Reading Reviews From Member: ShieldSnitch3
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ShieldSnitch3Fluorescent Adolescent : dancing eyes

8th June 2017:

so. i read this awhile ago and left a review (i think) and then i was off hpff, but now i'm BACK and i found it again and reread all of this + new chapters and oh my god it's sooo good. i don't even know where to start since i just finished reading /everything/ and have a million thoughts so i'm just gonna go for it. mmkay? mmkay.

(also apologies for any typos, as i'm writing this on my phone while we're driving a city over to dinner. ANYWAY, not relevant, but i'm bored in the car.)

jeffy. 1) soulmates. now that that's out of the way - 2) character development? like, wow. having read this whole thing all at once it's SO cool to see how much they've changed and grown throughout all 23 (?) chapters, and at how much depth you've given them throughout the story. i will say that at this point James just feels so much more mature than Effy (he apologized??? that /never/ would have happened at the start of the story) and i feel like that's def an issue their relationship needs to overcome.

ALSO, speaking of, can we talk about how Al convinced her they should break up after just one conversation? like i /get/ it and he does have a fair point, but you'll never know if it'll work unless you try. and i suspect things might have gone differently the second time around given how much they've each changed.

(i sort of wish i had left a review after each chapter so i could gather all my thoughts effectively, but alas, here we are)

next - Mikey. so i had mixed thoughts on this because... idk. on the one hand i really understand having that one friend that always ~could have~ been or that you wish ~would have~ been, if for no other reason than they're familiar and comfortable and have always been there. on the other hand, though, the whole "friend zone" thing killed me when Mikey said that a few chapters ago and i started losing all sympathy because i HATE when guys pull that. (also because a guy has been a jerk to me more recently than i would like over being "friend zoned" sooo yeah, kind of hit a sore spot there). looking forward to an update on the Meffy action, though.

this is also just a random aside, but i loved all the chapters with the Quidditch World Cup because 1) i am a sports addict so yes give me the sports, 2) you put so much thought and detail into the whole event, and 3) it was in America which just made me weirdly happy? i guess it's because i always forget how - ahem - /unique/ life over here is, so i just laughed at everything - the weather and the loudness and all of it. especially because i was just in the UK and acutely aware of how big the differences actually are. and also because i live in North Carolina now but i'm from California soo thanks for the shoutouts.

ANYWAY this review has really gotten away from me but v much looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: ahhh you totally did leave a review on a previous chapter! and of course i remember it, i fangirled and fangirl (past and present tense necessary) over it- totally obsessed with ATJ, such an inspiration for fluorescent adolescent !!

so its without saying this review- as much as the previous one- means so, SO much. like, i don't know where to begin with my thank yous and appreciation. ahhh! just- thank you thank you /THANK you!/

(also- so nice to know i'm not the only one who writes reviews on their phone? idk, i just assume everyone does it on their laptop, tea on their left, reading glasses on. mine are all masterpieces of the starbucks coffee queue. cool.)

i'm so, so glad you think james and effy are 1. soulmates but 2. have developed as characters- that was always super, super important to me when writing this and i'm ecSTATIC that its seemed to work. years 12 & 13- the british equivalent of sixth and seventh year / junior and senior year- were such formative years for me and it would be ridiculous to pretend it isn't for everyone, including fictional harry potter fan fic characters (lol).

and omg! firstly- i am so, so sorry you went through that (regarding the bruising of the 'friend zone' card). it absolutely sucks & moreover, just so disappointing? like urgh! i'm sorry gurl. you deserve better. but i think you know that, thank god. yeah, mikey is definitely a difficult character- he isn't necessarily a bad person, not at all, but he's quite problematic for both himself and effy, as will be exposed in upcoming chapters. growing up is definitely a core theme of this fic and i'm just excited to explore what it means to him as a character.

and ahhh! so glad you enjoyed the quidditch world cup scenes because i was SO excited to upload it, SO excited writing it, i had fall out boy and naked & famous playing back to back throughout the entire process. woo! north carolina! one of my best friends goes to university there so i was definitely inspired by her & her all-american, delta gamma spirit when writing it. super glad it resonated with you!

thanks again so SOOO much for leaving such an AMAZING review. means the absolute world ALL my love !! ♥

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Review #2, by ShieldSnitch3Fluorescent Adolescent : literally, jewish god bless

25th August 2016:
oh my god. oh my god.

i literally just found this story a few days ago and i have been binge reading it like CRAZY and it's so good. like, your writing style and all the descriptions and details and the CHARACTERS. they're all so unique and amazing and i love them all to death and akdfjdajkdfs;j this is an awful review but i'm just enjoying this story so much and i need the next chapter pls.

i'm all aboard the jeffy train although i think their relationship has been a bit - ahem - messy so idk if it will work out or not but man, i love their chemistry. and james. but who doesn't have a soft spot for james sirius potter?

(despite his ego and generally bad behavior throughout the last few chapters.)

anyway, i am eagerly awaiting the next chappie and i just adore this story and thought you should know that.

(also, i want an oscar. he is fab.)

Author's Response: omgomgomg. asdfghjkl; omgomgomg !!

stfu !

no waaay. i am SUCH a fan of your writing! you're pretty much the queen of next gen flick lit! sorry to sound like damien from mean girls- but danny de vito i LOVE your work! and all that jazz is my jam, my go-to fanfic when i'm down or needing inspiration.

like that quidditch jacket scene by the lack when aria first arrives? helloo? you genius. i loved that. iconic. always think of it.

this genuinely means the world; couldn't be happier that you like fluorescent adolescent, especially when i look up to your writing as much as i do! i am BEAMING. if my friends knew i wrote harry potter fan fiction, i'd be phoning them right now... if my MUM knew i wrote hpff, i'd be on the phone to her right now. super super stoked.

you rule. does this mean we're friends? sorry for fan girling. i'll be cooler next time. xoxo

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Review #3, by ShieldSnitch3Exceptional Circumstances: Pixiedust Delirium II

14th August 2014:

this chapter was like... so good. seriously. it's really, really well written (yes, even the magazine article)! i'm so jealous of the detail and imagery :O i mean, i've never been high either, but it certainly seemed very realistic! especially considering pixiedust isn't a real thing so we don't have much to compare it to...

anyway, super job and i can't wait for the next chapter! update soon!

-erin :)

p.s. i can't remember exactly who eliza is - was she mentioned in a previous chapter?

Author's Response: Eeep, the things this review does to my face! :D Thank you so much. I've always been a fan of great details and stuff, and so I tried to make this chapter as descriptive as possible.

