Hi, dobby here with your requested review! :)
The first thing I thought was that your banner is really cool. :) Anyway...
I really enjoyed reading this; it's most definitely a good story! I love the plot and the idea of the story and it flowed beautifully. I think your characterisation was spot-on too. I guess you get more 'free-rein' with next-gen as we only see them in the epilogue of DH and we don't know much about them. I don't normally like this era but you pulled it off and I'm impressed :D
In some parts at the beginning the tense was a bit shifty, like "Adam was my younger brother by a year" and you had some American language seeping in, like "graduation". I loved all the "bloody"s though :)
I thought it was really cute how Adam had all the girls on him when they arrived at Hogwarts and Scorpius stole Rose from him when they were still at school. I love Scorpius/Rose.
Thanks for letting me review this - I thought it was awesome. Let me know if you want more reviews for other chapters!
-dobbyAuthor's Response: Hi Dobby! Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad its a good choice and I'm not going nuts. I really appreciate it. I am American, so I better start working on my British slang. I'm not too good with grammar and all that. I should consider a beta one of these times around. Again, thank you so much for the review! Report Review
Hey! It's dobby from the forums with your review!!
You were worried about OC and canon characters being friends - it worked fine! Don't worry about there not being enough canon characters either - I thought it was really good and you had exactly the right amount :)
I loved this!! The comedy was great and I loved the line '“May we never have office jobs, may our futures be full of nights forgotten by morning, and most importantly, may we always get laid.”' The whole story was really funny and very interesting and I'm glad you asked me to review it :D
-dobbyAuthor's Response: Why thank you! I love writing Seamus... I always imagine him as being overly-sentimental and being loud about it. :)
Also I appreciate your opinion about whether or not her having canon BFFs was lame. Hehe.
Thank you very much for taking the time to review. Report Review
Hiya! It's dobby from the forums with your review!
Wow, this was a fascinating read. I've never read a fic entirely based on Arabella and I would have never imagined this happening to her, though it fits her character perfectly. You allude to details which gives the piece a certain air of mystery as well that made me want to keep going after it finished.
I love how her emotions are conveyed through your magnificent writing without her describing them herself - the second person is an effective touch and works remarkably well. It's almost like you spent hours sculpting together each sentence and it definitely paid off.
I envy the way you suck people in to the story. I wish I could write like that but always fail miserably and admire authors who can do that. Save some talent for the rest of us :)
It was a magnificent piece, thanks for letting me review it.
-dobbyAuthor's Response: Aw thank you so much :) This was the first time I ever tried writing in second person so I'm glad it wasn't a complete failure. If you added all the time it took to write it I wouldn't be surprised if it did take a whole hour for each sentence. Some of the paragraphs literally took me days to get right, it's the hardest thing I've ever written, but I think it paid off :)
Thank you for the lovely review :) Report Review
Hi, it's dobbys_socks from the forums with your requested review.
Wow, this was beautiful. The whole theme of the seven deadly sins being the exact path he took to losing everything is brilliant, and hope at the end destroying him, and the imagery was amazing.
At some points you may have been a bit excessive with descriptions, for example the line "Six, if he walked quickly and pushed the muscles in his legs to move faster." Adding the second part wasn't really necessary. That's like, the only fault I found though :).
This was the best Snape/Lily I've read (I'm not kidding) and I'm adding it to my favourites. Well done, it was awesome.
dobbyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for doing this, and getting back to me so quickly, too! I'm so happy that you enjoyed it; I got really into the topic of fitting the seven deadly sins into Severus's life, and of course, adding an eighth of my own. Hearing that you thought it was (to rephrase a bit of your review) brilliant makes me so, so happy, because I feel like I've accomplished in this story what I set out to!
I appreciate your comment on the excessive nature of the descriptions, though, with all due respect, I think I'll leave that particular line into. That one comes from my own experience; when I'm walking quickly across campus, or going somewhere in a hurry, I push the muscles in my legs, and that burn's a familiar one, you know? A fairly large portion of my writing things like that come from my personal experience. :)
Your comment about this being the best Snape/Lily you've read TOTALLY made my day! ♥ That's a huge compliment, and I'm honored you said so. Thank you for taking the time to leave me a review on this story! :3 Report Review
Ha wow, this was awesome! I LOVED it!
