Reading Reviews From Member: Hippothestrowl
60 Reviews Found

Review #26, by HippothestrowlNeville and Luna and the Wrong Sort of Toad: Niblick's Dilemma

17th December 2012:
It's turning into a too-light comedy that doesn't fit the Potter drama-angst-tension-with a little humour style for me. Though I did like the blue bottle line! It's so non-serious that it's in danger of not being taken seriously and we don't care too much what happens. Interesting though.

Minor grammar: 'make do' should be 'make do with' and arm chair should be armchair. But otherwise near-flawless grammar and sentence construction.

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Review #27, by HippothestrowlNeville and Luna and the Wrong Sort of Toad: Chapter 1: The Mystery of the Mill

17th December 2012:
Very interesting and intriguing story. Nicely written, good grammar and syntax. Maybe a little over-explaining here and there (characters explain to readers about no-Apparating from Hogwarts instead of talking as they would to the other character.) Perhaps rather simplistic and over-light (considering the seriousness of the situations.) Some logical anomalies (chatting, scraping off gloop yet wands out when they go upstairs? Also why aren't they asking the Ministry (ie, Kingsley) about her dad being in prison. Isn't that the most likely place to start looking for him? And why wait 10 days? Wouldn't the first thing you want to do after months locked up at Malfoys then fight in a battle, is to go and find your father? Maybe I missed something.)

However, overall, very readable and promising and the author has potential.

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Review #28, by HippothestrowlThe Source of Magic: Epilogue

17th November 2012:
This story is full of excellent ideas that are interesting and had me coming back over and over to find out what happens. I enjoyed it. The grammar and syntax are good and the pace prevents it being boring. However, it has to be said that its style is too casual, it lacks depth of character, relationships, and location description. We rarely get inside anyone's head or feel their feelings to care very much. It reads like a really fascinating news report about a moon landing so has much interest but little art or finesse. Jason and eventually Harry were such perfect, all-powerful, Mary Sues that we know they would never do a thing wrong so we can't have any intense emotions, tension, fear, tears, or laughter. In fact all characters were so thinly expressed they were OOC. The interesting thing is that, despite all this, it is still worth a read - and a good one at that - but it can never be great unless a great author comes along and rewrites it. I wish this author had persisted to write more stories and so, perhaps, improve in his/her storytelling.

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Review #29, by Hippothestrowl#1 Harry Potter and the Ring of Mykele: Late Night Visitor

28th October 2012:
There are a few strange anomalies at the start so I almost gave up but I persisted! Drive should never be abbreviated to Dr in a narrative. Few of us in the UK have air-conditioning (even 15 years later!) probably less than 1 in a 100. Nobody in the UK walks on the sloping, slate roof of this sort of house. It's dangerous and inaccessible without a ladder from outside. These houses are only two stories high plus loft space under the roof so Harry could not swing 'a few stories above the ground' - indeed, such a fall might be fatal. Yet Harry, who ought to be terrified, simply says (tiredly,) "Hi Dobby," as if he were out for a walk in the park. Anyway, maybe all the above would only amaze a Brit and overseas readers might not notice so they can be regarded as trivial.

I persisted because it's well-written, easy-reading, has good pace, and a promising storyline. As one or two reviewers have said, it's written in a similar style to JKR so that's not only tried and tested but it fits Harry Potter-type stories. I aim for the same style in my own fics - though far from perfect!

Author's Response: Yes, you've uncovered my secret, I'm American :) I do try to think like a Brit while writing this, but it's difficult as I've never been to any other countries except Canada and Mexico and therefore recieve all my culture through media which is not always true to life. All I can say on those points is sorry, I gave it my best shot. I had no idea about air conditioning over there, it just worked with my story and figuring Dursley was the type to always want/have the latest and best they'd have one. As to the roof, it also simply worked for the storytelling... I have no other explanation so I guess I'd ask that you just suspend reality with me there :) As to Harry's lack of terror... that was a character choice on my part... I figure he's been through so much at this point, dangling from his broom from much higher in the air, his more logical side would kick in for a smaller scare like that.

I'm glad you persisted and hope the story continues to capture your attention though I understand that everyone likes different things. Thank you for the compliments on my writing, it is what I'm trying to do for a living. I realize there are several typos and misspellings in these chapters, hopefully they aren't too distracting and someday I'll have the time to go through and fix them all...

I'll have to check out your stories in my ever dwindling downtime. Again thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts, I truly appreciate it!

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Review #30, by HippothestrowlForbidden Love: Chapter One - Introduction

1st September 2012:
Nice attempt but hugely disjointed content and the massive gaps and separators are weird. No stories are ever written this way. Kill the gaps and use discrete scene separators. Then merge some relevant scenes and enlarge them. A single paragraph per page totally destroys the flow. Search for English grammar tutorials and see how dialogue should be done (or look in any novel!)

The actual story and writing has potential - just needs reforming so it's more readable.

