This is beautiful. A realistic parenting story is a complete rarity and It's nice for people to realise that parenting isn't actually all a barrell of laughs and children are sometimes really tiring.
The whole idea of them not wanting to go to sleep is so funny because I can just imagine them crouched on the floor trying not to get too comfortable! It's such a James and Lily thing to do.
I'm so glad you portrayed them like this. They seem like normal, sane parents which is as parents should be seen in fanfiction. They are amazing with Harry and rthey are on their last wit. I'm glad you put Lily as losing it though. It added some extra 'fizz' to the situation as she normally is portrayed to be the really calm one.
The idea of the keyboard calming him down though is honestly lovely. The soothing sounds would have had no choice for Harry to fall asleep and thats amazing.
Good job with this.
P.S I love the last paragraph!Author's Response: Thank you so much for these awesome reviews, Summer! I really hate when Lily and James are portrayed as saints. They died for their son, and the amazing thing about that is they didn't have to. At least Lily didn't. She chose to. So making her into this Godly person who walks on water and has a halo of gold drives me nuts. She was an exceptional woman who became a hero. Rant over. Haha!
Thank you again for this wonderful review, and I'm so happy that you enjoyed it. I hope the pregnancy is going as smoothly as possible :)!
Jami Report Review
Reviews for the reviewing competition coming your way!
This is a beautiful, beautiful story and I'm so glad that you've tackled it in the way that you have. The shortness really makes the story hit home which I completely love about this.
At the start I thought this could have been about James and Lily although making it Narcissa and Lucius was much more interesting as it also helped us see how Voldemort approached the idea of his two followers having a little baby who they were not prepared to give up the cause for.
Very good job!Author's Response: Hi darling! When I started writing this it was with the idea of making it a L and J, then all the sudden the Malfoys slipped out! I had a lot of fun trying to make it seem like it could be either up until the end.
I happy that you enjoyed it and thank you so much for the awesome reviews!!
♥ Report Review
This is heartbreaking!
Setting it just before she had to leave, before she had wiped her parents memory of her really tugs at the heartstrings and I think you've conveyed that really well with her panic, the little bits of selfishness and also the idea of them not remembering her.
As a mother myself I can completely understand the actions of her parents, going off to cry in peace whilst on the outside looking strong for their daughter and I think you showed that really well especially with Hermione creeping outside the door for her to hear what was going on inside.
Only one thing bothered me in this though and it was the part about no seventeen year old having to worry about surviving. In general I do agree with this statement however Hermione already had to worry about surviving because she knew where she was going and she knew the idea that she may not come back from fighting Voldemort as that was why she was wiping her parents memory in the first place. Just a little thing though.
All in all I really liked this!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! I'm so glad that you could see where I was coming from with the parents looking strong but then falling apart when they thought they were alone. Yeah I guess I didn't really think about that part being with the whole going off to fight Voldemort so she would have already been thinking that she wouldn't have come back from that. thank you for the kind review!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
This is so intense and so angsty that I can't help but love it! I've read quite a few of your things and I must say I have never been disappointed with what I've found!
This story is a rarity on HPFF because it focuses on quite a strange relationship which isn't explored often. I love the idea of Gellert and Ariana though as it adds an extra dynamic to her death where as Gellert is seemed not to be heartless but he is as tourtured as we saw Albus to be about her death.
I felt like I was in the prison cell beside Gellert when you were explaining everything that went on. It was so realistic and I could almost imagine him crying out in some form of pain as he remembered his beloved Ariana.
The line about her being murdered by either her brother or her lover was heartbreaking :( I also think it was made amazingly better by mentioning what she'd been wearing and emphasising her childishness which made her death seem to be more of a disaster.
The flashback as well was amazing as it helped us see the context and as you've mentioned this is a novel I can see you going into the whole reason for their relationship which I think you will do brilliantly at!
I also wonder why they all knew he was there... did something happen or was Esmerelda just a gossip? I wonder!Author's Response: ANGST FTW! Thank you! * secretly fan-girling*
The unexplored relationships are usually the best (in my opinion at least) because it gives the author more leg-room and less cliche's (which is a rare gem when it comes to writing fan fiction).
Thank you so much! This review really made me smile :D Esmerelda was just a gossip I'm afraid; nothing sinister there (this will play a rather large role in chapters to comes)
Jasmine, x Report Review
Oh this is so interesting!