As soon as I read the thing that looked like a house-elf, I immediately thought Yoda. It's probably my Star Wars obsession combining with HP in there somewhere.
Seriously, I loved it. Well done.
~dobbyAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Really it's just a stupid parody that I put together, but a lot of people seem to have found it somewhat humorous.
Thanks for the awesome review!
You know what I said before about Greg being more mature and stuff? He's growing even more. I feel like his mum watching him. Oh gosh that sounds weird.
What's really annoying about Recenseo is that our reviews have to be at least four sentences long but all I do with this fic is go on about how fantastic you and this is. Like, if there was something wrong or that I didn't like I would have a lot more things to say but at the moment I don't. You're amazing.
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: I apologise for any inconvenience caused...
Sheriff Report Review
Wait, Lucas is... Kevin's younger brother, the other Slytherin first-year. Right got it. Had a bit of a mental blank in there sorry.
Once again, a great chapter. I don't really know what to say other than this is amazing, you are amazing, and when, I finish this, I can't wait to read more of your amazing stuff. Actually you know what? I'm going to add you to my favourite authors. Yeah.
Okay then. Next chapter!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Yep, Lucas Brand and Kevin Brand. I hope that's clear enough in the story?
All of the stories take place in the LEBS Universe - definitely the right place to start here with the original!
Thanks for the favourite.
Sheriff Report Review
Ooh, this was cool.
What I really love is that at the beginning you portrayed Greg as this "timid little boy scared about being in Slytherin" and now he's the one giving advice to the timid little boy who really IS scared about being in Slytherin. In stories, I love watching characters grow and become mature, and I'm seeing it here and it's awesome.
I think I'm getting a little soft spot for Oscar too. Don't ask me why. I won't say anything else.
Another thing that I probably should have mentioned before is that the title is really creative. Because like, Greg didn't know if he was a lion, eagle, badger or snake and neither did any of the other first-years, except maybe Kevin's little brother. Well, at least you didn't call it Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin. That would have just annoyed me.
One again, amazing job. You're amazing.
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: My only question with Greg's character progression here is whether it's realistic or too quick a development.
The title took a long time... in fact about 17 chapters to settle on. I don't know why I didn't spot it earlier... notably when I actually use the phase in the Sorting Hat's song...
Sheriff Report Review
And THERE'S the last line. Nice one.
I took what you commented on about from my last review into account while reading this, and yeah, I get it. I'm so glad you like criticism: I hate it when you review using it and then the author goes spazz at you. Anyway, I understand, so thanks for explaining.
A few typos but that's it. I have loved this story and cannot wait for the next lot of chapters to be up. Keep me posted!
Thanks for letting me review this!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Yay! HPFF isn't cutting off my story endings anymore! This is cause for celebration!
Oh yeah, feel free to critique away - it's how we learn, after all - and it keeps you in line, definitely. Without criticism I'd be back to writing some of my nine-year-old self's ideas of what made good fanfiction...which was mildly terrifying, I'm sure!
I'm really glad you like it - and that you've enjoyed reviewing thus far. Once I figure out how to turn the next chapter into something sensible it will be up too, so there'll be something new for everyone!
Thanks FOR reviewing it! Report Review
What's the last line? NO!!!
There's some constructive criticism coming up here if you don't mind.
I'm not quite sure about your characterisation. Your Peter is more like Sirius, your Remus is like Peter, your Sirius is like James and your James is like Remus. Now, I'm someone who THRIVES on character portrayal and description, and this chapter has kind of disappointed me a little. I really like to see that happening and I haven't in this fic.
Apart from that, I loved the end. I mean how Peter and Remus were like, best friends when they'd only spent a few hours together. It was cute, and I loved it!
So, yeah, I think you should work on this for further chapters.
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I'm just helping you to improve your story is all.