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Review #31, by HippothestrowlAlmost there: A distraction

18th April 2012:
Intriguing start. Poor Luna - Harry discards her out of hand. Poor Hermione - she needs Harry's help but he's off after Malfoy. Poor Ginny - she really wants Harry but he's nothing doing. That Harry Potter needs a good talking to!

Author's Response: hahahahaha I know, right? Unfortunately, I can't force him to do something, he's so shy! ;)

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Review #32, by HippothestrowlBlissful Oblivion : A Feeling Deep Inside Me

18th April 2012:
Good theme - we don't hear enough about Ginny in the book - especially towards the end - so this fills it in.

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Review #33, by HippothestrowlThe New Skin: Pardon

14th February 2012:
Good reading. Believable that it would not be easy to find a wizard's quarter - especially when you don't want to ask anyone. I was distracted by real life disturbances though so broke my immersion. Damn. I ploughed on and finished in a mood as black as Snape's.

The expression 'fat chance' struck me as funny. I recently uploaded a short story on another site then too late realized I'd used that expression about three times - probably from two different people. No matter.

I've lost track of Snape's relationship to Lucius. Was he annoyed the 15 years in Azkaban was too long or too short? I suspect long. I ought to look back. Maybe he did a deal and Malfoy was relying on Snape's testimony? I've read so many fics I get them mixed up.

Will await the next chapter. When I say wait I don't mean I'm actually going to stay here and wait. I'm going to do some other stuff.

Author's Response: Thank you! Too bad you were being bothered. I hate it when things interrupt me while I'm reading.

It's ridiculously easy to repeat yourself while writing! Even after proofreading several times, I always run into repetitions I have to clean up. For me, it's often the word really. I really like use the word really and I really use it a lot.

I'm with you, It's hard to remember the context and characters after reading several different fics in a row. In short, Snape is upset at how long Lucius' sentence is. I didn't go into the reasons in this chapter, but I will be giving some more information on that later.

Thank you very much for your review!


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Review #34, by HippothestrowlHarry Potter and the Heirs of Slytherin: Chapter 8: For Worse

2nd February 2012:
I was completely drawn in. Very powerful.

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Review #35, by HippothestrowlHarry Potter and the Heirs of Slytherin: Chapter 3: Flights of Fancy

29th January 2012:
First 3 chapters makes for very good reading and fascinating to see how you imagined Book 7. It feels much like the original fiction style which I like. Thanks for this. :) I'll carry on reading over the next few days/weeks.

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Review #36, by HippothestrowlAfter the Ending: Visiting the grave

28th January 2012:
Wow times six. Ron's visit was the most powerful for me - just agony. Then the two twists at the end - Harry sitting there. Wha? He's gone into hiding? He's wearing his invisibility cloak? Then you realize. Truly amazing.

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Review #37, by HippothestrowlThe New Skin: What Purpose?

27th January 2012:
OK, I'm kinda into this now. It's good. Well written. But happening in a void and without interaction with others and dialogue it's a desolate, lonely void without a direction. Yes, that's where Snape is right now but is it good fiction? Don't know. The last chapter (5) name sums it up. I'm trying not to ask is this going somewhere. Then I see it's a prequel so presumably that's where it's going.

The fact is I've now read five chapters so it's interesting enough but I'm hoping for more. I do like survival fiction and I do like it when the hero has a brain and does reasonable things so that's what's keeping me going so far but I think I really need a target. Somehow I don't think a chapter on Snape working sweeping up in bar is going to be enough no matter how well written. We'll see.

Author's Response: Hello,

Fair enough. One person's slow build of suspense is another person's dead boredom, so the pace of this story might not be for you. There is a mystery plot... but it will be introduced slowly, and there will be more of Snape's day-to-day survival as it develops. Hopefully there will be enough to hook you, but if not, I understand. You can't say I didn't warn you though, my note at the end of chapter one said right out that this will be slow moving. ;)

That said... if you like the overall idea of a survival story with a mystery thrown in, allow me to toot my own horn and recommend the sequel to this story, The Clear Cut. It is completely posted, and it stands alone, so it doesn't matter if you jump to that now, and the plot is much faster moving. It's also fully illustrated, so you can just check out the pretty pictures if you want.

Thank you again for your reviews, and for giving my story a chance, even if it's not exactly to your taste. I really appreciate it.


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Review #38, by HippothestrowlThe New Skin: The Reverse

26th January 2012:
Hooray - good, original artwork instead of the poorly laid out, copy and paste teen romance stuff all out of the same mould. This is the only reason I'm reading this - to look at the chapter art.

Hang on, story's not bad so far and well-written - though I don't usually like 1st person Potter fics. Oh well, guess I'll bookmark it and carry on to chapter 2 later. It's only so I can see the art you understand? I'm not going to enjoy the story. I know I'm not. Probably. But I'll just read one more chapter anyway... ;)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm an artist first and a writer second... who's just been messing around with stories for the past couple of years to see if I could write at all.
I actually started posting my stories on another site first, and only started posting here as well because ffnet doesn't allow images.

