Reading Reviews From Member: kjp
51 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kjpThe Fight: Prologue

23rd April 2013:
whoa this was amazing! your writing is fantastic, I couldn't keep my eyes away. in some fanfics I tend to find myself skipping over paragraphs that seem so long (yes I know lazy :P ) but on this one I was so drawn in.
I'm kjp by the way for your requested review.
I must say i'm quite confused on what is happening, but in a sort of I really want to know whats going to happen next.
I'm actually wondering why this story doesn't have loads and loads of reviews already, i think its probably because its different to most fanfics and most fanfic readers tend to stick to what they usually read, but I think this story deserves more tbh :D
Sorry its quite short but all I have to say about this chapter is it's an amazing introduction and your characterization is brilliant, again i'm confused about the whole hermione granger thing but that's probably me being stupid. I really want to know what happens next :D feel free to come request another review :D

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Review #2, by kjpIn the Distance of Bravery : 1

21st April 2013:
Hi :D its kjp, I know you requested a review ages ago (like ages ago, 8 months or something) and i'm only just getting round to them. Again so sorry
On with the review...
The plot seems quite simple so far and i'm intrested to know where it'll lead and i seemed to be able to get into the story quite easily, with some fanfics it takes me awhile to be able to know where I am and stuff but yours was perfect and it flowed well.
One thing I did notice that it was only half way through the chapter did I realize who actually was talking (which I realize is Lucy) i'd advise perhaps making it clearer at the beginning :D but it wasn't that big of an issue.
The flashbacks were fine, they're an important part of the story so they do need to be kept and I didn't see any problem with going back into a flashback :D
Be careful not to make the chapter too long, some readers may get bored and stop reading if a chapter is too long. I would perhaps shorten this chapter a little, i'll be honest I did find myself skipping over some parts but the length isn't really a big thing to worry about it can easily be sorted out :D
Again sorry for how long it took me to get this too you :D Its a great story so far :D
- kjp

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! It doesn't matter it was late - better late than never, right? :P I'm late at responding, so sorry for that! I know the length of these chapters is a bit of a problem... But somehow I can't bring myself to be bothered by it. These things need to be included and are quite important for the whole setting of things. I prefer long chapters to short ones when reading, but I think that's just a personal preference, really ;) Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #3, by kjpRevolution: Chapter Two: Hold Me Tight

21st April 2013:
I think so far in this story you have a really intresting plot going. its kinda a love square, with Ginny loving Harry, Harry sort of between Hermione and Ginny and Ron in love with Hermione. I must admit i'm kinda confused with what Harry is feeling, its not very clear but other than that its really good :D
Sorry its just a short review and also it took me so long to get to this review (8 months i think, i'm sooo sorry) :D
- kjp

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Review #4, by kjpUnhinging The Mask That Is Lily Evans: Getting Started

21st April 2013:
So i know its been what ten months since I you asked for a review and I'm so, so, sorry for not coming sooner, I havn't been on the forums in ages. But i'm coming back around to it :D again i'm so sorry.
Anyway back to the story, I think its amazing, i didn't spot any grammar or spelling mistakes and your characterization of James is incredible, i like your version of all your characters, its like you've switched the two around and I'm really excited to read more about what happens.
I must be honest it did get a little confusing when it first changed to past and present and I found myself having to re-read it again because I wasn't sure where I was. But once I got into it I found it incredibly easy and it seemed to flow.
I loved it though :D
- kjp
p.s. Sorry again for the lateness :D

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Review #5, by kjpLost in Time: Running

19th March 2013:
ah! I'm so excited, this chapter wasn't boring at all. I'm literally in love with Al's character in this story, Most people expect him to be a little like Harry but your Albus is totally opposite :D
Update soon
- kjp

Author's Response: So happy you liked it! :D Yeah, I always meant for Al to be different than Harry personality-wise. It's also my head-canon. Thanks for the review, and I'll try to update as soon as I can! :)