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Eeep...I see what you mean by the last line...I'll have that fixed in a jiffy.
Yay for constructive criticism! I'm all for that.
You bring up an interesting point about the characterization, although I think for this chapter I would like to defend my choices juuust a hint. I do recognize that there are set characteristics of all the Marauders, but in this chapter in particular my logic was this - it's a new situation, if you would. Emotions run weird when you go away to school. I started a new school when I was around this age and frankly while I'd consider myself to be a relatively extroverted person it scared the jeebus out of me starting again. That's my reasoning for a meek Remus - who in all fairness has a bit more at stake going away to school after all he's been through. I know my Peter is a little more...confident than usual but that's just how I see him; a jumpy, talkative little twerpy kid. I am planning to develop all the boys from this stage into their better-known counter parts, but I will definitely be taking a look through to see in my chapters if I can change anything monumental since you've brought it up.
I don't think you're being mean at all! In fact, I relish criticism more so than being told everything is sunshine and lollipops - because even I know it's not. I really do appreciate it when I get feedback on how I can go through and develop things better, so thank you for that. Report Review
Ooh, nice! When the mean lady came into the fireplace I was thinking, I know who she is but I can't remember her name. And then she had the two boys and I was jumping up and down because I couldn't remember who they were. And then when she went, "Quiet Sirius" or something I was like, yes! Anyho...
I am very intrigued. Some of the dialogue was a bit confusing, so you should probably go over that, especially when you're alternating between Sirius and Regulus and when Mrs Black arrived.
It seems I've become a fan of the last line of your stories. Keep doing that! It's almost like a cliff-hanger that leads into the next chapter, and it's really exciting but also kind of mysterious. Good on you for writing this! I can't wait to finish it (in a good way)!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Yay for creating some sort of suspense!
I will definitely take a look at the dialogue and see what I can tweak. I know writing Sirus and Regulus in this chapter was just...gah...mind-numbing at times. It used to be a LOT worse, trust me!
Really? Well, I do like to go out with a bang. I hope to get some chapters up soon to satisfy that curiosity. Report Review
Haha! That last line! Oh my gosh. It's genius.
Hey, sorry I took so long to get here but I've just been very busy. Congrats on the challenge though! It really was a great story. Anyway...
I liked this. I really did. I thought it was cute and funny and lovely and imaginative and, you get the idea. I loved little Peter's comments and when Lily walked into the 'empty' house, oh, and especially when in mid-sentence Sirius Stunned James. I was freaking out trying to figure out what would happen. It was great!
I give this an 8/10. Great work.
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Don't worry about taking too long - look how long it took me to actually get back to answering my reviews? Thanks so much for reviewing in the first place, it's not going unappreciated.
I'm really glad you enjoyed this too - it was a jump back into humor after not writing for a while. It too needs a bit of editing work, but so long as it was mildly understandable - I'm more than happy! Report Review
I KNEW he'd be Sorted into Slytherin! YES!
I think I'm falling in love with Theo. That's a really weird comment, but it's true. All excited about being in Slytherin and stuff, it's awesome. Too bad he's too young for me.
What was the name of the fourth new kid? Not Isaac, the other one. I can't remember. Ah, I'll find out in the next chappie.
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Ah, first impressions. Lots to learn about the newcomers, though... lots and lots to learn.
Sheriff Report Review
Ooh, this is interesting too!
I think it's cool that Matt keeps putting Greg off being in Slytherin (not that I would encourage it) but also being kinda proud to be in his house, because there's no one else in there. And a fourth-year prefect? Wicked.
This story is AMAZING. I cannot wait to finish it (not meaning that in a bad way, I mean... oh you know).
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Matt's not had an easy couple of years... can you blame him? Glad you're sticking with it!
Sheriff Report Review
This is so exciting! I'm going 'ooh' and 'aah' and 'oh really' all the time, it's awesome! I LOVE this story. Characters: tick. Setting: tick. Feel of the fic: tick. It's a winner in everyway, and I'm only on the second chapter!Author's Response: Only 25 to go... :)
Thanks for the review
Sheriff Report Review
Ooh wow, this is amazing! I see how this was nominated for SOTM!