Next chapter is being worked on, and i'll try to update asap.


PS. Eliza is a fellow teammate of James'. She's mentioned in ch 6. She's the one who was all eager to get to the nightclub and was rude to Addison before.

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Review #4, by ShieldSnitch3Exceptional Circumstances: Pixiedust Delirium I

19th July 2014:
hai :3

i think i left some reviews for this story before you started rewriting it, so i thought i should drop back in and say hello again. anyway, i really like the new version and i think you're a great writer! especially the scene at the end where addie's drugged/crazy/dancing. yes. good. (well, being drugged isn't good. but the writing was good. yeah.)

i don't have much else to say seeing as i'm a terrible reviewer, but i'm looking forward to the next chapter and hope it comes out sometime soonish. oh, and i think that maybe liam reminded addison of someone from her past? because i noticed that she said his eyes were the wrong shade and his jawline was too rugged, which makes it sounds like he resembles someone else. so yeah, that's what i'm thinking on that tidbit. hopefully the truth will be revealed in the next chapter? :D

-erin :)

p.s. i just looked at the title for this chapter - did she get drugged with pixiedust??? i have important questions that must be answered!

Author's Response: Hello :)

Yeah, you did, and I'm really really happy you're reading this again. And thank you so much! :D

Oh, I get that feeling too. Like all you'd be doing in a review is reiteratibg the points the writer's already made, right? It makes me really reluctant to leave feedback, sometimes. And yes, Liam reminded Addie of someone. You'll find out who next chapter, yeah.


PS. Duly noted. Questions shall be answered soon!

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Review #5, by ShieldSnitch3Daddy's Girl: Surprise

7th January 2013:
hai :D

um, yeah. that was a surprise. wow. did not see that one coming. you know, at all. i'm pretty sure if daddy knew about that little secret, flora would not be within one hundred miles of that boy. jeez.


i really like this story, by the way, even though i haven't reviewed yet. i really don't like flora, though, which is kind of weird because generally you're supposed to like the main characters. but i guess that's the point?

but i love al and all his sulky brattiness. just because sulky brats are fun. and also because he seems like a edgy hipster. well, his friends do, anyway.

so yeah. i'm gonna keep this short because i still have to read that last chapter of being summer and then pack to go back to school - rawr. mmkay.

(and i did have a lovely holiday, thanks for asking.)

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Review #6, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The Twenty-Sixth One

20th August 2012:

I actually have not read this chapter yet because I really don't have time right now, but I will as soon as my life calms down a bit. Hopefully tomorrow. But I'm sure it will be very lovely ♥


oh, you really are insane. but seriously, thank you so much. i really appreciate both the review and you going to all this effort. much love, my darling. and i hope you're really enjoying college ♥♥

ellie :) xx

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Review #7, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The Second One

20th August 2012:

Author's Response: ahaha, you're a nutter, you ;) and freddie does, but you already know that one :P

ellie :) xx

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Review #8, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The First One

20th August 2012:
All right, so I am determined to be the one thousandth reviewer on this story, and I am going to achieve that. The review count now is 997, but I am going to change that.

Here's my review for chapter one:

Right... so, Summer. Interesting character. And James. Ooh, I wonder what's going to happen between them? I wonder if they're ever going to get caught? I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.

Author's Response: you, my little friend, are a wonderful person, but you are vair, vair insane my darling. must have been bugging you that that little number wasn't moving ;)

alright, let's do this... pit.

you know, i can imagine how frustrating it is for you to sit there and read this chapter and just have no idea what is going to happen or who it is going to happen with... ;)

ellie :) xx

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Review #9, by ShieldSnitch3Common Sense: Chapter 1

16th August 2012:
Aww, this was so fluffy and cute and AWW. I just adore little one-shots like this (and not only because it has James II in it).

I kind of figured that James had a little thing for Mia when she mentioned about how they help each other with school work; that's such a typical guy thing to do. You know, "I want to make it known that I like you without making it obvious even though it so totally is because this is the oldest trick in the book." That kind of thing. It was cute! Aww, Jamesie ♥

I would definitely read that one-shot about Louis and Mia. I quite enjoyed Mia's ramblings on him, and I've just always really liked Louis as a potential character for reasons unknown. So yeah, write it!

Anyway, good job with the one-shot! I honestly wouldn't have known that it was out of your comfort zone. Be proud :D

Author's Response: I'm a next gen junkie, so I understand!

It is such a boy thing to do. He was looking for his way in, and it was the only option he could think of! It was also the easiest way for me to help define their relationship, because I didn't want there to be the confusion that they were best friends, but I also didn't want it to seem like an unrequited one sided love.

Louis is a character I'm in love with and I haven't even written him before. In my head he's a bit arrogant, but he's good deep down. I'm definitely writing that one shot!

Thank you so much! It definitely was out of my comfort zone, so I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #10, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The One at the Ice Skating Rink

8th August 2012:
Oh my goodness. It's finally happened. I've caught up with the story. You need to stop updating so quickly so I have more time to read. Seriously. You're like a freaking machine.

Anyway. I don't really remember what I was going to talk about, so this is going to be really random. Ready? Okay.

I read the little chapter summary thing before I clicked on it and I was like, "YES. MARRY KYLE. YYEESS."

And then I read the chapter and SHE DIDN'T MARRY KYLE. Needless to say, I was disappointed.

But back to the story - woah. I've missed a lot. FYI, this is going to cover like all the chapters that I missed, so try and keep up.

Jack and Summer. Connor and Dom. Fred and Penny. Gaaahh there was so much coupleness. But no Kyle. And James. Jamesss. I get that he was hurt - really, I do - especially because he's so used to being the best at everything - but seriously, man? LET IT GOOO. She was drunk. Stuff happens.

One thing I don't understand: James was all like, "But you agreed to be with only meee," and Summer was all like, "But I'm sorry (or something like that)," and James was still like "But you agreed to be with only meee." I just don't get that - I always thought that friends with benefits were like "oh, I think you're hot, but I can still be with someone else if I want." You know? Like, the point is that you /don't/ have to be exclusive. That's why you do one of those things, or at least that's what I thought. I think James is messed up in the head - nope, he's /definitely/ messed up in the head. Idiot.

Oh, and another thing. SUMMER. She doesn't want to date someone because she doesn't want to be tied down, but yet she goes and says she'll be exclusive with James? What are you thinking, woman? Come on.

