Reading Reviews From Member: ginerva_molly_weasley
  
433 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ginerva_molly_weasleyStar Gazer: Star Gazer

14th June 2014:
This is lovely :)

Looking at the story shell I wasn't sure whether this would be my kind of story but it is so beautifully written with the hints of sadness throughout it that I couldn't help but love it!

Xenophilius sounds like the perfect role model that Luna needs for her to grow up and you can tell just how much Luna's mother loves her family even though shes not around anymore!

Loved this

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Review #2, by ginerva_molly_weasleylow tide: a meditation

14th June 2014:
Oh marauderfan. This is beautiful.

I don't read many second pov stories because I find sometimes its quite hard to follow but this was so well written I didn't have that problem.

Your theme of tide and change came through all the way through the story and I loved the fact that you made it seem like a memorial gathering with Angelina and Lee without it sounding too morbid. Whilst remembering Fred but also with George moving on in a way with the tide washing over the castle, knocking down the past so something new could be built there.

I absolubtely loved it!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad it was easy to follow and that you liked it despite not reading much second person.

Aw, I like that idea of it feeling like a memorial gathering, that's lovely. And it is wonderful to hear that you felt the dual themes of memory/reflecting and of moving on conveyed through the tide, I like your interpretation. Thank you for such a nice review!


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Review #3, by ginerva_molly_weasleyA Minor Setback: Chapter Six

17th August 2013:
This is such a good chapter.

It is a filler chapter and I think that it doesn't have the most action in it but it still shows that you have put a lot of thought into it and shows transition between the different chapters.

I like how you had Wesley notice her weight gain and I can only imagine how cruel he is going to be when he finds out the truth about her.

Also I like how she loosens up a little bit when she sees Albus and the twins in the kitchens. I think that she is starting to open a whole new side to her!

Update soon

Author's Response: Oh my good golly gosh, hi there! Sorry that I'm getting to this so late but at least I'm getting to it!

It's true, this is definitely a filler chapter but not every chapter of a story can be filled with action after all. I also felt that Seraphina needed a bit of a break from some of the things going on and what is going to happen next.

I'm very glad that you're actually thinking about how cruel Wesley is going to be as that was what went through my mind while I wrote that scene.

I'm glad that you liked that part, personally, that was my favourite part of this chapter and the most fun I had writing it.

I'll update as soon as possible and thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #4, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Getting back to normality

15th August 2013:
Back again with more reviews!

I can't believe Louis has to go back to school leaving things the way they were. He didn't have enough time to speak to Freya or even organise much about the baby. Speaking in French is brilliant as it gives them that intimate moment in a very public setting and I really liked that!

I'm glad Bill paid for his appartion lessons in the end. I would have felt really bad for Louis if Horatio had had to pay for them so I loved it . I also really loved how Horatio was part of the family as they had packed food for him and it really shows their friendship (as if his support hadn't shown it enough)

Its sad that people still haven't got over the fact that Freya is pregnant and still look at him differently during school but I think you're right leaving it in there as it's not necessarily something which is just going to go away.

And I can't believe Freya is at Louis! I can't wait to read on

Author's Response: YAY! MORE REVIEWS!

Sadly he had to go back to school, holiday time was over. :(

I imagined that they would speak in French a lot, I wanted them to know both languages and it does give them an intimate moment together.

Oh yeah, Bill wouldn't have let Horatio pay for them and he was going to pay for Louis's no matter what happened. Horatio is a big part of their family, he's been around Louis since their first year. :D

Nope, the rumours are still going strong, I can't imagine it going away even when the baby is born. They'll still be mean.

Yep! Freya is there!! :D

Can't wait to hear what you think of the rest of the chapters! :D I love your reviews!


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Review #5, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Standing up for what you believe in

12th August 2013:
We like quick updates don't we *all nods*

Louis finally stood up for himself! I love him so much after this whole scene because Freya allows herself to be bullied by Ted as she could have very easily left that house with Louis to stay at his. Also Ted thinks he's offering Louis a way out but everytime giving the baby up for adoption is mentioned Louis realises how much he loves the baby and how much he wants the baby.

He also wants to anger Ted as much as possible so by blowing a kiss to Freya that made me laugh!

All the family are emotional that the babys a girl but they would have been the same even with a boy. They're just so supportive and lovely.

Arthur's gift is lovely and I could just imagine him being like that. Though the branded item statement made me sad because all of the Weasley children would have really appreciated the gift as I can just imagine how beautiful it is.

Everything seems to be moving so quickly! I love it!

Author's Response: We do like fast updates! That's why I try to update as fast as I can. :P

He did stand up for himself! He was tired of having Ted push them around and dictate their lifes to them. Freya sadly still listens to her dad, but maybe that will change soon?

Haha yes, angering Ted is a good thing in Louis's eyes.

Yep, they're very emotional and lovely and extremely supportive of Louis. It would have been the same if it was a boy.

I'm glad that you liked Arthur's gift. Although it's just Arthur's opinion that they would have preferred a branded gift. And he didn't want to speak up and have them feel like they needed to take the cot. But they would have loved to have it. They're all very jealous.

