Excellent. Maybe a few too many tears per square paragraph but still nicely written and complements the original fiction as well as fulfilling the current prompt theme. Report Review
Some good ideas here but for me it would have been better if Arthur and Bill had worked hard to persuade Xeno instead of using Death Eater tactics (I hate to think what curse they used to get him to sign his name.) After all, Xeno was already torn two ways so with pressure both from Luna and now the Weasleys might have swayed him in the direction of publishing - even if he regretted it ten minutes later.
But regarding the theme prompt itself, Xeno seemed to spend too much time curled up on the floor. I think some more subtle description of his inner anguish could have conveyed the relationship more expressively and believably. Yet it does work as it is to carry the theme but I don't think it would need much more tweaking to make it far better. Report Review
This is a great story idea - original and food for thought. If I could vote separately on story idea I would give it 10/10. The difficulty for me was how do you express the inner experience of a toddler in a continuous thought stream? That must have been a real challenge. People don't verbalize every feeling inwardly - but if you overlook that and treat the words as an abstract expression of what happened then yeah - good one. It reminds you that the most evil of people always start off as innocent babies and this is about the only way you could get a new impression of Riddle. It definitely fits the prompt. Report Review
Yep. That's Luna alright. And Harry too - he often sounds a bit bewildered compared to Luna.
I've got Luna in my story but not this good. I need to rethink her in my future chapters now I've read this.
Nice work. Report Review
Good. This explains how Hermione will get some magical knowledge, a few spells and stuff, before she goes to Hogwarts. :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really trying to make it realistic and explain how she knows so much about the magical community :) Report Review
Nice idea to cover what happened to Ron at this time but rather thin and limited and I was hoping for more. There is potential for a much more extensive story here. Still, it is what it is and so no complaints. :)Author's Response: Ahh, I totally agree! I actually did some editing on it, but then when I attempted to submit, I was automatically logged out. I shall work on the editing though, again! (: Report Review
Nicely written and progressing well. I see Hermione's getting a head start and looks like she'll get her wand early to start practicing. I keep finishing each chapter wanting to read the next!Author's Response: Thanks for keeping with me... I'm sure you'll be happy to see what happens in the next chapters. Report Review
So far so good. I wonder how she's going to know where to buy her wand and school stuff and how to get to Hogwarts. Maybe her parents will get a letter.Author's Response: Keep reading... you'll find the answer :) Report Review
The first two chapters are a good start. I'm looking forward to when she starts to do useful spells but I'm not sure how successful she will be until she gets a wand.
It will be interesting to see this story develop from Hermione's point of view. I hope it goes on into Hogwarts and follows the original story eventually?Author's Response: Absolutely, I've been trying to fill in the details that were never provided in the books... As soon as I can get my line to flow with the original book you will see the same conversations, ect. :) Report Review
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