Right. Okay. Summer's family. This is actually really hitting home with me because I have a friend who's kind of going through the same thing. She actually said to me, "I always wondered why they even got married in the first place." That kind of seems like what Summer found out from James - about her parents not really loving each other. And I do think that was a good thing to put in there, all of that background stuff, because it /does/ explain a lot of things about what's going and why Summer's so crazy in the head. I dunno if I'm excusing her dad for cheating, but it does explain why he might have done it. I guess I'm just kind of iffy on the whole thing - like, I understand how he was trapped and stuff, but I - I don't know. That's an awful situation to be in.

But really - her roommate's sister? AWKWARD.

JACK. POOR JACK. I WANT HIM. If Summer doesn't want him, I'll take him. Ooh, idea! You should have a chappie image of Jack using Jack from Titanic. *swoons* Just one of my many random thoughts.

And finally Summer and James. Just - askljfdkhgahdka. I don't know what to say about those two. Frustration mostly. I just - they were going to sleep together? I don't know about them, but that would make things so awkward between me and my best guy friend. But hey, they're cool with that kind of stuff. I just wish she hadn't been with Jack when they tried to have a go at it. Especially because James knows what it's like to be cheated on and how awful it feels, but he still was going to do it with her. When she had a boyfriend. And yet he goes after Al for doing the same thing with Natalie? Sounds a bit hypocritical to me, Jimmy.

Wait - I've thought of something else. Summer's character development. I /love/ the character development. Explains a lot of things, you know? So points for that. And she's growing, especially in this last chapter. Good for her.

Oh, and Frennie ♥

Don't let things go bad for them. Please.

So... predictions for the next chapter. Kyle inexplicably proposes to Summer, and she agrees because she suddenly has an epiphany and realizes that Kyle is the coolest swagmaster to walk the face of the planet. James says something along the lines of "you can't get engaged to Kyle because I LURVE YOU," but Summer says "screw you, James," and marries Kyle anyway. And then James goes into a spiraling depression and actually does wind up marrying Summer's mom. THE END.

Oh, right, and my thoughts on a sequel. Nearly forgot about that. Hmm... I don't know. I mean, if you do have a plot idea and you think you could write another one, then yeah, go for it. But don't just write one because people want you too. I think there has to be a really distinct story that needs to be told for you to do one. Also, I think you should consider whether or not this story wraps up well. If everything gets tied together nicely at the end, then I wouldn't write a sequel. But if there are still things up in the air, then I think it would be all right to do one. There are a bunch of different factors to consider, me thinks.

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Review #11, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The One in Hogsmeade

25th July 2012:





I'm going to be normal now and point out how much I still completely adore Jack. *swoons* I do miss Kyle, though. He was one cool cat, what with all his swag.

Oh, and thanks for the Freddie/Penelope. At least there was one tiny bit of happiness.




(But other than that huge mess, it was a lovely chapter.)






ooh good, we're no longer writing in all caps. i adore jack too, but sadly we seem to be the only ones that love him :( kyle will have to come back soon...

yes, there was nice chunk of frennie flavoured happiness there.

NAHHH. AND DON'T YOU MESS CONDOM DISASTER? that sounds so wrong...



thank you :D

ellie :) xx

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Review #12, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The One in James' Point of View

12th April 2012:
Okay, so first I must inform you that I am still pondering the Kyle situation. And I have no answer yet. But I shall continue to ponder!

Next, I must say that I am very annoyed with myself for not getting the Jack/Rose/Titanic reference until you pointed it out to me. I LOVE THAT MOVIE. I cannot believe I didn't see the whole thing with the names. 'Tis very clever, I applaud you :D

Now I shall comment on Freddie because you know I love him. See, you wrote a chapter from James's POV, so I think you should write a chapter from Freddie's POV. Because /obviously/ he is the main character here... and I can just imagine the hilarity that will ensue. Oh, and HE'S IN LOVE WITH PENNY. Just saying. This chapter confirmed it, so don't tell me otherwise because I KNOW.

And now, finally: ZKLJZKLJAKJSDAK. Yes, ZKLJZKLJAKJSDAK. We were so close to the James/Natalie secret and then you kept cutting it off and GAH. But, I have a suspicion. I mean, I kind of thought it ages ago whenever Al last appeared in the story, but I thought it was completely absurd and would never be right. ANYWAY, when James was chatting with Lily about Al, I got to thinking again that he might be the reason that James and Natalie hit Splitsville. And then the suspicion kept nagging and growing and then James was talking about "giving permission to them" and Natalie not wanting "them" (James and Mystery Person, who is clearly Al in my head) to have a falling out like they did before and I was like "YES! I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT! ALL HAIL MY MAGNIFICENT BRAIN POWER!"








Oh, and I still love Connor ♥

Author's Response: you go ahead and ponder that kyle situation, darling. you go ahead and ponder. ponder until you're blue in the face, and then keep pondering. you can be a queen ponderer.

I LOVE THAT MOVIE TOO. best movie ever. i cannot wait to go and see it in 3D, i am so excited. thank you. i do like being applauded. so yeah, had to sneak in my sneaky little titanic references here and there. what would the story be without a couple of references?

freddie. freddie freddie freddie. i think it is impossible not love freddie, he is just so goshdarn adorable. ahaha, a chapter from freddie's point of view... i dont think that bloke has enough thoughts to fill an entire chapter, sorry love. it would probably be something along the lines of 'penny, biscuits, oh look at the shape of that cloud, fit girl, where is my handbag, penny, i looove my friends, what's for dinner?, should i buy some man lipstick to go with my handbag..., penny'. not really enough to fill a chapter.

ZKLJZKLJAKJSDAK!? honestly, ZKLJZKLJAKJSDAK!? i deserve a ZKLJZKLJAKJSDAK? wow. the james and natalie secret it in the next chapter -- i mean, everything is pretty much broken down and explained step by step. so you'll see everything. im not going to tell you if you're right, but the whole point of this chapter was for you to be able to guess what happened without being told. well, we shall see in the next chapter if i too should be hailing your magnificent brain power.








thank youu :D i love connor soo much. nearly as much as jack :D

ellie :) xx

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Review #13, by ShieldSnitch3Wonderland: Embarrassment Times Infinity

11th April 2012:
Oh my gosh I just finished reading all of this up to chapter 13 and then I went to the story main page and there was another chapter up and I was like yay! Sorry, rambling.

Anyway, I really love this chapter. Like, a lot. Because Spencer is such a freak and she reminds me of me so I love her :) I thought the kissing scene was so well written. I mean, I'm not talking about the actual kissing bit (well, I am), but more so Spencer's thoughts throughout the whole thing. I found her freak out totally justified and realistic.

Spencer and James are so cute together that I can hardly stand it. It's just one giant ball of fluff that I want to hug all day long :D Like a bunny! Just GAH so cute and perfect for each other.