I am wondering if this involves the next generation childrens children because Sera calls her Maman which is a French greeting for a mother so I can't help but wonder if this lady who seems to be suffering from alzheimers/dementia is infact Victoire or Dominique or even Gabrielle? *random thought*
I do like where this story is going! Please continueAuthor's Response: Haha, interesting theory, even though it's an impossible one since this story is Marauders era (;
But thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you liked it ^^ Report Review
This is hilarious! I love your style of writing anyway because of your humour and sarcasm and I think you tackle the cliches in really a humorous way!
I love the fact you talk about Cedward because it really is hilarious. You don't seem to like Twilight though which makes me sad! I quite like twilight! Though the lines you've used from is are so funny!
I also like you talking about how super sexy Hermione now appears to be after the battle. If you've ever been over to HPPC you will know all about Black Leather Pants Hermione! Also Draco with his top off... well who could resist!
You talking about Draco's past with th vanishing cabinet just reminds you of how OOC this is as he still has all of his past to make up for.
As for Hermione becoming part of the football hooligans... I can't see it happening :PAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot for the review!
Yeah I'm not really a fan of Twilight, but even if you are, i hope you could still enjoy this.
Oh yes, the infamous leather pants Dramione. i think we can all agree we've seen it way too much.
Thanks again! Report Review
Jenny :O This is beyond cute.
I love the fact in this that Domnique is deaf in this because it adds things which generally aren't around very much in fanfiction. The idea of her putting her hand to the floor to feel the vibrations is very realistic as it is what a lot of deaf people do to hear so I think you showed that exceptionally well.
I also liked the fact that she used a dog to help her just as many deaf people in muggle society do as they are sort of a lifeline for them so I like the way you seemed to make her almost dependant on the dog, particularly when she meets the new people. I understand her not liking meeting new people on her own as she wouldn't be able to speak or understand them so they could think she was being rude.
Photographs seems to work so brilliantly as a title because Domnique is right, her sight gives her all of the image she needs. Her world is so complete even without the sound and I liked that she was content with that. Well done Jenny!Author's Response: Thanks so much Summer, I'm so glad you liked my fic.
I wanted to show Dominique as happy in her silent world, even though she still very much has a disability and is dependant to some extent on her dog, so I'm very happy that came through in my writing.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Wow! This first chapter is so philosophical with Rose seeming so clever and deep talking about the past present and future. It seems like the knows it all and I think that is how you intended it to be as this is Rose with hindsight.
This is Rose who describes herself as a foolish girl who just wanted to be with the foolish boy which I assume is Scorpius. She talks about how rhey thought they knew everything and they just wanted to be together. I just love ScoRose and can't imagine them not being together so seeing this makes me think they dont end up together which makes me sad.
I think it is pretty heartbreaking though that Rose will die before she's born. Please feel free to re-request!Author's Response: Hi :) Sorry for taking so long to reply.
I'm glad that you found the deep Rose interesting; it was a bit hard to pull off with all the different versions of her I have floating around. I'm glad that you found it appealing with her thoughts floating about. Her death before birth is what will drive the whole story, especially since it is unknown to the Rose who will be narrating the rest, as I want the reader to experience it as she does.
As to whether or not Rose and Scorpius will end up being together in the end, all I can do is quote River Song- "Spoilers".
Thanks for reviewing :)
~Anna Report Review
Oh now this really is intriguing. I like this chapter as it quickly links on from the cliff hanger you left in the last chapter!
Kestrel doesn't seem to recover very quickly and I think that is very interesting since it is rather realistic that after passing out, the person would be quite disorientated, confused and embarrassed in a way as she fainted in front of the whole school.
I like the idea of Kestral having a thinking tree. It just gives her the opportunity to get away from everyone and just think about what has happened. I can see that being a very useful plot device in the few weeks to come. I also like how out of the way it is because the ministry officials couldn't find her. I like the fact that James found her on a whim during quidditch practice although I think in reality he probably went out looking for her?
Harry is an interesting character. I understand he's sceptical about the triwizard tournament and starting it up again, it just seems like a way to start up the old times of terror when Voldemort was around and I think that's what Harry's trying to say! I hope James doesn't do anything stupid!
Feel free to rerequest! Report Review
Oh now this is interesting. I love the fact it involved Rose and is a doctor story! I see too many now that involve Amy as the main character and whilst Amy is awesome, Rose is my favourite!
