I started this because I was waiting to get tired at 1 in the morning. Needless to say, I loved it! Please write more, and read mine (:

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Alright, there were a few mistakes, I hate to be nit picky. But there are some things you have to change in your next chapter. Hit the enter bar between each characters speech. Like you would a regular paragraph.

Other than that, it's a pretty good story, just try an editor... paper rater. com is amazing(no spaces). Other than that, write on, I'll be interested in the next chapter (:

Author's Response: thanks for the tips :) but um this is a one shot so there won't be any more chapters (sorry) but i am posting a longer story some time over the next couple of weeks so i'd appreciate any feedback, thanks :)

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This was cute (:

But too I don't know... cuddly, I know if I was ten ish (I'm going to assume that's how old Hugo is, maybe younger by a few years, maybe older) I wouldn't just sit there and listen to my parents story, I'd STILL be pouting and thinking "why are you telling me his? I really don't care... please stop looking like you're about to make out." But that would be me, and seeing it's a boy, he'd probably be more physical about it, other than that, it's a pretty cute story, just needs to be a little more realistic about the ages and what they want to do, and how they react. Other than that, you have good grammar, spelling, you could use a thesaurus, but then again, I've seen people use so many of those huge words no one but a college professor could understand them... So in other words this was pretty good and cute (:

Author's Response: This was my attempt at fluff... it was kind of weird. Really, I think I tried way to many things with this piece. Firstly, it was my first ever one shot. Second, it was in second person. And third, it was fluff rather than what I usually write. Still, it was pretty interesting. As for the thesaurus, I wrote this late one night without editing it or anything :/ Still I think I need to broaden my vocabulary. Anyways, thanks for reviewing!

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I like it :D
I like it, a lot, for a 1st chapter (:

So KEEP WRITING!

Author's Response: Aw thank you! This is my first ever go at writing a story on this site and you're very encouraging. Thanks a lot! :D

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