But I have to say that my favorite character is probably Freddie. He's so awesome; I love him. And I may be secretly rooting for a Spencer/Freddie... just because I think that would be sooo hilarious.

So... update soon?

That is all.

Author's Response: Wow! You marathoned this? Thank you! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! A lot of people tell me that Spencer reminds them of themselves and I just think it's so funny because she's an exaggerated version of myslef. IF WE ALL MET IN REAL LIFE WE'D BE, LIKE, BFFs.
I'll admit that I was pretty nervous about the kiss; I've never written anything like that and it was surprisingly hard! So thanks, I'm glad you liked it :)
Oh gosh, Spencer and James. I love them; they're adorable. And Freddy! You're actually not the first person to tell me that you secretly ship Freddy and Spencer. They'll have a lot of "moments" in this story, but I'm sorry to say that they won't ever be a couple. But it sure would be amusing!
Thank you for reading and reviewing; I'll try to update soon :D

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Review #14, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The Fifteenth One

8th April 2012:
Right, so I am writing this as I am reading because this is a monstrously long chapter. Okay.

My Freddie. Sigh. HE IS OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH YOU, PENNY. STOP BEING STUPID AND REALIZE THINGS, WOMAN. And I know this is like a serious moment and stuff, but I just find it funny that Penny is the one comforting Fred. But it's oh-so adorable because they obviously care so much about each other.

Oh, and I love Connor knowing the secret. His little smirking is so adorable. GAH I love him.

Ooh, they're giving out Jack Goldstein dolls? I want one! I like Jack; he seems very nice. I just have the feeling that he and Rose aren't going to go that far. *coughScorpiuscough* He should wind up with someone nice, though.

KYLE! Oh, I love Kyle. He's so deliciously evil. Yum. And the banter between him and Summer? Double yum. But at the same time I'm a bit suspicious of him. Why-oh-why does he want her to go on a date with him? Hmm. This shall require further pondering as he doesn't seem much like a 'date' guy. Anyway.

James... Seriously, I have no idea /what/ is going on in his head. Okay, well the first bit was justified, yelling at Kyle, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. But then AKDJSFAGHKLSS HIS GIRL. Let's look at the facts here, buddy. You call her "your girl," you get jealous when she even talks about other boys, and you don't want her kissing other people. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU? James is quite possibly the strangest person ever. And that goes for Summer too. Think about things for two seconds. Seriously.


Yay for Freddie! Karma for Kane. You get what you dish out, buddy. Yeah. Oh, and I love the way Fred is the only one who calls her Penelope. It's so cute and just AW ♥ I can't wait to see what Dom's cooked up for these two.

Phew that was long. Ooh, next chapter is from James's POV? Yay! Maybe I can finally understand that boy... Meh. Probably not.

Update soon, please. For me?

Author's Response: it is a very long chapter. i need to learn to stop rambling. nah, cant be bothered.

yeah - penny has been abused by her boyfriend for goodness knows how long, staggers back to the common room after breaking up with him and being beaten up, and ends up being the one that comforts fred. thats... odd. but hey. whatevs. cool.

much more connor-smirking to come, dont you worry...

i looove jack. he's such a sweetheart. hes like the ideal bloke - but unfortunatley, we might have to make do with the dolls. because i dont think you can get blokes like him in real life. we shall see about jack and rose (titanic reference, anyone?) and what scorpy-boy seems to think about that :P

ahaha, i love writing summer and kyle scenes. its just so amusing, how much he bugs her. kyle will also be later in the story - though i do look forward to hearing the results of your pondering.

james' head must be a very difficult place to be. yeah ~ he calls her his girl, throws a hissy over the fact she sat with someone else at dinner, over the fact she kissed someone else... but then they decide as a pair that they do not want to date. because that just makes perfect sense. i dont think their logic makes sense to anyone other than them. and summer is just as bad.


ahaha, im sure a lot of people were looking forward to karma catching up with old kane. in the form of the delicious freddy weasley. you're the first one to notice that, you know ~ that he is the only one to call her penelope. so well done :D

yeah, it is. im a bit worried about it, i have a feeling that it's going to suck and everyone is going to throw things at me. gah. but we shall see.

its in the queue :D thank you so much,

ellie :) xx

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Review #15, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The One After the Cliffhanger

2nd April 2012:

GAH. You know how much I love Freddie/Penny. You did this just for me, didn't you? Aw, how sweet. (Just kidding, I know it wasn't for me)

But AKDLKXJKLAGHL I hope Freddie kills Kane. Is that a bad thing?

EEP I don't even know what to write right now.

So much for this being a good review.

*sigh* You always leave me such lovely reviews, and all I can do is this. ^^

Seriously, Freddie better beat the snot out of that kid.

Oh, and I love Connor.



you know, i did have a rough inkling that you were a fred/penny fan, i have to say... not sure where i got that impression from, though. pfft. of course i did it for you, what do you mean!?

this is a vair vair good review ~ its lovely.

nooo, i dont think its a bad thing that you want freddie boy to beat the living daylights out of kane ~ im sure most people do :P

im sure connor loves you too.

muchos love, ellie :) xx

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Review #16, by ShieldSnitch3Bang: I really need to think before I act.

2nd April 2012:
Yes! The return of Suspicious Letter Writing Potter! I really enjoyed him and his suspicious letter writing nature, to be perfectly honest. He's quite different than the Jameses (is that the plural?) in your other ones, isn't he? Aw, he's such an annoying little idiot. So cold and whatnot. Refreshing.

ANYWAY. I'm really excited to see how this story pans out; it seems as if the plot is going in a good direction. I love all of Amiee's spunk and sarcasm and just general bad luck. Though I do have to say that she reminds me a tad bit of Summer, but slightly snarkier and quite probably more violent.

Ooh, I can't wait for the next chapter. I'm wondering if SLW Potter is going to feed her words or if she's going to have to improv on the spot. Hmm...

Oh, and I just wanted to point out that she's attracted to him. That means there will be some Aimee/SLW Potter action at some point in the future. Am I right? RIGHT?

That is all.

Author's Response: aaah, the long awaited return of Suspicious Letter Writing Potter. he is quite different to the other jameses (i think that must be the plural) in my stories, as none of them have that signature Suspicious Letter Writing Nature. yar. we'll see if you still think it's refreshing in the future.

thank you, im glad you think that :D aimee is very similar to summer, except she is more violent, more sarcastic and she feels sorry for herself a lot more. but hopefully the two will become more defined from one another in the future.

well, it's a tossup really, isnt it? he's not really nice enough to help her, but he is relying on her... we'll see how SLW potter deals soon :D


thank you for another lovely review, ellie :) xx

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Review #17, by ShieldSnitch3Trying not to love you: Chapter four - Good Behaviour

2nd April 2012:
All righty, I read this last night at some ridiculously late hour, so you'll have to forgive me if this review turns out poorly. I tried my best to take mental notes while I was reading - hopefully I can remember everything!