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Review #6, by kjpWillows and Wood.: Truths (of sorts)

7th November 2012:
I haven't read this in ages, i'm ashamed of myself. Great chappy, now stop reading this review and go update! :P

Author's Response: I finally have -- my lateness to update compensates you not reading this, so I guess we're even! And I've missed you by the way :)

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Review #7, by kjpRevolution: Chapter One: Girl

3rd October 2012:
I am no sorry its taken me so long to get this review too you. I'm kjp from the hpff forums. I'm just all over the place at the moment and it just slipped from my mind. So again i'm so sorry.
I'll stop saying sorry now before I end up not saying anything else.
You have a excellent start here, I can see you have the basics down for all the characters and seem to be able to write them well. I would advise getting a banner because you have no idea how much that draws people towards the stories (shamefully I usually only read stories with banners- yes its bad I know)
Another thing to point out is that towards the beginning of the story I think you're paragraphs are too long too many times. I think its better if their are loads of short ones rather than not so many longer ones (Am I making any sense right now?)
Other than that its a great start and i'll be interested to hear more from you.
I'm not going to bore you with grammar because i'm terrible with spotting that but I just want to say sorry again and If you want another review please come ask again i'll try as best as I can to get it done sooner.
- kjp :D
9/10 from me :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the begining of this story, and as far as the banner I have one.. I've just had a hard time posting it because the the link leeps breaking :( But I'm working on getting it up ;)

I'll be back requesting the next chapter soon ;)
Thanks for the R&R


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Review #8, by kjpClandestine: Crescendo

22nd September 2012:
Hey i'm kjp from the harrypotterfanfiction forums with your requested review.
I've got to say that your writing has great style and you thought about all the choice of wording perfectly something that others have trouble with doing. You made it seem like every word counted which is amazing.
Sometimes I got confused with what was going on, or where the story was leading and it didn't make sense (perhaps its just me) but it took me a few lines to realize what was happening something that might stress readers out and therefor stop them from reading.
Your characters were great, especially rose, you've got the basics down for her character and I loved it. Lily as I always thought she would be was a little too perfect. We didn't really get to know much about Scorpius which i'd be really interested to know about.
Overall the stories good, but i'd just make it a little clearer to the audience what is going on every time you change scenery . Other than that a excellent story and i'd rate it 8/10
- kjp :D

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks for stopping by! I'm sorry that my response has taken so long. I've been busy.

I'm glad you liked my word choice. The story was meant to be a little confusing. I definitely wouldn't want to stress readers out, though! Thanks for pointing out specifically what I could improve upon to make that clearer.

I'm happy to hear that you liked the characterization, too. The reader isn't meant to know much about Scorpius in this story. He's more like a background figure. It's the perception of him from Rose and Lily that really is more important here, or so I think.

Thanks for your kind review!


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Review #9, by kjpUntil Sunlight Comes : Run, run, run, run (until sunlight comes)

19th September 2012:
Hello i'm kelsey (kjp) from the harrypotterfanfiction forums with your requested review.
I've got to say your style of writing is brilliant, I love it. It actually reminds me a little bit of Jk rowling's style and you have the ability to write in third person which most people on Hpff sometimes struggle with.
I think the stories flow went too fast for my liking and you rushed it a bit. Don't get me wrong your story is great but perhaps making it a little slower pace. You said that Remus was in love with Esther when they'd only just started a relationship which is one example of going to fast.
Your characters were great and extremely believable in my eyes. Although I think Remus would have been a little bit more nervous around Esther if he really did like her. Esther sounded like a really strong girl and I like to see that in a main character :D
Please come back for another review
- kjp

Author's Response: Hello!

Really? Thank you! JK's style?! *fan-girling insanely* Sorry, I had to take a moment to regain my mind *is still fan-girling* Thank you! I've been writing in third person for years now, I have always found it the easiest and most effective ways to write stories (I don't mind first person but if written terribly, I can't stand it!)