I love the idea of there being a hole in space with a whole different world behind it. I hope the doctor crash lands into the ministry! Now that will be interesting!
The thought that there is a prophecy regarding the appearance of the doctor truly interests me as many people say that where the doctor is the trouble follows so I really would like to see what trouble continues to happen in this!
Feel free to rerequest!Author's Response: Thank you for the praise! I agree, Rose is the best. (Though I love Amy too)
I'll try my best to continue as soon as possible!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing :) Report Review
I am determined to get through these chapters and finish this wonderful story at the same time as everyone else so we'll see how this goes!
I really liked the beginning with the Minister looking on in almost disbelief of why the fighting had broken out, why the aurors had abandoned him and why they were coming for him. It did make me giggle a little because surely he realised that he had done something terribly wrong, that he had made a mistake somewhere? I also found it quite interesting that Arabella and Percy went through his private floo, it meant that they obviously weren't suspected by the minister which shows how clever they had been to evade suspicion and capture.
In a way I do like the tirade that Arabella gives the minister because she is right on all accounts. She is the one that helped him with his position, the even wrote his speeches and helped give the world her messages through him without being noticed. She is the only reason the minister is where he is, she got him power and now she has taken the power from him just as quickly and it does show that the government isn't all powerful as they do rely on others rather than just one leader and if one of their advisors has gone wrong somewhere then the whole of the government could just collapse (Thank goodness for parliaments) as you've just shown here.
I also like how they don't just give up on hope of concealing the fact that they are behind the reasons for the ministry erupting by making the minister take his own life to some extent (even though it is implied the imperius curse was used). It still avoids the suspicion that would have occured if Avada Kedavra was used as people would have known that only certain people, Arabella and Percy being the main ones, would have been able to get through his private floo and therefore that would have given the ministry and the ministers guards more time to turn against them.
Percy taking over as Interim Minister is interesting too as he really didn't need to because in effect, Arabella already controls everyone except the aurors but by Percy taking control, if peace is achieved, Arabella will still have all the control so I think you included that in quite a clever way.
Harrys final goodbye with Esme was heartbreaking. I felt all his emotion because in a way he'd just discovered happiness once again with someone who loved him and he probably hadn't felt that for such a long time so I wish they could have been together because Harry had already lost the love of his life due to this war and now he had lost someone else he thought he may have had a chance of happiness with. I can't even condone how he must have been feeling particularly knowing too that he involved Esme in this and she could have been back in France unaware to most of the struggles Harry had been facing. That must have increased the guilt he felt in his heart as he knows he and he alone was solely responsible for involving her.
I also feel sorry for Neville in a way. Neville is always the one who has to pick people up when they're down because people listen to him for some reason but I just feel as if Harry should have known everything Neville was telling him and already have started planning for the future. He knew that Esme was gone and nothing in the world was going to bring her back, yet he has his great niece somewhere, scared, alone and in great danger. He should have already been thinking about trying to save her because Neville was right they're running out of time.
It was nice to hear that Hermione and Rose were going to be okay though. I dont think I could stand it if Rose turned into what Alice and Frank had been. At least Alice and Frank were together but if Rose was that ill, Scorpius would have to sit there, looking after her and visiting her, looking at his shell of a wife and mother to his children and I think that is just heartbreaking. He shared all of his life with her now she wouldn't even know who he was. I just hope you choose to give Rose a happy ending although with this story anything can happen.
I'm interested now about the Dark Wizards in the castle, it seems to echo the final battle that happened in Deathly Hallows with them coming in, although splitting the pupils up is interesting althouhg we already knew that they were only after the Potter and Weasley offspring. I hope they're going to all be okay, I'd hate to see innocent children die in this just because of who their families are. It breaks my heart.
I'm glad Dennis, Artie and Porshia are okay though. It makes sense that they will be thinking of ways to fight the bad guys because thats what they've been brought up to believe, to fight for what you believe in and none of them are just going to sit there and watch as their families are taken away to an almost certain death.
Thank goodness for the ghosts though, at least they have some people on their side who will be able to help them overcome these obstacles. I just hope Peeves will do as he's told for once and terrorise those poor people guarding Dumbledore's office. Bloody Baron, whilst he's a Slytherin ghost can't be too impressed by this invasion of Hogwarts, Hogwarts is a place for children and learning after all so I can only imagine what mood he'll be in! I almost feel sorry for the guards though, Peeves could be pretty brutal in the last battle with his torture methods!