Right, so my first thoughts while I was reading this were about characterization, which coincidentally you had asked about in your request. I don't think you have anything to worry about here, especially with Gwen - she's far from a Mary Sue, she has flaws, but most importantly, she's relatable. I thought that the first few paragraphs did a very nice job with expressing her character and who she is, so good job with that. She's also very entertaining; I found her thoughts on Kat the Evil One to be highly amusing :) On that note, I loved the paragraph about James because I think it's helping me to see him more clearly (the bit about him not bringing girls home). Don't change it, it was good.

Then you wanted to know about flow. I think that overall there was a definite improvement in the flow in this chapter from the previous three. I barely found myself stopping at all while reading, and the transitions in the text felt very natural. There were very few grammar mistakes that I picked up on, so congrats on that. I guess the only thing that's really still bothering me is the dialogue tags, but we've already had a discussion about that, so I won't go into any more detail on that subject. But speaking of dialogue tags, I did notice how you started breaking it up more and varying the structure, like breaking the quotes in the middle instead of having just blunt "he said, she said" bits after each one. So I do see improvement there!

That being said, I would like to comment on something else this time. I think I may have mentioned this before in a review, but I really think you should put more contractions into the narrative/speech of the story. It did distract me a bit as I was reading and took away from the flow. There was one particular bit:

"Daddy! That's Ginny Potter! It is, isn't it? Why is she here? Is she part of this somehow? Or maybe she is starting her career again and she is transferring into Portree? Do you think that could be it? Oh look, she is looking at us now! I think she is smiling. Is she coming this way? I think she is! Oh Daddy, what should I say to her?"

All of those "she is"s should turn into she's, it'll make it sound much better.

Erm, okay. I think that was pretty much all I wanted to talk about... I guess I'll just leave you with my favorite quote then.

"Hi, I hope James isn't bothering you too much..." She said, ruffling her son's hair, as she reached us. The boy let out a grunting sound and tried to fix it back the way it was before. A task that couldn't be very hard in my opinion, as it had been quite messed up to begin with."

And Flashback James was so cute, I loved him! Also, I guess I'll just throw this in, I loved the friendship between James and Gwen in this chapter, especially at the end. I think it was a side of their friendship that we've never seen, and it was very sweet :D

Kay, bye!

Author's Response: Heey, glad to see you here again (:

Thanks. I've done a lot of work with my characterization, but it still worries me that it works for others too. That's why it's always nice to hear comments like that! And super glad to hear she's far from a Mary Sue, that's the most important thing!

Yeah, I'm working on that! It should start to get better bit by bit. Hopefully one day there'll be a chapter where you find no problems with the dialogue tags d: But nice to hear I'm improving!

The contractions are something that should also be better after this chapter. I haven't had time to edit these older ones yet, but it was around this time when I noticed that I was doing that. I hadn't even thought about it that much, just wrote and didn't pay attention to things like that. And you know, since this is the first story I let other people read, there has never been anyone to comment about that to me before d: but yeah, should be better in the next chapters (:

But glad to hear you liked it and think that about their friendship! I've had so much fun writing it, so it's nice to see other people like them too!

Thanks again! (:

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Review #18, by ShieldSnitch3Typical Clueless Guy: The Epilogue

29th March 2012:
Oh my goodness I seriously read all of this like two days ago and I've been waiting for the epilogue. I would love to leave you a really long and lovely review, but I want to be first reviewer for the last chapter of your first completed story (congrats, btw)! So I'm just gonna say that I loved the entire thing and it was so cute and fluffy and adorable and I'm sad that it's over even though I just started reading it but it was so wonderfully fluffy and this is turning into a run-on sentence now so I'm going to stop.


Author's Response: you did!? im actually quite embarrassed now, because the beginning of this story is absolutley awful. seriously, i cant stand it - right up until chapter... twenty six, when i dont mind it quite as much. blargh. but i appreciate you reading it all the same, thank you so much :D

thank you for being the first reviewer on the last chapter of my first completed story! nobody else can ever hold that title now... wow. feel the power, feel the power.

thank youuu, ellie :) xx

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Review #19, by ShieldSnitch3One Second Can Be A Lifetime: Draco's Soliloquy

27th March 2012:
Hey, it's ShieldSnitch3 from the forums finally here with your review!

All right, so you're just looking for a general reaction, yeah? Well, you said that this was your first story, and to be honest, I'm impressed. It's very well written, a lot better than a lot of what's on here, and the fact this was your first one makes it even better. So I'm just going to touch on a few things, as there's not a lot to say.

First I suppose I'll start with grammar. There weren't many mistakes that I picked up on, so that was very refreshing for me. I think the only things that really jumped out were mostly at the beginning. I noticed a few places where you switched verb tenses, like here: "A vicious slap on the door." That sounds like it's present tense, but everything else in the chapter was past tense. So you might want to go and check back on that. The other grammar thing was that there seemed to be quite a few run-on sentences that I had to read several times to understand. Like here: "She was still smart and smart-mouthed, but now that he was finally taking the time to get to know her without his previous prejudice against muggleborns or his childhood jealousy of Potter that had faded over time, he was able to see that the slightly awkward girl he had known had grown into a woman who was sure of herself and what she wanted, having decided to become a bookseller after not being able to stand being in the public eye after the Great War." That's all one sentence, and I think it would be a bit easier to read if you broke it up into at least two, possibly more. There were a few other sentences like that, so that would possibly be something to look into.

Flow - I thought the flow was pretty good, barring the run-on sentences. Everything seemed to fit together properly, and the breaks in the text felt very natural. Like I said before, this is well written, so I don't think you need to worry about flow at all.

Characterization - thus far, I think it's fine. I didn't see anything OOC, but this was only the first chapter, so that could change. But yeah, as of now, it all looks pretty good. On that note, I'd like to add that I thought it was very unique to write from Draco's perspective - that's not something you usually see. So props to you!

I think the only thing that I can make real constructive criticism on is a bit of a "jump" in the plot. Okay, so Draco's talking about how he runs into Hermione at her book store, yaddah yaddah, and then suddenly he can't stop thinking about her? I don't know, that seems a bit unrealistic to me. I mean, I could see if it if they had run into each other a couple of times, but after the first time... I don't know. It's perfectly fine if you don't really think about it, but I did, so...

