I honestly enjoyed reading your story so far. Especially Eliza, she's so very refreshing and unusual, though resembles Luna Lovegood in more than one way. That's a good thing, though.
However, I figured you might want to change your "Guy Fox" to fit the actual "Guy Fawkes" who took part in the Gunpowder Plot. The Guy Fawkes Night, including bonfires and effigies, was originally celebrated to commemorate the fact that the catholic conspiracy didn't succeed in overthrowing the protestant king and establishing a catholic one instead.
It's fine if you can't be bothered to change the lines, I'm just a nerd when it comes to historical figures, grammar, spelling, you take the gist.
I hope you could find my review useful.Author's Response: Oh man, thanks I feel like a fool for not realising that myself.. Thanks a bunch : ) Not sure when, but eventually I'll get around to changing it.
I'm glad you like the story!
Thanks for reviewing, Miss Chris Report Review
I just started reading your story and admit it's intriguing, though a bit confusing at this point.
I was surprised to read some German in this chapter and it wasn't even half bad like the translations in foreign languages tend to be in most fan fictions I read so far. Despite that there are still some inconsistencies. You write "Haben Sie einen Vorbehalt?", though it should say "Haben Sie eine Reservierung/Vorbestellung?" (either works just fine). The reply should be "Fuer Kaiser" rather than "Unter Kaiser". The rest is fine, but you may want to change the sentences mentioned above.
I really look forward to the rest of you story. Report Review
Ha ha, great. I had to suppress the urge to laugh out loud when I read the title and the summary of this nice short story - I did chuckle silently to myself, though.
Funny, how these things work out: I'm an absolute sucker for the BBC Sherlock series and the very moment I saw The Woman (I've been checking out your page), I thought of Irene Adler in A Scandal in Belgravia. It's kind of curious how you transfer a more than 100-year-old literary character to a Harry Potter fan fiction - and quite amusingly so. But, somehow, I was bound to picture Percy Weasley as Mycroft Holmes (the one of the series), although this could probably be explained by the fact that both Mycroft and Percy are working for the government...
However, I'm excited to read the next two chapters and to learn how Irene, pardon, Audrey Adler got away this time. (Or not so much, she became Mrs. Weasley after all.) Report Review
After the long wait since the last chapter I was positively baffled at your expertly writing. I had completely forgotten how your story's one of the few fan fictions here that combine simplicity, panache, and empathy in a, in fact, perfect way without overusing certain phrases or trying to use too many 'sophisticated' or 'fancy' words.
Your characters are captivating and believable, there's no stereotyping or black-and-white-portrayal. I think Rory's one of the most fascinating personae, and the insight into the work of the aurors was enlightening and interesting as well (and funnily enough, reminded me of Criminal Minds).
So, yes, I liked this chapter.Author's Response: Um. Wow. This is such a lovely thing to wake up to. Thank you so much.
Hahaha, I've never seen Criminal Minds, but I've read a few crime-related novels over this past year or so, so I had a vague idea of how their interaction would occur. Of course, they're Aurors, so they would do things quite differently, I'd imagine.
It's a balance, I think, when you talk about vocabulary usage. I need to remember that some people reading this are going to be quite young, and won't understand certain words, which could be a major turn-away for the story, but I've also got to keep it engaging and sophisticated to a point so that I convey that I know what I'm doing... somewhat. :D It takes a lot of editing and re-writing phrases or words, I guess.
Slowly in the chapters the characters are going to seem far more *not* black-and-white, to the point that people probably won't like the story any more, but hey-ho, that's just how I've planned it, so we'll see what happens. :)
Thank you so, so, so much, my dear for your beautiful review. I'm so pleased you liked it. :D
Bethan. xxx Report Review
I just started reading your story and I must say I really liked it so far.
Actually, I find your portrayal of Dominic very interesting, especially the parts about him being without emotions, empathy, and remorse - the perfect characterisation of a psychopath. The were also hints, like that he was killing animals and bullying little girls, that made him a believable psychopathic character who is in dear need of help - just like Elsa said. However, I'm not quite sure about him being psychotic - in the clinical definition of the term.
Enough to Dominic; I thoroughly enjoyed your story and the development of the relationships of the characters.
I'm looking forward to the rest. Report Review
sorry, I just can't hold it back anymore: you have an outrageously brilliant taste in music!!
Well, after I got rid of that, to your actual writing: I just started reading your story, but it's positively enthralling. Your hint at Gringotts got me thinking, I had wondered about all the money in Genevieve's valt before, yet now that you mention it, ...
Anyway, I look forward to the rest of your story, its truly great.
P.S.: I'm not from Britain, so do all people there listen to such crazily good music as you do? I'm only taking the quotes at the beginning of each chapter as reference, but ever so often I just think, oh my god, that are just the groups/singers I'm listenning to almost every day! It's a bit unsetting, to be honest. Congrats, anyway, for your excellent taste ;)
Fairestofthemall xAuthor's Response: Haha, thank you and thank you!
The bit about Gringotts is basically revealed in the later chapters, but I haven't specifically stated who it's from - it's kind of obvious soon, though. ;)
Haha, I'm not sure - a lot of people here listen to the more popular music, but I have very little taste in it - the lyrics are boring, and though the tunes are occasionally catchy, there's little musical talent involved bar clicking a few buttons on a computer.
I love all the songs I post the lyrics to, and I always try to find the right song to fit with the chapter - sometimes they aren't that meaningful, but the songs are still fantastic.
Often I'll be reading a book and listening to music at the same time and just thinking, 'This song would be awesome right now if this was ever made into a film,' and I guess that's what sort of runs through my head when I write.
Thanks ever so much for the compliments, and across-the-globe-and-the-internet-high-five for good music taste, alike!
Bethan. x Report Review
I'm so grateful for this chapter! I've read it twice and it still amazes me.
Your writing is incredibly inspiring, it gives me so much motivation to keep on going with my own story. I really hope you update soon, it's been a month or so!
Unfortunately, you have some minor spelling mistakes or words missing here and there and I just wanted to call your attention on them, so you can mend them, because a story like yours deserves to be flawless in content AND style (with which I mean grammar and spelling, not your writing style, it's great). Maybe you could take a look at the flash back at the beginning, somewhere up there is an 'as' in a comparison missing and pretty much to the end was another missing word/letter, which I seem not to be able to recall right now.
I hope you don't feel offended by my nagging, because I absolutely don't mean to, I just want to help :)
Well, thanks again for your amazing story!Author's Response: Heya :) Wow? You read it twice? That is amazing. I'm so glad you think that, that is a huge compliment. I'm working on an update and hopefully it will be out soon.
Yes! The later chapters haven't been beta'ed, so there may be a few mistakes. But don't worry, I will go through it and fix any mistakes I can find. Don't worry, I'm not offended! I'm just so happy that you like my story!
Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! xx Report Review
hey there! i just started to read your story, which is quite excellent by the way, though i'd like point out that the insult-y thing 'dummer kopf' isn't actually correct german. you may wonder now, how i know that, but i happen to be german, so i can tell. 'dummkopf' would be a proper expression, maybe you want to change it. just saying.
however, i look forward to the rest of your story! Report Review
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