It is moving quickly. I'm glad that you love it though! :D

Thanks for the reviews!


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Review #6, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Seeing Freya

12th August 2013:
Yay I want to read more but first I need to tell you how much I really hate Ted. He is not allowed to be in it and I am going to perform a vanishing spell upon him so he is no longer in the story because I really don't like him. So he is banned kay?

Victoire is sweet and I like the interaction you have between her and Louis. She is the concerned older sister who wants to watch out for his brother and wants to make her brother happy. I also like how you included more information about Dominique as we don't really know a lot about his family (other than canon) before now.

I love that you give Louis and Freya their little moment before it is ruined by Ted. That she found out their baby was a girl and that Louis gets to see the little picture of the baby. Its so sweet!

Author's Response: I hate him too!! We should start an I hate Ted club! Haha I don't know if the spell will work, but we can try if you want? And banned? I'm sure that might work.

Victoire and Dom love their little Lou-Lou and they're very protective of him, so they'll support him through anything. Even if it means that they give things up themselves for him.

Freya and Louis needed a nice moment through this all, before Ted ruins everything.
Yep, it's a girl. :D And Louis loves that he could see the picture. :D


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Review #7, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Hiding in the dormitory

12th August 2013:
Okay so Horatio has gone up rather a lot in my estimations by offering to pay for the apparation lessons. Whilst Louis is thinking short term with his money such as saving Horatio is thinking long term which is making him grow on me.

Horatio Junior... If you give the child that name I don't think Louis or I would ever forgive you! He's also trying to get Louis outside which is fabulous as he can't lock himself away forever and there isn't much he can do until he can see Freya.

Going home at least Bill and Fleur are both there to see him and Bill fully supports Louis when he says that he needs to see Freya. I like them!

Victoire and Dominique are sweet and I am so glad you don't have them as selfish and instead that they decide to share a room :D

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad! I love Horatio so much, so I'm glad that you're beginning to like him more.

Haha I wouldn't be that cruel to have them name the child Horatio Junior. or am I? :P

See Horatio is very good for Louis. :D

Yep, going home means that he has his family around him. He needs it at the moment.

I'm glad that you like it, I can't imagine them being selfish and feeling hatred towards each other. I like having them as really close. :D


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Review #8, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Mummy Horatio

12th August 2013:
Oh this is sad.

But at least Freya wrote to him! She is starting to annoy me rather a lot though because of how easy she's being influenced by her family and not thinking of Louis. Waiting for him to make a decision is good but the fact that she already seems like she's made up her mind isn't good.

Louis presumed that they would be dealing with the situation together and now they've been separated and he feels like he's being left out of the loop. I know he's going to feel alone and some of Horatio's joking will not go well with him.

The owl pecking his pillows isn't good! Horatio is good at cheering him up even if some of the comments are a little bit silly! Mummy Horatio oh dear! You wouldn't want to inflict that on any child!
Also asking Louis if he'd raise the baby on his own would be hard. A 16 year old parent is hard but a 16 year old single parent is really hard!

Author's Response: :( It is sad.

But yes! She wrote to him! Finally!!
Well when she has noone around her apart from her parents who are telling her that she needs to do better with her life and that the baby would be better off being put up for adoption, no wonder she's having those thoughts.

Poor Louis, he is being left out and he misses her a lot.

Poor Horatio, having a small fear of owls and having to have one pecking at his pillow. Haha Horatio would be a great mummy! :P

It would be hard, but Louis would have his entire family, so it wouldn't be that alone.


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Review #9, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Avoidance

12th August 2013:
That is a cliffhanger! No you can't leave it like that!

Poor Louis, finally though he is sleeping through though I'm pretty sure 14 hours isn't at all healthy! Bless him he doesn't know whether he's coming or going and people don't make it easy for him with the staring. Horatio is wildly fierce about defending him so he is growing on me.

All the letters. He needs some time not to be harassed by everyone but its obvious that they will be worried about him as his girlfriend has been taken from him and he still has no idea about their baby and whether it's okay so surely his parents may have at least some information.

Molly is a nosy character but I do see where she's coming from that Louis should have told the family at Hogwarts at least once his family knew because it must be horrible finding out about your own family through rumours!

Freya's owl! Oh no I need to read more!

Author's Response: Yay! CLiffhanger!

Yes! He is finally sleeping... although for how long noone knows... well I know.
He slept for a very long time, but his body needed it. It's good that he has Horatio through this time to help him, even if it's to wake him up and make sure that people focus on him rather than Louis. I'm glad that Horatio is growing on you though!

There is a lot of letters for him, but he has a very big and concerned family. He needs some alone time away from all of the harassment, but that won't be any time soon.

She can be nosy, but she is just a little hurt that she had to hear about it all through people at school. She can understand why he done it, but she's still hurt.

Yep it's the owl!! :D


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Review #10, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Driven insane

12th August 2013:
This is a bit of a short chapter so I really quickly want to move on to the next.

Freya isn't replying to Louis? How awful for him because he doesn't know what's going on. Whether her and the baby are okay, whether shes even keeping the baby. The thoughts going round in his mind I'm not surprised he's half asleep and doodling at his desk.