And I think that's it! Good job on the story so far :D Hopefully this review helped - if it did, feel free to re-request in the forums!

Author's Response: Hey! I'm so glad you could take a look at this. Thanks on your compliments but this isn't my first story, just my first COMPLETED one (that's chaptered) :)

I read that sentence "vicious slap on the door" and I keep trying to see how I could word it differently. Maybe when I get a beta for this, they'll be able to help me on it. I also know I have a tendency for run-on sentences. The one you pointed out actually had me laughing at myself. I've definitely improved on those in writing later on so I just have to go back and fix it :)

I'm very glad that this was natural flow.

I love taking Draco's perspective for some reason. I feel it's easier to write than Hermione. Also, the "jump" in the plot is kind of assuming that you've read the other piece though, most Dramione lovers just kind of accept it :) It's also love at first sight kind of thing.

Thank you so much for this! I'll look you up for the rest of the chapters because this has been so helpful in my time of re-editing!


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Review #20, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The Thirteenth One

25th March 2012:
BLARGH. Monster chapter, wasn't it? :O Seriously, everyone was so messed up in this one. It was like Opposite Day (but in a good way, cause you know the plot's chugging right along).

So. From the beginning. AWW, Connor and Dom are too sweet. I love them :D But I did /not/ love Penny's walk of shame. Get it? Got it? Good. Okay.

I adored the scene with Jack Goldstein. I think it was my favorite out of the whole chapter. The way that all the girls were falling over him and all the boys were being over-protective was so adorable. Gee, could you guys be anymore obvious? *cough JamesandFred cough* And then Rose - GAH Rose. Way to go! Female empowerment! Poor Scorp's pretty much screwed, though. He should be learning to watch what he says, not Summer ;)

And then with the Penny and the Freddie... sigh. Can they just seriously get together already? Grrr. This is not okay. They can't be mad at each other. JUST GET IN A BROOM CLOSET ALREADY. I would love to see Kane's reaction to that. (That was a hint, btw.)

And then, of course, there was that thing at the end. If Summer thinks her relationship with James is purely physical, then she is really screwed up in the head. I seriously have no clue what's going to happen now that Connor knows. I'll take a guess though... I'm gonna say that Connor's going to help them figure out that what's going on is something a bit more than snog buddies. (That was another hint.)

Anyway, lovely chapter, as usual. Update soon and stuff :D

P.S. I'm very glad to hear that your two-in-the-morning waffle was delicious.

Author's Response: hellooo, love. wow, that sounded cheerful. i need to tone myself down over the internet, or people are going to start to think that there is something wrong with me... everyone was very messed up in this chapter - it was like opposite day. yes. finally, the plot is moving.

hm... you want more penny walks of shame? got it. okay. will remember that in the future.

ahaha, jack goldstein. i love him, i really do. he's just a very charming fellow, and the world needs more charming fellows. i would willingly swap some of my male friends for one of him... yes - connor has a right to be over protective. the other two /really/ need to work on their acting skills.

there is more fred and penny in the next chapter, and i think you'll approve of that a lot more than you approved of this :D and i think kane's reaction to that would most likely land our freddie in the hospital, and thats not good.

summer doesnt like change, and she believes whatever she wants to believe. so because the thing between her and james was supposed to be purely physical, shes convinced herself that it's all they can ever be. whether she wants anything else or not, shes convinced herself she doesnt. connor's reaction is in the next chapter :D

update will be soon, ellie :) xx

P.S. i had another waffle at half one yesterday morning, and thought of you. you're welcome.

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Review #21, by ShieldSnitch3Bang: So this is what the early morning looks like...

20th March 2012:
MMM. YUMMY. I WANT A MARK. It's official, I love him.

Anyway, what was I going to say? I forget. But I'm on short time so I'm going to rattle this one off pretty quick. Okay, I liked this chappie, but I liked them all so far, so that's not a huge surprise. Got to say that I /loved/ the Rita Skeeter reference. She needs to retire though. Seriously. Hasn't she done enough tormenting of the Potters? :p

And then the thing with Aimee's name. Gosh, I hate it when people can't spell my name correctly. PEOPLE. THERE ARE ONLY TWO SPELLINGS OF MY NAME. ONE IS FOR A BOY AND ONE IS FOR A GIRL. DO I LOOK LIKE A BOY TO YOU? (I don't. I'm very feminine). Grrr it's so annoying. And I feel like it's only adding on to her dislike of this James character.

On that note, I feel like he's up to something. His letter seemed a bit too suspicious for my taste. Can a letter seem suspicious? Ah, well. It did. James Potter is a suspicious letter writer and I don't trust suspicious letter writers.

Anyway, since I always ask you questions in my reviews now, I'll end with another question. It seems like Mark and James had a falling out of sorts. I don't know, I guess it was just the way he said "And James Potter, of all people!" and seemed really upset. Or it could just be the over-protective big brother side coming out. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. I tend to do that. Am I on the right track or no?

Okay, guess that's it for now. Since you've already got the next chapter written, you should update soon. Yeah.


Author's Response: I WANT A MARK TOO. if they only have one then we might have to share...

some vultures never changed ~ why would she care that she has messed things up for the potters enough for a lifetime over the years? oh! and before i forget, yes, i was eating a waffle at two in the morning. i get peckish sometimes. its five to eleven at night now and im eating a plate of fries. ... im gonna be fat when im older, arent i?

urgh. people spell my name wrong all the time; elenor, elinor, elena... its eleanor, people. not that hard! they cant even spell ellie right ~ elly, elle, ellee. urgh. so annoying. yeah, it doesnt help james' case, lets put it that way.

james potter is a suspicious letter writer... ill keep that in mind in the future. we have now stuck a label on james sirius potter. he is a Suspicious Letter Writer.

hmm... no, they didnt have a falling out ~ they werent the bestest of friends or anything, but they knew each other well because they were both on the gryffie quidditch team. but it was more of a ~ the whole world watches what he does, you're going to be in papers now, you idiot ~ kind of thing.

update may be going in the queue tonight. or tomorrow. not sure. UPDATE AND ALL THAT JAZZ. RIGHT NOW. this moment!

ellie :) xx

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Review #22, by ShieldSnitch3Building Dollhouses In The Sand: Prologue

15th March 2012:
Hey, it's ShieldSnitch3 from the forums finally here with your review! You said you wanted me to comment on pacing and flow, so let's get started!