I'll be sure to read on!Author's Response: Hi, there! Nice to see you back again!
As the title implies, many thing are shifting in this chapter.
First off, Arabela/Tenabra finally disposes of the old Minister and puts Percy in his place. You are correct inasmuch as the change is somewhat cosmetic. She is in control of both of them. But getting rid of the Minister is an important step in creating the illusion that the Blood Order has been defeated and therefore life in the wizarding world has returned to "normal", except with her control firmly cemented. With the memory of the war fresh in everyone's mind and a hero of the Second Wizarding War serving as Minister, nobody is likely to question anything she does, as long as it's in the name of "security". That has been her plan all along. The Blood Order was nothing but a ruse.
Harry saw a possibility of finally finding happiness and companionship again for the first time since Ginny's death. As you say, that was cruelly taken from him. You are also correct that he feels very guilty about her death. But that's Harry's nature.
Fortunately for him -- and everybody else -- Neville snaps him out of it. Harry did know everything that Neville was telling him at some level, but having just been through such a traumatic loss, he really needed somebody to help him realize his own worth. Neville has always been the guy to remind other people about what is right as opposed to what seems easy or safe.
Hermione and Rose are safe. Hermione will definitely recover to a great extent. Rose... well, her future is somewhat less clear. I'll simply leave it at that for now.
Lady Tenabra has ordered her remaining Blood Order supporters to attack the castle in hopes of inflicting even further casualties on the Potter and Weasley families. She knows that they will be a threat to her as long as they are alive. This was simply a convenient way to try to kill more of her enemies *and* make sure that the surviving Blood Order supporters will be sent to Azkaban for good when the war is over. There's simply no plea-bargaining your way out of a life sentence when you attack a school.
Dennis, Artie and Portia are behaving so much like their famous grandparents that those grandparents would be horrified. I love being able to include kids their age in the story. It helps connect to the feel of the books, I think.
I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter and I'm really glad that I've been able to keep you reading. Thanks so much for all of your awesome reviews! Report Review
Wow Ash... I should really read so much more of your stuff because that was just purely awesome!
I felt the power from every single one of those words as I read them down the page. I also felt so empowered as I read the thoughts going through her mind, she seemed so strong after everything she'd gone through. You sort of forget that she has feelings too even through her rough exterior.
I also loved the fact in this she showed her dislike for her sisters family. You showed she loved Narcissa but that she was not so fond of them but I felt you did that in a really really awesome way!
You focused on a lot of insignificant things here which really added to this such as the whole idea of the rats and the filthy floor and of course the broken window which I felt really added to the mystery and the substance of the story really! It was just so powerful.
You also focused on the differences between Narcissa's appearence and Bellatrix's. I feel you emphasised the differences in the social class between them talking about her high class shoes and that really contrasted to how you'd described her. It was very interesting really as you'd made Bellatrix seem quite empowering just as she was in the books. Bella just seemed to have a lot of power but at the same time you just seemed to then take all the power away from her in an instant with Narcissa's pristine appearences.
I also love the way you talked about the beautiful necklaces as a way of talking about their past but leading into their families aswell. I like how you talked earlier about how Rodolphus had taken on other women for relationships as I had never imagined their relationship to be perfect and this just showed it which I really really liked.
Also you did the whole full circle thing which not many people can do within a one shot so I really liked that you managed to end it off in that way and I think the thought processes you'd given Bellatrix made this a very good action for her to take.
I LOVE THIS :DAuthor's Response: Summer! Thank you so so much for the kind review!
Honestly the one thing that I thought was super important for this story was the level of detail. In the books I think her dialogue definitely is what seals the deal on her crazy, but I felt like really looking at the finer details and really exploring psycho she really is.
I think the differences in the way that Narcissa dresses and acts vs Bellatrix is so interesting. they truly are sisters but you definitely can't tell based on appearances. I think they both have a deep love for one another but it's difficult to tell on the outside.
I also like to think that Bella may be nostalgic for her childhood, for simpler times, despite the fact that she is on a quest for world domination.
Thank you so much for reviewing this! I really appreciate it! Report Review
WOW! I love this story already even though it is just within the first chapter. So much seems to be going on within this and I really do love that. It describes the story of Rose and Scorpius' relationship (They're my OTP by the way), the new emerging war and also the jobs which Rose and Scorpius are still expected to do during this difficult time.