People are so cruel with their rumours, particularly the Gryffindors. I'm sure it's not the first time someones been pregnant in Hogwarts and certainly won't be the last! The rumours are so harsh and like Louis said he was almost glad Freya wasn't around to hear them.

Poor Louis, not knowing what to do or how he can prepare. This would have been made much easier if Freya had grown up and faced it a little more rather than just leaving him to his own thoughts. But this is probably mainly Ted's doing so I do have some sympathy for her.

Reading!

Author's Response: I think it might be the shortest chapter I've written?

Nope she's not replying to him, which is very sad for Louis. He doesn't know whether he's coming or going. He's very confused and frustrated at the moment.

They are very cruel, but I imagine that people would be. I can't imagine that people wouldn't be, especially teenagers.

It would have been, but Freya isn't going to be doing that any time soon. :( Oh yeah, it is mainly Ted's doing so there can be sympathy for Freya.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!! :D


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Review #11, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Too late to say sorry

12th August 2013:
This chapter is so sad!

Poor Louis. With Freya being such a flake at the moment the weight of the world rests on Louis shoulders as Freya can't defend herself whilst she's in this state and all the blame falls with Louis! Young people can make mistakes and learn by them and face up to them yet here Louis is juts being bombarded.

If Freya keeps up being so whiney and not manning up to her mistake then I am going to seriously grow to dislike her!

Ted is an awful character. I can't believe he is trying to blame Louis for everything! It takes two people to make a baby and I think Ted is forgetting that here.

I do love how Bill and Fleur defend him though as parents should. Louis knows he's made a mistake and then wants to fix it by keeping and bringing up the baby and Bill and Fleur are prepared to help Louis with the baby. I do love them all.

But Freya needs a good talking to and Ted needs to back off!

I want to see what happens next!

Author's Response: It is quite a sad chapter isn't it? :(

Freya is being a flake at the moment, she's not standing up for herself at all. Once again she's kind of in denial and is having to deal with it all. I think she hoped that if she ignored it it would have gone away. Poor Louis is taking the brunt of the anger at the moment though.

Haha, it's okay you can grow to dislike her. But she does need to grow a back bone.

He is isn't he? He doesn't believe that his perfect princess could do that, he feels that Louis strayed her down the wrong path. Poor Louis. *hugs him*

Bill and Freya are very protective and they will stand by Louis through any decision that he would make. The Weasleys are so awesome!

I can't wait to see what you think of the other chapters. :D


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Review #12, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: We all fall down

12th August 2013:
Are you trying to break my heart?

They cant be expelled! No you can't do that to them! They're having a rough time as it is and now Flitwick is trying to make things worse! No no no no no. You can't do this Tammi!

Also it is pretty obvious that the rumours would have started pretty soon, living in a dormitory at a boarding school there is not much chance to hide anything which is sad because the last thing the couple need is other people trying to get involved and making it worse for them both.

It's interestig to see Louis' reaction though to the whole thing. Where as women would probably cry seeing him blow up is the Weasley in him and I like how it took rather a lot for him to do that. For the fact that the teachers now heard the gossip though that's an entirely different matter.

I can't believe he floo'd their parents! This is going to put Freya at boiling point!

Reads on!

Author's Response: I'm not trying, I promise!

They won't be, I can promise that. There may be a home-schooling. but no expulsion.

Yep, I wanted to have rumours circling around the school and spreading very fast. I know that can happen at a real school so I imagined that it would happen at Hogwarts. It was definitely the last thing they both needed at this moment.

Yep, he has his mothers and fathers temper in there. It did take a lot, he normally tries everything he can to stay as calm as he can and he doesn't normally resort to losing his temper unless something really pushes him to it.

Yep, he had to floo them though.

Thanks for reviewing! :D


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Review #13, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Maybe you should have waited?

12th August 2013:
You don't need to give out cookies. This chapter was awesome!

Louis not sleeping to start the chapter helps start off the tension and worry which continues through the whole chapter. I also love that you had him falling asleep at the Weasleys as that increased suspicion among his family that there is something going on in his life.

Going back to school he is obviously going to have to tell someone and as I've already said I don't like Horatio. He doesn't seem to fit the situation well and although sometimes you need somebody to joke in a serious situation I don't like his manner at all!

Louis again continues to be an awesome character throughout this though it is a little annoying that he did tell Horatio when he promised Freya he wouldn't say anything to anyone yet as soon as he got on the train he told his best friend.

Also the cracks are beginning to show here with Freya being so concerned and not talking until spoken to. It is going to become obvious very quickly that something is wrong and you know how the rumour mill is.

Also the flat above uncle George's shop... classy!

Author's Response: You can have cookies anyway for reviewing and being awesome :D

He goes through a lot of tension and a lot of thoughts. His mind is all over the place at the moment and it takes its toll on him. There's many more times when the poor boy can't sleep. I'm glad that you loved him falling asleep at the Weasley's. Poor Louis, he needs to sleep.

Aww it's okay that you don't like Horatio at the moment, I hope that he grows on you. He can come across as arogant but he does love Louis very much.

