to explain why he ended up the way he is. I could really go on rambling for a while, but keep up the good work!Author's Response: Hey -- great to see you by here! Mel's status really made me smile, and yours and Susan's responses to it, even more so. :3 I'm happy you took the time to swing by!
I'm really actually quite relieved that you were able to see the sins so clearly; another reviewer of mine had a bit of trouble with it, and I was worried it was too vague, you know? But there was definitely, as I told Susan in an earlier response, a full-circle aspect to the thing. I feel like you just got this one-shot. :D
Thanks once more for this review! I've been meaning to run by lately and review some more of your stories, incidentally; I have yet to finish all of your Voldemort stories, you know. ;) Hoping to see you back by here again soon! Report Review
As I suspected, Greg is in Slytherin! It seemed like it was heading in that direction all along, but you threw in just enough of a misdirection with the Hufflepuff stuff, but it kind of felt similar to Harry's sorting in the books.
It's interesting to see how the boy's seem to be ashamed of Slytherin's repuation, while the Slytherins in the books seemed to revel in it. But that's probably realistic given the events that occured and the light that would cast Slytherin in.
The sorting scene was really well done, and it seemed to capture the dynamics of the hat and ceremony well. Greg's sorting showed a lot about his character and the challenges he will likely face. Theo adds a new dimension to the story as well, and it will be interesting to watch the new friendships develop.Author's Response: What gave it away?!
The world of these muggle-born Slytherins is completely removed from the world of JKR's books. The last of the pupils (not) present at the final battle, and "taught" by the Carrows, have graduated, and there's a void to fill.
Thanks again for the reviews! Report Review
So it's been quite a while since I read the first couple chapters, but luckily I was able to get up to speed pretty quickly and remember where I left off.
It was very interesting to see the dynamics of how the houses would interact in the post war years, and how far Slytherin has fallen. It was very easy to believe, since the snakes didn't exactly aquit themselves well in the final battle, and I would imagine public opinion would have turned very much against slytherins and purebloods in general after voldy's defeat.
Since it's the era between Hogwarts and Next Gen, you pretty much have to make up all your own characters, which you have done a good job of so far. The way the boys interact with each other and thir banter was a very believable depiction of how boys around that age would act (since I'd like to think it wasn't that long ago that I was one of them haha) And I absolutely loved th football references, very well played.
Overall I think the story is moving at a pretty good pace and it will be interesting to see which house he ends up in, although I think I might have a guess:)Author's Response: Thanks very much - pleased to read that the momentum is easily retained and the setting feels realistic.
I spend too long on football terraces to give it up that easily... tables have turned a little for Exeter and Plymouth since this was written, though! Report Review
So I think you're really starting to sell me on the Remus/Sirius ship now. In the scenes you traced throughout their lives, it really shows how intertwined they could have been, and how they could have provided the perfect comfort and support for each other throughout their equally rough lives. In particular, you portrayed Remus' character really well, and how much of a truly tragic figure he was with evrything that happened to him, and how much sympathy we would have in just wanting somthing to finally go right for him.
The creating of the map was an intersting flashback, and it really served as the perfect metaphor for the other events we see and Remus' role in life. If I wasn't familiar with canon, I would hope that this could b the beginning of a lov story that finally ends well, but knowing how they meet their fate, the tale becomes awfully tragic.
This is overall a really excellenty written story. Thanks for the swap!
-JamesAuthor's Response: I won't complain about any Remus/Sirius converts. ;)
I really admire Remus's strength as a character and the tragedy of it all really draws me in as an author. It makes me sad to think what could have been for these two characters, had their lives taken different paths in life.
I really wanted the map to be the starting point of it all, of Remus's life as a cartographer. I agree - everything is tragic. So depressing!
Thank you so much for the review. Report Review
This is a very interesting idea for a story I must say. While it was intresting to get to see Riddle's background in book 6, it really did raise a lot of questions, which you were able to humorously exploit here. I'm curious to see what other moments you will highlight.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you liked it. It makes me feel better about already having all the other scenes planned ;) Thank you for the review!
~cb ") Report Review
So you definitely made every word count here. You obviously couldn't go into too much detail or background with the word limit, but it managed to capture the essence of what is clearly a very complex and extremely unhealthy relationship.
Marlene's emotional conflict came accross very well, and we can see the turmoil of how she knows they shouldn't be together, but is somehow more attracted to him because she knows it's wrong. Travers meanwhile seems very controling and posseive, which is pretty much exactly how I would picture a future death eater in this situation.
Great use of the challenge!Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review! Iâm glad you noticed that. Their relationship is really complex and there were many issues lurking beneath the surface that I just touched upon. And he did end up killing her. Many women and girls in real life experienced the same but what they donât take in account that this is perhaps more dangerous than they thought. In her case she ended up death.
So I saw this story get some Dobby nominations (congrats by the way) so I had to check it out.
I have to say that this story was very well done. It was a difficult subject matter, but Astoria's emotions and inner conflict at being abused but still wanting to believe that her father still had good in him was very effective. It was also good to see how Astoria can be something of a redemdtive influence for Draco.
The song lyrics seemed to be perfectly integrated into the story, and it overall it seemed to flow very well.Author's Response: Thank you so much for checking this out, as well as the congratulations! I loved giving Draco the rule of the savior, and though it was far from Astoria's fault she was broken, she *was* broken.
Thank you so much for this wonderful review!! ♥ Report Review
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