I really like the idea that they are very much in love but also I loved how you made Scorpius bored. This gave an insight into the scene but also Rose's reaction to him to me showed just the tenderness between them!
Scorpius' OCD was a little bit different to how I've seen him portrayed before but when he is given this personality I can sort of see him acting that way, especially if Rose acts like that a little too! Him reading muggle novels though seemed to be a little bit odd. As much as I expected him to be more open than the rest of his family to the muggle ideas, I think that may be going a bit far as far as stretching his personality goes, although that is just a minor detail I picked up on.
Its interesting that you gave wizards their own TVs that you'd have made as I feel it could actually happen after the days of Hogwarts as muggle ideas and technology would have been more acceptable to some people. I like the ideas though that they could pick up every single channel as that seems very believable.
The way the war starts just seems a little surreal. I couldn't imagine anyone breaking the statue of secrecy but in this instance it seems almost believable with it coming out in a whole battle against the muggles. I just can't believe it actually would have happened!
Rose being a healer is good as it gives us an insight into the front line of the war without actually being on the front line if that makes sense. She is there to heal people and like Scorpius said, she is overworked but I guess she didn't see it like that and just wanted to help as many people as possible although she had her wedding and honeymoon coming up in a few weeks.
I just like the whole idea of this story!Author's Response: Hello! Thanks a lot for this lovely and massive review! You wouldn't believe how excited I got when I saw it!
I've always had a soft spot for Scorpius and Rose. For some reason, in my head, they'd always end up together somehow! And I'm always happy to stumble upon more fans of this ship!
Truthfully, when I was working on this story, many, many months ago, I wanted the interaction between the characters and all the feelings and emotional transformation they go through to be the centre of the story. And so, I've managed to make many mistakes in setting up the events around them and rather focused on just them, which, I know now, was not the wittiest of moves.
Anyway, if I ever do come back to edit, I'll be sure to take a look at all the things you've pointed out!
Thank you so much for this detailed and kind review!
-Manno Report Review
Hey! I really thought I'd reviewed this before but obviously not!
I really do like this story so much which is why I've podcasted it! The flow of this story is literally just so beautiful and the fact that it's about one of the little wrote about ships, Lucius and Narcissa makes it even more special to me!
I can just imagine Narcissa acting this way about having a baby as pureblood families often had children to preserve their bloodline but this is obviously a bit of an exception as Lucius made it no secret that he didn't want children yet.
Lucius also acted in an awful way in my opinion. I don't think I've seen Lucius in any story act that way towards his wife however in this instance I thought it worked very well! Him cheating on his wife though was a little bit heartbreaking though as I felt Narcissa crumble a little bit when she found out he was in the arms of another woman, it made me almost flick back when she was 16 and her boyfriend cheated on her, it just made her seem a little bit vulnerable!
She seems so strong though towards the end, vowing to live her life for the baby Malfoy rather than live it for her love for her husband. In that I can see she feels extremely betrayed but she doesnt want to be beaten by it!
Well done!Author's Response: Hey!
Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, and of course turning this story into a podcast! I can't wait for it to be up :)
I am glad you like the flow of this story, and that you like Lucius and Narcissa (like me)!
I am flattered that you find Lucius' behaviour in my story plausible, and that you could feel the emotions I wanted to convey through this piece.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful review! Report Review
Hey here I am for the review tag :)
I really liked this story because it just sent us on an emotional rollercoaster with the infusion of events this contained.
First of all I felt her sort of anxiety as she waited for 6 o'clock to come. It seemed to be the only constant within her life, waiting for this man to walk in the pub through the door everyday because of the war that was waging on. I sort of get that she loved this man so much and she desperately wanted him to stay alive.
I also like the fact that she assumed the worst as soon as someone came through the door saying 'he's dead'. It showed her love for him but also it showed that it was what she feared the most. She didn't even know who that man was talking about yet she jumped to the conclusion that it was her love.
I'm so glad that you made the ending so it was still alive although it threw my emotions once more. It just managed to round it off and was just really sweet!
Well done!Author's Response: Hello and thank you for your review :)
Yes you are one of the few who caught the romance within this fic! I love this little one shot and I'm happy to see that I was able to pull out a roller coaster of emotions :)
Again thank you! Report Review
This is actually a really really good story! It is very fast paced however I just think that it seemed to work very well.