I love your description and your plot. *clicks add to favourites* I am heaps excited to read more. Well done!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Yay - another happy reader! :-)
I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Sheriff Report Review
Haha, I love the "furry little problem". But why did he get so worked up about it? What did Greg say to him? Ooh, I hate suspense!
I am absolutely loving this story! It's awesome!
One thing: at the beginning, the sentence "How dare he use my words against me." should have a question mark instead of a full stop. But that's it.
I'm really looking forward to what happens in the next chapter.
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: I hate suspense too :P I'll try to have a new chapter up soon! (Grrr, RL...) But all questions will be answered in due time ;)
I'm so glad you're loving this! You get an Internet cookie as a thank you. :D
Ah, derp, that should be a question mark. I'll fix it :P
Thank you so, so, SO much for the awesome reviews! I'll try to update soon! Report Review
Ooh, that's interesting!
Now I've got about a dozen conclusions running through my mind about how pear-shaped this could turn out. Man I love fanfics.
Does Sirius have a crush on Angie or does Remus? I have no idea. This story is really getting me worked up. That's never happened before.
Wanna keep reading...
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Hey, sorry for taking a while to respond! (Stupid RL taking up my time... D:)
I'm so glad you find this interesting and you're enjoying it :D
*mumble,mumble* has a crush on *mumble,mumble* Sorry, gotta keep reading! But ah it's absolutely flattering to know this is getting you "worked up" haha ;)
Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! Report Review
When I saw Let the Games Begin, I immediately thought, she knows Starkid, she knows Starkid! But then didn't find any other reference to them in the story. Ah, well.
This was heaps good! But poor Reina... I really like that name. And yes, Greg is SUCH a sweetheart! i bet you had fun writing him. Now whenever I see James, I see Sebastian hitting on Blaine. That's a bit creepy given this is completely different circumstances. I think I'm going crazy.
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: I actually do know Starkid! I LOVE Starkid! My friends and I quote it constantly! ;) Derp...I would put Starkid references, but it's kind of written and stuff... Sigh :P
I'm so glad you're enjoying it! :) I like the name Reina, too, haha. Greg is adorbs :)
Oh, NO! No, no, no. Do NOT think of Sebastian. James is the opposite of Sebastian! Nope. Nope. Nope. I think we're all a bit crazy, hon ;)
I'm happy you're enjoying LPALG! :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Two of the things I love about your chapter images are that you made them yourself and that Matt Bomer and Sebastian from Glee are characters! Awesome!
This was heaps cute! Love James cooing over Lily and her reactions. Again, they remind me of those two guys... oh well. Looking forward to reading HEAPS more!!
recenseo 2012Author's Response: I'm glad you like my chapter images! :D OH MY GLEE, I LOVE Grant Gustin and Matt Bomer. I purposely chose them because I'm obsessed ;P (I should go get a life...)
Haha, I love writing cutesy things :) Glad you enjoyed it! Gah, that's so weird that they're like those two guys! o.O
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
"Sorry, boys," he says. "I had me fun and so have you. Time to get serious."
"I'm already Sirius," Sirius says proudly.
I was rolling around on the floor laughing! Angie must be crazy not to have laughed even a little bit.
That last bit when she hugged her dad; I nearly cried. Poor thing. Now I'm trying to imagine my mum dying and dad taking care of me. He can't drop me to school on time let alone take over my life. I could NOT live through that happening.
Great work again!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Hahaha, I'm glad you enjoy my humor ;) There's just so many "Sirius - serious" jokes you can make. His name is really ironic.
Angie's so stubborn that she won't even laugh at Sirius's jokes. She dislikes him that much, haha.
I can't believe I got someone to almost cry! I shouldn't be happy about this, but it's kind of awesome... Haha, I think that goes for all dads. But, I'm glad that it made you think and that this seems realistic :)
Thank you!! Report Review
The last line... nice.