Slow the pace you say? Thank you for pointing that out; I'll defiantly keep that in mind when I go back and edit it :) You're the second person to say that so it's defiantly something I need to work on :P

Yes, Remus was in love with Esther but (and I forgot to mention this in the story) he had liked her for six years - basically since he met her on the train to Hogwarts in their first year. And also, Sirus said that Remus loved her he told her that he "fancied her"

Thank you! I'll defiantly be coming back for another review one day!
Jasmine, x

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Review #10, by kjpWillows and Wood.: Butterflies

19th September 2012:
When did you update this! and why didn't you tell me! lol, I've kind off come a little obsessed with this story, its great :) although now i'm angry at kiki for lying to everyone.
Oh by the way I'm loving the name kiwood, its epic.
You no longer have to request reviews because i'm going to be stalking this story constantly... and quite literally stalking it.
Sorry i'm such a fan girl of this story :D
- Kels (kjp)

Author's Response: Kels, I'm so sorry, I was sure I'd posted something on the forums to warn you! Maybe not...

I'm so frustrated with her her too, though I'm not going to let her tell anyone the truth yet, because it just wouldn't be coherent. You shall see *evil eyebrow waggling*

Fangirl off and away, it's fine with me! :) Fangirling is awesome. I do it all the time...

Next chapter (I'll give you a preview for forgiveness):

Kiwi and Oliver are a couple. Won't say more. I will update soon, maybe even tonight. Hopefully. But I need to finish an essay on modernism first, oh the joy!

xx :)

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Review #11, by kjpA Cartography of Grief: You Are The Only Map I Know

15th September 2012:
HI i'm kjp from the reviews, you requested one. I'm so sorry that I haven't reviewed sooner, I've been constantly busy lately (something i'm usually not)
Anyway on with the review - I like it. I seemed to flow quite easily, although when you did jump to where they were making the map, it did take me a couple of lines to realize where i was. But thats fine, sometimes making your readers think is actually a good thing :D
Your characters were perfect. Sirius sounded extremely mischievousness at the time you were making a map by saying "“You’re going to get us caught.” Sirius chuckles" Its the perfect line to describe him how he finds getting caught would be hilarious, this quote also shows of Remus's personality and how he was always scared of getting caught but still went out on their little nights out.
Because I don't really support Sirius/ Remus I can't really say much more. I always thought that relationship was purely friendship. But Thats just my opinion :D
Great story. I'd be interested to hear more stories from you, 9/10 from me :D (Its extremely hard to get a ten :P )
- kjp

Author's Response: Hey, don't worry about it. I know all about being busy.

I was definitely concerned about people not really getting when the scenes took place, but I was hoping there'd be enough information to get an idea. It's not necessarily hugely important to the plot but it helps things move along better, I think.

Yes, Sirius is all about not abiding by the rules and so Remus is a bit more wary. Sirius kind of wants to loosen him up a little bit, but it kind of backfires on him.

I'm glad you liked it despite not being a fan of the ship. Thanks for your review.

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Review #12, by kjpCould it ever be?: The Hogwards Express

13th September 2012:
oo! This sounds intresting, I'm suprised there has only been one review 4 this story so far, it sounds so good. I'd advice getting a banner from The dark arts it might help readers notice it more. Brilliant story so far 10/10
- kjp

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Review #13, by kjpNo More Happy Thoughts: No More Happy Thoughts

11th September 2012:
Why do people keep on making me read Fred/ George stories, don't they realize they make me cry! (sorry-exaggeration there)
As the stories so short I can't really review much about it but I like the idea of it, you really pulled George's emotions straight through in this and it made it come real to me (which sometimes isn't a good thing if you make me cry!)
I'd advise making the chapter more than 500 words, it seems too short for me and I think that other readers might see it like that as well. Nothing much can happen in 500 words.
Other than brilliant! I loved it and I really look forward to seeing more work from you. I'm not going to bother with grammar/ punctuation/ spelling because I'm terrible at spotting it. Please come get a requested review again because I'd love to read some more of your talent
9/10 from me- one mark of from perfection because of the length of the story
- kjp :D