Well, Louis wanted to tell Horatio as it was eating him up inside. He knew that Horatio would support him and not say anything about it to anyone else.

I'm so glad that you think Louis is an awesome character, I wanted him to have more traits of Bills and I imagine him to be very calm, collected and supportive person. That's not to say that he doesn't have his mothers temper. :P

Freya is in a big sense of denial at the moment, sadly she'll need to snap out of it a lot sooner than she expected.

Oh yes, they are a classy bunch. :P


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Review #14, by ginerva_molly_weasleyI'll Love Her Enough For The Both Of Us: Life changing news

12th August 2013:
TAMMI-

I promised I would read this and I didn't realise it was a teenage pregnancy. Just a boring ole' normal one so I am in love already!

I think you're right. The character you have created here fits Louis so much better as you can use the attentiveness of Bill really well here in a way that it probably wouldn't work with Harry as they were much younger when Albus was born than Bill would have been when Louis was born. The experience really shines through here making sure Freya and then Louis are okay.

Louis seems like a really good character and I can tell I'm going to like him throughout this. He doesn't try to blame her or anyone else for the situation he's found himself in and I really like that as he starts to take responsibility for it already by promising to himself that he will stand by her. He also gives her strength and support in front of her, only allowing himself to break down when he is alone which is another reason why I really like him.

Freya is going to be interesting as at the moment she is very fragile and confused about the situation so by people finding out it won't be in her interests yet. I want to see how she becomes stronger throughout the story. I want to know what they're going to do!

Eeeek! Reads on!

Author's Response: SUMMER!

I am so so happy that you've decided to read this story! Nope not a normal one, a teenage one. :D

I'm glad that you think that, now when I look back and read it, I can't imagine anyone apart from Louis being in this situation.

I'm glad that you like Louis already, nope he doesn't blame anyone but himself. There's times when he blames himself entirely, he takes a lot of the blame for this when it should be shared out between the two of them.

Freya is very fragile at the moment and extremely confused and frightened. She's going through a denial stage.

Thank you so much for reviewing!!! :D


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Review #15, by ginerva_molly_weasleyThe Seams: A Storm Is Coming

12th August 2013:
Hi there. Here I am with your requested review. I tend to review as I'm going through so please try not to get too confused if I mention something which gets clarified later on.

Looking at the summary I can see it is not usually something I would read so I am intrigued to see how this will go!

Your description at the beginning is wonderful. The different metaphors which looks at the different elements which are going on outside. You give a really powerful image as to the place where this young woman is giving birth.

The - "what she does not realise" is not needed here and the "realize" is spelt in American English rather than British.

The scene is quite realistic for a scene in 1402 and I do like the fact that you detailed the year here. It was a nice touch and helped really to set the scene. The emphasis on the blood is interesting but also makes me think that this is going to be a fatal delivery for the mother as there is blood during a delivery but not as much as people may think.

Your description works well here with the crying of the baby and him not crying immediately. It shows you've done your research in the deliveries of this era.

Its interesting that you use a storm as a bad omen for a birth. It is quite obvious that it would be a bad omen and because of that I think the image is much easier to picture.

The fact Penelope is a witch adds an extra element into the story as there would obviously be different rules for those who are magical and possibly different post natal care needed to a non-magical person. What is interesting though is why Penelope fled to this woman rather than someone from the magical world. It is unlikely that there would have been a hospital but there would have been somewhere she could go.

The selfishness that Ursula has really helps me connect with her. It is obvious that Penelope may die and that Ursula would be left with the baby which would be unfair for her. Your description of the care Ursula gives is fabulous.

The fact Penelope asks for paper shows that there is someone she does want to inform about her birth. The fact Penelope knows she will probably die is really sad too.

The song works really well here to break up the scene so I definitely think it works well to show the sadness between the two women and it sums up Penelope's thoughts really well.

The whole scene is really sad! What I have noticed though is that description seems to deteriorate throughout the chapter. It is really strong at the beginning however as you get further on there seems to be much less of it.

I like how Ursula doesn't read the letter. The letter itself is actually very interesting as it doesn't really reveal anything. I wonder what the curse is!

You've left it on a really good cliffhanger which will help reader retention and I think the plot so far is wonderful as you have only given little bits away such as there being a curse.

I really enjoyed this and feel free to rerequest!

10/10
GinevraMollyPotter

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for the review - I apologize for the late response.

I'm really glad you like the metaphors. I would say that's one of my strengths as a writer. And yes, I'm American, so all of my spellings and such will be that way. I know that's a bit wonky since this is HPFF.

Once again I'm glad you like the description. It's something I have to say that I know I do very well. It comes very naturally and I always like to think outside the box! I love history, so I try to make sure that I do my research and everything is appropriate to the era!

You'll get to come to know Penelope more as the story progresses and I think you'll find it very exciting! Ursula was easy to write in that manner -not everyone is willing to just take in a newly-orphaned child. And she has a good heart, but she's hesitant. I certainly don't blame her!