I'm going to start with the flow. To be honest, this was a bit hard for me to assess because of the mechanics mistakes throughout the chapter. There were a lot of missing commas, run-on sentences, etc., which really distracts from the flow of the reading. Commas are probably the most important thing here, as they indicate to the reader when a pause should be taken in the sentence. This is /crucial/ in flow - commas can help to give an almost musical feel, a rhythm, if you will. As far as I could tell, the sentence structure was fairly varied, which is good - you don't want to have all short, simple sentences. It's important to mix it up between simple and complex, and you seemed to do a good job with that. Another thing that goes along with flow is the spacing between the paragraphs. I know the text editor on the site can be difficult, but it really helps the reader when you have a uniform amount of space. Also, the smaller the spaces, the better. The first section of the chapter seemed to be having problems with that more so than the second half, so that's something you'll want to fix up.

Now pace. You didn't take too long in the first section to get into the action, which was good - but after that first bit, the action kind of halted. I did like the transition from the gloom and doom of the first bit into the cheery atmosphere of the train, but I don't know - it didn't grab my attention as much. The introductions to the characters were good, but as the Sorting went on, I felt like the story was dragging. However, I understand that this is an introduction chapter, so we have to meet all of the characters and such.

Now I'd just like to take some time to make a few other comments. Let's start with the constructive criticisms. I won't lie, the opening scene confused me. I found myself re-reading it several times, trying to figure out what was going on. The thing that really got me was that I thought there was only one man in the house, but then suddenly, there were two:

"Avery" whispered the unmasked Death Eater "I'm not here for the child."

"We were instructed-"

"I know!" spat the man his eyes narrowed towards the woman "but seeing as the Prewetts aren't here-" he watched Elizabeth as she instructed Katherine to stay behind her.

"I say screw Lestrange" he pointed his wand at Elizabeth "get Greyback, let him take the kid."

That part really confused me. It was like the Death Eater suddenly multiplied. :O You may want to go back over the first section and work on clarifying it.

My second point is that Katherine hasn't been very well-defined as a character yet. But this could be your intention, as she's supposed to have a mysterious past, yeah? So this lack of information on her could be either a good thing or a bad thing - this being the first chapter, I don't know yet. As of now, though, she's a bit boring.

Now onto the positives! First of all, I adore your Charlie - we don't know very much about him from Canon, so it was nice to read him in this. He seems like a nice foil to Percy. :) Also, I thought your characterizations of Fred and George were spot on. You seem to have a knack for their playful banter - it wasn't over the top, but I could totally see them saying all of those little sarcastic lines. I especially liked the bit about the mirror. :D

I hope this review didn't sound too harsh, as I didn't mean it to be. If it helped, feel free to re-request in the forums. :)

Kay, BYE!

Author's Response: Hi *waves* You weren't harsh, it's through CC that we as writers become better.

I didn't catch those run-on sentences, I will go hunt those down *pulls out net*

I'll fix up that second part so it doesn't seem to drag on, maybe remove part of the sorting...

The banter between the Death Eaters, I kept having trouble rewriting that part. It's like when you know where you wanna go but you don't how to get there.

About your second point what I did with Katherine it was done on purpose. She's supposed to seem boring, I did it so the reader later on sees the difference from when she's elven, twelve, to fifteen and sixteen. I love writing Charlie :) I've always seen him as a cool older brother. I'm glad Fred and George seem to be in character *wipes off sweat* I felt like I might ruin them. :)

Thank you for such a detailed review I will re-request. :D

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Review #23, by ShieldSnitch3Bang: There are way too many people that run for fun.

13th March 2012:
YES. UPDATE. Has it really been six weeks? Where does the time go? Into school, that's where. Don't worry, I got chu.

I swear, if I don't have a little kid as cute as Jack, I'm going to be so mad. Why do kids in stories and on tv have to be so cute? It makes me sad when I realize that they're never like that in real life. Demon children, all of them.

And the brother/sister bonding. *sigh* I loved the diversity between the two brothers. It was very family-esque and believable. I think I've decided that I like Mark better - his story was kind of sad but it makes me love him. There's something about single fathers, you know? Sadly, my own brother is probably like Brent. Although that could turn out to be a good thing? I haven't decided.

"With a loud bang, we both flew backwards." Could that be where the title comes from? :O Clever, clever. Also, am I spying the beginning of a plot? I SEE IT. I SEE THE PLOT. THE PLOT IS APPEARING. Hooray! Hmm... I'm gonna guess that the clicking noises are cameras. Hence, THE PLOT.

But anyway, I just have one question. Why couldn't Aimee just apparate? I mean, I know because of THE PLOT, but I was just wondering if she can't apparate or something. Maybe she failed her test...

Okay, bye for now. I have to go do schoolwork. Urgh. Update soon... as in not six weeks, kay?

Author's Response: thats exactly where time goes. its not fair. they should give all that time back. i mean seriously - five days in, two days off? how is that a fair ratio? urgh.

i want a kid exactly like jack - a little cutie. i know ~ kids are never like that in real life, theyre all evil little devil children. its horrible. why cant they all just be jack clones? that would be nice.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. single fathers just make my heart melt - especially when the mother isnt in the child's life. because its nearly always single mothers nowadays. mark is my favourite at the moment - but brent becomes more main as the story goes on. my brother is like brent too. that may not be the best thing.

yes, that is where the title comes from. i had to put it in there somewhere. its in the story in other parts, but yeah ~ they 'bang'ed into one another. yups. you guessed right, my little pally wally. i dont care if thats giving stuff away, its obvious.

apparation - thats in chapter four, that, but ill tell you anyway. because she hates doing it, so she screwed up and failed her test. but she hates it so much that shes not bothered. she may have to learn one of these days.

byeee :D i have homework too... boo. and the next chapter is done, and will be in the queue soon :D

ellie :) xx

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Review #24, by ShieldSnitch3Being Summer: The Big One After the Filler

3rd March 2012:

Can I just say that I want a Scorpius? He's so overprotective that it's amazingly adorable. Oh! And I want a Connor. You know what would be awesome? A Connor-Scorpius hybrid. Can you send me one?

There was so much wonderful fluff in this chapter. *sigh* The Scorose and the ConDom (ha! we are so mature :p). I knew there was going to be Connor/Dom in this one! I KNEW IT. AND IF THEY FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MORNING I WILL HURT YOU. Don't laugh, I'm serious. >:[

Hm, yeah, so James is SUCH a guy. Guys are so annoying... urgh. But you have to love them, don't you? Anyway, I really love the backstory getting introduced here. It seems like everything just fits together. Talking about the James/Summer bit here, just a heads up. And if I'm remembering correctly, didn't this little arrangement happen just a few days after the Natalie Incident? Huh, so James was out getting drunk a few days after the break up. Ooh, intriguing. Hint: I WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET.