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this story and that the emotion got through ;)
As far as the lenght, it was written for the Every Word Counts - 500 word challenge - hence the lenght ;)
Thanks for the R&R


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Review #14, by kjpThe Veiled Poetess: Prologue: The First Poem

9th September 2012:
This story sounds interesting, i'm very keen to know who the character is and who the husband is.
I really want to know more, please let me in on some of the secrets... you've put me straight in the action of the writing and I love it.
The women sounds like such a tough person even though she's been crying a lot lately and her character almost sounds sad and I'm so interested on knowing why
Great story so far and come back for more reviews so I can find out who the hell this women is!!!
10/10 from me :D
- kjp

Author's Response: Hello, sorry for taking so long to reply :(
Thank you so so so much!

Hehe, you'll have to wait till the next chapters. Sorry to say but this story isn't following to woman, but Ever :)

I will x

~ Eilidh xx

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Review #15, by kjpNineteen Years: Family, feelings and Floo network.

9th September 2012:
yay Ginny and Harry moments (sorry i'm a bit over obsessed with Hinny (Hinny is a stupid name for such a great couple)) lol- I'm done rambling now.
My favorite part of this chapter has o be where you are describing what love was. It was really cute and a little cheesy I must say but luckily i love cheesiness.
It really surprised me how Ginny reacted to Harry but I can see Ginny doing that and pushing him away when she's trying to get over Fred's death, even though that's when she needs him most. Although I don't think she;d have been as harsh as you made her sound by calling him by his last name.
At the end of the chapter you really wanted me to know where Ron is and any second now once I've finished this i'm going onto the next chapter so please excuse me if this review ends up being a little short
another 10/10 from me for another amazing chapter :D

Author's Response: I love Hinny too (though I detest the name, it sounds like the sound a horse makes). And ramble all you like, I luurve ramble!

Ugh, I'm terrible at describing feelings. At the same time though, too much depth from teenage boys would have been odd, don't you think? The cheesy part fit better :)

Well, Ginny does have quite a temper, doesn't she? I think calling him Potter was just the impulse of the moment, not wanting to see him and yet wanting nothing but to be held by him. And there goes the cheesy again...

Do not excuse yourself, a review is a review, and I value your opinion a lot, so it's always great to have your feedback!

See you soon, yes? :)

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Review #16, by kjpNineteen Years: Memento

9th September 2012:
I'm so sorry I've taken forever to get to you, my life has just been so hectic at the moment.. but i'm here now! :D
Your really good at writing in third person, i'm once again jealous of your story. I can't really tell where this story is leading at the moment and i'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing? I'm going to take it as a good thing though :D
I can't really see Ron being that genuine to Harry though, that's usually Hermione's role "
"Don't you dare, d'you hear me, say it was your fault. Don't even think it. You're the one why we're still here, so don't even think it's your fault,"- when you said this I instantly thought in my head it was awkward because I honestly cannot see Ron saying something like that. I don't think its much of a problem though because you put in the words " in a very un-Ron manner" I think those are the words that balance it out a little
You wrote Hermione's spell beautifully "McGonagall nodded approvingly as a silvery blue substance, neither gas nor liquid, trickled out and began creeping toward the couple. Fleeting images rose out of this substance: a smiling baby with brown eyes, a little girl shrieking with laughter on a merry-go-round, a hooting owl at the Granger's kitchen window, holding Hermione's letter to Hogwarts. Hermione then re-performed her movement, and slowly pulled the modified memories out of her parent's minds, destroying them one after the other." - it was perfect I almost cried because I knew hermione's emotions must have been all over the place then. It was amazing.
10/10 from me and can't wait for more :D
- kjp

Author's Response: Kelsey, I'm so happy to see you :)

You need to stop being jealous, fool, your writing is great as well and reviewing your stories is on my to-do list (though when I don't know because everything is going too fast at the moment).