I'm so happy you like the song! I'm not a song or poem writer by any means, so it took some work to come up with that! Oh, the description deteriorates throughout the chapter because I was trying to represent the deterioration of Penelope's life and her absence from her son's life. :)

Thank you so much for the great review! I really appreciate the feedback and can't wait to see what you think of upcoming chapters! :)

Shelby


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Review #16, by ginerva_molly_weasleyA Rodent Revealed: A Rodent Revealed

12th August 2013:
Hey there. Here I am with your requested review.

The beginning is very interesting as it entices into the story. The short snappy sentences draw attention straight away being ominous before foretelling too much. The 'tick tock' was particularly haunting as we know he's on a timer so he has to do something before his time runs out.

Right from the start you make it clear that he feels trapped by these people. He is physically trapped as he knows that he can't get out as people keep pushing him back but then he knows that there is no way out now.

The italics work really well to break it up, showing the flashback without it being too prominant so I really liked that.

His thoughts are really dark here because whilst I can understand it the betrayal is heartbreaking. His selfishness is shown here and he doesn't show any Gryffindor qualities. He should have preferred to die than to betray his friends which is what Sirius would have done but instead he chose to save his own life and condemn three others.

Your description here is fantastic with the escaping of him. You mentioned the cat which again is really good as it is an extra canon detail! You can see him being trapped here, frantically trying to escape as his past catches up with him. He knows that Sirius knows who he is, and he knows that as soon as Moony sees him he will know too. His time is almost up.

The flashback again is fantastic. It shows the thought processes behind making wormtail the secret keeper which is very interesting. The Potters have the seed of doubt put into their mind with Sirius and saying that Voldemort will know straight away it's Sirius and James knows that he doesn't want to put his best friend at any more risk than he's already in.

Its interesting you put in that Moony had become suspicious of Wormtail as obviously Wormtail would have been behaving differently and the fact that he now wanted to be secret keeper would be interesting. Again you mention about his safety. The description you include is brilliant.

Switching back into the 'reality' and in keeping with canon you do really well making sure that you are completely wrapped up in the scene. The tick tock again shows that Wormtail knows his time is drawing near and that he needs to escape now as he could lose his life. He would be prepared to do anything to save his own life which is what you showed excellently in the flashbacks.

The fact he hasn't heard his name for 12 years is sad as that is something he probably would have taken for granted throughout. His clawing to Ron shows his desperation.

I wonder why this is a painful memory for him. It is really interesting that knowing he wasn't that clever. Him turning into an animangus showed his intelligence and made him more of a part of the group.

Snape. Peter puts all of his hope in Snape which is ironic really as he spent most of his time trying to torment him.

Oh dear. The flashback of the altercation with Sirius is sad for everyone. You show Sirius' raw emotion here at losing his best friends. Although Peter has been their friend for years Sirius loses all understanding of this and is blindsided by his grief which I love. What I don't understand though is why Peter still wanted to be associated with innocence, the selfishness is unreal as he now wants to condemn his other friend too.

The tick tocks are again brilliant. Its the impending doom he feels which I love here.

'Long time no see' how brilliant to end this story.

I can't see anything here that I didn't like. It was wonderful!

10/10
GinevraMollypotter

Author's Response: Hello GMP! I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to respond to your review!

I'm really gushing at how lovely this rewview is, I'm SO glad you liked it, this is definitely one of my one-shots that I'm proud of.

Peter post-Hogwarts is very under represented in fanfiction and most of the ones I've read tend to err on the side of being sympathetic to him which is something I really didn't want to do. Yes, he was a coward but he still betrayed his friends which must have taken some malice.

I'm glad you liked the 'tick tock' I wanted to portray a sense of time running out for him but worried that I'd maybe over used it a little so it's great to know you thought it worked well.

I read this part of Prisoner of Azkaban countless times whilst writing it so that it was as close to cannon as possible, I'm glad you picked up on the little details I included like Crookshanks and Snape.

I've had such mixed feedback on the flashbacks, it's lovely to know that you liked them so much! The one with Sirius toward the end was one I wrote and re-wrote. As for Peter's wanting to be innocent, I think he would want Sirius to get the blame so that he would never be exposed as the liar and double-crosser he really was. I think ultimately he was a very selfish person, his own safety was always more important than anything or anyone else.

Thank you so so much for this really wonderful review, I'm so pleased you liked it!


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Review #17, by ginerva_molly_weasleyDouble Trouble : Prologue-October 31st

12th August 2013:
Hi there. Here I am from review tag.

I have never read a Harry twin story before so this was a nice change to extend my reading genres. I think it was written well and you got off to a very good start giving you some good ground to progress further on into the story.

One thing I noticed was that the dialogue there wasn't clear especially that between Sirius to James and Sirius to Lily as it was all bunched up in a paragraph so you could possibly change the formatting of this to make it easier to read.

You might also want to include more description to pad out the chapter a little bit more as it felt a little bit too structured with it being very set however as you are still trying to stick to canon here you may just want to consider it for further chapters. Its not a major point but it would enhance the story.

I do find myself wanting to know more about how this is going to play out with Sirius being with Arabella in Australia. Though I am still unclear as to Dumbledore's motives as Dumbledore knows that Harry is safe whilst in Petunia's care so this would surely apply to Jasmine too?