Same thing about the last chapter I think, though I think this was better. Love the 'Karma' ruining the sweet moment. And the owl called Bess. I thought it was a cow at first. Yeah, laugh if you want. I'm not very clever :)
Awesome job again. Going to read more now...
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Hahaha, I like the last line too ;)
Glad my chapters are getting better, haha. I really need to do edits, though :P Haha, karma ruins everything, I tell you! I totally understand why you would think Bess was a cow, hahaha. I was thinking of Queen Elizabeth I when I wrote this (don't ask me why), so I just named the bird Bess.
Thanks so much for the sweet review! :) Report Review
Oh my gosh, James and Sirius remind me of these two guys who are in all my classes... especially the "Angie and I shared a very intimate moment"...freaky. Anyway:
You could work on the grammar at bit more; maybe just go back and edit it. I loved the "bloody hell!"s and the dream really got me interested. And curious.
Great job! 4 more reviews to go! Actually, I'l probably do this whole story if that's alright: I want to keep reading!
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Ah, I'm thrilled that you R&R-ed all 7 chapters! Thank you so much!
I've been trying to do edits for WEEKS. I just can't find the determination to sit there and edit :P Grr...
Whoa, that's freaky that James and Sirius remind you of people in RL o.O I kind of just made them up in my head... Weird.
Anyway, I'm so happy you're enjoying this! Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS GOOD?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? You're crazy.
This was AMAZING! Absolutely amazing. I think I told you I had high expectations as Poker Face is my all time favourite Glee song, but I wasn't expecting this at all! You've just made my day.
I love how Emmy played 'hard to get' with the boys, which is always a favourite of mine. But poor Charity! She reminds me of this girl at my school who always confronts the guys with her 'annoyingness', then is always pushed aside when someone they like comes along. Anyway, I suppose it had to happen, and it fit perfectly.
The main thing I was looking for is that your fic worked with the song, and now I'm stuck with a massive problem because everyone's stories worked perfectly, especially this one. I liked the description and just the whole... aura of the piece.
Well done, very well done! This is the last story I had to read so right now I will go and write a blog on the forums with the winners in it, so please look out for it. Amazing job and I can't wait for more.
xxAuthor's Response: OH MY GOODNESS, STOP! You're incredibly sweet!
I've made YOUR day? Imagine me reading this comment! This has definitely made MY day! :D When I read your blog post, I freaked out a little bit (cuz I'm such a dork), and THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Writing Emmy playing "hard to get" was SO fun. (I wish I was that cool...) Charity was kind of every desperate girl I've ever met/seen on TV mushed into one. But that poor girl... (The one you know, I mean.) Anyway, I'm so glad it all fit together :)
Ahhh, I'm just...oh my gosh. I'm so happy that this worked and that you like the "aura" of it! :)
Thank you SO much! This was really fun to write since I got to listen to "Poker Face" a million times ;) Thanks, again! Report Review
Haha, this was awesome! Thanks for entering the challenge and I'm very sorry I haven't read this sooner.
Wow. This was hilarious. The way Bill kept yelling at his kids halfway through... and the last two lines made me crack up so much that my mother now thinks I'm a psychopath. Oh well; she raised me.
There wasn't any punctuation or grammatical errors that I noticed except that it might have been better with quotation marks and maybe a few less sets of brackets. Most other stories I read are full of mistakes, so I'm heaps glad to see this. I loved the storyline and how it was just him and his kids, and the Teddy references in there were cute too.
Fantabulous job and I will write a blog with the winners in it, so look out for it. I only have one other fic to read so it will probably be up tomorrow or something.
~dobby~Author's Response: Well, I take it that you liked it - and for that I am totally thrilled. What author wouldn't want someone cracking up at their story (Mothers are just like that sometimes - I can totally relate, because mine does that too...maybe it's a fandom thing?)
Yeah...I always look into beta-ing things later on, and I was kinda in a rush to get this one even completed. I'll definitely look into the brackets and quotation marks thing though - so thank's for the suggestion.
Thanks so much for the challenge - and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it! Report Review
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