The fact that you can't say where the story is leading right now is a good thing, because as everybody already knows the ending, it's nice to know I can keep an element of surprise!

Ron, in my opinion, has emotional outbursts, and though I know it's Hermione's role to be genuine with Harry, well, she's not the one to have lost a brother. Also, I thought it would have more impact on Harry coming from Ron. Makes any sense?

I'm SO happy you liked Hermion's spell, it was not an easy part to write. Did you really almost cry? This sounds horrible, but that means I've managed to convey my ideas properly.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! You get 10/10 as a reviewer :)

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Review #17, by kjpProgress: Two

5th September 2012:
You write incredibly well, it makes me jealous. You thought every single sentence out which is what makes your story so unique to me. You use the exact right words which amazes me how you do it. This story so far has made me incredibly sad, just thinking of George as lonely as i imagine him to be is heartbreaking.
You write Hannah really well, I've always seen her as a kind person to never give up but is also stubborn about it and refuses to be pushed away, you write her perfectly.
Another fantastic chapter and i'm sorry for leaving such a short review. 10/10 from me and the story so far is very good, i'm coming back soon though so be prepared :D
- kjp

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! This is definitely one of the ones where every sentence has a meaning so I'm glad that that seemed to come across. I'm also pleased you thought that there was plenty of emotion because I was a little worried about this one in comparison to the previous chapter. I'm glad you like Hannah too, she's fun to write!

Thank you for your wonderful review! :)

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Review #18, by kjpProgress: One

5th September 2012:
AHH! why are you making me read a Fred and George story, do you want me crying my eyes out all over my laptop screen!? lol, I was joking, the stories sounds good so far and i'm interested to know what happens next. The name of your story is really imaginative, i like it very much :D. I like how you chose Hannah to come in and help him, most people would say that Angelina Johnson was the one who helped him recover from Fred's death so your idea is very unique. This story sounds interesting and i'll be back for some more peeks soon :D.
I'm terrible at spotting grammar, spelling and punctuation errors so don't worry i'm not going to point them out because knowing me it'll end up being right anyway.
i'm going to put this story onto my favorites because i enjoyed it so much. 9/10 from me and a smiley face :D.
- kjp

Author's Response: Haha, I'm sorry! ;) I'm glad you're liking it so far though! That's an interesting point - I didn't want Angelina to be involved here because I wanted it to be about friendship and healing more than love. I'm really glad you liked it though, and thank you for reviewing!

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Review #19, by kjpOf the Weird and the Lovely: Dare You to Move

5th September 2012:
This is a very interesting pairing, I honestly can say I've never read a Dean/Luna paring, during the books i always thought there was a connection between the two but that was all and I've not thought about it really but after reading this story I find it more believable actually.
You wrote Luna really well, she was weird but in a wonderful weird way, which is how I've always seen her. Actually I'd say you write her perfectly.
I would suggest getting a banner from the dark arts to get more popularity to this story, it really does help the story be more eye catching and appealing to readers.
I don't understand why this story has mild language as well, there was no inappropriate language as far as I can tell.
You asked me if i found it interesting, yes I did find the story, the plot, the characters and the pairing extremely interesting, so good work :D. I'm terrible at trying to find grammar, spelling, punctuation mistakes so I won't be pointing them out but overall a very entertaining story that i found fun to read, I'll be looking out for more of your stories I think
- kjp and a 9/10 from me :D

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for taking the time to review and sorry for taking so long to reply. :( I, too, thought they shared a connection, and it occurred to me there might've been something between them. Aw, I'm so thrilled you liked my Luna. She's so tough to write for me, because I'm so different from her. The mild language is there just in case for the future chapters.