However the plot line is good and I expect you will expand a lot more into further chapters.

GinevraMollyPotter

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I just went over the paragraph where the dialogue is all bunched up and rushed and agree with you one hundred percent. I will make sure I go back and change that. Also for description you are not the first person to mention that and it is really something I need to work on as I'm the kind of person who wants to get down to the nitty gritty and quick and that reflects in my writing. Thanks again for the review!

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Review #18, by ginerva_molly_weasleyProblems: Problems

12th August 2013:
Hey there. Tagging you for review tag!

This story is so so cute! I can see exactly why you wrote this for a fluff challenge. It is one of the best Teddy and Victoire stories I have read.

I really liked that the beginning and the end were the same. It was perfect as it opened and then left the story in a full circle. I felt that it was complete and that I wasn't hungry for more which is one of the problems with one shots sometimes.

One thing I did notice though was the excessive use of parentheses throughout the story. Most of the things in the parentheses weren't needed or they could have been placed in other clauses or sentences. It was a little distracting.

I loved how his hair kept changing colour through it but I wonder why you chose green as surely pink or red would have been the obvious colour to choose.

Also you portrayed him well being very clumsy in love as he didn't know what Victoire was hinting at. It reminds me of Ron and Harry really which would make sense as they were his male role models whilst he was growing up!

Nice Story
GinevraMollyPotter

Author's Response: :D I'm so happy to see how well-received this story has been, because there's like zero plot and a large overdose of fluff. And you're too kind!

I was worried about repeating the beginning for the end, thinking that it might get a little repetitive, but I'm happy to hear that you thought it worked.

I do adore parentheses, but you're right - I went a little overboard with them here. I have an edit planned for this soon, so that's something that I'll definitely be looking to fix - thanks for the pointer.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #19, by ginerva_molly_weasleyCrossing the Borderline: Aaliyah: The Meeting

11th August 2013:
Hi there,

Here I am with your requested review. I tend to review as I'm going so please forgive me if it does seem a little bit incoherent but I'll do my best to be as clear as possible.

Your description to start off with draws the reader in and I think you've used it really well, being descriptive about the paintings whilst not being too overpowering. You give descriptions about your character too such as her liking the silence which is nice to start off with as I find myself wanting to know more and more about her.

The conversations between the paintings is interwoven well with the dialogue however it does seem to be a little bit short. The little snippets showed the gossiping but did not really have any coherence together. It still works but my attention was drawn to it a little.

The sentence "After a good two minutes, I took a sharp left turn. Seeking my destination, I started counting off the vacant classrooms to the right side of the hallway in my head." seems a bit listy in my opinion as there is no need to list all of those actions or be so descriptive. Also the whole sentence just seems to be a little bit odd. The whole counting off classrooms confused me when I first read it.

The idea of fear consuming her is interesting and helps keep the reader hooked as it works without it being too much of an overused phrase. Also the 'blink's stood out to me as really bold. It broke up the page and I felt myself very draw to it so that definitely had the desired effect.

I felt that the "Nice job, door! Couldn't you at least be a little quieter? " didn't fit well there with the seriousness of the description and it didn't fit with the fear that you had to have the humour afterwards.

The guy with hazel eyes intrigues me as I want to believe it is James Potter but think you would have made it more obvious that it was him. I also like the mock-stern as it is obvious he is going to be a jokey character but also one who brings them all back down to earth when they go too far so I'm glad you included that in at the beginning before we get to know him.

Albus as a Slytherin is again very interesting. This will work well in the plot further on especially if you are going to include many Weasleys and Potter's through the story.

Oh so it was James! Ignore what I said above as you describe him very perfectly here. I want to know why Albus has trust issues and different perceptions and again this would be good to explore further on in the story. I didn't like the fact you tied up all the loose ends in one sentence though. It seemed too final and too forced in that way. You could just have left it at that.

The laying low seems pretty ominous as though it is foretelling a very large prank to come in the future so that is interesting. The prank was also awesome!

Albus seems like a very troubled character here with his cynicism. Please make sure you keep this up in further chapters to help with continuity.

One thing that really stuck out here was " Everyone, sans Albus, froze ". British people don't use the word 'sans'.

Why is she so interested in Albus' emotionless side all of a sudden when she hasn't been at all interested whilst she was James' childhood friend?

What mission are they aborting? I feel like I have missed something here.

You showed the thickness of the atmosphere well here with the description. Albus gave her the look of pity? Interesting.

Who is her? Thats a very good place to have a line break!

Ranon is a very unique name and I like that you gave her quite a unique character description with something to stand out and make her memorable right from day one.

You change between 'Ronan' and 'Ranon' in the few paragraphs afterwards. I would be inclined to say you meant Ronan so it might be worth changing that.

She is very interesting with the gossiping she does and I can't wait until we see more of her. She has a lot of character traits similar to Rita Skeeter so you could build upon her really well.

Further on I can see that you have designed her to be very much like Rita Skeeter. Be careful as it may seem like history is repeating itself and her character at the moment is becoming very vilanous already. Pushing for details on Gabby and James' breakup is as well something which reminds me very much of her. The digging and the hunger is something many journalists show so I can just picture her in my mind. Gossip is awesome and I can just imagine James, still caring about Gabby and trying to protect her.