It started off with the girl pining to be with Sirius and basically looking at what she wanted whilst describing the scene. The scene really helped me visualise her wants with Sirius and also it helped give more context such as James looking at Lily and the way he seemed to be visibly rejected by her.
The idea of her using James to get to Sirius is brilliant as they both get something from it. If Sienna speaks to Lily about how great James is and if James speaks to Sirius about how great Sienna is then its very likely that they will end up getting together through the little bit of peer pressure.
I also liked the end when you told us about the results of what had happened. James and Lily were all loved up and Sienna and Sirius were off to the Room of Requirement!
Well done on thisAuthor's Response: Hey!
Aw thank you so much! Personally, I consider this story on the more 'bad' side of stories I've written, so it's really great to get such nice comments from you!
I'm glad that the starting of the story all made sense to you, and that you thought that particular plot idea was brilliant. Fundamentally, I really needed a reason for why both James and Sienna would need the other's help, so it all worked out well with the plot!
Generally, I have been agreeing with other reviewers that the ending is quite abrupt, but thank you for letting me know what you thought of it! It is partly due to my laziness, but I did want to end it on a good note without having to go through the complexities of how they got together.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I really appreciate it :)
- Charlotte Report Review
Hey there! I was trying to get my way through reading all of the task entries but here I am finally reviewing for Pass the Parcel!
I really liked the idea of this, Cho going to a dragon ranch as it is a quite easy way to incorperate the prompts, easy but still effective! It was also different as whilst it seemed like she was in the middle of a task, she had actually put herself in the situation herself.
To me, it did seem like you tried to cram in the names of the 4 dragons and the uses of dragon blood a little bit by listing them but I kind of understand as many prompts as possible had to be put in under a very limited word count!
You also made Cho seem to be very empowered within this story talking about Harry and how if he a mere fourth year defeated the Horntail then she, a former Ravenclaw should be able to get away from just one not so ferocious dragon now!
Well done on this!Author's Response: Pass the Parcel really is a nifty little thing, isn't it? :D So many lovely stories to read and review! I kind of noticed that myself was reading, mine next to some other stories appeared rather tame, but I'm glad you thought it was effective! Those two were the hardest prompts to fit in, but I'm glad you understand why *hugs*
Thanks a bunch for reviewing this, love, I'm not kidding when I say it means the world to me :) Report Review
Awwwh this is a seriously good story! I love the fact you took a well known fairytale and adapted it to be your own! The wizarding spin you managed to include so effortlessly was brilliant and I almost thought, that if I didn't know, it would be the original story rather than just the two stories merged together!
Using Voldemort as the big bad wolf did make me laugh because although it wasn't canon (Voldemort was born many years later) it seemed to fit really well into the story and to be honest I don't think you could have used anyone better for that part.
You also used the brothers, the hallows and the idea of the houses well and I think that was because they all involved the magic three so it could have happened improving my admiration more for this story! The idea of the Hallows instead of performing their actual uses but instead making different types of houses was brilliant but also using the hallows to also show the weakness of each house is also brilliant.
I think you did so well with this :)Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review!
I'm glad you thought it was combined well and I'm glad you liked it! :)
Again, thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
You have nothing to worry about with this one shot! It was absolutely fabulous!
I had never really considered another reason for Remus to refuse being with Tonks before but this is very interesting as it offers another point of view which I have never even considered let alone read about before.
I found it really interesting that you made it so Remus had injured the love of his life before and the worst that he could have imagined had now happened and that is a lot for even the most unfeeling person to get their head round let alone a sensitive person like Remus.
Your beginning seemed to me to be very ominous with his refusal of Tonks. Then going into a very idyllic scene with Remus and the unnamed girl. It just seemed to be telling us what had happened without actually saying it you know! I love the way you also made the scene almost perfect but then when the full moon appeared you showed both of them to be really scared.
I could never have imagined Remus doing something like this even before the Wolfsbane potion, it just seems so OOC but it just shows that it can actually happen.
I'm glad you included what happened when he did get with Tonks though. It just rounded the whole story off and helped to seriously improve my state of mind but it also helped me imagine Remus back in his character in his sweet and sensitive self!
Well doneAuthor's Response: Hey!
Aw thank you so much! That really means a lot to me and I'm so glad you thought so!
Yep, I think that's why I was intrigued to writing this story - I wanted to develop some kind of backstory for the reason why Remus was so hesitant and against being with Tonks. I've never thought of myself as a particularly original writer, so to hear that you've never read something like this before was great!