I already have the banner, do you like it? :) It took a few weeks to get done, because the request wasn't picked for a long time, but I think the final result was well worth the wait.

Thank you again for this wonderful review. I'd be very happy if you decided to check my other stories.

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Review #20, by kjpWillows and Wood.: Cat: Of problems and proposals

5th September 2012:
yay! another amazing chapter. So far i'd say Cat was my favorite character, she's hilarious to read about. Sometimes its a bit confusing to knowing who is who, I get confused between cat and kiwi.. but that's probably just because i'm really dumb so i wouldn't worry too much.
The plot so far is going really well and your style of writing makes me jealous, i have no idea who you write so fluently and easily. Your plot with the whole pregnancy is good, although when I found out that they'd had sex I guessed it would happen so it wasn't that much of a surprise.
No grammar, spelling or punctuation problems as far as i can tell and i'm coming back to stalk this story soon and there better be a update! :D
- kjp and a 10/10 from me

Author's Response: 10/10 FOR you as well, your reviews make me smile from ear to ear every time!

Cat and Kiwi are easy to confuse as they're pretty similar, so no you're not (too) dumb :P

Yeah, I was surprised nobody said anything at the end of the last chapter: I was sure there would be at least one person to scream "She's pregnant, isn't she?!". But no. So hopefully it was a bit of a surprise?

I'm glad to know you'll be back :) Too many compliments, I don't know what else to say!

*swoons like a fool*

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Review #21, by kjpSmile And Smile...: Chapter One.

1st September 2012:
hello you asked me to review your one-shot on hpff forums. My name is kelsey and i must say this story is excellent. Your writing reminds me a bit of JK Rowling's actually which is pretty impressive. This story is a very well thought idea, i wonder where the thought came from?
Your characters were well thought out, you made Umbridge exactly how i imagined her as a young teenager and Dumbledore was perfectly written... I can't find any thing wrong with how you wrote the characters.
I'd suggest getting a banner from the dark arts. It really does help popularity with your story grow.
You have the ability to write in third person which some people have real trouble to write (me being one of them :D )
I don't have any bad points to say, your plot, characters were perfect and believable. 10/10 from me :D
p.s. I hate her too :D

Author's Response: Hi Kelsey,
Thanks for getting to my story so quickly! Sorry it took me a little while to respond, real life (ugh!) has been very busy.

Wow, your comment that my writing reminds you slightly of JKR's is a huge compliment. Thank you so much!

I'm trying to remember how I came up with this story. I think I just thought, nobody can be born *that* evil... and how can she think she's doing the right thing?

Thanks for your comment on Dumbledore, it's very nerve-wracking writing him so I'm glad you feel I did ok!

I took your advice - I had already requested a banner on TDA but it was taking a long time so I thought I'd better request a specific artist and I got a fab banner really quickly! You're right, it is a good idea.

I find writing in the first person really hard! Haha! Third person feels comfortable to me. Funny that we're all different with writing skills.

Thank you so very much for your review and appreciation of this story. I wasn't sure about this story, but you have really helped my confidence in it.

-Athene xo

p.s. Good! Haha! Hate for the Umbridge!

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Review #22, by kjpRegret: The Secret

30th August 2012:
oh dear god that story gave me chills, it was soo wierd I kept feeling like I was being watched or something (maybe I'm wierd) but anyway that was creepy... you made it to intense and I really wanted to know more. When I heard that they were together I wondered why yo hadn't put a ship of Draco/ Oc but then when I got the end I knew.
I've seen this story around HPFF, I was planning to read it but I never got round to it and now i'm kicking myself for not... this is one of the best one-shots i've ever read. One thing that i'm disappointed about is you never found out why he killed her. I'm disappointed because you didn't give me more! lol... 10/10 from me and I am putting this story straight on my favorites!

Author's Response: Hey, sorry for taking so long to reply :(

Thank you so much for the review!