Albus is a real character isn't he, taking her bag. He is one to watch for sure throughout all of this. She has not spoken to him before so now he just has all of this presumptiveness about his ability to play act with her. He took her wand too which is not playing fairly!

Oooh Albus does have a brain! He is absolutely fabulous with him wanting to give Ms Ronan a story to protect everyone from digging into their lives and whats all this about 'to shield you'? I'm completely intrigued by this.

Albus is brilliant 'Free snogging' how dare he be so presumptive as he is just wants all the fun without the commitment. She will change her mind I do wonder why.

This was an excellent chapter! I would like to see where you go with this.

Please feel free to rerequest!
GinevraMollyPotter

Author's Response:
Hello! This wasn't that incoherent but very detailed. So thanks for this!!

I am glad that the first few paragraphs come out that way. I was hoping the descriptions would make sense and not overpower.

They were short since I didn't want it take away too much attention, I guess. I never thought of making those snippets longer but now I am thinking about it.

I do see what you mean. I didn't realize it became to descriptive when I was writing this but I do see it now. :)

You are probably the first person to notice the 'blink's. I was worried that those parts came out weird but your input on it has made me feel relieved. :D

I was concerned that some parts have come out too formal so that is why that part is in there. I'll probably edit it out since I do agree that it does stick out and doesn't fit in with the mood I had created.

You will see a couple more Weasleys and the last Potter. Though, I won't reveal which ones will be prominent since I am that sneaky. :P

Aww, I am glad you thought the prank was good. And I think you are the only one who has caught the foreshadowing.

I never knew that British people don't use, 'sans.' That is interesting and will help me write chapters in the future. I will most likely replace that word.

I will try my best keep Albus like that. He is troubled but he has a lot of different sides.

Hmm...Aaliyah has changed as a person like we all do. As a child she was a little oblivious to some things. However, she is more calculating now. The only reason she has taken an interest is because he acknowledged her, which he usually doesn't do. He doesn't always open up to people so him taking interest in her made her wonder about what changed and why.

The look of pity...something no one wants. It was a small detail that leads on to more. I just can't say what the 'more' is. ;)

I did mean Ronan. I think while typing sometimes it came out 'Ranon' for some reason, haha. Definitely on my to do list to fix those. She has become more like Rita than I intended. When I first came up with her character, I hadn't thought of Rita at all. She will be her own. I'll just need some time to make her a bit more unique. Thank you for reminding me of that though.

James and Gabby are both protectors. James is more obvious that he is protective while Gabby is more the type to watch out for someone behind curtains so they don't notice.

Albus is one of my favorite characters to write. He is one to watch. Albus is the wise and cunning one while Aaliyah is more of the clever one. They both actually use their brains unlike some people, lol. Albus likes to tease. He was hoping that the 'free snogging' will make her not questions his motives. Sadly, she caught on.

All in all, thank you so much for the wonderful review. It was very thoughtful and very helpful. Not only did you point out what parts can tweaked but what things I should consider for the rest of story. Thank you again. :D

~Sama


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Review #20, by ginerva_molly_weasleyA Minor Setback: Chapter the Fifth

10th August 2013:
This was yet again another interesting chapter!

How can Rose have known what was going on? That's really interesting as people can be really perceptive sometimes and surely Seraphina knows that it is going to become more obvious once her cravings become apparent and as she starts putting weight on as most pregnant woman put a lot of weight on on their face.

I also like the pros and cons list as it shows Seraphina to be a very rational woman and to have Lily there helping her along too she seems to have a very good support network!

She just needs to tell Albus!

Write more soon!

Author's Response: Rose is just a really observant person, she has a knack for seeing and putting things together. Seraphina does know that it's going to happen but she just doesn't want to face the fact that it is going to become more apparent that she's pregnant.

Don't worry, she will tell Albus, hopefully soon, I'm working on that chapter. Anyway, chapter 6 is in the queue and waiting validation.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #21, by ginerva_molly_weasleyA Minor Setback: The Chapter After Number Two

10th August 2013:
This is a really good chapter.

Lily knows about Seraphina's pregnancy which is interesting as it adds another dynamic that Seraphina has to get her head around and the idea of her being angry is excellent. It is just to be expected that people think Albus was trapped as who wouldn't want to tie down Albus and work their way into the Potter family!

You wrote her reaction excellently however I do question whether she would have dragged her to the Great Hall. There are certain limits and Lily herself wouldn't have wanted the whole school to know either as it would have impacted heavily on the image of Albus. Plus it is a very intimate confession Seraphina would have had to have made so maybe rewriting that would be helpful. Also Lily's apology seems a little bit forced so you could try and do something to soften out the edges?

EK I must read on!

Author's Response: I wanted to make Lily's reaction over the top and make her reckless and slightly mean, I realised that I was overdoing it but I just couldn't picture it any other way (besides someone getting injured).

I appreciate your feedback though and it was really helpful! Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #22, by ginerva_molly_weasleyA Minor Setback: The Second Chapter

10th August 2013:
Oh now I am definitely hooked!