It's been great fun to try to come up with the perfect images to encapsulate a chapter without giving too much away. I'm glad you're enjoying the pictures.

I hope that you continue to not enjoy the story as you look at the pictures! ;)

Thank you for giving it a chance, and for your review!


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Review #39, by HippothestrowlThis Ends Today: Perspectives

25th January 2012:
Brilliant. Stays with original fiction. Believable. I also like the idea that Luna would not believe it as that fits something she refuses to accept in my own story. Excellent Work.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. I'm especially glad you liked the bit about Luna. She's one of my favorite characters, but also one of the ones that I find hardest to write. Thanks again!

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Review #40, by HippothestrowlBefore the Dawn: Before the Dawn

25th January 2012:
Excellent. Feels like part of the original fiction.

Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful compliment. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading!

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Review #41, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: Changing Impressions: The Soul of a Soldier by Snapdragons

21st January 2012:
This was very moving for me. It reminded me a little of Mrs. Ryan in Saving Private Ryan. To lose another child would just be one too many.

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Review #42, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A New Kind of Love: Only Adventures by gingersnape

19th January 2012:
A good attempt to get inside Luna's head but she does seem somewhat distant even from her mother. So I don't feel the full depth of that relationship that I expected. Still a very interesting new viewpoint. Luna doesn't seem to be too lonely - but she does seem to be alone and maybe that captures the character in a way.

It's good to include the start of Hogwarts. That gives us an anchor to relate the rest of it to. Otherwise that would be in a void. There is new promise and a new life - and a new adventure. Yes, in the end I think I like it.

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Review #43, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A New Kind of Love: Through a Mother's Eyes by megaaan

19th January 2012:
Excellent and a good place to finish. I always thought it immensely poignant in the book and even more in the movie when their memories are wiped - almost like Hermione's dead only worse.

Nicely fits the prompt theme and we get a good insight into Mrs. Granger's thinking. It helps a lot that the story is anchored in a character we all know well - Hermione. It's also intriguing in that it makes us think just how much Hermione would want to tell her muggle parents. I never thought about that before.

A minor technical flaw that broke my immersion was when McGonagall was at the door. To see 'an older witch' implies Mrs. Granger is familiar with witches and the magical world (plus older than who? - elderly or old witch is better.) Much more correct would have been eg, a strange old woman dressed like a fairytale witch.

Good story from another viewpoint. Enjoyable.

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Review #44, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A New Kind of Love: His World by StEpH_M

19th January 2012:
This is a new twist: a Death Eater with a heart. Definitely fits the prompt theme. Little is known of Nott so it could well be true within the Potter universe. Rather too unsubtle and over the top with the 'perfect', 'gorgeous' sister and the 'biggest hug in the world' but the story kind of works. Nice idea though tragic. I wanted a happy ending but it's likely Nott ended up in Azkaban after the Battle of Hogwarts. At least there were no Dementors anymore.

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Review #45, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A New Kind of Love: Inseparable by MagicalInk

18th January 2012:
Some rough edges in the grammar and choice of words, typos etc but it's a good, likeable story. I particularly liked the idea of being able to do magic in front of the dog without problems - the dog just accepts it whereas muggles are suspicious. That's a real friend and that fits the prompt theme nicely.

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Review #46, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A New Kind of Love: Charon's Obol by GubraithianFire

17th January 2012:
Well written. Interesting. Believable. Depressing. Certainly fits the prompt theme. Like several of these short stories I think it would have been better as part of a bigger story eg, Drama. Humour. Warmth. Immersion in the characters' lives leading to tragedy then this chapter.

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Review #47, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A Fresh Spin: Rose by webeta123

17th January 2012:
Nicely written but became indulgent towards the end. I guess it seemed accelerated because it's just one chapter. Not really my type of story so I'm not the best judge but I enjoyed most of it reasonably well. Gryffindors eh? I used to like 'em but not any more.

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Review #48, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A Fresh Spin: The Best Laid Plans by CE_25

17th January 2012:
Well written, interesting, but not satisfying for me. Feels incomplete in one chapter and needed more perhaps. It gives a different spin but not everything is explained (unless I missed something.)

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Review #49, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A Fresh Spin: An American In Hogwarts by TenthWeasley

17th January 2012:
Not bad at all. Not a very appealing main character yet the story held my interest and I quite enjoyed it. Good riddle and I failed it so that's me out of Ravenclaw I guess. Luna was well done so made up for the selfish soandso and maybe she'll reform him.

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Review #50, by Hippothestrowl2012 Writer's Duel: A Fresh Spin: In One Safe Piece by Toujours Padfoot

17th January 2012:
I'm neutral on this one. It's well written but I've never read any teen pregnancy stories amongst the Harry Potter fanfics so I don't know if it gives a fresh spin or not. The other problem for me is that I don't know these characters. I had to go and search to find who they were so I couldn't emphasise with these strangers. If this chapter had been in the middle of a bigger story I was enjoying then yes, probably would have worked better for me.

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