Wow, one of the best one-shots you have ever read? You can't have read that many then! I don't think this is good at all. There are lots of better ones out there!

Thank you so much and I'm sorry for not giving you enough :p xxx

~ Eilidh x

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Review #23, by kjpWillows and Wood.: Witch Weekly, MLES and Puddlemere's Keeper.

29th August 2012:
yayayay! oliver/ Oc story, I love to hear about Oliver's love life... its probably one of my favorite type of stories. This story has such a great start, I was in hysterics all the way through. I'm thinking about adding this to my favorites actually.
I just can't understand how you write so fluently, its amazing and i'm jealous of it. You manage to go from one topic to another with one sentence, something that some writers never manage. (I probably sound like a right fan girl right now, right?)
When it said there was humor in the story I got a tad worried, some people struggle writing humor but you write it with amazing style that makes me laugh all the way through your story. The last line; "So, of course, when Cat walked into the room at that precise moment, I was looking considerably dishevelled and was lying on top of an almost-naked Oliver Wood, my elbows resting on both sides of his head and his hands propping me up by the shoulders" - this line was excellent, its funny and makes you wonder what happened next, i wouldn't call it a cliff hanger but it makes readers want more.
a little spelling mishap or something- "Dangling off you broom, barely held by you..." I think you meant dangling off your broom instead of you.
Overall this is a great story so far i'm so excited to see more from you and this story would certainly be recommend by me to another reader, 9/10 from me.
- kjp

Author's Response: Haha, in hysterics, really? :)

This review, which I read on my phone last night, made me smile all the way through. Do you actually think I write fluently? Thanks, it's not always the imprssion I get when re-reading!

Don't worry, I go around fangirling sometimes too, and it's worse than this!

Yes, the small cliffies or whatever they qualify as are my favourite to write - and they're also necessary because otherwise writing the next chapter would be harder...

Oops, typos... I'll edit that now!

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #24, by kjpEnding It: Ending it

29th August 2012:
hey there :)

I really like this little on-shot. I think it was a good thought from you to start the chapter where she's crying and then goes into the flashback rather than the memory then her crying it makes the story seem more believable because I can just see imagine Dom sitting there thinking about him while crying. It also just went straight to the point of the story which is what I like in a one-shot.
You also played with my emotions. In most stories I prefer Teddy and Victoire together but in this story you made me feel a bit of sadness for Dom, I found myself wanting Teddy to be with her rather than Victoire because it seemed to me like you wrote Victoire as a really uptight character in Dom's point of view which i think was a good idea showing how jealous she is of her sister I really like Dom's character is this "Dom turned away from the guy she loved so much that it hurt, and focused on calming herself down. She needed to be rational, and not break into a fit of hysterics" - this quote shows how strong she is, most people after finding out the love of their life was getting married would break down, Dom however held herself together.
As far as Grammar and spelling goes I couldn't find really any mistakes at all. I'd rate this a 8/10, it was excellent story and i'd like to see more from you

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad for your thoughtful comments. Happy to know you liked the story! Thanks!

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Review #25, by kjpBlack Beauty: Untainted

14th August 2012:
I saw that you were in need of a banner for this so i decided to read it and become your first reviewer. This sounds really intresting and good. I was meant to be starting my own black sister story but i think i'm going to delete it my writing sucks anyway. I read your summery and it almost forced me to read it because the summery was that good. I liked the way you started the chapter by saying "the first place that i can well remember..." It made me instantly sit up and become more interested right from the very start. 10/10 from me and i hope to see more chapters from you
- kjp

Author's Response: Eeep thanks for the review! You have no idea how happy I was to see was kind of depressing staring at that 0 review count for so long. I guess one good thing did come out of my inability to get a banner then hehe.
Anyway, I think you should definitely try writing your own Black sisters story! They're such intriguing characters and I'm sure your writing is wonderful. I will hopefully have the next chapter up soon. Again, thanks so much for the review! It really means a lot to me (:

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