Albus just seems to be the cutest person ever and he's exactly the type of person I would go for which is probably why I love him so much! I just find him fantastic as he hasn't just forgotten about their little moment like many guys would but also notices that she's avoiding him and doesn't like it. I love that he does try to track her down and the whole kidnapping scene was hilarious as it was so obvious it was Albus and that she was in no real danger which made it all the more funny with her panicking.

Also the fact that Madam Pomfrey called her out of class was interesting although not entirely believable. She should have left more time and wouldn't have expected her to have told him immediately simply because she was going through change too as she had to adapt to the idea of being pregnant. She would have expected Seraphina to get it clear in her own mind before telling anyone else.

I wonder why she needs to see both of them! Oooh and the drama continues. Reading on immediately!

Author's Response: Hey there again!

It always makes me happy to hear that everyone likes Albus and thinks that he's cute, I wanted him to be the sweet type. I'm enjoying making a Albus a none-bad-boy-type of guy. I'm glad to hear that you found that scene funny, I was hoping that it would be but I was a little worried that it didn't have enough humor in it.

ALL SHALL BE REVEALED LATER ON! Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #23, by ginerva_molly_weasleyA Minor Setback: Chapter of the First

10th August 2013:
Hi there,
I stumbled upon this story completely by accident and it intrigued me! Normally you only see teenage pregnancy stories about Rose so one involving Albus is a nice change to look at!

Through this I must say that there is some perfect characterisation here. You can imagine her mindset of being completely focused on becoming head girl but you can also imagine her trying not to be the typical head girl such as her at the party. You show her feistyness well through here. I also love Albus, the drunk, shocked type who didn't realise what he was doing but doesn't exactly regret it either.

It was interesting to see how quickly it progressed with Madam Pomfrey though. You should have maybe tried to discuss her options with her a little bit more or even more panic on her side because it just seemed a little strange with the insistance to inform the father straight away. Also Madam Pomfrey could be used to this kind of thing so would be well qualified for reassuring her that she will be okay and this isn't the end of the world. The scene did just seem a little rushed.

However I did love it and I can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: Oh my good golly gosh, I was out for a few hours and then I came back and saw five brand new reviews for the story and I was confused because I thought there was some kind of review challenge going on but then I realised that you genuinely like the story and I realise this is a runon sentence and that I'm fangirling.

I'm okay now.

I was originally going to do it with Rose but then I realised exactly what you pointed out, that's been done a lot.

I went back and edited the chapter and used your notes on this to make it a bit better, the whole Madam Pomfrey part is hopefully a little bit better now than it used to be.

Thanks so much for your feedback, it really was helpful and thanks for reviewing!


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Review #24, by ginerva_molly_weasleyTwo Letters: Rite of Passage

10th August 2013:
Hi here from review tag.

This story is absolutely wonderful Academia! I loved every part of it with the completely different aspect of Rose and Scorpius' relationship you showed here. When I clicked on this I expected the typical love story but I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was just a friendship which was completely refreshing.

The beginning started off with a lot of intrigue for me as I wanted to see where you would go with it and to see why the focus was on the exam results and that made me want to keep on reading further. It made me smile that he opened them first and cheated because obviously he wouldn't have wanted to appear upset in front of Rose if he hadn't have done as well as expected so that was a nice touch.

There was also a lot of feeling you included here between reading out the OWL results which I really liked because it made it seem like a natural occurrence without it seeming like a list which was excellent.

I loved the relationship you showed here!

GinevraMollyPotter

Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for coming by!

Yeah, I also get sick of the plethora of Rose/Scorpius romances on the archive, so I decided to try to write them as just being good friends and see where I could go with it :)

I'm glad you liked my little details here, like Scorpius checking his results beforehand out of nervousness and the little history of his result exchanges with Rose after each year.

It's so great that the results reveal felt normal. I really worry that it's too dialogue heavy, because it sort of has to be, and that it would be confusing. Hopefully not :)

Thanks for your very kind review!

-Amanda


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Review #25, by ginerva_molly_weasleyIrrevocable: Chapter 1

9th August 2013:
This is beautiful. It is just... wow. And with only 5 reviews this is a completely hidden gem. I just can't believe how emotional I felt through all of this. I have tears prickling at my eyes reading about Victoire's turmoil and anguish here and I can't even believe how sad you made this.

I adore Teddy and Victoire! And this story which shows the destruction of their relationship through death is simply awful but amazing at the same time. I love the beinning where she is just a shell in the hospital and no-one quite knows what to do with her. I love how her dad is the only one that knows what to do and that's because of the pain he went through himself. If he hadn't have had Fleur at the time when he was injured then he probably could have skipped into depression like Victoire has done which is perfect!

And taking her to Teddy's grave brings her the closure which she has needed all along. It is kind of ironic that people would have been keeping her away to spare her the pain but actually that's what she needed all along because she realised that Teddy wouldn't have wanted her to act like that. I would have liked to know how Teddy died though but at the same time the intrigue is definitely very good as now I keep on wondering. But the fact he gave his life for Victoire is adorable.

Thank you for an amazing story!

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