The OOC is something that a few reviewers have commented on, and perhaps it is just slightly unrealistic, but I'm glad that you nevertheless thought that it could happen. And yay! I'm so pleased to hear that the ending worked out well!
Thank you so much for reading and for the really lovely review! It really put a smile on my face. :)
- Charlotte Report Review
I havent read this story for so long and I really apologise for that but as you probably know my RL has been crazy and my review thread has been well quite dormant shall we say!
First of all, the beginning part of the chapter seemed to tie up more of the loose ends which had happened in the previous chaos. I felt it was more to let the whole events of the chapter sink in and really reflect on what had happened but also what this now meant for Octavia, Percy and the mental stability of Harry. The death of Esme was so unfortunate but I sort have got used to the shock of it but I think you really show Harry's grief and pain over her death exceptionally well.
It was also very interesting to see that you made Ron the superior leader of this as we see so many times in the books that he takes his led from Harry most of the time but this just shows that he is capable of great things and a lot of the time he just isn't given the credit for it because of Harry! It was a lovely change.
Draco is kind of growing on me in this. I like the fact that he knew the dark magic in so many ways because it reminds us of the war that happened when they were all younger. Even the good side needed to kill people and use underhand tactics to win so it really helped keep up the pretence that this really was now becoming war. I also like the fact Draco didnt regret his actions and even Ron seemed to acknowledge that he kind of did that right thing. Also instead of dismissing him he also uses Draco's extensive dark knowledge.
Code Black sounds very interesting and Im sort of glad that you included it as it showed what had happened last time made sure something had changed and it was nice that you mentioned that even Kingsley knew he wasnt invincible just like Scrumingeor and Fudge werent. It showed that people had learnt from their mistakes last time and that they werenít prepared for this to happen again. Also by making three aurors authorise it then it made the system more believable as people couldnt accidentally authorise it and people actually had to feel like they were in danger before the system was implemented rather than it just be a measure in which someone could use to overthrow the government.
The idea about Arabela using this spell to take over the mind of Octavia is disturbing. The idea of usin children always feels foreign to me so its a little bit close to the bone. Saying that they could lose Octavia indefinitely is really not nice and must have been heartbreaking for Ron and Hermione to even entertain that idea let alone for Rose and Scorpius to eat it.
Rory Tennant is just one of those people which I really dislike within this story. He is just so slimy and sneaky and I just cant wait until he dies please make him die! On the other hand I am falling in love with Dennis! He fights for what he believes in and that is amazing, such a Gryffindor perfect trait.
Walking in on Portia and Artie though was absolubtley hilarious! The Room of Requirement could be used for many things apparently! I also think its good that Artie finally believes Dennis about what was going on with Tennant as I felt theyd been almost dismissing the risk. I cant wait to see where it goes now with the Hogwarts students, Iím hoping a sort of DA.
I do sort of wonder why Lady Tenbra made Octavia and Percy invisible from her followers though. It kind of insinuates that she didnít trust any of her followers not to torture them in order to try and impress her. I also like how Percy at least tries to comfort Octavia even though his mind is still being controlled to a certain extent.
Octavias mind set seems to be very childish within this saying she doesnít like muggles so she doesnít disagree with the policies because the muggles at her school were being horrible to her. I also like the fact that she quickly changes her mind when she learns more about these plans.
Lady Tenabra is justÖ a nasty piece of work! I just cant believe that she is trying to take over the mind of a child. Lets just hope Percy or someone else stops her!Author's Response: Hi, there. Sorry to take so long to respond.
I thought it best to leave the ending of the previous chapter very abrupt, given what happened, so I definitely needed to pick of the pieces and provide a little clarity here. All of the characters are in shock, and some are dealing with it worst than others.
Harry is nearing a breaking point, so Ron is trying to hold everything together. He is a very capable leader when called upon. That's something that I definitely wanted to convey. I really don't like stories where he's permanently relegated to the "Second Banana Zone."
I'm glad that Draco is growing on you. I definitely think there are a few admirable things about his character, and I've tried hard to make that clear without white-washing his less admirable traits.
After what happened with Voldemort and Pius Thicknesse, it made sense to me that there would be some sort of "doomsday fail-safe" that would allow the Aurors to try to maintain order in the event that the Minister fell under unfriendly control. I think I've expanded the role of the Aurors beyond what was contemplated in the books, but that is also a function of Harry being their leader. Just one more way that the wizarding world relies on him for quiet leadership.