And I totally feel for Summer. It's not fun to be the only one drinking a rum-and-coke-minus-the-rum. But you get to laugh at everyone else, so that's always good.

I just have one question: where was Fred during all of this? Did he even notice the Penny/Kane horribleness at all? He should have because we all know he lurves her... Shut up, he does. I know it. Just like I knew about the Connor/Dom. Yeah.

All righty, I should go do that English essay now or any of that other school stuff I'm trying to avoid. Don't teachers know that I have better things to do? I mean, really. I'm already accepted to my college, I don't want to do anything else in high school ever again. Rawr. Senioritis is terrible :( I feel for you and your mountain of homework. I wish you luck.

Oh, and my apple pie was delicious. How can you not love apple pie? It's amazing ♥

Author's Response: whooo :D loads of different couples in this, i had to write down the names on the back of my hand to make sure that i included everyone.

a connor-scorpius hybrid? i dont think they could make one of them, everyone would want one and it would cause riots because the factories couldnt crank them out fast enough. and that would be bad :(

james is such a guy. he is a very guy-ey guy. and very proud of it. yeah, there was a tiny bit of the backstory introduced here - they were both very drunk when it first started - james got drunk and summer, as a friend, decided to keep him company. and got drunk too. and the rest is history. THE NATALIE/JAMES STORY IS SOON.

yep. at least she got to watch everyone else make complete fools out of themselves :P

freddy was off with some random girl who isnt important to the story, drowning his sorrows because penny was off with kane again. are you sure he lurves her... we'll see.

URGH. TEACHERS. RANT ALERT. seriously, they must talk to one another, so they must know that they are all setting us huge homeworks at the same time and it is ten past eleven now because late at night is the only time i have time to write responses to my lovely reviews. gah. boo. good luck with senioritis.

blargh. i hate apple pie. it's foul. how can you like it? ahaha, thank youu, ellie :) xx

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Review #25, by ShieldSnitch3Trying not to love you: Chapter three - A Birthday Surprise

26th February 2012:
Hm, well I'm not exactly sure what you want me to talk about, so I'm probably going to just write a rambly review as I read, kay? Usually my rambly reviews turn out to be helpful, though. We'll see how this turns out. It'll be like an adventure! Sorry, I'm a little bit hopped up on caffeine right now. Too much Pepsi!!

Anyway, 8000+ words! Holy crap, woman! Your chapters are all so long. Eh, I probably shouldn't be talking, though, seeing as my last one was 7000+... And you update so fast! Where do you find the time? You need to slow down so I can catch up on reading all of this!

Mm. Okay. First impressions. I like the banter between Gwen and Freddie, it seemed very natural and friend-like. BUT, I mentioned this in my last review, the dialogue tags are really distracting. I don't want to read I said then he said then I said then he said. It is okay if multiple people are talking, but when there's only two people, it REALLY takes away from the flow. That whole scene would have been a lot smoother if you didn't have all those. A few are fine, and I know you said that it bothers you when you don't have them, but trust me on this one. The majority need to go.

Aw, James is so cute in the morning! Come on, they're practically a couple already. Snuggling, making breakfast... I would never snuggle with my best guy friend. Ever. Besides, he's got a girlfriend. AWKWARD. I just have to say that I love all the little details about James in Gwen's thoughts that you add. You're constantly showing us how much she cares about him, and that's great. Exactly how you want to do it.

"The awkward quiet moment that could have been cut with a dull blade." That was a really clever line, I liked it!

So, Alex is the bad boy, huh? What is it with the name Alex... We're like brain twins! Actually, I don't know if he's a bad boy or not right now. He seems kind of... ambivalent, if you know what I mean. I can see why Gwen would be with him, that lust thing happens all the time in real life. But Alex is stupid. And James is stupid. And Gwen is stupid. :(

Seriously, though. That last scene was intense, wasn't it? I think you did a good job of writing it, Gwen's emotions came out very strongly. I can see her motivation, even if I don't agree with it. And good for her for standing up to James! She shouldn't let him walk all over him, even if she is in love with him. But to be honest, I'm not really liking him so much right now.

Haha, sorry. This didn't turn out to be much of a constructive review. Ah, well. Hopefully you still enjoyed it! I'm going to try and be helpful and say that there were a few grammar mistakes/typos that I noticed throughout the chapter. TONS better than a lot of the stories on here, but still noticeable. Also, sometimes you were using commas when there should be full stops. Like, when you have a piece of dialogue like this: "Stop it! You're too nice," she said. That should have a comma. But if it was something like this: "Stop it! You're too nice." A smile lit up her face as she gazed at him. If it's describing who's saying it, there should be a comma before the quotation is closed. If not and it's simply a descriptor, you need a full stop. And then the whole thing with dialogue tags like I mentioned above. I'm going to keep repeating it until it gets better because I want your writing to improve. I swear it will help.

Kay, bye!

Author's Response: Yey! Thank you so much for reviewing! I love rambling reviews, they are always the best and funniest there is (x

I have too much free time on my hands d: And I'm more excited about this story that I probably should. It's constantly filling my every thought and I keep planning the future scenes so when I start to write the chapters, it comes out really quickly ( And long! But luckily people don't seem to mind that (x )

About the dialogue tags, they have gotten better! After you said it, I've started to drop few of them! Not so many, but it's improving chapter by chapter! Just doesn't show yet, since at least this one was already written back then and I haven't had time to edit. So bare with me (x

Glad you like the details. That's exactly the image I'm trying to create, to show how much he means to her, so the readers would understand why she can't just snap her fingers and forget about her feelings immediately. And yeah, they are super close. I couldn't do that with my best guy friend either, but I have to friends who are exactly like that, but don't have any romantic going on. We're always teasing them about it, which amuses them but still, nothing has happened. It's really weird sometimes (x

And I know! The name Alex popped into my head immediately, when I started to plan this story. There's just something about the name... I chuckled at the same thing when I read your story (x

And yes, they're all so stupid d:

Glad you liked the last part. It was fun to write (x I don't agree with her decisions either, but it's all part of her character.

I'll try to read the chapter carefully with my next edit and pick out all the typos. And yes, I'm sure there are a lot of problems with the punctuation. That's never been my strong point, but I think that gets better after this chapter since I memorized the rules more at this point.

I loooved your review, and I'm going to go re-request right now (: hope you'll like the next one too d:

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