Arabela is essentially devoid of conscience. She doesn't care who she harms, as long as she gets what she wants. Fortunately, Octavia seems to have something on her side that Arabela doesn't understand. Whatever could it be? ;)
You're not really meant to like Rory, although I suppose I wasn't overly concerned that anybody *would* like him. He's a worm. He only cares about himself, but he lacks the courage to really do much about it. So he easily becomes a pawn for Tenabra.
Yes, the Room of Requirement has many uses. ;)
Lady Tenabra chose to conceal Percy and Octavia because their presence would have revealed to her followers that she's playing both sides. As far as the world at large knows, Percy is still one of the "good guys" at this point. And that fact is key for her, as you'll see in the next chapter.
Octavia does see the world through a child's eyes, which makes her challenging but very interesting to write. I enjoy it, even though it's not easy.
Thanks so much for such a long, detailed and thoughtful review! Report Review
This is a very interesting, sort of confusing prologue/one shot shall I say.
A lot happens in a very short space of time with Lily first reading the letter, then realising what it says to her in tears, yelling at scorpius, breaking down in tears again then realising and checking the calendar, so I agree that you probably will have to make this whole chapter longer with probably a lot more description to break up a lot of the action.
That said I think Lily and Scorpius is a very interesting couple and it can either work or not work but in this story i think you wrote them not working very well, explaining their relationship of 18 months, showing the reader the letter and Scorpius's harsh remarks.
I liked the bit where it said about Scorpius ruining her career by messing up her aptitude test.
Well doneAuthor's Response: Awww thanks Summer. Like I said this is a VERY true story so I didn't change any details. didn't feel like. But I guess I'll have to. Yeah it needs a lot more details. Thanks love :D
*Hugs* Report Review
Please please please continue with this story! I love how it shows little pieces of the Weasley's talking to Fred at significant points in their lives.
If only Fred was there to talk to Ron and wind him up it would have been so lovely but its also interesting that Ron turned to him when he was so nervous to talk to rather than someone who was on the earth and could talk back.
You really showed Ron's nervousness but also his personality, talking about Victoire.
Fred's reaction was typical Fred which was lovely! Well doneAuthor's Response: I will continue :) I've turned into an angst writer at some point, but I don't remember this...
Fred definitely would have wound him up, but Ron still loved his brother (h)
~Sara Report Review
This is so super sweet and sad! I don't know what to say to it really!
Ginny seems to be so broken down from her brothers death which is different to the fiesty persona to which she usually loves to have. To see her so broken must have been hard for Harry and I like how you mentioned him being next to her so he could almost seem like her pillar of strength.
Talking about the past and how he and George used to joke around and look after their little sister is really bittersweet because at the time Ginny wanted them to go away, to stop being so overprotective and saying they will beat up her boyfriends but now she would probably want nothing more for him to be back doing that and I think you showed that really well.
I also like the ending bit with Fred looking down on her and reminding us that whilst he might be in that coffin and no longer alive, he can still see what's going on and see how his family are affected. What he says to Ginny though is so sweet and it would have been lovely for her to hear him say that but sadly she couldn't making it so sad. Well done!Author's Response: Yeah, sometimes Ginny needs to be weak too :(
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, these are a bit more difficult to write than other stories :)
~Sara Report Review
Oooh this has really intrigued me into this story! I think it is truly fabulous!
I like the idea of this prologue, introducing Ariana as a very influential character because really the way you've explained it. Truthfully, the people who've attacked her are dead and the people who protected her are alive, one in azkaban, the other a nobody and the other the most powerful man who ever lived.
I really like this as its very mysterious. Well doneAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Dumbledore is my favorite character, so I wanted to do something about him. He'll end up being an influental character, but Ariana won't contain her feelings of dislike towards the way he's acting. Report Review
I love the changing point of views within this!
It really helps intensify the sitaution and show the similar beliefs of both of them. I'm so glad that they liked each other though, its truly simple but perfect.
Don't worry about the cliche in it because its Teddy and Victoire and since Teddy can turn himself into a super hot guy if he wants to then cliches really can work and I think in this you have made it work with the whole tickling situation as it shows an already established intimacy.
Well doneAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you :)
I wrote this, in one night, at midnight I think. So, nto my best work :P But I'm glad you liked it!
I love Teddy and Victoire. They're just so awesome.
~Sara Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection